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sorry | Zikoko!
  • Please Keep Your Sorry, 8 Reasons Why More People Should Keep Malice

    We go through life learning the gospel of reconciliation and forgiveness, but sometimes that isn’t enough to forgive people for publicly hating on amala or eating semo.

    So, here’s a list of justifications for the next time you want to tell someone, “Sorry for yourself”.

    You didn’t come to this life with anybody

    Even if you are a twin and you came with a permanent photocopy, e no too mean. All man for himself. Another person’s need for reconciliation is none of your business.

    It’s liberating

    Emancipate yourself from the shackles of seeing someone that has shown you shege. Keep them at a distance and only interact when necessary.

    Because people are EVIL

    When you refuse to forgive people, your eyes will open, and you’ll see them in their true colours.

    People beg too much

    If you keep malice, nobody will knock on your door in the a.m. for biscuit and milk. The economy is too hard for you to be sharing your things with a badly behaved person. 

    Actions have consequences

    They have used their reggae to spoil your blues, so now they must bend and break their waist every time they see you.

    Protect yourself

    Keep the malice and let them know you’re keeping this malice, so when they see you, they’ll jump fence and fly to the next compound.

    It serves as a deterrent

    If people know you keep malice, fewer people will try you, and if fewer people try you, you’ll have more time to do reality things.

    Because you can

    You’ve been roaming this earth as long as you have. Nobody can beat you because of small malice.

  • 13 Things Nigerian Parents Say Instead Of “Sorry”

    Nigerian parents seem utterly incapable of saying “sorry”. When they realise that they’ve messed up — specifically beating you like a criminal — they’ll try to apologise with everything from food to credit. Here are 13 of their most famous lines that really mean “sorry”:

    1. “Have you eaten?”

    Is that what is important here?

    2. “Come and check if this shoe/shirt is your size?”

    You’re lucky I like new clothes.

    3. “…”

    The silence is always deafening.

    4. “I left food in the kitchen for you.”

    Is food your solution to everything?

    5. “Come and stay in the parlour.”

    Hian! Is it by force?

    6. “Go and take meat.”

    I will go and take, but I’m still vexing.

    7. “Do you have credit?”

    Oh? Now I’m not pressing phone too much?

    8. “How much is that thing you said you wanted?”

    Something I asked for years ago.

    9. “You are still crying?”

    You beat me minutes ago. Yes, I’m still crying.

    10. “So I cannot correct you again?”

    Do you always use eba stick to correct someone?

    11. “Is that why you’re squeezing face?”

    Should I be shining teeth?

    12. “Do you want more food?”

    Do you want to kill me with food?

    13. “It was for your own good.”

    Na so.

  • 13 Words That Do Not Exist In Your Nigerian Parents’ Vocabulary

    1. “Allowance”

    Which one is allowance? Are they not ‘allowing’ you live in their house for free? My friend, will you leave this place.

    2. “Privacy”

    You want them to give you privacy in their own house? You want them to knock before they enter your bedroom? You’re a joker. You will get privacy when you move out and marry.

    3. “Dating”

    Which one is dating? Better face your book, graduate, then you can ‘date’ your spouse after both of you have married finish.

    4. “Sex”

    Sex doesn’t exist. Simpu. The end. Full stop. Bye.

    5. “Rest”

    Rest ke? Are you God? Even God created the whole world before he rested? What have you done in your small life that you are resting? You can rest when you have died, abeg.

    6. “Please”

    Why are the people that gave birth to you telling you “please” biko? So they should beg you to bring the remote that is right beside them? You are not a serious somebody.

    7. “Sorry”

    Shebi people only say sorry when they are wrong? Well, there you have it, your parents can never be wrong. So why should they even know that word?

    8. “Thank you”

    Wait, you want your parents to thank you for doing something? See this comedian. The only time you might mistakenly hear those words is if you tell them “I love you.”

    9. “Adult”

    You think you are now an adult because you have turned 18 abi 21? Ehn go and report to the police that your parents don’t know what adult means. You will still chop all these slaps and punishments.

    10. “Sick”

    You’re not sick, you are well in Jesus’ name.  Now stand up from that hospital bed, wear your uniform and be going to school.

    11. “Sleepover”

    You want to go and sleep inside another person’s house? You don’t have house? You don’t have bed? Infact, you don’t have sense.

    12. “Whispering”

    Why should they be whispering? If they don’t shout on the phone and at the person standing right beside them, how will people now hear what they are saying?

    13. “Grounded”

    Which kind of oyinbo nonsense is that one, abeg? Go an bring that cane from their room now now jare.