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  • From Bariga to Canary Wharf: Idris Ayinde Talks About His Journey

    I saw this tweet and immediately knew Idris “Big 4 4-star general” Ayinde’s story had to be shared. How does one grow up in some of the worst parts of Bariga and end up working in one of Europe’s largest financial hubs? 

    This is Idris’ story, as told to Boluwatife

    Image source: Idris Ayinde 

    “Manage to finish secondary school and make quick cash,” was the general mindset of the people I grew up with in Bariga. No ambition or long-term plans — the goal was just to survive. 

    Bariga is known for its gangs, notoriety and terrible living conditions. If you’re familiar with the area, you know it’s divided into two parts. The part that’s close to Akoka is much saner. Then there’s the inner part, close to Gbagada, with streets like Ososa, Pemu Otunubi and Oyekunle that housed the notorious individuals Bariga is known for. That was the neighbourhood I grew up in.

    We didn’t have much money growing up. My dad’s job as a non-academic staff member at the University of Lagos (UNILAG) came with a meagre salary, and my mum once had a shop on the island she lost to government demolition. One period, my mum had to sell her jewellery for us to eat, and both of us had to hawk ogi to supplement the income.

    I must’ve been in SS 1 then. We didn’t want people to know how bad it’d gotten, so I’d put all the ogi wraps in a bag and go some distance away from my street before I arranged it on a tray to hawk. I think the most I earned daily was ₦500. 

    A neighbour saw me hawking once, and I had to beg him not to tell anyone. I was ashamed. After a couple of months, my mum got a small shop to sell from. 

    But sometimes, we still had little to zero money. We couldn’t afford to move somewhere else even though the room we lived in was always flooded during the rainy season and we’d spend all day packing water whenever it rained. The streets were worse off. When the gutters overflowed with rainwater — which was often — everyone took off their shoes and walked gingerly to avoid slipping and falling into it. Of course, without the shoes, we risked getting injured by whatever was in the water. But we had no choice.

    Like most children in my neighbourhood, I attended a government secondary school where there wasn’t much of a reading culture. It was just: go to school, return home and do anything you like. But my dad regularly brought assignments from work for my siblings and I to solve after school. It meant I rarely had time to go outside after school to mingle with the other kids.

    My attitude towards education changed in SS 2, when I joined the Muslim Students Society of Nigeria (MSSN) faction in my school. I met someone in the society who taught me how to read. I moved from someone who only read a day before an exam to getting textbooks and having a study routine. By the time I left secondary school in 2007, I was an efiko.

    With 2008 came JAMB, and since I couldn’t afford to pay for a tutorial centre, I put all my energy into preparing on my own. I chose to study accounting because it was my favourite subject in school, but that also meant I had to study further mathematics to take JAMB mathematics. I was a commercial student who’d never taken further math before.

    So, I bought Dele Ashade’s “A-Z of JAMB”, got as many past questions as possible and made arrangements with someone who had a tutorial centre. He taught me further math and economics; in return, I taught some of his secondary school students. My efforts paid off. I had 297 in JAMB, passed post-UTME and got admitted into UNILAG in 2008.

    I found out about the admission on a Saturday morning. I was outside, brushing my teeth, when someone reading a newspaper in the only good duplex in my street came to say he saw my name on the list of admitted students for UNILAG. 

    It was the best news of my life. I was the first person among my peers on my street to get a university admission!

    But I couldn’t afford a hostel close to school — even paying the ₦20k school fees required financial help from a relative abroad — so I moved in with an uncle who lived in the part of Bariga that was closer to Akoka. I still had to wake up early to queue for the campus shuttle buses and navigate the daily traffic between Pako bus stop and UNILAG gate. Almost all through my first year, I trekked for almost 30 minutes every morning from Pako to the school gate and to my lecture hall around UNILAG’s Distance Learning Institute (DLI). I also often stayed in school till late at night because there was no light in my uncle’s place to read.

    I didn’t immediately start chasing a first class. I just thought I needed to do my best and graduate well. But I also joined MSSN in uni and once attended a program called “Scholars Roundtable”. First-class graduates attended, and they all shared their stories of how they achieved the feat. That was all the inspiration I needed. If they could do it, I could do it too.

    I forged relationships with people ahead of me in the department so they could give me their materials at the end of a session. I’d use them to prepare ahead of the new level. I started teaching secondary students during the 2009 ASUU strike so I could go without asking my parents for money. I taught math, economics and accounting and was supposed to get paid ₦200 per hour. I say “supposed” because the school’s owner hardly paid me, but when she did, it was something. 

    I had to stop in my third year because of increased responsibilities. I’d contested in my department’s association elections and emerged as vice president. I was also the financial secretary at MSSN. I supplemented the occasional ₦1k I got from home by tutoring my classmates. Some of them were quite generous and would show their appreciation by buying me lunch. Others (mostly non-classmates) randomly paid a small fee for private tutoring. Thinking about it now, I don’t know how I survived in school.

    I graduated in 2012 with a 4.63 CGPA. That was a feat because my final year must’ve been my busiest. I retained my office in MSSN, became president of my department’s association and handled several tutorial classes. My various activities in school helped me build a good network, so landing an internship after school only involved an email to someone who owned an accounting firm.

    My parents moved out of Bariga to their own home in Badagry in the same year. They’ve had the land for years, but at the point they moved, the house was still incomplete. I interned at the firm for about four months on a ₦20k/month salary and left for NYSC in Bayelsa in March 2013.

    The plan was to work at one of the Big Four accounting firms, and I knew I needed to become chartered with ICAN to boost my chances. Others started the ICAN exams in uni, but I had no money. Plus, I’d heard ICAN offered the opportunity for first-class graduates to apply for scholarships. So, my service year was dedicated to ICAN preparation.

    I requested to be posted to a university for my NYSC Place of Primary Assignment (PPA), and this request may not have been accepted if not for my first class result. I was posted to a university in Amassoma, Bayelsa State, so while there was no light in the city, I took advantage of the university’s power supply to study. I got the ICAN scholarship and used part of my NYSC allowance to pay for ICAN tutorials. I also made some money organising tutorials for uni students. But I think the most each student paid was ₦100.

    In November 2013, I wrote and passed all four papers for the first level (PE 1) ICAN certification and emerged as the third-best candidate in January 2014. That came with a ₦25k bonus, and I automatically got another scholarship to write the final-level exams — Accounting graduates from ICAN-accredited universities get to write only two exam levels. ICAN also gave me a ₦60k bonus to attend tutorials. 

    I’d started applying to the Big Four firms around this time. I wanted to have a job immediately after NYSC, so I applied to one and was so confident I’d get in that I didn’t even try to pursue others. You guessed it — I didn’t get in.

    I finished NYSC in February 2014 and returned to my uncle’s house in Lagos without a job. I applied to a few random firms and got some job offers; one with a ₦100k/month salary. But when the offers came, I gave it a second thought and decided to stick to my goal of Big Four and nothing else. I decided to rely on the little savings I had from NYSC to survive and focus on passing the final ICAN exams to boost my Big Four chances. It was a gamble, but I don’t regret turning down those jobs. 

    I wrote the final ICAN exams in May 2014, and thanks to my network, found out about an internship opportunity at PwC. I applied and got it. It paid ₦80k/month, less than the other offers I’d gotten. But I wanted the Big Four experience.

    I moved out of my uncle’s house to a place between Bariga and Oworo that was easier to navigate to the Island, where the office was located. But I wasn’t out of the “trenches” yet.

    I also started contributing to the completion of my parents’ Badagry house. It’s now a four-bedroom house with additional flats for tenants, and I must’ve contributed about 70% of the total cost over time.

    The ICAN results came out in July. Again, I was the best qualifying candidate for that diet as well as for the year 2014 — I only got to know this in January 2015. ICAN gave me about ₦250k in prize money.

    Interestingly, I had a written test for an associate role with Deloitte the day after the results came out. It wasn’t supposed to be a panel interview, but I dressed in a suit and tie all the same. That test turned out to be an interview when they found out I was chartered, and I got the job on the spot. 

    By 2017, the japa wave had started to gain ground, and a number of people had discovered the Canada route. I’d worked at Deloitte for three years and had just rejoined PwC as a Senior Associate, but I wanted to leave Nigeria too. In the accounting world, most of the big things happen in London. Specifically, Canary Wharf, where the International Accounting Standards Board (IASB) is situated. It’s one of the major financial hubs in the entire Europe, like Silicon Valley for us finance people. Canary Wharf was where the big boys were, and I wanted to be there too.

    I decided a visa sponsorship job route made the most sense for me, so I started applying for UK jobs. There was a lot of trial and error. The UK had a “22,000 skilled workers” visa limit per year, which affected the number of international employees each organisation could bring into their country. They also had to do a resident labour market test. So before they employed any foreigner, they had to advertise and interview for a month after a successful interview to make sure no one in the UK could do the job.

    This long process meant that even though I got an Assistant Manager offer from KPMG UK in February 2018, I didn’t get the visa until December. I left for the UK in January 2019, almost a year after.

