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If you’re serious about joining me on this mission, these are some tried and trusted ways to find your true motherly queen before you’re too old to be a sugar baby.
Make sure you’re good in bed
If you’re still grunting after ten decent thrusts, this career may not be for you. Read this article on how to make a Nigerian girl fall in love with you instead because only women in love can tolerate one-round men.
Sugar mummies are paying you to lay pipe, so you better be the best goddamn pipe layer in your local government area. They’re not like sugar daddies that you’ll rub their head small, and they’ll lose guard.
Find rich friends
You see that guy in the club that does dorime with Azul every Friday? Yes, the one from a wealthy family. It’s time to kiss his bum bum with vim until he becomes your friend. Convince him to invite you into his home, and when no one notices, cut eye for his mother. Sugar mummy secured.
Start hunting on Facebook
Are you still looking for a sugar mummy on Twitter and Instagram? You’re clearly not a serious fellow. Facebook is where the real money is. Transfer all your thirst traps and gym pictures to Facebook and allow Mark Zuckerberg to handle the rest. You’ll be swimming in sugar mummy requests before you know it.
Pray about it
What God cannot do does not exist, and that’s on period. If you’re serious about landing a sugar mummy, you’d get on your knees right now and lift your eyes to the hills because prayer is the master key. Also, try to be active in church because that’s the only place you can find a God-fearing sugar mummy who won’t use you for rituals.
Use juju as backup
Are you using Glo or Etisalat and struggling to send a message to heaven? Don’t worry. Investing in a local babalawo as a backup plan is the way to go. Tie your red wrapper, drop that boiled yam and palm oil at the T-junction, collect your love potion and trap the sugar mummy of your choice in a groundnut bottle. Easy as ABC if you ask me.
Invest in trad and deadly ouds
You can’t keep dressing like an alté rapper with baggy trousers and think you’ll land a premium sugar mummy. These days, they want to be seen with men they can introduce as their assistants or business partners, so do the right thing and invest in trad. Package yourself. Also, cover yourself in the most masculine oud you can find, so your sugar mummy can smell you from a mile away.
Moonlight as a personal trainer or massage therapist
I don’t even have to say much about this one. The more packs you have, the more your chances of being sold on sugar mummy AliExpress.
Stop chasing small girls
You can’t be out here looking for a sugar mummy and chasing that hot babe from Instagram at the same time. My man, whoever said you could have it all clearly lied to you. Please, put all your eggs in the sugar mummy basket and focus.
Attend more funerals and weddings
You won’t find a sugar mummy in the club or South Socials, but best believe you’ll see them at weddings and burials. Anywhere you see two or more canopies, know there’s a high chance you’ll find a sugar mummy there. But make sure you go to events thrown by rich people, so you don’t end up with a sugar mummy who wants to soak garri with you.
Know one or two things about technology
Who’s going to help your sugar mummy update her WhatsApp? These are the important issues. Once you show one or two “mummies” that you know how to upgrade their iPhone ioS, it’ll be hard for them not to welcome you with open arms.
Start a business
Sugar mummy or not, women like men who are passionate about something, or at least pretend to be. Start a barbing salon or start selling bespoke trad, just make sure you have a business registered under your name, so you can look serious. How can your sugar mummy “support your business” if there’s no business in the first place?
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.
This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 36-year-old Nigerian woman. She talks about learning to save while jumping molue as a teenager, her experiences with sugar daddies and her rocky path to financial independence.
What makes you happy right now?
That at this point in my life, I’m financially independent. I have a steady paycheck and savings, and I don’t rely on anybody for anything. Although, as a baby girl, I won’t tell you no if you say you want to take care of me. But for myself, I’m financially independent as long as the naira doesn’t become extinct.
Asking for a friend. How does one achieve financial independence?
I became financially independent sometime in 2021, and I didn’t have a job then. I was doing a lot of side gigs — writing, planning events. But I’ve worked since the holiday between my secondary school graduation and university, so it’s taken a while, a lot of denying myself, to build a savings account I’m proud of. Then I invest the savings in things that would bring me returns on a monthly and yearly basis. I developed the habit of saving at a young age.
Ah, you’re one of God’s favourites
LOL. Oh God, I was so razz when I was young. My father would’ve killed me if he knew, but in secondary school, my parents would give me transport money, and I’d use it to jump molue. I had this friend I used to come back home from school with, and I would lap her on the bus every day. A seat cost ₦50, so I’d pay today, and she’d pay tomorrow.
I just loved jumping molue like my version of an extreme sport, instead of the smaller buses that moved like snails, which my father believed were safer. Safe was boring, and I couldn’t save my money on those buses. There was this particular conductor. When he saw us coming in our uniform, he would tell us to go straight to the back. And sometimes, he wouldn’t even collect money from us. I started saving all those extra ₦50s.
I have absolutely no idea how I knew to do this instinctively. I guess I’ve always loved money, LOL. I didn’t know it then, but it helped me develop a culture of saving over time. And as my earnings increased, I increased how much I saved.
What do you spend any of the saved money on?
Well, I used those ₦50s to buy things my parents otherwise wouldn’t buy for me. Don’t ask me what. But now, it’s just investments. I don’t like to spend on things, so I mostly save to invest or travel.
Tell us about your career journey
It’s been rocky. But in my current position as executive assistant to the CEO of a media company, I’m hoping to find fulfilment financially, mentally and career-wise. I have a rule to only stay at a workplace for two years, so I’ve worked in a lot of places in the last 11 years. I’ve worked in e-commerce, logistics, tech, media and hospitality. I want to have a rounded experience in different industries.
Sounds like you want to build a conglomerate soon
That sounds amazing, to have a conglomerate of my own!
