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  • Someone Confronted Her Cheating Ex Boyfriend And ‘Men Are Scum’ Twitter Is Going Wild

    Someone Confronted Her Cheating Ex Boyfriend And ‘Men Are Scum’ Twitter Is Going Wild

    As we all know, some people can cheat for Africa.

    And even if their significant other gives them the world, they’ll still chook their wandering eyes outside to cheat.

    Then they’ll come back to tell you, “It’s in my DNA, I can’t help it”.

    Even if you catch them in the act, they’ll be like, “Baby, she’s my cousin’s nephew’s relation and we’re practicing acrobatic yoga”.

    This African American chic, Kourtney confronted her cheating ex, Leonard- who is basically the biggest demon we’ve ever seen- to ask why he cheated on her.

    And he kuku didn’t give any solid reason- just every unfaithful person.

    Kourtney, when Leonard said he cheated uncountable times.

    This was his face, all through the time she shed so much tears.

    Just watch the video and catch the full amebo abeg.

    Meanwhile, some chief officers of ‘Men are scum’ Twitter are already protesting this injustice.

    The Vice-President of the movement believes men can’t make heaven.

    Someone is even angry Kourtney didn’t get to beat him up.

    Relationship advice is just flying all over the place.

    We just thought to bring you this wonderful amebo jare. Are men just scum or do you think otherwise? Share your thoughts in the comments section.

    Maryam

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  • 9 Surefire Signs It’s Time For You To Let That ‘Man-go’

    1. If he doesn’t have a bright future, you’ve got to let that mango

    If his future is not making you wear shades, what are you waiting for?

    2. If you catch him cheating, just let that

    Once a cheat, always a cheat.

    3. He disrespects you in front of his friends? Please just let that

    What a rude!

    4. He doesn’t like you having any friends at all? Biko let that

    Who will you now be gossiping with?

    5. He rarely apologizes when you guys fight? Abeg let that

    He wants to be carrying shoulder, abi?

    6. So he has never brought you breakfast in bed? Why don’t you just let that

    Is that one even boyfriend?

    7. Does he bring more drama into your life than Telemundo? Aunty let that

    Nobody has time for that one o!

    8. He’s got zero respect for your family? Why haven’t you let that

    Seriously, what rubbish?

    9. He’s ignoring you and leaving your WhatsApp messages on ‘Read’? Just let that

    Shola

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  • A Single Girl’s Guide To Valentine’s Day

    1. So it’s another February 14, and you are here again.

    2. Just looking and looking because you’re single.

    3. Your frenemies have been asking, “What are you up to?” like they don’t know the answer is “Nothing”.

    4. And your social media is full of mockery of single people on Valentine’s Day.

    5. To avoid unnecessary stress, it’s important to plan because failing to plan is planning to fail.

    6. Make sure you create plenty of unnecessary work for yourself, even though it’s a Sunday.

    7. Because an idle mind is the devil’s work shop.

    8. Block that ex that always finds a way to start useless conversations, especially on holidays, special days and birthdays.

    9. Before desperation lands you in a sticky situation for another 8 months.

    10. Then bring your own lunch, so you wont have to go to eateries and see everyone with their lover.

    11. When your colleagues try to crack valentines day jokes, just look at them like:

    12. And when your parents try to use your single status on valentines day to talk about marriage, just tell them:

    13. You, the next day, when all the noise is over and it’s back to normal:

    Jola Ayeye

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  • If You’ve Ever Dated Casually In Lagos, You Can Relate

    If You’ve Ever Dated Casually In Lagos, You Can Relate

    1. When you try to explain to your conservative friends what casual dating is, they’re like:

    2. When mumu people mix up casual dating and casual sex.

    3. When you’re just trying to have drinks and someone starts mentioning “future”.

    4. When there aren’t that many places to go so you have to start calculating how often you can go to one place with different men.

    5. When someone catches feelings you didn’t ask them to.

    6. When your parents start giving you the side eye because they haven’t heard the same name twice.

    7. When you start mixing people up, because heavy rotation.

    8. When you bump into someone you went on a date with in the past, while on another date.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Ways Nigeria Will Disgrace You If You Try And Live Your Life Like A Romantic Comedy

    All The Ways Nigeria Will Disgrace You If You Try And Live Your Life Like A Romantic Comedy

    1. When you bump into a cute guy at store only to hear “abi you’re blind”.

    2. When you lean in for the first kiss only for someone in the background to shout “ashawooooo”.

    3. When you kiss in the rain and now you have a cough and cold….

    4. … And your weave is still itching 4 days later.

    5. When he tries to run after you in the airport only to get slapped by a soldier for “trying nonsense”.

    6. When his mother doesn’t like you and instead of saying “I love her mum” he gives you red card.

    7. When the romantic music in the background is Terry G’s “Knack you akpako”.

    8. When you pour your heart out in the dramatic scene only to hear “so that’s why you are shouting”?

    9. When you try to do “if you love him, let him go” and he doesn’t come back…

    10. .. But is getting married instead, to one girl with a bigger bum than you.

