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8 Places To Shake Your Ass Now That Dubai Has Casted

Bad news: Dubai has suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians.

For emphasis, in case you did not see it the first time: The United Arab Emirates has reportedly suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians. Why? Because of the increasing crime rates involving Nigerians in the Middle-East country.

Ah!

In other words, if you have suffered for 19 years and you had plans to shake your ass in a thong on a yacht in Dubai, you might want to reconsider so that you will not enter Dubai and land in jail. You that it’s ordinary bum-bum you had plans to shake.

Anyway, we made a list of other places you can shake your ass, now that Dubai has casted.

1. Lekki Phase 1 when the flood comes.

Imagine climbing on top of that signpost and shaking your ass like you are competing in the Twerk Olympics. C’mon, Megan Thee Stallion from Admiralty way. You go, girl!

2. Tarkwa Bay.

Who needs a yacht when you can climb a speedboat and shoot out your bum-bum? If the desirable is not available, you make the available desirable. Aspire to papapa.

3. Eko Atlantic.

It’s kuku greed that is worrying you, honestly. Because why do you want to go to Dubai when you can enter Eko Atlantic? You sef, pronounce the name: EKO ATLANTIC. Omo, the way my bum-bum jiggles of its own accord whenever it hears that name!

4. Bar Beach.

If it’s not for civilization and oversabi, did we not all grow up shaking our asses in Bar Beach? Now that Dubai has suspended Direct Employment Visa for Nigerians, it might be time to return to our roots. This time, you don’t need a yacht. Just climb a horse and when it begins to gallop chukwudi-chukwudi-chukwudi, I am sure your bum-bum will not sit down and look. It will follow it to jiggle.

5. Oniru Beach.

It’s a private beach. You know what that means? YOU CAN EVEN BE NAKED AND NOBODY WILL CATCH YOU!

6. Abuja.

Why go to Dubai when you can do your business at Jabi Boat Club in Abuja? First of all, you might be lucky and your jiggly derriere might attract a politician. Or a sugar daddy can be caught in the strap of your thong. Even better, you might get ~~cocaine and oud~~ as a souvenir.

7. Ikeja along.

Let it not be that we are recommending only areas with water for you. There is also Ikeja Along, if you prefer to shake your ass on dry land. A major benefit of this is that you cannot piss a mermaid off or drown by mistake.

8. Or maybe Ghana, since you are not satisfied with the country God put you in.

Just know that if Lai Mohammed hears that you, a bonafide citizen of the UAR, is shaking your God-given UAR ass in Ghana where Twitter is, you are in soup. And walahi talahi, Abike Dabiri-Erewa will look at you and comot eye. That’s the beginning of renewed suffering. Happy ass-shaking.

Also read:

9 Reasons Why Nigerian Men Must Never Wash Their Bum-Bum

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Kunle Ologunro

June 29, 2021

Inside Life

dubai, Humour, Nigeria, Sarcasm, thong, UAR, yacht
7 Reasons Why We Should Change Nigeria To UAR

A tax consultant submitted a proposal to the House of Reps committee to change the name of the country Nigeria to UAR. Honestly, we understand it. So, here are seven reasons why Nigeria should be changed to UAR.

1) Countries that have acronyms beginning with U are bad bitches

Most of the countries with acronyms starting with U are usually in control of some sort of world power. Look at USA and UAE. Emulating the good processes they went through to get their countries to be so powerful is stressful and will take time. So, just change the name and begin to manifest #11:11

2) At our old age, we are still bearing the name a white woman gave us

Nigeria is going to mark 61 years of independence in 2021, but we are still bearing the name a white woman gave us? O wrong nau. We need to really prove “we was Kings”, so a new name is in order.

3) A chance to boost creative spirit

With this new name, a lot of new slangs will need to be created. Naija can no longer exist, so maybe UARija. Either way, it will give ~~Nigerians~~ UARians a chance to come up with some new slang. That might keep us busy for another three to four years so we don’t notice how the country is not progressing.

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4) We are a very united country

How else can we prove that we are a county founded on Unity without adding United to the country’s name. So what if we had a civil war and people are being kidnapped and ethnic cleansing is going on. If United is in the name of the country, then it has to be true.

5) UAR does not sound like Nigger Area

Now, when they start dragging UARians online, they can’t say our name sounds like Nigger Area. They can only use our lack of electricity and infrastructure as an insult.

6) We have tried everything to fix this country, a new name might help

Nigeria has tried everything possible to move forward. Instead, now we have one dollar going for about five hundred naira at the black market. Since our leaders cannot be bothered to do anything serious like actually do their jobs, maybe a new name will help. All debts are forgotten, old things have passed away and we have become new.

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7) We are the African giant

How do we cement ourselves as the African giant? Is it through a thriving economy? A safe country for its citizens? A place that allows ease of trade? OF COURSE NOT!!! We call ourselves the United African Republic.

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Itohan Esekheigbe

June 3, 2021

Inside Life

Funny, Name, Nigeria, UAR