I’ve always been curious, which is probably why my spirit animal is a cat. No matter the industry I find myself in, I want to know what the different departments are doing and learn about the company as a whole. I plan to take everything I’ve studied from every industry and start a consulting firm.
My dream is for companies to pay me to travel to different countries. I’ll write stuff about things like hotels and places to visit.
Scratch that; my real dream is to voice the lead villain character in a Walt Disney or Pixar animation — doing voice-overs is one of my side gigs. If I do that, I can die happy.
OMG, same. What does being financially independent look like right now?
I can feed myself, pay for my transportation to anywhere I want to go — not molues anymore but private cabs — cover most bills and take care of my mother. I took a trip to Rwanda last year, which I paid for myself; I’m already planning to visit Morocco and South Africa next year. To be able to pay my bills and do my own thing whenever and however I want is so satisfying.
Now, I’m saving to invest in a building I can use for something like an Airbnb. Real estate companies propose investing with them to develop a residential property and rent it out. Then you get a return monthly or biannually. That’s my goal for next year.
What was life like before this?
There’ve been times when I didn’t have a job, and my livelihood depended on other people’s kindness. I had to ask for every little thing I wanted. Those periods were traumatic for me, and I’ve buried them very deep in my subconscious, so I don’t remember. I never want to be in that situation again, which is why some people call me a workaholic today. I have a nine-to-five and still have side gigs. You know the Will Smith movie, In Pursuit of Happyness. I don’t just want happiness, I want wealth too.
Who were you dependent on, your family or significant others?
Actually, both. You should be able to ask family for things, but if I have to ask you for money, then are we really family? I know things are difficult, and the economy isn’t what it used to be when elder brothers and sisters would randomly send you money. But still, if I have to ask, it means you don’t check up on me normally, so you don’t really care about my welfare.
If anyone wants to take care of me, I would gladly allow them as long as we aren’t dependent on each other. It’s nice to be asked what you want to eat: “I’m going to this place. Would you like to follow me?” “Where are you going on vacation? Let me buy your ticket,” or “I’ll send you a blank check. Write a number and do what you want”. Those kinds of things are nice even when I’m earning my own money; it’s nice to be taken care of.
Sounds like you’re describing a sugar daddy
Yes. Even if I get to have some fun with a sugar daddy who has sense and is willing to financially, sexually and mentally support me, I still want to have my own vex money. So there’ll never be a time he’ll say, “I made you”. You didn’t make me in any way. You just spent on me, and in exchange, I gave you company, good sex and other things.
If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why
Have you ever had a sugar daddy?
I have a few times. I wish I had one right now — not even one, like three. But I haven’t had a sugar daddy in about seven or eight years. TBH, they bored me easily, especially when they start talking about their wife and kids. I was with my last one for like two years. I ate him well, but I got tired.
If you’re going to be a sugar daddy, at least, know how to play the game. My business is enjoyment. My job is to eat your money and have great sex with you. Why are you telling me about your family? After two years, I did what we now call “ghosting”. I ghosted him completely.
What’s it like having one?
In my experience, older men like younger women because they believe we’re sexually more creative. When many of them got married, they didn’t have access to information on different sexual positions, aphrodisiacs and toys as readily as we do now.
The advantage of dating a much older man is they tend to pet and dote on you and give you whatever you want. It’s the poor ones who package, and then, give excuses that business is bad or they just paid school fees. Like, what the fuck do I care?
Ah
Sometimes, I’d feel guilty using someone’s husband to do acrobatics in the bedroom. But it’s not my fault their husband decided to look elsewhere. If a rich man comes my way, I won’t say no. Imagine him giving me foreign currency, with our naira that’s depreciated so bad. Of course, I’ll play the game well.
The con is they think they know everything. You tell them something, and they’ll be like, “No, I’m older than you. I know better.” They wouldn’t be going around chasing young girls if they knew anything. There’s also always the distant fear of having acid thrown in your face.
But how did you find them?
I found a particular one at the bus stop on my way to my afternoon shift at work in 2013. He had this really sexy black car — I don’t remember the make, unfortunately. I’ve always loved cars, so I was admiring this one and wasn’t even looking at the driver. Then, he wound down, and I saw him sitting all laid back with only his left hand on the wheel.
He asked where I was going. We were heading in the same direction, pretty far away, so he offered me a ride. He was married with three kids and a businessman. He came to pick me up when I closed from work, and we went out for dinner. He took me to a local place where we had isi ewu in two wooden bowls, and that’s how it started. He would travel and bring me gifts from every trip.
I enjoyed that for like a year and a half until he did the one thing that goes against all the glucose guardian rules.
What did he do?
Somehow, his wife got my number. I was at work one evening when she called and just started raining abuses on me. I cut the call. She used her daughter’s phone to call back. I blocked both numbers and sent him a message: “It’s not that deep. How can you be so careless? Why is your wife calling me? Why is your daughter calling me?”
He called me apologising that he didn’t know how she got it or he left his phone somewhere. In my mind, I was like, what if she found out where I live? He kept calling and sending messages, even money, for about two weeks, but I was done. I had to block him.
Wow
That’s the story of how I met one of my sugar daddies. Nothing fantastic or romantic. I’ve actually noticed it’s when I stop looking that they start coming. If I decide I want to find a sugar daddy and put in the work, I never find. So I can’t really say there’s a technique.
There are places they claim you can find them, but that was before. They now have sense, and they know people are looking for them, coupled with the state of the economy. Before, they’d try to hide the fact that they’re married. Now, they’re bold, choosy and full of themselves. It’s so annoying.
I still want to live a baby girl life, but I’m fiercely independent. I have a low tolerance for unnecessary masculine behaviour like when they ask, “Who are you talking to? Who was that on the phone?” When they start talking about their family — I hate that one — or start giving excuses when I ask for money. I’m like, “Hello. Why are you a glucose guardian if you can’t give glucose?”
