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sexual harrassment | Zikoko!
  • 11 Nigerian Women Talk About Being Coerced

    11 Nigerian Women Talk About Being Coerced

    Trigger warning: Abuse, rape. 

    Sexual coercion is unwanted sexual activity that happens when a person is being pressured, persuaded, tricked, threatened, or forced in a non-physical way. In this article, 11 Nigerian women talk about being coerced. 

    Jumoke, 22

    I met this guy online and the first time we met physically, I went to his house. I trusted him, and I felt comfortable around him. We had so much in common although he was almost ten years older than I was. 

    Things were going smoothly when I got there, but as we were talking he said I was giving him “fuck me” eyes. I laughed it off. He said I should come and sit next to him. I did it because I wanted to kiss him. When I got closer, I told him I didn’t want to have sex. He agreed but then he tried to touch my breasts. I moved away and told him I felt uncomfortable. After a while, I told him I wanted to leave but he didn’t let me. He kept begging me to have sex with him. Eventually, I just let him do his thing. He even tore my trousers sef.

    I saw him sometime after that happened, and I asked why he behaved like that. He said he didn’t know if he would see me again after that day. I was so annoyed I blocked him. 

    Bella, 21

    I had this male friend that I was close to. He was the kind of friend I could chill with. I was attracted to him, but it had never crossed my mind to do anything sexual with him. To me, we were just friends. One day, he asked me to come over. 

    At his place, we watched movies. As we were watching a movie , I noticed his hand moving. I was confused and  asked what was happening. He said he had always been attracted to me. He said he didn’t want to have sex but we could make out. I said okay. We started kissing and then his hands were roaming. I thought he was the kind of person I could say no to, so I pulled away when it got too much. Then he started begging. 

    It was so weird. He was persistent, and I didn’t want him to use force so I gave in. I didn’t enjoy it but he got what he wanted. After that, I stopped talking to him as much. I cried because I really didn’t want to have sex with him, but I moved on. 

    Ndi, 23

    Before I accepted my sexuality, I used to date men. I was dating this guy and the sexual aspect of our relationship was zero. He always wanted sex, but I never did. 

    Even when I say no, he would keep begging until I give in. On days when I didn’t give in to sex, he would cajole me to give him a blowjob or do anything else to make him cum. It was after I left the relationship I realized all of it was abuse. 

    Fayo, 25

    I had a close guy friend. We used to talk every day, and he was the only one I shared my abuse story with. In 2017, I travelled to Ibadan, and he was also in town. 

    We met up during the day and did some errands together. Towards the end of the day, he said he got me a gift but he forgot to bring it. He asked me to go with him to his aunt’s house to pick it up. The place was not far from my home, so it wasn’t a problem. 

    In the house, we were gisting and then I noticed he was touching me. I stopped him and he started begging. He said I am the only one that got him and he needed me.  I kept saying no, but he was persistent. He was chasing me around the house because he had locked the door. I got scared that he would be violent, so I agreed. It was at the point of penetration he realised it was my first time. 

    When he was done, he started begging for forgiveness. I told him it was okay. He asked me if our friendship was still good. I told him yes, but I knew it was done. I did not allow myself to think about what happened but I blamed myself because I felt I was too weak. It hurt more because he knew I was abused as a child but he didn’t care. I don’t have male close friends again. It is pointless. 

    Limah, 26

    I went to visit a friend of mine at his parents’ house. He told me he wanted to talk to me about something inside the security unit of the house, and I believed him. When we got there, he kissed me. I tried so hard to push him off but he kept forcing my mouth shut so I let him kiss me. The sex happened quickly. I blocked him immediately after I left. I felt bad because when he kissed me the first time, I liked it. I was turned off when he asked for sex and became forceful. He calls me with different numbers, begging me to forgive him but that will never happen. 

    Tosin, 23

    Most of my male friends when I was younger used to coerce me into sexual activities with them. One time, I was at a party with my friends. One of them kept asking to go with him to the bathroom so we could make out. When I started avoiding him, another joined, pleading with me to go with him instead. I kept saying no as I was trying to go downstairs, he blocked me. He didn’t let me go until I agreed. 

