Goats are to Easter what chickens are to Christmas. And just like at Christmas, we expect the crime rates in the kitchen to skyrocket during this time. For newbies in this game and oldies who want to outsmart the goat meat thieves this year, we’ve decided to suggest five efficient ways to keep your goat meat safe for Easter celebrations.

Kolo

Traditionally made for saving cash, this can come in handy when you realise you have to take desperate measures to protect your goat meat from friends and family. 

Safety deposit boxes

You have to understand that these guys aren’t relenting in their efforts to part you from your ogunfe. The kolo can be easily destroyed, but a safety deposit box with secret combination codes can make that much harder to do. Like the Saviour on Easter Sunday, Ji, ma sun.

Bank vaults

If you’re like me and your deep-fried goat meat is very precious to you, then you’ll agree with me that there’s no place too extreme to hide them. You can take your trays of fried meat to a bank and drop them as precious deposits. I’m sure they’d understand.

A Lagos apartment

To be honest, if our politicians can rent an entire apartment to hide stacks of stolen public funds, then why can’t you do the same for goat meat? Let’s face it — is there really any amount too much to spend on keeping your goat meat from the itchy fingers of the crooks in your house?

Newspaper

Just hide them between pages of newspapers. Nobody reads them anymore anyway.

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