    11. When you quit your job to chase your dreams but this is Nigeria so your dreams cannot do anything for you.

    12. When you try to go on a long romantic drive only to enter 4 hour traffic.

    13. When you meet the love of your life and now his girlfriend is subbing you on social media.

    14. There are no young, rich, handsome AND single men here. All are married.

    15. If you think we are lying, try and live your life like a rom-com in Nigeria. We will be here to laugh at you.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Things We Are Running From In The Month Of February

    All The Things We Are Running From In The Month Of February

    1. All those new year resolutions that tried to kill you, like working out every day and cutting out rice.

    2. Onigbese friends that have a PHD in owing you money.

    3. Your ex that thinks because it’s the month of Valentines he can slip into your life.

    4. Unplanned aso-ebi and hen night shenanigans, because you can’t kill yourself.

    5. Fighting in the comments sections of blogs with people you don’t know.

    6. All those “my dog doesn’t bite” friends with their 3 hungry Rottweilers.

    7. Bosses that owe salary with confidence.

    8. Family group chats where your single status is discussed every other day.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • These Break Up Lines Are Guaranteed To Work

    1. According to my mother’s prophet, our stars are not compatible.

    2. I consulted with my coven, and they feel it’s best we go our separate ways.

    3. My spirit husband said I have been paying too much attention to you and so our time is up.

    4. You know that time I said I loved you, I was joking and it has gone too far.

    5. I’m married and my husband has put magun on me.

    6. My mother had a dream….

    7. The group chat has decided it’s time for you to get to stepping.

    8. I don’t want to have to use you for rituals, so I think it’s time for us to go our separate ways.

    9. My father said if you come near me again he will kill you.

    10. I now realise that I prefer your brother.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • The Zikoko Guide To Letting Someone Down Easy

    The Zikoko Guide To Letting Someone Down Easy

    1. So you are busy minding your business.

    2. And all of a sudden, someone comes to declare their undying love for you!

    3. Normally, you would be happy oh!

    4. But in this case, you don’t feel the same way.

    5. So now you are wondering what to do.

    6. Firs of all, there is no need to shout!

    7. Remain cool, calm and collected.

    8. Then thank them for their interesting declaration.

    9. Now you have a few options from here.

    10. Firstly, you can run away and keep running whenever you see them.

    11. Secondly, you can sit down and start talking about your spirit husband and kids.

    12. Finally, you can say you’re unavailable and wish them the best ….

    13. But that would be mature, and we don’t do that here.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Things That Happen When You Love Food More Than Your Boyfriend.

    All The Things That Happen When You Love Food More Than Your Boyfriend.

    1. When you wake up happy because you have some amazing leftovers for breakfast.

    2. When you keep trying to enjoy your food on a date and your boyfriend is trying to bond.

    3. When you have to choose between buying an impromptu present for your boyfriend and more food for you.

    4. When your boyfriend buys you food to apologise after a fight.

    5. When you go out to eat and your boyfriend starts eating off your plate.

    6. When you are sad and someone brings you your favourite meal.

    7. Then your boyfriend calls to try and make you feel better.

    8. When people call you a wobia.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • 10 Times You Need To Mind Your Business

    10 Times You Need To Mind Your Business

    1. When your parents are arguing and suddenly look at you for support.

    2. When the bus conductor slaps the passenger beside you.

    3. When you see your oga’s wife kissing someone else at a restaurant.

    4. When you see your cousin’s husband at a shopping mall with one babe … that is not your cousin.

    5. When you hear your neighbour talking about putting his family’s savings into the next batch of MMM.

    6. When you overhear your in-law’s dad talking about his second family in Magodo that no one knows about.

    7. When you see your pastor’s daughter climbing pole in the club.

    8. When you overhear your landlord’s son trying to sell one of his father’s houses in the village without his consent.

    9. When you see a sack letter for your manager on a HR colleague’s laptop.

    10. When your boss’s wife slaps him outside the office for chasing small girls.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • So You Are Finally Going On A Date With Your Crush

    1. So after weeks of phone calls and thousands of messages…

    2. …. And gazing at each other with love struck puppy eyes.

    3. Your crush finally asks you on a date.

    4. One of your daft friends suggests you say no so he doesn’t think you are easy.

    5. But you know that one is an enemy of progress so you ignore her.

    6. You, searching for something to wear.

    7. When you get to the restaurant and see him looking cuter than you remember.

    8. And the conversation is even better than before.

    9. You, trying to decide what to eat.

    10. When he goes to the bathroom and hasn’t come back after 45 minutes.

    11. You, realising you’ve been left to foot the bill.

    12. When your friends ask you how the date went.

    13. When next someone asks you out to dinner, you’re like:

    Jola Ayeye

    , , ,

  • When You Finally Start Being Honest With Your Mum

    1. So you overhear your mother talking about you to her friends.

    2. And you realise the woman doesn’t really know you like that!

    3. So you decide to rectify the situation.

    4. Before she hears about some of your antics and is like:

    5. So the next time she asks you about that ugly dress she really loves…

    6. … you say “sorry ma but it’s a no form me”.