    Bimbo, 21

    I had a boyfriend in 2018. I spent a night in his house one time. Early the next morning, he wanted sex. I told him I couldn’t because I was on my period. He kept begging and it led to a struggle while we were still on the bed. I got exhausted and let him win. After he finished, he apologized. He said he did it because I made him angry. That was the last time he saw me in his house. 

    Ria, 26 

    I met this guy on Twitter and after a few days of talking, we decided to go on a date. We weren’t suited for a romantic relationship, so we settled into friendship. We tried to have sex once but it was terrible. I initiated it so when he asked, I felt weird saying no. It became a pattern. He coerced me for the entirety of our relationship. 

    He’d rub his groin on me whenever I visited him at home. He would try to touch me no matter how many times I said no. One night after clubbing I insisted on going home because I didn’t want to be coerced. SARS arrested me that night. We eventually stopped being friends because he cut me off for something flimsy. 

    It’s funny because, during the course of our friendship, I considered his house a safe space to be away from my mum. When I realised he hadn’t been a good friend and had been abusive, I felt betrayed mostly by myself. Working on forgiving myself and making sure I never excuse that kind of behaviour moving forward. 

    Aura, 26

    During NYSC, I met a guy I liked. At the time I was still very religious and I was trying to save myself for marriage. We didn’t talk about sex when we started hanging out. One day we were at his house, and we started kissing. When he started to take off my clothes, I told him I wasn’t ready and he got upset. He asked what I thought was going to happen when I followed him home. Nothing happened that night. But after that night, he kept pressuring me to have sex with him because “virginity meant nothing these days”.

    One day, when I went over to see him, I noticed that he had locked the door and he was playing loud music. He tried to touch me but I hesitated. He suggested anal sex because technically I would still be a virgin. When he started getting angry, I agreed to do it.  I blocked him as soon as I left his house. I spent the next three days crying. 

    Tokoni, 24 

    In 2016, I was in my final year at Benin republic. I had missed my project defence date so I came back to defend with the summer students and graduate. I didn’t have accommodation for the night because the girl I had planned to stay with had not arrived. I was trying to sort that out when I saw my friend. I asked him if I could stay with him and he agreed. 

    He put a bed in his living room for me. At night, I was working on my project. He came to join me on the bed and started touching me. I told him I wasn’t interested. He told me he had always liked me and I was the only person who was nice to him. He said a lot of things. He cried too. This continued till 5 a.m. Eventually, I gave in because I wanted to sleep. He is currently a gospel musician in Kaduna.

    Boma, 20

    In 2018, I met this guy. He wanted to date me but I had just gone through a bad breakup and I wasn’t ready for a relationship at the time. He was persistent — he kept asking for almost a year. Eventually, I told him we should go on a couple of dates to see if we would be good for each other.

    He’s a sexual person, and I had been celibate for a while. I told him that if we dated, I wouldn’t have sex with him. He said he still wanted to be with me even if sex was completely off the table so we started dating. Things were good for a while. 

    One time he came to visit me, he told me a story about his friend’s girlfriend who told his friend she had never had sex before but was secretly having sex with someone else. I didn’t say anything. Another day, he said a relationship wasn’t complete without sex. But I had a friend who was engaged but hadn’t had sex with her fiance. I told him about them so he’d see it wasn’t impossible. He said I wanted what my friend had and thus didn’t have a mind of my own. 

    Whenever the topic came up, he’d bring up instances where one person was celibate and the other person wasn’t. One time he told me another friend of his was in a relationship with a virgin but was cheating on her because he couldn’t  live without sex even though he was madly in love with her. I ignored these things but one night, I went to see him and while we were kissing, he started touching me. I didn’t stop him because I was tired and I didn’t want to lose him. Luckily, I had planned with my sister to call me because I didn’t plan on staying long. Her call came in while he was fingering me. I told him I wanted to go and he asked me if I was sure I wanted to leave before he made me come. I said yes. I felt so dirty. When I got to my room I went straight to my bathroom and I scrubbed my body hard trying to get the ickiness off me. After that, I ended things with him. 

