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A Nigerian woman would rather refuse to eat pasta than tell you she’s annoyed at something you’ve done. But if she shows any of these passive-aggressive signs, then you need to start thinking of how to appease her.
She’ll air your messages
She’ll see your messages come in and choose to swipe them away because you’re saying nonsense . If she’s very upset, she’ll open the message, close it back and leave you on “read”, so you’ll know she’s ignoring you. If she archives your messages, that’s even worse. You may have to involve the gods to get her to forgive you.
Give you one-word replies
Ask her how work was, and she’ll say, “Good.” — This is someone who usually gives you the full gist of the day about how Amaka ate her oga’s lunch by mistake. If she now puts full-stop in the message? You’re in soup.
Post her finest pictures
She’s not talking to you but wants you to talk to her. That’s when she’ll begin to post her finest pictures on all social media platforms to make you thirsty and slide in her DMs. That way, she can properly ignore you.
You ask her, “What do you want to eat?” She says, “Nothing, I’m not hungry.” Ah you’ve entered serious wahala o. The only time a woman says no to food is when it has spoilt or she suspects poison. I don’t know how you want to get out of this one.
She does nothing
You know you’ve done something wrong. She knows you’ve done something wrong. Yet she’s acting like nothing happened. Just carry your load and run because she’s consulting with the WhatsApp group on the best way to deal with you.
She puts a full stop after every word
All of a sudden, she remembers grammar and punctuation. Any small thing, “I don’t know.” “Okay.” “Tired.”
She turns her body away from you
Whether in bed, in a car, on a couch etc. The moment she turns her body 90 degrees away from you, she’s showing you she’s visibly upset and wants you to tell her sorry.
You’ll start seeing tweets like “Nobody is ever too busy for you. If they cared, they’d find the time.” Better carry your phone and call her. That tweet is for you.
She’ll hiss as if something is stuck in their teeth
’
You’ll hear her kissing her teeth every five minutes — and she may add a disgusted look at you for extra effect. That’s how you know you fucked up.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.
This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 36-year-old Nigerian woman. She talks about learning to save while jumping molue as a teenager, her experiences with sugar daddies and her rocky path to financial independence.
What makes you happy right now?
That at this point in my life, I’m financially independent. I have a steady paycheck and savings, and I don’t rely on anybody for anything. Although, as a baby girl, I won’t tell you no if you say you want to take care of me. But for myself, I’m financially independent as long as the naira doesn’t become extinct.
Asking for a friend. How does one achieve financial independence?
I became financially independent sometime in 2021, and I didn’t have a job then. I was doing a lot of side gigs — writing, planning events. But I’ve worked since the holiday between my secondary school graduation and university, so it’s taken a while, a lot of denying myself, to build a savings account I’m proud of. Then I invest the savings in things that would bring me returns on a monthly and yearly basis. I developed the habit of saving at a young age.
Ah, you’re one of God’s favourites
LOL. Oh God, I was so razz when I was young. My father would’ve killed me if he knew, but in secondary school, my parents would give me transport money, and I’d use it to jump molue. I had this friend I used to come back home from school with, and I would lap her on the bus every day. A seat cost ₦50, so I’d pay today, and she’d pay tomorrow.
I just loved jumping molue like my version of an extreme sport, instead of the smaller buses that moved like snails, which my father believed were safer. Safe was boring, and I couldn’t save my money on those buses. There was this particular conductor. When he saw us coming in our uniform, he would tell us to go straight to the back. And sometimes, he wouldn’t even collect money from us. I started saving all those extra ₦50s.
I have absolutely no idea how I knew to do this instinctively. I guess I’ve always loved money, LOL. I didn’t know it then, but it helped me develop a culture of saving over time. And as my earnings increased, I increased how much I saved.
What do you spend any of the saved money on?
Well, I used those ₦50s to buy things my parents otherwise wouldn’t buy for me. Don’t ask me what. But now, it’s just investments. I don’t like to spend on things, so I mostly save to invest or travel.
Tell us about your career journey
It’s been rocky. But in my current position as executive assistant to the CEO of a media company, I’m hoping to find fulfilment financially, mentally and career-wise. I have a rule to only stay at a workplace for two years, so I’ve worked in a lot of places in the last 11 years. I’ve worked in e-commerce, logistics, tech, media and hospitality. I want to have a rounded experience in different industries.
Sounds like you want to build a conglomerate soon
That sounds amazing, to have a conglomerate of my own!
I’ve always been curious, which is probably why my spirit animal is a cat. No matter the industry I find myself in, I want to know what the different departments are doing and learn about the company as a whole. I plan to take everything I’ve studied from every industry and start a consulting firm.
My dream is for companies to pay me to travel to different countries. I’ll write stuff about things like hotels and places to visit.
Scratch that; my real dream is to voice the lead villain character in a Walt Disney or Pixar animation — doing voice-overs is one of my side gigs. If I do that, I can die happy.
OMG, same. What does being financially independent look like right now?
I can feed myself, pay for my transportation to anywhere I want to go — not molues anymore but private cabs — cover most bills and take care of my mother. I took a trip to Rwanda last year, which I paid for myself; I’m already planning to visit Morocco and South Africa next year. To be able to pay my bills and do my own thing whenever and however I want is so satisfying.
Now, I’m saving to invest in a building I can use for something like an Airbnb. Real estate companies propose investing with them to develop a residential property and rent it out. Then you get a return monthly or biannually. That’s my goal for next year.
What was life like before this?
There’ve been times when I didn’t have a job, and my livelihood depended on other people’s kindness. I had to ask for every little thing I wanted. Those periods were traumatic for me, and I’ve buried them very deep in my subconscious, so I don’t remember. I never want to be in that situation again, which is why some people call me a workaholic today. I have a nine-to-five and still have side gigs. You know the Will Smith movie, In Pursuit of Happyness. I don’t just want happiness, I want wealth too.
Who were you dependent on, your family or significant others?
Actually, both. You should be able to ask family for things, but if I have to ask you for money, then are we really family? I know things are difficult, and the economy isn’t what it used to be when elder brothers and sisters would randomly send you money. But still, if I have to ask, it means you don’t check up on me normally, so you don’t really care about my welfare.
If anyone wants to take care of me, I would gladly allow them as long as we aren’t dependent on each other. It’s nice to be asked what you want to eat: “I’m going to this place. Would you like to follow me?” “Where are you going on vacation? Let me buy your ticket,” or “I’ll send you a blank check. Write a number and do what you want”. Those kinds of things are nice even when I’m earning my own money; it’s nice to be taken care of.
Sounds like you’re describing a sugar daddy
Yes. Even if I get to have some fun with a sugar daddy who has sense and is willing to financially, sexually and mentally support me, I still want to have my own vex money. So there’ll never be a time he’ll say, “I made you”. You didn’t make me in any way. You just spent on me, and in exchange, I gave you company, good sex and other things.
If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why
Have you ever had a sugar daddy?
I have a few times. I wish I had one right now — not even one, like three. But I haven’t had a sugar daddy in about seven or eight years. TBH, they bored me easily, especially when they start talking about their wife and kids. I was with my last one for like two years. I ate him well, but I got tired.
If you’re going to be a sugar daddy, at least, know how to play the game. My business is enjoyment. My job is to eat your money and have great sex with you. Why are you telling me about your family? After two years, I did what we now call “ghosting”. I ghosted him completely.
What’s it like having one?
In my experience, older men like younger women because they believe we’re sexually more creative. When many of them got married, they didn’t have access to information on different sexual positions, aphrodisiacs and toys as readily as we do now.
The advantage of dating a much older man is they tend to pet and dote on you and give you whatever you want. It’s the poor ones who package, and then, give excuses that business is bad or they just paid school fees. Like, what the fuck do I care?
Ah
Sometimes, I’d feel guilty using someone’s husband to do acrobatics in the bedroom. But it’s not my fault their husband decided to look elsewhere. If a rich man comes my way, I won’t say no. Imagine him giving me foreign currency, with our naira that’s depreciated so bad. Of course, I’ll play the game well.
The con is they think they know everything. You tell them something, and they’ll be like, “No, I’m older than you. I know better.” They wouldn’t be going around chasing young girls if they knew anything. There’s also always the distant fear of having acid thrown in your face.
But how did you find them?
I found a particular one at the bus stop on my way to my afternoon shift at work in 2013. He had this really sexy black car — I don’t remember the make, unfortunately. I’ve always loved cars, so I was admiring this one and wasn’t even looking at the driver. Then, he wound down, and I saw him sitting all laid back with only his left hand on the wheel.
He asked where I was going. We were heading in the same direction, pretty far away, so he offered me a ride. He was married with three kids and a businessman. He came to pick me up when I closed from work, and we went out for dinner. He took me to a local place where we had isi ewu in two wooden bowls, and that’s how it started. He would travel and bring me gifts from every trip.
I enjoyed that for like a year and a half until he did the one thing that goes against all the glucose guardian rules.
What did he do?
Somehow, his wife got my number. I was at work one evening when she called and just started raining abuses on me. I cut the call. She used her daughter’s phone to call back. I blocked both numbers and sent him a message: “It’s not that deep. How can you be so careless? Why is your wife calling me? Why is your daughter calling me?”
He called me apologising that he didn’t know how she got it or he left his phone somewhere. In my mind, I was like, what if she found out where I live? He kept calling and sending messages, even money, for about two weeks, but I was done. I had to block him.
Wow
That’s the story of how I met one of my sugar daddies. Nothing fantastic or romantic. I’ve actually noticed it’s when I stop looking that they start coming. If I decide I want to find a sugar daddy and put in the work, I never find. So I can’t really say there’s a technique.
There are places they claim you can find them, but that was before. They now have sense, and they know people are looking for them, coupled with the state of the economy. Before, they’d try to hide the fact that they’re married. Now, they’re bold, choosy and full of themselves. It’s so annoying.
I still want to live a baby girl life, but I’m fiercely independent. I have a low tolerance for unnecessary masculine behaviour like when they ask, “Who are you talking to? Who was that on the phone?” When they start talking about their family — I hate that one — or start giving excuses when I ask for money. I’m like, “Hello. Why are you a glucose guardian if you can’t give glucose?”
What’s your relationship life been like beyond that?
My relationship life has been almost non-existent. I can’t remember the last time I was in one, to be honest. I’ve had more flings in the past seven years than relationships. I don’t know what that says about me, but I’m fine.
You know, I’m not cursed or anything. I just don’t know why it’s like that. I try not to allow it to disturb me because, as I said, I’m all about my pursuit of wealth. I’m just trying to have a career, make money and be happy. If my happiness would involve a man, fine. If it doesn’t, I just want to be happy.
For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here
When it comes to starting a conversation with a Nigerian woman, there are some questions they’re asked so many times, they just want people to keep asking them. So, ask, but whatever you see afterwards is the repercussion of your actions.
When will you get married?
Because marriage is all a woman thinks about, asking this question will cause her so much joy, her hands might just connect with your face in celebration.
Should you be eating that?
You want to quiz the owner of the body about what she puts in it? She might eat you just to prove a point that she can eat whatever she wants.
Whose pussy is this?
Definitely not yours, but ask anyways. Maybe you need to be humbled.
There’s nothing a woman loves more than when she puts so much time and energy into her appearance just for a man to ask her this question. It’ll elicit so much emotion from her, she might stone you with her shoe as a show of care. Don’t forget to duck!
What would your man think?
It’s very important for a woman to know that whatever she’s doing is for the approval of the man in her life. So, whenever you see a woman living her life unapologetically, don’t forget to ask her what her man would think of it. She just might kill you.
Women adore being pocket-watched, especially while doing retail therapy. It’s the sexiest thing ever. In fact, if you’re asking a woman how much she’s saved, don’t forget to tell her how much you’ve saved too. Just in case she feels like robbing you.
Don’t you think you have too many wigs?
Yes, because women love being told they can’t have more of something they really like. Ask the question, and she just might use whatever hair is left on your head for her next wig.
The hardest part of attending a Halloween party with your girls is figuring out what costumes to wear. Well, look no further, because no matter the size of the friend group, we have a costume for each member.
