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Even if you live under a rock, it wouldn’t stop you from feeling the biting effects of the inflation in Nigeria. According to recent data, January 2024’s food inflation stood at an alarming 35.41%. God, abeg.
It’s not surprising that fine dining restaurants that’ve always charged through the roof for their meals are moving madder than mad. If you don’t plan to spend two weeks worth of your hard earned salary on a plate of food, these alternative spots should be on your radar.
Your parents’ house
If you have a date, take them to your parents. It’s a huge step, but beloved, your pocket might not survive the effects of that creamy pasta and strawberry daiquiri. Ten minutes after your arrival, your mum or dad will ask, “So, what is your friend going to eat?” And the good thing is you’ll also get a plate.
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Your grandparents’ house
Lagos restaurants can argue all they want, but ₦14k for a plate of abula is wild. That’s a pot of soup for a week, if you think about it. Everyone knows baby boomers make the best abula anyway, so why not just visit your grandparents. You even get a wide option of paternal or maternal. Alternate between their houses, and you wouldn’t have to pay a thing for homemade local delicacies again.
Don’t forget the Mama Put on your street
If you’ve rolled your eyes at all the Mama Put spots in your area, it’s time to do better. They might bump up their prices a little, but you’ll still fix yourself a decent plate with a ₦500 – 1k budget. Some of them even throw in garnishes like red onions to help your food cosplay as a fine dining meal.
Or that friend that knows how to cook
It’s fine if they weren’t inspired to start cooking until after Hilda Baci’s cook-a-thon. Now, you can fill their ears with sweet whispers of how food is the new crude oil. If they’re scared to start a food business, offer yourself up as their first paying customer and let them cook.
Owambe
If you’re in Lagos, the weekdays have nothing on you. Search the nook and crannies of your neighbourhood and you’ll find an owambe to gatecrash. Just make sure you wear white so you can blend in no matter the theme of the day. Find a good spot and make yourself comfortable. If the food doesn’t come, find a waiter to tip.
People outside Lagos should target the weekend though.
Fast food chains
Just a reminder that you can still dine like a second-class king with a ₦3k budget when you walk into any franchise outlet near you. Swallow your pride today.
The house of God
Perish the idea that you’ll get small chops, coffee or even jollof because inflation has made that a thing of blessed memories. But remember, feeding your spirit is just as important as feeding your earthly body.
When you think about the cost of running a business in Nigeria, the financials come to mind first. But there are grave mental costs too, and Olayinka Ahmed (co-owner and manager of Citi Lounge) only realised this weeks after starting his restaurant.
He talks about building the restaurant from scratch, why he believes everyone is out to defraud him and how much the business has changed him in little time. According to him, he’s “lost his humanity”.
Nothing prepares you for the reality of running a restaurant in Nigeria, especially if you have zero business experience like me.
I was a freelance influencer and had never held a 9-5 before setting up and co-managing Citi Lounge — a restaurant and lounge on the Lagos Mainland — in November 2023. I’ve been at it for about three weeks, and my learnings could fill a book.
The first thing you need to know when setting up a similar business in Lagos is that you’ll need a lot of money. Money influenced the idea of owning a lounge in the first place. My friends, Joshua, Chidi, and I were more versed in the digital marketing space, but we saw an opportunity to make money with the lounge and thought, “Why not?”
We kicked off our plans in September 2022. Once we decided we were going forward with the idea, land was the next thing to cross off the set-up list. This is where money comes in. We found a spot in Surulere and took out a 10-year guaranteed lease.
The government approvals and building construction came next. Lagos State takes these approvals seriously, so you can expect multiple supervisions from agencies like LASEPA, a million documentation, and several accreditations if you ever consider setting up a lounge. This cost between ₦100k – ₦200k. It is a tedious but necessary process.
We eventually got approval to start building in March 2023. Of course, we had to deal with the area boys who didn’t allow us to build — even after government approval — until we met with their leaders and settled them. That cost a couple of millions. After we paid, they gave us a timeline to complete building or risk settling them again. We met the timeline and kicked off operations in November.
