You’ve finally escaped your village people and arrived in Papa Charlie’s London, but nothing is giving as you imagined because cold wants to finish you.
Don’t worry, it’s just the winter. Prepare to relate to these things.
The cold hits once you step outside the airport
Your Yaba winter jacket was found shivering.
Bed cold as ice
Prepare to “microwave” everything before you sleep, so you don’t end up like Jack in Titanic.
The weather playing hide and seek
It’s the most difficult period to predict the weather. It could be sunny and warm today, and the next day looks like a scene from Winterfell.
4 p.m. looking like Naija 9 p.m.
But everyone else sees it as normal, so you have to pretend you don’t think the world is coming to an end.
Random love for tea
By fire or by force or by “this cold won kill me”.
Mood swings you don’t understand
Don’t worry, it’s not you. It’s the cold threatening to freeze your brain from inside out.
Outside is not calling your name
All the “I’ve arrived pictures” and “hang out” plans will have to wait because na who dey alive dey breathe.
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No more outdoor parties
This one will remind you of Nigerian parlour parties.
Dressing like Nollywood’s version of a mad person
Winter you do this one. But you’ll feel better when you see everyone else dress like you.
Skin like ashes
This one will make you remember Nigeria’s Harmattan.
Laundry takes days to dry
On top of this, you’ll have to deal with all the haunting flashbacks of your wash-and-wear days in Nigeria.
The heating costs
You’ll now have the sweetest memories of PHCN killing you with heat at no extra cost.
Winter festivals
Especially Winter Wonderland in Hyde Park. Should you choose life or freezing enjoyment?
The days are shorter
The Nigerian in you will ask, “Ahn ahn. When did 5 p.m. knack?”
Flu is after your life
You’ll start reading the news to be sure it is the catarrh you know and not another variant of COVID. God, abeg.
You’ll have your fill of grilled, peppered or fried meat and many more at Zikoko’s meat festival on November 11. Have you bought your Burning Ram ticket? You can do that real quick here.
