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QUIZ: Choose Between These Foods, and We’ll Tell You How Wicked You Are
The food you eat has a lot to say about you. So depending on what you choose to eat, we can tell you how wicked you are.
Take the quiz and see.
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Instead of Focusing on Yours, Here Are 6 Ways to Destroy Other People’s New Year Resolutions
We’re already in the second week of the new year, and you know what this means: people have slowly started defaulting on their new year’s resolutions. The people who want to eat healthier have started snacking on eba at 3 a.m, and the ones who want to workout more haven’t even done one push up. If, like me, you’ve already failed on your resolutions, don’t worry. Next year is our year. In the meantime, there’s no reason you shouldn’t spread chaos by spoiling other people’s new year resolutions. After all, misery loves company.
1. Steal their gym membership cards
Let me not lie to you, your friends are already looking for a way to avoid going to the gym. If their gym membership cards suddenly go missing, they’ll finally have a concrete reason. It’ll be like a sign from the universe. If you can’t have a summer body for 2022, no one else can. Can I get a “praise Satan”?
2. Buy them junk food
When you think about it, you’re really helping your friends by taking them off their diets. Healthy food is expensive as hell. Which one is grilled plantain with pan-seared salmon for breakfast? Buy soda and pizza, and enjoy your life.
3. … and alcohol
If your friends want to stop drinking, ask them how they’re going to survive reality without a little liquid courage? It’s not possible na. Help them stop their delusions so you can all spend 2022 creating more drunken unforgettable experiences.
4. Send them endless funny tweets and TikToks
This one is for the people that want to be more productive. Have all the years they’ve spent productive made them millionaires? No. So let them laugh at TikToks and comrade memes on Twitter until they forget the tasks they have to do. WAGMI.
5. Steal their water bottle
Everybody wants to drink more water. What will now happen when all the water in the world finishes? Abi is it only them that want clear skin? Please drink soda and enjoy.
6. Talk about their exes around them
They want to move on from their exes in 2022? Not if you can help it. If you haven’t moved on from your ex, why the fuck should they? Bring up memories of their exes so they can relive the heartbreaks that almost killed them. We die here.
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11 Ways To Win The Heart Of An Igbo Woman
If you find yourself falling for an Igbo woman, don’t hold back. Allow yourself to feel that delightful tingle. It’s the beginning of a new journey for you. It can end in tears, character development, or marriage. Here are 11 things you must do to secure the best outcome for yourself.
1. Give her money.
Dollars, specifically. If you think you want to win an Igbo woman’s heart with Naira, you are deceiving yourself.
2. If you must serve her breakfast in bed, please include beer in the breakfast tray.
You get extra points if it is small stout.
3. Let her date other men.
That a person is working in one company does not mean they cannot attend interviews at other firms. Let nne keep her options open. The winner is the one who marries her. Until then, everything is a competition.
4. Buy beard oil for her.
That is a clear sign that you are attuned to her body and you are committed to loving it completely. Also, wouldn’t it be romantic if she keeps the beard for you while you remain beardless?
5. If she offends you, apologise to her by crediting her account.
Igbo women do not offend their men. If there is something wrong in the relationship, it is definitely the fault of the man. Did you not know this before agreeing to go into a relationship with an Igbo woman?
6. If she does not reach out to you in three months, stay faithful.
Igbo women need to be reminded that they are in a relationship. Too many things to think about, so please don’t fuck up your game by dating another woman. If my good Igbo woman returns to find you in another relationship, e don be for you oh.
7. Take her to her hometown for Christmas.
That’s one sure bet that will always work. Imagine taking Chiamaka to Anambra for Christmas. My dear, you have won the lottery. Wine-carrying ceremony straight!
8. Whatever happens, remember that Igbo women never cheat.
And that’s because they were never in the relationship in the first place but that’s a story for another day. Just stay patient.
9. Every morning, this is how you must praise her.
Tomato Jos, Eggovin nwa, enenebe eje olu, asa nwa, asa mpete, ada obodo dike, ada obodo oyibo, lolo, omalicaha. And then now add dollars to it and watch her burn for you.
10. Igbo women will ruin your life but it’ll be worth it.
The earlier you know this, the quicker it is to adjust your heart settings to “Awaiting destruction.”
11. Wickedness is the special flavour. Always remember that.
If you know you cannot handle the heat, don’t come close to the fire. To be forewarned is to be forearmed.
12 Signs Your Nigerian Girlfriend Is A Rich Woman
