Secondary | Zikoko!

The Provisions Hustle Every Nigerian Student Went Through

1. The Nigerian provisions starter pack:

If you don’t have all these, you’ve not started.
2. The official padlock for stingy students:

The worst people.
3. When you’re with your Nasco and you see someone chowing Kelloggs.

Please be going.
4. You, the first time they jacked your locker and stole your provisions:

Just leave me to die here.
5. When you beg your guys for provisions and they say they haven’t launched it yet.

Is this one mad?
6. When you’re the only one in your dorm that got provisions on visiting day.

As a bad guy.
7. When seniors see you entering the hostel with provisions.

It’s all over.
8. When a senior gives you bowl to go and fill with milk.

God, why me?
9. When you get back from class and catch someone trying to jack your locker.

You don enter am today.
10. When you open your provisions and people with spoons start appearing like:

Who are these ones?
11. When you’re the only one in your room left with provisions.

Oya beg me.
12. When they steal provisions from the stingiest person in your room.

God is good.
13. How you look at people that take their unopened provisions back home:

Na wa for una.

Daniel Orubo

July 15, 2016

Oldies

Africa, Nigeria, provisions, School, Secondary
16 Things Every Nigerian Who Was A Prefect In Secondary School Will Remember

1. When you enter SS3 and it’s time for the school to choose prefects.

Please God, let them pick me.
2. You, if your juniors had to be the ones to vote for the prefects.

Ejoor vote for me.
3. You, at the badging ceremony.

Finally!
4. When the head girl and head boy start behaving like it’s only their own posts that matter.

All prefects matter.
5. When you got chapel prefect and you couldn’t stab service anymore.

Why me?
6. When you remember all the juniors who had been rude to you.

I will deal with you.
7. After you become a prefect and you send a junior and he says no.

Is this one mad?
8. When the whole school does something but only the prefects are being punished.

Wawu!
9. You and all the prefects after you’ve finished serving punishment for the school.

You will all learn!
10. When someone calls you supervisor instead of prefect.

P-R-E-F-E-C-T!
11. When you’re the food prefect and so everybody wants to be your friend.

Do I know you?!
12. When you thought being a prefect meant you could wake up late but you had to be up before the rest of the school.

Someone cannot sleep again!
13. When your mates that you didn’t even like start famzing you so that your power can rub off on them.

Don’t let the devil use you.
14. When you become a prefect and nobody is trying to use provisions to bribe you.

Why is my own different?
15. When you’re the labour prefect and the juniors don’t do their work so the principal asks you to do it.

Just know you’re dead.
16. When you’re the socials prefect so you’re only supposed to work once a week.

Chilling!

Odunayo

May 16, 2016

Oldies

Nigeria, Prefect, School, Secondary, secondary school
16 Pictures Only People Who Attended Catholic Secondary Schools Will Relate To

1. When you have to attend mass 7 mornings a week without fail.

Because you have to begin the day with Jesus and Mary.
2. When they expect you to stay awake through morning mass and also stay awake in class for the entire day.

Who do you people want to kill?
3. And there are still evening prayers 7 days a week.

The school life…
4. When the priest is preaching and he mentions how other churches are doing something wrong.

Okay.
5. When your CRK class is basically Cathecism class.

Did I offend you?
6. When you misplace something and the Sisters tell you to pray to St. Anthony to help you find it.

What is this nonsense?
7. When you mistakenly wear your skirt above your knee or sag your trousers.

Is the devil using you?
8. When your sex education was basically “If you talk to boys, you’ll get pregnant”.

And premarital sex is your ticket to hell.
9. And once it’s 12 noon or 6pm, you have to stop everything you’re doing. Because Angelus.

This is a lot! A lot of prayers!
10. When you’re not even Catholic but you have to learn all the prayers and now there’s no space for anything else in your brain.

Too many!
11. When the altar boys and girls were one of the coolest people in school.

Enjoy your godly fame.
12. When they leave space for the Holy Spirit between you and the next person during an exam.

You and the Holy Trinity.
13. When you’re in an only girl’s school and your brother school comes round but you’re not allowed to speak to them.

Just be looking sadly out the window.
14. If you’re not Catholic, the 40 days of Lent were your own personal hell.

I’m not even part of you people!
15. When you commit an offence and they tell you that you just nailed Jesus to the cross.

Jesus! Me?!
16. And now, even if you’re not in a Catholic church, your knee automatically bends when you enter a row.

Put respect in the church!

Odunayo

April 27, 2016

Oldies

Catholic, Nigeria, School, Secondary
12 Things That Every Nigerian Girl Remembers About Making Their Hair In Secondary School

1. When they call the hairstyle for the week today, but you already made your hair yesterday.

Now you have to loosen it.
2. When the hairstyle for the week is Koroba and you just know your slay is suspended for the week.

