relationships | Page 9 of 14

8 Important Things to Do if You’re Single on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is coming. And since it seems like single people are not included in the plans, here are eight important things you should do if you’re single on Valentine’s Day

1) Delete all social media apps

Every year, “me and mines” terrorise us from Easter, all through Thanksgiving and Christmas. Do you think they will not cause you pain, suffering and gnashing of teeth on the day allocated for the celebration of romance? Just delete all your social media apps, if not, whatever you see, take it like that.

2) Text your ex

If it could happen to Rihanna, it can happen to you. Text your ex and see where it leads you. Maybe your story can finally change and you’d do Happy Valentine’s Day 2023

3) Steal people’s Valentine’s Day packages

Consider it reparations for all that they do. At least they can hold each other while you hold their gifts.

4) Pray

Even if no one loves you, at least they’re always saying there’s someone “up there” that loves you. Open your heart and pray like you’ve never prayed before.

5) Sleep

If you can’t go on a date in the physical realm, might as well sleep so your the partner of your dreams can wine and dine with you. All hope is not lost, dear.

6) Check your blood pressure

All the constant thinking and tensioning isn’t good for your heart. Since Valentine’s Day is commonly represented by a red heart, you might as well check and make sure it’s working properly.

7) Hustle

Make money so that you can at least console yourself with the fact that your bank account is fatter than theirs. The money you’d have spent on Valentine’s, you can use it to buy stocks. Work smarter, not harder, or whatever it is they say.

8) Read Zikoko

No matter whether you’re single or taken, Zikoko dey for you. You don’t have to ask us; we’re already your Val. You can spend as many hours as you want with us on our website.

If you are not single and you need help planning a Valentine’s Day package for your partner, click here

[donation]

Itohan Esekheigbe

February 3, 2022

Ships

Funny, relationships, Ships, Single, valentine
How Did These 40+ Nigerian Men Find Love on Dating Apps?

No matter how old you are, navigating the ups and downs of dating apps can be quite the chore. From endless swiping to the high likelihood of being catfished — and then the conversations that eventually go to die on WhatsApp — not a lot of people make it past the getting-to-know-you phase on the app. So when these 40+ men told us they actually found love on dating apps in the year of Beyoncé 2022, you know we had to get the full gist.

“I didn’t think I’d find someone my age” — Dapo, 45

I met my girlfriend almost a year ago, after being on Tinder for about five months. My 17 year-old daughter had bullied me into signing upon the app as I’d been single since we lost her mum in 2009. I thought it was a funny app and I was judgmental of the people there because I just thought it reeked of desperation. However, all of this changed when I met Toyin, my girlfriend. She’s only a year younger than me and the best thing to have happened to me in such a long time. Would we have met randomly on the streets of Lagos? Well, we’ll never know now. But I’m so happy I took that leap of faith even though I was skeptical at first. It’s been a year and I don’t regret a thing. Let me tell you something: love is sweet.

“I was just looking for a good time and now I’m in a romantic one-chance” — Sheriff, 40

A relationship was the last thing on my mind when I came back to Nigeria for the holidays a few months ago. I’d been on dating apps for a while and for me, it was all about the sex — good time, not a long time. In Philadelphia, it worked well for me, so I thought I’d just do the same and have a bit of fun in Nigeria. That’s how I got here, opened a dating app and matched up with this babe in like a week. We met up for drinks and then I found myself hanging out with her every day after that. Imagine? All my Detty December plans in the mud because of a woman.

I don’t regret it though, she makes me so happy and I can’t imagine my life without her. I was supposed to go back in January, but my work is remote so I’m still here. I’ll have to go at some point, but for now, I’m happy and in love.

“My children and I give each other relationship advice” — Victor, 41

I met my girlfriend Pat about three years ago, in 2019. I’d been through a messy divorce just two years prior and I was scared to put myself out there again. Plus, my two boys moved in with me after their mum left the country. Deep down, I just wanted them to view me as a responsible single father, and I felt going on multiple dates would taint that image. After saying no to many matchmaking attempts from family, my younger brother convinced me to sign up for a dating app. Swiping left was difficult for me because I thought it was rude, but over time I got over it.

I met Pat around June that year and by the time the 2020 lockdowns started, we were living together. She gets me in a way that allows me to have space and just exist as my own individual. I love that; I needed that. My sons are dating as well and we have a group chat where we just talk about our relationship issues and try to figure out solutions.

“I’ve never been happier or more settled. He feels like home.” — Bassey, 45

Dating apps for queer people can be really tricky. We all know it’s dangerous because you could easily get tricked, harassed, extorted or worse, killed. But deep down, for most of us, it helps us deal with loneliness. I met my man on a popular queer hookup app. At the time, I was looking for sex, so we just became fuck buddies. People claim that catching feelings for your fuck buddy is common, but Jide wasn’t my first, so I don’t even know how it happened. We moved from sex to conversations to dates, and now we live together. I never saw myself as one of the commitment gays, but here I am in love and fully committed to one man. The funniest part is if he proposes today, I’ll probably say yes even though I know it’s not feasible .

“We work together, but we also met on a dating app” — Uzo, 43

My girlfriend and I currently work together, but we initially met on Tinder. I joined the app as a joke a while ago, but one thing led to another and I met this girl who just blew me away. I didn’t think it was going to be anything, I mean she’s like eight years younger than me and we have totally different interests, but something about the way we could talk for hours (I hate calls) pushed me to explore the potential. While figuring this out, her company acquired mine and now we’re colleagues. No one knows yet and that makes it even sexier. Are we in love? I don’t know. But I know we’re on a journey towards it and I’m so excited.

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

February 2, 2022

Man Dem

Dating apps, love, Mandem, Nigerian Men, relationships
Aunty Z!: Leave Your Boyfriend ASAP!

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and all the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.

In this episode, Aunty Z! has one thing to say and it’s “Leave him.” You’re too big, hello?????

Dear Aunty Z!

I’ve been in a relationship for more than a year. I’m still a virgin but I masturbate often. The problem is my boyfriend tried to rape me one time but he’s sorry about it. We make out but I’m so scared to have sex. He faults me sometimes and says I don’t like him as much as he likes me. I like him, but I’m scared and I think I would love to have sex when I feel safe in a relationship.

-Frances, 23, female

Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

Dear Frances,

Leave him. He tried to rape you and it means he can try it again. Especially since he’s now trying to guilt trip you by talking about how much you don’t like him.

Sex is okay but I don’t think there’s anything in particular you’re missing especially since you masturbate, so you’ve got the orgasm part covered. If your partner can’t respect the fact that you’re just not up to it, then they should be your ex partner.

-Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!

I met this guy online and we’ve been together for over a year. We were flowing through texts and calls. On his birthday, I managed to get a cake to his house through some thorough searches and still gave him a gift when we met physically. Almost a month later he asked that I be his girlfriend but called it off after 6 days. We still talk and act like we have a relationship, because he doesn’t want me with other guys and he says he likes me.

On my birthday, he didn’t call. He only sent a text like I begged for it, but I went all out on his birthday. All the times we’ve gone out, I foot the bills and I give him gifts but he never reciprocates. I always want to stop talking to him, but he always comes saying he’s sorry and doesn’t want me to leave him. I honestly don’t know what to do.

-Princess, 21

Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

Dear Princess,

Leave him. He doesn’t want you to be with other guys but he doesn’t want to date you? He didn’t even call you on your birthday? He’s always begging but never showing changed behaviour? Baby, this man wants to be in a relationship and on the streets at the same time. Leave him on the streets.

Both of you want different things out of this, and I feel like he just wants to be able to have someone. One day you’d ask him why he doesn’t do certain things for you and he’d tell you “Am I your boyfriend?” and he’d be right, because he’s not. I don’t want you to get heartbroken or embarrassed. Tell him you don’t think it’ll work out, if he comes begging, air him. Let him find who can want what he wants.

–Love, Aunty Z!

[shortcode]

Aunty Z!

January 23, 2022

Ships

Aunty Z!, relationship advice, relationships, Ships
“I Was Miserable AF” — Nigerian Men Talk About Leaving Toxic Relationships

We all know building relationships can be hard AF, but you know what’s more difficult? Walking away from a relationship you’ve invested your time and energy in. Spanning across romance, career and friendships, et cetera, these men finally walked away from relationships that weren’t serving them anymore. Here are their stories:

Priye, 28

I was involved with a woman for far too long who was carrying a lot of emotional baggage from her past. She refused to take responsibility for anything and would always find a way to blame or make me feel small whenever we had issues. I subconsciously started feeling that because I’m the man, any bump in our relationship was my fault. I was deeply insecure and all her words just kept eating at me untill I felt empty. Why did I stay? I can’t tell if it’s because I truly loved her or maybe it’s because I felt unloved as a child and this was the only version I knew, either way, it wasn’t healthy.

I eventually started seeing a therapist who helped me realise that my desperate need to be loved was blinding me from my current reality. I needed to fix myself first because the truth is, If I don’t respect and love myself, how do I expect someone else to do the same? I applied for jobs outside Abuja and eventually moved to Port Harcourt because I knew if we stayed in the same city, I wouldn’t be able to break up with her for good.

Kaodili, 22

As a gay man, having homophobic parents is one of the worst things that could ever happen to you. All my life, my parents have told me that I was a mistake, an abomination. From the moment I had consciousness, I knew I was gay and to be honest, I think my parents figured it out too. I remember my mum hitting me at the slightest chance she got. I was miserable AF. My dad, on the other hand, was too disgusted to even pretend to care. He just acted like I didn’t exist. The weird thing is that they weren’t even religious. The world hating you is one thing, but having your parents treat you like shit? Man, it hits differently.

I eventually got into university in the East, far away from them. It was the first time I felt some sense of peace and belonging, especially as I found my tribe in the school. I haven’t been home since I left and honestly, I don’t think they care. I graduate in July and once that is over, I’m moving to Lagos with my friends. I used to want my parents’ approval and love, but now I know I deserve to be surrounded by people who truly see me. As for my parents, they can choke.

Wole, 33

My work is my life. I know it’s a sad thing to say, but I honestly can’t imagine my life without two large-ass desktops facing me daily. It took me three years post-university to get a permanent job that I liked. I had sent over 1,000 CVs and prayed like crazy, but nothing was happening for me. I finally got a job and while I loved what I was doing there, my boss made my life a living hell.

I remember I would wake up every day, scared shitless just thinking about what she’d do next. She would walk in like a dementor and just suck out all the air from the room. It was her man’s company, so no one dared complain about the names she’d call us or the crazy tasks she’d assign. I didn’t want to rejoin the unemployment streets so I sucked it up for as long as I could until I just couldn’t do it anymore. I resigned, and about a month later, I saw people dragging her on Twitter. It felt good to know I wasn’t crazy.

