stress | Zikoko!

9 Sure Ways to Stress Your Nigerian Parents Back

Nigerian parents have dished out their fair share of stress to their poor Nigerian kids, and it’s only fair that you retaliate. So, we made a list of seven things you can do to stress them a little bit too. Just make sure you don’t overdo it. Except you no longer want your inheritance.

Tell them you don’t want to get married

You know fully well they have your wedding day planned out in their heads. Dish them small heartbreak by announcing you want to stay unmarried for life.

Then have a baby out of wedlock

Since they’re asking you for a spouse, go one step further and give them a grandchild out of the blue. The shock will stress them, but they’ll come around.

Get a Bible-verse tattoo

You need to get a tattoo in a way that pleases God. So take a line of scripture and have it inked on your body. When they see it, they’ll be stressed out with deciding whether you’re doomed to hell or not.

Get a piercing they didn’t give you

Pierce your tongue and send them a picture of it on WhatsApp. Then, sit back and watch your phone blow up.

Dye your hair

Don’t dye it gold or brown — those are safe. You need a colour that’ll make them think you’re suffering through a quarter-life crisis. Keep the colour on for about two weeks, and if they don’t seem stressed enough, shave your head gorimapa for dramatic effect.

Send traps to the family group

If that’s not enough, take thirst traps and send them to the family group, with the caption, “outfit of the day”. But don’t try this if your parents are hypertensive, please. We’re begging.

Go missing for a while

Go out on a random day and get lost on purpose. Let them be wondering where you are while you have the time of your life with your sneaky link.

Laugh at their WhatsApp BCs

You’ve been acknowledging their WhatsApp BCs for years. That’s why they don’t stop. The next time they send one to you, record a voice note of you mocking whatever it is they sent. If they don’t block you by themselves, come and beat us.

Give them the silent treatment

Nobody hates the silent treatment like a Nigerian parent. Air them for no reason at all, and watch how confused they get as they wonder what they did that made you suddenly hate them so much.

NEXT READ: 8 Totally Normal Things Nigerian Parents Do That Are Lowkey Toxic

Sheriff Alimi

April 5, 2023

Inside Life

Nigerian parents, nigerian parents and children, parenting, stress
QUIZ: Choose Between Foods, and We’ll Reveal What’s Stressing You

Whether it’s your job or Nigeria, we’ll know at the end of this quiz.

Meyimi O.

February 23, 2023

In Your Feels, Quizzes

Food, stress
QUIZ: What Was Your Biggest Headache This Month?

It’s the first month of 2023, and everybody’s stressed out already. Take this quiz, and we’ll guess what showed you the most pepper last month.

Starting tomorrow (January 31st, 2023)

Sheriff Alimi

January 29, 2023

Green White Quiz, Quizzes

january, Nigeria, Nigerian problems, Quiz, stress
QUIZ: What Will Stress You This Week?

Work will always stress you. But apart from that, what else will stress you out this week? If you’re lucky it will be your partner. If you’re not, it will be your bank account.

Find out:

Prisca

April 25, 2022

In Your Feels, Quizzes

stress, Week, work
QUIZ: What Stresses You Out Mentally?
NB: We do not claim expertise on mental health diagnosis. If you feel overwhelmed and stressed out mentally such that if affects your normal daily functions, you might want to see a mental health professional.

Mental stressors can be major or minor, but all the same not so easy to identify. Take this quiz now to find out what they could be for you.

Hey…

Do you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, stressed and generally anxious all the time? Sometimes, you can’t even aptly describe this feeling to someone else. Yet, it just won’t go away. Don’t beat yourself up, people deal with stressors differently. If you need support, reach out. A therapist is waiting to listen to you.

Simply download Nguvu Health app for android and iOS to get started.

Here’s what you get on the app:
- Free Screenings for Depression, Anxiety, PTSD etc. You can download the app here.
- Free access to rant rooms to share and get things off your chest.
- Affordable therapy (N3,000 for one-week text therapy).
Susan Nwaobiala

October 1, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes

mental health, Sponsored Post, stress
10 Things To Do When You Experience Burnout At Work

Burnout at work can occur due to several different reasons ranging from lack of rest to being overburdened with work and sometimes even demotivation. There are several things you can do to either get your energy back in ways that can improve your work performance. Here are some things you can do when you experience burnout at work.

1. Have sex.

Good sex is a good motivator, yes, quote us anywhere. You are mentally burned out not physically burned out. Sex can help you get excited enough to get some work done. Do not have sex with a co-worker sha, don’t let them share their burnout with you.

2. Workout.

Working out is a good way to get your energy level back up. Although, I personally do not understand the concept behind being mentally stressed and being physically in pain at the same time. Anyway, it’s still worth a try.

3. Turn off your work alarms.

Turn your alarms off so you can get more time to rest. It’s only the living that can work anyway. You should also sleep past your usual wake up time. If your employer asks you why you got to work late, tell them it’s because you want to live a long life and you didn’t come to this life to suffer for someone else.

4. Activate your inner Olivia Pope.

Drink as much wine as you can and make sure to drink directly out of the bottle.

5. Delete all your work apps.

Slack and co have to be gone from your life when you are experiencing a burner. Your employer can talk to God instead of talking to you. The only downside to this is the possibility of your employer filling your slot while you were on a short break.

6. Binge from morning till night.

Watch all your favourite shows while your employer talks to God about what you are dealing with. You never know the kind of inspiration you’ll get from a show or what the show can teach you about your job.

7. Tell your co-workers to cover for you.

We are only suggesting this one so it won’t be like we like to give bad advice all time. Beg your co-workers to fill in the blanks for you and be ready to do the same for them when they are in your shows.