The three witches from My Village People
For the girlies who are constantly called witches.
Glamour Girls poster
What’s better than one bad bitch? Multiple. Go as the women of Glamour Girls this Halloween, and prove to your enemies that the holiday won’t stop you from being glamorous.
Beyoncé and Rihanna
The most iconic Nollywood duo of all time. If you and your bestie aren’t going as Beyoncé and Rihanna, who are you going as?
The sisters from Sugar Rush
This is for the baddies on a budget. The outfits are easy to find and you can print fake money to recreate this scene.
Somebody’s Son may not have found you, but that doesn’t mean you can’t dress as these icons for Halloween.
Niniola and Teni
If you like to dress in more masculine clothes and think you can’t match with your more feminine bestie, we have an answer to your prayers. One of you can dress like Teni and the other like Niniola.
The Otedola Sisters
All we ask is whoever dresses as Cuppy should help us recreate her iconic birthday party look.
Tiannah styling’s best red carpet looks
One thing Tiannah will do is have a vast array of looks to choose from for Halloween. You and your girls can try your hands at recreating her most iconic looks. Sorry to your wallet though.
Ever since her time in the Big Brother house, Erica has served. However, her memes might be more iconic than her red carpet looks. They’re also cheaper to recreate.
Gala and La Casera
Mention better besties than Gala and La Casera? We’ll wait.
Real Housewives of Lagos
Is there a more fabulous Nigerian reality TV show cast? Of course not. You and your girls can recreate their iconic poster looks to really show us what you’re made of.
Kelly Rolland and Arya Starr from the Bloody Samaritan Remix video
If you want a halloween costume that’ll allow you to have fun with your hair, this is the one for you.
No woman enjoys going through the stress of menstrual cramps, hormonal changes during ovulation and period care. This is why you’d expect menopause, the phase when monthly menstrual flow ceases, to be more stress-free, right?
Speaking to Edith, a 54-year-old on the topic, she says she was terrified about menopause because she’d heard stories of women who suffered excessive bleeding just before their period stopped. “I don’t know why or how, but someone told me it was better to take out my womb before I got to menopause because it could lead to cervical cancer”, she adds.
While different people experience different changes, research shows menopause does not cause cancer. Rather, the treatment of cancer involving a hysterectomy (removal of ovaries) can trigger menopause. So when you deep it, it’s the complete opposite of what Edith heard. She later figured out as she approached her 40s that it was all a lie.
You can’t expect your body to react to menopause the same way as someone else’s. So even if nothing else happens, just know your period will be playing hide and seek with you. After two months without your period, it could just show up the next month. “When my period started to come one month then disappear for two, I knew menopause was close”, Edith says. “It continued on and off for about six months before my period eventually stopped coming”. She was 45 years old at the time, and the only other symptoms she could identify were breakouts and cold chills in her feet. It’s like having your feet in Canada, but your body stuck in Nigeria. She started wearing socks to bed but didn’t attribute it to menopause until someone mentioned it in a group conversation with friends.
Some people may refer to Edith as one of God’s favourites because the symptoms usually range from mood swings to excessive sweating and weight gain. Beth, another 54-year-old, experienced all these. But she says the one thing she couldn’t stand was the heat. Can you imagine adding extra heat to the one we’re already suffering in Nigeria? It was like nothing she’d experienced before. It didn’t matter if she decided to take 100 showers, she’d still end up sweating ten minutes after.
She had to change to lighter cotton clothes, take lots of showers and never leave the house without a hand fan and face towel in her bag. She’d even started to worry it might be a spiritual attack until her nurse friend assured her it was only menopause. Older women seemed to just know by seeing her frantically fan herself. Trust Nigerians to tell you things like, “This sweat you dey sweat, menopause dun dey do you, abi?” or “You get luck say na only sweat you dey sweat. Some people dey sick”.
Some of the symptoms may follow into the post-menopause phase. Omo, we refuse to believe all this is because one woman ate a fruit she wasn’t supposed to. Because a year after the menstrual cycle ends, the average woman may still experience excessive body heat or cold feet, only milder.
While these physical changes are happening, and you’re hit with unexplainable fatigue, you need something to boost your energy levels and mood. This is why women are encouraged to take multivitamins. Not only did Beth resort to that, she became a believer in its effectiveness, spreading the gospel to women who come to her for help in dealing with menopause. While Edith says it’s very important to include fruits, vegetables and more natural spices like turmeric, ginger and garlic in your diet.
With menopause, like everything else in life, the hack is to find what works for you and stick with it. “Menopause can be stressful, but at least I’m free from buying pads. And considering how much they cost now, everyone should look forward to menopause”, Beth says, laughing.
*This interview has been edited for structure and clarity.
Women tend to go to the bathroom in groups, but the main question is why? The girls who get it obviously get it, but if you’re reading this, you probably don’t. Don’t worry, we have your back. Here are the eight reasons why women go to the bathroom in groups.
Come up with weird questions to ask their partners
Where do people think all the “Will you love me if I turned into Olumo rock?” questions come from? Women gather in bathrooms to figure out new ways to stress the people they’re dating.
Radicalise themselves against ironing
Starting a movement happens in places you least expect, and that’s why women follow each other to the bathrooms. They remind themselves that although their clothes are rumpled, they’re beautiful.
Plan a girls’ trip that won’t leave the bathroom
As women gather together in the bathroom, they remind themselves how much they enjoy spending time with each other, and then, they plan a girls’ trip. Unfortunately, it never leaves the bathroom. It might extend to a group chat, but it ends there.
According to the Zikoko Bureau of Statistics, investigative journalism was invented in the year 1307 after the first set of women gathered together in a bathroom. They gathered receipts, and now, it’s become a thing women have done for generations. In the bathroom, they plot, plan and start putting 2 and 2 together.
Planning the next “I think it’s just funny how” text
After they sit to gather receipts, they redistribute their anger and start drafting all their “I think it’s just funny how” messages. They do it in the bathroom with other women who’ll ginger their typing and remind them of all the offences the person has committed.
Sectional women’s meeting
Announcing a general women’s meeting will be met with a lot of resistance. That’s why women go to the bathroom in groups, to debrief, share minutes of the meeting and send their struggles to headquarters.
Countries have the United Nations, and women have the bathroom. It’s like a big physical group chat. In there, all issues are addressed. There’s a secret part of the bathroom that leads to a courtroom where women can solve all their problems freely and fairly.
Witchcraft
Women are summoning principalities and powers in the bathroom. Everyone knows friends who witch together, stay together.
You and the girls have been planning that group trip for almost three years, and it still hasn’t gone beyond the group chat. Do the things I’ve mentioned below, and I promise, you girls will be on the next flight to your dream destination by the end of the week.
Fast and pray
Forces are clearly against you, and that’s why this trip hasn’t happened. To make it happen, you must invoke spiritual powers bigger than you. Everyone needs to come together and ask for the spirit of execution.
Buy flight tickets
Start planning your girls’ trip by deciding on a destination, picking a travel date, and then paying for the flight. By the time everyone buys flight tickets, there’s no turning back.
Go out and enter the traffic
When traffic shows you people small pepper, you’ll remember that there’s an option to be chilling in the Maldives.
African parents are the only people in this world who can get you to do things you don’t want or don’t need to do. Just look at how they forced us to do house chores as kids. Let them use that energy to force you to go on the trip. If each girl gets their parents involved, all of you will be sipping coconut juice on a Jamaican beach by weekend.
Open Instagram
You and your girls need a little bit of oppression from the Instagram babes travelling everywhere and living their best lives. Maybe just then, you people will sit up. Don’t you want to post your own reel of you and the girls partying on a yacht in Mauritius?
Forget about the girls’ trip and make it a solo trip instead. My mother will tell you that you should stop allowing people to hold your destiny. It’s not that deep, but you get what she means. Also, your friends may take it seriously when they see one person living their dreams.
Become friends with travel influencers
Travel influencers are always ready to travel because that’s literally where their money comes from. They won’t spend too much time planning because they’re excited to start creating content as soon as possible.
As a Nigerian babe with a forehead that looks like it’s my brain’s headquarters, this article was necessary. Because I’m tired of running away from ponytails just because I fear my forehead will steal all the attention.
So, fellow forehead geng, I gat you. These are the best ponytail styles to rock.
Good ol’ bangs
Yes, I know. We’ve been there, done that and have the receipts. But bangs are just like your first ex. You’re tired of them, but you still find yourself going back. It’s worth it because it completely covers the forehead, if that’s what you’re going for.
Image source: Beahairs
The side swoop
For when you want to show off your exotic forehead, but also don’t want it to steal all the attention.
Image source: Honey bramble
Messy updo
The idea is to do styles that work for your face, not completely hide your gorgeous forehead. And this style just works — you get to stylishly draw attention away from your head, and get a cute style too.
If you still haven’t gotten the memo, serving lewks is the second most important thing at a Nigerian party — second only to party jollof, of course.
For the ladies that get it, stunting on this Tems’ internet is a full-time job, and you have to come correct every time because really, what’s the point of dressing up if you don’t get the desired reaction?
Credit: sammiesupreme
This list will prove that you absolutely need to jump on the sequins (or sequence, if you’re from Ibadan) lace train:
For when you want to make a statement
You can never go wrong with sequins if you’re going for not-so-understated elegance. You’ll be giving rich aunty vibes without even trying.
I believe we can all agree that Nigerian women are amazing. Feel free to fight your keyboard if you don’t agree. When they aren’t doing awesome things like protesting for change or calling guys “big head”, they also know how to have fun.
Here’s a list of things Nigerian women do to chop the lives of their heads:
Brunch dates with the girls
Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without featuring creamy pasta, bottomless mimosas and overpriced desserts.
Indulging in self-care
After a long week of battling capitalism and our patriarchal society, enjoying alone time while doing self-care stuff like wash day, exfoliation and generally kick back and relax.
Increasing wickedness
Since y’all won’t let the “Nigerian women are wicked” trope rest, it’s only fitting that they become even wickeder. To whom much is given, you know the rest.
Drinking male tears
The male gender will always find one thing to cry out about — whether it’s for eating four eggs or expecting you to order meat pie and water. And what do the gals do? They drink and enjoy the tears.
Going shopping
Not because they really need it, but because they absolutely can.
It’s possible that when you think about breadwinners in the home, your mind automatically goes to the man. Regardless of what society expects, this isn’t always the case in every family.
We spoke to six Nigerian women about being major financial providers in their families, and here’s what they had to say:
“We don’t talk about it”
— Joke*, 36
I’ve been married for four years, and my husband has only officially worked for one year since we got together. He lost his job due to some kind of office politics, and now, he just does some online freelancing to make money.
I cover all the bills — including rent and our children’s school fees — from my ₦100k salary. It’s challenging, and I must have taken loans from every co-operative at my job. At this point, we don’t even talk about me having to take care of everything anymore; it’s just expected. I can’t say anything so as not to seem disrespectful.
“My mum expects me to send money home”
— Gina*, 20
I’m a student at one of the federal polytechnics, and I also make hair for my fellow students to get some money. My mum is a single mother of two, and she sells sweets to fend for us.
I understand how tough things are at home, and I send what I can, especially to support my little sister who’s still in secondary school, but it gets frustrating that my mum expects so much from me. I once asked her where she thought I got money from and she didn’t say anything.
I hustle daily to support my family and pay for school, but I hope I don’t get pushed into doing what I’m not supposed to do.
I earn 70% more than my husband does. So naturally, I take on more responsibilities at home. That isn’t an issue in itself, but the pressure from our extended family is out of this world.
My husband is generous, and our extended family takes advantage of this. It has gotten so bad that they now feel entitled, and if he doesn’t send money, they say his wife doesn’t want him to help them. Now I find myself spending most of my salary just to satisfy family demands — while they think it’s coming from my husband. People think we’re rich, in reality, we have to stretch out my husband’s small salary to afford rent and other utilities.
“It’s tiring”
— Lizzy*, 33
My husband is out of the country, and I’ve been the only one catering to the children — well, except for the yearly rent that he sends.
He’s been away for three years now, and I still wonder if it’s that difficult to send something to assist in feeding and school fees at least once in a while. His family also doesn’t care to know how we live. But if I dare ask him for money, his mother will know and send one of his siblings to harass me.