TK, 27

You know those friends who make fun of you whenever people are around, and then gaslight you into thinking you’re overreacting? I had a friend just like that in my early twenties. He was the clown of the group, so everyone knew Jammal was funny AF. Being funny is one thing; being a funny asshole is a whole nother thing. He had this annoying habit of pointing out my flaws in front of other people, sometimes, even strangers. He would joke about my weight, my boring job, the fact that I lived on the mainland and just really petty things. He was a bully.

Whenever I pointed out that I wasn’t a fan of what he was saying, he would turn it around and make himself the victim, and make everyone look at me like I was a killjoy. The last straw was the day he made fun of my mum after my dad left us for another woman. The beating I gave him that day? Lord have mercy. It was brutal but deeply satisfying. You don’t talk shit about people’s mums. I still see him around town and he’s still terrified, which makes me feel good.

Hector, 35

I recently got a divorce and it’s still very hard for me to talk about it. We were married for seven years, and if I’m being honest, the first five were the best years of my life. As we got older, we just started to grow distant and it wasn’t anyone’s fault — life happens. The problem was that instead of finding a way to fix the obvious gap in our relationship, we pretended like it wasn’t there because we didn’t want to lose each other. But you can only pretend to be happy for so long before it becomes resentment. Over time, we just started treating each other like shit. We were both mean and I just hope our children didn’t notice any of it.

We eventually saw a therapist and after a while, we realised we’d be happier apart. I hate that it took us this long and that we let the fear of “what if” mess up our marriage. Sometimes, there’s nothing left to save. I still love her and we’re great friends now, but I’m truly glad we split . If not for us, then for our kids.

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

January 18, 2022

Man Dem

Mandem, Men, Nigerian Men, Nigerian relationships, relationships
If You Can Relate With at Least 3 of These Things, “Friends With Benefits” Is Not for You

Being in a “friends with benefits” position is like being entangled with the slightly less chaotic younger sibling of a situationship; less than a committed relationship, but not more than a friendship. There are many factors to consider before engaging in this. The first is finding out if it’s a situation you can properly function in. The rest are way too many to state here so we’ve simplified it for you.

If you can relate with at least three of the following, then chances are you can’t successfully navigate the tricky water of a FWB.

1. You don’t have friends

It’s called “friends” with benefits for a reason. As your antisocial behaviour has stunted your ability to make friends/maintain friendships,, which friendship will you introduce sexual benefits into it? Exactly. Just continue scrolling on Tiktok.

2. You are already planning matching Pyjamas for Valentine’s Day

If you’re the kind of person who already starts mentally planning your life with someone (wedding, children, divorce, Shakespeare-style joint death etc) the second they so much as smile at you, you’re not cut out for this FWB life. Hang it up.

3. Your jealousy knows no bounds

Jealousy is usually an anxious response to something you need to address. For example, if the thought of your FWB having genital meet & greets with other people makes you feel the rage of a thousand Hulks, you’re most likely in love with them, which means you have no business being in a FWB situation with them in the first place.

4. You are big on PDA

Your friends with benefits partner will not whisper sweet nothings into your ear, hold your hand lovingly, or remove imaginary leaves from your hair. Know this, and know peace.

5. You catch feelings like kilode

Literally everyone you’ve talked to being able to testify that you caught feelings for them faster than The Flash is a huge sign that the “no strings attached” principle of FWB will be an issue for you.

6. You are demisexual

If you’re someone who craves a strong emotional connection with someone before you can bump genitals with them,run away from anyone who propositions you with a FWB arrangement. It won’t end well for you.

7. You aren’t assertive

Saying yes to a FWB relationship only because it’s what your potential partner wants is a bad idea because you’ll be miserable all the time. This is why you should strongly assert yourself if a situation doesn’t serve you. Failure to do so will end with you eating breakfast in the future.

Susan Nwaobiala

January 12, 2022

Inside Life

friends with benefits, love, relationships, romance
“A Crush Will Crush You” – 8 Nigerians on Why They Hate Having Crushes

Crushes are usually described as warm tingling feelings in the stomach, but what about the dark side to having a crush? The anxiety, fear, and self-doubt? For this article, 8 Nigerians describe the motions they go through when they having a crush and why they hate having crushes so much.

Titi, 20

Whenever I have a crush, I turn into a fool. I like to think that on a regular day I am calm and collected, but having a crush throws all of that out the window. I also start imagining a life with them in the most fanfiction way possible. Crushes don’t usually work out for me, so I don’t pursue them. I’m always scared of letting myself trust because of my trust and commitment issues. The last time I had a crush was in 2020. We dated, and he turned out to be a lying, cheating bastard.

Halima, 22

I hate having crushes because I hate who I become because of them. I become awkward, shy, not confident. There’s also the part where I start making up cute scenarios that’ll never happen. Crushes turn me into a mumu that starts thinking of spending money she doesn’t have on people. I even start thinking of sleeping with them and I don’t even like sex. There was a time I slept with a man because I had a crush on him and partly because I wanted to. That is completely out of character for me because I don’t have sex with men.

I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t pursue my crushes. There’s the fact that I feel most of them won’t feel the same way or I’ll be disappointed by who they are when I get close to them. Also, I’m broke. I can’t be spending money I don’t have because of a crush.

Amarachi, 21

I absolutely hate having crushes. I am a woman who likes women, but unfortunately, I am constantly in straight circles. So, most of the women I have crushes on are straight or women I convince myself are straight. When I develop a crush, I invent a version of myself in my head that I think will appeal to them and build a whole fantasy in my head. I never actually have the guts to approach these women in person. That’s why whenever I feel like I have developed a crush on someone, I block them immediately.

Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

Anu, 20

I hate having crushes because of how consuming these crushes can get for me. I’m constantly thinking of them and ways to just make them happy. Whenever we meet in person, I get flustered, stammer, get the jitters, and can’t look them in the eye. Whenever we hang out, I try to keep them laughing so they spend the entire time with their eyes closed. That way, they don’t see how much of a mistake they’re making.

I don’t feel I am good enough, so it leads to a lot of overthinking and overcompensation. I want to be useful to them in some way, and that includes investing time I do not have enough of and money I can use to do other things. It takes a while to tell people I have crushes on them because when they eventually tell me they only see me as a friend, it’ll be a new degree of feelings to process. I prefer sticking to the scenarios I have in my head. Right now, I have a crush and I feel like I am running mad. A crush will crush you. I can’t wait for it to die down. I just want to be normal again.

John, 24

I hate the fact that the crushes are mostly in my head. It’s annoying that I can’t tell them because I am very shy, so I’m constantly worrying if they like me or not. There’s also the fact that I spend so much time having fantasies of them in my head, forgetting that there’s a real person outside of those fantasies.

I currently have a crush and as usual, they don’t know I like them. It’s long-distance and we’ve never met in person, but we talk. The conversations were good, but they’ve suddenly dried up. It’s not like I don’t want to learn more about the person, but it feels like the energy isn’t reciprocated anymore.

Tobi, 20

Crushes suck because they take a mental toll on my mind. I have a very obsessive-compulsive brain, so when I have a crush, I am extremely fixated. I’m also more prone to breakdowns and depressive episodes when I have a crush. In fact, it’s physically sickening because there is a type of chest pain that comes with having a crush.

My last major crush was on my current boyfriend and it was a deep and draining one. He’s a musician and I used to listen to his music obsessively on SoundCloud. His first major hit needed 200 plays to get to 1000 and I decided to stream the song all through the night. I didn’t know Soundcloud let people know when you streamed their music, so when he texted me to thank me, I almost entered the ground. I was mortified. One thing I realised is that crushes are way more unstable than relationships.

Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

Richard, 22

Crushes are just so annoying and inconvenient. I become a teenager and I want to spend all the money I don’t have on you. It makes no sense. I don’t like having crushes because that means more time in my day that I’ll waste thinking. Especially when I know that I won’t even talk to them or make a move. If by some miracle, I do start talking to them, I lose interest. I really suck at continous conversation and there are very few people that understand that.

Also, all that getting to know you stage is a bit pretentious for me because if I have a crush on you, I definitely already know everything you like. Everything else will just be a bonus and no matter what you say, it wont matter because I like you.

Adaeze, 20

I hate not having control, not being able to compartmentalize my feelings, and how much they dictate my mood. My happiness can become contingent on how much attention they pay me and I measure the quality of my day based on our interactions. There are also the insecurities they can bring out of me. Constantly overanalysing whether my actions are good enough or not. There’s a lot of uncertainty with liking someone because with a crush, you never really know if it’s going to end in a relationship, situationship or friendship. With crushes, I feel like a crazy person.

Itohan Esekheigbe

January 10, 2022

Ships

crush, Relationship, relationships, Ships
QUIZ: What Will Your Love Life Be Like In 2022?

Will somebody find you in 2022 or will you remain a single pringle?

Niola

December 22, 2021

Quizzes

2022, love, Love life, relationships
Aunty Z!: Be With People That Want What You Want

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

In this episode, Aunty Z! talks to a lady that plans on cheating and another one who doesn’t like the fact that her boyfriend is a swindler.

Dear Aunty Z!

I just started having sex. It is penetrative sex with one guy but I don’t particularly like it. I do it just because it makes the guy I’m sleeping with feel happy. I’m not sure if I like him or just like the fact that he likes me.

There’s this other guy I like and have been considering sleeping with, but I don’t want to get attached. I feel like I should explore more before settling into a relationship with my current fuck buddy. He isn’t open to an open relationship situation (pun intended). What should I do? Should I proceed to explore my sexuality behind his back?

– Kaycee, 21, female

Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

Dear Kaycee,

Regardless of the reason, dishonesty isn’t the best option. I encourage people to explore themselves sexually in a safe and healthy way. Safe meaning in a way that’ll minimize any of your contact with STDs or STIs. Healthy means in a way that doesn’t damage anyone’s mental health.

Your fuck buddy has made it clear that you can’t with other people. So, leave it. I mean, the sex isn’t great and you’re not even sure you like him? What’s the point then? Find a partner that also would like to open up the sexual relationship. You get to explore and you might find someone you actually like.

Go into the world and don’t forget to stay safe! Condoms and regular STD and STI testing is important.

Take care of yourself.

-Aunty Z!

Hi Aunty Z!,

My boyfriend is a swindler. I love him but I don’t like what he does. I broke up with him because of that, and with an unspoken agreement, we are back together again. What should I do? I’m also a virgin and I don’t want to have sex before marriage. He wants it though. I mean, he’s been a celibate cause of me. What do I do too?