What’s your relationship life been like beyond that?
My relationship life has been almost non-existent. I can’t remember the last time I was in one, to be honest. I’ve had more flings in the past seven years than relationships. I don’t know what that says about me, but I’m fine.
You know, I’m not cursed or anything. I just don’t know why it’s like that. I try not to allow it to disturb me because, as I said, I’m all about my pursuit of wealth. I’m just trying to have a career, make money and be happy. If my happiness would involve a man, fine. If it doesn’t, I just want to be happy.
For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here
From asking you about his Zodiac sign to monitoring your snap score, here are some ways you can tell your father is another person’s sugar daddy.
He starts trying to switch up his look
Your dad starts dressing different. He switches the kaftan for jeans and tees. Man even buys some of these altée shirts with weird captions. Remain small, he’ll start painting nails because his babe has said he dresses old fashioned. He wants to be hip with the crowd.
He uses Gen Z slangs
Imagine having a conversation with your father and he says, “But this isn’t giving.” Next thing you know you’ve fallen on your knees in chicken republic. Daddy Ope, what do you mean by it’s not giving? Ah.
He now enjoys listening to music of this generation
Your father is asking you if you’ve listened to the newest Asake and you’re not afraid? What happened to Tope Alabi and Don Moen? Wetin concern your papa with Fireboy?
One day, you think your life is going great and you have a functional family. Next, your dad is telling you he wants to have a Snapchat account. You’ve lost him.
He’s now using emojis correctly
Who is teaching him?
He starts shopping where you shop
First of all, sir. How did you know what a 30-inch Brazilian buss down is? How do you know what a 360-degree closure is? Sir, why do we follow the same hair vendors on instagram!?! WHY DO YOU FOLLOW DAMMYB ON TWITTER?!
The person he’s spending his money on has said they need mental health day. That’s how he now remembered he has children and they too have mental health. Sha take it as it comes and count your blessings.
He now has a skincare routine
One 20-something-year-old has introduced your dad to retinol and now his skin is skinning. At least you can steal from him for yourself.
He knows Lagos and Abuja parties by name
Friday night, you’re in your room watching TV. Your dad pops in to ask you when the Mainland Block Party ends. How does he know what that is? He’s telling you that South Socials isn’t happening this week, but YOU didn’t even know that.
Let’s face it, adulting sucks.. Even with all your hard work, the struggle to survive until your next paycheck continues every day. So for you to enjoy the soft life, you need free money. But who’s going to give you free money? A sugar mummy/daddy. These are the sure-banker ways to find your dream glucose guardian.
Package yourself
We keep saying this thing about dressing the way you want to be addressed but you’ve refused to listen? Fix up and your sugar parent will locate you. But if that fails…?
Find out where they like to hang out and go there
Were you expecting them to come and meet you at your house before? Smh. Take a day off from capitalism and explore the places you think potential glucose guardians might be. Make sure you go alone — or with one friend at most — get a seat at the centre of the place, and whenever you’re asked a question talk really loudly in your best British accent.
Being a sugar baby is a full-time job, so you have to take it seriously. Do your research and send them a DM or email. We’ll always suggest you reach out to them with your cover letter stating all the amazing things you bring to the table. Also attach testimonials of your “work, a hot JPEGs and your Whatsapp number.
Ask your friends
Charity begins at home. You keep saying your friends’ houses feel like home, but why not ask them about their parents. Won’t they rather it be you than a random stranger who may try to break up their family in future?
Best case scenario, it works out and everyone’s happy. Worst case, you know who your real friends are.
Convince your employer
You’ll be sure they have money to give you — and they already liked you to the extent of employing you. So while others are asking for a raise or bonuses or extra perks, you should be busy trying to convince them to be your glucose guardian.
Do you need us to explain this one too? Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you can’t get one by yourself, maybe you need help. You probably prayed and that’s why you found this article.
Half of the time, these restrictions are of the mind. Because think about it, how do ants always find the sugar? No matter where you keep it, they’ll always find it. It’s the strong will for us. So study ants and learn from them — even the Bible said you should.
I am personally very fascinated by the sugar baby and sugar parent relationship business model. I have read and also written several stories exploring it but typically from the perspective of the sugar baby. Prompted by a conversation with Zikoko’s editor-in-chief, I decided to start reaching out to the sugar babies I knew and asked them to put me in touch with the sugar daddies they knew so I could speak to them for this article. It took a minute but I was able to talk to four of them. Here is the story.
Andrew, 39, International Businessman.
I like very pretty girls who put in the effort with their appearance, the type who spend hours at the saloon, shopping etc. I like funding that lifestyle. My wife is the same way, so are all my girlfriends. The first time I had a sugar baby was about a year into my marriage. I met her at a wedding I attended with my wife and her beauty was blinding. I immediately found a way to slip her my number. We started talking after a while then it took off from there. I have about two girlfriends at any given time. The longest I have been with someone who isn’t my wife is two years, after that, I just find something else to excite me. I can fund it because I earn a pretty amount and in pounds. There’s almost nothing they want to ask for that I can’t afford. The most I have ever spent on a woman who isn’t my wife at once is ₦3 million.
Dele, 40, Managing Director.
I like women that make my head turn. I don’t get involved with people I work with at all, I keep it professional, I also don’t get involved with anyone my wife knows or might know. Events, house parties, and stuff like that are where I meet people. Because I tend to carry women I date to events, I need them to look classy and expensive before I even meet them. The longest I have been with someone who isn’t my wife is five years. She is like my main side chick and I have toyed with the idea of marrying her. I don’t have a reason why I do it to be honest, I just do. The most I have ever spent on a woman who isn’t my wife is the most I spent to lease my main side chick’s apartment in Abuja. Something in between ₦10 million and ₦15 million.