    In 2021, I moved to EY because I wanted to expand my experience — making it the fourth of the Big Four firms I’ve worked with in my professional career. I’m a manager now, and I only know one or two people who’ve worked in all four firms; it’s that rare. I recently tweeted a thread on X, detailing all I’ve learnt from working at all four firms.

    The journey hasn’t been all smooth. I failed two different levels of the CFA exam the first time I attempted them in 2017, losing thousands of dollars in the process. At first, I didn’t know how to handle going from winning national awards to failing, but I picked myself right back up and tried again.

    I’ve learnt a lot too. From the importance of delaying gratification — especially when I had to forgo a ₦100k job for something smaller but more profitable in the long run — to having a solid network, and of course, staying prepared for anything. Education isn’t a scam. It was the starting point of all I’ve achieved. If I didn’t have a first-class, I wouldn’t have gotten the ICAN scholarship or won the prize money. I also had access to recruitment opportunities reserved for only first-class graduates.

    Everything in life tends to add up. And now, I can pay it forward by caring for my siblings. My mum comes to London as much as she wants. Sadly, I recently lost my dad, but I was able to do the little I could before he passed. 

    Sometimes, I sit and reflect on where I came from. The boy from Bariga defied all odds and made it to Canary Wharf. It’s not something I take for granted. 


    NEXT READ: I Knew Cleaning Wasn’t My Last Stop in Life


    Psst! Have you seen our Valentine Special yet? We brought back three couples – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. Watch the first episode below:


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  • All the Best Fashion Looks from Trace Music Awards ’23 

    Fashion, drips, glitz and glamour go in sync with music awards and red carpets.

    On October 21, 2023, Trace Music hosted its awards ceremony in Kigali, Rwanda for the first time to celebrate Afro music. We look at some of the fashion moments that did it for us yesterday.

    Davido

    If the classic American Jazz music fashion had a 2023 design, it’d be this OBO’s outfit — an oversized sequined dress adorned with “shine-shine.” The overall has his self-titled “OO1” nickname etched on its back. Baddest, for real 🙌🏿.

    Yemi Alade

    One would have expected Mother Africa covered from head to toe in Ankara, but she picked a simple, glossy emerald dress. Also, we couldn’t miss the emerald touches in her jewellery. Simplicity and intentionality >>>>

    BK Arena

    Then she turned up on the stage like this. Loveee it.

    Soraia Ramos

    We absolutely love this effortless look from Portuguese-Cape Verdean singer, Soraia. We haven’t seen anyone else that can turn Kiwi into a fashion drip.

    Soraia Ramos

    Mucyo Sandrine

    Mucyo Sandrine came draped in a bead-embroidered sequin, covered with an orange and pink fluffy design. The dress is well put together, and we think Mucyo had to remind us why she’s one of the hottest fashion models on the continent.

    BK Arena

    2Baba

    We know why 2Baba came in agbada and Hausa cap — he’s now an elder-statesman in African music. Plus, cultural representation is never out of style.

    BK Arena

    Nomcebo Zikode

    The twisted shoulder design, framed corset and open-finger gloves are beautiful. Also, the short afro haircut and royal-blue tail blend the gorgeous look together. Nothing screamed “royalty is here” like the colour choice and quality tailoring.

    Azarias Muecalla

    Who knew cowries would bang this hard on a suit? Look at the petal design stapled at the hand which low key doubles as a hand-fan, and tell us the coolest looks don’t come from the most daring people. Nice one, Azarias.

    Rutshelle Guillaume

    All-black looks always eat. But Haitian singer Rutshelle munched everything with her thigh-slit dress, complimented by flying wings and arm gloves — giving an I’m-here-for-what-is-mine look. Behold, she bagged Best Artist in The Carribean category at the ceremony.

    Maureen

    We don’t know if she picked this dress a day before this event or if she just likes simple outfits, but the knee-length golden heels spiced up her look. Somehow, it ate.

    BK Arena

    Viviane Chidid

    She stepped on stage for her performance in this beautiful patterned gown. She first appeared with a long fur coat hanging over her shoulder, then took it off with poise; Viviane served a proper don-chic look.

    Another day to remind you that we’re getting closer to the Burning Ram. Have you bought your ticket to the biggest meat festival or you’re still sleeping?

  • Lights, Camera, Action: Idris Elba Boost to Swahili Film Industry

    Tanzania’s rapidly growing ‘Bongo’ film industry is going full steam ahead, with British actor, Idris Elba, planning a major studio in the country.

    British actor Idris Elba plans to open a major film studio in Tanzania after holding initial talks with President Samia Suluhu Hassan.

    Tanzanian’s Director of Presidential Communications, Zuhura Yunus, recently made this announcement during a media briefing session on the outcome of President Hassan’s trip to the 53rd World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland.

    “The president met with Idris Elba and his wife Sabrina, and they are keen to invest in a film studio in Tanzania,” said Yunus.

    “Discussions on the project have just begun, and if successful, the project will help not only Tanzania but also Eastern and Central Africa,” she added.

    Elba, who was born in Britain to a Ghanaian mother and a Sierra Leonean father, has previously spoken about his plans to help develop the film industry on the continent.

    “Young Africans view me as a leader or a beacon. And I feel like I could bring something. So I’m keen to bring what I’ve learned in media and amplify it in Africa,” he told South Africa’s SA People in August last year.

    And while this recent news is a shot in the arm for the country, Tanzania has worked hard over the years to package and position its film industry for international success.

    Despite having low budgets and limited production skills and equipment, the country’s filmmakers have matured the local ‘bongo’ films to rival Nigeria’s Nollywood and Kenya’s Riverwood.

    In September 2021, Vuta N’kuvute made history by becoming the first Tanzanian feature film to screen at the Toronto International Film Festival. It has also been screened at various festivals in Germany, South Africa, the USA, Brazil, Switzerland and Tanzania.

    The Swahili film, which tells the story of a young woman whose romance blossoms on the back of a political revolt woman during the final years of British colonial Zanzibar, won the Tanit d’Or at the prestigious Carthage Film Festival in Tunis.

    It also took home four awards at the 18th edition of the Africa Movie Academy Awards, held in October 2022 in Lagos. It won the Oumarou Ganda Prize for Best Fiction at FESPACO 2021 and the Special Jury Prize at the Seattle International Film Festival 2022.

    The most significant success for the film, however, came in September 2022, when it became Tanzania’s official entry for the Oscars 2023 Academy Awards under the Best International Feature Film category.

    “The future of Tanzanian cinema is finally in our hands. A wave of Swahili filmmakers is growing every day with pride, intelligence and boldness,” said Amil Shivji, the film’s co-producer.

    Tanzania also saw three of its films streamed on Netflix in 2022, marking a great start in the international market. Binti, produced by Angela Ruhinda, became the first Swahili movie streamed on Netflix, followed by Bahasha and Nyara: The Kidnapping (2020), respectively.

    But Tanzania’s prolific film industry did not start with the Bongo films and movies in the early 2000s.

    The industry dates back to 1961 when the government of the new nation of Tanzania established the Government Film Unit in 1963, the Tanzania Film Company in 1968, and the Audio Visual Institute in 1974.

    These institutions produced, distributed, and exhibited films, albeit films that propagated the Ujamaa socialist policies of president Julius Nyerere’s government.

    Over the years, the government has continued to support the film industry with incentives and new regulations.

    The Tanzania Film Board, in October 2022, embarked on a programme to coordinate the production of films with local strategic content featuring the country’s richness in several avenues to market the country’s attraction.

    “We want a vibrant and aggressive film industry,…we are training the local producers to enhance quality, competitiveness and national identity films,” said the film board’s executive secretary, Kiagho Kilonzo.

    The government also reduced filming permit fees to help filmmakers produce high-quality movies. According to the new regulations, filmmakers pay US$21 to get a filming permit, down from the previous US$215.

    Non-profits like the Zanzibar International Film Festival, established in 1997, have also continued promoting Tanzania’s film industry.

    The annual festival screens approximately 70 domestic and foreign productions and hosts capacity-building sessions for upcoming filmmakers, including workshops, masterclasses, debates and network events.

    In a 2021 report, the UN cultural agency, UNESCO, revealed that Africa’s film and audio-visual industries could create over 20 million jobs and contribute US$20 billion to the continent’s combined Gross Domestic Product (GDP).

    Market and consumer data company Statista says that Africa produces about 5,500 films per year, of which Tanzania manages around 500 yearly.

    According to the Tanzanian Minister of Culture, Arts and Sports, Mohamed Mchengerwa, the country has at least 30,000 people employed in the filmmaking business, and the entertainment and arts industry contributes at least 19.4 per cent to the economy.

  • Kindly Drop Your Feminist Badge if You Don’t Know These 6 African Women

    As we celebrate women’s month this year, Zikoko is all out for all the women breaking the bias. In this article, we are raising a toast to women from the 90s that made moves in their times. Here are a few of the African women that paved the way for us.