–Purple, 23, female

Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

Dear Purple,

I love the name you chose. Purple is a very pretty colour. Now, I think this is a very clear case of being with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you. In your case, it’s prevalent in two parts.

I believe that if there’s a part of your partner you dislike enough, it’ll lead to a break up. If you come back together and that thing is still present, it’ll lead to another break up. as long as your boyfriend is still a swindler and you don’t like people that swindle, then you’d never really be happy.

Also, in the situation of virginity, one of both parties has to come to a major compromise. Either he continues being celibate, or you start having sex and you don’t sound like someone that wants to start having sex without being married first.

I think both of you should call it quits and actually stay broken up this time. You clearly both want different things out of the relationship. I advise is that you find someone with similar values as you.

-Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

[donation]

Aunty Z!

December 19, 2021

Ships

Advice, Aunty Z!, relationships
6 Nigerian Men Recall the Times they Didn’t Really Feel Like Men

Growing up as men, the world has continued to hammer on things we should or shouldn’t do as we try to “protect” our masculinity. As the world continues to change around us, we are beginning to understand what’s toxic and what isn’t. Despite these changes, some men still struggle to shake off societal standards and beliefs on masculinity. These six Nigerian men spoke to Zikoko about the times they didn’t feel like men.

Donatus, 41

I hit a rough patch financially when my daughter was just starting primary school. Before this happened, we’d had a deal where my wife took care of little things in the house, while I paid the main bills like rent and school fees. But things got so bad my daughter was refused entry into school. So, my wife had to gather the money herself and pay. My wife has probably forgotten about it now, but the fact that I’d failed at my responsibility to my family broke me. There are a lot of things I’ve connected and disconnected from manhood over the years. However, the one thing that still makes me feel less of a man is not being able to provide.

Ishaya, 30

I was super religious in university and remained a virgin up until my third year, even though I drank alcohol. After our final paper, my friends and I went out for drinks. We all picked up girls from the club and took them home. I lost my virginity that night. I regret having to pay for the sex I felt (and still feel like) shit every time I think about it. I haven’t paid for sex since then and I’ll never do it again. I don’t believe in having to pay for sex, as it makes me feel like I’ve failed as a man.

Aliyu, 33

The day I felt less like a man was the day I realised that my ex had been cheating on me with some other guy in our social circle. The cheating part hurt because I loved her, but the part where everybody knew and I was just the mumu playing love? That part messed with my head. I couldn’t go out for months and I cut everyone off. People still think it was the pain from the break-up, but for me, it was the embarrassment that stuck. I had become a joke in Lagos. Anyway, that’s why I keep serving breakfast left, right and centre. It will reach all of us.

Jeremiah, 29

Do you know how after break-ups we all assume women gather with their friends, hold hands and recite words of affirmation? Well, this was me when I went through a bad break-up in 2016. I was crying every day like somebody died and I couldn’t call my friends to join me because they would’ve slapped some sense into me. I didn’t even think it was a big deal until I came online and saw that this babe had gone to Dubai with another man while I was in Surulere weeping. It was serious first-hand embarrassment for me. People say she might’ve been sad too, but it’s my own I know. Men can cry, but crying over someone that doesn’t want you is just pathetic please. Never again.

Uzoma, 24

So I was hooking up with this girl one time and she tried to peg me. We were having missionary sex as the Lord intended, and this babe just started sliding her finger towards my butt. The next thing I knew, it was in and I liked the feeling. She continued for a bit and then asked if she could use her strap. Now, hollup! The West African in me took back control and I was like “Hell, no!” I said it in a jocular manner sha, even though I was firm, so I wouldn’t ruin the vibe. The crazy thing is that I liked it, but the toxic part of me was like, “We don’t do that ere! ” God abeg!

Tonye, 30

If you can believe it, I’m a 30-year-old closeted bisexual who still believes sleeping with other men makes him less of a man. While I had always liked women, I hooked up with this guy once after our office’s Christmas party. He was someone’s plus one that night, but went home with me. It was great and everything, but I woke up the next morning feeling like shit — it’s not like I’m religious or anything. I think it goes back to my uncle always telling me not to behave like a girl when I was a child, which is something I struggled with growing up. I rarely hook up with guys because that feeling keeps coming up. I’m seeing a queer-friendly therapist now and hopefully, I get over it and enjoy my life.

Conrad Johnson-Omodiagbe

December 16, 2021

Man Dem

Mandem, Masculinity, money, relationships, Sex, Sexuality
QUIZ: Take This Quiz And We’ll Grade Your Shot Shooting Skills

Are you a Pro at shooting shots or you’re still learning work?

Take this quiz and we’ll grade your skills.

QUIZ: How Many Shots Have You Shot This Year?

Susan Nwaobiala

December 9, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes

dating, Quiz, relationships, Shooting shots
Tension Us This Christmas by Wearing These Cute Couple Outfits

Every year, people that manage to superglue their relationship in time for Christmas always make sure to take pictures in matching pyjamas so they can caption it, “Me and mines.” Because we are tired of them rubbing this cliché in our faces, we’ve suggested 9 perfect outfits for them to wear instead.

1. Adieu Papa shirts

Nothing screams love and romance like death. This outfit is free- it’ll last longer and you don’t even have to remove it after your photoshoot. Give us single people something to look forward to. Be different.

2. Lace

It’ll be better if it’s one of those old lace styles that had many holes. And if you want to spice it up, you can swap outfits. Pyjamas are an imported trend after all, and if Yoruba movies are anything to go by, you can wear iro and buba to bed too.

3. Adire T-shirts

You can even make it yourselves and have a mini photo shoot while the dye dries up. Who knows, you might find a new hobby that isn’t oppressing single people.

4. Santa Claus and Mrs Claus costume

What could be more festive than this outfit? You can even reuse the pictures during Valentine’s day, and single people will still be pressed.

5. Suits

If you are into that sort of thing, you can create a backstory where you are coworkers to add spice to that photoshoot no one asked for. Give us drama, give us a plot. It’s the least you can do.

6. Wrapper

Who doesn’t love a good village setting photoshoot? Take us back to our roots: village palm wine tapper in a wrapper and his babe in a wrapper, holding a calabash.

7. BAGCO super sack

With a little bit of imagination, anything can be turned into an outfit. Why be boring when you can be camp? You don’t even have to sew it or anything. Just make holes for your heads. You’re welcome.

8. Leaves

Give us the Garden of Eden couture. Give us what white people thought we wore before colonisation.

9. Ghana Must Go bags

We know that you are here for the oppression Olympics but if it was a fashion competition, you would win with this outfit. We would even vote for you to win.

[newsletter]

Malakai Bassey

December 9, 2021

Inside Life

Couples, Funny, Inside life, relationships
QUIZ: Can We Guess What Your Taste in Men is?

Girls and gays — get in here, let’s tell you what your taste in men is like.

Ibukun

December 7, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes

dating, Men, relationships, Zikoko Quiz
7 Nigerians On Being In Relationships With People More Attractive Than Them

Ever wondered how the partners of really attractive people feel? We asked people how they felt being in relationships with people more attractive than them, and here’s what these seven Nigerians had to say.

Zainab, 20

I met my current girlfriend a while ago. When we met, I didn’t even think it was possible for us to date because she seemed way out of my league. When she took interest in me, I actually thought it was a joke. It’s not like I’m completely ugly, I hold my own. It’s just that she’s hot, and everyone knows it. She’s a lesbian but she pulls more men than I do, and I’m meant to be the bisexual one.

Whenever we go out, there’s always someone asking for her number or hugging her too long. I don’t usually consider myself a jealous person, but it messes with my head sometimes. She’s also extremely popular and friendly, so the stream of people surrounding her never reduce. I’ve told her about it and she assures me that she loves me, but I still can’t shake the feeling that she’d leave me for someone hotter. Maybe it’s my low self-esteem and constant projection, and I keep working on it. However, it’s not always bad. Somedays, it makes me feel good knowing I’m dating the hottest woman in the room.

Jane, 18

My ex was finer than me, and there were a lot of girls constantly following him. Instead of being jealous, it made me very proud. Everyone wanted him, and I was the only one he wanted. Plus, he never gave any of the girls any attention so I was really sure he was into me. It made me a lot more confident in myself. If a man as handsome as that could like me, then I must be a stunner.

Apart from that and having girls follow him around, dating someone hotter than me wasn’t so special. Also, our pictures always turned out amazing because I was fine and so was he. Unfortunately, the relationship ended. I went to another state and it led to us having some senseless arguments and I eventually fell out of love with him.

Adaeze, 28

My ex is way more attractive than I am. I felt so proud of myself for pulling her. Honestly, I also had some insecurities about it. Why was she with me? Did she think she was settling? However, she never made me feel less than. She may not have been very vocal about my looks but it’s because she’s just not that vocal about her thoughts and feelings.

Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

Fatima, 27

While in NYSC, my boyfriend who was also a corper is a tall fine man I met at our place of primary assignment. Then there’s me, this fat short babe. When he asked me out, I actually wasn’t shocked or taken aback. I didn’t even think of the fact that he was more attractive than me, it wasn’t glaring. In fact, the first time I took note of the fact that he was more attractive than me was when we were having issues. Some other corper babe told me “You sef, you know a guy like that can’t really be with you.” I was stunned. Especially because the cause of our problem was the fact that he cheated on me with some drop-dead gorgeous babe. It messed with my esteem for a little while and made me think that people see me as a pity date. I think that with relationships like that, it’s mostly unsolicited opinions from third parties that stir up nonsense feelings of unworthiness.

Ahmed, 23

The first lady I got intimate with was very attractive. I must admit she was what we would colloquially say out of my league. It was very esteem boosting when we took walks and I noticed people make a double-take as we passed by. The fun part was she was my sort of freaky. She would wear clothes that made you look and with her pronounced features, she got a lot of stares. It was great while it lasted, but her boyfriend started hassling her because he suspected I was breaking her back. I do admit that back shots whilst she was on a call with him wasn’t my smartest move, but we move.

Funke, 26

Most of my partners were always more conventionally attractive than me. I felt very insecure about it, and it was something we would always talk about. Then there was the fact that people were always wanting to shoot their shot and were constantly gushing about them. It used to make me feel a little lonely, and I wanted that attention for myself. I felt like if I had that kind of attention, I wouldn’t feel jealous abut the kind they were getting. I thought that if I was getting compliments like that, it would keep me busy and I wouldn’t care about the ones they got.

Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

Jumoke, 25

There is this thing where you tend to think someone is better and more attractive than you because they are lighter or white. My partner is a white man and as a black woman, I guess a small part of me is still dealing with that inferiority complex that comes from my skin colour.

[donation]

Itohan Esekheigbe

December 2, 2021

Ships

dating, Nigerian relationships, relationships
QUIZ: Why Should You Break Up With Your Partner?

Is your relationship long overdue for a break up? Take this quiz and we’ll explain why:

Miriam Onyemenam

November 25, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes, Ships

breakfast, breakup, breakups, Partner, Relationship, relationships
10 Accurate Responses To Why Are You Single?

If you’ve ever asked a single person, “ Why are you single?“, I hope your clothes get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood and someone eats the food you were saving for later. If you are single, there is a 100% chance that you’ve been asked this question once or twice. The next time someone opens their mouth to ask why you are single, here are 10 perfect responses.

1. “When people look into my eyes they don’t see my waist.”

If you don’t want stupid answers, don’t ask silly questions, period.

2. “I don’t have money.”

Being in a relationship is expensive, abeg. You will save for date night, save for birthdays, save for anniversaries, save for valentine. God said increase and multiply, not save until you die on top someone that will run you street.

3. “Your daddy refused to date me.”

If you truly want the person being questioned to stop being single, give them your daddy’s number. Since you like being in people’s business.

4. “I don’t have low standards.”

If anyone asks you, “Why are you single” and you say this, they will respect their old age and mind their business. Must everybody date people that’ll embarrass them every day on Twitter?

5. “Why are you obsessed with me?”

E reach to ask. Do you want to date me? Why do you care about my being single? What do you have against my peace of mind?

6. “I don’t like sharing my food.”

Not everyone wants to share their food for the rest of their life, some of us want to buy the cake, eat it alone and have it. Think of this next time before you ask someone “ Why are you single?”

7. “We don’t date in my village.”

What if I am the principalities and powers your mothers pray against? What if I’d steal your destiny if we date, are people not afraid anymore?

8. “My kinks scare people.”

It’s always “Why are you single?” and never “ I want to tie you up and hold a knife close to your neck”. If you didn’t want to know that, you wouldn’t have asked a stupid question.

9. “I eat Semo.”

“Why are you single?” It’s because I eat semo. I am a cultist, the dating pool for people like me is tough okay.

10. “I don’t have lower body strength.”

All of you doing relationship things are energetic as fuck. Every day, a new sex position gets released unprovoked and you all want to kill someone’s child in the name of practising it, Abeg dear, just allow me to be single in peace and stop asking rubbish.

[newsletter]

Malakai Bassey

November 25, 2021

Ships

Funny, relatable, relationships, Ships, Single
8 Detty Lies Nollywood Told Us

There were certain lies Nollywood told us about life growing up that made us real disappointed when we grew up. They didn’t exactly say that these things would happen of course but isn’t art supposed to imitate life? Where was the inspiration coming from? Why did they become tropes? Read on to find out the 8 detty lies Nollywood told us.

1. You can be offered money to break up with people’s kids

This one hurts the most because we could have gone through this life without any expectations but Nollywood just had to lie. One day you wake up and you’re 25 and nobody has offered you millions of naira to leave their son alone. Nobody has given you a visa to leave this country or bought you a house in another state with a six-figure job. Turns out that no one likes their kids that much.

2. Unilag babes will pass their sugar daddies to you

In this economy that everyone is struggling to find one sugar daddy, nobody will randomly offer you theirs, know this and know peace. If you can’t find one on your own, all the best to you.

3. People will offer you drugs as if it’s Vitamin C

Nollywood movies made it seem like people would walk up to you unprovoked to offer you drugs. Like sardine and plantain, everything is expensive now. Your friends won’t casually offer you brownies when they buy them anymore. It might happen once but if you say no, no one will keep offering it to you. What do we know sha, we don’t do such things.

4. Your friends will be a bad influence

Every young person who got into university eventually joined bad gang. No self-awareness at all, because what if you are more likely to influence other people’s kids badly?

5. Evil people eventually get punished

Karma is not real. The sooner more people realise this, the easier it’ll be to get over it. People do bad things all the time and get away with it, especially in Nigeria where the people who have been put in positions of power to keep people accountable commit the most offences. Nobody is going to run mad because they were evil.

6. Every old person is wise

It turns out that having white hair and managing to live past forty doesn’t mean that common sense will find you. Old people do and say some of the stupidest shit all the time. It’s not by speaking in proverbs all the time. “Mumu dey follow person reach old age”.

7. All stepmothers are wicked

Why didn’t the Stepmothers Association of Nigeria never organize a protest? In those days, once a storyline involved a stepmother, 99% of the time, you knew she was going to be wicked. But in real life, people grew up with their biological mothers and were still traumatised; people also grew up with the best stepmothers. Na wa.

8. Once you leave the village and go to Lagos, you will “make it”

Nollywood had village losers travelling from their villages to Lagos hoping that they would make it and coming back millionaires in 2 years. Omo, if you come to Lagos now, all you’ll get is a huge dent in your bank account and plenty of heartbreak.

[newsletter]

Malakai Bassey

November 24, 2021

Inside Life

Funny, Inside life, Nollywood, relationships
7 Romantic Ideas For People In Long-Distance Relationships

Navigating long-distance relationships can be really tough and figuring out how to involve your partner in your daily activities can also be a hard nut to crack.

We’ve helped put together a list of romantic ideas for people in long-distance relationships.

1. Set up movie dates.

Set up movie dates and sleep off during the movie. That’s what you’d have done if you were watching it physically with them anyway, so why not do it virtually too? Make sure you are on a call when the movie is on so they can hear the sound of your gentle breathing and feel like you are physically present with them.

Image used for descriptive purpose

2. Make playlists for each other.

Making a playlist for your partner is a cheesy way to keep them thinking of you. It also lets them know the kind of music you are interested in and you guys get to share songs you both like. You can listen to the playlist together and do virtual karaoke.

Image used for descriptive purpose.

3. Virtually take each other to your favourite places.

Virtually involve your partner in your favourite things. Take them to concerts with you, to art galleries with you, even the toilet. We know this doesn’t replace orgasms, but it makes them feel close and involved and that’s also nice.

4. Get random gifts and have them delivered to your partner.

A random gift can involve a new child with the person you are sleeping with within your area code. A baby is a perfect “I saw this and thought of you”, after all, you kuku call your partner baby and a physical baby will make you feel closer to them. We all know children are a gift.

5. Reassure them that distance isn’t an issue and remind them of how much you love them.

Reassure them that even though you are sleeping with not less than 10 people in your area code, they are still the 1 for you. Let them know distance won’t make you stop loving them and many other people.

6. Buy them sex toys.

Buying them sex toys means only one person in that relationship gets to have sex with other people and you have taken up that very hard task. How are they going to love you less when they know you are doing a lot of heavy lifting?

7. Do a little prostitution to raise enough money to travel to meet up with your partner.

Emphasis on a little prostitution. The level of the prostitution must not be high enough to make you catch feelings for the person you are prostituting with, you must keep the endgame at the back of your mind. Only prostitute to raise money to meet your partner wherever they are.

Ibukun

November 19, 2021

Ships

Dates, dating, long distance relationship, relationships, romance
Ask Aunty Z!: Don’t Keep Your Partners In The Dark

Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

Today, Aunty Z! gives advice to a man in love with two women, a woman who stopped enjoying sex with her husband, and Stanley from last week who has some more things to clarify.

Dear Aunty Z!,

There’s this girl that I liked a lot a few years ago, let’s call her Ella. When I made a move back then, she was in a relationship and didn’t like me that way. Some months ago, we met and it’s safe to say it was love at that sight. Now she’s single and we’ve been seeing each other for a while now. We really love and want to be with each other.

The problem now is I’m currently in a long-distance relationship. I still have feelings for my babe and I feel it’ll hurt her real bad if I leave her to be with someone else. I’m in a dilemma and I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been seeing Ella and our feelings for each other just keep growing, and that has taken a toll on my relationship.

Ella really wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her but now she’s running out of patience and I understand that. I don’t want to rush and make hasty decisions based on emotions. I don’t want to lose Ella (again), but honestly, I also don’t feel like it’s the right time to call things off with my babe yet. Please, I need advice.

Jared, 23

Click here to send Aunty Z your relationship problems

Dear Jared,

It seems you want to eat your cake and have it. You somehow want to keep your current girlfriend and continue seeing Ella. Haba na.

You say you don’t want to hurt your girlfriend by leaving her to be with someone else, but you’re cheating on her. I don’t think she’d enjoy being cheated on either.

I want you to weigh your options. Sit down with yourself and list all the reasons staying with your girlfriend will be a good idea, and then list all the reasons why giving this relationship with Ella a chance is a good idea. If you choose your girlfriend, you have to let her know about Ella and then she’d decide if she wants the relationship to continue. If you realise that being with Ella is what your heart wants, then you should call things off with your girlfriend immediately. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship with someone who has one leg out the door.

I wish you the best of luck in whichever relationship you decide to pursue. Let me know how it works out for you.

Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

I am no longer sexually attracted to my husband. He does not turn me on at all. I am not even interested in making any effort anymore, I just lay there and let him finish.

I buy lube a lot. I am not going to deny him every time just because I don’t feel a thing no matter what he does, nor do I want to get hurt while he is at it. I get irritated when he tries to touch me anywhere because it’s simply a waste of both of our times, he just doesn’t turn me on.

I wasn’t like this when we got married 6 years ago. He was a virgin, I wasn’t. The very sight of him turned me on back then. I would seduce him in crazy lingerie, wake him up with blowjobs, walk in on him in the washroom and fuck him mindless. He was a lazy lover even then, no imagination, or initiative. I think I got tired of trying to get him to be more sexual than practical and I became numb somehow. He could walk around me now with a hard-on all day long and I wouldn’t feel anything but a slight irritation.

I don’t know why I am writing to you. Perhaps I want a solution? Outside this, we’re both great, I think. He’s sexually miserable for sure, and keeps talking about how I have changed.

Eni, 31

Hey Eni,

I know what it’s like having a lazy sexual partner, and it can be absolutely frustrating when you know there’s a potential for amazing sex, but they’re not just putting in the effort.

It seems to me that both of you realise there’s a problem with your sex lives. He thinks you’ve changed, and you feel he’s not doing enough to excite you. You used to enjoy seducing him and all the fun things you came up with, but you got tired of doing all of the work. You should bring that up with him, and also tell him the kind of things you like. Think back to the top five sexual experiences you’ve had. What made them so great? Why not recreate some of those scenarios.

