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Nigerians | Page 40 of 44 | Zikoko!
  • 24 Nigerian Musicians Reimagined As International Football Clubs

    24 Nigerian Musicians Reimagined As International Football Clubs
    In the spirit of football, Twitter user @Wac_clumsy re-imagined Nigerian musicians as international football clubs and the comparisons were too accurate.

    Here are the 24 musicians he compared to International football clubs:

    1. Davido- PSG

    Because Davido got to the top because of money and has been consistent since then.

    2. Tuface – Real Madrid

    Tuface has been awesome ever since and still bossing the industry.

    3. Skales – Arsenal FC

    Because he’s so close to making it, yet always so far.

    4. D’banj – Manchester United

    D’banj like Man-U was always bossing it till he changed management, then he dropped a bit but he bounced back.

    5. Burna boy – West Ham

    He is very good but never really gets the recognition he deserves.

    6. D’Prince – West Brom

    Known but hugely irrelevant.

    7. Pasuma – Juventus

    He is bossing it in a league of his own (Fuji).

    8. Seyi Shay – Aston Villa

    Always making stupid (in her case grammatical) errors and embarrassing herself.

    9. Patoranking – Athletico Madrid

    Patoranking came from nothing to try and upset the big boys.

    10. Olu maintain – QPR

    Gets relegated, bounces back, gets relegated again.

    11. Lynxx – Manchester City

    Although Lynxx made it because of the money, he has been hugely inconsistent.

    12. Darey – Barcelona

    Very good, sings with this charisma that only he has. One of the best.

    13. Viktoh – Sassuolo

    That’s right, so irrelevant!

    14. Adekunle Gold – Dortmund

    Came from nowhere, is very good and is loved by all.

    15. Sinzu – Valencia

    Your time at the top is over. Just stop making music.

    16. Ice Prince – Chelsea

    Made it, then started singing/playing rubbish.

    17. Vector – Liverpool

    Inconsistent and underrated.

    18. Olamide – Tottenham

    Using young boys to make it. Respect!

    19. Ycee – Leicester City

    Came from nothing and hugely making it.

    20. B-red – Monaco

    Very useless, upon all the money.

    21. 9ice – AC Milan

    His era of dominance is over.

    22. Reekado Banks – Watford

    He’s making a promising start so far.

    23. Sina Rambo – Portsmouth

    That one still dey sing sef?

    24. Phyno – Napoli

    Nobody understands him but he’s making it. Check out @Wac_Clumsy‘s Twitter account for more.
  • 13 Kinds Of People You’ll Find On Nigerian Snapchat

    13 Kinds Of People You’ll Find On Nigerian Snapchat
    DJ Khaled’s keys to success made a lot of people join Snapchat, However, the brains behind the app have blessed the world with more awesome filters and Nigerians couldn’t be more pleased. Here are 13 types of Nigerians you’ll recognise on the Snapchat app:

    1. The black girl magic filter people

    These ones want to sha glo up by force. They have stopped using any other filter since they discovered the glory of this flower crown filter that makes everybody look extremely gorgeous.

    2. The people that won’t let us hear word with this dog filter

    Almost every Nigerian on Snapchat has used this filter. No need to be ashamed, we have all tried to look cute with this filter and stick out our tongues shamelessly.

    3. The Amebo people

    They’re always the ones with all the receipts. They never post anything but are always the first to view everybody’s snaps and take screenshots.

    4. The cool kid

    These ones don’t have anybody’s time, they just post their snaps and leave. They don’t care about other people’s snaps so far everybody else is viewing theirs.

    5. The money bag

    These ones like to pose with money and tell us how their money grows like grass. Even if the money is not their own, they’re sha doing it for Snapchat.

    6. The video vixen

    These ones just record themselves trying to be sexy in front of the camera while music is playing in the background. Nobody knows what they want to achieve with that sha.

    7. The foodie

    These ones sha want everyone to know they eat only fine and assorted food. They like to tension people with what’s on their plate and how well they can cook.

    8. The attention whore

    These ones just post the most ridiculous things for attention. They’re the reason why you don’t open your Snapchat in public because their nudes can just pop on your feed at any time.

    9. The commentator

    They do the biggest oversabi and would comment on anything and everything in this life. They always have something to say about other people’s snaps.

    10. The ones that love to DM

    These ones send DMs of their pictures to everyone on their Snapchat feed. Maybe they’re trying to seize the bae at all costs sha.

    11. The reality TV wannabe

    You could list the names of everybody in their families, the date their bae broke up with them and their underwear sizes through their snaps.

    12. The turn up kings/queens

    These ones are just there to make you tired of your really boring life. They’re always turning up at  Owambes every Saturday and lit events every other day of the week.

    13. The driver

    If you can’t drive or own a car, these ones are there to make you feel bad about your keke Marwa and Danfo life. How they manage to Snapchat and drive “safe” is still a mystery.
  • Tiwa Savage Shares Her Heartbreaking Side Of The Story

    Tiwa Savage Shares Her Heartbreaking Side Of The Story
    On April 28, Tiwa Savage’s husband, Tee Billz had a public meltdown that had us all worried and wondering if his account got hacked. However, Tiwa confirmed that Tee Billz tried to jump off the Lekki-Ikoyi bridge but was rescued and taken to Banky W’s house.

    Tiwa Savage, in an interview with pulse TV shared her own side of the story and addressed the speculations about her marriage.

    She explained how worried she got when she learnt about Tee Billz suicidal rants and how concerned she was for his safety.

    However, she also revealed the problems she faced while in the marriage and how she didn’t want to keep up appearances.

    Fighting back tears, she told the interviewer of the unfortunate miscarriage she had recently.

    In the Interview, Tiwa revealed how Tee Billz stole from her while he was her manager. She fired him just to make things work between them.

    However, as she said, Tee Billz cheated on her frequently and even had a child by another woman during their relationship.

    She also discovered he had ‘interesting’ conversations with another woman which he saved as ‘Edible catering’ on his phone while she was dealing with her miscarriage.

    Tiwa also told of how she caught him doing cocaine and how he had drug and alcohol problems.

    Although she paid off some of his debt which include a Mercedes Benz and Rolex watch, he still incurred a 45 million Naira debt and is currently wanted by the EFCC.

    Although he continued to claim he ‘made her’ and accused her of stealing his manhood and cheating on him, Tiwa said she never cheated on him.

    According to her, the marriage was a mistake and is over. However, she wishes Tee Billz the best and will keep praying for him while she focuses on her son.

    Nigerians showed their support for her.

    And praised her for her strength.

    And for being able to hold it together in the midst of the controversy in her marriage.

    And sent their best wishes to her.

    Even though the interviewer wasn’t professional at all.

    You can watch the full video of the interview here.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O22u_FUkmu8
  • 11 Hilarious Excuses Our Politicians Could Give For The Extreme Heat In Nigeria

    11 Hilarious Excuses Our Politicians Could Give For The Extreme Heat In Nigeria
    Nigeria is very hot! And what makes it more unbearable is that there’s no light to even power air conditioners or electric fans. On top of that, there’s no fuel to power generators even though some people have been making false promises. A Twitter user, @Zebbook, shared 11 hilarious responses Nigerians should expect from Nigerian politicians concerning the heat in Nigeria:

    Journalist: “What are your thoughts on this heat Nigerians are complaining about, and what is the government doing about it?”

    2. Lai Mohammed: “This is the result of PDP’s misrule, they stole the ozone layer”.

    3. Femi Adesina: “Mr President promised us change, and that includes change in temperature. Change is here, embrace change”.

    4. Akinwumi Ambode: “We have signed a $10 million deal with LG to install air conditioning across the Lagos skyline”.

    5. Ibe Kachikwu: “I assure you that this heat will disappear by 2pm on 29th May”.

    6. Bukola Saraki: “Tinubu wanted the heat to be more than this, but I opposed him out of my love for Nigeria and that’s why they are witch hunting me”.

    7. Goodluck Jonathan: “The heat was not this bad when I left power, but Nigerians did not appreciate me”.

    8. Adams Oshiomhole: “Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala stole the N100 billion meant for temperature control research”.

    9. Nasir El-Rufai: “We’re in talks with General Electric to see how they can generate power from this heat”.

    10. Rauf Aregbesola: “I just approved payment of January salary so Osun workers can buy hand fans”.

    11. Aliko Dangote: “Next week, we are commissioning the Dangote fan factory. By 2030, Australia will be buying fans from us”.

    12. Ben Bruce: *Tweets* “When Naira is weak and inflation is high automatically there will be heat. This is common sense”.

  • 15 Things Nigerians Who Have Jobs But Are Still Broke Can Relate To

    15 Things Nigerians Who Have Jobs But Are Still Broke Can Relate To

    1. When someone says “you’re lucky you have a job”.

    Is that so?

    2. When you have one job but you don’t mind another.

    Please epp me.

    3. When you realise you need another job even after your 2 jobs.

    Kuku kill me.

    4. When you have a Bachelor’s and a Master’s degree and people still want to pay you less than 100k.

    See this foolishness.

    5. When your boss tells you that your salary will be late.

    Okay…

    6. When your salary is finished before you even get it.

    This is the way it is now?

