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  • Now That We Know Aliens Are Real, These Things Make Sense

    Now That We Know Aliens Are Real, These Things Make Sense

    If you haven’t heard, some former military officials in the United States basically revealed that aliens exist. They weren’t reading the script for a Hollywood movie. Real life.

    TBH, it makes sense because the existence of aliens is the only explanation for some weird stuff that has happened in this world.

    The whole Buhari body double situation

    Now that I think about it, Jubril from Sudan could have very well been Jubril from Mars.

    Penises disappearing in the market

    I’ve always wondered why a babalawo needed only the person’s genitals. What if they carried it to the shrine and realised the penis wasn’t potent for what they needed it for? Would they just throw it away? Why not carry the whole person? Our babalawos are much smarter than that, so it had to be the work of aliens.

    Animals swallowing money

    On this Obasanjo internet, we heard that a snake swallowed ₦36 million at JAMB office, monkeys swallowed ₦70 million at someone’s farm, and a gorilla swallowed ₦6.8 million at Kano Zoological Gardens. I smell aliens.

    This “fruit”

    Is it a fruit or a seed? And why do you have to spend hours “licking” it to get any form of goodness out of it? There’s nothing anyone wants to tell me. The aliens sent it to stress us.

    The tension between NEPA and rain

    Why does the light always go off when it rains? And why does the light spoil if they mistakenly forget to take it when it rains? No one has answers because it’s the work of the aliens.

    Nigerian Twitter

    If you sneeze anyhow on Nigerian Twitter, you can get dragged till the fifth generation. It’s also on Nigerian Twitter you’ll find people who haven’t paid house rent advising celebrities on how to spend their money. I’m sure there are some aliens hiding on that Elon app.

    Banks charging people to receive money

    Nigerian banks charging both the sender and receiver a percentage of the money involved in the transaction must be the work of aliens. Maybe the government is already aware of the aliens and is using style to gather money to protect us from a likely alien invasion. We love a proactive government.

    Lagos apartments

    If you deep it, the reason your kitchen is the size of a radio battery is so the aliens don’t have space to hide in your home. 

    Nigerian parents having the same parenting manual

    The aliens likely have one software they upload to every person’s head, and it activates when they become parents. Why else do all our mothers love us putting things on their heads?

    Nigeria

    We’ve been saying, “Nigeria is a joke” for the longest. Now it’s clear the aliens are involved. They’re probably testing out their strategies here before rolling out to the whole world.

    NEXT READ: How To Attract a High-Value Partner That Will Remove You From This Country

    Tife Oni

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  • These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    You know the Niger River — Nigeria is named after it, and it was “discovered” by a random white explorer, not the locals who lived around it for generations. 

    These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    What you may not know is Nigeria has dozens of other rivers that have some connection to the Niger River or their own distinctions. Actually, there are 74 rivers in this country — if you’re not counting the one that forms our border with the Benin Republic.

    But for World Rivers Day, we focused on the ones with weird names and compiled a list just for you.

    Escravos River

    These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    The Escravos River is located in southern Nigeria, and the origin of its name is a reminder of a dark time in human history. “Escravos” means “slaves” in Portuguese. The river got that name because it was a hot spot for the slave trade between Nigeria and the United States.

    Forcados River

    These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    Just like Escravos, Forcados sounds like a Harry Potter spell that strikes the victim with diarrhoea. It’s also the name of a river and a small town in Delta State. It’s hard to tell who’s named after who.

    These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    The town once had the longest slave wharf in Africa, built by the Portuguese from whom it got its name.

    Nun River

    These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    The Nun River is a distant cousin of the Forcados River as they’re both formed at the point where the Niger River splits into two. It’s in Rivers State. Why it’s named Nun is anyone’s guess. 

    …or maybe it’s Nun of our business

    Gulbin Ka River

    Gulbin Ka sounds like the name of an evil warlord with a funny laugh, who removes the scalps of his enemies. 

    Don’t let his appearance fool you

    But it’s also the name of a river that originates in Zamfara State and runs into the Niger River.

    Rima River

    Rima sounds like the name of a woman who left her groom at the altar or the fake identity of someone who’s trying to escape the law or both.

    “Rima” actually means “White Antelope” in Arabic and is the name of a river in northern Nigeria.

    Komadugu Gana River

    Komadugu Gana has to be the name of a conqueror like Alexander the Great. But he didn’t make the history books so naming a river in the Chad Basin after himself was his consolation.

