visit | Zikoko!

Heading for another sleepover at your fuck buddy’s house soon? Let’s choose the chore you’ll be doing when you wake up.

Prisca

February 23, 2022

In Your Feels, Quizzes

Chore, fuck buddy, visit
Sometimes, when you want to go to a new city, you need advice. Well, here are 7 very important things you need to know if you are going to the city of Port Harcourt for the first time.

1) Bole

They eat bole like the meal that it is, with fish, sauce, etc. If you are used to eating with groundnut like a person that is suffering, now is your chance to truly enjoy it. You cannot come to Port Harcourt and not try the bole, it is criminal.

2) Population

Because of how small the population is, everyone is sleeping with everyone, especially Ikwere boys. You will be seeing someone, but will not know he is your ex’s neighbour’s brother. The population is so small, you cannot meet any new person. Everyone is just recycling partners.

3) UST boys

There is a popular basketball court inside UST, where all the boys assemble to gist about the girl of the week. Sleep with one, your gist will become Saturday morning devotion. Fear UST boys, then fear God.

4) Language

It is not every new slang or word you hear outside that you repeat someplace. Respect yourself, before somebody stops you one day and asks you questions you cannot answer.

5) Hang-out spots

There is nowhere new to go. You will go to the same places like fifteen times to do the same thing you have done a hundred times, because what else? No excitement.

6) Inexpensive

It usually does not cost as much to live in PH. Especially if you are coming from places like Lagos and Abuja, the Port Harcourt lifestyle will not break your pocket.

7) Clothes

There are certain colours you cannot wear to certain places. Do not let them follow you to your father’s house to cause trouble. Please, just ask before you move about.

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Itohan Esekheigbe

November 23, 2020

Inside Life

Hacks, Port harcourt, visit
1. When your parents are warning you not to eat anything in their friend’s house

Na wa for una.
2. How they greet each other:

Old people sha.
3. When the first thing their friend says to you is “you’ve added oh.”

What should I now do?
4. When they start complaining about your hair, your dress, or how you greeted them.

It’s not your fault sha. It’s my mother that dragged me here.
5. How your mother looks at you when her friend offers you food:

“I’ve already eaten, ma.”
6. When your parents are gisting with their friend and you try to add mouth.

Ah sorry ma.
7. When you misbehave and your mother gives you that ‘when we get home’ look.

I’m dead oh!
8. When your parents start reporting things you did months ago to their friends.

Can we move on though?
9. When your parent’s friends think they are substitute parents and start giving life advice.

Can you not?
10. When your parents make you wash all the plates you met in their friend’s sink.

I’m now house help for rent, abi?
11. When they force you to go and play with their children that you don’t even know.

Chai! Is it by force?
12. When you were done with the visit 3 hours ago but your parents are still lost in their gist.

Chai!
13. When your parents say “let us go” and they actually stand up to go.

Praise Jesus!

Daniel Orubo

August 1, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Friends, growing up, House, Nigerian parents, visit
1. When you’re begging your parents to let your friend come and visit you.

You have to bring PowerPoint presentation to convince them.
2. You, reminding you friend to greet your parents properly.

Better don’t be doing anyhow.
3. How your parents look at them if they come and visit earlier than 12pm:

Chai!
4. How your parents look at them if they are still in your house when it’s dark:

Be going, biko.
5. When your friend doesn’t greet your parents properly and you already know that friendship is over.

Chai! Time to find new friend.
6. How you look at your friend that prostrates to greet your parents:

They will now be comparing both of you forever.
7. When your parents spend half the visit interrogating your friends.

Okay, Mummy FBI, can you go now?
8. When your mother asks “have you offered your friend anything?” and they say no.

See this one. You don’t have food in your house?
9. When your friend of the opposite sex says they want to come to your house.

Abeg oh! I’m not ready to die yet.
10. When your mother offers them food and they reject it.

Hay God!
11. When your friend says “your parents are so nice.”

It’s because you’re here oh.
12. When you make them ask your parents to allow you to go out so they don’t say no.

I sabi, abeg.
13. How your friend looks when your parents start shouting on you in their presence:

Well, this is awkward.
14. When your friend wants to leave your house without telling your parents first.

Better respect yourself.
15. When your parents that were smiling with them start insulting them immediately they leave.

“Don’t bring that idiot to my house again.”
16. When it’s time to go and visit that friend and your parents ask “how many times have they come here?”

Are you serious?

Daniel Orubo

July 27, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Friend, growing up, House, Nigeria, Nigerian parents, visit
1. “Don’t you have your own house?”

See wahala.
2. “What are you going to do there?”

Armed robbery. What will I be going to do there before?
3. “Can’t they visit you?”

They have visited me. Oya?
4. “How many times have they come here?”

Chineke!
5. “Do we know them?”

What is it?
6. “Where do they stay?”

Why? Do you want to rent?
7. “Are they in your school?”

Jisos! Can I go already?
8. “What are they studying?”

You want to pay their school fees?
9. “Who are their parents?”

My God!
10. “Where are they from?”

Earth, I think.
11. “What do their parents do?”

Mummy oh!
12. “Are they born again?”

Am I Jesus?
13. “Which church do they attend?”

Na wa.

Daniel Orubo

April 14, 2016

Oldies

african, Friend, Nigerian, Parents, Questions, visit
Daniel Orubo

March 1, 2016

Oldies

grandma, grandmother, Nigerian, visit

1) Bole

2) Population

3) UST boys

4) Language

5) Hang-out spots

6) Inexpensive

7) Clothes

1. When your parents are warning you not to eat anything in their friend’s house

2. How they greet each other:

3. When the first thing their friend says to you is “you’ve added oh.”

4. When they start complaining about your hair, your dress, or how you greeted them.

5. How your mother looks at you when her friend offers you food:

6. When your parents are gisting with their friend and you try to add mouth.

7. When you misbehave and your mother gives you that ‘when we get home’ look.

8. When your parents start reporting things you did months ago to their friends.

9. When your parent’s friends think they are substitute parents and start giving life advice.

10. When your parents make you wash all the plates you met in their friend’s sink.

11. When they force you to go and play with their children that you don’t even know.

12. When you were done with the visit 3 hours ago but your parents are still lost in their gist.

13. When your parents say “let us go” and they actually stand up to go.

1. When you’re begging your parents to let your friend come and visit you.

2. You, reminding you friend to greet your parents properly.

3. How your parents look at them if they come and visit earlier than 12pm:

4. How your parents look at them if they are still in your house when it’s dark:

5. When your friend doesn’t greet your parents properly and you already know that friendship is over.

6. How you look at your friend that prostrates to greet your parents:

7. When your parents spend half the visit interrogating your friends.

8. When your mother asks “have you offered your friend anything?” and they say no.

9. When your friend of the opposite sex says they want to come to your house.

10. When your mother offers them food and they reject it.

11. When your friend says “your parents are so nice.”

12. When you make them ask your parents to allow you to go out so they don’t say no.

13. How your friend looks when your parents start shouting on you in their presence:

14. When your friend wants to leave your house without telling your parents first.

15. When your parents that were smiling with them start insulting them immediately they leave.

16. When it’s time to go and visit that friend and your parents ask “how many times have they come here?”

1. “Don’t you have your own house?”

2. “What are you going to do there?”

3. “Can’t they visit you?”

4. “How many times have they come here?”

5. “Do we know them?”

6. “Where do they stay?”

7. “Are they in your school?”

8. “What are they studying?”

9. “Who are their parents?”

10. “Where are they from?”

11. “What do their parents do?”

12. “Are they born again?”

13. “Which church do they attend?”