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Nigerian wedding parties are great — especially for the friends and neighbours that just came for the party jollof.
But have you ever wondered if some couples regret certain things from their big day, though? We asked these eight Nigerians, and here’s what they shared with us:
“Having a big wedding”
— Ola*, 25
I’ve wanted a small destination wedding for as long as I can remember, but I had no choice but to settle for a full-on Yoruba owambe-style wedding because of my husband and our families.
The whole wedding felt like a chore, and it’s still painful that no one listened to me, and I never got the excitement most people get before/during their wedding. It felt more like I was just there because I had to be the bride.
It wasn’t like I didn’t want to sleep — I just couldn’t because I was too excited. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was extremely tired. I couldn’t enjoy the reception because I just wanted to find somewhere to sleep. And it didn’t help that everyone expected us to spend more time on the dance floor.
I still berate myself for printing invitation cards since most people just got the information from our wedding website. We printed about 200 cards and still had about 100 cards after the wedding. Such waste in this Buhari government.
“I worried about everything”
— Chioma*, 24
I must have been a bridezilla because I was everywhere in the days leading up to the wedding, trying to make sure that everything was perfect. On my wedding day, I kept fussing about different things: the bridesmaid’s dress that needed to be fixed, the makeup artist that came in late, the traffic on the way to the church, etc.
Looking back, I wish I’d just let things sort themselves out and just enjoyed my day. Worse, the pictures bear witness to how stressed I let myself be. Brides-to-be, take note, abeg.
“Not booking backup photographers”
— Demi*, 30
The painful part is that my wife and I promised each other that we wouldn’t be the couple complaining about wedding picture disappointments because we’d get like two backups. LMAO.
Expenses really took a toll on our budget during wedding preparations, and we constantly postponed reaching out to backup photographers until we eventually forgot. We had just one photographer at our wedding, and the pictures weren’t great. The photographer even took forever to share them.
“The decorations”
— Edna*, 29
I let a family friend handle the hall decorations because I was trying to “encourage” growing businesses — big mistake. My heart dropped into my stomach when I stepped into the hall the evening before my wedding to check out what was happening.
The designs were tacky, and they definitely weren’t what I asked for. I had to let my maid of honour tactfully remove some items and arrange for another decorator to assist because if I had said anything, I would’ve beaten somebody up.
“Having a traditional wedding”
— Chi*, 27
Don’t get me wrong; I’m all for honouring traditions. But my traditional wedding (which took place in my hometown in the East) felt like a waste of money. I wish I had been more vocal in pleading with my family to reduce the items on the bridal list.
My husband had to spend so much money pleasing relatives I didn’t even know and buying stuff I didn’t even see — all for a one-day event. He didn’t complain to me, but I think he just didn’t want to come across as weak. I still wish I’d done something.
My mum attends MFM while I attend one of these modern pentecostal churches. As much as I tried, my parents kicked hard against getting married at my church. In their words, “What would our church people think?” They even threatened to be absent from the wedding if I didn’t concede to them.
Of course, I wanted my parents there, so I had to give in. I couldn’t wear the dress I wanted, and make-up was out of it. This thing about weddings being the “bride’s day” might be true everywhere else, but definitely not in Nigeria.
*Some names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Love Lifeis a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Davina, 28, and Hamza, 28, dated for a year before they got married. This week on Love Life, they talk about dating for three months, dating again three years later and eventually getting married.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Hamza: In 2005, we attended the same secondary school for one term. I joined in JS1 and left that same year.
Davina: I remember him running out of the dining hall with glasses on one day. And in my head, I was like, “Where are you running to?”
Hamza: I don’t remember that day, but I remember you were a popular kid who loved music and dancing.
Did you two talk to each other?
Hamza: No, we never did until 2009 when I found her on Twitter. I don’t remember a lot of our conversations during that time, but I know I invited her to my prom.
Davina: I couldn’t go because it was the same day as my prom. Plus, I had a boyfriend at the time.
Hamza: Aha! Now the truth is coming out.
LOL. When did you people start talking proper?
Davina: After I came back to the UK for my master’s in 2017, my friend — who was also his friend from our secondary school — invited me to her house. She was like, “By the way, Hamza is going to be there.”
When I saw him, I thought he grew up nicely. He was skinny in secondary, but now, he was looking all buff and sweet.
Hamza: She looked really nice too. We had a good time at our friend’s house and when she was about to leave, I told her to make sure she comes back.