    7. When people think you can afford stuff because you’re employed.

    Sorry to disappoint.

    8. When you want to go out and you calculate the expenses.

    Nope. No.

    9. When your car spoils and you want to repair it. But the price, so you start taking the bus.

    This too shall pass away.

    10. When you finally manage to buy fuel and the thought of pouring it inside your gen makes you want to vomit.

    You just want to hold it to your chest and look at it.

    11. When your bank deducts an unauthorized 1000 from your account.

    1000 is not beans please.

    12. When your salary is now 4 months late but you keep going to work because “at least you have a job”.

    May God not punish you.

    13. When you finally decide to quit your job and make lemonade with the lemons life handed you.

    As in entrepreneur sturvs.

    14. When you hear someone in university say “I can’t wait to graduate and get a job”.

    You’ll soon see.

    15. When you hear students talking about starting salary of “no less than 100k”.

    LOOOOOL!
  • 25 Nigerians Share Their Hilarious Cooking Disasters

    25 Nigerians Share Their Hilarious Cooking Disasters

    When a food lover and chef on Twitter asked Nigerians to share their worst cooking experience, the responses were hilarious as we expected.

    Share your worst cooking disaster

    — Thelmzkitchen (@Thelmzkitchen_) April 27, 2016

    1. This chocolate chip cookie fail.

    https://twitter.com/LamideOB/status/725292750850105344

    2. This person’s palm oil caught fire.

    3. This person made Jollof rice soup.

    https://twitter.com/utibe_/status/725275673821089793

    4. This one about adding Ogbono to Jollof rice.

    5. When your daddy throws soggy semo on your forehead.

    https://twitter.com/LadeKale/status/725278774867181568

    6. This person’s attempt at making fried eggs.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ this was meant to be fried eggs ? pic.twitter.com/NDDMgZ8YDa

    — The Special One (@swaynkaayyy) April 27, 2016

    7. This person that cooked rotten eggs with their Indomie.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ prepared indomie with sardine and a lot of veggies. D last phase was to break egg inside. I neva new d egg was rotten

    — ♥RAIN♥ (@rianatopeyemi) April 27, 2016

    8. The struggle of preparing pap and Custard.

    9. This person that wanted to cook fried noodles.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ used oil instead of water for indomie and fried the whole thing black

    — art (@Vaness_ah) April 27, 2016

    10. This person used kerosene to cook stew.

    11. This person cooked Efo Riro with Ewedu leaves.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ thought ewedu leaf was efo , so I made it normally as efo riro. Suddenly I noticed the efo was slippery. It was a disaster ?

    — Seksan (@diamondsek) April 27, 2016

    12. This person’s ocean of beans and palm oil.

    13. This person mistook Ogbono for crayfish.

    14. The one about making pancakes with semo flour.

    15. This one about an “eggsplosion”.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ I tried to boil my egg in the microwave ( I didn’t put it in water I just dropped the egg ) it exploded ?

    — Gold ✨ (@Wura_ola) April 27, 2016

    16. This one about a chicken coming back to life.

    https://twitter.com/PurpleEllipsis/status/725397785978220545

    17. This person didn’t know chicken had to be boiled before putting in stew.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ I put chicken inside cookin stew (without washing/boiling the chicken)

    Tasted like blood,I was a carnivores animal dat day — that dada guy. (@Josh__IK) April 27, 2016

    18. When someone used Chocomilo as Maggi.

    19. This person washed the Garri before making Eba.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ I wanted to make Eba so I washed the garri first.

    — Bambi (@Nwaabekee) April 27, 2016

    20. This person made burnt offering.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ here pic.twitter.com/4MXiy64lfK

    — Omoba KD (Ari Gold ) (@Kenydebo) April 27, 2016

    21. This person used Omo to wash rice.

    https://twitter.com/jemimahnaa/status/725338244171370496

    22. This person put live chicken in hot water and sat on the lid.

    23. When someone poured Nutri C in rice to make it look like Jollof.

    24. This person baked a cake with Amala flour.

    https://twitter.com/AmazonianCub/status/725294086626926592

    25. This person that cooked burnt mop.

    @Thelmzkitchen_ I came back frm club 5am,I said let me cook spagheti.I slept off,woke up 12pm.I saw medusa in my pot pic.twitter.com/lzbpNFuLI1

    — Infamous Minded (@PRODEEGY) April 27, 2016
  • Tiwa Savage’s Husband Is Having A Meltdown And We’re Worried

    Tiwa Savage’s Husband Is Having A Meltdown And We’re Worried
    Early in the morning of April 28, Tiwa Savage’s husband and former manager, TeeBillz, took to his Instagram page and poured his heart out.

    He started by posting an old picture of Tiwa, sharing the first time they met.

    @tiwasavage this was you when I met you with 100% insecurity. I remember when Wale called me about a girl that’s got talent and u told him I wasn’t interested!”

    How they fell in love and how much he had sacrificed for her career and success.

    “Please just take care of JamJam. I sacrificed my life for you and put in work and my money to your success. You are Tiwa Savage the super star now right. You will never have peace with that fame. Your mother wants to turn me to what she turned your DAD to? I will rather Die. Ask her to confess what’s she’s done to me! All I did was look out for your success.”

    He apologised to his children for letting them down…

    “I’m sorry Olabisi, Gaetano. Onah and jamil. All daddy wanted to do is be a good father and take care all of you but they won’t let me. I have been fighting this spiritual battle since I was a kid my mother and father can testify. Went from family battle to mother inlaws battle. @tiwasavage ask your mother to confess what she’s done to me.”

    And accused Tiwa Savage’s mother of witchcraft.

    “Lord knows I tried. I can’t take it anymore. I decided that I wanted to take time out from music business so you and me will not be in the same basket of the music industry. You never supported me for day one every move I made and every project I layer my hands one was going all bad. Thanks to your mum witchcraft! Tell her to confess to you.”

    It started to get really worrying when he began posting pictures about depression.

    “Lord knows I tried. I have been mentally tortured by my the woman I gave everything to. I’m not perfect but I’m far away from being the best husband. Because when I dint have you paid bills and you took my man hood away.” “You have thrown my clothes out of the house more than 5 times because of the love I have for you I still take it and because of Jamil. I don’t want to go through divorce like my father that has been Married 4times. Your mother humiliated so much that I dint care.”

    He thanked Omawunmi’s husband for being supportive and Annie Idibia for bringing him food when Tiwa threw him out.

    “Tosin Yosuf aka Omawunmi’s husband. I wish I met you earlier when I just moved to Nigeria. You have been a great friend and brother to me in throne month. I should have done this 2weeks a ago but the joy of being around dint let me.” “You have wife that he not let the music business take the best of her. I know how Mrs Yusuf treats us when we at your house. I feel very at home and praying that I wish my wife can get a life and be like this. All she cares about is next single, her make and hair, her brand and all that BS.” “Pls tell the world have you asked your husband in the last 3yrs if he has eaten. Thank you to Ani Idibia and Anita my Neigbor that provides home cooked meal for me when I needed. That! Yes you became the bread winner when I decided I’m not in business with you again take everything I just want my wife. Tiwa. You will never have peace except my spirits forgives you. Tell your mother to confess what she mounted in the house for you shine with my star. It’s deeper than what you think.”

    And accused his wife Tiwa, of sleeping with Don Jazzy, Dr SID and Tuface.

    “With in what period of time did you Fuck jazzy and Dr Sid. And I dint care because the love I have for you. I looked at it that we all have a past even when at this same fucking time you were fucking with 2face.”

    He even blamed his father for his failed marriages.

    “To you Mr Ibrahim Olatunji Balogun Snr………. I tried my best not to be like you but instead of focusing on being a Better person I was worried about not wanting to be like you. I reached out and cry to you as my father but all you care about his yourself and your money…….. I ended up having kids like you by multiple women and my first marriage and only marriage dint make make it to 2years just like the one you had with my mum. Why the Fuck did God Made you my father.”

    The worst part was when he said he didn’t have the strength to fight anymore and asked God to accept his soul.

    “I’m sorry i must have disappointed you guys . I just dint have the strength to fight this battle any more. May God Forgive me and accept my soul in peace”. 

    In the last post, he said Tiwa will never find peace in her career.

    “I hope the fucking in Tiwa Savage brand brings you peace. I used my money, soul and everything I had for you and everyone knows how I hustled hard with passion for you to get to where you at today. You will never find peace with your career”.

    While he was having this meltdown, his friend and best man, Banky W, tried to reach out to him via his Instagram comment section.

    This is a real cause for concern considering the fact that their 2nd wedding anniversary was only 24 hours ago.

    We hope he gets help soon and resolves whatever problems he and his wife may be facing.

    [zkk_poll post=30799 poll=content_block_standard_format_13]
  • Nigerians Were Asked If They Could Slap Their Mothers For $20 Million And The Responses Were Hilarious

    Nigerians Were Asked If They Could Slap Their Mothers For $20 Million And The Responses Were Hilarious
    BattaBox took to the streets to ask Nigerians if they could slap their mothers for 20 million dollars. Nigerians were ever-dramatic with their responses.