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  • 3 Nigerian Women On The Most Unlikely Place They’ve Been Assaulted At

    3 Nigerian Women On The Most Unlikely Place They’ve Been Assaulted At

    Every year in April, organizations and individuals come together to raise awareness about sexual assault and how to be of help. In this article, we asked women in our email list to tell us the most unlikely places they have been assaulted at. Here’s what they had to say: 

    The Most Unlikely Place Women have Been Assaulted At

    Omoye

    It was in a danfo. I was in Js 1. The man that sat beside me would use his right hand to scratch under his left arm while using his elbow to rub my breasts. It was weird. I tried to shift but he would come closer and do the same thing. It happened twice on my way to school and it was the same man. The first time I couldn’t get away from him till I got to my stop but the second time, I was able to move to another row. When I got down, I was happy I was able to get away so I brought out my tongue to tell him ntoo. I told my mum about it when I got home and she said I should have screamed at him.

    Farida 

    I think it’s funny how when you get assaulted, you are sometimes too shocked to even react. In November 2020, I was on my way to the bank on the mainland and because I wanted to get there faster, I decided to use a bike. I got on the bike and told the bike man the bank I was trying to find. As I was talking to him, another person climbed the bike too. I complained and the bike man told me it was normal, besides I was going to alight before the man. 

    On our way, I felt a bulge pressing hard against me. I kept trying to adjust but this man slipped his hand underneath my shirt and was trying to touch my waist beads.  I immediately told the bike man to stop. I was too shocked to even react — I was crying. The bike man asked what the problem was and I narrated it to him in Hausa.  The bike man was angry and he told the man to come down before he caused a scene. The man came down and the bike man took me to the bank. On the way, he kept apologizing. Till today, I still feel uncomfortable when I have to use a bike now.

    Ify

    Last year, I was raped in my own room. I am a radio presenter. I had a colleague who I used to work with before I changed stations. We had had sex twice in the past but I didn’t enjoy it because he was rough. Months after I left where we used to work together, he messaged me saying he missed me and would like to know if I was down for a sleepover. I had turned him down many times before but that faithful Wednesday in October 2020, I agreed to let him sleepover on the condition that we won’t have sex. He agreed and said that he missed talking to me. I believed him.

    He got to my house by 10:30 pm that Thursday. I told him before he came that I had to be up the next day at 5 am and he was okay with me going to bed by 11 pm but that’s when the nightmare started. I shared my small bed with him and he knows that I am a cuddle bunny so he offered to cuddle me till I fall asleep. I agreed because I thought he would respect the no-sex rule I had set but he started trying to fondle my boobs. I wiggled out of his embrace and I held my body in a way that he couldn’t get under my blouse but he kept trying. When he realized he couldn’t touch my breasts, he went for my butt and vagina. I remained curled in the most uncomfortable position instead of telling him to stop because I was too stunned.

    His hands eventually found a way into my pants but I removed his hands and laid on my chest to stop him but he took that as an invitation to sex. He got up, undressed and proceeded to penetrate me from behind. He did not even use a condom. I was stunned for few seconds but I was able to gather myself and push him away. I ran to the bathroom where I peed and started crying. I was struggling to process what had just happened and it was already late into the night. I managed to get some sleep amid frightful dreams. 

    I confronted him when I was ready to go to work and he was about to leave. His response was “I’m ashamed of myself.” After work, I came home to my room and cried my eyes out. By evening, I was feeling suicidal. I blocked him on WhatsApp but unblocked him on Saturday to talk about everything that happened and he said “Stop trying to paint this as a rape incident. I didn’t rape you. Sorry if that’s what you think but I didn’t rape you”. I asked him if in the past when we had sex if I was ever unresponsive to touch and he said no. I asked why he assumed that my unresponsiveness this time meant that I wanted it despite everything that I had told him before he came over and he kept mute. I blocked him on every social media platform after that conversation. 

