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Forget what Chimamanda Adichie told you about Nsukka in her stories, if you picked UNN hoping to enjoy that serenity or fall in love like Obinze and Ifemelu, I feel sorry for you. The ways the school will frustrate you oporrr.
Here are some of the ways UNN will make you regret being an undergraduate. Read and tell us if we are lying.
1. Hot and cold weather served together
Dearest undergraduate, you arrived on campus without a sweater? How do you like your suffering? Cold or chilled? Ah, uncle, you came with a sweater? RIP in advance oh. The heat is coming to parboil you.
2. 6 A:M GST classes
Welcome to UNN. Your first year GST classes are fixed by 6am and by 6:15 the hall is already full but the lecturer who is driving down from Enugu doesn’t show up until 8am. All die na die. Attendance, mandatory!
3. You had a sex life before? Forget it
You were a player before you got admitted to UNN and now you want to step up your game abi? You see all those condoms you came with? You will go back home with all of them. Every single one of them. Or maybe you will use them as balloons sha. Everybody here dey pursue CGPA, no time for knack.
4. Okpa is your new best friend
Fried rice, Jollof rice, Amala, Akpu, Pizza, Shawarma all of them will take a backseat so your new found delicacy, Okpa di oku, can reign supreme. You don’t have a choice, you either eat or you starve. Don’t worry, the taste gets better with time. It takes practice.
5. Oh you will trek. YOU. WILL. TREK.
The school’s map is haphazard with faculties scattered all around campus. Chances are that there is no cab going to Abuja building or Vet. So be prepared to walk the 2KM distance with your Leg-edes Benz . By your third year, you may notice that your trousers don’t fit through your calves anymore or that you no longer stand straight in photos. Pele. After graduation, better represent Nigeria in the wakwak olympics.
7. Chemistry Department will welcome you with your first F
You were headboy ooo, you had 9 As in Waec, you scored 340 in JAMB, Chemistry department doesn’t care. They will put you with the others. The first name you will likely hear in UNN is Asegebeloyin, Professor of Inorganic Chemistry and the enabler of your first F. Don’t stress it, just collect your L and rest.
7. Marathon Exams
You don’t need to check your exam timetable, it’s most likely a straightforward Monday to Friday exams, with two days in between where you write two or more papers. To be a lion is not a day’s job.
8. Kirikiri has got nothing on the boys hostel
If you have never seen the inside of a prison before, Alvan hall and Eni Njoku are the closest experience you will ever get. The inmates are running the asylum over there.
9. Extra Year is the rule not the exception
“Them don tidy me.” If you are wondering what that phrase means, wait till you approach your penultimate year, Them go tidyyou join.
10. Zero social life
Don’t expect any special social events while on campus. Nobody get time.
The coronavirus pandemic caught the whole world off-guard and largely unprepared. The world switched into self-preservation mode and put stringent rules in place to curb the spread of the virus. Then, came the total lockdown of activities. Schools were not spared.
Usually, Nigerian students are at their busiest in their final years as they have to write projects and write examinations. Alas, even that was brought to a standstill as lives had to be saved first. I asked a couple of final year students from different Nigerian universities to share what their experiences with the pandemic have been.
Christian Ndukwe, Alex Ekwueme Federal Teaching Hospital, Abakaliki – Caught in a love triangle
I always thought love triangles involving lecturers and students were absent in nursing schools until I got caught in one. I liked a female colleague, but her guardian, a reverend father, disapproved of our relationship. At first, I thought he was being overly protective. But that wasn’t the case. He had been having sex with her for over a year now. She told me she would have loved to be with me but feels her education might be affected if she did. When the ‘rona came around, the resistance to our relationship became more serious. The school’s dean of students affairs summoned me and threatened to expel me. He asked me to put down the names of the girls I’ve had sexual relations with. When I refused, he promised to deal with me.
I had a problem with my course registration, but he refused to fix it until I succumbed to their wishes. I couldn’t understand what the fuss what’s all about, so I didn’t change my position on the matter. Eventually, he got my Statistics lecturer on his side, who said he would make sure I failed his course because I missed more than 50% of his lectures.
I discussed the newest development with the girl, and we agreed to break off the relationship. I really wished we were still together, but when the result was announced and I cleared all my papers, I knew it was worth the sacrifice.
Arinze Christian, University of Nigeria – Trapped in school
After the COVID breakout, I had some project stuff to settle. I thought staying in school would give me space and time to accomplish a great deal on my project, but I was wrong. I couldn’t work effectively because everyone had left the school,– the entire school was like a graveyard, 7 PM became the new 12 midnight. It was so boring and frustrating. If the internet didn’t exist, I have no idea how I would have survived. When the inter-state ban was lifted and I didn’t hesitate to leave. I am now at home thinking and missing school. What a life!
Precious Nwajuaku, Nnamdi Azikiwe University – Survived on garri and water without sugar
During this pandemic, staying at home wasn’t a pleasant experience for me. I was always having issues with my mum over many things, especially money.
