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As a fresh corps member in Nigeria, you’ll spend three weeks at the NYSC orientation camp of the state you’ve been posted to. And these three weeks can be hell or heaven, depending on the state.
Since very little will prepare you for exactly what you’ll witness in camp, we decided to do the Lord’s work and give you a glimpse of ten orientation camps to start.
Kogi
Photo source: Cassie Davies
Location: Asaya, Kabba LGA
The Kogi state governor needs to swing into action and give this camp a major facelift. Just look at that abandoned public school classroom cosplaying as a camp clinic. God, abeg.
Enugu
Photo source: Instagram/@nyscenugu
Location: Awgu LGA
Why are they feeding human beings through the louvers? And that red soil. This camp will stain your white, so you better pack cash for laundry.
Kwara
Photo source: Instagram/@nysc_kwara
Location: Yikpata, Edu LGA
I’ve got two questions: What do the FG and NYSC have against tarring the camp grounds? Do they get commission from the laundry guys?
Ebonyi
Photo source: Ebonyinysccamp
Location: Macgregor College, Afikpo LGA
I don’t know if it’s the pictures or this camp is heavy on the Nollywood village grammar school vibes.
Anambra
Photo source: Instagram/@officialnyscanambra
Location: Umuawulu/Mbaukwu Awka South LGA
That first photo must’ve been carefully orchestrated for PR. Who asked for a view of the camp through a palm tree-lined path? I suppose nature lovers would have a swell time camping here… if they can manage all that red soil.
Ondo
Photo source: Instagram/@ondonysc_camp
Location: Ikare Akoko LGA
Is it my eyes or this camp is giving Obudu Cattle Ranch? They get five points for that volleyball court.
Oyo
Photo source: Instagram/@oyokopa
Location: Iseyin
Tarred roads, a volleyball court and a splash of greenery? Yes, please. But why do I feel like there’ll be a lot of long-distance trekking in this camp?
Ogun
Photo source: Instagram/@obsnyscogunstate
Location: Sagamu
I had no idea what to expect from Ogun state but surely not this nice auditorium and amphitheatre. They get B+ for effort.
Lagos
Photo source: Instagram/@nyscenugu
Location: Iyana-ipaja
Lagos camp still doesn’t have a main auditorium in almighty 2024. But if you can forgive this, they’ve got the nicest volleyball court and badass three-storey hostels. Love it.
Rivers
Photo source: X
Location: Nonwa Gbam Tai LGA
You should have all the bragging rights with no questions asked when your main auditorium looks like this.
I’ll always preach the gospel that NYSC should begin and end with the three-week orientation camp. Why do I have to dedicate a year of my life to serving my fatherland? It’s giving forced labour, please.
Anyway, I decided to rank 16 experiences that are very familiar to anyone who has ever, or will potentially answer, annoying names like Otondo, Corper Wee Wee Wee and Corper Wa Wa Wa. TF?
Let’s get into it.
1. Receiving your call up letter
This is where you know if you serve a living God or if your village people have plans for you. If you get the state you want, good for you. If you don’t, you’ll start asking yourself questions like, ”Is this even necessary?”
Verdict: This is fun.
2. Packing for camp
You think you know what confusion is? Wait until you hear distorted information about the number of photocopies to make, white shorts and shirts to pack, and everything else that should follow you to camp. I made a total of 100 photocopies.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
3. Arriving at orientation camp
It might not look like it because you’ll probably be stressed AF, but it’s one of the sweetest NYSC experiences because it’s real as shit. It’s the real “Mama, I made it” moment followed by this next one.
Verdict: This is fun.
4. Getting your NYSC gear
If you’re still in doubt, receiving your NYSC kit will help you realise that true true, na you be the latest corper wee in town.
Verdict: This is fun.
5. When nothing fits you
This is where chaos starts. You’ll have to ask strangers if they’re willing to exchange with you. Whether you find someone or not, it’s lowkey one of the most annoying things to experience on the first day in camp.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
6. The struggle for bedspace
As someone who got the bed space closest to the room’s entrance and toilet, let me tell you that this seemingly simple activity of choosing where to sleep can define what your camp life will look like. NYSC should better make bed space and room selection part of the registration process.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
7. Bonding with your roomates
If you take a cherished moment/experience away from NYSC, it probably started from your assigned room. This is where you’ll likely make friends with random people you don’t know from Adam.
Verdict: This is fun.
8. The early morning drills
This one will make you swear from the bottom of your heart for the person who came up with the idea that birthed NYSC.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
9. Getting your first pay
The money might only buy a plate of food at mami but yes to chopping government money!
Verdict: This is fun.
10. Discovering mami market
If you’re like me who didn’t want anything to do with camp food, the mami market will be your small mecca during your time in camp.
Verdict: This is fun.
11. Your first allawee
Of course, you’re happy AF to receive your first monthly allawee even if it’ll only last a few days.
Verdict: This is fun.
12. PPA posting
Two things can happen here: Your connect comes true and you’re posted to your desired PPA or NYSC flings you to an abandoned organisation in the middle of nowhere. Either way, the anxiety of finding out both is not recommended.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
13. Weekly/monthly CDS
Please, NYSC should begin and end with the three weeks in orientation camp. Every other activity is not necessary.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
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14. Passing out parade
It’s like getting to the end of a badly written Nollywood script. Won’t you be happy when you see “The End”? Exactly. Let’s pack this shit up and never speak of it again.
Verdict: This is fun.
15. The big social media post
How else will the people know you’re fit to run for office if they don’t find pictures of you posing with your NYSC certificate? Documenting is an important process of it all, please dear.
Verdict: This is fun.
16. Jobless again
So your PPA didn’t retain you. You reach out to relatives who promised to help with a job and they say “Aired, DFKM”. On top of this, the government has stopped giving you their meagre ₦33k. Haq haq haq. Welcome to your quarter-life crisis era.
Every NYSC member goes through two phases that can either mar or make the entire experience: the initial posting to a state in Nigeria, and the posting to a primary Place of Assignment (PPA) tailored to your area of expertise, or not.
We decided to ask some ex-corp members about their experience with both postings, and they had some funny to scary stories to share.
Abraham*, 32
I suspected something was wrong the day I got my PPA posting letter and couldn’t find useful information about the company on Google. I’d heard how PPAs were scarce in Lagos and people had to show up before another corper takes up the spot. I left the orientation camp in Ipaja for Ikeja and got there around 2 p.m. Everyone I asked gave different directions but nobody knew the exact building. One maiguard saw me and offered to take me to the place. When we finally located the building, it looked deserted. We knocked, and this heavily built man came out. He said they weren’t taking corpers, and I was super relieved. Some months later, the address dropped as one of the kidnap hotspots job seekers should avoid in Lagos.
Yemi*,40
Amuru Abam in Abia state was one scary experience. The roads were so terrible, you could barely escape falling off a bike. But that’s not what freaked me out. The locals were fetish on a different level.