No one looks good in that.
3. When it’s time to make your hair and the hairdresser puts your head between her legs.

When will this end?
4. When she starts to comb your very due hair.

No chill?
5. When someone pulls the hair you just made.

Do you want to die?
6. When your hairstyle is slightly different and they call you out at assembly.

7. When you catch sight of the girls on low-cut just looking unbothered.

The envy, oh god!
8. Then you tell your mother you want to cut your hair.

What is this one saying?
9. When there is no general hairstyle for the week.

Let my slay be unleashed.
10. How you feel when those colored beads are fancying up your hair – even though it’s not allowed.

Bow down!
11. Then that teacher that hates you catches you, and it’s downhill from there.

Why God?!
12. When the boy you have a crush on tells you your hair is fine.

I can die now.

Odunayo

January 11, 2016

Oldies

hair, primary, School, Secondary

The Provisions Hustle Every Nigerian Student Went Through

1. The Nigerian provisions starter pack:

2. The official padlock for stingy students:

3. When you’re with your Nasco and you see someone chowing Kelloggs.

4. You, the first time they jacked your locker and stole your provisions:

5. When you beg your guys for provisions and they say they haven’t launched it yet.

6. When you’re the only one in your dorm that got provisions on visiting day.

7. When seniors see you entering the hostel with provisions.

8. When a senior gives you bowl to go and fill with milk.

9. When you get back from class and catch someone trying to jack your locker.

10. When you open your provisions and people with spoons start appearing like:

11. When you’re the only one in your room left with provisions.

12. When they steal provisions from the stingiest person in your room.

13. How you look at people that take their unopened provisions back home:

16 Things Every Nigerian Who Was A Prefect In Secondary School Will Remember

1. When you enter SS3 and it’s time for the school to choose prefects.

2. You, if your juniors had to be the ones to vote for the prefects.

3. You, at the badging ceremony.

4. When the head girl and head boy start behaving like it’s only their own posts that matter.

5. When you got chapel prefect and you couldn’t stab service anymore.

6. When you remember all the juniors who had been rude to you.

7. After you become a prefect and you send a junior and he says no.

8. When the whole school does something but only the prefects are being punished.

9. You and all the prefects after you’ve finished serving punishment for the school.

10. When someone calls you supervisor instead of prefect.

11. When you’re the food prefect and so everybody wants to be your friend.

12. When you thought being a prefect meant you could wake up late but you had to be up before the rest of the school.

13. When your mates that you didn’t even like start famzing you so that your power can rub off on them.

14. When you become a prefect and nobody is trying to use provisions to bribe you.

15. When you’re the labour prefect and the juniors don’t do their work so the principal asks you to do it.

16. When you’re the socials prefect so you’re only supposed to work once a week.

16 Pictures Only People Who Attended Catholic Secondary Schools Will Relate To

1. When you have to attend mass 7 mornings a week without fail.

2. When they expect you to stay awake through morning mass and also stay awake in class for the entire day.

3. And there are still evening prayers 7 days a week.

4. When the priest is preaching and he mentions how other churches are doing something wrong.

5. When your CRK class is basically Cathecism class.

6. When you misplace something and the Sisters tell you to pray to St. Anthony to help you find it.

7. When you mistakenly wear your skirt above your knee or sag your trousers.

8. When your sex education was basically “If you talk to boys, you’ll get pregnant”.

9. And once it’s 12 noon or 6pm, you have to stop everything you’re doing. Because Angelus.

10. When you’re not even Catholic but you have to learn all the prayers and now there’s no space for anything else in your brain.

11. When the altar boys and girls were one of the coolest people in school.

12. When they leave space for the Holy Spirit between you and the next person during an exam.

13. When you’re in an only girl’s school and your brother school comes round but you’re not allowed to speak to them.

14. If you’re not Catholic, the 40 days of Lent were your own personal hell.

15. When you commit an offence and they tell you that you just nailed Jesus to the cross.

16. And now, even if you’re not in a Catholic church, your knee automatically bends when you enter a row.

12 Things That Every Nigerian Girl Remembers About Making Their Hair In Secondary School

1. When they call the hairstyle for the week today, but you already made your hair yesterday.

2. When the hairstyle for the week is Koroba and you just know your slay is suspended for the week.

3. When it’s time to make your hair and the hairdresser puts your head between her legs.

4. When she starts to comb your very due hair.

5. When someone pulls the hair you just made.

6. When your hairstyle is slightly different and they call you out at assembly.

7. When you catch sight of the girls on low-cut just looking unbothered.

8. Then you tell your mother you want to cut your hair.

9. When there is no general hairstyle for the week.

10. How you feel when those colored beads are fancying up your hair – even though it’s not allowed.

11. Then that teacher that hates you catches you, and it’s downhill from there.

12. When the boy you have a crush on tells you your hair is fine.