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  • 7 Nigerian Men Share How Self Pleasure Improves Their Relationships

    Self-pleasure is an important part of overall health and well-being. It can help with stress relief, improve sleep, and you’re in charge of your orgasms — what’s there not to like. But engaging in self-pleasure often raises questions, especially considering our society’s perception of it. 

    For men’s health awareness month, I spoke with seven married men who get candid about how it has impacted their sexual health and relationships.

    Image by Freepik

    Hakeem*, 39

    I didn’t like masturbating before I got married. It never felt like the real thing and cleaning up after grossed me out. After my wife welcomed our first child, we couldn’t have sex for sometime because she had complications during childbirth. So, she suggested handjobs. Something about the suggestion coming from her made me willing to try it out. Initially, she helped, and then, it graduated to me doing it myself. Only thing is, I like when we are together when I go about it. It has helped our sexual relationship a lot. She doesn’t feel the pressure to give in all the time. 

    Chibuzor*, 41

    As a devout Christian, it’s not something I’m comfortable with. I do it, but only when necessary and there’s no other option. For instance, when we were trying for our first child, I ran a series of tests that needed my semen. I had to pleasure myself to do this, and it was uncomfortable. I also tried it when she was away receiving care at her mum’s place after childbirth, but I’ve realised I just don’t like it. Something about it feels sinful, and I’d rather have my desires in check.

    John*, 32

    I’ve been an advocate of self-pleasure for men for the longest time. There’s something about self exploration that makes it easier to communicate your desires with your partner. If you’ve explored yourself enough, you can guide your partner towards the things that’ll give you maximum pleasure. Sex is beyond foreplay and penetration, and more men need to understand this for a healthy sex life. Some men have frequent sex and are still sexually frustrated. It’s because they’ve not discovered what truly excites them.

    Jinad*, 35

    Since I turned 35, I’ve realised masturbation helps me sleep better. Sometimes, I’m too tired for all the foreplay and pre-stimulation that goes into sex after a long day at work. Relieving myself is easier. My wife didn’t like this at first, but she stopped bothering when she realised it took pressure off her. Now, she even suggests “beating it” when I’m having trouble falling asleep.

    [ad]

    Jason*, 38

    I read somewhere that expelling semen as frequently as you can may reduce the risk of prostate cancer. I’m not sure if it’s true or not but I’m getting closer to my 40s and I’ve been committed to taking my health seriously. This is one aspect of it.

    Ben*, 29

    I don’t understand when people say masturbation affects sexual performance. I can’t remember ever taking any sexual stimulant before sex. I only need to pleasure myself a few hours before sex, and it helps me go longer during sex with my wife. Personally, I think more men should do this, especially men who have performance issues. A lot of the aphrodisiacs and sexual enhancement drugs aren’t healthy. This is a natural way to boost your performance.

    Adekunle*, 35

    I think it’s important to address the shame around self-pleasure. Our society presents it as something sinful or telling on a man’s ability to perform his manly duties. I don’t think it’s any of these. A lot of sexual frustrations in marriages can be solved if men embrace self-pleasure. As long as it’s done in moderation, I don’t think self-pleasure is bad. 

    Read this next: “I Lost My Rock-Hard Erection” — Navigating Sex as a Man Living With Hypertension

    Adeyinka Odutuyo

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  • “Condoms Didn’t Protect Me From Getting Herpes” — 6 Nigerians on Their Experience With STDs

    While more Nigerians are willing to talk about sexual health in recent days, it’s still a topic shrouded in secrecy and judgment. We still live in a world where people are scared of buying condoms, so it’s not obvious they’re “doing it”.

    In a bid to throw more light on the importance of sexual health, six Nigerians talk about their experience with sexually transmitted diseases and how they managed it.

    Image designed by Freepik

    “Condoms didn’t protect me from getting herpes” — Jane*, 27

    I don’t think people talk enough about how STDs and STIs can be gotten even without penetrative sex. I religiously use condoms, but I noticed painful sores close to my vagina about a year ago. I did a couple of tests, and it turned out to be herpes. That’s when I learnt you can also get it by kissing an infected person or via oral sex. It’s incurable, but I manage it with medication to prevent an outbreak — which means a reappearance of symptoms like sores. 