Davina: I did and we dated for like three months.
Hol’ up. How did that happen?
Davina: So I came back to my friend’s place a few days later, and he was there too. This time, he gave me more attention. We watched a movie, and at the end of it, we kissed.
Hamza: It felt really nice, and I started to move to her. We exchanged numbers and got talking. I asked her out a few days later, and she said yes.
Davina: Hamza was very romantic and all, but I was still hung up on my ex in Lagos. Plus, I’d been used to long-distance relationships and being in such close proximity with him was hard for me. So I broke up with him after three months. I was being stupid.
Hamza: I don’t think it was stupid. I just think you weren’t ready.
Davina: Yeah, I wasn’t ready, and I felt like I needed to be honest about it. Part of me wanted to keep trying, but I just wasn’t there for it. He didn’t deserve a half-arsed relationship and I told him that.
How did you take it?
Hamza: I was really hurt but I’m happy she was honest with me. I moved on with my life and had other relationships. 2020 was particularly interesting for me. I was settling into adulthood proper. I’d let go of a lot of things and people to heal and just go through my emotions. I’d also been through therapy and was feeling good about myself. Only for this babe to call me one random day in September 2020, three years later. I was playing video games that day, and I remember being very confused. I picked up because I wanted to know if she was okay.
Davina: I just wanted to say hi to him. I had just come out of a relationship.
At that point, I prayed to God. I said to Him, I don’t want to get married, but if it’s what He wants for me, He should show me the person I should marry and help me pursue him. A few days later, Hamza’s name began to sit in my spirit. I’d wake up at 4 a.m. to pray and Hamza would be on my mind, so I decided to call him. I thought there was no animosity so why not reach out? I even talked to one of my closest friends about him, and she said I could shoot my shot if I wanted to.
Did you want to?
Davina: Yes, I did, but I also knew I was the one who broke us up in the first place, so I had to be gentle and patient with him. I asked him to hang out with me.
While we were together, I’d give him compliments. Tell him I like his hair or his fit. This boy still didn’t figure out that I was moving to him until December. I even invited him over to my house and cooked for him. Me that I’m protective of my space.
Hamza: LOL. After I left your house that night, my best friend called me. I told her I just left your house, and she said, “Are you sure that babe doesn’t like you?” I asked her if people can’t just be friends? I even got upset about it.
Davina: That’s how clueless he was…until I kissed him.
Ou. How did that happen?
Hamza: She invited me over to eat.
Davina: I made this boy food again. I’m mostly vegan, but I made him a suya mushroom thing, fried yam and fried plantain with palm oil pepper sauce. I also got him Maltina. For context, I live in a white-dominated area so it’s hard to find Nigerian things, but I went to look for Maltina for him.
Hamza, and you still didn’t know?
Hamza: LOL. No idea. I got to her place and there was food. So much to eat in so little time. After eating the food, and drinking the Maltina and wine, I couldn’t move. I even told her I have to introduce her to my other friends so we can all be friends. I ended up sleeping on her couch.
Davina: That was my plan — to make him so comfortable, he wouldn’t be able to find a reason to leave my house.
Hamza: The next morning, we kissed, and I left the house confused. When I got in my car, I called my best friend to tell her we just kissed and she’s like, “Ehen, I knew it.” We texted a lot that day. And I wasn’t doing anything that night so I decided to go back to her house.
Davina: Please, I’m not a freak, but I told him if he comes back, I’m not letting him go.
Hamza, it was obvious by now, right?
Hamza: Yes, but I needed to know what we were doing with each other. I didn’t want us to be friends who kiss every now and then. So that night, we talked about the possibility of dating. I knew not to get myself into situations I couldn’t control by not defining them. We didn’t become a couple that night, but I knew we were getting there.
Davina: In my head, he was already my boyfriend sha.
Hamza: It became official for me in January.
Tell me about that
Hamza: We were spending a lot of time together, and I liked it. In December, I went away with my friends for the holidays. I missed her so much during that time. When I came back, my housemate tested positive for COVID, so we had to isolate for 14 days. Gosh, it was hard not seeing Davina for that long.
One day, we were talking and the conversation of “boyfriend and girlfriend” came up because, as usual, Davina had an agenda.
Shesaid, “I want to know what I should call you when I’m talking to my friends.”
A smart queen…
Hamza: LOL. The thing is I wanted to ask her out in person, and I told her that. She said it didn’t matter so I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes.