    A woman said she’ll rather slap her mother for money than do money ritual.

    Na wa o! When did slapping someone have anything to do with money ritual?

    Many said they could never slap their mothers because a mother is worth much more than money.

    But 20 million dollars can pay for a year’s worth of cheek massages for mummy sha, just saying.

    Some said they wouldn’t because they don’t want their mothers to curse them.

    The fear of a Nigerian mother’s curses is the beginning of wisdom.

    One said his mother would offer to be slapped willingly and he would celebrate Mother Slapping Day after collecting the money.

    Na wa!

    Others said they needed their mother’s permission before slapping them.

    Who permission don epp?

    What would you do?

    [zkk_poll post=30650 poll=content_block_standard_format_6]

    Watch the full video here.

  • Lil Kesh Has Left YBNL Records But We Have Questions

    Lil Kesh Has Left YBNL Records But We Have Questions
    Lil Kesh has served Nigerians a few great hits and we thank him for that. He is so talented, he caused a fight between Olamide and Don Jazzy during the 2016 Headies but let’s leave trash for LAWMA and continue.

    His songs Shoki, Gbese and Efejoku which were released under YBNL were the turn up anthems of 2014 and 2015.

    After dropping his first album, YAGI, he announced his departure from Olamide’s YBNL records via Instagram. He also revealed he was starting his own record label also named YAGI records.

    Good for him sha, because no Nigerian wants to say “yes sir” to anybody.

    Because Olamide shared this tweet back in 2015.

    Did he learn how to run a music business after releasing one album and a few singles?

    Because last time we checked, it takes more than dropping hits “back to back” to properly run a record label.

    Do these musicians actually believe their successes lies only in running their own record label?

    How many million record labels are we going to have in Nigeria?

    We sha hope Olamide schooled him properly in the business of music.

    [zkk_poll post=30621 poll=content_block_standard_format_9]
  • 16 Struggles Nigerians In Long Distance Relationships Can Relate To

    16 Struggles Nigerians In Long Distance Relationships Can Relate To

    1. You and bae start a long distance relationship but you’re happy because you’ll have your own space and time.

    You didn’t know it was going to really suck.

    2. When you need a hug after a really long day but bae lives 1000km away.

    It’s not cheating if I hug my gate man abi?

    3. When they annoy you but can’t see how angry you are.

    You’re lucky I can’t slap you through the phone.

    4. When you’re trolling bae via text and they take it personal.

    Na wa o, small play?

    5. When you miss them and have to wait 6 months before getting to see them again.

    I’m not crying.

    6. You, when other people talk about hanging out with their bae.

    Let’s hear word abeg.

    7. When you go out with your friends and they bring their significant other.

    Why evils?

    8. When you want to drive all the way to surprise bae and you see the price of fuel.

    My chest!

    9. When you spend 3000 Naira recharge card on the phone with them in one night and it’s not enough.

    Na wa o.

    10. When you had to wait till 12am to talk to them during the time of free night calls.

    Sleep is for the baeless.

    11. You, when bae is turning up without you.

    It’s not your fault.

    12. When bae starts getting close to the boy/girl they told you not to worry about.

    I’m coming to carry my thing abeg.

    13. How you try hard to fight sleep when skyping with them because you’re not going to see their real face in a while.

    I’m awake, my eyes are just closing on their own.

    14. When you check your data balance after skyping with them.

    Hay God!

    15. When you find out you’re going to see them soon.

    My heart!

    16. You, the next time you see bae.

    Yas!
  • This Petrol Black Marketer Has Branded His Business But Haters Will Say It’s Illegal

    This Petrol Black Marketer Has Branded His Business But Haters Will Say It’s Illegal

    It has been over three months of fuel scarcity in Nigeria. One day it will kuku come to an end.

    But while the fuel scarcity continues, the queues are ridiculous at fuel stations that have fuel and sell at pump price.

    The few stations that sell above pump price still experience queues because fuel has become gold.

    And because some people find a way to profit out of unfavorable conditions, guess who are cashing in from the fuel scarcity? Yes, the petrol black marketers!

    And this guy has opened shop and is ‘branding’ his petrol black market business.

    He named his business Imole Ayo Oil and Gas, but haters will say it’s just keg and marker.

    Haters will call this attempt at branding illegal but sha, we hope the fuel scarcity ends soon enough.

  • 18 Pictures That Describe Having The Worst Roommates At University

    18 Pictures That Describe Having The Worst Roommates At University

    1. It’s a new school session so you get to change rooms and get assigned new roommates.

    New session, who this?

    2. So you pray to God and ask for good roommates.

    God abeg!

    3. When you meet them and think you’ll be good friends.

    Correct people.

    4. When they start ‘borrowing’ your slippers and shoes without asking after only three weeks.

    Because I’m telling you ordinary good morning?

    5. When you found out that you can’t even play with them.

    Somebody cannot touch your bed again?

    6. When you get back after a long day and find out they’ve eaten the food you’ve been dreaming of eating all day.

    We’re going to kill ourselves today.

    7. When you just want to sleep on your soft bed but come back to see their friends jumping on it.

    Jesus!

    8. When you’re single to stupor and they bring their boy/girlfriend and start getting on some serious PDA action.

    Unfortunate children!

    9. When they never do any chore but complain about everywhere being dirty.

    Na wa o.

    10. When you mistakenly lose your key and have to wait for them everytime.

    Na me mess up sha.

    11. When your really preachy roommate feels they can be your school pastor just like that.

    Sorry o, I didn’t know you also doubled as the P.A to angel Gabriel.

    12. When everyone else in the room forms a clique and you’re the only one left out like…

    I’m not crying, pepper entered my eye.

    13. How your roommates be like when you ask them if they saw something you lost.

    Enemies!

    14. When one of them likes to give instructions on how they want things in the room to be done.

    Ode!

    15. When one of your roommates is out cheating on their significant other and you have to lie for them.

    Who sent me message?

    16. When they tell you they don’t have money to buy Morning Fresh for the kitchen but come back home with new shoes and the latest Play Station.

    Let’s not be unfortunate please.

    17. When they start talking about the good times you guys shared together.

    Tears of frustration.

    18. You, when the session finally comes to an end.

    Hay Thank God!
  • The Complete Guide To Being A Danfo Driver

    The Complete Guide To Being A Danfo Driver

    1. You must never have chill.

    You’re one of the kings of Lagos and chill does not live in Lagos.

    2. Your conductor must be your bestie.

    Because Danfo drivers and their conductors are relationship goals. Who else will hang on to your relationship bus this tightly?

    3. You have to drive as if you want to kill your passengers.

    Driving with sense is not your thing.

    4. If you ever have spare tyres, always put them exactly where your passengers should put their feet.

    Your spare tyre is more important than their comfort.

    5. Your passengers’ comfort and security are not your business.

    Even if your seats are tiny put ten of them together, money must be made.

    6. Inflate your bus fare whenever you like and blame it on anything.

    Jibowu-Yaba 3000 Naira because dollar don cost.

    7. The police and LASTMA are not your friends.

    They can just arrest you because of ordinary driving through BRT lane.

    8. Never stop when you see people take the Zebra crossing.

    You don’t stop for anybody, your bus cannot kill anybody jare.

    9. Your seat belt must never be in perfect working condition.

    Just hang one dirty rope over your shoulder, you’ll be fine.

    10. Before you do anything, wash your mouth with ‘Ogogoro’.

    Drinking and driving is the safest way to drive your danfo. How else will you get that badass voice?

    11. You must have the greatest vocabulary of insults in the world.

    You must be ready to dish it out to any and everybody especially women, they’re ashawos and you “get their kind for house”.

    12. You can never have change all the days of your life.

    Even if you have wads of 100 Naira notes, you must never give your conductor/passenger change when they ask for it.

    13. Be loud, really loud.

    Your music, your voice, everything. Because people in your bus came to get headache from your loudness.

    14. If you ever bash a ‘big man’s car’, either argue your way out and risk getting slapped. Or you could just roll on the floor and beg.

    Taking responsibility isn’t really your thing.
  • 14 Nigerian Celebrities We’re Sure You Had Your First Childhood Crush On

    14 Nigerian Celebrities We’re Sure You Had Your First Childhood Crush On

    1. Richard Mofe-Damijo

    We have crushed on him from the days of Diamond Ring till date. He has managed to remain hot and everyone’s MCM for days!

    2. Junior and Pretty

    They blessed us with Bolanle and other awesome Nigerian hip-hop style jams in the 90s. The way these men rocked their braided hair at that time, were just goals.

    3. Onyeka Onwenu

    When she wasn’t being a brilliant actress, she was moving Nigerians with her awesome voice. Her signature low-cut hairstyle just made her look too perfect.

    4. Genevieve

    She has refused to age and still looks as gorgeous as we can remember. We’re sure you watched movies just to see her pretty face in motion.

    5. Daniel Wilson

    His haircut, voice and bad boy style were just everything. His Mr Raggamuffin song won hearts and just placed him in the crush zone.

    6. Plantashun boiz

    Teenagers love boy bands and these guys were the ultimate Nigerian boy band. They had the perfect mix of the cute (Tuface), the one with the best voice (Faze) and the total bad boy (Black Face).

