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Penis | Zikoko!
  • Hygiene 101: How to Care for Your Penis and Balls

    Hygiene 101: How to Care for Your Penis and Balls

    I recently talked to a friend who said she got scarred after giving her boyfriend oral sex during a random quickie. According to her, “It smelled like stale urine and locust beans down there.” Now, I can’t say I know for sure what a healthy penis should smell like, but I do know what it shouldn’t smell like, and top of that list is stale urine.

    After that conversation, I knew I had to cover men’s hygiene for men’s health awareness month. The boys are out here neglecting the hygiene of their reproductive organs. If you’ve got a penis and balls, here’s a guide on how to keep them in tip-top shape.

    Wash up

    Don’t just splash water on your phallus and jump out of the bathroom. Dedicate some time to gently washing the nooks and crannies. Get all that build-up of sweat and urine out of the way with water and mild soap.

    Pat it dry after every bath

    Ever pulled off your boxers after a long day and shuddered at the smell that hit your nostrils? It’s probably because you didn’t clean up properly after bathing. It’s super important you pat everywhere dry. Personally, I spread out in front of a standing fan for a few minutes before putting on underwear.

    Rinse off after every pee

    This is a common practice among Muslim men, but everyone should do it. After every pee, shake your junk to get all the excess urine out and rinse off with water. This is the easiest way to avoid smelling off and having urine stains on your underwear.

    Shave

    Listen, I’ve never known a time when it was cool to leave a clump of pubic hair hovering over your dick. Grab a tube of hair removal cream and scrape that stuff off. A low trim is preferable since hair also prevents against STIs. If you can, reach for the hair around the anus too. I hear some barbers offer this as a service.

    Don’t repeat boxers

    Many men are guilty of repeating underwear. That’s bad business for your odogwu and sons, bro. The ideal thing to do is wash your boxers after every use and wear a fresh pair daily.

    Stick to cotton boxers

    Yes, you prefer spandex boxers and hot pants because they help you hide random erections in public. But do you know they may be doing more harm than good because they trap air? Cotton underwear does a better job at keeping the air circulating down there. Basically, they let the balls breathe.

    Avoid hot water

    I know you’re tempted to bathe with piping hot water when it’s cold, but that’s bad business for your penis and balls. Hot water can cause irritation. Also, since the testicles need to be cooler than body temperature to function properly, hot water can overheat them and affect sperm production.

    Clean the foreskin

    Not all men have a foreskin, but if you’ve got one, you’ll need to raise it up and clean it properly whenever you bathe. Smegma—a thick, cheesy-looking secretion—builds up under the foreskin when left unwashed. The smell is unpleasant, and if it’s left unattended, it can also cause redness, itching, and swelling.

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    Powder it up

    Things get real messy down there during the hot season. Air gets trapped in your cotton underwear, and all that sweat makes it annoyingly sticky. One way out? Apply a generous dab of powder in the corners of your private parts. It keeps the moisture in check and helps you feel dry.

    Always look in the mirror

    Yup, you should always have routine checks where you grab a mirror and see what’s going on down there. Look out for bumps on your ball sack and groin area. If anything looks off, go to the hospital ASAP.

    Read this next: 7 Nigerian Men Confess Their Biggest Big Dick Struggles

  • What’s the Difference Between Main Boyfriend Penis and Side Guy Penis?

    What’s the Difference Between Main Boyfriend Penis and Side Guy Penis?

    As we all know, Nigerian women don’t cheat, they only step out to catch their breaths. As a Nigerian woman myself, I’ve taken time out to explore the main difference between the main boyfriend’s penis and the side guy’s penis. 

    1. Side Guy’s penis is “we shouldn’t be doing this” penis and the sex is always better

    Sex that’s like stealing meat from your mother’s pot in the middle of the night is the best. The adrenaline rush when you have sex with a man that’s not your man is perfect. It’s a good way to get fresh air. Even the Bible agrees that stolen waters are sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant.

    2. Main Boyfriend’s penis is not so big, but it’s comfortable

    Boyfriend penis is a reliable penis. It’s not too big or too small. It’s the type of penis that gets work done when work needs to be done. The only downside of boyfriend penis is getting too used to it. It doesn’t make your eyes roll to the back of your head. 

    3. But Side Guy’s penis is big!

    See, the side guy’s penis is very big. Infact, it’s so big, it can oftentimes get uncomfortable. Side guy penis isn’t the kind that you get every day, except you have plans to harm yourself in the long run because of too much greed. Side guy’s penis can dash you nine orgasms in one day.

    4. Hidden gems are the best gems

    Your side guy is a hidden gem and so is his penis. Hidden gems are best kept a secret before someone comes to steal what is yours. The joy alone can give you micro orgasms even days after the seks. Gives you a guilty pleasure to always look forward to.

    5. Side Guy will fuck you like a slut

    Stepping out to catch your breath and get some fresh air is a good opportunity to get your legs swung from side to side. Your side guy is going to put his big penis to action and fuck you like a slut. 

    6. Side Guy always has time on his hands

    Not judging them o, but maybe the reason side guys always has time on his hands is because being a side guy is his full-time job. But who cares? Their joblessness is to your advantage, it means his penis doesn’t get tired.

    7. Side Guy’s penis comes with repercussions

    The side guy’s penis is very good but sometimes has harmful repercussions. It’s only good for a short period of time and best enjoyed in small quantities. Don’t get carried away and try to make your side guy’s penis your main penis. You’ll cry hot tears and no one will listen to you. 

  • 8 Photos That Prove That Nigerian Men Are All About Their Penises

    8 Photos That Prove That Nigerian Men Are All About Their Penises

    1. The fact that they urinate everywhere and anywhere they go.

    Imagine the outrage that would ensue if a woman did this.

    2. The fact that everywhere you turn, someone is selling man power i.e sexual performance enhancers.

    Fun Fact: Most of these things are poison. The ones that aren’t poison, don’t work.

    3. All the stories about penises getting stolen with jazz in Oshodi.

    I’ve always wondered. If your penis gets stolen with jazz, does it leave a gaping hole or just bare skin?

    4. That myth about a man’s penis becoming small if you cross over him.

    A small penis is social suicide for a man.

    5. Men sitting in public with their legs spread wide open.

    The ultimate “I have a penis” pose.

    6. When a man can’t impregnate his wife and people ask him, “Are you even a man?”

    If your penis doesn’t work, you’re not  a man.

    7. The myth about a man’s penis disappearing if you flog him with a broom.

    I’m asking again. If your penis gets stolen, does it leave a gaping hole or bare skin??

    8. Men packing their crotches all the time.

    The official “my penis is so big I have to adjust it every two minutes” gesture.

    As you’ve read this, you should definitely read the Nigerian parent’s guide to sex education.

    The Nigerian Parent’s Guide To ‘Sex Education’