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In the thick of fuel subsidy frustrations and criminal price hike on everything, Nigerian men still found ways to be hilarious, especially on Twitter. Here’re some of them:
Napoli just splurged €100 million on its striker, Nigerian footballer, Victor Osimehn and the guy been in Lagos for a few weeks, going around and chilling. In this current Nigeria?
11. The second Lagos
Finally visited Peckham and all I can say is no way you’re living there and be home sick.
First thing I saw was jedi spot, then Amala spot, then the next shop was playing pasuma.
Life Hack : If You don’t have money for food, just buy something to eat. If you don’t have money to buy something, just eat the food You currently have.
If there’s one thing Twitter NG is good for, it’s coming up with the most random slangs every day and expecting everyone to catch up.
After a Twitter user posted this about Faze:
And another responded in defence of Faze’s state of origin:
I decided to create a Zikoko dictionary of 25 abbreviations, slangs and phrases you need to master if you hope to avoid embarrassment on Twitter NG. Get your pen and papers out, and may the odds ever be in your favour.
IMO
“In My Opinion” — Used when no one actually asked for your opinion.
IMHO
“In My Humble Opinion” — Used when you want to offer thoughts no one asked for, but with a sprinkle of respect.
IPNTS
“I Prefer Not To Speak” — Used when you know your opinion will land you in hot trouble. Or when you actually want people to beg you for said opinion.
Drag
This verb refers to when the internet is attacking someone for their questionable opinions or choices.
Let him cook
Used when you’re in full support of the TL dragging someone.
Ratio
Used when the negative/mocking responses to a tweet get more engagement than the tweet that started the discussion in the first place. Example: “They just ratioed your friend on the TL after he said he mixed plantain with ice cream.”
YKTV
“You Know The Vibes” — Used when you and someone are on the same page.
IFYP
“I Feel Your Pain” — For when you understand what someone is going through.
IKDR
“I Know Das Right” — Used when you support someone’s opinion or choices.
Sus
Simply means you find someone or something suspicious. Example: Don’t you think it’s a bit sus that INEC said more people came out to vote during the gubernatorial elections than the presidential polls?
“Be Fucking Real” or “Be For Real” — Used when reacting to something that sounds unbelievable and you need the source to stop messing around.
LMK
“Let Me Know“ — For when you need someone to let you know. Duh.
FFS
“For Fuck Sake“ — Used when you’re shocked or disappointed.
FGS
“For God Sake“ — Used when you want to say FFS in a way that pleases God.
TL;DR
“Too Long; Didn’t Read“ — Used when you really don’t give two shits about reading the long epistle someone typed.
Breakfast
“Heartbreak“ — Used when someone as hot as Stefflon Don breaks your heart. Please, do not confuse this with real breakfast like yam and egg, or moi-moi and pap.
Scrimm
Used when you’re screaming on the inside but maintaining a straight face on the outside.
GOAT
“Greatest of All Time“ — Used when someone has achieved a major feat or is the best at what they do. Not to be confused with the source of asun.
YKB/YDKB
“You Know Ball“/“You Don’t Know Ball“ — This is YKTV but for people who watch football.
JSYK
“Just So You Know“ — Used when you expect someone to know something, but you’ve decided to share it with them because they’re not up to date.
Bet
“I get you” or “I got you” — Used when you understand what someone is saying, and you know the next course of action. Example: Chiby asked if I’d be interested in working on a physical 30BG hangout for Davido’s Timeless, and I was like, “Alright, bet,”
Aza
“Account” — Used when you want to either send money to someone or beg someone to send to you.
That’s a choice or Choices
Used when someone has made a bad choice, and it’s obvious to everyone else but them. Example: So this is the outfit you decided to wear to your first premiere? Hmmm. Choices.
LFG
“Let’s Fucking Go“ — Used when you’re excited about something, and you’re trying to get everyone around you on the same level of excitement.
ISWIS
Sis, there’s a whole podcast that uses this slang. How can you not know what it means?
Anyways, it’s “I Said What I Said“ — Used when you mean what you say with your full chest.
If you’re one of the people whose June salary is coming this week, please note that you will be eaten when it’s time to eat the rich. Until then, here are 10 of the funniest tweets from Nigerian women in June:
When AGBA asked people to share their craziest Lagos experiences, we knew we’d get crazy stories, but nothing could have prepared us for the madness that the TL brought.
These are some of the craziest things Nigerians have experienced in Lagos.
1. This one is too wild.
2. They would have to seperate me and the doughnut seller.
3. Nice one, task force.
4. Imagine waking up to this.
5. Excuse me?
6. Hello?
7. What would you do in this situation?
8. STARK?
9. Imagine just walking on the road and… gbam!
10. Lagos bike men are a menace.
11. Ah!
12, But did he collect it?
13. We need to interview Lagos danfo seatbelts.
14. Why are people wicked?
15. This one has happened to me before.
16. What in the Namaste Wahala is this?
17. He did what?
18. Why are you even asking a stranger on a BRT to eat with you?
Nigerians are still hilarious on Twitter today, but there must have been something in the air around 2014 and 2015 that made them extra funny. Here are 23 tweets from that time that prove that point.
1. The tweet about Sugar Daddies.
My friends and I could quite easily have acquired sugar daddies while in Lagos but we did not want to spend your school fees
1) After saving for a long period of time and you finally check your balance:
*delayed gratification always wins*
2) You on your SafeLock withdrawal day:
3) Invest that gym money in mutual funds today or buy dollars
4) Stay at home
Don’t spend your time and limited funds hanging out with people you don’t even like that much. Stay at home and save your money.
5) The point
In this philosophical exercise, he ponders on the point of all your savings if you don’t chop life from time to time. This is because if you die, your next of kin will aggressively spend your hard-earned money on things like Ponzi schemes or even playing baba ijebu.
6) Choose yourself
You that you are always sending everyone money, who sends you money? From time to time buy yourself something nice. You deserve it.
7) Moving out advice
Once your parents start to complain that you are the one that has hidden harmattan, or that your perfume smells too nice for someone who doesn’t even pay rent. You know this is a sign to start putting money away for your own place because:
Expensive aso-ebi also falls under this category.
8) Amen
Is any Nigerian “advice” complete without a prophecy?
This guy thinks Runtown needs to go and be sleeping inside studio instead of wasting his time on Twitter:
Billion twits won this one. One delivery style all d time?? Runtown should goan reply in studio and leave twitter for opinion abeg pic.twitter.com/xBAhGnXC6w
— blue creative and 2D Animator💙 (@balarabea9) June 5, 2017
This one thinks the clapback was just weak:
BillionTwits did a fire tweet, Runtown clapback was weak "everyone can use sense as clapback" 😭😭😭
But it’s not our fault sha. It’s a result of too much eyeing from our parents.
One topic Nigerians like to form about is sex. They’ll be forming Innocent Idibia meanwhile their own worse pass.
But the following tweets about sex toys is proof that Nigerians are not so shy when it comes to sex and other kinky stuff, they just prefer to tweet about it.
1. The hidden meaning in this is just too painful to think about!
"@Teejay_HNIC: Drinking palmie"@raaymoond_: Beating up pussy cats "@Hunny_Lemonade: What's dildo used for?"""G i see u
So from all we’ve learned about Nigerians with these tweets, here is a post on 15 hilariously horrifying things we’re very sure a Nigerian would say during sex:
Kanye West is the new Twitter fingers, take a break Meek Mill.
Top class rapper, designer of clothes (that we don’t know who wears), seasoned producer and patron saint of drama recently dropped inspirational bars (tweets) to live by, on one of the days his fingers came alive.
1. When someone wants to act childish in the exam hall.
Are you always wondering “What the hell is this ‘I Was In My House And Trailer Came To Jam Me’ thing everyone is always talking about?!”
We introduced this hilarious hashtag to you sometime ago.#IWasInMyHouseAndTrailerCameToJamMe is a Twitter series and comes in episodes.
How does it work?
Somebody sits innocently in their house and makes a comment or puts up a tweet, and someone comes from nowhere (a trailer) to jam this person.
Got it?
Ok here are 10 hilarious tweets put together by @TrailerJamShow
1. Kylie Jenner tweeted this in 2013. Did she predict the future?
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
2. This girl’s ex-boyfriend put her on blast on Twitter!
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
3. Kanye’s fans weren’t going to let this insult go unpunished.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
4. Not every time jam, sometimes put someone in his place.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
5. The complete guide to obtaining a sugar daddy. LMAO!
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
6. This trailer came armed with missiles ready to fire!
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
7. This trailer attack on someone’s IQ level.
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
8. Some people are going to school, others are using Twitter as textbook. Smh!
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
9. This well-deserved trailer jam. Nobody talks badly about the first lady of slay!
If you are familiar with social media at all, you’ve definitely seen the hashtags #BlackGirlsKillingIt, #AfricanMenKillingIt, #MelaninOnFleek and similar hashtags used a lot over the past few years.
Social media and the love for selfies have definitely exposed us to more of the beauty of our African people.
But even before the days of social media, there were the phrases “Black is beautiful” and Black don’t crack”.
So today, we are here to prove that these hashstags and phrases are not mere speculation but indeed FACT!
Here are 35 images that show the beauty and diversity of our African people.
Mbalula Fikile is the Minister of Sport and Recreation in South Africa; and he’s the certified father of all Twitter comedians. He daily drops life-giving, laughter inducing tweets mostly using his own face as the accompanying meme, and here are just a few of them:
1. When he gave us the perfect ‘good morning’ meme.
One of the most active Nigerian politicians on Twitter is Ben Murray Bruce. The founder of Silverbird group, business magnate and politician is no doubt brimming with passion for a better Nigeria. His tweets reflect that.
And he has, err, rather unorthodox, eyebrow raising ideas through which we can achieve this better Nigeria. His tweets also reflect that.
We have enlarged his tweets into posters, because everything looks better that way. Here are the tweets arranged in order of ‘okay’ to ‘WHAT?!’:
1. This inspired tweet about helping the less privileged
2. And this really smart one about continuity
3. This brilliant tweet about the Jonathan/Buhari segregation
Then…
4. This confusing one about Champagne and school fees
5. This one that I totally agree with. But is really impracticable.
6. The tweet where he said he introduced the electric car. But I still don’t have one
7. Probably because it costs an arm and a leg. That didn’t stop him from saying this…DURING FUEL SCARCITY!
8. This utterly bemusing one about attacks and Ramadan
9. The tweet about proving to us that he doesn’t fly first class. Don’t know how many people that convinced.
10. I’m pretty sure both of the actions in this tweet are crimes.
11. Here, he suggested that the Federal Government know our account numbers
12. This tweet that really emphasizes his disdain for people who drink Champagne…and completely eliminates us that are claiming middle class
He’s equal parts passionate and hilarious. Best mix, tbh. Bottomline, we are rooting for him. He’s one of those that can maybe restore the glory of our country.
Images by Zikoko contributor, Kolapo Oladapo (@kpmy_).