    7. Shan George

    She blessed Nigerians with her awesome acting and skin like “flawless milk”. To top things, she was the mummy in that Procold ad we all love so much.

    8. Saint Obi

    When Nollywood started making action movies, this man starred as the protagonist in many of the movies. We all know how people love protagonists and he played the roles too well.

    9. Liz Benson

    She has always been gorgeous and flawless in her acting of course. Even when she played the evil ghost in Diamond ring, she still managed to be too beautiful.

    10. Agbani Darego

    Who else deserves a spot on this list than the first African Miss World, Agbani Darego? She will always be the ultimate Nigerian crush with her chocolate skin and flawless smile.

    11. Resonance

    See, she just sang about God in the softest voice ever. People went to learn Igbo because of her. We wonder where she is now though.

    12. Omotola Jalade-Ekeinde

    One of the hottest Nigerian celebrities of past and present. Even after having her babies, she still managed to keep that hot bod.

    13. Ramsey Nouah

    He was the ultimate Nigerian teenage crush. His usual onscreen romance with Genevieve was relationship goals of the early 2000s.

    14. Jay-Jay Okocha

    Simply because he was a beast on the pitch. He knew just how to dribble opponents and he defined rebel when he started rocking his cornrows.
  • This Tribute To Prince Will Get You In Your Feelings

    This Tribute To Prince Will Get You In Your Feelings

    Now that legendary musician, Prince, has passed away, someone created this awesome thread to remind us of his unforgettable greatness.

    https://twitter.com/khendoll/status/723253117668712448

    When you try to play Prince, you end up playing yourself.

    1. My life motto. #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/uUvQR3tBZr

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    He was so amazingly fine.

    2. Prince always looked like he was getting ready to take ya bitch and you couldn’t do anything about it ✨✨ pic.twitter.com/coZs3GSPtX

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he was really shady during a Beyonce performance.

    3. Well we all know who’s NOT doing the Prince tribute LMAOOO #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/sy9Dw3MFR2

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he threw shade after presenting an award.

    4. “Like books and black lives, albums still matter” #peeptheshade #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/ucXvDfDETE

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    How he reacted to a song by Madonna.

    5. Prince & Madonna never got along lol pic.twitter.com/4Hyyj8E748

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    How he clapped back at someone who attempted to throw shade at him.

    6. Prince vs. Lil Mo #PrinceAppreciationThread ??? pic.twitter.com/gQ3hVCdN5h

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    His voice was just amazing.

    7. MY OVARIES????? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/jmKsvXnY47

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he was asked about Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga.

    9. ? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/a1MD5x4EZR

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he gave someone ela on stage.

    10. If this ain’t the pettiest shit????? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/KlbeFqL8G4

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When someone tried to hit on him.

    11. Prince was like “HELL NAHH” ?? pic.twitter.com/Ny2HtRZwKn

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he felt people needed to question everything they have been taught.

    12. Prince just wanted to let y’all know that you shouldn’t believe everything you’re taught. ?? pic.twitter.com/jotbAuNONT

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he wanted people to know he could sing.

    13. “My microphone is on”?? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/iHdVHsHq5I

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    Perfection in a picture.

    14. It’s Mr. Steal Yo Girl #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/PA9QQej0cm

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he turned down starring in Micheal Jackson’s Bad music video because of the ‘Your butt is mine’ line in the song.

    15. Prince on why he turned down the “Bad” video ?? pic.twitter.com/KZ47nMIUpm

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    This song by him was a jam.

    16. If this song don’t do something to you then wtf ?? #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/sdotTuXHCZ

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he said he didn’t celebrate birthdays because he has stayed flawless all his life.

    18. “I don’t celebrate birthdays” #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/rYXCer3XL5

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he asked Kim Kardashian to get off the stage because she was dulling his performance.

    19. Lmaooooo I don’t remember when he told Kim Kardashian to get off the stage I’m crying??????? pic.twitter.com/SXKy0BtPZ9

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he actually gave Beyonce a compliment.

    20. My mans didn’t always throw shade. When asked about Beyonce a while ago: pic.twitter.com/z5nKi6PWHk

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When someone wanted to form that they could speak English.

    21. Larry out here making up words and shit like we just gonna let that fly ???? pic.twitter.com/5z6wFkNthn

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he shared his childhood story and how he battled epilepsy.

    24. Prince as a kid suffered from epilepsy & bullying…. pic.twitter.com/7vYVVQqE27

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he was just beautiful on stage.

    25. … And many panties were thrown that day. #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/pCeuigUfMl

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he showed his belief in God.

    26. Let God be your inspiration #PrinceAppreciationThread pic.twitter.com/wZ4VzYvUbd

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When someone wanted to know why he was quiet.

    27. When people ask why you don’t talk pic.twitter.com/PPW2sq5UqF

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he stated clearly that he wasn’t making a ‘comeback’.

    28. Ain’t no comeback bihhhhh pic.twitter.com/jaUSgdNcGE

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he said CD reviews are usually written by ‘Popsicle salesmen’.

    29. “popsicle salesmen” lmaooo I’m weak pic.twitter.com/dDdGV3pyzz

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he served us this great split, effortlessly of course.

    30. That split made my ass hurt ???? pic.twitter.com/dJ5vQK1lMI

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    When he was just a total rockstar.

    31. ?excuse me while I cry purple tears pic.twitter.com/InLWrY6AWl

    — khendra ♍ (@khendoll) April 21, 2016

    Rest in peace, Prince.

  • The Complete Guide To Being An Instagram Vendor

    The Complete Guide To Being An Instagram Vendor

    1. Never put the price of your product on your Instagram page.

    Because you just want to stress your customers and make them “mystified” at the same time.

    2. Instagram vendors and “add us on Whatsapp for price details”.

    Because you’re probably scared of letting the world know that your product is overpriced.

    3. Even if it’s just clothes you sell, put stylist and personal shopper in your bio so we know it’s real.

    Even though you don’t know the meaning of those words.

    4. Download other people’s pictures, write your name all over it (make it really ugly) and call it your own.

    It’s not stealing, it’s borrowing for advertisement.

    5. When people are actually interested in buying from you, delay them for three days before ‘getting back to them’.

    You can’t appear too desperate to sell, they’re kuku the ones disturbing you.

    6. Be rude to your customers when they dare ask questions about what they want to buy from you.

    Customers don’t deserve any respect and your Instagram market has taken away your home training.

    7. Never deliver on time to customers, wait for the 2nd coming of Jesus before giving them what they bought.

    Because they don’t really need it.

    8. Never apologise for delaying delivery.

    Being rude is one thing you’re really good at.

    9. If their wahala is too much, switch your phones off and block them on Instagram.

    They’ll be alright jare.

    10. All your products must be of lesser quality than you promised.

    You’re full of surprises like that.

    11. When people complain about the quality, ask them to check their surroundings.

    The real thing you sold to them must have fallen off, you don’t sell “fake”. Featured image via: Instagram
  • 17 Pictures That Describe How You Feel When You Get Your NYSC Posting Letter

    17 Pictures That Describe How You Feel When You Get Your NYSC Posting Letter

    1. So you decided to join the millions of graduates going to serve their country because you heard it was a fun experience.

    Let’s do this.

    2. Even though you didn’t know what you were going to do with your NYSC certificate at the end of the day.

    I don’t know jare.

    3. So you carried all your money and gave someone to help you get posted to Lagos or Ibadan.

    Because Lagos is lit!

    4. When NYSC posting comes out and you’re seeing Kano on your own letter.

    5. When your friend that didn’t pay gets posted to Lagos.

    God, why?

    6. How your friends that got posted to Lagos or Abuja look at you.

    Can you just get out?

    7. When you and bae get posted to different states.

    Hay! Relationship over!

    8. When someone tries to see the silver lining and tells you to manage it like that.

    Enemy of progress.

    9. How you search for people posted to the same state you were posted to.

    Where are you people oh?

    10. When you’re thinking of skipping NYSC and just going back home.

    I’m not doing again.

    11. When you start making plans to redeploy before even going to camp.

    Lagos by fire by force!

    12. When you start planning to make excuses or fake illnesses when you get to camp.

    My doctor said camp is bad for my health abeg.

    13. How you calculate the money you’ll spend on what you have to wear in camp.

    Hay God!

    14. You, when you hear stories of how horrible camp food is.

    God forbid bad thing!

    15. When you have to travel by air, another two hour bus drive then 50 minute bike ride to camp.

    Kuku ask me to travel 7 oceans and seas.

    16. How you shed tears on the journey to camp.

    I want my mummy.