What was the relationship like the second time around?
Hamza: Initially, it was scary. Here’s a girl I had chased twice, and now, we were in a relationship. However, like I’ve said, Davina is great company, and at the foundation of our partnership, we had a friendship. This allowed us to navigate seemingly difficult situations because we liked one another, and on top of that, we love each other very much. Without even thinking too much about it, I knew I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.
Davina: For me, this is the first relationship I’ve been in that’s taught me so much about myself. I’ve learnt to be more patient with people and with myself. I’m more self-reflective. I’ve also learnt to love in languages that are not my primary love language. For context, my primary love languages are physical touch and words of affirmation while Hamza’s are acts of service and quality time.
Also, this is the first relationship in which I know my partner would do anything for me. Not just because he says it, but he actually makes an effort to. I love that he is always there for me, ever supportive and ever loving. I wouldn’t trade us for anything in this world.
Sweet, do you two fight? Tell me about your biggest fight
Hamza: Davina and I hardly ever fight. We’ve had just two big fights in the course of our relationship. I’ll tell you about the last one. She had an issue with me that questioned my commitment to her.
Davina: I was struggling to understand the nature of one of Hamza’s friendships. I had been cheated on before in previous relationships so my guard was up. I confronted him about it in a raw and immature way. The approach didn’t hurt him as much as the fact that I was questioning his commitment to me.
Hamza: I was annoyed because I had spent months before that day planning my proposal.
It wasn’t even a fight where we raised our voices at each other. Our sentences were pointed and abrupt. The silence in between was the most deafening sound so I decided to take a stroll to clear my head. As I walked, I prayed because I’d already planned to propose to her the next day. In this situation, I needed guidance from God. I didn’t take my phone because I didn’t need any external influence on my decision. I didn’t know how much time passed, but I got the confirmation I needed that Davina was the one so I went back to her place.
Davina: I was so worried. He didn’t return until just before midnight. In fact, I was on my way to search for him when he walked in. I apologised for what happened and he told me that he had been planning to propose to me so he needed to know if I trusted him and really wanted to be with him. I just started crying. We both did actually. I’d never been so sure of anything.
Aww. When is the wedding?
Davina: In four weeks!
Hamza: We honestly can’t wait.
Send us wedding photos, okay? Until then, what attracts you to each other?
Davina: I can’t pick just one thing. For one, I love Hamza’s physique. His arms, his jawline, his eyes, his smile beautifully framed by his lips. Phew! He’s also very understanding and patient. He takes his time to listen and is never quick to respond. I love how screwed on his head is.
Hamza: I actually dislike this question because it’s complex. I think most people expect either a single poetic line or an essay filled with buzz words. However, I’ll put it simply like this: Davina is my person. She is kind, understanding, patient, loving, caring, strong and intelligent. She corrects me when I’m wrong, fights for me when needed, and most of all, she loves God. She is and will always be someone I can depend on. With her, I can call anywhere home.
Photo credit: @hajie (instagram)
While I wipe my tears, please rate your relationship on a scale of one to ten
Hamza: 9 because no relationship is perfect, and we’ve had our fair share of troubles. But there’s no one else I’d rather do this with.
Davina: It’s the same for me. This relationship hasn’t just been a source of peace for me, but it’s also caused me to grow a lot, which I’m super thankful for.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
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A Week In The Life is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.
The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is an Alaga Iyawo. These are women who host Yoruba wedding ceremonies, sing songs of praises, double as MC’s and serve a host of other functions. She talks to us about not liking parties even though her job revolves around them, the challenges she faces in day to day life, and what a perfect retirement looks like for her.
MONDAY:
The first thing on my mind when I wake up today is that I’ve been an Alaga for weddings for close to 22 years. And that feels unreal. It feels like a lifetime ago when I stumbled into this job. Becoming an Alaga for me was by luck/chance because I didn’t go to school to learn neither was I trained; it just happened.
In those days, as a youth in church, we used to rally round to help members of the church getting married — planning, declaration, coordination and any other thing. It was during one of these moments my journey started. There was a particular sister we helped out with planning her wedding, and it is wasn’t until the day of the wedding that we knew we were supposed to get an Alaga. The only reason we even knew was because the groom’s family came with theirs. In the midst of all the confusion, all the other sister’s pushed me forward saying: “Sister Bisi, you can do it. You can talk very well.” I mean this was true; I was an interpreter in church, I sang in the choir, and I was also a teacher in the children department, but the fact remained that I had never done something like that before. As if it was ordained by God, I now wore one very fine cloth that day. Grudgingly, I stepped up to represent the bride, and that was the beginning of my journey. It wasn’t perfect and I’m thankful I had help from someone who guided me on what to do and say. I was also lucky that it was a small church event, so we just said opening prayer, praise the Lord, let the bride come in, let the groom come in and we were done.
