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If you’re here, then maybe you should leave that relationship
Love is sweet. Love is kind. Love will have you wanting to share your life with a total stranger. but finding that love isn’t the easiest thing, especially when you’re doing your search in Tinubu’s Lagos.
So, we made a list of all the things you’ll need if you want to find your missing rib in this state.
As you enter the Lagos dating scene, you need to remember that there are many people in the streets, but not all of them are looking for love. This is why you need to have at least one religious parent that finds pleasure in climbing mountains and praying for their child on standby, so they don’t make a fool of you.
You need to know people, that know people, that know people. This way, it’s easier for you to find out if that person you had a little tryst with at South is a single pringle or if they’re very much attached and are getting married this December.
The dating scene in Lagos is enough to drive you to near lunacy, so to prevent nearly all the men and women in Lagos running you mad, we suggest you have a good therapist on speed dial. It might be expensive, but prevention is better than cure.
You can find true, sweet love without money.But Davido did say, “When money enter, love is sweeter”, soget the bag and stack your coins first because love is expensive AF.
We suggest you get one with a toilet paper or handkerchief company before you become an active participant in the Lagos dating scene, because you will probably kiss a couple frogs and cry a couple times in your search for love.
You cannot look for something if you don’t know what it looks like.So firstl, you need to have people that love you at home.Then you need to love yourself. if not, the people on these Lagos streets will use your heart to play ball.
If there’s one thing that’s certain, married men would step to you regardless of your sexuality . You’ll need the glasses to spot their wedding band or the tan line left behind by the aforementioned wedding band.
To truly find love in Lagos, you’ll also need to be outside. By that we mean you need to get your Burning Ram tickets, come eat more meat than you can handle and possibly meet the love of your life.
You might’ve done 2023 by yourself, but that doesn’t mean you have to repeat the cycle next year. We’ve told you how to get back with your ex, but just in case they aren’t the one for you, here’s a list of other people that might deserve your love.
You spent all those years on the high school battlefield together, and they looked out for you. That simply means you already have years of experience in taking care of and loving each other, so what could possibly go wrong?
You’ve seen each other naked and unashamed; you’ve taken care of their needs, and they’ve taken care of yours. The love might not be there yet, but we believe with focus and determination, you and your casual link will become lovers.
They’re your best friend; you love them, and they love you too. You both know everything about each other, and yet, there’s an undeniable tension when you’re in a room together. Do you need us to go on our knees before you realise they might be the one for you?
Have you seen how expensive it is to go from place to place these days? If you give your neighbour a chance, you won’t have to spend too much when you want to visit. Also, if you both fall in love and decide to move in together, you’ll just be moving next door.
They handle your money, which means you trust them to some extent. If you can trust them with your money, you can definitely trust them with your heart.
if you fall in love with a friend of the family, you won’t have to worry about if you’ll get along with their family or they’ll get along with yours. All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the love.
Have you seen how gorgeous the place gets at night? Give that decorator a chance and watch them beautify your life beyond recognition.
Christmas is just around the corner, and people are prepping their matching PJs and getting their photographers ready. But for some reason, you can’t stomach the thought of moving into the festive season with your current partner. We see and understand you. We also know how you can end that relationship so you can prepare for your soulmate.
We would say send flowers, but the dollar is on a steady rise;so is the price of fuel. So send a bouquet of ugwu, carrots, and scent leaves to show your appreciation for the love you shared.
Instead of taking all the blame for the downfall of your relationship, tell them the truth: you had a great time together, but you can no longer deal with their bad character. If you return to your house soaked with water, charge it to the game.
If they ask why you think so, refer them to your bank account. That should do the trick.
It’s the low-budget moimoi that’s out to get you. If you can’t even love yourself and choose better, how do they expect you to love them?
READ: 7 Types of People You Shouldn’t Date
If all else fails, find whatever makes their skin crawl and act accordingly. Just don’t overdo it and end up becoming the creepy ex.
Tell them you’re leaving the country and you don’t believe in long-distance relationships. If they try to make you stay, report them to your mother as the weapon fashioned against you.
ALSO READ: 6 Ways To Break Up Without Hurting Your Feelings
Tell them you need a break because you want the love you share to grow and blossom like never before. If they don’t believe you, remind them that absence is supposed to make the heart grow fonder.
Disclaimer: These are stand-alone tips. If you use them together, anything your eyes see, take it.
You might not have a boo for Burning Ram, but you’ll have all the eye candy and meat you desire.
The way the world is set up right now, there’s really no reason for anyone to leave their house. You can get food, groceries, and if you play your cards right, love can be delivered right to your doorstep. We know how.
If you’re seriously looking for love, then spread your net wide and join all the available dating sites. That way, your love can come to you quickly.