I think your solution is quite simple. Remind him that sex is not something done to you, but something both parties are meant to enjoy. With what you’ve described, it sounds like he’s using you as a sex toy, and that’s not what we want.

His laziness means he didn’t have a chance to explore you and what you like, so tell him you need more of that. Also, don’t throw out the lube. You’d need it, especially if things go well. You can never have too much lube.

Love, Aunty Z!

Dear Aunty Z!,

It’s Stanley again. Thank you for your advice. I just wanted to add some details and provide some clarity. The man she’s in love with is the one I want to shag with her. I suspect he’s bi because he registers strongly on my gaydar and the last time he came to visit because my wife is the godmother to his first son, he reached out to embrace me and almost kissed me. It’s not officially open because she’s in denial about her feelings for him and it caused a row for a while when I found out and confronted her. So now she’s very careful and I am waiting patiently for a slip. A conversation won’t work because she would simply deny her sexuality or emotional love for the other guy. Another way would be to initiate a threesome with the guy and see where it goes. Any tips?

Stanley, 35

Click here to send Aunty Z your relationship problems

Hey Stanley,

Thanks for writing back. First things first, your confidence in your gaydar is admirable. But even though, Stanley. Even though. I still think it’s not that simple.

Also, something about “waiting patiently for a slip” feels like we’ve entered weird territory, my friend. This situation is starting to feel unhealthy for the both of you.

I’m for the idea of suggesting a threesome because at least you guys will talk, but I think you need to not press on about her loving this guy. Try as much as possible to create a safe enough environment for a conversation about her emotions or sexuality.

You should also be okay with letting this go. It’s a possibility and something you should consider.

Love, Aunty Z!

Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!

[donation]

Aunty Z!

November 14, 2021

Ships

Advice, Aunty Z!, relationship advice, relationships, Ships
QUIZ: Who Cheats In Your Relationship?

Are you the cheat in your relationship or is it your partner that does the cheating? Find out who cheats in this quiz:

Miriam Onyemenam

November 11, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes, Ships

cheater, Cheating, cheating in relationships, dating, dating in nigeria, Relationship, relationship advice, relationships
10 Gender Neutral Pet Names For Your Partner

Contrary to popular belief, you don’t have to be in a queer relationship to have gender-neutral pet names for your partner, If anything, it helps normalise this for queer people. You also score big with your partner for trying to validate them by coming up with a cute pet name. Typically, the best way to go is to ask them what feels comfortable for them. However, if you keep coming up blank, this list will help.

Here are 10 gender neutral pet names other than “partner”.

1. Significant Other

This is a sweet but not-so-soft pet name that shows your partner that they are important to you. It’s endearing and is the perfect gender neutral pet name for people who want their partners to feel like very special coworkers.

2. Love Tyrant

Love has a tyrannical way of walking into your life and making a home there, so it’s fitting to call your partner this, plus it’ll make them laugh. If you want to get more specific, call them Love Hitler. Go crazy with it.

3. Cuddle Buddy

After serious research, we’ve come to the conclusion that 90% of being in a relationship is just cuddling, which is why this is the perfect gender-neutral name for your partner.

4. Hoodie Thief

Imagine being in a restaurant and saying “Hoddie thief, pass the bread.” It’s a funny pet name and also addresses a real problem. Maybe, just maybe they’ll stop stealing your hoodies. Either that or they don’t have shame, and this will just make them steal more.

5. Food thief

If you have that partner that never wants anything to eat when you’re buying food but their appetite returns from war when you’re eating, you can’t go wrong with this pet name. Call them this or exactly what they are; Long Throat.

6. Blood circulation restrictor

There should be an award for the people in relationships that give up their hands in the name of cuddling. If you are always the big spoon, here’s the perfect gender-neutral pet name for your partner. This also works if you two like to choke each other. Just don’t overdo it because then the surviving one would have to change their name to “murderer.”

7. Boss

What do you call the person at work that orders you around? Boss. It’s only right that you also reserve that name for the person who orders your heart around.

8. My inevitable social suicide

Some people get into relationships and never leave their houses again. They just chill with their partners inside until they break up. If this is you, you are welcome.

9. My side quest

If you are in a relationship where you guys enjoy each other but don’t expect anything more from each other, then this is the perfect pet name. These types of partners don’t influence your life positively or negatively. In the end, it’s all love. Or whatever you two want to call it.

10. Supreme meme overlord

This is the partner that sends you all the funny posts they come across online. The basis of your relationship is that they send you funny memes to make you happy… It’ll make you laugh every time they call and your phone reads out their name.

QUIZ: Can We Guess Your Biggest Pet Peeve?

[donation]

Malakai Bassey

November 8, 2021

Ships

cute pet names, Funny, relationships, Ships
6 Ways To Stop Your Friends From Stealing Your Man

Are you worried your man is too hot and that his heat might attract your friend and make them want to steal him from you? Don’t worry, babes. We’re here to help.

1. Invite your friend into your relationship.

They can’t steal what is theirs too. Them being in the relationships means your man is safe and secure on both sides. You can rest your mind knowing he’s getting enough love from you and your sister/girlfriend.

Image used for descriptive purposes.

2. Put a “DO NOT STEAL” tag on his forehead.

That way, anyone who comes close to him will know he’s not available to be stolen. Anyone who tries to steal him after seeing that tag should be reported for being a hardened criminal.

3. Shrink him and keep him with you at all times.

You can consult the MCU for how to change him to Ant-Man. Better still, just visit a local Babalawo for this one. No one is going to steal what they can’t see. Even if they try to steal him, shrink him to a microscopic level.

4. Date your friend.

This is different from inviting your friend into your relationship. In this case, you are dating a friend that might want to steal your man and potentially reduce their greed. Don’t think too much about it. It makes sense.

5. Don’t have friends.

No friend is going to steal your man if the friend doesn’t exist. Let your man be your only friend. Is it unhealthy? Yes. But at least, you’ll have peace of mind.

6. Steal your friend’s man first.

The best defence is a good offence. Stealing your friend’s man first is good character development for both of you. A real friend is going to learn how much it hurts and not want to do the same thing to you.

Ibukun

November 3, 2021

Ships

adulting jokes, friendships, Funny, relationships
QUIZ: Answer These Relationship Questions And We’ll Guess Your Zodiac Sign

We can guess your zodiac sign from your relationship opinions. Try us:

Miriam Onyemenam

October 27, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes

dating, Relationship, Relationship Status, relationships, zodiac signs
7 Reasons Why The Talking Stage Should Be Eliminated

I am very anti talking stage. They’re exhausting, and I’d rather have my mind read because I no longer have the energy to talk to any potential romantic partners.

Here are 7 other reasons why the talking stage should be eliminated.

1. It’s very pretentious.

People lie a lot during the talking stage. You might say you don’t do this but that itself is a lie and Jesus wants you to do better. Why do people feel like they have to lie when getting to know someone? You can’t keep it up forever. Your true colours will show eventually. The whole thing is so ghetto.

2. All the information you know about them becomes irrelevant when you guys no longer talk.

You guys stop talking and then you’re stuck with so much data about them that you don’t know what to do with. It’s so annoying.

3. Failed talking stages can leave you traumatized.

The trauma from another failed talking stage is actually a real thing, you start wondering why you keep attracting all sorts of crazy people. Even worse, you start wondering if you’re the problem, leading to a nervous breakdown.

If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

4. No one needs to know that much about you.

If you need to be in a talking stage, please, keep information about you very minimal. You don’t know who’s a psycho who’ll use your data to track and harm you. Sorry, this one is a little dark, but it’s my trauma manifesting.

5. The more talking stages you get into, the more tired you become.

For real though, a talking stage is going to age you drastically. Spending so much energy talking to potential love interests can take a lot of years off your life expectancy.

6. Talking stages give off Nigerian Idol audition vibes.

If you’ve ever watched an episode of Nigerian Idol, you’ll know this isn’t a good thing. Talking stages are like auditioning to get picked by subpar people [you might be a subpar person to someone, to be honest], and that’s absolutely sickening, and not in a good way.

7. Anyone who doesn’t love you, at first sight, is not the one for you.

Ignore whatever you’ve heard in the past. Love, at first sight, is the greatest form of love. Don’t go around quoting me, though. Just take my word for it. Anyone who needs to know you deeper before falling in love with you is only in your life to waste your time. Period.

The more I think about this, the sicker I get. The Talking Stage needs to be eliminated, and it needs to be abolished now.

Ibukun

October 26, 2021

Ships

dating, relationships, talking stages
6 Ways To Find A Boo Without “Eating Breakfast” First

The term “eating breakfast” doesn’t mean having your first meal of the day. Nope. It’s a slang that means getting hurt by men and women, left, right, and centre. And one thing you need to know about the streets is, there’s a lot of breakfast to go around.

Here are a few ways to find a boo without chopping breakfast first.

1. Serve the breakfast.

Tap into your inner chef and serve piping hot breakfast to everyone you come across. Just remember that karma is real and someone might come along in the future and serve you breakfast so intensely you might die. But don’t worry about that now. You’ll cross that bridge when you get to it.

2. Have a new partner every business day.

See a new person every day so they won’t be in your life long enough to hurt you. It’s also a really good way to test the waters and learn the kind of crazies roaming the street these days.

3. Make your prospective partner take a personality quiz.

Make sure they take a “how crazy are you” quiz. Watch them while they take it so they won’t cheat and send you the wrong results. Anyone who gets a high score on that quiz will make your life miserable and anyone who gets a low score will be very hard to trust because there’s always the chance that they’re a fucking liar and a dirty bitch.

4. Have a person whom you willingly get breakfast from.

A breakfast you ordered yourself is always better than a breakfast served, at least you’ll know you willingly went to collect it with your own hands or in this case genitals.

5. Stay at home and download your future partner from the internet.

Staying at home to mould or download your future partner saves you the stress of aimlessly roaming the streets and getting served heartbreak, like an overpriced meal from a Lagos restaurant.

6. Stay in your house.

Don’t bother roaming the streets because you can be on your own taking a stroll minding your business and the breakfast will still come to you. That can’t happen if you never leave your house. Staying in your house will reduce the number of wicked men and women you’ll meet in your lifetime. Unless of course, they live in your compound. That’s a story for another day.

Ibukun

October 21, 2021

Inside Life

breakfast, Funny, Nigerian Slangs, relationships
7 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date A Libra

Since Libra season is almost over what better time to drag them in the mud for their wickedness? Then again, what do you expect from a sign that is close to Scorpios? Here are 7 reasons why you shouldn’t date a Libra.

