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Nigeria’s annual inflation rate has climbed to 29.9%, its highest in almost 28 years. The cost of living is choking the living, and it’s touching every aspect of our lives, including relationships.
I spoke to some Nigerians about how inflation has changed their relationship dynamic, and here’s what they said.
Rotimi, 27
My friends and I have this weekly tradition. We hang out at bars every Friday to drink and just talk about our week. We also rotate payment, so if I pay for the whole group’s drinks this week, someone else will do it next week.
When I paid for the group in December 2023, it cost me about ₦80k. That was even with Detty December price hikes. But when it was my turn in February 2024, it was over ₦100k for the same drinks and chops for five people. I’ve avoided the last two hangouts because spending that kind of money isn’t sustainable on a ₦350k salary. I still have bills.
My friends are considerably richer, so they probably haven’t noticed how sick the increase is. But I intend to tell them soon that I can’t keep up. We’ll have to consider other ways to hang out.
Chioma, 31
Since the first time my best friend and I went on a girl’s trip in January 2022, it’s been like an unofficial rule to do it every year. We went again in January 2023. Things are typically cheaper in January.
But we didn’t even talk about a girl’s trip this year. We sent a couple Instagram links of resort locations to each other, but we didn’t discuss logistics because we knew we couldn’t afford it. Between local flight costs — because the roads are too dangerous to even consider — accommodation and feeding, you’re already budgeting ₦500k. We’ll just make do with our imagination for now.
Tobi, 26
I used to fill my boyfriend’s car tank once a month to show love. But what used to cost me ₦40k increased to over ₦100k when the fuel subsidy was removed in 2023. I still sent the ₦40k monthly for a while because at all at all na im bad pass.
But now, I only send ₦20k occasionally because I have other bills, and things double in price every day. He understands and even sends me money occasionally. It’s just sad that I can’t be as intentional as I want to.
My siblings and I always go all out for my mum’s birthday. Our father is dead, so we do everything to make sure she doesn’t feel lonely on that day. In 2023, we contributed ₦150k to pay her shop rent and do a small celebration.
Her 2024 birthday is a few weeks away, but my siblings haven’t mentioned anything about contribution. We’ve talked about birthday plans but haven’t billed ourselves yet. I understand because everywhere is dry.
We want to get her a phone, but it costs over ₦200k. Something that was just about ₦100k in 2023. It’s just somehow.
Femi, 27
My girlfriend likes receiving flowers, but she specifically told me not to buy her flowers on Valentine’s Day 2024. She said I should send her the money or buy something else. I fully understand her point. Flowers used to cost ₦15k – ₦18k, but now, you hear ₦30k – ₦50k for the smallest bouquet. When it’s not like the flower will live forever.
Glory, 32
My husband and I go on fancy dates every weekend to spend time together away from the children. This typically costs ₦20k maximum, but inflation has made restaurants charge higher. When we considered the increased cost of fuel and foodstuff, we had to think twice about spending up to ₦35k on dates.
We’ve reduced the frequency to once per month since late 2023. Sometimes sef, we do indoor dates to save money. It does the same work.
Iyanu, 28
I’ve made it a habit to bring bags of foodstuff with me when I visit my mum because she always has family members staying with her. But I haven’t been able to meet up with that since 2023. When I visited her last month with only five tubers of yam and a paint bucket of garri, she called me aside to ask if all was well. It won’t be well with this government.
As a fresh corps member in Nigeria, you’ll spend three weeks at the NYSC orientation camp of the state you’ve been posted to. And these three weeks can be hell or heaven, depending on the state.
Since very little will prepare you for exactly what you’ll witness in camp, we decided to do the Lord’s work and give you a glimpse of ten orientation camps to start.
Kogi
Photo source: Cassie Davies
Location: Asaya, Kabba LGA
The Kogi state governor needs to swing into action and give this camp a major facelift. Just look at that abandoned public school classroom cosplaying as a camp clinic. God, abeg.
Enugu
Photo source: Instagram/@nyscenugu
Location: Awgu LGA
Why are they feeding human beings through the louvers? And that red soil. This camp will stain your white, so you better pack cash for laundry.
Kwara
Photo source: Instagram/@nysc_kwara
Location: Yikpata, Edu LGA
I’ve got two questions: What do the FG and NYSC have against tarring the camp grounds? Do they get commission from the laundry guys?
Ebonyi
Photo source: Ebonyinysccamp
Location: Macgregor College, Afikpo LGA
I don’t know if it’s the pictures or this camp is heavy on the Nollywood village grammar school vibes.
Anambra
Photo source: Instagram/@officialnyscanambra
Location: Umuawulu/Mbaukwu Awka South LGA
That first photo must’ve been carefully orchestrated for PR. Who asked for a view of the camp through a palm tree-lined path? I suppose nature lovers would have a swell time camping here… if they can manage all that red soil.
Ondo
Photo source: Instagram/@ondonysc_camp
Location: Ikare Akoko LGA
Is it my eyes or this camp is giving Obudu Cattle Ranch? They get five points for that volleyball court.
Oyo
Photo source: Instagram/@oyokopa
Location: Iseyin
Tarred roads, a volleyball court and a splash of greenery? Yes, please. But why do I feel like there’ll be a lot of long-distance trekking in this camp?
Ogun
Photo source: Instagram/@obsnyscogunstate
Location: Sagamu
I had no idea what to expect from Ogun state but surely not this nice auditorium and amphitheatre. They get B+ for effort.
Lagos
Photo source: Instagram/@nyscenugu
Location: Iyana-ipaja
Lagos camp still doesn’t have a main auditorium in almighty 2024. But if you can forgive this, they’ve got the nicest volleyball court and badass three-storey hostels. Love it.
Rivers
Photo source: X
Location: Nonwa Gbam Tai LGA
You should have all the bragging rights with no questions asked when your main auditorium looks like this.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Ebiye: We met in our faculty building in 200 level. She came to the department office section to see her course advisor as her programme’s class rep. I had a pending issue with a course from the last semester, so I was there to see my HOD.
I remember she was wearing this bright pink shirt, one of those that’s long enough to cover your thighs.
Toun: We were studying different programmes in the same faculty, so we crossed paths by chance.
But I’d noticed him first during a general class at the lecture theatre the year before. Someone commented on how he’s lowkey fine, and I agreed.
What happened when you crossed paths?
Ebiye: We had to wait in the corridor together for a while, so we got to talking. She was with a friend; we spent the time talking about lecturers and the one or two courses we shared. At a point, we exchanged numbers.
Toun: After that, we chatted over the phone a lot and kept crossing paths.
When did you realise you liked each other?
Toun: I think I liked him from day one when I saw him at the lecture theatre. I smiled and thought, “That would be a good guy to be with.” But it was passive. I don’t think I would’ve ever approached him.
After we met and started texting, my thought became, “This boy is a stupid person.”
Ebiye: Wow. Wow.
I knew I liked her when we started hanging out towards the end of the semester. I asked her to come out one evening; we went on a stroll and then got drinks. I thought she was cool. I knew we’d be hanging out more.
How did you know?
Ebiye: I was just drawn to her. I liked how she smelt. I liked how she talked about things. She didn’t take things too seriously, and I like to surround myself with people who are relaxed. Life is already stressful enough.
I also really wanted to kiss her at least once.
Toun: Which is what he texted me that night after I’d gotten back to my room.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
Was that the beginning of a relationship?
Toun: Yes, even though the relationship had no name for a while. We just went out together from time to time, normal broke undergrad outings to Coldstone and Filmhouse. He’s also behind my first clubbing experience.
But what we had never really went beyond casual.
Ebiye: We were focused on school, and we had a lot of mutual friends of both genders. It always felt like we were all just guys.
Toun: But then, two months after we met, we had sex for the first time and that changed things.
Ebiye: The sex was eye-opening.
In what ways?
Ebiye: We’re really compatible in that aspect.
Toun: But everything else? God, abeg.
Ebiye: After that year, we realised we didn’t like each other like that. But we couldn’t stop the sex part. Like, we’d still meet up for it, and when we did it, it was always the best thing ever. So we never stopped. Because of that, we haven’t been able to date other people.
Toun: Not yet, at least.
Ebiye: We haven’t had the time to meet anyone we really like.
So you’re like… friends with benefits?
Ebiye: Yes and no. Our friends still consider us boyfriend and girlfriend. Our parents too.
Toun: Well, my mum. My dad doesn’t know about us at all.
Ebiye: In school, we went out from time to time, but we had sex any chance we got. Since graduation last year, we’ve drifted a bit. We still call and text most nights, but every time we talk about what we are, I feel somehow.
Toun: We’re just confused about it. I don’t even know what the issue is. I think we like each other but just not well enough to commit.
Why have sex then?
Ebiye: That’s like asking why eat junk food. It feels so good.
Toun: The sex is the only reason why I haven’t gone into depression now that we’re in NYSC. Everything’s just hard. I have this anxiety about my career and making money, and I don’t even know what I’m passionate about.
Ebiye: Same.
Serving in Lagos together has now made it easy for us to stick together even though we’ve drifted apart in some ways.
Toun: Our relationship has basically been 95% sex, 5% vibes this last year, I won’t lie.
How long do you see it lasting?
Toun: No idea. I’m lowkey scared we’d be one of those people from Nollywood movies who fall in love and get married to a new person but can’t stop fucking their first.
Ebiye: Like go back to their ex’s bed the night before and after their wedding?
Toun: They’ll catch us and disgrace us all over social media. God, abeg.
Have you tried getting external advice?
Toun: My friends think we should just break up. I’ve tried. But this sex thing. I wouldn’t dare ask my mum about it, and I can’t afford therapy right now. I’m also the oldest, so no older siblings to confide in.
Ebiye: I don’t confide much in my friends. A lot of my guys are also friends with her, so I don’t want them thinking anything stupid about her. Same reason I haven’t really talked about it to my brothers.
But I have this older female cousin, and she thinks we’re just overthinking the whole thing.
Toun: I’ve also not approached it like it’s a problem. He’s actually been a great support system during this time when I’m confused about everything to do with my life.
Ebiye: But I don’t want us to settle and then come to resent each other in the future.
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So you just meet and have sex? How does it work?
Toun: Pretty much. We have NYSC jobs now, so our relationship is meeting up during or after work to chat, eat together or have sex. I don’t even have time for my friends or anything else these days.
Ebiye: Since we started NYSC, we’ve had sex at my place up to four times a week. It’s how we ease the stress of adulting.
Have you ever had a pregnancy scare?
Ebiye: She’s missed her period a few times.
The first was in October 2022. I’ll never forget that night. I almost died when she texted me that it was almost two weeks late. I couldn’t sleep well for a week. We didn’t talk for almost another week. I remember foolishly planning my speech on how I’d do my best to support her, how I wouldn’t abandon her. I was just gassing myself up. LMAO.
Toun: Thankfully, my period eventually came.
Now, I have an implant. The anxiety wasn’t worth it.
How did you know to get that?
Toun: My mum.
She obviously doesn’t know how much sex we’re having. But in final year, she sat me down and asked if I was still a virgin, and I told her the truth. Right after graduation, she paid for me to get an implant at a proper facility.
It also regulates my period, so that was another plus.
Ebiye: We also regularly go get tested together because we stopped using condoms. We went twice last year. Each time, I’d think about my life, and how I didn’t consent to this level of adulting. It helps us bond but also has a way of draining what little romance might’ve existed between us.
Does this affect the sex in any way?
Ebiye: Actually, we’re so free now when it comes to sex. We try out a lot of things. No one is shy anymore.
Toun: I think it’s actually gotten better.
Have you guys had a major fight yet?
Toun: I don’t think so. We’re too much of jokers to fight like that.
Ebiye: I think the highest we’ve fought over is random arguments with our other friends. Maybe about some Twitter trend or Tinubu or something.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Toun: I don’t even know. Should we be rating it at this point?
Ebiye: 10. We understand each other, and I feel good when I’m with you.
Toun: Aww. My own is sha 5 until we figure things out.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
Short of giving them hard currency or a loaded gift basket, heartfelt messages are one of the most thoughtful ways to welcome your friends and family into the month of Ramadan. If you need help crafting Ramadan messages to loved ones, we’ve got you covered.
Photo source: Pinterest
Ramadan messages to your friends
Whether you want to usher them into the month of Ramadan or inspire them during the hunger strike, these messages will do the job.
Photo source: Pikbest
“Ramadan Kareem”
It translates to “generous Ramadan” and it’s the simplest way to wish them well in the holy month.
“Your iftar is on me”
Want your gees to know you’re really thinking about them? Let them know you’ll cover what they’ll eat to break their fast.
“May your fasting feel fast”
Send these to friends who hold time to ransom during Ramadan. No better way to give them small perspire to maguire.
“Wake up. It’s time for suhoor”
Send this message around 4:30 a.m. every day for those friends who oversleep and might miss the morning meal AKA suhoor.
“If I’ve ever wronged you, please, forgive me as we enter the month of Ramadan, and I’ll forgive you too”
Is it even Ramadan if you’ve not sent or received this message from your friends?
“May Allah accept your Ibadah”
Ibadah means “worship”, and fasting is considered a form of worship. This is a nice message to send after each day’s fast.
“May this month fill your heart with mercy. May your soul become kind. May politeness take over your arrogance. And may this Ramadan be your guide in life.”
Send this to friends who’ve taken “stay wicked” a little too far.
“Salaim alaikum. You’re welcome to share iftar with me and my family tonight”
Know a friend who’s spending Ramadan alone? You should light up their day with this message inviting them to break the day’s fast with you.
“Wishing you a healthy and holy fast”
No better way to tell your friends you wish them the strength to keep sin at bay during Ramadan.
“May Allah touch and shape your heart. Ramadan Mubarak to you”
This one is for friends who struggle with their faith.
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Ramadan messages to your loved ones
Don’t let see-finish be the reason why you don’t craft a thoughtful Ramadan message to your family members. These ones should get you started.
Photo source: Google
“Wishing you a Ramadan filled with Allah’s abundant Rahmat, overflowing Barakat, and a fasting experience that brings you closer to Him”
Send this heartwarming message to your loved ones at the start of Ramadan.
“Sending you strength and positive vibes as you observe your fast“
Send this to your loved ones who struggle to keep up with the long hours of hunger required during Ramadan.
“O you who believe! Fasting is prescribed to you as it was prescribed to those before you, so that you may learn self-restraint”
Send this Quran 2:183 verse to motivate your loved ones to stay on track.
“May you see the last of it and many more Ramadans to come”
Ramadan comes once a year, so let your loved ones know you want to witness the month with them for as long as you can.
“May your love, service and sacrifice during the holy month keep Jannah’s doors open for you forever”
Send this prayer as a Ramadan message to your loved ones to encourage them weeks into the holy month.
“May almighty Allah accept your supplications”
It’s a simple prayer for almighty Allah to grant their heart’s desires as they fast.
“Sending you prayers for a smooth and successful fast today. May Allah bless you”
Every fasting day tests the strength and faith of Muslims. This message is a thoughtful way of encouraging your loved ones.
“Jummah Mubarak and Ramadan Kareem. I wish you a peaceful and rewarding Ramadan. May Allah accept your fasts and prayers”
Send this message on Fridays, the day of the jummah prayer.
“O Allah, forgive us for our sins and accept us into your bounties and joys. Give us the strength to combat sin because we are weak”
Ramadan is all about seeking forgiveness. This message does just that.
“Let the abstinence from negativity during Ramadan continue always”
A gentle way to remind them that their good ways shouldn’t stop with the end of the holy month.
Ramadan starts in a few days and Muslim folks are gearing up to embark on a 30-day long fasting exercise. If you’ve got Muslims friends and want to support them during this period, a Ramadan gift basket is a great place to start.
If you need help or ideas for what to put inside a Ramadan gift basket, this post is for you.
Ramadan Gift Basket Ideas
Foodstuff
Photo source: 24 Hours Market
Food inflation is crazy high and your Muslim friends will appreciate a Ramadan gift basket of items that take the pressure off their food consumption bills.
A foodstuff basket can include a bag of rice, kegs of palm oil and groundnut oil, tubers of yam, a paint bucket of garri, and more. Your budget will determine the size and quantity of each item.
Protein cuts
Photo source: Greatland Grocery
Beef, turkey, fish and even ponmo have doubled in price, no thanks to food inflation. Take the expense off your Muslim friends by giving them fresh or oven-dried protein options that’ll last them through the month of Ramadan.
Beverages
Photo source: Pinterest
During the fasting period, folks can’t consume liquid between 12 and 13 hours every day. You should consider giving your Muslim friends a gift basket with healthy and non-alcoholic drinks that’ll keep them refreshed after breaking the day’s fast.
Prayer essentials
Photo source: Modah
The month of Ramadan isn’t just about going on a hunger strike for your creator; it’s also a time to get closer to God. Gift your Muslim friends personalised gift baskets that include Qur’ans, hadith books, incense, rosaries, a praying mat, etc.
Oral care essentials
Photo source: Pinterest
Abstinence from eating and drinking during Ramadan can cause an unpleasant smell in the mouth. Curate a gift box that contains oral care essentials like mouthwash, toothpaste, toothbrushes, including miswak sticks, which are highly recommended for fresh breath during ramadan.
Ramadan Fruit Basket
Fruits are one of the most essential items during Ramadan and many people break their fast with them. If you’re not a fan of the regular gift hampers, you should consider giving out a Ramadan fruit basket.
Dates, oranges, pineapple, watermelon, and apples are some nice options to include in a Ramadan fruit basket.
