1. The Nigerian uncle starter pack:
Can’t even argue.
2. When you have to talk to him on the phone.
3. “You know I was there when your mummy gave birth to you.”
And then?
4. When he says “the last time I saw you, you were a baby,” but still asks if you remember him.
Is this a rhetorical question?
5. When he comes to visit and turns you into house-help.
See my life.
6. When he swears he knows the most about football.
We’ve heard you.
7. “So, did your mummy cook?”
Just like that?
8. Whenever you don’t greet him properly.
Ah! No vex.
9. Whenever he brings up the marriage topic around you.
Free me oh.
10. When he promises you something but then acts brand new the next time you see each other.
See betrayal.
11. When he cracks a dry joke, but you’re broke so you have to laugh.
*Laughs in empty bank account*
12. When he says “you don’t call me” or “I’ve been trying your number.”
I’m confused.
13. When he starts an argument about politics.
Not me and you, abeg.
14. “You’re now big oh. Turn around let me see you well.”
So that what?
15. That legendary goodbye handshake.
You’re the best.
