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Pelumi Nubi has finally completed her ambitious drive from London to Lagos on Sunday, April 7, 2024, traversing 17 countries in over 68 days before reaching her final destination. At the University of Lagos, the 29-year-old arrived to massive fanfare from supporters who’d followed her story since she set out in January.
While Nubi is currently getting her flowers, she joins a list of other brave Nigerians who have embarked on long-distance adventures.
Akpevwe Ogboru
An officer of the Nigerian Customs Service, Akpevwe Ogboru, made history in 2023 as the first woman to embark on a journey through 12 African countries on a motorcycle. Akpevwe commenced from Lagos on November 10, 2023, and arrived at the Seme-Krake border post, a crossing point between Benin Republic and Nigeria, on December 3, 2023. She covered an impressive distance of over 8,000 km, making stops in Benin, Togo, Ghana, Cote d’Ivoire, Liberia, Sierra Leone, Guinea-Bissau, Senegal, Gambia, Mali, Burkina Faso and Togo.
Babatunde Tomori
In 2022, UK-based Nigerian, Babatunde Tomori, drove a Volkswagen passenger bus, the brand most often used for danfo, from London to Lagos. He set out in June 2022 and arrived in Nigeria on August 5, 2022. The adventurer admitted that the journey took two months and some weeks because he got distracted during some of the stops.
Abubakar Duduwale
In 2015, Abubakar Duduwale caught the attention of many Nigerians after embarking on a long-distance trek in honour of President-elect Muhammadu Buhari. Duduwale trekked 788 km from Yola to Abuja for Buhari’s swearing-in ceremony. “The reason why I am trekking from Yola to Abuja is to express my joy and solidarity with President-elect Muhammadu Buhari.“ Despite going over 18 days by foot, he, unfortunately, didn’t get to meet the president.
Akinrodoye Dare
In a bid to raise awareness for mental health issues, Nigerian swimming coach, Akinrodoye Dare, swam the 11.8 km (Mainland Oworonshoki to Island Adeniji Adele) length of the Third Mainland Bridge in Lagos on Saturday, March 30, 2024. He completed the ambitious swim in two hours and 33 minutes, making him the first Lagosian to record the impressive feat.
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Fehintoluwa Okegbenle
In January 2022, Fehintoluwa Okegbenle, a female Nigerian biker, traversed 22 states in the country on her power bike. She completed the ride in seven days and made stops in Ogun, Oyo, Osun, Ekiti Kogi, Abuja, Kaduna, Kano and Taraba, among other states. During an interview, Fehintola said the ride was inspired by her love for adventure and a need to give life to tourism in Nigeria.
Hafsah Olayemi
Nine months after she started biking, Nigerian immigration officer, Babatunde Hafsah Olayemi, became the first female biker to visit all 19 northern Nigerian states in one stretch. Out of curiosity about the North and her love for adventure, Hafsah kicked off from Abeokuta on June 4, 2023, and spent the next two weeks on the ambitious ride, covering about 5920 km.
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Kunle Adeyanju
UK-based Kunle Adeyanju made history in 2022 after he motorcycled from London to Lagos to raise awareness for polio. Adeyanju commenced his journey on April 19, 2022, and spent the next 40 days traversing 16 countries before he arrived in Lagos, Nigeria, on May 29, 2022. He covered about 12,000 km, visiting France, Spain, Morocco, Casablanca, Mauritania, Cote d’Ivoire and Accra, among other countries.
Over the last two weeks, Fisayo Soyombo, an investigative journalist working to uncover the corruption in Nigeria, brought the covert and blatant corruption of the Nigerian Customs Services to light.
Who is Fisayo Soyombo?
A Nigerian investigative journalist known for his undercover work in Nigeria’s criminal justice system. He is the Founder/Editor-in-Chief of the Foundation for Investigative Journalism (FIJ).
In his investigative journey, he has spent five days undercover as a suspect in a police cell and eight as an inmate in Ikoyi Prison to expose corruption.
Soyombo also drove the equivalent of a stolen vehicle from Abuja to Lagos, passing 86 checkpoints to investigate bribery. He’s also investigated the abandonment of soldiers injured in battle against Boko Haram and the corruption in the handling of corpses at government-run mortuaries and cemeteries. In 2019, Soyombo went undercover for three weeks as a patient at the Federal Neuropsychiatric Hospital in Yaba, Lagos.
With the work Fisayo has done, he has been able to cause impact in a few leading to the release of unjustly imprisoned people, treatment of neglected soldiers, arrest of corrupt police officers and commendations from the ex-governor and minister of interior – Ogbeni Rauf Aregbesola among other awards. In other cases, the government has either promised to investigate or dismissed the case.
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What did he uncover about the Nigerian Customs?
Posing as a smuggler in 2022, Fisayo discovered that the Nigerian Customs Service is ridden with corruption. In a report published on February 21, 2024, he stated that he illegally imported 100 bags of rice in November 2022 from the Republic of Benin into Nigeria without facing resistance from security operatives because some NCS officials were paid.
Soyombo linked up with a smuggler who provided insider information about how the customs officers moved, enabling him to transport the rice between Nigeria and the Benin Republic through the forest using motorcycles.
He found that smugglers can bring anything into Nigeria without consequence as long as they pay bribes to customs officers. These officers provide insider information to smugglers, further facilitating smuggling activities. According to Fisayo, the major stakeholders in this ring of corruption include popular businessman, IBD Dende, and Comptroller Hussein Ejigbunu, among other officers of the customs services.
His findings have sparked social media discussions about the need for reform within the agency and the broader issue of corruption in Nigeria.
The Nigerian Customs Services respond
The Nigerian Customs Services hasn’t officially responded to these revelations. However, they have probed a comptroller. The Nigerian police have also investigated FIJ’s board director – Bukola Shonibare under the guise of an invitation.
The Police also demanded that FIJ’s board provide Fisayo Soyombo for investigation. IBD Dende also filed a pre-action statement against Fisayo Soyombo on grounds of defamation and character assassination with a demand for ₦500 million in damages and a retraction of the published report.
Like many X users on Easter Monday, I woke up to the perpetual chaos that’s plagued the microblogging platform since Elon Musk took the reins. This time, a strange buzzword left me and millions of other users confused. The word? Stainless — a new coinage for “celibacy” common among Nigerian men who’ve relocated and find it hard to get laid. I was intrigued by the sheer number of people abroad who revealed that they now juggle between celibacy and self-pleasure.
I spent the next few days looking for subjects to share their experiences with forced celibacy. It was during my journo quest that I found Feranmi*.
As Told To Adeyinka
I relocated to Finland in mid-2023. It was a bittersweet move because, on the one hand, I was excited to finally escape Nigeria, but on the other hand, I was leaving everything I’d known in all my 27 years. This was scary for me. I remember my mum saying, “Will you kuku stay back?” Everyone who knows me knows I struggle to make friends or form new relationships, so a recurring question in my head was, “How will I survive?”
To make matters worse, my girlfriend said we should call it quits because she couldn’t do long distance. I tried to get her to visit for one last memorable time together before I travelled, but she didn’t come.
When I arrived in Finland, it was just like I feared. I stayed with my cousin, and in the first few weeks, he was on leave. He resumed work the second week, and that was when the loneliness kicked in. At first, I felt I could handle it because I could go days all alone at home in Nigeria. I was so wrong. There’s something different about the loneliness here. It’s that feeling of knowing you won’t get random visitors, spot someone you know or just have the assurance of familiar strangers in your street.
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I soon started to get mad horny, which was strange because I wasn’t even thinking of sex. I mean, I’d broken up, was in a new country… I’d accepted it would take a while to get laid. But I kept getting awkward erections. Since I couldn’t put the feelings off, the easiest thing to do was wank. And the thing is, I wasn’t much of a wanker in Nigeria. I had my girlfriend, and our sex life was good.
Here? I’ve beaten my meat to submission, and it doesn’t excite me anymore.
I haven’t even tried to put myself out there because where will I start? I don’t have a job yet, so I hardly meet anyone besides neighbours, shop attendants and passersby. Most of the folks around here speak Finnish and have a strong “Minding my business” aura.
The other day, I sent a DM to a Finnish lady on IG who I followed before I left Nigeria. She responded in Finnish. I had to translate on Google to respond, which made our chat stressful. We still text, but we’ve never made it past pleasantries and “Miten loydat suomen? (“How do you find Finland?”)
My cousin also doesn’t help matters. He’s about ten years older, and we have a good relationship but not one where we freely talk about girls or relationships. He’s married and still trying to bring his wife and child over from Nigeria, so I can’t be talking about my need for sex with him.
I’ve accepted my fate. But I recently joined this Nigerian Twitter community for people in Finland, and I’m hopeful. Although I’ve heard it’s not easy to date a Naija babe here if you’re still hustling, I know they must also have intimate needs. It just takes finding the right person and letting them know you’re in it for real.
These days, I don’t bother to wank because it’s gotten boring. But I never thought about it as going “Stainless” until I saw the Twitter convo. I guess that’s what it is. The last time I wanked was in January.
Are you an Igbo man who wants to serenade his wife every time you call her name? Do you want her cheeks to turn a bright red whenever she hears her name?
Surely, you know you can’t achieve this level of hot romance with just her government name. If you are out there for name options that’ll make her melt a little, you’re in luck. We’ve compiled a list of 30 sweet Igbo names to call your wife.
Anyanwu Ututu
It means “morning sun”, and it’s the cutest way to let her know she lightens up your world.
Achalugo
If you’ve found yourself a woman with a royal bloodline.
Odim N’obi
It means “The one in my heart”. This name will let her know she’s got no rival.
Ifeoma
It means a good thing. And you know what they say about he who finds a wife? Exactly.
Nwanyin Oma
If she’s a good woman by all ramifications.
Nne
It’s short, loving and tender.
Honim
Let’s just say this is the Igbo version of “Honey”.
Akwa Ugo
It means precious eagle egg. Ask yourself, is she not the most precious person in your life?
Ego Oyinbo
If your woman is a cash madam that makes it rain.
Mma Nkem Obi’m
This might be a mouthful but it means “The beauty of my heart”. So sweet.
Eze Nwanyin Obi’m
Another mouthful which means “Queen of My Heart”.
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Mma
Use this name if her beauty is second to none.
Nke’m
It means “My Own”. No better way to reassure your woman.
Sweetim
This is the Igbo version of “Sweety”.
Onu Ugu M
It means “The tender end of the Ugu leaf”. This name is a way of letting your woman know she’s delicate and pretty.
Obi’m
It means “My heart”. Ask yourself, is she not?
Ukwu Venza
If your woman is endowed with a big behind.
Omalicha
Because in your eyes, she’s the most beautiful woman that walks this earth.
Ugoeze
It means “The King’s pride”. Use this name if you’re a royal who’s found the absolute LOYL.
Tomato Jos
No better way to let her know she’s the fairest in the land.
Nwanyi Murumu
It means “My precious one”.
Olu gbajie
This cheeky Igbo name means “Neck break for your beauty”. Call your woman this as a constant reminder of how hot she is.
Asampete
This Igbo name means “My beautiful woman”. It’s another way of appreciating her beauty.
Apunanwu
It means “You don’t go under the sun”. Use this name if you want your wife to know she’s not one to stress.
Oyoyo M
This one means “My dearest one”.
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Obi di ya
This name means “Her husband’s heart”. Use it to constantly remind your woman that she’s all that matters to you.
Akwa Ugo
It’s Igbo for “Eagle’s egg”. And one thing about this particular type of egg? It’s precious and highly cherished.
Ifenkili
It’s Igbo for “Beauty to behold”.
Asa Nwa
Another way of appreciating your woman’s beauty in Igbo. It means “Beautiful child”.
Oriaku M
Only use this name if you’re an Odogwu because it means “Spender of my money”.
Your heart should melt a little every time your boyfriend’s name pops on the screen. If this isn’t the case for you, you’re doing something wrong in your relationship. The good thing is that we know just how to fix this problem.
Here are 60 cute names for your boyfriend on your mobile phone.
1. Big head
It doesn’t matter if his head is small.
2. Baby
He might be 20 years older, but he’ll always be your baby.
3. Sweety pie
Before you roll your eyes, is he a pie or not?
4. Akanni
If he’s a traditional Yoruba man.
5. Mine
Think about it —who else dares lay claim to him?
6. Zaddy
If he’s a sugar daddy that plows your farmland efficiently.
7. Beau
A little French vibe is sexy AF.
8. My Everything
Because without him, you cannot exist.
9. Idunnu mi
It means “My happiness” in Yoruba.
10. Cash cow
If he’s your personal money minting machine
11. Personal mumu
If he worships the ground you tread.
12. Chief Daddy
If he’s a sugar daddy.
13. Odogwu
If he’s a businessman that rains cash on you unprovoked.
14. Ayanfe mi
Another one for the Yoruba demons. It means “My chosen one”.
15. Dearly Beloved
If y’all love story is nothing short of a Shakespearean affair.
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16. Lover boy
If he’s head over heels in love.
17. Wizzy Baby
If you’re a Wizkid fan, your boo is your personal Wizzy Baby
Some Nigerian universities will boldly include architecture in their list of available courses but the question is, are they practising what they’ve promised to teach?
I decided to start from the basics and check the main gate structure of 13 Nigerian public universities. Here’s what I found.
Federal University of Technology, Minna
Is it a TETFUND abandoned project?r Is it a buy one, get one free low budget estate? I’m not sure what I’m looking at.
Obafemi Awolowo University
Not sure what they set out to achieve with this high rise structure, but I know I’ll be far from excited if I show up at my prospective university and find the gate looking like this.
University of Ilorin
I’m not going to be fooled by the “Better by Far” signage, this main gate is only slightly better than OAU’s.
University of Nigeria, Nsukka
I think management wanted a little hint of dystopian architecture, but I’m not quite sure they hit the mark.
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Enugu State University
They’re on this spot because I’ve decided to let the saturation in this photo fool me.
Federal University of Owerri
The uneven trees, the sparse garden, the weird spacing of the name…It’s just not giving.
University of Calabar
This is what I envision anytime I hear or read about the “Wall of Jericho”. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing.
University of Jos
There’s a chance I’m being fooled by the little garden they have going on, but something about this main gate doesn’t scream “You gon see shege”.
University of Benin
There’s something about this gate that is too similar to the semi-permanent eyebrows you find on Yoruba Nollywood actresses. They also get a C-minus for that sparsely cultivated garden.
Federal University of Agriculture (FUNAAB)
Is it me or this gate is giving a mix of the Bermuda Triangle and the Eye of Providence? Anyway, they get a decent C+ for their little garden.
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University of Lagos
Is that a GeePee tank in the frame? God, abeg. Anyway, UNILAG makes it this far up the list because of that digital clock. I think it’s a super cool touch.
Kwara State University
At first glance, it looks like a lot is going on. But you know what? I’ll take it over all the other ones we’ve seen.
University of Ibadan
If you can ignore the military outpost vibe, they get a solid B+ for this architecture. It’s grand, very “In your face” and has a lot of greenery.