When running a restaurant business, it’s important you get adequate technical support and training from a kitchen and operations consultant. Things like getting the restaurant to have a uniform taste and portion size and other processes don’t just happen by chance. We knew how it worked, but we still had a few glitches during the launch.
A week before the official launch, we decided to do a friends-only opening to get feedback and tweak our processes as necessary. We planned for 100 people, but the invitees must have thought it was a bigger event because 600 people turned up.
Our waiters were overwhelmed and were all over the place, so many people left without paying. Maybe the invite should’ve specified that it wasn’t a “free” launch, but I expected people to know to pay for their drinks as a way to support a new business. Out of eight bottles of Glenfiddich we sold that day, we could only account for three payments. Each bottle sold at ₦92k. In total, we lost at least ₦5 million in unpaid bills that day.
The official launch wasn’t much better. We had extra temporary waiters, but the turnout exceeded expectations. I didn’t know we were supposed to have runners — people who assist waiters with sending and delivering food orders to the kitchen so the waiters don’t leave the main area. Since the distance between the lounge and the kitchen is quite small, we figured one person could do it. Ideally, one person can do it, but it’s a challenge during peak periods when a waiter is also trying to attend to and get other customers’ orders to the kitchen. The biggest problem here is that people can easily slip out without paying, and that’s what happened to us.
Thankfully, we’re past that now. Did I mention the tax payments? It’s a whole new world, and you’ll definitely need an accountant.
In Lagos, you must pay 12.5% tax on every revenue you make: 5% consumption tax and 7.5% VAT. No one tells you this before starting. The crazy thing is I can’t directly charge this to customers. We’re in Surulere; If someone knows a bottle of beer costs ₦1k somewhere else, why would they pay ₦125 extra for the same thing? So, we have to pay that off from whatever we make, not counting product loss or theft.
Speaking of theft, never forget that everyone — especially your staff — is out to defraud you. I hired someone who had been begging for a job four months before we started. He’d come to the site and practically do work as a labourer, so he’d be part of those we’d employ when we started operations. He was also very religious, so I thought I was lucky to find a God-fearing, hardworking man.
One week into employment, we caught him stealing a massive chunk of raw meat. We’d just installed a CCTV system, and surprise surprise, he was seen hiding the meat in the bin so he’d come back for it. What’s funnier is that another staff saw the meat and kept it aside, but he went and took it again.
Immediately after watching the video, my manager called all the staff together to beg them not to steal. She begged for nearly two hours and was close to tears before she was done. She also called out the meat thief in everyone’s presence. You won’t believe that after that talk, we caught yet another staff hiding multiple pieces of asun under pasta. You can’t even blame it on hunger because we give them lunch, and even a lion didn’t need that much asun. It’s just sad.
Vendors aren’t left out, too. The other day, we ran out of beer and called our direct contact at the breweries. They didn’t have what we needed, so I decided to buy from a retailer nearby. The retailer’s price was only ₦100 more than what my wholesale contact charged, which shouldn’t be the case since wholesale is meant to be far cheaper.
Curious, I asked the retailer how much he sold empty bottles, and he charged ₦1k per crate. This was the same thing my wholesaler sold to us for ₦5,400. We’d bought 85 crates from him, meaning he’d overcharged us by a whopping ₦4,400 per crate. I’m sure if I’d negotiated with the retailer, he’d have sold it for less than ₦1k. I emailed the breweries to complain, but I know I won’t get my money back. The best they’ll do is sack the wholesaler.
I’m a different person than I was a few weeks ago. Now, I know why it’s important to talk to people in this industry. The wholesaler could cheat us because he knew we were new to the business. It won’t happen again; I now know to seek several opinions and check several prices before buying anything.
I’ve also lost a huge part of my humanity. I can’t stand to see people hurt or turn a deaf ear to pleas, but I’ve realised that people are out to ruin the business. Remember the meat thief? I was advised to sack and arrest him, but he showed remorse, and I decided to give him another chance. A few days later, he started acting up again, threatening to leave the business, and I had to have him escorted out. He responded by rolling on the floor and begging to stay. It broke me, but I knew he wasn’t actually remorseful.