We’ve established that Nigerian public universities have cancelled fashion with their convocation gowns.
It’s now time to find out what is happening with their private counterparts.
Let’s get into it.
15. Al Hikmah University
Photo source: Al-Hikmah University
Let’s just agree that the schools on this list with blue convocation gowns are only cosplaying as private institutions. Deep down, we know what you are.
14. Caleb University
Photo source: Caleb University
The alumni body of this university needs to petition their alma mater to do better.
13. Igbinedion University
Photo source: BetaStudies
Let me just say a gown like this makes you think thrice about putting that photo on the internet.
12. Bowen University
Photo: Instagram/@bowenuniversity
There’s an unhealthy amount of red that is clashing with the navy blue. We can’t have that, please dear.
11. Dominion University
Photo: Instagram/@dominionuniversityibadan
This looks well put together that I’m tempted not to judge. But we have a “Don’t rate blue” agenda, so…
10. Bells University of Technology
Photo source: PremiumTimes
Sky blue and sepia brown is a wild combo. I award them a C- and may God have mercy on everyone involved with this decision.
9. Redeemers University
Photo source: Redeemers University
There’s a lot of yellow that makes the presence of blue forgivable.
8. Babcock University
Photo source: Gistmania
Babcock either has the tallest student population in Nigeria or they need an obioma tailor to add an extra yard to these gowns. The gowns were jumpy in every picture I saw.
7. Lead City University
They get five points for black, and an extra five for that striped detail going on with the hood.
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6. Veritas University
Photo: Veritas University
They have all they need to cosplay as Boys Scout members.
5. American University of Nigeria
Photo: AUN
It’s giving evangelical choir but can we also agree that this colour draws attention to the gown?
4. Joseph Ayo Babalola University
UNILAG, is that you? Anyway, they make it to this spot since we rate the wine and yellow combo.
3. Pan Atlantic University
There’s something about the texture of this black gown that makes a case for it grabbing the third spot.
2. Landmark University
Photosource: Motipas
They made it this far down the list for daring to be different.
1. Covenant University
If you can ignore the agriculture green, you’ll agree that the intention to make this the baddest gown that ever liveth is there. The velvet hood and cap, patterned detail and red bow? They lived up to their reputation as one of the best private universities in Nigeria.
It might’ve rained a bit, but there’s still no light. If we’re being honest, the rain hasn’t done much to cancel our suspicion that someone is dragging this nation to hell or to replace Mercury in proximity to the sun.
In summary, it’s hot AF, but these essentials will keep you from melting.
A good rechargeable fan
The emphasis here is on “good”. What’s the point of a rechargeable fan that needs to be plugged to a power bank before it gives two hours of cool breeze? It either comes correct or not at all, please.
Nivea Deo Dry
See, this heat will make you sweat, and wearing the lightest of clothes won’t prevent that. But you don’t need to look or smell like your problem — sweat stains are so 1999. Stock up on Nivea Dry Range deodorants to stay fresh for longer.
Money
I refuse to believe the same heat flogging us mere mortals is the same heat dealing with the people in Banana Island. Okay, wait. Banana-Island-money is a stretch. Let’s focus on getting money to buy air conditioners or even something at the mall so you can enjoy mall AC small.
The prayers of your ancestors
We might think it’s a joke, but someone out there might be actually dragging this nation to the flames of hell. Start praying to your ancestors so their plan won’t work. Add some bonus prayers to touch NEPA’s heart so they do the needful too. We can’t be battling heat and no light at the same time.
Running water
Because bathing twice a day was for Harmattan. Now, you have to consider three times and above.
Pro tip: Using the Nivea Dry Range deodorants will keep you feeling dry and fresh for longer, so you won’t have to spend all your time in the bathroom.
A rich partner
Specifically, a partner who has a car with a working AC. Trust me, you DO NOT want to drag danfo buses in these perilous times. Or, even worse, having to sit beside sweaty people who haven’t discovered Nivea Dry Deo.
A freezer
In the hot season, your freezer isn’t just for freezing food items, it can also serve as a makeshift bed when the heat wants to take your life. Are we asking you to sleep in a functioning freezer? Nah. Where’s the light for that? But at least, the freezer lid will still be slightly cool without electricity. So, sleep away.
PS: If you don’t get any other thing on this list, you see that Nivea Dry Range deodorant? It shouldn’t be missing from your essentials. You’ll thank us later.
Is sapa keeping you confined to the house against your will? Do you want to have the best time with your friends without spending a dime? We know a couple of fun games to play over the phone with a friend that’ll send boredom to the ditch from whence it came.
Texting games
These are games you can play over the phone with a friend on apps like Whatsapp, Instagram, X or iMessage. For these games, you only need a willing partner and decent data connection.
Truth or Dare
Photo source: GooglePlay
It’s a WhatsApp game like texting, only that it has an interesting catch to it. Choose truth and you and your friend can take turns asking questions. When you choose to dare, you challenge each other to do something mischievous.
Emoji translation
Photo source: Pinterest
There’s no better way to test your knowledge of emojis. The rules are simple: Send an emoji or a string of them, and your friend has to try to interpret your hidden message.
Never Have I Ever
Photo source: Parade
Like Truth or Dare, this game is a great option for bonding over the phone as it helps you to learn new things about yourselves. Take turns asking each other about the deeds you’ve never done. If you’re guilty of the deed, you take a drink.
Trivia
Photo source: SnackNation
Pick a category both of you are familiar with. It could be afrobeats, Nollywood, Nigerian current affairs, fashion or anything else. Then, ask random questions from the chosen category. Each correct answer attracts a point.
Word unscramble
Photo: GooglePlay
This is one of the easiest games to play over the phone with a friend who gives strong spelling bee/scrabble energy. Pick a word, and y’all can take turns forming as many words as possible using only letters from the word.
Name That Tune
Photo Source: Tech Edvocate
If you and your friend are music heads, this game should be on your radar. Text some lyrics to your friend and whoever names the song first wins the round.
Mobile app games you can play with friends on your phone
If you need something a little more exciting than text-based games, mobile app games will come through for you. There are several multiplayer games on the Google and Apple app stores on your device.
iMessage games
This is strictly for Apple users. The iMessage feature on iPhone devices comes with several multiplayer games like pictoword, word streak with friends, X and Os, etc.
Candy Crush
Photo source: GooglePlay
You simply need to invite your friend to join the game, and y’all can crush as many candies as you like until you tire out, or run out of battery.
Ludo
Photo source: Ludo Online
If your friend was around, y’all would have pulled out a ludo board and the beat time. But who says you can’t go at it virtually? There’s a digital version that lets you play against each other or team up against another player.
Call of Duty
Photo source: AFK Gaming
You’ll love this if you’re into action games. You can shootout against each other or as a team.
8 ball pool
Photo source: Google Play
Since any physical hangout costs an arm and a leg these days, playing pool with friends at a lounge may no longer be wise. But this mobile version will more than suffice. The multiplayer game allows you to go head to head with your friend.
Asphalt 8: Airborne
Photo source: GSMArena
If you and your friends love arcade racing, you should have this on your list of multiplayer mobile games. You get to pick fancy cars and race against each other all night long.
Before you get into that relationship, confirm if they have an olubawi who can caution them when they’re moving mad or handle the checks and balances in their life like the judiciary. Here’s how to know for sure and avoid crying later.
They’re always looking for clout to chase
Launching gender wars, moving like incels and capitalising on pain and trauma for social engagement is a clear sign your partner is in this life to make trouble. The chance that a clout chaser will take caution is slimmer than Timini’s moustache.
They’re Tinubu
If your partner is Tinubu or moves like him, then their case is even worse than not having an olubawi. They don’t have their ears to the ground because they’re surrounded by yes-men.
Or they support the Agbado mandate
No disrespect to your bae’s politics, but if they laud the hard-life policies of this government, they’ve not had anyone to tell them their head is not correct.
For Food Only
If your partner has five proteins on one plate in this Tinubu era, it means they’re robbing to maintain a banquet lifestyle, or they have no one to advise them.
The night is always young
They only come alive in the nighttime like a white owl. If they’re not a security guard or nightclub owner, what are they looking for outside when they could be burning airtime to convince you to let them in your life?
They simply hate advice
Whatever anyone tells them enters one ear and evaporates through the other one. With this attitude, there’s no way they can have an olubawi. The only voice they listen to is the one in their head.
Or their “olubawi” is crazier than them
Maybe they have an olubawi but their olubawi doesn’t call their misbehaviours to order because they’re the deluxe version of them. Fruits don’t fall far from the tree, dear.
There are many reasons to have constant headaches in Nigeria right now. But do you know a group of people who have it easy? Those with super reliable USD cards that come through any time for international payments.
Let’s get into the things they enjoy and why you should be like them.
International shopping
There’s nothing as therapeutic as clearing your cart on Shein, Ali Express, Amazon, Asos, and other stores and taking delivery of all your fire fits. Of course, this dream can only turn into reality when you have a reliable USD card that won’t embarrass you.
Money from the abroad
Imagine your friends abroad wanting to send you small hard currency for these tough times, or you need to get paid for your freelance work, and you have to run helter-skelter for someone’s account. God, abeg.
Can never be anyone with a USD Chipper card. Input your card details on platforms that accept Visa direct and you’ll get that sweet dollars.
Seamless tuition and online course payments
At some point, it gets embarrassing to disturb friends and neighbours anytime you have to pay for an online course or tuition fees. But surely, this doesn’t apply to someone who has a USD card that makes it seamless to pay on platforms like Udemy, Coursera and many more.
Ease of running business
Nigerian business owners and complaints are like 5&6, but one group of people you’ll hardly catch in this mix? The ones who can easily pay for social media ads and drive more awareness for their business. Let us tell you now, their not-so-secret joy-giver is a USD card.
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Seamless subscription
People with USD cards might have their kettle of problems in Nigeria right now, but they don’t have to worry about paying for subscription services that help them escape from the shege. With a Chipper USD card, you don’t have to blink twice before your Apple Music, Canva, etc bills are sorted.
Travelling
The planning and logistics that go into travelling is stressful enough. So, the last thing anyone should struggle with is payment for plane tickets, hotel accommodations, visa fees, cab rides, etc. We’ll tell you one thing, Nigerians with USD cards can’t relate to these struggles even if they try.
USD Chipper Card
In case you’ve not gotten what the gist is about, let’s use this moment to tell you that the people who enjoy these super cool things are USD Chipper Card users.
With your USD Chipper card, you get a fast and reliable means to make international payments without breaking a sweat.
So, will you join the over one million Nigerians who’ve gotten the 411 or do you need more convincing to enjoy your life?
I’ve pictured a thousand and one ways I’d have scolded my parents if I caught them embarrassing me on social media. And let me tell you something, I’ve failed a thousand and one times.
You may be tempted to believe that I’m not the right person to dish out tips on dealing with your parents, but please, perish that thought. You know how older folks say it’s easier to discipline a stranger’s child than it is your own? Exactly. The same principle applies here.
Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let us explore the different ways to send your parents into shocked mute if they misbehave on Obasanjo’s internet.
Deactivate your social media
This is the first step in making sure you don’t die of embarrassment. And you must do this ASAP. This way, no one will be able to trace them to you when they ask “Whose mother or father is this?”
Activate your burner
You have only one job when you do this. Troll their ungodly video entry for whatever challenge they’re participating in. When they come running to you, give them the most parent friendly advice ever: “Mummy, daddy, delete the video.”
Tell them to “stood down”
Your parent’s willingness to join a social media challenge might be their undoing. Just tell them that this punishment that showed you shege as a kid is the new way to keep fit and exercise. They’ll hit the ground quicker than they can press “post” on Instagram. Take this as your way of disciplining them. But please, temper justice with mercy.
Report them to their Olubawi
Especially if it’s a social media challenge with extreme sexual undertones. You’ll have to call big daddy, big mummy, Iya agba, Baba agba or whoever they hold in high regard to keep their relatives in check.
Or just call a family meeting
When everyone has gathered, play the embarrassing video on the big screen. Your parents will see for themselves why it’s not a good idea to document their peak foolery for the internet to see.
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Clean up their socials
How will they see a challenge to participate in it if you’ve curated their page to only show Godly content? Block every known celebrity and gossip pages on their social media, including the ones they haven’t followed yet. This way, you can rest assured knowing they only see things that please God. Repeat this clean up monthly.
Have a heart to heart conversation
How the roles have changed, right? Anyway, use the opportunity to educate them about the dangers of oversharing on social media. Tell them sharing embarrassing content like that is like setting a table in front of their enemies.
Join them
If you notice the challenge is just a way for them to do something fun and stay happy, join them. Good thing is, you get to control what they put out and suggest social media challenges that glorify the name of the Lord.
I’ll always preach the gospel that NYSC should begin and end with the three-week orientation camp. Why do I have to dedicate a year of my life to serving my fatherland? It’s giving forced labour, please.
Anyway, I decided to rank 16 experiences that are very familiar to anyone who has ever, or will potentially answer, annoying names like Otondo, Corper Wee Wee Wee and Corper Wa Wa Wa. TF?
Let’s get into it.
1. Receiving your call up letter
This is where you know if you serve a living God or if your village people have plans for you. If you get the state you want, good for you. If you don’t, you’ll start asking yourself questions like, ”Is this even necessary?”
Verdict: This is fun.
2. Packing for camp
You think you know what confusion is? Wait until you hear distorted information about the number of photocopies to make, white shorts and shirts to pack, and everything else that should follow you to camp. I made a total of 100 photocopies.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
3. Arriving at orientation camp
It might not look like it because you’ll probably be stressed AF, but it’s one of the sweetest NYSC experiences because it’s real as shit. It’s the real “Mama, I made it” moment followed by this next one.
Verdict: This is fun.
4. Getting your NYSC gear
If you’re still in doubt, receiving your NYSC kit will help you realise that true true, na you be the latest corper wee in town.
Verdict: This is fun.
5. When nothing fits you
This is where chaos starts. You’ll have to ask strangers if they’re willing to exchange with you. Whether you find someone or not, it’s lowkey one of the most annoying things to experience on the first day in camp.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
6. The struggle for bedspace
As someone who got the bed space closest to the room’s entrance and toilet, let me tell you that this seemingly simple activity of choosing where to sleep can define what your camp life will look like. NYSC should better make bed space and room selection part of the registration process.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
7. Bonding with your roomates
If you take a cherished moment/experience away from NYSC, it probably started from your assigned room. This is where you’ll likely make friends with random people you don’t know from Adam.
Verdict: This is fun.
8. The early morning drills
This one will make you swear from the bottom of your heart for the person who came up with the idea that birthed NYSC.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
9. Getting your first pay
The money might only buy a plate of food at mami but yes to chopping government money!
Verdict: This is fun.
10. Discovering mami market
If you’re like me who didn’t want anything to do with camp food, the mami market will be your small mecca during your time in camp.
Verdict: This is fun.
11. Your first allawee
Of course, you’re happy AF to receive your first monthly allawee even if it’ll only last a few days.
Verdict: This is fun.
12. PPA posting
Two things can happen here: Your connect comes true and you’re posted to your desired PPA or NYSC flings you to an abandoned organisation in the middle of nowhere. Either way, the anxiety of finding out both is not recommended.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
13. Weekly/monthly CDS
Please, NYSC should begin and end with the three weeks in orientation camp. Every other activity is not necessary.
Verdict: Get me out of here.
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14. Passing out parade
It’s like getting to the end of a badly written Nollywood script. Won’t you be happy when you see “The End”? Exactly. Let’s pack this shit up and never speak of it again.
Verdict: This is fun.
15. The big social media post
How else will the people know you’re fit to run for office if they don’t find pictures of you posing with your NYSC certificate? Documenting is an important process of it all, please dear.
Verdict: This is fun.
16. Jobless again
So your PPA didn’t retain you. You reach out to relatives who promised to help with a job and they say “Aired, DFKM”. On top of this, the government has stopped giving you their meagre ₦33k. Haq haq haq. Welcome to your quarter-life crisis era.
I was curious about people who live beside cemeteries and wanted to know about their experiences when I found Ibrahim*.
In this story, Ibrahim talks about his family’s cemetery residence with its supposedly good-luck charm, the ghost rumours and the friendship heartbreaks that came with it.
As told to Adeyinka
Until I turned 12, I didn’t pay a lot of attention to my environment. I knew we lived on Lagos mainland and had lots of trees in the area. Occasionally, an influx of people showed up on random days, and they always seemed so sad. Some of them even cried. One day, I asked my mum about these strangers and why they always gathered in the compound next to us.
My mum told me, “That’s where they bury people who have gone to heaven.” I’m not sure if I understood this, but I didn’t press further.
Then, I got into secondary school and got a true picture of how weird our accommodation was. My friends would hesitate when I invited them to visit, then come up with all sorts of excuses. I was sad when this happened because I visited them without fail.
When I was in JSS 3, another major event put things into perspective for me. It was a few weeks before the Junior WAEC exams and two of my friends and I had a lesson teacher who taught us at our homes. But the workload was too much for him, so he asked our parents if they could agree to have him teach all of us at once at one person’s house.
Our parents agreed until the question of the lesson location came up and the teacher suggested my house. To be fair, we were the only ones with a spacious backyard that could be used as a makeshift classroom.
The other parents didn’t like the idea. They didn’t feel comfortable with the idea of their kids being that close to a cemetery. The lesson was also from 4:30 to 6:30 p.m., so that timing freaked them out.