Chances are the people in your life want you in a relationship more than you want it. Simply give them the go ahead and watch them work their magic to transform your relationship status to “taken”.
Have you seen all the “We met in the DMs” love stories? Get active on social media, sieve through your DMs and find the love of your life.
According to Hollywood, and sometimes Nollywood, all service men and women are hot. So consider ordering a box of pizza. Or get creative by starting a tiny fire in your house and wait for the firefighters to come in all their glory.
We suggest you go on your knees and beg whatever supreme being you believe in, so they can drag a lover to your front door with all your required specs.
If we’re being honest, there isn’t much left on the streets. It’s probably best you think long and hard, pick your best ex and tell them to act right this time.
If your house has a balcony, we suggest you take strategic positioning to heart and man that station day and night. Hopefully, the one for you will see you and kickstart your happily ever after.
As we’ve seen lately, the possibility of your partner ruining your white by is higher than the levels of shege the Nigerian government has put us through. It can happen at any time, while you’re sitting on your own in your house or after you just got serenaded by THE Usher Raymond. We care about the whiteness of your clothes and your peace of mind, so here are a couple signs you need to look out for to avoid public disgrace and ridicule.
If you see the book anywhere near them, just run. Nothing good comes from reading that book.
If you’ve seen them move like they’ve been possessed before for no reason, it’s probably best to use the door and never come back. Just because, they’re yet to yell in your face, and act a fool, doesn’t mean your turn won’t come.
They’ll sneak diss you with their “jokes” and then start shouting, “I’m just playing” when you refuse to take the insult.
Nothing good has ever come from a person who uses the word “traditional“ to describe themselves. If they say traditional at least twice in a conversation, pack your load and flee.
We know relationships won’t always end amicably, but there’s no way every single one of their exes is out here saying they are nothing to write home about. Let’s be for real, even a broken clock is right twice a day.
They think they’re the best thing since jollof rice and have blocked their ears from listening to anyone reasonable.
No one around them is willing to tell them the truth. They can say the sky is pink and every one in their friend group would concur with their lies.
This simply means they are going to show you shege and gaslight you. You better run.
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and all the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.
In this episode, Aunty Z! has one thing to say and it’s “Leave him.” You’re too big, hello?????
Dear Aunty Z!
I’ve been in a relationship for more than a year. I’m still a virgin but I masturbate often. The problem is my boyfriend tried to rape me one time but he’s sorry about it. We make out but I’m so scared to have sex. He faults me sometimes and says I don’t like him as much as he likes me. I like him, but I’m scared and I think I would love to have sex when I feel safe in a relationship.
-Frances, 23, female
Dear Frances,
Leave him. He tried to rape you and it means he can try it again. Especially since he’s now trying to guilt trip you by talking about how much you don’t like him.
Sex is okay but I don’t think there’s anything in particular you’re missing especially since you masturbate, so you’ve got the orgasm part covered. If your partner can’t respect the fact that you’re just not up to it, then they should be your ex partner.
-Love, Aunty Z!
Dear Aunty Z!
I met this guy online and we’ve been together for over a year. We were flowing through texts and calls. On his birthday, I managed to get a cake to his house through some thorough searches and still gave him a gift when we met physically. Almost a month later he asked that I be his girlfriend but called it off after 6 days. We still talk and act like we have a relationship, because he doesn’t want me with other guys and he says he likes me.
On my birthday, he didn’t call. He only sent a text like I begged for it, but I went all out on his birthday. All the times we’ve gone out, I foot the bills and I give him gifts but he never reciprocates. I always want to stop talking to him, but he always comes saying he’s sorry and doesn’t want me to leave him. I honestly don’t know what to do.
-Princess, 21
Dear Princess,
Leave him. He doesn’t want you to be with other guys but he doesn’t want to date you? He didn’t even call you on your birthday? He’s always begging but never showing changed behaviour? Baby, this man wants to be in a relationship and on the streets at the same time. Leave him on the streets.
Both of you want different things out of this, and I feel like he just wants to be able to have someone. One day you’d ask him why he doesn’t do certain things for you and he’d tell you “Am I your boyfriend?” and he’d be right, because he’s not. I don’t want you to get heartbroken or embarrassed. Tell him you don’t think it’ll work out, if he comes begging, air him. Let him find who can want what he wants.
–Love, Aunty Z!
[shortcode]
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.
In this episode, Aunty Z! gives advice to to a 23-year-old male virgin, and 19-year-old who is in a dilemma with a man twice her age.
I’m 23 and I just want to get laid. I don’t want to have any relationships, just steamy hot fok every other day with someone’s daughter.
All my guys think I’ve gotten laid, and I just want to get it over with and stop lying and spinning tales about one night stands that happened only in my head. How am I still a virgin at 23? How?