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  • An Oral History Of Bisi Olaleye’s Abuse

    An Oral  History Of Bisi Olaleye’s Abuse

    Let’s start from 2003 when Eedris Abdulkareem released ‘Mr Lecturer’, a song about Bimbo Owoyemi, a female student at an unnamed Nigerian university who was being sexually harassed by her lecturer, Olayemi Olatunji.

    In the final scene of the music video, Bimbo gets a reprieve from the trauma when the lecturer is arrested. Unfortunately, this is the gap between fiction and reality: hundreds of female Nigerian students who are sexually harassed by their lecturers do not get any form of justice and are threatened into silence.

    Bisi Olaleye

    Fast forward to 2018 when the sex for grades conversation began to make waves for the first time in recent years.  An audio conversation between a lecturer at Obafemi Awolowo University, Professor Richard Akindele, and his student, Monica Osagie, got out and set off a slippery slope. In the recording, Richard was heard demanding a five-round sex marathon from Monica. As she told CNN, the professor of Accounting gave her two options: sleep with him, or fail the class. The OAU management dismissed him and later, a court sentenced him to 2 years in prison. According to the judge, Justice Maureen Onyetenu, the professor needed to be taught a lesson to serve as a deterrent to those who abuse their authority. He was released on March 19, 2020.

    Bisi Olaleye

    That felt like a major breakthrough, but as time would tell, Akindele’s fate didn’t serve as a deterrent to other lecturers who got off on sexually harassing their students. In October 2019, A BBC Africa Eye investigation into cases of harassment, led by Nigerian journalist and filmmaker Kiki Mordi, exposed lecturers at the University of Lagos and University of Ghana. Boniface Igbeneghu, who was one of the lecturers exposed in this documentary was suspended from his duties as a senior lecturer by the UNILAG management. 

    The documentary and the set of actions that followed its release, including the re-introduction of the Sex for Marks bill, a legislation that would ensure the incarceration of lecturers guilty of sexual misconduct for up to 14 years, seemed like a step in the right direction. However, it hasn’t been passed and ASUU is currently fighting it. This brought with it an uneasy question — Will these cases ever stop? An answer came a few months later.

    On January 15, 2020, Premium Times reported another sex for grades story from Obafemi Awolowo University. This time, it was a lecturer at the Department of International Relations. His name? Bisi Olaleye. 

    Bisi Olaleye

    According to the report, the student, Motunrayo Afolayan lodged a complaint at the university’s Centre for Gender and Social Policy Studies, claiming that Mr Bisi Olaleye had allegedly failed her because she refused to sleep with him.

    We don’t have all the details about the action the university took. But at the time of reporting this, Bisi Olaleye is still a lecturer at the university.

    We spoke with three people who were students of Bisi Olaleye to reflect on their experiences with him and how he wasn’t the model lecturer. They asked to be anonymous for fears of retribution. The names have been changed to protect their identities.

    “He used to do a “hand-to-the-neck” sign, as though he would strangle anyone who gave him trouble and his favourite thing to say at the time was “I will go for your guillotine”.

    Edward: (International Relations, graduated in 2010): Bisi Olaleye was my course adviser in my first year at OAU. My first personal encounter with him was intense. I’d gone to his office to check my result because the department didn’t paste our results. When I got there, he didn’t hear what I said, so he snapped at me. I was very scared and from that moment, I developed this apprehension whenever I had to go to his office for anything. What added to my fear was the fact that he used to do a “hand-to-the-neck” sign, as though he would strangle anyone who gave him trouble. His favourite thing to say at the time was “I will go for your guillotine”

    Bukola (History and International Relations, graduated in 2017): He taught me first when I was in 200 level. His aggressiveness was hard to miss. He said the most vulgar things, especially when he wanted to mock students.

    Grace (History and International Relations, graduated in 2015): He did like to deride students, especially female students. He always said things like female students would fail because the only thing we knew how to do was to dress up and look pretty. 

