Notice: Function _load_textdomain_just_in_time was called incorrectly. Translation loading for the wordpress-seo domain was triggered too early. This is usually an indicator for some code in the plugin or theme running too early. Translations should be loaded at the init action or later. Please see Debugging in WordPress for more information. (This message was added in version 6.7.0.) in /home/bcm/src/dev/www/wp-includes/functions.php on line 6121
Nigerians | Page 29 of 44 | Zikoko!
  • The Headache of Dealing With Digital Money Lenders in Nigeria, According to 5 Nigerians

    The Headache of Dealing With Digital Money Lenders in Nigeria, According to 5 Nigerians

    There’s a chance that you’ve once received a random message or call — with the caller sounding like they’re at death’s door — informing you that a family member or friend you haven’t even spoken to in years, owes an amount of money and will be disgraced soon. 

    On the off chance that you haven’t experienced this, you must have come across some “instant loan” offers.

    What’s it like to take loans from some of them? Here’s what these Nigerians had to say:

    “I still don’t know how they got all my contacts”

    — Omolayo*, 27

    I had been getting their promo text messages for a while and since I urgently needed money, I thought to try them out. I borrowed about ₦6k and I think I had to pay a total of ₦8k after 15 days. It was a relatively straightforward process — I had to provide my details, BVN and the details of two guarantors. 

    The problem started when I didn’t pay immediately after the 15 days were up. They started calling everybody on my contact list, not even my guarantors. They even threatened to get me arrested.

    Thinking about it now, maybe they got the information through my BVN. This whole calling my contacts thing wasn’t communicated to me beforehand. I never paid back, and they didn’t do anything after the calls. I’m still waiting for the promised arrest.

    RELATED: Eight Clear Signs That You Were Dropped On Your Head As A Child

    “It should be illegal.”

    — Amaka*, 31

    To be fair, I knew the risks when I took out a loan from this app, but I desperately needed the money. I figured that even if I didn’t have it by then, I could borrow the required amount from another lending platform to settle it. 

    Things didn’t go as planned, and I started receiving calls from them on the day I was to pay them back. Within a few hours, they began sending messages to my contacts with my name, age and BVN, threatening to post my pictures everywhere the next day and brand me a thief. 

    It was so embarrassing to receive calls from my bosses and church members. I eventually paid back and was so happy when I learned that the government had shut them down.

    RELATED: Ten Ways to Handle Loan Apps Trying to Disgrace You

    “Honestly, I blame myself.”

    — Femi*, 24

    I first heard about this loan app from my roommate at the university. The thing is, I got a text message informing me that this roommate had collected money and was yet to pay it back. It went further to say, “The whole family of [my friend’s name] is not to be trusted. Inform him to pay up his loan because devastating things could be done to his family’s reputation.” 

    I didn’t pay attention to it then and forgot to bring it up. Later on, I needed money myself and decided to try them — I figured they only made the threats if people defaulted. I took a loan and paid it back within the time frame. I soon became a regular customer, but the first time I delayed payment for a day, my family members received calls and messages.

    The funny thing is that they never apologise for tainting your reputation after paying back. I guess that’s the way it is.

    “They still sent texts to take another loan after disgracing me.”

    — Linda*, 33

    I’m a single mum and the sole provider of my daughter’s needs. I bowed to pressure to take a one-time loan when I urgently needed to sort out my daughter’s school fees. The interest was quite high — I think about 20% — and I was to pay it back after three weeks. 

    When the date approached, I realised I needed more time, and I tried to see if I could extend it, but it just wasn’t happening. When I missed repayment by one day, they texted me that they would publish my obituary. I thought it was a joke. 

    They started threatening my contacts and disturbing them with persistent calls. It was a nightmare. People that hadn’t bothered to check on me and my child for years now knew we were in trouble. 

    When I eventually paid, I swore never to have anything to do with them again. A few days later, they sent me another text asking to get “instant collateral-free loans.” They should hold it.

    “It’s still a business.”