Between 2020 to 2024, several bills and pleas have reached the Nigerian Senate regarding the use of firearms. The most recent bill came from Senator Ned Nwoko in January 2024. His bill called for the introduction of a law allowing civilians in Nigeria to own and carry firearms for self-defence stating insecurity as a major reason.
The requirements necessary for owning these firearms as proposed by Senator Nwoko included references from medical doctors, endorsement from local government officials, certification from traditional leaders, and confirmation by the Divisional Police Officer to verify the absence of criminal involvement among others. While this bill has passed its first reading and garnered strong support from other prominent figures, recent events paint this bill as a bad idea.
On Saturday, March 30 2024, the bodies of three dead and four injured children were recovered after a gunpowder explosion in Taraba state. The Commissioner of Police, Taraba State Command, CP David Iloyanomon confirmed the incident happened in Didango Geita, a community in Karim Lamido Local Government Area of Taraba State.
What’s the full story?
The seven victims had reportedly gone to help on a rice farm belonging to the grandfather of one of the deceased. Things took a different turn when an explosion was heard at the site. The eyewitness who reported the event, Mallam Audu Danjuma, said the villagers broke into a panic thinking it was an IED explosion and contacted the police.
However, CP David Iloyonomon refuted this claim stating it was a gunpowder explosion from a Dane gun triggered by the children. According to him, the anti-bomb unit has carried out a thorough investigation and confirmed this. The Police commissioner further explained that a bombing or dynamite explosion would have blasted the children’s bodies beyond recognition, leaving no survivors. The positioning of the children’s bodies and pellets of gunpowder found at the scene also supports the police’s findings. This paints a clear picture of what happened and takes away the possibility of an IED explosion or an assailant.
The deceased children, all below the age of 12, were identified as Miracle Danjuma, Liyacheyan Bitrus, and Kefas Bitrus. The injured children, Joseph Danjuma, Leah Aluda, Godbless Hassan, and Christian Hassan, are receiving treatment at the state’s specialist hospital in Jalingo, the state capital.
This brings to question whether firearms are a solution to Nigeria’s insecurity problems or the beginning of many possible problems with accidents like this being one of them. Can the Senate trust Nigerians to only use guns for self-defence and to keep them far away from children or should we potentially expect more cases like this?
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
“Do crypto with Quidax and win from a $60K QDX prize pool!” Bayo, a 28-year-old Lagosian tells Jide, his Ibadan friend seeking the most secure way to trade crypto in Nigeria after a major exchange he trades with announced its plans to leave the country. Find out more here.
What’s your earliest memory of money?
I don’t have a specific money memory apart from spending my pocket money on books and two-for-₦5 sweets. I grew up privileged, so I didn’t have to think about money. It was just there.
Tell me more about your privilege.
My dad owned a law firm, and my mum didn’t have to work, so that should give you an idea. My pocket money in secondary school was ₦1,500/week, and my school provided lunch, so I was just spending on books, snacks and whatever else I liked.
My dad was pretty strict with money, though. I have five siblings, and we used to spend every summer vacation in England. During those six-week trips, my dad would give me a £500 allowance I had to use to shop for outing clothes for the rest of the year. He’d occasionally give the extra £50 for cinema outings or to go on the bus, but I had to run him through everything I planned to do so he’d approve. He had a particular way of doing things, and my siblings and I had to do exactly like he said to remain in his good books.
Fast forward to 2007, I finished secondary school and went on to do two years of college in the UK — a prerequisite to study medicine at university. After college, my dad said I had to study law like him or return to Nigeria.
What did you choose?
Law in the UK. I didn’t want to lose the freedom I had in England. Even if he’d said I should do animal dentistry, I’d have done it.
My monthly allowance was £500 in my first year in 2009, which was enough to cover my phone bills, food and transportation. But there was hardly anything left at month’s end because I also liked spending on things that made my life easier — I still do. Small rain would fall, and I’d pick taxis instead of waiting for the bus.
Then, I’d manage whatever I had left till the month’s end because I couldn’t call home for more money.
Why not?
I’d have to explain to my dad where the money went, and I’m uncomfortable asking people for money. Maybe it’s pride, but I’d rather not do it.
By the time I left uni in 2012, my allowance had increased to £900, but I still had money problems. I’d also developed a taste for retail therapy, so that didn’t help. I returned to Nigeria with zero savings. Then I went to law school and started working for my dad at his law firm during NYSC in 2014.
Were you paid a salary at your dad’s firm?
Oh, yes. My dad treated me like a regular employee. I was paid ₦150k/month — the same amount he paid every entry-level lawyer. He got me a car so I could drive myself to the firm though.
The funny thing was that he didn’t show me any favouritism at work but expected so much from me. Other lawyers would go home after regular work hours, and I’d have to stay until 10 p.m. if he was still in the office. When we’d eventually leave, he’d drive with his police escort and leave me to drive alone at night. I didn’t have any free time; I was almost always working.
Then, I had to leave the firm in 2016.
What happened?
I got pregnant, and my dad wanted me to get an abortion. It wasn’t a teenage pregnancy o — I was 24, and he knew my boyfriend. He just wanted me to do things the way he wanted. He even promised to upgrade my car to an SUV and fully sponsor my wedding if I did as he said.
But I didn’t want to live like that for the rest of my life; always doing whatever he said. So, I refused, and he disowned me. I lost my job and car and had to leave the house. My dad and I haven’t spoken since. My siblings are also not allowed to contact me.
Damn. What did that mean for you?
I moved in with my boyfriend. He worked in construction — still does — but his contracts didn’t come every month. He could get a ₦5m job today and then nothing else for a while. We went through a rough patch because of that. We were also saving every income that came in for me to have the baby in America. I didn’t think the America thing was necessary, but I went with it.
Also, I was suddenly very aware that I didn’t have money. Money was always there, but now it wasn’t. I was almost always ill during pregnancy, and the electricity supply in his area was terrible. We had to sleep without light multiple times because there was no money to fuel the generator. I wasn’t used to that, and it was tough adapting. It was a depressing period.
Sorry you went through that.
Thank you. My boyfriend and I had a registry wedding, and I travelled to America to have my baby. We had family there, so it worked out.
We made the best decision choosing America because my child was born with genetic defects that required surgery. Obamacare was still effective in the state where I had my child, so we got the surgeries and other healthcare benefits for free. We only paid for the birth, and that saved us about $250,000 in medical bills. I stayed in America for about a year before returning to Nigeria in 2017.
Did you try returning to the workforce?
Yes. I started job-hunting immediately. But I ran into a couple of issues. Law was my only experience, so I inevitably applied to law firms. But my dad is quite known in legal circles because of some high-profile cases he’d worked on.
Once prospective employers connected the dots and realised I was related to him, they were no longer interested. One even said I was coming to spy for my dad. Of course, I couldn’t go around telling everyone he disowned me so they’d trust me. They just couldn’t understand why I’d leave my dad’s firm to work elsewhere. After a while, I told myself that pursuing a law career wasn’t possible. It’s a good thing it wasn’t even my passion.
That’s wild. What did you do?
I started looking for “any work”. Anything to put on my CV. In 2018, I got a ₦25k/month business development role at an insurance company. I was promoted within two months to business development manager, and my salary increased to ₦40k. I also had a 7.5% commission on sales, so sometimes I made up to ₦100k in salary and commissions. I left the job after nine months because I didn’t like sales. It’s like walking up to people to beg them to give you money.
I feel you.
In my next job, I worked as a user researcher at a bank for ₦100k/month. My goal was to cross the ₦150k salary I earned while at my dad’s law firm to prove I could earn it on my own. He’d said I wouldn’t survive without him, and I wanted to prove him wrong.
I figured the quickest way to earn more was by upskilling, so I began to invest in online courses around user experience. I spent almost two years at the bank before I moved to another job in 2021. This one paid ₦189k after taxes, and I used my first two salaries to pay for a ₦200k Udacity course. To me, investing in my career was a better decision than trying to save.
Why did you think so?
I wasn’t earning enough to save. If I saved ₦50k/month, for instance, I’d only have ₦600k at the end of the year. It still wouldn’t make sense even if I got a 15% interest. But I can take that same ₦50k to invest in a course and work on getting a new role that pays five times what I was earning.
I got that advice from someone on Twitter and ran with it. I got another UX research job in 2022; my salary was ₦350k/month. By the time I left the job in 2023, I’d been promoted a couple of times, and my salary was ₦500k. Between 2022 and 2023, I spent about ₦2m on an education program with an international business school.
That’s a long way beyond your ₦150k goal
I’d have been excited to earn ₦350k in 2012. I mean, that money could take you to Dubai. I should’ve felt like I could finally relax, but the fluctuating exchange rate meant I couldn’t even enjoy the fact that I was earning more. It’s even worse now.
It’s the reason I decided to work towards earning in dollars. Towards the end of 2023, I started writing and sharing what I’d learned from my multiple courses on LinkedIn. A content manager reached out, and I got a gig — $350 for every technical article I write for their blog.
I’ve written at least one article a month since then. I did two articles in March and hope to keep that up. But I started another full-time job in January, and I’m a mum of two now, so it’s a lot to juggle.
How much does the new job pay?
₦1.5m/month, which is great because I’ve finally started saving. Since January, I’ve saved my dollar earnings in a domiciliary account and one-third of my naira earnings in a fintech savings account. I’ve also considered saving my dollars in a fintech platform to earn interest, but my challenge is having to buy the dollars on their platform. Why can’t I just transfer from my domiciliary account? I might just open a dollar-denominated mutual fund account and leave my savings there. I’m open to suggestions from whoever reads this sha. What should I do with my dollars?
I’ll be sure to ask them. How much have you saved right now?
$1,500. I recently took $500 out of it to treat my husband on his birthday. I’m looking to start saving half of my salary monthly, but I’m currently running a part-time Master’s program and eyeing a ₦750k course, so the saving plan is still just a plan.
Do you have a saving goal?
I’m saving because spending the whole money wouldn’t make sense. My husband handles most of the bills. If I ever have to save for something big, it’ll probably be buying a house or my kids’ education.
Japa might be an option, but my husband’s business is here, so we’ll need to put a lot of thought into it before deciding to leave.
How would you describe your relationship with money?
I’m still learning. I want to say I have it all figured out, but I really don’t. I’m not frivolous, but I definitely need better money management skills. For instance, every time I get a salary bump, apart from thinking about courses, I’m also considering what I can do to appreciate the people around me. Like, how do I appreciate my husband? Or make my kids’ lives better? I even increased the salaries of my housekeepers and security guard.
I want to save more because I might not have a choice with how inflation is going. I can’t confidently say earning ₦1.5m will still be considered a good salary in the next three years. So, I need to improve my savings and investment portfolio even as I try to earn more. Again, I’m open to financial advice.
Apart from saving, what other lifestyle changes have come with earning more?
Not much. My kids are still my biggest expense. My husband handles most of the bills; I just pay for food and the random things my kids need. I also have two housekeepers — over 18 — who go to school and some other vocational training, so I give them pocket money and handle expenses like their clothes and hospital bills. My husband pays them salaries, but they save it.
Can we break down these expenses into a typical month?
Most of my black tax expenses are spent on my kids’ teachers, house staff, and in-laws. My husband and I also contribute about ₦30k – ₦50k each to purchase monthly welfare packages (mostly foodstuff) and share with underprivileged people in my neighbourhood. The economy is terrible, and it’s our way of easing other people’s burdens.
Talking about the economy, I’m always shocked by my food expenses. When I was earning ₦100k, grocery shopping was like ₦50k in a month. Why am I spending more than triple that for almost the same things now?
Omo. I can’t answer that. What’s an unplanned expense you made recently?
I renewed my car’s comprehensive insurance and passport in February. The renewal wasn’t unexpected; it was the increased fee, especially for the car insurance. When my husband bought the car two years ago, insurance was around ₦180k.
It moved to ₦350k in January 2023, and now it’s ₦430k. Usually, my husband pays, but I offered to do it because I’d just gotten my new salary. The passport renewal was for a 10-year validity period, and I paid to fast-track it. It cost ₦140k.
What’s an ideal salary you think you should be earning now?
$5k/month. I see it as something I need to work towards rather than something I’m owed. I’ll be set for life if I can earn a minimum of $5k/month for the next 10 – 20 years. I don’t need to become a billionaire or make it so my kids don’t have to work a day in their lives before I’ll be fulfilled.
In fact, I want my kids to work and know the value of money. I want them to enjoy, but they should also know what it takes to get what they enjoy and be responsible contributors to society.
Is there anything you want right now but can’t afford?
A number of things, actually. I want to own my own home someday and have enough money to take a family vacation every two years. I’d also like to be able to afford to put my house keepers through school till university comfortably. Same for my kids as well, preferably outside the country.
How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?
6. I can afford my basic needs, but I don’t think there’s enough structure in place yet to give my children and family the life I want for them. There’s promise, though. I just need to keep going the way I am.
The funny thing is, if you’d asked me how happy I’d be earning ₦1.5m last year when I was still on ₦500k, I’d have said a 10. It’s good to have something else to look forward to, though.
I’m curious. Do you think you’ll ever reconcile with your dad?
A part of me wants us to, but I know he can be quite problematic and controlling, and I don’t want issues. I miss my siblings, but the only way I can have a relationship with them is if I get back on my dad’s good side. Maybe it’s better like this.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
On Wednesday, March 27, 2024, an incident between KFC represented by the manager at their outlet in the Murtala Mohammed Airport and the son of the former Ogun state governor, Adebola Daniels, broke into the limelight. The Federal Airports Authority of Nigeria (FAAN) acted swiftly and shut down the branch barely a day later on Thursday, March 28, 2024. The incident has sparked public reaction and criticism. Here’s everything we know about the situation.
What went down between KFC and Debola Daniels?
The issue between Debola Daniels and KFC stemmed from an incident where KFC denied access to Adebola Daniel, the son of former Ogun State Governor Gbenga Daniel, who uses a wheelchair. Adebola Daniel shared his experience of being asked to leave the KFC premises at the Murtala Muhammed Airport in Lagos because of KFC’s “No wheelchairs allowed,” policy. He described this experience as humiliating and discriminative towards people with disabilities.
In his open message to KFC, Debola asks if he is not human enough to eat at the restaurant.
Debola Daniel via X
What reaction did this get?
This incident prompted a reaction from the Minister of Aviation, Festus Keyamo, who announced the shutdown of the KFC outlet following an investigation that confirmed the allegations of discrimination against Adebola Daniel by the Director of Public Affairs and Consumer Protection at FAAN. The only penalty on the list was a public apology.
Some individuals took to Twitter to disagree with this penalty, stating that an apology would not cut it as KFC violated the law through their actions.
What does KFC have to say about this?
Taking to their Twitter account, KFC released a statement about the incident reinforcing the management’s stand against bias and discrimination and assuring the public that they are training their staff to be more inclusive and servicing to guests regardless of their status and ability.
While Nigerians await KFC’s public apology as directed by FAAN, you can join the conversation on our WhatsApp channel here.
President Bola Ahmed Tinubu is barely a year into his reign and is already arguably the most critiqued president of Nigeria. One of his lesser-known but still highly criticised actions is his response to the Republic of Niger’s current political instability.