    Edward: He abused the dynamics of the student-lecturer relationship. He did and said everything he could to keep us subjugated and retain his hold on us. In his presence, we had to overthink everything because nobody was sure what would upset him.

    Bukola: An experience that stood out for me and showed that Mr Bisi would do all he could to get what he wanted was when Mr Bisi thought a guy in my class was dating a girl in my class — they were just friends. Mr Bisi called the guy to his office and threatened to fail him if he didn’t stop talking to the girl. The guy tried to explain, but Bisi wanted him to stop talking to her altogether and he was very serious about it. The guy had to be tactful and stopped talking to the girl, at least in class or wherever he could find them.

     “Female students were easy targets. A lot of us knew he liked to sleep with female students.”

    Grace: Everything was about power to him. He always wanted us to know that he was in charge and that there was nothing we could do about it. Female students were easy targets. A lot of us knew he liked to sleep with girls.

    Bukola: In one of his classes, he said something about how his wife knew that he had ‘bitches’.

    Grace: He also liked to talk a lot about how the “big girls” who were forming in class would come to beg him when it was time for exams.

    Bukola: There were female students he called into his office and propositioned, asking for money or sex. Typically, none of them said anything. But there were lots of people who came to class, wearing long faces. It was torture for them to spend hours watching him teach in class. 

    Edward:  There were instances when I wanted to see Mr Bisi Olaleye. I would knock for minutes non-stop on his door and he wouldn’t answer. Later, a female student would emerge from his office.

    Grace: He once asked my friend to meet him at Buka. Another lecturer was with him when my friend went, but Mr Bisi didn’t care. He made lewd comments and asked her to have sex with him. My friend was visibly disturbed when she returned.

    Edward: Sometime after I’d written my final year exams, I was by Ede road with a few classmates when he drove by with a lady in the car, probably to drop her off. On his way back, he stopped and chilled with us. I  guess the dynamics were different then because we didn’t have the lecturer-student relationship anymore. There was this bar opposite Maintenance at the time; we moved there to get something to eat. The attendants brought the menu, which didn’t include any swallow and he wasn’t happy about this. According to him, he preferred swallow and lots of vegetables because it gave him stamina to have a lot of sex. Then he began telling us stories about our female classmates he’d had sex with. He’d gotten drunk, so his guard was down.

    “He has students who help him to get girls. The students who he gives these tasks have two options — get him the girls or risk failing his course.”

    Bukola: He thought he was untouchable, so he was loud about his exploits. I think he was comfortable because he’d been enabled for a long time. The lecturers who could hold him responsible protected him because they wanted to keep their secrets buried too.

    Edward:  Everyone in the department knew about his behaviour, but no one did anything to caution him.

    Bukola: I think the worst part of this is that he has students who help him to get girls. The students who he gives these tasks have two options — get him the girls or risk failing his course. An audio recording went viral when this recent story broke out about a male student coaxing a female student to have sex with him for marks. I know the guy. We were supposed to graduate together but he’s still in school because he’s entangled with Bisi, who is his supervisor.

    Edward: I know he did everything he has been accused of. I hope he doesn’t get away with it this time. If that happens, this man will become more brazen. And that won’t be good for his students. 

    We spoke with Mojeed Alabi, the journalist who broke this story, and Kiki Mordi, an investigative journalist who has been actively involved in the Sex for Grades conversation. 

    Mojeed Alabi (Deputy Head of Investigations at Premium Times): We got a scoop on Bisi Olaleye and we decided to follow it. There was a real story there and that was what we published.

    Kiki Mordi (Investigative Journalist): Some students from OAU had reached out to me before the story broke. It was a relief  to see that the story got published because these students were emboldened, and it was only right that something came out of it. I tried to continue the conversation online, so it could get more attention and engagement. I  also shared the story with a couple of my journalist friends who work with Human Right Commissions, just to bring it to their attention. 

    Mojeed Alabi: We continued to follow up to ensure that the people concerned took it seriously. Word of Bisi Olaleye’s behaviour had gotten to the management before the story broke and they were investigating it, but we had to do this story to let them know that the public was also watching.