I like to console myself by assuming I’m a single mother so I don’t feel too disappointed.
I know how hard my parents worked to ensure my siblings and I didn’t lack anything while we were growing up.
Now that I have a job and they’re both retired, I’m only too happy to take on our financial needs, especially with three of my siblings still in school. It’s tough because I don’t earn so much, and I don’t have a glucose guardian, but I try my best.
It means I can’t just spend on enjoyment sturvs for myself or randomly go out with friends, but it’s a sacrifice I’m happy to make. My parents did more for us.
“We’re a unit”
— Hadiza*, 31
My husband resigned from work in 2021 to further his studies in another state. I’ve had to shoulder all the home expenses and even assist with his school expenses.
I don’t have a problem with it because this is something that we already talked about and agreed on together. But it’s difficult because we have three children. Anyway, the fact that this should be temporary helps make it easier.
*All names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.This is Zikoko’s What She Said.
This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 29-year-old Nigerian woman who got married, had her first child and relocated to the UK in quick succession. She tells us about juggling school, work and motherhood, and just how hellish it could be to stop breastfeeding your baby.
Tell me about leaving Naija
All my life, I’ve wanted to do my master’s right after BSc. and launch my professional career on a high. But a lot of things happened — like, my dad passed right before my final year — so once I graduated in 2015, I kinda just said, “This will be the final bus stop, joh. I’m tired.”
What changed?
Well, they say marriage comes with its blessings, and I can attest to that. Because right after I got married, the resources to pursue a master’s came through from both families. It felt like a dream come true, everything working together at once.
And I married someone I’ve known for 15 years. We went to the same secondary school, so we’ve known each other and kept in touch for that long. We dated for three years after my NYSC in 2016 and married during COVID in 2020. It’s been an amazing experience so far. I don’t want to sound cliché, but marrying your friend, it’s like we’re not even married, we’re just living together. There’s no routine, no rules.
Must be nice
Very nice. But for every next level, there’s a new devil; there are challenges that come with it.
Hmm… Let’s hear it
Hands down, the craziest time of my life was giving birth to my first child in 2021, but more precisely, getting her off breast milk after moving to the UK. I’ve never come across people, even parents, who talk about how hard it is to stop breastfeeding. And I don’t get it because… it’s crazy. Like, it’s the craziest thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life.
Oh wow. Let’s get into it a little bit. What made it crazy?
No one warned me about it. No one even tells you it’s something to prepare your mind for, at least, not in Nigeria. I’ve seen other people go through it, but I guess you don’t know what it’s like until you experience it yourself.
Please, tell me about your breastfeeding experience
So first off, I relocated with my husband and new baby to study in the UK this February [2022]. She was about ten months old at the time. I was juggling her with school until I got a job as a caretaker at a nursing home and started juggling all three.
Most weekdays, I attend classes from 8 a.m. to 2 p.m., go for my evening work shifts then back home to take over babysitting duties from my husband, who works nights. Some nights, we have virtual group meetings for school, and I’m that student who has her baby in her arms, petting and begging her not to cry while trying her hardest to participate. I’m even a group leader. I also work on weekends from 10 to 5 p.m.
When she turned 14 months in June, it made sense to get her off my milk completely.
Breastfeeding her was painful from the beginning. I didn’t start producing milk until six days after her birth. And two weeks later, I woke up to find my left nipple bleeding. My mum told me to let her continue sucking with the blood, or she won’t accept breast milk from that breast again. My doctor also said the milk ducts could clog up if I didn’t let her despite the pain. You can’t imagine how painful it was. Thank God it healed after a few days.
Thank God. I’m so sorry
It was a lot.
I started weaning her at six months. But by 14 months, she would still avoid solid food because she knew she had something to fall back on. Then there was the midnight thing. Once she woke up to breastfeed, I found it difficult to go back to sleep. I needed it to stop.
So what did you do?
The entire experience took about six days. But you see those six days? It was like hell on earth. My breasts were full and swollen. I couldn’t pump the milk out, she couldn’t suck, and it was painful. Besides the pain, there was the fever. Having to combine that with a master’s programme and work? Well, it was a lot.
And you had no idea any of this would happen?
Honestly, no.
I feel parents, mothers especially, should tell their children the breastfeeding phase is hard. But it’s not talked about at all. It was painful. I could barely touch my body during that period because even the smallest part of my skin, in fact, to pee and poop, hurt. They tell you it only lasts three days, but my breasts were still producing milk by the fifth day.
What about your antenatal checkups? Shouldn’t those have prepared you for the whole breastfeeding process?
I had a serious health condition during my pregnancy I don’t want to get into, but I couldn’t attend most of those sessions. I was practically bedridden. But even if they mentioned it during antenatal, I bet they don’t stress the pain enough.
How do babies react to being taken off breastmilk? How did your daughter take it?
That’s part of it… part of the pain. I couldn’t handle her tears. It was traumatic. Her dad had to hold her while I hid from her. She still hasn’t forgotten about the milk, tbh.
But now, I give her water whenever she reaches for my breasts. From what I’ve observed, she only asks when she’s thirsty.
Knowing what you know now, would you have opted not to breastfeed at all?
No, I would’ve still breastfed my baby. I see how it’s helped her, especially those first six months. She was extremely healthy; people would ask if I was sure I was only feeding her breast milk.
Besides that, it helped us bond. I can’t explain it, but there’s just this connection that’s lasted even beyond the weaning period. That first phase was like getting to know her properly. It was the only way we could communicate. I would definitely breastfeed my next child.
Fair enough. What are some things that made the experience better?
Like I said, her growth gave me so much satisfaction. Watching her gave me the validation that I’m doing something right. Secondly, my husband. He made things way easier for me than it would’ve been if I had to go through it alone. The support is unmatched, from the day he found out I was pregnant up until now. He’s a real blessing.
Love to see it! So how do you feel in the aftermath?
I feel like the old me again, thank God.
What’s something that keeps you going through this hectic period?
I still get As in my courses!
It gives me great joy that I’ve always wanted to do this — to be an academic with a bright career in the corporate world ahead of her — and it’s happening. Every time I remember this, it’s all just worth it.
If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why
We’re clear on the fact that women deserve enjoyment. But on the days their uterus decides to torture them, it needs to be top-notch. So we decided to ask the badass Gen Z and gorgeous gorgeous millennial girls what they need in a period care box. Here are nine items they agreed are a must for them.
Sanitary pads and tampons
Let’s not even get into how expensive it is to involuntarily bleed every month. So if you’ve not loaded the box with sanitary pads and/or tampons, then you obviously haven’t started.
Scented candles
There’s something about citrus or floral-scented candles burning to calm your nerves. But if you’re planning to surprise a woman who’s not into feminine scents, go for a sweet and spicy mix like vanilla and lemon, or more woody notes like cedar.
And if she’s not into strong smells, go with earthy scents because they’re mild.
Juice
There should be absolutely no soda in the box. Tiger nut juice with dates as a natural sweetener is something to try. But orange juice is the safest bet if you’re in doubt.
Hot water bottles are great, but heating pads can also be thrown into the fridge if she needs something cold. Either way, this is a must.
Tea
It’s hard to fall asleep when your uterus is trying to kill you. Chamomile or herbal tea helps with sleep and that’s one thing women need on their period, sleep.
Pain killers
We have to fight our bodies back because it’s not us that monthly cramps will kill. And you can never go wrong with panadol.
Always add in something sweet like chocolate or cookies and a savoury snack like pringles or nuts to balance things out. And if you’re feeling extra nice, add in a voucher for her favourite spot to binge eat.
Bath bombs/Gel
The first thing every woman dreams of after seven long days of bleeding is getting her vagina back. And her first stop to achieve that is a long-ass bath. So include something for a nice bubble bath, but since we’re in Nigeria, a nice shower gel may be better.
A spa day
There’s nothing like having someone massage your lower back and belly when you have cramps. And an all-expense-paid pamper day when you’re finally out of the trenches.
Everyone on the streets knows there’s no love there, only wickedness. And if you’re a young Nigerian guy struggling to make ends meet, Davido literally said, “Love is sweet but when money enters, love is sweeter.“
So how do you begin to find love when you don’t have the money?
“Women say they have a spec but their spec is money”
— Omo*, 25
Women lie. They say they have a spec but if you don’t have money, you could tick everything else off their list and they still won’t date you. Their spec is money.
I’ve been single for too long, and even though I can’t say lack of money is the only reason, it’s something. I’ve given up trying to find love, I’ll just want to focus on surviving this adulthood thing.
“If there’s no money involved, they start backing away from the conversation”
— Kola*, 36
In my experience, most women, irrespective of age, don’t even want to take the conversation forward the moment they feel like I have nothing financially beneficial to offer them. They’re always on the lookout for what they can stand to gain from me, and this is okay because relationships should be mutually beneficial, but tell me why they get offended when men ask them what they bring to the table?
Yes, it’s possible to find love without having money. But on a scale of one to ten, I’d say the chances are two.
“You don’t need a shit tonne of money, just a decent amount”
—Sola*, 29
I’ll agree that finding love without money is difficult, but I think for you to attempt to do so means you’re financially reckless. Everyone has their principle about love and relationships, but personally, I think you should have money before you propose to someone’s daughter. You don’t need a shit ton, just a decent amount would do.
With the way I would want my relationship to be when I finally get into one, it would need cash and that’s one of the reasons I’m not even looking for love right now.
“At first, they claim it’s not an issue but along the line, it becomes one”
— Efe*, 27
Money is an important ingredient — like seasoning, it’s not the only thing you need, but you can’t do without it. You could woo the lady, and successfully get her, but how do you maintain the relationship and provide for her needs?
I’ve had women who were interested in me claim money is not an issue, but along the line, the lack of money becomes the cause of many problems. Let’s be real, everyone wants money. It’s tough on the streets, and seeing all these doe-eyed couples makes me feel like shit, but I enjoy being on my own every other day.
“I don’t see myself wooing a woman with money because I have game”
— Myron*, 23
I started dating my current girlfriend when I was in University, and even with a few side jobs and allowance, my terrible money habits made it hard to save. She had her own money so I wasn’t obligated to do anything but I could afford food delivery to her hostel, a date, or a simple gift here and there.
Things are different now but I still don’t see myself trying to use my money to woo a woman, because I have game. If I had to imagine myself on the streets right now, I think I’d do more for someone I was interested in because I have the capacity, but not as a requirement.
They want you to fund a lifestyle they can’t afford
— Wole*, 21
The dating pool is really small for a young broke student because I can’t even afford proper dates or social hangouts that would help me meet potential love interests.
Nigerian women want you to have your place, have a car, pay for dates, and God forbid you refuse to help fund a lifestyle they can’t afford.
You need money for a relationship, not love
—John*, 32
Finding love is easy, it’s more about the things we can’t control than the things we can. Money becomes an important factor in retaining the love you’ve found.
It’s a major factor when it comes to choosing your partner to date or marry, not who you love. That’s why women can be in love with you but go ahead to date a man more financially buoyant. It doesn’t mean they don’t love you because you don’t have money, it just shows that we live in a third-world country where everyone is striving to make ends meet.
*All names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
We bring to you letters written by women to women they love, miss, cherish or just remember. To celebrate the support women continue to show each other, this is #ToHER.
From: The woman who can’t believe she found love
To:Ayo, her lover
Dear Ayo,
I’m writing this letter because beyond being my lover for the last nine months, you’ve also been my friend. So many times, you look over and catch me staring at you in disbelief. I still can’t believe my luck. Well, our luck, because I’m such a catch too. Ayo, I hope you read this feeling as lucky as I do sharing our connection.
It’s been nearly nine months since I dragged myself out to meet you for drinks. The full moon was in Scorpio. That meant something to me because Twitter astrologists talk about the potency of the moon to attract lovers. I don’t necessarily believe in these things, but I didn’t want to cancel our date for the third time. I didn’t want my anxiety to get in the way again. And I’m glad I didn’t miss out on finding my best friend.
