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Zikoko’s 7 Rules For Engaging With Your Twitter Crush
Don’t do it
The risks are just too many. They might shade you, air you or even post your DMs for a few likes and retweets. Just save yourself the stress and focus on real life. But if you must do it by-fire-by-force, continue reading.
Do your research
Do your research so you know what you’re getting into. Don’t just slide into their DMs or make a confession based on how you feel? It’s the fastest way to shed hot tears. Are they loud on the internet? Do they have a circle? Do they get dragged every Thursday? Do they normally move mad? These are the important questions.
Check their “media” section
This one has to be separate so you get the point. Check their media to know if they’re boo’ed up or not. You don’t want to be confessing your feelings to somebody’s partner. Unless you’re sure you can trigger their release clause sha, then carry on.
Don’t be a creep
This one should be pretty self-explanatory, but if they don’t like you or want to talk to you, move on. You won’t die, I promise.
Do it from a burner account
So that when your shot shooting starts to look embarrassing, you can always disappear into thin air. It would look like you never existed.
If it goes well, come back and tell us
You can’t bag your Twitter crush and not come back a year later to do, “How it started vs How it’s going”. There are rules to these things.
Pray to God
Whether or not you follow all these rules, there’s a chance your shots will fail dramatically. As they say on the streets, “Ticket wey go cut, go cut”. Just pray the universe aligns with the shots you’re shooting, or else, you’ll see shege.
QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Tell You How to Get Your Twitter Crush’s Attention
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QUIZ: We Know How You Shoot Your Shot
Do you call their name three times and blow dusting powder at their pictures, or do you stalk their entire family tree instead of just talking to them? Whichever one it is, we know how you shoot your shot.
Take this quiz and see for yourself.
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Dear Nigerian Women, This is How Nigerian Men Want to Be Toasted
If there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that Nigerian women struggle with shooting shots. If you leave Nigerian women, they’ll “👀” you to death. The funny thing is despite this annoying lack of effort, women still expect their weak shots to enter. My dear, you can’t reap where you did not sow. With Valentine’s Day on the way, we decided to help women level up their toasting skills. Read and take notes.
1. Talk to us with your full chest
Please and please, Nigerian men are a spec. Up your game. . We’re tired of receiving “Hey big head” messages. It’s your head that is big, ma. Slide into our DMs with a value proposition of why we should consider you. Kindly include your goals and aspirations for us and this potential relationship. Time is of the essence, so talk to us direct and stop beating around the bush.
2. If we have a girl, fight her
Why are you allowing small relationship stop you from getting the man of your dreams? Time after time, we hear people ask men to fight for their women, but when you think about it, how many times have women fought for us? You heard we have a girlfriend, and so what? It’s just an opportunity to prove yourself.
3. When you’re buying skincare products, buy for two
You people complain that Nigerian men are ashy and we don’t invest in skincare, but can you blame us? We took one look at the price of that cleanser thing and did about-turn. The truth is, we want to do skincare too, but omo, the money involved is choking us and that’s why we keep stealing your toners and rubbing it on our feet. Want to trap a Nigerian man today? Buy him skincare products and when they finish, buy more.
4. Buy us Azul in the club
You want to bambam and chill with fine Nigerian men? You need to open your purse and spend some money. Anytime you see us in the club, send a bottle of Azul to our table. If you do this once or twice, there’s a high chance we’ll be parading the market looking for souvenirs and aso-ebi very soon.
5. Prove to us that you’re a Prov. 31 woman
At the core of every Nigerian man’s existence is a strong desire to marry someone that will cook, clean, take care of the home and be his neck. At any slight opportunity you get, offer to pound yam for us or do our laundry. Once you make us feel like kings, we’ll propose to you sharp sharp.
6. Buy us fancy food
Remember when they said, “The road to a man’s heart is through his stomach?” Well, no lies were told. You’re not the only one who likes creamy pasta and English breakfast; we like it too.
7. Send us money
This one is a no brainer. Women like to be spoiled by intentional men. If you want us, be intentional too. What is good for Chidi is good for Chioma. Surprise us with credit alerts and help our lives. It’s not like we’re broke or anything, but there’s nothing like too much money.
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QUIZ: Take This Quiz And We’ll Grade Your Shot Shooting Skills
Are you a Pro at shooting shots or you’re still learning work?
Take this quiz and we’ll grade your skills.
QUIZ: How Many Shots Have You Shot This Year?
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How to Shoot Your Shot Like a BBTitans Housemate
We’re all watching you BBTitans for the fun and drama, but there are life lessons you could use to up your dating game in there too. Here are a few surefire tips on how you can shoot your shots at your crush, BBTitans-style.
Be mysterious
They’ll be curious about you when they’re not sure who you are, what you are, or whether or not you even have sense. The best way to do this is to not talk too much.
Flirt with them and stylishly ask if they have a partner
Not because it matters to you or because it’s going to stop you anyway. But because you need to know early on if you have competition. So flirt with them a little and start dropping lines like “I don’t want anybody to come and beat me o”.
If they do, snatch them
If they say they do, go on the offensive and snatch them. Don’t worry about the relationship they already have. That’s just collateral damage.
Become their listening ear
You need to be the person they share their deepest secrets with. So they can let you in closer and closer until they’ve let their guard down completely.
Then tell them you’re related to Kiddwaya
You can get their attention by just randomly dropping it in a conversation that you’re related to Kiddwaya and you don’t really need the money.
Be a little
toxicdramaticHave someone else on the side and flirt with them in your crush’s face, so they can feel a little peppered and pay you some attention.
But love-bomb them with food
You already have Big Brother’s kitchen to yourself. Love-bomb them with food till they forget their sense and start following you up and down. Confusion is your primary agenda.
Do their laundry
Offer to wash everything they own. Yes, everything including their underwear. That way, they’re sure you’ll do anything for them.
Give them your duvet
Even if they already have one, give them your duvet so they can stay warm when it’s cold. Yes, we know it’s blazing hot these days but that doesn’t matter. Cold is coming and they’ll need more than one duvet. Love is all about sacrifice.
Or just watch BBTitans on GOtv to learn all the other tips yourself
There are just too many tactics for shooting your shots and we can’t just release all of them to you like that. So, watch the BBTitans show yourself so you can learn more and have fun. It’s showing on GOtv. Don’t say Zikoko didn’t do anything for you.