David, 34, Producer.
I have never looked for a sugar baby, to be honest. I don’t have a type but now and then, I meet someone that I can’t just let go of. I’ve been married for three years and I have had two sugar babies. The first person was a babe that I met during a burial. She was so magnetic. I haven’t been with any of my ‘sugar babies’ for longer than six months. I get bored easily, I think that’s why I regret getting married. Anyways, the most I have spent on a sugar baby is the money I spent buying a Macbook which cost about ₦600,000.
Tobi, 42, Contractor.
My wife and I kinda lost the spark after a while. So I did the next logical thing and decided to find it outside. The thing is when you are an older man especially a wealthy one, people don’t view you as possibly wanting anything romantic. They see it as transactional. I try to forget that the reason I am even able to speak to them, the reason they are talking to me is because of the money. I have met some intelligent women through it all so there’s that. I don’t necessarily look for anything specific but I like women who wow me. The most I have ever spent on a woman is equal to ₦800,000.
Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Being a sugar baby — generally being a sex worker — involves a lot of stress, but for this article, we’re going to focus on one of the highlights of the trade: getting expensive gifts.
We asked six sugar babies what the most expensive gift they’ve ever received from a client is.
Ben, Gay.
So in 2019, I was seeing this man. I met him on Tinder, then I discovered he had a wife and, more importantly, had money. One day, I told him my old laptop packed up, and I was broke. It was a half-lie — I was broke, but my laptop was fine. I just thought, at most, he would give me part of the money to get a laptop. Next time we saw, he gave me a brand new Macbook Air. I screamed.
Anna, Straight.
Okay so it wasn’t one gift, but I was dating this guy when I moved to Abuja. He told me he wanted to come over, but I told him I couldn’t host people because I didn’t have furniture yet. He said that was my business and came over. The next week, oga took me to a furniture showroom and told me to pick what I wanted. That’s how I got a whole furnished apartment.
Irene, Straight.
My best gift was from this guy who was heavily into being dominated. We used to do extreme stuff all day. He’d stand while I was on my laptop and would only move when I told him to. He got me an apartment on the Island — really great and expensive space. But the absolute best gift was the camera and lenses he bought me to kickstart my photography career.
Nneka, Bisexual.
I don’t know if this counts but on my 25th birthday, in November 2019, my sugar daddy spoiled me silly. Plane tickets to Cape Verde, paid for our lodgings and, on the trip, he got me a new iPhone and took me shopping. He’s an oil and gas worker and my birthday collided with his time off. I was extremely lucky. I don’t think I have had that kind of luck since.
Boma, Straight.
I met him on Houseparty funny enough. I had a boyfriend then, but the guy and I started talking and Facetiming regularly during the early months of the pandemic. One day, he said he wanted me to be his, and I jokingly told him that he needed to make it worth my time. He asked if I had CashApp, I told him Nigeria doesn’t have that, so he used WorldRemit and sent $1000. It was almost N500,000. We haven’t met yet but once travel restrictions ease up more, I’ll be meeting him and living my best sugar baby life.
Onyinye, Straight.
Does rent count? My London rent and Lagos rent combined is about N20 million and he pays for it. £2,000 per month for 11 months in London excluding the upkeep he gives me. Then my Lagos rent is N10 milion. But upkeep do usually enter voicemail as I’m in Lagos and he’s not pressing breast anymore.
A few weeks ago, I put up a link to my Outspoken chatbox when I was looking for men to anonymously interview for this story. A few days later, a woman sent a message via Outspoken telling me that she has a story that she thinks I’ll be interested in. She was right. And the story below is one of the wildest I have ever heard.
In 2017, I decided I was going to be an influencer. I had all the things I thought I needed to get the career started so, of course, I went for it. By 2018, I had more than twenty-five thousand followers on my Instagram alone. The opportunities were coming, but they weren’t as financially lucrative as I expected. They just made me look rich, while I wasn’t in real life. I started looking for ways to make more money and leverage the audience I had. Then my friend gave me the advice that changed my life: get a sugar daddy.
As a hyper-visible woman, thanks to my influencer career, people make passes at me every day on social media. There’s this appeal of someone visible and, in a way, unattainable. My friend advised me to make use of that and pick a sugar daddy. So I started going through my DMs regularly, especially the DM requests, until I found one that caught my eye. He had like four or five photos on his Instagram, and you could tell he didn’t update it that much, but he looked clean as fuck and, more importantly, rich. I had found my sugar daddy.
I replied to his DM and tried keeping it light. Let’s call him Ben. Ben was nice, in his late thirties, a rich guy that came from money and still made his own money on top. He made it clear from the get-go that he had money to spend.. He was uber nice. I did not ask him for money, but he kind of knew what I was there for, and he was sending me money regularly. The lowest he ever sent was N50,000. About a month later, he invited me over to his house. Paid for the flight and sent over tickets. I was ready to eat his money proper.
I was to spend two weeks with Ben. We went out, ate and, of course, had sex. The sex was so much better than I expected. When I say he came through, he did. On the fourth day, he told me his friend had a party and we should go. The party was slightly crowded, but he took me to a small parlour that felt like a VIP section in the house. They were drinking and smoking, and I am not a drinker, but I smoke socially, so that’s what I did. Then they passed something around and he took it. I didn’t clock it because I assumed it was weed, which we were doing at the time. His friends suggested going to a different thing that was happening, so we went to get the cars.
