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  • The #NairaLife of an Unemployed Designer Whose Retirement Plan Is Cocoa Farming

    The #NairaLife of an Unemployed Designer Whose Retirement Plan Is Cocoa Farming

    Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    Nairalife #255 bio

    What’s your earliest memory of money?

    Making ₦200 – ₦300 from braiding hair when I was 15. I was in secondary school, and I taught myself how to make hair by plaiting the grass stalks in my boarding school’s compound. I also practised on a senior student’s hair. Then I started making simple braid hairstyles for people in my area whenever I was home from school. 

    I also tried my hand at making braided wigs and sold a few to neighbours at ₦1k – ₦1,500. I remember feeling so excited that I was making my own money. It’s funny because it’s not like I didn’t have parents to give me money, I just wanted to make mine.

    Why do you think that was? This desire to make your own money?

    I’m the first child of a large polygamous home. My dad had a cocoa farm that wasn’t doing great, and we had several members of our extended family living with us at different points. So even though my dad did his best, many people depended on him for money.

    I grew up knowing I couldn’t always wait for my dad. I had to work for whatever money I wanted.

    Where was your mum in all of this?

    I was the only child on my mum’s side, and she mostly depended on my dad too. He once gave my mum money to start a provisions business, but she was forced to close it after a few months. My dad would take money from the business to help these same family members, and my mum also had to feed them with the business proceeds. At one point, my mum opened another shop in a different location without my dad’s financial input so she could have a say in how the finances were managed. 

    Back to hairdressing. Did it help you become somewhat independent?

    The jobs weren’t consistent, so I just did it to get the usual ₦1k every other week. I took a break in 2015 when I got admitted into a polytechnic. 

    I didn’t make hair or do anything for money because I was focused on leaving the school. 

    Why?

    I decided I didn’t like the school from the first day I stepped foot there. You won’t believe they welcomed me to school with a cult fight.

    I spent all my time there writing JAMB and applying to other schools. I finally got admitted into a university and started classes in 2017.

    I had a sister in the same uni too, and she told me the students loved to look fashionable. So, I decided I could make a fortune by offering them nail services. 

    What did this involve?

    I took some money from my ₦10k monthly allowance and went to the market to get the materials. A bottle of nail polish cost ₦100, and I got nine colours and a hardener for ₦1k. I also bought nail polish remover for ₦150 and a couple of nail files, buffers and artificial nails. I put all my tools in a basket and started moving from room to room in the hostel, looking for clients.

    I charged ₦500 for both hands (with artificial nails) and ₦200 if it was just normal painting. I charged an additional ₦200 to paint both sets of toes.

    Sounds affordable

    It was, and it made the business an instant hit. The students in my uni typically held many events, and when these happened, I’d have as many as six clients and make about ₦3k daily. 

    By 200 level, I had to move off-campus — only first-year and final-year students were guaranteed hostel space. Staying in an off-campus apartment with my sister was a big blow to my nail business. I could no longer move from room to room to find clients. It was time to find something else. 

    What did you find?

    Makeup. Just before the end of the session, an entrepreneurship class in school tasked us with learning a skill during the three-month break so we could present what we learned when we returned to school. I’ve been interested in makeup since childhood, so I decided to learn it.

    What was learning it like?

    I found a professional at home and paid ₦30k for a one-month class. I’d drag a friend along to practise on her face. I also regularly followed YouTube tutorials. When school resumed in 2019, I began telling everyone I was now a makeup artist.

    At first, I charged ₦2k for a face beat, but when the cost of products started to choke me the following semester, I increased my price to ₦3,500. I usually had three to four clients daily across different hostels. 

    In final year, I moved back to the school hostel and restarted my nail business. This time, I charged between ₦1k – ₦1,500 to fix nails. I also increased my makeup rates to ₦5k – ₦6k. I was constantly booked and made about ₦20k weekly from both businesses. 

    The money was good, but my partner introduced me to UI/UX design in 2020. I saw yet another opportunity to make money.

    Let me guess, you grabbed it

    I procrastinated for a bit sha. My partner was in the Google Developer Students Club, and I joined in 2021. The training was free, but omo, it was hard. 

    My beauty industry experience helped me quickly understand the user interface bit because I was already dealing with colours every day. However, it took me about three months to get a hang of the user experience part. 

    Did you get any UI/UX gigs while in school?

    I didn’t prioritise getting any. I was already making money with makeup, so I decided to focus on learning and mastering my UI/UX skills. 

    When I graduated in 2021, I got two small UI design gigs on Twitter. I got these gigs because I was already vocal about my skills on the app, and someone reached out to me to redesign a website for ₦20k. The second gig was a simple landing page website design that paid ₦40k.

    When NYSC came in 2022, I was posted to a school, but I paid someone ₦25k to change my PPA to a fintech startup because I wanted to do more UI design. I don’t even know if he worked with NYSC; someone just introduced me to him. Thank God they didn’t scam me.

    LOL. Tell me about the job

    I was supporting a UI/UX designer on the team. For some reason, I didn’t ask if they’d pay a stipend in addition to NYSC’s ₦33k monthly allowance. But the job came with a free room in the office, so my accommodation was sorted. 

    The designer I was supporting was redesigning a product, but she was preparing to leave the team and was distracted. So, I decided to do the work myself and did three different redesign variations within a week. I later learned they planned to pay me ₦10k/month, but the MD was impressed with my work and decided to give me a ₦20k bonus that month. 

    I got ₦30k in my first month and expected only ₦10k the next month. But I got ₦30k again. I asked HR, and they said the increase was because I was the only designer they had at the time, and they hoped to retain me after my service year. In my head, I was like, “Wow, nice one.”

    Were you still offering makeup services on the side?

    Not really. NYSC was in a different state where I didn’t know anyone. Two months into the job, I got a part-time design job on Twitter. It paid ₦50k, and only required me to work on the product for two hours every weekday. 

    The project ended five months later, but then they asked if I could manage social media for their sister company as they didn’t have a manager. By now, you should know I can say yes to anything as long as there’s money in it.

    Screaming. So you took the job?

    The job was onsite in a different state, as I’d need to take videos and create content. I told them I’d take the job if they gave me accommodation. They agreed, and I moved to the state in December 2022. The pay was  ₦150k/month.

    But you weren’t done with NYSC

    I was going to round up NYSC in February 2023, but my PPA was already having money issues. They’d offered to retain me at ₦70k/month (including the free accommodation). But they started laying people off in December. We even closed for the year in the second week of December because of the money issues. I couldn’t wait around to find out, so I told them I was leaving and would return for my final clearance. They were okay with it. 

    So, I moved states for the second job. It was an event video coverage company, and I had to follow them to events to create content. It was crazy stressful. I’d never experienced something like that in my life. We could go out all day, return at 6 a.m. the next day and still go out again in the afternoon. I suffered.

    Did the pay help the suffering, at least?

    If anything, it allowed me to save more. During my service year, I regularly saved the ₦30k from my PPA and lived on the ₦33k allowance from NYSC. When I got the ₦50k side gig, I also saved part of it and spent the rest on random shopping or sending money home to my mum.

    I had about ₦200k in savings when I started the social media job and saved an additional ₦100k from my first salary. Subsequently, I tried to save at least half of my salary monthly. 

    But I wasn’t enjoying the job at all. In January 2023, I got another UI/UX design side gig at ₦50k/month. Then I was referred for and landed another ₦50k/month social media management gig for a US client the following month.

    You were juggling three jobs?

    Yes, and it triggered a mental breakdown. My primary 9-5 was stressful and extremely toxic. Our MD used most of the company’s funds to relocate, and we were left with the HR officer who was a bully. I was planning to resign in June when they called me in March 2023 to tell me they no longer needed my services.

    The crazy thing is, I resigned from the US job only two weeks earlier because my head wasn’t in the right place, and I needed to reduce my workload. I had no idea I’d lose my 9-5 so soon. I was left with only the ₦50k/month UI/UX job. 

    But I’d saved up ₦600k from my earnings, and I used it to buy a MacBook so I could focus on design. I didn’t want to do anything social media-related again.

    How were you surviving on ₦50k/month?

    I told my employer I could now work full-time with them, and they increased the salary to ₦70k. I also moved in with a family member to reduce my running costs. I tried getting side gigs again, but nothing came.

    Then I thought, if a job won’t work, why not school? So, in July, I told my parents I wanted to apply for a master’s abroad. They agreed, and I began the process of getting my transcript from uni for the application process. I took permission from work for this, but one day, they felt I was asking for too much permission and asked me to leave the company.

    Just like that?

    Just like that. They also complained that I was delaying tasks, but I was severely burnt out. It felt like I was just learning how to work afresh. That’s how I sha became jobless.

    For the next two weeks, I cried daily. I lost my confidence and questioned my abilities. Like, wasn’t it this same me that was hyped at my PPA then? Had I gotten so bad?

    When I was finally done crying, I told my parents I was now unemployed, and my dad demanded I start a business. I considered my options and told him I wanted to sell thrift clothes. He gave me ₦500k. I used half of that to buy stock and launched the business online in August. Within a month, I had 30 orders and made ₦36k in profit.