    7. And then you finally admit that you suspect that her “prophet” is a fraud oh!

    8. And now she’s praying for the safety of your soul like:

    9. Then you finally admit you have a boyfriend.

    10. And when next she asks you were you’re going you actually tell her the truth.

    11. Now she is looking at you all the time like:

    12. But you are happy and can sleep like a baby, now that you have stopped lying!

    13. At least for the most part!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • If Your Boyfriend Loves Football More Than You, This Is For You.

    If Your Boyfriend Loves Football More Than You, This Is For You.

    1. When you have to organise date nights around football matches.

    2. When you joke about his favourite player and he starts crying.

    3. When his team loses a match so the rest of the day he gives you attitude.

    4. When he spends the time he isn’t watching football, playing football or FIFA games.

    5. When your brother supports a rival team and him and your boyfriend are always arguing about it.

    6. When he sees anything that has to do with his team in public.

    7. When his favourite player is moving to another team, he’s like:

    8. When you watch a match with him and start asking too many questions.

    9. Then the next time you watch together, he feels you’re not enthusiastic enough.

    10. When you complain about how much time he spends playing football games and he says his games don’t complain about how much time he spends with you.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Reasons First Dates Stress Us Out

    All The Reasons First Dates Stress Us Out

    1. When you go to the cinema and they’re shouting throughout the movie like they can enter the screen.

    2. When they claim to want to “surprise you” and the date ends up being terrible.

    3. When you bump into your ex at the same restaurant.

    4. When the bill comes and you have 4 seconds to decide whether or not you are splitting the bill.

    5. When they crack a joke and it’s rude or awkward.

    6. When their real girlfriend or boyfriend comes to make a scene.

    7. When LASTMA stops the car and his papers are not complete.

    8. When you think it went really well and then they never call you again.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • Do You Have An Office Bestie

    Do You Have An Office Bestie

    1. When you first get to the office and make a new friend

    2. When you realise they actually like you and aren’t just pretending.

    3. When they start giving you office cheat codes to make your office life easier.

    4. When they start offering to pick and drop you off at home.

    5. When it’s their birthday and you get the biggest slice of cake.

    6. When people think you are working but both of you are just gisting on whatsapp for web.

    7. When you start hanging out after work.

    8. When someone tries to be friends with both of you, you’re like:

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Things That Happen When You Get Into An Argument With Your Boyfriend.

    1. When he uses style to abuse you while you are disagreeing about something.

    2. When you are trying not to cry but it’s really peppering you.

    3. When he tries to joke like everything is okay.

    4. When you get home and he sends texts really expecting you to reply.

    5. When you wake up in the morning and he hasn’t called to apologise again.

    6. When you bump into your friend and they ask you how he is, you’re like:

    7. When you hear any song about heartbreak and betrayal.

    8. When you tell your friend what happened and she comes to the conclusion that you are in the wrong.

    9. When you guys finally make up and all is well in the world again.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Reasons A Squad Is Important

    All The Reasons A Squad Is Important

    1. You have a whole host of people to talk to while you pretend to work.

    2. If your boyfriend is a useless boy, you have a network of spies all over the state.

    3. When you miss some gist you have your people to fill in all the blanks.

    4. When you get your heart broken they come and cry with you like;

    5. When your mother asks you where you are going, you have a whole rolodex of people to use to lie.

    6. When you get to a party and your whole squad is there.

    7. When you get yourself in trouble and they come to your rescue, you’re like:

    Jola Ayeye

    , ,

  • How I Fell In And Jumped Out Of Love Online.

    1. So I joined social media out of boredom and to feel among.

    2. Everyday I would just go there, make noise, do amebo and jump on trending topics.

    3. That’s how one day someone I always had banter with entered my DM’s.

    4. First of all I thought it was just normal jokes and games oh!

    5. Then he asked for my number! Ghen ghen.

    6. Before I knew it we were talking all day, everyday.

    7. Then one day he asked if I would like to go out for diner, as per a date!

    8. I tried not to get too excited but I was like:

    9. Then we finally went on the date and it was better than I imagined.

    10. Then there was another date.

    11. And another one.

    12. Before I knew what was happening my heart was going jiggi-jiggi bam bam whenever I saw his name and number.

    13. My friends had even started using him to make fun of me online!

    14. Then one day I woke up to a text from a number I hadn’t saved.

    15. The first line was “I know you don’t know me but I come to you as a woman”.

    16. Ah! Look at life oh!

    17. So apparently the love of my life was wedded in holy matrimony to another woman.

    18. Whats even more fabulous is that he met her on social media as well.

    19. And had even used some of the same lines he used on her to toast me.

    20. And had taken us to the same restaurants.

    21. Since that day whenever anyone tries to greet me too much on any social media I’m like:

    Jola Ayeye

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  • If You And Your Parents Are Always Fighting, This Is For You.