There was a big tree in the community where many people would sit for shade. But when it got cloudy, people would run from it as if their lives depended on it. They said raindrops from the tree must not touch the human body. Apparently, the tree is a deity they worship annually. It gives whatever one requests but with consequences. I was skeptical, but I avoided the tree till I completed my service year.
Balikis*, 28
My first PPA posting was to a funeral home, and I still suffer PTSD from the place till this day. I decided not to work there when I saw the company name on my PPA letter, but I still had to show up and beg them to reject me. I went there about two days after with my friend, and the owners rejected me without a fight.
Temilade*, 28
I was dead set on serving in Lagos, which was why I was willing to starve and save up the ₦100k to pay my NYSC plug. The call-up letter came out and I saw Edo. How? I mean, I knew Lagos was hard and it was a gamble even after paying, but why not Ogun or Ibadan? I couldn’t believe my eyes, and I don’t remember crying that much in all of my adult years. I spent three weeks in the orientation camp and didn’t enjoy the experience because I was depressed the entire time. I finally got redeployed to Ibadan, and I made peace with that. Lagos to Edo? God, abeg o.
Ibrahim* 35
I’ve spent most of my life in Abuja, but I knew I wanted to explore other parts of Nigeria when it was time for NYSC. So I just trusted I’d get one of the states I filled without working it. I was posted to Osun state and had a great camping experience. However, when it was time for PPA posting, I got a school outside the capital. Everyone already mentioned how the best places to work were in Osogbo. I finally resumed and the sight of the school threw me off with the bushes everywhere and classes looking abandoned. It was giving strong kidnap zone. It didn’t help matters when the principal showed up and spoke Yoruba. The students looked like they’d beat me up if they felt like it. I came back the next day and begged the principal to reject me, but he refused. He said they could use the extra hand and they hadn’t gotten corpers in a while. It took several days of calls from my parents before this man agreed to reject me. It felt like I was released from prison.
George*, 25
My PPA was a small company in Ekiti, and I think I was jazzed because that’s the only explanation for the two months I spent there. I basically the errand boy. There were two other workers, but we hardly spoke. Everyone showed up in the morning and stayed in their corner. I did everything from making photocopies to buying food and cleaning the office, all on a ₦10k monthly allowance. The CEO didn’t allow any staff into her office apart from these red-garment church people who showed up whenever and stayed in her office for hours. I don’t know how my mum noticed something was off with me, but one day she called and said she wanted to speak with my boss. Two days after the call, I was laid off and started processing redeployment.
Are you a freshly minted graduate of a Nigerian university? Have you finally received the call-up letter to serve your fatherland? Are you experiencing mild-to-strong delulu while packing for camp because you think some items aren’t necessary?
If your answer is yes to all of the above, pay attention, or better still, grab a note and jot things down. We’ve compiled the ultimate list that’ll take your NYSC orientation camp experience from “God, abeg” to “Can we do this again?”
NYSC call-up letter
Image source: MySchoolGist
Make sure you carry along three to five copies of this — with the original. It’s the rite of passage at the orientation camp entrance.
School ID card
Don’t leave the house without your student identification card.
School documents
Make sure you come along with original and photocopied copies of your statement of result or degree certificate.
Clear file bag
Image source: Jumia
To keep your documents safe and secure.
Passport photograph
You’ll need a lot of these during the registration process in camp. Best to come with three to six copies.
Extra white shirts and shorts
Image source: X
White is the only acceptable colour in camp, and you only get two free shirts and shorts each. It’s best to go with extra pairs since you might not have time in between activities to do laundry.
Waist pouch
This is where you’ll keep important things like your phone, money, wallet, meal tickets, etc. It’s a 24/7 necessity as you’ll be outdoors most of the time, and it’s not advisable to leave any valuables in your room.
Sanitary pads/tampons
Image source: Brand Afric
Ladies, the mami market traders are out to get you with their outrageous prices, so you better come prepared.
Umbrella
Image source: UBuy Nigeria
See, the sun and NYSC have a mission to completely finish you. An umbrella is how you win this battle.
Toilet paper
The toilet is always a complete mess, even when it’s not dirty.
Toiletries
Make sure you come with your own bathing soap, sponge, body wash, shampoo, toothpaste, etc.
Plain white tennis shoes
Image source: X
This is your go-to footwear on the campground. Best to go with a rubber version that’s easier to maintain.
Handkerchiefs or face towels
To maintain your cool when the sun does a number on you.
Rubber slippers
For when your legs need to breathe.
Needle and thread
There’ll be many ripped trousers after the Man O’ War activity. Best to have this before the mami market tailor charges N2k for a small stitch.
Sunscreen
With all the outdoor activities, you want to make sure your skin is still skinning after three weeks.
Bucket
Image source: Nuesroom
Might sound unhinged, but you actually need your own bucket to fetch water in camp. You’ll get one from the traders at mami but at triple the price.
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Marker
Image source: Konga
It’ll be your best friend on camp. You’ll need it mark your territory on prized possessions like your NYSC kit, bucket and provisions.
Flashlight
Image source: Yaoota
Depending on your location, 24/7 power supply might be a thing or not. Best to keep a rechargeable flashlight close.
Mosquito net and repellent
Image source: PremiumTimes
The mosquitoes in camp don’t smile, so go prepared. You came to serve your fatherland, not carry malaria on top your head.
Padlocks and keys
Image source: Wikepedia
Listen, petty thieves will be after your provisions, toiletries and other supplies. While this doesn’t guarantee 100% safety, it’s a start.
Power bank
Image source: Jumia
Because how else will you capture the once-in-a-lifetime experience if you’re dealing with battery issues? Charging in Mami is an expense that’ll do a number on your already slim allowance.
Provisions
Image source: Nairaland
Camp food may or may not wage a war against your taste buds. Best to have provisions you can fall back on, especially if you have no plans to make the mami traders ten times richer.
First-aid kit
Every NYSC camp has a health centre, but you might want to come with your little kit of basics like painkillers, plasters and methylated spirit. Or do you trust the government like that?
The Nigerian work culture is currently going through heavy criticism. After the tweet on corpers sharing their worst Place of Primary Assignment (PPA) experience, we decided to dial it back a little to explore where work begins for a lot of young Nigerians — the National Youth Service Corps (NYSC). In this article, seven corpers shared their first taste of the shitty work culture in Nigerian companies.
1. “There was no power or internet, but we had to work”
— Tunde*, 24, Served in Abuja
I worked in a private firm with no generator or Wi-Fi. Whenever NEPA took the light, our boss expected his staff to keep working. Whether there was electricity or not, we were expected to stay at the office until 6:00 p.m. One day, we had a project, and our boss asked us to spend the night. NEPA took the light in the middle of the night, and we used our torchlight to work. This went on for the whole year I worked there. Imagine paying ₦60k to relocate from Akwa-Ibom to Abuja to suffer like that.
2. “I was cleaning out remnants of fish bones every day”
— Sarah*, 28, Served in Abuja
I worked my PPA to Abuja because I thought it would be a huge flex. Sadly, my PPA decided to flex on my mental health. First, I had to be at the office even on the days I had Community Development Service (CDS). Normally, corpers don’t work on the day they have CDS, but I had to rush back to the office.
