Relatives | Zikoko!

How To Deal With Crazy Nigerian Relatives

Having relatives is unavoidable, something most people would rather do without if they could. But, those familial ties come in handy every time; knowing you are loved and are amongst people who’ve known you forever, having no choice but to put up with your shenanigans, can give you a good night’s rest.

However, Nigerians know that dealing with difficult relatives is an expected menace that nobody really wants to have but has to learn any way. So, it becomes a necessary evil that dictates family harmony. We all have that troublesome uncle that comes to our house uninvited, and the aunties who like to tell us of the old days while peppering us with questions about when we will get married, get a job or go back to school.

It can be really hard trying to figure out how to deal with them, but here are 4 ways to do so:

Be quiet:

Never argue with them, always nod yes to whatever they say even if they just lied through their teeth and told your mother that you misspent money they NEVER gave you.

Run away:

Know when to quietly sneak out of the room so they won’t notice, then proceed to pretend to be asleep when they call–because that’s the only way you can get away with doing so without having your ears ring from the insults they will rain on you if they realize you were ignoring them.

Do not succumb to their traps:

This usually starts with them asking you simple questions that you think have no meaning. Ha, do not answer o! Because, if you do, you’ll create a big hole you can’t crawl out of.

Get everything ready for their arrival:

…even the adverts on TV that you can’t control. Oh, and be prepared for constant legwork–no, not the dance; the number of times you will be on your feet, serving them and adhering to their every whim. Because they will nearly kill you with their requests.

What is your best way of dealing with your difficult relatives?

Gabriella Opara

October 29, 2019

Inside Life

Difficult relatives, Family, Nigerian relatives, Relatives
All the stress that comes with living with Nigerian relatives

Nigerians are badly behaved but no one is more badly behaved than family members living with you.
When they came over when you were a kid and there was no space for them so your parents bounced you out of your room

There are mosquitos in the parlour now
When a 2 week visit turns into a 2 year visit and you start wondering who the real owner of your house is

Oya you people had better start paying rent
When you go and spend a holiday with a family member and they turn you into the house help

This is not what you people promised me o
When you are complaining about spending double on food and the 8 relatives living with you unlook

It’s like you people are mad
Never make the mistake of asking them when they are going to leave your house

So you are chasing us out of your house?
How they show up at your door without notice

You people don’t know how to call first?
When they tell you they are coming to stay for two days but their luggage is saying something else.

Did you come to sell market?
When you invite only one family member to live with you and that one starts inviting more people

Do you think this is your house?
Privacy is a myth

It’s our house now
Everyday is a new argument or fight

When you are not living in Fuji House of Commotion
Staying late at work just so you don’t have to go and face your family members wahala at home

I can’t come and die please

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

June 7, 2018

Oldies

Family, Holiday, house help, Nigerian family, Nigerians, Parents, relations, Relatives, vacation
All The Good And Bad Things About Being A Parent

1. When you have a baby, ALL your relatives will want to give the child their own official name.

How many names do you want my child to have? Please go away.
2. Having kids means you now have little versions of you that you can send on pointless errands whenever you feel like.

“Segun! Come from upstairs and give me this remote that is two inches away from my hand.”
3. When your child gives you attitude so you have no choice but to whoop their ass.

As a father, channel your inner Jackie Chan. As a mother, channel your inner Charlie’s Angel.
4. But deep down it hurts you to see your child in pain but you know that if you spare the rod, you’ll spoil the child.

My chest.
5. This is you when you find out how much school fees are these days.

HAAAAY!
6. But you want the best for child so you still pay.

Everything I do is for you, my child.
7. When your child does well in school you’ll be like

YAAASS! THAT IS THE SEED OF MY LOINS!!!!
8. This will be you if you find out that your child refuses to learn anything and is failing terribly.

What is happening???
9. When your child becomes a teenager and starts raising shoulder for you.

See this one sha oh.
10. You will be happy to see your child now making friends and learning how to navigate life on their own.

My work is almost done.
11. But then you worry that they might join bad gang.

God pls no.
12. You will also worry that they are now doing “bad thing” so you’ll tell them this.

Also, tell them if they have sex, they’ll die.
Truth is, being a parent has a lot of ups and downs. Just look at this video

If you enjoyed this, read this next article about the Nigerian parent’s guide to sex education.

