What if you don’t?
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How to Get Your Sugar Mummy to Pay for Your Wedding
There comes a time in a sugar baby’s life when they realise they need to settle down and get married… to someone their age. Since weddings are expensive, and you don’t have the funds, here’s how to convince your sugar mummy to pay for everything.
Make her the chief bridesmaid
She’ll have a sense of duty to the event, and her purse will overflow. Plus, if she’s playing such a big role in the wedding, her rich friends would come too, and that means more money for you.
You had a dream
Tell her you had a dream her life changed for the better after she sponsored your wedding. You can say you asked her for it as a favour, and when she refused, God used the bitterness in your heart to punish her. Nothing too extreme. Just say enough for her to agree to finance your entire wedding.
RELATED: 7 Important Qualities to Look Out for in a Sugar Mummy
It’s a school project
You know how education keeps evolving? Well, your school gave you an assignment to throw a successful wedding plus reception. Tell her you’ll fail and drop out if she doesn’t finance it. If you’re not in school, you’re taking a new online course.
Her marriage inspired you
Not all sugar mummies are married, but if yours happens to be, then use it to your advantage. Her marriage is an inspiration and you want to know what marital bliss feels like. Sure, she’s cheating, but that doesn’t mean her marriage isn’t great.
If she’s not married, marry her
The easiest way to get her to pay for your wedding is by making her the bride. Do you think she’ll let her wedding be done anyhow? Of course not. Wedding of the century.
RELATED: The Zikoko Guide to Finding a Nigerian Sugar Mummy
Or marry her child
She’ll have no choice but to finance the entire wedding. It’s called strategic positioning.
Remind her that her reputation is at stake
People already associate you with her, so if you have a rubbish wedding, it’ll reflect poorly on her. There’ll be rumours about how she’s going broke and society will shun her. If your wedding isn’t grand, she might as well vanish from society.
Work overtime
Approach it from a business perspective. Show her a plan on how you’ll use your body to repay your debt. Work smarter, not harder.
RELATED: How to Get a Sugar Mummy Before You’re Old Enough to Be a Sugar Daddy
Starting tomorrow (January 31st, 2023) -
How to Find a Sugar Mummy Before You’re Old Enough to Be a Sugar Daddy
Life is hard, but life in Nigeria is harder. When we’re not out here fighting for our lives in the name of finding work-life balance, we’re dealing with prices that rise like garri while our salaries continue to unlook. So how does a Nigerian man make it in these streets? It’s time to start spending someone else’s money; it’s time to find a sugar mummy.
If you’re serious about joining me on this mission, these are some tried and trusted ways to find your true motherly queen before you’re too old to be a sugar baby.
Make sure you’re good in bed
If you’re still grunting after ten decent thrusts, this career may not be for you. Read this article on how to make a Nigerian girl fall in love with you instead because only women in love can tolerate one-round men.
Sugar mummies are paying you to lay pipe, so you better be the best goddamn pipe layer in your local government area. They’re not like sugar daddies that you’ll rub their head small, and they’ll lose guard.
Find rich friends
You see that guy in the club that does dorime with Azul every Friday? Yes, the one from a wealthy family. It’s time to kiss his bum bum with vim until he becomes your friend. Convince him to invite you into his home, and when no one notices, cut eye for his mother. Sugar mummy secured.
Start hunting on Facebook
Are you still looking for a sugar mummy on Twitter and Instagram? You’re clearly not a serious fellow. Facebook is where the real money is. Transfer all your thirst traps and gym pictures to Facebook and allow Mark Zuckerberg to handle the rest. You’ll be swimming in sugar mummy requests before you know it.
Pray about it
What God cannot do does not exist, and that’s on period. If you’re serious about landing a sugar mummy, you’d get on your knees right now and lift your eyes to the hills because prayer is the master key. Also, try to be active in church because that’s the only place you can find a God-fearing sugar mummy who won’t use you for rituals.
Use juju as backup
Are you using Glo or Etisalat and struggling to send a message to heaven? Don’t worry. Investing in a local babalawo as a backup plan is the way to go. Tie your red wrapper, drop that boiled yam and palm oil at the T-junction, collect your love potion and trap the sugar mummy of your choice in a groundnut bottle. Easy as ABC if you ask me.
Invest in trad and deadly ouds
You can’t keep dressing like an alté rapper with baggy trousers and think you’ll land a premium sugar mummy. These days, they want to be seen with men they can introduce as their assistants or business partners, so do the right thing and invest in trad. Package yourself. Also, cover yourself in the most masculine oud you can find, so your sugar mummy can smell you from a mile away.