The ‘thing’ was just Ben and a bunch of his friends hanging at a hotel room that belonged to one of them, which was cool. Then they started passing something and I clocked what it was. They were doing cocaine like it was Lucozade Boost. Most of them were injecting it. Then Ben came up to me and asked if I had ever done it before, and I told him no. He told me if I can take weed, I can do this because cocaine is just the elder brother. The biggest mistake I’ve ever made in my life was to believe that lie. He very carefully showed me how to snort a bump off his key and yo, it was something. I felt hot, I felt nauseous but Jesus, the jolt of pure pleasure was amazing. Someone, I’m not sure who, got us a room in the hotel. He might have had a room there already, I don’t know. But we went there and although I have given up cocaine now, cocaine sex is just wow. It was just utterly euphoric.
The bad thing? The comedown from cocaine is just as wow as the high. Very horrible. I didn’t realise it, but this was Ben’s goal. He wanted someone to be having drug sex with and after the first two times, I was hooked. Sex with him was very good normally because he doesn’t hold back, but sex with him when cocaine was involved? Father in heaven. I can not even begin to tell you. I couldn’t have sex with anyone else because no one else had or wanted to do it with cocaine. I came back to Lagos and relatively continued my life but, deep down, I was only really happy when I was doing cocaine. I became hyper dependent. It’s like you’re living a normal life then someone takes you to heaven for an hour and then brings you back to your normal life. Suddenly, that normal life just doesn’t feel enough. Even things you liked before are now dull and tasteless. That’s what it felt like. I went to Abuja at least twice every month for the duration of our relationship, which lasted for six months. There was good sex and money and drugs, I thought I was living the life. My best friend eventually had to tell me to calm down because it felt like Ben and cocaine were the only things that I cared about. I cut off my best friend and blocked her.
I am ashamed to admit it, but do you want to know how I broke it off and started down the road of recovery? I discovered he was partnered off with someone and I was someone he was using to play out his fantasies with, which I would have been okay with if I knew all the details upfront. The girlfriend of a friend of his that I had met maybe once or twice told me to come over for lunch one day, and she casually asked if Ben sees his fiancee often. I was confused then she told me. The shock was frankly the only reason I listened to her talk, to be honest. Me, I didn’t know why I was shocked because na sugar daddy im be, no be boyfriend. In the long run, I did the math and understood what my purpose was in the relationship and it was up to me to decide if I wanted to continue. I did not. I sha did the cocaine small one more time before I left Abuja that time. Once I came back to Lagos, I began looking into how to get over the addiction. I want to say thank God for my best friend because I wouldn’t have been able to get through it. I lapsed and I struggled, but I did it. Last time I had cocaine was in late 2019. I still occasionally smoke but I make sure I cut it out every now and then so I know it doesn’t have any power over me. I’m in a better place, I am genuinely happy and I even got a new job sef. The moral of the story if there is one? If you are going to do something, especially a ‘vice’, make sure it’s for you and it is what you want.
In 2020 we published a comprehensive guide on the places to find a sugar daddy in Nigeria. Now that you’ve found one, what next? This article is a guide on the qualities to look out for.
1) He sleeps/attempts to sleep with only one of your friends
All because he’s a thoughtful person who doesn’t want to embarrass you in public.
2) He asks God for forgiveness immediately after every round of sex
Because he’s actually God-fearing uno?
3) He does only one round of sex
Because he understands that your body is a temple and he treats it as such.
4) He doesn’t fornicate on Sundays
This is where he draws the line.
5) He under promises and over delivers
You: Will I have a good time?
Sugar daddy: I’ll try my best.
Narrator: They had a hell of a good time.
6) He allows you sleep off on his arm
Younger men left the chat.
7) He lives up to the “sugar” in his name
Anything you want, he buys it.
8) He’s honest about his wife’s ability to fight and beat you up
“Kikelomo, my wife can fight. If you ever see her in public, start running oh.”
9) He doesn’t lie about leaving his wife for you
Everyone is aware that they are here for a good time and not a long time.
10) He’s honest about which holidays you get to spend with him
“Asake, Christmas and New Year is for the family but I’ll spend Children’s day and Independence day with you.”
Sex Lifeis an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of this week’s Sex Life is a 39-year-old heterosexual woman who has only ever enjoyed sex with older men. Since she got married 10 years ago, she’s only enjoyed sex with her sugar daddies.
What was your first sexual experience?
I was an avid Mills & Boon reader from around age 14. By the time I was 16 and leaving secondary school, I wanted to have sex. One evening, a neighbour tried to force me to give him a blow job. I bit him and ran. I became afraid and a little more determined to be in control after that. So when I had sex with the first guy that toasted me in 100 level, I didn’t tell him I was a virgin. The sex was horrible.
You could tell it was horrible even though you didn’t have much to compare it to.
Yes. I knew he must have done something wrong because I had done plenty of research and was actively masturbating and giving myself orgasms.
So what happened after that horrible experience?
I dumped him. A few weeks later, I started sleeping with a much older guy who had a ‘permanent’ girlfriend. The sex was great and thus began my serial adventures.
How old was he?
He was 30. We used to have sex almost everyday. At a point, I was practically attending classes from his house. One evening, we were in the middle of sex in the bathroom when this guy’s babe started knocking. He refused to open and she cried and shouted for hours. Years later, I would use that as a reason not to trust any man: all guys cheat.
In fact, after I got bored and we stopped seeing each other, I started sleeping with a 34-year-old who was married and lived in another city. I was still actively dating someone in school.
That lasted a few years until the guy’s wife came all the way to the city I was in to beg me to stop sleeping with her husband. I felt so bad and humiliated; I didn’t date a married man again for many years.
What was the sexual relationship with the person you were dating in school like?
The sex was crappy. The guy thought he was a stud. All the girls in school wanted him and were angry he was dating me — if only they knew. I think I hung on to him for the cool factor. He was my alcohol and party plug. He also had a car in school.
Did you date any young person in university that you genuinely enjoyed sex with?
Nope. Except for that one time I dated someone who was about two years older. The sex was good, but he was too lovey dovey. That constantly irritated me.
