ridiculous | Zikoko!

If you don’t want children to grow up wondering what the heck their parents were thinking, then let the following names die with 2021.

And if your name happens to be on this list, tie wrapper and fight your parents (or whoever gave it to you), because they clearly set you up for life-long ridicule.

1. English

Hello???? Why this!?

2. Thanks

Where do we even begin to understand the absurdity of this? You want them to be turning upandan when people randomly say, “Thanks”?

3. God Knows

God definitely knows he shouldn’t be the reason someone goes by “GK for short.”

4. Thank God

This name needs to go extinct with immediate effect.

5. Prayer

Prayer is the key, not a human being. A key.

6. Surprise

What exactly is surprising, and how can you expect someone to walk around as a permanent surprise?

7. Evidence

Some people should evidently not be parents.

8. Nice

Are they planning to work at Chicken Republic?

9. Endurance

The fact that a child is born in Nigeria already seals their fate of endurance. Don’t add salt to the injury biko.

10. I am blessed

Not with this name, you are not.

11. Wonder

If they’re such a wonder, why not take them to the museum, because we’re not understanding.

12. Saturday

Or any day of the week for that matter. Please and thanks.

Share with all the aunties, uncles, and soon-to-be parents you know.

[newsletter]

Susan Nwaobiala

December 14, 2021

Inside Life

Funny, names, ridiculous
In 2020 we published a comprehensive guide on the places to find a sugar daddy in Nigeria. Now that you’ve found one, what next? This article is a guide on the qualities to look out for.

1) He sleeps/attempts to sleep with only one of your friends

All because he’s a thoughtful person who doesn’t want to embarrass you in public.

2) He asks God for forgiveness immediately after every round of sex

Because he’s actually God-fearing uno?

3) He does only one round of sex

Because he understands that your body is a temple and he treats it as such.

4) He doesn’t fornicate on Sundays

This is where he draws the line.

5) He under promises and over delivers

You: Will I have a good time?

Sugar daddy: I’ll try my best.

Narrator: They had a hell of a good time.

6) He allows you sleep off on his arm

Younger men left the chat.

7) He lives up to the “sugar” in his name

Anything you want, he buys it.

8) He’s honest about his wife’s ability to fight and beat you up

“Kikelomo, my wife can fight. If you ever see her in public, start running oh.”

9) He doesn’t lie about leaving his wife for you

Everyone is aware that they are here for a good time and not a long time.

10) He’s honest about which holidays you get to spend with him

“Asake, Christmas and New Year is for the family but I’ll spend Children’s day and Independence day with you.”

[donation]

Hassan Yahaya

January 27, 2021

Inside Life

Humour, ridiculous, satire, sugar daddy
1. This person wants to know how to make love o!

Please help us refer him to Ramsey Noah abeg!
2. Why is someone looking for 10 uses of English Language in Nigeria?

We use English to collect money in the bank.
3. This one say ‘who killed jesus’?

Question for the gods.
4. Okay, we can relate with this one sha because we need helpers too.

Jesus is the only helper.
5. But this helper question is getting out of hand sha.

Even google is tired.
6. People, this is actually a serious question.

What is love though? Never experienced that emotion.
7. So this one wants to get away with a murderer. Wait, what?

Too much Shonda Rhimes is bad for you.
8. Someone wants to become the flash, another wants to be a virgin again.

We are not understanding.
9. But really, how can we be sure the bible is true?

Another question for the gods!
10. This is the only one we care about.

Because we all need to make more money.

Shola

September 28, 2016

Oldies

Funny, GOOGLE, ridiculous
1. This one where the bride was basically flying up and down.

Because sitting down is too much stress.
2. This couple that doesn’t understand why there are locks on toilet doors.

Na wa!
3. This couple that decided this calabash was too heavy for one of them to carry.

They found love by the riverside.
4. These ones that were doing bad things in the corner.

See how people are looking at them.
5. This groom that was doing yoga in the air.

As per yoga master.
6. This couple that were the only black people in their own shoot.

What’s happening here?
7. These ones that were doing shakara in the village.

See wahala.
8. These ones that staged a kidnap scene.

On top wedding again?
9. This I-must-be-Sango-by-force groom.

So extra!
10. These ones that kuku went all the way underwater to take their own pictures.

As per dry land is not fine enough for them.
11. These ones that were just unserious.

They need that red card in real life.
12. This couple kuku went to shoot a music video.

As per they’re no longer anybody’s mates.

Maryam

July 14, 2016

Oldies

nigerian wedding, Nigerian weddings, Nigerians, pre wediing shoot, ridiculous
This post isn’t here to bore you about how Nigeria has the highest rate of twins in the world. No, seriously, it’s not news.
It’s about a video that will definitely leave you in shock.

According to these British twin vloggers, there’s a “little place called Yoruba” which has the highest birth rate of twins in the world. Wait what?

After trying to explain how/why the Yoruba people name twins and pronouncing the twin names, Taiye and Kehinde, in the most ridiculous manner…

They ended the video with some “Yorubian folk music”.

What’s all this yama yama?

When foreigners try to explain African culture but fail at it.

In all honesty, they almost had it sha. But their reference to Yoruba as a place and description of Orlando Owoh’s music as “Yorubian folk music” is just unbearable.

Watch the full video here.