    If You And Your Parents Are Always Fighting, This Is For You.

    1. When you wake up from them banging on your door because knocking like a normal person is too mainstream.

    2. When they start dragging with you because you no longer want to attend their church/mosque.

    3. When it’s time for you to decide a degree and your parent’s don’t hear medicine, accounting or engineering.

    4. When you come 18th out of 20 students in class, your father is like:

    5. When they suddenly decide that they know the most fashion and won’t allow you wear what you want in peace.

    6. When they won’t let you hear word because you think their 7pm curfew is ridiculous at your age.

    7. When the marriage discussion comes up, your mother is like:

    8. When you give an opinion different to the one they like, your parents are like:

    9. When they fight you because you don’t spend enough time with them.

    10. And then fight you again for spending too much time with them and have now become anti social.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • Have You Ever Gotten Friendzoned Before?

    1. When they say you are their best friend ever.

    2. When they say they wish they could date someone as nice as you or as kind as you.

    3. When they say you would be the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend … for someone one day.

    4. When they come and ask you for relationship advice.

    5. When you ask them out and they say they don’t want to ruin the friendship.

    6. When they try to use you to make the person they really like jealous.

    7. When you use all your bars on them and get “wow thanks” as a reply.

    8. When you confess your love and they say “stop joking”.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • 7 Ways To Break Up With Bae

    1. You can break up via text.

    Chai!

    2. You can use the gateman to do it.

    “Madam said I should not open the gate for you again.”

    3. You can use bae’s mum to do it.

    “My dear I need to tell you something.”

    4. You can use your own mum to do it.

    “Young lady don’t call my son again he said he is no longer doing.”

    5. Block them on social media.

    Everything oh! Facebook, twitter, Instagram.

    6. Use their best friend to do your dirty work.

    “Umm your boyfriend wants me to tell you something”

    7. Just start parading your new boyfriend/girlfriend while you are dating a new one.

    Love is love!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • How Many Girlfriends Do You Need

    How Many Girlfriends Do You Need

    So you and your guys are talking about love and relationships.

    Forming like you people know everything!

    Everybody’s head is swelling and they are talking one million talks.

    Then you start trying to figure out how many girlfriends it will take to make you satisfied.

    You need one to stop your mother from disturbing you about marriage.

    Another one you have in the office to make life more bearable.

    Another one that brings food in cooler for you at the beginning of the week.

    One that is a prayer warrior.

    One to teach you bad bad things “in the other room”.

    The one that has a masters degree in frustration and manufacturing conflict.

    The one that is an assistant mummy.

    One that helps you augment your finances. As per assistant ATM.

    The one that will nab you reading this post and give you query later since you are now insane.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • 7 Stressful Things Every Boyfriend Can Relate To

    7 Stressful Things Every Boyfriend Can Relate To

    1. When she says don’t worry then “I just think it’s funny how…”

    But you just said don’t worry na.

    2. When you tell her you’re going out with your friends and she says ‘have fun’

    Wazz all dis ?

    3. When you say you’re hungry and she says “tell that your other babe to cook for you na”

    Nawa for you o.

    4. When you tell her sorry and she says “sorry for yourself”

    Some people sha…

    5. When she says “you can’t even say sorry”

    Didn’t I just say sorry 40 times?!

    6. When she sends an angry text and you’re trying to remember what you did wrong

    But….all I said was “hello”.

    7. When she says “get out” and then starts crying when you want to go

    I’m so confused…what’s going on.

    Osaretin Tunde-Oni

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  • If You’ve Ever Had A Crush On More Than One Person At A Time, You Can Relate

    If You’ve Ever Had A Crush On More Than One Person At A Time, You Can Relate

    1. When you see one crush at a party.

    “Hey boo!”

    2. And then the other one walks in.

    This might be a problem sha!

    3. When you are chatting with both of them at the same time.

    Fun! Fun! Fun!

    4. When both of them start to like you.

    Ah! Wahala has come.

    5. When you realise they are both actually being serious.

    Which kind of one chance is this?

    6. When you’re tired of them but they’re still talking to you.

    You people should come and be going.

    7. When they realise you have been romancing both of them, you’re like.

    Before they come and kill me.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • The Zikoko Guide To Breaking Up With Your Boyfriend

    1. Create ‘Our relationship’ WhatsApp group, then leave it.

    2. Start acting like a crazy person and turn everything into a fight.

    Scatter the place! He will leave by himself!

    3. Update your Facebook relationship status to ‘Single’.

    He will get the message loud and clear!

    4. Tell him you’re ready to get married and watch him turn to Usain Bolt.

    Especially if you know he’s a fuckboy who wants to marry when he’s 40!

    5. Tell him you’re joining the feminist movement and you’re going to stop all the cooking.

    They never wanna hear that!

    6. Sharpen your ghost mode skills.

    Just disappear. No explanations, nothing.

    7. Don’t stress yourself: just text them ‘it’s over’, and unlook.

    Save yourself all the cry cry, abeg.