The most disgusting thing to deal with was asking what he would eat every single day. It felt like I had been posted to NYSC as a maid. I’d buy him food, serve him in a tray and come back to carry the tray when he was done. I’d still clear out the remnants of fish bones, and wash the plates. It was disgusting to deal with. But that wasn’t even the worst part.
The worst part was his temper.
I remember the day he yelled at me and said I didn’t have any manners, all because I asked where I should keep his change after buying food. He was on a call, and it was valid to be upset that I just stood at his table waiting for a response, but calling me mannerless? Haba.
Should I talk about when a portion of the ceiling fell and he asked me to sweep away the bricks and dust? Look, Nigerians have problem. My advice: avoid any one-man business for your PPA.
I advise people to run away from private firms as their PPA. It’s better to flex in a local government office and ghost the whole year. My NYSC was in 2021, and a friend recommended me to a company. It was a research organisation and my friend had worked closely with the lady that owned it. So there was no need to fret.
When I got into the company, there was a wave of staff leaving — that’s when I should’ve known. In a week, half of the staff left. I couldn’t even ask any questions because I was new and just a bloody corper.
As time went by, I understood why the staff retention was shit. My boss gave me a lot of work to do and absolutely no credit. Everything was impromptu, and I didn’t have my weekends anymore. The irritating part was how she’d call this the phase of bending down to work hard. Me too I believed that was the reality of corporate work.
She was always yelling at me. Even when I did exactly what she wanted, there was always a problem. Sometimes she’d ask why I didn’t take initiative to do what she asked differently. The last straw was being compared to her dog on one of her rants. She told me he had way more sense than I did. She even called the dog and asked it to do some tricks so I could see its level of intelligence. Omo. I suffered.
4. “Somebody say overworked and underpaid”
— Daniel*, 22, Served in Oyo
I served in 2019. I was posted to a private school in Saki, Oyo state. When I got the letter, I travelled there from Lagos with the sole aim of getting a rejection stamp. The principal begged me to stay because I studied English, and they needed an English teacher. We went back and forth on the issue. The man didn’t budge. I didn’t want to travel back to Lagos and come back again to beg him to reject me, so I agreed to stay in Oyo to teach.
The school’s set-up was horrible. First, accommodation was nothing to write home about. I’d wake up at night from cricket sounds and cockroaches crawling around me. A soft boy like me would wake up to kill cockroaches.
It’s not like the day was any better. Next, I’d have to wake up at 6:00 a.m. because teachers were expected to resume at 6:30 a.m. Assembly was by 7:00 a.m., so teachers spent the 30 minutes praying. Why? Then I’d spend the day joggling Primary 4 to JSS 2 English classes.
All of this stress and the school is still owing me the ₦7k salary they promised.
5. “My boss used every opportunity to belittle me”
— Funmi*, 24, Served in Lagos
I served with an agricultural tech startup in Lagos — they also dabbled into real estate. When I arrived, the first thing HR told me was that salaries are typically delayed because of the poor network. I was already worried about the place. Next, the boss arrived. She sized me up and asked what I could possibly do for her firm. It felt very belittling.
Later on, I was assigned to work as a customer service representative, then moved to the social media team. I’d spend hours working on posts she never used. If she corrected me, it would’ve even helped. All she did was yell. This was despite using my data to work because the office internet was too slow or never lasted. When it was time to pay the ₦35k monthly salary, it was always delayed.
The worst part was having the salary deducted for lateness. So if you come in my 9:15 a.m. instead of 9:00 a.m., you’d get like ₦500 knocked off. Inside this Lagos traffic o.
6. “I went under the heavy rain to wind up his car windows”
— Precious*, 25, Served in Abuja
I was looking forward to getting started at the company I was assigned to in 2020. The company is an urban planning firm, and that was exactly what I studied.
The morning I arrived, I found out the company was new and barely had any staff. The few that were there were related to the boss. If I had any corporate world experience, that would’ve been my first red flag. Things slowly went to shit from there.
Beyond the constant need to be served breakfast and lunch, my boss was so demanding. My most annoying experience was being told to go in the rain to wind up his car window. When he said it, I stared at him utterly confused. If you’ve ever experienced Abuja rain, you’ll know how heavy it can be. It wasn’t like I had an umbrella or he offered me one. The man just expected me to run under the rain like a mad person. He didn’t even bother looking at me once he handed me the car keys. I did it sha. It wasn’t like I had a choice.
Two weeks later, the same thing happened. It was raining, and he left his window down. Who did he call? The corper. This time, I asked why he felt I should be the one running under the rain. This man looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Better you than me.” I was livid. But I went outside and wound up the glass again.
7. “I was dealing with spirits and stress”
— Kate*, 29, Served in Benue
I was shipped off to Benue for my NYSC in 2019. I was teaching at a public school, and there, I witnessed something called a “spirit”. Anytime the children were acting crazy, they referred to it as the spirit taking over. Three or four kids would turn the tables over, throw books, scream and generally torment the teachers. It happened at least once a week and lasted for an hour.
I never asked too many questions about this spirit. Sometimes the teachers would flog them in the middle of it. It felt like watching an exorcism. I’d simply hold on to my rosary and lock myself in the staff toilet whenever it happened. The weird part was having the kids run up to me the next day with hugs. I always wanted to tell them to get the hell away from me. I’d just smile and hug them back.
If you have served in Nigeria and spent some time in NYSC camp, you’ll understand how unpleasant the experience can be. However, for these few, they lucked out and found both love and friendship during NYSC. Here are stories of a few Nigerians who found love and friendship in a seemingly hopeless place:
Hannah, Iseyin camp in Oyo state.
I met him on our first night in camp, we were on the longest queue waiting to register. He asked me to keep his space while he made some business calls, I waited for almost three hours before I eventually left, I told him I was going to get food and I wished him good luck.
We met the next morning and I asked him if he was able to finish his registration. By evening he asked me to come and sit with him to talk and have a drink and we were there for hours till it was lights out, it was like talking to a friend I had known for a lifetime.
We eventually became inseparable in camp, we did everything together, the only time we were not together was when we were asleep. I’ll sit in his platoon even though I was in a different platoon and I used to call him my NYSC bestie still. I stayed in camp for him even when I had like three different Illnesses, refused to redeploy too, he did the same too. We’ve been together for three years and I’m not going anywhere any time soon.
Amaka, Cross Rivers Camp.
We met a few weeks after camp, I went to see my friend who was staying with a friend of hers. He was her housemate and we got introduced. I ended up spending the weekend there and we spoke for a while and got to know each other.
He tried to kiss me and I laughed and told him I wasn’t ready for that. He also laughed and apologised and we ended up having sex. I didn’t go back to mine that week because we literally became inseparable. We talked about everything and enjoyed each others company so much.
He was on the phone with his friends one day and mentioned that he was with his girlfriend and I was like “ehn?!”. After the call, I asked him why he told them I was his girlfriend and he went “come o, what have we been doing since?” and that was it. I had never felt anything like what I felt for him and we dated for 3 years before the relationship ended in 2019.
