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Forget what Chimamanda Adichie told you about Nsukka in her stories, if you picked UNN hoping to enjoy that serenity or fall in love like Obinze and Ifemelu, I feel sorry for you. The ways the school will frustrate you oporrr.
Here are some of the ways UNN will make you regret being an undergraduate. Read and tell us if we are lying.
1. Hot and cold weather served together
Dearest undergraduate, you arrived on campus without a sweater? How do you like your suffering? Cold or chilled? Ah, uncle, you came with a sweater? RIP in advance oh. The heat is coming to parboil you.
2. 6 A:M GST classes
Welcome to UNN. Your first year GST classes are fixed by 6am and by 6:15 the hall is already full but the lecturer who is driving down from Enugu doesn’t show up until 8am. All die na die. Attendance, mandatory!
3. You had a sex life before? Forget it
You were a player before you got admitted to UNN and now you want to step up your game abi? You see all those condoms you came with? You will go back home with all of them. Every single one of them. Or maybe you will use them as balloons sha. Everybody here dey pursue CGPA, no time for knack.
4. Okpa is your new best friend
Fried rice, Jollof rice, Amala, Akpu, Pizza, Shawarma all of them will take a backseat so your new found delicacy, Okpa di oku, can reign supreme. You don’t have a choice, you either eat or you starve. Don’t worry, the taste gets better with time. It takes practice.
5. Oh you will trek. YOU. WILL. TREK.
The school’s map is haphazard with faculties scattered all around campus. Chances are that there is no cab going to Abuja building or Vet. So be prepared to walk the 2KM distance with your Leg-edes Benz . By your third year, you may notice that your trousers don’t fit through your calves anymore or that you no longer stand straight in photos. Pele. After graduation, better represent Nigeria in the wakwak olympics.
7. Chemistry Department will welcome you with your first F
You were headboy ooo, you had 9 As in Waec, you scored 340 in JAMB, Chemistry department doesn’t care. They will put you with the others. The first name you will likely hear in UNN is Asegebeloyin, Professor of Inorganic Chemistry and the enabler of your first F. Don’t stress it, just collect your L and rest.
7. Marathon Exams
You don’t need to check your exam timetable, it’s most likely a straightforward Monday to Friday exams, with two days in between where you write two or more papers. To be a lion is not a day’s job.
8. Kirikiri has got nothing on the boys hostel
If you have never seen the inside of a prison before, Alvan hall and Eni Njoku are the closest experience you will ever get. The inmates are running the asylum over there.
9. Extra Year is the rule not the exception
“Them don tidy me.” If you are wondering what that phrase means, wait till you approach your penultimate year, Them go tidyyou join.
10. Zero social life
Don’t expect any special social events while on campus. Nobody get time.
Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.
As someone who spent about four years on a Nigerian campus, I know that it’s almost impossible to avoid stressful situations in a university. It’s almost like the institutions are set up to frustrate you over the bare minimum. For Aluta and Chill this week, I spoke to a couple of University of Nigeria students and got them to talk about a stressful experience they’ve had to deal with at the university.
Emmanuel — Being the class rep almost cost him a year
I had just gotten into the university and was so hyped about everything I was about to experience. When classes started, we held elections for the post of the class representative and I joined the race. I won, but it felt good only for a short time. The thing about being the class rep is that you become so busy helping others out that you forget that you have your problems too. I was caught up with helping other students out with lecturers, class schedules and those sorts of things that I didn’t put much thought into the fact that I hadn’t completed my first-year registration process. And if you miss the registration for the year, the chances that you will be kicked out of the school is pretty high.
When I eventually got started on it, it was almost too late. The funny thing about the whole thing was that only a few people were willing to help me out. I expected more from people because I was the rep, but sadly it didn’t work like that. By the time everything was ready, it was the last day of registration and the queues were so long. I had to beg the official in charge of registering students in my department to ensure that I got it done. It’s not an experience I like to remember. I got a lesson out of the whole mess though — I realised that I couldn’t kill myself. The first thing I did was leave my role as the class rep and I haven’t looked back since.
Zorle — Made a series of trips between two towns to get a list
I switched from the Department of Combined Arts to Law in my second year. I needed to transfer my school files from the campus in Nsukka to Enugu, where the law faculty is. The faculty officer was supposed to get a list of the transfer students, but for some reason, nobody sent it. And I didn’t know about this until I moved to Enugu. She wasn’t helpful and literally chased me out of her office. This kicked off back and forth trips between Nsukka and Enugu.
It was only a list and you would think that it shouldn’t be hard to get, but no, these people had other plans for me. At the Nsukka campus, the woman in charge kept me in her office for over 3 hours. When she finally remembered that I was there to get something, she told me that she had closed for the day. I had no choice but to travel back to Enugu.
For the next three days, I travelled between Enugu and Nsukka to make sure that I got this list. On the third day, I had grown so weary of the whole thing, and when it looked like she was going to leave me unattended to again, I braced myself, approached her and told her that I couldn’t go another day without getting what I needed. My little outburst worked, but it was late evening before I was done for that day.