    Not a bad start

    However, I was still interested in UI/UX design, so I decided to start afresh. I paid ₦40k for an online three-month design course to rebuild my confidence. I’d create content for my business in the mornings and then study after.

    In October 2023, I thought about returning to makeup but going at it differently. I opened a YouTube channel and started doing makeup looks and sharing via YouTube Shorts.

    Why YouTube Shorts?

    I noticed people preferred short-form content. My first video had 10k views because I used a trending sound. It motivated me, and I thought, “Maybe I can blow on YouTube”.

    Remember the master’s admission I was pursuing? I got admission in October 2023 at a UK university. The deposit was about ₦4m after conversion. My dad sent it, but before I could make the payment, the exchange rate increased from ₦1k to a pound to ₦1,300, and the deposit was now about ₦5m.

    Damn

    My dad couldn’t afford it. Even the ₦4m was everything he’d made from selling a cocoa harvest. He hadn’t even paid his farm staff. So, we agreed to defer the admission to 2024, and I returned the money to him.

    Since school was off the table, I focused my attention on YouTube, my design classes and business. By December 2023, I’d grown my subscribers to almost 200, using only YouTube Shorts. I intend to start vlogging properly in 2024 to cross the 1000 subscribers and 4000 watch hours threshold to get monetised. 

    What about your thrift business?

    The business is no longer doing as well; I make an average of ₦50k/month from it. But it’s business money, so it goes back into the business. I still have about ₦200k left from the initial business capital saved up, and I might restock in a couple of weeks. 

    These days, I survive on the occasional design gigs I get through my partner, and that brings in an average of ₦100k in a good month.

    What do your expenses look like in a good month?

    Nairalife #255 Monthly Expenses Breakdown

    I’m trying to live on a ₦50k monthly budget, so I can save anything else that comes in. This is possible because my parents and partner support me financially when I have nothing — they’re essentially my safety nets. I just moved into my own apartment in January 2024, and it cost me ₦270k, with some financial help from my parents. 

    Before moving into my apartment, I hardly spent on data and food because my partner took care of it. 

    It’s interesting you lost jobs twice in a year but didn’t exactly go broke

    For me, being broke means not having a job that constantly brings money at the end of the month. Though it wasn’t consistent, I was still getting money.

    I was broke — I still am — but my safety nets and savings have helped me survive. I believe your savings can save you. Also, don’t just spend money the way you see it. You should always plan how you intend to spend. I usually weigh my options and decide the importance of things per time to determine what should take my money in one period of time.

    What do you see when you think about your financial future?

    Ah. I always hope for the best o. I have my hands on so many things because I want to have different sources of income, but I’ll eventually need to streamline it to one source as I grow older. I can’t be jumping up and down in my old age. I’m still looking for a good-paying job. I really want to do user experience research and product design. I might just put the business aside if I find a job now.

    How much is a good-paying job for you right now?

    That’s tricky. What if I say a figure now, and Jesus says, “That salary you mentioned is exactly what you’ll get?” What if He has a bigger plan for me? If I have to share sha, I’d say a minimum of ₦200k/monthly or $1k if it’s a foreign company.

    Curious. Do you have a retirement plan?

    I plan to invest in a cocoa farm like my dad once I have enough money. This is how cocoa farming works: You rent a farm that already has cocoa seedlings — so you don’t have to start planting all over again. Renting one can cost as much as ₦100k annually, depending on the farm size. Then you hire people to care for the farm and harvest the ripe cocoa in December. 

    Right now, a kilo of cocoa is about ₦5,200 and a bag contains 66 kilos. That’s ₦343,200 from one bag of cocoa. You can harvest up to 10 – 12 bags and sell them to those who export to other places. You can also decide to pay the person you hired to take care of the farm with one-third of the harvest.

    I also plan to go into the palm oil business. That one just involves buying multiple kegs of palm oil in January and storing them to sell in December when they’ve doubled or tripled in price.

    That’s interesting. How much do you think you’ll need to start cocoa farming?

    I’ll need about ₦300k to rent a farm and start operations. I can actually start any time and make that amount back fully in a year because the dollar-to-naira rate influences the price of a cocoa bag, and since that’s consistently increasing, the profit would increase too. 

    However, I intend to build my business to a point where it’s profitable enough for me to be able to remove that kind of money to invest somewhere else. I’ll also have financial support from my dad when that time comes.

    How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?

    2. I still don’t have a job, so I’m not happy with my finances. I hope to get a job before March 2024 and possibly monetise my YouTube. Maybe by then, things will start looking up.

    If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.

    Yes, I want to do a Naira Life

    Find all the past Naira Life stories here.

    [ad][/ad]

    Tife Oni

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  • Unconventional Ways to Find a Job in 2023

    Unconventional Ways to Find a Job in 2023

    Call and ask to confirm your interview time

    Skip the part where you apply to a thousand jobs without getting a reply. Call the companies directly and tell them you want to confirm your interview time. Chances are, they’ll be too lazy to check if they actually sent you anything.

    Find their email address and send them an interview invite

    If you’ve already applied, be proactive and send them an interview invitation, so they know you mean business. Companies always say they want proactive people. Show yourself.

    Offer them fuel

    If they have an office, then they need to keep the lights on. Offer them free fuel as a perk for hiring you. You’ll leave them no choice but to hire you with joy.

    Offer to pay them a salary instead

    What better way to prove to them that you’re not doing it for the money than to offer them money?

    Become a POS attendant

    You’re going straight from being unemployed to being self-employed. Even better, you’re handling plenty cash every day. What more do you want?

    Become a Wizkid stan

    Being a part of Wizid FC is a full-time job, and the best part about it is that you don’t have to apply. Just start working. You might get stressed out every once in a while sha but the job is the job. Another option is to just become Davido’s online defender for the week. But you’ll be doing a lot of overtime sha.

    Shoot your shot at your future employer

    No, we’re not asking you to send them a DM on LinkedIn. Instead, find their IG handle and slide into their DMs with as much rizz as you can. Ask them on a date, then go with your CV. They’ll be impressed by your focus.

    NEXT READ: 7 Ways To Make Money Without Working For It

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • A Case for Staying Unemployed

    A Case for Staying Unemployed

    You can finally love Mondays

    People will be scrambling to get to work, but you just can’t relate because you’re still in bed at 11 a.m. Don’t you just love that?

    No billing from family members

    Everyone knows you’re unemployed and don’t earn a salary. What are they even billing?

    No more taxes to cut your salary in half

    Imagine handing over one-third of your salary to this government. Who does that? Even God only asked for ten per cent.

    You can pursue a better-paying career

    An example that works well is having a sugar daddy or mummy. You’re still earning a salary, but you’re no longer doing a 9 to 5. It’s more like 5 to 9 now.

    You can always say you’re an “entrepreneur”

    No one will question you if you don’t look like you’re suffering. And even if you do, you can always blame it on the hustle.

    You can also make a killing from begging

    If fronting as an entrepreneur doesn’t work, hit the streets and start begging. You’ll make bank.

    You can finally finally chase your dreams

    According to motivational speakers, “Your salary is the bribe they pay you to forget your dreams”. So what happens when you don’t earn a salary? Of course, you’ll chase your dreams. You might be chasing actual dreams by sleeping all day, but that’s still a win.

    Or you can focus on making heaven

    Stay unemployed so you can shift your focus from worldly things, and put everything into making it to heaven.

    You can finally find love

    If you can’t find love in the office, maybe you’ll find it if you spend your 9-to-5 in the streets. Think about it.

    NEXT READ: 7 Ways To Make Money Without Working For It

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • Nigeria’s Unemployment Jumps from 33.3% to 41% in Three Years

    Nigeria’s Unemployment Jumps from 33.3% to 41% in Three Years

    The unemployment rate is the percentage of the labour force that is unemployed but is actively seeking employment. According to the multinational consulting firm KPMG, Nigeria’s unemployment rate will likely hit 40.6% based on its 2023 projections. Another way to put it is, out of every five employable Nigerians between 15 and 64 years, two would be unemployed.

    This would make Nigeria one of the countries with the highest unemployment rates globally. 

    [Highest unemployment rates 2021 / Statista]

    How did we get here?

    If you look at the screenshot above, Nigeria doesn’t feature in the top twenty. The explanation is that the Nigerian Bureau of Statistics (NBS), which releases official unemployment figures, has not done so since Q4 of 2020. As of then, Nigeria’s unemployment rate was an alarming 33.3 per cent. 

    KPMG’s report estimated that Nigeria’s unemployment rate rose to 37.7% in 2022. It expects it to rise even higher to 40.6% in 2023 based on their projections. Here’s what they said:

    “Unemployment is expected to continue to be a major challenge in 2023 due to the limited investment by the private sector, low industrialisation and slower than required economic growth and consequently the inability of the economy to absorb the 4-5 million new entrants into the Nigerian job market every year. 

    “Although the NBS recorded an increase in the national unemployment rate from 23.1 per cent in 2018 to 33.3 per cent in 2020, we estimate that this rate has increased to 37.7 per cent in 2022 and will rise further to 40.6 per cent in 2023.”