1. They are indecisive

Libras are very good at avoiding making decisions. It’s a bit cute at the beginning of the relationship when they make you choose where you’d go on dates until it becomes annoying when they cancel date plans every week because they can’t choose.

2. They prefer the idea of love to love itself

Libras are in love with the idea of love. They love grand gestures and thoughtful gifts and every love language is their love language. Ask them to commit to you and watch them panic.

3. They can switch up on you anytime

Libras can seem really sweet but when they lose it, the best thing to do is run. For people who claim to be very balanced, their emotions either burn hot or cold and there’s no in-between.

4. It’s hard to be annoyed with them

Don’t bother trying to get annoyed with a Libra because it won’t last long. One minute you are pissed but then you see them and start wondering if what you were annoyed about was that important. Is that not witchcraft?

5. They are always flirting

Libras will flirt with everyone they meet. The worst part is that to them, they are just being friendly. They are so smooth with it, everyone could gain to learn a thing or two about flirting from them.

6. They will break your heart

They will destroy your heart into a million billion pieces. When they are over a relationship, there’s no amount of begging that can change their minds. It’s the one time they aren’t indecisive and it’s for wickedness.

7. They are bad communicators

Especially Libra men. Communication, who that? These guys would rather chew jeans than talk about how they are feeling. They hate the possibility of conflict more than anything. Wahala for anyone that wants to date a libra

[donation]

Malakai Bassey

October 18, 2021

Ships

Astrology, Libra, relationships, Ships, zodiac signs
QUIZ: Which Fruit Describes Your Love Life?

Oh, you didn’t know a fruit could describe your love life? That’s why we’re here for you.

Take the quiz:

Miriam Onyemenam

October 15, 2021

Long Throat, Quizzes

Food, fruits, fruits and vegetables, love, Love life, relationships, Ships
QUIZ: Are You Faithful Or Just Undesirable?

Are you really faithful or are you just unwanted? Take the quiz:

Miriam Onyemenam

September 28, 2021

In Your Feels, Quizzes

Cheating, Relationship, relationships
5 BBNaija Ships That Sailed And Crashed This Season (6)

This 2021 BBNaija season, we’ve seen a lot of ships sail and sink in the 8 weeks the show has run for. Some of them seemed like wrong matches from the get-go and we were just waiting for the crash. But others actually held promise so it was sad to see them fail.

Here’s a list of 5 BBNaija ships that sailed and crashed this year.

1. Angel and Sammie

This ship gave a lot of viewers anxiety because they were a terrible match from the start. It was like “Layrica” reincarnated. Angel said time and time again that she liked Sammie as a person but they didn’t connect mentally enough for a relationship. Sammie on the other side wanted her to tone down her personality and be less “flirty” with other male housemates. What eventually broke this camel’s back was the fact that Sammie kept trash talking Angel to other housemates. As predicted, everything came crashing down in a heated shouting match between the two.

2. Maria and Pere

This seemed like a recipe for a volcanic eruption from the very start. Funnily enough, of all the housemates they both seemed like the only ones capable of handling each other. And who better to match an overly cocky Pere if not an equally headstrong Maria? However because “cocky and, “headstrong” is not a sustainable match, this romance could not survive the few weeks Maria spent in the house. Rumour has it that the first thing Maria did after she left the house was to block Pere on all platforms. We can’t say we are surprised.

3. Boma and Queen

Queen and Boma seemed like a good match at first, she’s hot and he’s tall. But with time Boma started showing the other housemates and viewers his true colours and those colours were not really pretty. Between him constantly chanting his “Okro nation” slogan and his entanglement with Tega, what he had with Queen quickly went to dust.

4. Crosskay – (Cross and Saskay)

T

People liked the idea of a Cross and Saskay match because the narrative of a bad boy being “tamed” by the good girl sounds cute and grand on paper. But it doesn’t always work well in reality and in this case, it did not. Confronted with the options of Cross a bad guy, or Jaypaul, Saskay made her choice and that choice was not Cross.

5. Honourable mention: Whitemoney and JMK

Our honourable mention is Whitemoney and JMK. For a moment there Whitemoney and JMK were discussing the possibility of a “Friends with Benefits” type of arrangement. But because housemates propose and viewers dispose, we didn’t get to see what became of that conversation. JMK got evicted that week.

Did we miss any BBnaija ships? Tell us in the comments.

Read other BBNaija articles HERE.

Blessing Onyelobi

September 20, 2021

Pop

bbnaija, BBNaija 2021, BBNaija Angel, BBNaija Boma, BBNaija Cross, bbnaija maria, bbnaija pere, BBNaija Sammie, BBNaija Tega, BBNaija Whitemoney, relationships, whitemoney
4 Nigerians Talk About The Most Dramatic Things They’ve Done After A Breakup

People move on from relationships in many different ways. Some people move on in less dramatic ways and some move on in more dramatic ways than others, in hopes to make their ex-partner feel hurt too. The people in this article chose the more dramatic ways to move on. They talk about the most dramatic things they did after a breakup.

Jojo

Image used for descriptive purpose

I burnt his clothes. He left more than half of his stuff at my place and he didn’t think they were worth coming back for and that pissed me off. My reaction was to burn his clothes with me in the room. I think I hoped I’d pass out from the smoke or something. I just sat there in my smoky room and watched them burn.

We dated for 15 months before we broke up.

Femi

I was neither the heart breaker nor the heartbroken, but I was an active participant in the dramatic reaction to the heartbreak. I, however, got permission from heartbroken to share this. This event happened in 2001.

My friend got heartbroken by his girlfriend who was in a class higher than his at the time. After the breakup, he took me and two other guys to her room in the school hostel. He drove us in a minibus. We emptied her room. Each of us left her room with a different item. Imagine four big men going into the female hostel and coming out with one item after another. We took a small CD player, bookshelf, mattress, a few shoes (which of course had been worn) and the linoleum carpet which came off last and even the foam underlay. It was a complete rout. The only thing left in her room were her books and clothes and her small camp gas cooker.

All of this happened because he found out she had another boyfriend. When she was asked to pick between him and her other boyfriend, she chose the other boyfriend. She married the other boyfriend, who turned out to be the better choice.

Many years after the incident and my friends and I still laugh about how silly and dramatic the breakup was.

Tunde

I found out she was dating me and juggling a few other people while accusing me of cheating. The discovery made me decide to sleep with the girls she had accused me of flirting with. By the time I had slept with 4 out of the 6 women she accused me of flirting with, I realized I had done enough. She found about it from her friends, and although she was married already, the news still got her very upset. Her anger left like a shot of adrenaline in my soul. I do not think my reaction to the breakup was extremely dramatic.

Ella

I met a guy named John on Facebook in 2016, but I was dating someone at the time. John and I didn’t get to meet ourselves that that year because he was in the east and I was living in Lagos. We still had not met when we started dating in May 2017. I had fallen so in love with him and I was sure he was in love with me too because I was already dreaming of spending forever with him.

In 2017, I applied to uni, but I didn’t get in. John got me a form to attend the university he was and I got in. My admission finally came through in 2018 and I could finally meet him to being our love story. The love story wasn’t as blissful as I expected because just 3months after I got into the University we were already broken up.

I was so shattered. We already had sex and I still held on to the fact that he was my first sexual partner. I was sure I was going to spend forever with him. The madness and obsession started after we broke up. I felt shattered and broken because of how much I tried – I could not imagine not being with him.

The first step was stalking him all over social media looking for ways to get to him. We chatted a few times, but that wasn’t enough for me. I knew what I was doing to myself wasn’t healthy and I needed to move on so I started seeing other people, but I was still miserable. The stalking went on for a little over a year before I stopped.

I eventually met another guy on Facebook who looked a lot like him. We started talking and we eventually got together. I did all of this to make my ex-boyfriend jealous and I guess it worked because my ex tried getting back with me. He didn’t have good reasons for wanting to come back, he just wanted to have sex with me.

Ibukun

August 26, 2021

Ships

breakups, dramatic, Heartbreak, relationships
7 Ways To Consensually Join Other People’s Relationships

Joining loving and functioning relationships takes the burden off you to build one by yourself. Here are a few ways to consensually join other people’s loving and functioning relationships.

1. Become besties with one of them.

Emphasis on besties and nothing more. The aim of becoming besties with one of them is so your name can come up in conversations a lot of times. That way, your name gets stuck in the consciousness of the other partner. Step 1 – done and dusted.

2. Make a playlist for your bestie.

Make sure your playlist taps enough for them to share it with their partner (your future second lover). Music apps always come through when making a playlist, all you need to do is start with one solid song.

3. Buy some food for the male lover.

Everyone knows that Nigerian men love food more than anything else in this life. Make sure you buy the food for him. Do not cook for any grown man so he won’t expect you to do the same when you eventually join their relationship.

If you’re into memes, check out this mind-blowing Nigerian meme site we created. Click Here

4. Never come off too strong.

You are trying to consensually join their relationship not appear like a desperado. Enjoy being friends with them, take it as the talking stage. Do not do more than yourself.

5. Go to a fortuneteller’s place.

Yes, fortune-teller, not babalawo. We are recommending a fortune-teller and not a babalawo so you won’t get carried away and ask the babalawo for jazz. Whatever the fortune teller says is what you should listen to.

6. Pray about it.

You can pray to whatever god you believe in. Making space for yourself in other people’s relationships require forces more than yourself. The only time joining other’s people’s relationships doesn’t require work is when a Nigerian man adds you to his marriage without letting his wife know.

7. Tell them that you want to be part of their relationship.

Summon courage and audacity from 20 Nigerian men, that should be enough to help you through this stage. Let them know the advantage of you joining their relationship. You guys won’t be the first throuple and won’t be the last either.

Please note: If you take our advice, whatever your eyes see, just take it like that. Let it not be like we didn’t warn you.

Ibukun

August 26, 2021

Ships

consent, love Relationships, relationships, Ships
6 Tips On How To Get Over Someone

Getting over people isn’t the easiest thing, so it’s no surprise that not everyone knows how to get over someone. We’ve all had a period where we’ve had to do it. Sometimes it’s someone we were never even in a relationship with. Being the absolute sweethearts that we are, we’re going to tell you how to get over someone.

1. Accept it

You have to accept the fact that things have changed between you and them. There’s not much else you can do. Don’t fight it, just accept it. You might feel like it’s the end of the world, but it’s not. People might think crying is bad, but not really. Cry if you have to. Some kinds of tears reset your brain.

2.Talk to your friends

Talk to your friends, your mum, your therapist, anybody you’re comfortable with really. Just talk to someone. They might troll you a bit, but they’ll be there for you at the end of the day. This is also great for when you need someone to keep you in check and to prevent you from texting them.