    1. Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti (1900-1978)

    If you don’t know Funmilayo, I want you to go and fight your social studies teacher. This is the woman that gave us the legendary Fela Kuti. Funmilayo was an African feminist and dedicated her life to the cause. She organized tax strikes against economic policies negatively affecting women and was very vocal in the call for an end to colonial rule. To top all this up, she was the first Nigerian woman to drive a car. Yes, Funmilayo was the “It girl.”

    2. Yaa Asantewaa (1863-1923) — also known as  Queen Mother of the Ejisuhene

    Beyond being queen mother of the Asante people, Yaa was a badass woman. What do you think you’ll be doing at 60? As for Yaa, she was leading the famous Asante uprising in 1900 against the British. It had been a long fight against the Brish troops. They had taken over their gold mines and were after something dearly important. The British troops were in search of what the Asante people called the Golden Stool, a symbol of their independence. The troops went village to village in search of it and left destruction down every part they crossed. The last straw for Yaa was the attack on a village with defenseless children. After the attack, the council of elders was summoned and as queen mother, Yaa was present. 

    Now here’s the badass part. 

    At the meeting, the men were afraid of retaliation. The British troops were well-armed and ready to kill anyone. For Yaa, that wasn’t a factor. She told the men to stay back and asked only the women to fight. In March 1900, Yaa mobilised Asante troops, and for three months laid siege to the British mission at the fort of Kumasi. In the end, the British troops overpowered the Asante troops. Yaa was captured and remained in exile for 20 years. The Asante protectorate did not receive independence until 1957 — 36 years after Yaa’s death.  She might have lost the battle in 1900, but Yaa’s revolutionary act accounted for the fight to in Ghana. That’s why till today, she’s called “Keeper of the Golden Stool.” A queen we stan!

    RELATED: Four Months of Living Together and Hopefully We Don’t Kill Each Other

    3. Miriam Makeba (1932-2008)

    Feel free to call her mama Africa like the rest of us — yes, I’m claiming to be South African. Makeeba was a civil rights activist and singer. With growing up in a segregated town outside Johannesburg, Makeba was no stranger to the struggles in South Africa.  She was a singer that used her songs to speak up against apartheid. When she travelled to the UK in 1959, to star in Come Back, Africa — a movie on apartheid. The role led her to the US, where she carried on her activism through music. Clearly, the South African government felt threatened. In 1960 our girl was banned from reentering the country. Even her passport was also revoked in 1963. Yet, Makeba was unmoved. She released even more revolutionary music. With popular songs like Pata Pata and grammy-winning album, An Evening with Belafonte/Makeba, Makeba was one of the first African musicians to receive worldwide recognition.  Amapiano is not the only thing you should be thanking the South Africans for.

    4. Huda Shaarawi (1879–1947)

    I know the title said it, but if you’re a feminist and you don’t know Huda, please, step down from your pedestal today. If Huda wasn’t pushing the rights of women as a feminist then, she was advocating for better governance in across the Arab world. Huda was a pioneering feminist leader and established the Egyptian Feminist Union in 1923.  Essentially, she was letting the people know women were here to take over. She is one of the many women that fought hard to see Egyptian women living as the gorgeous gorgeous girls they are.

    5. Mariama Bâ (1929–1981)

    If you are a lover of books, this is the babe for you. Born and raised as a Muslim woman in Dakar, was very opinionated on the rights of women in Senegal. She was particularly opposed to the custom of polygamous marriages and was keen on the empowerment of women. Her frustrations were voiced out in her first novel, Une si longue lettre (So long a letter). ’s other literary works such as Scarlet Song and La Fonction politique des littératures africaines écrites also speaks to the role of women in building Africa. Get you a Bâ today.

    6. Rose Lokissim

    Just look at that fro. This is a woman that knew how to fight. Literally. Rose was one of the first female Chadian soldiers. She strongly opposed Hissen Habré, a Chadian politician convicted for war crimes. In 1982, Rose fought against the dictatorship in Chad. Sadly, she was imprisoned in 1984 and tortured for eight months. Within that time, Rose was able to record and smuggle out the names of prisoners. Although she was executed for this act on May 15th, 1986, she’ll never be forgotten.

    CONTINUE READING: 17 Things You’ll Relate to if You Grew Up in Ibadan

  • How 6 African Atheists Are Navigating Relationships With Religious Partners

    Does love really conquer all? What’s it like for an atheist to date a religious person in Africa? These six African atheists share how they have navigated their relationships with religious partners.

    African Atheists

    1. Adilah*, Namibian

    I dated a Christian woman and we made a rule at the beginning of relationships to quickly quench heated debates. But we’re not robots, so once or twice, we almost had really hectic theological debates. But we managed not to let them snowball. When we were first getting to know each other, I asked her how she saw us ever working out, considering how very strongly atheist I am, and how very strongly religious she was. I promised to drop her off at church every Saturday (she’s Seventh Day Adventist) and pick her up after. She thought it was very sweet. If she sneezed, I’d say, “God bless you,” not because I believed in this God that must bless her, or because it’s just what people say, but because she believed. When I was going through stuff, she would tell me, “I know you’ll be fine, because I pray for you to the God you don’t believe in.” Despite my nonexistent faith in God, I would be grateful.

    2. Idaraesit, Nigerian

    There’s no law that says atheists can’t date religious people, but it’s very weird to me. I didn’t use to care about religion before — because I don’t believe in it, obviously. But growing older, I now prefer not to date religious people, especially the ones who staunchly believe in hellfire. I once fell for a beautiful woman who was deeply religious but she kept on invalidating my worth just because I didn’t believe in her god. It messed with my self-esteem so much and it was hard to move on. 

    Later, I dated non-dogmatic Christians who don’t think hell exists and those who don’t go to church. These relationships were a little better but they still got weird at some point. I really hope my next relationship will be with an atheist because I feel that if I and my partner are on the same page in terms of religious beliefs, we may last longer.

    3. Rita*, Zimbabwean

    I prefer to date atheists as it’s better not to have someone trying to convert me or praying for my soul to be saved. But we’re in Africa and my primary target audience is small. So I typically have to make do with what I get. My last relationship was with a Nigerian Muslim guy while I was living in Cape Town — the first Muslim I ever dated and it lasted less than a month. We were fucking like rabbits but he still thought he was better than me because I don’t subscribe to Islam.

    4. Fundiswa*, South African

    My boyfriend and I are super together. His family loves me and everyone thinks no couple could be more perfect. I’d like to marry him but she’s a devout Christian, and I don’t believe in God at all. He has the purest heart I have ever seen but doesn’t think my heart can be truly pure unless I convert to Christianity. 

    It didn’t use to be a problem and we dated for two years, but now that we’re thinking of the next step, I’m considering if I should just convert for the sake of it. I don’t think religion should stand in the way of our love. But then again, I won’t mean it and I wonder if he’ll see through my insincerity. I have never been more stressed. But one thing I’m sure of is that I don’t want to lose him.

    5. Kwame*, Ghanaian

    I’m an agnostic engaged to a Muslim but she’s not pious. I don’t know how, but I’ve started to be more open-minded about her faith. I used to love watching her pray, Then one day I joined her and it felt so peaceful, like Yoga, but even more comforting. Since then, I’ve prayed with her whenever I can, even when we’re not in the same location. She calls me and tells me she’s about to pray and I stop what I’m doing to join in. I’ve even started learning Jumat prayers little by little. and even though I don’t believe in her religion. 

    I still have my reservations about meeting her family, and I don’t know where this road leads, but as long as she’s in my life, I want to experience every bit of her.

    6. Femi, Nigerian

    I’m nonreligious and my bae is Christian. My last two relationships before this one were largely the same — they were hypocrites. They committed all the sins in the Bible but drew the line because I didn’t believe in their god. But my current significant other is more of a liberal Christian.

    I feel like I’ve influenced my current partner religiously more than she’s influenced me sha. She doesn’t go to church as much as she used to, nor does she pray as regularly as before. I wake up and narcissistically thank myself for existing, so that’s not good. Anyhoo, we’ve been going strong for two years and one month and it’s been my best relationship in forever. Religion has never been a problem for us.

  • QUIZ: Do You Know Where These African Dishes Come From?

    Are you African through and through or are you a scam? Match the dish to its country to prove yourself.

  • QUIZ: Pick African Countries To Visit, And We’ll Guess Your Zodiac Sign

    We can guess your zodiac sign based on the African countries you want to visit.

    Select all the African countries you’d like to visit:

  • QUIZ: Only Geniuses Can Ace This African Geography Quiz

    Think you’re a genius? Ace this African Geography quiz to prove it.

    Go on:

  • 5 African Female Digital Artists Talk About Their Work

    Digital art is fast becoming one of the most lucrative art types as social media advances as well as the tools used to create the art. In this article, we spoke to 5 female African digital artists about their work. 

    Ohimor Oghenerume, 22, Nigerian 

    I started digital art in September 2017 because I was very sick and I thought I was going to die. Digital art was on my list of things to try out. I googled the apps I needed, downloaded them on my iPod touch, and started playing around. I didn’t even know when I became good enough for commissions but people kept recommending me for jobs and eventually someone gave me a shot. Sometimes, I still get shocked that people think I’m good enough to be commissioned or be in their galleries. 