Kike, Jalingo Camp.
We met on the parade ground. We were in the same Platoon, I had seen him around and he was just this annoying person trying to form group captain (which he wasn’t). One day, he was trying to fix his passport to a form he was supposed to fill and I overheard someone offering him chewing gum to fix said passport. I had a glue stick in my fanny pack so I brought it out and gave it to him. He returned it with the cheesiest line “do you carry that around for sticky situations like this?”.He insisted that we have lunch at Mami market to say “thank you” but I said no. We got paired up to select a representative for the beauty pageant. Our Platoon won the competition.
We started talking a lot after that and we became inseparable and at this point, I wasn’t interested in a relationship because I had never been in one before and I wasn’t ready for the heartbreak. I was actually going along with the mindset of “whatever happens in camp, stays in camp”. We both redeployed and we didn’t expect to get the same State because I wanted Oyo and he wanted to remain in Abuja. Somehow, we both got Ondo and I was so distraught because I knew I had no excuse.
We officially started dating in February, almost 2 months after camp and we had our first official date in Abuja after we had left. I had travelled for my call to Bar and he was living there at the time. It was really cute and I remember walking around Abuja and window shopping furniture.
We have been together for 5 years now and we got married in October 2019.
Wilson, Benue Camp.
Her name’s Osemen. She was probably the second or third person I spoke to properly. I went to Benue not intending to meet anyone new because meeting new people and falling out of touch is really exhausting. Didn’t want to have to go through that. Somehow, and on some random ass day on the parade ground, some girl in my platoon started talking to me, and she introduced me to Osemen later that day- they were friends.
My first interaction with her was very funny. I said hey, and introduced myself, then stretched my hand to take hers. She was singing a song, and so she just left my hand hanging until she was done with the song.
The first evening we spent together, we started talking about music and we found out we both really liked Lana Del Rey, her album had just dropped. So we started talking about other artists and we liked the exact same people. I gave her my phone for a bit and when I got it back, I noticed she had added the Lana del Rey album for me. For some reason, I thought that was sweet.
If there’s one thing that started all of this- there was this evening we drank so much palm wine, and I had some beer before and after the palm wine and I got really drunk. Benue camp is really hilly for whatever reason, and I was drunk and not exactly walking in a straight line.
She held on to me while we were headed down for the social evening after dinner and all the drinking. I threw up that night and she was there for me as well. That was great. I had my other babes there as well but I seemed to connect with Osemen the most.
We spent so much time together after that- practically every day. We watched movies, ignored all the lectures together, everything. She’s been helping me with my relocation since we left camp, it’s something that has been stressing my entire life but she’s really pulling strings for me, and following through.
Nonso, Shagamu Camp.
I was at the gate waiting to fill a form, I didn’t have a pen with me and was looking around to find how to get one. Someone eventually offered me a pen and while I was using it, the pen got snatched from behind me, a bit of an unusual situation, but that was how we met. It turned out, the pen was hers and she really had to use it.
I met her again on a line, I did small shakara for her when she tried to shunt the queue. She recognized me and told me she apologized earlier although she apologized again, said she had been very frustrated from the whole registration process and was very cranky. I kept meeting her at different times.
She introduced herself to me and realized we had a mutual friend. I thought she was dating him, I eventually asked him if they were a couple and he said no that they were friends from university.
We got really close after that, we spent a lot of time together during our lectures, shared meals together and meeting her made the entire experience worth it for me. It has been a few years now, and although we are not together anymore, we have since remained best friends. She is getting married in a few weeks.
Last week, we reported that Vice President Yemi Osinbajo, acting as head of the Economic Sustainability Committee (ESC) recommended that NYSC camps be suspended for two years. This came after NYSC submitted a proposal to reopen the camps and have Batch A, Stream 1 corps members return.
Here’s an update.
Twitter user @ManLikeIcey, tweeted this document yesterday with the caption ‘NYSC set to re open.’
The file attached is a 3-page circular titled ANTICIPATORY PREPARATIONS FOR THE RESUMPTION OF ORIENTATION COURSE. The document lists NYSC preparations and new guidelines for reopening the orientation camp and welcoming back the Batch A, Stream 1 corps members who were sent home as a means of curbing the spread of the virus.
The document is dated 23rd of June, which means it is a recent document. Some of the strategies listed in it are:
PRE-ORIENTATION ACTIVITIES:
Decontamination of habitable areas. This is in addition to strict observance of physical distancing, regular handwashing, avoidance of face touching and sensitisation of all members of the camp community on cough etiquette and how to use face masks.
Beds will be rearranged with two-meter spacing.
Temperature testing before anyone is allowed entry into the camp.
Reduction of the numbers of corps members who will participate in each orientation exercise.
Registration period will be extended so as to manage the crowd.
IN-CAMP ACTIVITIES:
Restriction of movement will be enforced; only essential personnel will be allowed.
Compulsory use of face masks.
Introduction of e-learning for some lectures in camp: lectures will be cut down to accommodate only essential ones. Others will be held virtually.
Hand washing stands and hand sanitisers will be made available at various points in camp.
There must be strict adherence to social distancing in all camp activities.
Service points will be available in camp for activities where corps members are expected to queue. E.g: Registration, kit collection, meal collection, payment of allowance.
These are what is contained in the document. The NYSC website does not have any update on this new development. As we find out more, we will update you.
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Hello there! Thank you so much for always reading. Are there topics you’d like us to write about? Do you have any NYSC-related questions you want us to answer? Send us an email kunle@bigcabal.com We look forward to hearing from you. Xx
If you survived undergraduate without the love of your life, chances are everyone is expecting you to end NYSC camp with love. It’s one of the things they will tell you in camp anyway. Attend briefings, SAED lectures, even social nights, and you’ll hear, “You need to find a wife or a husband in camp. This is one of the reasons why this scheme was created.”
So, my dear single person who is reading this, here is how to snag the love of your life in NYSC camp.
Know your spec
This is important because NYSC camp is full of different types of people from different tertiary institutions and once you know your spec, it makes it easier to narrow your search.
Now that you know your spec, cast your net deep into the waters.
When you line up for parade, look at your platoon people and see if you find your spec. If not, journey to other platoons. See what they have to offer. You might be in Platoon 1 and discover your true love in Platoon 7. Don’t be discouraged, it is what it is.
If you find someone who fits your spec, engage them in a conversation
Know how educated they are. Because being in NYSC camp does not mean everybody is educated. And going to school is different from being educated, shebi you know? See if they can carry on a good conversation. Relate with them and know what they think about Buhari and Trump, what they understand about Feminism, if they pour their cereal before the milk or milk before the cereal. You never know who is a cultist in NYSC kit. Don’t forget to stylishly ask if they are single. There’s no shame.
Shoot your shot
I shouldn’t tell you how to do that, should I? Come clean and state your intentions. Bear in mind that it can either end in tears or aso ebi. Also, be reminded that you cannot have sex in NYSC camp. Yes, some people do it. They enter the bush, hang around in the smelly toilets, do it on a heap of sand in the dark. This shouldn’t be you, right? Why stress yourself doing rush-rush runs when you can finish camp and devour yourself properly? I’m not teaching you how to fornicate, but —
Other things that can happen.