However, my second time on the job was intentional. After witnessing my performance, one of the sisters in church said she was not going to pay what the professionals were asking for, and I had to be her own Alaga. Her argument was since I had done it for someone else, I could also do hers. I told her I was scared and that event was impromptu but all she told me was to go and prepare. Because I was unmarried at the time, I spent a lot of hours watching videos from my sister’s wedding to learn the mannerisms, songs, routines etc. Thankfully, I pulled it off. After the success of the second wedding, I officially became the church’s Alaga. Couples would come in for marriage counselling and the church would provide options for them to save money, part of which usually involved my services.
That’s how I began full time with no prior training or anything. God just showed me that this is a calling, and ever since then, I’ve been able to train at least over 120 people who are doing well. That alone is enough reason for me to get out of bed every morning.
TUESDAY:
One question people ask me is “What do we do with all the money we collect at weddings?” I try to break it down for them. Firstly, the money is for the family. We share the proceeds into like thirteen envelopes which are then distributed to the family members on the paternal and maternal side. The money is a token to appreciate people who took off time to attend the wedding. It’s not as if the money will change their lives, because some people get as low as ₦200 or ₦500, but it’s for them to say that during so and so wedding, they went home with something.
We also collect specific money like money for unveiling the bride, which goes to the bride. There’s money for reading letter which goes to the person who reads the letter the couple writes to each other. We also have “aeroplane” money for people who bring in the wife to the venue.
I make my own money from being sprayed during the programme. Or after the groomsmen finish prostrating to both families, I ask them to bless me with anything they have. The reason why it seems like some of my colleagues charge a lot of money from the groomsmen and bridesmaid is that they probably collected a cheap amount for their services. Parents usually boast about the calibre of people coming to the wedding to make sure we don’t charge a lot. In cases like that, the Alaga has to make up for the difference in fees. That means that everyone present at that ceremony will pay through their nose. I charge a fixed fee before the wedding, and that’s why I don’t collect money more than once at the venue, and I remit the money for the family to the family.
There’s a class of people called “no bowl show”, where the family instructs us not to collect any money at the venue. In cases like that, we charge them two times the fee.
WEDNESDAY:
Every job has challenges, and my own is not an exception. Sometimes, the other side [bride or groom] might also have their own Alaga, and the person is trying to show off their talents or skills while you’re working on a fixed time, and that can be frustrating. It can cause a lot of issues when both of you are not the same page. You just have to pray to meet someone who is understanding.
Also, Nigerians do not keep to time. Sometimes they know an event won’t start till 2 p.m., but they’ll tell you to come by 8 or 10 a.m. So I end up spending time I could have used on other productive things waiting for the event to start. I went for an event on December 24th that was supposed to start by 8 a.m. In my head, plus Nigerian time, we’d start at 10 a.m. and be done by latest 2 p.m — I’d still have ample time to get home and make Christmas plans for my family. This event didn’t start until some minutes before 1 p.m. When I wanted to introduce the groom, I was told that he was stuck in traffic. Thank God I went along with one of my colleagues that day because after waiting for a few minutes and no show, I just picked up my car and left the venue. My colleague was the one who anchored the rest of the event.
Another issue that is now “normal” is men making advances at me during this work. It’s always annoying when some father of the groom or bride makes advances at me because most times, I get close to the mother of the bride or groom first. Imagine talking to someone for months and planning a wedding with them; there’s a form of friendship that occurs from spending a lot of time together. Then suddenly on the day of the event, her husband is making a move on you. It’s very somehow. I just chalk it up to men’s nature, ignore and face my work. I know my worth, and I know what the men are doing is all noise.
THURSDAY:
A good Alaga must have a very good dress sense. They must also smell nice, look nice and have a good voice. They should be able to coordinate themselves. If you can’t control your temper you can’t do this work. Mostly because people will step on your toes intentionally or unintentionally. To succeed in this job, you also need to learn time management — don’t waste people’s time and make sure you finish early enough for the family to entertain their guests. These are the things any exceptional Alaga must know.
