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Being single sometimes can be a blessing. Other times it can be tasking and we’re sure every single person has found themselves in one of these situations!
1. When you get asked “why are you single”?
Oh God not this question again!
2. And everybody is trying to hook you up with someone.
Did I ask you? Can I be left alone?
3. When your friends in relationships bring their problems to you.
So what is it again this time?
4. So you have to dish out advice to them.
See I may be single but this is the best advice you can get.
5. When a couple invites you to hang out and say there will be other people.
Let us see how this goes.
6. But you meet only couples there.
They said it will be fun. Can I go home please.
7. Finally finding someone you like.
Yes! Its about to go down
8. But they live on a whole different continent.
Why does this always happen to me? Why me?
9. Having a huge crush on a person.
We are about to get married and start our family.
10. But you find out they are in a two year old relationship.
This can’t be life.
11. So you decide to enjoy your single life.
I really cannot stress myself.
12. And you tell your parents you don’t care about marriage.
Are you being manipulated?
13. So you have to start the hunting process all over again hoping for the best.
Ever interacted with people from other countries and they were spewing hot rubbish about what they think Nigeria or Africa is like? Or asking you a bunch of really “off” questions? These situations will definitely not be strange to you.
You know how Nigerian churches have a motto for every year? No? Okay, now you know. Take this quiz to know your motto for 2016, Zikoko style of course!
From running away from Islamiyya to having a completely random Christmas day, these are 11 of the things Nigerian Muslims experienced while growing up.
1. When your parents make you go to Islamiyya (Ile kewu) every other day of the week.
Hay God! All those default knocks and slaps.
2. How the Mallam slaps you when your recitation goes wrong.
Again!!!
3. Pinching and making faces at your friends in the mosque while the older ones pray.
I see you, my guy!
4. Having to fast till 3pm during Ramadan because you were too small to fast till 7.
Yass!
5. When you secretly swallow water when making ablution during Ramadan.
I can’t come and die please.
6. When they say “close your eyes for prayer” in school and you shine your eyes like…
I’m just observing.
7. When people ask for your English name after you told them your Muslim name.
I just told you my name, wyd?
8. When you say “Aamin” instead of Amen and everyone around is like..
What are you saying please?
9. Turning up on Eid day in your hottest baffs with the squad.
What’s an Eid outfit without these coloured sunshades?
10. When you receive Sallah money from your generous uncles.
And you plan how to spend your several 20 naira notes.
11. You, when all your mates are talking about Father Christmas.
A few days ago, we told you about how this lady stumbled into TY Bello’s photoshoot.
And stole the spotlight from Tinie Tempah by simply walking into the shoot at random.
After TY Bello expressed her interest in meeting her via her social media pages..
BEATIFULX : WHO IS SHE.Every one has been asking if this lady is a model .. It was just perfect coincidence … She just happened to be walking by while I photographed . It happened so fast .She definitely SHOULD be a model. .. I’m happy to help her build a portfolio if she’s interested .She’s so beautiful and photographed so well. I’ll find a way to track her down somehow . You guys can also help
The lady was found when TY Bello’s assistant went back to the venue of the shoot to ask about her.
“While I was hawking yesterday, I was wearing this same type of outfit when someone stopped me and said they saw my picture on Facebook and asked if I was the same person and I said yes. The person then said Madam was looking for me and asked if I knew your house. When I said no, I was asked to come here today.
The bread seller has been identified as Jumoke Sunday, a 27 year old mother of two and TY Bello is cooking up ways to help improve her life.
So I found her …our beauty from the @tiniegram shoot and boy have I got a fantastic story to share with you all.