The Nigerian Parent’s Guide To ‘Sex Education’

Astor George

May 25, 2017

Oldies

Child, father, Funny, mother, Nigerian, Parent, parenting, Relatives
All The Things We Hate About Family Meetings

1. When you walk and in and your wicked relatives start giving you the side eye.

2. When your aunties start using their big mouths to compare you to their children.

3. When your mother reports you to your relatives and now they’re all abusing you.

4. When one of your uncles starts talking about how all the young people lack respect.

5. When your parents bring their personal matter to the family meeting and now they are fighting in front of everybody.

6. When your “abroad” family members start trying to oppress the rest of you with their nonsense accent.

7. When it’s time to eat and all the adults finish the nicest food.

8. When you wanted to do other things but the meeting goes on for so long you can’t anymore.

Jola Ayeye

December 19, 2016

Oldies

Family, Family meetings, Relatives
If Your Brother-In-Law Stresses You Out, Allow Us Tell Your Story

1. When he says he is coming to visit for a few days and it has now been one year.

So this is now your home abi?
2. When he starts thinking you are his cook and maid.

Can you imagine?
3. When he wants to start commandeering the remote control in your house.

Na wa oh!
4. When he brings his friends to be making noise in your house.

Is this a beer parlour?
5. When he finishes all the food in the house and starts complaining there is nothing to eat.

Better go to the market by yourself.
6. When he starts doing amebo to report you to his family members.

Well done oh! Special detective.
7. When you are trying to get romantic and he interrupts.

If you don’t talk now you will die abi?
8. When he is fighting with his sibling and expects you to add mouth.

Not me oh!
9. When he is finally going back home.

Bye bye sir!
10. But it was just to go and pack all his things so he can move in properly.

Ah! I am finished oh!

Jola Ayeye

September 15, 2016

Oldies

brother-in-law, Family, in-laws, list, Relatives, stress
10 Times Nkem Owoh Reminded Us Of Our Village Uncle

1. His stance when talking to you and your siblings:

Always pointing even if you are right in front of him.
2. When your dad asks him what he used the money that was meant for a family business to do, he’s like:

“Ehn? Which money?”
3. When you tell him you are on a diet.

“What is that one?”
4. When you try to rush him into the car.

What does that even mean?
5. His favourite mode of transportation.

Only God can separate him from his bicycle.
6. When he is still trying to feel young and decides to play football with your cousins.

Later he will be complaining of body aches and pains.
7. When your parents are talking to him about something he did wrong, he’s like:

Feeling sorry for himself!
8. When his children tell him they need money.

For what?
9. When he is plotting a new reason to come and disturb you people in your house.

“Ehen you know I had a dream so I said let me just come and check that all is well.”
10. His idea of romance:

“Sweet girl I can carry you anywhere, honestly!”

Jola Ayeye

August 26, 2016

Oldies

Family, Funny, Nkem Owoh, Nollywood, Relatives, Uncle
12 Things That Happen When Your Aunty And Uncle Visit From Abroad

1. When your mother makes you vacate your room because that’s where your aunty/uncle will be staying.

So all that foreign currency and no money for hotel?
2. When you see all the goodies they brought for you and your siblings.

Time to stunt!
3. When they are extra surprised you’ve grown since the last time they saw you.

Was I supposed to stay the same size forever?
4. When they start exclaiming that Nigeria has developed because of internet.

Just wait till there is no water in the tap tomorrow.
5. When they start using one accent that does not have head or tail.

Please which part of the overseas does this one come from?
6. When your parents start reporting every small thing you’ve done to them.

Who asked you oh!
7. When your parents volunteer you as driver/tour guide/personal assistant for your uncle or aunty.

So I don’t have my own life I want to live abi?
8. How they dress when you people are going out.

So you people don’t even care about fashion in the overseas or what?
9. When they start encouraging your parents to send you abroad.

Tell them please!
10. When your parents shut down that encouragement:

So no abroad living for me?
11. When your uncle or aunty take you out, they’re like:

Yes aunty and uncle. Spend that money on me!
12. When they leave and your parents now have time to be disturbing you again:

Nothing good lasts forever sha.