That was the first time I felt ashamed of where I lived. But this shame didn’t translate into us moving out, and I get why. The building was a family house and our rent was subsidised. It was also a pretty comfortable house. Also, my dad strongly believed the house brought us good luck and aligned with our stars. I don’t remember us having any major difficulties or setbacks in the house.
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Here’s the thing: In the 20+ years we lived there, I never had any encounters with ghosts or any of these bogus rumours about cemeteries you see in Nollywood movies. Yes, there were times we woke up in the morning and found calabashes with sacrifices at the junction, but I think this was common with places that had T-junctions. Maybe the cemetery in the area contributed to this, I honestly don’t know.
Some neighbours and older folks claimed they heard or saw things — from strange footsteps to shadows in the midnight. But neither I nor my family members did, so we treated them as what they were… rumours.
The last one I heard about before relocating was someone who said he was washing his car late at night and whistling. He heard a voice asking him to stop the noise. He didn’t answer and continued, then a ghost slapped him.
I’ll say the only thing that scared me, even till my adult years, was walking past the cemetery late at night or early in the morning. There’s an eerie calm and coldness that hangs in the air during these times. I can’t explain it, but it’s always there.
In 2022, I moved to Osogbo for NYSC and decided to stay back after my service year ended. My parents also moved out in late 2022 into a house they built.
It’s still our family house, but we’re considering renting it out. Let me say it’s not easy getting people to rent a house beside a cemetery.
Within a few weeks, the price of [redacted] noodles has doubled by over 100% in the Nigerian market. Like everyone else, Zikoko wanted to get to the root of the sudden price increase, so we invited Noodles for an interview.
[Noodles walks into the Zikoko office, looking slightly annoyed.]
Zikoko: Ah, welcome. You look good. It’s so wonderful to have you here.
[Redacted] Noodles: Please, let’s cut to the chase. I’m a very busy person these days. I only honoured your invitation so it won’t be like I’m now proud because my level has changed. Maybe you can even benefit small from my good fortune. You’ve been complaining about inflation too much. How do they say it sef? We rise by lifting others, abi?
Zikoko:
[Noodles’ phone rings.]
[Redacted] Noodles: Hello? I’ve told you; if they can’t pay ₦30k for that carton, bring it back. Their eyes will clear when the price increases to ₦50k next tomorrow. Rubbish.
Noodles hangs up the call.
[Redacted] Noodles: Ehen, you were saying?
Zikoko: I can see you’re very busy, so I’ll just ask the question on everybody’s mind. Why are you so expensive these days? You used to roll with Garri, but no one can look at your face again. What happened?
[Redacted] Noodles: Thank you very much for that question. Now, let me ask you. Don’t you like progress?
Zikoko: I don’t get.
[Redacted] Noodles: See, the thing is all of you don’t know how to value people. When I was down to the level of the common man, you people took every opportunity to insult me.
Zikoko: Insult as how? We never did that.
[Redacted] Noodles: So I’m lying? Were you not there when some people tried to give me a name that my manufacturers didn’t give me? Accusing me of causing cancer? All because I was cheap and the only thing you people could afford to eat three times a day?
Zikoko: Ahan. Are you broke-shaming us now?
[Redacted] Noodles: Don’t interrupt me, please. Or were you not there when one SAN called me “ordinary [redacted]” because some people in the government were hoarding me during the pandemic? Me, ordinary?
Zikoko: But there was context…
[Redacted] Noodles: Carry your context and throw it inside the pit your economy is in. As for me, it is my time to enjoy the recognition I deserve. I mean, why did everyone think it was okay to associate me with sapa and struggle? I’m now a meal for ballers, and you need to start putting respect on my name. At this point, I can even start competing with that fraud called Creamy Pasta.
Zikoko: From where to where? Calm down. Pride goes before a fall o.
[Redacted] Noodles: It’s you that will fall down. Did you call me here to insult me? What does Creamy Pasta have that I don’t have? Don’t worry, it will happen in front of your eyes. Lagos restaurants will soon start adding me to their menus and charging you ₦40k for a taste. I can’t wait. I’ve left the trenches and don’t intend to return there.
Zikoko: Is that why you’re increasing in price every day? Because you don’t want to return to the trenches?
[Redacted] Noodles: Why are you trying to put the blame on me? Is there no inflation in your side? Or you don’t know how much a dollar is? See, I‘m just keeping up with the times and finally charging my worth. Stop being an enemy of progress.
Zikoko: So, there’s no chance that your prices will come down at all?
[Redacted] NoodlesHad it been I know you now, I’d give you a dirty slap. You want me to go back to my days of little beginnings after God has uplifted me? If it’s a joke, stop it.
Zikoko: So you don’t care about the masses?
[Redacted] Noodles: Please, what’s my own with the masses? I’m now for the bourgeoisie, and I like it like that. Maybe you people will think twice before belittling someone again.
[Noodles’ phone rings again]
See, I really need to go. The people who can afford me are looking for me. But can I leave you with some advice?
Zikoko: Yes?
[Redacted] Noodles: See that Garri you mentioned earlier? You better start greeting her “Celeb, celeb” whenever you see her. Trusted sources tell me she’s thinking about changing her price again and charging her worth, too.
Zikoko: Ah. Why na?
[Redacted] Noodles: Be asking me JAMB question when you should be facing your government. I’m out of here, abeg. You people don’t even have light in your office.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Vanessa: We remember it very differently.
He claims I snubbed him while I vividly remember shaking his hand as enthusiastically as I could manage. But it was clear there was negative tension there from day one.
Dare: It was at a bar, so we were bound to have different memories of the meeting. She was waiting for someone and was being rude to the barman. I just politely greeted her as I waited for my drink with a friend.
Turned out I knew the person she was hanging with from school. The person reintroduced us, and we all ended up spending most of that night together.
How did that go?
Vanessa: It was fun, but we kept rubbing each other the wrong way.
He always says I was snubbish to him and his friends the whole night. And he went home deciding he couldn’t stand me. For me, he barely spoke to me, so how did he reach that conclusion? I thought he was too distant, but his nice lips stood out to me.
Dare: Unfortunately — or should I say, fortunately — that was the start of us seeing each other almost every week because our mutual friends got close. One of my guys even asked her out. They dated for up to a year.
When did you realise you liked each other?
Dare: It took at least two years of hating first.
Vanessa: Between 2017 and 2019, we’d meet at our friends’ get-togethers, parties, hangouts and everything in between.
Dare: Every time I saw her at these things, I’d just be annoyed for no reason. It was either she was making comments about how someone should stop feeling good about their car because it was basically Uber drivers’ default car or she was being unnecessarily picky with her food.
But I always noticed her, even when we didn’t talk to each other. I’d also think about one thing or another she’d done long after I’d left the outing.
Vanessa: I thought he was an asshole because of the way he looked at me when our paths crossed. His tone when he spoke to me was always distant, even after months and years had passed of us knowing each other.
Then August 2019 came, and we had to attend an event together for work.
Work?
Vanessa: I was chasing a deal and needed an introduction to one of the sponsors we were chasing. I asked within our friend group, and everyone pointed at him. He knew a key executive at the company directly, so I had to go to his private chat for help.
Dare: I offered to get her into an event where she could meet the guy personally.
Vanessa: I jumped at the opportunity. I was struggling at work at that time because my KPIs had pivoted, and I had no idea how to execute the new expectations. But I didn’t want to let my bosses know so I wouldn’t get fired.
We met up at the place, and for some reason, I started confiding in him about how lost I was when it came to pitching and closing sponsors. He pulled me aside before we entered the venue and gave me a crash course on what to do.
Even though he was still annoying about it, I really appreciated that. I got to see a less cold side of him.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
Was this the turning point of your relationship?
Vanessa: In hindsight, yes.
The drive back was interesting. We had this weirdly random conversation where he told me he didn’t usually date Igbo girls. I rolled my eyes so hard, but I also knew he was lowkey flirting.
Dare: We got to the venue separately, but I offered her a ride home. I had my dad’s car for the night, so I thought, why not?
Vanessa: I realised he was a kind person. It didn’t matter that he obviously didn’t like me, he was still cordial.
Dare: During the car ride, I discovered she was talkative. That’s why I was always catching her snide comments. She talked a lot and loved to make fun of things, including herself.
Did she make fun of you during this ride?
Dare: Nope. She was too busy making fun of herself, picking at everything seemingly dumb she’d done at the event. We became a lot closer after that. She needed me to strengthen communications with the guy we went to see, of course.
Vanessa: I think we also felt the beginnings of a real friendship. But then, a lot happened in the next few months. Like, the pandemic.
How did COVID affect this blossoming friendship?
Vanessa: Maybe because we’d just started being real friends before the lockdown, but we suddenly became the closest people to each other when it all went down. We were constantly texting. He and my mum were my major support system amid the uncertainty.
Dare: I worked in tech support, so I was one of the few people who had to brave the pandemic midway into the lockdown to be in the office. A lot of times, I had to sleep over there or at a nearby hotel. Our office was also thinning out because of the layoffs, so I had less and less company.
It became a favourite pastime to text her and exchange jokes.
Vanessa: We spent a lot of time talking about our lives, families, exes, best and worst moments, things like that. Before I knew it, I had to confess the bitter truth to one of my friends, that I was crushing on him.
She screamed, “I thought we hated him.” I laughed hard.
Did you tell him how you felt?
Vanessa: God, no. We still had about a year of sending each other mixed signals ahead of us. He was active in the EndSARS protests…
Dare: While she stuck to social media protesting.
Vanessa: We fought over that. He thought we had to all leave our phones and be more present at the protests. He kept trying to get me to come to the tollgate, but I never did.
By December, we started attending hangouts again, and I noticed him get close to some other girl, so I told myself to move on.
Then one night, while I was out with a guy I was talking to, he walked up to our table to say hi. We chatted for a bit, and when he left, the guy I was with looked at me and said, “You know that guy likes you, right?”
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Huh?
Vanessa: Yes o. I just rolled my eyes, but inside, I was smiling brightly.
Dare: I don’t know what that one saw in five seconds of banter. He was right sha. We can go on and on, but the summary is we kept getting closer as friends until I decided to ask her out as a joke midway into 2021.
Vanessa: He made it seem like a joke, but I knew he was serious. He asked me to eat out with him at a nice restaurant and everything. Idiot.
Dare: Since then, we’ve been annoying each other into sticking together.
What does the future look like?
Dare: That’s something we hardly talk about actually. We’re not in a hurry to do anything at all.
Vanessa: It hasn’t felt like we’ve been together for three years at all. The years have just zoomed by, it’s scary.
I know you’re wondering if we ever talk about marriage, but it’s honestly not the priority for either of us right now. It will make things too serious; we’re enjoying our current freedom to be whatever we feel like to each other at any given moment.
Dare: We’ll most likely be together for a long long time, that’s all I know.
Have you had a major fight yet?
Dare: Haven’t you been hearing us say we fought about this and fought over that? You think we were just exaggerating?
Vanessa: We fight o. All the time. Like serious shouting, and sometimes, crying.
Dare: We’re both really expressive about things we care about. We can fight over politics or how we’re budgeting for the month or our schedule for the day.
One day last month, I agreed to go with my friends to watch a show on the same day she’d wanted me to go with her for her friend’s dinner. I casually mentioned it to her over the phone, and she lashed out. I’d forgotten. She was so upset, we basically had a shouting match about how I never thought about her.
Vanessa: It was me screaming that he didn’t care about me and he screaming back that I was all he thought about. It was the cutest most triggering thing ever. We still shouted back and forth for a good five minutes. I still cried and didn’t talk to him for a day. And he still sent me “big head” as a text message on the second day.
And it doesn’t feel like the tension will add up over time?
Dare: Omo, there’s too much tension coming from outside, with work stress and price hikes to even feel anything but gratitude that we have each other.
Vanessa: I actually agree with that. There’s no time to overthink anything these days. We fight, we get it all out of our system, and then, we move on. It’s even therapeutic sometimes.
Dare: The point is that we like each other. I’m sure the day we don’t like each other again, we’ll part ways, but till then, we’ll enjoy each other — the good and the bad parts.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 – 10?
Vanessa: 7. We’re toxic AF, but it works.
Dare: 8. You and who is toxic? I’m perfectly normal, please.
*Names were changed for anonymity.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
Fashion was clearly not in the room when Nigerian public universities sat down to discuss their options for convocation gowns.
I had time on my hands today and decided to rank 15 of the best ones I could find.
Let’s get into it.
15. Osun State University
Photo source: X
The only thing I can say here is that there are like 20 private and secondary schools with this exact convocation gown.
14. Olabisi Onabanjo University
Photo source: Photochronicles Studios
Replace the blue lining with yellow and you might have the graduands disguised as UNIOSUN students. Is there any effort going into these gown designs?
13. University of Ilorin
Photo: Tribune Online
If you go outside your house right now and scream “low-effort” three times, this gown will appear in your kitchen. Do with this info what you must.
12. Obafemi Awolowo University
Photo source: Geophotography.com
Another navy blue? At this point I honestly need to ask. What the heck is going on?
11. Federal University of Technology, Akure
Photo source: FUTA
I guess another shade of blue is a pleasant sight for sore eyes.
10. Ahmadu Bello University
Photo: Facebook
Not gonna lie, this one is here because I’ve never been so happy to see green in my life. I also rate their decision to go with a single dominant colour.
9. Imo State University
Photo source: Nairaland
The red custom hood is giving something about Christmas church decor that I can’t shake. But yes, they also make it to this spot in the list just because they’re not affiliated with any shade of blue.
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8. Ladoke Akintola University of Technology, Ogbomosho
Photo source: EmmanuelPixels
If you can ignore the chaotic lemon and purple thing going on, they get a B- for daring to be different.
7. Ekiti State University
Photo source: X/@imotivateafrica
In case you haven’t already noticed, the choice of colour is an important, albeit by accident, criterion for this list since most schools move like blue fabric is the only one in the market. EKSU gets a B+ for this combo.
6. University of Ibadan
Photo source: UNIBADAN
More navy blue for my already tired eyes.
5. University of Benin
Photo source: UNIBEN
They kinda ate with this. Or are my eyes deceiving me? Because lilac and purple is an elite combo.
4. Bayero University
Photo source: Bayero University
When I want to look at it, my head will be headaching me. Let’s just agree they made it this far up the list because my eyes were slightly closed. Also, we already agreed to rate people with uncommon colours, right?
3. Federal University of Agriculture, Funaab
Photo source: Philadlhaevents
It’s heavy on primary colours but I think this gown gives a chance for stylish students to shine.
2. University of Lagos
Photo source: UNILAG
UNILAG can disguise all they want. We can agree the only reason their convocation gown looks like IT is because their students are stylish AF. But we’re still judging the yellow and wine combo sha.
1. University of Port Harcourt
Photo source: KayeVisuals
A Nigerian university with a black graduation gown? You’ll have to unalive my enemies to make me remove UNIPORT from this spot. They ate, swallowed and shat convocation high fashion. I have no choice but to stan!
Birthdays are pretty straightforward for most of us — they come around once a year. But what is it like for leap-year babies born on February 29 whose “birthdays” come around once every four years?
In this story, Opeyemi (28), a leap-year baby, shares how she realised she was different, the external curiosity that comes with being born on a leap year, and why she has two birth dates.
As told to Boluwatife
Image: Opeyemi
I was in JSS 1 when my parents threw me my first-ever birthday party.
The year was 2008, and it was the first time I actually realised my birthday wasn’t like everyone else’s. It was such a huge event that even my mum’s friends came. Later on, I asked my mum why that birthday was different. She said, “Because there’s a February 29 this year.”
I was born on February 29, 1996. In leap year numbers, I’m technically “six” years old now, but don’t you dare tell me I’m six.
I really disliked the age thing growing up. My friends and younger cousins never passed up an opportunity to remind me I was “just two years old.” I remember one time, during an argument with some cousins, I went the “I’m not your age mate” route, and they quickly did the calculation for me in leap years. It was an argument-ending comeback. It was beyond annoying.
But it never made sense to me. My development doesn’t happen once every four years, but most people will never let go of the age thing. I always get questions like: How do you calculate your age? How do you celebrate your birthday? How old are you really… like ideally? — What does “ideally” mean?
Well, I calculate my age every year like a normal person, but I celebrate it on February 28 so I technically still have a birthday every year.
It also means I have two official birthdays. I randomly used both February 28 and 29 interchangeably on forms and online applications for a while because the latter was easier and straight to the point. But when I had BVN issues because of that— the officer had put 29 because my birth certificate said so, but then some of my other documents had a different date — I had to swear a declaration of age in a court affidavit to have February 28 as my official birth date. So, I have a birth certificate and affidavit with different birth dates.
There are perks to being a leap-year baby, though. My parents started this tradition of throwing me big parties every leap year, and I took it to adulthood. As a kid, I always got extra attention and gifts on leap years, and now, I get to celebrate my birthday twice on leap years, too.
The first time I had a leap year birthday in the university was quite funny. It was in 2016, and everyone wished me a happy birthday on the 28th. The following day, some of my friends who knew I was born on the 29th began to wish me a happy birthday, too.
Everyone in the hostel was surprised, and the news about me being born on a leap year spread like wildfire. People kept coming to ask me how it felt to be born on a leap year. I wanted to ask, “How does it feel to be born on your own birthday?”
I get why people find it so interesting, though. I’ve only ever met three other leap-year babies. I met the first one in secondary school. He preferred to associate with March 1 as his birthday rather than claim February. The other two are my twin cousins, but they’re far younger, so we never celebrated our birthdays together.
