If you went to a secondary school in Nigeria, then you probably know what a slum book is. Filled with mostly banal questions and a few nosy ones, it was the ultimate way to fish out your crushes and confirm who you real friends were.

1. When your friend doesn’t give you their slum book to fill.

Jesus, is this what it feels like to be betrayed?

2. When no one writes your name amongst finest in class.

So, I am ugly?

3. When someone’s slum book has too many questions.

Abeg, we’ve already done exam.

4. When you find out you’re not your best friend’s best friend.

So, the last few years have been a lie?

5. Girls designing their slum book page like:

Oshey artist.

6. When a teacher gets their hands on a slum book.

Hay God.

7. You, checking to see if your crush likes you too:

God, do it for your child.

8. When your crush writes “nil” instead of their phone number.

What are you forming?

9. When someone you don’t rate gives you their slum book to fill.

Who be this one?

10. “Books before boys because boys bring babies.”

Every girl wrote this.

11. You, trying to think of the perfect phrase to sign out with:

Still landing on “Cool. calm and collected.”