Running this business has also made me more analytical. I used to believe in the universe making things work for me, but the business will pack up in days if I wait for the universe now. I have to be on the ground, keeping an eagle eye on everything. If it’s not food theft, it’s waiters claiming some customers didn’t pay so they can keep the money. I hardly have time for my family or other work interests now, and it’ll probably be like this for the next six months. I hope by then, we’ll have established a culture and strict processes to ensure the lounge runs at minimal loss without my daily input.
It hasn’t been all terrible, though. I recently started sharing some of these experiences on Twitter, and people have been really supportive. We’ve had people visit the lounge just because they saw my posts and wanted to show support. Patronage has been up by 500%, and it’s a significant testament to the fact that while there may be many terrible people, there are equally as many good people out there. It’s what keeps me going.
The mainland gets a lot of heat, but there’s no denying that we have some sweet spots, and even better, these restaurants in Ikeja won’t damage your pocket.
Whether you’re looking to dine solo, or with your friends or family, you’ll comfortably walk into these spots like the true boss that you are.
The Grid
Source: TheGridLagos
You don’t have to brave the traffic of trying to get to the Island. If you’re looking for a fun-filled experience on a slim budget, The Grid has got you covered. The chefs at the upscale restaurant use traditional African recipes to create a familiar experience for visitors.
Source: Instagram (@thegridlagos)
Address: 6, Thomas Ajufo street Lagos NG, off Opebi link bridge, 100001, Ikeja.
Menu: Chicken suya, calamari strips, gizdodo, Ojuelegba tacos, apple tart, coconut creamy flakes, fried rice, jollof rice, etc.
Average spend: ₦10k per head
Perks: Karaoke night, group friendly, walk-ins.
Average customer rating: 4 stars
Yellow Chilli
Source: Ofadaa
On the mainland and looking for the Yellow Chilli experience? You don’t have to go all the way to the Island. The Ikeja branch offers the same experience.
Source: Instagram (@yellowchilling)
Address: 35, Joel Ogunnaike St, Ikeja GRA 101233, Ikeja, Lagos.
If you love Chinese food, then this is one of the restaurants in Ikeja that should be getting your money. From the interior that takes you on a literal journey to China to the traditional Chinese recipes, you’ll leave the spot a satisfied foodie.
Source: ZenGarden
Address: G.R.A, No. 60 Isaac John St, Ikeja GRA 101233, Ikeja, Lagos.
Menu: Shredded chicken in peanut sauce, barbecued pork, smoked fish, special seafood fried noodles, crispy duck, fried prawn with chilli.
Average spend: ₦15k per head
Perks: Dine-in, take-out, free wifi.
Average customer rating: 3.5 stars
Ocean Basket
Source: BellaNaija
Imagine a restaurant that’s 100% dedicated to teasing your taste buds with a variety of seafood options. That’s exactly what Ocean Basket is. You know the extra catch? They have two branches in Ikeja!
Source: OceanBasket
Address: 9, Obafemi Awolowo Way Shop U06 1st floor, Ikeja City Mall, Ikeja Nigeria.
58c Isaac John St, Ikeja GRA 101233, Lagos
Menu: Fish and chips, prawn and mussel combo, crunchy fish bites, calamari, firecracker squid, village salad, seared salmon salad, creamy seafood soup.
Average spend: ₦10k per head
Perks: Dine-in, take-out, delivery.
Average customer rating: 4 stars
Jevinik Place
Source: InfoAboutCompanies
It would be criminal if we didn’t have an elevated fine-buka experience on the mainland, but thankfully, Jevinik does a good job of representing. Think of your everyday Nigerian staple, and you’re in good hands with this mainland restaurant. They also have huge portions that will leave you bursting.
This is one of the restaurants in Ikeja that you should go to if you’re looking to eat good and have a nightclub experience while at it. Also, dress hip because you might run into your favourite celeb at either of their Ikeja braches.