    17. When you see people actually excited to go to camp.

    See these oversabi people.
  • 15 Times This Meme Perfectly Described Pettiness In Nigerian Relationships

    15 Times This Meme Perfectly Described Pettiness In Nigerian Relationships

     In case you’re wondering who the girl in this meme is, she’s Skai Jackson. She’s a 14 year old Disney actress who posted this picture before going for an interview. But people on the internet felt it was meme-worthy. 

    https://twitter.com/skaijackson/status/716981763680051200?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw
    Here are 15 times this meme accurately described pettiness in a Nigerian relationship:

    1. When 1+1 is not adding up to two.

    https://twitter.com/CruddyTrip/status/719910324179234820

    2. When you throw away your home training.

    https://twitter.com/SouIessVibe/status/721938401771950081

    3. When bae ‘tries’ to leave you.

    https://twitter.com/iHermosaaa/status/719664248360673280

    4. When love play becomes rough play.

    5. When ordinary break up cannot end your relationship.

    6. When bae thinks he can just walk in anyhow.

    https://twitter.com/DaGawd__/status/719657979461505028

    7. When your boyfriend is tweeting trash.

    https://twitter.com/LolaOshodi/status/722914212645711872

    8. When bae asks for a break in the relationship.

    https://twitter.com/cemeeblack/status/720066804589195264

    9. When you and your girlfriend realise bae is a chewing gum boy.

    https://twitter.com/AliciaGoku/status/720702684723093505

    10. When your stubborn friend that you warned comes back crying to you.

    https://twitter.com/HarrisonLdn_/status/720699512864567296?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw

    11. When bae wants to see other people but you have multiple personalities.

    12. When you’re a queen stalker.

    13. When you seize the bae by force.

    14. When bae tries to go out without you.

    15. When bae doesn’t know you’re a witch deep down.

  • According To This Man, Here Are 18 Reasons We Are All Going To Hell

    According To This Man, Here Are 18 Reasons We Are All Going To Hell

    No doubt it’s 2016, the year that people can be unapologetic about whoever they want to be.

    Unfortunately, some people have chosen to be the gate keepers of heaven and chief judges of mankind at the same time. This Facebook user shared 18 things he believes will lead women to hell:

    1. Wearing weaves.

    2. Wearing hair attachments.

    3. Making rubber thread.

    4. Fixing brazillian weave.

    5. Wearing lipstick.

    6. Using nail polish aka “Cortex”.

    7. Wearing eyeshadow, fake eyelashes and eyebrows.

    8. Wearing make up.

    9. Wearing bangles.

    10. Wearing big or small earrings.

    11. Wearing trousers.

    12. Using eyeliner.

    13. Wearing any form of jewelry.

    14. Wearing short skirts and skimpy clothes.

    15. Having tattoos.

    16. Bleaching the skin.

    17. Perming or dying the hair.

    18. Watching “worldly”movies and soap operas.

    Na wa o!

    When the gate man of heaven comes on Facebook.

    https://twitter.com/officialdaddymo/status/723040436063985664

    When people always want to tell women what to do or wear.

    https://twitter.com/zikokomag/status/722815249716346880

    When you realise he kept repeating the same things. What’s the difference between attachments, weaves and brazillian hair please?

    When people interprete scriptures in the most ridiculous manner.

    When people condemn people to hell in the name of “preaching the gospel”.

    Maybe all of us won’t make the heaven he’s talking about sha. But in the end, he’s not kuku God and he should just stop interpreting scriptures.

    [zkk_poll post=29632 poll=content_block_standard_format_25]
  • When A Yoruba Woman Takes On An Asian Man In Battle

    When A Yoruba Woman Takes On An Asian Man In Battle

    One peaceful day, people were jejely boarding an aircraft, preparing for take off when kasala burst.

    A fight broke out between a Yoruba woman and another Asian man.

    And instead of being calm, she lost all chill and the Yoruba in her was unleashed.

    All of a suddenly another Asian man who was trying to make peace burst into pidgin out of nowhere.

    All that pidgin didn’t make her any calm, she still continued shouting like…

    Na wa o!

    Mummy calm down na.

    When she said “Ton ba bi e da” (If they born you well).

    When you realise they were fighting over space.

    Watch the full video of the fight here.

    https://twitter.com/Adahna/status/722486909767954432
    [zkk_poll post=29550 poll=content_block_standard_format_10]
  • 22 Frustrating Things Every Nigerian Hijabi Has To Deal With

    22 Frustrating Things Every Nigerian Hijabi Has To Deal With

    1. When someone asks you if you’re one of the missing Chibok girls.

    Stupidity has taken over you abi?

    2. When people want to know if you have hair on your head.

    No, it’s grass that grows on my head.

    3. Getting asked “Do you really have to wear that thing on your head?”

    Do you have to ask me dumb questions?

    4. When people ask if you shower with your hijab.

    Ode.

    5. How people act surprised when they find out you actually have a brain like every normal human being

    Nonsense!

    6. When people give your hijab ridiculous names.

    https://twitter.com/zainvbs/status/719551003184467968
    Na wa o!

    7. When people assume you’re married and your husband “forced” you to wear the hijab.

    I’m not even engaged, stupid.

    8. When people tell you to take off your hijab.

    Can I take your brain off too?

    9. When people say you’re too pretty to be Muslim.

    Shut up abeg!

    10. When people say you will die single because you cover your hair.

    Well, the brothers in my DMs think otherwise sha.

    11. When people say you cannot be feminist.

    So I should be misogynistic?

    12. How people act shocked when you have an opinion.

    Fly will just enter your mouth.

    13. When lecherous men still cat-call you like “Alhaja to ta lenu”.

    Are you alright?

    14. When everybody calls you Alhaja and assumes you have already gone to Mecca.

    But I don’t have Mecca money na.

    15. That awkward moment when a man tries to shake your hand.

    No vex habeg.

    16. When people say it’s impossible for you to have a huge career but you’re actually winning at life.

    Watch me, bruh!

    17. When people still ask if you’re a Muslim after seeing you in the hijab.

    Are you okay?

    18. When people ask you why you bother to take care of your hair and body if you’re only going to cover them.

    So I should be ashy and dirty abi?

    19. When people assume you’re Hausa and Fulani and speak the language to you when they meet you.

    Sorry oh, tribal prefect.

    20. When you’re on your period and someone is still giving you sermon because you didn’t go to pray.

    Olodo!

    21. When your hijab pins stab you more than 10 times in one day.

    Kuku kill me.

    22. When you realise you have to sell all your properties to buy ordinary Abaya.

    *Cries in empty bank account*
  • 17 Times Nigerian Men Looked Amazing In Agbada

    17 Times Nigerian Men Looked Amazing In Agbada

    1. Who said Nigerian men can’t play with colours abeg?

    2. Just look at all those layers.

    3. Noble Igwe, slaying on behalf of every Igbo man out there.

    4. How you look when you only came to slay.

    5. Too yummy!

    6. Of course, RMD looks absolutely dapper in Agbada.

    7. This super cute baby.

    8. When you’re adorable and you know it.

    9. When the Agbada washes away all your demon traits.

    10. This boys is like “Check out that carton of Ribena”.

    11. Let’s get married please.

    12. When you have to work and slay at the same time.

    13. When your agbada goes to study abroad.

    14. When you like to keep things simple but on point!

    15. Look at this creamy goodness!

    16. When Ebuka brought his Igbo swag and nailed it.

    17. When you and the squad come together to serve awesomeness.

    Featured image credit: Pinterest
  • 22 Things People Who Grew Up In Yoruba Homes Will Relate To

    22 Things People Who Grew Up In Yoruba Homes Will Relate To

    1. Having to go on both knees to greet elders.

    Must I roll on the floor to show respect?

    2. All the hymns in church sounded like this.

    E ke Halleluya!

    3. Having to call everybody older than you sister and brother.

    Na wa o.

    4. Eating swallow every day and for the rest of your life.

    Swallow or nothing!

    5. Taking so much Ewedu it has become your favourite drink.

    https://twitter.com/Sirehabbiibb/status/624358001613246464
    *Sips Ewedu and Gbegiri*

    6. Jamming to Sunny Ade, Ebenezer and Kwam 1 and losing all your home training.

    Turn up!

    7. People ruining your name because that’s the Yoruba way of pronouncing it.

    Aunty, it’s Maryam, not Moriamo!

    8. When you hear Tope Alabi and know it’s time for another lit Yoruba movie.

    Yass, sing it Tope!

    9. Oleku, Yemi My Lover, Toluwani, Saworoide and the rest were the best movies ever!

    They should be nominated for Oscars please, argue with your VCD player.

    10. You and your home training.

    You must never lose your home training.

    11. Having so many aunties in your family and remembering all their names.

    Sigh!

    12. Using left hand is a taboo.

    Na wa o!

    13. Collecting sweets from strangers is a recipe for flogging.

    You want to turn to yam ehn?

    14. Knowing how to pound yam and make Eba is more important than a lot of things.

    O le te Eba?

    15. Having all the weirdest and funniest nicknames.

    Elenu ma jeun for those that didn’t like to eat.

    16. Having one million middle names that your mother manages to remember when you get into trouble.

    https://twitter.com/SweetestTxboo/status/325010236001878016
    ”Diekoloreoluwa Oluwaseunfunmi Felicia Adewunmi, come here!”

    17. When there are different names for all the beatings that exist in your house.

    *Shedding tears*

    18. Your parents, when you try to eat your meat before finishing your food.

    But it’s my own meat na.

    19. Learning 1000 hilarious ways to insult people in Yoruba.

    LOL! Elenu gboro, Omo rada rada, Oloriburuku…

    20. Your mother, when you tell her you want to marry from another tribe.

    Mummy, please now!