    “I didn’t even know I had one” — Dave*, 31

    I use condoms with sexual partners but not in serious relationships. I also did an HIV test once in 2019, and it was negative, so I thought all was fine. It wasn’t until 2021, when I had to do medicals for travel, that I realised I had an STD. I didn’t even know I had one — there were no symptoms. Thankfully, it was treatable, so it’s long gone.

    “I thought it was just a vaginal infection” — Lola*, 22

    I’ve had at least three yeast infections since I was a teenager. So when I noticed some foul-smelling discharge two years ago, I thought it was just a simple infection. I tried to treat it with over-the-counter medication used to treat yeast, but it got worse and progressed to random bleeding. I didn’t want to visit a hospital near where I lived to prevent gossip, so I waited until I returned to school to do a test. It was an STD. I started treatment and informed my now-ex-boyfriend — we broke up because we kept accusing each other of infecting the other.

    “I think it’ll come back” — Mike*, 29

    I first tested positive for gonorrhoea in 2017 after I noticed severe pain in my genitals. The nurse said it was treatable, and I was prescribed a ton of medication. Even though the symptoms subsided, I still felt pain, so I took another test two months later out of curiousity. I still had gonorrhoea. I treated it again and finally stopped having symptoms, but a part of me still thinks it’ll come back. I haven’t tested for it again.

    “I think I got it through a sex toy” — Rachel*, 20

    I got an STD last year, and I think I got it through a sex toy. I have a roommate, and she has a couple of sex toys. One day, I was really horny, and I used one of hers without her knowledge. I cleaned it after, though.

    A couple of weeks later, I started having pelvic pain and discharge, and Google told me it might be an STD. I got a home test kit, which confirmed my suspicion. I think it was the toy because I wasn’t sexually active at the time, and sources online confirm that STDs can be transmitted via sex toys, too. I treated it but didn’t tell my roommate. How would I say I used her sex toy?

    “I’m not sure how I got it” — Jem*, 26

    I found out I had an STD in 2021 when my partner insisted we got tested before becoming exclusive. It’s not treatable, and I’m not sure how I got it because I practice safe sex most of the time. I’m glad I know now because I now pay more attention to my health. I’m still with my partner, and we practice safe sex all the time.

    We’re bringing you a meat festival! Here’s all you need to know about Burning Ram.

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    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    ALSO READ: 3 Things Sexually Active People Should Never Take For Granted

    Tife Oni

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  • Why Do People Use These 8 Weird Things as Contraceptives?

    We see a lot of hilarious things every day, from stolen penises to dancing senators. But one that cracks us up every time are the tricks women have devised in attempts to prevent pregnancy. Even though know they’re mostly just vibes, we’ll still talk about them

    Antibiotics

    This one sounds strange but we’ve heard it a few times. Word in some circles is that it “flushes” semen. Wouldn’t life be so simple if that were true? So many of Nigeria’s problems today could be easily flushed out — no names called. But it doesn’t work like that, please. Pregnancy is not typhoid.

    weird things as contraceptives

    Agbo jedi jedi

    The confusion you felt when you saw that, we felt it too when we learnt about this format. We need someone to explain the connection between agbo jedi jedi and pregnancy to us because it looks like we all failed biology in school.

    weird things as contraceptives

    Walking up the stairs

    People who use this method are OGs. We respect their knowledge of physics. Letting gravity do the work for you is a thing of brilliance.

    Peeing immediately after sex

    When you really think about it, this thing is like “2 + 2 = Jollof rice” because we all know you’re dealing with the wrong hole here.

    weird things as contraceptives

    RELATED: The Spiritual Implications Of Using Contraceptives According To This Insane Book

    Lemon water after sex

    Very soon, you people will come and say you don’t believe in jazz. What’s this one, please?

    weird things as contraceptives

    Champagne

    You clearly enjoyed what you just finished doing and are now toasting to a job well done. Because why you’ll think Champagne qualifies as contraception is beyond all of us.  Boya, deep down, you want twins and you’re just lying to everybody?

    weird things as contraceptives

    7Up and Garri

    This is what you get when Sapa takes a human form and decides to pursue a career in pharmacy.