RECOMMENDED: 6 Jobs Abuja Men Do On The Side While Squatting With Their Babes
Moonlight as a personal trainer or massage therapist
I don’t even have to say much about this one. The more packs you have, the more your chances of being sold on sugar mummy AliExpress.
Stop chasing small girls
You can’t be out here looking for a sugar mummy and chasing that hot babe from Instagram at the same time. My man, whoever said you could have it all clearly lied to you. Please, put all your eggs in the sugar mummy basket and focus.
Attend more funerals and weddings
You won’t find a sugar mummy in the club or South Socials, but best believe you’ll see them at weddings and burials. Anywhere you see two or more canopies, know there’s a high chance you’ll find a sugar mummy there. But make sure you go to events thrown by rich people, so you don’t end up with a sugar mummy who wants to soak garri with you.
Know one or two things about technology
Who’s going to help your sugar mummy update her WhatsApp? These are the important issues. Once you show one or two “mummies” that you know how to upgrade their iPhone ioS, it’ll be hard for them not to welcome you with open arms.
Start a business
Sugar mummy or not, women like men who are passionate about something, or at least pretend to be. Start a barbing salon or start selling bespoke trad, just make sure you have a business registered under your name, so you can look serious. How can your sugar mummy “support your business” if there’s no business in the first place?
ALSO READ: 6 Signs That Show You’re Going To Become A Sugar Daddy
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QUIZ: Are You Glucose Guardian Material?
Do you have what it takes to be a glucose guardian? Take this quiz to find out.
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7 Sure-Fire Ways to Get a Glucose Guardian
Let’s face it, adulting sucks.. Even with all your hard work, the struggle to survive until your next paycheck continues every day. So for you to enjoy the soft life, you need free money. But who’s going to give you free money? A sugar mummy/daddy. These are the sure-banker ways to find your dream glucose guardian.
Package yourself
We keep saying this thing about dressing the way you want to be addressed but you’ve refused to listen? Fix up and your sugar parent will locate you. But if that fails…?
Find out where they like to hang out and go there
Were you expecting them to come and meet you at your house before? Smh. Take a day off from capitalism and explore the places you think potential glucose guardians might be. Make sure you go alone — or with one friend at most — get a seat at the centre of the place, and whenever you’re asked a question talk really loudly in your best British accent.
In case you didn’t know: All the Places You Can Find a Nigerian Sugar Daddy
Cold DM or email them
Being a sugar baby is a full-time job, so you have to take it seriously. Do your research and send them a DM or email. We’ll always suggest you reach out to them with your cover letter stating all the amazing things you bring to the table. Also attach testimonials of your “work, a hot JPEGs and your Whatsapp number.
Ask your friends
Charity begins at home. You keep saying your friends’ houses feel like home, but why not ask them about their parents. Won’t they rather it be you than a random stranger who may try to break up their family in future?
Best case scenario, it works out and everyone’s happy. Worst case, you know who your real friends are.
Convince your employer
You’ll be sure they have money to give you — and they already liked you to the extent of employing you. So while others are asking for a raise or bonuses or extra perks, you should be busy trying to convince them to be your glucose guardian.
RELATED: 10 Nigerian Memes To Make Your Boss Fall In Love With You
Pray
Do you need us to explain this one too? Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you can’t get one by yourself, maybe you need help. You probably prayed and that’s why you found this article.
RELATED: All the Many Characteristics of a God-Fearing Sugar Daddy
Think like an ant
Half of the time, these restrictions are of the mind. Because think about it, how do ants always find the sugar? No matter where you keep it, they’ll always find it. It’s the strong will for us. So study ants and learn from them — even the Bible said you should.
ALSO READ: How to Get Your Crush to Notice You Online
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The Zikoko Guide to Finding a Nigerian Sugar Mummy
My fellow kings, if there’s one thing you should focus on this year, it’s securing the bag. Who cares about emotional growth when you can do dorime every Friday? Just because you’re not in tech claiming donkey abi unicorn status, doesn’t mean you don’t deserve good things. To help you unlock the fresh baby boy life, we’ve compiled a guide on how to land sugar mummies #watimagbo✊🏾.
1. Use all your money to sew trad
You want to land a premium sugar mummy and you’re out here wearing skinny jeans and all these alté baffs? We can see you’re not focused in life. To get the part, you have to look the part. Wearing trad all the time makes you look responsible. Your sugar mummy can be seen in public with you and still introduce you as her business partner or assistant. It makes life easier. Why do you think all the men in Abuja are wearing trad?