    21. Your mother, when you try to open up to her.

    21) A Yoruba Mother is a natural confidant.

    “Mummy, I think Tunde is cheating on me.” “Why won’t he cheat when all you do is eat?” — WALE LAWAL (@WalleLawal) June 11, 2014

    22. You, whenever you hear there’s an Owambe happening soon.

    Because nobody turns up like Yoruba people!
  • 17 Pictures People Who Moved To Lagos Can Relate To

    17 Pictures People Who Moved To Lagos Can Relate To

    1. All your friends in Lagos had been telling you how lit Lagos is and the awesome places to seize the bae. So you carried your Ghana-must-go and travelled down.

    Turn up!

    2. Finding out there was traffic all the way from the airport to your house.

    What is this?

    3. When you passed through Ojota for the first time and the smell from the refuse dump hits your face hard.

    Jesu Kristi!

    4. When you realise Lagos is actually overpopulated and hot.

    Why are you people so many?

    5. When you remember how much light you had back home compared to Lagos.

    I’m not coming back again.

    6. When you try to rent a self-contained flat and they ask you to bring your kidney as rent payment.

    Kuku harvest all my organs.

    7. When you’re used to the chill life but everybody has no chill in Lagos.

    Can’t you people just calm down for a second?

    8. When you realise you either have to jump danfo or pay through your nose for cab fares.

    Can I just go back home?

    9. When you managed to take danfo and they were just the dirtiest buses in this life.

    Iyama!

    10. When you were sitting jejely in the danfo and people still came to rob you.

    I want my mummy!

    11. When you go the market and everybody starts grabbing you.

    Are you alright?

    12. Finding out most of the events people told you about were either expensive or really boring.

    You lied to me!

    13. When you finally get a chance to buy a car and LASTMA catches you for one tiny crime.

    Ordinary driving in the BRT lane? Someone can’t play with you again.

    14. Finding out people in Lagos drive like Mad Max.

    Lagos drivers have no home training.

    15. Before, you were just a peaceful somebody but now you’re always ready to fight with anybody that steps on you.

    Hay God!

    16. When you don’t even know how to talk quietly on the phone anymore.. because Lagos noise.

    I’m sorry I can’t hear you over this person shouting beside me.

    17. When you have to plan your day three days before because of Lagos traffic.

    Lagos na wa!
  • A D-List Celebrity Decided To Use A Woman As A Fruit Bowl

    A D-List Celebrity Decided To Use A Woman As A Fruit Bowl

    We found this picture on the internet and couldn’t be more shocked.

    And yes, that’s Nigerian musician, B-red and two other randoms, sitting at the table with a semi nude (we’re assuming) woman lying on top of it.

    We have questions for B-red especially, for this ridiculous picture?

    Why didn’t they just place the fruits in the bowl by the mirror?

    Or when did it become okay to use women as fruit bowls?

    Does he think we’re in Game Of Thrones or does he really want to go backward so bad?

    What were they all trying to achieve with this picture?

    Why are Nigerian celebrities so openly misogynistic?

    Did they even wash that table before making someone lie down barely clothed on it?

    Why is the woman taking a selfie in such conditions?

    Was she paid well enough for this yama yama picture?

    We need answers oh! B-red we’re waiting for you! Maybe if he had a hit song, he’d be able to afford a bowl that could hold all the fruits…

  • The Curious Case Of The Missing Donuts

    The Curious Case Of The Missing Donuts

    Gather round, children! Let us share our story with you

    Yes, not every time lists about Nigerians. Sometimes read our own story, you’re welcome!

    One brilliant day at the office, we saw these sexy-looking donuts online.

    We dropped money and ordered them, who no like better thing abeg?

    Imagine how we were dreaming about the icing melting in our mouths.

    Three hours after they promised to deliver, we were still waiting for our thing.

    But we didn’t give up hope, we didn’t eat so the donuts could sit down well in our stomachs.

    After waiting and waiting the donuts came, Yass Lord!

    Instead of glazed donuts, they brought buns and palm oil stew.

    Chisos!

    How heartbreaking and disappointing!

    We have questions o! Why did the donuts turn out to be that unfortunate?

    https://twitter.com/zikokomag/status/720981744229486592

    Could it be the price of the dollar?

    https://twitter.com/kakamustapha/status/720992837341474818

    Was the sun that angry at us that it turned the icing to stew?

    @pheyiola @zikokomag it was the sunshine ? pele

    — henrybanye (@henrybanye) April 15, 2016

    ​Maybe we should kuku check our surroundings, maybe some of the real donuts fell somewhere.​

    https://twitter.com/sayfay_/status/720612306745454594

    But was it pothole that made the donuts look like buns?

    https://twitter.com/manmustwack/status/721042249136508928

    Maybe the donuts had inner beauty that we couldn’t see sha.

    https://twitter.com/her_gorgeousnes/status/721051132462804992

    When someone tried to taste one of them.

    ​Someone even tried to do ‘match the donut’ but they couldn’t even match.

    We are not crying, pepper entered our eyes.

    And we threw the rest away and now, nobody wants to eat donuts again.

    The end.

  • 14 Pictures That Are Too Real For Nigerians That Don’t Joke With Their Mobile Data

    14 Pictures That Are Too Real For Nigerians That Don’t Joke With Their Mobile Data

    1. How you feel when you activate a new data bundle:

    YES!

    2. When you don’t want wahala.

    https://twitter.com/Skiwo/status/695901973288263681

    3. The pain you feel when this comes up:

    The worst.

    4. You, trying to remember what you did that you’re already getting data warning.

    How did this happen?

    5. When you actually stop and calculate how much you spend on data in a month.

    Jah Jehovah!

    6. When they don’t warn you that data has finished and you use up all your credit.

    I’m dead.

    7. When one app says its update is available.

    Better stay like that.

    8. You, whenever you go somewhere that has wifi.

    Abeg. Epp me out.

    9. When you forget to turn on the wifi and realize you’ve been using your data.

    See my life.

    10. When your service provider “dashes” you 10 MB.

    To use and do what?

    11. When the wifi is slow so you have to turn it off and use your own data.

    This was not the plan.

    12. When someone abroad says they want to skype with you.

    No thanks.

    13. You, whenever your data finishes:

    Oh God! Please no.

    14. How you see your phone when there is no data:

    Might as well throw it away.
  • 13 Times LASTMA Did Oversabi

    13 Times LASTMA Did Oversabi

    1. When they started carrying “weapons of mass destruction”.

    Are those for beating human beings?

    2. When they fought dirty and still put it on camera.

    Because life is too short for good behaviour and decorum.

    3. When they mercilessly hijacked this vehicle and didn’t even look at the driver’s face.

    Leave begging and prayers for church abeg.

    4. When these guys sha wanted to pull an action film stunt.

    As per Fast and Furious.

    5. When they hijacked a keke Marwa.

    LASTMA officials can kuku drive all kinds of vehicle in this life.

    6. When this guy was beating up a bus driver.

    Jesus!

    7. When this officer didn’t let the window get in the way.

    Baba, don’t break the glass na.

    8. When they were exceptionally kind to a Hummer driver.

    Danfo lives matter sha.

    9. When this officer was ready to fight, Oshodi style.

    Who maturity don epp?

    10. When they lost their manners in the middle of the road.

    If you people can help them find it.

    11. When this LASTMA officer slept on this car.

    12. When this guy thought he was Iron man.

    13. When this officer held on tight to the bus conductor.

    Haba!
  • How Linda Ikeji Became A Fierce Feminist

    How Linda Ikeji Became A Fierce Feminist
    The latest fight between Linda and Wizkid was messy, no doubt. Wizkid made really misogynistic statements and even threatened to beat Linda because she reported “not-so-awesome” news about him getting evicted from his Lekki house.

    Linda who took his threat seriously, went to report the matter to the Commissioner of Police for her own security.

    And instead of her to carry on with life, she came to share a long essay explaining to Nigerians why she reported.

    She started things off with how much she likes Wizkid’s music and reported all his successes.

    “Even Wizkid himself thinks I don’t like him. Why he or anyone would think so is puzzling to me to be honest. Apart from his achievements after he started insulting me online a few weeks ago…everything else, every success Wizkid has recorded in the last 3/4 years is on LIB. All the awards, all the record breaking feats, his sold out concerts, his foreign magazine features, and collaborations, everything that has built him up to the young man he is today is on LIB”.

    She was just doing her amebo job by reporting about Wizkid’s alleged eviction notice.

    “When I reported that he was served quit notice at his Lekki home, I stated fact and I didn’t write it out of malice. It’s not everyday you get exclusive stories…and I’m sure any other blogger who got the story first would also have published it. So, there was no beef, I was just doing my job”.

    And she just switched into feminist mode, and still managed to slut shame at the same time.

    “You call a woman, who gave another young woman, whose real name she doesn’t even know N500,000 just because she said she would rather work by carrying cement than prostitute herself, that’s the person you call a hoe? When your mind is so warped you can’t differentiate between a woman and a hoe, then this is what happens.”