    Actual contraceptives

    These ones have seen the real price of Cerelac and are not taking any chances. Y’all be fighting to stay safe with your 7Up and garri, but these ones will stick to proven birth control methods. We salute the wisdom.

    NEXT READ: PSA: There Are a Ton Of Contraceptive Options Asides Condoms

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • 8 Tricks That’ll Help You Last Longer in Bed

    Some people will say sex is a sin. Whether or not that’s true, we can all agree bad sex is a waste of sin. Here are eight tricks to make it last longer and be more pleasurable for you and your partner.

    Eat Bananas

    First of all, get rid of the dirty thought that just crossed your mind. Bananas actually contain a lot of potassium that helps with vitality. Also, they restore your glucose levels and increase your sex drive.

    multiple bundles of banana

    Stop getting drunk

    Only hobbits are allowed to drink all they want without consequences. Taking too much alcohol can prevent you from being in the moment and enjoying what you’re doing. No one wants an absent-minded sexual partner.

    nollywood star chinedu ikedieze, in an old nollywood scene drinking beer in an oversized white and yellow stripped tea shirt

    Take a lot of pepper

    Finally, some vindication for the Yoruba people. They were right all along. Eating hot pepper actually helps build endurance. It also boosts recovery, meaning you’re ready to go for season 2 in no time. If you want to last longer in bed, here’s your best bet.

    small chili peppers in woven basket

    Eat tiger nuts

    You probably know this one already, but we’re here to remind you. Tiger nuts are notorious for being an OG aphrodisiac that’ll take you as far you want during sex. Just don’t overdo it, we’re begging you. You’ll last longer in bed, but sin with caution.

    dried tiger nut

    Take a lot of Vitamin D

    No, we’re not trying to play mind games with you, stop asking us what we mean. It means exactly what it says. If you’re wondering which fruits you should eat to get this, that’s simple. The next time you’re making a smoothie, just make sure you have a lot of oranges and almonds. If you don’t like those, then egg yolks and fish work just as well.

    oranges

    Foreplay is also sex

    Having sex with no foreplay is like starting a book from the middle. You’ll obviously finish faster, and probably with a terrible understanding of what’s going on. Invest in your foreplay game. Don’t you love when a good movie whets your appetite with a slam dunk trailer? 

    illustrated caucasian couple on a bed with an opened heart shaped box of chocolate

    Exercise more

    Some people will say having sex already counts as exercise. But squats and biceps training actually help you perform better when it’s time for some action.

    young black woman in exercise gear doing sit ups

    Switch up the position

    Some positions actually make it easier for you to climax. If you’re looking to prolong things, you probably want to find a position that makes it harder.

    illustrated couple in an unconventional sex position

    Sheriff Alimi

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  • 8 Extremely Important Things You Need to Have a Successful Orgy

    So, orgy season is approaching and nobody has invited you to one yet. Sure, you know some of the things you should never do at an orgy, but what about things you need to throw a successful one? That’s where we come in. Here’s a list of eight things you definitely need to have a successful orgy.

    1) Food and drinks

    People need to eat. Imagine having sex for long hours with multiple people and there is no food to eat? No water or juice? O wrong nau. You also need to take into account people’s dietary requirements. Imagine giving a lactose intolerant person a cheese sandwich to eat? The horrors.

    2) Drugs

    In case the NDLEA is going to read this, we just want to state that we do not mean illegal drugs like Molly, Cocaine, Marijuana or crack. What we actually mean is drugs like paracetamol, Flagyl, ibuprofen, and a first aid kit. It is very irresponsible to have a group of more than five people and not have a first aid kit.

    3) Guest List

    If it is going to be an anonymous event, you still need a guest list. You need to know how many people are coming (tee hee) and plan for it. You also want to make sure you do not accidentally invite two people that cannot stand to be in a room together. Imagine coming for an orgy but instead witnessing an intervention?

    4) Toys, toys, toys

    You are to prepare for people to do very nasty and indescribable things. So get your ropes, swings, feathers, plugs blindfolds, rockers, and your hundred and one stimulation and penetration devices. Everyone knows sex is better when toys are involved.