8. Request for some time off.

Even if you have no more leave days left, find a story for HR. You can tell them your great grandma’s uncle died and you have to be at the funeral. Be very creative with your lies, please.

9. Tell your employer that you’ve passed on to the great beyond.

This isn’t a dramatic thing to say, since burnouts oftentimes feel like mental death. Let your employer know you are mentally dead and won’t be available for living people’s tasks. Except they are comfortable working with ghosts.

10. Quit your job.

Tell your employer you are no longer interested in working with them and you’ll appreciate a mental health cheque with your severance package.

Ibukun

September 16, 2021

Inside Life

stress, Tired, work
13 Things You’ll Get If Your Nigerian Parents Are Being Stubborn

With the reported cases of coronavirus slowly growing in Nigeria, people are becoming a lot more cautious. Unfortunately, a lot of out Nigerian parents are still not taking it seriously enough, and it is rightfully stressing us out.

1. When you first heard that older people are more at risk.

Hay God!

2. You, talking to your parents like they’re children:

See how the tables have turned.

3. You, begging them to just sit at home:

Pleaseeeeeeee.

4. When they send you another BC with fake news.

It’s time for you to delete WhatsApp.

5. When they call to tell you about a “cure for the virus”.

“Mummy, please, heat won’t do anything.”

6. When they refuse to take your warnings seriously.

Who is smiling with you?

7. When you see them carrying car key to leave the house.

Where do you think you’re going?

8. When you tell them not to go for any religious gatherings.

If you miss one Sunday you won’t die.

9. You, when they talk about God protecting them:

Great. Please, protect yourself too.

10. When you tell them not to have any visitors over.

If it’s important, they can call.

11. You, explaining social distancing to them:

You might as well be talking to a wall.

12. When they look at you like you’re being too dramatic.

See me see trouble.

13. You, after giving them yet another Coronavirus lecture:

I have tried, abeg.

NerdEfiko

March 20, 2020

Inside Life

coronavirus, Nigerian parents, stress
7 Stress Management Tips You Need To Survive Nigeria

Stress management in Nigeria sounds ironic as if you can manage all the stress Nigeria throws at you. It’s like driving with a blindfold – it just doesn’t make sense. That’s how a typical day in Nigeria is.

However, if you follow these tested and trusted tips, Nigeria won’t kill you. You will kill it instead.

Shall we?

1) Don’t watch the News.

Seriously, watching the news especially Nigerian news is a risk factor for high blood pressure. There are just so many ridiculous things happening all at once that the country feels like it is burning. You don’t need that energy.

2) If you watch the News, regard it as comedy.

If you must watch the news, take it as a parody. Don’t take it too seriously so you don’t get worked up.

3) When in stress, chant Mafo.

If it gets overwhelming, as it happens occasionally, look into a mirror and chant *mafo three times. That usually does the trick.

*Mafo – Don’t panic.

4) Let your house be as close to your office as possible.

It’s important that one of the things you get right as a Nigerian is the proximity of your office to the house. At least remove one more stressor from your life and when work gets tiring, go home for a nap.

5) Always thank the Government for any success you make.

If you are an entrepreneur or a disruptor, make sure that any success you get, you attribute it to Government policy. Even if you provided your light, water, etc. Never annoy the Government if you still want to be in business longterm. Save yourself from stress today and thank the Government.

6) Develop a thick skin.

No matter what is currently happening, always know it can be worse. Don’t let anything move you too much because something always more unbelievable will top it.

7) If all fails, Jaapa.

You didn’t kill your parents so don’t allow this country kill you. Pack your stuff and leave for better.

Did you miss this? You should read this.

Hassan Yahaya

February 24, 2020

Inside Life

Nigeria, stress
10 Frustrating Things That Happen To Muslims During Ramadan

1. When someone stains your white and expects you to not talk because you are fasting.

“Aunty, you dey fast na’.
2. Getting your period 10 minutes before Maghrib.

The fast won’t count because Aunty Flo decided to spoil show.
3. When your colleagues ask you why you can’t drink water.

“But water is not food now”
4. When you attend an Owambe and have to turn down party Jollof.

You have to pretend it is not chooking you.
5. When your colleagues start eating their lunch in your presence.

“I’m not crying, rice enter my eye”.
6. Waking up late and missing Sahur.

Because bad things happen to good people and now you have to fast on an empty stomach.
7. THIS!!!

Someone will definitely catch these hands.
8. Hearing the Imam recite ‘Alif Lam Mim’ during’ Taraweeh.

It is going to be a long night.
9. When you eat one spoon of rice at Iftar and get full immediately.

So the hunger pangs were for nothing?
10. Knowing you can’t blame any of your bad deeds during Ramadan.

Satan is chilling in hell so you are just a terrible person deep down uno.
More Zikoko!
https://zikoko.com/list/15-things-nigerian-muslims-definitely-tired-hearing/

Maryam

June 6, 2017

Oldies

fasting, Frustrating, Frustration, muslim, Ramadan, stress
If Your Tailor Is A Nuisance You Can Relate

1. When someone recommends a new tailor to you and you have hope.

2. But as usual, they are just prepping you before they start their madness.

3. When you hear these words “I can sew it ma”…

4. … Just know that your tailor is going to use your fabric to practice.

5. When you choose your own style and the tailor just decides to remix it.

6. When the tailor takes your measurements but then decides not to use them.

7. When your tailor promises you an outfit on a certain day, just add 3 months for peace of mind.

8. When you’re annoyed and shouting your tailor, she just stares at you, like:

9. When your tailor starts hanging out with bad gang and decides to start charging foolishly.

10. When you have to start chasing your tailor for your own clothes.

11. When you finally abandon a useless tailor and he/she starts calling you to ask where you are.

Jola Ayeye

January 26, 2017

Oldies

designer, Fashion, stress, tailor