    Kiki Mordi: Sexual harassment by lecturers is a culture already and universities are complacent in fixing it. I hope Bisi Olaleye doesn’t get away with it. And if he gets anything less than what he deserves, we will always be here to demand for better.

    Mojeed Alabi: A lot goes into reaching a final verdict. But it’s practically impossible for Bisi to get out of this. I believe that the OAU management are committed to meting out justice and I’m sure Bisi won’t go unpunished.

    Kiki Mordi: The Sex for Marks bill has not been passed by the National Aseembly and I’ve expressed my frustrations at this so many times. When it passed the second reading, I was hoping that it might be passed. ASUU is trying to knock down the bill though. 

    Mojeed Alabi: They (ASUU) are kicking against the bill because they felt they were being targeted. They didn’t think the bill would protect them from students and what they could do to them. 

    Kiki Mordi: The bill does protect the lecturers because it puts the burden of finding proof on the students. It’s hard to prove these things, but when a number of people have complained about a lecturer or you’ve been able to establish a pattern, you can conduct your independent investigation. The universities should be able to do that, and if they can’t, they should delegate to whoever can. I’m still hopeful that the bill will be passed. We will see how that goes. 

    Mojeed Alabi: I understand the need for lecturer-student relationships to facilitate the exchange of ideas that academic institutions are created for. I am in for a holistic legislation that will address the concerns of the lecturers, the students, the parents, and every relevant stakeholder. That’s the best way to go.

    The management of the university, through the Public Relations Officer, Abiodun Olanrewaju, confirmed that the university set up a panel to investigate the scandal last year, months before the story first broke. “Mr Olaleye was suspended after the panel submitted its preliminary report,” Mr Abiodun Olanrewaju told us. On the status of the investigation and when a final verdict might be passed, he said he couldn’t comment on that at the moment because all official duties in the university had been suspended in the wake of the Coronavirus pandemic. 


  • I’m 23, And This Is Why I hate 9-5 Jobs

    I’m 23, And This Is Why I hate 9-5 Jobs

    Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.


    What’s the first experience in your life that made you realise ah, money sweet o? 

    That would be JSS1 in 2004. I went to a boarding school and it was my first time away from the safety of home. My pocket money for the term was ₦200, and I had classmates who had ₦1,000 for a week. That was when I realised, you don’t have money. Your father doesn’t have money anymore. 

    Anymore? 

    Yeah. My dad used to be work for the government, at some of the highest levels. There was some contract thing that involved bribes and all that. Super straight man, he didn’t want to be a part of it. 

    What did that mean for him?

    He quit. He quit his job, and we had to move to a new town. He started a small business. Started building a house, but he never got around to finishing it, so we had to move to a house near my dad’s. Then two years later, there were issues with the landlord, and we had to move into the uncompleted house. 

    In primary school, my school fees never got paid early, but neither did my friends’ school fees. So we just hung out during school hours, outside school, and played, hahaha. I knew what we were going through at the time wasn’t normal.

    I feel like knowing the money situation forces you to ask another question — where will this money come from? 

    Yes. There was the part where my dad paid us stipends to work at his factory for him. But my first lone experience has to be leaving home after secondary school and going to Lagos – this was 2011. 

    How did your folks react? 

    Oh, my dad was already dead. He died when I was 12 going on 13. He was the breadwinner and the controller – he was the one who sent you on an errand and knew exactly when you were supposed to be back. 

    He also didn’t let my mum work. He was the kind to go, “What do you want that I can’t provide?” even when he couldn’t provide. Also, he always felt like there weren’t enough opportunities for my mum where we were. 

    So, this was your mum that had never worked, and suddenly, she had how many mouths to feed? 

    Four. He was sick for a while, so his business was dying as he was dying in the hospital. When he finally died, his family wanted a burial they couldn’t fund. 

    In the end, my mum had four mouths to feed and a lot of debt. 