My leap year birthdays are definitely different. I guess knowing that it only comes every few years makes it extra special. And even though I’m not one to throw parties like my parents, I like to go all out with friends when possible. This year, I plan to take pictures and visit orphanages. It’s like a full-circle birthday for me, too. I was born on a Thursday, and my birthday this year falls on a Thursday.
With all the pros and cons, I love being a leap-year baby. It’s a unique part of me that’s solely mine. I think my mum loves the fact that I’m a leap-year baby even more than me.
She’s always excited to tell everyone who cares to listen all about it. When she found out about the affidavit, she was furious. It took a whole lot of explaining for her to accept I wasn’t changing my birthday; I just wanted to make my life easier.
But if I had the opportunity to choose, I’d still choose February 29. I’ll never have a golden birthday — the one where you get to celebrate turning 29 on the 29th — but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I already know what day my next leap year birthday will fall on, and the one after that. It’s always something to look forward to.
With the way Nigeria is currently set up, you don’t need to stress too much to eat the rich; they’re all around you. The question is, are you paying attention to their odogwu spending ways?
If anyone you know effortlessly ticks one or more off this list, they’re the Eri Mus of these harsh times cosplaying as regular citizens.
They watch television
Do they have time for TV in Tinubu’s Godforsaken economy? That means they’re not as poverty-stricken as your poor self. Hold them.
And have TV subscriptions
So, not only do they spend potentially billable hours watching TV, they also pay hard-earned Nigerian naira to watch Tyler Perry pour watercolour on two adults mid-coitus? It’s giving “My money grows like grass”.
You still hear the sound of their generator
The new class of poor Nigerians removed their hands from anything petrol since Tinubu removed the fuel subsidy. So, if you still hear the sound of their generator, they’re the new class of Billionaire Onye Ji Cash.
They order private cabs
Chale, have you seen the ride estimates on private cabs these days? If your friend shows up anywhere in a rickety 2009 Toyota Camry, they’re rich AF. You better hold their trozzis.
They eat turkey
A kilo of turkey now sells for about ₦6000. For context, here’s a short list of what you can get with that amount right now: Paint bucket of garri (₦2k), half-crate of egg (₦1750), Bag of pure water (₦400), half kilo of shawa fish (₦1500), and you still get ₦350 change.
Do we still need to tell you why they’re rich AF if they eat turkey?
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They still use cooking gas
Anyone who can afford ₦7500 or ₦15k for 6kg/12kg cooking gas right now is well on their way to displacing Dangote on the Forbes list. If this person is someone you know, table your problems in front of them because they fit run am!
They can afford foreign rice
So, it’s not just that they eat the most expensive staple in Nigeria right now, they also choose to buy the foreign variety. Listen, add them to your fine bara list right now.
I’ve wanted nothing to do with Tyler Perry since Acrimony, but after I saw Kelly Rowland rocking fire wigs and fits in the trailer for his latest work, Mea Culpa, I was sold for that reason alone.
“A criminal defence attorney takes on the case of a seductive artist accused of murdering his girlfriend, but when burning desire takes hold, things get hot and dangerous.”
— The movie’s synopsis on Netflix.
And my first question is, people didn’t know it would be bad after reading that synopsis?
Let’s get into it.
The movie opens in classic Tyler Perry fashion: A therapist talking to a couple who have no real intention of solving their problems.
Mea (Kelly Rowland) is zoned out AF from the conversation until the therapist and her husband, Kal (Sean Sagar), bring her back. We quickly learn that Kal is a mummy’s boy who also has problems setting boundaries with his childhood friend/female bestie, Jenna.
Kal gets a call then announces they have to leave for his mum’s birthday dinner. Mea shuts that down and stays back for the rest of the session. After Kal leaves, she reveals her husband is jobless AF, doesn’t want his family to know and has attachment issues with his mum because she has cancer. Chale, I was already stressed!
The movie then cuts to Mea’s arrival at Kal’s mum’s birthday dinner. She meets a colleague, Mannie, who says he’d love her to meet a popular visual artist, Zyair Malloy, who’s facing murder charges and needs a badass defence attorney. She’s hesitant but agrees to a meet-up.
Finally, we meet Mummy Kal (Kerry O’Malley) AKA Azalia and she… looks nothing like anyone who has her days on earth numbered. And if you’re wondering why she’s white with black kids, you should know the movie does nothing to answer this question.
Oh, Mummy Kal is nasty as hell because why TF did she invite Jenna to the party and have the audacity to sit her right next to Kal?
Mea spends the night playing catch-up with her friend and sister-in-law, Charlise, at the far end of the table. We barely see food on the table, but there’s enough passive aggression and performative action from the family members to fill them up.
Next, we see jobless Kal give his mum an expensive wristwatch and go: “It’s from Mea and I”.
The dinner-from-hell finally wraps, and the family members trickle out of the restaurant. Charlise wants to know why there’s paparazzi and finds out they’re here for Zyair, the artist accused of murdering his Mexican boo.
He’s also selling off Zyair’s artwork in his house.
The ride home is intense. Kal reveals he had to sell the piano to afford mummy’s lil birthday watch. At this point, we can tell Mea is over his bullshit.
After the chaotic events of the previous night, we see Mea at her workplace, where she’s one of the baddest legal bitches running things. Zyair has come to get her to take his case, but she quickly tells him she probably wouldn’t since her brother-in-law is prosecuting.
Zyair makes a case for his innocence, and Mea says she’ll consider it.
We don’t know if it’s the same day or the next, but we see Mea and Charlise taking a walk after a dance class. On the other side of the road, a group of angry white women protest the continued display of Zyair’s artwork at a gallery.
Mea uses the opportunity to tell her sister-in-law she’s taking up his case, and our good sis is completely against it.
Next, we see Mea in defense-attorney mode.
Like her sister-in-law, Kal wants her to drop the case. And the following ensues:
The movie takes us to Zyair’s studio apartment, where Mea confronts him with evidence suggesting he’s guilty AF, and she’ll only represent him as long as he tells her the truth. Classic “defence attorney of a murder suspect” move.
The entire scene plays out rather annoyingly thanks to Zyair’s raging hormones that stain every interaction with Mea unprovoked.
After a long and tiring AF day, Mea gets home to a cancer-ridden Mama Kal, who after chemotherapy, came to rescue her jobless son from “endless takeouts”. We also see the brother-in-law. So, it’s a complete gang-up cosplaying as a family dinner.
Of course, Mea was on the menu, and they ate her so bad with their demand:
It’s at this dinner that Mea finds out her brother-in-law is running for mayor and hopes to score votes by sending Zyair’s ass to jail.
Mea calls on her private investigator, Jimmy — who has feelings for her but tails her husband and reports on his activities — for her new case.
Mea and her brother-in-law battle it out in front of a judge who succumbs to the idea of close relatives on both sides of the case.
In the next scene, we see why Mea believes so much in Jimmy’s ministry. Mans dug beneath the crux of Mother Earth herself to find statements from Zyair’s exes detailing their rather gruesome sexual experiences with him.
See for yourself:
And in Zyair’s defence?
Mea to Jimmy:
The night wraps with Mea sending Jimmy off to Mexico to find out more about Zyair’s murdered lover.
After Jimmy leaves, Mea joins Zyair on the rooftop and he tries to plead his case… yet again:
Jimmy calls Mea from Mexico and says there’s hardly any information or investigation around Zyair’s murdered lover. He promises to keep digging.
After what seemed like ages, we see Kal again. And for the first time in the movie, we’re teased with a potential genital slam-a-thon that ends before it has a chance to get either party wet.
Later that day, Mea meets with her client for more questioning about the case. Before long, we see an attorney vs client Q&A session crumble into what you see below:
Mea eventually comes to her senses, asks to leave and agrees when Zyair offers to drop her home. And just when I thought we’d be treated to the over-flogged but hot AF “damsel on okada” scene, Mea sees Zyair’s power bike and:
On the train ride home, Mea’s head is flooded with images of the near-mekwe encounter with Zyair. She gets home and tries to replace the ungodly images, but Kal is disappointment personified.
The next morning, Kal shows up at Mea’s office with flowers, but she’s less than impressed. She tells him she’s got stuff to do, and right in the middle of the exchange, Zyair walks in.
He does the most passive-aggressive takeover ever, placing his hand on Mea’s waist, not minding her husband’s presence.
Kal’s response:
Kal is pressed AF but even his meanest looks don’t stop Zyair from telling his attorney they need to head back to his house where he’ll feel more comfortable to open up.
Mea protests the idea, but Zyair is out of her office quicker than she can convince him to stay the fuck back.
She does his bidding and shows up, but Zyair is far from impressed. He calls Mea out on her bullshit, claiming she’s attracted AF to him but denies it.
He says he can’t trust her any longer and doesn’t want her as his lawyer. Mea remains unfazed and tells him off.
Zyair walks Mea out of his house and ends up in an underground orgy-styled nightclub with enough ashawo lighting to blind any human being.
Mea returns home to find Kal too engrossed in a virtual shoot-out with his bestie, Jenna, to notice her presence in the room. Mea is riled up AF and retires to her home office. She gets a call from Maddie, who told her about Zyair in the first place. Maddie apologises on behalf of Zyair and begs Mea to stay on his case.
Next, we see Mea at Zyair’s, and he’s quick to apologise for his behaviour. She makes it clear that, even though her marriage has issues, she’s not some cheap slut to be seduced by an artist about to lose his career.
Tell me why this sneaky ass nigga still tries to get in Mea’s pants right after? She still turns him down.
Enters a random naked white chick.
Who proceeds to swallow the shit out of Zyair’s cock in Mea’s presence.
Mea tries to leave but not before Zyair did some shit to stall the elevator and make her witness his near-cum state.
Mea keeps the horny in check and storms out. In her car, our good ol’ investigator, Jimmy, calls to inform her that he saw her husband go into a hotel room with Jenna. Mea loses her shit, returns to Zyair and sets the motion for what’ll go down as one of the nastiest genital rogbodiyan to air on television.
She walks in on Zyair and the white babe and takes over, chewing his lips with the anger of her recent discovery.
Before things get too far, she somehow regains her senses and wants Zyair to take her home. Mea jumps on the motorbike she refused earlier, and there’s a cute “Riding with my man” moment:
They drive through the city and return right back to Zyair’s house for the messiest paint sex that could only be a desperately sex-starved person’s unlived fantasy.
Mea gets to work the next morning, and her husband and sister-in-law almost pounces on her for going MIA. She also learns that while she was getting her kpekus pounded, Kal and his other family members were at the hotel with Mama Kal, who’d asked to be moved somewhere closer to the hospital.
Mea regrets her genital rogbodiyan from the night before and realises her private investigator gave her the wrong info. She’s guilt-ridden and struggles to look Kal in the eyes.
Mea goes to Zyair’s house and tells him she wants out as his defence attorney.
She also meets Jimmy and tells him he got his info all wrong.
The scene that comes up next shows a bunch of angry white women protesting in front on the gallery. Mea comes to the gallery to meet one of Zyair’s exes, Renee Hester Welson.
Enters the ex:
Without wasting time, Renee imposes herself as the bad bitch and gives a rundown of how Zyair has played Mea.
Turns out the little paint sex stunt he pulled is an old trick he’s recycled with exes. Renee also tells Mea that the painting of herself on his ceiling has layers of all the women he’s been with underneath.
In the next sequence, Mea lets herself into Zyair’s house and marches straight to the room where he dickmatised her.
She peels off the painting of herself on the ceiling and sees the layers of other women’s paintings.
She doesn’t stop until she gets to a painting of the ex he was accused of murdering.
Zyair tries to explain, but Mea isn’t having any of his bullshit stories. She makes to leave but he refuses to start the elevator, throwing in a subtle threat that he would tell the world about their rendezvous.
Mea tells him she also plans to tell the truth about what went down between them. Seeing he’s been beat, Zyair retreats and watches Mea leave.
She gets in the elevator and screams the loudest fucking “Start the elevator” that makes it clear she’s not playing.
As if the day hasn’t been long enough, Mea and Kal arrive at his brother’s house, where other family members have gathered to spill tea. What ensues next is a messy AF tell-all where Kal’s family find out he’s been jobless for a while, and Mea tells Kal that Zyair stuck his joystick in her honeypot.
Mama Kal after Mea’s confession:
Mea only gets support from Charlise. Feeling defeated, she leaves.
After this rather chaotic night, we see Mea at a bar in Santa Domingo trying to put the past behind her. Her “Me time” is cut short when a TV announcer says Zyair, who’s been chilling in prison, has agreed to take a plea deal. Right after, she gets a call from Jimmy, who’d been worried sick about her.
Still on the island, we see Mea running. She bumps into a waiter who looks familiar AF.
She realises the girl is Zyair’s allegedly murdered ex. Enters: Hot chase.
Unsuccessful in her chase and attempt to get the police involved, Mea calls Ray to tell him what she just saw with her two korokoro eyes. Ray promises to get his investigator to accost Hydie.
Later, Mea returns from Santa Domingo and heads straight to Ray’s house, where the entire family has gathered… yet again. Mama Kal is everything but welcoming, but Ray calms her down. Mea learns Kal is on his way over, and Ray’s investigator is on his way to Santa Domingo.
Jimmy calls Mea and tells her to check her email. We don’t know what’s in the email, but it sends Mea into shock. In the kitchen, where she stands flabbergasted, she spots a door leading to a room with a red light and approaches it. Inside, Mea sees a painting she so eagerly peels off, and sees her sister-in-law’s face. Just as she exits, Mama Kal bumps into her and deliberately crushes her phone.
Everything goes downhill from here.
In the kitchen, Ray, Mama Kal and Mea’s bestie move weird. Ray tries to get Mea to down a glass of obviously poisoned wine. Mea doesn’t. She’s also wondering why Kal is yet to show up, but her bestie tells her to join in making dinner. When Mea grabs a knife to cut vegetables, Mama Kal yanks it off.
When Ray returns, Mea asks for an update and learns his investigator has found Hydie. She says they should contact a judge but he says it’s better to wait till the next day. Mea then tells Ray to check his mail. The earlier message from Jimmy was confirmation that Mama Kal isn’t a cancer patient.
In quick succession, we find out the only reason we’ve sat through yeasty paint sex scenes and this entire fuckery is because the family cooked shit up to help Ray win an election.
Make it make sense.
It’s at this moment we also learn Charlise cheated on Ray with Zyair, and he’s known the entire time, which is why he had a copy of her painting in his little red room.
Mea tells Charlise they need to get TF OUT. But what ensues is a stressfully choreographed kitchen fight that ends with Charlise getting stabbed to her untimely death, and Mea running for dear life down the streets of Amrica.
Kal FINALLY shows up, and Mea is more than relieved. She gives him a rundown of the horror she just witnessed and gets into his car.
Kal makes a phone call to the police, but unknown to Mea, he’s actually on a call with his brother.
Mea notices they’re driving back to the hellhole she just escaped from and is confused AF. She turns on the Bluetooth speaker and realises Kal is on the phone with his brother and is driving her back to her death. She tries to rile him up by hailing Zyair as the senior odogwu with more money, but this mini outburst ends quickly with a thunderous slap on her face.
Mea stays in the passenger seat, stewing in her defeat, when she sees a trailer approaching and has a lightbulb moment.
This happens next:
Ray gets arrested by the police and Zyair finally regains his freedom.
Just as the film prepares to wrap, Mea resurfaces since she tried to unalive herself, and watches in a corner as Zyair walks away a free man.
When she turns to go about her business, she gets a genital meet and slam invite cosplaying as a “thank you message” from Zyair, but she does the “I’m so over your BS” thing ever and thrashes the phone.
Like the Yorubas, tribal marks are common among the Hausas from northern Nigeria. Parents or relatives give infants these marks a few days after birth for reasons that vary depending on the family or tribe. The Gobirawa of present-day Sokoto marked their faces for easy identification in times of war.
Although tribal marks have declined in recent times thanks to civilisation and ex-president Olusegun Obasanjo’s Child Acts Law of 2003, it’s not uncommon to still find northerners with facial markings. We compiled some common Hausa tribal marks and what they mean.
Gobirci with temple marks
Photo source: Wikipedia
These marks once distinguished a group of Hausas from Gobir, an old kingdom that’s been split into Sokoto and Zamfara states in present-day Nigeria. Multiple lines lead to the corners of the mouth and more markings on the temple.
Gobirci with single “Tage”
Photo source: Daily Trust
Single peripheral marks on both cheeks. This is a simpler variation of the gobirci tribal marks, common among the younger generation.
Lekanci
Photo source: Wikimedia Commons
The Lekanci marks are common among members of the Lekayewa clan of Argungu, Kebbi state. It’s made up of ten marks on the right cheek and nine on the left.
Susa’na
Photo source: Researchgate
Four vertical lines on both faces, this tribal mark is common to the Kanuri tribe in Borno state. Susa’na identifies normal citizens who don’t belong to a traditional political class.
Mami
Photo source: Researchgate
It’s common among Kanuri people who speak the Mami dialect and claim to be descendants of the Sayfawa dynasty. Seven sets of vertical lines on both cheeks and one on the forehead.
Rijiya
Photo source: Nairaland
This Hausa tribal mark features varying numbers of horizontal marks across both cheeks, depending on family, customs or specific northern regions.
Arauci
Photo source: Daily Trust
Arauci is two marks drawn on both cheeks, from the ears to the corners of the mouth. It’s common to the people of Arawa in Argungu, Kebbi.