Source: Instagram (@rhapsody’s_nigeria)
Address: 176/194 Obafemi Awolowo Way Ikeja City Mall.
Might not be the best choice for relationship people, but it’s great for large family gatherings. The food is good and there are many fun activities for kids.
Source: Instagram (@officialspurnigeria)
Address: 53 Isacc John St. Ikeja GRA, Lagos 100271 Nigeria
Menu: Chicken strip, calamari salad, buffalo wings, chicken and French fries, peppamelt burger, chicken and mayo pizza, seafood platter.
Average spend: ₦10k per head
Perks: Family friends, kiddies play area, free wife, take-out.
New restaurant spots spring up on the island almost every ten market days and finding the best restaurants in VI can become a chore because you’re spoilt for choices.
However, if you’re on a budget and looking to justify your spending, this list has some restaurants that deserve to get your coins.
You’ll get your money’s worth, we promise.
Nok By Alara
Source: Nok by Alara
If you fancy an experience at a contemporary high-end African restaurant in VI with a bougie-edge to it, this is your spot. Bonus point: They also have a boutique store where you can shop high-end fashion and interior decor pieces.
Source: Instagram (@NokbyAlara)
Address: 12A Akin Olugbade St, Victoria Island 106104, Lagos
Menu: Abula, suya crusted steak, ewa aganyin, plantain pancakes with braised oxtail, snail bruschetta, fried rice, etc
This is your spot if you’re looking for good food and Instagram-worthy pictures. You’ll also get a fine dining experience that won’t destroy your pocket.
Source: Instagram (@oceans5byriviera)
Menu: Savory steak with creamy mashed potatoes, sushi spread, peri peri chicken skewers, grilled shrimp tacos.
Address: 20 Elsie Femi Pearse St, Victoria Island
Average spend: ₦10k – ₦15k per head
Perks: Family friendly, Sunday buffet, walk-ins, parking.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars
Bungalow restaurant
Source: Navi
If you’re looking to take your taste buds on an exciting journey, Bungalow’s the right spot. It’s one of those restaurants in VI that you’ll love if you like sushi and love to try new things. They also offer Mexican and American cuisines.
Source: Instagram (@bungalowrestaurant)
Address: Plot 1296 Akin Adesola Street Victoria Island, Lagos 74278 Nigeria
Menu: Grilled salmon with Nigerian fried rice, Buffalo Tortilla chips, Mexican salad, Spaghetti Bolognese, rice and chicken curry, steak and chips.
Average spend: ₦10k- ₦15k
Perks: Live music show, takeout, group and family-friendly.
Average customer rating: 4 stars
Z Kitchen
Source: ZKitchen
Z Kitchen easily ranks among the best restaurants in VI and a trial will convince and not confuse you, or what’s that thing they say?
Source: Instagram (@zkitchen)
Address: Branch: 19 Saka Tinubu St, Victoria Island 106104, Lagos.
Perks: Dine-in, takeout, group friendly, smoking patio, bar.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars
Hans and Rene
Got a sweet tooth and FanYogo isn’t quite hitting the spot? You can indulge all your ice-cream/gelato cravings at this spot and will. You should make a stop, especially if you have little ones.
Source: Instagram (@hansandrene)
Address: 1a Ozumba Mbadiwe Ave, Victoria Island, Radisson Blue Hotel premises, Lagos.
Menu: Peanut butter jelly gelato, black forest gelato, pistachio macarons, sticky toffee pudding, cake slices, etc.
Average spend: ₦5k – ₦15k
Perks: Take-out, family-friendly, delivery.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars
Yellow Chilli
Source: Nightlife NG
You want to have an amplified version of your everyday Nigerian staple? Yellow Chilli should be on your radar. No, we mean it.
Source: Instagram (@yellowchilling)
Address: 27, Oju-olobun close, off Bishop Oluwole Street, Victoria Island, Lagos.
Nestled at the top floor of Mega Plaza, Craft Lagos is an open-space restaurant run by couple: Tarek and Lou Baker. It’s one of the treasures of the island; their carrot juice is to die for.
