tailors | Zikoko!

It’s finally Christmas season. Detty December has been loading for you since April which is why you’ve got to get everything in place: money, squad and of course your awesome style team to help you slay.

Okay, get this, if you know that your style team only includes you and your tailor (the new one that has you biting your fingers in fear), then you might want to brace yourself for the inevitable excuses they will throw your way. Here are some of the most famous ones:

There’s been no light since NEPA took it weeks ago:

So even though you saw NEPA light on their street you have to believe that they are telling you the truth and didn’t change over to gen when they saw you coming.

They didn’t see the fabric you wanted in the market:

They are going to blame this one on Buhari and YOU. Really though, why did he close the border and why couldn’t you have chosen something else? They’ll conveniently forget that they recommended the fabric because it’s “in vogue”.

“If you did not tell us to put that rose on the cloth, it would have been finer.”

Because anything that goes wrong with that outfit is your fault. Not theirs at all, just you who thought they could do the job based on their say so.

“Ha oga, you have to pay for express because there are so many clothes from other customers so we would have to squeeze you in.”

Meanwhile, there’s nothing but thread and pieces of fabric in their store and they look like they really need you to patronize them.

They’ll tell you the reason your outfit is horrible is because their apprentice made it:

If they can blame it on NEPA, Buhari or your late payment, they will say that it was their apprentice that ruined it. That’s sheer wickedness right there.

They’ll ask if you recently lost weight:

This is a popular excuse in the Nigerian tailor’s manual. It is only used when they’ve sewed three times the proportions of your measurements.

Did we miss any excuse you’ve heard before? What are you doing to avoid hearing these excuses? Drop a comment, let’s know.

Gabriella Opara

December 3, 2019

General, Inside Life

christmas, nigerian tailors, tailors
Nigerian tailors have been disappointing us since time immemorial. If their sewing machine isn’t bad, their mother is sick or they stole their gen and that’s why your cloth is not ready. If you are tired of Nigerian tailors’ wahala, then this one is for you.
If you need the cloth in two months tell them you need it in two weeks.

By the time you really need your clothes, they’ll be ready.
Always remember that every word that comes out of their mouth is a lie.

If they tell you, you need ten yards that means you need eight.
If they start asking too many questions about the style you want to make that means they can’t sew it. Leave.

No matter how many times they tell you ‘yes ma I can sew it’.
Never use a tailor without a shop or who’s squatting in someone’s shop.

The day you drop your material and a deposit is the last day you’ll see them.
If you are using the tailor for the first time, give them cheap ankara that someone dashed you.

Don’t give them that lace that you bought for 50k. If not your case will be one of had I known.
Don’t give them any breathing space. Sit on their heads.

Call them morning, afternoon and night. If their shop isn’t far pop in every now and then until your cloth is ready.
Don’t collect your cloth on the day you need it.

If it’s not too big, it’ll be too small. Or the jumpsuit you asked for might have turned to gown.
If you need something sewn quickly keep it very simple.

If you give a Nigerian tailor three days to sew agbada with embroidery you won’t like what you’ll collect.
Never ever pay in full, don’t even pay half.

If you do, whatever state your cloth was in when you paid is how it’ll stay until you call police.
If you check in on your tailor and they haven’t even cut your material collect it back and flee.

4 months from now you’ll still be begging for the cloth.
If they disappoint you and break your heart once, treat them like a bad ex and never go back.

What are you still doing with that tailor that didn’t let you wear the asoebi you bought to that wedding? Remember the pain of the small chops tray passing you by because you didn’t wear asoebi? Good hold on to that vex.
Show them no mercy.

If they tell you their mother is sick, they are lying. They got robbed? Lying. Hold their neck and collect your cloth.
Finally, always be wary.

That tailor that hasn’t disappointed you in ten years will do so one day. It’s not their fault it’s just their nature.

Toketemu Ohwovoriole

October 19, 2018

General

2face, Amaka, disappointment, nigerian tailors, tailors
1. When you call your tailor and they actually pick up your call.

Wawu!
2. When your tailor actually admits they can’t sew the style you want.

If I hear!
3. When your tailor delivers your cloth a day before they promised.

Must be a dream.
4. When they actually get the style you asked for and even put jara to make it finer.

Are you even real?
5. When you describe a style to your tailor and they actually bring out pencil to sketch what you want.

Oshay baddest!
6. When you meet a tailor that doesn’t copy from Ovation.

Issa designer!
7. When you find a tailor that doesn’t lie or delay your work.

Bae!

Maryam

April 6, 2017

Oldies

nigerian tailors, Nigerians, tailors

There’s been no light since NEPA took it weeks ago:

They didn’t see the fabric you wanted in the market:

“If you did not tell us to put that rose on the cloth, it would have been finer.”

“Ha oga, you have to pay for express because there are so many clothes from other customers so we would have to squeeze you in.”

They’ll tell you the reason your outfit is horrible is because their apprentice made it:

They’ll ask if you recently lost weight:

If you need the cloth in two months tell them you need it in two weeks.

Always remember that every word that comes out of their mouth is a lie.

If they start asking too many questions about the style you want to make that means they can’t sew it. Leave.

Never use a tailor without a shop or who’s squatting in someone’s shop.

If you are using the tailor for the first time, give them cheap ankara that someone dashed you.

Don’t give them any breathing space. Sit on their heads.

Don’t collect your cloth on the day you need it.

If you need something sewn quickly keep it very simple.

Never ever pay in full, don’t even pay half.

If you check in on your tailor and they haven’t even cut your material collect it back and flee.

If they disappoint you and break your heart once, treat them like a bad ex and never go back.

Show them no mercy.

Finally, always be wary.

1. When you call your tailor and they actually pick up your call.

2. When your tailor actually admits they can’t sew the style you want.

3. When your tailor delivers your cloth a day before they promised.

4. When they actually get the style you asked for and even put jara to make it finer.

5. When you describe a style to your tailor and they actually bring out pencil to sketch what you want.

6. When you meet a tailor that doesn’t copy from Ovation.

7. When you find a tailor that doesn’t lie or delay your work.