-Ziggy, 23, male
Being a virgin is not a terrible thing. Society has made it seem like men must have sex every day and that’s bullshit. It’s sex, not hot Amala – which I recommend for consumption every day.
However, I can understand how you feel. There’s the need to just get it over with, but that kind of pressure can lead to you not even enjoying yourself.
For hot fok to happen, Here are two options. First one is to actually find someone that’s interested in a friends with benefits relationship. There are many young women who just want to be tossed and turned like semo inside pot – no strings attached. The second option is to hire a sex worker if you gave the extra cash. They provide a service, you get your hot fok, and they get paid. It’s good for the economy.
–Best of luck, Aunty Z!
Thank you to you and everyone who advised me. The man is actually is in 40s and he loves showing money off as he is super rich, I’m about to block him but the problem is he has sent me money and it would be like I’m running away so I think I’ll explain everything to him and ask him to send his account details then block him. My friend is the one who pushed me into this because she is enjoying the money and gifts, I’m so disappointed that I even entertained it in the first place, maybe it’s because I’m lonely.
–Kella, 19
You’re absolutely welcome. It’s what I’m here for anyway. If giving him back the money will make you feel better, I’m all for it. Also, please don’t beat yourself up because you entertained his advances. Everyone likes to feel special once in a while especially if you’re constantly lonely. I know I do.
Now, this your friend that is introducing you to men twice your age because she wants to enjoy money and gifts, is her name Slickback? What kind of pimp behaviour is that? Abeg, it’s the new year. You can join scissors twitter and cut her off, or at least put a little distance. New friends will not only be good for you, but they’d help combat the loneliness you feel. Try making new friends online, in school, around your neighbourhood. Making friends is not as hard as people think. It’s consistency, proper communication, and a “Hi, my name is Kella and I think we’d be good friends”.
–Love, Aunty Z!
Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!
[donation]
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now.
In this episode, Aunty Z! gives advice to a woman whose boyfriend blames her for his premature ejaculation, and a 19-year-old who is being pursued by a man twice her age.
My boyfriend and I went to Ghana for the holidays and two weeks into our stay he started complaining of body pains. I went online to look for a masseur in Accra and I saw one that I liked.
After I spoke to the person on the phone I decided to text him on WhatsApp so we can discuss more. During our discussion, he asked for my picture saying he wanted to know who was booking the massage so I sent him one of my pictures then he sent me a picture of his dick. I know I was supposed to reprimand him, but I didn’t and that was it. I cancelled the massage session.
Five days later, he sent me a text when my boyfriend and I were lovey-dovey. The message was that he sent my pictures to one of his clients and the person liked me. He then proceeded to ask if I was available for hookup. When my boyfriend asked who was texting me, I lied. I said I didn’t know the person and that was it.
Yesterday, when my boyfriend and I had sex, he ejaculated early. He said I gave him an infection and that’s why he came early. I got angry and started shouting. He said he saw my messages where I booked an appointment, sent my pictures and the person sent me his dick pictures. He said I’ve slept with Ghana boys and now I’ve infected him. Aunty Z, I’ve been trying to prove my innocence and he doesn’t want to believe me. Please Aunty Z, does an infection cause quick ejaculation? P.S I don’t have an infection.
–Lily, 20
One thing I want you to understand is that the man who sent you his pictures without your consent, harassed you and I’m sorry that happened to you in the first place.
Now, as for the infection, if he’s so sure you gave him one, why don’t you both go to the hospital and get tests done? At least that way if someone actually does have an infection, you’d know what kind and can get medication for it. I genuinely think he’s ashamed of the fact that he came early and is trying to shift blame. Premature ejaculation happens, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
In as much as I think a lot of this is not your fault. I also think you shouldn’t have lied to him in the first place. You should have let him know from the onset about the entire situation. If you had carried him along from the moment he asked who was texting, he wouldn’t have been too angry to see reason.
I hope this works out and he gets a solution to his premature ejaculation problem. He can try sexual enhancers.
–Love, Aunty Z!
I met this man at a conference that I accompanied someone to and he collected my number from my friend who was with me. He texted me and we started talking, but he is older than me by like 20 years and he is married with kids, they don’t stay in the same city where he works and I live. We arranged a date and it was alright, we got to know each other better and he was direct and asked how I feel about polygamy.
I’m worried because he is married and I’m scared to enter polygamy and the age thing again. I’m only talking to him because no one is serious with me and he is like the only serious person.
–Kella, 19
You’re 19. As much as you’re an adult, there’s no reason why at your age, you should be with someone that much older. 20 years older than you means he’s 39. What exactly do the both of you have in common?