Source: Instagram (@craftlagos)
Address: 14 Idowu Martins St, Victoria Island 106104, Lagos
Menu: Goat cheese salad, roasted salmon with herbs, steak, chicken avocado sandwich, chicken pesto pasta, cold-pressed juice etc
If you’re looking to justify your lavish spending, this list has the names of the best restaurants in Lagos that will give you your money’s worth. Finding that in this city is rare, we promise.
New restaurants pop up in Lagos everyday but many of them are just aesthetics and vibes, so we’ve done all the hard work and curated a list of the best places to eat out in Lagos.
With some that scream “I have money to blow,” these Lagos restaurants should be getting your coins every day.
Check them out in no particular order:
Maison Kayser
Photo: Instagram (@maisonkayser_ng)
Nestled in the highbrow area of Ikoyi, Lagos, this restaurant comes with an offering of the best pastries you can find in the centre of excellence.
Source: NightlifeNG
Think of natural breads, pastries, cakes, Italian gelato & French bistro dishes and this is the top Lagos spot for pastry lovers.
Menu: Chicken wings, Mozzarella sticks, Nachos, Chicken Fajita Sandwich, Ginger bread, Americano with whipped cream.
Branches: Eric Kayser VI – 864A, Bishop Aboyade Cole, Victoria Island, Lagos. Eric Kayser Ikoyi – 9, Osborne Road, Ikoyi.
Average spend: N10-15k per head.
Perks: Group/family friendly, take out.
Average customer rating: 4 stars.
Ocean5 by Riviera
Source: Oceans5 by Riviera
If you’re out for some fine dining, please gather your coins and set up camp here. The world class menu here will easily transport you out of Lagos to all the beautiful countries you can think of.
Bonus point: You get to make your own pasta on Thursdays alongside a supervising chef.
Photo: Oceans5 by Riviera
Menu: Savory steak with creamy mashed potatoes, sushi spread, peri peri chicken skewers, grilled shrimp tacos.
Branch: 20 Elsie Femi Pearse St, Victoria Island
Average spend: Nn15k-N20k per head.
Perks: Family friendly, Sunday buffet, walk-ins, parking.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars.
NOK by Alara
Source: Awe Lagos
This Lagos restaurant continues to hold its own as one of the spots that gives you a mix of bougie and street realness. Whether you’re craving abula or want to get your hands dirty with a pot of nkwobi, it is the spot for you.
Source: NOK by Alara
Menu: Suya crusted steak, ewa aganyin, plantain pancakes with braised oxtail, snail bruschetta, abula,fried bean pancake with ugu, green shakshoukta, etc
Averal spend: N10- N20k per head
Branch: 12a Akin Olugbade Victoria Island, Lagos.
Perks: Walk-ins, takeout, outdoor garden, family friendly.
Average customer rating: 4 stars.
Ile Eros
Source: Bellanaija
If you’re in need of authentic Nigerian food with a modern twist, Ile Eros is the spot to be.
Chef Eros has a specially curated menu that makes you see your regular Naija staples in a new light. You know what’s even more interesting about this restaurant? They now have a branch in Los Angeles for our diaspora brothers and sisters.
The ‘kitchen’ might scare you into thinking you’re getting regular homemade meals but that is so not true. Z Kitchen easily ranks among the best restaurants in Lagos and you’ll know why when you pay them a visit.
Branch: 19 Saka Tinubu St, Victoria Island 106104, Lagos.
Perks: Dine-in, takeout, group friendly, smoking patio, bar.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars
Turaka Lagos
Source: Awe Lagos
Owned by media mogul, Mo Abudu of Ebonylife, this Lagos restaurant is a casual rooftop spot that offers you a generous view of the city. Definitely a spot to visit if you’re planning a picturesque proposal.
Are you even a Lagos big boy/girl if Shiro hasn’t gotten your coins? Nestled within the popular Landmark centre, the offerings at this Pan-Asian restaurant takes your taste buds on a trip you won’t forget in a while.