By other things, I mean Glucose Guardians and Military Men. There’s an abundance of those in camp. The camp officials, the men (and women) in charge of kitchen and food distribution, the soldiers who preside over the parade. Some of them will disturb you when you catch their eye. And some of them will offer to influence your redeployment or posting. Ngwa, think it well before you do it. (Wo)Men are scum, but then you already know this.
Hang around Mammy Market, attend social night and actually socialise. When you line up to get food, don’t ‘strong’ your face. There’s someone who is taking note of you. Why not allow the bone of your bone to find you?
And lest I forget, that white-white kit everyone wears can deceive. Let people change into their Friday and Sunday outfits first and you’ll see hotness. Ah, you’ll be amazed at the wonders in the human body.
But if you do all of this and nothing happens, well, maybe you’re not destined to find the love of your life in NYSC camp. Try your luck elsewhere. Life’s hard.
NYSC camp is the ghetto. But you know what’s even more ghetto? Having to survive NYSC camp. We asked 11 corpers how they managed to survive NYSC camp and here’s what they said:
Hannah – NYSC Camp, Nsai Atai, Akwa Ibom
I weaseled my way into becoming the social director of my platoon and they gave me ID card to get past the soldiers and others. The rest is history, my dear. Every other thing I did—from missing morning parade and SAED lectures—was for the glory of the platoon.
Anu – NYSC Camp, Iseyin, Oyo State
How I survived NYSC camp? Lmao to God be the glory, my legs were swollen so I couldn’t wear boots or sneakers. For most of my days in camp I wore bathroom slippers. The clinic gave me a pass so it was was easy to escape parade and drills. I never ate camp food, na me be Queen of Mammy Market. I also didn’t join anything abeg, I no get time. In all, camp was interesting, but the weather was too hot. I turned black in just a few days. I had to sleep with a small fan by my side. That fan was a life-saver.
See how dark I was?
Onyx – NYSC Camp, Imo State
Imo camp was different and fun and everything else you can think of. My survival technique was that I stopped thinking and feeling. Food became my coping mechanism. Even when I was suffering on parade ground due to those “papa flies,” the oily water and early morning drills, I thought about food. If I wasn’t sleeping, I was eating or I was doing the eating in my dreams.
Lytan – NYSC Camp, Borno state (Camped in NSCDC Babbar Ruga, Katsina)
Bathing more than six times and drinking close to three big bottles of Eva water daily was how I survived. The sun was terrible. To escape parade, I did a lot of things. I hid under the bunk, hid in Mammy Market, ran off to join those on sanitation duty even if it was not my platoon. I faked sickness several times too so I could avoid the useless social night activities, the morning drills and SAED.
Iyanu – NYSC Camp, Ogun state.
You want to survive NYSC Camp? Join the OBS crew. That’s the best advice. As part of the crew we had an ID card which served as immunity against soldier and parades. During programs like swearing in, I was seated under the pavilion all in the name of OBS, while my fellow corps members were sweating in the sun.
Princely -NYSC Camp, Nonwa-gbam-Tai, Port Harcourt, Rivers State
I survived by not staying. I have a medical condition —a series of conditions actually— that would not allow me participate in full camping activities. My plan was to join OBS, render my professional services, and in return avoid the physical activities. That didn’t work out. I was told to leave camp the next day; a soldier insisted I was going to march —shortly after leaving the forced (happened like a kidnap) jogging by Man-O-War— and I had told him if I marched, I would leave the camp, but it wouldn’t be with my own feet.
I was sent to the clinic where my exeat was processed. I wanted to have the experience anyway, but life happens.
Uzo – NYSC Camp, Iseyin Oyo state
I have lived in boarding houses from around age 9, so camp didn’t feel any different. I was just a low budget kinda guy. Did everything on a low-key. No girls, only made and hung out with a few fun friends who didn’t cost me so much money. I made do with about 9k till we got the bicycle allowance and first allawee. I ate at Mammy market once in a day. To get high, I discovered black bullet. One can does more than 3 bottles of beer and costs just the same as 1 bottle. Flex.
Samuel – NYSC Camp, Dakingari, Kebbi state.
I had to deliberately enjoy every camp activity. The weather was mean, yes, but I enjoyed the drills. I was the director of socials, the drama director, and I was quite popular. Three-in-one fun. I almost lost my phone after the welcome party. The funniest thing was, they already blew the bugle for lights out! Omo, I no gree o! I ran outside. Thank God I saw my platoon instructor who guarded me till I found my phone in Mammy Market! Make I no lie, camp sweet me die. Maybe we should do another 3 weeks before POP?
Adisa – NYSC Camp, Babbar Ruga, Katsina.
My survival technique was hiding under my friend’s duvet in the corner where his bag was located. I’d surround myself with his luggage and ask someone to lock the door at the front for me. Sure way to escape without being caught.
Tobi – NYSC Camp, Rivers State.
To avoid morning parade, I’d pretend to shit for long, because our block’s toilets were quite neat. But then I wasn’t always successful as platoon rep. Them go find you come shaa ni. But camp was literally the best part of service for me. I could have gone on for 2 months.
Tiana – NYSC Camp, Cross River, Obura camp.
I’m a very careful person, so I was less adventurous in camp. The only time I escaped from parade, it was because my friend gave me liver. Obura camp was bad, abeg. Mud slides, hard water (very oily surface), and there was no light, so the camp ran on generator. I ate camp food only three times. The rest of my stay in camp, I spent money on catfish pepper soup and Smirnoff ice. I also liked eating egusi and pounded yam. It’s heavy spending, but at least there was enjoyment.
This is what the water looks like when you leave it overnight.
The mosquitoes were terrible. I fell sick a week before camp ended so I took four injections on my butt. The camp also had notorious flies. They bit my friend and he got sick and ended up with scars on his body.
Platoon activities were the most fun I had. I danced for my platoon about 3 times. And then there was this suya that I always bought during social night. I played volleyball too!
But see ehn, if you know you’re like me and you hate suffering, please don’t be ashamed to outsource. I paid those “any work” people to do my laundry and fetch water. No shame there. SAED lectures were torture for me. I spent most of my time either sleeping, listening to music, eating or chatting with friends. Because, let’s be honest, how can a sane person sit through two hours of boring lectures?
Everyday by 12pm for the next 21 days, I’ll be telling you what life is like at NYSC Camp. I was posted to Borno State, but the camp holds in Katsina state due to Boko Haram insurgency in Borno. You can read all the stories in the series here.
6:30 AM
Technically, we are now edging towards the second half of NYSC camp. Today is the 10th day, and in 11 days, I will be back home. The routine is pretty much the same: early rising hours, soldiers banging at doors, the bugle blowing like an annoying thing that it is, morning meditation, parade, etc.
Something new happens this morning during meditation: four people are called out, and the camp director announces that the police will help them pack their bags to the gate.