My love, I’ve been where you are. I had a terrible history of taking attention wherever I found it, and I found it a lot in the hands of older men. It hardly ever ends well, and I don’t want to see you hurt.
Also, is his wife aware that their marriage is polygamous? Would you really want a situation where you get “married” to him and his actual wife and his family members start bullying you? If he wants a second wife, he should find his age mates.
You’re too young to be stressed by things like this. There will be more serious people, and they’d be age-appropriate. Don’t entertain this man Kella. Just block him and move on with life.
-Love, Aunty Z!
Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!
[donation]
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now
In this episode, Aunty Z! helps a woman navigate trying to get rid of a crush, and talks to another about the need to love short men.
I really don’t have relationship issues as I’m a single pringle. I’m just curious to know who you tell your issues to if you’re here fixing everyone’s issues? Oh, I have a crush on this guy that doesn’t want to go away. It is super annoying and I’m really over this feeling, but the feeling is not even shaking.
–Athena, 26
I see you worrying about me. You’re sweet. Don’t worry, I have many people to talk to – in this Zikoko compound alone, dem plenty. Now to the reason we’re gathered here today: your crush.
Girl, those things are stressful. Trust me. You will be on your own, they will cross your mind or text you and all of a sudden your body will start doing gbim gbim. It’s the worst.
Here, I’ll suggest two things: you can tell him how you feel – I know you’re thinking “is Aunty Z! trying to kill me?” Maybe. I’m kidding, but you never know what could happen there. The worst thing he can say is that he doesn’t feel the same way. You chop your L and bounce.
The other thing, which I personally think is what you’ll go for – try and create some distance between the both of you. I don’t know if you work together or you are friends, but it may be necessary to create some kind of mental and physical distance. So maybe not communicating with them as much or when you think about them, try to distract yourself with some other activity (e.g. take a bunch of Zikoko quizzes and read our articles, my dear you will almost forget this person exists). That said, you could also just wait it out. It’s a crush and those things don’t usually last forever. You’ll get over it soon enough. If you’re not over it by New Year’s, message me, I will call my baba, and we’ll make this a spiritual situation.
–Love, Aunty Z!
I finally found someone perfect but he’s short. I love him a lot and he treats me really well, I’m not just sure about navigating a relationship with a short man.
– Aunty Z!
So last week, it was someone claiming to be my ex. This week, it’s someone who is impersonating me? Identity theft is a very serious offence, but I’d let it slide this time.
If I’m getting you correctly, you found someone perfect for you. As in, in this Nigeria where everyone’s head touches frequently, you found someone whose own brain touch complements yours. He also treats you very well and loves you as much as you love him. Babe, with all the breakfast they’re serving outside, you found something good and the problem is that he is short? Haba nau. Come off it. Our short kings deserve love too.
If it was that his height stopped both of you from being intimate, then that’s a huge issue, but what makes navigating a relationship with a short man hard? It’s the same way you navigate every relationship. With honest conversation, love and trust. Does his height make him any less of a man or do you think that taller people are better partners because they are closer to heaven? What will his being taller change about your relationship?
I sense that some of this may be due to some external pressure or narrative that as a woman you must be with a man that’s taller than you. I’m here to tell you that height doesn’t mean shishi. You’ve checked off the things that matter – mutual love and respect – so why are you giving yourself a headache? My darling, please love your short man and love him well. Don’t let society’s warped ideals ruin your chance at a good thing.
– Love, the REAL Aunty Z!
Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!
[donation]
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now
In this episode, Aunty Z gives advice to a woman struggling to get into a relationship, a man struggling to keep one, and a lady who might be dating a self-help book.
I haven’t been in a “relationship” my whole life. I started off with situationships. The first guy, John, I liked him a lot and he lied about liking me. After some years, I found out he had a girlfriend who was a virgin then so he was always coming to me for sex. I still feel like shit till now. The second guy, BJ, was no different than John. I was desperate and wanted to feel wanted and loved by the opposite gender. I find it hard to forgive the girl that I was then.
It’s 2021 and I still can’t find someone who wants a relationship. Every guy that approaches me is mostly emotionally unavailable and I stop talking to them within some time because I easily get attached and I wouldn’t want to have feelings. The ones that are ready for a relationship are older men that come for marriage and I don’t want it now. I keep wondering if I’m doing something wrong.
–Vee, 21, female
I’d like to start off by saying that a lot of people want to feel loved. Either from friends, family, or romantic connections. Love is a beautiful emotion to experience, so it’s normal that people would want it. On that note, I would really like for you to forgive the girl you were then. The things that had happened, have happened and they’re not your fault. We move.