    — Joe*, 26

    I regularly take loans from these online guys because I run a monthly joint savings thing with some friends. My salary doesn’t come in regularly, and I sometimes have to rely on these loan apps to meet the monthly savings deadline. 

    I always keep to repayment time, so I haven’t had any ugly experiences. I think they go to these lengths just to secure their money back. I’ve gotten messages informing me about friends or colleagues that defaulted, and though I agree that most are too extreme, I figure they just do what they gotta do.


    *All names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    READ THIS NEXT: These Five Nigerians Were Wrongly Broke-Shamed. How Did They Feel?

  • QUIZ: Can You Ace This Simple Skincare Quiz or Are You Ashy?

    QUIZ: Can You Ace This Simple Skincare Quiz or Are You Ashy?

    Do you really care about your skin or you’re just winging it? With skincare becoming more popular, we believe that everyone should know some basics about their skin–don’t disappoint us.

  • QUIZ: What Type of Annoying Colleague Are You?

    QUIZ: What Type of Annoying Colleague Are You?

    The workplace is a mixture of the most annoying people you’ll find. Which one are you? Take this quiz and we’ll tell you:

  • Forget Ice Cream, These Comfort Foods Actually Bang

    Forget Ice Cream, These Comfort Foods Actually Bang

    You’re watching a movie, and the female lead character is downing ice cream by the litre and looking like someone stole her boyfriend. Maybe someone did steal her boyfriend, but that’s not the point. 

    My point is that countless movie tropes have made us believe that ice cream is the pinnacle of comfort eating. But they lie.

    Update your meal plan — or whatever rich people call it — with these banging comfort foods today:

    Jollof rice and fish

    Yes, fish. No one made it a rule for jollof rice to always be paired with chicken. Try the fantastic combo of jollof rice and grilled fish, and tell us if it doesn’t immediately transport you to those days when you used to tag along with your mum to those weekly owambes. Ice cream what?

    Moi-Moi

    On a lazy Saturday morning, a plate of steaming hot moi-moi (which can be paired in a number of ways) might help you temporarily forget that weekends are made in China. 

    Full option amala

    When I say full option, I mean amala, gbegiri, ewedu and plenty obstacles. I can already feel all my problems melting away just thinking about it.

    RELATED: Seven Foods That Give Post-Meal Clarity

    Stir-fry spaghetti with plenty orisirisi

    Shrimp, chicken strips, carrots — anything you can think of, just add them. If the end-product doesn’t make you happy, then your problem is bigger than Nigeria.

    Honey-glazed chicken wings

    Have you ever imagined what heaven tasted like? Try this with your favourite chilled drink, and you’ll want to burst out in song.

    Spicy noodles

    Just add pepper. Sure your nose may start running the marathon, and you’ll likely drink more water than Aproko Doctor, but your stomach will be happy. Do it.

    Cake

    Cake is elite, and you don’t need to limit yourself to enjoying it only on birthdays and special occasions.

    Shawarma

    Shawarma had to make this list because the second-best thing about elite comfort eating is that you don’t have to cook it.

    RECOMMENDED: Are You Sleeping on These Underrated Bole Combos?

  • 8 Sure-fire Ways to Land Your Dream Job

    8 Sure-fire Ways to Land Your Dream Job

    First off, no normal person dreams of labour. Yes, we said it. However, man’s gotta eat.  

    Since we get multiple stories about terrible job experiences as well as the best work experiences, we decided to share the sure ways to land your dream job. You’re welcome.

    1. Take the company’s name to the mountain

    Why bother sending out CVs when you can simply pick out the company you want and fire prayers on them? Any mountain will do.

    Tech Unicorn, locate me by fire.

    2. Offer sacrifices

    If prayer is not your thing, just look for a Nollywood-esque calabash and get creative with the content. For the best results, include your dream company’s name on a piece of paper, pour red oil on it and drop it at a T-junction. Just don’t let anyone catch you.

    Drop it at night, for obvious reasons.