3.Block them

If seeing them on social media is too much for you, block them. Nobody will beat you. And for goodness sake, don’t stalk them after blocking them. You can also delete their number so you won’t be tempted to call or text them. Deleting pictures and messages is a huge step too. No looking back at old messages and getting in your feelings.

4.Go out more

If the other steps don’t work, start wearing less and going out more. One, two or ten nights of partying or going to the movies should help. Meet new people, party, go to a bookstore, go to the beach. Anywhere that means you’re not locked in your room is fine. Just go out.

5.Distract yourself

Find ways to distract yourself. Start working out, start a new project, find new hobbies, watch TV more. That game night you’ve been planning on hosting for four months? Now is the time to host it. Honestly, the list is endless. There will always be something to distract you.

6.Be kind to yourself

Accept the instances where you were wrong and work on them, but be kind to yourself. Don’t let the situation define you. And most importantly, remember that there’s no shortage of good people in the world. You’ll meet someone else eventually.

QUIZ: How Quickly Do You Move On From Relationships?

Do you move on from relationships with the speed of light or are you Whitney Houston? Find out here.

Tuntamilore

August 19, 2021

Ships

Relationship, relationships
6 Nigerians Talk About The One Who Got Away

Aminat, 22

Last year, I stumbled on the friend of a guy I dated about five years ago. He looked really familiar, but I couldn’t quite place the face. I had turned back to stare a couple of times and had decided if I turn this last time and he’s still there, I’d walk up to him. When I turned slowly, I didn’t see him anymore and I took that as a sign from the Universe. A few seconds later, someone tapped my shoulder and it turned out to be him. We kicked things off from there, and our first date was super intense. The sexual energy was 101%, and we discovered we had crushes on each other before I dated his friend.

After multiple conversations about the obvious fact that we were into each other and wanted this, he explicitly told me it couldn’t work because I’m his friend’s ex. It infuriated me because I wasn’t even speaking to my ex at all, but this past presence in my life is still denying me some form of happiness. I truly mourned what would’ve been, but he and I still talk.

Yinka, 25

I met him on Twitter this year, around May. We didn’t talk much at first, but that didn’t take long to change. When it did, the connection was a lot. We shared the same values, had a lot in common, and it was obvious where it was headed. However, I wasn’t ready to be in a relationship. I told him and he seemed okay waiting. One time, we had a little misunderstanding and I stopped hearing from him. It took me a little while to reach out to him and by the time I got around to it a bit more than a day later, he had moved on.

It turns out he’s had previous experiences with waiting to be with someone and felt we were headed the same way.
He told me he couldn’t keep waiting for me to decide if I wanted to be with him or not. The funny thing is that the timeout we had made me realise how much of a keeper he is. That’s why I had decided to take that leap, but I decided a little too late. He was no longer interested. I wish things had gone differently.

Amaka, 20

I had a crush on a guy in my school for about a year, but I didn’t have the mind to tell him. Eventually, I found out he had a girlfriend, and that broke me. So, in order to be close to him, I had to become friends with his girlfriend. It worked, but then I learnt he was leaving the country soon, so I started to pray the embassy wouldn’t grant him visa.

Unfortunately, my prayer wasn’t answered. He left the country and I am still angry at myself for not telling him how I felt for him. It’s been four years since the last time I saw him. If he ever comes back, I will tell him I loved him.

Subscribe to our relationship newsletter!

Jane, 21

There was this guy I really liked even though he wasn’t 100% my spec. I was really into him. He kept saying he wasn’t ready for a relationship, so I waited for him for eight months. During those eight months, he was having flings with other people, but I waited while he kept saying he wasn’t ready. It really hurt because I liked him so much, I even wanted to ask him out. Eventually, I let him go, and I met someone way better.

Femi, 41

There was a woman I met through one of my brother’s friends. I knew I liked her when I didn’t want to go further with her after we kissed. I was a serial cheater, but I couldn’t bear to break her heart. She knew I had a girlfriend and really didn’t mind, but I just could not. I guess I liked her that much; just not enough to leave my girlfriend whom I later married. For some reason, she keeps popping into my head on occasion since I separated from my wife. I hope she’s alright wherever she is and that whoever she ended up with, if any, is treating her right.

John, 19

So, it’s this guy who texted me midway through the lockdown. I initially ignored it, but around the #EndSars protests, we started talking again. It took me a while to realise I might have feelings for him. Unfortunately, he’s in Lagos and I’m in Ibadan. I’m not willing to do long distance relationship, plus there are issues and trauma we’ve both agreed we need to work on. Our refusal to date is a mutual agreement, buts it hurts because this is the first time I’m getting non-platonic attention that isn’t toxic. I’m also sad because I feel like I’ll never really get to experience him. I think that by the time things changed for either of us, we’d have outgrown each other. On the bright side, it feels nice to know he’s in my corner.

[donation]

Itohan Esekheigbe

August 9, 2021

Ships

loss, love, relationships
8 Reasons To Get Into A Relationship

If you are single and in search of reasons why you should get into a relationship, then you are in the right place. Here are eight reasons to convince you and not to confuse you as to why you need to get into a relationship

1) You have someone to be helping you zip your clothes or knot your ties

If you are single, how will you be zipping your dresses or knotting your ties? Will you knock on your neighbour’s door every time? Just get into a relationship and save yourself the stress.

2) Someone to blame for everything

Your tyre burst? You blame them. If your toilet refuses to flush, you should blame them too. Every single thing that happens to you is their fault. Especially if you are adding weight. They’re the ones feeding you late at night.

3) Someone to steal money from

You might be broke and in need of urgent 2k. Instead of robbing a bank and landing in prison, you can just take from your partner. Their money is yours for the taking.

4) Incase you run for President, you’d have two votes

Imagine running for President and the only vote you get is from yourself. If you are in a relationship, you are sure that at least two votes will be for you.

Subscribe to our relationship newsletter!

5) You get to steal someone’s food

For those moments when you are hungry but not that hungry, you get to steal someone’s food.

6) You will finally stop shouting “God When”

You are in every love life post shouting “God when”. If you get into a relationship, you finally stop being the President of the God when foundation.

7) It gives you someone you can use to chase clout

Apparently, parents are using their children for clout now. Since children are more expensive, why not get into a relationship and use them for clout instead.

8) Someone to take Zikoko quizzes with

No longer will you not have someone to compare your Zikoko quizzes result with. With a partner, you have a fellow quiz taker. If you are in a relationship with someone that doesn’t take Zikoko quizzes, dump them.

For more relationship type content, click here

[donation]

Itohan Esekheigbe

August 3, 2021

Ships

dating, Funny, Nigerian relationships, relationships
6 Ways To Break Up Without Hurting Your Feelings

Ending a relationship is not always an easy thing to do, which is why you have to do it right. There are easy ways to break up with someone without hurting your feelings in the process. Here are some of the ways.

1. Leave the country.

Leaving the country is the best coping mechanism after a breakup. You’ll be too happy that you’ve finally to feel any kind of heartbreak. Their absence will also make you think of them less, out of sight is kuku out of mind.

2. Prepare a powerpoint presentation.

You need to prepare a presentation on things they could have done better in the relationship. Help them point out their flaws and mistakes. This way, you won’t be hurting your feelings or theirs, you’ll be helping them become a better person. Don’t forget to send this presentation via email.

3. Beat around the bush before breaking up with them.

Breaking up in a very straightforward way is very hurtful and unfair. You need to beat around the bush so you have enough time to process what is going on. It also helps them move on quickly. This is one of the easiest ways to break up without hurting your feelings.

4. Do not deliver the news face-to-face.

Send the breakup message via mail, or preferably via pigeons. Do not break up with anyone face to face. You don’t want to look at them while you point out what they could have done better or how they could have saved the relationship.

5. Use ‘you’ in your statements.

“You did, you said, you should have”… Let them know the relationship ended because of them. This way they’ll know it’s not you, it’s them. After all, the intention is to break up without hurting your feelings. We aren’t saying you should hurt their’s instead sha.

6. Do not grant their request for closure.

What sort of closure are they looking for that they can’t get on Ali express?. If they need closure so much, they should buy it on Instagram. You can also have it delivered to them if you are feeling extra kind. Giving them closure is a way of you exposing yourself to getting hurt and you don’t want to do that.

Ibukun

July 29, 2021

Ships

breakups, Heartbreak, moving on, relationships
5 Nigerian Women Talk About How Their Partners Changed Their Lives

Romantic relationships bring different changes to our lives. Some welcome, some not. In this article, five Nigerian women talk about how their partners changed their lives.

Bisola, 23

I grew up in a conservative space but I always knew I wanted to explore certain things and with the help of my current partner, I am able to do so.

So far, I have tried wine, gone clubbing and used sex toys I’ve always wanted to. He also takes me sightseeing. Sometimes, we spend nights at hotels I can’t afford and honestly, it’s been a beautiful experience.

Ehi, 39

My husband and I have been married for 15 years now. As a child, I was abused and this traumatized me — I couldn’t tell anyone about it. My husband helped me to speak out freely about it without feeling shame. He always tells me to express my opinions or desires on any issue, even with his family. He has shown me that love can be unconditional. I believe he is God sent for my life.

Tare, 23

I got married last year and since then my husband has made me reach for heights I didn’t think was possible for me. He has made me a better giver and I am intentional about how I want my life to go.

Before now, I had never considered leaving Nigeria but he has made me see reasons why leaving would be better for us as a family. He paid for my international passport and I am currently preparing to write the IELTS. He is sponsoring the entire process for me to move with him to Canada.

Nimi, 26

One of the most significant changes I noticed after I started dating my partner was how the way I viewed my body changed. I am plus sized and he swore that he liked my body when we met but a few months into the relationship, he started complaining.

He would say things like, “So you want to eat?” or “You shouldn’t eat that, you’ll gain weight.” It became worse. He would tell me he can’t go out with me because he was worried about how I looked. He wanted me to cover up my body more and said if I wanted to show skin, I should lose weight.

After the relationship ended, I became insecure about my body. When a man says he likes me, I wonder what he likes about my body or if he is pretending because of sex. When people compliment how I look, I’m not sure how to handle it. These days, I struggle with my body image in a way I never used to and I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.

Toyosi, 20

Before i met my current partner, I had an unhealthy way of approaching relationships. I always imagined that people would leave me and would prepare for them to go. I would create scenarios in my head about all the possible things that could go wrong and act on it.