    It’s a tragedy that this happened, and I’m sorry that you all had to go through that. Another great tragedy is that this happens to a lot of women every year – I don’t have stats to back this up. 

    Yeah. My dad was pretty confident that we were going to be fine. He was polygamous, so somehow he believed his other, much older kids would look after us the children. 

    How did that go? 

    Well, the first one tried to kill my mum, because my mum refused to release my dad’s paperwork to him – death certificates, documents, etc.

    But, he didn’t get it right? 

    He did. He was my father’s next of kin, and all my dad’s benefits went to him. Now, imagine my mum showing up from her shop one day and finding out that they’d put a notice at our house, ‘Caveat Emptor’ – he sold my father’s house while we still lived in it. Welcome to life. 

    What? 

    Yep. I said that too many times. You know, my mum always told my dad to write a will, and he’d respond that she wanted to kill him. The day he decided to write a will was the day he died. Even worse, they were never legally married. 

    Shit. Leaving home at 15 suddenly makes a whole lot of sense.

    I had a friend in Lagos, and I lived on and off with her for three years. The first job was short – I was an assistant. In the first month, I got my salary. By the second month, he told me to come to pick up my salary at his house on a Sunday morning. No, thank you. That’s how that ended.

    I don’t remember that first salary from the first job, but my first proper cheque was ₦60k – 2012. I worked in client services. I also gained admission into uni that year. 

    How did you juggle that? 

    The bulk of my work was phone calls and emails. So I was doing that from school. Also, I worked from the office when school was on break. 

    I’m assuming your boss was reasonable – letting you work remotely and –

    – Nope. He tried to grope me or kiss me every other morning I was at work. I worked for him for a few years sha. 

    Did he ever stop? 

    Nope. I didn’t quit because I had school fees to pay. This ₦60k was gold in my house at the time, so there was no quitting. In 2015, I did my Industrial Attachment at this place that paid ₦40-50k. 

    At this point, I’d squatted in a few places, and made a few friends, and I didn’t exactly need that ₦60k salary. So even when I finished my attachment, I didn’t have to go back to the abuser’s job. 
    I lived with someone I worked for, who is the kind of older friend that you call aunty. So she mostly paid in bits here and there, no lump sums. But the accommodation and the network was priceless.

    How did 2016 go? 

    When was 2016 again? 

    The year Nigeria went into a recession.

    It’s a blur, but I finished uni in 2017 and went to work at a firm that was supposed to pay ₦100k but paid ₦40k in the first month. There’s also the part that my boss tried to sleep with me again – they always do. 

    Argh. 

    I spent three months at the job. He never paid that ₦100k. The time he paid ₦100k was when he wanted me to go buy clothes so we could travel for a ‘work trip’ to Ghana. Then when I was arranging, and doing bookings, he told me to book one room, instead of two. Because how would he ‘apologise properly if we were sleeping in different rooms.’

    What? 

    That’s not the worst thing that’s happened. 

    I dunno if I want to ask you about the worst. 

    Oh, you’ll hear it. It happened recently too. We’ll get to it. Anyway, I clocked 21 and quit shortly after that. That was when my life went to shit. You know how I had older friends that doubled as older siblings? They just started to disappear. Two had to relocate out of Nigeria, a third one died. And somehow, I managed to get blamed by her mother-in-law for killing her so I could marry her husband. 

    Wonderful.

    She pulled her wrapper and swore that I was going to die before the end of the year. This was Christmas Day. She kicked me out by midnight – I was staying there too because the couple were like family to me.

    That is sick.

    I travelled home to my mum, and I even followed her to church on New Year’s Eve. I held her hand all through because I was sure I was going to die. I didn’t die, obviously, but then I just started to fall sick a lot. The first half of 2018 was spent treating one thing after the other. Typhoid and whatnot. So I shuttled between my friend’s house and my mum’s outside Lagos. I wondered a lot, why did everything have to happen to me? And then came the depression. And a boy still managed to break my heart in the midst of all of this. That 2017 ended in tears. 

    I imagine your money problems didn’t go away.