    3. Shout, “Do you know who I am?” at the interview

    If you do land an interview and you notice it isn’t going well, just stand up and start beating your chest as if your bank deducted your last 1k. Got it? Then start shouting, “Do you know who I am?” Since most Nigerians are wired to fall at the feet of rich and violent people, this hack will work eight out of ten times.

    RELATED: Recruiters Share Their Worst Experiences at Job Interviews

    4. Spam their social media accounts

    Locate the company’s social media accounts and fill the comment sections with your name and email address. They will admire your tenacity and make you CEO.

    5. Rent a billboard

    You want to catch the attention of as many people as possible and show that you can think out of the box. Isn’t that what all job vacancies require?

    6. Kidnap their HR and demand your dream role as a ransom

    If they’re proving stubborn, find their HR personnel and kidnap them. Trust us. It’ll be easier for them to offer you a job than pay a monetary ransom.

    7. Announce your dream job on LinkedIn

    Fake it till you make it — or whatever Shakespeare said. It doesn’t matter that you haven’t even interviewed with them. Just announce that you’ve joined their team on LinkedIn, and they will look for you.

    8. Just resume

    If all else fails, just carry your bags and sit outside their gate. In the event that they don’t arrest you, they’ll notice your determination and offer you a job on the spot.

    READ THIS NEXT: Stress-Free Jobs You Can Do After Beyoncé Makes You Quit Your 9 to 5

  • QUIZ: We Bet Gen Zs Will Flunk This Gadgets Quiz

    QUIZ: We Bet Gen Zs Will Flunk This Gadgets Quiz

    This quiz will help fish out the Gen Zs in our midst and remind us of simpler, better times.

  • 10 Proven Ways to Get Over Someone You Love

    10 Proven Ways to Get Over Someone You Love

    Just like Burna Boy predicted, last last you eventually chopped breakfast. Or maybe you’re the one who dished it. The point is, you’re still in love with them. No shame — it happens to the best of us. 

    If you’d like to put those feelings to rest, you’re in the right place.

    1. You don’t

    This was someone you thought you’d either get married to or date forever. Imagine going back to a talking stage with someone else? Ew.

    Wendy Williams looking teary-eyed and distressed.

    2. Set apart three months (at least) for all the feels

    Just let yourself cry and go through all the emotions. Don’t let your village people tempt you to do it on Instagram Live though.

    Donald Glover crying out.

    3. Become an alcoholic

    You’ve already lost your heart, why not lose your liver too?

    Black female holding a bottle of alcohol dejectedly.

    4. Eat away your sorrows

    Food is the best way to forget about someone you love. Don’t believe us? Try this dodo and ice cream combo and see if you still remember their name.

    @zikokomag_

    #stitch with @themoodyfoody Ever wondered what ice cream and plantain taste like? @dammyeneli tried plantain ice cream so you don’t have to.

    ♬ original sound – Zikoko

    5. Get fit

    Channel that heartbreak into getting fit. You may not get your love interest back but you’ll have your summer body on lock. Lose some, win some.

    Young man lifting weights to get fit.

    RELATED: Are People Really Spending This Much at the Gym?

    6. Look through their throwback pictures

    So you can look at their pimple-faced, boot-cut trousers-wearing former selves and wonder why you ever got attracted to them in the first place. 

    Black female looking irritated.

    7. Gossip about them with your friends

    That’s if you hadn’t abandoned your friends when the love was sweeting you. You see yourself now?

    Image depicting three male choristers singing, "you are so lonely".

    8. Make mad money

    You need to focus on important things if you want to heal. What’s more important than making money?

    Lady giving advice to help her female friend get over a love interest.

    9. Get married

    So you can pepper your ex see that there are literally billions of other people out there for you.

    Nigerian gele-wearing female giving love advice.

    10. Block them

    They might try to come back when you eventually reclaim your bad bitch status and you simply don’t need that energy in your life.

    Black male holding an exit sign.