    KPMG said the coming administration would face weak and slow economic growth and trouble in the forex market. Inflation also affected Nigeria badly in 2022, maintaining an upward trend that has spilled over into 2023. Nigeria’s inflation rate in February rose to 21.91 per cent despite the Central Bank hiking the interest rate.

    “Additionally, government revenue remains inadequate to support much-needed expenditure, leading to a high debt stock and high debt service payments”, the report said.

    Is there any hope at all?

    According to Punch, at the end of Q4 of 2022, Nigeria’s GDP growth rate was 3.52 per cent. This was a boost from 2.25 per cent in Q3 of 2022. On average, Nigeria experienced a 3.10 per cent growth rate in 2022.

    KPMG said that Nigeria’s growth would be affected negatively in 2023 by Meffy’s disastrous naira redesign policy, the proposed subsidy removal and the budget deficit.

    However, if Nigeria addresses security issues, KPMG expects some recovery in telecommunications, trade and the oil sector. The growth rate for 2023 is projected to be at a “relatively slow pace” of three per cent.

    What can the incoming government do?

    Every solution to arrest Nigeria’s economic decline feels like a bitter pill. We recently added an $800 million loan to our mounting debt. Let’s not forget the coming census projected to cost ₦869 billion. It should be apparent that a serious government would look to cut down on these high expenses.

    There are also security concerns that, if left unattended, might worsen an already bad situation. A 40.6 per cent unemployment rate is a ticking time bomb as this means there are too many idle hands for the devil to employ. 

    Unemployment is a lagging indicator. This means it’s an indicator that changes after the economic variable with which it is correlated changes. If Nigeria has a poor economic outlook, unemployment will keep rising, while if it’s growing, unemployment will fall.

    Therefore, the obvious solution is to get Nigeria’s economy to grow again. This could be by supporting the manufacturing sector, making Nigeria more attractive to investors, unifying our exchange rate and providing incentives to encourage local production. These things don’t happen overnight; it will take collective political will to turn things around. But as the saying goes, where there’s a will, there’s a way.

    Join us on Twitter Spaces on Friday, April 14th, by 6 pm as we talk to historians to give us a perspective on an interesting slice of Nigerian history.

    Stephen Agwaibor

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  • “I Was Asked to Pay ₦450k for a ₦55k Job” — 5 Nigerians on Job Racketeering

    “I Was Asked to Pay ₦450k for a ₦55k Job” — 5 Nigerians on Job Racketeering

    It should have been simple: go to school, earn a degree, graduate and secure a job based on your skills and qualifications. 

    Unfortunately, it’s now more like: get jammed by JAMB a couple of times before getting into school, get struck a million times by FG-ASUU before finally graduating, and then entering the “labour market” hoping to hit the ground running.

    Some are able to secure great careers, but then for most young people in Nigeria, it just doesn’t happen. This has encouraged a lucrative job racketeering market aka “pay something if you want a job”. We spoke to five Nigerians about their experience with this market and here’s what they had to say:

    “I was asked to pay ₦450k for a ₦55k job”

    — Daniel*, 32

    I’ve been trying to get a government job for as long as I can remember because I believe it comes with great job security. I also only have a Higher Diploma, so I haven’t been able to get a really good job.

    Around 2019, a family friend connected me to someone in a federal parastatal, and he was supposed to help me get a job. Recruitment was lowkey, and he explained that I could only get a grade level six job and that I’d need to claim that I only have a National Diploma in order to qualify.

    I agreed to it and was already thanking my stars when I learnt that I would need to “sort the people involved” with ₦450k. Where was I supposed to find that? Even if I got the job, it would be more than one year’s salary.

    I begged them that I’d pay part and then pay the rest when I got the job, but they refused.

    RELATED: Job Hunting in Nigeria: Four Annoying Staples of the Process

    “I had to do it”

    — Nike*, 37

    My husband lost his job during the pandemic and hasn’t been able to secure another since then. I suddenly had the responsibility of providing for all our financial needs while earning just ₦60k.

    Sometime in April 2021, my uncle introduced me to the person who helped me get my present job at a private firm. I submitted my CV to him and kept following up, but he kept posting me. No one needed to tell me to suggest paying for his help before I did. 

    He immediate became more responsive and told me plainly that I’d need to pay him ₦100k before he would secure my employment letter, assuring me that my salary would be twice that. I reported it to my uncle, but he advised me to just try it.

    I got a loan and paid him, and I still don’t know how he did it, but I got a job offer within the week. I’ve been too scared to try digging into who he paid or how he did it.

    “I was scammed”

    — Jojo*, 28

    Around April/May 2019, I learned that the Nigerian Railway Corporation was recruiting. I applied and miraculously got an interview invite. When I got there, there must have been at least a hundred people present as well.

    I couldn’t get interviewed that day or even the day after, and by the third day of pushing sweaty bodies, I was exhausted. Then I noticed a small group of people around this man. Apparently, he was a staff and was gathering a small list of people he could help sort their employment. 

    To cut the story short, I paid ₦70k but didn’t get the job. Till today, nothing.

    RELATED: Have You Ever Been Scammed? Five Nigerians Share Their Experiences

    “I was asked to pay ₦200k”

    — Jack*, 39

    This one is even more annoying because the guy that was charging me was supposed to be my friend.

    He works in a state ministry, and I badly needed a job in 2021. I shared my problems with him, and he told me there was a quiet recruitment ongoing, and he’d get me a spot if I could pay ₦200k. According to him, he had many people he’d need to settle to ensure my employment.

    Well, I didn’t pay and, you guessed it, I didn’t get the job.

    “He wanted to date me”

    — Precious*, 25

    I applied to this accounting firm in November 2021 for a personal assistant role, and I eventually got invited for an interview.

    It was a physical interview with the managing director, and this man was legit telling me I’d need to work from his hotel room on Saturdays, all while he was ogling my chest.

    I told him I’d be open to working in an open location within reasonable work hours, and he never reached out to me again. It was obvious that I needed to play to his tunes to get the job. He can keep it.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity, and answers lightly edited for clarity.

    YOU SHOULD READ THIS NEXT: Eight Millennials Share the Reason Why They Stayed at a Job They Hated

    Tife Oni

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  • Stress-Free Jobs You Can Do After Beyoncé Makes You Quit Your 9 to 5

    Stress-Free Jobs You Can Do After Beyoncé Makes You Quit Your 9 to 5

    Beyoncé is back and the internet is freaking out. After a six-year album hiatus, Queen Bey is back with a new album, Renaissance, on the way, and a new single out, Break My Soul. On the house-heavy song, Beyoncé complains about capitalism — despite charging an arm and a leg for merch — and asks us to forget our jobs, go outside and have a good time. 

    But what will you do after you quit your job for Queen Bey? We’ve got you. 

    Become a tech founder

    This is one of the most straightforward jobs in the world! All you need is a cool name, cool headshots in a black t-shirt — or turtleneck if you really want to make a statement — a MacBook, a couple of hot takes on Twitter, some tattoos or interesting piercings and a company that ends with “cash” or “pay”. If all these tech bros can do it, so can you. After all, they don’t have two heads. 

    Start a Beyhive branch on your street and collect registration fees

    Members of the Beyhive are rich! Don’t take our word for it, look at all the people that paid over $100 in these Buhari times for a box when they didn’t even know what was inside. So imagine how much they’d pay monthly to be a part of a Beyhive club? You’ll be swimming in money doing what you love. 

    Start doing runs 

    They won’t break your soul — just your back. 

    Become a dancer because why not? 

    Since you want to dance to Beyoncé during office hours, you might as well become a professional dancer. The career options are broad and flexible (from strip clubs to dressing up as Barney at children’s birthday parties).

    Start selling akara or Titus sardines 

    We’ve said it before, and we’ll repeat it, akara is the new tech. With people making over ₦30k daily from selling akara and Titus sardine prices now rivalling crude oil, these sound like good investments you can make once you obey Beyonce’s command.

    Become a TikTok influencer 

    This might be a bit tough if you’re a millennial or older, as those transitions and dance moves can be complicated AF! And if you fail, the internet will definitely turn you into a meme. But don’t lose hope. Keep pushing and one day you’ll make it.

    RECOMMENDED: The Zikoko Guide To Building Your Own Billion Dollar Tech Business

    Onlyfans? 

    Nollywood said it best: “Use what you have to get what you want.” In this case, all you need to do is show a little nakedness and charge people dollars to watch. Think about it this way, Adam and Eve were naked before the devil showed up, so technically, we were all supposed to be naked. Plus, you can dance naked to Break My Soul for your subscribers and get even more money. 

    Work for Zikoko 

    Hmmm. We won’t break your soul, and you even get to write articles like this. It’s also not a conventional 9 to 5, and you get to go on leave every time Beyoncé drops a new album, which is like once in every six years. The only downside is that Nigerians will always assume you’re on crack. Smh.

    Seduce a rich Nigerian man

    If all fails, find a rich man and settle down. Being married to a rich man is a career. Don’t let these basic bitches tell you otherwise.  A note though: competition is stiff. 