Right here is an amazing 27yr old mother of two , Jumoke Sunday with an incredible life story .I called on three amazing artists @bimpeonakoya for beautiful makeup .. @zubbydefinition for hair and @emaedosio to make a short documentary about her .. Every one gave a yes !on the spot . They were all at the studio within an hour and we had the most amazing shoot with her. I’ve also spoken to a few people about the best way to help move her forward and reunite her with her family . … The process has already begone and I’ll figure out the best way to have anyone who wants to be part of the journey .Meeting and photographing her has inspired us all and we can’t wait for the good that will come to her from all of this to unfold . She doesn’t speak English well but here ,she was explaining how she found us . I had sent an assistant , as many of you advised ,to leave a message with the people in the area where we photographed her… So here she is
TY Bello and a team of artists gave her a makeover which completely transformed her look
Roses are red, violets are blue, the month of Febaery is here and we are ready too!
FeBAEry = February = Valentine’s day.
The question is are you ready for Valentine’s day? These comments show some Nigerian’s are already feeling about the day of the bae!
While others sleep, the search for an already trained boyfriend has begun.
As I haven't any viable Valentine's Day plans, I am looking to lease an already trained boyfriend. If you have one you're not using, DM me
If you have a Facebook or Twitter account, you may have seen a brilliant meme that has been going around the internet over the past few days. Now we have created a version specifically for Nigerians!
Meet Femi. Femi is the perfect human being. Here are 7 reason you should be like Femi:
1. Femi is not a Yoruba Demon
2. Femi lives the FitFam life
3. Femi does not share his whole life on Facebook
4. Femi is not a trailer that jams people unnecessarily on Twitter
5. Femi supports her friends on social media. Femi is not a hater
6. Femi isn’t selfish. Femi knows how to filter selfies on Instagram
7. Femi knows how to play Candy Crush like a grown up
We know you want to be like Femi. Head to http://zikoko.com/be-like/
Add your name, gender and country of origin.
Go forth and share your results!
We love our Nigerian parents but we are just curious. Are your parents really as Nigerian as you think they are? Tick any of the things you can relate to.
[quiz_checklist quiz=”how_nigerian_are_your_parents”]
1. Politician, Chief of Staff to Governor Adams Oshiomole of Edo state is also known as Igodomigodo.
Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon, when he’s not carrying out his political duties, he is busy making us grab our dictionaries as we try to understand his incredibly complex English. Here are some of the most hilarious speeches he has given:
2. When he addressed Unilag students at the United Nations International Youths Day.
3. When he gave his opinion on the Rivers state crisis of 2015.
4. When he was passionate about the controversy going on in Edo state.
5. When he said what he really felt about the opposition party.
6. When he said “Rejectmenta”.
7. When he apologized to his audience.
8. When he complained about the state of some roads in the country.
Adichie says hair is political. Yup. Afro, dreads, just let it grow and blossom baby. Must attend: that dreads convention each year. Must follow: Blogs, Instagrams, Tweeters about natural hair. Must do: Tell everyone just how great their hair is and welcome them to the other side.
2. Stop wearing a bra
Bras were invented by men to hold you back from freedom. Ditch bras. When people stare at you, hold them tits high by arching your back. Dazeet.
3. Attend Afropolitan vibes
Ignore all the western music and think about the live band bruh. That live band is lit. Don’t forget to tweet about how the bottled Palmwine isn’t fresh enough for you.
4. Visit Terrakulture at least once a month
You haven’t gone to an art gallery? How are you living without the appreciation of art? Rele also holds a couple of events.
5. Tell us how awful international food is
Can we just ban Domino’s? How dare you call chicken suya a pizza variant? *rolling eye emoji*
6. Bogobiri on Thursdays
Nigerian music is trash except when you’re bumping and grinding to it at Vapours on Friday. Bogobiri’s open Mic night is what authentic music should sound like — with proper content and etc.
7. Complain about politics but don’t vote
Tweet about how much light you’re not getting and how the roads in VI are bad. Don’t forget it took you 6 months to register your non-profitable business. But don’t vote. How can you vote in an election that’s already rigged?
8. Tell us how Lagos is the most expensive city ever
“Lagos is the most expensive city I’ve ever lived in”. Thank you Ms. Art internship in Monaco, we had no idea.
9. Complain about the things Nigerians do
This one is really important. Nigerians don’t give personal space. Nigerians eat too loud. Nigerians are too loud on the phone. Nigerians like to talk too much and any other thing you think only Nigerians are capable of doing.