Jola Ayeye

August 9, 2016

Oldies

Family, Parents, Relatives
13 Images Every Nigerian With Cousins Will Immediately Relate To

1. You, wondering if they are your actual cousins or just ‘our parents know each other.’

Family friend’s children = Cousins
2. When you have 90 cousins but you’re only related to 11 of them.

Na wa.
3. When you get introduced to a new cousin each time you attend a family gathering.

Jisos! How many are they?
4. When your parents start comparing you to your cousin that has “achieved a lot.”

Mummy, marriage is not an “achievement.”
5. When your cousins come to “spend the holiday” and you have to share your room.

The worst.
6. When your cousin that is visiting reports you to your parents.

Oh? So it’s like that?
7. When that cousin your parents like begs them to allow all of you go out, and they agree.

You know your parents would have shouted “NO” if you’d asked.
8. When the only sleepovers your parents allow you attend are at your cousin’s house.

Hian! Can I hang out with my actual friends?
9. You and your favourite cousin that you only get to see at Christmas.

YES!!!
10. When your parents force you to play with that cousin you don’t like at a family event.

Ugh! Why now?
11. You and your cousins, when you stay over at Grandma’s house.

The struggle.
12. When you have to call your older cousins “brother” and “sister”.

Ugh!
13. When you see your dad giving your cousins money as they’re leaving.

Oh? But when I asked you said you didn’t have oh!

Daniel Orubo

July 1, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Cousin, Nigeria, Relatives
13 Things Nigerians Who Can’t Speak Their Native Language Will Understand

1. When you tell someone where you’re from and they start speaking your language to you.

Ah! Calm down.
2. How Nigerians look at you when you say you can’t speak your language:

I’m sorry.
3. When you lie that you can speak it and someone asks you to.

Uhm. Actually…
4. When your relatives visit and your parents completely dump English.

Hay God! I’m missing family gist.
5. When you hear some words that you understand and try to connect the dots.

I must do this amebo.
6. When a relative that knows you don’t understand keeps speaking it to you.

What’s the point?
7. When your parents only ever spoke English to you and then all of a sudden say “speak your language!”

How though?
8. When you hear your name mentioned in a conversation happening in your native language.

Hay God!
9. When one of your relatives offers to teach you.

I no do.
10. When they start comparing you to your cousin that is fluent.

What’s my own?
11. When you go to the village and someone comments on how you “still don’t understand it.”

See me see trouble.
12. When you have to visit relatives that can only speak the language.

Oh God!
13. You, attempting to speak it = 80% English + 20% Words you can remember.

I’m trying na.

Daniel Orubo

April 13, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Fluent, hausa, Igbo, Language, Native, Nigeria, Relatives, Speak, Village, yoruba
15 Sentences We Are Sure You’ve Heard From Your Nigerian Relatives

1. “I’ll just be staying for some time.”

“Some time” = “Till I die.”
2. “You cannot greet abi?”

For when you don’t say “Good morning ” 20 times when there are 20 relatives in the room.
3. “You don’t remember me again?”

Even if you’ve never met them.
4. “See how you just look like your mummy.”

I’ve heard.
5. “Is it me you are giving something with your left hand?”

It’s not that deep, biko.
6. “How are your studies?”

Don’t remind me.
7. “So, do you have a gehfriend?”

Well, the thing is…
8. “You did not buy anything for me?”

Na so we see am.
9. “You’ve added weight oh!”

If you say “you too” they will now vex.
10. “When will we come for your own wedding?”

If I now ask “when will we come for your burial?” you will hold meeting on top my head.
11. “Go and change the channel to Africa Magic.”

Hay God!
12. “Am I your mate?”

E pele, Oldest Olamide.
13. “I hope you will be cooking for your husband.”

How e take concern you?
14. “Use it to buy biscuit.”

Ah! The whole 10k? Am I a shareholder in digestive?
15. This phone conversation we have all had:

https://twitter.com/Josh__IK/status/668364306132676608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

Daniel Orubo

April 13, 2016

Oldies

african, aunty, Nigerian, Relatives, Sentences, Uncle

Be quiet:

Run away:

Do not succumb to their traps:

Get everything ready for their arrival:

When they came over when you were a kid and there was no space for them so your parents bounced you out of your room

When a 2 week visit turns into a 2 year visit and you start wondering who the real owner of your house is

When you go and spend a holiday with a family member and they turn you into the house help

When you are complaining about spending double on food and the 8 relatives living with you unlook

Never make the mistake of asking them when they are going to leave your house

How they show up at your door without notice

When they tell you they are coming to stay for two days but their luggage is saying something else.