Seen our Valentine’s Special yet? We brought back three couples we interviewed in 2019 – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved over the previous five years. Watch the second episode below:
It makes total sense to date or befriend people with similar interests, but what’s a relationship without dates that open y’all to new experiences and shared memories to geek out about? Given the current economic situation in the country, it might be a reach to jet off to watch Beyonce on tour. But what if we told you there are ways to enjoy music with loved ones without breaking the bank?
DIY karaoke bar
Singing your heart out to your favourite songs can be a super fun way to connect with your date. Why carry your coins to an actual karaoke bar when you can freely hit embarrassing notes without shame at home?
Go dancing
If you both love music, chances are you love to dance too. And the good thing about dancing? It’s free and a great way to release endorphins.
A music-themed movie night
Are you even a true music fan if you don’t love musicals or documentaries about your favourite stars? From Obara’M and Finding Fela to The Sound of Music and The Greatest Showman —just make sure you stock up on junk and dim the lights for that cinema effect.
Learn how to play an instrument
Take online classes, and on your next date, get the actual instrument to put your knowledge to use together.
A DIY music video
Every music lover has fantasised about being in a music video. So, what’s stopping you from cosplaying with your phone? It doesn’t have to be a TG Omori or Dammy Twitch production for you to create mushy memories with your bestie.
Create a special playlist
A thoughtful playlist with all the songs that say the things you don’t know how to say to each other? Yes, please. After the back and forth of making selections, y’all can put a spin on the playlist over store-bought drinks and a good conversation.
Attend Strings Attached
Imagine a community festival where you and your friend, frenemy or the LOYL get to enjoy free live music performances, games and meet cool people with similar interests. Actually, stop imagining because it’s happening on May 11, 2024.
Zikoko and OneBank are bringing all the party people and lovers of a good time together for Strings Attached, and it is completely FREE OF CHARGE. You only need to download the OneBank by Sterling app and your ticket will be reserved. The free tickets will be given on a first-come, first-served basis, so you better hit the app store ASAP.
Seen our Valentine’s Special yet? We brought back three couples we interviewed in 2019 – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved over the previous five years. Watch the second episode below:
Mark your calendars and clear your schedules for Zikoko’s latest agenda to bring you into the streets: “Strings Attached”, the social event brought to you by OneBank.
On Saturday, May 11, 2024, we want you outside for a day of link-ups, games, drinks and live performances at Muri Okunola Park, Lagos. Strings Attached is a real opportunity for friends to reconnect, lovers to bond and individuals to make friends and build community.
What exactly is Strings Attached?
Strings Attached is a celebration of oneness. It’s a chance to reconnect with old friends, deepen romantic bonds and weave new friendships.
Why “Strings Attached”?
Whether you’re flying solo, rolling deep with your crew or cosying up with that special someone, Strings Attached has something for you.
It’ll be the perfect rendezvous for you and the LOYL, you and your bestie or you and a frenemy. With speed dating and friendship-building activities to spark connections, thrilling games with prizes up for grabs, endless food, fun and a special salad of live music. Get ready to soak in electric live performances by some of your faves.
How to get a ticket
Tickets for Strings Attached are FREE, as long as you follow these steps.
Download the OneBank app from the Google or Apple store
Create a new account, punch in the referral code “ZIKOKO” and your golden ticket awaits.
OneBank
NOTE: If you already have a OneBank account, even better. Head over to the first pinned post on OneBank’s IG page for the next steps.
Is it really free?
Yes, the ticket is.
When’s this gathering?
It’s on Saturday, May 11, 2024, at Muri Okunola Park, Victoria Island, Lagos. Doors open at 2 p.m. and close at 10 p.m.
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Can I bring the squad?
Absolutely. Just get them to download the app too.
What about food?
While tickets are on the house, food and drinks will be available for purchase from our vendors.
OneBank offers a new way of life! You can open an account, Enjoy fast transfers, Save, Invest, Pay Bills, and get a Debit Card, all from the comfort of your mobile phone. OneBank is a product of Sterling Bank Limited.
So, join us for a feel-good time outside at Strings Attached.
We brought you Yoruba, Igbo and Hausa proverbs, and now, it’s time to shine the spotlight on another Nigerian language with rich wise sayings that enhance conversation.
This article focuses on Bini, one of the Edoid languages spoken in Southern Nigeria. Whether you’re a child of the soil or a language nerd looking to brush up, here are 15 Bini Nigerian proverbs and their meanings to kickstart your learning journey.
Omo na gba shi ukoko, o vha mi eseke a rhue
Translation: A child on the back doesn’t find a fortune.
Meaning: You have to leave your comfort zone to achieve success.
Erhali o ka to se omo a, o mi ewuen na
Translation: A child once scalded by fire gets scared of ashes.
Meaning: Experience is the best teacher.
Ogbe no gbe, la a mase a a na
Translation: One can only plan for a day that has come.
Meaning: Learn to make do with what you have.
A gha ye omo ku a ghi mhu gi enibie ore
Translation: After playing with a child, give them back to their parents.
Meaning: Never be hyper-fixated on what doesn’t belong to you.
Obo oguo o vha guese ache
Translation: One hand can’t cover the pot.
Meaning: Learn to seek help from others.
Ai kha me ovbie orimwin ighe oma he erha vbi iye se
Translation: You don’t tell the children of the deceased that they didn’t bury their parents properly.
Meaning: Don’t remind people who are hurt about their problems.
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A khe li omo o de e de, oli gbaga
Translation: When a child is cautioned, they should heed such.
Meaning: It’s important to heed warnings when you get them.
Ai vben ekpo mase no fien uvun
Translation: Not having a pocket is better than having one with holes.
Meaning: What’s worth doing is worth doing well.
Erokhi ma mien ebe,ele
Translation: If the chameleon doesn’t see danger, it won’t run.
Meaning: There’s a reason for everything.
Omo na gba shi ukoko, o vha yese khi ode oki o nue
Translation: A child carried on the back doesn’t realise the road to the market is far.
Meaning: Ignorance is bliss.
Okhiami o la a gbe ima ghue le
Translation: One’s stomach could be full even when they’re hungry.
Meaning: You can keep a clear mind even in chaos.
Omo o wa lewe, lo rhi okholi gbe enejo
Translation: That a child isn’t entitled to eat kolanut is why the elderly were captured on the battlefield.
Meaning: Don’t be quick to disregard the opinions of those you dim beneath you.
Agbon ghi salo
Translation: There’s not enough time to use the world.
Meaning: Tomorrow isn’t promised. Do what you want today.
Omo o kha khii le dobe tu agami aa lue, a wuon wen naali
Translation: If a child insists they can swallow an axe, simply hold it for them.
Meaning: Sometimes, let people learn from their mistakes.
Omo o ka khi le a mhuo li ogbo, a a lu o omi olimhi
Translation: A child who fails to appreciate their family is treated as an orphan.
Seen our Valentine’s Special yet? We brought back three couples we interviewed in 2019 – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved over the previous five years. Watch the second episode below:
Japa is more than just the Nigerian dream these days; it’s a necessity — making visa rejections all the more heartbreaking.
The Nigerians in this story understand this all too well. While they didn’t find it funny when their visa applications were rejected, they can look back and laugh about it now because the only other option is to cry.
Emma*, 29
I don’t know who advised me, but I was feeling lucky on the day of my first US visa interview in 2017, so I wore an “I love New York” shirt to the appointment. I wanted them to see I was already “embracing” life in the US. You need to see the speed with which the consular officer rejected me.
I tried again the following year, and even fasted for 21 days before the interview. They still rejected me. I’ve left their US for them.
Jola*, 33
I was a member of a popular apron-wearing church when I went for my Schengen visa interview in 2019. I wore the apron to the interview as an act of faith and even gave testimony in advance at church. The way the officer looked at me throughout the interview, I knew it was over long before the rejection finally came.
John*, 33
I applied for a US visa in 2018 and prepared for the interview like my life depended on it. I think I paid someone about ₦60k to coach me, and I travelled down to Lagos from Warri two days before the interview because I didn’t want my village people to use bus delays to spoil my plan.
The interview day came, and the consular officer asked if I was married. I said “No”. She immediately rejected me. I was shocked. I changed mouth and started claiming I had a girlfriend at home, and we were planning marriage, but aunty was already giving me the blue slip. That’s how I began to tearfully repeat, “Why would you do this to me?” as if she knew me from anywhere.
I swore for our politicians all through the journey home. What would I be looking for in America if the country was working?
My mum got rejected while seeking US visas for the family in 2007.
We were all dressed in aso-oke and beads because my mum thought it’d mean that we were proud of our country and would come back. After they rejected us, she carried us to Mr. Biggs to eat our sorrows away. The interview was on a Tuesday morning. Imagine the weird looks we got when we pulled up to Mr Biggs dressed like we were going to an owambe.
Chisom*, 27
I don’t know who sent me to form accent during my UK visitor’s visa interview in 2021. I have a very thick Igbo accent and was trying to avoid a thing where the officer would ask me to repeat myself.
I’m not even sure which accent I was impersonating. I just wanted to sound clear. It didn’t work sha. The officer asked me, “Have you lived outside Nigeria before?” even though it was clear I hadn’t. I’m sure she must’ve been wondering where this one found accent. I don’t blame her for rejecting me sef. Who does that?
Favour*, 25
I dry fasted and prayed for three days and nights on this US visa matter. The appointment was for 6:45 a.m., coinciding with the day I was supposed to end the fast. I didn’t even sleep the previous night because I prayed all through.
Two minutes into my interview, the officer said I looked sick, and that he didn’t believe I’d return to Nigeria. To say I was shocked is an understatement.
Dami*, 28
I applied to India to study nursing in 2014. I can’t even remember the reason the interviewer gave for rejecting my visa application. I was just so angry. Like, common India? In anger, I told him, “Out of all the countries, do you think it’s India I’ll choose to migrate to?” The guy was shocked. He started saying something about reapplying, but I just carried myself away from there.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
Psst! Have you seen our Valentine Special yet? We brought back three couples – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. Watch the first episode below:
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Michael: I met Chima at a friend’s birthday lunch in 2009. She was a friend of his wife. I’m not sure we’d have gotten to know each other if we didn’t get into a long heated conversation about internal politics between some companies.
I’d heard about her. She was about to be CEO of an arm of the company she worked at. And I respected her more that day when I heard her speak. I liked how cleverly she argued.
Chima: It was a pleasant evening. I noticed him because we sat at the same side of my friend’s living room. Even though he was a fairly known director in his company, he didn’t force his opinions like most of the other people did during the argument. He’d say what he knew and then stop to listen to other people. I thought he was really respectful.
So when he called me the next day hoping I wasn’t angry he got my number from his friend, I wasn’t at all. I was glad our interests aligned. It rarely happens that someone makes a good impression on you and you make an impression on the same person.
True. Did he call just to say hi?
Michael: I called to ask her to lunch. But it took a while to align our schedules to make it happen. I later learnt that she thought it would be a waste of time, so she didn’t prioritise. However, I kept pushing for it.
Chima: My lack of interest in a friendship with him seemed to make him keep pushing for a meeting, so by the third week, I felt bad and made time for him. We went out during my ill-used lunch break on a Thursday afternoon.
How did it go?
Chima: It was a definitive two hours for us. He told me I was who he’d been waiting for all his life. At first, I said yinmu. I mean, did he really call me there to drop university lines?
But you see, he’d also never been married before. 47 and unmarried? I was curious.
Michael: I explained to that her I ruined a long-term relationship because I was hyper-focused on work and achieving my goals.
I was with my ex for close to ten years. In 2003, she broke things off — she’d fallen out of love with me because I was emotionally unavailable. Meanwhile, I was ready to marry her, but she made me realise we’d lost our connection at some point.
After that, I focused more on work and my hobbies. It’s hard to get back into the dating pool in your 40s for either gender. Don’t mind what men say.
Chima: I’d also never been married, because of how important building a high-quality career was for me. I could relate to his story more than he probably thought.
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Had you been in any long-term relationships?
Chima: No.
I had, maybe, four boyfriends or suitors in total, and none of these relationships lasted longer than a year. I sense bullshit really quickly, and I don’t like to deceive myself. There were things I wanted in a life partner, and I was ready to stay single forever if I didn’t get someone close.
My parents, both university professors, raised me to be fiercely independent. I’ve never been invested in marriage as a compulsory milestone in life. I’m much too pragmatic for that. A high quality of life was my main priority, then wide recognition in a field of work, then companionship, in that order.
Michael: We aligned on that. While I’d most likely have been intimidated by her ideals when I was a young man, in my old age of 47, it was exactly what got me excited about her. I was impressed, and I wanted her to be mine to show off.
So what happened after lunch?
Michael: I asked to take her to lunch the same time and day the following week. She agreed.
Chima: We’ve been doing that every week whenever we’re in the same city since then. We go out to eat lunch together every Thursday.
Michael: During our second lunch, we talked about our individual future plans, and I told her I was determined to marry her. She responded that I shouldn’t try to mess with her plans and independence. And I told her, “Not on my life”.
Did you get married soon after?
Michael: No. We had those lunches for almost a year, enjoying each other’s company and discovering what we liked to eat.
Then I attended her church a couple of times to meet with her spiritual parents and worship together. Our first visit to her church made things feel more real; like we were really seeing each other. It was her way of saying she was beginning to take my interest seriously.
Chima: The turning point in our relationship was in the summer of 2010, when we vacationed together in Cancun. I knew my spirit was accepting that he would be my husband. I felt at one with him. He made the relationship, communication, everything, so easy.
In what ways?
Chima: The way we decided to vacation together, chose a spot, and navigated the planning and logistics. I’d never had a smoother travel experience with anyone. Not even my best girlfriends or parents.
We just agreed on things. Even when we wanted different hotels or activities, it was easy to find a middle ground that didn’t make me feel bad that I was either shortchanging him or myself.
Michael: I found that she never became deliberately stubborn or domineering just to prove her independence. I loved how thoughtful and politely logical she was at all times.
When I noticed her demeanour softened towards me during our Cancun stay, I made arrangements for a ring shortly after we returned to Lagos. I knew the time was right.
We interviewed these couples five years after we first spoke with them in 2019. Watch how their relationships have evolved.
How excited were the people around you when you announced your plan to marry?
Michael: Very excited, as you can imagine.
Chima: My parents were surprised. They thought I’d settled for a life of spinsterhood. To be fair, I thought so too. I wasn’t even thinking about marriage when Michael came into the picture.
Michael: I’ll have to say finding someone I align with was a relief. A lot of people had previously tried to matchmake me. My mum would bring young women from the village, and I started to have this paranoia that I’d end up settling with someone I was incompatible with.
Chima, I imagine you also felt the societal pressure to marry
Chima: I didn’t, really. I always shut down the marriage talk because it wasn’t something I’d ever been excited about. I didn’t see the inherent value in it beyond eternal companionship. And if that was the goal, it was more important for me to end up with someone on the same page as me.
Michael: Spoken like a true daughter of professors.
Chima: I couldn’t imagine trying to find someone to marry in my 20s when I was still struggling with my early career and passing all the certification exams. I would’ve been derailed because relationships are high-maintenance.
Then imagine dealing with a young marriage and young children while navigating the fragile mid-level stage of a financial career. I know a lot of people do it successfully, but I also watched people struggle to balance it. It was much easier and faster for me without all that responsibility.
Michael: There’s something to be said about dating as an advanced adult. Romance was much easier between us than it ever was in my 30s, and I wasn’t ever broke. Just a whole lot more settled and secure in my 40s.
Would you say more people should start dating in their 40s?
Chima: It depends on your priorities. If starting a family is the most important thing to you, then of course, there’s biologically an ideal period for pregnancy.
Michael: All we’re saying is it was much easier to court and establish a strong foundation of romance, friendship and partnership when we weren’t also trying to establish a decent career or individual life path. We could both think clearly as we went in.
Speaking of family and pregnancy…
Chima: I had a natural birth in 2012, a year after we got married. But after our first child, we opted for surrogacy for the other two. We hadn’t even spoken about children when I got pregnant. We almost took him out. But I’m glad I got to experience that pregnancy and labour.
Michael: I was terrified when she gave me the positive pregnancy results from the doctors, and for a week, we’d resolved it was wise to abort. We wanted kids, but we were also cock sure it was unsafe for her at 44. But her O&G of about a decade said he’d never seen a more healthy pregnancy. He convinced us, so we decided to take a chance.
Chima: Right after that, I got implants.
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Michael: Surrogacy was also scary. I’d heard a lot about it. But I still had so many questions.
Would the baby have some of the surrogate mother’s DNA? What if she clings to the baby psychologically and never wants to let go? What if the baby doesn’t ever bond with its biological mother?
But we did it twice, and everything went fine in the end.
What was your first major fight about?
Chima: We fought a lot when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2018. That’s how I found out that people develop new personalities when they’re sick, and mine was mean.
I was so cruel to Michael on my sick bed that when I think back to that time, I feel I ran temporarily mad.
Michael: It’s like when they say someone is a mean drunk.
Chima: I’d throw stuff at him when he tried to help me stand or anything at all. I even bit him sometimes.
Michael: We fought about things like whether she could work and take on projects while undergoing chemo. Things got worse when she had to do a mastectomy.
We fought about going to church and believing in God for her healing. I was very determined to have her fly to the UK for the surgery instead.
She thought I was ruining the faith that would’ve brought her miracle.
Chima: This went on until the cancer left in January 2022.
Thank God. How hard was it to get back to normal after a serious illness and numerous fights?