Branch: Block XVI 3 & 4 Victoria Island Oniru Estate, Eti-Osa.
Average spend: N15- N25k per head.
Perks: Fine dining, dine-in, Sunday buffet, event friendly.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars.
Ofada Boy
Source: Eat. Drink. Lagos
Think of Ofada boy as the king of the mainland. Food lovers have a love-love relationship with this restaurant because of the authentic African offerings and affordable prices. Easily one of the best restaurants in Lagos, Ofada Boy will feed you on a N5k budget.
Source: TripAdvisor
Menu: Ofada rice, village mixed ofada, seafood ofada rice, ofada kingdom, native soup, fisherman soup, jedi on the rocks, etc.
Branch: 1 Mba St, Surulere, Lagos Surulere
Perks: Private dining, family friendly, takeout, local cuisine.
Average spend: N5k-15k
Average customer rating: 4 stars.
RSVP Lagos
Source: TripAdvisor
If you want a feel of the USA in Lagos, this is the restaurant for you. Everything from the architecture and interior designs screams class. Definitely a place to come if you want to impress bae. Please, hold your bar.
Branch: 9 Eletu Ogabi St, Victoria Island 101001, Lagos
Average spend: N20k-N30k.
Perks: Dine-in, poolside bar, group friendly, private events.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars.
Cactus
Source: TripAdvisor
Cactus Lagos is another notable mention, and we promise, this isn’t mere word of mouth. Whether you’re looking to catch breakfast, lunch, dinner or intercontinental dishes, you’ll find that there’s a place for you.
Source: Travel Waka
Menu: Avocado bruschetta, crispy calamari, 9ja bites, cobb salad, norge salad, Cuban steak sandwich, teriyaki noodles, etc.
Branch: 20/24 Ozumba Mbadiwe Ave, Victoria Island.
One sure way to show people on social media that you’re enjoying Detty December is by posting pictures from fancy restaurants. Even though Nigerian restaurants cost an arm, foot, liver, beard and edges, they’re the new December concerts, and there’s nothing we can do about it.
If, like me, you’re on a small budget, here are some tips on how to get the most out of your Detty December restaurant experience without using your family’s last born for rituals.
Ditch your broke friends
Sure, birds of the same feather flock together, but don’t you want to bamba and flock with the big birds? See, if you really want to enjoy the restaurant experience during Detty December, you need to let go of the broke people in your life and elevate to the IJGBs (with their pounds and dollars) and other rich people who can comfortably say, “Oh, I have it covered,” when the bill arrives.
You can go back to your broke friends in January. If they genuinely care about you, they wouldn’t mind. A win for one is a win for all.
Become a vegetarian
Restaurant food is expensive, but you see that extra protein on top? Omo, it’ll book you a first-class ticket to SAPA-land. You don’t need to have steak or prawns, dear. Tell the chef to make pasta with onions and Indomie spices. Oh, and no one will even try to drag you because being vegetarian is a cool kids’ thing these days. #PETA4Life
Eat before you leave your house
One thing about fancy Nigerian restaurants is they’ll serve you the same portion of food they’d serve a chihuahua (and add two or three leaves if you’re lucky). Restaurants are for vibes and aesthetics, not food. So if you don’t want to be unfortunate or tempted to order dessert, better do the right thing and boil small rice before you step out.
Take pictures before the bill comes
Nothing will ruin your mood faster than getting the bill. Trust me, I’m talking from experience. By the time you’ve looked at the food bill, service charge, VAT, Tinubu charge, VPN charge and Red Cross charge, all the vim you had to take pictures will disappear. Please, don’t waste your baff-up or money. Take those pictures before the bill arrives, to avoid stories that touch.
It’s December, so you can be sure at least three or four new restaurants will open every weekend before we enter 2023. Whether you’re on the guest list or not, I suggest you find your way into those restaurants on opening day because most of the food will be free. Don’t tell anyone we told you. But most importantly, don’t you dare mention Zikoko if they catch you.