Now, as for finding someone that wants a relationship, I think you should widen your scope of men. I mean, going out to new places, asking friends to introduce you to their friends. It’s a good excuse to get dressed up and go out if you’re someone that enjoys going out. If you don’t, you can try dating apps or even regular social media apps. Look at Twitter, there are a lot of people finding love on that app every day but let me warn you, Twitter is also the trenches.
The important thing is to note that the love of a romantic partner is not the most important thing in life. It’s okay to want it, you just can’t centre your entire life around finding someone to date. Think of it this way. In this case, you’re a doughnut and romantic love is the jam. You’re good with or without. You might lose yourself in the process.
–Love, Aunty Z!
How do you know you are polyamorous? Or do you slide from indisciplined to polyamorous? Most of my relationships always go well until a new girl shows up randomly, it starts from simple friendship to maybe friends with benefits and then relationship (something just happens and the primary relationship ends).
I get easily bored with people so that can explain the thrill of meeting new people and getting attached in one way.
Do I need help or I should assume I’m polyamorous?
–Aunty Z’s ex, 30, male
Not only are you all turning me into a babalawo specialist, but you’re also giving me relationships I don’t remember partaking in. Luckily for you, I don’t hate any of my exes, so let’s get to problem-solving.
I can say with 100% certainty that you are not polyamorous, just bored. Polyamorous people don’t dump their current partner simply because they find someone new and interesting. What you are, is bored. I get it, I get bored too. One thing that has helped me is to never run out of something to talk about. Rediscovering new things about your partner keeps you interested. So, when you notice you’re already getting bored, you should try a game or activity for you both. You might think you know someone until you play a card game with them while you’re both drinking. You’d see a side you have never seen before.
So, try new activities, and open yourself up to learning and immersing yourself in her world enough to keep you invested. Then, if it gets boring and none of the activities work, it’s okay to end it and find someone new. Dating is supposed to be a fun chance to experience people.
–Love, Aunty Z!
The issue is that my partner of a year plus doesn’t talk to me anymore. Not the typical ghosting, they view my status, send me links for opportunities and personal development tweets and all but we do not have the conventional partners communication, they’re currently using my Laptop, so recently, I tried opening a conversation by saying “Hey you” and there they go, ” Oh I’m sorry about your Laptop, can I return it on Monday”. I’m still interested in them though and I was wondering if there’s anything I can do to bring our relationship back to life. P. S We live in the same city and the last time I visited, I saw another woman’s nudes on their phone. Should that have been a clue to let go of them?
–Honeydrops, 22, female
I like this your name. Dust your slippers, put them on your head, and run. You don’t have a partner, you have a self-help book. Sure, relationships can help aid your personal development, but if that’s all you both talk about, I don’t know..
Seriously though, communication is the backbone of every good relationship. Sure, love is important, but it’s never enough. You need to ask them why they no longer talk to you.
Also, before that conversation, prepare yourself for the possibility of the relationship coming to an end. If they seem so reluctant to talk now, there’s a possibility they might not want to talk anytime soon and is that something you genuinely want to deal with? A partner that doesn’t communicate. The woman’s nudes on the phone are definitely not helping matters because why are they keeping the nudes a woman sent them when they’re in a relationship? That’s a major red flag. I wish you the best of luck!
–Love, Aunty Z!
Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!
[donation]
Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now
Today, Aunty Z! talks about loaning money to people you just started talking to, distant friendships, and how to be a girlfriend.
Dear Aunty Z!
Why is this person I’m talking with asking me to loan him 25k just a few weeks after we started talking? Should we still continue talking or I should ghost his ass?
George, 21
Based on what you’re telling me, it doesn’t seem like both of you are close enough for him to demand that kind of favour. 25k? In this economy? Does he think you manufacture sardine?
That said, I don’t think it’s enough to stop talking to him completely. You might not be comfortable with it, but you may also have been his last resort. Just tell him you can’t lend him the money and keep it pushing. His reaction can tell you whether or not to, as you say, ghost his ass. Does he act up? Insult you? Ice you out? If he does any of these things, it’s time to become Casper.
Love, Aunty Z!
So my best friend just complained that our relationship has been really distant lately and I’ve been keeping things from her. I didn’t really understand because I thought things with us were really cool. My question now is, how can I be as open with her as she wants? She’s my best friend and I don’t want to lose her.
Uwa, 22
Sometimes, people demand more in relationships. You may have been satisfied with where you were, but she wasn’t. That doesn’t mean things weren’t cool, it just means that she wants more. Garri wey John go finish fit no belle full Paul.
The only person that can answer your question is your best friend. Your language of giving and your best friend’s language of receiving might be two different languages. You have to communicate with her and figure out what she wants and how she wants it. If not, you might just end up doing something she might not appreciate.
Love, Aunty Z!