    Otamiri River

    These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    The Otamiri River in Imo State is named after Ota Miri, a local god. He’s believed to own all the water named after him. We wonder who’d win in a water battle between him and Aquaman.

    These Nigerian Rivers Have the Weirdest Names

    ALSO READ: Ranked: Nigerian Internet Service Providers

    Samson Toromade

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  • QUIZ: Which Weird Drink Combo Fits Your Personality?

    QUIZ: Which Weird Drink Combo Fits Your Personality?

    How weird are you? That’s exactly what this quiz is about to uncover.

    Take the quiz:

    Tife Oni

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  • QUIZ: Sorry, But You’re Definitely Weird If You Get 10/21 On This Quiz

    QUIZ: Sorry, But You’re Definitely Weird If You Get 10/21 On This Quiz

    We hate to break it to you, but you’re weird if you get up to 10 on this quiz.

    Are you?

    Select all that apply to you:

    Tuntamilore

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  • QUIZ: What Is Your Weird Habit?

    QUIZ: What Is Your Weird Habit?

    Everyone has a weird habit ranging from licking salt to sniffing petrol. Take this quiz and we’ll guess yours.

    Tuntamilore

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  • QUIZ: How Weird Are You?

    QUIZ: How Weird Are You?

    See ehn, nobody is a hundred percent “normal” and being weird can be cool or creepy depending on how you look at it. Let’s not argue sha. Take this quiz for a little moment of truth.

    QUIZ: How Rude Are You?

    Are you polite abi everybody should getawt? Take the quiz and we’ll tell you.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • 7 Women Talk About The WEIRDEST Messages They Have Gotten

    7 Women Talk About The WEIRDEST Messages They Have Gotten

    Have you ever gotten a message so weird you did not know how to process it? Well, these seven women to tell us the weirdest messages they have received.

    Jane, 32

    A picture of his penis. No introduction, no nothing. Just a picture of his phallus.

    Amaka, 19

    A man once told me he wants me to rape his ass. He told me he was willing to pay even. I just blocked him, because why?

    Kike, 25

    A picture of her ass. One day I get a message request and when I open it, it is a picture of this woman in her underwear. I do not know how these weird people find me, but they should not find me anymore.

    Clara, 23

    A guy once messaged me on Twitter, talking about how sexy I looked. When I checked the profile, I found out it was my cousin. I do not blame him at the time, because I did not have any picture of my face in my media. Just my body.

    Janet, 19

    A guy offered to pay me money for feet pictures. I was really broke, so I considered it, but then he mentioned video calls and I was immediately put off. He never told me anything about him. Just “willing to pay, send feet pics.”

    Eseosa, 21

    This one was probably using me to test some stupid pick-up lines. He told me that the love arrows on my face are not complete, and he is the one remaining. He said he wants to be the missing arrow that leads to my heart. What does that even mean?

    Bimpe, 33

    Some guy on Facebook messaged me once, that he was my cousin and he asked me to transfer him money to get a cab. When I offered to order one for him, he blocked me.

    For more content about women and women’s lives, click here

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • 9 Times Nigerian Kids Have Said Wild Things Unprovoked

    9 Times Nigerian Kids Have Said Wild Things Unprovoked

    Kids are very pure and sweet so whenever they switch up on us, it always comes off as shocking. From asking very grownup questions to calmly dropping death threats, here are 9 times Nigerian kids have said the wildest things, unprovoked. 

    Jamal

    I was teasing my little cousin when she suddenly threatened to kill me with a slap. It was a combination of cute and terrifying cause she was 2 years old. 

    Ayo

    A 4-year-old once walked up to me and asked: “Do you have a penis?” I wasn’t sure how to answer the question. 

    Jerry

    My 3-year-old goddaughter once asked “Why doesn’t the hair on your face come off? I want to remove it and put it back.” then she proceeded to try and pull off my beard. I had to tell her it was the source of my strength and taking it off would mean no more aeroplane rides for her so she could stop. 

    Halima

    I was combing my natural hair when my 4-year-old nephew calmly told me that my head would soon fall off. Funny enough, he wasn’t kidding. Now, the thing is, why did he calmly tell me something so scary?

    Henry

     While making cutting motions on her clit with her fingers, a 5-year-old asked her mum in my presence what would happen if she cut her clit with a real knife. Her mum, my mom and I were all in the living room. We were all shocked.

