Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121 Woman | Zikoko!
If you’re a woman who’s ever lived with other women in a hostel or flat, you’d definitely know these six perks/disadvantages that come with it.
Nakedness
Women get really comfortable with other women. So living with them means you’ll see so much nakedness, you’d be immune to it.
Period syncs
Everyone in the room will suddenly start having their period at the same time. It’ll mess up your schedule and the room’s energy, but it is what it is.
One thing women will do is carry your relationship on their head. They’ll snap you out of your rubbish with love, and sometimes, intense anger.
Free styling
Who needs a stylist when you’re a woman living with women. Women don’t allow you leave the house if you don’t look like the most flattering version of yourself.
An expansive wardrobe
You never only have just one wardrobe. Even if the women you live with aren’t the same size as you, there’s never a limit on things you can share — from wigs to earrings to scarves. Living with women means having an extensive wardrobe.
Lack of personal space
Kiss your privacy goodbye. Women are conditioned to be extraordinarily friendly and kind. This can lead to them forgetting that there are certain things you need permission for.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.
This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 43-year-old Nigerian woman. She talks about finding peace after her mother’s death, living with two bipolar brothers and escaping toxicity through classic books and films.
What makes you happy right now?
My published books, blogs and fan fiction. I haven’t made much money from them, but getting readers’ feedback makes me feel better about my self-worth. My mum died a week before my 40th birthday and my mind closed off. I couldn’t function. It wasn’t just the shock of her death, I also felt she died disappointed in me. I’m her only child who didn’t give her grandchildren or get married. A lot was left unsaid between us.
Like what?
She wasn’t always fair to me. Islam teaches us to accept the will of Allah, but I wish I focused more on her counsel than worrying about criticism from her. My brother’s wife told me something that gave me some closure. She said they often discussed me when I was at work and my mother would say she was proud of me. I wish she’d said things like that to me. I miss her very much, and I still feel sad when I think of her.
I’m sorry. How do you feel about not being married now?
Well, I never imagined I’d be single at 40, but I don’t mind it at all. I don’t want to be under a man who will tell me what to do or I’d need permission from. As a single woman, I’m not pressured to meet a husband’s expectations. I’m my own person.
What gives you this impression about marriage?
I’ve personally not experienced many healthy ones. My brother and his family live with me, and he has bipolar disorder. He’s on medication, but he’s not easy to live with. I sympathise with his wife but get angry and frustrated during his episodes. I always have to remind myself he’s mentally ill, yet sometimes, I feel he uses it to justify his general selfishness and superiority over his wife especially. Most times, I avoid him so his antics won’t get me down, but she can’t.
How do you manage your own mental health?
I focus on my hobbies. I read and watch classics, and write mostly to tune out the negativity. Sometimes, I just go out. I considered therapy but decided not to because I’m terrified of the possibility of needing meds.
I had panic attacks up until about 2010 because of my teaching job. I hid the attacks from my mum, who was already dealing with my younger brothers. Both of them are bipolar; I couldn’t add my issues. It was a horrible feeling, and I’m still prone to anxiety now and then. I don’t want a psychiatrist to detect it and say I should take meds. Then I’ll be unable to function without them. I want to be in control of my life without meds.
Fair enough. What was it like growing up with two bipolar brothers?
Their condition was undetected until they were both in university. But it’s not been easy. I never know when they might have an episode. The younger one takes his meds but won’t stop taking caffeine. He’s more bearable than the older one, but sometimes, he’s unreasonable. I resent the older one more because he’s done many things I can’t forgive him for. I generally try to avoid them.
Tell me about the hobbies that help you tune out negativity
I’ve loved classic books and films since I was a child. I have my late father to thank for that. He was a voracious reader who wanted his children to improve their vocabulary. He’d buy us books on our birthdays and let us read from his collection. Reading and writing fill me with fond memories of him.
That must be nice
He was still a strict father, though. Because of his temper and how he was set in his ways, I was afraid to cross him.
Where did your love for classic films come in?
As a child, NTA 5 aired BBC adaptations of classics like “Jane Eyre” (my favourite book), “Little Women” (my second favourite) and “Oliver Twist”. It made me love the classics even more. I also grew up watching great films like “The Sound of Music”, “The Thief of Baghdad” and “My Fair Lady”.