2. Grow a beard
My fellow king, being a fine boy is important, but what does it profit a man to pack all the fineness in the world and still end up beardless? We all know beards are to men what bone straights are to women. If your beard has been struggling to connect since the last elections, I’ll strongly advise you to walk away now because this sugar baby thing is not in your destiny at all.
3. Find rich friends and start fornicating with their mums
Do you see that guy in the club that’s always doing dorime? Yes, the one from a wealthy family. It’s time to kiss his bumbum with vim until he becomes your friend. Convince him to invite you into his home, and when no one notices, cut eye for his mother. Take risk and succeed.
4. Switch to your native name
Our research has shown that sugar mummies respond more to Nigerian names. Sorry for you if you’re still doing “Daniel” or “Jerome” because Mrs. A is looking for an “Adekunle” or “Ndifreke”. Have you met a sugar baby with a colonizer name before? We’re glad you know this too.
5. Invest in a babalawo
Nollywood wasn’t lying; jazz is real. It’s time for you to copy one of those numbers you see on the road offering love potions. Meet up with baba, tie red satin around your waist, drop boiled yam and palm oil at your junction by midnight, collect the love potion and trap your sugar mummy’s destiny in a groundnut bottle. Before you know it, you’ll have moved into a flat in Ikoyi.
6. Pray, fast or manifest
This is for those of you too scared to step into the dark side of juju. If you want to pick the longer route, you can fast and pray to sky daddy to send a sugar mummy your way. Keep in mind that Abraham and Sarah did not receive their package until they were 100 years old and 90 years old respectively. If you’re into star signs and Mercury in Guinea brocade, you can light scented candles and start manifesting. Good luck to all of you.
7. Become a gym rat
Do you see that six-pack you’ve been avoiding? You must have it o. All that eating hot semo by midnight like a witch has to end today. Register in the nearest gym and spend at least four hours running up and down like your village people are chasing you. Lift the heaviest weight you can find and be motivated by all the credit alerts your future sugar mummy will bombard you with. Sha note that the goal is to look like Mawuli Gavor, not The Rock. No go dey do pass yourself.
8. Stop chasing small small girls around town
If there’s one thing we’ve learnt from Nollywood films, it’s that sugar mummies hate it when they have to share their property. You can’t be chasing an oil rig and still have time for kerosine. If you’re currently in a relationship, end it now (it will even save you Valentine money that you don’t have). Before you know it now, your sugar mummy will start talking about how she picked you from the gutter and made you who you are today. To avoid insults, put all your eggs in sugar mummy’s basket.
9. Drown yourself in oud
Before you enter an estate, they need to smell you from the gate. You’re putting the perfume on your neck and wrists only? You must be a novice. Fix up asap.
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8 Things Women Would Buy in Their Homes as Sugar Mummies
Every woman pictures her dream home at least once. So let’s just imagine you had that Folorunsho Alakija and Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala type of money is sitting in your bank account. What’s the first ridiculous thing you’re buying in your dream home? These are the 8 items women shared with us from their own ultimate rich girl fantasies.
1. Nkem, 24
An indoor waterfall
I have a lot of anxiety so once I hit that kind of money, I will take my self-care to another level and build an indoor waterfall. My money is clearly too big for just a water fountain.
2. Deborah, 26
An aquarium
I’m definitely fulfilling my dream of having an aquarium. I’ve always wondered what it’s like to live under the sea like ariel. So the next best thing with my new bank account is a mini-ocean in my living room.
3. Pearl, 25
An Amazonian themed backyard
Don’t judge me, I’m a plant mum and I need to experience the life of having a jungle at the back of my house. I just want to give off billionaire boogie but fiesty vibes in my Qualms money dream.
4. Akpos, 28
A grand library
I want my kids to love reading as much as I do, so I’d go for a customised library with only first edition books. I just want a safe space to get lost in. You know a woman has money when you see rows of limited edition books lined up on her shelf.
5. Blessing, 24
A gun collection
As crazy as it sounds, all I want is a gun collection next to a wine cellar. I want to be able to casually drink red wine while I’m preparing to assassinate my village people.
6. Temi, 23
An underground bakery
Waking up to a whole staff dedicated to making me bread is my dream. I just want to be able to place an order for any kind of pastry in the world and get it immediately.
7. Kamsi, 26
An indoor pool
I want the one in movies that I can regulate. So after a long day at the office I can just come home and set the mood and slip into the pool naked. If it’s too cold I can just make it warm, and vice versa.
8. Paula, 48
An airport
If I had that kind of money you’re describing, my backyard would be a runway for my own planes. I couldn’t afford a plane ride to see my father in Delta State last year. I had to take the train from Abuja to Lokoja and then a bus down to Delta— never again. At my age, I don’t want to have to go through that kind of stress just to see my family.