    There is so much talent that it’s easy to feel like you would never be good enough. It can be overwhelming, but I’m learning that the presence of someone else’s talent isn’t the absence of mine. This allows me to be deliberate about the work I put out. 

    Araba Opoku, 22, Ghana

    I learnt how to use Corel Draw in high school because it was the easiest way to replicate my print patterns and vectorize the motifs. I was 16 at the time. Now, I alternate between CorelDraw, Photoshop and Illustrator. I still paint on canvas and sew but digital art is easier for me — from creating colours to cleaning brush strokes or applying a fill. I think it’s profitable but not as your main source of income.

    Titilola, 21, Nigerian 

    I started as a traditional artist and then transitioned into digital art in 2018. I was inspired by some digital artists I found on the internet — people like Duks Art and Yinkore. Art for me is a journey filled with experiments. It took about a month for me to create decent work

    In the art world, traditional art is still preferred from what I know because there is a debate around whether or not digital art is real art. Hence, it is difficult to get contemporary galleries to notice your work or take it seriously. Aside from this, digital art is versatile and there are multiple avenues to create income from it. 

    Yuwa, 23, Nigerian

    I’ve been drawing since I was like 6 or 7 as a hobby. I work as a product designer but in 2019, I got an iPad as a gift from someone who knew I wanted to learn digital illustration, and my journey as a digital artist began. A few months later, I got an Apple Pencil and started experimenting. I earn money from it as a side-gig. I love the versatility it allows — I have worked with different kinds of people, from bridal shops to writers. 

    I am not interested in turning my hobby into a job, so I take small jobs that require minimal effort. The largest amount I have received for my work is £300. I believe the ability to draw is a gift that God has blessed me with. I love the fact that I can use it to tell people about Jesus. That’s the larger purpose for me.

    Samira, 27, Nigerian

    I started drawing and writing as a child. It has always been a hobby for me. My mum wanted me to publish one of my stories but I wasn’t interested in it. My stories were my escape — I draw and write about places or characters I want to meet. 

    I started taking drawing seriously because I wanted to prove a point to my brother that I was good at it. It’s been great so far. At first, I felt uncomfortable charging for my illustrations but when I moved out of my parents’ house and hunger saw the chance to tag along, I became comfortable with charging for my work. I am lucky to be blessed with great clients.

    QUIZ: Can You Score 7/10 On This Primary School Art Quiz?

    Are you smarter than a primary school student? Take this quiz to find out.

  • QUIZ: Can You Match The Native Language To The African Country?

    Africa is deeply multicultural, and there are an estimated 2000 languages spoken around the continent.

    We can’t fit all of these languages into one quiz, so we’ve selected some and you’re required to guess the country they’re native to.

    NOTE: Please read each question before you attempt to answer.


    [donation]

  • How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Nigerian Husband

    Here’s a simple guide on how to be the kind of Nigerian husband society expects you to be. From being an unshakeable rock to respectfully cheating on your wife, these ridiculous tips will work for you.

    1. You must be ready-made before you even glance at your wife-to-be.

    Nobody wants to ‘grow’ with you, better go and sort yourself out.

    2. If you are having financial issues, keep it to yourself.

    If it is to steal so your wife doesn’t know there are financial issues, then do it.

    3. You must be a rock at all times. What are emotions sef?

    Cry? Be sad? God forbid. You are a man. Swallow your feelings and just exist.

    4. All your wife’s relatives are now your responsibility.

    From the ones in the city to the ones in the village, it is now your work to feed them.

    5. You are not allowed to ever lose your job or get demoted.

    You can never have any problems at work and even if you do, just keep it yourself.

    6. If your wife earns more than you, you have officially failed as a man.

    Why should she be making more than you? It doesn’t matter whether her job is better, you should just make more.

    7. You are financially responsible for EVERYTHING in the house.

    Your wife’s income does not matter. Open your wallet.

    8. It’s not your business to know the price of anything.

    Just drop the money and go.

    9. “Help” your wife around the house once every three months.

    Remember it’s her work. You’re just assisting.

    10. Open Day and PTA meetings don’t concern you. That’s what your wife is for.

    Your work is to pay for school fees. What the children do after that is not your concern.

    11. Cheat on your wife, but respect her enough to hide it.

    That’s true love right there.

    12. Providing for your children is the only relationship you need to have with them.

    That’s all that matters.

  • The Nigerian Parent’s Guide To ‘Sex Education’

    Here’s a detailed guide on how to educate your future children about sex like your Nigerian parents did. From ignoring the existence of sex altogether to making them too scared to bring it up, this should ensure your child learns everything they need to know from porn.

    1. NEVER directly talk about sex with your children.

    If they’ve never heard about sex, it’s only logical that they will never have it? Abi? Simpu!

    2. Make sure they are so uncomfortable around you that they never bring up sex.

    This is not a Hollywood film. You and your children are not friends.

    3. If that doesn’t work and they start asking too many questions, just give them this look:

    This ‘Nigerian mother face’ will stop them dead in their tracks.

    4. Repeatedly warn them about the dangers of any kind of interaction with the opposite sex.

    They shouldn’t even breathe near them.

    5. Just assume every member of the opposite sex they talk to is their boyfriend or girlfriend.

    We all know men and women can never JUST be friends.

    6. Ban them from going out until they are old, then constantly ask why they are still single.

    You know they can never have sex if they are ALWAYS at home.

    7. Always remind your daughter that if a man touches her, she will get pregnant.

    Also remind her that if she gets pregnant she will die.

    8. Make sure your son knows that if he gets a girl pregnant, his only option is to marry her.

    Remind him every other day.

    9. Leave any and all forms of actual ‘sex education’ to their biology teacher.

    Why else are you now paying school fees?

    10. You should always remind them to ‘face their book’ and nothing else.

    They cannot be facing book and having sex at the same time. It’s scientifically impossible.

    11. Whenever a sex scene comes up in a movie, remember to shout at them.

    That way your children know that human contact is of the devil.

    12. Never talk to them about safe sex, before they think they are allowed to have sex.

    Safe sex is for people having sex abi? So, why should they know about it?

    13. Wait till they have moved out and are gainfully employed before finally having the sex talk.

    If you can wait till their wedding night sef, it’s even better.

  • How To Be The ‘Perfect’ Nigerian Wife

    Here’s a simple guide on how to be the kind of wife Nigerian men seem to want. From never questioning him, to allowing him to cheat as much as he wants, these impossible tips will work for you.

    1. Thank him every day for ‘saving’ you from the clutches of spinsterhood.

    You know marriage is EVERY woman’s goal.

    2. Marry as a virgin, but be a freak in the sheets on your wedding night.

    Just instinctively know how to do everything in the bedroom.

    3. Remember to never ask questions, challenge him or disagree.

    He is always right. Just leave it.

    4. Lose that pregnancy weight right there on the delivery table.

    Back to a size 8 immediately.

    5. Never fall sick, complain or get tired.

    Basically be superwoman.

    6. Have a washing machine, but still lovingly handwash his underwear.

    That’s true love right there.

    7. Always wake up before him, so you can do “one or two things” around the house.

    Why should your husband wake up before you?

    8. Get a well-paying job, but make sure you never earn more than him.

    If they offer you a pay raise, turn it down.

    9. Make sure that job doesn’t stop you from taking the kids to school, picking them, and helping with their homework.

    So, basically a 10 – 2 job. Don’t ask questions, just find it.

    10. Never cheat on your husband, but forgive him if he ever ‘accidentally’ cheats on you.

    You know men will be men.

    11. Also remember to apologize when he cheats, because it was most likely your fault.

    If you were being the perfect wife he wouldn’t have fallen inside another woman. Oya say sorry.

    12. Figure out how to always have a hot meal waiting on the table before you get home.

    Just figure it out.

    13. Throw away that microwave, the food must always be freshly made.

    What are you warming?

    14. Remember to always praise your husband whenever he does anything around the house.

    Remember it’s your work, he is just helping.

    15. Look like a supermodel while doing house chores.

    Don’t ever tie a wrapper in front of him.  Do everything in heels.

    16. But never be indecently dressed in public or else:

    You know the drill.

  • Queen Bey Just Had Her Baby Shower And Iya Osun Is Happy

    Fam! We’re not sure you can handle this! It’s the Carter Push Party yo!

    The Queen Bey aka Mummy Blue aka Iyawo Jay aka soon-to-be Iya I-Bey-Ji, had her push party (which is also known as a baby shower) during the weekend but it was no ordinary baby shower.

    The entire thing looked like she was paying homage to Yeye Osun.

    Daz right…Ah mean, just look at…

    African print full everywhere:

    The music was our very own Fela…

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BUVPft1B8bU/?taken-by=mstinalawson

    And let’s not even forget the dressing sef…

    Just see.

    Bey herself went all out.

    Complete with henna tattooed belle, gele and shigidi on the wrists…

    See how Uncle Jay is looking like one Yoruba demon.

    At the rate she’s going though, we won’t be surprised if by the time the twins drop she decides to name them Taiye and Kehinde.