People talk about falling in love the moment they see, but I fell in love with your voice, Ayo. The way we talked at the restaurant made me feel safe. Magic was born from hearing you speak. Your voice was warm and sweet. We very quickly became such good friends, I could have sworn I’d known you for years.
Being around you made me feel safe. You met me at a time when my polysexual ass was being kicked in my different relationships. But you stuck around and made me feel so loved. I couldn’t imagine not being more than friends with you, Ayo.
I’ve never spoken to anyone as softly as I have about you. My friends say that when I first met you, I spoke about you like air. I would rant about all my problems and end them with, “then Ayo showed up…” They could hear the peace in my voice every time. It was like I’d been holding my breath, but every time you show up, I can finally take a deep breath. I’ve never told you this, but you got me through the depression I was fighting inside. You saved me in so many ways.
We both tend to rush into things, wanting to hold back from complicating them, but Ayo, it’s been nine months, and I’ve felt at peace with my decisions because you make me feel so loved. I remember the days leading up to the first time we both said “I love you” aloud. It was perfect because we spent weeks trying not to move too fast.
My favourite part about living with you is our routines. They keep me sane because. I can’t remember what life was like before watching you cook for us after work, or planning cute dates together. I don’t know what it felt like listening to music without you or watching you wiggle every time we sit on the couch to eat. Those are the moments when I feel most alive.
Most of all, I love how you depend on me. The way you rush in for a hug whenever I’m home. You talk about your day like you’ve been waiting for the one person who truly cares about you, and it makes me feel like the most important person in the world. Ayo, I could go on and on about how my polysexual ass loves doing life with only you, but the hundred “I love yous” we share daily say it all.
My final words to you are a rendition of the love Shakespeare’s Romeo meant for Juliet: All the things I love about you, Ayo — the sweet words that I have the privilege to share with you — hopefully, it’s until my last breath.
Thank you for all the love you’ve brought into my life.
We bring to you letters written by women to women they love, miss, cherish or just remember. To celebrate the support women continue to show each other, this is #ToHER.
From: A woman finally learning self-love
To: Stephanie, herself
Dear Stephanie,
I’m writing this because I want you to know you deserve to feel beautiful every day. This year hasn’t been great for you. You’ve struggled with your identity and failed at friendships, family and school, and I know it’s been tough. The saddest part is that you’ve been on this spiral for quite some time.
But I want you to know that I’m proud of you. I know the self-doubt started in JSS 1 when the school dormitories were burnt down. You used to be been in Yellow House, but after the fire, no one could stay there everyone needed to move. And that’s how you ended up in Red House. You were always bullied, so you expected the worst from trying to fit in all over again, but the rejection from the Red House captain wasn’t something you’d planned for. And she wasn’t even bothered when you went back to complain. You couldn’t understand why you were suddenly unwanted; everyone just pushed you around until other seniors joined in to laugh. the bullying got worse over time and the self-hate started to set in.
By SS 2, nothing had changed so you thought something was wrong with you. ”I’m not as pretty as the other girls,” you thought. ”It’s because my face is covered with pimples” Or, ”Why don’t I have nice clothes like them?” You compared yourself to the other girls and wished they would like you.
I wish you trusted that you were enough.
The moments you allowed yourself to feel beautiful were quickly ruined. Like when that boy called you ugly because of your acne and scars in December last year [2021]. I wish you didn’t allow a silly boy to ruin the confidence you worked so hard to build again after high school. You were finally starting to love yourself again, Stephanie, so what happened? Now, you’ve spent every day since that snarky comment believing that the beauty you felt this year was in your head.
Self-love won’t happen overnight, but I want you to read this whenever you doubt that you’re enough and remember how you felt in this moment writing to yourself. Stephanie, your smile lights up a room anytime you walk in. The dimple on your left cheek makes it impossible not to stare. I love your entire head of hair when it’s messy and when your edges are laid. I love your fingers and how perfect your nails look. Since April, I’ve taken every day to admire every part of you, so please don’t let anyone ruin this journey.
You aren’t the girl you were in high school, and I forgive you for holding onto her for so long. I know you were sad, hurt and angry, but the past is the past. Stephanie, I love you for all that you are. Please be patient with yourself on this journey.
Between being funny, intelligent, beautiful, unique and God’s greatest gift to earth, there’s nothing women can’t do. At Zikoko, we carry women’s matters on our heads, which is why we’re planning a party for the girliesssss.
Women are hardly ever wrong, but let’s talk about the few times they might have been. And the reasons why that happened.
Bathing with scalding hot water
Going out and being in contact with sin will make you want to wash it off with the highest temperature of water you can find. Women don’t want to live in sin, we want to be rid of it, and the best way to do that is to burn it off our skins.
Spending our savings on enjoyment
If you guys live more than once, we women know we only live once, and there’s always something to be celebrated. The same way we saved the one we use for enjoyment is how we’ll save another one for a more serious purpose.
Rewarding ourselves after an inconvenience
To be honest, this isn’t wrong; it’s a necessity. Life is already hard, and adulting is dealing with us. A little reward after a long day, week, or month doesn’t hurt anyone.
There’s a slight chance this one is wrong sha because every woman needs some vex money. Thoughts and prayers hardly ever fail us. Nonetheless, don’t go out without a little extra cash.
Dating men
Dating men is reserved for God’s most patient soldiers. Whew. Love and light to the women who are dating Nigerian men, especially those living in Lagos.
Fitting our patience into our mini bags
Mini bags are the most befitting bags for a Nigerian woman’s patience. We’re managing the little patience we have, and we only take a little of it when we go out.
Ironing is the worst chore known to man, and we women want an easy, stress-free life. Trust me when I say the sun in Nigeria is hot enough to straighten our clothes when we wear them.
Saying we’re not hungry and then begging for our partner’s food
Making decisions is so tough, and women want it all. We also want to eat some of our partner’s food to ensure they don’t die alone if the food is poisoned.
Helping our partners keep their clothes
As you can see, we didn’t say “stealing”; we said “helping”. All women do is help you keep your clothes in a safer place, away from you and your wardrobe. You should be thanking your babe for being a forward thinker.
In case you missed it, Zikoko is bringing all the hot girls to the yard for a festival. We’ll dance, play games and shake our asses. Buy your tickets here.
It’s been a week since payday, and I’ve spent every day since then looking at my account balance, trying to figure out where my monthly reward for capitalism went. I have no idea what happened to it. And if you’re anything like me, you don’t remember what happened to yours either. If you’re being sincere, you’re definitely one of these seven babes when money hits your account.
1. The remote worker hopping cafes
Remote work is great until you realise that you’ve convinced yourself that you need a change of environment every other week to focus. The next thing you know, you’re clocking in 9-5 every day at yet another bougie cafe, buying a thimble of coffee for ₦6702. That’s an average of ₦180k by the end of the month on caffeine water alone.
Is that really the life you signed up for?
2. The gym babe who’s really deceiving herself, not us
You won’t let us see road on Snapchat with your “grass smoothies and avocado porridge for breakfast” posts. You have all the equipment and impractical gym wear for working out. Be honest, though. How many times have you actually worked out?
You’re spending your life savings buying stylish workout clothes and also have a gym membership that keeps getting automatically renewed every month. What’s going on, girl? Start off with a skipping rope, and work your way up to the gym, okay?
You’re the designated enjoyment minister and sugar mummy who is always down for a good time. You deserve the title of Pasta Queen because of the small fortune you spend on Lagos restaurant bolognese every month. Your mantra is “YOLO,” and you keep screaming it every chance you get, but deep down, you know it’ll end in tears.
4. Dora the explorer
You’re always on the move. Any small thing, you’ve posted, “Catch flights, not feelings.” This is where all your money goes. If there’s any small stress in life, we can’t even console you because you’ll already be on a plane to your next destination and there’s no network. Well done, ma.
5. The boss babe with a huge wardrobe
You’re the 9-5 babe with power suits in every colour. Kate Henshaw’s character in Blood Sisters has nothing on you when it comes to insane outfits. The number of bags in your wardrobe can probably fund someone’s election campaign. You never fail to be the hottest in a room, but you have to admit that you have a huge shopping problem. For the love of God, get help before you end up homeless.
You were Todrick Hall’s muse when he wrote his hit song, Wig. There’s no wig you don’t own, and I’m lowkey here for it. But also, are you possessed? How many bone-straight wigs can you own? Once money hits your account, you’ll start attacking Instagram wig vendors left and right.. Please, rest.
7. The aspiring chef
If you’re not baking, you’re experimenting with a new recipe you saw on Youtube. Your middle name should be “Plenty Spice” because tell me why you have Himalayan rock salt and oregano in your kitchen. Your dream is to host a revival of Maggi Family Menu. Sisi Yemmie no do pass you.
Hear Me Out is a weekly limited series in which Ifoghale and Ibukun share unsolicited opinions; some people think others are living, but everyone should hear.
As a woman, people tell you stuff you don’t care to hear, especially things you didn’t ask for. “Smile more”, “wear this”, and “this is how a woman is expected to be”. Unsolicited advice masked as concern isn’t only given to women in underdeveloped countries. In the countries we assume are advanced, women still suffer from hearing unsolicited advice that helps no one.
As a plus-size woman, one of the most annoying forms of policing I get is what every other person assumes I’m supposed to wear. “Won’t that outfit show your belly?”, “Don’t you think you should dress according to your body type?” and so many other questions that irritate me when I hear them. Is my belly an accessory I can leave at home? If the dress was made in my size and fits me, why do you think I’m not dressing according to my body type?
You assume the theories of what women should look like comes from the men till you meet women who spend all their time telling other women how to “woman better”, how femininity should be done in a way that pleases men. Like women don’t look in the mirror or know how to think for themselves, go to the salon for themselves, admire themselves when they go out, or women don’t like to feel and look good for their own confidence.
Beyond telling women how to look, women are also expected to get married at a certain age, dedicate their lives to caring for children or be forced to have children they don’t want. When women bring up wanting to get rid of children they don’t wish to have, people bat an eye and twist their lips to say the worst things about the woman and her decision. Women are expected to listen to what every other person thinks they should do and not what they want for themselves.
When women get battered, hurt or killed, we hear people ask questions we don’t expect to hear anymore. Questions like, “what was she wearing?” The onus is on women to protect ourselves, preserve our honours and always listen because it’s assumed everyone knows more about our realities than we who live our day-to-day lives through it.
Constantly telling women what you expect them to do and how you expect them to look and behave is very harmful. These ideas and ideologies are passed down generations, raising women who don’t know what to do if they’re not told. It breeds women who are used to living a version of themselves that was created by others, who aren’t confident in themselves and their abilities.
If the first thing that comes to mind when you see a woman is to tell her your thoughts on how she should be a better woman, maybe you should take a minute to check yourself. Check your projections, sit with yourself and ask why it’s so important to share your question or opinion. Put yourself in her shoes by giving yourself advice or sharing your opinion with yourself.
Of course, there are situations where you need to stand up to someone. Where you need to explain to them why you think their choices are harmful when you know they aren’t exactly seeing reason. That’s where emotional intelligence comes in. Helping a woman shouldn’t come with insults and degradation. It shouldn’t be wrapped and served the way harmful and insulting advice is.
The most important thing to do before speaking to a woman and sharing your thoughts on her appearance or action is to find an empty room and talk in it. Let your words echo back to you. If you need to police anyone, please, join the police force in whatever country you reside.
Men behave like women are the most complicated set of people globally. Meanwhile, all women want to do is enjoy their baby girl lives.
Here’s a list of entirely normal things women do that men think are weird:
Take a bath together.
Nothing strange going on here, just two women taking a bath.
Please, I ask, what is wrong with bathing with your fellow woman? What is in the body that we have not seen before? Some men would rather eat jeans than bathe with their fellow men.
Saying they are not hungry but beg for their partner’s food.
There’s love in sharing. Eating your partner’s food is a way to show how much you love them. If the food is poisoned, you’ll both die together and continue the love in the afterlife. Alexa, please play the greatest love of all by Whitney Houston.
Planning parties out of the blues.
Life is hard abeg. Women are not doing too much, just a little party with good music, friends, good food, and alcohol. It’s not women’s fault that all men do to unwind is sit in bars and take overpriced shots.