Dear Aunty Z!,
There is a guy I like, and he likes me back. He asked me to be his girlfriend, I want to say yes but I don’t know anything about being in a relationship. I am scared I might just bore him out of whatever he feels.
Lota, 25
Being a partner is one of the few jobs where you don’t need experience. You learn on the job. Quite frankly, you liking him and him liking you back is all that’s needed to start.
You’re scared of boring him and I think that’s unfair to you and to him. You clearly enjoy being with each other. Choosing to be partners should not put an end to that. Don’t put pressure on yourself. Just enjoy all of it.
Also, if this is the only reason you’re holding back, please say yes. Always communicate with your partner and share ways you can love each other better. Of course, let me know how it’s going.
Love, Aunty Z!
Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!
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Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now
Today, Aunty Z! gives advice to a man in love with two women, a woman who stopped enjoying sex with her husband, and Stanley from last week who has some more things to clarify.
Dear Aunty Z!,
There’s this girl that I liked a lot a few years ago, let’s call her Ella. When I made a move back then, she was in a relationship and didn’t like me that way. Some months ago, we met and it’s safe to say it was love at that sight. Now she’s single and we’ve been seeing each other for a while now. We really love and want to be with each other.
The problem now is I’m currently in a long-distance relationship. I still have feelings for my babe and I feel it’ll hurt her real bad if I leave her to be with someone else. I’m in a dilemma and I really don’t know what to do. I’ve been seeing Ella and our feelings for each other just keep growing, and that has taken a toll on my relationship.
Ella really wants to be with me as much as I want to be with her but now she’s running out of patience and I understand that. I don’t want to rush and make hasty decisions based on emotions. I don’t want to lose Ella (again), but honestly, I also don’t feel like it’s the right time to call things off with my babe yet. Please, I need advice.
Jared, 23
It seems you want to eat your cake and have it. You somehow want to keep your current girlfriend and continue seeing Ella. Haba na.
You say you don’t want to hurt your girlfriend by leaving her to be with someone else, but you’re cheating on her. I don’t think she’d enjoy being cheated on either.
I want you to weigh your options. Sit down with yourself and list all the reasons staying with your girlfriend will be a good idea, and then list all the reasons why giving this relationship with Ella a chance is a good idea. If you choose your girlfriend, you have to let her know about Ella and then she’d decide if she wants the relationship to continue. If you realise that being with Ella is what your heart wants, then you should call things off with your girlfriend immediately. Nobody deserves to be in a relationship with someone who has one leg out the door.
I wish you the best of luck in whichever relationship you decide to pursue. Let me know how it works out for you.
Love, Aunty Z!
Dear Aunty Z!,
I am no longer sexually attracted to my husband. He does not turn me on at all. I am not even interested in making any effort anymore, I just lay there and let him finish.
I buy lube a lot. I am not going to deny him every time just because I don’t feel a thing no matter what he does, nor do I want to get hurt while he is at it. I get irritated when he tries to touch me anywhere because it’s simply a waste of both of our times, he just doesn’t turn me on.
I wasn’t like this when we got married 6 years ago. He was a virgin, I wasn’t. The very sight of him turned me on back then. I would seduce him in crazy lingerie, wake him up with blowjobs, walk in on him in the washroom and fuck him mindless. He was a lazy lover even then, no imagination, or initiative. I think I got tired of trying to get him to be more sexual than practical and I became numb somehow. He could walk around me now with a hard-on all day long and I wouldn’t feel anything but a slight irritation.
I don’t know why I am writing to you. Perhaps I want a solution? Outside this, we’re both great, I think. He’s sexually miserable for sure, and keeps talking about how I have changed.
Eni, 31
I know what it’s like having a lazy sexual partner, and it can be absolutely frustrating when you know there’s a potential for amazing sex, but they’re not just putting in the effort.
It seems to me that both of you realise there’s a problem with your sex lives. He thinks you’ve changed, and you feel he’s not doing enough to excite you. You used to enjoy seducing him and all the fun things you came up with, but you got tired of doing all of the work. You should bring that up with him, and also tell him the kind of things you like. Think back to the top five sexual experiences you’ve had. What made them so great? Why not recreate some of those scenarios.
I think your solution is quite simple. Remind him that sex is not something done to you, but something both parties are meant to enjoy. With what you’ve described, it sounds like he’s using you as a sex toy, and that’s not what we want.
His laziness means he didn’t have a chance to explore you and what you like, so tell him you need more of that. Also, don’t throw out the lube. You’d need it, especially if things go well. You can never have too much lube.
Love, Aunty Z!