    And now here’s a brief flashback to that time The Queen slayed in these stunning pregnancy photos:

    https://zikoko.com/list/beyonce-is-serving-some-serious-pregnancy-slay-in-these-stunning-pictures/
  • 7 Types Of People You See At Every Party

    1. The Raging Alcoholic

    Everyone knows that there is always alcohol at parties and that people get drunk. That’s the way parties work but there is always that one person that overdoes it with the drinking, gets insanely drunk and eventually starts causing wahala. That is the Raging Alcoholic. He will get drunk, cause trouble and will eventually get thrown out. If you’ve never seen a Raging Alcoholic then chances are YOU are the Raging Alcoholic. Go and get help biko.

    2. The Professional DJ

    This person is NOT a professional DJ. This person just thinks that their taste in music is so awesome that they should decide the music everybody at the party dances to. This person does this by disturbing the actual DJ and making song requests like they’re a 6 year old at a children’s party. The annoying thing is that this person, 100% of the time, has a terrible taste in music. This person usually doesn’t get thrown out but if YOU do throw them out, everyone will thank you.

    3. The Obvious Introvert

    The fact that people are at parties shows that they are at least trying to socialize. The Obvious Introvert however will not even try. You’ll see them sitting in a corner looking uncomfortable or scrolling on their phone. Half the time they’re not even drinking! Like, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?!

    4. The Obvious Extrovert

    This is that person that’ll just show up to the party and start making noise. They’ll grab the first drink they see (even if it’s in someone else’s hands) and start greeting everybody by hugging or violently shaking hands like they’re trying to remove people’s wrists. We know you’re sociable and outgoing. You don’t have to prove it to everybody. Calm down abeg.

    5. The Idiot that keeps trying to get everybody to play ‘Devil’s Basket’.

    No one wants to do this! Do you think this is secondary school?  GTFO!

    6. The Trained Dancer

    This one will just enter dance floor and start dancing like they’re fighting kung-fu. If you stand too close to them when they start, you will injure.

    7. That one person that refuses to leave when the party is over.

    This person might low-key be homeless and is probably just looking for a place to crash. Then again if you decide to be a good Samaritan and let him spend the night, there’s a chance he’ll steal everything you own before morning so it’s probably best if you just throw him out.

    If you enjoyed reading this (which of course you did) read this next article about 17 things you’ll immediately recognize if you’ve been to a Nigerian house party.

    17 Things That Are Too Real For Anyone Who Has Ever Attended A House Party In Nigeria
  • 1. “If i hear peem”

    “One word must not come out of your mouth”

    2. “If you move your hand, i’ll add more”

    Ultimate form of torture.

    3. “Oya, hold your lips like this”

    “I dont even want to hear you breathe”.

    4. “Stand on that tile and don’t move an inch”

    You’ll be doing gymnastics over cane.

    5. “Don’t beg me, it’ll only make it worse”

    Dun cry dun beg, issallova.

    6. “If I let my hand touch you, you’ll see heaven”

    “Just jejely take the cane and go”.

    7. I didn’t kill my mother so you won’t kill me

    “I’ll kill you before you kill me”.

    8. “Did you just raise your hand to block me? You want to box me”

    “You want to assassinate your father ba?”.
  • 10 Bad-Ass Women In African History You Should Totally Crush On

    1. Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti: Lioness of Lisabi.

    You know her as mother of the great Fela, but she was much more than that. A great advocate for women’s rights, Kuti led more than 10,000 women in a protest against native authorities at the palace of the Alake of Egbaland in 1949, causing him to relinquish his crown for a bit.

    2. Yaa Asantewaa: Queen Mother of Ashante Kingdom.

    Born in 1840, Yaa Asantewaa became famous for leading the Ashanti rebellion against British colonialism to defend the Golden stool- a symbol of the Asante Kingdom- from Frederick Hodgson, then Governor-General of The Gold Coast.

    3. Queen Aminatu: Warrior of Zazzau.

    Born around 1533 in Zazzau (now Zaria), Amina was a fearsome warrior with a great army and empire. Her story inspires the fantasy series: Xena, The Warrior Princess.

    4. Moremi Ajasoro: Olori of Ile-Ife.

    Married to King Oranmiyan, this brave queen risked her life by going undercover to learn the secrets of the tribe terrorizing her people.

    5. Ana de Sousa Nzinga Mbande: Ngola of Ndongo

    Some say she was a queen, others believe she was a ruthless ‘king’! At the turn of the 17th century, Nzinga fearlessly and cleverly fought for the freedom of her kingdom from the Portuguese, who were colonizing the area now known as Angola.

    6. Winnie Madikizela-Mandela

    Born 1936, South Africa’s first black professional social welfare worker chose to struggle for equality and justice for all people in South Africa. After her marriage to Nelson Mandela in 1958, she suffered harassment, imprisonment, and periodic banishment for her continuing involvement in the struggle against apartheid.

    7. Flora Nwapa: Mother of modern African literature.

    Born 1934, Nwapa’s ‘Efuru’ was the first book written by a Nigerian woman. Flora unarguably paved the way for a generation of African women writers. ‘Efuru’ (1966),  is based on an old folktale of a woman chosen by the gods.

    8. Chioma Ajunwa-Opara, MON.

    Chioma was the first West African woman, as well as the first Nigerian, to win an Olympic gold medal in a track and field event when she emerged victorious in the women’s long jump event at the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta.

    9. Margaret Ekpo: Political activist.

    Born in Cross River in 1914, Ekpo was among the first wave of Nigerian women in politics. She was known for attending political rallies, and unionizing women to fight for their rights.

    10. Miriam Makeba: Mama Africa.

    Widely known for her incredible voice and music, Makeba was also a political activist. In 1963 she testified against apartheid before the United Nations. As a result the South African government revoked her citizenship and right of return. She stayed in America and married Stokely Carmichael, a Black Panther leader.

    This is post is brought to you by MAGGI @ 50:

    The big idea for the MAGGI 50th anniversary campaign is: Let’s Celebrate. We intend to do this primarily by sending gift boxes containing specially curated ingredients and gifts to women influencers pan Nigeria & beyond for trusting MAGGI in the past years, and in the future ahead. Click the link below to learn more.
  • The Stress Of Having A Beggy-Beggy Friend

    1. When they see you with food.

    “Ehen I just wanted to quickly come and see you oh.  Abeg chop remain!”

    2. How they view your money:

    3. Their favourite word:

    As if that’s the only word they know how to say! Ahn ahn!

    4. When you see them coming you’re like:

    Wahala is coming!

    5. But when you need something from them, they’re like:

    “I really wish I could help you but the Lord is your strength sha. Babe ehen how far that dress you said you will borrow me this weekend?”

    6. When you ask them to pay back/return something they borrowed:

    Always next week. Never today.

    7. You get so used to their nonsense behaviour, you start buying two of everything so you can hear word.

    Can you imagine?

    8. How you beg them to stop begging you:

    Begging inception!

    9. When they find someone else to disturb and you can now have peace of mind.

    “Bye bye to bad market!”

    10. When you finish reading this post and realise that you are actually the beggy-beggy friend

    HAYYYYYYY is this my life?
  • If You’ve Ever Owed Someone Money, This Post Is For You

    1. Whenever you remember you owe someone money.

    So this is what it is to be an onigbese!

    2. You, trying to figure out what exactly you did with the money you borrowed.

    Because you have nothing to show for all the money you borrowed.

    3. When you realise you have to find money to pay back your creditor…

    HAYYY! Very what? Very Good!

    4. And another money to do what you initially borrowed money for.

    This life is just a pot of beans sha!

    5. When you see the person you owe money at a party or social event.

    “So you have money to sew aso ebi but you don’t have my money abi?”

    6. When you read up on how debt is a normal part of society and even wealthy men have debt.

    Ehen, even Dangote has debt abeg nobody should stress me!

    7. Then you remember all fingers are not equal and you better find your level.

    Because Dangote pays his own debt sha.

    8. When you are now stuck in the cycle of borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.

    Which kind of life is this?

    9. When you have to choose between buying something you need and paying your creditor back.

    Actually eating this week is not compulsory sha. Let me just pay back this money.

    10. How you see your creditors coming after you in your dreams:

    Is it that deep? Ahn ahn!

    11. When you see missed calls from your creditor.

    Ah! I don’t have your money oh better save your credit and be calling people that have.

    12. When your creditor calls you and you pick up by mistake.

    “I can’t hear you please the network here is just too bad!”

    13. When you want to post yourself having fun on social media then you remember your creditor.

    Before they will say you are enjoying life with their money oh!

    14. You catching your subs on social media from your creditor.

    “Na wa oh, is it me that this one is calling useless onigbese with no shame?”

    15. When the pastor asks those in church with financial needs to come out you’re like:

    “My money miracle will not pass me by!”

    16. When people are talking about terrible debtors and you have to hold yourself back from defending yourself.

    “But we are actually good people!”

    17. When you finally pay back the money you owe.

    Free at last!
  • 13 Pictures That Basically Define Breakfast In A Nigerian Home

    1. You, waiting for your mother to bring you breakfast in bed.

    If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

    2. When you try and eat breakfast without doing your chores first.

    When it’s not that you’re mad.