Maryam

June 6, 2016

Gist

hilarious, Nigeria, Nigerian, Nigerians, ridiculous, twins, yoruba
Did you know that Nigeria spends nothing less than 1.3 trillion Naira on only food importation annually?
Shocking right? Well It’s true. Now think about the amount spent on importing other goods. Here are some of the things you wouldn’t believe Nigeria imported.
1. Tomatoes

In fact, 16 billion is spent on importing them every year.
2. Wrist watches

3. Leather

Now think of all the leather bags, shoes and commodities you have eaten and all the income that could’ve been generated. No? We didn’t expect any remorse sha.
4. Umbrellas

Unbelievable, right?
5. Walking sticks

Is your mouth opened in surprise yet?
6. Human hair.

We’re not judging.
7. Tobacco

8. Musical instruments

9. Paper

All those exercise books and novels! Gasp!
10. Matresses

11. Artificial flowers

Who would’ve thought?
12. Rice

One would think importation of Ofada rice (also known as brown rice in the abroad), a much more delicious and healthier brand of rice would be more valued and invested in.
13. Palm oil

In spite of the unending number of palm trees in Nigeria.
14. Salt

15. Milk

16. Sugar

Even with abundance of sugarcane sticks.
In this hard economic times, we hope efforts will be made into locally producing and also exporting some of these things.

Maryam

January 22, 2016

Oldies

goods, importation, materials, Nigeria, ridiculous, tomatoes
Albeit being a violent crime, rapists on many occasions get away with their crime.
To add insult to injury, rapists usually give the most ridiculous reasons for raping their victims. Here are some that will make you angry:
1. “I tripped and accidentally raped her”

A Saudi millionaire upon questioning claimed he tripped and fell into an 18 year old girl’s vagina, which resulted in an accidental rape.
2. “She was possessed”

A man of God in Nasarawa state raped a 13 year old because that was his own way of casting out demons off her.
3. “It was not a rape”

Disowned Unilag lecturer maintained he had only consensual sex with his friend’s daughter even after medical reports and bruises on her privates proved he actually raped her.
4. “She wasn’t decent”

A young woman in India was beaten and brutally gang raped which consequently lead to her death in 2012. The driver of the rape bus claimed she wasn’t decent and shouldn’t have fought back.
5. “It was Satan”

One of the 8 men who gang raped a teenager in Ilorin on orders of her boyfriend blamed Satan, the most accused person in history, for violating her several times.
6. “Her younger sister was rude”

A young woman in Lagos was gang raped by her angry ex and his friends because her younger sister was rude to them at a party.
7. “I am not gay”

An 18 year old British boy raped and stabbed two teenage girls because he couldn’t come to terms with his homosexuality and also wanted to know how killing a person felt.

Maryam

December 17, 2015

Gist

Excuses, India, Nigeria, Nigerians, Rape, rapists, ridiculous, Saudi, teenagers, Women

1. English

2. Thanks

3. God Knows

4. Thank God

5. Prayer

6. Surprise

7. Evidence

8. Nice

9. Endurance

10. I am blessed

11. Wonder

12. Saturday

1) He sleeps/attempts to sleep with only one of your friends

2) He asks God for forgiveness immediately after every round of sex

3) He does only one round of sex

4) He doesn’t fornicate on Sundays

5) He under promises and over delivers

6) He allows you sleep off on his arm

7) He lives up to the “sugar” in his name

8) He’s honest about his wife’s ability to fight and beat you up

9) He doesn’t lie about leaving his wife for you

10) He’s honest about which holidays you get to spend with him

1. This person wants to know how to make love o!

2. Why is someone looking for 10 uses of English Language in Nigeria?

3. This one say ‘who killed jesus’?

4. Okay, we can relate with this one sha because we need helpers too.

5. But this helper question is getting out of hand sha.

6. People, this is actually a serious question.

7. So this one wants to get away with a murderer. Wait, what?

8. Someone wants to become the flash, another wants to be a virgin again.

9. But really, how can we be sure the bible is true?

10. This is the only one we care about.

1. This one where the bride was basically flying up and down.

2. This couple that doesn’t understand why there are locks on toilet doors.

3. This couple that decided this calabash was too heavy for one of them to carry.

4. These ones that were doing bad things in the corner.

5. This groom that was doing yoga in the air.

6. This couple that were the only black people in their own shoot.

7. These ones that were doing shakara in the village.

8. These ones that staged a kidnap scene.

9. This I-must-be-Sango-by-force groom.

10. These ones that kuku went all the way underwater to take their own pictures.

11. These ones that were just unserious.

12. This couple kuku went to shoot a music video.

It’s about a video that will definitely leave you in shock.

According to these British twin vloggers, there’s a “little place called Yoruba” which has the highest birth rate of twins in the world. Wait what?

After trying to explain how/why the Yoruba people name twins and pronouncing the twin names, Taiye and Kehinde, in the most ridiculous manner…

They ended the video with some “Yorubian folk music”.

What’s all this yama yama?

When foreigners try to explain African culture but fail at it.

In all honesty, they almost had it sha. But their reference to Yoruba as a place and description of Orlando Owoh’s music as “Yorubian folk music” is just unbearable.

Watch the full video here.

Did you know that Nigeria spends nothing less than 1.3 trillion Naira on only food importation annually?

1. Tomatoes

2. Wrist watches

3. Leather

4. Umbrellas

5. Walking sticks

6. Human hair.

7. Tobacco

8. Musical instruments

9. Paper

10. Matresses

11. Artificial flowers

12. Rice

13. Palm oil

14. Salt

15. Milk

16. Sugar

In this hard economic times, we hope efforts will be made into locally producing and also exporting some of these things.

Albeit being a violent crime, rapists on many occasions get away with their crime.

1. “I tripped and accidentally raped her”

2. “She was possessed”

3. “It was not a rape”

4. “She wasn’t decent”

5. “It was Satan”

6. “Her younger sister was rude”

7. “I am not gay”