After reading about the history of motion pictures in an encyclopaedia in JSS 2, I wanted to watch all the films mentioned in it. Over the years, I’ve been able to. I especially enjoyed the film noirs. I love the feeling of entering another era, and it’s been helpful now when I need to escape. Today’s films, most of which are remakes of the classics, just don’t compare.
How did you transition to actually writing your own stuff?
The more books I read, and films I watched, the more I longed to create my own stories. But I didn’t consider actually writing until I started reading Enid Blyton’s books, my first inspiration to write children’s stories. I was about eight when my father bought one for me, “The Three Wishes, and other stories”. I think I was 15, when I first wrote anything. It was a three-stanza poem about the sea, and I sadly no longer have a copy. My first two books were published by Lantern Books.
How did that go?
It’s not easy to write for kids because you have to learn what they like, how they think, and keep the language simple. I submitted a manuscript of ten children’s stories in 2003. They were published in 2006 as two separate books. I was so happy when the physical copies were placed in my hands. But my third book wasn’t published till late 2018.
Have you written anything for film?
My first attempt at a film script was when I was at Federal College of Education (FCE), Osiele, Abeokuta. I showed it to a friend, but while he said it was well-written, he thought it was controversial because it talked about cultism. I haven’t made a second attempt.
Would you still offer it for adaptation to film one day?
I pray so. It would the pinnacle of my writing career.
And your romantic life so far?
I’ve only been in three brief relationships, and they all happened when I was 19. In fact, I would hardly call them “relationships”. I’m ashamed of the first and third because I thought I was in love. The second, I knew, was real, but I was too immature to handle it well. I haven’t tried again since.
I really don’t want to talk about it; all three were humiliating mistakes. I’ve forgotten the whole thing and moved on with my life, happily single.
For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here
If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why
Generally, people react differently to breakups. But I’ve noticed that a woman who’s just come out of a relationship does at least five of these.
She starts going to the gym
I can’t even lie, me sef I’ve done this one. There’s a way the heartbreak will hit you, you’ll enter gym. A Woman who’s just collected breakfast might register at a gym to be ten times hotter than before, so that their ex will regret and be jealous. Either that, or she’s looking for somewhere to pour all her anger and pain.
She changes something about her appearance
She’ll want a different look to remind herself that she’s a new woman in a new phase and old things have passed away. So she’ll die her hair vomit-green or another wild colour. She’ll even wear more risque outfits and become more adventurous with her fashion sense.
She’s posting fire thirst traps
Someone who used to post pictures once in three months will suddenly start posting back-to-back fire pictures on her social media accounts with captions like “it’s unfortunate you couldn’t keep me” or “no other like me”.
She wears less and goes out more
Every weekend she’s “outsideeee” with her friends, having the time of her life. Her Snapchat is filled with videos of her going out for brunch or dancing and taking shots at the club.
She starts listening to inspirational podcasts
She’ll finally open the podcast app that she’s been postponing for two years. Then she’ll start listening to the inspirational ones that tell her how she doesn’t need to be in a relationship to be happy (which is true, but it seems she didn’t know it before). She’ll go ahead and post snippets of her favourite healing podcasts on her Instagram story so that people know she’s now a new woman who is single and happy.
If it’s not yoga, she’ll join a dance class. She may even start journalling, get into pottery, or become a plant mom just to pour out all the love she has to give, since men don’t deserve it.
She no longer has time for love because that only brings stress and heartbreak. Now her only focus is on becoming rich and powerful. Lovers will break your heart, but your career won’t.
She becomes religious
Since her relationship on earth didn’t work out, she’ll start working on the Heavenly one. I’ve been there. A few years ago, an ex broke up with me and I became an usher in church. Fun times.
She starts tweeting a lot
Her Twitter timeline will be filled with tweets about self-love and self-care. She’ll tweet about how nothing is better than being single, rich and happy.
Being a woman in Nigeria is a full-time expense. I feel like Buhari should give us beauty allowance every month.