    And said she reported so women can speak up against violence.

    “I went as far as I did for me and for other women. This is to pass a strong message to our young men that these kinds of behaviour towards women will not be tolerated. Should not be tolerated. If you assault or even threaten to assault a woman, the law will come after you if she chooses not to be silent. Women, don’t be silent. Let’s break the circle”.

    Yes, violence against women and anyone should not be condoned and must be reported to authorities.

    More action should be taken against people (and celebrities) who make misogynistic comments and unnecessary violent threats!

    When someone who has brought other women down with false news tries to tap into the anointing of female empowerment.

    When people resort to feminism only when it suits them.

    When she brought Tupac from the land of the dead to prove her slut-shaming point.

    When someone slut-shames and claims to empower women in one breath.

    When Linda comes again with her long essays.

    When it takes only a bag to make someone lose their mind yet they claim to be humble.

    When someone keeps announcing how they dashed people money every time they have problems with people.

    But why should Wizkid still have any endorsements after making those trashy and disrespectful comments?

    We hope this step she took will actually deter people like Wizkid from making such threats and comments next time.

    [zkk_poll post=28940 poll=content_block_standard_format_17]
  • 18 Things All Nigerians Who Take BRT Buses Will Understand

    18 Things All Nigerians Who Take BRT Buses Will Understand

    1. When you’re buying your ticket and the person says there’s no change.

    You will not build house with all my change please.

    2. When someone forms smart and cuts the line.

    Me I’m here to sell groundnut abi?

    3. Then they lie about being there before and find one mumu to support their story.

    Two of you are foolish.

    4. When someone starts a conversation with you so they can cut the line in front of you.

    LOL, no.

    5. If you’re a girl, one old woman is always there to tell you that you’re dressed improperly.

    Yes. You said so yesterday too.

    6. When you’ve been queueing for the bus since yesterday and it gets full right in front of you.

    I’m not crying.

    7. When there’s traffic and all the passengers are yelling at the driver to take an alternate route.

    Sha don’t pass where they’ll rob us and harvest our kidneys.

    8. Then the driver takes an alternate route and the bus gets stuck in more traffic.

    You people can see what you caused abi?

    9. When you’re in the BRT and you start feeling better than people in yellow buses.

    Obviously, your priorities are not arranged.

    10. When someone says “owa o” in the one of the new buses when they are actually supposed to press the bell.

    You must be new around here.

    11. When you – expert BRT taker – notice too late that they’ve passed your bus stop.

    Oh God!

    12. When the same people you saw yesterday, are there today and now they think you’re all some sort of BRT family.

    They might keep space for you on the line sha.

    13. When a stranger gets too close to you on the bus.

    Sorry, do I know you?

    14. When you’re using your phone and someone is looking into the phone.

    Jesus!

    15. When someone on the bus starts preaching.

    I left yellow buses for this?

    16. When the person next to you tries to chat you up.

    If he/she is fine, listen first sha.

    17. When someone starts eating near you.

    Do you not know this is a confined space?

    18. When the BRT stops in the middle of the road and the driver is asking passengers to help push it.

    Not today, Satan. Thanks to @fosudo for his contribution to this post.
  • A Camp For Internally Displaced People Is Currently Being Renovated And They Need Your Help

    A Camp For Internally Displaced People Is Currently Being Renovated And They Need Your Help

    It takes a lot to restore war survivors physically and emotionally.

    After barely surviving Boko Haram attacks, survivors are placed in Internally Displaced Camps which are been reported to be in terrible conditions.

    Over the past few years, well-meaning Nigerians and NGOs have been helping to rehabilitate people living in the camps.

    Nigerian Twitter user and doctor, Mzseaun, shared pictures of her visit to an IDP camp in Potiskum, Yobe state

    The bullet shellings are only a reminder of what the people experience from time to time.

    The sleeping conditions…

    This bowl of Tuwo that is to feed 150 people.

    How the children in the camps go into town to gather leftover food from dustbins.

    This hole that serves as a toilet.

    Some of the children are currently suffering from malnutrition, cholera and other diseases.

    https://twitter.com/Mzseaun/status/718381114545582080

    She has been treating some of the sick children in the camp.

    And was even on call for 48 straight hours.

    https://twitter.com/Mzseaun/status/718123270982119424

    She has been working in collaboration with Adopt-A-Camp Project which is dedicated to catering for IDPs.

    The project which costs 5 million Naira will aim to provide basic amenities that are currently lacking in the camp.

    However, kind Nigerians have donated 1.7 million which is currently being used to construct boreholes and tents and also pay hospital bills.

    Some of the children are responding to treatment.

    This project has shown the poor living and health conditions in just ONE IDP camp. We can only imagine how bad it could be in other camps.

    You can send donations to GTBank: Account name: Adopt-A-Camp Account number: 0162915391
  • Nigerian Senators Refused To Pass The Gender Equality Bill Because It Will Make Women Prostitutes

    Nigerian Senators Refused To Pass The Gender Equality Bill Because It Will Make Women Prostitutes
    On March 16, 2016, Nigerians received the biggest disappointment yet when the Senate rejected the Gender And Equal Opportunity Bill.

    We wondered why the Senators rejected a Bill that moved for the protection of widows, rape victims and the elimination of discrimination against women.

    Finally, Senator Eyinnaya Abaribe from the Abia South Senatorial District came to our rescue and disclosed that the Bill was rejected because some of the senators were afraid.

    According to him, the senators felt the Bill would make women abandon their responsibilities and become prostitutes and lesbians.

    Unbelievable!!!

    How does empowering women, making laws that prevent them from oppression and rape have to do with prostitution?

    Because it looks like the Senators are actually afraid of independent women with rights.

    When your senators are only good at embarrassing and disappointing you.

    When your senators keep doing nothing except ‘keeping money’ and taking the country backwards.

    We just hope things change soon and Nigerians keep up the fight for equality.

  • 12 Pictures You’ll Understand If You’ve Ever Taken An Okada

    12 Pictures You’ll Understand If You’ve Ever Taken An Okada

    1. When the bikeman is smelling and the breeze decides to blow the body odour into your face.

    Hay God!

    2. Having to pull up your pencil skirt every time.

    Ugh!

    3. When the bike suddenly enters a pothole and you painfully land on your balls.

    *Sheds painful tears*

    4. Getting seriously scammed simply because it’s your first time in the area.

    Baba, fear God na!

    5. When the Okada man swears he knows where you’re going but after 3 trips through the whole of Lagos, he says…

    But you did not forget to scam me oh.

    6. Being unable to pick your phone calls.

    What if it’s my Onigbese that’s calling nko?

    7. Having to hold on to an Okada man’s sweaty waist because you don’t have liver.

    Who liver don epp?

    8. Seeing your crush overtake you with their car in traffic.

    What’s all this now?

    9. When you and bae have to squeeze on one Okada.

    All na romance abeg.

    10. Saying your last prayer everytime you want to ride an Okada in case the rider gets you killed.

    Baba God, abeg!

    11. Seeing an okada accident and swearing never to ride one again.

    Hay God forbid bad thing!

    12. But you still go back because you’d rather not waste away in traffic.

  • 15 Things Nigerians Who Live Abroad Can Relate To

    15 Things Nigerians Who Live Abroad Can Relate To
    Almost every Nigerian that moves overseas either for school or work has faced most of these situations. It’s hard to admit but they are true.

    1. When you convert your salary to Naira

    Rich Gang. Money Squad!

    2. But then realize the amount you are left with after taxes and bills

    Well, let us thank God for life.

    3. And then you realize you are just working to pay bills

    Well there is light, fresh air, good food and good internet. All that matters.

    4. After you pay bills and you get a long WhatsApp text and you spot “Western Union” in it

    Not today please.

    5. When you hear the current exchange rate and its time to go for a brief visit to Nigeria

    We about to make it rain!

    6. When you are trying to do Nigerian bank transactions and they are being difficult

    What do you mean I should send my passport,  drivers license, utility bill, admission letter, left thumb and right eyeball so I can get ordinary ATM card?

    7. You consider moving back but remember that there are no jobs

    I don’t think it is entirely necessary to make that move.

    8. And you remember you may have to queue for fuel and fan yourself to sleep

    I think overseas is beginning to feel like home.

    9. When your non-African mates are always asking if they will be millionaires in Nigeria with $100/£100

    Are you serious? It’s not your fault. What an embarrassment.

    10. But then you have to console yourself that things will change soon

    Because it is okay to deceive oneself.

    11. When you were hoping for change but your president is only changing planes on various trips

    Oshey Mr. World Tour 2016. Gathering Frequent Flyer Miles.

    12. When people start asking “when are you returning”

    Excuse me, are you sending me away? My visa has not expired biko. They aren’t complaining about my presence in the abroad.

    13. Or you hear “come back home and change things”

    Hold on, let me get back to you on that issue.

    14. When you plan a ten-day trip home and your parents say “spend some more time”

    What do you know?

    15. When you are visiting Nigeria and everyone wants you to help bring “something small” back

    What do you mean PlayStation4, a TV and four car lights is “something small”???
  • This Beauty Vlogger’s Opinion On Rape Will Leave You Speechless

    This Beauty Vlogger’s Opinion On Rape Will Leave You Speechless
    Rape is one of the most controversial topics discussed on the internet.