    5) Compulsory STD and STI testing

    Every participant should be properly screened and tested for any sexually transmitted disease or infection. For their safety, and the safety of the other guests who are involved. Nobody wants to catch gonorrhoea from an orgy.

    6) Lubricant and condoms

    Lubricant is essential because it makes sex easier. Plus, some sexual acts need extra stimulation, and groundnut oil or spit will not be enough. There are various types of lubricants to choose from. Also, condoms not only help to curb the transmission of diseases that maybe were not picked up in the text but also, raising an orgy baby seems stressful.

    7) Clean up services

    Orgies are expensive and one of the reasons why is because you will outsource everything, and cleaning is no exception. It’s also advised the cleaners sign some sort of NDA, especially if the scenes get a bit too intense and some blood might be found.

    8) Accommodation

    Not everyone that comes for the orgy will be able to leave when it ends. In fact, does an orgy even end? You need to provide a space where they can sleep and rest when they’re tired and unable to go to their houses. Do you just plan on throwing them out after everything?

    [donation]

    Itohan Esekheigbe

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  • 6 Nigerians Share Their Experience Getting STD Tests

    Do you regularly get STD tests? Or have you never gotten one at all? It can be nerve-racking going to get tested, but equally important for your overall well-being. You know, it’s better to be safe and sure than sorry especially if you have multiple sexual partners. For this article, 6 Nigerians Share With Us Their Experience Getting STD tests.

    Jane, 25, F

    The first time I got an STD test was in 2018. Before then, I’d had a steady partner so never felt the need to get one. When the relationship ended, I started hooking up with people without knowing their sexual histories. One day, my friend was talking about getting a routine check-up done and mentioned that it included STD testing. That’s when it occurred to me how irresponsible I’d been, and how I needed one too. After that initial test, I made STD testing a regular thing.

    Paul, 27, M

    My girlfriend cheated on me in 2017, and the only reason I found out was that she got an STD and gave it to me. I didn’t even want to get a test at first because she told me she had an STD and that automatically means I have one too, but I got the test done anyway. Got a comprehensive STD test to catch anything she might have missed in her own testing. It was pretty straightforward and efficient. I went to pick up my results the next day. Since then, I made STD testing a regular part of my health routine. You can never be too sure.

    Abike, 31, F

    I have been getting tested regularly since I was 21 years old. My biggest problem with getting STD tests is that some of the hospital staff can be very judgemental. Sometimes, they make snide comments about how sexually reckless I am to require a test, or that abstinence would prevent the need for a test in the first place.I moved around a lot, so I constantly changed hospitals, which means I was exposed to a lot of rubbish. When I settled down, I found a hospital a bit far from where I live but closer to my best friend’s house. The staff there are very professional and I’ve been getting tests there twice a year for over three years now.

    Olu, 27, M

    My partner and I both decided it was in our best interest to test for STDs before “getting physical.” The tests went well. I got my result in minutes, and the hospital also emailed them to me for reference. I had insurance, so it was affordable and I do it regularly. I also got the rapid test kit to test myself at home occasionally, but I go to the hospital for the complete package.

    Sandra, 26, F

    When I started dating my boyfriend, he insisted on us getting tested before becoming exclusive. So, we went together to get the test done. The hospital kept treating us as a couple and that was a small problem for me. It’s been four years, and he still insists we get it done at least once a year, which I think is a really good practice. It’s quick and we get it done with our usual medical checkup so I don’t mind.

    Cynthia, 21, F

    I got my first STD test because I was sexually assaulted. I wanted to get the 72 hour PEP drug (Post Exposure Prophylaxis), but a test was done first. It was a fast test. It involved them collecting my blood and delivering my results not long after. I was asked to return in 3 months for another test because that’s the incubation time for some STDs, but I never got retested. Partly because of laziness and the fact that my parents didn’t take it seriously. They believed that because I’d already taken the drug, I didn’t need another test.

    Looking to up your sexual health game? Having health insurance will make things hitch-free.

    Hygeia HMO has a wide variety of health insurance plans for individuals, families, and even employees at businesses. You can get check-ups, medical advice, and treatment from health professionals at a fraction of the usual cost.

    Visit Hygeia HMO to find a plan that best fits your needs.