    3. Your face, when you manage to eat breakfast before 1pm:

    Ah! See miracle.

    4. When you ask for breakfast and your mother starts warming rice.

    Is it every time, rice?

    5. When you hear a hawker chanting “AGEGE BREAD” outside.

    Can’t carry last.

    6. When your mother uses one teabag to make tea for everyone in the house.

    Hay God!

    7. The Nigerian breakfast sandwich starter pack:

    The absolute best.

    8. What every Nigerian grew up calling “tea”:

    It’s sha still tea to me. Go and teach English to someone else.

    9. When your mother makes you eat the dinner you didn’t finish from last night.

    Mummy, yesterday has gone na.

    10. You and your siblings, dodging that first and last slice of bread like:

    Can they just stop putting it in the pack at all?

    11. The unofficial Saturday breakfast:

    Akara is forever bae.

    12. The unofficial Sunday breakfast:

    You know it’s true.

    13. Every Nigerian’s favourite breakfast:

    Only happens when your mum is in a great mood.
  • The Stress Of Following Your Nigerian Mother To The Market

    1. You, when your mother says you’re going to the market with her.

    The stress begins.

    2. How she holds her purse when she is walking through the market:

    Can’t risk it, abeg.

    3. When she passes the first shop selling it N500 and walks 30 minutes to buy it for N490 from her customer.

    Na wa.

    4. When she starts pricing and you actually feel like she is cheating the seller.

    Mummy, take it easy na.

    5. You, after she successfully prices from N2000 down to N200.

    Even though it took forever.

    6. When your mother that said she just wanted to buy meat is now pricing lace.

    How did we get here?

    7. When people are still grabbing and shouting at you with your mother right there.

    Hian! Do I look like the one with the money?

    8. You, constantly trying to keep up with how fast she is walking:

    Chai! Slow down na.

    9. When she sees one of her friends and they just stand there gisting.

    Kuku kill me.

    10. When your mum said you’d be done in an hour and you look at the time:

    The lies.

    11. When your mother leaves your hand in a crowd and you can’t find her again.

    Hay God!

    12. You, after making your 4th trip to the car to drop off what she bought.

    I just can’t.

    13. Your hand, after you spend the whole day carrying her bag:

    The struggle.

    14. When you finally leave the market smelling like stockfish.

    UGH!
  • 13 Reasons Ngozi Nwosu From ‘Skinny Girl In Transit’ Is Your Nigerian Mother

    1. When she woke Tiwa by 5:30am to tell her what the Holy Spirit said.

    Holy Spirit has now turned into gym instructor.

    2. When she showed that she had mastered the art of guilt-tripping.

    Nigerian mothers are the travel agents for guilt trips.

    3. When she had the perfect response to Tiwa’s extreme dieting.

    Nigerian mothers basically invented sarcasm.

    4. When she flawlessly transitioned from dragging Tiwa to dragging Shalewa.

    “You sef… How many men have you brought into this house?”

    5. When she sent Shalewa to clean the kitchen with the ultimate Nigerian mother threat.

    No Nigerian child has ever heard the end of this threat. Can’t risk it.

    6. When she didn’t try to hide how she felt about Tiwa’s first love.

    OUCH!

    7. When she turned up in every Nigerian mother’s Owambe uniform:

    SLAY!!!

    8. When she was very clear about what she wanted for her birthday.

    No time, abeg.

    9. Nigerian mothers and “I had a dream.”

    Oshey, Josephine the dreamer.

    10. Her priceless reaction to Shalewa’s boyfriend buying her a car.

    See the reach.

    11. When she said every Nigerian child’s worst nightmare:

    When you hear this, you know it’s all over.

    12. When she spent this entire visit shouting and gossiping about church members.

    Nigerian mothers forget gossiping is a sin when their friends appear.

    13. When she prayed for her daughters even when she was angry with them.

    How Nigerian mothers show love.

    And if you’re not already watching Skinny Girl In Transit, just start here and go down the rabbit hole of greatness:

  • 13 Pictures You’ll Get If You Were Neither An Efiko Nor An Olodo In School

    1. When you read with all your power and still get a B minus.

    The struggle.

    2. Your answer, whenever someone asks you “how was your paper?”

    Can’t say more than that abeg.

    3. When you hear the class efikos discussing the answers they got after a test.

    Can you people let it go?

    4. When you get handed your script like this and you already know you banged.

    Hay God!

    5. When you get 5/20 in a test but you’re still one of the highest in class.

    Winning!

    6. When the whole class fails but you’re just glad that:

    The class that fails together stays together.

    7. You, during every speech and prize giving day:

    You sha know nobody is calling your name.

    8. When your friend asks you to explain a topic but you only understand enough to not fail.

    Uhm…

    9. How people look at you when you ask for extra sheet before the class efiko:

    Who is this one?

    10. When the class olodo is hiding their work from you during a test.

    See my life.

    11. When people are discussing grades and you just want to know if you were promoted or not.

    No time, abeg.

    12. That your friend that always says they are going to fail and their result comes and you see an A.

    You’ll now be struggling with a C.

    13. When you check your result and you didn’t get an F but then you remember you didn’t get an A either.

    Well, small miracles.
  • 13 Struggles Of Travelling Anywhere With Your Nigerian Parents

    1. You will not be told you’re travelling until the last minute.

    I can’t have plans, abi?

    2. They will wait till the tickets are at their most expensive before booking.

    Then spend forever complaining.

    3. You must not tell ANYBODY that you’re travelling.

    Especially your relatives.

    4. You become their house-help the night before the flight.

    You will pack for Africa.

    5. Their whole suitcase is for them. Half of your suitcase is also for them.

    “My bag is full, help me put this thing in your bag.”

    6. You are going to carry more food than clothes.

    Especially stockfish.

    7. Half of the things they’re making you pack are not even for your family.

    Relatives and friends have hand inside that luggage.

    8. They will make you dress like you’re going for a party.

    Can I just wear shorts and be great?

    9. You must go to the airport at least 4 hours before the departure time.

    You will be at the airport longer than the plane sef.

    10. They’re not paying anyone at the airport to help with all the bags, that’s why you are there.

    Oya, carry them.

    11. Excess luggage is their right and their’s alone.

    Don’t even think of carrying extra unless you have the money.

    12. You become the parent to all your other siblings.

    STRESS!

    13. They must start gisting with the first Nigerian family they meet there.

    Ugh!
  • 14 Pictures Every Nigerian Will Remember About Following Their Parents To Parties

    1. When they tell you to dress up and you say you don’t want to go.

    Better go and wear cloth.

    2. You, waiting for you parents to now get ready:

    Hian! On top party I don’t even want to attend.

    3. When you go 3 hours late and you’re still the first family to arrive.

    What the hell?

    4. When the only people there are your parents’ friends, so you just sit in a corner like:

    Why am I even here?

    5. When they make you greet every single adult there.

    See assignment.

    6. The food they give you vs. The food they give them:

    Is it fair?

    7. “You better eat now, because I’m not cooking when we get home.”

    Can’t come and carry last.

    8. The only part of the party you looked forward to:

    YES LORD!

    9. Your parents, when they are spraying money vs. Your parents, when you ask them for money:

    Na wa for una.

    10. When your parents force you to stand up and dance.

    Ugh! Am I the entertainment?

    11. How your dancing intensifies when adults start spraying you money:

    Shake it for the cash.

    12. When they start using you to brag:

    Uhm. Actually…

    13. When they pack leftovers from the party and make you carry them.

    Hay God!

    14. When they say “we are going home” but they already said that 2 hours ago.

    CAN WE GO?
  • 15 Lies You’ll Hear When A Nigerian Guy Likes You

    1. “You look familiar.”

    The Nigerian pick-up line as old as our independence.

    2. “I only want to get to know you.”

    He actually means “know” in the biblical sense.

    3. “I just want us to be friends.”

    The screensaver lie. He is still planning you.

    4. “I’m single.”

    Single = Less than 3 women.

    5. “I have a girlfriend but we are having issues.”

    He is the “issue”.

    6. “I’m going to leave her for you.”

    Don’t hold your breath.

    7. “You’re the only girl I’m talking to.”

    You’re not even the only girl he is talking to that second.

    8. “She is just a friend.”

    Yeah, they’ve been “friends” for 5 years and they have 2 children.

    9. “I’m ignoring other girls because of you.”

    Na so.

    10. “I’ve never met anyone like you before.”

    Save it.

    11. “I’m not like other guys.”

    He means he is worse.

    12. “I’d never cheat on you.”

    He actually means he’ll never get caught.

    13. “I don’t play games.”

    He will now turn you to PlayStation.

    14. “I love you.”

    After just 5 minutes of meeting you. Oshey, Disney Prince.

    15. “I’m ready for marriage.”

    You’ll now end up engaged for 10 years.
  • 13 Lies All Nigerian Children Have Told Their Parents

    1. “Everybody in class failed.”

    “I was one of the highest in class sef.”