When school was in session, my mom tried her best to send me money, so I was not always broke. But when the pandemic hit, collecting money from her proved to be difficult. If she decided to give me, I wouldn’t hear the end of it for the rest of the day. Not that I blame her much!
The governor of my state declared a total lockdown of the state. We didn’t get the information on time, so we didn’t stock the house with food. The risk of getting arrested made us think twice about going outside. I remember sneaking outside when the hunger was getting too much to go to a woman who sold bread on my street, only to find out that her store was closed. God! We lived on garri and water without sugar for the next three days!
Temidayo Jacob, University of Ilorin – Had to get an affidavit
Graduating this year is on God. I guess I have moved on with my life. Whatever it is, it is. It’s bad enough to live during a pandemic, but banks have gotten more frustrating than usual.
I went to a GTbank branch close to my lodge in school to open an account. I was out in the sun for 4 hours. To crown it all, their customer service was terrible.
While I was waiting, the security man freely allowed affluent people in without stress. I was irritated that one set of people were prioritised over the others, and were allowed in as soon they arrived while we wey no sabi pesin and had no car stayed under the sun. Laslas, na person wey get property actually get money for the bank.
On opening the account, I was asked to go to court to get an affidavit to update my BVN details. A whole me? Go to court? I just gave up on the whole thing and went home straight to sleep.
The first year in a Nigerian university is always one hell of a ride. It’s like finally getting admitted into this prestigious club but then the club has more downs than ups. Here’s a list of some good and bad stuff year one students in Nigerian universities will relate to:
1. All the registration stress and queues.
The one thing you can be certain about in Nigerian universities is queues. There is always a queue, and it’s worse for year one students because they have a registration deadline to meet.
2. The wait for reg number.
You spend 2 weeks on campus and you are still stuck with your JAMB reg number.
3. Matriculation day excitement.
And of course, your parents come through Nigerian style. One cooler of rice, a cake in the university colors and crates of malt for your friends and fans
4. Priding in the fact that you now have “lectures” and not “lessons”.
Levels have changed yo.
5. Dropping the name of your university with shoulders high when neighbours ask.
Status successfully upgraded.
6. The struggle for accommodation.
The struggle is indeed real. Lagos state agents have got nothing on campus agents. It be your own students.
7. Attending classes back to back because you want to make first-class.
With 5.0 CGPA goals on your mind. In spite of the fact that you and WAEC did not really end on good terms.
Humbled by the questions that look like HD when the lectures were only taught in 2D. Also humbled by the mean invigilators and how much space they put between desks. And finally humbled by the fact that other people are already asking for an extra sheet and you can’t even bring yourself to understand what question one wants from you.
9. Checking your first exam results.
You go with your heart in your hands because. And on your way you probably get flashbacks from all the times you were sleeping like a bear when you should have been cramming definitions.
10. First embarrassment from a lecturer.
And you’re like, I thought the point of being a university student is that I will now be treated like an adult? Which one is “get out of my class”?
That’s 9 things most year one students in Nigerian Universities will relate to. Which struggle was the realest for you?
Our subject for this week is Ronald*, who left Lagos to study at the University of Nigeria mostly to experience a new environment. He was doing that and having the best time of his life until a cultist attack reminded him of his mortality.
Can you tell me a little about Nsukka?
Nsukka is a small, quiet town. There’s not much to do here. The only thing giving it a facelift is that it’s a student-populated area; that’s pretty much the reason everyone goes there.
Did you know this before you decided to study at UNN?
No. I was born in Lagos and lived there my whole life. I’d never been to Nsukka or Enugu before university. My decision to study at the University of Nigeria was born out of a desire to explore. If I could get an education and use the opportunity to live somewhere new, why shouldn’t I take it?
Also, Chimamanda Adichie’s Purple Hibiscus played a role. After my first JAMB which didn’t work out, I had a gap year. During that year, I read Purple Hibiscus. There’s a way Chimamanda described Nsukka that made me fall in love with the place. When I got to Nsukka, I found out that the places she described were real, and that added to the allure of the book. Like how can you make something so vivid?
We all stan Chimamanda; one of the best to ever do it. So you packed your bags and made for Nsukka.
I did, man. I wanted Medicine, but I got another course. I didn’t want to stay at home for another year, and I needed to explore Nsukka as soon as I could. Hehe.
Settling in must have been easy for you.
You could say that. For starters, there was new food to try. I also enjoyed the process of blending in. The language was the only major barrier. My Igbo is not the best and everywhere I turned, people were speaking in Igbo. Yes, I got stuck for some time, but I’m good now.
I also didn’t get to visit home as often as I would have liked. During the first semester breaks, I stayed back because there was no point in travelling back to Lagos to spend only ten days. I guess I made good use of that too because it gave me more opportunities to explore other places in the South-East.
Was homesickness the worst thing though?
Hmm. I wish it was. See, I’ve had it good at Nsukka. The past few years have been magical — until about 4 months ago — when everything took a really tough turn.
This sounds serious. What happened?
A cultist attack.
A what now?
I was attacked by cultists. I wasn’t at “the wrong place at the wrong time” or anything. This happened in my room.
Slow down. How?
The day it happened, a friend came to see me from Abuja. He asked me if someone else could come to see him in the room. He said something about a business transaction; I wasn’t paying a lot of attention. I didn’t think I needed to. I just told him they could come as long as they would be leaving the same night. The guy came and left after a while. That was supposed to be the end of it.
But it wasn’t
No, it wasn’t. Later, there was a knock on the door. We didn’t think there was anything to worry about, so we opened it. And there they were; the guy that came to see my friend earlier and three other people. They barged in and pushed us into the room. They warned us not to make any noise if we didn’t want to complicate the situation.
Did they say what they wanted?
No. It was really confusing. I was rooted to a spot in one corner of the room, not sure of what would happen next. These guys had knives and guns.
By a stroke of luck, I guess, my friend dashed past them and ran outside. The element of surprise worked for him, as it was one guy manning the door. Two of them went after him and the remaining two stayed with me. I was really scared at this point because I knew we’d riled them up. I still didn’t know what they wanted. I panicked and started screaming for help. I thought luck would be on my side too, so I managed to run out of the room. It was all chaotic at best. I screamed for help, literally banging on people’s door, but nobody opened up.
That’s scary.
Finally, someone did and dragged me into his room and asked me what was going on. I briefed him and he was like, There’s something wrong with this story because cultists hardly target people without cause. Anyway, he hid me in his room, but that only lasted for a few minutes as the cultists were looking everywhere for me. They had my friend already and they briefed people in the lodge about what was going on. Eventually, they found and dragged me down the stairs, questioning me and hitting me everywhere they could. It was terrible.
Did you know what they wanted now?
They were asking me questions about my friend’s sexuality. Apparently, my friend hooked up with the guy that came earlier on a dating app. They were beating us because they believed my friend and I were gay.
Whut?!!
My neighbours stood by and watched as everything unfolded without trying to help us. Eventually, the beatings stopped. They ransacked my room, took away my phone, laptop, and most of my clothing. They took my friend with them too.
I couldn’t stay in that house anymore. I packed what I could, moved out and squatted with another friend for some time.
What was that like?
It was terrible. I’d lost almost everything. I was sad and depressed. I missed classes. In fact, I almost deferred the semester. I had this lingering feeling that this was just the first of the attacks, although there hasn’t been any attack since then. Still, I’m always watching my back, suspecting people who stare at me, checking if my door is bolted more than once to ensure it is. This is not a good way to live, literally hanging on to your life, not sure if someone would come out of the shadows and take it.
At some point, I didn’t even care if they attacked anymore. The worst they would do is kill me, and that didn’t seem like a bad thing. Anything just to stop the pain and humiliation that came with it.
Wow. Did you try to involve the police?
Tried that a few days after it happened. I wouldn’t have, actually. But a friend asked me to go somewhere with him. It turned out to be a police station. They sent someone with us to the lodge to investigate. That was when everything got even more complicated.
My neighbours turned the story around and said they met us naked in the room doing all sorts of things with ourselves. That was an opportunity for the policeman to extort me, and he did. He made all sorts of threats and said I needed to pay him if I wanted him to let it go. I paid him some money that night and promised to bring the balance the following week. I knew I had to leave school for a while. I deleted his number and went to Abuja.
Abuja, not Lagos?
I would have to tell my parents the story if I went to Lagos and they would just worry themselves to death. No, I needed to handle it my way.
What about your friend? Is he okay?
I got in contact with him a few days after the attack. He was seriously injured and he said they collected over 200k from him. We both lost a lot; maybe not our lives, but we barely escaped with that too.
This is a lot. How are you living with all this trauma?
To be honest, I’m not sure how I’m pulling through. A lot has changed in me; the littlest things send me into panic these days. I wake up some days disappointed that I’m still alive. There are good days and there are bad ones. The pain is still there, but it’s getting better.
Have you tried talking to anyone about this?
I have. I got tired because none of it helped. There was even this guy from a Human Rights organisation who I was talking to. But he stopped calling me after some time. I’m pretty much alone.
I’m sorry about everything. What about your grades, how badly has this affected them?
I don’t know. I managed to write my exams in the midst of all the craziness, but I don’t think it went well. The results aren’t out yet, so I don’t know. The wait gets overwhelming sometimes, but I’m doing everything I can to stay calm.
Have you made anything out of the whole experience?
I’m not sure I’m supposed to make anything out of it. This is a shitty way to learn a lesson or two. But really, people are trash. They will leave you to your fate when you have a problem. This is one horrible takeaway I’ve held on to.
Has this shifted the way you think about Nsukka?
I can’t let one experience scar me for life. Nsukka is still dear to me. All I want now, though, is to make it out of school in one piece. At the end of it all, I will be fine.
* Due to the sensitive nature of this story, the subject’s name has been changed to protect his identity.
Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill?Check back every Thursday at noon for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.