    ALSO READ: 13 Things Everyone Who Has Been Unemployed Know to Be True

    Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

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  • “I’m Currently Living In Dark Times” — A Week In The Life Of An Ex-NGO Worker In Between Jobs

    “I’m Currently Living In Dark Times” — A Week In The Life Of An Ex-NGO Worker In Between Jobs

    A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” used to work at an NGO until 5 months ago when his contract expired. While waiting for renewal, he tells us about struggling to adjust to a new reality, missing his old job, and how much life can change in less than a year.

    MONDAY:

    The first thought on my mind when I wake up this morning is that I miss my old life. I miss being a contract staff for an NGO partnering with the World Bank to change the fortunes of underserved communities in North Central states. I miss the money that came with the job and the sense of fulfilment after each project. I miss my colleagues and most importantly, I miss the identity that came with working for an NGO, especially when visiting communities. 

    After spending 10 minutes reminiscing, I pull myself up and prepare to face the day. The first thing I do is have a bath, followed by prayers and then I eat. While dressing up, I hear my wife in the other room preparing the kids for school. I now work as an Uber driver. On most days I leave the house before my kids are awake and I get home when they’re asleep. 

    But today is different. Unlike big cities such as Lagos, Portharcourt or Abuja, Mondays are a slow day in my city. Instead of leaving the house around 7:00 a.m., I decide to stay in a bit later today. I plan to use this “extra” time to take my kids to school and spend time bonding with them. After dropping them off, and armed with the mental picture of their innocent smiles, I intend to squarely face my day. 

    TUESDAY:

    It’s 4:00 p.m. and I’ve only completed three trips today. One trip was ₦300, another one ₦500 and the last one was ₦500. ₦1,300 is all I have to show after leaving my house as early as 7:00 a.m. today. 

    This is not right. 

    I regret ever thinking that being an Uber driver was a big man’s job. I was deceived by the idea that you’ll just sit in your car and drive around while earning cool cash. If anything, driving is tedious and leaves me using painkillers — which I never had to use at my old NGO job. 

    In my old life, I’d get to work by 8:00 a.m. and be back home by 5:00 p.m and still get paid handsomely for my time. Now, I mostly leave the house by 7:00 a.m., I get home by midnight and I barely make ₦3,000 at the end of the day. My only saving grace is that I’m the owner of the car. I could actually die if I had to pay some car owner out of this ₦3,000. 

    Before I can continue with my train of thought, my driver app notifies me of a new passenger request. On arriving at the pickup point, the passenger turns out to be a colleague from my “real” job and so we exchange warm hugs and knowing sighs.

    During the trip, I can’t help but tell my colleague about the time we went to fix transformers in some community in Kwara state. According to the villagers, the spot we chose to install the transformer was a meeting point for their witches and wizards. And passing light to the village, through that spot, meant that their witches and wizards could no longer have meetings. Naturally, we laughed it off. But it wasn’t funny when the transformer caught fire three weeks later. We replaced it. But the replacement also got burnt again. It wasn’t until after the third replacement before we finally agreed to move the transformer so we could co-exist with their witches and wizards in peace. 

    My colleague’s trip ends before I get the chance to dive into more stories. As we part ways; him to his house and me to my next trip, I can’t help but feel happy-sad. Happy that I got to relive the good old days and sad because of my current situation. 

    Regardless, the trip has been the highlight of a frustrating day. 

    WEDNESDAY:

    I’m having another slow day and I’m now dreading going back home. Since I got a salary cut, my wife has been completely understanding and supportive, however, I’ve been uncomfortable. First came the cuts on household luxuries — goodbye DSTV Explora, goodbye excess generator use. Next, came the cut on the snacks for the kids; bye-bye ice cream and hello gala, and that’s on good days. Now, I’ve cut down money for food for the house from ₦50,000 to ₦20,000 — and it’s a struggle to meet this figure monthly. 

    When I took the NGO job 5 years and 8 months ago, I was told it was a contract job open to renewal every 4 years. What I didn’t know was how long it takes between each renewal cycle. Our contract expired 5 months ago and my colleagues and I have been waiting for renewal ever since. In that time, I’ve gone into panic mode seeing my savings go from healthy to sickly and that’s why I picked up the Uber job. Junior colleagues who weren’t so lucky to own a car had to resort to various menial jobs. 

    But the truth is that we’re all suffering, regardless of whatever each person is doing to survive. 

    I have gone from someone who didn’t think too much about money to calculating every naira that goes in and out of my account. I’ve gone from sending my parents money to going to their house to pick up rice, yam and garri for my house. I’m not ashamed to lean on my parents for help but for someone who has tasted life, I’m currently living in dark times. 

    THURSDAY:

    Today, I’ve decided to stop fixating on the past and instead concentrate on the present. I am an Uber driver and not an ex-NGO worker. As long as I keep looking back, I won’t be able to do what’s in front of me well because I’ll always be seeing the job as a means to an end. 

    Yes, the job is tedious, annoying, frustrating, but it’s what feeds me for now. And I must treat it as such. 

    However, it’s not easy maintaining this resolution because I keep wondering about the plans I have for when my contract gets renewed. First, I’ll save up ₦2M to buy a Federal Government job as a safety net for when the next contract expires; it’s not glorious work but that’s my buffer during the next renewal period. Next, I’ll start looking for other sources to diversify my income. 

    In my head, I can’t help but think that the best thing to do is to take the Uber job seriously for now while still waiting for the contract renewal. After all, I can’t afford not to because of all the bills — NEPA, rent, school fees, gas — on the ground. 

    I haven’t thought about the future for now but an ideal “happy ever after” for me is one where my contract gets renewed or I meet a helper who removes me from this condition. 

    FRIDAY:

    Friday to Sunday are the peak days for us in this town because students will go out, workers will go clubbing and weddings will happen. So while everyone is doing TGIF, my own week is just truly beginning. These three days are half exciting and half tedious but they make me feel useful and occupy me so much that I don’t have time to think. 

    On my journey to work today, I listen to a sermon that talks about gratitude amid adversity. Following their advice, I list all the things I’m grateful for: 

    • I’m grateful for a supportive wife and family.
    • I’m grateful for caring parents who support me. 
    • I’m grateful for owning my car and not having to pay anyone money. 
    • Most importantly, I’m grateful for good health that hasn’t wiped my small savings.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • A Week In The Life: The Unemployed Caterer Cooking Up Big Dreams

    A Week In The Life: The Unemployed Caterer Cooking Up Big Dreams

    “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.

    The subject of today’s “A Week In The Life” is a 24-year-old caterer who’s currently out of a job. He talks about how he lost his old job, losing his friend in the #EndSARS protest, the frustrations of unemployment and his plans for the future.

    MONDAY:

    I can’t breathe. 

    And to make things worse, my inhaler is empty. My chest is tight, and I feel like tearing my heart out. I can’t breathe. 

    Thankfully, my alarm wakes me up. I check my phone and it says 5 a.m. I’m having nightmares again. Normally, when I wake up by this time, I’d start preparing for work. However, after the incident of last week, I no longer have a job to go to. 

    My routine was: wake up, say my prayers, take a bath, brush and dash for work so that I could resume for 6:30 a.m. Every week, I’d work from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Mondays to Saturdays. This time last week, I was excited about the possibilities of working in a kitchen — I was looking to learn discipline, how to make the taste of food consistent and all the new cooking methods. 

    Sigh.

    It all started on Wednesday or Thursday morning last week. I was at work cooking in a closed space with only a fan and an extractor when I had my asthma crisis. It was still morning, so I hadn’t started cooking deep. I don’t remember how I survived. The last time I had this type of crisis was when I was a child. I remember feeling a pinching pain and wanting to tear my heart out. I don’t remember how my inhaler finished. I could have sworn that I used it the night before and even shook the bottle to confirm that it still had “air” inside. 

    I vaguely remember my brother dashing down and taking me to a nearby pharmacy with a sympathetic pharmacist and overpriced medicines. My boss was so scared by the incident that he called his boss who told me to take some time off. The next two days, I was informed not to resume. They told me that I shouldn’t come back because it was unhealthy for an asthmatic patient to be working under their kitchen conditions. 

    It’s been almost a week, and I still have my alarm set for 5 a.m. My body needs some time to adjust to the new reality. Until then, I’m going to pray and maybe watch some anime. I’m not in any hurry.

    TUESDAY:

    I’m thinking about the recent #EndSARS protests today. Truth be told, I’m usually the first person you’ll see at these things. I’m that guy who carries chest and protests for people. Last year I was in a protest in my school where students were killed, and because I witnessed those deaths, I struggled to join in the EndSARS protest.

    The fear of not wanting to die can make me come off as a coward, but I’ve lost a lot of people. And believe me, when you go, people will only miss you for a bit before they move on. They’ll remember you on some days, but that’s the limit — with time, dead people become forgotten history. If I die today, I want to be remembered for generations. I don’t want to be someone that you don’t know his name when you’re remembering the deaths of the 2020 protest. I don’t want to be part of “many people died.” 

    That fear didn’t allow me to join the protest. I was going out one day and saw some protesters. I joined and walked with them for 5-10 mins before boarding a bus to my destination. Not up to an hour after I left, I heard there was a shooting there. 

