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Every gym has different kinds of people that we feel differently about. But one day, we’ll give a piece of our minds to those people who intimidate us at the gym with their oversabi. If that’s you, take this quiz and we’ll fish you out.
Exercises are a good way to boost serotonin and keep fit but if we’re being honest, exercising is hard. Here’s a list of exercises that women who hate working out can try.
1. Walking
Walking requires low effort but it does the job and you can do other things on your walk like make those calls you’ve been postponing or make a stop at that restaurant you’ve been eyeing.
2. Running up and down the stairs
Another low effort exercise and the best thing is you can do this wherever you are. Instead of using an elevator, opt for stairs.
3. Yoga
Yoga is great because you are not just working out, you are also deep breathing and meditating. You can do this alone or with a partner while listening to soothing music. Working out doesn’t have to feel like war.
4. Jumping to conclusions
You probably already do this but are you doing it to keep fit?
5. Running from commitment
This one is not just for keeping fit but it’s also for safety purposes. Make person no go serve you unnecessary breakfast.
6. Jumping jacks
This is an effective exercise because it works out every part of your body. It’s like running on the spot but on steroids.
7. Running from talking stage
If you feel like someone is wasting your time, put on your running shoes and take off. No time to waste time.
8. Fake crying during arguments
Do you know how much strength it takes to force tears to come out? You are definitely burning calories by doing this plus it helps to cleanse the eyes bonus if you wear glasses.
9. Hopping into relationships after one DM
After you’ve hopped into like three relationships from the DM, come back and tell me if you don’t feel fit.
10. Turning Amala
Especially if you still live with your parents and siblings and have to make a large bowl of Amala for dinner every other night. Did somebody say super core strength?
The gym is the place you go to to get buff, stay healthy or both. However, it seems like some people have their own reasons for showing up at the gym. If you see your sub here, accept it like that and fix up accordingly. Don’t cry, don’t beg.
1. The ones who came to disturb women
These ones are probably the most annoying; the ones who see women focusing on their workouts but decide that that’s the best time to come and talk to them. Kindly desist from such.
2. The ones that like to hog equipment like it’s their father that bought it
Bros, it’s all of us that paid for gym. Let everybody use. Don’t sleep there.
3. The show-offs
These ones didn’t come to workout. They only came to show off their new workout gear.
4. The I-Too-Knows
They always have advice for you, whether you asked for it or not. Please leave my form alone, nobody asked you.
5. The ones that think gyming is a competition
These ones think you came to gym to see who can carry the heaviest weight. Bros, leave my dumbbell alone. Na me know my size.
6. The ones who like shouting
Any small thing, these ones are shouting because they’re working out. Uncle abeg, lower your tone. It’s not childbirth.
7. The ones that leave sweat on the equipment
Fear God now. Wipe the equipment with a towel before and after you use it.
8. The ones that like staring
These ones will stare at you so much that you have to check whether horns grew on your head. Don’t face your workout, you hear? Be looking.
Oversabi is a terrible thing. Body fitness is a great thing to desire, but when people begin to turn workout sessions into lowkey punishment sessions, that’s where to draw the line. What happened to the good old sit-ups and push-ups?
Here’s a list of the most terrible exercises that’ll make your body wonder if you’re working out or practicing self-immolation.
1. Burpees
Burpees should never be considered as “part of a workout schedule”. This is a whole workout schedule on its own, after which you cannot function for 72 hours. It’s like the person who invented it was trying to create new punishments and then someone saw him and just decided he was working out, so they decided to carry it on.
2. Planks
The real torture is when you have to do your countdown by yourself. You’ll be counting sixty seconds and it would be as if you’re counting sixty years. As a personal rule, I never do planks in public because that upper arm jiggle when you’re about to give up the ghost can be embarrassing.
3. Single leg squats
My knees hurt just from looking at this picture. Genuine question: Are some workouts for bodybuilding or just for showing off? Because what will one-legged squats do that two-legged squats cannot do? Are you not going to end up doing the other leg? What’s all this stress?
