1. “I’ll just be staying for some time.”
“Some time” = “Till I die.”
2. “You cannot greet abi?”
For when you don’t say “Good morning ” 20 times when there are 20 relatives in the room.
3. “You don’t remember me again?”
Even if you’ve never met them.
4. “See how you just look like your mummy.”
I’ve heard.
5. “Is it me you are giving something with your left hand?”
It’s not that deep, biko.
6. “How are your studies?”
Don’t remind me.
7. “So, do you have a gehfriend?”
Well, the thing is…
8. “You did not buy anything for me?”
Na so we see am.
9. “You’ve added weight oh!”
If you say “you too” they will now vex.
10. “When will we come for your own wedding?”
If I now ask “when will we come for your burial?” you will hold meeting on top my head.
11. “Go and change the channel to Africa Magic.”
Hay God!
12. “Am I your mate?”
E pele, Oldest Olamide.
13. “I hope you will be cooking for your husband.”
How e take concern you?
14. “Use it to buy biscuit.”
Ah! The whole 10k? Am I a shareholder in digestive?
15. This phone conversation we have all had:
