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violence | Zikoko!
  • Guns in Nigeria: A disaster waiting to happen? 

    Guns in Nigeria: A disaster waiting to happen? 

    Between 2020 to 2024, several bills and pleas have reached the Nigerian Senate regarding the use of firearms. The most recent bill came from Senator Ned Nwoko in January 2024.  His bill called for the introduction of a law allowing civilians in Nigeria to own and carry firearms for self-defence stating insecurity as a major reason. 

    The requirements necessary for owning these firearms as proposed by Senator Nwoko included references from medical doctors, endorsement from local government officials, certification from traditional leaders, and confirmation by the Divisional Police Officer to verify the absence of criminal involvement among others. While this bill has passed its first reading and garnered strong support from other prominent figures, recent events paint this bill as a bad idea. 

    On Saturday, March 30 2024, the bodies of three dead and four injured children were recovered after a gunpowder explosion in Taraba state. The  Commissioner of Police, Taraba State Command, CP David Iloyanomon confirmed the incident happened in Didango Geita, a community in Karim Lamido Local Government Area of Taraba State. 

    What’s the full story?

    The seven victims had reportedly gone to help on a rice farm belonging to the grandfather of one of the deceased. Things took a different turn when an explosion was heard at the site. The eyewitness who reported the event,  Mallam Audu Danjuma, said the villagers broke into a panic thinking it was an IED explosion and contacted the police.

     However, CP David Iloyonomon refuted this claim stating it was a gunpowder explosion from a Dane gun triggered by the children. According to him, the anti-bomb unit has carried out a thorough investigation and confirmed this. The Police commissioner further explained that a bombing or dynamite explosion would have blasted the children’s bodies beyond recognition, leaving no survivors. The positioning of the children’s bodies and pellets of gunpowder found at the scene also supports the police’s findings. This paints a clear picture of what happened and takes away the possibility of an IED explosion or an assailant.

    The deceased children, all below the age of 12, were identified as Miracle Danjuma, Liyacheyan Bitrus, and Kefas Bitrus. The injured children, Joseph Danjuma, Leah Aluda, Godbless Hassan, and Christian Hassan, are receiving treatment at the state’s specialist hospital in Jalingo, the state capital.

    This brings to question whether firearms are a solution to Nigeria’s insecurity problems or the beginning of many possible problems with accidents like this being one of them. Can the Senate trust Nigerians to only use guns for self-defence and to keep them far away from children or should we potentially expect more cases like this? 

  • 8 Ways To Deal With Your Wicked Neighbour Physically And Spiritually

    8 Ways To Deal With Your Wicked Neighbour Physically And Spiritually

    Do you have a wicked neighbour that has constantly gets on your nerves? Well, here is how you can have some revenge.

    1) Mess with the clothing lines

    You can either remove all the lines one night while they sleep, or you can wash clothes in the middle of the night so by the time they wake up, they will not see clothes to spread. Keep pouring water on your clothes so you will take up the lines for the entire weekend.

    2) Knock their generator

    They had been using the generator to terrorise and disturb you, it is your time to fight back! Make sure you wait for the time the electricity of the entire street is bad. Knowing Nigeria, that can even be tomorrow. When the time comes, just keep doing things to make sure his generator will go off. Things like pouring water into it.

    3) Put a calabash in front of his door

    Just not just any calabash, this one must be tied with a red cloth and have a broken egg and some feathers inside. This will instil fear into the heart of your wicked neighbour.

    4) Put red paint in their water tank

    Make them think they are experiencing the plagues of Egypt first hand, but please stop at that. Don’t kill anyone’s first son.

    5) If you live upstairs, MARCH

    If your flat is above their’s, then wake up at 2 a.m, the crux of sleep time, and march in your apartment. All the stomping and noisemaking will wake them up. The Bible says no rest for the wicked, so why shall a wicked neighbour sleep?

    6) Puncture their tyre

    Where will they go once their tyre is punctured? Let them sit in the house and dwell in their wickedness.

    7) Don’t call them when they bring light

    That two hundred naira petrol? They must burn it. Since they want to be wicked, show dem that you wickeder than them.

    8) Take their picture to the mountain

    Since they have chosen stubborness, go on a fifty day and fifty night fast so that the powers above and below can get involved.

    If you do any of these things, pray you are not caught. If you want to read more life shenanigans, click here

    QUIZ: IF YOU GET 15/24 IN THIS QUIZ, YOUR SPOT IN HEAVEN IS ALREADY SET


  • Welcome To 2019, Our Year of Nigerian Escape Visas, Okay?

    If you’re Nigerian and currently living in Nigeria (sorry), chances are, you probably rang the new year in church, mouth open, one hand in the air, with the other hopefully not snap chatting the countdown. You, together with a congregation of other faithfuls threw prayers up, hopeful that 2019 comes with better promises than 2018.

    To reinforce this sentiment, your pastor probably prophesied prosperity into your lives, promising 2019 breakthroughs, just like they’ve been promised for the last seven years. You left church pumped and ready to take on 2019 with your chest. Yay for you!

    Or perhaps you’re Muslim, prosperity and breakthrough are common themes for a New Year, you probably prayed these for yourself for 2019. Good stuff.

    Well, I’m here to tell you one thing that may or may not have been missed. If you’re looking to do the prosperity thing, or have breakthrough this year — then please, for the love of yourself, do it out of the Nigerian land of Zanku.

    See, almost anywhere will do, Canada oh, Ghana oh, even Benin Republic might not be bad. They have nice beaches, see. The important thing is now, or in the near future — your bags are packed, or ready to be packed to enable you miss Nigeria from the abroad. Because the way things are looking, Nigeria go hot this 2019.

    Okay, maybe we’re being a tad dramatic. But we’re looking at predictions for Nigeria’s 2019 and they are not looking good. Here’s the very first problem:

    These 2019 Elections They’ve Been Shouting About

    There’s a reason Nigerian hearts do a collective gbim-gbim when we hear elections are coming up, and it’s not because we’re excited for the next round of looters to roll through. Nope, never that.

    Ever since we’ve had the privilege of elections, some people (who were once president) have taken it to be a literal do or die affair. About 300 people lost their lives to election violence in the 2003 elections. More worryingly- 800 died in the wake of the 2011 elections. Even in 2015, about 58 people lost their lives to election violence, and this was even before the polls that brought Buhari in took place.

    As it stands now, we don’t know how this 2019 elections might turn out. If you’re planning on finding out, do so from a safe distance — that visa agent is just a call away boo.

    Dollar Price Is Going Waaay Up.

    Remember the good times when $1 went for 140 naira and we were still complaining like the Lord wasn’t doing us a good thing? Well, cherish those memories, and even this 350 we’re currently ‘enjoying’, because 2019 is going to give the dollar more muscle against the naira.

    See, it goes back to these politicians. To steal sway votes, they need a lot of money. So their increased demand for dollars to fund this, is reducing the dollars Nigeria should ordinarily have in her back pocket (reserves) and that translates to a weak naira against the dollar.

    But that’s not all…

    Oil Prices Are Not Smiling

    This oil Nigeria always carries on her head, well, it might put us in a sticky dollar situation this 2019.

    If you missed it, there is an oversupply of oil the world over, and it is causing a reduction in oil prices everywhere.

    What that means for Nigeria is, our primary source of revenue is currently not bringing in money like it used to, with analysts predicting that these low prices might weaken the naira to exchange at ₦380 for $1.

    On the plus side, if you remain, you’ll be encouraged to #buyNigeriantogrowthenaira. Ain’t nobody got time for ASOS exchange rates!

    Nigeria May Not Have Heard The Last From The Herdsmen

    These people scare me so much, I was actually a little scared to write their names out in full. For the better part of last year, the herdsmen or whatever group poses as herdsmen – terrorised farmlands and areas across Nigeria.

    Lately, we haven’t heard too much from them, and that’s great. But before you think Nigeria is peaceful and get distracted from your plans to seek gay asylum in Greece or wherever, statements like these have started flying around.

    Quadruple that visa hustle friends, don’t say we didn’t tell you.