    The fear just came back again. Like this is what I was saying. There was also a shooting in Ebute Metta where they killed an old friend of mine. It was sad because he wasn’t a protester. He was just a casual observer working with the LNSC, and a stray bullet hit him. I only thought about him for two days before moving on with my life. I  really don’t blame anyone that doesn’t go out. 

    We want Nigeria to be a better place, but there are many forces kicking against it. I don’t even have fancy dreams, I just want to be the best dad for my kids. Fighting for this country is part of the process but if I’m dead, how do I even father the children I’m fighting for? 

    WEDNESDAY:

    This period of unemployment has made me happier because I’ve been able to reflect. I’ve realised that you’re alone at the end of the day. You were born alone, and you have to run your race alone.

    Before I started the job I lost, I was always busy. I was catering for one event or another and the jobs were back to back, so I didn’t have time to breathe. But Corona scattered plans, and everything paused. Then I had to get a job. Now that I’m unemployed without a business to fall back on, everything is boring. I can’t complain. If I do, it’ll be like I’m rushing too much. Nobody understands that I don’t want to be a liability to other people. I’m willing to survive by doing other things — I recently started a courier service in Lagos where I help people transport goods from point A to B.

    I see my peers and what they’re trying to do, and I’m just there sleeping and waking up. It’s easy to feel like I’ll soon be left behind. This period has given me time to evaluate and evolve. I’ve realised that everyone experiences times like this. Truth be told, I’ve experienced frustration, boredom and depression. But I’ve made a conscious decision to get out. Something as little as gratitude has been helpful for me. 

    I’ve gone from having my Monday to Saturday occupied to not having anything to do. I’ve gone from my mum saying: “You’re never at home,” “How’s work?” to her saying I haven’t done house chores. 

    It’s all good though. What matters is that I’m in a good place, for now. 

    THURSDAY:

    I’m hopeful that I’ll get another job. A few people I worked for have promised me jobs at the end of the year. I’ve also been trying to follow up on them. Check-ins here and there. In the meantime, I’m trying to survive here and there. Today, I realised that I haven’t even opened my school books since protests and Corona started. Not because I don’t want to but because I wish not to. I’m not in that space mentally, and I have a weird relationship with school.

    I attended two schools (but I didn’t finish) before attending this one. If I had certificates from one of them, shebi I’d have used it for work during this period. The only thing I have to show is my leaving school certificate. There are many jobs I feel I’m capable of but there’s no certificate to back up my claims. I have three years of an Engineering programme at a university, two years of the same Engineering program at a college of technology. In the past when I tried to apply to Engineering companies, they took me in as a labourer. I’m not saying I’m better than them, but I felt out of place — like an oddball. 

    I’m going to get my degree because I think I’ve suffered enough. When a soldier goes to war, he gets a medal of valour. My certificate is going to be my reward for what I’ve gone through. My catering will still be at the forefront, but the degree would be a useful addition; a safety net for times like this. 

    Compared to my mates, I haven’t lived. I want to travel. I want to go hiking, biking, mountain climbing. I want to live a stable life for my kids. Most importantly,  I just want to live while I still have that crazy, youthful energy.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

    Hassan Yahaya

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  • A Job With No Salary: What A #NairaLife Is Like On A Furlough

    A Job With No Salary: What A #NairaLife Is Like On A Furlough

    Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    Tell me that story that’s going to cross your mind now from when you were a kid

    I was watching a movie on VHS and we needed to get a tissue to clean the tape. So I told my dad “let’s just buy it, it’s just ₦20”. My dad asked me to beg God for forgiveness because I said “just ₦20” Hahaha. I think I was about 6, and this was in 2001/2002. 

    Also, there was that one time in 2005 when my dad gave me 50k to keep for him. I kept that money, and you know what happened? 

    What? 

    I forgot where I kept it. Hahaha. My dad was angry, but Nigeria was better at the time. I didn’t find it for another month though. He beat me and then took me to Mr Biggs to apologise. 

    You know, 2005 was a generally interesting year. 

    I’m listening.

    My dad was a pastor. He was also a businessman, but he had a partner who did all the day to day running of the business. They were traders – they imported stuff and sold. They were also taking their proceeds into real estate, buy properties and stuff – they were diversifying, basically. 

    But my dad made one mistake. 

    What did he do? 

    Trust. They were friends, so he didn’t put all the details in the paper. This man duped my dad of ₦16 million. 

    What?! 

    Yes. It hurts to date. 

    It’s not even my money and it hurts. 

    My dad could have done better. I didn’t even know the money was that much. I overheard him talking about it later. It was a big big issue at the time. He called church elders, they had meetings. His partner agreed to pay back, then he turned his back. It was so annoying, watching my father frustrated. 

    Do you know what my dad did?

    Tell me. 

    My dad let all that money go. He was a man of peace, and to be honest, I think it was a weakness on his part. He said he wouldn’t allow anything to get between him and his God. That’s why sometimes I don’t like the Christian way. It kept happening, debts that never got recovered. 

    Wow. 

    ₦500k here. ₦1 million there. It was such a rough time. 

    Do you think it affected you in any way? 

    I think we’d have just had better odds generally. Maybe a better secondary school. Maybe it’d have been invested in something that’d be useful to us. When he was alive, I knew my dad was just working to pay our school fees at some point, and I pitied him. There were four of us. 

    Ah, he passed away. Sorry about your loss man. 

    2016 – I finished university the following year. He was 55. He used to tell me what he’d have given us had he not been miscalculating his money decisions. He wanted all of us to school abroad, he wanted to get each of us a car when we finished school at some point. A trust fund, all of that. Gone. 

    What did he leave behind? 

    A house. Some landed property in a remote place. To be honest, I’m not even sure anymore because I haven’t seen a document. Sometimes I wonder what was going through his mind. 

    You clearly think about this a lot. What about your mum? 

    She’s a teacher. I don’t have a relationship with her beyond the mother-son one with her, it’s just there. 

    What’s the first thing you did to earn money?

    I’d just finished school and was tired of staying at home so my mum told her pastor who knew someone – the CEO of the firm. It was supposed to be a ‘marketing’ job. 

    What I quickly realised is that it was a sales job at an agency where they sold shaving sticks. My salary was ₦30k in 2017 – I started Uni in 2013 and finished in 2017. I’d go to the office to take stock, get transport money and trek around streets to sell stuff so I can meet my target. It was crazy. 

    Tell me about your most memorable day on that job. 

    I was supposed to sell at a market, but I went there and no one wanted to buy. so I started selling in the streets. I trekked for at least 15km that day. Then I saw one church and took a nap on the pews. That nap lasted for 4 hours. 

    That is intense. What was your daily target? 

    It is what it is. ₦16800 or so. I realised that in the corner streets, I could sell to smaller stores and people with kiosks. I eventually quit, of course. 

    When you quit the sales job, what did you do next? 

    I went to serve in April 2018. I was a teacher in a very small town. I earned ₦5k monthly, plus ₦19,800. 

    What type of life did that fetch you?

    I used the ₦5k for data. I used the ₦19800 to buy provisions for the month. Whenever I got broke, I’d call my uncle or mom. 

    Post-NYSC?

    I finished serving in March 2019. I was unemployed for a while, then an editor from a legacy publisher called me and asked me to write for him for ₦25k a month – I was writing about 3 articles per day. I did the job for a month, but I was unmotivated because I like money. Luckily, I got another job as a content coordinator of sorts. Basically, I was in charge of reviewing people’s submissions, and I was doing that for at least 1,000 articles a month. 

    Wild. How long were you there for?

    4 months. I interviewed for a job at another startup. This one was a digital marketing role. Also, the offer was double what I was previously earning. The work was also double. I started there at the end of 2019. 

    Something interesting happened. 

    Tell me. 

    One day, they sent us a mail that we’d gotten a salary increase. I was happy. What I didn’t know what that I’d just lost my weekends. we started working 6 days a week 

    How much was the raise?

    +₦9,000. Hahaha. 

    So, the almighty 2020. What plans did you have at the beginning of the year? 

    Since I’m just about 2 years or so into my career, I didn’t aim too high to be honest. I just set my mind to learn as much as I can. Get a new job. Learn new skills on the job. 

    Despite getting a raise at my job, I wasn’t learning as much as I wanted, so I started job hunting in February. For someone in a formative stage, I need quality experience. I feel like I made a mistake, but I’m not angry at myself anymore. 

    So it was good for your salary cap but bad for personal growth.

    Something like that. Anyway, I got informed that I’d be getting placed on furlough at the end of March. Since then, I’ve been doing little dummy projects to keep my brain active.

    Ouch. How much cash did you have left when the furlough began?

    I had about ₦150k. 

    How much do you have left?

    ₦8k. It went to mostly data and food. I sent a friend ₦10k for his birthday. I think it was a mistake. I shouldn’t have done that. He’s a good friend, and I love him so much. So –

    You know what? I don’t regret it. If I hadn’t sent it, I’d still have spent it on something. It is what it is. 

    What’s the toughest thing about being without a job in this period? 