What happened between Nigeria and the Republic of Niger?
On July 26, 2023, junta forces took over President Mohamed Bazoum’s government through a coup. In a bid to return things to order, the ECOWAS imposed sanctions spearheaded by President Tinubu.
However, these sanctions have affected both Niger and Nigeria, disrupting cross-border trade and causing economic hardship in both countries. They have also hindered regional stability and counter-terrorism initiatives in which both countries were involved. What started as an effort to control political turmoil has created multiple problems in that region of West Africa.
What were the sanctions placed on Niger?
The sanctions included the closure of land and air borders, freezing of assets in the ECOWAS Central Bank, suspension of commercial and financial transactions between ECOWAS member states and Niger, freezing of state enterprises in commercial banks, freezing of service transactions, including utility services, and a no-fly zone for commercial flights to and from Niger.
What is Nigeria’s business there?
Our President, Bola Ahmed Tinubu, is the sitting chairman of the ECOWAS. And the sanctions with the most effect on Niger’s socio-economic decline are Nigeria’s decision to cut off electricity supply to Niger and close the borders between us.
As the chairman, President Tinubu was instrumental in the decision-making of the ECOWAS board. He received criticism for initially taking forceful measures that affected the trade and security of Nigerian states sharing borders with Niger. Once the border was reopened, he received praise from the Northern governors forum whose states had been most affected in Nigeria.
What’s the current situation?
The ECOWAS sanctions against the Niger Republic were lifted on February 24, 2024, on humanitarian grounds, with the hope of fostering dialogue with the military junta in Niger, Mali and Guinea and improving the socio-economic conditions in the region.
The land and air borders between ECOWAS countries and Niger, the No Fly Zone for all commercial flights to and from the country and the suspension of all commercial and financial transactions between ECOWAS member states and Niger have all been lifted.
Public reaction
While some political analysts, like Idayat Hassan, welcome the decision to lift the sanctions, others doubt its impact. Some others believe the ban should have never happened in the first place and that lifting it is a sign of weakness from the ECOWAS, which the junta will exploit.
Do you think ECOWAS could’ve done better, or President Tinubu could’ve managed a better compromise?
As if the audacity to con people out of their life savings unprovoked isn’t enough, internet fraudsters AKA “yahoo boys” love to take on names that leave little to imagination. Yes, they want you to know they’ve made it, otherwise why would any sane Nigerian answer Pablo Richie?
Once I heard that one, I had to take a deep dive into yahoo boy names, and here’s what I found.
Pablo
These ones have convinced themselves that they’re on the same wealth level as the famous cocaine drug lord, Pablo Escobar. Their babes always go by Olori Pablo.
Pablo Richie
Think of them as the pro-max version of Pablo. You’ll easily recognise them by their gold cuban necklaces.
Aremo Gucci
AKA Prince of Gucci. Their shoes? Gucci. Bedsheet? Gucci. Boxers? Gucci. Flip flops? Gucci. You get the drift?
Sinzu
These ones spend money with zero caution because they know there’s always another client to scam.
Cash Money
Internet fraudsters that go by this name are literal money bags. They move around with bundles of different currencies. If you’ve ever seen anyone post random pictures with bundles of cash, that’s Cash Money.
Young Money
They’re entry level yahoo boys who came into sudden money after shadowing older yahoo boys for a long time. They’re sometimes fresh out of senior secondary school.
Brain Child
These ones would thrive in academia, but they’d rather apply their talents to fraud. They’re usually scouted and groomed by older yahoo boys who can’t deal with the mental gymnastics of cooking up fake documents.
Bullion Van
Similar to Cash Money, they move around with hefty sums inside their cars, bags and wallets.
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Wall Street
They’re the corporate internet fraudsters. They could scam an entire nation beside you and you wouldn’t suspect a thing.
CryptoBillions
These ones are new school internet fraudsters with a speciality in cryptocurrency.
Ghost
They just want to scam people and fall back into their shell. They don’t want to be known or associated with anybody.
Hushpuppi
Proteges of famous Nigerian internet fraudster, Hushpuppi, they wish to be like him so bad — minus the getting caught part.
Papi Chaser
The yahoo boy who connects yahoo boys. He has all the latest updates, knows all the right people and is basically the plug.
Magic Fingers
Think of him as the secretary-in-chief. He knows everything about forging high-level documents and also offers crisis management services.
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Rich OG
These ones are the ancient of days. They may not be the richest, but they’re not to be disrespected.
Femi Ferrari
He loves Ferraris. But whether he’s been able to scam enough people to afford one or not, he’s Femi Ferrari.
Arab Money
These ones hustle in Dubai and return to Nigeria every now and then to blow their ill-gotten proceeds.
Sanchez
He’s the yahoo boy that gave up his dreams of being a renowned footballer for internet fraud. Now, he makes it rain when his club wins at viewing centres.
Ibro Wire
He’s the yahoo boy from a strong Islamic home who specialises in wire fraud. He doesn’t joke with his prayers.
Owo Epo
The scorned yahoo boy with a better yesterday. He’s gone broke and now spends his time sharing stories of how he helped people when he was a successful scammer.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Sola: We met in a small supermarket on my street. I passed him on the aisle to the counter, and he noticed one of my tattoos. He told me it was nice. I actually thought he was talking about my jewellery and tried to explain that my grandma gave them to me when I was a child.
When I realised he was talking about the tattoo, I just smiled and faced my front.
Charles: I wasn’t used to seeing girls with tattoos in my neighbourhood, so I found her intriguing. I asked her for her number, but she said she didn’t know it off-head and also didn’t bring her phone with her. I assumed she didn’t want to give me, but then she scrambled through her wallet for paper and asked the cashier for a pen.
Sola: I took down his number and, later that night, dutifully texted him on WhatsApp so he could have my number. Only for him to say he couldn’t remember who I was.
Charles?
Charles: So the thing is, I was high when we met at the supermarket.
Hm. Sola, how did you take that?
Sola: I had to send him a video I’d taken earlier, in the same outfit, to jug his memory. I was irritated, so I figured I wouldn’t speak to him again. And true true, he didn’t text me for a while. It was also December, and he was giving IJGB vibes with a slight accent and all.
Charles: I hadn’t just got back. I got back a long time ago.
When did you realise you liked each other?
Sola: Later that month was events and concert season in Lagos.
I was on my way to my office end-of-year party when he messaged me for the first time since the day we met. He was attending a show in our area and was wondering if I wanted to come. I told him I was on my way somewhere else, so he switched to video to see how I looked. He hailed me and made me feel so cute.
Charles: She looked good, and I couldn’t hide it.
Sola: He told me to have a good time and not be a stranger. I smiled and felt good about myself just hearing him say that. I don’t even know why. He just looked and sounded like a sweet guy.
I was talking to this other guy at the time, and even though I liked him, I always felt like he was giving me this subtle attitude. But Charles already made me feel fully appreciated.
Charles: For me, it was when we finally met up at a festival on Boxing Day. Neither of us came with friends, so we got to bond and get to know each other, surrounded by music and strangers having fun.
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What happened after?
Charles: We chatted until mid-January, when we met again for her birthday. That’s when I saw another side of her — the party girl side.
Sola: My friends organised a little dinner for me and then a club thing after.
Charles: She and her friends are crazy. I couldn’t keep up at all. I had to leave early.
Sola: The next day, I called to thank him for the gift he gave me at the dinner, and he started asking how I got home and if I was safe the whole time. I was a little irritated. I’m 30+, please.
We texted for weeks after, but I made sure I was cold in my responses. Until one day, he told me he really liked me but he felt I didn’t like him back. My heart melted, and I told him I liked him.
Charles: That’s how we got together officially.
No wasting time?
Charles: I was done waiting. I just wanted to know if we’d work out in a proper relationship once and for all.
Sola: So you weren’t even sure at that point?
Charles: Is it possible to be sure until you try it out?
And how has it been so far?
Sola: There’s been ups and downs. We’ve taken a few breaks because we keep having the same issues around our very different social lives.
Charles: I never considered myself religious until we started dating. But I never miss a service. I know you’ll ask how come I was high the first time we met. I guess I’m religious now because I was born religious. My mother really drummed church culture into our heads, and now, it’s just ingrained.
Sola is more casual about it, and she’s a popular jingo. Meaning that she has over 50 close friends and attends at least two big parties a month. I’m talking proper club or house parties. I wasn’t prepared for how bothered by that I would be.
Sola: I also never thought it would be an issue, at least, until I started having kids.
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Sounds like a dealbreaker?
Sola: I wish it were that simple. The thing is, everything else works between us.
I love how he makes me feel, his character and his financial trajectory. But I don’t think I can or should have to change for him. I also don’t think he needs to be more social for him; we don’t have to have all the same interests.
Charles: I agree. We’ve been able to establish a middle ground over time, but it still causes friction sometimes. We don’t really connect with each other’s friends because hers are Lagos cool kids, and my friends are more workaholic and church-obsessed. I feel like she’s too cool for me sometimes.
Sola: Cool as how? We’re just used to a lifestyle that’s different from what you’re used to.
We’ve talked about the future a number of times. We’re both ready to settle down, so in November 2023, we made the huge decision to move in together. And the first two months really tested our love and bond. I could tell he tried to be understanding but clearly didn’t like me coming home late on some nights. It made me feel guilty and uncomfortable.
Doesn’t cohabiting clash with Charles’ Christian values, though?
Sola: As you must’ve guessed, he’s half and half about it. That’s probably why we can still have a conversation and make compromises. A true Christian boy would’ve chased my clubbing ass out a long time ago. I wouldn’t even let it get to that.
But yeah, cohabiting has always been a must for me before marriage. I gotta know firsthand what I’m getting into.
Charles: I agree. There’s a place for faith and a place for using your sense.
Sola: We’ve grown to manage our differences better.
He comes out with me to the club on some nights. On others, I cancel on my friends, and we hang out together instead. I no longer feel I need to accept every invitation. That’s a compromise I’m willing to make for the future of our relationship.
Charles: I also don’t feel I have to attend every church service. I’ve limited those to Sundays, and we’ve started going together every week. It’s been cool mixing both worlds at our own pace.
You mentioned being ready to settle down?
Charles: Yeah, that will happen any moment now. I don’t want to spoil anything.
Sola: Ahhh. Don’t let Zikoko be the first to know of your plans. Is it soon? Should I go and fix acrylics? I’ll kill you if you’ve spoilt the surprise, I swear.
Charles: We still have a few things to discuss, but despite our imperfections, we’re right for each other because of how open we are to making things work instead of just walking away for good.
Do your religious parents know about the clubbing and cohabiting?
Charles: Haba. Do they care? My mum isn’t excited about our cohabiting, but she’s not really vocal about it. And they’ve never had to know that we or she clubs.
Sola: Oh, his parents love me. I’m absolutely lovable!
Between us, though, we’ve had major disagreements in the past about my late nights and his prioritising mid-week services over our bonding time. We’d take a break for a week or two, and before you know it, we’re back because we love spending time together.
I don’t think our social lives should be enough to keep us apart. I mean, at this age, we should know.
Right. How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Sola: 8. We’re a work in progress, but sometimes the journey matters just as much as the destination. Or whatever these motivational speakers say.
Charles: LOL. Same.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
Eniola Ajao’s ambitious Yoruba epic movie “Ajakaju: Beast of Two Worlds” premiered on March 24. But if I’d attempted to write this article without taking a full-on 24-hour breather, I’d have died from cringe.
The official invitation said the theme was “Royal Beast”, and our celebrities took it a little too seriously because I saw scary things. Let’s get into some of the looks from the premiere.
Dayo Amusa
I’m not even kidding when I say I got a jump scare and dropped my phone after she showed up on the screen. If Yoruba Nollywood wanted their deities and evil forest creatures to have horns, this is what it would look like.
Habeeb Alagbe
Is he the lost prince of Zamunda? Is he a leopard? Is he a barbershop three-seater couch? No, because who be Kwasogbu?
Papaya Ex
I imagine Medusa clutched her pearls and screamed in afterlife lingo after this look saw the light of day. But to the main issue, how did she not crumble under the weight of that monstrosity on her head?
Onome Gideon
Not gonna lie, he kinda served and ate with this look. The Spartacus-styled breastplate, the cape, the gloves and high-waist pants? Okay, Mr Osapa London Royal Beast. Easy on us.
Eniola Ajao
I have heaved several deep sighs, and I fear it’ll never be enough to express how I truly feel about the celebrant’s entry for the night. Let me just say this is what I see in my nightmares when an Ojuju calabar is chasing me unprovoked with a basket of live snakes.
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Toyin Abraham
Apart from wearing what looks like 15 yards of black curtain material from Tejuosho market, Mummy Ire gets a strong C- for not sticking to the night’s theme. Ma’am, where is the Mother Gaguu in you?
Groovy
This guy was crowned the best-dressed male of the night. I need everyone involved arrested immediately.
Iyabo Ojo
It’s giving tropical rainforest queen, and while a part of me is screaming RATE IT, I cannot in good conscience agree that she kept to the theme. She looks nice, though.
Folagade Banks
Where is the effort? The theme for the premiere is “Royal Beast”, but this entire get-up is giving wedding engagement owambe, and I’m not fooled by how good it looks.
Bose Alao
Girl, what is going on? You mean to tell me no one saw this in her dressing room and thought, “Hmm, maybe we should go a different direction”? And the audacity to sneak in that shoe under this village masquerade shebang.
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Denrele Edun
This is another case of missing the memo completely. Where is the “Royal Ayamatanga” here? This man dressed like he was having his traditional wedding. Please, go away.
Tierny Olalere
This looks like what the best student in Home Econs class would come up with if they had access to all the accessories in a fashion shop. But are the whiskers on her face her interpretation of a beast?
A portion of the video showed Pelumi in the emergency unit of a hospital, receiving care from doctors and other medical personnel.
24 hours earlier, the travel content creator had shared a post announcing her arrival in Liberia. It is unclear whether the accident occurred after or before she got to the country.
From indications, the trip — which is already nearing its end — may be delayed or, worse, cut short. However, Pelumi hasn’t confirmed this with fans.
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Nigerians show concern
Fans and supporters who have cheered the 29-year-old on since the start of her ambitious journey have prayed for her well-being.
If you’re in the mood to party with the cool kids and creatives this March, the Alté Culture Festival 2024 is the yard to stomp.
It’s another year, another Easter period, and the Alté Culture Festival is back in town. Since 2022, the festival has brought cool millennials and Gen Zs in the Alté community together, curating unforgettable fun experiences.
Here’s all you should know about it.
What’s the Alté Culture Festival?
A festival for the non-conformist, people who aren’t boxed into the conventional ways of life and expression. Now, imagine a festival where these cool folks come together to interact, party, showcase diversity and support innovation. That’s what the Alté Culture Festival is all about.
The 2024 edition
After two successful editions, the festival returns on March 30, 2024, live in Muri Okunola Park, Victoria Island. To those outside Lagos, if you love the Alté community, you’ll find your way here, dear.