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7 Important Qualities To Look Out For In A Sugar Mummy
We’ve already established that sugar mummies are your spec. Every sugar mummy must possess some qualities because there’s a minimum bar of entry; not everyone can be a sucrose matriarch.
Gather round as we run through 7 qualities you should find in a sugar mummy.
God-fearing
I’m serious. This is probably the most important. A God-fearing sugar mummy will not use you for rituals. As a bonus, she’ll always pray for you. Choose wisely.
Rich
This one goes without saying. A broke sugar mummy? Come off it.
Husband
The ideal sugar mummy is married. It makes sexcapades more exciting. The thrill of getting caught by her husband makes the experience worthwhile. Try it and see.
Respect for your partner and your sides
Your sugar mummy should be accepting of and respect your partner(s). She should even give you money to buy things for your girlfriend. A perfect ecosystem.
At least one EFCC case
If your sugar mummy doesn’t have the EFCC after her, I’m sorry but you have to do better. Higher-level sugar mummies have the EFCC parked outside their gate. Ask around, it’s true.
Jeep
Is she really a sugar mummy if she doesn’t drive a jeep?
Driver
A sugar mummy that drives herself around is a fraud.
Man Like. – A series about men, for men, by men. This Sunday, 12PM.
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All The Places You Can Find A Nigerian Sugar Mummy
At some point, every Nigerian man has toyed with the idea of having a sugar mummy. Don’t deny it. Even you. The appeal of finding sex and financial aid in the same place is the Nigerian man’s dream.
With the Nigerian economy being what it is, the demand for sugar mummies has skyrocketed. As usual, Zikoko has your back. We put together all the places you can find your
soulmatesugar mummy.1. Church
I know, I know, church is for God. But you can also easily find the sugar mummy of your dreams in fellowship.
2. Jogging in your estate
If you can’t wake up early, this isn’t for you. The ideal time to go jog would be around 6 a.m.
3. Gym
Not too much to do here. Just position yourself in the gym, flexing your muscles. You never know when you’ll be approached to be adopted as a sugar baby. Flourish.
4. Social clubs
This is the time to sell your car and use it to renew your membership at Ikoyi Club. Consider it an investment.
5. Coffee shops
I hope you like coffee because you’re going to be drinking a lot of it while waiting for your dream sugar mummy to notice you.
6. LinkedIn
I hear LinkedIn is the new Tinder. Brush up your profile for potential employers and sugar mummies.
Man Like- a series for men, by men. Coming soon to Zikoko!
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5 Nollywood Actresses That Need To Be Our Sugar Mummies ASAP
Before you read this post, here is one thing we beg of you: if you have the phone number of any of these actresses, please link us. We need to be taken kiarof by them.
You’ll probably ask, what’s a sugar baby? Well, read this to understand: What She Said: Who’s A Sugar Baby?
1. Shaffy Bello
Shaffy Bello would be the kind of unproblematic sugar mummy that will spoil you silly. A fancy car to cruise town, maybe a tidy apartment in Ikeja too. It’s a sure thing that you will follow her on Dubai trips to flex. And if you are cool-headed, she will likely sponsor your wedding. Who doesn’t want that kind of flex?
2. Tina Mba
She will be discreet and coded, probably because of her political career or her children who wouldn’t like that. But she is likely to be a caring sugar mummy, the one who will remind you that she is old enough to be your mother and which is why she knows what is best for you. So, stop fooling around and get that Master’s Degree. Yep, na like that.
7 Important Qualities To Look Out For In A Sugar Daddy
3. Ngozi Nwosu
Mama the mama. With her, no dulling, always flexing. She is likely to be the kind of sugar mummy who is ever ready to spoil you, but you must be loyal. No girlfriend of your own, because she needs your 100% devotion. And don’t try to think you can outsmart her or something. You mess up, you get thrown out and another person will take your place ASAP.
4. Ireti Doyle
We need Ireti Doyle to be our sugar mummy because there is this badassery about her that is completely alluring. She looks like the kind of woman who will talk down any police officer who might try to be rude, and that power is intoxicating enough. A sugar mummy that fights for you. Hook it!
5. Eucharia Anunobi
Are you seriously going to pretend that Eucharia isn’t the essential sugar mummy you all want? We need her to spend cool dollars on us and shower us with gifts that we do not deserve.
Since we are in this sugar hustle together, we think you should take this quiz to know what kind of sugar might come your way.
Have you read this? – What’s it like to be a father in Lagos?