    2. “That teacher just hates me.”

    “Ehn. That’s why he failed me.”

    3. “Results aren’t out yet.”

    Please God, don’t let them call and ask.

    4. “The school said we should pay for…”

    See free money.

    5. “I don’t have a girlfriend/boyfriend.”

    Relationship? What is that sef?

    6. “I’ve already finished my assignment.”

    I actually mean I will do it in school.

    7. “They didn’t give us homework”

    I’m free.

    8. “I’ve finished reading.”

    …finished reading the first page.

    9. “They didn’t have change.”

    *folds money inside pocket*

    10. “Yes, I went to church.”

    “The message was very powerful.”

    11. “I didn’t take the meat from the pot.”

    *cleans stew from mouth*

    12. “I didn’t see your call.”

    “Are you sure it went through?”

    13. “I’m not the one that broke it.”

    Don’t look at me.
  • 19 Pictures Guaranteed To Make Any Nigerian Laugh Out Loud

    1. The one about Nigerian fathers

    Every. Nigerian. Father.

    2. The one about Nigerian mothers

    Sorry ma!

    3. The one about watching TV with your parents

    Hay God!

    4. This picture of fear

    Just disappear.

    5. This catering menu

    They did not born you well to misspell Jollof rice.

    6. The one about side chicks

    Real friends.

    7. The one about Buhari

    Well…

    8. The one about GEJ

    At least he is trying.

    9. The one about our exchange rate

    The pain.

    10. The one about a child’s ticket

    You can’t argue with that.

    11. This gym

    This is the most Nigerian thing ever.

    12. The one about church

    Every Nigerian mother.

    13. The typical Nigerian aunty

    Amebo is in their blood.

    14. This architect that has a lot of explaining to do

    Maybe they did not pay him his balance.

    15. The one about washing dishes

    Unless you will help me wash it just save it, biko.

    16. The real use of the head

    Is it a lie though?

    17. The one about finding love

    You want to kill your mother?

    18. This unofficial reason all Nigerian parents have children

    The worst.

    19. This serious prayer point

    Oya, start praying.
  • The Hilarious Life Of A Nigerian Stammerer

    I sha knew I was special when people used to laugh when I spoke…

    …abi tried to speak.

    My sister would do everything to annoy me at home.

    She was the devil.

    Whenever it was now time to report her, I would basically turn into a DJ.

    Kai! My life!

    Me in school, avoiding being asked to answer questions or read out loud.

    Forever dodging, but still passing.

    It sha worked until my primary 3 teacher assumed passing in class meant I could do debate.

    What’s doing this teacher?

    Oya debate day, time to introduce myself and trust me to get stuck on my own name.

    Ti-Ti-Ti-Ti-Titilope

    Everyone sha had a good laugh, me sef I laughed because…

    Abi?

    Me, looking for a new word mid-sentence because I know that word I’m attempting is not coming out.

    The struggle.

    How people react when I jump from one unrelated word to another:

    No vex, English teacher.

    Whenever I stop talking halfway and someone tries to complete my sentence for me.

    Abeg hold it.

    Me, trying to express myself when I get angry.

    The struggle to get the words out

    Then I had that aunty who would always tell me to “talk slowly” as if that was all it took.

    Like seriously?

    Whenever I hear a Nigerian comedian cracking a joke about stammerers.

    Ya not funny oh!!!

    Whenever I meet someone who prefers talking on the phone to texting.

    Enemy of progress!

    When my sister now said I should be enrolled in a school for special kids.

    I already told you she was the devil.

    Whenever I misbehaved at home and my parents asked me to explain myself.

    Just punish me abeg.

    The one that sha pained me the most was when my crush finally said “hello”

    Finally!

    My throat now decided that I must stay single and I was just there like “he..he..he..”

    God! Why me?

    See my crush looking at me like:

    “Is this one ok?”

    I’ve sha learnt to accept the stammerer life like that, proudly sef.

    Stammerers unite!

    Because me I know in heaven my voice will be free…

    Praise The Lord!

    Free to finally report that it was Sade who closed the window in primary 2, not me.

    Yup! I’m petty like that. Co-written by Zikoko contributor @DelphiicOracle.
  • 15 Unofficial Reasons All Nigerian Parents Have Children

    1. To wash that pot on the stove.

    Oh God! It’s too black na.

    2. To come and pass them the remote.

    Hian! It’s right beside you.

    3. To ‘do their Whatsapp’ for them.

    and add

    4. To take out the meat from the freezer.

    https://twitter.com/slimTONYY/status/380335919284244480

    5. To go and help them buy recharge card.

    The stress.

    6. To give them something to brag about in public.

    They will still shout on you at home sha.

    7. To open their email.

    Even though you’ve showed them how to do it a million times.

    8. To go and find their brown shoe in the Ghana-must-go bag.

    Hay God!

    9. To help them with their phone.

    Am I computer village?

    10. To wake them up when they fall asleep watching news.

    Even thought they will say they are not sleeping.

    11. To help them type that text they want to send.

    All. The. Time.

    12. To “go and open the gate”.

    See me doing gateman work.

    13. To make sure the house is clean before they get home.

    The worst!

    14. To drive them up and down.

    See my life.

    15. To help them “browse the internet”.

    …and by internet they mean Facebook.
  • 13 Questions Nigerian Parents Ask When You Say You’re Going To Visit A Friend

    1. “Don’t you have your own house?”

    See wahala.

    2. “What are you going to do there?”

    Armed robbery. What will I be going to do there before?

    3. “Can’t they visit you?”

    They have visited me. Oya?

    4. “How many times have they come here?”

    Chineke!

    5. “Do we know them?”

    What is it?

    6. “Where do they stay?”

    Why? Do you want to rent?

    7. “Are they in your school?”

    Jisos! Can I go already?

    8. “What are they studying?”

    You want to pay their school fees?

    9. “Who are their parents?”

    My God!

    10. “Where are they from?”

    Earth, I think.

    11. “What do their parents do?”

    Mummy oh!

    12. “Are they born again?”

    Am I Jesus?

    13. “Which church do they attend?”

    Na wa.
  • 15 Sentences We Are Sure You’ve Heard From Your Nigerian Relatives

    1. “I’ll just be staying for some time.”

    “Some time” = “Till I die.”

    2. “You cannot greet abi?”

    For when you don’t say “Good morning ” 20 times when there are 20 relatives in the room.

    3. “You don’t remember me again?”

    Even if you’ve never met them.

    4. “See how you just look like your mummy.”

    I’ve heard.

    5. “Is it me you are giving something with your left hand?”

    It’s not that deep, biko.

    6. “How are your studies?”

    Don’t remind me.

    7. “So, do you have a gehfriend?”

    Well, the thing is…

    8. “You did not buy anything for me?”

    Na so we see am.

    9. “You’ve added weight oh!”

    If you say “you too” they will now vex.

    10. “When will we come for your own wedding?”

    If I now ask “when will we come for your burial?” you will hold meeting on top my head.

    11. “Go and change the channel to Africa Magic.”

    Hay God!

    12. “Am I your mate?”

    E pele, Oldest Olamide.

    13. “I hope you will be cooking for your husband.”

    How e take concern you?

    14. “Use it to buy biscuit.”

    Ah! The whole 10k? Am I a shareholder in digestive?

    15. This phone conversation we have all had:

    https://twitter.com/Josh__IK/status/668364306132676608?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
  • 13 Things A Nigerian Man Will Call His Girlfriend When He Wants To Cheat

    When a Nigerian man is about to cheat and the babe he has targeted asks him:

    That’s when his brain starts working overtime and one of these lies fall out:

    1. “I donated to her charity. It was just a ‘Thank you’ picture.”

    2. “Ah! That one? She is just a work colleague.”

    3. “No oh! She’s in plenty pictures because she is my neighbour.”

    4. “She is one of my sisters in The Lord. We are in the same unit in Church.”

    5. “Which babe? Oh! That one is just a family friend.”

    6. “She is a client. We were just having a work lunch.”

    7. “That one I was hugging? That’s my cousin.”

    8. “Oh her? She is just one girl like that. She is always disturbing me.”

    9. “Wait! Is it the fair one? That’s my guy’s babe.”

    10. “Is it that one wearing blue? She was just a classmate in school.”

    11. “That’s just my ex. I’m about to delete her pictures sef.”

    12. “Her? She is just like a sibling to me.”

    13. “The one wearing wedding gown? We were doing a music video.”

  • 12 Times Meryl Streep Was Basically A Nigerian Mother In “The Devil Wears Prada”

    1. When you try to explain why you forgot to bring out the chicken from the freezer.

    2. When she is laughing with her friends and you come and add mouth.

    3. When you ask her where to put the groceries.

    4. When she sends you to go and bring her bag from her room.

    5. When you ask her if you can go out and visit your friends.

    6. When you eat from your party pack before she inspects it.

    7. When you bring home a girl that can’t pound yam.

    8. When she wants to send you on an errand but it’s raining.

    9. When she asks “how many times did I call your name” and you try to answer.

    10. When she sees you wearing anything that is not a suit or trad.

    11. When they offer you food outside and you accept it.

    12. When she makes a seller go from N3000 to N300.

  • 17 Faces We Are Sure You’ve Made If You Grew Up In A Nigerian Home

    1. When that your unemployed uncle is trying to lecture you about school.

    Well, this is awkward.