When you invite only one family member to live with you and that one starts inviting more people

Privacy is a myth

Everyday is a new argument or fight

Staying late at work just so you don’t have to go and face your family members wahala at home

1. When you have a baby, ALL your relatives will want to give the child their own official name.

2. Having kids means you now have little versions of you that you can send on pointless errands whenever you feel like.

3. When your child gives you attitude so you have no choice but to whoop their ass.

4. But deep down it hurts you to see your child in pain but you know that if you spare the rod, you’ll spoil the child.

5. This is you when you find out how much school fees are these days.

6. But you want the best for child so you still pay.

7. When your child does well in school you’ll be like

8. This will be you if you find out that your child refuses to learn anything and is failing terribly.

9. When your child becomes a teenager and starts raising shoulder for you.

10. You will be happy to see your child now making friends and learning how to navigate life on their own.

11. But then you worry that they might join bad gang.

12. You will also worry that they are now doing “bad thing” so you’ll tell them this.

Truth is, being a parent has a lot of ups and downs. Just look at this video

If you enjoyed this, read this next article about the Nigerian parent’s guide to sex education.

1. When you walk and in and your wicked relatives start giving you the side eye.

2. When your aunties start using their big mouths to compare you to their children.

3. When your mother reports you to your relatives and now they’re all abusing you.

4. When one of your uncles starts talking about how all the young people lack respect.

5. When your parents bring their personal matter to the family meeting and now they are fighting in front of everybody.

6. When your “abroad” family members start trying to oppress the rest of you with their nonsense accent.

7. When it’s time to eat and all the adults finish the nicest food.

8. When you wanted to do other things but the meeting goes on for so long you can’t anymore.

1. When he says he is coming to visit for a few days and it has now been one year.

2. When he starts thinking you are his cook and maid.

3. When he wants to start commandeering the remote control in your house.

4. When he brings his friends to be making noise in your house.

5. When he finishes all the food in the house and starts complaining there is nothing to eat.

6. When he starts doing amebo to report you to his family members.

7. When you are trying to get romantic and he interrupts.

8. When he is fighting with his sibling and expects you to add mouth.

9. When he is finally going back home.

10. But it was just to go and pack all his things so he can move in properly.

1. His stance when talking to you and your siblings:

2. When your dad asks him what he used the money that was meant for a family business to do, he’s like:

3. When you tell him you are on a diet.

4. When you try to rush him into the car.

5. His favourite mode of transportation.

6. When he is still trying to feel young and decides to play football with your cousins.

7. When your parents are talking to him about something he did wrong, he’s like:

8. When his children tell him they need money.

9. When he is plotting a new reason to come and disturb you people in your house.

10. His idea of romance:

1. When your mother makes you vacate your room because that’s where your aunty/uncle will be staying.

2. When you see all the goodies they brought for you and your siblings.

3. When they are extra surprised you’ve grown since the last time they saw you.

4. When they start exclaiming that Nigeria has developed because of internet.

5. When they start using one accent that does not have head or tail.

6. When your parents start reporting every small thing you’ve done to them.

7. When your parents volunteer you as driver/tour guide/personal assistant for your uncle or aunty.

8. How they dress when you people are going out.

9. When they start encouraging your parents to send you abroad.

10. When your parents shut down that encouragement:

11. When your uncle or aunty take you out, they’re like:

12. When they leave and your parents now have time to be disturbing you again:

1. You, wondering if they are your actual cousins or just ‘our parents know each other.’

2. When you have 90 cousins but you’re only related to 11 of them.

3. When you get introduced to a new cousin each time you attend a family gathering.

4. When your parents start comparing you to your cousin that has “achieved a lot.”

5. When your cousins come to “spend the holiday” and you have to share your room.

6. When your cousin that is visiting reports you to your parents.

7. When that cousin your parents like begs them to allow all of you go out, and they agree.

8. When the only sleepovers your parents allow you attend are at your cousin’s house.

9. You and your favourite cousin that you only get to see at Christmas.

10. When your parents force you to play with that cousin you don’t like at a family event.

11. You and your cousins, when you stay over at Grandma’s house.