Michael: Whatever resentment that festered was neutralised by her new clean bill of health. The genuine joy and relief was strong.
My wife was supposed to be dying, but she wasn’t anymore. I was just grateful we had a clean slate.
Chima: I also went out of my way to invalidate all my mean words and actions once I got my strength back. I made it clear I meant none of that, and I’ve been more intentional about kind words and gestures.
Michael: She spoils me and won’t let me spoil her. So instead of feeling upset about the past, all I feel is gratitude for life.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Michael: We just got a second chance at life together, and it’s been more of a 10 than ever.
Chima: 10. He’s a reminder of God’s promise to me that his time is the best.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
Tribal marks are a unique Yoruba tradition passed down generations. They’re face tattoos done without the consent of the carriers, often infants. In the past, people would mark their newborns so it’s easy to tell which tribe, family or town they belong to.
But they’re less popular nowadays thanks to civilisation and the Child Rights Act ex-President Olusegun Obasanjo’s government enacted in 2003: “No person shall tattoo or make a skin mark or cause any tattoo or skin mark to be made on a child”. Violations could attract a ₦5,000 fine, jail term of one month, or both.
These are some of the common ones that still exists, and what they mean.
Abaja Olowu
Image source: BBC
Three vertical lines over three horizontal lines. It’s associated with people from the Owu Kingdom.
Gombo
Image source: KnowNigeria
Also known as “Keke”, this Yoruba tribal mark is four to five perpendicular lines and three vertical lines on both cheeks. In some cases, it also features a stroke across the nose. Gombo tribal marks are prominent among people from Oyo and Egba land.
Double Abaja
Image source: BBC
The Abaja marks once distinguished the noble families of Oyo. But these days, they’ve been adopted by many Oyo-oriented groups. Abaja tribal marks come in variations of threes and fours.
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Pele
Image source: TamilahPhotography
Pele is a generic tribal mark in Yorubaland. It varies in size and number of strokes according to tribe. Some pele marks are tiny and barely noticeable, while others are long and prominent on the face.
Single Abaja
Image Source: X/@adetutu_oj
This is a single set variation of the Abaja tribal mark, common among people from Oyo state.
Soju
Image source: Facebook/MichaelTubesCreations
Soju marks are single vertical lines on both sides of the cheek. They’re common among natives of Ondo state.
Jaju
This is another tribal mark common among people from Ondo state. But unlike Soju, the lines are horizontal.
Yagba marks
Image source: Nairaland
This tribal mark style is fairly less common than the others. With three converging lines at both corners of the mouth, it’s common among the Yagbas — Yoruba people from the north.
Seen our Valentine’s Special yet? We brought back three couples we interviewed in 2019 – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved over the previous five years. Watch the second episode below:
The way Nigeria is hot right now, there’s no point doubting if the last Nigerians who went to hellfire left the gates open. They threw that shit wild ajar and left us to cook in our bodily fluids.
But we know just how to win this battle and get your beauty sleep despite it all.
On your tiled floor
Before you say it’s giving sufferhead, think about it. What part of your house stays cool no matter how hot it is? Exactly. To really enjoy this spot, strip naked first.
On your deep freezer
If the floor doesn’t appeal to you, consider sleeping on top of your deep freezer. The metal exterior is a good conductor of heat. It’ll absorb the heat from your body and make your skin cool.
Or inside it
With PHCN’s epileptic power supply, there’s no point storing food inside your freezer. It won’t get cold enough to preserve shit. But what’s to say it cannot keep you cool? Just make sure you tell your family members where you are. That way, you’ll rest in peace without the fear of freezing to death when the light returns.
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Your balcony
You might think it’s a joke, but once you spend that first night outside, you’ll relocate your bedroom to the balcony.
The bathroom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. If you run there to pour water on your head when heat threatens to take your life, you might as well spend the night there.
Inside your gated compound
You already spread your mattress outside when it’s wet or you want to roast the bedbugs in it. So, it won’t be a strange occurrence when you leave it there permanently. Just wait for your neighbours to go to bed at night, and return with your blanket and cover cloth.
On the roof
Whether it’s the roof of your house or the roof of your car, that mattress will stay on it and cool breeze will cuddle you throughout the night. But please, avoid these spots if you stir in your sleep.
Even if you live under a rock, it wouldn’t stop you from feeling the biting effects of the inflation in Nigeria. According to recent data, January 2024’s food inflation stood at an alarming 35.41%. God, abeg.
It’s not surprising that fine dining restaurants that’ve always charged through the roof for their meals are moving madder than mad. If you don’t plan to spend two weeks worth of your hard earned salary on a plate of food, these alternative spots should be on your radar.
Your parents’ house
If you have a date, take them to your parents. It’s a huge step, but beloved, your pocket might not survive the effects of that creamy pasta and strawberry daiquiri. Ten minutes after your arrival, your mum or dad will ask, “So, what is your friend going to eat?” And the good thing is you’ll also get a plate.
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Your grandparents’ house
Lagos restaurants can argue all they want, but ₦14k for a plate of abula is wild. That’s a pot of soup for a week, if you think about it. Everyone knows baby boomers make the best abula anyway, so why not just visit your grandparents. You even get a wide option of paternal or maternal. Alternate between their houses, and you wouldn’t have to pay a thing for homemade local delicacies again.
Don’t forget the Mama Put on your street
If you’ve rolled your eyes at all the Mama Put spots in your area, it’s time to do better. They might bump up their prices a little, but you’ll still fix yourself a decent plate with a ₦500 – 1k budget. Some of them even throw in garnishes like red onions to help your food cosplay as a fine dining meal.
Or that friend that knows how to cook
It’s fine if they weren’t inspired to start cooking until after Hilda Baci’s cook-a-thon. Now, you can fill their ears with sweet whispers of how food is the new crude oil. If they’re scared to start a food business, offer yourself up as their first paying customer and let them cook.
Owambe
If you’re in Lagos, the weekdays have nothing on you. Search the nook and crannies of your neighbourhood and you’ll find an owambe to gatecrash. Just make sure you wear white so you can blend in no matter the theme of the day. Find a good spot and make yourself comfortable. If the food doesn’t come, find a waiter to tip.
People outside Lagos should target the weekend though.
Fast food chains
Just a reminder that you can still dine like a second-class king with a ₦3k budget when you walk into any franchise outlet near you. Swallow your pride today.
The house of God
Perish the idea that you’ll get small chops, coffee or even jollof because inflation has made that a thing of blessed memories. But remember, feeding your spirit is just as important as feeding your earthly body.
The world of entertainment may look glamorous and tempting from the outside, but according to the many insider stories that have been exposed over time, it can be brutal and unforgiving. Speaking out against injustice, demanding a fair wage or refusing to be controlled by beneficiaries can hurt one’s career, especially if you’re of a “minority” group — gender, race, age, etc.
From Kenyan comedian, Elsa Majimbo, to iconic Nollywood actress, Joke Silva, here are some of the black women who’ve fought against being banned from the global entertainment industry by some of the most recognisable names.
The Kenyan comedian and content creator recently set the internet abuzz after she name-dropped international supermodel, Naomi Campbell, and accused her of getting her blackballed from Hollywood. Apparently, Naomi shared a documentary idea with Elsa when they first met in 2021. Fast forward to 2022, Elsa released a documentary, and Naomi wasn’t pleased she’d seemingly executed her idea without involving her. Naomi eventually cut ties with her. “Things started going very badly for me. I thought it was because of the situation [with Naomi], but I wanted to be sure,” Elsa said in a TikTok video. She tried to reach Naomi afterwards, but Elsa realised it was a lost cause when the supermodel told her to stop contacting her.
The content creator admits that speaking about the Naomi situation was “hard and scary” but “she doesn’t want to be owned by someone else”.
Mo’ Nique
In 2010, Hollywood actress and comedian, Mo’Nique clinched her first Oscar Award for the film, Precious. While the win should’ve marked the beginning of a successful career, Mo’Nique largely retreated from Hollywood afterward. During a recent appearance on Club Shay Shay, she doubled down on the age-old rumours that producers, Tyler Perry and Oprah Winfrey, were responsible for getting her in Hollywood’s black book. She said the duo had her blackballed over her refusal to promote the movie for free, and not acknowledging them in her Oscars acceptance speech. Mo’Nique claimed she had an audio recording of Perry admitting that he told people she was difficult to work with.
Joke Silva
With a career that spans more than three decades, iconic actress Joke Silva also suffered consequences for standing up against the powers that be in the entertainment industry. In a 2021 interview, the actress recounted her experience with a major marketer who wanted her on his project. Things didn’t go according to schedule due to poor time management on the part of the film owners. She gave an extra two days grace period after her two weeks contract had expired, then she walked off the set. “The marketer was big at that time. Because of that, I was secretly blacklisted for quite a while. Mine was never mentioned, but it was done.”
Taraji P Henson
In late 2023, during media rounds for the musical remake of The Color Purple, Oscar and Emmy-nominated actress, Taraji P. Henson, ruffled feathers in the industry after calling out Hollywood for underpaying Black actresses. Taraji’s timing got people wondering if she was indirectly calling out Oprah, who had a similar fall out with Mo’Nique. However, the actress returned with an Instagram post noting that Oprah treated her fairly. Thankfully, unlike Mo’Nique, who got little to no support from colleagues, actresses like Octavia Spencer, Gabrielle Union, Viola Davis and Keke Palmer supported Henson.
Adunni Ade
Similar to Hollywood’s Mo’Nique, Adunni Ade’s career took a nosedive after the AMVCAs nominated her for Best Supporting Actress in 2017. In a 2021 interview, the actress said she was blacklisted from the English-speaking faction of Nollywood right after the AMVCA nomination. “I might be wrong that I was outcasted out of the English industry. I won’t say 100% but I’ve had jobs taken away from me, colleagues who have now become big names yank my name off or make lies to producers and EPs on reasons why they should not give me a job.” The actress self-funded her movie, Soole, in 2021.
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Janet Jackson
Her collaborative Super Bowl Halftime performance with Justin Timberlake in 2004 did more harm than good to her career. Jackson received heavy backlash for a wardrobe malfunction that exposed a nipple during her performance. After the incident, she was banned from MTV and many radio stations refused to play her music. However, due to her undeniable talent, Jackson managed to keep her career going.
Rita Dominic
The Nollywood actress’ evolution to a producer didn’t come without its struggle. In 2021, Dominic revealed that she was “silently blacklisted” in Nollywood. Some colleagues in the industry didn’t like the idea of the actress moving out of her comfort zone and starting her own production company. “At some point in my career, I wanted to evolve and do different things. The people we used to work with a lot then didn’t understand that—more like they couldn’t be bothered. So I wasn’t getting work. I was blacklisted silently.” Refusing to stay beat, Dominic proceeded with the Audrey Silva Company and released her first film, The Meeting, in 2012. Dominic’s production house also produced the 2021 thriller, La Femme Anjola.
Why would anyone voluntarily take a pay cut? People usually only take a lower salary offer when they want to switch careers or industries. But for Jeremiah* (27), it was because his mental health was at stake.
In this story, he shares how he realised he had to leave his dream-job-turned-toxic-nightmare after a few weeks, why taking a pay cut was necessary for him to survive and why he’s now scared of moving ahead in his career.
The unwritten rule for children in most Nigerian households is that you get an education, land a good-paying job and start taking care of your parents. It’s the whole idea behind black tax.
It’s also the main reason why I knew I wouldn’t use my economics degree even before I graduated from the university. I only studied the course because I wanted admission, and it seemed less competitive. I wanted a job that’d pay balling levels of money and allow me to give back to my struggling parents like firstborns should, but I couldn’t see a clear path to that with my degree. So, when someone introduced me to web and product design in my final year, I decided that was it: my hustle.
It didn’t take much for me to land a junior product design role at a tech startup soon after NYSC in 2020. While I didn’t have work experience, I made up for that with a portfolio of test projects. The job paid ₦100k/month, and it looked like things would only get better. I was finally on the path to making good money.
I sent my entire first salary to my parents. It’s a fairly common Yoruba practice to give your parents your first salary, they pray for you and then give you some of the salary back. My parents returned the full amount to me, touched that I decided to honour them in that way. But my new status as a salary earner signalled that they could start pushing some responsibilities to me.
And push, they did. I still lived with them, so it only made sense for me to handle some recurrent home expenses: NEPA bills, fuel for the generator or ₦10k cash gifts here and there. Of course, there was also the occasional billing from my younger siblings. It wasn’t an issue for me. I was simply playing my part.
In 2022, I got a promotion and raise to ₦200k, but by then, I was already itching to find another job. My workplace was nice, but I thought I could get paid better for my skills. A recruiter reached out to me on LinkedIn around that time and offered me a ₦350k product design team lead role at another startup. I was more excited about the fact that I would be in a senior role, so I didn’t bother to check if ₦350k was great for a non-remote one.
To me, a senior role meant my subsequent jobs would be even more senior and would consistently increase my earning potential. It was like my dream job.
I got the job in June 2022 and was to resume in July. At that point, I had about ₦300k in my savings. I’d been thinking about renting my own place for some time, and I thought I could afford it with my new salary. So, I took my savings, plus a ₦150k loan from a friend, and rented a ₦250k/year apartment that wasn’t too far from my new office. I thought moving would be a great way to start this new phase of my life.
From the very first week, I started having second thoughts about the job. There was only one other person on the product design “team”, and they’d already sent in their resignation notice.
One of the primary reasons I was hired was to make sure their mobile app was designed and ready to ship in three months. When they explained this during the interview, it sounded like I’d be part of something “life-changing” and all those motivational bullshit that make you feel gingered about going above and beyond.
But I resumed and saw that they were also in the middle of a rebrand, and I was to oversee the website redesign. What they really meant was to do it myself because where was the team I was hired to lead? How was I supposed to do both projects by myself in three months?
As if that wasn’t enough, I reported directly to the CEO, and he’d make last-minute design changes and then say, “You didn’t quite catch my vision. How hard is it to do XYZ?”
He was also verbally abusive with a horrible temper. Every Monday like clockwork, he’d scream at the sales team for not delivering revenue for a product that hadn’t even been launched. If he wasn’t screaming at them, he was berating me for not carrying out my tasks faster, even though I had no support and was almost always revising designs.
It wasn’t strange to hear people crying in toilets or resigning every week. By the third month, I was well and truly miserable. I started to have panic attacks anytime I heard a notification from my phone or laptop. No one told me before I silenced all my devices. I still do till today.
But I couldn’t just resign. I needed to stay for at least a year to finish repaying the loan and have something saved up for my rent and other living expenses. I started aggressively applying for jobs and counting down the days till I could resign.
Five months in, a ₦250k/month position opened up at my former workplace. I got to know because I was still friends with someone there, and they knew all about my struggles at the toxic job.
I didn’t want to apply at first. It was a significant pay cut and wasn’t a managerial role — essentially, a demotion. But then, the very next day, my toxic CEO slapped a female member of staff for trying to walk out as he screamed as usual, and I decided I was done.
I applied for the job at my former workplace, and since I’d worked there before, I didn’t have to go through many hoops. I resumed in a week.
I still remember the intense satisfaction I felt after clicking “send” on my resignation letter to the toxic job. I didn’t even wait for a response before logging out of all company platforms and dropping my laptop with the security guard.
Sometimes, I wonder if I should’ve stuck through for that year or waited for a higher-paying job. Maybe I should’ve used the experience to build a thicker skin. But then, I remind myself that it’s not until I die that I’ll have proven myself. It was either I left that job or it took my life.
My standard of living hasn’t reduced, but I spend more now. I’d gotten the apartment with the toxic job in mind. Now that I’m back at my former job, I’ve had to spend more on transportation even though I work hybrid.
I also started sending ₦50k to my parents every month when I started the toxic job. And I haven’t reduced it even though I earn less now. With inflation the way it is right now, it feels like I’m struggling at best.
I’ve been working at my current job for a year and really want to try my chances at finding a better job. But I’m scared and also a bit ashamed. What if I land another terrible job and have to return with my tail between my legs like before?
I remember how weird it was to leave the first time only to return six months later. It’s possible no one else thought it weird, but I kept thinking about it on their behalf. Like, “This one thought the grass was greener somewhere else, but he has run back.”
I don’t regret my choices, though. I just need to get comfortable with wanting better for myself and not being too scared to take risks.
Psst! Have you seen our Valentine Special yet? We brought back three couples – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. Watch the first episode below:
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Tade: We’ve been family friends since before I can remember. We lived in the same neighbourhood, had our clique of friends and our families attended the same church.
Sonia: The nostalgia! We played with my dolls on weekends. Both the boys and girls. We’d all sit on the floor in my living room, playing pretend in the afternoons.
Were you guys close then?
Sonia: No. We didn’t have a bond until she transferred to my school in JSS 3. I was the only person she knew, so she gravitated towards me and my group of friends. We got closer because we had inside jokes most of my friends didn’t understand.
Tade: We had so much fun in secondary school. We became so close that our classmates, mostly boys, used to tease us and say we were dating. Look at us now.
Let’s get into how that happened
Sonia: I wasn’t thinking about relationships in secondary school. I didn’t even have crushes. But I knew I had a special bond with Tade. I had a best friend, but even she knew Tade and I were closer than we were.
Tade: We were by ourselves a lot, talking about TV shows, clothes and our plans for the future. When she entered the boarding house in SS 1, we drifted just a little because we spent less time together. But we still had stuff we could only talk about with each other.