    2. When you’re about to travel and your mum says “I had a dream…”

    Hay God!

    3. When you hear your father’s horn at the gate and the whole house is scattered.

    It’s all over.

    4. When you open the icecream container in the freezer and see egusi soup.

    What is this life?

    5. When you’re playing outside without slippers and you see your father’s car approaching,

    Chineke!

    6. When that aunty that hasn’t seen you since you were born asks “do you remember me?”

    Adongerrit.

    7. When visitors come and your mum starts bringing out food and drinks you didn’t know were in the house.

    Oh? So we don’t deserve good food too, abi?

    8. When you open the container of Danish cookies and see needle and thread.

    Is it fair?

    9. When your father tells you to come and play with that cousin you don’t like.

    Oh God!

    10. When your mother that warned you not to eat anything at her friends house starts saying “eat na”.

    What will I now believe?

    11. When you say you can’t find something and you hear “if I come there and find it…”

    What is all this?

    12. When your mother calls you by your full government name.

    I’m in trouble

    13. When all your friends are going out but you’ve already gone out this month.

    The pain is real.

    14. When your mother tells you to clean your room because visitors are coming.

    Hian! Will they come and enter my room?

    15. When your parents finish beating you then start asking “why are you crying?”

    Are you joking?

    16. When your watch your mother price a shoe from N15,000 down to N1,500.

    Mama the mama.

    17. When you ask your father if you can go out and he says “go and ask your mother.”

    Na wa for una.
  • 12 Times This Picture Perfectly Described Nigerian Life

    Jacob Zuma’s gloriously expressive face has blessed us with a meme that basically describes everything about being Nigerian

    …and Nigerian twitter has more than embraced it.

    1. The one about Nigerian homes

    2. The one about Nigerian parents

    https://twitter.com/Lolalistens/status/715187472196456450

    3. The one about Nigerian mothers

    https://twitter.com/iamTestedOkay/status/714879149865873409

    4. The one about Nigerian fathers

    5. The one about Nigerian barbers

    https://twitter.com/HassanYahyaJr/status/714580669603643392

    6. The one about Nigerian girlfriends

    7. The one about Nigerian boys

    8. The one about Arik

    9. The one about Nigerian police

    https://twitter.com/MrRuky/status/714547556349571072

    10. The one about Nigerian secondhand cars

    https://twitter.com/MrOkeke_/status/714842975986180097

    11. The one about this Nigerian lie

    12. The one about Nigerian artistes

  • When Having A Mixed Race Child Raises An Uncomfortable Question
    Sure, the world may be changing and times moving fast. Cultures that were snubbed in the past are slowly becoming recognised and accepted.  However, a hidden prejudice towards Africans (black people generally) still exists today, whether we like it or not.

    This was shown by the airport security at the Duesseldorf airport.

    Belgium-based politician and activist, Assanta Kanko, who is originally from Burkina Faso was embarrassed when the airport security insisted on questioning her mixed race daughter.

    The politician who is married to a Belgian man took to Twitter to share her ordeal.

    According to her, after presenting all necessary documents with fingerprints, the security man asked her 8 year old daughter, “Is this really your mama?”.

    Apparently, this is not a new thing. Popular Nigerian writer, Chika Unigwe sympathised with her and shared her own experience.

    It has also happened in Greece.

    https://twitter.com/mavroula_/status/714485685130924033

    Some people see the questioning as nothing…

    But a security check against kidnap and abduction.

    @Assita_Kanko you do realize they ask most kids that to make sure they aren’t being kidnapped.. stop making a problem out of nothing..

    — Aaron Thomas (@aaron_1117) March 28, 2016

    But white privilege is a thing whether we admit or ignore it.

    And little children should not be put through such questioning, especially after necessary documents have been presented.

    @MoniqueAdriaan1 if you receive all the evidence you don’t ask such a violent question to a child. Or you find a smart way to investigate

    — Assita KANKO (@Assita_Kanko) March 28, 2016

    Agreed, kidnapping and abduction of children is a global problem. However, smarter and less embarrassing checks should be devised because there are many mixed race children in the world.

  • A Nigerian-Owned Fashion Brand Has Addressed African Immigrant Problems In Europe

    African men are viewed through mostly negative perspectives across many parts of the world.

    In Europe, Italy to be precise, they are commonly seen as the ones who peddle trinkets and bags on the corner, but never in designer suits.

    Wale oyejide, the creative director and brains behind Philadephia-based African fashion brand, Ikire Jones, is also an Afrobeats musician, writer and attorney.

    Being an immigrant himself, the Nigerian-born designer began his journey into the  fashion industry as part of a personal creative evolution.

    Without any formal education in fashion, his designs are sometimes inspired by Kanye Wests’ lyrics and the latest collection from Ikire Jones is themed ‘After Immigration’.

    The West African models and asylum seekers, Abdoulay, Gitteh and Madi  were scouted from a local settlement organization that houses asylum seekers.

    The collection seeks to portray African Immigrants as real and employable people with stories like every other human.

    In contrast to popular African-themed fashion editorials where the models are impoverished and posing in a sad background, these models were dressed up in really cool suits in the streets of Florence, Italy to portray their elegant side.

    ‘After Immigration’ also aims to tackle the lack of diversity and black models in high end fashion by proving that men like Abdoulay and his friends can be found in many parts of the world.

    The models were also featured when the collection was displayed in Italy’s Pitti Uomo Fashion show.

    This editorial shoot shows the many holes in not only the fashion world but also immigration policies.

    All Ikire Jones pieces can be shopped here: www.Ikirejones.com Check out their Twitter page for more interesting photos: @IkireJones

    Check out this video of the shoot.

    Photography and featured image by Neil Watson of 10 Leaves.

    What do you think of this collection?

  • 15 Things That Are Too Real For Nigerians Who Have Their Parents On Whatsapp

    1. You, when your parents asked “what is that Whatsapp thing?”

    Uhm. Ehn. Well…

    2. When they told you they wanted to join.

    Ah! Why na?

    3. When they asked you to teach them how to “operate it.”

    Hay God!

    4. You, when they finally started using it.

    It’s all over.

    5. How they pronounce it:

    You’ve given up on trying to correct them.

    6. You, every time they send you one of those broadcasts.

    Mummy, it’s fake.

    7. Them, every time you don’t reply the broadcast.

    “Better do what it says.”

    8. When you change your display picture and they start complaining.

    Ah. Leave it na.

    9. When they keep sending you inspirational pictures and funny videos.

    Where are you even getting them from?

    10. When they keep giving one-word responses to everything.

    Ah. Why are you forming for your own child?

    11. You, in the family Whatsapp group.

    Why am I even here?

    12. When you start contemplating whether you should just block them.

    Can  I afford new parents?

    13. Whenever they use you as their display picture.

    I’m special.

    14. When they ask you to explain your status message.

    Well, actually…

    15. When they finally discovered Whatsapp voice messaging.

    It has ended.
  • Check Out These African Versions Of Popular American Celebrities

    If you have been itching to see how foreign artists will look in African wear, today is your lucky day

    Yass!

    Ghanaian graphic designer, artist and fashion designer, Dennis Owusu-Ansah brought his awesome skills into recreating photos of these artists in African attire.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BAB2kDINOt5/?taken-by=denny_ow
    And they totally slayed.

    His clothing line, Densah Collection features unisex pieces, bikinis, sneakers and back packs, all of which he personally paints by hand.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/8RheyttOm7/?taken-by=denny_ow
    Brilliant!

    He didn’t just re-imagine the artists in African attires, he named each piece in respective African names to go.

    Megan “Omotola” Good

    https://www.instagram.com/p/_iEzsFtOvs/?taken-by=denny_ow

    Chief Shawn “Ugonna” Carter

    https://www.instagram.com/p/_k4RxyNOh7/?taken-by=denny_ow

    Sean Puffy “Nana Antwi” Combs

    https://www.instagram.com/p/_stJa2tOkP/?taken-by=denny_ow

    Chris “Koffi Sarpong” Brown

    https://www.instagram.com/p/_p-RClNOuU/

    Aubrey Drake “Abdul Salam” Graham

    https://www.instagram.com/p/_zNsLmtOju/?taken-by=denny_ow

    Nicki “Maame Akua Amponsah” Minaj

    https://www.instagram.com/p/__3u6mtOt_/?taken-by=denny_ow

    Robyn Rihanna “Amahle” Fenty

    https://www.instagram.com/p/_9HOS0NOmB/?taken-by=denny_ow

    Beyonce “Lankenua” Carter

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BAKcJjmtOkM/?taken-by=denny_ow

    Mazi Odinnaka Rosey aka Rick Ross

    https://www.instagram.com/p/_3RKC4tOnN/?taken-by=denny_ow
    View his clothing collection and more creative photos on his Instagram page @Denny_ow All images via @denny_ow