    However, it would be unreasonable to still blame rape victims for getting raped.

    This self-acclaimed Biafran Vlogger, Zara Udochi, who is currently based in Canada, thinks otherwise.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BB1KYiKNmiL/?taken-by=zaraa_u

    She recently shared her thoughts on rape via her Youtube channel and started by giving several shout outs to rape victims.

    According to her, an indecently dressed person is asking for rape.

    She says “If you dress a certain way, and you get raped.. In my opinion you were asking for it”.

    And rape is caused by war and poverty.

    “I know that rape culture is part of wars, I know that when you have wars, it comes with rapes, it comes with looting,  is a part of a regressive society, I know rape is a part of poverty , I know that rape is caused when the economy is not going as it is supposed to.”

    She also believes relationship rapes are not true because the woman probably enjoyed it.

    “There are instances that at that point in time you didn’t want it and the guy probably still had sex with you, you probably still enjoyed it o, you’re now screaming rape, that’s selfish.”

    Wait first…

    When people with international exposure still manage to not have sense.

    https://twitter.com/TinubuTweets/status/719691453455327232?ref_src=

    When she said indecency causes rape.

    Maybe she was trying to climb the internet ‘social ladder’ with her YouTube video.

    You can watch the full video of her opinion here.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wzGHtz302g8

    Well sha, we hope she educates herself on what rape really is and the bitter effects the victims face.

    [zkk_poll post=28214 poll=content_block_standard_format_12]
  • Kenneth Nwadike Jr Is Spreading Love With His Free Hugs Project

    Kenneth Nwadike Jr Is Spreading Love With His Free Hugs Project
    In a world where everyone is angry and always ready to fight something or someone, it takes a lot to believe there is any kindness and love left to share.

    However, Kenneth Nwadike Jr wants to turn things around, one hug at a time.

    It all began at the annual Boston Marathon of 2014 which was only a year after the unfortunate bombing that happened during the previous year’s marathon.

    Ken, who had been disqualified from the race after only 23 seconds held up a “Free Hugs” sign and offered hugs to the runners.

    This move touched many of the runners because the Marathon meant a lot to most of them who had lost a lot during the 2013 marathon bombing. This inspired him to launch his Free Hugs Project as a means of spreading love and also tackling social issues.

    Ken started running as a homeless teenager in high school and secured a scholarship to run Track and Field in college.

    This was followed by a short professional running career with Nike Farm Team Olympic Development Program at Stanford Univeristy.

    Together with his wife, Sabrina, he launched his own sports events company, Superhero events, based in San Diego.

    They organise themed sports events which aim at not only charity but as a means of inspiring the runners into channeling their inner superhero for good. The events also promote general family fitness and health.

    He recently took his campaign to various political rallies in Wisconsin and he met different responses at the Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders rallies.

    A lot of the Trump supporters were outrightly racist and hostile, one of them threatened to punch him if he didn’t support Donald Trump. However, he was received with warmth and open hands by Bernie Sander’s supporters. This video moved people on Facebook to start the hashtag #MakeAmericaLoveAgain which is still trending at the moment.

    People like Kenneth restore our faith in humanity with their efforts at making things around them better. 

    If a black man offering free hugs could be snubbed by Donald Trump’s supporters, we can only imagine how they treat Black men and women who work or live around them.
  • Nigeria Has Been Ranked As The Most Stressful Country In The World

    Nigeria Has Been Ranked As The Most Stressful Country In The World
    In a recent study carried out by Bloomberg, Nigeria was ranked as the most stressful country in the world out of all 74 countries on the list.

    The study considered factors such as GDP per capita, homicide rates, income inequality, unemployment, urban air pollution and life expectancy for the ranking.

    Nigeria was number 1 as a result of high unemployment rate (23.9%) and the 70% stress level.

    Hay God!

    Before you start arguing, is there light in your house?

    How long did you queue to buy the fuel in your generator? (that’s if there’s fuel inside sef).

    Is your job paying you what you really deserve?

    How many hours did you spend in traffic today?

    Is the Boko Haram issue not enough cause for worry?

    Abi FOREX isn’t affecting you in anyway. Let us know so we can come to your house since you’re no longer Nigerian.

    The study has really shown all the wahala happening in the country to the world. We hope things will improve so Nigerians can go back to being one of the happiest groups of people in the world.

  • What The Hell Is Happening In Unilag?

    What The Hell Is Happening In Unilag?
    On April 7, all hell broke loose in University of Lagos as the school was closed down indefinitely by the authorities.

    The students abandoned their lectures to protest the poor water and electricity supply in the school. They also protested on behalf of the students who live off-campus and have difficulty getting to school due to the fuel scarcity wahala.

    The school authorities closed down the school indefinitely and asked all students to vacate the school premises before 10 am on April 8.

    It was alleged that the Student Union locked the school gates on April 8 when the school management closed all the hostels.

    The students trapped in the school premises were pictured passing through a canal in a bid to leave the school premises.

    It was also alleged that the student union president was arrested for being involved in the crisis.

    https://twitter.com/akinolarj/status/718361251366182912

    However, there are many questions this protest raises.

    Because a standard university should have regular supply of water and electricity.

    https://twitter.com/ebuka_akara/status/718357195277135872

    In the end, the students are still the ones at a disadvantage.

    The school shutting down is a direct consequence of the fuel scarcity crisis in Nigeria.

    Could it be that the students were tired of being neglected by the school authorities? Considering the fact that the students had protested a bed bug infestation in the hostels back in 2015.

    This is the first school to shut down as a result of fuel scarcity and erratic fuel supply. We hope things restore to normal before other institutions in the country follow suit.

    [zkk_poll post=27671 poll=content_block_standard_format_11]
  • 9 Points That Prove Nigerians Don’t Have Time To Form Ajebo

    9 Points That Prove Nigerians Don’t Have Time To Form Ajebo
    A Twitter account run by a British man, The Royal Butler, dedicated to teaching people etiquette was recently discovered by Nigerians. And as expected, they trolled the hell out of the poor, proper British man. These 9 responses to his tweets show that poshness and propriety are too stressful for Nigerians:

    1. Men are supposed to sit straight with their legs crossed…

    Please, how can someone sit down properly after wasting away in traffic for 4 hours?

    2. It’s not proper to order more than the person that invites you to eat.

    But some Nigerian girls will bring all their friends to come and eat awoof food.

    3. The proper time for breakfast is between 8am-10am.

    Who having proper breakfast between 8-10 am epp? When someone is already in the staff bus at 5:30 am.

    4. The Ajebo way of greeting people is by asking “How do you do?”.

    How can you ask Nigerians to ask “How do you do?”, when you can just say “Guy, how far?”

    5. Eating with forks, knives and spoons is the proper thing to do.

    Eating properly with knife, fork and napkin is too much stress abeg. Did your hands and stainless steel spoon break?

    6. Dunking biscuit in tea is not cool.

    We know dunking biscuit in tea is not posh. But dunking soft Agege bread in your thick cup of Milo is the bomb, argue with your dead palate please.

    https://twitter.com/salewakudaisi/status/718017710303617024

    7. It is only proper to arrive no more than 15 minutes late to an event.

    But who all that epp, when you can just arrive in time for small chops and Jollof.

    https://twitter.com/NEPA_Lagos/status/718158132397129728

    8. Using phones during meals is not proper.

    We know picking calls during dinner is rude oh, but what if Baba God is calling somebody’s phone at dinner?

    9. Men should rise when a woman steps into the room.

    But Nigerian men will just send you into the kitchen.

    https://twitter.com/missPrizzle/status/718058760363765760
  • When Pounded Yam And Egusi Cause The Biggest Fight On The Internet

    When Pounded Yam And Egusi Cause The Biggest Fight On The Internet
    There are over 7 billion people on earth today with obviously diverse cultures and ways of life. But why should food cause a huge fight  between people of different nationalities?

    It all started when Love & Hip-Hop Star, Tammy Rivera shared a picture of a plate of Pounded Yam and Egusi on her Instagram.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BD2K6LZTUUT/?taken-by=charliesangelll

    Those who found it disgusting commented saying the egusi looked really nasty.

    And Nigerians brought the rage of their ancestors (and fuel queues), calling them slaves for daring to bash their beloved Egusi soup.

    And then it became a full blown war between Nigerians and anybody that thought Egusi looked gross.

    Some Nigerians bashed other people’s foods.

    And people’s education and English speaking skills were questioned.

    When did weaves and make up have anything to do with Egusi soup?

    And while this messy fight was going on, Tammy explained to a fan who really wanted to know how she fell in love with Egusi.

    Why are they cursing themselves on another person’s Instagram page over food?

    When people that have to queue all night for fuel are calling people with constant supply of electricity slaves.

    Not even all Nigerians like Egusi soup but Nigerians still went in to fight like…

    When you try to ignorantly bash a Nigerian food but Nigerians came for you like..

    Not all foods will be appealing to everybody, we all have our different preferences. However, people should learn about other cultures before commenting or simply just unlook!