Behind the festival
If you’re wondering what cool force is behind the Alté Culture Festival, it’s Q21 Solutions — a Nigerian corporate event planning and management firm who have worked on the Africa Magic Viewers’ Choice Awards (AMVCA), Jameson Connect, Martell House and many more. With Q21 Solutions, you already know the standard to expect at the Alté Culture Festival — exceptional.
Activities to expect
Alté Culture Festival embodies entrepreneurship. Creatives, big and small businesses get to showcase their products. People in photography, fashion, arts, music, food, are all welcome to showcase their uniqueness.
Music performances
At Alté Culture Festival, you get to experience live performances (no backtracks) from the performing artists who are masters in their craft and not bound by style or genre. Artists such as BOJ, OdumoduBlvck, Lady Donli, Somadina, Jeriq, Made Kuti, Prettyboy D-O and more. TGarbs’ DJ set will entertain the crowd with hits, and Sheye Banks will hype them up.
Tickets are out
Be the last one to know about the Alté Culture Festival? No way. Be the last one to get to this cool-ass party? No way! Get your tickets ASAP, and let’s make Lagos cool again.
There’s a scene from the new documentary on gravediggers that will probably stay with you. It opens with a young man with cool, dark shades answering questions that someone is asking behind the camera. As the scene settles, you see that the young man’s demeanour is relaxed, his answers are cool, and you can tell that he’s fielding the interviewer’s questions like a pro. Instinctively, you understand that he’s every interviewer’s nightmare because he has a wall between him and the world.
Just at the point where you almost accept this dance as the norm, the interviewer asks him a question, and something shifts.
“What don’t you like about your job?”
It’s a simple question, yet he seems taken aback, almost as if he’s not used to being asked that question — or he’s not used to his opinion being acknowledged.
Suddenly, something shifts in the young man on the screen. Slowly but surely, before your eyes, his wall starts to crumble.
First, he pauses. Next, he removes his glasses, which have been shielding him from the world since the interview started. Finally, he breaks into a passionate expression that’s more honest than anything he had said in preceding sentences. You watch — surprised at first, then later intrigued — as his guards fall off in less than a minute to reveal his humanity.
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Directors, Kayode Idowu and Hassan Yahaya, say they set out to create a connection like this with The Gravediggers documentary. In their words, “Their primary goal was to tell a story of everyday people living as authentically as possible.”
For them, this documentary isn’t meant to be didactic, moralising, or to wring out global implications. Instead, as they explained, “Their aim is to [hopefully] magnify and probably amplify the realities of people who fly under society’s radar of ‘important.’”
So, when they got that scene where the young man took off his glasses and connected like a human being for the first time since their interview started, they knew they had succeeded in their goal.
“There was no facade, no high walls, just a few ordinary people connecting over the shared experience of living — which was precisely what we set out to do,” the pair revealed.
The Nigerian Drug and Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA) is one of the most prominent paramilitary agencies in the country. They’re tasked with eliminating the processing, manufacturing, selling, exporting, distribution, trafficking and usage of hard drugs in Nigeria.
Officials are usually stationed at international and state borders, airports, highways, seaports and on regular roads, carrying out random searches based on tip-offs. The NDLEA recruits new officials annually. But before you join the paramilitary agency, you should probably know about the available NDLEA ranks and salary structure.
NDLEA salary structure
The anti-narcotics agency uses the Consolidated Paramilitary Salary Structure (CONPASS) — the official salary scale for paramilitary agencies in Nigeria — in its ranking and salary structure.
NDLEA ranks
It’s divided into two categories: Commissioned officers and non-commissioned officers.
NDLEA commissioned officers
Officers in this category hold the highest ranks within the agency. They’re recruited based on their academic qualifications.
Commander-General of Narcotics (CGN)
This is the highest rank of the NDLEA. The CGN is mostly appointed by the president.
Commander-General of Narcotics (CGN)
Officers in this rank play crucial leadership roles within the NDLEA and assist the CGN with the agency’s overall operations and administration.
Commander of Narcotics
Officers in this rank provide overall leadership and direction within the agency. They’re also tasked with overseeing the implementation of anti-drug initiatives at the national level.
Deputy Commander of Narcotics (DCN)
These officers are involved with strategic planning and decision-making within the agency. DCNs work closely with the Commander of Narcotics to help formulate policies and develop strategies to combat drug trafficking.
Chief Superintendent of Narcotics
Officers in this rank hold supervisory roles within the NDLEA. They lead the narcotics division in the agency, liaise with other law enforcement agencies and provide leadership to subordinate officers.
Superintendent of Narcotics
They’re mid-level commissioned officers tasked with overseeing operational activities within their assigned units. They lead teams of officers in drug enforcement operations and ensure compliance with agency policies and procedures.
Superintendent of Narcotics
Officers in this rank work closely with the Superintendent of Narcotics to lead and manage the work of the narcotics division. They also coordinate and supervise the work of lower-ranking officers.
Salary: ₦205,673 (CONPASS 10)
Assistant Superintendent of Narcotics (ASN)
Officers in this rank are typically entry-level commissioned officers in the NDLEA. They assist senior officers in enforcing drug laws, and participating in raids and investigations. ASNs also engage in community outreach programs.
Salary: ₦151,739 (CONPASS 9)
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NDLEA non-commissioned officers (NCO)
Officers in this category occupy the lower ranks within the NDLEA. NCOs are ranked based on their qualification during recruitment. They are mostly SSCE, ND and HND certificate holders.
Chief Narcotics Agent
This is the highest rank in the NCO category of the NDLEA. Chief Narcotic Agents hold supervisory positions within the agency. They supervise and monitor junior personnel, and plan and execute drug raid operations, among other responsibilities.
Salary: ₦110,743 (CONPASS 7)
Senior Narcotics Agent (SNA)
SNAs lead enforcement activities within the agency. They are also tasked with conducting investigations and providing training to junior officers.
Salary: ₦90,456 (CONPASS 6)
Senior Narcotics Assistant
They provide support to higher-ranking officers and supervise junior assistants. They also maintain records and assist with administrative tasks within the agency.
Narcotic Agents
Officers within this rank conduct patrols, investigations, raids and arrests. They also gather intelligence, handle evidence and collaborate with other law enforcement agencies.
Salary: ₦54,746 (CONPASS 5)
Narcotic Assistant
They are entry-level officers within the NDLEA. They work with commissioned officers in enforcement activities, conducting patrols and participating in drug raids and arrests.
Wondering why you’ve never seen yourself in the post-event clip of a festival or why the fan cams never come your way? It’s probably because you showed up looking basic AF.
Let’s help you change that before the next festival you attend.
Oversized clothes
Photo source: Instagram/@derinfromisaleeko
Nothing screams “I’m a cool kid” louder than oversized fits among young people. Depending on the alté aesthetic you’re going for, you either wear oversized tees, jeans or both.
Shorts and mini-skirts
Photo source: Instagram/@ayrastarr
If you’re trying to absolutely kill the party, you need to be prepared to show some skin. As a bro, pull out em ashawo shorts and put your toned legs on display. Hot girlies, make Ayra Starr jealous at the sight of your mini-skirt.
Bucket hats, scarves and durags
Photo source: Instagram/@omahlay
You can’t go wrong with either of these three when thinking of the perfect head covering. You can also be extra and do a combination of two.
Mini dress
Photo source: Pinterest
You might think it’s low effort, but the truth is, you can hardly miss your way with a mini dress. They come in all shapes and sizes, and you can thot it up however you want.
Rings and accessories
Photo source: Jumia
Doesn’t have to be original gold or diamond; just make sure you’ve got your bling on. From knuckle rings to bracelets, chains, earrings and multi-layered necklaces, accessories add an edge to your outfit.
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Glasses
Photo source: Instagram/@boy_director
There are so many dramatic ones these days, so you can go all out if you want. Could be small or wide frames, black or coloured, round or rectangular.
A tote bag
Photo source: Street Project
Apart from being handy, tote bags can be the statement piece that’ll have everyone looking your way. The key is to choose one with cheeky texts or dramatic art.
Wondering where you‘ll show up with your fire fit? “Strings Attached” is the place to be on May 11, 2024, at Muri Okunola Park, Lagos.
This Zikoko x One Bank festival is completely free to attend. All you have to do is download the OneBank by Sterling app, create a new account using ZIKOKO as the referral code and your ticket will be reserved. The limited tickets will be given on a first-come, first-served basis, so hit the app store ASAP.
I was mindlessly scrolling through X when I came across a tweet that stopped me dead in my tracks. Here’s the gist: Home girl was stood up after taking some aphrodisiac in preparation for some genital slamming.
That was a first for me and several other X users who’d mostly associated this experience with men. I knew what I had to do, so here are some stories from women who can relate.
Patience*, 40
My libido dipped after my first child, and I got worried because I like sex. I told my mother-in-law, so she gave me this disgusting mix of okra water. I took it for a week and started feeling like my old self again. Unfortunately, my husband started coming up with excuses to avoid sex. He’d sleep in a different room, say he was too tired or even return late. Meanwhile, I was still taking the mixture, hoping to get some action. It took me asking what was happening before he said he’d been scared to have sex with me since I had a vaginal tear during childbirth.
Hauwa*, 39
I didn’t go all the way with my husband before we married. We cuddled, kissed, and that was it. After marriage, I realised I had trouble getting sexually aroused. I spoke to a friend about it, and she suggested aphrodisiacs from an Instagram kayan mata seller. I knew my husband enjoyed making out on Fridays as part of his “easing into the weekend” ritual, so I waited to take the aphrodisiac one Friday evening around the time he returned from work. He rushed into the bathroom and said he had to attend a friend’s surprise birthday party and he’d be back soon. I was already feeling funny and wanted to pull him into the bedroom. But I thought I could wait it out till he got back. He called two hours later and said I should lock the doors as he’d be home late. I’d never felt so stupid and betrayed. I cried to bed that night and kept to myself for the rest of the week.
Derin*, 33
At some point when I was dating my ex, I hadn’t seen him for up to nine months because we stayed in different states. When we finally decided to meet, I had to travel to Lagos. Before I left Ekiti, I used all the usables for sex — yoghurt and pineapple, pussy sweetener, Parlodel — because I really needed some action. This guy didn’t come home for three days and stopped answering my calls. I was alone in his house until I just packed my bags and left. That was the day I resolved to get a toy.
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Jumoke*, 28
Curiosity made me try out one of these natural sex health tips people share on Twitter. I had to blend dates, yoghurt and pineapple into a smoothie and drink. I didn’t notice anything on my first and second try, but I kept seeing people give testimonies, so I tried it one last time when my boyfriend was spending the weekend at mine. This time, it worked. I was horny and dripping wet, and immediately my he got to my house, we had a quickie. It was so intense he kept asking if I took anything, and I denied it. After he went out the next day, I made a fresh blend and took it in anticipation. That’s how he called, saying he couldn’t come back because something had come up at his mum’s. I played it cool since he didn’t know what I had in mind.
Kemi*, 27
My boyfriend always complains that I never initiate sex or make the next move. Truth is, I’m not so big on sex and could go months without it. But it became an issue between us, so I tried to spice things up. I told a friend about it, and she gave me Spanish fly. I took a drop, but it made all the difference, and I was fired up at night. When I tried to touch Uncle at night, he started forming he’s tired and not in the mood. I ended up touching myself because my vagina kept pulsating. That was the last time I initiated anything.
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Ada*,25
I had this crush in uni. We’d always flirt with each other while chatting. Soon, we started sexting, and I gave him the idea that I was a pro in bed. Truth is, I’m a one-minute girl, so when a guy takes too long, I lose interest. When we decided to meet, I wasn’t sure sex would happen, but I wanted to be prepared anyway, so I could live up to my sexting persona. I’d read somewhere that white wine does the trick. It worked because I was mad horny. I called this guy when it seemed he was running late, but he didn’t pick up. Texted, and he read with no response. This continued until it became clear he wouldn’t show up. I just finished the rest of my wine and went to sleep.
Pelumi Nubi’s solo car trip officially kicked off on January 31, 2024. She started off in London and updated followers via an Instagram post, saying she arrived in France on February 1.
In another post shared on February 4, three days after she set off from Paris, the content creator arrived in Barcelona, Spain, marking the second stop on her ambitious journey. She spent some days exploring the country and reached 100k followers on Instagram.
After six adventurous days in Spain, she announced her arrival in Morocco — the third country on her itinerary — on February 10.
Over the next 14 days, Pelumi explored cities in Morocco and drove through the dreaded desert wasteland, No Man’s Land — a three-kilometre strip that separates the country from Mauritania.
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She announced her arrival in Mauritania on February 24.
On March 3, about a month after the journey kicked off, Pelumi arrived in Senegal.
She spent a few days exploring some tourist attractions, visiting the tallest statue in Africa, located in Senegal’s capital city, Dakar, and Goree Island, a former transatlantic slave trade hub.
She announced her exit on March 7 and made it to her next stop, Gambia, on March 8. She spent 24 hours in Guinea Bissau before she made it to Guinea, the ninth country on her list, on March 14.
On March 17, she headed to Sierra Leone, where her entry was delayed over her “right-hand drive” car, which had been banned in the country in 2013. However, a kind border officer stepped in and secured her entry.
Still in Sierra Leone as of the date of publishing this report, her next stop is Liberia, after which she has five more countries before arriving in Lagos, Nigeria.
The road trip, estimated to last two months, is on track as she’ll likely complete it in the last week of March 2024.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Tobi: I met her at a mutual friend’s house party next door two year ago. I came late, and most people had left, but she was there with a female friend sitting outside the house when I entered the gate. She was the first person I saw, and I just walked up to her and said hi. I thought she was foine with her thickness and mini skirt.
Tare: I saw him the moment he opened the gate and stepped in. I thought he was too nicely dressed for the very basic get-together. Don’t get me wrong. He was dressed casually, but you could tell he carefully curated his t-shirt, cargo shorts, and what Nigerian wears a face cap at night?
Turned out he worked in the music industry: He had some big credits as a producer and was building up to being a recording artist himself. I didn’t find that out immediately, though.
What happened in the meantime?
Tare: The friend I came with eventually left me at the party. Then we chatted for a bit before he invited me next door to his place because he wanted to leave. I declined, so we exchanged numbers and continued chatting into the wee hours of the morning when I got home.
Tobi: Yeah. We compacted months of talking stage into that one night.
Tare: The next day was a Sunday. He invited me to his place again, and I went this time. He took me to his studio, and that’s when he told me about his music.
He wanted to kiss me several times until I told him, “I don’t share”.
Tobi: So I asked her to be my girlfriend.
Tare: Then I repeated what I said: I don’t share.
What does that mean?
Tare: If he wants to kiss or date me, he has to be ready to kiss or date only me.
Tobi: That was a fair deal. I happened to be single at the time. I’d been single for about five months, and I really liked her already.
Why exactly did you like her?
Tobi: I just knew she wouldn’t bore me or complain about everything. She has this soft “no stress” vibe that made me feel like I could ignore all my struggle when I’m with her.
Tare: And what you saw was what you got.