10. Complain about Ubers
Nigeria just doesn’t have enough Ubers bruh. It’s always in surge pricing bruh. There are no trains in Lagos bruh. How are there no trains in Lagos?
11. Be a writer
Write sad poems. More importantly, write “African fiction” and attempt to describe the smell of Lagos. Argue about writing. Compare and contrast Adichie to Achebe and give yourself 10 marks for spotting the differences. Get into a creative writing workshop. Blame your singleness on the fact that nobody can love writers because they’re always sad.
12. Start a blog
Lagosdosgbe.wordpress.com or a URL with a Nigerian slang will be your collection of woes, p settings and the weird thing you bought in traffic. Tell your friends about it every time you have lunch with them.
13. Be proud of your melanin
Black is beautiful. That’s all I have to say. Tag every picture with #Melanin and #Slay. Ugh. Slay is so important. Never forget to slay.
14. Patch everything with Ankara
How else will you define yourself and your Africanness if you don’t have a lirru bit of Ankara and Dashiki pieces everywhere? Put them on your pockets, chest, forehead. Wear an Ankara bikini.
15. Join the fitfam crew
Sign up for Truppr and get on that Lekkoyi bridge. We’re not trying to accept our bodies anymore. That’s so 2012–2014. You must change that body and be fit and have enough Buffality. Dazz rai. Don’t forget to autopost your Endomondo, Runkeeper and Nike+ workouts. Everybody must know.
In 2014, the Ebola virus broke out in Nigeria but was quickly contained by swift response from the health ministries and organisations in the country.
However, 2016 is seeing the break out of yet another deadly virus that also kills as fast as the Ebola virus. Here are some things that you should know about the virus:
1. In the same deadly nature of viruses, the Lassa virus is a hemorrhagic virus that has lead to the annual death of over 5000 people since it was discovered in Lassa, Borno state in 1969.
In 2016, cases of the virus has been reported across Kano, Niger, Ondo, Bauchi and recently Abuja. There have been 41 deaths out of the 93 recorded cases.
2. Did you know that the Mastomy rat is the vector of the Lassa virus?
Exposure to urine, blood or faeces of the infected rats is the most common mode of contracting the disease. Please stop eating rats oh, don’t say we didn’t tell you.
3. Like the Ebola virus, it can also be transmitted through exchange of bodily fluids and contact with infected persons.
Having sex with infected persons also poses a high risk of transmission.
4. Because it belongs to a deadly family of viruses called Arenaviridae, there is no known vaccine against the Lassa virus.
Are you afraid yet? Keep calm because an antiviral drug, Ribavirin has shown to be effective in treating the early stages of the virus.
5. Most times, 80% of the patients experience only mild symptoms of the disease.
The symptoms manifest between 6-21 days of contact with the virus. Some of the common symptoms include: Sore throat, slight fever, headache, weakness and fever. Other severe symptoms are bloody diarrhea and vomiting, deafness, bleeding from mouth, nose, gum and eyes, swelling of the face and shock.
6. Time to get to work and get hygiene levels up.
The virus is not the end of the world though. Keeping the environment clean and free of rats is a major key in prevention of the disease. Isolation and careful interaction with infected patients, proper disposal of garbage are also very important.
7. Treatment is free in Nigeria.
Yaay! Early detection is very important. The phone numbers to contact when symptoms are noticed are: 08093810105, 08163215251, 08031571667 and 08135050005.
Nigerian lawyer, former minister and politician Femi Fani-Kayode has not ceased to be in the news and on the internet.
He is famous for his sharp unsolicited opinion on national issues and outrageous articles and Facebook posts. Here are the ridiculous things he has said in the media.
1. When he attacked Rotimi Amaechi on his Facebook page.
8. When he tried to stir up trouble after the ministerial appointments of late 2015.
In his usual manner of posting lengthy articles that made eyes roll, he attempted to open old wounds after the ministerial list dropped in September 2015.
9. He believes Nigeria is built on a Satanic foundation.
In his opinion, Lord Lugard and Lady Shaw were satanists and worshippers of Lucifer.
