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I really enjoyed writing this article because one thing I love more than food is sleep. So here you go: the top ten types of naps, ranked.
Do you agree?
10. Aeroplane naps
Absolutely terrible. It’s up there alongside cross-country bus ride naps as the worst types of naps. You don’t know where to put your head or neck, and when you wake up after two hours, only 20 minutes have passed. Definitely do not recommend.
9. Traffic naps
You’re sleeping only because you’re stuck in traffic. It’s worse if the sun is blazing and eating at your skin. You’re sleeping, but you’d rather just be home or elsewhere. Nope.
8. Pre-going out nap
The nap itself isn’t the issue. It’s waking up tired to your phone buzzing because your friends want to know if you’re getting ready for the night out, and you’re just there thinking, “Do I actually want to go out?”
7. Malaria nap
It’s sweet, but you can’t fully enjoy it because you’re sick. The bed is hot, the pillow is hot, and you’re in pain. But the sleep is sweet because that’s what your body wants, and you don’t have any work to do.
6. After school/work nap
The only downside is you have to wake up to prepare for the next day or finish up some work. Also, you wake up super hungry because you just walked through your front door and threw yourself on the bed. Top stuff, though.
5. First day of leave naps
These are even better when you travel on vacation. You check into your hotel room and just sleep. You know you still have the entire week or so to enjoy your life to the fullest, but this first day is just for sleep. Nobody knows you, nobody is disturbing you, nothing. You wake up, look at the time, and just go back to bed. Talking about it this much is making me crave going on leave, but I’ve used up all my days. Let me go and beg.
4. Pass out from watching a movie nap
This one is too sweet. You can see yourself drifting off to sleep as you lay on your couch or bed, but you don’t pause the movie. You know you’ll sleep soon, but that’s fine. By the time you wake up, Netflix is asking if you’re still there. The room looks different. It takes you some time to figure out where you are. I could go on.
3. Work-from-home nap
It’s 1 p.m. on a slow Wednesday, and a wave of tiredness hits you. You were up till 3 a.m. watching Reddit videos on TikTok, and now, your body is demanding its sleep back. You honestly have no urgent tasks to complete. So you go to Slack: “@channel NEPA and MTN are working against me. I haven’t been able to connect to the internet in a while, and my devices are low. I’m going to a workstation to use their internet and charge my devices. Might be unavailable for the next ∼1 hour. Will respond to messages once I get there.”
Next thing, airplane mode and sleep. This sleep is too sweet because stolen food is sweet.
Disclaimer to my boss: I’ve never done this before. I’m just being creative, walahi 🙏🏽.
2. Rainy day nap
When it’s 2 p.m. and the clouds darken, you just know whatever sleep you sleep there and then will send you to another dimension. Omo, there’s sleep, and there’s sleep. Also, according to married people, participating in coital relations when it’s raining and sleeping afterwards is top tier. God, when?
1. Sunday afternoon nap
This is the GOAT of all naps. It’s like, “I know capitalism and the hustle for my daily bread is going to resume tomorrow morning, but today, I will sleep.” I can’t even put into words how good this sleep is. It’s just… perfect.
We’re not saying sleeping is wrong, we just think it’s a waste of precious time, so we’ve compiled a list of very fun things you can try instead.
Eat
While others sleep, you can stay up trying different food combos because there’s literally no one to judge you, and some foods are best enjoyed cold and in the middle of the night. For instance, eba and ogbono soup.
Pro-tip: If you don’t have soup, you can try ketchup
You can’t tell us you’ve never thought about this. Who knows, you might get appointed Evil Supreme Leader of the underworld, and that’s a big flex.
Tweet “TL asleep?” and start dragging people online
You want to waste time sleeping when you could be giving unsolicited takes on issues you have absolutely no idea or experience of? Make it make sense, please.
Go for a run
We see this all the time in Hollywood movies, so why not? Just watch your back because we both know Nigeria is not the safest place at the moment.
No one will accuse you of not trying to spice up the relationship. I mean, what’s better than being awake at night? Being awake with the love of your life.
Apply for International jobs
You want to earn in dollars but you’re sleeping when your future employer is awake?
My friend, better turn on your LinkedIn job alert and get serious with your future. It might not seem like fun now, but when you start seeing all that dollar in your account, it’s definitely going to be.
Do you sleep like an unbothered baby? Or you could do with some more quality sleep at night?
Take this quiz now and let’s discover what the answer to that is together.
Are you thinking “I could add some more comfort and quality to my sleep”? Your go-to should be a Mouka product. Get yourself one today if you haven’t already. Your body, mind and soul will thank you!
People differ in how they do things, even sleeping. Some are funny, some are weird, and then we have those that make you go “wawu.”
On that note, here are 6 types of sleepers. Let us know which one you come across the most.
1. The ones that occupy the whole bed
You can never share a bed with them. If they don’t press you to the wall like sardine, you’d definitely find yourself on the floor.
2. The ones that are always tossing and turning
They can switch between 15 positions within one hour of falling asleep. There’s just never the perfect one for them to sleep well.
3. The complainers
They complain about not sleeping enough, every single night. If you ask them how many hours should be allocated for sleeping, they’d probably say 24 hours.
4. The oversleepers
They wake up greeting “good morning” meanwhile it’s past 2 p.m. Even a pregnant woman would have given birth before they wake up.