I’m always training people. In fact, I’m starting another training in February. Today, I’m counting the number of students who have enrolled for the class, and ten slots have been filled out the twenty I planned for. I’m glad that people are interested in learning about this job. It’s very lucrative to use your voice and talent to make money. All you have to do is transport yourself to the venue and you’re good. I call my tribe the “Exceptional Alagas” because we train them on how to sing, coordinate events and not be greedy. The beauty is that the training happens over WhatsApp, so it accommodates my busy schedule. After the online class, we have an internship period where people shadow professionals for six months to a year. I’m always excited to pass on knowledge to the younger generation.
FRIDAY:
Without my husband, I wouldn’t be anything at all and I’m not even joking. If I didn’t marry him, I don’t see any man who could have married me. Because of how demanding my job is, it’s not easy combining it with family duties. But my husband is so understanding. In fact, he’s unique. In addition to my Alaga work, I also run a jewellery and Aso-Oke store, and my office is quite a distance from my house. What this means is that I leave the house from Monday, and I don’t return home until Saturday. My husband holds down the house until I’m back. It helps that I have grown-up children and always make arrangements before leaving the house, but there’s just something about a man who supports your career no matter what you choose. My husband and I both started our careers as teachers until I decided to pursue this work full time. When I told him, he agreed. And ever since then his okay has been okay. I don’t know how many men can do that for a woman.
SATURDAY:
I have an event today, so I’m up early to prepare. People ask me how I’m always in the mood to perform my duties. Maybe because they think it requires so much energy. I tell them that there’s no dull moment as long as it’s work. The only thing is that I don’t party outside of work. If I’m not with the mic at an event, it’s rare to catch me attending a party. I get fed up and pissed easily at parties. Even when I’m working, once I’m done with my duties, I’m out. I always want to retreat into my shell and go to either my house or the office.
I know I can’t do this job forever and that’s why I’m planning for retirement. All these other businesses [Aso-Oke] are my retirement plan, God willing. When I look back at my life, I see that God has been able to do what us men can’t do through this job. At least I can say that through this job we’ve gotten houses, we’ve gotten cars, we’ve started a business and we’ve trained our children. I want to retire by the time I turn 60, 65. At least by then, my kids will have given me grandchildren. At that point, all I want to do is focus on my family.
Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.
Every bride’s nightmare is something going wrong on her big day. Brides have come to anticipate disappointment from their caterers, event planners, photographers and even family. However, this bride didn’t anticipate the unpleasant surprise she got a day before her wedding.
Tena on her wedding day
Planning a wedding in 3 months.
No lives were lost in the process in this story but I was pretty close to murdering someone that morning. I initially wanted to make a dress but the wedding plans were everywhere. My registry marriage was on the 4th of October 2019 and my white wedding was meant to be in June of 2020 but our family wanted it in January so, I had just 3 months to plan the wedding and take care of everything.
Saying “Yes” to a rented wedding dress.
After sorting the drama of whether or not it would be a church wedding and what church, the next question was naturally, what dress would I wear? I went dress shopping with my mom, aunt, maid of honour and mother-in-law. They were particular about the dress because my mother-in-law is a bit religious and she had concerns about what people might say. So what this means is my titties won’t be making an appearance (sorry girls).
My dress was meant to be custom made but I was feeling very lazy about doing follow up on the designer so I opted for a rented dress. I convinced myself with the lazy mantra of “why spend money making a dress when you can just rent one?”
I still stare at wedding dresses in lust.
We went dress shopping and eventually, we decided on a dress. Definitely not my dream dress cause I still catch myself staring at wedding dresses. It was a beautiful dress and everyone loved it but it wasn’t my favourite. You know when people repeatedly tell you something is beautiful or perfect until you just find yourself agreeing with them. I didn’t hate the dress, I just didn’t LOVE it.
They fucked up the pick-up date.
The dress was agreed on, booked and paid for. It was supposed to be delivered on a certain date but they called to ask us to pick up the dress on an earlier date because they were closing for Christmas. On the agreed date, my mother-in-law and I attended a wedding together before going to pick up the dress. Only for them to tell us it was a wrong date we should come back the following week on Thursday. This was strange because they were the ones who fixed the pick-up date. Plus, It wasn’t doable because Thursday was my traditional wedding.
There was a lot of back and forth until my mother-in-law volunteered to pick up the dress for me when she comes for the trad.
I forgot about my wedding dress.
Fast forward to my traditional wedding and I totally forget about my wedding dress because I’m busy with trad stuff. My mother-in-law had to remind me about it. My white wedding was meant to be two days after the traditional wedding and the agreement was trad in my state and white wedding in my husband’s state. So on the day after the trad, my mother-in-law came bearing bad news.
The omoest omo don happen.
See, I think she told my mom or something because no one said a word to me, maybe because they didn’t want to stress me. The bad news is, my wedding dress was delivered with a burnt black patch on my train. WHAT? WHATTTT?
The dress was delivered in a garment bag but my mother-in-law insisted on seeing the dress over. That was when she noticed the big, black, burnt patch.
WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WEDDING DRESS?
The person who delivered it was just as dumbfounded as we were. The store had closed for Christmas but they had someone deliver the dress to us. She didn’t even work with them, she was doing a friend a favour.
Apparently, the last bride before me, the train got caught in a sparkler and that was how it burnt.
The dress was huge and so it had to be fixed, the burnt bit. So, here I was, the day before my wedding waiting for my dress to be redone. They fixed the back, got another fabric on it but it was just wrinkled and the colour seemed off. Honestly, it didn’t look like the dress I tried on in their store anymore.
I almost wore my reception dress with a veil for my white wedding.
We almost went dress shopping in the morning but the refund we got wasn’t enough to rent another dress. I started threatening to wear my reception dress with a veil to the church. They fixed the dress as much as they could and I was just like, fuck it, it’s fine but inner me knew I was just managing it. The plan was to wear the dress for a few hours and just take it off as soon as I could.
Word of Advice to Young brides
Get a planner! I had one and she made sure I actually had a good time at the wedding. Not getting your dream dress is not the end of the world (although I’m still trying to convince myself to let go of the idea). Many things will go wrong, don’t come and kill yourself just have fun or get through the day without hurting anyone.
Without a doubt, Nigerian weddings are lit. I know it, you know it, everyone does. The only issue is that sometimes our people take it out of control with wedding souvenirs.
To compile this list, I had to go to the bottom of the internet. I hope it inspires your wedding souvenir. Love and light.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing. This is #NairaLife.
Nigeria has over 70,000 registered doctors, this #NairaLife is about one of them.
What is your oldest memory of money?
Primary school – primary one to be specific. I used to get ₦2 for school every morning for doughnuts and some sweets. Something else that comes to mind is getting some money from my mum whenever I sold her recharge cards at wholesale – she used to sell them at retail. I was about 11 or 12.
What’s the first ‘big’ money you had as a kid?
That will be my allowance in boarding school, around ₦1k or so – end of 2001. First time I got that money, I was thinking of buying a video game with it hahaha. PS One. I didn’t even know how much they cost o.
Tell me about boarding school.
I went to a government-run boarding school. What you quickly learn is that money is mandatory for survival and necessary for respect. If you don’t have money, you’ll perch up and down and lose your respect. Everyone will know because when they are buying, you can’t.
For me, money was nothing big really. I had money to get a Palito in JSS2, an MP4 player in SS2, and a Sony Eriksson phone in SS3.
What was it like post-secondary school?
I got more money from my pops. I never really did anything outside academics in my 1st degree. I was comfortable but couldn’t get all I wanted.
What’s something you wanted but couldn’t get?
A place and car of my own. I stayed with my uncle and in hostel in different levels.
Fair enough, what came next?
Graduated with a first-class, then NYSC. I stayed alone for the first time. Also bought a Samsung Galaxy S3 felt like a big boy. During NYSC, I had 3 sources of income:
My pops
NYSC allowee
Home lessons I did for secondary school and JAMB students.
How much did you charge for lessons and what year was this?
₦7k monthly for each centre – I taught in 2 places. 2012-2013.
So, after NYSC?
First, I started Masters and was already halfway then got accepted into medical school. I had to run both programmes simultaneously. Managed to finish Masters while I was in MBBS 3. I used to do some side hustle too, helped compose and print projects for some final year students.
What year was the toughest year?
2015 was the toughest year. I prayed for my MSc thesis defence dates and MBBS exams not to clash. They were going to take place almost the same time. Why was this important to me? I was studying medicine in Maiduguri and doing an MSc in Ilorin.
Bruh, how crazy was that route?
First of all, I don’t travel straight. I’ll leave Ilorin and stop for the night in Bauchi, then continue to Maiduguri. Bad roads in Kwara, the ever-scary Lokoja-Abuja road, multiple checkpoints in the Northeast.