    8. Tell your friends to do it for you.

    Because 3 or 4 more mouths are better than 1!

    P.S If you’ve ever done any of this donate your heart to someone who needs it. ASAP!

    Shola

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  • If You Thoroughly Enjoy Being Single, This Is For You

    1. How you sleep knowing nobody is out there cheating on you or embarrassing you.

    Like a baby!

    2. When a cute person asks you out on a date, you’re like:

    No bae to get upset!

    3. When another person asks you out, you’re also like:

    Because you belong to nobody and everybody!

    4. When you can go out without having to check on someone else!

    “It’s my life!”

    5. When your friends are crying about their relationship problems, you’re just there like:

    “I’m so sorry I can’t relate!”

    6. When your mates are out there getting their hearts broken, you are busy smiling through life like:

    “Once again, I can’t relate!”

    7. When you can save your money because you don’t need to worry about dates, gifts and credit.

    No money to waste!

    8. When your friends who are a couple invite you as a third wheel on dates and pay for you.

    Yes, pity me please!

    9. When they are talking about relationship issues in church/mosque and it doesn’t concern you.

    Next topic please!

    10. When you are asked to travel for job opportunities and you don’t have to consider anyone else:

    We move!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • The Zikoko Guide To Figuring Out If Your Partner Is Cheating On You

    1. They have started doing funky hairstyles.

    They are now looking fine for someone else!

    2. They are no longer changing their hairstyle.

    Someone has told them they love his hairstyle on them.

    3. They no longer answer you when you talk.

    They’ve spent all their energy talking to someone else.

    4. They have started talking too much.

    Someone has been encouraging them to speak more.

    5. They are always smiling.

    Ask them who is making them so happy oh!

    6. They are always frowning.

    Because your face is now irritating them all the time.

    7. They never buy you anything but they are always broke.

    Who is chopping the money please?

    8. They now have so much money it’s pouring everywhere.

    So who is giving them all this money?

    9. They are always hiding to talk on the phone.

    Very good! Who are you talking to?

    10. When they are on the phone, they laugh too much.

    What is funny please?

    Jola Ayeye

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  • If You Have A Stingy Boyfriend You Can Relate

    1. When you say you’re hungry and he suggests you drink water

    What kind of human being is this one?

    2. When he tries to pick fights close to valentines day so he doesn’t have to buy you a present.

    Olodo! This plan cannot work.

    3. When he pays for something and keeps bringing it up over and over and over again.

    Let’s hear word please!

    4. When your friends ask you what he got you for your birthday and you’re too ashamed to say.

    “He bought me recharge card”.

    5. When your mother sees you with him, she’s like:

    “When will you leave this useless boy alone?”

    6. When he’s stingy even with compliments.

    “You are looking okay sha.”

    7. When you are trying to break up with him and he starts calculating all the money he has spent on you.

    Is this one okay at all?

    8. When after all the calculations ,the money is not up to 5000 naira.

    After 2 years of dating? Please come and see oh!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • The African Guide To Seizing The Bae

    1. First of all, you must have a backup girlfriend or boyfriend.

    2. You can’t tell your babe you don’t have money; don’t you know how to steal or do yahoo yahoo?

    https://twitter.com/WilfredSimonJr/status/777049287121313792

    3. You can’t be waiting for the right person: grab the wrong one like hot cake!

    4. If your girlfriend is mad at you, we advise you NOT TO BREATHE! She will kill you!

    5. Tell him you’re allergic to food whenever he takes you out.

    https://twitter.com/nangutikevin/status/777055193418625024

    6. Never ask your babe to pay the bills: you can sweep the restaurant or wash plates.

    https://twitter.com/ElviSymo/status/777055379616305152

    7. You can’t use earphones if you’re single, how will you hear people toasting you?

    8. Don’t even try buying your girl flowers, who flowers epp?

    https://twitter.com/thetruesherif/status/777070563563110400

    9. Even if the hair is rubbish, just says it’s fine.

    10. If you’re single, stand outside your house where people can see and toast you.

    https://twitter.com/sthamancu/status/777087682732298244

    11. Don’t text your crush first, you’ll look desperate.

    12. ‘Broke’ cannot exist in your dictionary, you have to be rich by force.

    Shola

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  • The Quick And Easy Nigerian Girls Guide To Letting A Boy Know You Like Him

    The Quick And Easy Nigerian Girls Guide To Letting A Boy Know You Like Him

    1. Call him “big head”. It’s a nationally accepted term of endearment!

    You see! No need for the name his parents gave him.

    2. When he comes to talk to you, your face should be like:

    As if you’ve smelt something bad and he is the cause.

    3. If he asks you out, say no.

    If he is serious he will come back again.

    4. When someone suggests you just say it plainly, you’re like:

    So that he will now be proud?

    5. When he cracks a joke, you’re like:

    Especially if you find it funny!

    6. How you indicate interest:

    Very important!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • All The Things That Happen When Your Crush Doesn’t Like You Back.