5. The light sleepers
Just a pin drop can wake them up, and if you make noise while they are asleep, they can swear for you.
6. The deep, a.k.a dead sleepers
You’re never really sure if they’re actually sleeping or have transcended to another realm because of how lifeless they seem while asleep. The whole house could be burning and they won’t wake up.
Regardless of your sleep patterns, it doesn’t beat the fact that quality sleep is one of the most vital factors needed for you to face the day like a champ.
No matter the kind of sleeper you are, enjoy comfort with Mouka. Find the right mattress for you here.
A day in the life is a one-off Zikoko entry that chronicles what it means to hustle in Nigeria. Especially in professions that are misunderstood. Professions like witchcraft, sleep paralysis demons. We hope to understand what goes on behind the scenes.
The subject for today is my sleep paralysis demon who tells me about the misconceptions that come with the work.
7:00 am:
I wake up late today. I spent the night checking on people to make sure that they weren’t dying in their sleep. And what did I get? people binding and casting me with the blood of Jesus. I don’t get it. I am literally there to prevent you from passing in your sleep and you are calling Jesus. Ontop ordinary “are you fine?” It’s baffling. Anyhow, I understand that this is a thankless job, but someone must do it. It won’t hurt for someone to thank me still. Human beings are just too rude.
I don’t want to think about it. I pick up my phone and I go to Zikoko.com to laugh away my sorrows.
12:00 pm:
A new roaster is out. Ramadan has started so I can’t check on Muslim clients again. They will be awake during my peak hours. My best friend is a Muslim. It’s sad that I can’t meet his family because they will never accept me for who I am. If only they know who their son truly is. Oh, the stories I have.
One time, a girl asked him to choke her. Obviously, Mr. Goody little shoes could not, so I had to step in. He instructed her to turn off the lights and we swapped places. Even with my super boost and greater hardening, this girl was still not satisfied. The scariest thing that can happen on this job is getting a human being that actually enjoys choking. Nigerians are crazy with their sufferhead.
Another time, he sent me to threaten his boss over a salary raise. It turned out that his boss was super horny so we made out. That was nice. He got his raise but till today, he doesn’t know the details of what happened.
I lost out because his boss stopped replying my messages. Another person who just couldn’t stand to be seen with me in the day. I may be a demon on the streets, but I am a lover in the sheets.
6:00 pm.
I don’t know how long I can keep doing this job. I want to retire one of these days and maybe fall in love. After a point, it gets tiring to see people either scared of you or make you some weird object of their sexual fantasy. I just want people to look at me and smile. Is that too much to ask?
When I start to think like this, I get sad. I hope I find love some day. Love that is wholesome and active as there can be no bystander in love.
I shake off these thoughts. I have to sleep now because I am going to work at midnight. Sometimes, I wonder if my own sleep paralysis demon feels a type of way. I’ll strike up a conversation today.
I fall asleep thinking of better days. At midnight, I’ll start the cycle all over again.
If I were to start this post by calculating how much time we spend commuting to work every month, most people would just be too depressed to read on. So I’ll just leave that to your imagination (seriously guys, don’t actually calculate it, it’s way worse than you think).
Anyway, I’m sure we can all agree that Lagos traffic is the thorn in almost every office worker’s flesh. So, out of anger, but mostly frustration, I decided to compile a list of what our lives might actually look like, if we didn’t have to factor in that agonising rush hour traffic.
1. MORE SLEEP!
That’s it. List is over. Good Night. Well, no, but you already know everything else on this list will pale in comparison to actually getting a full nights rest. Damn I have goosebumps just thinking about it.
2. Have a Social Life
Remember that? Remember when you didn’t have to lie to your friends about being too busy to hang out, when you’re actually just too tired? Those were the days, huh?
3. Actually like your job
Trust me, the resentment you feel towards your boss is deeply rooted in the road rage you have to deal with on your daily commute. It’s enough to make anyone cranky.
4. Get that dream body
I mean, sure, there are some people that still find time to hit the gym after spending forever on third mainland bridge, but we all know they are crazy.
5. EVEN MORE SLEEP!!
Seriously, wouldn’t it be nice to not have a love-hate relationship with your alarm’s snooze button
6. Enjoy your relationship
More time to spend with bae. I don’t see a downside, but that’s probably because I’m single (I blame that on Lagos traffic too)
7. Actually eat breakfast
Like the proper eggs, toast, and hot chocolate type breakfast. I miss those. I REALLY miss those. I do manage to sneak in some cereal on a good day, but that doesn’t count.
8. Catch up on all your favourite shows
How far behind on Scandal are you? Have you even started the new season of Game of Thrones? SMH!
9. ‘Maybe’ attend midweek sermons
Wouldn’t it be nice if the pastor didn’t sub your one-service-a-week ass every Sunday?
10. MORE SLEEP, PLEASE!!!
Do I even have to explain?
11. Have a Radio-Cleanse
If I have to listen to Kiss Daniel’s Woju or the voice of a certain unbearably annoying OAP one more time, I will actually kill someone.
12. Be Happier
Have you noticed how annoyingly cheerful people who live close to where they work are? Don’t you just hate them?
Did I miss anything? What would you do with that extra time if you weren’t always stuck in traffic? Please, sound off in the comments section.