Ghen ghen. Do you remember Bros? The one who caused trouble in the kitchen on the day our platoon had kitchen duties? He is one of those called out, and this is when everything goes skrrr. We are told to continue with our activities, but who can do that? We listen for our numbers on the roll call, but all the while, our eyes and ears are trained to the place where the people to be sent out of camp are being interrogated. Eventually, I learn that Bros fought with a camp official and when he was told to keep shut, he kept at it, asking, “Do you know who I am?!”
For minutes, we keep up our banner of pity and make excuses for Bros: Yes, he is lousy, but can they please be merciful? They should pardon them na, as per first time. In a way, I think that this is the reason why Nigeria is slow in attaining change. We hate an attitude, and when such an attitude receives its due, we make excuses for it.
All of us in this country should please pick one struggle, abeg.
7:50 AM
I am on air today again, and it is fun, as always. I join U. in presenting the Current Affairs and Today in History segment. At the end, K. and I get the tag which declares us OBS members. This is the tag that grants us access to get out of parade and other duties, except duties coordinated by devils in guise of soldiers. OBS does not mean you’re not going to do other things, we have been told. But then one can be disobedient once in a while, yeah?
When I get the tag, I tell K., “Let’s go and paint the town red.”
Breakfast is pap and beans, and like the first time, I achieve an orgasm as soon as I taste my beans. It might not be your taste, but one man’s vegetable salad is considered goat food by another man.
9:50
SAED lectures again. We learn about digital marketing, which I find very interesting. Interesting enough that I do not sleep a wink, and I attempt to answer a question on browsers and search engines. At the end, I am given a knapsack which is something I have always wanted since.
10:01 AM
We begin our work of baking. Today, we’ll ice it. The instructor dishes out the procedures which I won’t share with you, because if you want to know, you sef come to NYSC, Borno camp. Yep, I went there.
Note this: anytime it comes to free food, people lose consciousness of their humanity. You should have seen some of these fine girls and boys shouting because of a slice of cake. Hard guy, hard guy but ordinary cake and home training goes on flight mode. Tueh.
2:00 PM
Lunch is tuwo and okro soup. For me, it’s a 5/10 sha; I would like a bigger meat, please.
We return to the parade ground to fill out a form called certificate form. More like sign it, actually. A passport at hand, and a scan of our details to see if they are entered correctly. Mine are.
6:00 PM
Parade is winding up at this time. It is a mess, but also interesting. At the end of each day, it feels like my arms are about to be torn off from my shoulders, all that marching and swinging of hands.
An interesting thing has also happened: the camp commandant said our level of indiscipline is appalling, and he too, is up to the task. In his words, “If you say you are a cultist, me too I am a night crawler.”
Me I was just surprised sha. Like, people actually have the time to do cult inside all this stress? Them no dey tire? Nawa o.
Anyway, it means even more strictness: no black tights for ladies, no below the knee shorts, no three quarters, now we have to leave early for parade, get up earlier from bed or risk being told to do frog jump.
9:15 PM
I’m at the compulsory social night. Me I don’t know when party became by force to attend o. But sha, I am having fun. If not because of the interesting-ness of the drama and dance, but because of the obvious discrepancies in their play. Because how can you have a Yoruba king who has an Edo queen, both of whom have an Igbo son? How do you explain that?
Everyday by 12pm for the next 21 days, I’ll be telling you what life is like at NYSC Camp. I was posted to Borno State, but the camp holds in Katsina state due to Boko Haram insurgency in Borno. You can read all the stories in the series here.
5:00 AM.
I wake up full of joy even though I am tired and would like to go back to bed. Today is Platoon two’s day to take the morning meditation. The topic is Patience, and I—yes me!—will be the one taking it. I wrote it too, then submitted it to the Platoon Leader and Assistant Platoon Leader to crosscheck it before I took it to the Camp PRO, a man so efficient he’s almost scary. They all liked it. Actually, scratch that. They all LOVED it. The Camp PRO said to add one more paragraph to wrap it up and then we move.
Today is also our Man O’ War drill, which means we have to dress in our khakis full. 7/7, as they say it.
6:30 AM
I’m so relieved, excited and energetic; I want to scream, jump, weep, and do anything. The Morning Meditation went well. It went so well, the Camp PRO said, “What a brilliant work by Platoon 2. I believe other platoons can see and take note.”
My platoon screams. This is the talk that will make me famous, such that when my name is mentioned, someone will respond with, “The one who read the Morning Meditation? Nice one. You killed it, you really did.”
Take that, other platoons, hahaha.
6:47 AM
“Who go tire? Na you go tire!”
“Corpers wee! Wa!”
Man O’ War drills begin in earnest. We jog from the parade ground to another side of the camp.
What is a Man o War drill, you might wonder at this point. Well, have you ever seen pictures of corps members climbing ropes like Tarzan, crawling out of tunnels and posing with wooden guns? Yes, that’s a Man O’ War drill.
It is more fun than parade, but it is also backbreaking. We jump up a stilt and walk to the end using our hands alone. We crawl through a tunnel. We swing from a thick rope. We climb through another tunnel covered with barbed wire. At the end of each activity, photographers mob us: “Look here!” “Smile!”” Look up” “Yes corper look at me, look this way.” It’s like paparazzi mobbing a celebrity. I feel like a hero, like I have saved Nigeria from one huge disaster.
We end the drill with a lecture: do not steal money from Nigeria; don’t go abroad, you too can fix your country. Say God bless Nigeria every morning. Low key, I’m like “Alaye jor jor.”
9:55 AM
SAED lectures are next on the list, and even though I tell myself I will stay awake and listen, be a good citizen and stop wasting the money Nigeria paid to train me, I fall asleep some minutes into the lecture.
When I wake up, they are rounding up a presentation on how to write a business proposal, the steps involved in getting a bank to give you a loan. In between, there is a mini drama presentation. And then, we are introduced to the skill tutors.
There’s leather works (shoe and bag making, abeg), tailoring, food preservation (catering), paint production, farming (poultry, fish), make up, cosmetology (how to make perfumes, etc), solar, ICT, etc.
Me I jejely carried myself and joined catering. I’m a chop life gang, plis. Remember that I came to this camp to chop the life of my head? This is the goal, and we’re getting it.
1:13 PM
I’m going out of the camp. No, I’m not decamping. I have some issues with my BVN that I need to sort out. To exit the camp, you need to write a letter requesting permission to exit and the reason for exit. The letter goes through your platoon leader first, and after he signs it, it goes to the Camp Director who requests your meal ticket and then writes an exeat behind it. I am given one hour. But I spend more than one. No, I am not being disobedient. The motorcycle that carried me developed a fault, and the bank is far. Hot sun, hot asphalt, dry throat. I wonder if Katsina is a place I can reside in. Here a pictures from the trip:
Katsina after school hours.
5:50 PM
I am pleased to announce that I have been reinstated as a parade member. Taken straight out of the reject group and brought back to march. I feel elated. The parade is now even more interesting. Slow march and quick march and a sprite of commands that make me feel like I’m whirling in a sandstorm, trying to catch my balance.