Tobi: Yes. Even when she’s troublesome or in a mood, she’s still generally good vibes. All I want to do is help her feel better any way I can.
She does a lot for me, too. She takes care of me, especially when I’m over-focused on studio work.
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So you started dating the next day?
Tobi: Yes. I asked her out in my house that day. She laughed but still said okay. I had to swear exclusivity to her sha. I’ve never been one to have a side chick or multiple girls, anyway.
Tare: It was important to vocally agree on that beforehand, though.
I said yes because I liked his face, thought he had sense (as per, he can hold a conversation and his opinions made sense), and he was CLEAN. Very important. But I also believed he just wanted to get to make out with me.
Tobi: Well, that’s true. But obviously not the complete truth. I also wanted to see how far the relationship would go. I actually didn’t know at that point if it would make it past some make-outs or not.
When did you realise you loved each other?
Tobi: The first time we had sex about a week after dating. I remember waking up next to her the morning after feeling so happy, like I’d achieved greatness.
Also, the first time I had to travel to perform, towards the end of that month. We’d decided she wouldn’t go with me because I wanted to keep my private life completely private. In the past, my girlfriends had issues with that, but she respected my feelings and even came to pick me up at the airport in her mum’s car when my management messed up.
Tare: I love to drive, so I didn’t mind at all. And he’d been gone for a week. I couldn’t wait to see him again.
Tobi: It was last minute, and I almost didn’t ask her to come because I thought she’d be pissed off. But I felt good when I saw her at the airport looking so happy to see me. All I wanted to do was kiss her for hours.
How has navigating your relationship with a music career been so far?
Tare: It’s been a lot of ups and downs. Especially as I work for an oil company, and it can be just as demanding. The only difference is that it’s a lot more stable than music. We’ve had to struggle to make time for each other. Especially when he drops a project, and he has to be everywhere promoting it.
Tobi: But we make it work. We always text whenever we can’t call. And when things are quieter, like I’m between projects, we meet up. She comes over to my place for days or weeks.
Tare: We also try to go on dates, but we always end up leaving about 30 minutes in to just be together at home. When we dress nice and go to restaurants, we somehow end up telling them to pack the food up so we can eat naked at home.
Tobi: I’m an extroverted introvert, and she’s the reverse.
Is this all part of keeping the relationship private?
Tobi: I’m generally a private person. I don’t need people to know my parents or siblings either. It’s not that deep; I’m still coming up. It’s not like I’ve blown. I just don’t feel comfortable having my business out in the open like that.
Tare: I’m so sure if he was in any other industry, he wouldn’t even be on social media. He loves to be mysterious.
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Tare, how do you feel about being unable to show each other off to the world?
Tare: I don’t like it sometimes, I won’t lie. Especially when he has a show but doesn’t want me coming along to hype him.
I got side-eyes when my friends heard that one. A couple of them are in the music industry as well, but mostly the business side, and they’ve always said, “Don’t date a musician. They’re either too broke or will sleep with anyone. Never do it. Just don’t.” It’s been everyone-I-know’s mantra, so I actually don’t know how I got here.
Tobi: I pressed your mumu button.
Tare: Get out.
How do you navigate that negative energy?
Tobi: I think we just know ourselves well. I’ve given her no reason to distrust me. The same thing for her. Other people’s rules don’t apply.
Tare: It hurts when my friends are convinced he’s playing me, all because he’s not bringing me out to the clubs or posting videos of us on socials. They think I’m a fool for accepting that, but I actually know this guy personally. I know what we’ve done for each other, how we hype ourselves up behind the scenes where things are less glamorous.
Also, he’s not broke o. You need to see how much this man collects to produce people’s songs. Ahhh. But I don’t need to tell them private info about my relationship to get them to trust me.
What are some ways you establish trust?
Tare: Communication. I’m big on that. We keep each other accountable for every minute detail of our lives. We talk about things like planning towards paying his younger siblings’ fees. We discuss all our comings and goings. I almost always know where he is at any given time. Then again, 90% of the time, he’s in his studio, which is in his house.
I know all his friends well, too; they’re annoyingly always hanging out at his place anyway.
Tobi: Yeah, she doesn’t like that. I’ve slowly had them move out or stay away. Now, both our friends have reasons to hate the other person. Haha. That’s life.
But, yeah, what she said. We always talking. When people try to toast us, we send each other the screenshots and yab ourselves.
Tare: I’d be like, “See o. They’re toasting your babe o. Someone wants to take me to the club you don’t want to take me to o.” No. We’re so chilled with each other. This is the most laid-back, no-stress relationship I’ve ever been in. And I love it here.
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Sweet. It’s been two years; wedding bells anytime soon?
Tare: Nah. We’re still young and trying to establish our careers.
Tobi: Yeah. Marriage and trying to make it in music don’t quite mix. So, it was always important for me to date someone just as focused on building their career over getting married early. Tare is super driven at work, and I love that about her.
Tare: What are you marrying for when you haven’t secured the bag, abeg? I’m definitely getting married o. I want a husband. But money first for now.
Have you guys had a major fight yet?
Tobi: Remember when I said she didn’t like that I always had my friends at my house? Yeah, that caused several major fights.
Tare: If you came to Tobi’s three-bed this time last year, you’d meet at least six guys crashing there. He had guys over 100% of the time. Some would even sleep over for months. It wasn’t conducive for me at all.
Tobi: I knew she was right. But I didn’t want to confront my guys for a while. Most of them support my music hustle. One is a fairly popular hype man. I had a couple of fellow artists and producers or just people with long legs in the industry.
Right
Tare: Most of them were dirty. They didn’t mind leaving used plates or clothes everywhere. Usually, I’d just stick to Tobi’s room when I get to his house. But it started feeling like we lived in a self-contained.
So sometime last year, I told him he was lying that the flat was his. It’s obvious he only owns his room — you know how friends rent out flats together and then share the rooms? He was so pissed when I said this.
Then, about two weeks later, he cleared out the flat. No more hangers-on all over the living room, kitchen and front yard. No more funky smell. It was like magic.
Tobi: She bruised my ego, and she’s rejoicing. Women!
Would you say you both hang with your friends less often now that you’ve set boundaries?
Tare: Yes. I’ve distanced myself, but not so much that I’m isolated. I know I’ll still need my female support. And I’d like to still be there when they need me the most.
Tobi: I see my friends less, yes. But I never used to hang with them like that. I don’t really hang with people.
Tare: He’s too full of himself, don’t mind him.
Is that true?
Tobi: I just don’t really rate mindless fun like that. And that’s what most people like having. When I’m not booked and busy with gigs, I’m booked and busy with production jobs. I’ve got to stay focused. And my guys have always understood that. They know I have a babe now, so they just blame it on her, not me.
Tare: See the way he’s saying it.
Well, I’ve also mostly cut off the guys who are against our relationship just because they’re judgemental. I’m pro-supporting women’s (especially friends’) rights and wrongs, please.
How would you rate your relationship on a scale of 1-10?
Tobi: 20.
Tare: God, now I have to say 20, too?
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
If you can’t relate to the inflation situation in Nigeria, I have three theories: You’ve cracked the code to safe money rituals, you’re from generational wealth, or you simply have a family member who’s squeezing the country dry. Move to one side, please.
Now that I have the attention of those of us who undulate between “God, abeg” and “God, when?” on a daily basis, I bring good tidings of where your money can still move like an odogwu.
Anything at Aswani market
This Lagos market is the one place you can confidently go shopping with confidence that’s through the roof. It’s the only market where prices still go as low as ₦100 – ₦1000 for fashion and household items.
Rat poison
I don’t know if you’re aware, but prices are relatively stable in the “War against rats” department. Poisons and rat gum under ₦500? The baller in you is still alive.
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Airtime
I’m not sure what the per-second billing is these days, but you know what I know? You can still recharge for as low as ₦50 and get data under ₦1k. God is good.
Sliced yams
You get to shame inflation and eat yam in your house. Think about it, why struggle to buy a tuber of yam for ₦2500 in the first place when you can comfortably afford three slices and not have to worry about the extra food prep? If you deep it, it’s actually giving “luxurious”.
Kpomo
The way turkey, chicken and fish move these days, we need to appreciate this king for staying consistent with the pricing. Beloved, your ₦100 – 200 will get you kpomo. It might look haggard and washed up, but even though!
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Fufu
Garri used to be that guy, but sorry to break it y’all, it’s time to port because what do you mean a bucket of garri is ₦3500? Anyway, fufu is king now. You’re good with that ₦100 budget.
Ice water
Deep down, you might not want to admit that you’re poor and can’t afford pure water. But ask yourself, how long can you shell out ₦500 for a bag? My friend, let your ₦100 shake the ground in the ice water market.
On Thursday, March 16, millions of Nigerians had limited access to the internet on their mobile and computer devices. Subscribers of telecommunication companies like MTN and Airtel couldn’t access social media apps and website pages. Customers of financial institutions also had trouble accessing their bank apps and USSD services.
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According to multiple reports, the internet outage was a result of damage to international undersea cables supplying the country with connectivity.
MainOne on duration of repairs
MainOne network, a major internet provider for Nigerian banks and internet providers, suffered extensive damage to its submarine cable system which affected internet connectivity for many of its clients.
In a statement issued on Friday, March 15, the company said it needs to “identify and assign a vessel, the vessel has to retrieve the necessary spares required for repair, and then sail to the fault location to conduct the repair work.” This would be followed by pulling the affected cables from the seabed and getting technicians to fix them.
This entire back and forth might take a total of one month.
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What does this mean for customers’ access to the internet?
On March 17, MainOne returned with an update stating service had been restored to some customers while working on complete resolution for all affected.
“We have already restored services to some customers and are actively working on restoring services to others via capacity acquired on available cable systems.”
Many people also had their internet access restored on their mobile devices, and some were able to transact on their banking apps. In a March 18 statement, MainOne said it worked with regional partners to reroute traffic and restore services for banks, telcos among other companies in the West African business community.
MTN via an Instagram post told customers that internet services have significantly improved and “work continues round-the-clock on recovery efforts”.
As of the time of writing this report, Airtel has yet to issue an update to customers. However, internet services on the network have significantly picked up in the country.
Meanwhile, Globacom customers enjoyed uninterrupted internet service during the outage on Thursday. The telecommunication company in an Instagram post said that its network wasn’t affected by the fibre cut.
Every Muslim knows that fasting during Ramadan is a different ball game. From messed up sleeping and eating patterns to keeping a clean spiritual slate, the month will test you.
It’s officially day 9 of Ramadan and every fasting Muslim should have experienced one or all of these moments.
The struggle to wake up
If you live alone, you’ll keep snoozing the alarm until your consciousness jerks you off the bed. Then, you realise it’s too late to eat. So you just drink water. God, abeg.
The Sahur existential confusion
You know how you wake up in the morning and don’t know WTF is going on? Let’s just say the confusion is ten times worse during Ramadan.
Trying to finish a gallon of water before fajr
OG Muslims know there’s no point overeating or over drinking during Sahur, but the JJCs try to drink as much water as they possibly can seconds before Fajr — the morning prayer.
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And still waking up thirsty
After the struggle to wake up for sahoor, the second test of Ramadan is waking up thirsty in the morning. Then when you’re about to help yourself, you’ll remember you can’t drink or eat until later in the day.
When people keep asking “even water”
Ramadan has been around for as long as ever, but trust non-fasting folks to always act like it’s brand new every year. But then again, it’s not Ramadan if this question hasn’t come your way.
The concert in your tummy
This happens seven to nine hours into the fasting day. The hunger growls get louder, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Hoping the Imam speeds things up
Whether it’s the regular day prayers or the evening taraweeh, there’s a teeny-weeny angry thought that creeps into your mind when the imam goes for lengthy verses. Does he not know that folks are weak and hungry?
Missing your shoes at the mosque
Is it really Ramadan if you don’t lose your slippers at the mosque during taraweeh? Nothing concerns the slippers thieves with abstaining from sins during the holy month.
When the period shows up
Some ladies can act like they’ll miss the few days of fasting but deep down they’re happy AF they finally get to rekindle their love for food.
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The urge to drink ablution water
Many things will test you during Ramadan and one of them is fighting the urge to nick a drop of water for your patched throat every time you do an ablution.
The chaotic meals mid Ramadan
Forget the food bloggers or the recipes you saved on IG. By the nighttime, you’ll probably be too tired to do anything. Water for sahoor might seem aiit and noodles for iftar settles it for you.
The soft guilt on eid-morning
You’re supposed to have breakfast before you go to the mosque on Eid but that soft guilt always comes through before you remember “Oh, I can eat. Ramadan is done with”.
The Nigerian Navy (NPF) is one of the most prominent security agencies in the country, tasked with ensuring the safety and security of Nigeria’s waters — the open sea within 12 nautical miles of the coast of Nigeria.
If you’re interested in pursuing a career in the Navy and curious about the ranks and salary structure, you’ll find answers in this article.
Nigerian Navy Ranks
Just like other armed forces, the Nigerian Navy is divided into two categories: Commissioned officers and non-commissioned officers.
Nigerian Navy Commissioned officers
Senior officers who are involved in leadership and decision-making in the Nigerian Navy. They are required to have a university degree or similar qualification.
Admiral of the fleet
It’s the highest rank of the Nigerian Navy. It’s rarely conferred as it’s more of an honorary position, equivalent to the rank of Marshal of the Nigerian Air Force and Field Marshal in the Nigerian Army.
Salary:This position hasn’t been occupied.
Admiral
This is the highest non-ceremonial rank of the navy. The admiral is responsible for the overall command, leadership and direction of the Nigerian Navy at home and on international levels.
Salary: ₦1,358,595
Vice-Admiral
This rank is equivalent to Lieutenant General in the Nigerian Army and Air Vice Marshal in the Nigerian Air Force. The vice admirals are also called three-star officers. They hold key leadership roles and are involved in strategic planning, resource allocation and decision-making.
Salary: ₦1,113,602 per month
Rear Admiral
Otherwise referred to as two-star officers, rear admirals are the most junior “Admiralty” officers and are sometimes called flag officers. They command naval formations and fleets.
Salary: ₦1,003,245 per month
Commodore
This rank is equivalent to Brigadier in the Nigerian Army. Officers at this level command naval task groups and are involved in strategic planning and policy development.
Salary: ₦615,488 per month
Captain
Officers in the rank of captain are usually in charge of the largest ships at sea. They’re also tasked with operational planning and coordination within the Navy.
Salary: ₦309,654 per month
Commander
This is equivalent to the rank of a Lieutenant Colonel in the Nigerian Army. Officers in this rank command smaller ships and are involved in planning and executing naval operations.
Salary: ₦281,673 per month
Lieutenant Commander
This rank is the assistant or deputy to the commander. Lieutenant commanders hold leadership positions on larger ships and are also tasked with training personnel and other administrative duties.
Salary: ₦230,652 per month
Lieutenant
This rank is equivalent to a captain in the Nigerian Army. The lieutenant commands small vessels and is involved with more specialised roles such as navigation or engineering.
Salary: ₦195,685 per month
Sub Lieutenant
Officers in this rank are assigned to various ship or shore-based duties, typically as watch or divisional officers. The rank is equivalent to a lieutenant in the Nigerian army.