    1. When you say hello with all the love in your heart and they reply normally.

    Ahn ahn!

    2. When you try to flirt and they are just looking.

    Mr man you better participate!

    3. When they refer to you as a “great friend”.

    Not only friend.

    4. When they now graduate from calling you their friend to saying you are like their brother/sister.

    Please I know the number of children my mother had and you are not among oh!

    5. When they come and start asking you for relationship advice.

    Take your problems to God because me I am ready to scatter the relationship.

    6. When they say “whoever you end up with will be very lucky”.

    It better be you oh!

    7. When you meet their boyfriend or girlfriend you’re like:

    “Nice to meet you too.”

    8. When they finally seem to be responding to your advances.

    Success at last!

    9. Then you find out it’s because they were fighting with their boyfriend/girlfriend.

    Kuku kill me oh!

    10. When you are now over them and they start liking you, you’re like:

    You better leave here!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • When A Lagos Boy Is Toasting You

    When A Lagos Boy Is Toasting You

    1. How he approaches you:

    Full of swagger and confidence!

    2. When he sees you in public, he’s like:

    “Baby girl how far?”

    3. When you say you’re not interested, he’s like:

    “That’s what they all say at first.”

    4. When you say you have a boyfriend, he’s like:

    “And so what?”

    5. When he tells you he has never met a girl like you.

    Lie lie!

    6. How he plans all the messages he sends to you:

    Which one will be the most effective?

    7. How he is around other girls:

    His eye cannot stay in one place!

    8. His preferred look when he is coming to confuse you:

    White trad gang!

    9. When he reaches his final form.

    Now you are really in trouble!

    10. When he is trying to convince you he loves you.

    After 2 whole weeks abi?

    11. When you start responding positively to his advances and he starts behaving like you are disturbing him.

    Is this one okay at all?

    12. When you find out most of his lifestyle is packaging.

    Hayyyyyyy see something!

    13. When you meet his girlfriend and realise you were being interviewed for side chick work.

    Wow! Is this life?

    Jola Ayeye

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  • Common Excuses Girls Give To Avoid Going On Dates

    Common Excuses Girls Give To Avoid Going On Dates

    1. “I have a religious event.”

    “In my church we are doing 40 days fast so I cannot be near any man during that time. God bless you.”

    2. “My parents don’t allow me go out.”

    Meanwhile the parents in question are looking for who will come and collect the girl from their hands.

    3. “Ah you should have told me before, I already made plans for that day.”

    Yes. She plans to stay at home or anywhere that is not with the fellow that asked.

    4. “I have a boyfriend.”

    Dreams money can buy.

    5. “I have many things doing.”

    What does that even mean? Many things like what? Doing what?

    6. “I’m not feeling fine and the doctor said I should not do anything at all”

    Which Dr oh?

    7. “My religion is against such things.”

    “In the religion I’m practising they said if we go near any man we can fall down and die so it cannot happen.”

    8. “I need to take permission from my spirit husband first..”

    By the time he hears spirit husband the way he will fly away ehn!

    9. “I’m really trying to find myself right now!”

    Aunty where did you get lost?

    10. “I’m not interested.”

    Well it’s not an excuse but many babes will tell him “Uncle I don’t want! Come and be going oh.”

    Jola Ayeye

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  • Signs You May Not Be The Only One

    Signs You May Not Be The Only One

    1. Him, whenever you try to talk about your relationship in public:

    “What is understood does not need to be said.”

    2. When you try to take a picture of him for social media:

    “Put that camera away my friend!”

    3. He insists you arrive at and leave events, separately.

    Even now that petrol is 145? Ahn ahn!

    4. He has several phones.

    Does he sell phones? If no, then reassess the situation.

    5. All the phones have vault level codes.

    When it’s not like there are national security secrets stored on the phone.

    6. When you finally meet his mum she asks “ah okay which one is this one?”

    HAYYYYYY so I am one of many?

    7. His weekday evenings are busy – but you’re not involved.

    Everyday busy! busy! busy!

    8. His weekends are also busy – but you’re not involved.

    What is he doing oh?

    9. When you ask him to introduce you to his female “friends”:

    Why so  confused sir?

    10. When you start talking about a “future” involving him:

    I don’t get. I’m not joking sir!

    11. When you try and find out about his past:

    Ahn ahn! What are you hiding?

    12. His friends call you “iyawo wa”

    That usually means they are trying to cover up for him. Sorry!

    Jola Ayeye

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  • The Nigerian Dating Scene

    The Nigerian Dating Scene
    Dating in Nigeria is a battle so you gats be prepared! Here are all the types of Nigerian men you are bound to meet:

    1. The young man – He texts like spelling is something of a struggle and has to ask his mum for permission before he takes you on a date.

    Which one is “wots popn?”

    2. The silver fox – You know you are wasting each others time but it’s ok like that.

    Sighhh!

    3. The one with international exposure – Always making reference to his days back in “da unaded keendom” or “U S of A”.

    Let us hear word oh!