I had nowhere to stay in Nsukka, so it was important to return to Enugu that night. I was stranded for hours before I got a vehicle to Enugu and I had to fight tooth and nail before I got myself a seat. I realised how broke the trips had made me. And how exhausted I was. By the way, I didn’t get the list on that day too — she asked me to come back. I broke down inside the bus and cried. That period was a really dark time for me. It wasn’t fun at all.
Jubilee — An exam held hours later than originally planned
I was in my third year and it was time for exams. So, this exam was supposed to be held in the school library. But as it turned out, some students were using the library for their examination already. We were moved to another venue, and that was supposed to be all. The exam was scheduled for 8 am, but with the whole venue problem, we didn’t settle in until 12 noon. One hour passed and we hadn’t started the exam and nobody told us what was happening. Word started to fly around that there were issues with the server. Another hour passed and nothing happened.
Around 6 pm, they asked us to go back to the library where the exam was originally scheduled to hold. It was raining but we had no choice but to defy the rain and make it to the venue. Everyone was tired and hungry. Anyone who left would probably have to sit for the exam the following year. Anyway, we were finally done around 8 pm. However, the day wasn’t over for me. I was living outside the campus, so I needed a school shuttle to get me home. Unfortunately, it had rained earlier and these vehicles tended to disappear whenever it rained. It was a big struggle to get myself home. It was just a really stressful day and everything happened because the system wanted to mess with us.
Melissa — Fell ill during exams
This happened in my fourth year. There was an ASUU strike earlier in the year and when it was finally called off, the school ran on an accelerated calendar. We had to learn the same volume of work but in a shorter period of time. On the day exams started, I fell super ill. I was put on drugs and injections for a couple of days. But the thing isthat I needed to get a lot of sleep to give the medication a chance to work, but it was exam season and I couldn’t afford to do that. I had to push the pain to the background and study for my exams. I was pulling all-nighters and studying most of the day.
I actually thought that I was going to die. The trickiest part was making sure I didn’t blank out inside the exam hall. The fatigue had caught up with me and I was always racing against time to make sure I wouldn’t have to write any of the exams the following year. It would have been easier if I was closer to home. My friends in school couldn’t help because they were studying for their exams too. I was alone, sick, and in pain.
Victor — The aftermath of a protest made his life hell
I was in my first year and the second-semester exams were approaching. I don’t know what happened there but the power company stopped supplying the school. The school’s back-up generator was also faulty, so we had power for only 3 hours every day. This went for three weeks and it didn’t look like there was an end in sight. The Student Union decided to protest, but things got out of hand. The protest escalated into a full-blown riot. The school management shut down the school for a month. When they called us back, they insisted that we had to pay a reparation fee to the bank.
This was where it started to become unbearable for me. I made trips to the bank for an entire week, but I couldn’t pay this fee because the portal was too congested. That was only the beginning. The struggle to get a court affidavit, confirming that I wasn’t a cultist was the next thing I had to deal with. Then, clearance from the school security department. Finally, I had everything I needed to submit to the student affairs department, but the problem was that there were thousands of students there, fighting to submit their documents to. It was quite ‘the violent taketh it by force’ situation. And here is the thing — I wasn’t even in school when the protests broke out, I was in Ebonyi State.
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Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill?Check back every Thursday at 9 AM for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.
The first year in a Nigerian university is always one hell of a ride. It’s like finally getting admitted into this prestigious club but then the club has more downs than ups. Here’s a list of some good and bad stuff year one students in Nigerian universities will relate to:
1. All the registration stress and queues.
The one thing you can be certain about in Nigerian universities is queues. There is always a queue, and it’s worse for year one students because they have a registration deadline to meet.
2. The wait for reg number.
You spend 2 weeks on campus and you are still stuck with your JAMB reg number.
3. Matriculation day excitement.
And of course, your parents come through Nigerian style. One cooler of rice, a cake in the university colors and crates of malt for your friends and fans
4. Priding in the fact that you now have “lectures” and not “lessons”.
Levels have changed yo.
5. Dropping the name of your university with shoulders high when neighbours ask.
Status successfully upgraded.
6. The struggle for accommodation.
The struggle is indeed real. Lagos state agents have got nothing on campus agents. It be your own students.
7. Attending classes back to back because you want to make first-class.
With 5.0 CGPA goals on your mind. In spite of the fact that you and WAEC did not really end on good terms.
Humbled by the questions that look like HD when the lectures were only taught in 2D. Also humbled by the mean invigilators and how much space they put between desks. And finally humbled by the fact that other people are already asking for an extra sheet and you can’t even bring yourself to understand what question one wants from you.
9. Checking your first exam results.
You go with your heart in your hands because. And on your way you probably get flashbacks from all the times you were sleeping like a bear when you should have been cramming definitions.
10. First embarrassment from a lecturer.
And you’re like, I thought the point of being a university student is that I will now be treated like an adult? Which one is “get out of my class”?