Take possession of their partner’s clothes.
This is another love language if we are keeping it a buck. We need those clothes to keep us warm and closer to our partners when they are not physically available.
Expecting their partners to read their minds
It’s 2021, and men still don’t know that relationships come with psychic abilities. It’s normal for a woman to expect you to read her mind. You don’t have to ask her what she wants. Read her mind and act accordingly.
Enjoy crime dramas and documentaries.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know how the minds of criminals work. We might be jotting down one or two key points, but it’s nothing too serious.
Remember events with precision.
We don’t know what men have on their minds that they do not remember small details like when, where, how, with whom, and the temperature of the day an event happened. Women remember everything- it’s not our fault that the creator made us that way.
The only thing we are allowed to forget is the sin of a man we are about to forgive.
Take up more space on the bed.
Men like to exaggerate and act like the whole bed was taken over. Meanwhile, it was just a little extra space. You men need to realise women need their space to dream big, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
It’s almost impossible to talk about the history of Nigerian music without mentioning names like Fela Anikulapo Kuti and Bongos Igwe. While these men, and many like them, inspired the world with different musically-led movements, the history books tend to forget or downplay equally important contributions made by female artists of that generation. To celebrate Women’s History Month and remind us of the badass women who paved the way for artists like Tiwa Savage, Simi, Ayra Starr, Tems, and Asa, we’ve decided to honour five female artists who changed the game.
1. The Lijadu Sisters
Once upon a time, Nigerians made psychedelic rock music — believe it or not — and at the forefront of this musical movement were twin sisters, Kehinde and Taiwo Lijadu, popularly known as The Lijadu Sisters. Raised in Ibadan, the twins popped up on the rock scene in the late 1960s with a fresh take on punk rock music that mixed elements of other Yoruba genres and instruments. Their album, Horizon Unlimited was a big hit that featured the song Orere Elejigbo, which was sampled by Ayra Starr in her song Sare.
Fun fact: The Lijadu sisters are also Fela’s cousins. There’s something in that family for real.
2. Evi Edna Ogholi
Way before Stormzy’s Birthday Girl and Drake’s Ratchet Happy Birthday became the soundtrack to our Instagram birthday posts, one woman reigned supreme in the birthday song department: the one and only Evi Edna Ogholi. Oh, the sweet memories. Edna Ogholi’s Happy Birthday is such an important part of the Nigerian birthday culture that back then, your birthday wasn’t complete until it came on.
But outside of this jam, Edna Ogholi had six other albums and was also famous for breaking out as a reggae artist in a time when the industry was dominated by men like Ras Kimono, Oritz Wiliki and Majek Fashek. Now that’s what we call iconic.
3. Nelly Uchendu
Popularly referred to as the “Lady with the Golden Voice”, Nelly Uchendu is responsible for the song, Love Nwantinti, a popular tune that has been passed down from generation to generation, Love Nwantinti. Singing alongside Mike Obianwu, Love Nwantiti was a smash hit in the 1970s and was followed by other songs like Late Night Husband, Mamausa and Nigeria Amaka
Fun fact: Nelly played Ikemefuna’s mother in the TV adaptation of Things Fall Apart and also played Tony’s mother in the original, but still as chaotic as hell, Nneka the Pretty Serpent.
4. Christy Essien – Igbokwe
Also known as “Nigeria’s Lady of Songs,” Christy Essien-Igbokwe is one of Nigeria’s most legendary singers — so legendary that she was honoured by Google. While she broke out in 1977 with her debut album Freedom, it was 1981’s Ever Liked My Person? that solidified her position as one of the most exciting artists of her time, thanks to songs like Seun Rere and Akwa Ibom Mmi. She was also the founder and first female president of the Performing Musicians Association of Nigeria (PMAN).
Is it weird that Seun Rere constantly reminds us of the traumatic novel, Mother’s Choice? Hmmmm.
5. Salawa Abeni
Before Ayra Starr and Rema became teen sensations, Queen Salawa Abeni was killing it as a 15-year-old singer thanks to her 1976 debut album, Late General Murtala Ramat Mohammed — the first album by a Yoruba-singing female Nigerian artist to sell over one million copies.
Shaking up the fuji scene and taking over its sub-genre Waka, Queen Salawa Abeni was officially crowned the Queen of Waka Music by the Alaafin of Oyo in 1992. Yes, queen! Still making music to this day, her influence can be found in artists like Simi and Teni the Entertainer.
Sexiness, like many things in life is quite subjective. What makes a woman “sexy” might not necessarily be what makes her feel sexy. So, we asked 10 Nigerian women aged 20-54 what makes them feel sexy.
When people can’t take their eyes off of me
I feel my sexiest when I know someone is consumed by my presence. I like knowing I have a specific effect on people. So, when they prove I have that effect on them by watching me, absorbing my presence, it makes me feel sexy as hell. As long as they don’t try talking to me. I went out recently and as I stood up to leave the restaurant, I felt eyes follow me. When we locked eyes, I winked and smiled. I felt extremely sexy.
Rita, 20
When I’m having sex
To me, there’s nothing sexier than actually having sex. All the lies and truths my partners utter fuel my already large ego. There’s something sexy about knowing you’re the reason a person is acting the way they are, or feeling the things they do. Causing people’s orgasms will always make me feel sexy, because in that moment I am in charge.
Titi, 20
Smoking
When I smoke, I feel like my body is fluid and I can do anything. Other than that, I don’t ever really feel sexy. Last year was the last time I had an “I feel sexy” moment. I adjust smoked when I walked by a mirror. I looked at myself and started dancing to non-existent music. I kept thinking to myself that I am very sexy.
Anita, 21
My body
I sometimes look at myself and feel turned on. I am sexiest when I am aware of my body. The last time I felt sexy was when I stood naked in front of my full length mirror and just examined myself. The light was low and I had music playing. I felt like god.
When I have cleared everything on my desk and I know I have absolutely nothing else to do, then I take a bath and use shower gel instead of a bar of soap. I just soak in all the bubbles and drink red wine while music is playing. Then, I wear something satiny and get into bed.
Ella, 28
Happiness
There’s nothing sexier than a woman who is full of joy. So whenever I am at my happiest, most joyful, I feel sexiest. When I got my Masters degree, got married, held my child for the first time, bought my first car, and get a chance to have brunch with my friends are times I have felt the sexiest and it was an amazing feeling.
Bimpe, 32
A great pair of heels
I feel sexy most of the time because I am naturally sexy, but wearing a great pair of heels makes me feel confident and well put together. You can’t channel sexy without confidence. Being well groomed and put together amplifies the sexy feelig.
When I am comfortable, I am in my element. I am the best version of myself possible, and I think you can only be sexy when you’re the best version of yourself. The best way for me to feel sexy is to just unlock a new level of comfort. Comfort in my skin, clothes, actions and anything else.
Martha, 38
Power is sexy
Anything that means I have complete power over a situation makes me feel sexy. It could be giving a presentation at work. The last time I felt sexy was when I gave a welcome back to work speech. People were hanging on to every word I said, and I felt extremely powerful. In that moment and at that time, I was the sexiest woman in the world.
Adaeze, 41
When my husband tells me I look good
When I wear nice clothes that compliment my curves, have on the right amount of make-up that flatters my look and my husband tells me I look gorgeous. That’s when I feel sexy. When all these things happen combined.
2021 was a very interesting year for all of us. Interesting in the sense that we were all still recovering from the effetcs of the lockdown in 2020 while also dealing with new coronavirus strains. We took a lot of hits as individuals and as a society, but here we are now.
The first What She Said story of 2021 was written on the 6th of January, 2021. Since then, we have told a variety of women’s stories. Ranging from their relationship with religion, death, family, and sex work. So, to wrap up your 2021, here are ten of the most-read What She Said stories of 2021. Enjoy!
Death has a way of giving us a new outlook on life. For the Uju Anya, the woman in this article, the death of her mother allowed for her to realise how short life is. It also taught her about happiness wherever she can. Read more here
Her death was one of the things that caused me to understand how short life was, that stress and heartache could cause chronic and ultimately fatal illness, and how important it was to find happiness and fulfilment while I was still here to enjoy it.
What is the difference between loving someone and liking them? How can you love your children and not like them? Is it possible to not like your children? A lot of people believe that women automatically like their children simply because they birthed them. However, this is not the same in this womam’s case. Read more here
I would spend hours staring at my child, expecting to become happy by just looking at her. Nothing happened. I faked happiness though. I faked the tears. Everyone around me was so excited; I just had to. And I couldn’t tell anyone.
Religion or a lack of is a major part of Nigerians’ lives. How then do you navigate a relationship with someone who does not have the same belief system as you do? Well, read here to find out what changed in the life of this 62-year-old woman.
My parents found out when they dropped by his house and he asked them why they were there. When they got back, they asked me, “Dupe, did it not take you some time to become a Christian? What makes you think he won’t?” And so we got married.
In this story, we are introduced to a 23-year-old Nigerian woman who was being blackmailed and stalked by her then boyfriend. She talks about how the police and lawyers had to get involved, and the role her aunt played in all of it. Read here.
I travelled for a bit. He found out where I travelled to and actually followed me to the state, but he didn’t know exactly where I was. He tried to reach out to me through his useless friends that were also cheating on their girlfriends and wives. I blocked all of them.
Getting broken up with must mean you are free to date again, right? Unfortunately, not for this 29-year-old woman in this story. After being cheated on and broken up with, she tried to move on, but her ex wasn’t letting her. From online harasssment to threatening to leak her nudes, this woman went through a lot in the hands of her ex-boyfriend turned stalker. Read more here.
The day I posted a picture of me and my new boyfriend online, I noticed that some random account on Twitter was favouriting all my photos. Not just the recently posted ones. The account went as far back as a year. I ignored it because I assumed it was all those random bots. Then I started getting DMs from another anonymous account who said that they had my nudes and would deal with me.
What’s the most important thing your life? How far will you go to protect it? For Koromone Koroye, the woman in this article, her relationship with God means the most to her, and she guards it with all of her heart. That’s why she kept trying to find a community that understands the importance of her relationship. Read more here
My experience there led me to do some research. As I read the Bible, my relationship with God grew. Nobody “led” me to Christ. I just found myself being like, “This makes sense and I think I learnt it wrong for a long time.”
“Ashawo”, “Prostitute”, “Whore”. These are some of the words used to describe women irrespective of what they do. For the woman in this story, flying around the world in first and business class is enough for her to be labelled an “ashawo”. Read more here to find out how she navigates it.
I never feel safe travelling alone because men have harassed me physically and verbally. They assume I’m a prostitute because I travel alone. At the airport, people call me ashewo.
The 18-year-old in this story is convinced her mother hates her. You might hate your mother too if she put pepper and hot water in your vagina and eyes when you were 11. Read more about her relationship with her mother here.
It was terrible. When the lockdown intensified, my mum made me stop eating at home because I wasn’t dropping money for food. So, I would wake up in the morning and go to my friend’s house next door. We would work out, cook and eat. She fed me for about three months. Then, my ex complained I spent too much time there, so I wasn’t allowed to go there anymore.
Have you ever considered having friends a full-time job? Do you think its possible to live a somewhat expensive lifestyle on your friends dime? Well, the woman here answers a few questions on what it is like having rich friends and how it’s basically her job. Read more about having rich friends as a job here.
Sometimes, I can get as much as ₦600,000 a month. It’s not constant but I’d say that I make more than two to three million naira every year just from having rich friends.
There are a lot of misconceptions about what it is like being a prostitute. From how much they earn to how they even get involved in the business. In this What-She-Said, the 23-year-old woman talks us through her life as a prostitute and how much she loves her job. Read here.
I’m aware that being a prostitute is not a sustainable idea. I’d no longer be as young or as flexible as I am now and would earn less and no longer be as sought after, so I’m going to milk it for as long as I can.
Have you ever wondered what women are up to when they’re just in their homes alone and nobody is watching? Well, here are eight of the things they get to do when they’re free from judging eyes.
When they are working on tables and there’s nobody to be a monitoring spirit, they plop their breasts on the table for extra support. Life is hard, and carrying breasts on your chest every day doesn’t make life any easier.