    4. The local champion – He doesn’t even bother speaking english.

    And he’s okay like that.

    5. The one that is always too serious.

    Not everyday parables, sometimes just talk normally.

    6. The class clown – This one thinks everything is a joke and refuses to be serious.

    If you don’t joke will you die?

    7. The one that always has “money issues”.

    He’s not broke, he’s just upcoming.

    8. The rich man – Nobody knows where his money comes from but it’s there sha.

    Na Baba God.

    9. The troublemaker

    One day, one trouble.

    10. The lover – all he knows is late night calls and pet names.

    Oga wake up, this is not telanovella.

    11. The regular nice guy – He’s single, kind, funny and responsible, hardworking and really likes you.

    He also doesn’t exist. Wake up.

    Jola Ayeye

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  • The Different Kinds of Nigerian Girlfriends That Exist

    The Different Kinds of Nigerian Girlfriends That Exist

    1. The Razz Girlfriend

    Will embarass you in public You can’t take her out Her boyfriend is probably named Sege

    2. The Lowkey Most Wanted Girlfriend

    Nobody knows who she is dating But everybody still wants her She has different boyfriends she doesn’t even know about

    3. The Fortunate Girlfriend

    Everybody likes her and pities her Can give you 40% of her salary if she loves you Once you break up with her good things start happening to her

    4. The Role Model Girlfriend

    Is dating a rich guy Has the best and perfect relationship She is your boyfriend’s WCW

    5. The Talkative Girlfriend

    Wants to talk all the time Is always making grammar mistakes Can still steal your boyfriend

    6. The “our wife” Girlfriend

    Is very pretty and liked by everyone Will cook for her boyfriend and his friends Cries a lot when she is maltreated

    7. The Patient Girlfriend

    Treats her boyfriend right all the time Will forgive you if you cheat Only if you sing “African Queen” three times

    8. The Greedy Girlfriend

    Cannot keep her eyes somewhere Always looking for some special type of boyfriend called Johnny She will use all your money for funny hairstyles

    9. The Family’s Favorite Girlfriend

    Is the best girlfriend Her boyfriend’s mother and her are best friends Her boyfriend likes to call her “my wife”

    10. The Gist Bank Girlfriend

    Has every human beings gist Will tell you who your boyfriend is cheating on you with Will show you her expensive bag when you ask “where is your boyfriend?”

    11. The Relationship Advisor Girlfriend

    Will tell you what to do to have the best relationship Always has relationship problems Can dress well and steal your man at your own wedding

    12. The Secret Girlfriend

    Will dress better than the host at any party Can help you date your boyfriend Knows how to run a catering business

    13. The Angry Girlfriend

    She probably pressured her boyfriend into a relationship Can beat you up and cause trouble if you don’t propose quickly Will break up with you and block you on instagram if you smile to another girl

    14. The Sure Girlfriend

    Comes from a rich family Spoils her boyfriend whenever she can Your boyfriend is probably in her inbox

    Tobi Smith

    , ,

  • The Different Kinds of Nigerian Boyfriends That Exist

    The Different Kinds of Nigerian Boyfriends That Exist

    1. The Joker Boyfriend

    Never takes you or anything serious Is always joking Asks you “where did you put it?” when you say “I didn’t see my period”.

    2. The Community Boyfriend

    Always boasts of his abilities in bed. Nobody knows who he’s really dating Different girls keep claiming him.

    3. The All Seeing Boyfrend

    He can see everything He only has to look at you to know what you need or want. Best guy. He can even see when you are lying.

    4. The Rich Boyfriend

    He always brags about how much money he has to everybody. Will take you shopping in Dubai. Will give you monthly allowance if you’re his baby mama.

    5. The Most Sought AFter Boyfriend

    Everybody wants him. His girlfriend is tired of seeing heart emojis on his Instagram page. Too many women make him their MCM.

    6. The Fruitful One Time Boyfriend

    Swears he loves his girl. Any girl he hangs out with, is in the maternity ward nine months later. Nobody understands why or how.

    7. The Happening Boyfriend

    This guy is everywhere. His girlfriend is always proud of him. Every girl wants to be with him because he is very popular. Only bad part is he likes to be petty on the internet.

    8. The Lowkey Boyfriend

    He is an alright guy. Nobody cares about him. His girlfriend is never worried about him cheating because other girls don’t think he is good enough.

    9. The Faithful Boyfriend

    He is attractive, girls throw themselves at him. He is never involved in woman wahala. He adores his baby mama, and flaunts her at intervals.

    10. The Crazy Boyfriend

    Girls that he has moved to think he acts strange a lot. His girlfriend is afraid of him and he is unpredictable. He could wake up and start ringing a bell for no reason.

    11. The New Boyfriend

    Is new to the dating scene. His one and only relationship is a hit. He keeps spoiling his girl with good gifts. Other girls tell their boyfriends to be like him.

    12. The Eligible Bachelor

    Everyone knows he is single, but also feels he has a girlfriend. Is always a groomsman Refuses to comment on his relationship status. Under G guy.