During the holidays, we’d hang out in church, participating in dramas and dance performances. A lot of our childhood friends had left by then, but they were replaced over time with other kids.
When did you realise you liked each other beyond friendship?
Tade: After high school graduation, she went to the US for uni. Meanwhile, my parents had started having issues in their marriage, and my brother and I were collateral damage. Things got so heated that they couldn’t agree on what university I should attend.
The result? I ended up spending three years at home before I moved to Cyprus to study mathematical engineering.
Sonia: I was sure she’d make a new life and forget about me. To begin with, the time difference was even crazier to keep up with than when she was in Nigeria.
Tade: But somehow, we managed to stay in touch through that and the craziness of studying for exams and term papers. The turning point for us was when we both swindled our parents into paying for me to attend her graduation in 2016.
Don’t ask how we managed it, please.
I have to
Tade: We lied. Do you want people to call the police?
Sonia: She told her parents two different stories about how she had to pay for a special course, and they both sent her money. I told mine that there was a graduation fee.
Tade: I actually think back now and feel bad we made our parents cough out money so suddenly. I don’t think I can do something like that again. But I don’t regret it.
Watch three couples share how time has changed their relationships over 5 years
You lied, and then, you saw each other again…
Sonia: For the first time in almost five years. I remember us dancing, crying and jumping in the middle of the arrival hall at the airport. People must’ve thought we were crazy.
Tade: It was during this visit we had our first kiss.
Details, please
Tade:We kissed on the second night.
It was the night before the ceremony. We lay in bed after a long evening out with her school friends. We couldn’t sleep, but we were also too wired to talk. It felt like the most natural thing to lean into each other and kiss.
Sonia: She stayed for a couple of days in my little apartment, and we had to share my small bed. I wanted to do so much more, but we chose restraint.
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Why? Was it awkward?
Sonia: A little. It was a little kiss, no tongues or anything. It’s crazy that I can remember it like it was yesterday. We were both so nervous with each other. We didn’t want to mess things up. I don’t know how we kept from going all out actually. Maybe because the feelings were new, and we were overthinking trying to understand them.
Tade: We must’ve known without even having to discuss it that our love was becoming different. There was this new energy between us. I wanted to hug her all the time and for much longer than normal, but I just didn’t.
Sonia: I kept thinking about the fact that she’d leave soon, and it made me almost depressed. I wanted her energy around me for the foreseeable future. So the visit was rather bittersweet.
Tade: We even briefly talked about her coming back to Cyprus with me. But I think we both decided that wouldn’t be wise. In the end, I had to go back sad and alone.
Did you make any decisions about your relationship before you left?
Tade: Not really. A lot was left unsaid. We just focused on celebrating her milestone. I still had about two years of school left. We were so young. We had nothing figured out.
Sonia: I threw myself into job hunting and a master’s programme. And we went back to finding time to talk to each other over FaceTime.
Tade: For the next two years, things were dry and uneventful… except when she helped me write my thesis.
Pardon
Tade: I’m exaggerating, obviously. We didn’t even study the same course, but she’s great with academic writing so she offered to help. She also had better access to research papers and better methodologies based on the American curriculum. It made everything faster.
Sonia: She got into a couple of relationships though.
Tade: More like flings.
With girls?
Tade: Yes. I’d pretty much figured out that I liked women.
Sonia: I was too busy having anxiety over my career and future to have “flings”. People tried to get with me, mostly guys, but they never worked out because I was always too impatient and most black guys in the States are arrogant.
Tade: After I finally graduated in 2018, I moved to Georgia on a work visa. Three months later, she got a new job in DC, and we moved there together. We’ve been inseparable ever since.
Were you official at this point?
Sonia: Yes. I don’t know how it happened, but it happened.
Tade: I think it became clear when she invited me to move to the US and move in with her, and I actually did it. I was scared AF because I had zero plans. My parents wanted me back in Nigeria, but I didn’t want that. I had to get uncles and cousins to chip in on the travel and visa payments.
Sonia: I offered to give her some money too, but she refused.
Tade: It was bad enough I’d be living in her house with no job for some time.
When I got here, the first thing we did was make out for hours. It was pretty clear we were official.
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So how’s the last five years been together in DC?
Sonia: Everything from the shootings to the pandemic, inflation and job insecurity has tested us. But it’s been great having each other to fight the battles with.
Our relationship has been a dream. There’s no anger or depression that can’t be solved with kisses and cuddles, just lying under our thick bed covers in each other’s arms, crying, ranting, laughing or whatever.
Tade: Something we picked up recently has been spending Saturday evenings in bed, watching old black and white movies until we fall asleep.
Do your families back home know about you two?
Tade: No.
Sonia: Nope.
Tade: It’ll probably stay that way for a while.
Sonia: None of our siblings or relatives know either. We don’t entertain people like that.
Tade: We don’t hide it from the public, but our life has been pretty insulated. We mostly hang out with work friends and a few people from Sonia’s universities or our secondary school. Most of them know about us.
Sonia: My high school bestie teases us all the time like, “I knew. I just knew it!” I’m like, girl, chill.
Tade: We still get side looks from the Naij folks, though. It can be funny at times. Other times, it’s really annoying.
Tell me about that
Sonia: It’s mostly the newly born-again guys. Everyone is finding Christ afresh and getting so religious these days. I wonder if it’s something in the air. But I think they mean well. They try to preach in the most polite ways.
Tade: But it’s still disrespectful.
Sonia: One time, we were hosting in our apartment because I just got a long-awaited promotion, and we invited up to 15 of our friends. Tade and I were in the open kitchen at some point. She wanted to get some more drinks from the fridge. I followed her and we hugged and kissed a little.
I turned and saw this babe giving us a strong stank look. Tade didn’t even notice. But then, the next day, we were talking to the girl on the phone, and she said, “You know you guys can invite me to things, but you don’t have to make out in my face when you know I love the Lord.”
Tade: I was so angry, I just told her she doesn’t have to come to our house anymore then.
I’m screaming. Have you guys had a major fight?
Tade: For sure. We had this major major one recently that made me scared I’d ruined our relationship for the first time. It was over money.
One of the major aspects of our lives is budgeting. You have to budget well to survive in this country. We budget for all the little things, but we also do it for vacations, major purchases and all.
Sonia: This was in 2022.
We’d been planning to move to a two-bed for some time. When we’d had most of the money together to move, renovate and so on. Tade took most of it to replace her computer and buy some other gadget. I get it was an emergency, but I went crazy because she didn’t even talk to me first.
Tade: My stuff got wrecked, and I was in the middle of this important project. I’d even lost some of my work in the process. I thought she’d understand.
Sonia: The shock was mind-blowing because I was already dreaming of our new space. We had our biggest fight ever, and I won’t forget it any time soon. I finally understand why people say proper communication is so important. If she’d only spoken to me before making that decision with our money, maybe I’d have understood or come up with an alternative.
How did you get past that?
Sonia: By talking. She slept on the couch for some days though.
Tade: She made me cry and beg. She only forgave me after I went on my period, and she saw me suffer through my cramps.
Sonia: I couldn’t stay angry with her while she was in pain. But then, mine started like two days later. It was such a funny, painful mess.
What does the future look like?
Tade: The usual. Marriage. Kids. Not sure how involved our families will be in all that, but we’ve made a pseudo-family here.
Sonia: There’s my career mentor. She and her husband are like parents to us now. We vacation with them a lot. And we have lots of friends turned siblings who’ve been willing to sacrifice large amounts of money, time and favours to help us in so many ways.
Tade: But it’s not one-sided. We’re there for them in many ways too.
Are you saying your biological family hasn’t been?
Sonia: Mine have tried their best, and I’ll always love them for it. I send stuff back home all the time.
But they aren’t here. They don’t do much for me in terms of companionship. I have sisters in Atlanta and my brother is in Dallas, but we haven’t seen each other in years. I respect it. They’re building their own families too.
Tade: We’re completely estranged. My brother, father, mother and I — we all live separate lives. Besides the occasional WhatsApp call with my brother, I don’t feel much like we’re connected in any way.
My father has a new wife with kids. My mum also remarried.
Sonia: But it’s fine. Everyone gets to find their tribe. We don’t have to be restricted by blood ties. And in the end, what matters most is finding your soulmate and making the most of it.
True. And how would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Tade: 10. 100 even.
Sonia: 10. I actually can’t imagine doing this life without you.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
The Africa Cup of Nations (AFCON) ended on Sunday, February 11, with the Super Eagles of Nigeria losing to two-time winners, The Elephants of Ivory Coast, and emerging as runner-ups. The competition which kicked off on Saturday, January 13, was a rollercoaster of emotions for participating countries and sport fans.
Now that the tournament is over, we can highlight some unforgettable moments in this edition of Africa’s biggest football competition.
Algeria’s early exit
Algeria won their first AFCON trophy when they hosted the tournament in 1990 and won again in Egypt in 2019. So, there was some expectation that the team could pull off yet another victory. Surprisingly, “The Desert Foxes” suffered an early group stage exit and never made it to the knockout rounds.
Vice President Kashim Shettima was in Côte d’Ivoire to support the Nigerian Super Eagles ahead of their semi-final bout against South Africa. After the team won, a viral video captured our VP standing clueless in the team’s dressing room as they exchanged hugs with iconic football legend, Kanu Nwankwo, who also came to celebrate their victory.
Nigerians had to ask if the footballers knew that their VP was in the room with them. Tearsss
Egypt’s not-so-encouraging campaign
With seven AFCON titles to their name, Egypt was one of the strongest contenders of the 2023 tournament. Unfortunately, things didn’t quite go well in the team’s favour especially because of their star player, Mohamed Salah’s injury. They were eventually eliminated by DR Congo.
Nigeria’s big headed goalkeepers
Stanley Nwabali was the man of the day when Nigeria faced South Africa. He fuelled Nigeria’s journey to the AFCON final following his impressive saves during the penalty kickoff.
Here’s another thing; his impressive run since the tournament started has had Nigerians spotting the similarities between the head shapes of previous Super Eagles goalkeepers. So, basically, if your head is not big and square-shaped, we don’t want you.
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Women discovering the joy and pain of football
Nigerian women were probably not interested in AFCON when the tournament kicked off, but the semi-final match with South Africa? They were sat and pressed at the same time. Looks like they finally understand what men go through and will be more supportive going forward. AFCON, you do this one.
The insane goals
Word on the street is that the AFCON 2023 has some of the best goal catalogue in the history of the tournament, and we agree. If you missed them, just watch this compilation. You’re welcome.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CO43JnMntQk
Reigning champion Senegal’s defeat
The AFCON reigning champions were another strong contender this year. But Senegal’s hope of reprising their win was dashed when they suffered an unexpected defeat against Ivory Coast in the Round of 16. The match ended 1-1 in regular time, and Ivory Coast secured a 5-4 victory in the penalty shootout.
Ivory Coast’s impressive run. Or luck?
The host country’s road to victory is one for the history books. They lost their last two group-stage matches to Nigeria and Equatorial Guinea.
Before one could say “Cote D’Ivoire”, the Ivorian Football Association had sacked the team’s coach and replaced him with his assistant. They narrowly qualified for the round of 16 as the best loser with three points.
Maybe this made them sit up because they won their next three matches before playing against Nigeria (again) at the finals. How do you say “no gree for anybody” in French?
Psst! Have you seen our Valentine Special yet? We brought back three couples – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. Watch the first episode below:
Forget the idea that Nigerian women and football don’t always see eye to eye. The just concluded AFCON 2023 had our sisters clutching their pearls and screaming out their lungs for the Super Eagles. Some even admitted that they now understand why men carry face whenever their favourite football club loses a match.
I decided to ask some of these women what piqued their interest this time. Their stories ranged from social media banter to finding escapism amid the country’s many woes.
Jibola*, 41
My husband hasn’t let me hear word in the house since AFCON started. He watches everything, even when Nigeria isn’t playing. However, I didn’t pay any attention until the match against South Africa. He invited our neighbour to watch, and that one came with his wife. When I saw how vested the wife was, I also came to the living room to watch. It was the best unplanned fun I’ve had in a while. We shouted, screamed, and jumped like kids thrown into a candy shop. I almost didn’t want the match to end. Now I’m just waiting for the finals on Sunday; we’re having another joint watch party.
Kehinde*, 30
I’m not a fan of football, but I had to follow the AFCON because I’m the social media manager at my place of work. It initially felt like a chore until I started to really notice the banter online. I was cry-laughing a lot of times, and this experience was amplified last Wednesday when Nigeria won against South Africa. I watched the match from start to finish, and it felt like I’d just finished a Netflix special. I’m still not completely sold on the ministry of football, sha. I know it’s not this exciting when you’re on the losing side.
Derin*, 33
I’m a big fan of football and tennis so you’ll catch me watching either to relax. When AFCON started, I knew I’d be watching because I didn’t want just word-of-mouth stories or the social media highlights. I wanted to witness it first-hand, and I’m glad I did.
Psst! Have you seen our Valentine Special yet? We brought back three couples – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. Watch the first episode below:
Taiwo*, 28
I don’t think I’ve felt as much anxiety as I did on Wednesday. I was just like ‘So this is how my brothers feel when their team loses a match?’
The weird thing is, I wasn’t even following the AFCON thing at all. I got back from work, saw my brothers and their friends watching, and I joined them. That’s how I gave myself an unnecessary headache but thank God we won. I’d have been sad if I invested all that screaming, shouting and worrying, and they lost.
The next morning, I was a wreck from laughter-inducing tweets on X. I guess watching the match gave me proper context that made the online banter almost as good as watching the match. Not sure I’m watching the final but I’m looking forward to the Twitter jabs.
Chioma*, 28
I’m a fan of Nigerian football: I just want my country to beat other countries on the field. So if the national team is involved in any global tournament, you’ll catch me supporting for sure. There’s something about the Super Eagles winning that gives me that sense of domination and something to back the notorious claim that “Nigeria is truly the giant of Africa”. This was the case with AFCON 2023.
Jumoke*,26
The only time I’m interested in football is when the national team is playing. I remember putting Super Eagles in my prayer request at church during the last FIFA World Cup. It wasn’t any different with AFCON this year. I said silent prayers while the match with South Africa was on Wednesday. And did God not do it? He clearly has a sense of humour. When I went to church today, I added Super Eagles to my prayer points. Nigeria must win because if not, the dragging will be out of this world.
Jemilat*, 27
I’m not in the country, but I saw many videos of people celebrating in numbers back home. Since I couldn’t enjoy the match, seeing all of that AFCON content on my TL piqued my interest and got me glued. It was so beautiful to see the competitive energy Nigerians poured into the game. As a Nigerian in the diaspora, it felt good that Nigeria was winning in one aspect despite our troubles. Supporting the Super Eagles was how I could also show patriotism and be proud of us for getting one thing right. Before AFCON 2023, I used to support Manchester United. But the anxiety from losing games made me quit. I just couldn’t cope. I mean, I am just a woman.
“The Faculty is accredited by the National Universities Commission and the Council of Legal Education. The Faculty parades scholars both within and outside Nigeria with vast experience in diverse areas of law.”
This is clearly stated on the Faculty of Law page of Redeemer’s University’s official website as of January 11, 2024, just six days after law graduates of the institution took to X to complain about the school’s inability to get them into the Nigerian Law School (NLS).
X.com/King_folake
The Nigerian Law School, established in 1962, is a compulsory phase all aspiring lawyers must pass through if they hope to practise law in Nigeria. According to an official announcement signed in 2023 by Mrs Max-Uba, Secretary and Director of Administration to the Council of Legal Education, only candidates whose data was forwarded to the Nigerian Law School by deans of their respective faculties are eligible to apply.
To be eligible to attend the Nigerian Law School, you must be a graduate of law from an accredited university in Nigeria or other common law countries. The registrar or faculty dean of your university must forward the transcript of your qualifying law degree, showing the subjects taken and grades obtained, directly to the Nigerian Law School.
On Wednesday, March 15, 2023, the National Universities Commission (NUC) granted full accreditation status to the LL.B Law Programme of the Faculty of Law, Redeemer’s University, in a release communicated to the university management. This was five months after they’d released their first set of law graduates in October 2022. The official NUC website shows that the university received an interim accreditation in 2020 and full accreditation in 2022, which they have to renew in 2027.
At the time, the then Dean of the Faculty, Prof. O. B. Akinola thanked the management and Redeemer’s law students for the success of the accreditation exercise which was held in November 2022. However — according to multiple threads of complaints on X — since then, two sets of graduates of Redeemer’s Bachelor of Law (LL.B.) programme have been denied admission to the Nigerian Law School (NLS).
The graduates revealed on X that the university had always given them the impression that the programme was accredited from as far as 2017 when they were admitted. But no concerns were raised until they couldn’t get into law school months after graduation.
X.com/its0re
“After convocation in October 2022, no one communicated anything to us. We were just left hanging. Most of us decided to go for our service year when nothing was forthcoming from the management. There’s been no apology or information about where we stand. No one has thought it wise to communicate formally with us since 2022,” one of the graduates shared her experience with Zikoko.
She revealed that although students were rushed during their final exams in 2022, they still hadn’t been admitted to law school almost two years later. In 2023, they wrote to the university management and to Pastor Enoch Adeboye, the general overseer of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG) which established the university in 2005.
“We also wrote to Pastor Leke Adeboye (Pastor Enoch’s son), who said he was not in the capacity to take action. Several parents of the graduates wrote to the school, but no reasonable response was given except ‘let’s keep hoping’. To date, the school hasn’t once addressed us concerning this issue and has disregarded our plea for official communication.”