One day, I was talking to my partner about the things that could go wrong in our relationship and they said, “You can’t keep worrying about all these things. You can’t control the future and you need to focus and live in the present.” It took a while for it to resonate with me but I’ve finally gotten to a stage in my life where I no longer let my fears lead me. I’ve started learning to live in the present and all of its fullness.

Subscribe to our newsletter here.

Mariam Sule

July 23, 2021

Her

relationships
6 Nigerians Talk About Their Favourite Ex

Not everyone hates their exes, some people still have fond memories of the ones who got away. Sometimes, relationships don’t work for reasons beyond our control and some people still hold their exes dear to them. Here are what some people have to say about their favourite ex:

David, 35

I have known her since I was in primary school, we grew up in the same area. My favourite thing about her was her pure innocence. Both of us spent a lot of time behind closed doors, gisting, playing games, talking about everyone in the family and sharing our dreams. At one point, we were told to stop closing the door (I never understood what was inferred until much later).

We never went beyond kissing and hugging when we were much older and emotions were flying. I prayed to God that if I married her, I won’t ask for anything else. We were together for a little over 15 years, but we drifted apart when her family moved to another state. There were no reliable means of communication back then, so our relationship suffered.

We still talk till today and try to support one another emotionally especially if our partners are giving us sticks. We got married to different people after a brief stint of misunderstanding and have two children apiece.

Gbemi, 24

My favourite memory of her was the last time we saw each other physically. She relocated to another country a few months after we started dating to continue her education. It became a long-distance relationship from then, so I hadn’t seen her for like a year. She flew back to Nigeria to spend a week, and during that time, we were only able to see each other once. It felt really special.

Many things make her so special, but if I’ll state one specifically, it would be her heart. She is a very loving and caring person, at times I wonder how anyone can be so selfless. She always puts others before herself! Although that is not necessarily always a good thing, it was something I admired a lot about her.

I loved how timid and shy she can be, how understanding she is. How she knows how to listen to me or proffer solutions to my problems. She has a really big heart. We broke up because we couldn’t come to a middle ground regarding certain issues. She is from a Muslim background, a Muslimah to the core and her family holds their religious values in high esteem.

It was also made clear that her family would never let her be with a non-Muslim and she wasn’t willing to change religions. I wasn’t willing to switch either. We talked about the consequences and we decided to let go of each other and go our separate ways.

Mimi, 22

My favourite thing was his heart and how easygoing he was. He always tried to make other people happy at his own expense. He was an open book, he rarely ever lied, he communicated his feeling and cried when he was sad. I never ever had to guess how he felt about me, even from when we just started.

The hard part, it’s hard to explain but the whole relationship has been long-distance and we always thought we’d be in the same space at some point, but things keep changing our plans. There were a few reoccurring issues about some things and it felt like love wasn’t enough.

We were together for 3yrs- we still talk from time to time.

Prince

My favourite thing about her is her selflessness, she’s bold and courageous, (na she dey ginger me most times). She cares a lot, if not too much and she’s very mature.

We dated for almost 3 years.it is the longest relationship I’ve been in. We met in the university, we were both in 200 level at the time. I told my mum about her, she said she prayed about it and we don’t fit. We continued dating for the rest of our time at university. I had to break up with her when she left for camp. She was so devastated because her mum had just died.

We broke up because of my parents – especially my mum. My mum hadn’t met her, yet she disliked her. We talk sometimes, a couple of months ago we connected with each other – I visited her last weekend.

Ada, 24

He was and still is a very caring and understanding person. I think he’s the ex that has understood me the most. He’s also very supportive. He’s still a part of my life( no strings attached, just friends – at least on my own end).

We dated for almost 2 years. I think my favourite thing about him was that he trusted my judgment, like how can someone just believe in you like that? Lol. He also cared for people I care about, from my family down to my friends.

Well, we broke up because I wasn’t in love with him. My conscience couldn’t help it anymore, I had to end the relationship because he was getting serious and I knew I just wasn’t into him. We still talk, he patronizes my business as well, tries to send gifts but I just had to set up a boundary to avoid wahala.

Tammy, 25

My favourite memory of him is the day he found out he was going to be a dad, it was also the day he proposed to me. Unfortunately, our child didn’t survive. He is such an amazing person, very kind and caring. He never raised his voice at me, no matter how angry he got, and I annoyed him a lot because me sef I know I’m a lot to handle.

We broke up because he cheated on me, after 2 years of being together.

Ibukun

July 19, 2021

Ships

exes, love, lovers, relationships
Do These 10 Things If You Find Yourself Catching Feelings For Anyone

Feelings… They spring up on you even when you’ve sworn to remain on the streets. Don’t worry, just do these 10 things and the feelings will die.

1. Block them

You have to do this on all socials the moment you catch yourself smiling at their texts. Feelings can’t survive if you starve them of communication. Out of sight is out of mind.

2. Get these shades

Cover your eyes dear. No feelings formed against you shall prosper. Amen.

3. Don’t make the mistake of telling them

Don’t do it, dear.

4. Write down “I belong to the streets” 100 times and repeat it morning and night.

In a week, feelings should be gone.

5. Trash all the pictures of them you got while on a stalking spree

Purify your gallery, purify your heart.

6. Tell someone to slap you every time you mention their name

Since you don’t want to hear word.

7. Avoid them in real life

Deleting their pictures from your gallery isn’t enough. You need to go left if you see them coming from the right in real life too.

8. Think of them picking their nose

Except that turns you on in a twisted way, that’s enough to gross you out and kill the feelings.

9. Name something after them

And by ‘something’, I mean a household pest e.g rat or cockroach. Any time you see that pest, call it your crush’s name, Tunde, and gradually that feeling will begin to fade.

10. Don’t eat any food they cook

If you people have already gone as far as visiting each other, stop it. If they offer you food, say you’ve eaten. You’re not a thief.

Susan Nwaobiala

July 19, 2021

Inside Life, Ships

feelings, love, relationships
How To Make A Nigerian Girl Fall For You

Here are seven different ways to make the Nigerian girl you like fall for you.

1) Words of affirmation

To make a Nigerian girl fall in love with you, you need to give her bank account some words of affirmation. The best kinds of words of affirmation come in the form of a credit alert. Credit alerts are words and numbers that show you care. It is impossible to make a Nigerian girl fall in love with you without mastering this art.

2) Be a Proverbs 31 man

To make a Nigerian woman fall for you, you have to be the ideal man she wants. The ideal man for Nigerian girls is the Proverbs 31 man.

a Proverbs 31 man and his Queen

3) Cook for them

The way to the heart is to the stomach. To make a true Nigerian woman fall for you, you need to also buy her food. They don’t need much. Maybe seafood pasta and some fries.

Look at how romantic

4) Buy them shoes

What better way to show a Nigerian woman you love them than to support their fashion habits? Buy them a pair of those Jesus sandals to prove that you not only love her but have created a judgement-free zone for her to be her true self.

5) Set leg for her so she can fall

Sometimes for a woman to fall for you, you have to make her physically fall. When the body has fallen down, so will the heart.

Think about it

6) Challenge her to a running competition while she has heels on

The heels Nigerian women wear are definitely not for running. The square corners are good for killing cockroaches, but never for running. That’s why when she has them on, you should race her. She will fall.

7) Take her for an anointing service

By the time they sprinkle holy water and oil on her, she will fall under the anointing and into your arms.

For more on what is inside life, please click here

[shortcode]

how to make a girl fall for you

how to make a girl fall for you

how to make a girl fall for you

how to make a girl fall for you

Itohan Esekheigbe

July 13, 2021

Inside Life

Date, Fall, Funny, love, Nigerian girls, relationships
10 Questions To Ask On A First Date To Be Sure You Have Found ‘The One’

Finding the one for you is not an easy feat, it gets harder when you are a sapiosexual who wants to be with someone who thinks like you. In order to know if they are right for you, we advise you to ask them the following questions on your first date. Here’s a list of questions to ask on a first date to be sure you’ve found the one:

1.The date of birth of Queen Elizabeth’s grandmother.

Are they really the one for you, if they don’t know royal history to the T?. You need to be with someone who keeps track of history, both local and international.

2.If there are 10 birds on a tree and you shoot one, how many will remain?.

This is to test their knowledge of mathematics. A person that does not understand mathematics, how can you expect them to calculate the density of your affection for them?

3.All the laws in Nigeria.

Anyone who doesn’t know this is clearly lawless and disobedient. Every Nigerian, in Nigeria or not, should know every law in Nigeria. Do not text them back if they don’t know this. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with a lawless person.

4.The name of every Nigerian musician ever.

This question is neither hard nor impossible to answer, except your date is not a fun or outgoing person. They need to know the answer to this question, it’s proof of balance.

5.The name of every political leader in Nigeria.

Knowing the laws of the land is not enough, they need to know the names of the people in charge of implementing them. This shows passion and dedication. If they are passionate and dedicated to Nigeria, they’ll be passionate and dedicated to your relationship.

6.The type of underwear Buhari wears.

If she does not know intimate details about her country’s president, who is to say she will know intimate details about you?. She needs to know if he wears boxers, shorts or pants, so she can buy something similar for you. Her president.

7.Ask them to spell OriginalDangbanaChoko.

This is the only way to know if they passed English in WAEC or if they carried expo.

8.If a house is burning, who will they save. You or their mum?.

If they chose their mum, it already means they already hate you. Do they mean they love someone else more than they love you?. If that be the case, they should go and be in a relationship with their mum.

9.The country the first Olympics took place.

The Olympics is coming up soon and everyone is scrambling to learn everything about it. It would be a shame if they don’t know the answer to your question. You are allowed to not call them back if they don’t know such trivial information. If they are not up to date on sports events, they won’t be up to date in a relationship.

10. Who deserves the front seat between them and your mum?.

If they chose themselves, it means they have no respect. Those type of people would tell you to put your mum in the boot of the car.

Ibukun

July 9, 2021

Ships

Dates, dating, First Date, relationships
QUIZ: Pick Romantic Movies, And We’ll Guess How Many Relationships You’ve Been In

We can guess how many relationships you’ve been in based on the romantic movies you’ve watched.

Go ahead:

Select all the romantic movies you’ve watched:

You’ve been in just 1 relationship
You’ve been in just 1 relationship and it’s from secondary school.
You’ve never been in a relationship
You’ve never had any kind of relationship that isn’t a friendship. Not even situationship.
You’ve been in 10 relationships
You’ve been in 10 relationships. How did you even get 10 people to like you?
You’ve been in 4½ relationships
The half is for a relationship you’re never sure whether to count or not.

Tuntamilore

July 8, 2021

Movie Buff, Quizzes

Quiz, Relationship, relationships