10. This very deep quote he shared on Twitter.
"Buhari is not God and we will not worship him"-Olisa Metuh.
Woe to those who worship men and who bow before Baal,the Lord of the Flies.
Before country’s independence, it used to be that Nigerians went abroad for their higher education, because we didn’t have a lot of universities then. But most of them always returned to put their knowledge to good use in th coutry. Examples are Odumegwu Ojukwu, Obafemi Awolowo, Nnamdi Azikiwe, Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti just to mention a few.
Shortly after independence, Nigerians began migrating to the diaspora, some for better education, but more in search of greener pastures.
But in recent times, we’ve noticed a growing trend in the country and it’s been happening for the past few years now. Second generation Nigerians are beginning to return in droves to their home country, because they’ve realised that there are massive opportunities here.
This video “Nigeria: the “repats” who’ve returned” deals with this.
Michael Ugwu, who works with Sony West Africa, is one of the returnees. Born and bred in the UK, he sees Lagos as home now and has no regrets with moving base to the fatherland.
While watching this video, you can’t help but have the notion that the repats in this video don’t know what they are on about. A prime example is Aisha Shaba, who returned in 2012 and is now a successful actress in the country.
In the video, she asks the question “Why are you begging” with a look of contempt and disgust.
That she could easily give him some money, but instead lectures the child on why he shouldn’t beg is indicative of the fact that she must live in a bubble. Her statement that “They have no reason to beg. Nigeria is in a different system” is further indicative of that.
Isn’t it better to just ignore them if she didn’t want to give them money? No one chooses that kind of life for themselves.
Another repatriate, Baba Epega, believes that Nigerian is in an era of meritocracy. The government has changed and Buhari is in power. All we can say is…
As much as this video tries to tell the “I just got back and I’m doing well” story and the system of things currently in the country, it doesn’t do justice to matter as it’s about a select few, who have beliefs that don’t apply to majority.
All in all, we are glad that our brothers and sisters are coming home.
In the usual fashion, Nigerians at home and abroad are making positive marks in all works of life. Forbes magazine’s 30 under 30 list dropped recently and some Nigerians made the list.
The list is made annually in recognition of young people under 30 that have been of great influence in their career paths. From the creative arts, fashion and media industries, these are the 4 trail blazing Nigerians that made the list.
Kelechi Anyadiegwu
After obtaining a Masters degree in human-computer interaction from Carnege Mellon, Kelechi was driven by her love for web design, textile and African fashion to start up an e-commerce site for African fashion items, ZUVAA. At 26, she has built a fast growing avenue for Africans in diaspora to express themselves in African wear without stress.
John Boyega
The 23 year old first captured hearts in Nigeria with his role as Ugwu in critically acclaimed movie, Half Of A Yellow sun. He recently bagged a major role in the latest Star Wars movie franchise and he is loved even more for his brilliant acting and witty clap backs.
Zim Ugochukwu
Being the youngest precinct judge for North Carolina’s Board of Elections at 19 was merely a stepping stone for Zim. The 27 year old graduate of Biology from University of North Carolina launched Travel Noire in 2013 as a means of providing necessary resources for black travelers like herself.
Angela Nwandu
Her rough childhood in the foster care system didn’t deter her from going on to be one of the forces to reckon with in the blogging world. 25 year old Angie, launched The Shade Room popularly called “the TMZ of Instagram” in 2013 and has changed up the face of celebrity gossip.
You can view the complete 30 under 30 list here.
Living outside Nigeria could be a whole lot of fun, but after the excitement wears off and you start missing or craving your native dishes life could seem tougher. We made a list of food items Nigerians abroad could give an arm and a leg for at anytime.
1. Indomie
This food item ranks first on any list. No matter the price of Indomie at any African store, it never stays too long on the shelf. Seems the love for Indomie increases, once you step out of the country.
2. Gala
“Bring Gala o”. First, getting gala outside Nigeria is a well appreciated occurrence, why? It expires after two weeks! Eating fresh and good gala outside Nigeria is surely a privilege.