It was exhausting, but I think I made the most of the opportunity I had. I finished my Master’s with a PhD grade – you can call that an excellent grade. In all, my dad was really supportive.
Your dad is clearly a force in your life.
Yeah. I actually won’t have been where I am today if he wasn’t there for me then.
That’s why December 2014 was very tough: I was writing my MBBS 2 exams when my dad died.
Bruh. I’m so sorry man That must have been devastating.
Yeah, it was. That’s why I rarely talk about it, it makes me emotional.
I’m so sorry man. Is it okay if I ask about some aspects of it now, less about him and more about how you had to cope?
Yeah. For starters, I used my inheritance to finish up medical school. My share was ₦2 million in cash – we didn’t have to sell off properties. I also got his car. What made it better is that one of my uncles was rich enough to take care of my two sisters and my little brother. So, I only had to worry about myself.
In my final year, I started receiving a monthly medical allowance from Bauchi state – ₦26k. This one started coming in January 2018.
How many years did the inheritance cover for you?
3 years, also my uncle paid for my school fees. I finished medical school in November 2018.
Congratulations! So the money was just even a backup.
That backup was for my mum and me. She was starting up a business, so I threw some into it.
Lit. And post-medical school?
I upgraded when I started my House job. My allowance from the state government upgraded to ₦110k, I got ₦165k from House job, then a side hustle paid ₦30k. That’s 305k. When I got my first pay, I gave my mum 80% of that money, almost ₦250k for her business.
Well done, man. What was the side hustle?
I consulted at a clinic.
What’s it like these days?
Now, I earn ₦200k working 2 jobs. No more government allowance.
Ouch. What type of life will this money fetch in Bauchi per month?
Not bad, considering the cost of living is relatively okay. Plus, I have a car so transportation isn’t much of a problem.
Most people in Bauchi generally earn less than ₦80k. Entry-level lecturers and bankers earn ₦90k and above.
How do you juggle two jobs?
I work every day from 9 am to 2 pm. Then 4 pm – 9 pm on Monday’s through Friday. I get ₦100k at each job. Most doctors do this until they get something better. Some entrepreneurial doctors even do it to get capital. But no doctor wants to do it forever. This will soon be over because I’m about to start my residency.
What’s the difference between a residency and a house job?
House job is officially called Housemanship, and it’s the compulsory 1-year internship for doctors immediately after medical school. Residency is our postgraduate. We get paid for both. Depending on the hospital, my residency should pay me from ₦250k to ₦350k.
Let’s break down how your 200k goes every month.
I give my mum ₦15k. I save ₦100k. My sisters are both working as nurses – the younger one is still doing her internship. I pay my little brother’s fees, ₦18k thrice yearly. Then food and other stuff.
The constant thing is my mum and my savings.
At this stage in your career, how much do you feel like you should be earning?
₦500k. If I get an NGO job with my qualifications – a BSc, MSc, and a medical degree – I’ll get paid this amount. If I start a residency, then combine this with the poultry business I intend to start, I’ll earn this amount.
What’s the next 5 years looking like?
I intend to the Medical licence exams for the UK. I don’t have all the details now, but for that entire process, I’m just going to budget 1.5 million.
Besides this 1.5, what’s something you want right now but can’t afford?
Another car. The one I want will cost me about ₦2.5 million, but I’m preparing for my wedding so no –
– Ohhhhh. There are a bunch of things. First, I’m renovating the family house, because we’ll be staying there temporarily. This renovation alone is costing ₦1.5 million. I actually got an architect to redesign before it got renovated.
Mad mad.
Then, the things inside the box for the bride, that’s costing ₦500k.
Ehn?
Kayan Lefe: it’s the boxes that the groom presents to the bride in the north, mostly containing fabrics and clothes. It could be less or more depending on what you can afford sha.
Then my bride will still need some things for the main ceremony – roughly ₦100k. Then I’m spending another ₦200k on myself. The food and other souvenirs will take the rest. If I decided to host a dinner, it would have been more. Postponed it because of coronavirus.
We postponed everything we thought we couldn’t postpone.
Yeah.
What’s an expense you incurred recently that significantly improved the quality of your life?
The renovation. It just feels so good. Fixed a water problem too. POP ceilings. Re-tiled a lot of the house.
What’s your biggest financial regret in recent memory?