    Apart from money, I don’t know. I was unemployed for 4 months before I got my first job. I used to feel useless and unsmart. I was just fresh off NYSC with no relevant experience. Now. I’m calm. I know I’m smart. I know I’ll soon get a job. In fact, I see this time as a rest period. I do lots of sleeping and writing. Now, I have some experience. I understand how recruitments work. I know more people who’ve access to jobs.

    I also now know my job isn’t my identity. If I rest. I’ll get a job. If I don’t, I’ll still get one.

    Let’s say you get a job offer right now, how much are you asking for?

    At least ₦200k.

    Let’s talk about the future, and how you want it to be different from the past. 

    For starters, I don’t like to think I have an inheritance. I want to have legal documents in all my dealings. 

    I plan to educate myself before investing in anything. I’m off land wahala. before putting my money anywhere, there’ll be something legally binding. No trust. Never!

    Also, I see myself heading the comms or marketing team of a top financial institution. I don’t know when. let’s see how the next 5 years pan out. that’ll be a big determiner.

    Random, but did your dad have a will?

    Will ke? For where?

    What’s something you want right now but can’t afford?

    A new laptop and phone. My current laptop has been since 2015. I bought it for ₦66k at the time. 

    What’s the last you paid for that required serious planning?

    I’d say I paid ₦55k last year for a course on the financial models, but my mum paid.

    When do you think you’ll be called back to work?

    I’ve already zeroed my mind that I’m unemployed. The chances of us being called back are slim, I like to think. In the time being, I just want my skills to get better. I want to be a better writer. I want to learn the technicalities of marketing and comms. I want to experience a PR or ad agency. 

    Let’s talk about financial regrets

    I’m learning the importance of emergency funds the hard way. 

    I ask as routine, but what’s your happiness level on a scale of 1-10, and why?

    5. I’d be happier if I have a job. but I can’t kill over a situation I didn’t cause.

    What happens when you run out of your last ₦8k? 

    Honestly, I don’t know. I’m even going to use about $5 out of it to learn how to br proficient with PowerPoint. Luckily, I have a support system. Thank God. I’m just going to keep looking for paid opportunities.

    Fu’ad Lawal

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  • He Was Headed For Engineering, Then NYSC Happened

    He Was Headed For Engineering, Then NYSC Happened

    Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    This week’s #NairaLife is made possible by Premium Pension. What’s their bragging right? They’re one of the first to be licensed in this Pension grind. Over 600,000 people trust them. And their assets under management have crossed 700 billion. Big deal.

    The guy in this story is not only 33 years old, he’s also looking for the next big challenge life has to throw at him. Why? Because that’s where the growth happens.

    What’s the first impressionable moment of money you remember? 

    I can’t remember how old I was, but was one of those times I was sick and at the doctor’s, he was so impressed by my English that he gave me a 50 kobo note.

    Ahhhh, a 50 kobo note!

    I was crying because of injection, but somehow he still managed to give me money. I gave my mum and she kept –

    – Ohhh, I know how this ends. 

    Hahaha. She kept it for me, till this day. That’s the earliest memory I have of money that I owned. But a lot of my childhood is filled with memories of understanding what money meant in terms of the things I couldn’t have because we couldn’t afford them. 

    I grew up in that time and place where there was always that one house in the neighbourhood with the coloured TV.

    Everyone would go and watch from the windows – I was one of the window kids. My deprivation at that early age made me, first of all, understand that; “it’s like we’re not on the same level as these coloured TV people o.”

    That gave me a “this thing I can’t have, is because of the money we don’t have” awareness. 

    That’s heavy. Tell me about your first paying gig.

    My first real income was NYSC. You know, I had all those lofty before-25 goals too. Things like “Oh I want to be an astronaut, so I’m going to study engineering” and all those dumb dreams. Well, not dumb, but then I’m in Nigeria. You can’t be dreaming of being an Astronaut in Nigeria. 

    There was this phase in school where everyone in my faculty wanted to work for the oil companies. Well, since we left school, only a tiny fraction work in oil companies. So imagine me in a class of over a hundred people, only 5 or 6 ended up working with oil companies. 

    Now, multiply this oil company dream by every engineering faculty in Nigeria. How many openings even exist for starters?

    It’s hilarious now because boys then will be like “once I get this degree, na Oil company get me.”

    “No be oil company, bro.”

    Hahaha. Back to NYSC, I served somewhere in the South-south working in broadcasting. In fact, I had a TV and radio show at some point sef. I first had a segment reporting on technology. Then one day, someone was away and I had to fill in, and that was my first full one hour segment. 

    How much were they paying?

    ₦5k. I worked there from 2012 till 2013. I remember that last month in NYSC very well – a mix of restlessness and a need to rest. Most people just chilled during NYSC, but I actually worked a lot, and never got that post-school break. I felt tired. 

    When I finished serving in October, I had some money saved up – I went home with ₦60k saved. 

    When I got home in December – home was in the southeast by the way – everyone was like “ahhh congrats” but in my head, I was like “okay what’s next?”

    I graduated with a 2-2 – I just knew I wasn’t going to end up in an oil company. So whenever I hear anyone say “2-1 is not important” I just say what an idiot.  

    So I started to optimise my life for industries that were not optimised for grades, but for skills instead.

    Lucky for me, towards the end of December, a friend reached out telling me that someone needed people to start a radio show. By the 2nd of January, I packed my bags and was off to a new town in the South-south. No time. 

    But you needed to rest, still. 

    I also needed to make money, somehow. We ended up starting a show – I wasn’t paid in the first month because the owner of the radio show wanted traction first. Within a month, the reception was pretty good. 

    How did you know the reception was good? 

    I was in a cab one day and listening to a recording of the show. People in the cab were legit talking about it and had no idea it was me. It felt so good. I also started hearing it at some parks on loudspeakers. 

    Meanwhile, in all this time, I was still thinking of getting a job in engineering so I wouldn’t waste my engineering degree. 

    I did get an engineering gig though – it was the saddest job I ever did in my life. 

    Ouch.  

    Bruh. It was an oil servicing company. The gig paid me 48k net, and radio was giving me 15k – I was juggling both. I still couldn’t afford a house, so I was squatting with a married cousin who lived with his wife in a mini-flat – living room and one bedroom. This was 2014. 

    Then in October of that year, oil prices crashed. 

    Ah, I remember that.

    Then the layoffs followed. I’d heard of people getting laid off from their jobs before and always thought of it as a super sad thing. But at that point in time when it happened to me, it was a relieving moment. 

    You got laid off. 

    Yep, February 2015. Everyone on my team. As HR was talking to us, I was just smiling. Why? I said I was relieved. 

    Relieved to be relieved. Don’t judge me, man. 

    Hahaha. Do you know what I did after I got my letter? I just called one of my friends, and we went to a restaurant. I bought Jollof Rice, Moi-Moi, Chicken. I just ate to relief. 

    Hahaha.

    I told my cousin, and he started calling people he knew in oil servicing firms. The story was the same, layoffs everywhere. 

    Then I turned my sights to Lagos. 

    Ghen-ghen.

    I started looking for jobs in media agencies, startups, anyone interested in hiring. I got an interview at a startup in Lagos, they told me to show up the next Monday for an interview. Meanwhile, I’d travelled somewhere for a wedding for the weekend. I just showed up with my backpack, and suits, and left all my things in my cousin’s house. 

    I never went back there again. 

    That is wild.

    I got the job, it was a startup. Also, the job paid 80k. It was a sort of admin role as an assistant, but I really needed that foot in the door. I got my KPIs and smashed all of them from my probation-ish period.

    Energy. 

    Then it was time to renegotiate the salary after a few months. I got moved to another team, marketing. I asked for double. To be honest, the only reason I could afford the commute and life on that salary, compared to where I was staying, was because I was sleeping at the office sometimes. 

    We did the back and forth, and I got the 160k. 

    It was the first time in my life that I wasn’t living from salary to salary, ever. I took a loan and rented a room close to work. I bought a fridge – it cost 51k – and I felt the quality of my life improve drastically. 

    How? 

    I grew up in a house with a fridge, but I think I took it for granted. This was the first time since I moved to Lagos that I didn’t have to go out to buy cold water, I could also preserve things. At work, 2016 was also a lot of growth for me. But by the end of the year, some layoffs were happening, and it was one of those “leave or get laid off” scenarios.

    I didn’t see that coming.

    Roles evolve in startups. A role might exist now, and become redundant later. Mine got redundant. Also, they were trying to cut costs. I got a severance, which was basically about my salary. I spent that December 2016 just sleeping, fuelling my generator and watching shows and movies. 

    Towards the end of the month is when I was like, okay, I need to get a job. It was like that subtle panic I had after NYSC. The difference this time was that I wasn’t at home, so I had no safety net and free food. 

    By January, I was flat broke. My folks at home didn’t even know I had lost a job, and I couldn’t ask them to send me money or anything. My parents are retired, and they’re too old for me to be a burden on them. So I just had to wing it by myself. 

    By February though, I was back at a new job, except I actually took a pay cut. 

    How?

