Premature death

Nobody knows for sure when anyone will cease to breathe in this world, but then, certain factors can hasten the process if care is not taken.

So, if you don’t want to die before your time, avoid these 11 things, especially number 10.

1. Googling your symptoms

If you Google your symptoms EVERY TIME you feel sick, then there’s nothing more to say to you except this: a doctor is your friend, not Google.

2. Living in Lagos

Living in Lagos is such an extreme sport that even the strong are slowly dying. It is a breeding ground for self annihilation, and if you decide to live there, it’s at your own risk.

3. Sapa

There’s a certain level of “broke” you’ll be that even checking your account balance can give you an instant cardiac arrest. Nice one, sapa.

4. Eating like a thief

Especially if you eat between 12 a.m and 4 a.m. then I’m sorry, but your last days might be near.

5. Drinking panadol for other people’s headache

To avoid this, apply the almighty formula: drink water and mind the business that’s yours.

6. Bad belle

When you don’t have joy in your life for yourself, talk more of other people, how do you want to live long, ehn? Repent.

7. Your internet connection

You know that urge you get to hit your head on the wall each time the network moves mad just as you’re about to do something productive with your life? That is frustration at work. A very deadly by-product of being Nigerian.

8. Being a Nigerian

The Nigerian government has shown time and time again that it’s on a mission to snuff the life out of its citizens. And until you fall down and die, they’ll never rest. Japa what? Loading…

9. Tightening things to your chest

Small thing, smoke starts erupting from your ears. Hian! Be calming down for your life’s sake.

10. Your neighbor’s gen

If you don’t die from the fumes, then beware, you might lose your sense of hearing before you turn sixty. Better do something about your neighbor’s gen, quick.

11. Nigerian federal universities

It’s either you kill the federal university or it kills you, because either way you’re not getting out with your spirit, soul or body intact.