Monthly salary: ₦150,625 per month
Mid-Shipman
This is the lowest rank for commissioned officers in the Nigerian Navy. This rank is reserved for entry-level officers undergoing basic naval operations and leadership training.
Salary: ₦118,835 per month
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Non-commissioned Officers (NCOs)
These are enlisted members of the Nigerian Navy. They occupy junior roles and don’t require academic qualifications. They’re mostly involved in coordination and physical aspects of the Navy’s military strategies.
Master Warrant Officer
Officers in this rank are the highest-ranking NCOs in the Nigerian Navy. They hold supervisory roles, guiding and mentoring junior NCOs and sailors.
Salary: ₦120,853 per month
Chief Petty Officer
It’s the second most senior rank of the NCOs of the Nigerian Navy. The chief petty officer oversees junior personnel and the day-to-day running of their departments onboard ships or shore establishments.
Salary: ₦90,825 per month
Petty Officer
Officers in this rank are tasked with specialised duties within their departments, such as engineering, navigation or communications.
Salary: ₦80,852 per month
Leading Rating
They’re the fourth most senior officers within the NCOs. They assist petty officers in carrying out their duties.
Salary: ₦70,855 per month
Able Rating
These officers have completed basic training and can be deployed to the field. They’re given tasks onboard ships or shore establishments under the supervision of their superiors.
Salary: ₦50,855 per month
Ordinary Rating
These are entry-level officers undergoing training in the fundamentals of naval operations. They can be deployed to fight in a war.
Salary: ₦45,854 per month
Trainee
These are newly admitted individuals to the Nigerian Navy with little to no experience in the naval world.
Easter may not be as lively as Christmas, but it comes with days away from capitalism, so enjoy it in these fun and uncomplicated ways.
Palm Sunday swag
It’s normal to make crosses out of palm leaves during Easter. But do you remember how we hung the palm cross around our necks like chains? Yeah, you’re not too old to do that and even rock it all day. Feeling like a kid again is fun; you should try it.
Sing a special number at church
See it as an open mic to sing about Christ’s death or resurrection. The applause that’ll come after will have you feeling like a superstar.
Family drama group
Gather your family and set up the stage in your living room. You can act as Judas Iscariot, Mary, Jesus or one of the two thieves beside him. Not only would you give the rundown of one of the most dramatic Christian stories, but you’ll also strengthen your family bond. What’s better than that?
Sunday night parade
Join your church members to sing and drum in the middle of the night to announce that Christ has arisen from death. It’s outside, fun and cheap.
Food exchange
Where’s the fun in cooking jollof rice or frejon in your house and not sharing it with neighbours and friends?
Lock in with family
What’s better than spending time with your family this Easter, with all the laughter, cooking and chores? It’s what Mary and Joseph would’ve wanted, if Jesus didn’t have to sacrifice for a big mission.
Sleep
It’s completely fine if all you want to do is sleep throughout the Easter period. It’s a short window to recuperate for your capitalist overlords.
On Thursday, March 14, 2024, 16 Nigerian soldiers from the 181 Amphibious Battalion were killed while on a mission to halt clashes between two warring communities, Okuama and Okoloba, in Delta State.
An army spokesperson, Brigadier General Tukur Gusau, confirmed the incident in a statement to the press on Saturday, March 16, 2024, in Abuja:
“The reinforcement team led by the commanding officer was also attacked, leading to the death of the commanding officer, two majors, one captain and 12 soldiers.”
The Chief of Defence Staff, Christopher Musa, directed immediate investigation and arrest of those involved, adding that the matter had been escalated to the Delta state government.
“The military, however, remains focused and committed to its mandate of maintaining peace and security in the country. So far, a few arrests have been made while steps have been taken to unravel the motive behind the attack,’’ Gusau said.
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President Tinubu and Governor Oborevwori condemned the killings
Speaking through a statement by his spokesperson, Festus Ahon, on Saturday, March 14, Delta State governor, Sheriff Oborevwori, confirmed and condemned the killings while noting that the government will swing into action to bring everyone involved to book.
President Bola Tinubu, in his own statement issued on Sunday, commiserated with the families of the military officers and noted his government’s commitment to ensuring peace in the country.
Tinubu said the Chief of Defence Staff and defence headquarters have his full backing to fish out those behind the killings.
“The Defence Headquarters and Chief of Defence Staff have been granted full authority to bring to justice anybody found to have been responsible for this unconscionable crime against the Nigerian people.”
Backlash on the Delta community
Photo source: Channels TV
The Okuama community was razed during the early hours of Sunday, March 17, three days after the soldiers were killed.
According to Channels Television, it’s not clear who razed the houses, but there are strong allegations that soldiers are behind it to retaliate against the death of their colleagues.
Residents have been forced to flee their homes to the neighbouring Ughelli community for fear of further reprisal attacks from soldiers. It’s also not clear if anyone died in the fires.
Public response?
As of the time of writing this report, the federal and state governments haven’t issued a statement on the burning of houses in Okuama.
However, Human Rights lawyer and Senior Advocate of Nigeria, Femi Falana, in a statement to the press on Sunday, March 14, called on the military to stop the attack on residents.
“In view of the tragic turn of events, I call on the military authorities to halt the destruction of the properties of innocent people in the warring communities. It ought to be pointed out that collective punishment is a serious offence under domestic and international law.”
Nigerians have had a flurry of mixed reactions on social media. Many condemned the alleged actions of the military officers, noting that innocent civilians should not come to harm’s way over the actions of the perpetrators.
It’s time to let your hair down and celebrate the awesomeness of women across Nigeria and Africa. We’ve got news. HERtitude is here again. We’re bringing back all the gorgeous, gorgeous babes for the hottest time, and we’re going even bigger this year.
What’s Hertitude?
A large party for hot babes only. We think every woman is a hot babe, and we’re offering you a safe space to let your hair down, have fun and party till you drop.
Since the first dispensation in 2022, HERtitude has welcomed over 5000 women to redefine and celebrate what it means to be a “hot babe”. We’ve witnessed iconic performances by Fave, SGawd, Bloody Civilian, Ria Sean and other spectacular artists on the HERtitude stage.
Many hot babes have gotten their first and second tattoos ever, met their current closest friends and gained unrivalled confidence at HERtitude. That’s the kind of community we’re building, and hot babe, it’s time to go again.
When and where is it happening?
On Saturday, April 20, 2024, from 3 p.m. to 10 p.m., the hot girls of Lagos will descend somewhere on the island — more details on this when you get your tickets. Block your calendars now. Previous editions confirm that the side effects of attending HERtitude include not wanting to leave when it’s over.
What to expect?
The goal is to ensure you continue to feel VALUED, understood, confident and motivated to express yourself freely. In its third year, HERtitude is bringing you: The usual games like scavenger hunt, karaoke, board games, jenga and more.
Opportunities to win prizes in a fashion show and dancing competition, and make new friends through our speed friendship sessions. Fun craft activities like paint and sip, candle-making, pottery, bracelet making and crocheting.
We also have the very best vendors to bring you spa services, tattoo booths, manicure and pedicure stations, a relaxation lounge, yoga and meditation sessions. And an exciting music experience with celebrity DJ sets and live performances.
We know times are hard, so here’s your heads-up to start girl-mathing and saving your coins to start curating your fits because hot babes can’t be caught lacking. PS: If you have to travel down to Lagos not to miss this, do it. Trust us, you can’t live vicariously through other babes’ pictures and tweets.
FOMO is real, and hot babes don’t gatekeep, so make sure your girlfriends aren’t missing in formation.
On a Sunday morning in February 2023, I changed the phone number I’d had since my secondary school graduation when my father bought me my very first smartphone — after a lifetime of digital deprivation — and deleted all my social media accounts, effectively isolating myself from everyone I know.
I still live with my parents, so I had no choice but to stay in contact with my immediate family. My 9-to-5 handlers, too, through Slack.
But all other gigs were cut off. Every friend I’d gathered over a lifetime, cut off. Extended family weren’t left out. My father’s youngest brother’s “What happened to your phone? It hasn’t gone through in a while?” on his last visit to our house with his wife, was met with a clueless look and my feeble, “Oh really? My phone’s been acting up. I can’t afford to fix it right now.” The most random mention of financial need shuts any concerned individual up in this economy.
2023 had started with a surprise probation at work, delayed payments from my side gigs, ₦200k+ of my hard-earned money stuck in different banks because the famous cash scarcity had somehow wrecked digital transactions and our landlord threatening to kick us out of the house we’d lived much comfortably in for 15 years.
Also, we and the rest of our extended family had lived on my great-grandfather’s estate forever, and the new government had put it under scrutiny.
I laid in bed that morning, burnt out by Nigeria’s worsening wahala, mounting work KPIs, personal struggles and family drama. But that didn’t stop people from expecting one thing or the other from me. I was missing deadlines, a lot of them.
So I switched my Mi-fi sim with my phone’s and never looked back.
I know I did it because I was emotionally overwhelmed and needed an escape. But what I can’t figure out is why ghosting everyone I knew — most, very intimately — felt like the only way out.
Everyone I’ve told about this said the same thing: “It was valid. You needed to prioritise your mental health.” According to this study, 54% of Gen Zs and Millennials have ghosted a close friend to avoid confrontation. But who else ghosts everyone they’ve ever known? 84% of Gen Z and Millennials shared that they’ve been ghosted and don’t feel good about it. Everyone I asked about their ghosting experience expressed deep hurt, and sometimes, anger. How could I hurt all these people in this way?
Everyone is ghosting everyone to avoid confrontation, conflict and difficult conversations. People are so scared of confrontation that they’d rather ignore you forever than speak with you.
But I do well with confrontation. I was appointed a student council member in my final year as an undergrad because I always went to the Dean of Student Affairs office to make demands when we were mistreated. A big deal because I wasn’t the usual spec; it was a faith-based university, and I skipped most chapel services and only listened to secular music. At my old job, I was the only one who could get the CEO to make staff-friendly decisions.
The defining factor in my ghosting tendencies was relationships, especially ones that involved my emotions.
Ghosting my entire network was the second act in the stage play of my life that followed a lifetime of switching up on relationships once they got too comfortable, or on the other hand, complicated. And this act came with a vengeance.
In March 2023, I blocked a company and its entire workforce once they started to demand more than was in our initial agreement. In October, I did the same thing to another company.
In February 2023, I blocked a client after I missed a deadline because I was too embarrassed about it. PS: I still delivered the job before I blocked him. In July, I blocked my friend of over a decade after I failed to draft some documents I’d promised to help her with. I was overwhelmed and burnt out from helping every other person I’d promised to help that week, and she’d missed an important application in the UK because of it.
It’s an endless loop: overpromise, fail, block.
But when I blocked my fourth romantic prospect in a row to display even a breath of emotional inconsistency during yet another talking stage, I knew it was time to come clean about my commitment issues and address its roots.
My early years, at least the parts I can remember, were calm but lonely. Nannies raised me — or more accurately, I raised myself — while my parents were out building businesses.
Then, secondary school came with semi-retirement for my father, and our home got much hotter. There was nothing he wouldn’t scream about, no one in our family he wouldn’t venomously name-call. But of course, my mother bore the lion’s share of his emotional abuse. I never could pinpoint why he hated her so much.
Our family of five is strangely close-knit, and I’m the firstborn, so I know my mother and father well. My mother is the very epitome of gentleness and sacrifice. My father, entitled and insensitive, despite his best efforts. I am the closest child to both of them, and even though their toxic relationship has ruined my life — as you’ll come to read as we go on — I still have candid conversations with both of them.
And so, I say “best efforts” because he doesn’t believe he’s been abusive.
All my life, he’s done well to point out all the good he does for our family when he does them, as though to prove that when things inevitably go sour, he’s justified. Every payment of fees at our expensive private schools was followed by reminders of how great a father he is.
So was hiring drivers to take us to and from school in his favourite Mercedes or buying ingredients for a full English breakfast my mother would proceed to slave over the cooker to prepare for the family every morning — we had maids. Still, she was the only one who could make his food. We were reminded that most Nigerians only ate bread and eggs; we had bacon and baked beans and Frankfurters — orange juice and hot chocolate — because of him.
We’d soon find out that my mother was funding every one of these purchases.
However, my first memory of emotional abuse was on a school morning when I was in junior school. It was time to leave, and I couldn’t find my school bag anywhere. I searched for it for a while, but when I realised I was running late, I told my father, who was passing by, about it. The single act triggered a long fight I’ll remember for the rest of my life.
He started screaming at me. “How could you be so careless? What kind of person loses their bag?” I was an idiot, a fool. My mother came out of whatever room she was in and demanded that he stop calling me names, and he simply redirected his name-calling at her. This went on for a while; the screaming moved from room to room while I sat on our living room floor crying, wanting to die. The last thing I heard from his lips was, “You’ll only end up stupid like your mother.”
This was funny because, at the time, I was a child genius. I’d been promoted four times in primary school because I kept getting perfect grades, and I needed to be “challenged”. I entered secondary school at eight and was already on the honour roll. I also knew for a fact that I got the brains from my mother. She was smart, at least, book-wise. She ran all my father’s businesses for him in the background.
Perhaps, what he meant was stupid enough to keep taking his bullshit.
We eventually discovered that the driver had proactively carried my bag to the car. There it sat, limp in the backseat when we finally went downstairs. The white daisies on the blue bag are seared in my memory now. After that, the name-calling ran amock. My mother forfeited many opportunities (business, career, relationship, networking, you name it) because of the emotional stress she was under. It eventually ruined her career.
We’re the best of friends, my mother and I. I’ve grown to become her support system, voice of reason and shoulder to cry on, and I’ve had this responsibility since my teenage years. She’s told me everything.
My father was her first serious relationship. They met in church during NYSC and courted for at least five years before marriage. In all that time, nothing seemed off. The few times they fought, and my mother thought the relationship would end, he’d return with a grand gesture: a handwritten poem, a handmade card, gifts, most of which she still had. I’d read them and still struggle to associate them with the sender.
They’d met while he was doing missionary work in Bauchi, where she’d served. After her service, they moved to continue the work in Kaduna. She lived with family members. He stayed with church members. When they finally returned to Lagos some years after, her first real red flag was seeing that his father’s estate, which he’d boasted about for a while, was a storey building where he lived with all his adult siblings, some with their children.
Back in Enugu, her own father, a celebrated chief and architect, had several properties, all of which eclipsed this “huge estate in Lagos”, as he’d called it. But she accepted this revelation, and they got married.
His grandfather had been a highly-ranked traditional leader — our family comes from a long line of true Eko indigenes — and the plan was to live off his estate while they focused on building a business and funding missionary work.
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But that soon fell apart when my mother could no longer stomach the politics it took to get those monthly paychecks. Sometimes, there’d be a family squabble, and the sizable cheques would go “missing” for months. The business wasn’t thriving either because all the revenue went into fuelling power generators because the electricity supply was even more subpar than it is today.