2) Wear the comfy and unattractive underwear
Not all the time laces and strings. When nobody’s around, they wear cotton underwear that probably has bleach stains and holes. It’s about comfort, not style.
3) Drink wine straight from the bottle
Glasses are for people trying to pretend they’re in a civilised society. When it’s just you and your house, the wine is straight from the bottle.
Vaginas can be very weird and funny, so sometimes sniff checks are necessary. It’s not because you’re dirty. Sometimes, you just want to know what is going on in the body system. So, the scratch and sniff is very useful. You might even be able to tell what time you are in your cycle by how you smell.
5) Use their breast as a heaters for their palms
When women are cold and in the comfort of their own space, they tend to be as comfortable as possible. Who has the strength in this economy to try to turn on heaters or wear gloves because your palms are cold? Especially when you’re already comfortable on the bed. Why not just use the heaters on your chest?
6) Pick nose
We all do it. So nobody even has to pretend. When nobody is watching, you can finally get rid of all those boogers that have been making you sneeze. Go ahead.
7) Wear THE Shirt
The shirt is the most comfortable piece of clothing a woman owns. It’s not just any shirt, it is THE shirt. They will wear it about six days out of the week, and it’s only worn in situations of maximum comfort. It might be an ex’s shirt or their dad’s, but nothing can separate a woman from THE shirt. It might have holes and stains, but it’s with them for life.
If they’re not wearing the shirt. they’re stripping to their birthday suit where their body can just breathe without the need to live up to societal standards of beauty. Just them, their fupa, stretch marks, and vibes.
Masturbation is the act of pleasuring yourself by stimulating your private parts. Like everything in life, masturbation should not be done excessively or done to a point of addiction.
There are a few advantages of masturbating, especially for women and here are a few of them.
1. It helps reduce anxiety.
Orgasms are a good way to reduce anxiety and that’s due to the oxytocin hormones released when you cum. It is also proven that orgasms help balance your blood pressure. Masturbating can help you reach orgasm faster than any man you know. Many men don’t even know where your clitoris is.
2. Helps you sleep a lot better.
Oxytocin and vasopressin are hormones released when you reach orgasms and they are both associated with sleep. You get to sleep a lot better when you masturbate. The issues bothering your life won’t follow you into your dream when your sleep is orgasm induced.
3. It helps you learn your pleasure point.
No one is a better teacher than you are to your body. Masturbating helps you know how you like to be touched and where you want to be touched. It also makes you love your body a lot more when you know how to satisfy her.
4. Gives you the best post-nut clarity.
Post nut clarity is a moment of sudden realization and some of that realization might include leaving the person who keeps leaving your messages on read. It’s a good way to realign your energy. The more intense the orgasm the more intense the clarity.
5. It helps you enjoy sex more.
Masturbating improves your sex life because you get to communicate the tips you learnt while pleasuring yourself to your sexual partner and you know where and how you want to be pleased.
6. Your fingers and sex toys won’t disappoint you.
Human beings can’t be trusted to help you achieve orgasm as much as your fingers or sex toys can. You are also not at the risk of being stood up by a person when all you need is yourself and a safe space.
If you are a woman reading this, here’s a sign that you need to be kinder to yourself. Life is too short to live in shame for things that do not even add money to your bank account.
Amen?
1. Stretch marks
That anxiousness you feel when it’s time to go to the pool or wear that sexy lingerie that’s been boxed up in your wardrobe… Because of stretch marks? Stretch marks are perfectly normal and do not diminish your beauty or worth as a woman.
2. Getting stained on your period
Going anywhere while on your period can be an anxiety-filled experience; the carefulness, unease and asking your friends “Am I stained?” But the real question is, why is there so much shame around being stained? In secondary school, boys would point it out and laugh when a girl got stained, adding to her embarrassment. That has to end abeg. You already have to deal with the pain and stress that comes with periods. Don’t add dying from mortification to the mix. Na stain you stain, you no kill pesin.
3. The smell of your vagina
This is the reason many women do not allow themselves the enjoy being eaten out during sex. You need to stop focusing on how you smell or what your partner thinks of you. In fact, fight anybody that says you need to smell like perfumes and roses. As long as you maintain proper hygiene and are free from an infection, own your unique scent, girl.
4. Having pubic hair
Deciding to go hairless or not down there, should be a personal choice. So, if the only reason you wax or shave is due to fear of not being “smooth as a marble” for your partner, then maybe it’s time for a wake-up call: having hair is normal, and nothing to be ashamed of.
5. Your breast shape and size
Do you ever feel like your breasts would look better if they were a different shape or size? Honey, that’s valid. But then breasts are not one size fits all, and there are other interesting facts about them. Don’t let online “packaging” make you keep your girls from seeing the light of day. Embrace and flaunt them unashamedly!
6. Rape
You’ll never know some people think in a smelly manner until they talk. Talmabout, “She wanted it”, “She seduced him with her dressing,” Rape is not a victim’s fault. If anything, it’s the rapist who should be ashamed. Women need to break the generational burden of wearing a cloak of shame over traumatic experiences like this.
7. Yeast infections
You’re bound to have yeast infections every once in a while due to a number of factors e.g an imbalance in your vaginal pH level. It doesn’t mean something is terribly wrong with you. Please do not be ashamed about talking to a doctor when you experience the symptoms of a yeast infection.
We’ve all been there before. You want to smell like a rich aunty, but you don’t have ₦150k to use to buy perfume. What to do? Fortunately, there are some women’s perfumes under 30k that will lowkey having you smell irresistible without costing you too much money. We had the help of Andy Adejoh, who runs Fragrasm which helps you find the best perfume options, in putting this useful list together.
Opulent Musk by Lattafa
You want to smell like Baccarat Rouge but you can’t afford to spend your entire salary on one perfume? Then Opulent Musk by Lattafa is your best bet. It’s dizzyingly similar to Barracat, for only ₦15k.
Afnan Modest Deux Pour Femme
Omo, there’s nothing modest about this fragrance, honestly. It’s sweet and makes you smell edible, with an inviting fragrance. It’ll set you back only about ₦27k.
Afnan 9pm
Although tagged as a male perfume, this fragrance gives a feminine aura. It’s the kind of gift you buy for your boyfriend but decide to keep it for yourself because of its sweet grapefruit tone, only costing you about ₦24k.
Zara Rose Gourmand
If you’re a girl who likes a mixture of rose and vanilla, this perfume will only cost you about ₦25k.
Vanille Bouquet by Fragrance World
This sweet and attractive perfume is one of Andy’s favourite women’s perfumes under 20k, he tells us. It’s a soft vanilla perfume for only ₦15k.
Hot Zone by Fragrance World
You want to smell like Armani Si but you don’t want to use your entire salary to buy perfume? Hot Zone is a clone of Si, for only ₦19k. Don’t say Zikoko hasn’t done anything to help you.
Oud Vanille by Franck Olivier
Another fragrance marketed as a men’s perfume (why do men get all the nice things?), Oud Vanille is a solid perfume mix of oud and vanilla in a bottle for 20k.
Aquolina Pink Sugar
As the name implies, it’s sweet and extremely strong so go gentle on the trigger. Andy has this listed for about ₦15k.
Cooking and food in general is an interesting topic. Some people find fulfilment in it, while others find it a source of tension. It is the latter group of people who have prompted this article.
You might be curious: are there women who do not find the process of putting a meal together day-after-day enjoyable? Yes, there are, and I spoke with 8 Nigerian women on why this rings true for them.
Amaka, 22
I dislike cooking and would rather not engage in it. Growing up, one of my biggest fears was that I wouldn’t be able to cook for my husband or children. My mum and man both cook for me, but that’s only because I trust them and they cook fire. If I was to have friends over they’d either have to eat before coming or I cook. Depending on my mood and how it turns out, they’ll eat it like that. If the people coming over are more than four, we might have to get a cook, because I can’t go through all that. It’s not that I can’t cook, I can when I have to. But if I can, I will avoid it entirely. Also, cooking shouldn’t have to be a gender role. I have this guy friend who didn’t know how to cook and his sister would always starve him when they fought. I had to teach him because it was getting out of hand. Some men just want to marry women who’ll cook fresh meals every day for them. Mai dia, the soup is at the bottom of the freezer, you know how to use the microwave. Biko, I don’t like stress.
Patricia, 29
I cooked actively from age 14 and I thought I liked it until I started living by myself. Now, I look forward to having an inhouse cook. On top of the million and one things I have to do work and business-wise, there’s kitchen duties waiting? I’d rather avoid that when I can.
Osas, 23
Cooking is a motherfucking scam. All that stress for how many minutes of eating? I’m always so worried I’d flop and the food will come out nasty. That’s one of my insecurities. Funny enough, I enjoy making moi moi. I don’t care about people’s expectations of me to cook for them because I’m a woman. My ex couldn’t cook, so I cooked while we were together, but he wasn’t super selective and helped out. However, he knew I don’t like cooking and would rather eat out. My present man is a good cook, he’s been cooking all the time we’ve been together. I only make the odd noodles now and then. We’ve not been together for so long though. So let’s see how long it’ll last. I’ve made it clear I can’t cook and would outsource if I could. I keep saying it so it won’t shock him when I refuse to cook. He was talking to his sis the other day, and she was asking if I could cook. I just laughed, it cannot be me! Whenever I start seeing someone new, I simply say, “I can’t cook, I like to eat out.” I’ve heard that I’m wasteful, but how does that affect anyone’s bank account besides mine?
Angel, 21
How does cooking for 2 hours just to eat in 10 minutes sound to you? Mind you, the dishes have to be washed after too! All for a few minutes of pleasure! By the way, the price of raw rice and cooking ingredients alone will buy me food for one week. One can even still cook, and the food might not be sweet again. Nope, I’m not up for that. I’ll pass. Although, cooking once in a while can be fun.
Samantha, 23
Cooking for me largely depends on my mood, and when I do cook I prefer doing it in bulk. For example, I could cook a pot of stew, soup and other stuff for the week, to avoid stressing over what to eat. So, while I don’t outrightly hate it, I do it out of necessity. I have friends who come alive when cooking, good for them. Everyone’s wired differently, I guess. What I can’t stand is how entitled Nigerians are, especially the men. I once called a couple of my guy friends out for always expecting me to cook whenever they came over to mine, or I theirs. If there were no women on earth, wouldn’t you figure out how to make a meal? It’s a freaking survival skill and I’m tired of people acting like it’s a gender-specific thing to do. Grow up, I’m not your mama.
Dera, 24
I do not like cooking; the smell, heat, cleaning up after. I don’t even wear the clothes I’m wearing to work in the kitchen. As a result, I eat out about 2 – 4 times a week, but I don’t eat a lot, so there’s that. I and my sister stay in the same estate, so she feeds me like 4 times a week and I pay her to arrange stew for me. We have a kind of arrangement – as long as I make pancake for her she will feed me.I don’t really do relationships, so I don’t know if my hatred for cooking might end up being an issue. But my mum has repeated it so many times that if I end up in a serious relationship, she’ll inform the persons family, “My child doesn’t like kitchen. If she doesn’t feed you, it’s not like she’s being wicked. It’s just not her thing.” (In Yoruba )
Uju, 23
I hate cooking sometimes, and other times I tolerate it. It is also one of the things I hate about being home during school breaks. My mum would just look at me and go, “What are we eating this night?” That question kills me everytime, because then I have to go to the kitchen and start cooking. She’s obviously not pleased with me about that. Lol. On the other hand, if I was to live by myself, I’d hardly ever cook. I’ve also realised that I don’t mind cooking for others, especially when I have guests over. It’s just something I catch myself doing naturally, but to cook for myself? Not so much. Lately though, I’ve been forced to cook a lot because the restaurants around here suck!
Titi, 20
I hate cooking and only tolerate it when I’m probably trying to impress someone I like. The thing is, I can cook, but if I have the opportunity to avoid it entirely, I’d definitely do that. I hate the stress that comes with it. Maybe because I was always forced to cook while growing up. My mum legit choked me with the “You’re a girl, and the first daughter. You have to know how to cook for your husband” narrative so much that I grew up to resent it. Now, I really don’t like getting my hands messy.