Spending too much on restaurants. Lending people money too. I gave one girl ₦50k, and she just japa’d with my money.
Hahaha. Sorry man. About the restaurant part…
I spend up to ₦30k at restaurants in Bauchi. That’s a lot for me, especially when the average meal is like ₦500. Especially when you think about the fact that we have a cook.
We?
Oh, I live with my mum, my two sisters – the older one is divorced, so she lives with my niece, her daughter. There’s also my little brother and a cousin.
Your sister, it’s a curious thing.
Oh, she’s 25. When she was in Nursing School, she married this guy. And then suddenly, he wanted her to stop school. She divorced him. So all of us stood with her, and now she’s done and is a practising nurse.
Good riddance.
Hahaha.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your financial happiness?
6. To be honest, I know I’m not doing badly. I get more respect these days, but maybe that’s because I’m a doctor. But right now, getting married, starting my residency, and getting my business going will bring me close to 10.
Do you ever imagine what life would look like if things turned out differently?
To be honest, I think it’d have been worse. I might have had to drop out of school with my siblings. Maybe I’d be running a small business.
Your dad was a force in life and a force from the afterlife.
Haha, I didn’t even think about it like that.
Yeah. Sometimes when we talk to people, they give us new perspective to old grief.
Whether you do it in your father’s village or it’s a destination wedding in Dubai, no Nigerian wedding can be complete if the menu doesn’t include these dishes.
Small chops
It’s written in the Nigerian constitution that you must serve small chops as a starter at your wedding.
Jollof rice
We’ve not done proper research but it might be a criminal offense not to serve Jollof rice at your wedding. In fact, it’s just unheard of. And if it’s not firewood Jollof it doesn’t count.
Moin-moin
What’s jollof rice without spicy leaf wrapped moin-moin to go with it?
Fried rice
A standard plate of Nigerian wedding food has Jollof rice on one side and Fried rice on the other. The two just compliment each other.
Coleslaw and/or dodo to go with the rice.
Do you expect your guests to just be eating rice and meat like that? You have to garnish the rice with either coleslaw or dodo, and if you are feeling generous you put the two.
Ofada Rice & Ayamashe Sauce
Jollof and fried rice are great and all but it’s when the Ofada comes out that the real party starts.
Amala and ewedu
This is for your guests who are ready to wash hand and lose their home training. Make sure you garnish the ewedu and gbegiri with assorted
Pounded yam and efo riro
Emphasis on ‘pounded’ yam, poundo yam doesn’t count. Hot and fresh pounded yam must be on your Nigerian wedding food menu.
If you are feeling generous you can add ‘Chinese rice and sauce’ just to give your wedding some international exposure.
I’m not saying that I go to weddings because of food, but if there’s no food, I’m not going anywhere! If you’re someone like me, then I’m sure you’ve noticed these stages of getting food at Nigerian weddings.
Like, we all know that after small dancing, they will serve food. So tell me why you’re delaying my joy with your dance if you’re not wicked.
All of us have almost died, but you’re there doing shoki.
When they finally bring the food out, but keep skipping you.
Eskis me, sah. Am I invisible?
When the hunger gets too much, you just have to find the person that invited you.
See how your people are doing me. I’m hungry, epp.
When the waiter eventually heads your way to take your order.
Then comes back again and again… for the same order.
The same waiter comes back with a tray high above his head, and you’re excited for your food.
Only for him to lower it and give you water.
Then the gods finally smile on you and they bring you small chops.
Wawu… So I survived this torture?
Finally, they bring the jollof rice to your table.
By this time, you’re already shaking. And as your fate will have it, the plates finish before they reach you. You want to start shouting, but home training.
The waiter comes back with his tray, only to give you yam pottage and tell you that jollof rice has finished.
Whattt??? Jesus, is this a heart attack?
Have a wedding food nightmare story? Share with us, let’s laugh at you too!
These days, it appears couples are in a competition to have the most extra and oversabi wedding on earth, just check out these pre-wedding shoots and cakes.
1. It appears people have started losing their home-training o!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BKn6FI_D86m/
Their dance moves are not even fire.
2. This bride kuku turned her wedding into a Beyonce concert.
Na wa o! See how bored the groom looks.
3. These ones were just doing bad things up and down.
https://www.instagram.com/p/BKlbbtrDrRg/
Na wa!
4. This one is a club party o!
https://www.instagram.com/p/BJq-leijlOg/
See miming!
5. This couple that threw their home-training away.
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