    RECOMMENDED: These Heartbreak Stories Will Make You Rethink Your Relationship

  • Did BTS Just Breakup? 7 Nigerians Share How They Feel About It

    Did BTS Just Breakup? 7 Nigerians Share How They Feel About It

    The K-pop boy band BTS, also known as the Bangtan Boys, recently celebrated their ninth year of making music, with fans on a live dinner. At this virtual event, they announced they would take a break from the boy band to focus on solo projects. 

    The news sent shock waves through the heart of their ever-loyal ARMY, and of course, we had to interview Nigerian ARMY to find out how they’re taking the news. Here’s what they had to say: 

    Zia

    Watching the live dinner at first, there was a problem with the English translation. It said they were going on a hiatus, so I freaked out. I’ve been through group hiatuses that led to disbandment before. I panicked for like 30 minutes, telling myself I couldn’t go through it again. 

    Ever since I discovered BTS, I’ve never been without them. Even when they weren’t dropping albums, there was always some kind of content from them. They’d drop snippets on Twitter, pictures on IG, and they had a regular variety show, RUN BTS. A hiatus meant we wouldn’t be getting any content.

    BTS is what’s keeping me sane in this country, so my sanity was hanging by a thread. But after the company released the speech on Weverse, I realised it was a mistranslation. They would just be working on solo projects from now on. 

    I understand how it feels to want to explore new things. They’ve been making music together for nine-plus years. My boys deserve to try new things as individuals, and I know their friendship will be stronger because of this. I’ll miss them releasing group projects. But I know they still love us, themselves and making music. They’ll always be BTS. They’re just leaving the nest a little, to do something different. And I’m okay with that. All I want in this life is to see them in concert once, at least. 

    RELATED: K-pop Stans in Nigeria Can Relate to These Struggles

    Jungkook’s girlfriend 

    I cried when I first heard the news because they were crying during the live dinner. After watching it and reading the official statement, I cried again. It hit me that it wasn’t even because BTS wouldn’t release music together in a while — they have a comprehensive discography — but because they were scared to tell us they wanted to take a break to do things for themselves. 

    It was devastating to hear at first, but they recently released an anthology album and some of their unreleased demos, which is a huge deal. I’ll just immerse myself in that until they come back. Plus, even though they won’t be releasing music as a group, they’ll do it individually, allowing me to experience each member outside BTS. They’ve had some solo projects during the nine years they’ve been together, but this will be different, and I’m looking forward to it. I have mixed feelings, but I’m mostly happy and excited about this new experience. 

    Rosie

    I feel okay about it. BTS needs a break, and I can’t wait for their solo album. I think it’s great that they’re doing this because they’ve been releasing music consistently for years, not that I’m complaining. If you look at Blackpink now, they are musicians who do other things that interest them, like acting. So BTS should try different things too, and when they return, they’ll be stronger. I just want them to do solo projects and enjoy it. It would be great to see V act again because he did such an excellent job in Hwarang. I know some ARMY are unhappy about this, which is sad because they should be supporting them. 

    RELATED: Popular K-Pop Fandoms And How to Identify Them

    Tobi

    Honestly, I’m glad it’s not an actual hiatus and more like a break. BTS won’t release music as a group for a while, but they’ll have their solo projects and continue to appear as a group on their variety show, Run BTS. Knowing we’ll still have content makes me happy, tbh. 

    In my K-pop group chat, twisting the boy’s words and claiming it was disbandment news. Those with sense know better than to make a fuss about this. I’ve been waiting for this. They’ve worked hard as a team because it was their only option. Now that they’ve achieved all their dreams as a group, they deserve to fulfil their individual dreams. 

    Kosi

    I’m a relatively new fan of BTS. I’m still listening to many of their old songs, so sometimes, I wonder if I count as an ARMY. But watching the live dinner and listening to them cry as they talked about how they were scared to do this made me sad. It also made me realise I’d chosen the right group to stan because, look at them thinking of us first, instead of themselves. ARMY has been using the hashtag #BTSItsOkayToRest since the news came out, and I support it wholeheartedly.

