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socialmedia | Zikoko!
  • 10 “Fire” Social Media Comments Guaranteed To Land You The Woman Of Your Dreams

    2021 is the year of seizing the bae. Therefore we’ve compiled a list of lines to comment with anytime your crush posts on social media. These lines are hundred percent guaranteed to make any Nigerian woman fall in love with you.

    1) “We bless God for God”

    This line works like magic because it shows that you not only appreciate beauty but you’re also God-fearing.

    2) “One time three gbosa for the two people wey born you”

    This line hits harder if you follow it with credit alert. Transaction description should be “Big fan of your mum and dad.”

    3) “TW: Beauty.”

    You have to warn people that something great is happening in front.

    4) “Ban us we’re your Trump”

    This line shows that you mean business and you’re a no nonsense toaster.

    5) “Inflate us we’re your Bitcoin”

    This line works like magic because it shows that you not only appreciate beauty but you’re also aware of current trends. Renaissance man lomo.

    6) “Your beauty is a manifestation of God’s ability to show off”

    You’ll follow this one by shedding a tear or two punctuated by intervals of silence that shows you’re taking in the beauty.

    7) “You’re fine like two people”

    After commenting, repeat this mantra in person up to five times so she knows you mean business. At random intervals just be shouting “see beauty.”

    8) “Bonjour Le Masi”

    Followed by “your beauty got me speaking a foreign language.”

    9) “My heart is the temple of unbelievers and you’re a prophet sent to scatter it”

    After using this line you can then use additional lines like “KPK” “OPP” to seal the deal.

    10) “Alexa, play Speechless by Michael Jackson”

    Because who else better to convey how the beauty makes you feel than MJ?

    Glossary:

    KPK – Ko por Ke?

    OPP – O por pa.

    First use unknown.

    For further reading on this topic, see here.

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  • #EndSars: A Guide To Staying Online In case Of An Internet Shutdown

    Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.

    As peaceful protests in Nigeria carry on into the week, there are looming fears that the government might shut down the internet. These fears are not far fetched as the Nigerian government has in the past, tried to ban social media. We’ve also seen cases where some African countries have either restricted access to social media or tried to shut down the entire system.

    In a scenario where the Nigerian government decides to go down that route, here a few ways out:

    Bridgefy is a tool that optimizes the Bluetooth function of your phone to send messages over a distance. Its advantage is that it requires no internet connection.

    We also have this:

    How to choose a method:

    1) Learn the options available.

    For cases like restrictions to certain sites, TOR browser or a trusted Virtual Private Network (VPN) is your best bet. VPN’s shield your address while surfing the internet and protects against prying eyes.

    To learn more about VPN’s, start here. To see the option for VPN’s available, the Twitter thread below is a good place to start:

    2) Verify the safety of your VPN.

    Government officials also have access to some of these networks, so, it’s important that you verify the authenticity of whatever VPN you settle on. That one privacy site is a good place to verify the safety and security of whatever provider you settle on before use.

    3) Take simple steps to protect yourself.

    Try not to access sites without https in front of them. This little precaution can prevent you from clicking on a fake or malicious version of a website. Enable two-factor authentication across your accounts. This might just be the deciding factor between someone hacking your account and you preventing it. Lastly, install the Chrome extension https everywhere to encrypt your communication across major websites as this adds an extra layer of security when browsing.

    4) When in doubt, always ask the experts.

    A resource like TechCabal is a good place to learn about anything technology related.

    We hope you’ve learned a thing or two about how to unfuck yourself when the Nigerian government moves mad. Check back every weekday for more Zikoko Citizen explainers.