4. Bench dips
Wait. Is this man not trying to build his arms and his chest? What happened to normal pushups? Oversabi is really not good. I saw this online, so I decided to try it. Let’s just say my arms haven’t been as functional as they normally would be. God forbid.
5. Spiderman push-ups
Even Spiderman doesn’t this so I’m wondering who sent you people message.
6. Lunges
AKA “I don’t want to feel my thighs and my waist for the next two weeks”. Please just stick to squats.
Whatever your motivations for working out: bulking up, losing weight, toning and shredding, or just plain old keeping fit, there’s one thing we can all agree on: working out is from the devil. Just thinking about working out sends my heart racing.
Getting your dream body is the goal, but that requires some serious work. I guess that’s why its called “working out.”
Don’t leave me.
Do it for the gainsssss.
I wanted to know what challenged other people about working out so I reached out to a few Nigerian men to know what they thought was the hardest thing about exercising.
Some people are stumped even before they begin.
“The hardest thing about working out is starting the thing at all. It gets much easier after you get past the first couple sets though.”
Not everyone is an early bird. Getting up from bed to begin is a daunting task every single day.
“Waking up early to work out. (Especially when the day before was super stressful).”
For this guy, taking an unplanned break is ill-advised.
“The motivation to start after a break can be hard to find. Consistency is key but takes a lot of discipline.”
Even after you’ve remained consistent, the work doesn’t stop.
“The hardest thing is hitting a plateau; when you stop making any progress despite being consistent. Adjusting your diet can be a pain too.”
They say The pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow. This doesn’t make burns and aches of working out any easier to deal with, for this person:
“Dealing with the pain and body aches can be a put-off, especially when you’ve taken a break too early.”
Our problems are built differently, as this guy shows us.
“Getting the ladies at the gym to stop eyeing me like a piece of meat.”
Occasionally, even eating can be a chore.
“Exercise means nothing without the proper diet, and I find that quite tough to stick to, since I tend to forget to eat.”
Some men want the gains, and they want it now:
“For me, it’s the impatience. I want to see the progress I’m making, and I want to see it NOW. Of course, the journey to a great body is a marathon not a sprint. You just have to be patient and trust the process.
Consider this the disclaimer the Youtube workout tutorials forgot to leave. You’re welcome.
1. Your entire body will protest against this level of stress you are suddenly introducing.
Your legs will feel heavier and your back will feel personally attacked. Basically your entire body will be in a lot of painful tears.
2. The abs won’t come by in 4 days.
So stop checking. But why are you even checking? After diligently swallowing midnight eba for 2 years you’re expecting abs to come in 4 days of working out? Hilarious.
3. Plank is actually not as easy it looks.
Neither are squats. Or sit ups. In fact none of it as effortless as it looks. Anybody that said workout is effortless should be arrested. They are talking in the dangerous rubbish.
4. You will most likely skip a few days because you cannot come and kill yourself.
And on those days you will realize that the abs might not even look good on you. Also, in your defence being a Nigerian is enough stress already.
5. You will most likely start eating like a horse.
Your body will suddenly require more food and more often than it usually does.
For most people, the number one thing on their list of New Year resolutions is joining #FitFam. Well, if you made that promise to yourself as you entered 2020, then this post is for you.
1. Your body, when you promised to join #FitFam in 2020:
“We’ve heard this before.”
2. You, dusting off your gym clothes from #FitFam2019:
I swear this time will be different.
3. You, refusing to return to the gym after one session:
Nah. Nope. Never. I can’t come and kill myself.
4. When you see how much you spent on healthy food.
From where to where?
5. You, shamefully waking up at midnight to eat eba:
Don’t look at me.
6. You, judging yourself whenever you cheat on your diet:
“After all the mouth you made?”
7. You, begging the calories in shawarma to reduce:
Please na. Just reduce for today.
8. When you climb the scale and the number has gone up.
What sorcery is this?
9. When someone posts their body transformation.
Abeg, shift.
10. When someone who is eating says “come and join me”.
Please, don’t tempt me.
11. How you reward yourself after eating a salad:
I’ve earned this.
12. You, secretly hoping the Okada ban helps you lose weight.
At least, let one good thing come out of this nonsense.