What happened after university?
I dated another older guy. He must’ve been in his 40s. I even spent some months living with him. He was a sex animal. One time he brought a girl home, had sex with her in one room, then had sex with me in another. I knew she was there and didn’t care. Another time he brought one girl for both of us to have a threesome with.
The problem with this guy was that he was very controlling. He was the first person I dated that made me realise that men want to have you for themselves. They want to be free to do as they like, but they don’t want you to have anyone else. After him, I refused to date for a long time.
Were you having sex during this time?
Yes. I had an off and on thing with a guy from my hometown. We still call each other the loves of our lives
A few years back, I still had something with him. He’s married and I’m married as well, so it ended badly. He wanted to leave his wife and I felt he was just using me. We have great sex, but our friendship is more important, so I cut him off.
When did you get married?
2010. I was 29. My family was mounting pressure on me to get married. I had a boyfriend I barely liked and he desperately wanted to marry me, so I said why not. I already knew I would be a bad wife. I didn’t want a husband.
What was the sex like with him before marriage?
It sucked then. It still sucks now. My partner is very lazy in bed and I don tire to complain.
Is the marriage any different from the sex?
Hmm. Not really.
I did not start out with the intention to cheat. I have had difficulties carrying a pregnancy to full term — I’ve had seven miscarriages and we’re still childless. In his nonchalant attitude towards joining me in finding a lasting medical solution, I met an older man. The first of three older men.
Tell me about him.
He’s 20 years older and divorced. I met him at one work thing; we just started talking, one thing led to another and he said he wanted to have sex with me. I said to myself, ‘Why not?’ It might be better than what you are currently getting. And boy was it better, far better. He was always buying me gifts. I became so used to having extra money, I had to break it off after he became clingy and wanted to marry me. Around this time, I was considering ending my marriage, but family pressure prevailed and I stayed.
What happened next?
I moved away from home (and my husband) to another city for work and that’s how I met this rich politician. He’s married, but his wife and three kids live in another country, so he lives as though he is single. We were sex buddies for a long time and though the sex wasn’t all that, I kept seeing him because he was good with dropping money. At this point, I wanted to try getting pregnant with someone else to see if it would stay and my husband would be forced to divorce me. I told this man and he refused. He said that he had enough children.
You’re really determined to have kids.
I have always wanted children even when I didn’t want a husband. If I had known things would turn out like this, I would have just tried getting pregnant instead of getting married. I love children. I know the responsibilities involved in having children. I practically raised my last sibling and one of my nieces. Not having children gives you a measure of freedom, I know, but I still want them. Children of your own make a difference. There’s a bond separate from what you have with your nieces and nephews.
Fair. So what happened after? Did you end things?
Yeah, things ended and for two years after that, I was alone. I only had sex once or twice a year, whenever I saw my husband. Remember, we didn’t live in the same city, so we didn’t see each other all the time.
The sex was still the same old boring sex.
Sad. What’s your sex life these days?
I am on my third sugar daddy and, honestly, he is the best. The sex is great, I have mindblowing double orgasms. What they say about ijaw men is true. Imagine a 55-year-old who gives great career advice, corrects my academic papers, encourages me to start a PhD, is generous to a fault and has mad bedroom skills and stamina.
I make a lot of money, but my friend, there’s nothing like free money to spend on gold and live the baby girl lifestyle.
Mad. Have you tried bringing up the baby issue with him?
Oh yes. He has agreed to start trying on the condition that I stop sleeping with my husband. I have agreed totally. If I can get pregnant and carry to term I would be eternally grateful to him and thank God he’s not looking for a wife now or anytime in the future.
We recently just got tested just so we can start having unprotected sex.
I should mention that I am also trying to adopt legally, but the process is frustrating in Nigeria.
I’m super curious about your relationship with your husband. I know it’s not working, but how do you manage the long distance?
It just works. I’ve asked for separation and he didn’t agree, so.
I don’t like being married and if I had to advise my younger self, I would tell her not to bow to the pressure of getting married. Marriage is not for everyone. Yes, I want children. Yes, I like sex. But I am a serial monogamist and I think marriage in the Nigerian sense is not really beneficial for people like me. Unless one is lucky to meet a really great person
Fair enough. Do you think he might also be cheating?
Hmm. Let me just mention that he now has two children. He had one before we got married. He had another one a few years ago. I didn’t want to bring that up, so it doesn’t sound like an excuse for sleeping with others. My dear, life is not straightforward.
It’s not. So, how would you rate your sex life?
7 over 10. I get great sex now, but not as often as I would want because we are both busy. But he’s so good and he has money for his baby girl. My dear, what more can I ask for?
Housing is a problem for a lot of Nigerians. It is not uncommon to find several people squatting together in a small apartment. I spoke to a 25 year old woman who has been evicted thrice because of her vagina.
How did everything start?
My first memory of being evicted happened in my 300 level when I stayed with a friend of mine. I didn’t have a place to stay and had to squat with her. Worst mistake ever. She used every opportunity to lord over me. I was fine until one day she accused me of trying to steal her man.
What? How did she come to that conclusion?
Her boyfriend kept reaching out to me on Facebook trying to get with me. I couldn’t tell her cause of how awkward the situation was but I did my best not to engage him. When she kicked me out, she made a show of harassing me wherever she saw me. I kept thinking “look at this girl I defended when her boyfriend came to me with his suspicion of her cheating.” Thing is, word got to her boyfriend about her sugar daddy and he did everything to get me to talk to him about it. I didn’t breathe a word to him. You can imagine my surprise when they broke up and she came accusing me of putting sand in her garri. She called me a whore and literally threw me out of her house.
Hmm, Where did you go from there?