She had me a year after the wedding and wanted more financial freedom to raise me like she’d been at a good school with multiple extra-curricular activities. She got her first job and had her first post-wedding fight with my father. Basically, she was bringing bad vibes to his dreams of building a successful company and making an impact in the world by bowing to capitalism.
Once she started working, though, she had to submit all her wages to him. She did this for the next two decades, saving none of it, and still doesn’t understand why. But I know it has everything to do with the foundation of their relationship being church and missionary work in the early 90s. Most Gen Xs at the time believed the husband, AKA the head of the family, had to control the family’s finances. It was all part of the submission of a virtuous woman.
She trusted him to do what was best for the family. In return, she worked hard to make more money and move up the career ladder. She also worked hard to build their business, bringing valuable contacts they needed from work. My father was streetwise, so he was good at charming these contacts to actually let go of their money.
But when things went wrong, as they often do in a place like Nigeria, the house got hot with screaming and name-calling.
My mother was either an idiot who never did what she was told (when she didn’t take his advice) or loved to be right and was always eager to say, “I told you so” (when he didn’t take hers). She’d either try to talk some sense into the situation, which would agitate him more or make him walk out, or stay silent and swallow the insults, which would agitate him more or make him walk out.
The results were always the same. By 2014, my mother had worked three jobs, even though my great-grandfather’s estate still covered our basic expenses, and the family business was churning out tens of millions. My father claimed to be redirecting these millions into other businesses, so my mother paid me and my siblings’ school fees for years. I got to find this one out after graduating from university.
When she eventually quit one job and lost the others, I was happy about it because she was getting old and exhausted. She was finally home and semi-retired so she could get some much-needed rest. Only she couldn’t rest long enough because her free time at home led her to discover that my father had another family and had bought properties in their names.
Of course, my father has had affairs with other women since as far back as I can remember.
He always introduced me to these younger women of different looks, shapes and sizes one way or another. One worked at a popular telecom and always helped us with network issues. One had a husband in the US but lived alone with her daughter in Nigeria; she was responsible for my access to cool new abroad clothes during my first two years in university. She also triggered my germophobia after she told me in gory detail how dirty campus bathrooms can be. Others loved to hang out with me simply because they perceived me as a cool kid.
He never introduced them to me as his side-chicks, of course. They were just nice random friends of his. For whatever reason, he imagined that I would be too stupid to figure it out myself. Sometimes, our entire family would visit their families to give the impression that we were all just great friends.
From 2015 to 2023, we made more and more discoveries about my father’s betrayal. She confronted him with some, but he simply didn’t care about her knowing.
Today, they don’t speak, but we all walk around each other in the house because, god forbid, one of them leaves a house they bought together. They’ve blocked each other, ghosted, and done it without the shield of a gadget, the internet or thousands of miles of space like most ghosters are privileged to have.
When they have to communicate, they do so through me and my siblings. When he does something to her in private, like walking over her when she tripped or pretending she wasn’t in the room or leaving the house with the doors unlocked when she was the only one home, I was the one she told about it. When she found his other child’s birth certificate in our old house, she sent me a photo.
During random conversations about my life, she’d slip in some mistake she’d made in her marriage. Before long, the conversation would become a variation of the same anecdote: all the mistakes she’d made that led her to the toxic situation she was now in, stuck with a man who hates her, struggling to build savings while out of work.
I’m heartbroken for her and filled with rage for my father on behalf of her. But I’m also heartbroken and filled with rage in my own right. I’ve paid all the house bills and my last brother’s school fees for a year because our inheritance is frozen, my father has blown all our money, and my mother is broke. I don’t know how to process this newfound backbreaking set of responsibilities.
My mother has been a source of strength, reassurance and support (even financially) my whole life. But it’s often darkened by her uncertainty about the mistakes she’s made in her own life and her current lack of stability. I’m angry because I know we could’ve done more for each other if she wasn’t in such a weak position.
I’m angry because her endurance of my father’s abuse has also affected me in every way possible.
I have a debilitating obsession with making people happy with me. I can’t say “no” to people; blocking them is how I do it. I’ve entered situationships with people I don’t like and somehow convinced them I’m in love with them until they wake up to find themselves ghosted. I have out-of-body experiences anytime I’m remotely intimate with anyone, like watching someone else do those things from afar.
I don’t trust. I approach every conversation like the person is lying to me, and I only need to play along, act like a fool, tell them exactly what they want to hear, so they can be comfortable. I have knowingly gone along with scams because I didn’t want to disappoint the scammer. In 2021, I lost ₦120k this way. And then, I blocked the person. Imagine blocking a scammer after giving them money, as if they didn’t already plan to block me.
Speaking of telling people exactly what they want to hear, that’s how I’ve convinced my father we’re on good terms so I can still dispassionately benefit from him. I’ve refused to let anger stop me from getting my dues from him as my father.
After changing my phone number, I contacted only two of my friends. The first was the one I mentioned earlier, who I’d blocked because I made her miss an application. So she’s now blocked once more.
She was my oldest friend, and we’d shared many ups and downs before she japa’d in 2022 with her husband and child. She tried to reach me many times through my mother, who begged me to contact her, but I didn’t. On my birthday in December 2023, she sent me a huge food basket with a dessert cake and a note. I felt awful, but I was now faced with a new issue: how to contact her and explain why I blocked her. So, I stalled.
I eventually unblocked and called her on her birthday in January 2024, and as expected, she was kind but cold. Over a decade of friendship lost. I cried myself to sleep that night, as I’d done most nights of my life.
In February 2024, my mother finally told all five of her siblings in different parts of the world about the situation at home. She told me they’d sympathised with her. They were understanding.
They advised her to move into my bedroom.
Her eldest even demanded she put me in contact with her — she was also a victim of my earlier mentioned change of phone number — so she could talk to me about confronting my father for how he was treating my mother.
What struck me was her audacity to believe I hadn’t done so in the last 20+ years of my life. I’ve confronted him for so long that I have nightmares of our fights. I still dream of wild shouting matches with him to this day. But what upset me was their lack of care about how I was doing, how the experience has affected me, how I too needed someone to confront him on my behalf, protect me.
She will remain blocked, as will the rest of my past, until I can escape it and heal. But is it awful that I also want to get away from my mother?
The holy month of Ramadan comes with great spiritual discipline which may prove tough for young Muslims. It’s said that during this time, the devil has been put on a leash and you’re solely responsible for whatever wrongdoings you commit.
While it might seem like most people have their shit together and lead a pristine month, there are others who find it hard to keep up with the demands of the holy month. You might learn a thing or seven from the stories of these young Muslims.
Ibrahim*, 30
Waking up for Sahoor is the hardest part of Ramadan for me. I’m such a heavy sleeper and even my alarm has the toughest job trying to wake me up. Left to me, I’ll go on without waking up to eat sahoor. Unfortunately, the waking and eating bit also makes your fasting valid so you can’t decide to skip it. Thank God my younger brother is around. He’s been the one waking me up since we started.
Balikis*, 25
This might sound weird but the only thing I struggle with during Ramadan is this awful taste in my mouth. I can’t describe it. It’s sort of this bitter-ish taste you get when you’re about to come down with malaria. You should see my brushing after sahuur. I do everything—floss, tongue scrape, gargle with mouthwash—yet it never leaves. I once spoke to a doctor about it and he said something about acid reflux. A friend suggested using chewing sticks to clean my mouth after every ablution, so that’s something I’m trying this month.
Kehinde*, 27
I don’t look forward to Ramadan because of the midnight cooking. It’s the hardest part for me. Growing up, my mum used to handle it and she’d only come to wake us up when food was ready. But now that we’ve grown older, the baton has been handed down to me and my sisters. We’ve devised a roaster to make it easier but I don’t think that does much. I still get to cook four times a week. My consolation is the reward from Allah and the prayers that follow when I serve my parents.
Mariam*, 27
Ramadan is the only month when it feels like I’m in a long-distance relationship. I cut down on visits to my boyfriend and even our communication isn’t all that. Islam doesn’t quite agree with the concept of dating, so it’s just one of those “sinful” acts I tone down on during Ramadan. Does it take a toll on me? Yes. Because I don’t get to see the one person who babies me. But thankfully, he’s also a Muslim so he also understands. I can’t wait for when we’re married and spend Ramadan together as a proper couple.
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Ahmed*, 24
Outside of Ramadan, it’s easier to form unlooking when you miss your salat or hear the call to prayer. It’s hard to do that during Ramadan. It’s constantly ringing in your head that your fast is void and unaccepted if you don’t complete your five daily prayers. As someone who struggles with five daily prayers, I like that this Ramadan makes me more intentional. Is it difficult? Yes. Would I rather skip prayers? Probably. But, deep down I know I’m getting my rewards for doing one of the most basic things expected.
Jamiu*, 28
Ramadan as a bachelor isn’t easy. I can’t even tell you the number of times I’ve considered moving back home just to spend the month with my parents. It’s not just about the waking and cooking bit, there’s also the loneliness that makes the entire process hard on you. Back at home, Sahur is always a vibe. There’s the fun bit of seeing who wakes up first, we get to eat as a family and watch some of the Muslim shows that air around that time. But here, it’s just me, myself and I doing it all alone. Although I try to channel that feeling of loneliness into reading the Quran, listening to sermons and other things that can earn my rewards in the holy month.
Jumoke*, 30
There’s something different about Ramadan in the UK compared to Nigeria. Back home, there’s this sense of “Ramadan is in the air” you get. You don’t feel lonely in all of that experience of waking up to cook at midnight, going for tarawee and attending tafsir because there are so many people doing it around. It’s not like that here. This is my third Ramadan and I’ve been slightly agitated since we started because I don’t know what this one will bring. I struggled during my last two—No friends, away from my family, missed so many fasting days and cried a lot. Now, I’m part of a Muslim community and it helps. But it’s still not like fasting at home.
Abort mission if you get to the location and one or all of these people are MIA.
The lovebirds
You might be tempted to pour sand in their garri, but they make for a good festival ambience. All their lovey-dovey, “touch me, I touch you” shticks will have you rooting for love.
The clique
They’re a bunch of four to six super cool friends who go everywhere together, and they even rock similar outfits. If the lovebirds don’t move you, these ones will surely make you reconsider cutting people off and ending up without your own clique.
The fashion killers
Nothing concerns these ones with “It’s just a casual community festival”. They come to serve Vogue cover-worthy fashion, and you better believe they’ll eat with no crumbs left. You’ll learn a thing or two about fashion from them.
The ones who came for food
Yes, they care about live performances and the other cool people at the party, but their number priority is food. They’re either out and about for free tastings, haggling prices with vendors or making plans for their takeaway packs.
The content creators
These ones know that social media is half “Show evidence” and half “It didn’t happen”, so they come prepared with their phones, power banks and chargers to capture all the beautiful Instagram-worthy moments.
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The cool kids
They only want to have a good time, chill, and network with like-minded people. The good thing about them? They’re always up for cool convos, so they just might be your next best friends.
The Poco Lee protégés
They’re the walking representation of “I’m here for a good time”. Even if the DJ spins Celine Dion or Lana Del Rey, they’ll still find a way to bust fire dance moves for TikTok.
The single and searching
These ones came strictly to find love. Their major festival to-do is to participate in speed dating.
We’re collaborating with One bank to bring all these cool people to our yard on Saturday, May 11, 2024, at Muri Okunola Park.
Want to be a part of “Strings Attached”, the hottest community festival ever? All you have to do is download the OneBank by Sterling app, create a new account using ZIKOKO as the referral code, and your ticket will be reserved. The free tickets will be given out on a first-come, first-served basis, so hit the app store ASAP.
Only one person has the claim to “African Number One Bad Gyal”
Short skirts are attributed to ____
Who is Nigeria’s highest-grossing filmmaker?
The first Nigerian female artist to bag a Grammy Award is ____
In 2006, ____ was the first artist to win the Headies’ Next Rated Award
One of them is known for effortlessly depicting multiple characters in her videos
All except one of these YouTubers interview celebrities on their shows
Ankara is synonymous with ____
The Guinness Book of Record holder for “Longest Dance Party” is _____
One of them is not a music producer
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Hope you’ll bring your hot self to HERtitude 2024, or at least get your babe a ticket. Don’t miss the hottest party for women in Lagos this year.
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Please seek our assistance at the hottest all-babes party because this is an emergency situation. Get an early ticket to HERtitude 2024 here.
HERtitude 2024 is here to make its own mark on pop culture for the women. On April 20, 2024, all the hottest babes in the country will be in Lagos to partyyyy. Don’t miss it; get your ticket ASAP.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Daniel: No particular memory sticks to mind.
We attended the same family church for as long as I can remember. Both our parents were workers. When my family first joined the church, I remember thinking she was such a proper Christian kid.
Sam: I must’ve been about eight years old when he started attending our church. He was the rebellious type. My first memory of him was when he failed to memorise some Bible passages and couldn’t recite them when our Sunday school teacher asked him to. He wasn’t even sorry.
I’m not sure how we became friends, but we eventually did by the time I was 15. I think it was natural because we were around the same age and saw each other at least three days a week.
Daniel: Most of us in the same age group just became close.
When did you realise you liked each other?
Daniel: It was years after that, in 2014. We were both in uni and had stopped attending that church as regularly. We kept in contact mostly through Facebook and BBM. During one of the holidays, we decided to meet up with two of our other church friends at a mall.
Sam: I remember seeing him for the first time in about three years and thinking he’d aged well. He was so much more mature-looking.
Daniel: We took each other a lot more seriously after that.
We checked up on each other more, and I noticed our tone was much more earnest. Before then, we’d joke around and sometimes send silly jokes insulting each other. But after that first meeting, we were talking about school, plans for our careers, stuff like that.
We didn’t date immediately, though.
Why not?
Daniel: It just didn’t occur to us yet.
Sam: But then, he came to celebrate with me right after my convocation in 2017. He’d graduated the year before, and my school was in a different state from where we lived. He took the three-to-four-hour road trip to come visit me. I was touched.
Daniel: I still thought of her as a friend at that time, but a very good, important friend.
Sam: He’s like that in general. He expresses his love for people by physically showing up for them no matter what.
Anyway, after he returned home and the fanfare was over, I sat at home for a while, waiting for my NYSC posting and thinking about the few hours we spent together in school. I told God I wanted whoever I ended up with to be as kind and caring as he was.
How did you start dating?
Sam: We’ll get there.
But first, the NYSC posting came, and I got to stay in PH. We hung out once in a while until he started dating someone else. I became casual friends with her, but when they broke things off barely five months in, I was surprised. I thought they really liked each other.
I asked what happened, and he revealed to me for the first time that he had sickle cell.
Daniel: Her parents advised her not to get too serious with me, and she thought there was no point delaying the inevitable. It wasn’t the first time, but maybe because I was an adult now, the experience hit me hard.
Sam: I was heartbroken on his behalf.
That night, I researched everything there was to know about the disorder: how it affects people, treatments, cure, life expectancy. I felt so committed to him all of a sudden. The more I read, the more I understood why the girl ran, but it also made me angry at everyone and no one.