    Yeah, I had a job managing someone’s blog and social media pages. I had to write 20 news articles and one original article, Monday to Sunday. Then there was also social and Nairaland. 

    Ehn, how much? 

    ₦40k. I still got owed for five months. Three months have already been paid though, but that job ended in November 2018. All I got was how I wasn’t ‘good enough’. 

    Anyway, I so I started working more actively on social media. Running small gigs on the side. 

    I joined a new company in December – I already arranged my posting to a company that was going to pay good money. ₦250k. But I got paid that amount once. This one also tried to sleep with me. Anyway, that was how that one ended, no pay. 

    In the time being, I started selling clothes, but I honestly wasn’t taking it as seriously as I should have. If I buy ₦50k worth of stuff and I sell, I can make up to ₦150 to ₦200k on Instagram.  

    I got another gig in July where I was supposed to lead creative direction on a project. The manager was pretty straightforward. 

    Straightforward about what?

    Sex. He literally said, “Don’t fight it” – this one was a job in the entertainment industry. Anyway, by the time I quit that, I just grew completely tired and took a break. I’m completely tired of office work. I need these assurances: 

    • Really good money
    • Not being owed
    • Not being sexually harassed at the office. 

    Every man you’ve worked with has tried to sleep with you. 

    Yep. The women just focus on owing me my salary. People work so they can get paid, so it sucks when you work and not get paid. 

    Now, I just work freelance managing people’s pages, buying and selling stuff, promoting stuff on my social media pages, and just trying to get by. So I go from up to 400k on a good month to making nothing on a bad month. 

    Let’s talk about your best money month this year. 

    My biggest problem is that I don’t track all my expenses and incoming. My life is scattered. But there was this month I worked for someone running supplies. I stopped calculating after 300k, out of excitement, but it might have been up to 600k. 

    Let’s try to put the excitement in one corner, and track what your month looks like in expenses.

    I only buy ice cream when I’m sad.

    How frequently do you eat ice cream? 

    A lot. I don’t eat a lot, but I can’t do without my ice cream. When I’m super hungry, I drink garri. 

    What’s something you really want but can’t afford?

    A car.

    Let’s paint a picture of what life would look like in 5 years.

    Please, don’t ask me that question, it’s too serious. I dunno. 

    Okay. What’s something you honestly wish you were better at?

    That would be reducing my ice cream. But then I work, and I deserve ice cream. It keeps me sane.

    How do you even think about this money thing, generally?

    Money is a visitor. It’s the same thing our parents said – it comes and goes. But there’s this documentary that I watched – it’s the Billionaires episode on Netflix’s Explained. Changed my perspective on money. I have a lot of rethinking to do. 

    Financial happiness, 1-10. 

    Omo, it’s 2 o. I’m just getting by. I can’t even afford to be creative with disposable income. Invest-what? 

    I bet you didn’t see this coming. 

    No, I didn’t. Inside Life. 


    Check back every Monday at 9 am (WAT) for a peek into the Naira Life of everyday people.
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  • Nigerian Women Share Their Public Harassment Stories And We Are Livid!

    Street harassment is one of the most annoying/disrespectful things Nigerian women go through regularly. If you’ve ever gone to Yaba market, you will understand how disrespectful most of the traders are, especially towards women.

    Upset by what women go through in the hands of these men, Twitter user, UPNEPA, asked women to share their stories.

    https://twitter.com/UPNEPA/status/801860572157513728

    And believe it or not, the responses will leave you shocked and angry.

    https://twitter.com/Dinma__/status/801929500527390720
    https://twitter.com/TheRealWunmi/status/802087677197713408
    https://twitter.com/ms_millieee/status/802072642392117248
    https://twitter.com/Zee_Salaudeen/status/802060949704294400

    The fact that Nigerian women continue to be publicly harassed and disrespected by certain men shows how low society generally regards women. Women should be able to move freely and safely regardless of whatever outfit she has on. Women must be seen as human beings, not objects that can picked on, talked down on and tossed aside. We all have a responsibility to speak and act against any form of assault around us.