The soldiers do a demo march for us, and the sheer alignment and beauty of it is a stunner. When our sergeant returns, we love him the more.
9:15 PM
We present our dance at the social night. Look, you’ll probably think I’m biased, but we killed it. We. Killed. It. When we stepped on stage, everyone yelled, especially when our Igbo dancers started to perform magic with their waists. Later, I’ll hear that people complained that our Igbo girls couldn’t dance and that they came to seduce them with their figures.
People and pepper body, sha. But anyway, let them say. That is the energy I am ending this new year with. Let them say.
Everyday by 12pm for the next 21 days, I’ll be telling you what life is like at NYSC Camp. I was posted to Borno State, but the camp holds in Katsina state due to Boko Haram insurgency in Borno. You can read all the stories in the series here.
5:20 AM
The sound of people wake me: “Dry clean your clothes, dry clean your clothes.” When I sit up to look, I see that they are men and young boys carrying white plastic bags filled with clothes to be dry cleaned. I fall back into bed and close my eyes. I am tired. I do not want to go to parade. I do not want to do anything. I simply want to leave this place. It will be a hectic day, I can sense it.
Last night, A. told me to help him get a bag of water. When I returned with the water, he had gone to the clinic for his night shift. A guy came to me for water, but I told him it wasn’t mine, so I couldn’t give him. He left. I also wanted some water, but I couldn’t take A’s water, it wouldn’t be right, since he had not seen it, so I left the water untouched and went out to beg for water elsewhere. Now imagine my anger when I wake up to find out that someone has torn open the bag of water and taken out of it. I rage, but F. tells me to calm myself; not everyone will be like me. I leave for parade still pissed.
Yesterday, Platoon 1 was in charge of everything: sanitation, kitchen duties, security, etc. At the parade ground, they are told that they performed badly. Today it is Platoon 2’s turn. I am in Platoon 2, and I know that this kind of thing na work.
7:45 AM
Work begins. I am assigned as the sanitation head, and told that everyone will be involved in the sanitation. The Platoon Leader deploys some people for security shifts. His assistant does the same for people who will be in the kitchen. Trouble is brewing. While we are taking the roll call, a lady asks me who made you secretary? Did they choose you in public or in secret?
“Sweet baby Jesus, fight this battle,” I think to myself.
9:16 AM
It takes working closely with people to discover their true characters. And in the few moments I have spent with the people in sanitation, I am starting to discover that many people are sweet and dedicated while some people, good as they may seem, are quite deficient in that moral nutrient called respect or courtesy.
10:03 AM
Breakfast is pap and akara. Honest to God, it is a great meal. I didn’t have dinner last night, so it’s a welcome relief. I mix in milo and some powdered peak milk. It feels like heaven.
Yesterday, I signed up to join the OBS. But while other camps just absolve interested members, audition them or something, our own OBS here is something else. We are asked to design a program, submit it on or before 10:00 AM, and then the man in charge will decide if we made it in or not. I submit my own assignment, help the assistant platoon leader to submit hers too. We wait to see of we’ll make it.
OBS is the Orientations Broadcasting Service, the body that handles media in NYSC camp.
2:00PM
Lunch is eba and egusi soup. I am in the kitchen, assisting in its preparation. I help to cut the pepper, wash the meat. I attempt to blow dirt out of the egusi.
While at this duty, I realise again that decorum is a costly thing when it comes to some people. Take this Bros for instance. He is loud and rude and every adjective for people who think they can talk, must be leader of the group they belong to, cannot listen to anyone’s opinion, cannot have anybody rule over them, and always objectify women. Picture such a kind of person. Add that he likes to talk sex and other lewd things in public.
He spearheads the conversation about ejaculation and kayan mata and girls he’s had sex with and will have sex with and so on. He sings Saheed Osupa (which I like, to be honest, because my Dad played his songs a lot while I was a child). He picks a fight with the assistant platoon head. He talks about her in third person: “Some people always think that…” You know, that kind of thing. We manage to curtail that nastiness. But little do we know that it will soon end in tears.
8:13 PM
This is dinner. Rice, stew and fried fish. People come out, get their food. Soon, food finishes. And here’s where the wahala begins, because NCCF people are only just leaving fellowship and coming for food.
Now begins the talk: You Platoon 2 people are just worst.
Didn’t you cook enough food?
How many people did you estimate?
What is the meaning of all this rubbish?
Platoon 1 was bad, but this one? Very very very very bad.
In this hot spate of public outrage, a guy throws away his food because he is not given a fish tail.
Wahala. The Kitchen Supervisor takes a picture. Tells us that definite actions will be taken regarding such terrible behaviour.
He also warns us: NYSC is a regimented camp. If you are in church at the time you should be getting dinner, then you should not expect that the rules will be changed for you. We will cook more stew, but this is the last time.
Remember Bros? Our loud, uncouth Bros? Well, when we took the leftovers back in, Bros picked up a fight with Assistant Platoon Leader, and there goes all our points for team loyalty. It is loud and nasty. He talks, Assistant Platoon Leader fires back. Platoon Leader who is usually calm steps in fires even more. Kitchen Supervisor steps in. Talks to Bros. Bros leaves in anger.
10:59 PM
We leave for the welcome party. Apparently, it is by force. Soldiers bar people from going into their hostels, chase people away from places where they loiter. We get go the welcome party and it is just like a children’s birthday party. When it finally ends like the show of shame that it is, I am the first to leave for my hostel.
Everyday by 12pm for the next 21 days, I’ll be telling you what life is like at NYSC Camp. I was posted to Borno State, but the camp holds in Katsina state due to Boko Haram insurgency in Borno. You can read all the stories in the series here.
3:16 AM
Someone taps me awake. It is A. When I open my eyes, the room is a flurry of activities: young men in various stages of undress rushing to fetch water to bathe, young men already dressing up. I already fetched my water yesterday so I am spared the stress of queuing at the water tank. The cold is heavy, as usual. I pull out my bucket from under my bunk. I wake O. who sleeps in the bunk next to mine.
NYSC is the place where shame comes to die, so I am not surprised when I walk into naked young men bathing in the open and in the other bathroom without doors. Yesterday afternoon, in broad daylight, I saw a young man bathing in that doorless bathroom, naked, not even bothering that people would look. I swear, I’m not a prude, but it was a shock to me. Me that I’m keeping my body for my future love so that my in-laws will pay the full cost of my husband price. Last night, a guy bathed in front of our hostel. Right at the entrance o. In his defence sha, it was dark. But still.
After taking my bath, I dress up in new whites and wait.
5:11 AM
In other camps, the bugle sounds to indicate that Nigeria is awake, but I hear that things are not normal in this camp. Here, the bugle sounds, but I don’t even know. I expected something different—loud, jarring—but this bugle sounds like a bush baby, an egbere in training.
Soldiers come. We double up to the parade ground in darkness.
I find people from NCCF, singing and clapping. Muslims head to the mosque. The NCCF brother tells us to give thanks to God. God who helped us to be here. Many of our mates are dead, do we know? Many have extra year, are we aware? Even he, he had an extra year, but look at him today.