Dear Aunty Z!,
It’s Stanley again. Thank you for your advice. I just wanted to add some details and provide some clarity. The man she’s in love with is the one I want to shag with her. I suspect he’s bi because he registers strongly on my gaydar and the last time he came to visit because my wife is the godmother to his first son, he reached out to embrace me and almost kissed me. It’s not officially open because she’s in denial about her feelings for him and it caused a row for a while when I found out and confronted her. So now she’s very careful and I am waiting patiently for a slip. A conversation won’t work because she would simply deny her sexuality or emotional love for the other guy. Another way would be to initiate a threesome with the guy and see where it goes. Any tips?
Stanley, 35
Thanks for writing back. First things first, your confidence in your gaydar is admirable. But even though, Stanley. Even though. I still think it’s not that simple.
Also, something about “waiting patiently for a slip” feels like we’ve entered weird territory, my friend. This situation is starting to feel unhealthy for the both of you.
I’m for the idea of suggesting a threesome because at least you guys will talk, but I think you need to not press on about her loving this guy. Try as much as possible to create a safe enough environment for a conversation about her emotions or sexuality.
You should also be okay with letting this go. It’s a possibility and something you should consider.
Love, Aunty Z!
Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!
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Are you the cheat in your relationship or is it your partner that does the cheating? Find out who cheats in this quiz:
The regular dating pool is a mess and all the people in it are various levels of terrible. But that is nothing compared to the gutter that is dating creatives. If you need a reason why you shouldn’t date a creative, here are 11.
Or sometimes, a weird mix of both. These people are very mannerless. You can’t tell if they are running late for an 8 a.m. work meeting or a beach day with friends. They are always dressed wrong for every occasion, except when they want to upstage their “enemies.” My dear, burn those cargo pants today and just be ready to be single.
For example, if you have the misfortune of dating a poet, you need to go for deliverance and book therapy sessions ahead. You were probably thinking that they will write you cute poetry every morning, but what you will get is a beautifully written break-up letter that will destroy you forever.
I know this sounds like a bad thing but it’s not. If you are committed to dating a creative person, not having anything in common is good but only for them. They get to spend hours talking about the stuff they like. Like convincing you that you’ll like some terribly made movie they think is groundbreaking
Or whatever piece of media they eventually put out. If you have decided to date a writer, I pity you sha. You think your partner is attentive because they listen to you rant and ask questions but the truth is they are simply taking notes in their head for when you two inevitably break up and they use you as a villain in their book.
You can’t argue with your musician boyfriend because the next thing you know, he has used the voice note where you told him that he will never blow for his album intro. Dating a creative is a nightmare.
Don’t bother trying to take a cute unawares picture with your photographer partner because If they don’t edit it to perfection how will people know that they are good at their job? At least you’d have good pictures after you break up except they watermark it out of spite.
Have you ever told an artist that they put too much pepper in their food? Next thing, they will say that you called their painting ugly. There is nothing like constructive criticism with them.
They might be interested in you today, but for how long? Don’t let them sell you dirty lies. It takes a lot to keep these people. Is it even worth it? Break up today for your peace of mind.
You think you know English, my dear you know nothing. It’s bad enough that they have the creative license to create words, they also know words you’ve never heard of. Do not be swayed by good English. That’s how we got colonized the last time.
You can never enjoy anything artistic with them because they always have notes. The lighting could have been better in that scene. The camera angles are wrong. That song is wrong for that scene and other stories. They will ruin everything you love.
Creatives like to lie to themselves that instead of addictions, what they have are creativity boosters. Meanwhile, they have vices that have vices. Dating a creative is an extreme sport that is not for the weak-minded. Be ready to see them at their worst.
If you’re thinking of dating a gym rat, the best place to meet them is a gym. If you go to the gym and see these extremely fit people, or even the gym instructor and all of a sudden you’re catching feelings. My dear, it’s dehydration, kill that crush because here are 10 things you will have to deal with if you date them.
Irrespective of taste difference, they will blend it. At odd hours in the morning, mid-afternoon, late at night? If drinking their disgusting mixtures doesn’t kill you, all that noise will. You shouldn’t be dating someone that is trying to kill you.
I have no problem with people carrying portable tanks up and down but the moment you’re a little thirsty and you ask them for water? Very stingy set of people.
Your new gym rat partner will disturb you about what you eat so much and if you don’t have a very strong will, you’d end up giving in. The worst part is that they recommend that you eat everything but that actual version of human food e.g carrot milk, wtf is that?
You are dating them and the gym at once. For your sake, don’t ever ask a gym rat to choose between you and the gym because it will end in premium tears.
Very inconsiderate people as you can see because why are they wearing something you can’t steal? Must everyone see their gains? Dating a gym rat is a brave task only a few can do.
The feeling of being carried is top tier. Until they start using you as a weight lifter when their gym membership expires by mistake for one day.