    When I was leaving my last job, my last monthly salary was ₦200k, but now I was at ₦120k. I needed the money badly. Anyway, the new job was at an advertising agency. I gave myself 6 months, but then an exciting project came. That kept me for longer. 

    The best part of that year was that I was the one who got thrown to the difficult projects. That felt good. That year pushed me more than ever, I even started a side project. It all started to pay off in 2018. 

    How did it pay off? 

    People started calling me in 2018 for work, and for the first time, I realised I’d been taking for granted all the things I knew. People had actually been paying attention. I started to feel desired, and that felt so good. 

    I could have a decent conversation about salaries for the first time. The gig I finally settled for tripled my salary. 

    ₦360k? 

    Yeah, at the time. It also came with Health Insurance and a Pension. Office goodies helped shrink my feeding budget.  You know, it’s incredible how much has changed between that first ₦15k and now. I also moved to a more spacious place, a 2-bedroom apartment.

    Man. Money gives you the freedom to do things, and freedom to not do the things you don’t want. Money gives you agency. The pay cut I took when I was moving to my previous job was because I couldn’t afford to reject it. Scarcity taught me the value of money, relative abundance taught me the value of agency. 

    Let’s talk about your monthly spending. 

    First of all, I try to keep my expenses below ₦100k. I’m mostly indoors. Food doesn’t cost so much. There’s the occasional movie with the babe. My routine is work, occasional relationship outings, church. My goal last year was to not live above ₦100k, and I succeeded mostly. This year though, most of it went kaput. 

    What changed? 

    I had to make a choice about wanting money in the bank or wanting to own things. I chose the latter. This year, I bought land. My folks found one at a very good deal. 

    Another thing is that, because my spending power has increased, I can pay for things even when I don’t have the money immediately. People are more willing to even give you loans because they know you can pay back.

    The more money you have, the more people are likely to give you money? 

    Yes, that’s what I think. It cost me about 900k. The value, based on the area it was, actually means it should have been up to 1.5 million ideally. As I was done paying for the land, I bought a car – that cost 1.6 million. I have a few months left on the car payment. The thing is, if I was going to save to buy these things, they’d probably be useless by the time I can afford them. 

    Back to monthly spending.

    I’m a little over 100k these days. I’ve been lucky enough to not have to worry too much about black tax, even though I send some money home to my mum, mostly upkeeps. Although, I’ve had to pay for life-threatening illness in the past before. The rest of my money goes into paying for the car.

    How much do you honestly feel like you should be earning, and why?

    The next gig I take should not offer me less than 800k. I actually believe I deserve more with the experience I have. But if I’m being realistic, coupled with the realities of being in Lagos, 800k net is good enough to live comfortably in most of Lagos. 

    In the context of forex, that’d be $4k per month. I’m thinking about what someone like me would be earning outside Nigeria. We’re doing a lot of the same things in different markets.

    Anyway, I need to unlock the level of spending power where you can afford to own things and still have money left to save or invest. Not like I’ll buy a car and suddenly be unable to save. 

    What’s something you really want but can’t afford right now? 

    A decent house in a good and much safer neighbourhood. To be upwardly mobile in Nigeria is to be at risk. On one hand, the guys in the neighbourhood suddenly see you as fruit ripe for plucking. On the other hand, you’re not earning enough to be able to afford to leave that neighbourhood. 

    I was robbed this year. 

    Woah.

    Petty crime, mostly. They broke in, stole my laptop, phone, and some pocket change. My house is decent, but if I could afford to after that incident, I’d have moved. I know I stick out in the neighbourhood as the guy who lives in a 2-bed flat all by himself and owns a nice car. 

    There’s also the police to worry about because you’re suddenly suspect because you have a car. 

    Sorry about that man. Thought about retirement? 

    I don’t really believe in the concept of “oh stop working at sixty”. I’m more interested in Financial Freedom when I can reach the point of making work an option. 

    Life expectancy is changing across the world, so I think what people call retirement age is not retirement age anymore. 

    Eventually, retirement for me will be when I have financial freedom and access to places and people that money won’t fetch me. 

    So where does this leave pensions for you? 

    Rainy day money. If all of this goes wrong, there’s this kpim kpim entering your pension account every month that you know will potentially cover you in the future. 

    As an end-of-year question, what’s 2020 looking like for you? 

    I need to move houses next year, for starters. Again, it’s mostly because I want to get married next year.

    Hmmnnnn. Marriage. 

    Hahaha. I’d love a simple wedding, but those things are super expensive here in Nigeria. Back to the house part, my house is mostly at the bare minimum now, and I know setting it up to be able to live with a partner is going to cost money.

    Also, next year, I’m looking for projects or challenges that will trigger my next level, just like it happened in 2017. 

    What’s something you wish you were good at?

    Investing. I have friends who know how money works. I think we generally have a basic understanding of how money works. But there are people who know trends and how money moves around the world, they know when to take advantage of these things. Earning well is good, but knowing how to maximise it is even better. 

    Random, but when was the last time you felt really broke? 

    Remember that January 2017 when I was so broke? My last money was spent on transport money back from a job interview. I don’t even know how, but one of my friends sensed that I needed money. He just called me, asked for my account number, and sent 10k. That was priceless. 

    On a scale of 1-10, let’s rate your financial happiness. 

    With the level of agency money gives me now, I’ll say a 6. I’m not rich, but when I think of where I’m coming from, I’m not doing badly. But with this 6, I’ve reached the point where I need to take on new challenges again and scale up fast.

    It’s been an interesting decade for you.

    Yeah, I think it has been. It’s the decade I’m learning to hold my own in the world. Moved out of my parents’ house, and it’s been a long, winding journey in self-discovery and generally trying to be my own person. I think I’ve gotten much better at navigating life at the end of the decade now than I was at the beginning of it. I’m also just older now and have clocked in the hours so that one sef dey.

    Check back every Monday at 9 am (WAT) for a peek into the Naira Life of everyday people.
    But, if you want to get the next story before everyone else, with extra sauce and ‘deleted scenes’, subscribe below. It only takes a minute.

    Sign me up!

    Every story in this series can be found here.

    Fu’ad Lawal

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  • What’s It Like To Be 24 And Unemployed?

    What’s It Like To Be 24 And Unemployed?

    Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.

    The subject of this story is a 24-year old lady who’s open to exploring any opportunity that won’t bother her home training – she likes nice offices too.

    Tell me about the very first time you felt like you ‘earned’ your own money.

    Does raising funds for a children’s church program count? 

    When I was younger, in order to raise funds for church parties and children’s Sunday in church, we were given tickets to sell at a fixed price (I sometimes sold higher and pocketed the rest). I always finished selling my tickets so quickly that I had to start writing the names of people who wanted to buy or donate.

    Or I just pocketed the money for myself. 

    Someone call the EFCC.

    Hahaha. I was like 7 or 8. The tickets sold for about ₦100. I’d add another ₦100 or ₦200 sometimes, and then blow the money on drinks and ice cream. But I always made sure to calculate properly so I never remitted excess, that means I never got caught by my mum. She was the pastor of the children’s church by the way. 

    How did you manage to sell out fast?

    Being a pastor’s child has its perks, plus I found it easy walking up to people and asking them to buy. Lord knows my neighbours were tired of me.

    What else did you do in those days? 

    My mum used to make Zobo and Kunu and would put them in bottles. Then she’d give them to me to sell. I hated it at the time, I used to think we were very rich growing up. 

    I lived in a relatively nice house in an estate, went to one of the best schools and my mum still made me sell. 

    Then one day I stumbled on my mum crying – it was time for school fees and she didn’t have money. That was when I realized we were not as wealthy as I thought we were. I was like 8. 

    She used to work in finance, but she’d retired at this time. Single mum raising a bunch of kids. 2005.

    Man, we got really broke those days. Tough times.

    Tell me about it.

    It was always a struggle. As recently as when I was in Uni – I was in my 3rd year of school, I lived at home while my sibling and family friend shared an apartment close to school and in other to make pocket money, we started selling these space cakes and made a killing. My job was to market and sell when I could or get buyers for parties and stuff.

    The space cupcakes sold for ₦3k a dozen. I actually remember that we only did it when we were absolutely broke. When we were active, we did like 10-12 orders per week.

    As usual, I’d either give out the money or buy nonsense.

    After Uni? 

    I interned at a law firm for nine months that paid ₦30k, then I went to Law School. Left September 2017, NYSC started October. Towards the end of Law School, you do an externship for six weeks. 

    Did that pay?

    We got paid in lunch money from our boss, hahaha. Anyway, I went for NYSC, got paid ₦10k at my place of primary assignment, add to that my NYSC ₦19,800. I saved most of it in fact, and by the time I finished NYSC in October 2019, I’d saved up to ₦140k. 

    That’s not bad at all. Job hunting? 

    Yeah. Sent out so many applications – 15 by my last count – attended interviews and hoping for the best.

    How do you feel about it though? 

    I have very little work experience, and to be honest, I’m not yet sure exactly where I’ll end up. I’m willing to explore something in PR or entertainment though. Also, the obvious thing about not having a job is being broke. 

    What about your savings? 

    I just checked, and it says I have ₦77 left. 7-7. 