After that, I got myself a sugar daddy and he allowed me to stay in his family house.
Whoa, He did what?
Lol. My first sugar daddy had a family house nobody lived in. His family wasn’t around so he let me stay there. I had the whole house to myself which was nice considering how I grew up.
What was that like for you?
Housing has always been an issue for my family when I was growing up. I watched my mother struggle every year to pay rent while my father did his best to be as unavailable as the society will allow. So, I have always wanted my own space. As a kid, I dreamt of a time when I wouldn’t have to worry about being homeless.
I’m sorry. How did things go with your first sugar daddy?
I can’t really explain what it is, but I always find myself in situations where the other person is very controlling. My sugar daddy wanted to have sole ownership of me. It was ridiculous because I don’t like feeling caged or tied down. He did everything to make sure that he had monopoly over my life. Tried to monitor my outings, my calls, text, etc. When he saw that he couldn’t take full control, he kicked me out of his house.
Ahh. Why didn’t you get a place of your own while with him?
Truth is, I got a bit comfortable with living there. He was the type to insist that you show him complete loyalty before he does anything for you. I seriously doubt he would have gotten me a place. He liked knowing that I was accessible, vulnerable and in need of his help.
This is your second eviction, how did the third happen?
I had nowhere to go. My friends were already joking that I had a vagina that made men want to possess me and when they can’t fully have me, they will do everything to get rid of me. By the time the second eviction happened, another friend, who was also having housing issues at the time, found a spot and invited me to move in with her. The funny thing is, a guy gave her the place temporarily but she didn’t like being alone with him and didn’t want him to feel comfortable coming around so she insisted I move in with her.
Yikes. Another housemate? What was that like?
It was actually fun. I loved living with her. All the chores I hated, she loved and all the ones she hated, I loved. It was a good fit until we both got kicked out of the house.
Again? Whyyy?
I don’t think the guy was comfortable with me being around all the time, he only wanted my friend to stay but she didn’t want to be alone when he came around so we packed our things. I remember the day we had to absolutely leave or face being thrown out with our things. My friend and I had packed up our belongings with nowhere in mind to go. We went to eat pepper soup and while eating, we both cried. I have never felt so helpless in my life. That was when sugar daddy 2 came into the picture.
So, you already had a backup plan?
No. In fact, sugar daddy no. 2 wasn’t someone I was giving attention to at the time. Out of desperation, I called everyone I could on my contact list asking for accommodation. Nobody would help me until he stepped up.
Glucose Guardian to the rescue.
Lol. Yes. He is the nicest man I have ever met. He was kind. He was good. He did everything to make us comfortable. He didn’t pressure me at all. He was so understanding about everything and by this time, we hadn’t even had sex or anything. When we finally did, it was something I wanted to do, not something I had to do. I think he is the only person that has ever truly understood that I am a free spirit and I cannot be tamed.
I understand. Do you still live with him?
No. I left him.
Why? Did he kick you out?
He didn’t. I met someone younger who found out that I stayed with him. The new person pressured me to leave, promising to get me my own space and make my life better. He kept calling himself Godsent.
You don’t sound impressed.
Maybe a few months ago, it seemed doable. He was taking care of my big bills and seemed very capable but now, after cutting ties with sugar daddy no. 2 and relocating to a new city to be with this new guy, things aren’t as great as they should be.
Why? What’s wrong?
I found out recently that the new guy is married with kids. I didn’t know this. I confronted him and he denied it even when I showed him his own wedding pictures.
Whoa. How did you relocate and live with a married man without knowing?
He is very young so it’s hard to tell. His family isn’t even in the country so it’s easier for him to get away with the lies. He doesn’t wear a ring. I have asked severally and he denied it with so much vim that I gave up.
What about the house he promised you?
Hmm. Corona really halted the plans for fixing up the place. I’ve stopped feeling optimistic about the place. I am not happy with him nor am I comfortable with the lies he told. He is very manipulative and I just don’t think I want this for myself.
Wait, Are you crying?
I’m sorry. I get really sad when I think about these things. I wonder why they keep happening to me. I want life to give me a break. I wish things were simpler. I wish I had a family that didn’t need to struggle to get the littlest things. I wish I didn’t have to grow up so fast and do the things I have done. I have so many regrets but overall, I am just so tired.
I’m truly sorry. Do you have a plan?
I plan to leave. I am gathering resources and hoping to start a business soon. I can’t keep living like this. I want more for myself but I have to leave first.
‘What She Said’ is a weekly column, featuring women talking candidly about everything from money to sex. This week we talk to a woman who had a penchant for dating older men, about what that experience was like.
Who’s a sugar baby?
See I don’t even know. I don’t know why people feel the need to give these labels. I had a pretty interesting dating life. And most men I dated were in positions where they felt a need to take care of me. Apparently, that makes me a sugar baby. But I don’t care about these labels.
First man you dated?
I dated this man for about two months. He was in his late forties. I was 21. He was one of the very first older guys I ever dated. He wasn’t married at least as far as I knew. We were like proper girlfriend and boyfriend. I met all his friends followed him for social events, everything. I broke things off with him when he started talking about wanting to meet my parents
And the most exciting?
There was this guy who would see me only once a month, in the same room in the same hotel. Every single month. This went on for a year. He was just always so mysterious. We only talked when he wanted to see and we won’t spend more than a night together until the next month. All we did was cuddle. There was no sex involved, which doesn’t sound exciting. But for me at that point in my life, it was a relief. So I always looked forward to it.
Married men?
I honest to God tried to avoid them. Any married man I might have dated probably lied to me that he wasn’t married. There were divorced men, widowed men, polygamous men too. Because I mean if you have three wives I don’t see anything wrong in being your girlfriend. There were a couple of men I suspected were married. But if you tell me you are not married, I’ll take your word for it. I’m not going to start forming FBI to find out if you are not.