After this, he invites us to attend the NCCF. Have time for God. Don’t come to camp and forget the Lord. There are three religious bodies: the association for Muslims, the one for Catholics, and the one for all other church denominations.
We sing the national anthem, the NYSC anthem; we recite the pledge, and then listen to the morning mediation. More rules follow: Don’t shit in the open; don’t smoke in camp. If you are a smoker, there are places in the market you can smoke. Don’t drink alcohol (makes sense why alcohol is confiscated). Don’t steal. If you cannot do without stealing, you better control yourself (these are his exact words, believe me).
The drilling/marching session begins again. We re-learn how to remove head dress (face cap), how to give three hearty cheers to the ezeketive govanor of Borno state. We are prepared for the swearing in ceremony tomorrow. I get called onye ara because I am quick in putting on my cap. People are called witches and small witches and we’re told to stop thinking of our boyfriends and girlfriends. Nobody faints—a wonder, but one girl is taken out of camp because a soldier notices her eyes “turning”.
We are on the parade ground for hours that feel like years. I am about to die. 8:11 am, and the commandant finally asks us to go find Ngozi.
We disperse in search of her. My prayer is that Ngozi will never be found.
10:03 AM
I am back on the parade ground, forced to give up my breakfast of bread and tea and double up to the camp. What’s bread and tea, anyway? The bread is a small size, and the tea is like a small flood. But it’s hot. And Lipton. And sweet.
Sweet tea
On the parade ground, the sun is already up, hot and bright. It almost feels like it’s afternoon. Drilling begins afresh. Instructions are yelled at us from all sides, and again I feel as though I want to die. The reason for this endless drill is this: tomorrow is our swearing in ceremony, the governor of Borno state and other dignitaries will be in attendance, so we must get all commands right.
We learn (again) how to stand at ease, how to bang our feet and stand still when we hear “attention!”A group of girls are handpicked and taken away. Later, I learn that they are being trained to welcome the dignitaries. All through the parade, I see them clapping and prancing. There are a few guys among them too.
We offend the soldier. He asks us all to sit on the ground. The sun’s intensity increases. The breakfast makes me sleepy, and while standing on the parade ground, I sometimes catch myself dozing, jerking awake when I am about to fall. We begin to grumble, but the soldiers are not having it. Bang your feet!, they yell. Stop saying ‘catch’, just hold your cap!
At about 12:00PM, we are allowed to go sit under the shade. A relief, one which is cut short when the parade resumes again and goes on and on and on until a soldier dismisses us at 1:15PM to go in search of a certain Salamotu. I’m so relieved I want to weep.
3:15 PM
I take my lunch at the kitchen. It’s rice and stew and a bit of meat. Tasty, although some people think otherwise. But it’s free food, so…
F. has devised a way to evade parade, and it is a technique that works. He changed into mufti and went to Mammy Market. This way, he’ll blend in with the hordes of new arrivals who haven’t completed their registration. Smart idea, but there won’t be new arrivals for long.
A. too has evaded parade. But his excuse is genuine: he is a pharmacist and this is a service needed in camp. O., my new friend is nowhere to be found. These people have betrayed me.
6:15 PM
The parade is finally over. For today, at least. Tomorrow is the swearing-in day, so by now everyone is rushing around to amend their kits to look nice for tomorrow. To amend your khaki costs N1,500 at Mammy Market. At the College Tailoring Unit, it costs N1,000. Ironing costs N200.
College tailoring unit
Mammy Market is not a place to be, if I am going to be honest. Yes, they have all you need, but then it costs too much. It is as though by charging you more, they are teaching you not to be careless in packing necessary items. A bucket costs N500. A cup costs N200. A small cooler costs N650. A metal spoon costs N50. A plastic take away plate costs N100. Every bottled drink is N150. POS withdrawal costs N70 per thousand naira. It looks small, yes, but a pinch here, a bite there, and there’s nothing left. Tell me, if five naira was withdrawn from your one million naira, would you still be called a millionaire?
You’ll never be exposed to a crowd of people as diverse as those you’ll meet in NYSC camp. Although the living conditions are appalling these people almost make the whole experience worth it.
There are the ones who just came back from the overseas and will start stressing everybody with ‘that’s not how we did thing in the States’ and accent.
Even the ones who went to Cotonou will have British accent.
There are the ones who were only interested in getting exeat so that they could go home.
They didn’t come to suffer with you commoners.
The ones who just came to drink their destinies away at mammy market.
But on a serious note, they might have actually needed professional help.
Then there were the ones who belonged to the school of hard knacks and only came to have as much sex as they could.
It’s just three weeks, it’s that how the konji is doing you?
The ITKs that were always volunteering for everything.
They didn’t rest until they became platoon leader.
The ‘do you know who my father is’ people?
If you don’t geddifok out of here.
The ones who were somehow so excited to be in camp.
Have you seen the toilets? What’s making you happy?
We can’t leave out all those promise and fail soldiers.
The ones that’ll tell you don’t worry if you march well you’ll get posted to the capital and you ended up getting posted to a village without light.
The ones who were only there for the food.
All the food sellers at mammy market knew them.
The ones you are pretty sure were old enough to have been in the first ever batch of NYSC.
They might have even been your father’s age mate.
The ones whose life mission was to never step foot on the parade ground.
They did whatever it took and were always in the clinic.
There was the friendly soldier everyone liked.
They didn’t have any wahala.
And the one who was only interested in making people miserable.
But who offended you?
The ones who came to camp to find love.
And they found it o.
The ones who secured their exeat with doctor’s report as soon as they stepped foot into the camp.
Only you asthma, cancer, bronchitis and HIV. Take your wahala and go.
If you are about to start NYSC or you’ve even started already we know you’ve probably heard a ton about how the whole program works. But there are some things nobody will tell you, and we are here to help you out.
All the Uncles and Aunties that told you to wait for NYSC to finish before you bring your C.V. will suddenly disappear.
It’s only God that can judge them.
Don’t die on the line trying to get Lagos, have you seen Ibadan or Abeokuta?
At least there is no traffic there.
If they tell you to come at 8 a.m for anything that means you should come at 12 p.m
Don’t waste your precious time.
It’ll frustrate you like everything else in Nigeria is designed to do but it’s really not a bad experience.
If you are lucky you’ll get retained at your PPA.
If you get posted to an unfamiliar state just stay there and explore a different culture.
Are you not tired of seeing yellow buses and Lekki-Ikoyi link bridge? You want to spend your whole life in Lagos that’s why you think there are only three tribes in Nigeria.
Don’t let anyone you don’t know collect money from you to ‘work’ anything.
All those ones that’ll tell you not to go for monthly clearance that they’ll help you work it, you’ll be there looking when your mates are passing out.
Camp is a pretty great place for you to meet people that can epp your life.
Better don’t dull it.
The khaki they’ll give you is not loyal any small rough play and the thing will tear and disgrace you.
So you better sew a backup at mammy market before you leave camp.
And finally when it’s all done you’ll actually miss it a little bit.
At least you were collecting 19,800 every month instead of sitting at home.