That’s 9 things most year one students in Nigerian Universities will relate to. Which struggle was the realest for you?
Life in the den (PS: “The den” is the second cooler name of the UNN campus) comes with mixed experiences. One day you are at a party having the time of your life and then the next you are looking at an F on a course you spent nights studying and asking God “how?”. We asked 7 UNN graduates about their worst UNN experiences and here’s what they told us:
Ivy, Graduated, 2018: My graduation was delayed because my department misplaced my results.
When I was about to graduate my department said they were looking for 3 of my courses. With a lot of difficulty and plenty of insults, I was able to get one of the results. But one of the lecturers said he (he was the exam officer) will only release it when he feels like. And mind you there was limited time before merit list would be out. In the end and after so much crying and begging he still did not release it. He checked the results o and he saw I didn’t fail it. But he just said he didn’t feel like releasing it. I had to involved the HOD (God bless that reverend sister’s soul) and she fought for it. Let me not even get into what went down with the third course.
Kelechi, Graduated 2019: I got robbed in my lodge.
I still have some leftover PTSD from this event. My roommate and I got robbed in our room off-campus. It was during my final year days when I had just relocated to the most popular off-campus also known as “hilltop” reputable for bad boys/girls, cultists and etc. I had been warned but I let my caution down one night when my roommate and I fell asleep while our balcony door was somewhat wide open. By approximately 3:20 am, with extremely bright lights on our faces and fear in our tongues, we were robbed of our beloved phones. The next morning, we realized we weren’t the only ones. The robber had also robbed almost everyone in one series of the lodge. It taught me a number of lessons, especially that, the Den actually had a lot of hungry lions – literally.
David, Graduated 2017: My phone got stolen during an exam.
During exams we are asked to drop our bags outside the hall. I left my wallet and newly acquired Iphone in there. When I came back to get my bag i noticed my phone was just gone. I almost ran mad.
Onyinye, Graduated 2018: The exam invigilator tore my script.
I was combining two courses and that in itself was already hell. Having to write three different papers on the same day, thereby having to spend half hours for two exams just because lecturers refused to shift exams for each other like they’re having some sort of interdepartmental beef. Also when I got my script torn in the exam hall. I just hate failing
Sandra, Graduated 2017: My final clearance was a nightmare.
Courtesy of the tedious bureaucratic process the university so diligently upholds. My final clearance week was a total nightmare. I spent most of it trekking from office to office under the hot sun and in most offices I met snail speed queues. Plus all the fees I suddenly had to pay. I’m so glad that phase is long over. I can say my final clearance definitely topped the list of my was my worst UNN experiences.
Henry, Graduated 2016: I failed the same course twice.
In my defense I didn’t fail the course the first time. My result got misplaced and I had to rewrite the course. Since I didn’t really fail it the first time, I figured I would see the questions and remember the answers the I gave the first time. Spoiler- It ended in tears.
“Great loins and lionesses!”, if UNN graduates got a dollar for each time they were called that and expected to “roar” in return they wouldn’t have had to immediately go into the job market. Because they would be swimming in all the dollars they got.
That aside, here are 10 other things UNN graduates can relate to:
1. Walking through the Stadium at night and reciting Psalm 23 because the stadium becomes a literal shadow of death at night.
And you are with your phone and laptop because your smart ass had to go for nightclass.
2. When they postpone GS and CEDR again
You’ll be on your own diligently reading for the exam and the next thing you’ll see a message from the course rep in the Whatsapp group saying they have post opened the exam again. But your bag of rice and carton of noodles has already finished.
Sometimes Nigerian universities are fun, but most times they are episode after episode of pure hell. If you attended one then you can probably identify one of the reasons why you hated school on this list. Or two reasons, or three. Or maybe the entire list is your story too.
1. There’s ALWAYS a queue.
While Lagosians are spending half their lifetime roasting in traffic, Nigerian students are spending there’s on queues. There’s a long queue at the banks, another one at the bursar’s office, and another at the bus stop, and at the toilet, at the restaurant too, at the Wi-Fi zone, there’s even a queue for your crush. And the queues make it a point to move at snail speed.
2. WhatsApp groups were invented in Nigerian universities.
There’s a WhatsApp group for everything; for every faculty, for every department, for every level in the department, for people who have forgotten their registration numbers, for people who have issues, for the people planning a party and even for people attending the party.
3. Assignments.
You think nursery, primary and secondary schools have all given you enough assignments for one lifetime but you get into the university and realize you are just starting.
4. Blackouts ergo water scarcity on campus.
Just when you have a deadline to submit an assignment the blackouts start and the water scarcity always almost follows suit. And you can best believe the university management is hardly ever in a hurry to fix the issue.
5. Impromptu tests a.k.a Tear out a sheet of paper.
The absolute worst kind of surprise. And lecturers loooooove to see it happen. Don’t they know that nobody reads until the exam time table is published?
6. Strikes.
At first you think it’s not so bad. Its like going on holiday before holiday, but then the strike stretches into months and you start wondering if you’ll ever see your B.SC in this life.