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The Redeemer’s University Alumni Association promised them feedback on their complaint but failed to do so. According to another law graduate of Redeemer’s, several attempts at contacting the school’s Alumni Relations Officer, Femi Bellos, were allegedly met with threats.
As a first set graduate from the university’s law programme in 2022, she confirmed there was no formal notice from the management or faculty of law about heading to the NLS.
In March 2023, she’d seen the name of her university on the official list of accredited law faculties with a quota of 50 students, but the joy that came with the news was short-lived because neither she nor her classmates were ever mobilised. This list was approved by the Council of Legal Education and signed by the Secretary of the Council and the Director of Administration, for admission into the one-year Law School programme.
If Redeemer’s University’s law programme was officially accredited in 2023, and the university made the list for the 2023/2024 session of the NLS programme, why haven’t the graduates been admitted yet?
So far, Redeemer’s University has made no official statement in response to their alleged graduates’ complaints on social media. Their official social media accounts remain active, but none of their recent posts address the issue. As of this report, attempts to contact the institution for an official statement, through the numbers displayed on their official platforms, have all gone unanswered.
One of the affected graduates revealed that in July 2023, the dean of Redeemer’s University’s law faculty had a Zoom meeting with parents and students, but nothing tangible was revealed besides an announcement that he would leave after his tenure expired that year and the graduates would not attend law school in the next session (2023/2024).
“Even after this meeting, there was no formal message from the school or faculty with updates or progress reports. We were left to figure things out ourselves, asking relatives who are knowledgeable about Nigerian Law School matters and accreditation assessments. Now, we are in February 2024, and the Nigerian Law School has resumed. No information from our school, no memo and no notice. I feel the school and faculty of law have moved on with their lives and left us.”
It’s impossible to practise law in Nigeria without passing through NLS. Nigeria operates a complimentary system of legal education where aspiring lawyers are taught substantive law (theory) at the university and procedural law (practical) at the Nigerian Law School.
An aspiring lawyer must have a five-year law degree from an accredited university and practise a year at NLS before they can be called to the bar. At this point, the Council of Legal Education awards the law graduate a “call to bar” certificate to show that they’re eligible to practise in a court of any jurisdiction in Nigeria. If Redeemer’s University doesn’t respond or act, the affected graduates may have to start over in another institution, taking them back seven years.
X.com/King_folakeX.com/Shortsewa_
The law graduates of Redeemer’s University are asking for “compensation for the intentional waste of our precious two years, official communication as to the state of our admission into the NLS, a public apology to the parents and students for outrightly disregarding our call for official communication, and lastly, our outright admission into the NLS.”
While there has been no response from the school, according to reports from students and graduates, the institution still admits new students to its law programme.
Majority of Nigerian skit makers have things that are unique to them. For some, it’s catchphrases. If you binge their content well enough, you can possibly tell what their most repeated saying is.
Take the quiz:
“Ah greet o, bros”
“You’re doing well”
“How’s the family?”
“E pele o, my brother”
“Starboy E. Maalu”
“Phenomenon”
“E shock you!”
“Jacuzzi”
“Something Hooge”
“Achalakachapacha”
You got #{score}/#{total}
You’re so phenomenon, Charles Okocha is jealous of you.
You got #{score}/#{total}
You know small, but nothing impressive.
You got #{score}/#{total}
Important question: Are you a sadist?
Our Valentine Special is out now. We brought back three couples – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. Watch the first episode below:
Are you looking to add some flavour to your conversations with Nigerian elders? Do you want to get them to pay rapt attention at all times? Proverbs are where the magic’s at.
Whether you’re conversing in Igbo, Yoruba, Hausa or any other indigenous Nigerian language, there’s a rich tapestry of proverbs that will elevate your everyday interactions. So we compiled a comprehensive list of some Nigerian proverbs and their meanings to get you started on your learning journey.
A gha ye omo ku a ghi mhu gi enibie ore
Translation: After playing with a child, you give the child back to its parents.
Meaning: This Bini proverb preaches contentment. You should never be hyper fixated on what doesn’t belong to you.
Onen yo ba a te oju m‘ojuto a p‘eja
Translation: A person who stares at the gutter for a long time will kill fish.
Meaning: This Ondo proverb touches on patience. If you go at something long enough, you’ll be successful at it.
Mmiri ga eruo onye ogolo nga onye oruru onye nkenke
Translation: Rain will reach the tall person where it reaches the short person.
Meaning: This Igbo wise saying means you’ll always get what is destined to be yours.
Eteki oru gerevwe evwei rhie
Translation: The enemy of a strong man is the person within themselves.
Meaning: This is an Urhobo proverb that highlights the importance of having self-belief and inner strength to overcome one’s limitations.
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Ibon o sai dede dun gbola, etu lo ti i ni itikuti
Translation: The gun didn’t just make a loud bang by itself; it’s the gunpowder that pushed it out.
Meaning: It’s a Yoruba proverb that urges one to look beyond the obvious. Everyone has a purpose.
Ozi-oweyi oku avo eri ver’osa doni
Translation: When a child says thank you for past favour, he’ll surely get another.
Meaning: It’s an Ebira proverb that stresses the importance of gratitude. It’s a recipe for getting more favours.
Nyịn edi akebo eka inua isọñ isọñ, eka aboanye kpon di ke ayaadikịt
Translation: The piglet asked the mother why they dig the ground, and the mother replied, “You’ill know when you grow up?”
Meaning: This Ibibio proverb highlights how the knowledge and wisdom of old age are important to understanding life.
Si neddo fiyii howru banndum fuu, nyoofa howru mum
Translation: He who hits his neighbour’s knee curls up his own legs.
Meaning: It’s a Fulfulde saying that hints at how you risk hurting yourself when you do harm onto others.
One to ba olu jiyan, we ka kpe ni dakun
Translation: The person who argues with the lord or king will plead for a long time.
Meaning: This is an Itsekiri proverb that stresses the importance of owning up and apologising when at fault.
Kworria ta bi kworria, en ta bi akoshi sai ta mutu
Translation: The calabash follows the calabash. When it follows the wooden basin, it gets broken.
Meaning: This Hausa proverb simply means you should never do what’s past your capability.
Wa ze u ri nyaa son’ u ba ko uma bwan zenku ma yi ku
Translation: Your enemy will not praise you even if you kill a lion him.
Meaning: This is a Jukun proverb that says you should never strive to impress those who are constantly against you.
Angereke nga cihin tembe ga
Translation: A gossip is always afraid of being exposed.
Meaning: This Tiv proverb means dishonest people always live in fear and worry of being caught.
Ochi enkpo ge ya ipu no
Translation: A tree can’t make a forest.
Meaning: It’s an Idoma proverb that highlights the importance of community and seeking help when in need.
Vwel de ya ke neken me ye reni murom vey re pye e lo me
Translation: It’s only the goat that’s tired of life that will invite a lion to dinner.
Meaning: This Berom proverb stresses the importance of treading carefully and protecting what you cherish.
Omo isama ghi oro aghe
Translation: A child who’s carried on the back does not know how far the journey is.
Meaning: This Ijaw proverb means ignorance is bliss.
I saw this tweet and immediately knew Idris “Big 4 4-star general” Ayinde’s story had to be shared. How does one grow up in some of the worst parts of Bariga and end up working in one of Europe’s largest financial hubs?
This is Idris’ story, as told to Boluwatife
Image source: Idris Ayinde
“Manage to finish secondary school and make quick cash,” was the general mindset of the people I grew up with in Bariga. No ambition or long-term plans — the goal was just to survive.
Bariga is known for its gangs, notoriety and terrible living conditions. If you’re familiar with the area, you know it’s divided into two parts. The part that’s close to Akoka is much saner. Then there’s the inner part, close to Gbagada, with streets like Ososa, Pemu Otunubi and Oyekunle that housed the notorious individuals Bariga is known for. That was the neighbourhood I grew up in.
We didn’t have much money growing up. My dad’s job as a non-academic staff member at the University of Lagos (UNILAG) came with a meagre salary, and my mum once had a shop on the island she lost to government demolition. One period, my mum had to sell her jewellery for us to eat, and both of us had to hawk ogi to supplement the income.
I must’ve been in SS 1 then. We didn’t want people to know how bad it’d gotten, so I’d put all the ogi wraps in a bag and go some distance away from my street before I arranged it on a tray to hawk. I think the most I earned daily was ₦500.
A neighbour saw me hawking once, and I had to beg him not to tell anyone. I was ashamed. After a couple of months, my mum got a small shop to sell from.
But sometimes, we still had little to zero money. We couldn’t afford to move somewhere else even though the room we lived in was always flooded during the rainy season and we’d spend all day packing water whenever it rained. The streets were worse off. When the gutters overflowed with rainwater — which was often — everyone took off their shoes and walked gingerly to avoid slipping and falling into it. Of course, without the shoes, we risked getting injured by whatever was in the water. But we had no choice.
Like most children in my neighbourhood, I attended a government secondary school where there wasn’t much of a reading culture. It was just: go to school, return home and do anything you like. But my dad regularly brought assignments from work for my siblings and I to solve after school. It meant I rarely had time to go outside after school to mingle with the other kids.
My attitude towards education changed in SS 2, when I joined the Muslim Students Society of Nigeria (MSSN) faction in my school. I met someone in the society who taught me how to read. I moved from someone who only read a day before an exam to getting textbooks and having a study routine. By the time I left secondary school in 2007, I was an efiko.
With 2008 came JAMB, and since I couldn’t afford to pay for a tutorial centre, I put all my energy into preparing on my own. I chose to study accounting because it was my favourite subject in school, but that also meant I had to study further mathematics to take JAMB mathematics. I was a commercial student who’d never taken further math before.
So, I bought Dele Ashade’s “A-Z of JAMB”, got as many past questions as possible and made arrangements with someone who had a tutorial centre. He taught me further math and economics; in return, I taught some of his secondary school students. My efforts paid off. I had 297 in JAMB, passed post-UTME and got admitted into UNILAG in 2008.
I found out about the admission on a Saturday morning. I was outside, brushing my teeth, when someone reading a newspaper in the only good duplex in my street came to say he saw my name on the list of admitted students for UNILAG.
It was the best news of my life. I was the first person among my peers on my street to get a university admission!
But I couldn’t afford a hostel close to school — even paying the ₦20k school fees required financial help from a relative abroad — so I moved in with an uncle who lived in the part of Bariga that was closer to Akoka. I still had to wake up early to queue for the campus shuttle buses and navigate the daily traffic between Pako bus stop and UNILAG gate. Almost all through my first year, I trekked for almost 30 minutes every morning from Pako to the school gate and to my lecture hall around UNILAG’s Distance Learning Institute (DLI). I also often stayed in school till late at night because there was no light in my uncle’s place to read.
I didn’t immediately start chasing a first class. I just thought I needed to do my best and graduate well. But I also joined MSSN in uni and once attended a program called “Scholars Roundtable”. First-class graduates attended, and they all shared their stories of how they achieved the feat. That was all the inspiration I needed. If they could do it, I could do it too.
I forged relationships with people ahead of me in the department so they could give me their materials at the end of a session. I’d use them to prepare ahead of the new level. I started teaching secondary students during the 2009 ASUU strike so I could go without asking my parents for money. I taught math, economics and accounting and was supposed to get paid ₦200 per hour. I say “supposed” because the school’s owner hardly paid me, but when she did, it was something.
I had to stop in my third year because of increased responsibilities. I’d contested in my department’s association elections and emerged as vice president. I was also the financial secretary at MSSN. I supplemented the occasional ₦1k I got from home by tutoring my classmates. Some of them were quite generous and would show their appreciation by buying me lunch. Others (mostly non-classmates) randomly paid a small fee for private tutoring. Thinking about it now, I don’t know how I survived in school.
I graduated in 2012 with a 4.63 CGPA. That was a feat because my final year must’ve been my busiest. I retained my office in MSSN, became president of my department’s association and handled several tutorial classes. My various activities in school helped me build a good network, so landing an internship after school only involved an email to someone who owned an accounting firm.
My parents moved out of Bariga to their own home in Badagry in the same year. They’ve had the land for years, but at the point they moved, the house was still incomplete. I interned at the firm for about four months on a ₦20k/month salary and left for NYSC in Bayelsa in March 2013.
The plan was to work at one of the Big Four accounting firms, and I knew I needed to become chartered with ICAN to boost my chances. Others started the ICAN exams in uni, but I had no money. Plus, I’d heard ICAN offered the opportunity for first-class graduates to apply for scholarships. So, my service year was dedicated to ICAN preparation.
I requested to be posted to a university for my NYSC Place of Primary Assignment (PPA), and this request may not have been accepted if not for my first class result. I was posted to a university in Amassoma, Bayelsa State, so while there was no light in the city, I took advantage of the university’s power supply to study. I got the ICAN scholarship and used part of my NYSC allowance to pay for ICAN tutorials. I also made some money organising tutorials for uni students. But I think the most each student paid was ₦100.
In November 2013, I wrote and passed all four papers for the first level (PE 1) ICAN certification and emerged as the third-best candidate in January 2014. That came with a ₦25k bonus, and I automatically got another scholarship to write the final-level exams — Accounting graduates from ICAN-accredited universities get to write only two exam levels. ICAN also gave me a ₦60k bonus to attend tutorials.
I’d started applying to the Big Four firms around this time. I wanted to have a job immediately after NYSC, so I applied to one and was so confident I’d get in that I didn’t even try to pursue others. You guessed it — I didn’t get in.
I finished NYSC in February 2014 and returned to my uncle’s house in Lagos without a job. I applied to a few random firms and got some job offers; one with a ₦100k/month salary. But when the offers came, I gave it a second thought and decided to stick to my goal of Big Four and nothing else. I decided to rely on the little savings I had from NYSC to survive and focus on passing the final ICAN exams to boost my Big Four chances. It was a gamble, but I don’t regret turning down those jobs.
I wrote the final ICAN exams in May 2014, and thanks to my network, found out about an internship opportunity at PwC. I applied and got it. It paid ₦80k/month, less than the other offers I’d gotten. But I wanted the Big Four experience.
I moved out of my uncle’s house to a place between Bariga and Oworo that was easier to navigate to the Island, where the office was located. But I wasn’t out of the “trenches” yet.
I also started contributing to the completion of my parents’ Badagry house. It’s now a four-bedroom house with additional flats for tenants, and I must’ve contributed about 70% of the total cost over time.
The ICAN results came out in July. Again, I was the best qualifying candidate for that diet as well as for the year 2014 — I only got to know this in January 2015. ICAN gave me about ₦250k in prize money.
Interestingly, I had a written test for an associate role with Deloitte the day after the results came out. It wasn’t supposed to be a panel interview, but I dressed in a suit and tie all the same. That test turned out to be an interview when they found out I was chartered, and I got the job on the spot.
By 2017, the japa wave had started to gain ground, and a number of people had discovered the Canada route. I’d worked at Deloitte for three years and had just rejoined PwC as a Senior Associate, but I wanted to leave Nigeria too. In the accounting world, most of the big things happen in London. Specifically, Canary Wharf, where the International Accounting Standards Board (IASB) is situated. It’s one of the major financial hubs in the entire Europe, like Silicon Valley for us finance people. Canary Wharf was where the big boys were, and I wanted to be there too.
I decided a visa sponsorship job route made the most sense for me, so I started applying for UK jobs. There was a lot of trial and error. The UK had a “22,000 skilled workers” visa limit per year, which affected the number of international employees each organisation could bring into their country. They also had to do a resident labour market test. So before they employed any foreigner, they had to advertise and interview for a month after a successful interview to make sure no one in the UK could do the job.
This long process meant that even though I got an Assistant Manager offer from KPMG UK in February 2018, I didn’t get the visa until December. I left for the UK in January 2019, almost a year after.
In 2021, I moved to EY because I wanted to expand my experience — making it the fourth of the Big Four firms I’ve worked with in my professional career. I’m a manager now, and I only know one or two people who’ve worked in all four firms; it’s that rare. I recently tweeted a thread on X, detailing all I’ve learnt from working at all four firms.
Big 4- “4 Star General” – My 10 Lessons from working at all the Big 4 firms. The Big 4 is popularly referred to, the four largest professional services networks in the world, ie., Deloitte, Ernst & Young (EY), KPMG, and PricewaterhouseCoopers (PwC).
The journey hasn’t been all smooth. I failed two different levels of the CFA exam the first time I attempted them in 2017, losing thousands of dollars in the process. At first, I didn’t know how to handle going from winning national awards to failing, but I picked myself right back up and tried again.
I’ve learnt a lot too. From the importance of delaying gratification — especially when I had to forgo a ₦100k job for something smaller but more profitable in the long run — to having a solid network, and of course, staying prepared for anything. Education isn’t a scam. It was the starting point of all I’ve achieved. If I didn’t have a first-class, I wouldn’t have gotten the ICAN scholarship or won the prize money. I also had access to recruitment opportunities reserved for only first-class graduates.
Everything in life tends to add up. And now, I can pay it forward by caring for my siblings. My mum comes to London as much as she wants. Sadly, I recently lost my dad, but I was able to do the little I could before he passed.
Sometimes, I sit and reflect on where I came from. The boy from Bariga defied all odds and made it to Canary Wharf. It’s not something I take for granted.
Psst! Have you seen our Valentine Special yet? We brought back three couples – one now with kids, one now married and the last, still best friends – to share how their relationships have evolved in the last five years. Watch the first episode below:
