Teacher | Zikoko!

There were some good things about being a teacher’s pet:
1. You’re always the default person to write the names of noisemakers.

2. You always know what everyone scored in the class test or exam.

Because you were the one that recorded it for the teacher.
3. Seniors are always afraid to punish you for fear of incurring the teacher’s wrath.

So you walk around like there is boil in your armpit as per “The Untouchable”.
4. You’re always exempt from general class punishments.

Because your teacher will be like, “I’m sure you were not part of them”.
5. Even if all your classmates are shouting:

And you were even the leader sef.
6. So because of that, your classmates almost always end up hating you.

7. You can’t make any mistake because your punishment is always twice as severe.

8. And you’re always the first to get called to answer a question.

It’s not the teacher’s fault, it’s just that it’s only your name they can remember.
If you used to be a teacher’s pet do like this:

Let us know how many people we’re going to stop talking to now.
More Zikoko!
https://zikoko.com/gist/nigeria-is-set-to-launch-a-satellite-into-space-but-not-everyone-is-excited-about-it/

Ronke Otega

May 31, 2017

Oldies

Childhood, secondary school, Teacher
Let me tell you about that time I took a phone to school when I was in J.S.S.3 and how it was promptly seized.

My parents always had this fear of me getting kidnapped so to make sure I was safe, they devised a way to check in with me every few hours.

My parents were kind of paranoid. Don’t blame them. They meant well.
So even though it was unorthodox for people my age to own phones at the time, they bought me one.

My first phone!
And made me promise to keep it a secret.

If anyone finds out, murder them.
I lied to them. I couldn’t wait to show everyone at school!

SO EXCITED!!!
So I went to school the next day. Feeling myself.

They will know who I am today!
My classmates noticed the pep in my step and asked why I was so excited.

Wetin dey do this one?
Then dramatically, I showed them the phone.

YASSSS!!! BOW AND EXALT!!!!!
Everyone went wild!

As expected.
Remember this was 2003, having a phone as an adult was kind of a big deal so for a 13 year old it was huge.

I was no longer their mate.
Everyone wanted to hold it. Everyone wanted to be around me all the time. I felt like a celebrity.

This must be what it feels like to be Beyonce.
Then our maths teacher came in for first period so I had to quickly hide the phone.

In my trusty school bag.
30 minutes into the class, something terrible happened. The phone began to ring.

GBESE!
The teacher asked where the sound was coming from. No one answered.

Nobody wanted to snitch.
It kept on ringing so it didn’t take him long to find the source.

My school bag.
He told me to give the phone to him. I had been caught.

I was distraught.
As I took the phone out of my bag, I looked at the screen, wondering how my parents could possibly call at a time they knew i’d be in class.

Mummy and Daddy, Why na?!!
But it wasn’t a call. It was an alarm.

An alarm I KNOW I did not set.
Apparently while the phone was being passed from person to person earlier, someone probably set an alarm by mistake.

Imagine nonsense.
And then I thought, what if someone set the alarm to ring when he/she knew we’d be in class with a teacher?

What if someone set me up?
My parents had to come to school the next day to beg my Maths teacher for the phone.

We didn’t think it through. We’re very sorry.
They didn’t give the phone back to me. My life as a celebrity was over.

Back to being regular.
I never figured out who set the alarm or why.

Everybody denied.
And even though i’m now an adult, the thing still dey vex me sometimes.

Because deep down, I still believe someone set me up.
To keep the fun about secondary school going, here’s an article about the funny things about relationships in secondary schools.

12 Situations That Were Real For Secondary School Relationships

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Astor George

April 25, 2017

General

Funny, Parents, phone, School, sponsored, students, Teacher
1. You, when they post you to a school and you think your easy life has started.

My God is not asleep!
2. How you enter your class for the first time.

Teacher Chike is n town!
3. How you sleep in the morning because you think you can stab classes anyhow.

Those students have learnt enough for this week.
4. When the principal now notices you and starts parading the school for role call.

Nawa for you people o!
5. And the one stubborn student in your class now starts to show herself.

Disturbing your class everytime!
6. You, when the student starts with her wahala again.

Don’t kill me for my mummy abeg!
7. How the other teachers look at you when you don’t go for assembly.

You people should free me, please.
8. How the students look at you when you drop one big English.

“What is this one saying now?”
9. You, when you’ve being teaching your students for hours, but they still don’t get it.

I am surrounded by olodos!
10. You, when you hear your friends in the ministry are collecting 10k

And I’m here suffering and collecting 2k?
11. You, when the principal says you must come for extra lessons.

See the stress!
12. How you happily leave when you’re FINALLY done with NYSC

See you NEVER!

Shola

November 17, 2016

Oldies

Nigeria, NYSC, Teacher
1. How he used to dress every single day.

Does this one think the profession is a joke?
2. When he insists all the students call him one useless nickname like his normal name is not funny enough.

Baba leave this thing alone!
3. How he strolls around the school.

Are you the landlord sir?
4. When he tries to add “efizzy” to his teaching style by adding rap and dance steps to his classes.

Who asked you oh?
5. When he tries to enter students gist by force by fire.

Sir, your mates are in the staff room.
6. When he uses all the information he has gathered by being the friendly teacher, against students.

Judas is that you?
7. When he cracks one of his dry jokes and expects the class to start laughing.

You are not a comedian sir, face mathematics.
8. When his fellow teachers see him coming, they’re like:

Please he should go and look for someone else to disturb.
9. When he finally stops pretending and shows his true colours.

We said it!
10. When after all his shenanigans he becomes the head of department, you’re like:

This life is turn by turn sha!

Jola Ayeye

November 15, 2016

Oldies

education, School, Teacher
1. When you greet them and they ask “what’s good about the morning?”

Ah! No vex.
2. When they write “see me” on your assignment.

Oh God! What did I do again?
3. How you feel when you enter the teachers’ staff room:

Chai! Who sent me message?
4. When they tell you to buy cane and bring to school.

Is this even fair?
5. When they are flogging you and they say “if you touch it, I’ll start again.”

Please epp me.
6. When they start cleaning the board and you tell them you haven’t finished copying it.

Hian! Take it easy.
7. When that teacher that hates you tries to be nice to you on visiting day.

Save it.
8. When your favorite teacher bad mouths you to your parents on open day.

Wow. Is it like that?
9. When they wait for their period to be over before they ask “any questions?”

Better carry your load and go.
10. When they hear that your next class is a free period.

Ugh! Just leave us.
11. When they tell the class captain to write names of noise makers and they don’t collect it.

Look at God!
12. When they ask a question and ignore all your classmates with their hands up and pick you.

Why are you asking me? Did I raise my hand?
13. How they set questions:

Jisos!
14. When they wish you good luck before an exam.

See this devil.
15. When they look at your script during a test and shake their head.

Hay God! Should I just start again?
16. How they mark your exam:

How Nigerian teachers mark your exam when they want to deal with you: pic.twitter.com/Yb506Ep3hF
— Wale Lawal (@WalleLawal) December 6, 2014

17. When you get everything in your exam but they still keep that 1 mark for themselves.

Na wa! Is it that 1 mark you will eat at home?

Daniel Orubo

April 21, 2016

Oldies

Africa, High School, Junior, Nigeria, School, secondary school, senior, Teacher
1. When the teacher asks if everyone understands and the class says “YES!”.

You people understood that?
2. You, in most classes:

Why am I even here?
3. When the teacher doesn’t give an area of concentration before exam.

What sort of devil?
4. You, trying to study:

I don’t understand what I’m looking at.
5. When you hear that the class efiko is organizing tutorials.

Can’t dull it.
6. When you get your exam questions and start wondering when they taught you all this.

Hian. I didn’t miss class na? What is all this?
7. When all your classmates are collecting extra sheet and you haven’t even finished the one they gave you.

What is this struggle?
8. When you look around during an exam and see everyone using a compass and you don’t know what it’s for.

You people sef.
9. You, whenever you hear “10 minutes left” during a test:

Didn’t we just start?
10. When your classmates are comparing answers after a test and they all got ’24’, while you got ‘Sodium’.

Hay God!
11. When your classmates are calculating what they need to get an A and you’re calculating what you need to not carryover.

We have different issues, abeg.
12. You, when you hear that results are out:

The stress.
13. When you hear the class efiko complaining about getting a B.

See this mad person.
14. When you get a C in a course you thought you’d fail.

God is good.
15. Your motto:

It’s true sha.

Daniel Orubo

January 14, 2016

Oldies

Class, Efiko, Exam, Fail, Pass, School, Teacher