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  • Here’s What Your Love Language Has To Say About You

    All people on Twitter do all day is insult each other and talk about what their love language is. And that makes sense because the older you get, the more you understand what your love language is, and the ways you want to love and be loved. That being said, have you ever thought about what your love language(s) think about you?  

    Well, we talked to them and here’s what they really have to say about you. Brace yourself for shade because not all of what they say is nice.

    Physical Touch

    Lean on me no be press me die, please. Let your partner have some breathing space. I don’t know why you want to enter your partner’s body when you have yours. Please, stop using me as an excuse for body invader behaviour. Have you considered the possibility that your partner might really like their personal space but hasn’t complained yet because they don’t want to hurt your feelings? No, you haven’t. Because you’re selfish.

    Gift Giving

    Jesus already gave his life as a gift, so tell me why you are breaking the bank and your back to buy a gift. Overall best in love and intentionality. To people who love to receive gifts, I need you to know the item you took from your partner’s closet wasn’t a gift from them to you. Try to return it or ask them for it, you fucking thief. 

    Acts Of Service

    Actual overall best in love and romance — you and Jesus are in the same group chat. Nigerian mobile networks and internet service providers should learn work from you when it comes to providing service. 

    Quality Time

    Yoruba men are not very familiar with this one, so imagine my shock whenever I hear them mention me as one of their love languages. What Yoruba men are great at is time management, which explains how they can visit their 5 wives and 24 girlfriends in 24hrs. King Solomon could’ve learned a thing or two from Yoruba men.

    Words of Affirmation

    Of all the love languages, I am the one that has suffered the most. Liars have perfected the art of using me to get whatever they want in relationships/situationships., This has happened so much, I can’t tell when they’re telling the truth or lying their asses off. Even people who use me to reaffirm themselves use me to lie. They finish affirming themselves and go back to do the same thing they said they’ll no longer do. Like going back to that ex who you know is toxic for you but gives good sex. More than anything, I want you to want better for yourself. Have some self-respect.

    Ibukun

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  • 6 Ways To Steal A Nigerian Man From His Wife

    A married Nigerian man is a very easy commodity to acquire — they are married but not too much. Of all the countless things that can be stolen in Nigeria, a married man is the easiest to steal.

    If you get a good bargain, you may even be able to share him with his wife, guilt-free. So, if you are determined and temporarily want him to yourself, here are a few very easy steps to steal him.

    1. Smile at him

    It is not like his wife is not smiling at him, it’s just that he doesn’t require much. It doesn’t even have to be a wide smile, just smile at him from time to time, and before you know it, he’ll be all yours.

    2. Walk past him

    Once you have set your eyes on your target, you don’t have to do much after that. Just walk past him a few times, he will walk up to you and finish the job by himself.

    3. Like his picture on Instagram

    Oh, this works like a charm. You can even like a picture of him with his wife and kids. He will be very quick to message you to let you know the woman in the picture is his housemate, not his wife, and the kids in the picture are his nieces and nephews.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    4. Laugh at one of his Twitter jokes

    You’ll be shocked at how powerful a laugh can be. From laughing on Twitter, you’ll be laughing at his dad jokes in real life. A simple ‘’hahaha’’ or ‘’lol’’ will get the ball rolling. Trust us.

    5. Share your lunch with him

    The Nigerian husband is always hungry, no matter how many times his wife feeds him. Don’t bother putting love potion in the lunch, just share it with him like that. Do that consistently for two days, and he’ll be all yours.

    6. Call him by his first name

    It is the little things. All his wife calls him is Baba Sade from morning till night, but calling him by his first name will remind him of his youth, and that will make him want you more. You 1- His wife 0

    As you can see, you don’t even have to do much, just set the wheels in motion and the Nigerian husband will finish the job for you.

    Ibukun

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  • 12 Confusing Behaviours Of Nigerian Mums

    Nigerian mums are some of the most special women in the world, and in honour of women’s month, we will be sharing some surprising and confusing behaviours a lot of them exhibit. If your mum does none of the things in this list, give a double offering in church on Sunday.

    No one:

    Nigerian mothers walking in to look for trouble:


    1. They judge young people for getting pregnant before marriage.

    If you check it now, you’ll see that some of them had their first child in their wedding photos. Maybe they think they are the only ones that can have sex before marriage.

    2.They can shout for Nigeria and Africa.

    Between them and Davido, only God knows who is louder. Better pray for yourself that the trumpet doesn’t sound on the day your mother is shouting or else you’ll miss heaven. The good thing is that she’ll miss it too.

    3. They lock you at home but want you to have a boyfriend/girlfriend.

    They spend all your teenage years locking you at home but want you to magically manufacture a husband when you are older. Nawa.

    4.They get older and suddenly want a gist partner.

    Please ma, I don’t have anything to talk about. Go and talk to your husband and your friends. When you didn’t gist with us all these years, we kuku didn’t die.

    5. They put everyone in your business.

    Before you say Jack Robison, they’ll call Iya Risi to report you to her. Honestly, this behaviour isn’t only confusing it’s also annoying. Your small crime was shouting back at her and now the whole world thinks you tried to kill her.

    If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

    6.They always forget to defrost the meat.

    They forget to bring out the meat from the freezer and push the responsibility on you. When you forget now as they did, they will start shouting. If they can forget, why can’t we also forget? 

    7. They ask you to pick clothes for them but still wear what was on their mind.

    Don’t bother answering your mum when she asks you to pick cloth for her. You see, that dress that is on her mind is what she is still going to wear, she just wants to waste your time and call it bonding.

    8. They want you to have a super memory.

    They send you on 10 errands at the same time and want you to remember everything. If they are so invested in those errands why can’t they run it themselves then?

    9. They act like sex education is a sin.

    They throw you into the deep blue sea and want you to figure it out yourself. No one is telling them to teach us how to perform oral, just tell us what time is best to have sex. Simple and short.

    10.They want you to respect their sleeping time but they don’t respect yours.

    From shouting down the house the minute they wake up, to just disturbing your life for simply napping five hours a day. Nigerian mums don’t want to see you resting, it pinches their body to see you have peace.

    11. Any small thing, they tell you to put it on their head.

    Oya bend down now, let me put it on your head. No, they won’t bend down for you to put it on their head, all talk no action.

    12.They always complain when their sons join the beard gang.

    Madam, please let the world see his beauty, ok? The beard his daddy had in 1920 that made you fall in love with him, let the babes see it on his son too. Thanks.

    Ibukun

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