    That burn is wild, considering you had ₦140k only about a month ago.

    Had to sort out something for my mum’s house. Then I borrowed some out, and now it’s taking forever for them to return it. The rest, I just ate out with it.

    I’m not really good with money. You know how cranky you get when you’re broke? That’s me 24/7 these days. Then there’s the almost hopeless feeling that you should be doing more or better. 

    There’s also my family who think I’m not doing enough to get a job, and all the people asking “What next?”

    Let’s say you had to use your degree, what are your prospects?

    Law? In Nigeria? Only a handful of lawyers go back to law firms. Most people end up doing something else. Most of the lawyers I know are doing 20k-30k per month. Only very few are doing that well. The best entry-level salary for a lawyer I’ve heard of is ₦110k. It’s an “I know your parents” kind of job.

    What’s the most ridiculous thing anyone has ever said to you?

    “We’re not going to paying you, because you need the job experience.” I was going to be working from 8-6 and working on weekends. I was going to pay for my own transport in a time when everyone is trying to get by. That’s how ridiculous it gets.

    Your alternative prospects. What’s it looking like in your city?

    Currently, the prospects for a person like me is to go and get my Masters or get another degree, or some certifications. My mum has an even brighter idea.

    What did she say?

    She said I should go and marry. Apparently, someone in the church saw a vision. In fact, I currently have a curfew.

    Wonderment.

    Hahaha. I need to leave where I am. When you’re not in a city like Lagos, your options are a lot more limited. Especially if you’re in a city where almost everyone either works for an NGO, a bank, or the government.

    What are some basic things you need but can’t afford?

    Shoes. Clothes. I need clothes. You want to show up at an interview to make a good impression, but then you’re wearing scrappy clothes. This life.

    How much is good enough for you to get by?

    Anything from 70 to 100k right now, to be honest. I just want to earn.

    What’s the most ridiculous thing someone has asked you to do for money?

    A brother in the Lord wanted to pay for my nudes, since you’re unemployed. He gave me ‘blank cheque’ energy.

    That is wild. That is gross. Sorry about that.

    That’s alright. Last-last, my mother’s church member’s vision will click and I’ll just go and marry a rich man.

    What’s something you wish you were better at?

    I just need to learn no. People ask me for money and I give them because I can’t say no. People collect, then fail to pay back every time. Do I have sense? No.

    Let’s imagine an alternate reality. What do you imagine a different life would like?

    First of all, I won’t have studied Law. Something more meaningful in my life. Maybe something IT-related. I’ll probably be working in one of those cool workplaces. I’ll be able to earn and still save, and still flex. To be honest, 150k right now is enough for me to earn, save and flex right now.

    I mean, a formality, but what’s your financial happiness levels on a 1-10 scale?

    A solid 2. I can’t Detty December because I’m broke. All I now do is think of all the things I could have done with the money.

    Is there a question you’d have wanted me to ask but I didn’t?

    Ask me if I’ve considered being a Glucose Baby.

    Has it ever crossed your mind to become a Glucose Baby?

    Plentttty times! My Nigerian Home Training is entrenched in my bones that I can’t monetise a small part of my body. If not, I would have been living baby girl life. To be honest, I don’t even think I have the range and stamina to become a Glucose baby. I’m not even sure I have all the things needed to become a Glucose baby, like the body. I can use the ones I have and get the rest from a surgeon, but guess who doesn’t have a Surgeon? Hahahaha.

    I hope you get something a solid gig soon.

    Thank you!

    P.S: If you ask me questions in the comments, I’m going to go ahead and ask her, then update this story with her answers. Cool?

    Fu’ad Lawal

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  • 8 Things That Happen Immediately After You Lose Your Job

    8 Things That Happen Immediately After You Lose Your Job

    1. First off, you download every season of Game Of Thrones on the office Wi-Fi.

    A Lannister always pays his debts.

    2. Next, you scatter the toilet, one last time.

    One last special send off.

    3. Finally, you get to let your office crush know how you really feel.

    It’s now or never.

    4. But you have to act like it’s not paining you.

    I’m not crying, it’s just eye sweat.

    5. Act like you weren’t just begging your boss for a second chance.

    Oga, I take God and Angel Gabriel beg you.

    6. Show up at work the next day and act like nothing happened.

    It wasn’t me they fired o, it was Femi.

    7. Get dragged out like a bag of rice.

    Nawa for una, you can’t even take a joke.

    8. Wonder why this life is a pot of beans.

    Because this can’t be my life.

    Osaretin Tunde-Oni

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  • A Nigerian Woman Tired Of Being Unemployed Took To The Streets

    A Nigerian Woman Tired Of Being Unemployed Took To The Streets

    A few days ago, a picture of a Nigerian job-seeker on the streets of Port Harcourt went viral.

    Speaking with the Zikoko team, 26 year old IB MacDonald shared her story and how she has been unemployed since she obtained her B.Sc degree in 2010.

    The mother of two currently holds an M.Sc in Education Psychology and will complete her Ph.D program in 2017. She even uploaded her CV on her Facebook page.

    She explained how the job offers she got to teach in some private schools came with a salary package of 10,000 Naira, which isn’t even enough to cover her transportation bills to work.

    She stated how the frustration from being idle for so long drove her to the streets of Port Harcourt.

    After her picture went viral, IB received calls from people who suggested she started a business. However, IB said she isn’t a business-minded person and her passion is in lecturing.

    And this raises questions. Why is the Nigerian government more concerned with offering empowerment programs than providing jobs?

    Why should Nigerians go to school only to be asked to start a business right after? Does having an education in Nigeria come with an entrepreneurship package?

    Nigeria is yet to make some scientific/infrastructural breakthroughs. Shouldn’t the government aim to create jobs in these sectors?

    Why should a Nigerian have to resort to going to the streets to seek for employment?

    Someone with an advanced degree like IB should be in a position to proffer solutions to Nigeria’s failing education sector.

    Although some Nigerians have argued that there are a few private bodies where IB’s skills will be useful, we hope IB becomes gainfully employed soon and this problem of serial unemployment is dealt with once and for all. You can get in touch with her via her Facebook account.

    Maryam

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  • This Nigerian Girl Got Offered A Job For Opening a Twitter Account

    This Nigerian Girl Got Offered A Job For Opening a Twitter Account

    Given the high rate of unemployment in Nigeria, some people have resorted to securing job offers at the most unexpected times and places.

    This manifested when D’banj decided to help startups publicize their businesses with #kokobusiness.

    A young woman got motivated and decided to build on D’banj’s original idea by simply creating a twitter account with the name (@kokobusiness) for the startups to promote their work.

    A very impressed D’banj got wind of her tweets and offered her a job under his company, DKMC.

    Chidinma Ughamadu who studied Management Information System at Covenant university saw an opportunity in the trend and grabbed it as a sharp Nigerian lady.

    You can publicize details of your startup business via her twitter account @kokobusiness. Her instagram page is @deenma_.

    We wish Chidinma all the best at her new job!

    Maryam

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  • 10 Things About Being A Man In Nigeria

    10 Things About Being A Man In Nigeria
    Often times we discuss the effects of patriarchy on women in a society, but truth be told the effects are also detrimental to men. As a result of these perceptions and pressures, here are 10 things about being a man in Nigeria:

    1. If you don’t have a job get ready for your man license to be revoked.

    2. You must be responsible for your wife, children, her parents and siblings, your parents and siblings without complaining all on your 100k salary.

    Even if you end up with a stroke from all the pressure what is the big deal. Are you not a man? Oh and prepare for the waiter to always hand you the bill.

    3. You should not cry ever. You are not a human being, you are a man. Emotions are not built for people like you.

    4. Don’t attend a school reunion without your property and car on fleek because being broke is never an option.

    5. You are not allowed to earn less than your wife.

    6. You must be a good leader and be financially astute just by virtue of being a man even though you haven’t got the faintest clue about any of those things.

    7. You should never ask for help. A real man is always in control even though your life might be falling to pieces.

    8. You should never admit that you do not know how to do something. Are you not a man?

    9. You are not expected to know how to cook or wash your own underwear. Prepare to be constantly infantalised.

    Men shouldn’t be taught some basic survival skills like learning to nourish themselves or how to keep themselves clean.

    10. When there is a loss, you are not permitted to grieve. You must be strong for everyone else.

    If you breakdown what are the rest of us meant to do. Men are not weak. Though it seems like all laughs, the realities can be quite grim when you take out time to ruminate through the issues. Voices For Change have recently produced their landmark research conducted across various states and regions in the country into a report aptly titled ‘Being A Man In Nigeria Perception And Realities’. Some statistics from the report are heartbreaking and further remind us about the dangers of patriarchal systems to both men and boys and why the need for empowerment and gender parity is still a pertinent issue. You can download the report here.
    Written by Zikoko contributor Wana Udobang. Wana Udobang is a broadcaster, writer, poet, performer, filmmaker and curator working out of Lagos, Nigeria.

    Damilola

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  • 16 Pictures That Are Too Real For People Who Are Unemployed In Nigeria

    16 Pictures That Are Too Real For People Who Are Unemployed In Nigeria

    Odunayo

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