3. Plantain
It is safe to say that, 90% of Nigerians have a relationship with Plantains. “Give a Nigerian abroad a bunch of ripe plantains and he will be your friend forever” – William Shakespeare.
4. Agege Bread
You see this item right here? Gold. You think you would not crave Agege bread or you can handle the absence of it. But when your nostrils smell it outside Nigeria, your tummy does a thanksgiving service.
5. Party Jollof
It is widely accepted that Jollof rice is the key to happiness. But perfectly made Party Jollof rice unlocks a special dimension. Especially when you find it outside Nigeria.
6. Buka Stew
This Stew has changed lives. The recipe to the perfect buka stew is probably known by only a select few. Now imagine what a Nigerian abroad will do to get a bowl of this goodness.
7. Powdered Milk
When you leave the shores of Nigeria, powdered milk becomes a unicorn in some countries. And you have to make do with liquid milk. Presenting a Nigerian with “baba sala” Peak milk or a Nido tin = manna from heaven.
8. Sardines
A couple of these, about a dozen, especially the Titus brand could serve as a decent gift to some Nigerians outside the country. Trust us we have done our research.
9. Suya
Yo! You know how we can’t get enough of this at times, even while it is abundant on the streets. Imagine getting well made suya to a Nigerian that doesn’t have it readily available. Happiness.
10. Kilishi
“Please bring Kilishi when you are coming”. This is a cliche statement when Nigerians abroad meet someone going back home. Get them Kilishi and you have their heart!
11. Ayamase (Designer Stew)
This stew/soup is multipurpose and multi-satisfying. Just a few (if any) Nigerian restaurants outside the country serve it. Give a Nigerian abroad a large bowl of this, priceless!
12. Mr Biggs Meatpie
People who have eaten this know that it has a special recipe very hard to nail. Getting this pastry to a Nigerian abroad, could mean you are a magician. Mr Biggs Y U No open branches outside Nigeria?
[zkk_poll post=15630 poll=content_block_standard_format_13]
Remember those good old days of buying Chocomilo, ice water, sugar and Kuli Kuli with this.
Blissful days! Some of you are old though!
Although this beauty can’t even buy a sip of water anymore and is going into a very quick extinction, Here are 10 ways a 50 kobo coin can still be a part of your life.
1. Properly scratch recharge cards.
Stop using your nails please.
2. Pay for stuff at Shoprite.
Now you won’t dash them your 3 Naira change anymore, thank us later.
3. Pay for fuel.
50 Kobo has been shaved off the fuel price so you can pay the exact amount for the fuel you buy in Naira and Kobo.
4. Donate into this charity box at Shoprite.
50 kobo will go a very long way in changing people’s lives if you don’t know.
5. Teach a child how to count.
Instead of counting with fingers and stones.
6. Open Milo and milk tins with ease.
That struggle can be annoying sometimes.
7. Make really pretty jewellery.
Slay can come really cheap.
8. As a screw driver.
When real screw drivers become hard to find.
9. Charge your phone battery.
Because, who Nepa don epp?
10. Portraits and other artsy items.
This is a brilliant art project idea.
What other things do you think a 50 kobo coin can be used for?
Nigerians can be found everywhere in the world, this is not surprising. Leaving the shores of the country and meeting other Nigerians can be fun at times. But in some situations it can also be a chore or a huge bore-fest. Here are a few situations.
1. Meeting a random Nigerian and they believe they are related to you somehow
Don’t push it, please… Allow it… Let it slide… No we are not.
2. “So what did you bring from Nigeria for us?”
Did you tell me to bring anything?
3. When they keep reminding you about how long they have been away from home
Ah okay oh we’ve heard you Mr. long-term resident.
4. “I really miss home, tell me what it’s like now”
You don’t read the news? Are you being serious now?
5. When they say they are from a certain state abroad
Yes oh, I know you are “from Houston, Texas”. I meant where in Nigeria are you from.
6. “I’m British/American my parents are the Nigerians”
Are you serious? Tell me more about that, briefly explain that concept to me.