    I discovered BTS in the thick of the pandemic, and their music felt like a hug. Like an older brother patting your back all the time. So imagine listening to them talk about wanting to take a break in 2020 after the ON era. Still, they felt responsible for being there to help their ARMY heal during the pandemic. It had me in tears. We don’t deserve them. 

    They just released an anthology album with more songs and demos, so we’ll be fed for a while. I’m excited to catch up on everything they’ve been doing and all the new projects they’ll release individually. Not to speak for such a vast fandom, but I’m pretty sure we aren’t going anywhere. We are here to stay. And like they said in Butter, “Got ARMY right behind us when we say so”. There’s no lie there, borahe

    RELATED: We’re Still Not Over BTS “Proof of Inspiration” Videos 

    Dunni

    Omo, I heard the news about the hiatus on Twitter because I didn’t watch the live dinner to the end — please, my attention span isn’t that good. I was confused because I didn’t know what to think. I saw lots of TikToks about how they would take a break to relax. It was giving vacation. Then, I heard they were taking a break as a group but will be releasing solo works and Run BTS. It made me sad to see some people react as if their careers have ended. 

    This is why I can’t be a K-pop idol, me that I like to sleep. If I say I want to take a break and people start crying, I will just change it for them. This break is not a forever thing. They will return. They’re just tired, and rest is okay. I’d rather they took a proper break to rest for like two months because they deserve it. But I’m happy for them and excited for their solo projects sha. Meanwhile, I want ARMY to stop depending on them for now and rely on Jesus. Please, let them rest. 

    Prodigal ARMY

    I think the hiatus is necessary, but maybe because I’m a prodigal stan. After all, if it were Stray Kids or NCT, I would end up at the bridge. I watched the live video, and Namjoon clearly explained that it wouldn’t be time off from music, just time off as a group. I think it makes sense. Because while they all have a few solo works, they haven’t explored their individual colours enough. 

    I think it’s important for people to know the artist Suga or Jin and not just their positions in the band. Just like Kai from EXO, whose identity was the hot dancer or second maknae kid. When Kai released his solo album, we finally got to see his view on art. He had so much to say, and it ended up being beautiful. 

    I’m happy BTS will still feature in each other’s work at the end of the day. All I can do is look forward to J-Hope’s solo work and trust in leader RM’s words that they’ll be back together as the beloved BTS. 

    READ ALSO: Top 7 BTS Music Videos Everyone Should Watch

  • What She Said: I Lost All My Money and Started Over at 48

    What She Said: I Lost All My Money and Started Over at 48

    Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here. This is Zikoko’s What She Said.

    This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 55-year-old Nigerian woman. She tells us about losing herself after marriage, losing all her money to her husband at 48 and relearning independence on the journey back up.

    Tell us what happened

    Seven years ago, I found out that all the money I’d made so far was gone. I was 48, and my account was zero.

    Ye

    It was crazy. When I got married at 27 in 1994, my husband and I decided to have a joint account. I believed the husband was the head of the family, so I put everything I worked for in this account. 

    Then, I found myself in a situation where I had to ask him before I could spend any of it. After 21 years and three children together, I discovered he wasn’t faithful in managing our money. 

    Not just that, there was suddenly nothing left to manage. 

    What do you mean nothing?

    I mean zero naira.

    By the time I was aware of this, it felt too late to do anything about it, but I’m happy I was able to find it in myself to start over anyway. 

    Hold on. How did you find out? 

    By accident. It happened because I lost my job. 

    For about five years, I was COO at an HR consulting company. I actually worked three jobs at the same time because I was also an executive director of my husband’s publishing business and marketing consultant for a private medical facility.

    Then in 2014, I left these jobs and started working at a bigger HR consulting firm that turned out to be toxic. The CEO would scream insults at the staff the whole day, and I worked directly with him. Add that to the physical intimidation and hyper-micromanagement, I was suddenly having anxiety which I’d never experienced before. 

    That sounds awful

    It was. Knowing I had to face that every day made me rethink the job. Meanwhile, the scope of my work grew far beyond what we’d agreed on. And after three months, it became clear he didn’t intend to meet our agreement on commission payments either. 

    I left the company in 2015, before I was confirmed, basically halting my career. I was out of work and at home for possibly the first time in my adult life. And that was when I experienced divine providence. 

    RELATED: The #NairaLife of a Mother of Two Who is in Between Jobs

    What happened?

    Shortly after I’d left my job, my phone was stolen. My husband has run his own business — dealing in properties, fuel distribution and publishing — since 2012. When I told him I needed a new phone, he gave me his old one. His reason was he didn’t want us to overspend since I was temporarily unemployed. He was upset I quit the job even though I told him how terrible it was.

    I’m sure he still doesn’t know that recordings of his old calls were on that phone. I don’t know what led me to listen to them, but that’s how I found out he had another “family” or priorities that involved finances, and most of what we’d saved together had gone into that. None of it was used to invest, build our own home or improve our status.

    Hold up. What do you mean “another family”?

    He had girlfriends around town whose rents and furnishings he was paying for. He even drove some of them from place to place so they didn’t have to pay for transportation. And I’ve never been able to confirm this, but it’s possible he has a little daughter for another woman.

    After I found all that out, I had two options: grovel, fight, complain and die with it, or rise and start all over again. 

    These are very valid choices

    Well, I did both. A little bit of the first for many months after confronting him. He was  apathetic, and I was devastated and in grief like someone had died. But then, I woke up one day and moved on.

    How does someone wake up and move on from a life-shattering occurence??

    The first thing I realised was I had zero support system. And that was what I needed most at the time. I’d spent my marriage slowly being isolated from family and friends. So I started putting myself out there completely. 

    I had to let people know I exist, what I could do and the advantages of getting close to me. I also found a couple of communities, like my secondary school and university alumni, that helped me relearn how to have fun and do the things I haven’t done in ages — like start a business, for instance.

    Tell me about that

    It took about five years of hard work, prayer and tears — and diversification from HR into events, IT design and training, corporate communications and network marketing — to break even business-wise. In 2017, I joined a network marketing team that’s given me access to government contracts, financial classes and investment in cryptocurrency.

    The schedules can run you from here to infinity, taking care of three kids, bringing two of them up to adulthood, all while growing new businesses. I didn’t leave my marriage, so I’ve also had to manage that relationship and create boundaries, then do my best to ensure our children were well-adjusted despite everything. 

    There are so many crazy things you learn growing up that as you get older, you disabuse yourself of, shedding some very caustic ones and trying to give yourself clean energy.

    What are some things you unlearnt?

    I suddenly realised I didn’t know who I was. I’d somehow lost track of finding myself in my youth. When the life-changing discovery about my marriage and finances happened, I had to learn how to do things myself, to be self-reliant. 

    It’s been seven years and I travel a lot more now. In the past, I couldn’t because I had to “stay and take care of my home”. I went to Dubai with my old secondary schoolmates in 2017, and it was therapeutic to reconnect with them on a strictly fun trip away from family. We take similar trips at least once a year, and I’m glad I can just up and go now.

    I’ve learnt to put myself out there too; to attend events and speak up more. I used to believe you had to “let your work and character speak for you”. It was a huge struggle to get people to buy into my businesses for the first year, and discovering why helped me unlearn all that. If you don’t go out and engage with people, how do you expect them to trust and invest in you?

    Preach

    It’s been a complete 180-degree shift for me. Seeing my belief and thought systems from a wider perspective, they became subjective. Sometimes, we think failure is a weakness, but I’ve learnt it can be a strength if you can start over.

    What would younger you think about where you’re at now?

    I had dreams. I wanted to sing, write and travel the world. I wanted to have a charity because I saw a lot of need around me. I wanted my kids to have the things my parents gave me. As a child, my siblings and I went to sports clubs, had summer vacations, and more. 