It’s not because they can’t oh but because between all the time they spend at the gym and with you, they can’t make time to cheat. Except it’s a Nigerian man then lmao.
You must surely know this since you’ve decided to date a gym rat. Make your peace with this and invest in earplugs.
This seems like something small but imagine that you’re late to work and you can’t look at the mirror because your partner is busy flexing their pecs for one hour, just imagine.
Gym membership there, a water bottle here, running shoes, headphones. They’re basically begging you to join their cult.
If you like this, you can read more here
Relationships do not begin and end with cute couple pictures hashtagged relationship goals branded with deep cute captions on instagram. No dear, it is deeper than that. Which is why committing yourself into one should not be done for the wrong reasons. Before you commit someone’s child and start reciting “I love you more”, be sure you are actually ready for that commitment.
If you’re still hung up on your ex then what you need is this zikoko guide to getting over him. Not a new relationship. Getting into a new relationship while still mourning your last one is classic very easily predictable a recipe for disaster.
Which in itself is a great thing. But in a relationship, not so much. You need to be open to hearing your partner’s perspective and finding a way to merge both for the greater good of the relationship. A relationship involves two people and a lot of compromising.
The max you can go with sharing a space with other people is 24 hours. After that you start contemplating throwing them out the window because their breathing suddenly becomes too loud. If this is you then you’re not ready for a relationship quite yet. People in relationships tend to spend a lot of time in each other’s space. A lot. Like a lot.
Wrong move. It will end in tears dear. If you’re bored start binge watching a series on Netflix. Or rewatch our blind date series. A relationship is not the cure to boredom. That’s like going for surgery when good old panadol can take your pain away. Again, it will end in plenty tears dear.
And they won’t shut up about it. But still, a relationship is not like a bag that you get because all your friends got one and you all need to post a squad goals picture with it. Take a chill pill and come down from that bandwagon you want to ride dear. Then mute your friends so you will hear word.
Then take this quiz to figure out why you are still single.
While we are sorry that the relationship ended and left you with a broken heart, we are also interested in seeing you move on and glow sis. If you can relate to the signs you are not over your ex yet on this list then you need to put more effort into moving on. You’re allowed to mourn the end of a relationship but you shouldn’t put your life and happiness on hold because of it girl.
If you’re still significantly contributing to the profile views on his social media accounts then there’s a problem. You my dear, are slowly becoming the stalker ex girlfriend the movies talk about. And you need to stop before the embarrassing plot twist comes. For your own good.
And it keeps getting awkward. You need to stop bumping into him too girl. At this point he can probably already tell that it is no longer coincidence.
…or even outrightly texting him. Both of which are unhealthy choices if you really want to move on with your life.
Because you have made him the bar. But he is not be the bar. You determine what or who the bar is. You need to take control of the narrative.
And not in a good way. But rather in that deep melancholic my-life-is-in-ruins without him kind of way.
You keep talking about him to anyone who cares to listen. So much that even friends who don’t really know him can write a full essay on him complete with an accurate picture of his personality.
Even when she didn’t do anything to instigate it. You keep beefing his new girl for no reason other than that she replaced you. But she is not the problem dear, she is living her best life. The problem is that you somehow think she stole the key to yours. But she didn’t.
While you are here would love some feedback on our “What She Said” series. Please be a darling and drop it HERE.
Granted, dating is the most complicated adult game invented. Yes, there’s chess and 3D chess but trust me when it comes to unnecessarily confounding technicalities, plot twists and plot turns dating easily takes the lead.
Owing to this fact naturally people would seek dating advice from supposed experts and rule books. We understand that, but we also need you to know that as you take in advice there are 4 sources you should not consider.
Romantic novels are for teenagers who want to get unsupervised insight into adult romance. Not adults who need guidance on building a relationship. When you become an adult you realize that they are a scam. Every male protagonist is the same man with a different name and hair color. And the female protagonists are all the same with different hair and eye colors. So predictable.
The world is moving on and becoming more progressive but Nollywood is still consistently and diligently dishes out story lines steeped in archaic gender profiles. If you’re going to date in 2020, you need references from a source whose source is not the 1800’s.
Hollywood might be more socially advanced, but they are too dramatic. Love at first sight, one soulmate per person and the relationship arch where they almost break up but one last dramatic gesture saves the day only belong in movies. Best believe; real life hits differently, taking dating advice from hollywood would be a recipe for disaster.
Hollywood might be dramatic but you see Zeeworld? The dictionary won’t tell you but they are the reason the word “dramatic” was coined. The overstating of the obvious, the needless slow motion breaks and the ridiculous story lines should be enough of a warning.
While you are here we would like you to know what you think of our “What She Said Series“. Be nice and drop your review here.