7. “You need to teach me how to improve my native tongue”
Oh because I am the expert and that’s what I came here for. Yeah getting you.
8. When they say “Nigeria needs people like me”
Okay then, Mr Superhero Savior come back and help us now.
9. And then “I don’t think I can cope in Nigeria anymore”
Not today Satan not today.
11. When you are leaving and they want you to deliver a whole store to their family
TB Joshua is no doubt, one of the most popular and controversial religious clerics in Nigeria.
The cleric is not just popular for his charitable deeds but also for his prophecies which, mysteriously, are only heard of AFTER the event. Many celebrities and African leaders count on him for spiritual guidance.
How would he have reacted if he had witnessed The Headies saga between Olamide and Don Jazzy?
When Olamide came to rant on stage.
Thank you Lord for an already lit 2016.
After Olamide threw his mic on the stage.
Indeed, where has your chill gone , brethren?
When Don Jazzy fired back at Olamide and asked him to come and collect the car.
LMAO! I never experred it.
Watching Di’ja’s little dance after Don Jazzy’s epic clap back…
No seriously, what was actually doing her please?
After reading Olamide’s twitter diss…
Sir, you’re a very bad boy sir.
When Olamide tweeted “leave trash for LAWMA”…
Hay! Baddo Sneh!!!!
And called Don Jazzy out for ruining Dbanj’s career…
HAAAAAY GOD! D’banj sorry oh!
When Twitter people came in droves for Di’ja…
From all the angles of Nigerian twitter… and from the airspace.
After the fighting duo reconciled and posted a cute picture on Instagram…
While Nigerians were chilling on the 1st of January, the recently concluded Headies awards became an Oshodi street fight between Don Jazzy and Olamide.
Before you start thinking only Nigerians like to fight on stage, Kanye West in 2009, snatched the mic from Taylor Swift at the Grammys. Why? He felt his darling little sister, Beyonce deserved the award instead.
It wasn’t even his award or nomination. Sorry oh, elder Kanye.
And because sequels are more interesting, Nicki Minaj went lower and called Miley Cyrus out at the VMAs in 2015.
LMAO.
On the very first day of 2016, during the Headies awards, drama and all her children came well prepared for their biggest performance yet.
Wait for it!
This time around, another passionate elder brother felt very pained his beloved little bro didn’t win the award he deserved.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b7Puh-FaBhM
Olamide felt Lil Kesh of his record label YBNL deserved to win the award of Next rated artist that was presented to Reekado Banks of the Mavins crew.
However, the daddy of the award winner caught the randomly flying shade and dealt a lower blow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ob6HZw4MiJY
LOL!” Come and take the car”.
Olamide then took matters to twitter and rained words of rage on Don Jazzy.
During his angry rant, he launched the newest slang of 2016, “Leave trash for LAWMA”.
The people of twitter weren’t kind to Di’ja for her little dance after Don Jazzy’s shade.
Meet Gloria Oloruntobi, a Covenant University student who has unlocked all known levels of lip syncing and impression making on Instagram. She makes her lip sync videos via the musical.ly app.
In the spirit of Christmas, some Nigerian celebrities have posted these really cute christmas postcards on their social media pages as a way of sending best wishes to their fans.
It is the century of really weird beauty standards and it wouldn’t be surprising to find out the woman beside you might be wearing a lot of fake body parts.
Here are 8 enhanced body parts you don’t need surgery to get in Nigeria:
1. Brazilian and all the types of oriental hair on earth
It used to belong to some girl but it’s mine now.
2. Eyelashes
Long eyelashes are for flying to the land of fleek please.
3. Nails
Nobody’s nails should be this long.
4. Flat stomach
Thanks to your waist trainer, you can eat all that eba and get away with it.
5. Eyebrows
https://www.instagram.com/p/-1_Hn7S8hr/
What a time to be alive!
6. Braids
Just look at the laid edges.
7. Butt pads and Body Magic
Nobody got time for squats.
8. Silicon breast pads
Wow! No need to have surgery.
There are more grounds to be broken in this artificial body parts business and we are ready for it!