As a babe who doesn’t like spending money, I’m here to help you save money. Here are all the things that’ll drain your money so you can avoid them.
Having hair
Imagine paying ₦15k for knotless braids and it gets rough two weeks later, or having to dye your hair. Instead of doing all these things to make your hair look nice, just cut it. A low cut is convenient and cheap, and you’ll get to pour water on your head anytime you want.
Being a firstborn
Once you have more than three siblings, just go and register your name with Emefiele. Congratulations, you are now a bank.
My advice is simple, just don’t come to the world as a female firstborn. If you can’t do that, be like Esau and trade your birthright.
Having a partner
Relationships are not cheap. On valentine’s day, you’ll have to buy gifts for your partner. On their birthday, you’ll also surprise them, and honestly, these things are not cheap. So just save your money by staying single.
Not having a partner
Apart from the fact that you might be lonely, you would also have to spend your own money on things like food, hair etc. The only reason my Instagram page isn’t private is because I want my future partner to find me so they can spend their money on me.
Going on girls trips
Stay in your house and watch Netflix. Have you seen the ticket prices ? Then you’ll still book an Airbnb, buy clothes, do your hair, do your nails blah blah blah. If you decide to stay in your house and watch a movie or FaceTime your friends instead, you’d save a lot of money.
Having a skincare routine
You want your skin to glow??? LMAOOOOO. The price of sunscreen is like ₦9k. Sometimes, I think of swallowing a glowstick instead of buying one more product.
Sanitary pads
Heavy and medium flow babes suffer the most here. Imagine using five pads a day so you don’t get stained in public. I want to come down from this REALITAY.
Aso-Ebi
Just because your bestfriend is getting married doesn’t mean you should spend half of your salary on aso-ebi. Can’t just wear a lovely gown? This is why I have no friends.
Instead of being emotionally invested in men, find something else to do, like learning how to knit.
Going on brunches
These are so good and worth the money tbh. I’ll go again and again and get tipsy on mimosas with my girls. Amen? [I still have no friends.]
Buying rich aunty clothes
Kaftans and abayas and two pieces, will take all your money. Maybe we should stop trying to look like a rich aunty. What do poor aunties look like? Because that’s what I’m channeling now.
My advice concerning this is that you should stay in your parents house till you get married, that way, you’ll get free food, accommodation, and trust me, you’ll save a lot of money. The only thing it’ll cost you is your mental health.
Buying gadgets
Can we go back in time and start sending letters again? Because I’m tired of spending money on gadgets. Imagine having to pay almost ₦500k for a phone because it’s a “fruit”, it’s lilac and you want it to match your aesthetics.
Transportation
There’s three categories of people: those who have cars and spend money on fuel, those who take Uber/Bolt and have to listen to what the uber driver has to say and those who take the bus or BRT. Either way, you’ll still spend money. The solution is easy: grow wings and fly.
Ordering food
Anytime you’re hungry and feel like ordering food, just stop yourself. Go to your kitchen and whip up a nice meal instead. If you’re too lazy to cook, just drink garri.
Wearing clothes that haven’t been ironed
I don’t know how you’ll survive because which company is going to employ a woman in rumpled clothes. If nobody employs you, you’d be jobless, and if you’re jobless you’d be broke, very very broke.
Having a pet
Owning a pet is not only expensive but it would also stress you. You can barely feed yourself and you think you would be able to feed a pet?
Celebrating your birthday
Please, just stay in your room and sleep or cry or think about your life. This is why you should have rich friends who can plan a surprise party for you, or better still a sugar daddy who’ll give you all the money you need to plan a party.
Going for concerts
Instead of paying ₦20k to see Asake, just play his songs on your phone and pretend you’re at his concert.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.This is Zikoko’s What She Said.
The subject of this week’s What She Said is a woman who was born with Sickle Cell Disease (SCD). She talks about the first time she had a crisis, losing her sister to the disease, not allowing it stop her from enjoying her life, and how breakdowns are a regular part of her life.
What’s your earliest memory of your childhood?
I was a talkative kid and quite troublesome. My earliest memory is hiding behind a sofa one evening to avoid my mum, who was trying to convince me to go to bed.
Another memory is of a crisis I had.
Crisis?
It was a cool night, around 1 a.m., and I woke up with a sharp pain in both my knees.
Often, my crises start around joints, but the pain was unexpected and excruciating. It was so excruciating that I was rushed to a hospital emergency unit. I was bedridden for about six days and heavily medicated. I’ve never had a crisis as bad as that one since.
Yes. I’ve had regular crises for as long as I can remember.
As I’ve grown, it’s become easier to manage and avoid crises, but I used to have one a day or four a week consistently for the majority of my earlier years.
How did your parents take it?
My family learnt about SCD the hard way and went through various hospital visits with my sister. So when I was born and later diagnosed, they were more prepared.
I grew up taking daily prescription medication, avoiding excessive sports and drinking a minimum of two litres of water a day.
Unfortunately, my sister died in 2013.
I’m so sorry.
It’s okay. My family understands only the basics. This made it hard for my siblings to understand crises earlier in life, but thankfully, my stepmother and legal guardian was a nurse; and she was always available during a crisis.
The first time I learnt about SCD in school, the biology teacher taught us that people with SCD can’t live past 20. It’s bullshit. I did the majority of my education on SCD by myself, with no help from my doctor or family members.
What about outside school? Where was the first place you heard about it?
I was young, maybe 7 or 8. I found out I had SCD by overhearing an early morning conversation between my stepmother and brother outside my room, the morning after I had had a crisis in the night.
They didn’t tell you before?
No.
Why?
I don’t know. I doubt I would have had any use for the information. I’m glad I didn’t find out any later than I did, but I don’t wish I knew earlier.
So, what’s life like for you with SCD?
I think of my body like a clunky old car. Since almost anything can trigger a crisis, I try my best to drink more than enough water, maintain a medium body temperature and avoid extreme stress.
It’s very touch and go, hence the comparison with an old car. I’m managing my body and despite how much I try, it breaks down often and I end up in the workshop.
What about the future? What does a future with SDC look like for you?
I used to despise thinking about this. I’ve been suicidal after crises, but this life na one.
I plan to travel, explore my many talents, taste many foods and work on my career goals.
In the short term, I intend to purchase equipment for a personal gym soon. I’m working towards a toned body ideal that I once believed was unattainable for me because I believed I couldn’t exercise.
I intend to live to the fullest, and see where that takes me.
What about a family. Any plans for that?
Maybe. If I choose not to marry and/or have kids, it will be for reasons outside SCD.
If I ever marry, I will not have biological children unless I do so in a country where medicine is advanced enough to avoid passing the sickle cell trait.
One minute you are a baby girl living your life, the next minute everyone is asking you ‘when will you marry?’
When did this happen?
In fact once you hit a certain age everyone from your gateman to your boss at work is advising you to go to Shiloh
But what is your business?
It doesn’t matter who you are and what you’ve achieved. The only important question is ‘why are you single?’
“Oh you just won a Nobel Prize? Husband nko?”
Before you know it all of your friends start to get married even the ones you thought were single pringles like you
What a betrayed
It doesn’t help that their married status seems to come with infinite wisdom and they take it upon themselves to cure the disease that is your singleness.
You better face your marriage
Nowhere is safe. You go to church to worship your Lord God and Saviour, and some church aunty will ambush you about attending singles fellowship
Did I say I was single and searching?
When you even try to date the men act like they are doing you a favour. “You don’t know you are old abi, I’m just trying to epp your life”
You are 40 and living with your parents epp your own life first.
What of living alone as a single woman?
You are living alone? And you are single? You must be an asewo
Before you know it everyone is trying to hook you up, including your Aunty Yejide who has had 7 husbands
Please don’t disturb me
You’ve not even found bae but everyone keeps asking you “children nko”?
Will they fall from heaven?
And it’s not even like you had a problem being single you were perfectly fine but now you can help but wonder…
Maybe I should go to the Shiloh
At the end of the day it’s your life don’t let anyone disturb your peace of mind
Enjoy your life
So the next time someone should ask you when are you getting into a relationship, tell them…
On Thursday, there was a prolonged – honestly annoying – argument by Nigerians about what to say or not say to a woman when you’re having an argument. You may not have been present for the argument, but we don’t want to attend any funerals, so we made a list of the tweets for you:
1. “You’re wrong”
Once you say that, you might as well place an order for your coffin. A woman is never wrong in an argument.
2. “Calm down”
Start praying for that man, because he’s about to never have peace again. You people should learn. No woman that’s ever been told to calm down actually calms down.
3. “You’re overreacting”
Under no circumstances, should this leave your mouth. I mean, you can think it, but do not so much as breathe it out.
4. “Let’s talk about it tomorrow”
No one has patience for that! Also what are you doing that we can’t talk about it now?
5. “Go straight to the point”
Wow! You don’t seem to want the argument to end. Let her make all her secondary points before getting to the primary point.
6. “Okay”
LOL! After the long essay, you think you should say “Okay”?
7. “You won’t understand”
Are you trying to say she’s stupid? For real?
8. “Do what you want”
What’s this one saying? Please behave and give your opinion so she can yell at you for it.
9. “Is that why you’re angry?”
Wait, what? The reason is not good enough? Guys need to learn!
10. “It’s not that deep”
Wow.
11. “Whatever”
You cannot show flippancy when arguing with your woman, all she wants to see is remorse!
12. “Why are you being so emotional?”
When you say this, she will go dangerously still. Don’t breathe, bruh.
13. “You just want to be angry”
Now, you’re just inviting the devil in.
14. “This is too much drama”
Really? Say God.
15. “Seen”
It’s like you people want the stress. Why would you say ‘seen’ when another person is angry?
16. “I don’t know what you want me to say”
Rude!
17. “So what do you want from me?”
Sigh! An apology, for you to have a clue…the list goes on.
18. “Can I talk?”
No!! She really doesn’t want to hear from you right now!
Boys always want to see what’s in a girl’s handbag. Honestly, I could never understand the fascination since studies have shown that the handbag is dirtier that the toilet, but to each their own.
Compared to the glossy “What’s in Your Bag” columns that most women’s magazines love to stuff on an idle back page, most handbag’s innards make the owners look insane, like a hoarder’s house.
No cellphone on this list. Because they live in our hands now. What’s really in our bags?
1. Make Up
It’s usually in a make up purse inside the big purse. Like a purse-ception. (LOL, I’m so sorry). Because you never know where you’d meet your crush or your future husband. And when you do, your transformation weapons have to be on hand. Most importantly, lipstick in a color that instantly makes you feel a hundred times more powerful with a single swipe.
2. Hand Sanitizer
Sometimes you shake someone new, sometimes you sneeze into your own hands. For these and so many other reasons, hand sanitizer is a must.
3. Hair tie/bands
In case you need to throw up your hair and get to work.
4. Condoms
Because you never know where or when.
5. Two pads or Tampons
One for you, one for another woman in need.
6. Painkillers
Usually related to the tampons above or to a raging headache from work, in case you can’t get home or to the pharmacy in time.
7. Hair comb/Brush
This usually has hair in it because it’s constantly in use. If you’re a woman reading this, TAKE THE HAIR OUT!
8. Tissue…or handkerchief
Because no one – including men – likes being sweaty.
9. Old receipts and ticket stubs
A scrap of paper from an that really stuck with you, or you forgot to throw away. Most women are unaware of tattered and torn receipts in their bag.
10. Perfume
They said woman should always have a lingering scent.
11. Phone charger
And maybe a power bank if you’re busy all day and not near an outlet.
12. Creams/Moisturizers/Lotions
To prevent skin dryness? *dis tew much*
13. Food
Candy and chewing gum are popped to kill boredom and shared with others. Mints to prevent bad breath. And snacks, because hungry is not a good look.
14. Keys
Like a million keys are in your bag, so you can never find the one you actually need.
16. Sunglasses and Tangled ear buds
Obviously for listening to music in the sun. Don’t ask why. It’s just cool.
16. USB Flash Drive
Whether it is to take the latest movie your friend downloaded, or to transfer documents easily during work, you must have a USB flash drive with you.
These and some others are the reason a woman’s bag is so heavy. Did we miss some?