Women are very intentional about who they trust with their health and quite a number of women have talked about their different encounters with male and female gynaecologists. For this piece, we asked a few Nigerian women to share their experiences with male and female gynaecologists and here’s what they had to say:
Kim, 26
I have visited both male and female gynaecologists and the experience was the same with both of them. I felt comfortable enough to trust them with my body. There was no fear or judgement; both of them were kind and patiently answered all my questions.
Both visits weren’t in Nigeria. I visited the first gynaecologist in Ghana because I was experiencing irregularities with my period. A female gynaecologist attended to me on that visit to the hospital. The second visit to the gynaecologist was in Nigeria and I was attended to by a man. I was met with the same patience and kindness by both of them.
Sarah, 20
I was 12yrs old when I first visited a gynaecologist. I had menorrhagia and my mum was scared. My male gynaecologist was really nice and welcoming. I have been attended to by another male gynaecologist and he was also very nice. He also made me feel very comfortable.
I still look forward to being attended to by a female gynaecologist.
Racheal, 25
Personally, I had mostly good experiences with female doctors than I did with male doctors and I always picked female doctors over male doctors. A few years ago, I had to do a surgical abortion at a teaching hospital and chose a female gynaecologist for the procedure. She was mean to me, she insulted me and was really rough with me. I cried all through the procedure. The male gynaecologist in the room held my hand and was consoling me throughout the procedure.
She was to insert an anal antibiotic pill in my anus after the procedure, and it wasn’t a small pill. She kept shoving it forcefully into my anus without lube and tearing me up till I started to bleed from my anus. The pain was so intense I cried a lot. She continued to insult me, saying when I was enjoying the sex I didn’t cry. When she couldn’t get the pill in, she just threw it away and stormed off. A nurse helped put the pill in more gently. I couldn’t sit well on my butt for 3 days after that experience.
When I was 17yrs old, I found out I had appendicitis and had to go for an appendectomy. I was advised to see a gynaecologist before going in for the procedure. I was met by a male gynaecologist before proceeding with the appendectomy procedure. The visit was very uncomfortable. It was my first time seeing a male gynaecologist and having to take all my clothes off for the medical examination. Midway into the medical examination, another male gynaecologist walked in. The second gynaecologist was a student.
I was still barely dressed and on the bed when the first gynaecologist started to teach the second gynaecologist. I was obviously very uncomfortable with what was going on, but he still continued. I was hoping he was going to read my body language, but that unfortunately didn’t happen. I eventually voiced out my discomfort to him, he didn’t apologise, he even wanted more time with me to continue teaching his student.
A few years after that, I was diagnosed with PCOS and had to visit a gynaecologist again. This time, I was attended to by a female gynaecologist. She was warm and very kind. It was a far better experience than my first visit.
Kike, 18
Two of my friends got diagnosed with ovarian cysts and womb cancer within a short period of time and that prompted me to visit the gynaecologist. When I got to the gynaecologist’s office, he immediately told me to take off my clothes and underwear, lie on the bed and spread my legs. This made me very uncomfortable and the manner in which he said it was always not helping. His tone sounded very commanding and brusque. I had to lie to him that I was on my period and I was going to come back another day for the medical examination. I have not been back to his office since that day.
Tosin, 25
When I was 16yrs old, I had to go in for a pelvic ultrasound and it was done by a male gynaecologist. He was patient with me, however, he dismissed the other symptoms I complained about and reduced them to stress. A few years later, I had to visit another gynaecologist and I was diagnosed with PCOS. It was another male gynaecologist. He immediately told me to lose some weight and prescribed oral contraceptive pills. His approach also felt very dismissive. I opted for a second opinion and went to see a female gynaecologist. She was more patient, she recommended a different treatment and she shared her experience treating other women with PCOS. I felt a lot more comfortable with her and I have been hesitant to visit male gynaecologists after seeing her.
Bodies are different in a lot of ways, so not every woman has the same body type. In this article, we talk about seven of the most common female body types.
1) The Hourglass Body Type
This is one of the most coveted female body types. People with hourglass body types (or figure 8 as it’s commonly called) have chests and hips that are the same size — or at least have very similar sizes — while their hips are considerably smaller than the aforementioned body types.
2) The Pear Body Type
A simple characteristic of this female body type is having wider hips than the bust and shoulders. The hips are usually the most noticeable thing about this body type and your waist is fairly defined.
3) The Rectangular body type
One has a rectangular body type is when their hips, waist, and bust have similar measurements. Your shoulders and hips are about the same size lengthwise. This means that the body gives off a rectangular shape. Outfits with cinched waists tend to give more definition to this body type.
4) The Apple Body Type
A simple way to know if you have an apple body type is if you have an undefined waist and a bust that is larger than your hips. People with apple body types tend to wear clothes that take away attention from their bust and give the illusion of wider hips.
5) The Oval Body Type
Women with this body type don’t have large busts and full midsections. The hips are much narrower and their shoulders aren’t broad, unlike the apple body type.
6) Athletic body type
You have a narrower waist than your shoulder and hips, and your shoulder and hips are about the same size. Your waist, although narrow, isn’t particularly defined because you’re more muscular than curvy.
7) Diamond body type
Unlike the oval body type, the diamond body type has broader hips with a fuller midsection. They also have narrow busts and shoulders smaller than their hips.
Evil Nigerian women are like little devils, roaming around, looking for whom to devour. Thanks to Momsy’s prayers, you have managed not to fall into the grasp of evil Nigerian women. If you have, my condolences to you. May affliction not rise a second time. If it had already risen a second time, you need to check yourself. This is how to recognise and avoid a wicked Nigerian woman.
1. If she’s Igbo, Edo or Ondo, she’s a wicked Nigerian woman.
Even the devil is afraid of these women. If you don’t want to cry hot boiling tears (with catarrh for bonus), avoid them.
2. Avoid short women
Short women are close to the devil so they are usually the first to receive instruction from him. Avoid them before they carry out his instructions on you.
3. If she has a big forehead.
What do you think they store in that big headspace? It’s wickedness. My brother, run oh.
4. If she eats from your plate, she’s a wicked Nigerian woman.
If she really is a good person, would she really be eating your food from your plate? Does she really want you to be well-fed? If your woman eats from your plate, you know what that means. Wickedness.
5. If she steals your clothes
She might try to pretend that it’s all love, but she really wants you to end up naked. The Bible says “Flee from all appearances of evil.”
Tunde is paying for her Netflix. Itoro is paying for her Spotify. Charles is paying for her Amazon Prime. Ejiro is paying for her Disney Plus. Anita is paying for her Hulu but you think she’s your babe? You’re playing with fire.
7. If she bullies you
If she’s a bully, do I even need to tell you?
8. If she watches movies and shows on her phone
A woman that would rather watch movies on her phone than a TV or laptop? There’s something wrong somewhere. Sounds like the machinations of the devil.
9. If she stresses you
Anybody that stresses you wants to give you high blood pressure and end your life. Run from a wicked Nigerian woman today.
People are always asking what can actually fit into women’s mini bags. Since you wanted to know so bad, here are six things that can fit in those mini bags.
1) Patience
All the patience a Nigerian woman has can fit into one of those tiny bags. The bags get smaller if the women are shorter because short woman have no patience for you or anyone.
2) ATM card
Women are dedicated to spending money, and that’s why those women’s mini bags have space for just one card. Unfortunately, that card is not theirs.
If the bags are really really small, they can’t even fit a card. However, they can fit a banking token. Maye banks knew that the bags are getting smaller, so they created new devices that would enable women to spend other people’s money. Amazing.
4) Lipgloss
Lip gloss is how Nigerian women lubricate their lies. Whenever a Nigerian woman is talking to you and she applies lip gloss mid-conversation, she is about to tell some of the most believable lies of all time. That’s why women’s tiny bags are just the right size for a tube of lipgloss. Stay woke.
Women have to carry their wickedness with them in small doses, That is why those small bags are necessary. The rest of the wickedness is in one room in their house they never let you open when you come visiting.
6) Shame
Whenever they are going out for brunch, all their shame can fit into that tiny little bag. That is why after their third glass of red wine, they start tweeting recklessly.
How we start our day usually has a paramount effect on how the rest of our day goes. When you love a woman or want to move to a woman you like, it is important you send her beautiful messages to put her in the right mood. Here’s a list of helpful ways on how to put together a perfect good morning message:
1.Schedule a money transfer from your account to hers.
This is the best way to help your girl start her day. You don’t have to do so much- in this case, the burden of the morning text has been moved from you to the bank. A perfect morning message that you don’t have to stress yourself to put together.
2.Send her a food tray.
Not every message has to be verbal- actions speak louder than words sometimes. Ensure the tray is delivered with a note that says ‘’I love you, babe’’. The way to a woman’s heart is through her stomach or whatever it is that they say.
3.Have some of your hoodies delivered to her first thing in the morning.
The weather has changed and it is raining almost every day now, and you want her to stay warm throughout the day. Arrange for some of her favourite hoodies of yours to be delivered first thing in the morning before she’s up. This way, she won’t have to steal your clothes to make herself happy.
4.Create a playlist for her.
Create a playlist of all her favourite songs and some of yours too. Make sure the playlist conveys how much you love her and how your life would fall apart if she wasn’t in.
5.Clear her shopping cart.
Giving her one less thing to worry about is a perfect good morning message.
6.Buy her a plane ticket out of Nigeria.
Ensuring she wakes up in a new country is not only proof of love, but it is also the loudest and best message any lover can send. This proves that you don’t only love her, you also have her best interest at heart.
The story of the 10 Plagues of Egypt you read in the Bible was scary but it didn’t tell of all the plagues. There was one more it failed to mention. No, it’s not COVID-19. It’s women coming to your house and stealing your clothes. The reason why your money is running out is because you keep buying shirts women end up stealing. So here are 6 sure ways you can prevent women from stealing your clothes like the robbers that they are.
1. Lock your wardrobe when she comes around
If you want to keep the thieves out, you have to keep your possessions under lock and key. You get to keep your perfume safe too.
2. Don’t let her enter your room
If she can’t enter your room, she won’t see the clothes and perfume to steal. You can hire a bouncer to stay outside your door.
3. Don’t let her come to your house
Forget Netflix and Chill. Hang in places like Chicken Republic or in a quiet park somewhere. That way you get to know her. If you must Netflix and Chill, go to her house. You might even find something nice to steal for yourself and turn the tables on them.
4. Cuddle her when you sleep
Hold her tight while you sleep, not only because you’re fond of her but also to prevent her from sorting through your clothes while you sleep to find the one she wants to take. A word is enough.
5. Wear only trad
She can’t steal your trad. The only downside is that you become one of those men that wear trad to the beach. That’s bad.
6. Buy…interesting clothes
If your clothes will cause a Lagosian to look at you twice, don’t worry, she won’t touch it with a long pole. You get to keep all your clothes.
A lot of people want big breasts until they realize it comes with its own set of challenges. Here’s eight things women with big breasts hate hearing:
1. Slut shaming.
Whenever women with big breasts wear clothes that show cleavage, everybody becomes a morality police. It’s tiring.
2. “Your husband will enjoy o”
Women’s bodies do not exist for the entertainment and pleasure of men. Selah.
3. Random sexual comments.
From men of course. Either that or they keep looking at my breasts instead of at my face during conversations. My face is up dear, look up.
4. “There’s a place for all this”
How so, dear? Next time I’ll leave it at home. Why do people assume that women with big breasts have a hidden agenda?
5. ‘’Don’t you know you are very busty?”
No, dear, I don’t. People usually follow this question with “That top won’t fit you’’ or ‘’that dress won’t fit you” while suggesting an ill fitting, uglier option instead. Fix it, Jesus.
6. “Can you dash me some of your breast? I wish I had boobs too.”
Do you also want back pain, suffocating while lying on your back and not finding your perfect cup size? No? Thought so.
7. ‘’Sorry ma, we don’t have your size’’
Is it our fault that God gave us big breasts? It’s as if lingerie companies only make fine bras for small breasted women.