    Susan Nwaobiala

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  • QUIZ: Only Sex Experts Can Score 9/11 On This Sex Myth Quiz

    Sex education is pretty non-existent in Nigeria, yet people are having sex. We decided to debunk a few myths around sex so more young people can stay safe.

    See how you perform below:


    Hassan Yahaya

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  • We came to the conclusion a very long time ago that the reason Nigeria is so hot is that you people are fornicating.

    We’ve been begging you people to stop and you have refused. Since you insist on fornicating you might as well educate yourself on the different kinds of contraceptive options you can use to avoid unplanned pregnancies, and no it’s not just condoms and “pulling out”.

    We should make it clear that although all of these contraceptive options prevent pregnancy they won’t prevent STDs and STIs so better go and get tested with the person you are fornicating with.

    And this isn’t just for you fornicators. Newlyweds and married couples who are having sex at the exact time the good Lord intended but aren’t ready to have kids yet need to read this too.

    Unfortunately because the science around the invention of most contraception methods is sexist all of these contraception options can only be used by women.

    The good news, however, is that a lot of the side effects women have been made to believe these contraception options have, either don’t exist or are over exaggerated. But don’t take our word for it, always always talk to your doctor and your partner before deciding on the most suitable option for you.

    There is the most popular option after condoms which is ‘The Pill’

    The pill works by stopping ovulation. No ovulation means there is no egg to be fertilized by the sperm when you have sex, which means no belle. Here are a couple of things about the pill you should know. First of all, it won’t affect your fertility when you do decide to start having kids. Secondly, it doesn’t cause cancer. Lastly, although a handful of women might experience weight gain as a side effect of being on the pill, this is rarely the case for a majority of the women on it.

    Plan B or ‘The Morning After’

    Most pharmacies here in Nigeria carry the brand name – Postinor 2. For some reason, Nigerians love to turn up their nose at this but it’s really your best bet whenever you have a slip up like a condom tear or when his ‘pull out’ method fails. It’s important to note that ‘Plan B’ is an emergency contraceptive, which is not meant for daily or regular use.

    IUD

    IUD stands for Intrauterine Device and it’s basically a plastic and copper device put into your uterus through your vagina to prevent pregnancy. The process of inserting the IUD is a whole lot easier and painless than it sounds. Although IUDs are very unpopular amongst Nigerian women but the fact that it doesn’t mess with your hormones and lasts for years makes it a very suitable option.

    The Patch

    The patch works similarly to the pill by delivering hormones through your skin that’ll help prevent pregnancy, except that instead of using it daily you need to change it every week. Which in some way makes it a little more convenient than the pill.

    Contraceptive Implant

    Implants are two really tiny rods usually inserted on the inside of your upper arm which slowly releases progestogen into your body to prevent you from getting pregnant. It lasts from 2 to 5 years, which makes it a great long-term contraceptive option

    That’s about it. If you know of any SAFE contraceptive options we left out, please let us know.

    Having a baba that gives you something to drink to block pregnancy and infections doesn’t count, please.

    Toketemu Ohwovoriole

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  • All The Things Your Mother Didn’t Tell You About Sex and Sexual Health

    1. If a boy stands next to you, or holds your hands nothing major will happen.

    2. There is a time of the month it’s easier to get pregnant, when you’re ovulating.

    3. Have you ever heard “just the tip” before? It’s a scam and don’t try it.

    4. What you decide to do with your body, especially sex, is primarily your decision, not anyone else’s.

    5. It’s okay if you decide to be abstinent, but you still need to learn about contraception and your body.

    6. Lying about your sexual activity to your doctor doesn’t help anybody, especially you.

    7. There are many, many Sexually Transmitted Diseases and Sexually Transmitted Infections you need to learn about.

    8. Having period irregularities is quite common, just make sure you go to see a doctor.

    9. Sexual urges are very normal, and mean you are extremely healthy.

    To get a lot more information about sex and sexual health, there is an amazing new app called “Frisky” to help you make better-informed decisions.

    It’s easy and simple to use, with the added advantage of protecting your privacy if you’re a bit shy when it comes to speaking about these issues. You can download the app here!

    Jola Ayeye

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