    Then, I became caught up in Christianity. I had so much faith, but I’ve realised in hindsight that it shouldn’t preclude common sense. In the past, we believed everything they said in church, hook, line and sinker, and followed without understanding.

    How did that lead up to you losing yourself? 

    I was satisfied to marry someone who shared my faith and didn’t pay attention to whether he would support my dreams. I pushed my personal plans from the forefront. 

    We started courting as soon as I graduated from university in 1991. I was quite young, so I buried myself in the relationship and let it subsume me. We were both passionate about our religion, so it wasn’t obvious at the time. Everything I wanted to contribute to the world, I put into our eventual marriage, until I lost myself.

    There’s a lot to learn from that. What’s one thing that makes you happy now?

    The fact that my businesses are going strong. At least, I have up to $2000 in savings now. And I started investing in stocks, bonds and cryptos in 2017. 

    Time spent with my children also makes me happy. I’m proud to say they’re old enough to teach me things. From them, I’ve learnt how to relate with people, to be less uptight and enjoy life properly, to write and use social media. And I’m humble enough to know I’m not always right, that they aren’t always wrong. 

    Two of them are full-grown adults who aren’t always available. So I’m even happier when I’m with them. We play Monopoly, sing along to Davido, Kizz Daniel and Eminem. When we play, dance and eat together, these are the times I’m happiest.

    YOU WANT TO READ THIS NEXT: What She Said: I Love My Children, But I’ve Never Liked Them

    If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why

  • We Curated These Sites to Help You Make Money Online

    We Curated These Sites to Help You Make Money Online

    As a young Nigerian well aware of the current state of the economy, you’ve probably toyed with the idea of exploring alternative options to earn more money.

    The rise of internet-based business opportunities has transformed the traditional approach to work, allowing users to connect with service providers globally. However, the young Nigerian looking to make money online has to consider certain factors: What are the trusted online sites accessible from Nigeria? What are the opportunities for securing payment in foreign currencies with a Nigerian bank account?

    Let’s explore some of the trusted money-making sites worth considering:

    1. Upwork

    Upwork is a favourite among individuals who seek out freelance opportunities. The website allows freelance writers, designers, translators, editors, and consultants (almost every category, really) to bid for jobs and land paying clients. 

    How to make money on Upwork

    To get started as a freelancer, you would need to complete your profile and upon approval, the site goes ahead to highlight the ideal jobs for your skillset. What follows involves bidding for jobs (which have been posted by clients who require a service), interviewing, and eventual hiring.

    All processes, including hiring, contract tracking, and payments are handled through the site, ensuring that freelancers are certain of due payment. Upwork currently charges between 5%- 20% service fee per successful contract.

    How do you get paid?

    Transactions on Upwork are typically done in US Dollars. Facilitating payment to your Nigerian bank account is relatively easy; users just need to input their bank details and required sort codes and receive the naira equivalent of the dollar payment via wire transfer. 

    Is Upwork legit?

    Yes. The site was launched in 2015 after two major freelancing sites, oDesk and Elance, teamed up to rebrand. Upwork is currently one of the world’s largest freelancing platforms with over 18 million users.

    Pros and Cons

    Pros: Freelancers rarely have to bother about ensuring clients pay for service rendered as the site ensures that funds are confirmed in escrow before the job is done. It’s also fairly easy to get jobs on the platform and make money.

    Con: The commission fees on every contract are a common complaint. At the end of the day, Upwork is still a business.

    2. Skillshare

    Skillshare offers creators the opportunity to teach an online class and get paid for it. Classes can range from subjects like film or fashion, UI/UX Design to entrepreneurship and photography. Teachers can then promote their classes and participate in related Skillshare forums.

    How to make money on Skillshare

    Teaching degrees are not required and when people take your class, you get paid a percentage. It also costs nothing to publish a class on Skillshare.

    How do you get paid?