Tell people you’re on an alcohol cleanse
Who alcohol epp? Have you seen the price of cocktails these days? And all because they can light the drink on fire. No, thank you. Why pay ₦10k for a cocktail when you can buy cheap wine or make one of these crazy cocktails recommended by Zikoko writers in the comfort of your home. If people ask why you’re not drinking, tell them you’re on an alcohol cleanse or you’ve given your life to Christ.
Attend every family event
Will you have to endure your aunties and uncles asking you why you’re a single pringle? Yes. But is the food free? Also, yes. Has anyone ever died from insort? No. So, suck it up and go to big mummy’s house in Surulere for free food.
Flirt with the waiter
Like they say in Nollywood, “Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch your back.”
If you want portions that’ll fill one-quarter of your stomach and food that’ll come out on time so you can take pics for socials, you need to be on the waiter’s good side. All the shouting you’re doing to show yourself will only motivate them to spit in your food. A word is enough for the wise sha.
Our servers would be GenZs, and if we tried to tell them to wear uniforms, they wouldn’t answer us. The most they’d allow is name tags that also have their pronouns. Because you shall not misgender. If you saw someone wearing fishnets and a bucket hat, asking you what you’d like to eat, don’t be afraid, they’re a waiter.
Menus would be quizzes
The menus would be bar codes. Once scanned, you’d have to take a random trivia quiz to access the menu. If you got below five, no food for you.
You’d get the utmost fine dining experience. We’d serve meals like Eba et ketchup, Ice cream and plantain, Indonesian noodles avec okra, etc.
Foods would be named after gen-z terms
We’d have names like “Purr” for catfish and potatoes. You’d also see food named “It’s giving Nigerian babe” for seafood pasta, and “I stan”: the goated meal that is amala.
Waiters would talk to you like they’re interviewing you
Waiters wouldn’t just walk up to you, say hi and ask for your order. They’d ask follow-up questions concerning your life, your meal choice, when you come to the restaurant etc. They’d even ask you to rate your love life on a scal of 1 – 10 Because there may be a story there, and we’d write it.
There’d be sections named according to flagships
There’d be different seating areas in the restaurants named according to Zikoko Flagships: Naira Life for fine dining, Love Life for dates, Man Like for geez who just want to hang out after work, What She Said for the hot gurls, Sunken Ships for ex-friends trying to reconnect or gain closure, etc. And they would all have their unique attributes.
You’d do a TikTok dance before we let you you enter
At Zikoko, we value entertainment and fun. That’s why before you’d gain entry into our fine establishment, you’d be made to record a TikTok dance with our staff. We promise it’d be fun.
There’s a lot of conversation around ensuring topnotch customer service and overall satisfaction. Also, there’s the dragging culture when the standard is not met. After all, the “customer is always right”, right? Maybe not always.
In this article, we will be seeing things from the perspective of Nigerian waiters. Let us hear from them too, because as it is, some customers do used to move mad.
Janet, 24
Recently, there was a guy who came here and tried to stress my life. He just entered and had not placed an order yet, when I heard him shouting, “Hello! Hello! Come and clear this place!” I rushed down thinking it was a pile of dirty plates, and was ready to apologise. Only for me to see that it was one bottled water on a corner of the table he was shouting about. It annoyed me, because I had several customers to attend to and this is what he called me for?
Zainab, 21
One annoying set of customers I encounter a lot is time wasters. These people will summon you to place an order but will be so sluggish about it as if they are the only ones you have to attend to. There are even those who will ignore you and go on chatting with their friends. If it’s the other way round, I will not hear the end of it. How am I supposed to attend to you if you don’t tell me what you want?
Henry, 25
Fake alerts have been an issue ever since we started accepting transfers as a mode of payment. This is because POS can be unreliable. So, I always try to be at alert, memorise faces or insist on card payments if possible. There was a guy who made a transfer and wrote down a fake number. When I called later to inform him that we hadn’t been credited, all I could hear on the other end was an angry man speaking in Hausa. Ah! This same guy walked in two weeks later, and thankfully, I recognised him. He gave excuses about how his bank had not reversed the transfer he made and he doesn’t know why the number wasn’t correct. I made sure he paid up and then he left. Had I not recognised him, he would have gotten away with it and I’ll have a salary deficit at the end of the month.
Ade, 22
How customers react when it comes to change can be annoying. One day, a man had bought something worth 1, 100 Naira and there was no change to give him because I could not get from the bank. So I suggested he paid 1k cash and transferred the remaining 100 Naira or pay the whole 1, 100 Naira with his card instead. This man started shouting, “What kind of rubbish is this? Is this my first time of coming here?” What customers don’t understand is that it’s not a matter of being a first time customer or not. This is not my business and I have to account for the money no matter how little. Finally, he agreed to make a transfer and I gave him back his cash, but when the alert came in, it was 100 Naira I saw instead of 1,100 Naira. I thought it was a mistake, so I explained to my manager. Some days later, he came again but had on a face mask and face cap covering most part of his face. I still recognised him and drew his attention to the pending bill. Things like this just give me headache.
Ayoola, 23
One of the annoying things I’ve noticed is customers who order for Amala and cause trouble because of fork and spoon. It’s their food and they can do whatever they want, but how will you nearly want to bring the roof down for cutlery and end up not using it? Isn’t that ment? Asides that, being a waiter is not all that bad. There are customers who give tips as much as 5,000 Naira. Also, my favourite type of customers are those who call to order takeouts; they rarely stress and are usually regulars, so I know how they like their food.
Mary, 23
We’re understaffed here, and it makes the workload unbearable on some days. I double as the cashier, waiter and food server. There are times when people come in groups, I dread this because they tend to make my work harder than it already is. Say they are six in the group, you’ll finish taking an order for Jellof rice from two people only for the rest to order the same thing after saying they wanted something else. It irritates me. Why can’t you make up your mind? Meanwhile, other customers will be calling for my attention:”You’ve not attended to me!” “I’ve been calling you!””Why haven’t you brought my order?”This is why I prefer when groups make decisive orders at once. I understand that people can develop appetite for something other than planned, but it can be very stressful coming back when I should be moving on to other customers.
Kelechi, 22
Some customers think because I’m here waiting on them, I don’t have plans for my life or maybe I did not go to school. How can you just be rude, dismissive and hostile for no reason? Although, I have learnt to not let such customers get to me. I remind myself that it’s not their fault, I am only here to work for my money. Whatever issues they have that makes them act a certain way is not my business.
One of the most thriving industries in Lagos is the restaurant industry, People are always looking for where to spend money when there is rice at home, in this economy? And on that salary? Anyways, here are a few tips on breaking into this industry.
1. Make sure it’s in a hidden location
What’s fun about a place that is easy to find right? You can build at the back of ten hospitals and under a bridge if you so wish.
2. Add bistro at the end of the name
Doesn’t matter that your food is way to expensive for a bistro, who gon check you? In Sanwo-Olu’s Lagos?
3. Take nice pictures of the food you sell for instagram
It doesn’t matter that it won’t look like that in person, how will people even know?
We might judge you, but God will judge you more.
4. Go for the aesthetics
Flowers, Mud cloth pattern on the walls, nice background, good ambience. Anything to make people forget the bad food.
Yes girl, give us nothing.
5. Hire a celebrity chef
This is not for everyone but you need to be able to give people a reason to come back if your aesthetics don’t work.
of course you can also hire anyone and just add chef to their name, that works too.
6. Make everything unreasonably expensive
There is no reason why just anyone should be able to afford your food, plus how else will you pay your celebrity chef?
Wickedness must be your middle name
7. Pasta
Sell all the different types, posterity has proven that lagosians love this or why else would it be thriving?
8. Do not research
There’s no need to find out what a pina colada is or a mojito. Just put a lot of ugu in a cup and call it a day.
God airpus
9. Small parking lots
You don’t want them wasting time in your restaurant, everybody should eat and go abeg.
10. Deliver late
Anything that is worth paying above 5k for, is worth delivering late or how does that saying go?