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  • 7 Things All NYSC LGIs Need to Understand

    The three most certain things in this life: death, taxes and NYSC Local Government Inspectors (LGIs) making your life a living hell. Nigerian civil servants are the masters at stressing people’s lives for no good reason. 

    Here are a few things NYSC LGIs really need to understand

    No one: NYSC LGIs

    1. Corpers aren’t the cause of your life problems

    Whatever is going on in your life isn’t the cause of that poor corps member. Put your issues aside and handle your job professionally and with kindness, like a human being. There’s no reward for being wicked. 

    2. If you do your job, you won’t die

    What will kill you is the accumulation of all the curses from the corpers you’ve stressed. Doing your job well and effectively will surely not kill you. 

    3. Any parent that gives their child a headache will also have a headache

    If you like, make it your life’s mission to give corpers a headache, you too, you’ll surely receive a headache. What goes around comes around and your own headache will be double. Better calm down if you want to live a long life. 

    4. Life doesn’t begin and end at that job

    If you think you’re the almighty God because of that yeye job, we need to let you know that life doesn’t begin and end at that job. The wickedness you’re doing to corpers will surely meet you in front. 

    5. NYSC is only year-long; corp members are still going to jam you in front

    Do you really think corpers have short term memory and won’t remember to deck you when they’re done with their service year? Don’t be shocked if you’re walking on the road one day and a random person slaps you. It’s not a slap; it’s your reward. Smh.

    6. One bad deed deserves another

    Any bad thing you do as an NYSC LGI is going to meet you in front. The superstitious Nigerian in me really needs to let you know that one day, you will be at the mercy of a corp member you treated badly. 

    7. You aren’t special because you’re doing a job you hate

    Hating your job doesn’t make you special; it makes us mates. Corpers hate their jobs too, but they don’t go around making other people’s lives miserable.

  • 7 Struggles Only Nigerians Who Pay For Subscription Services Will Understand

    There are just so many services out there now and quite a number of them are subscription-based. This means if you’re not ready to pay for them, you can’t have access. Fair enough, yeah?

    But for the average young Nigerian adult, this also comes with a set of struggles.

    1. You, looking at a new service you think you will enjoy

    I have Netflix already, but Showmax and Disney Plus look interesting too.

    2. You, when you realise you can afford it every month

    Just ₦3k? Let’s do this.

    3. Also you when a service requires you to pay for a full-year at once

    You people should better take up arms.

    3. When you eventually find out that you’re subscribed to more services than you actually need

    Make it make sense why I’m giving all of these people my money.

    4. When the people you share your accounts with for free use the service more than you do

    And I’m the only one paying?

    5. When it’s the end of the month and the debits start coming in

    It’s the end of the world. No one can tell me anything.

    6. When you share subscription costs with someone and they stop paying after the first month

    You think you’re smart abi?

    7. And the most painful part, when you forget to cancel a free trial before the next charge

  • 13 Things About CDS People who Have Done NYSC Know To Be True

    1. So it’s another CDS day.

    Sigh.

    2. And that’s means only one thing, NO WORK!!!

    YASSS!

    3. But then you remember you have to attend CDS meeting by 8am.

    Why??

    4. And it also means you have to put on that wretched khaki and white tennis shoes.

    Wahala.

    5. How people shout ‘KOPA WEE’, when they see you on the way to CDS.

    “AJUWAYA”

    6. You, when they expect you to shout “WAA” back.

    Who is this one?

    7. How everyone looks at you when you get to the meeting late:

    SMH!

    8. You, when trying not to chop mouth when everyone else is reciting the NYSC anthem!

    Nobody gat time for that.

    9. When you have to recite the CDS anthem after the NYSC anthem.

    Stress.

    10. You, when they start asking for CDS dues.

    Bye!

    11. You, when the meeting commences and they start yarning opata.

    I’m sleep.

    12. You, when you hear, “Motion to adjourn the meeting”.

    Who wants to sleep here?

    13. When CDS closes early and you have the whole day to yourself.

    Lit!