    13. The Greedy Boyfriend

    Has the best girlfriend in the world. His girl is proud of him Always asking God for more.

    14. The Confused Boyfriend

    Nobody understands this kind of guy. He claims he has a girlfriend Acts like he is a girlfriend sometimes.

    15. The “It Was Only One Time”Boyfriend

    Is always everywhere Can sleep around if he wants Believes it takes more than once to get a girl pregnant

    16. The Annoying Boyfriend

    Gives the best relationship advice Lives on the internet Will date you for 10 years

    Tobi Smith

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  • 12 Situations That Were Real For Secondary School Relationships

    12 Situations That Were Real For Secondary School Relationships
    For those who had girlfriends in secondary school, or situationships if you were a player that early, you must have experienced some of these situations.  Nothing more annoying than it feeling like a relationship in a prison.

    1. When a junior comes to tell you your girlfriend is waiting in the lobby for you

    It’s lit! Time to go meet the love of my life.

    2. When your girlfriend tells you to keep a seat for her and her friends

    We must sit together today. Rare opportunity.

    3. Making sure nobody dances with your girlfriend at socials

    She’s mine and mine alone.

    4. When you see your seniors talking to your girlfriend

    Please, don’t do this. She’s my all in all, my one and only.

    5. When you guys have prep together and you have to write coded notes to each other

    Communication channel faster than NIPOST and DHL combined.

    6. Fixing meetings in empty classrooms after school hours

    Let us “hang out” in SS3D class, yeah the last classroom on the block.

    7. Or when she tells you to stay back in class after prep

    AYEEE!

    8. When you have to tell your friends to watch the corridor

    Please don’t let me down.

    9. And you also have to be on the lookout

    Have to be alert at all times, can’t go and slack.

    10. When you get carried away and get caught by a teacher

    Is this how I get suspended and drop out of school, and become a spare parts seller?

    11. And you get paraded in front of the assembly

    What an embarrassment. Ordinary kissing.

    12. And you know that is the premature end of your lowkey relationship

    After all I did to keep it secret. What is life.

    Tobi Smith

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  • 13 Things That Are Real For People That Are Single

    13 Things That Are Real For People That Are Single
    Being single sometimes can be a blessing. Other times it can be tasking and we’re sure every single person has found themselves in one of these situations!

    1. When you get asked “why are you single”?

    Oh God not this question again!

    2. And everybody is trying to hook you up with someone.

    Did I ask you? Can I be left alone?

    3. When your friends in relationships bring their problems to you.

    So what is it again this time?

    4. So you have to dish out advice to them.

    See I may be single but this is the best advice you can get.

    5. When a couple invites you to hang out and say there will be other people.

    Let us see how this goes.

    6. But you meet only couples there.

    They said it will be fun. Can I go home please.

    7. Finally finding someone you like.

    Yes! Its about to go down

    8. But they live on a whole different continent.

    Why does this always happen to me? Why me?

    9. Having a huge crush on a person.

    We are about to get married and start our family.

    10. But you find out they are in a two year old relationship.

    This can’t be life.

    11. So you decide to enjoy your single life.

    I really cannot stress myself.

    12. And you tell your parents you don’t care about marriage.

    Are you being manipulated?

    13. So you have to start the hunting process all over again hoping for the best.

    This better work out for good!

    Tobi Smith

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  • 12 Signs A Nigerian Girl Has Friend-zoned You

    12 Signs A Nigerian Girl Has Friend-zoned You

    Friend zone aka the “you will never be bae zone” should have a lot of warning signs for would-be occupants of the zone. See, we are the good guys and know just how painful it is to be cast into that zone.

    So here are 12 signs that indicate that a girl has friend-zoned you completely.

    1. When she tells you she isn’t ready for a relationship then goes on to date someone else two weeks later.

    Smh!

    2. If she says “God forbid” and makes this face whenever the topic of both of you being in a relationship comes up.

    Yup! She is highly disgusted by the idea of dating you.

    3. When you suddenly become her brother or any member of her family.

    Sorry, bro!

    4. Are you helping her pick dresses for dates with other guys?

    As per chief stylist.

    5. Or has she called you her “best bestie in the whole world”.

    But….

    6. When she replies “Awww” after you just sent her a 3-paged epistle on how beautiful she is.

    Eh yaa!

    7. When she starts tell you of a guy that she likes and that guy isn’t you.

    So much evils.

    8. Or she tells you she wishes to find a guy like you.

    But still refuses to make you her bae.

    9. When she tweets “I am single to stupor” and you guys have been talking for almost a year.

    Very tragic!

    10. And she feels really comfortable telling you all the gross things like how bloody her period feels like.

    Dis tew much. Forreal.

    11. When she starts asking you for relationship advice.

    Because, you are Dr Phil and bestie rolled in one.

    12. And when she refers to you as the guy she could have kids with if she happens to be unmarried at 40.

    Why not now please?

    Maryam

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