8. ‘’Your breast is not even that big’’
Oya now, it’s breast olympics time. Come and take it off my chest since it’s not that big.
This article shares stories of women who have experienced both sides of love and relationships and have chosen what makes them feel the happiest . These women share their stories of leaving heterosexual relationships to date women. Here are their stories:
Mimi
I always dated and was sexually active with both men and women at the same time. I never put a tag on it or thought I was a lesbian and I was suffering while dating men. The relationship was very abusive but I had put a time frame for marriage and I went on with the relationship.
I started seeing someone else as a way to escape the abuse as a power reclaim move, this new person was the first man I had ever been willingly sexual with.
Eventually, I realized I didn’t enjoy having sex with men. Luckily for me, I met his best friend, a babe. I felt an instant attraction to her. Being with her was the seal I needed to realize I only want to date women moving forward. I have enjoyed making that decision.
Dee
I was married for two years and he was narcissistic and abusive. Even then always knew I liked girls too and I had dated a girl while I was in university. I married my ex-husband because I thought he was a good Christian and we could build a good life together.
My marriage had been over for two years before I started dating again, the relationship I got into after leaving him was very toxic and triggering and made me go back to therapy. I am all fine now and in a new relationship, we are both growing and know what we want. She is the yin to my yang. I will rate it 9- the other one is because we are both stubborn.
Babek
I was seeing two guys at the same time, I would not call it dating but I referred to both of them as baby. The first one who I’ll call M repulsed me, I could never get myself to kiss him no matter what and the second guy also irritated me sometimes. I don’t remember the moment of awakening I experienced, I just started finding women attractive and knew I wanted that.
The first time I fell in love with a girl I knew I had lucked out, every minute I spent with her was the best part of my day but I was still seeing the guys. I was constantly verbally abused by M. He was constantly saying things to me that made me uncomfortable about my body, but I kept up with it for appearances.
The first proper relationship that I acknowledged was with a woman and it was perfect. I guess I realize the reason I was so averse to labelling whatever I had with those men was that I never wanted to actually date men. Those two men helped me know that dating men wasn’t for me.
Eniola
I have always been with men even when I found women insanely attractive, I never acted on it. I didn’t think I was ever going to like women or move to a woman and tell her how I felt even when I had stopped enjoying sex with men. One of the times I was seeing a guy, I told him I might be bi-curious and it must have been a fetish for him. He constantly brought it up and asked if I wanted to have threesomes. I honestly was not interested in it.
While still seeing him, I met a babe who I found really attractive. We went out a couple of time and I started to like her. Told her I liked her and she said she liked me too, it was my first time moving to a woman romantically. It has not worked out yet, but one thing I know for sure is that I am done with men, bi-curious or not.
The subject of this week’s What She Said is a 50-year-old woman who dated her ex-husband for 12 years and was married to him for 14 years. She talks about leaving him after years of being manipulated, the joy that comes from being a single woman again and life as a divorced Christian woman.
How did the relationship start?
I met my ex in 1988, in my first year in university. On one of our first few dates, he invited me over to listen to a Sade Adu record. I really like Sade Adu. So I went to a boy’s quarters he was staying at. When I got there, there was no proper bed. There was just a mattress on the floor. I had heard about the slaughterhouse where guys take girls to sleep with. As I sat on the bed, I saw condoms fall out from under the pillow. Shocked, I ran away. I told him never to come to see me again. That was the end of the beginning of our relationship. After a while, he came and said there would be no sleeping together. Then we started dating again around the end of my 200 level. We soon started living together.
What was the relationship like?
I was very grateful to be with him. I had a bad home situation. He provided the kind of environment that I wanted. He provided a lovely home and was very caring. Anytime I quarrelled with my folks, he stood up for me. I saw a champion in him. It’s only in retrospect that I see it was a perfect relationship for him to manipulate me because he knew the things that triggered me. It was easy for him to switch from being a defender to an aggressor.
Do you think he loved you?
Perhaps, he did. But I also think it was because when he got rusticated from school, I was the only friend that stayed with him.
So how did he manipulate you?
From the beginning of our relationship, he often got upset if I talked to someone else. I didn’t realise until later that this was manipulative. It got so bad that if we were stuck in traffic and someone in a vehicle looked at me, and I looked that way at the same time, he would start saying I knew the person but was only pretending.
He also made it mandatory that I check in with him all the time. One day, I went to work and I left my phone at home; my boss called me because he hadn’t checked my office to see if I was around. My ex then went on about how I lied about being at work because of my boss’ call. It became so bad that whenever he started to talk, I froze, anticipating his accusations.
Did your parents approve of the marriage?
My parents didn’t have a lot to say, because as I said earlier, it was a bad home situation. We went to the registry three or so years after we started dating. We didn’t tell anyone about it.
People always asked when we would get married, and at one point, my dad got upset and asked that we have a proper wedding since we were already living together.
When we got to church, we were told we couldn’t do a proper wedding because we had gotten married before. We had to get the first marriage annulled at the registry before the wedding could be held.
How long were you together before getting married in church?
Twelve years. We got married in the year 2000.
Before marriage, we were sexually active and were not using protection, but we didn’t get pregnant. I wanted children so badly. So, I was like, maybe if we got our parents’ blessings, we’d have kids. That was part of the reason I wanted to have the wedding.
What was it like in the beginning part of the marriage?
Because we had been together for such a long time, getting married was just a formality.
At this time, I had a full-time job, but he still didn’t do much. A lot of the expenses were on me.
Then he went to university in the UK.
At what point did you start having children?
We had our first daughter two years after getting married, and the second was born three years after the first.
But through this time, we were having all kinds of problems.
What kinds of problems?
When we first got married, he was not the problem. It was the fact that we were living in his mum’s house. She didn’t live in Nigeria, but she would come one month in a year, and I would be miserable throughout that month. She was mean and nasty in a very subtle way; she would be nice when people were around, but she was mean about everything when nobody was there. It wasn’t so much him as it was her, but him not being able to caution her was the problem.
It was after I had my first daughter that my ex relocated to the UK. He was living with his mother there. He wanted me to leave my job and join him there. I told him I was unhappy about living in his mother’s house in Nigeria, so I couldn’t move to the UK, where I didn’t have any job and live with her again.
I would visit him with my daughter once or twice a year. It was on one of those visits I got pregnant with our second child.
Did the experience ever get settled with his mother?
No. It was a big part of why the marriage ended. She was also manipulative and said I was proud. One night I woke him up in the middle of the night and complained about how his mother treated me. He begged me, but nothing changed.
When did you realise that things were going bad?
I had low expectations from him, so I didn’t know things were even bad in the first place. I was also the one doing a lot financially.
Then I got an American grant to go to the US. Before I left, I kept my ATM card with him for my kids — he was already back in Nigeria at this point. Every time I got paid, he would remove money from my account and lie that he wasn’t taking my money. This was my first introduction to the fact that he could lie. If anyone had told me anything about him before, I would have insulted them. Once when he was in London, someone called to tell me he was doing nonsense, and I told them to shut up.
While I was away in America, my mum passed, and he was very mean to me during the time. He even accused me of cheating on him because he called me once, and I was on a Skype call with a student.
He began his accusations again without leaving room for me to talk, so I switched off my phone. After that, he didn’t speak to me for a while. Anytime I called, he would give the phone to his daughters.
Wow.
On the morning of my mother’s burial, he called from a service being held for my mum in Nigeria and he excitedly told me about all my family members who were present and kept giving them the phone to speak to me.
It was my sister who picked up the phone when he called. My sister was confused because I had told her we were not on good terms. We put the phone on speaker, and I told him I was the one on the phone. He kept up the excitement. This was when I realised that he was playing me.
What did you do next?
I called a friend who had been his best man at our wedding and told him what was going on. I asked him to find me a place I could stay in when I returned to Nigeria. I was ready to move out, but he convinced me not to do that, and I said alright.
When I got back to Nigeria, my ex was nice for about a month. It didn’t take long for things to return to to status quo.
He regularly checked my phone. Once he saw a contact he didn’t know, he would call me ‘ashawo’. He would call my daughters and tell them that I was a whore.
One day, I checked his phone for the first time and saw that he was cheating on me. I then realised that was why he was constantly angry.
I told him I wasn’t angry, that all I wanted was just for him to stop being constantly mad at me. He was getting progressively worse and verbally abusive.
In 2014, I lost my junior brother and an aunt. I took my girls on holiday to get over everything, and he said, “When you come back, you have one month to move out.”
How did you take it when he said that?
It was pretty clear by then that the marriage was over. Before then, he had gone to my dad to tell him I drank, smoked and followed men all over the place.
My dad asked him this: “When you came to marry her, was she like that?” He defended me and said that he (my ex) might be the problem. My ex tried to insult him.
Afterwards, my dad sent for me and asked me about everything. I told him everything that had been happening. When he asked why I kept everything to myself, I told him it was because he said to keep our marriage private. Then he said he was not an outsider. He said I shouldn’t leave by myself, but anytime my ex asked me to leave, I shouldn’t hesitate to pack my things and move out.
Did you move out?
After he gave me the one-month ultimatum to leave, my ex began to threaten me with a countdown. He threatened to kill me, so my dad insisted I go to the police. The police said they would invite him in for questioning, but that was a bad idea because if they invited him and he was allowed to leave, I better not be at his house.
So, I didn’t make a statement at the police station, and my dad was angry. I eventually found a place and moved. Immediately after moving, his attitude towards me got better. It was so strange people thought we were back together.
Did he also send your daughters away?
Yes. But in the first filing he did for the divorce, he stated very clearly that he didn’t want our daughters. It was later he changed his mind.
There was an incident where his girlfriend, who moved in after I moved out, went to my younger daughter’s school, picked her up and did her hair. The school apologised for allowing it and asked that I provide legal documents to enforce a rule on who has access to my child.
He went back to court to file for custody with the divorce, so I was simultaneously dealing with divorce and custody. Luckily, I got custody at the end.
As a Christian who’s divorced, what has your experience been?
I think God helped me to be wise. No one in church knew I was getting divorced except one man whose truck I used to move my things.
Nobody knew where I moved to for about two years.
I realised I was attending a spirit-filled church when the junior pastor called me one day and told me he had dreams about my husband, and God kept saying I should pray for him. I was reluctant — the pastor didn’t know I had left him.
I told him he could pray for him, but I was not interested. He was shocked, so this led to me telling him about the divorce.
What’s life like post-divorce
When it comes to this, I think I’m the exception. If my ex knew what he was doing when he asked me to leave, he wouldn’t have let me go. I’m living the life now. I’m having a fantastic time. One of the things I was very clear about was that we would parent my children together, whether he wanted it or not.
In the post-separation period, I spent a lot of time crying, praying and wondering what went wrong. I realised he had to be in their lives and take on his role as their father. I see in separations that the man enjoys his life while the mother continues to slave and ensures the children go to school. Then when it’s time to marry, the children find the father, and he becomes a knight in shining armour that gives their hand away in marriage.
This makes the mother resentful, thinking about all her sacrifices. I insisted he had to pay their fees and the girls visit him during holidays. I have the time of my life during their absence. It’s working even though we don’t talk.
What would you have done differently?
Growing up, I didn’t want to get married. I wanted to have two children for two different men because my parent’s marriage wasn’t fantastic, so I wasn’t looking forward to marriage like that. But when I met him, he seemed like someone who was focused and from a good home. So, when things started to go wrong, I told myself I shouldn’t have bothered.
However, I would not change a lot. A lot of the strength and character I have now is a result of this experience. And I wouldn’t change having these cool and well-behaved girls I have now.
Are you dating again?
Yes o. All I’ve gone through hasn’t changed me much; I’m a hopeless romantic.
I believe in love and marriage, but it’s not for me. I want to live life with a nice person. When Nigerian men say, “I’m going to marry you,” I cancel them because they believe that’s their selling point.
I’ve been dating the same guy since a year after I left my ex. I am mindful of being a role model for my daughters and also not exposing them unduly. I however love meeting new people and enjoy talking to lots of people I meet. It’s always amusing to me that people think getting to know someone means I want to date them but it doesn’t.
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