    David

    My 3-year-old nephew once asked me to buy him a helicopter because he only saw them in the sky and they never said hi. I laughed it off but inner me was like “bro, wtf?”  

    Zainab

    A 3-year-old once asked me “aunty, will you be my new mommy.” Her reason? She said I don’t shout on her like her other mummy does. I was just 17 at the time. 

    Tobi

    During a family meeting, my 8-year-old cousin kept following me around, asking if I had fancy video games he could entertain himself with. When I said I didn’t have any, he looked me dead in the face and said, “Your life is boring sha. How do you even have the will to live?”  He is 16 now and very unhappy, I hope. 

    Vince

    A 9-year-old once said, “it might be nice to just fall from a building and be gone.” That shook me to my core.

    Recommended: 22 Hilarious Test Answers By Kids That Are Just Too Brilliant!

    Eris Ekanem

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  • 7 Funny Souvenirs From Nigerian Weddings That Actually…Exist?

    7 Funny Souvenirs From Nigerian Weddings That Actually…Exist?

    Without a doubt, Nigerian weddings are lit. I know it, you know it, everyone does. The only issue is that sometimes our people take it out of control with wedding souvenirs.

    To compile this list, I had to go to the bottom of the internet. I hope it inspires your wedding souvenir. Love and light.

    1) You know what, I dig it.

    They should have added groundnut to complete it.

    2) I am still confused about this one.

    Why didn’t they just transfer?

    3) Sorry, what?

    I am so confused right now. Can anyone help?

    4) Lmaoooooo.

    This is triggering.

    5) Huh?

    I laughed and I got confused.

    6) Energy.

    Crying.

    7) Jaapa starter pack.

    I stan a forward thinking couple.

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • Six Weird Things That Can Happen To You

    Six Weird Things That Can Happen To You

    Life is full of mess ups, some that can be contained, others that cannot and then there are some that are so hilarious, if you are not the one dealing with it, you can’t fathom how they could happen in the first place.

    Here’s a list of mishaps that you may have had:

    1) Texting the person you’re gossiping about

    As funny as this is to imagine, it is hell and high waters on the nerve.

    2) Someone spitting on your leg

    This is something you don’t wanna experience. It’s so gross; it won’t register in your mind that the person walking behind you mistakenly aimed his spit at your leg until it starts sliding down.

    3) Frantically looking for your phone only to realize you’ve been holding it the whole time

    That momentary lapse of forgetfulness that makes you go insane until you realize…

    4) Someone stealing your shawarma while you’re on okada

    Lagos is crazy.

    5) Mad person can comman slap you

    Your village people can be after you, in the form of a mad person. How else can we explain this? Peep the pastor who got beaten when he tried to cure a mad person.

    6) The ATM rejects only YOUR card

    At that moment when you need cash the most is when the ATM decides to be temperamental

    Which one of these has happened to you?

    Gabriella Opara

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  • 15 Funny and Strange Nigerian News Headlines

    15 Funny and Strange Nigerian News Headlines
    You ever see some news reports and go “LMAO!”, “what the hell?” or think in your head “what is all this?”. Look at these Nigerian news headlines and let your jaw drop!

    1. When you literally can’t do without fish

    We guess it is better to just die when there isn’t fish to eat.

    2. Sometimes you take the law into your hands… or into your mouth

    Only God “nose” what happened here…

    3. When life throws marriage at you really unexpectedly

    In all ramifications this was totally wrong.

    4. When the elections were getting really serious and confusing

    In the words of the famous Justin Bieber.. “What do you mean?”.

    5. And it really got more suspicious and hilarious

    SAY WHAT NOW?

    6. When your shoe game was dope on earth and you have to tell Angel Gabriel too

    Shoe game on fleek on earth and will be in heaven.

    7. When the wrong spirit is moving you

    Forever blaming the Holy Spirit for everything.

    8. When you give the gift meant for the side chick to the wife

    To think it is a day to share love oh!

    9. When you can’t help but say “What the hell?”

    Hmmmoooohhhmyyygawwwdddd…. why you lying!

    10. When you realize judgement day is near

    When you realize its all over.

    11. It was a serious plea

    You can’t help but wonder…

    12. Even your boo get a boo

    What is life?

    13. When you realize deodorant can save marriages

    Ordinary body odor, is it that deep?

    14. When you’re being delivered but they say the containers are landing soon

    Man cannot miss business abeg.

    15. They don’t want you to have dinner

    Now we understand DJ Khaled. They don’t want you to eat early.

    Tobi Smith

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