I was confused because he seemed perfectly healthy to me. I kept thinking back to every time I’d hung out with him for any sign of weakness or pain I might’ve overlooked. I called him the next day and told him not to mind her, that I would be there for him. I was so dramatic.
How did he respond?
Sam: He laughed at me and then said, “Thank you.” I could tell he appreciated my support.
Daniel: I did. I had only Sam, my mum and one of my other friends to lean on at that time. Once we all got jobs, we got busy trying to survive, and I didn’t remember to be heartbroken anymore.
Sam: By 2019, we only spoke over the phone maybe once a month. But the conversations were still good. We sent greetings, and sometimes, gifts on important days.
Daniel: On my birthday, she ordered food to my office and still apologised that she couldn’t send me a proper gift. That year, apart from my brother in Germany, who sent me £70, no one had sent me anything. I think that’s when it dawned on me that she really cared about me.
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Did you care about her too?
Daniel: I cared about her a lot. But I never thought she cared about me half as much until that day. I don’t know why.
Some weeks later, I decided I wanted to ask her out, but it felt awkward because we’d been friends for so long. I kept telling myself, “Guy, you’ve been friend or even brother-zoned.”
Sam: Meanwhile, I was there wanting him to like me so badly.
I’d dated two guys so far but always wound up comparing them to him. None of them were ever as gentle and good-hearted, not even this one guy I was very physically attracted to.
Daniel: I eventually worked up the courage to ask her out in July 2020. We met up, and she even kissed me. It was such a happy day.
What was dating like after almost a decade of friendship?
Sam: It’s been warm and familiar and comfortable.
We get each other almost too much. We had the soft honeymoon period for up to two years, where it was just pure bliss. We’d go on dates, make out for long hours, agree with each other on everything and help each other solve small issues. We even formally met each other’s parents in the first year.
Daniel: Of course, they already knew each other from church, so they were very excited. They kept saying, “See the way the Lord works?” LMAO.
Sam, you’ve experienced his crises firsthand?
Sam: Oh yes.
The first experience was scary. He was at home alone, and he called me first. My mind went blank. I dashed to his place without a single plan. But then, I got there, and he had everything figured out. He told me exactly what to do. That first time, we didn’t even have to go to the hospital, but it was quite unsettling to see him writhing in so much pain.
I cried so much after, and he was the one who still comforted me. Emotions are crazy, but the whole experience made me love him deeper.
I thought his health would be the hardest part of our relationship. But everything was fine until I told my parents about it some months later.
Did they tell you to break up with him?
Sam: Yes.
Daniel: It came as a shock to me because I’d grown to believe they loved me. But I also understood they wanted a life free of pain and undue responsibility for their daughter.
Sam: Over time, my friends and siblings found out about it too.
It got worse after we got engaged. I received a constant barrage of “Are you sure you can handle the stress long-term?” “You’ll regret this when you’re older and love has left your eyes” “You’re trying o. It can’t be me.” Someone even blatantly asked me, “Hope you know they die young?”
It’s amazing how shallow and callous human beings can be, particularly to the people closest to them.
Daniel: I’m used to being seen as my disease instead of the human that I am. It’s something people do all the time, knowingly or unknowingly. When you have something like sickle cell, diabetes or cancer, it becomes your complete identity.
Sam: People constantly judge our entire relationship based on it. My friends still greet me with, “How’s it going with him?” They have that look in their eyes that lets you know they’re talking about the sickle cell. They no longer care about other aspects of our relationship.
How do you both cope?
Sam: It’s been much better to manage since we moved to Manitoba, Canada, in 2023. We have peace of mind now.
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Tell us about the other aspects of your relationship
Daniel: Things have gone smoothly for us. The alienation has drawn us so close to each other that we mostly only rely on ourselves.
Sam: We understand each other so well now because we’ve spent so much time talking things out and exchanging advice. We’ve spoken about how we want to build our family and raise our children — who’ll be safe from the sickle cell because I’m not a carrier. We could be decisive and strategic about our japa plans because of this as well.
Daniel: Now that we’re in Canada, we have no choice but to be best friends because there’s no one else to be friends with for now.
Sam, how do your parents feel about your relationship post-japa?
Sam: They’re sympathetic over the phone, but mostly, they’ve gotten over their aversion to it. We have many joint conversations between us and both parents. Everyone is at peace and civil.
Daniel: I still sense their lack of support. They haven’t warmed back up to me to the level we were at before they knew I had sickle cell. And sometimes, they make comments that allude to my weakness or lack of ability to take care of their daughter. Especially her dad.
Sam: I never sensed this until he brought it up this year. Now, I can sense it in everything they say to him. In all, we reduce our communication with Nigeria to the minimum.
So will the wedding happen in Canada?
Daniel: At first, that wasn’t the plan. But it’s becoming more and more likely so. We’ll still try to make sure both our parents and key family members can witness it and mark the day with us. I’m speaking with my dad about it.
Sam: TBH, we now regret not having a simple court wedding in Nigeria before leaving, at least, for documentation purposes here. That way, we wouldn’t even have had to stress about it now. But somehow somehow, we go run am.
Daniel: We’re already married in our hearts. Our only concern is legal.
Sam: We also can’t wait to start with the kids. But I don’t want that to happen until we’re legally married.
Have you had any major fights yet?
Daniel: Not really.
When we first moved here, we were both quite cranky and had disagreements over the smallest things. But since one of our neighbours said it was a common reaction to the extreme cold after living in a hot environment all our lives, we’ve kind of calmed down.
Sam: Our relationship is a very soft, gentle one. When we have disagreements, we usually just talk it out. We’ve disagreed over what job opportunities to take, temperature levels — he loves the room to be chilly when he sleeps.
Back in Nigeria, we could disagree over things like food. At first, he constantly ordered food for himself without ordering for me, and I used to be so annoyed by it. Nothing serious, though.
How would you rate your relationship on a scale of 1 to 10?
Sam: 9. Nothing’s perfect.
Daniel: I disagree, so 10.
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As a fresh undergrad, your matriculation gown should spark nothing but pure joy to keep you in a constant loop of delulu so you’ll forget the years of premium shege ahead. If it cannot do something as basic as that, there’s a problem.
Today, I shifted focus from universities to see what’s happening in the academic fashion department of polytechnics. Let’s see what I found.
Kaduna Polytechnic
Photo source: InfoSuleja
If they had to be low-effort and go for blue, can they at least combine it with a different colour? Navy blue and sky blue? Haba.
Rufus Giwa Polytechnic
Photo source: Rugipopress
Another uninspiring spread of blue. Also, why do the caps look like they were pulled out from the bottom of a Ghana-must-go in an abandoned staff room?
Federal Polytechnic, Ede
Photo source: X
The looks on these freshers’ faces should tell you everything you need to know about how they feel about this gown.
Osun State Polytechnic, Ire
They’re only on this spot because I found Ede’s picture before theirs. I mean, if you take out the red and replace it with wine, what’s the difference between their gowns?
Federal Polytechnic, Bauchi
Photo source: TribuneOnline
When your gown rhymes with the plastic chair at your matriculation ceremony, you know the school doesn’t give a flying fuck about looks. They get a pass for dry cleaning sha.
YabaTech, Lagos
Photo source: Facebook
If you look at this picture with squinted eyes, you will see tubers of yam. I’m not even joking.
Federal Polytechnic Ilaro
Photo:TheNation
Let’s just say they made it to this spot for branching out from any shade of blue. The gown still screams “mid” sha.
Kano State Polytechnic
Photo source: Kanopoly.edu
Do my eyes deceive me or is that an agriculture and lemon green combo? I guess it’s better than blue.
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Delta state polytechnic
Photo source: Facebook
You know what? I rate this gown, and I’ll gladly rock it. But if you ask me why they made it this high on this ranking, I couldn’t tell.
Moshood Abiola Polytechnic
Photo source: Facebook
I admit the execution could’ve been better, but management pulled their weight to stand out from the clutter. They get a heavy C+.
Lagos State Polytechnic
Photo source: Facebook
Can we take a moment to appreciate this institution for thinking outside the box with the customised edges? They get a B+.
Federal Polytechnic, Ukana
Photo source: Fedpolyukana.edu.ng
I don’t know if it’s because the gowns are dry cleaned or it’s the cool red and black combo, but they rightfully deserve this spot.
Possible hunger aside, time is your biggest op while fasting. It’s painfully slow and drab on most days. But what if we told you there are ways to embrace delulu and willfully believe that an angel in heaven’s time management department has pressed fast forward?
Embrace hard labour
You know how you can get into house chores very early in the morning and next thing you know, it’s 3 p.m? Exactly. Hard labour speeds up time.
Don’t work from home
Let’s just say time moves faster when you’re not in your house during Ramadan. By the time capitalism and Naija traffic finishes with you, 7 p.m. for don knack.
Remove every time-tracking device
Deactivate the clock on your phone, gather your wristwatches and lock ‘em up for a month. Finally, remove batteries from the clocks in your house. The day moves faster when you have no sense of time.
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And divide the day into prayers
Don’t think of the day in hours during Ramadan; think of it in prayers. Let’s do the maths: After you pray Dhuhr, remind yourself there are two prayers left. After Asr, there is one prayer left, and when you pray Maghrib you’re done. 3 prayers >>> 14 hours.
Avoid sleep
True OGs know that 10 hours of Ramadan sleep is one hour of sleep in real life. So therefore, thou shall not slumber. Stay woke.
Trek-a-thon
Instead of sitting your ass in a private or public ride, hit the ground walking. That one hour road trip will be four hours by foot. Before you get to your destination, time to break for don reach.
Remember, Ramadan is low key the official fitfam month for Muslims, so it doesn’t hurt.
Plan a mosque tour
Most mosques run daily lecturing programmes during Ramadan. Set out every day with at least seven new addresses. Before you reach the sixth or seventh location, it’ll almost be time to break.
The inflation is inflationing, but that shouldn’t keep you from sending something valuable to your Muslim friends this Ramadan. Start with a Ramadan fruit basket to show you’re all about their well-being without breaking the bank.
Watermelon
Photo source: Nairaland
Watermelons are 90% liquid and a great choice for anyone who’s been dehydrated for hours. A small to medium-sized watermelon should set you back about ₦3000 – 3500. Watermelon slices sell for ₦150 – 200.
Pineapples
Photo source: Next Cash and Carry
If your Muslim friend or relative has a sweet tooth, you can replace the watermelon with a pineapple. A small to medium-sized one costs about ₦1200 – 2500. Pineapples contain vitamins A and C, and are great options for rehydrating a fasting Muslim.
Apples
Photo source: BO Farms
Apples have great water content and are rich in vitamins A and C, which help reduce skin issues. A medium-sized apple costs about ₦200 – 250, which means a dozen will cost no more than ₦3000.
Oranges
Photo source: KitchenButterfly
Oranges are rich in vitamin C and water, and are probably the cheapest option on this list. A dozen medium-sized oranges cost between ₦1000 – 1500. Go for the vibrant yellow, slightly heavy ones if you want them juicy.
Grapefruit
Photo source: Mile12Market
Grapefruit isn’t as sweet as an orange, but it’s another vitamin C-rich fruit with high water content. A dozen in your fruit basket should cost about ₦1500 – 3000.
Plums
Photo source: Fairway Market
If your friends and relatives find apples boring, add some plums in that fruit basket. They’re rich in water content and are good for bone health. A medium-sized plum sells for as high as ₦300 – 500. You can do half a dozen for your fruit basket.
Mango
Mangoes contain vitamins A, C and E, which are all effective in hydration. A dozen should cost about ₦1000 – 1500.
Nigerian mums will spill your secrets unprovoked during family gatherings, but they also know when to carry your secrets to the grave. When I was once diagnosed with an embarrassing medical condition five years ago, my late mum managed to keep it from the whole world.
To celebrate Mother’s Day 2024, I set out to find other people who’ve had their mums keep their wildest secrets for them.
Idris*, 25
My mum is an OG for real. The first time she caught me smoking, I thought I was done for. I was home alone and thought I had the house to myself. I lit a blunt in the bathroom, and she barged in wanting to use the toilet. There I was with weed in hand. I ran to my room as she entered. When she came out, she gave me a long and pitiful stare that told me how disappointed she was. “Let this be the first and last time. If not, you know your father and what he can do.” I thought she’d tell my dad or one of our relatives, but she never did. I still smoke, but that was the last time I lit a blunt at home.
Deji*, 31
I had an infection after NYSC camp. I went to pee and saw blood stained lumps in my urine. The sight freaked me out, and without thinking, I went to tell my mum. Next thing, she was like “Who did you have fun with in camp?” She was suggesting I had an STI. I was embarrassed AF. She immediately ordered me to go to the hospital. It turned out it was a regular urinary tract infection. The whole time I was under medication, my mum would randomly show up and say “Bawo de ni tibi” But my siblings were completely clueless. I’m glad she kept it between us.
Nosa*, 29
I failed my SS 2 promotional exams and had to repeat the class. My mum came to school the following week. I don’t know what she told the principal, but I was promoted on trial. Still, when I got home for the holidays, I walked on eggshells the entire time waiting for the day my dad would address the issue. He never did till I returned to school. That was how I knew my mum kept my secret.
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Bisi*, 40
About a month before my husband proposed, my mum came into my room one night and said we needed to talk. She asked me, “When last did you see your period? Are you pregnant?” because her motherly instincts told her I was. We went to the hospital the next day, and I was two weeks pregnant. She called my BF, told him what had happened and asked what his plans were. Few weeks later, he proposed. My wedding followed almost immediately because my mum wanted me out of the house before I started showing. The entire time, nobody knew why everything was rushed. I was grateful she kept the secret. My pastor dad would have caused a major scene if he ever knew I got pregnant out of wedlock.
Dunni*, 32
I got a two-week suspension for “bullying my juniors” when I was in SS 2. My mum got to school and was furious as hell. She actually instructed the teachers to discipline me before we left the school. On the drive home, she went on and on about how my dad would finish me. To my surprise, she took me to my grandparents to wait out my suspension and constantly visited to put me in check. The day we returned to school, she told me my dad wasn’t aware and I shouldn’t tell him. I don’t know if she kept the secret for my sake or hers, but I was glad nobody else knew.
Rahman*, 25
We travelled to my village for sallah some years back, and I was under so much pressure to come back with meat for my friends. My grandpa killed a separate cow for himself, and kept the fried meat in a big basin under his bed. The room was always locked, but he allowed me to enter because I was the youngest in the house. Anytime I entered, I would take two or three pieces of meat. This went on for a while until my grandpa noticed. He went haywire on my aunts and uncles for pilfering his meat. His outburst kept everyone on edge and almost ruined the sallah mood. When my mum found my stash of the pilfered meat, she was mad and made me return them. But that was it, she didn’t tell on me.
Bisi*, 26
My mum came to clean my room and found a condom and dildo in my wardrobe. Apparently, my clothes were scattered, and she wanted to fold them for me. I got back home, and immediately I saw how well arranged my room was, I checked my wardrobe and both items were gone. I didn’t bother asking her, and she didn’t mention it for weeks. Finally one day, she said something about not bringing “foolish things” inside the house. I knew what she meant. And that was the last of it.