Do you initiate dates?
I never have. Frankly, because Nigerian men don’t give you the time or space to. Walk into a lounge in a fairly tight skirt, face beat, hair laid in 15 minutes max someone will approach you. I guess it’s easy for me to say this because I’m conventionally attractive. I’m pretty tall and that alone has you already turning. I’ve had someone I’ve dated say I look like someone who they should just be spending money on. And I don’t disagree.
Most expensive gift you’ve ever received?
Maybe my first car. It was a 2013 Mercedes c300. And I was still in Uni, so obviously people started talking about me having a sugar daddy. They were like her father has money but not like that. And to be fair they were right. There is no way in hell my father would ever buy me a Benz. But they’ve been some holidays that come close. There’s also a Louis Vuitton luggage set I still use till today.
What’d your dad think about it?
Think about it ke. He didn’t even know about it. I didn’t really try to hide it because I didn’t have to. All of my family is based in Port Harcourt. I came to Lagos for school.
Cash gifts?
Always always. I dated a man who only ever gave me dollars once. I found it very odd because he was a Nigerian doing business in Nigeria. The most cash gift I ever got at once was from a man I only ever saw three times. The last time I saw him I talked about wanting to start a business as I was in school. He gave me ten thousand dollars in cash. I stopped seeing him after that though, I didn’t like the way he made me feel. Before you ask, yes I had sex with him.
So how many men have you dated?
This is anon so I have no problems giving a number, but I honestly don’t know. I could go on one or two dates and never see a man again. I could see another one once every three months. I never dated anyone exclusively. Oh, but I was exclusive with the one who bought my car for the first couple of months. Then I found he was seeing other girls, so I started seeing other people too.
Strangest encounter?
I went on a couple of dates with this man one time. He was so polite and proper. Like British kind of polite with a slight accent sef, but he was Nigerian. Then one weekend we were having light issues in my hostel, so he put my roommate and I in a hotel for the weekend. One night he popped in to say hi and offered to pay my friend and I a ridiculous amount of money to have sex while he watched. I was tempted, my friend was ready but I just don’t move like that.
Ever feared for your safety?
I was at a party in someone’s penthouse one time. I had a little too much to drink and didn’t know when most people left. Next thing I knew we were about three girls wih six or so men. One of the girls knew one of the men so she went into a room with him. Then it was just two of us. They started getting very handsy and I got up to leave. That’s how it turned into ‘where are you going to’? I got up and one pulled me back down. I realised I was half drunk in a room with like five men. I think the other girl had passed out. I started screaming and shouting no time. I was scared because I knew no one could hear me, but I continued. I started threatening to call the police if they didn’t let me go. So they did. I don’t know what happened to the other girl.
Dating life now?
Lol, I’m finally dating men my own age. The highest I’d go now is a ten-year gap. I want to get married and have a kid or two.
What do you miss?
Never having to worry about money. Like ever. Bills were always paid for. Up to buying credit on my phone. I never I had to. I was usually on two or three allowances at once. Anything I wanted was a matter of who will get it for me. I could travel where I wanted when I wanted. Now I have a couple of friends who can be generous but I can’t just up and go to the Maldives I have to plan for it.
Any regrets?
For what now? I was young and having fun. Most people at that age date around casually. And everyone has their preferences some people like tall, dark skin guys. Some like short, light skin guys. Me, I liked older, richer guys. I didn’t get AIDS or any STIs, nobody poured acid on me. Even now that I want to marry that’s still my spec.
Biggest lesson?
Any man who just says he’s going to move mountains for you won’t. If he’s going to, he’ll just do it, not say it. Anyone who spends more time talking about doing things for you than actually doing them is only wasting your time. I’ve had a man hand me 100k with his business card. That’s the kind of energy I like. We dated for about 6 months.
Best part?
The gifts. They just didn’t stop coming. It felt nice to just be chilling and randomly get a delivery of flowers or new shoes.
Then there’s my current job. I got it through an old fling. Nothing actually happened when we first met. Just a lot of flirting, I think he was married. Then we jammed again when I was doing NYSC. This time there was no ring on his finger. When I was done with NYSC he asked for my CV, and introduced me to one of his friends who’s a director at my current company. It’s very well paid so I’ll always be grateful
Out of curiosity, where’s the Benz?
Sold it once I was done with Uni. The maintenance costs didn’t make any sense and I was no longer dating the person who bought it. When I was, he used to handle servicing and any other issues with the car.
The Nigerian power situation has been especially bad this year, due to militants’ sabotaging gas pipelines up east of the country. In March, power generation capacity actually fell from 5000 MW to a miserable 1,580.6 MW. With the help of the Japanese government however, light, it seems is now at the end of this very dark tunnel.
Brethren, it looks like our situation is finally about to change for the better! Minister of Power, Works and Housing, Babatunde Fashola is seen here inspecting the brand new solar-panels at Usman Dam, Abuja.
The panels were donated by the Japanese government, through the Japan International Cooperation Agency, and are worth a whooping $9.7 million dollars!
We think it’s time to actually fast and pray for this country called Japan, because these guys must be angels of the good Lord.
The newly donated solar panels are expected to generate 1,496WH of power, and reduce electricity payment by N31.5 million per year.
The implication is that you and I will now pay less for more electricity-we hope!
To be honest, we are getting really tired of the NEPA wahala! Every time no light! We can’t charge phones, we can’t iron clothes for work and we can’t even watch Telemundo in peace!
So we really hope this donation translates to tangible, visible results; a lot of companies are finding it difficult to continue operations in Nigeria because of the mess that is our power situation.
We can’t wait for a time when we get to use clean, stable energy, and finally throw these annoyingly loud, pollution-inducing demons away.