    Payment is done via monthly royalties based on the number of minutes (usually between $0.05 to $0.10 per minute) watched in your classes plus a referral bonus for every student you refer to Skillshare. For users in Nigeria, payment is made via wire transfer, and funds are usually received after a day (or as determined by the bank).

    Is Skillshare legit?

    While there have been certain issues with usability for certain customers, teachers generally find the site easy to use. Skillshare is one of the largest websites in the e-learning space with over 27,000 classes.

    Pros and Cons

    Pros: There are no degrees required; anyone with the required knowledge can publish classes for free. It is also a good source of side income. 

    Con: It might be difficult to earn a lot of money as a beginner.

    3. Fiverr

    Fiverr is another website that connects freelancers with clients willing to pay for a service, commonly referred to as “gigs”. As the name suggests, gig pricing starts at $5.

    How to make money on Fiverr

    Upon profile completion, freelancers then list out the services (and pricing) offered. Services can range from writing, designing logos, creating online content, providing voice-overs, and many more. Fiverr gigs are typically quick and the freelancer (or seller) needs to include well-written descriptions that communicate the expected value.

    How do you get paid?

    Nigerians can withdraw their earnings from the platform using Payoneer; a payment platform that is open to use in Nigeria.

    Is Fiverr legit?

    Yes. Fiverr is a legitimate freelancing platform.

    Pros and Cons

    Pros: It is relatively easy to use and with the right skills, freelancers can quickly make money from the site.

    Con: Due to the popularity of $5 gigs, many clients expect low rates, and competition can be stiff.

    4. Jumia

    Jumia is easily the most popular online marketplace in Nigeria and even if you’re not interested in selling directly on Jumia, you can still make money on the site.

    How to make money on Jumia

    Jumia offers affiliate partnership (also referred to as the Key Opinion Leaders program). This means that you can promote the products on Jumia and can get up to 11% commission on every successful order made using your affiliate link. This option works best if you have a social media presence or blog community; all you need to do is sign up for the affiliate program, find the products your community needs and encourage purchase.

    How do you get paid?

    Partners can track their earnings and commissions are usually paid at the end of the month, using a pre-selected mode of payment such as a bank transfer.

    Is Jumia legit?

    Yes. Jumia is a legitimate online marketplace, and this should build trust in your prospective customers.

    Pros and Cons

    Pros: Jumia has a trusted presence in Nigeria and with the affiliate program, partners do not need to buy any product and registration is completely free.

    Cons: Payment is dependent on the frequency of successful orders and prospective partners will need to have considerable influence to make the most of the affiliate program.

    5. Guru

    Guru is another freelancing site that offers users the opportunity to turn their skills and expertise into lucrative businesses. Membership is free and the site caters to freelancers with a wide range of skills like finance, photography, web design, business consulting, etc.

    How to make money on Guru

    Similar to most freelancing sites, you can create a profile outlining your key skills and capabilities for free. After completing your profile, you can browse jobs online and can bid on jobs that you like. You can also set up notifications for new job postings.

    Guru allows users to set a fixed price for jobs and ensures freelancers’ earnings are protected using Safepay protection.

    How do you get paid?

    Nigerian users can process payment using wire transfer to a Nigerian bank account or via Payoneer.

    Is Guru legit?

    Yes. While Guru might not be as well known as other similar websites, it is a trusted freelance site with millions of users.

    Pros and Cons

    Pros: The site offers free membership, secure payment and job listings customised to the user’s skills.

    Con: There is the possibility of potential fake clients and users are advised to take caution. 

    Note: While these are all trusted sites for money-making online, prospective users are advised to do due diligence when interacting with clients and other users.

    NEXT READ: How Do These Nigerians Navigate Money in Relationships?

  • Instead of “How Was Your Night?”, Ask These Questions

    Instead of “How Was Your Night?”, Ask These Questions

    Let’s be honest: “How was your night?” questions are unnecessary. Do people really want to hear about how the endless screams of your neighbour’s generator meant you didn’t get any sleep, or it’s just an attempt to make conversation? 

    Don’t be basic. When you feel tempted to ask someone how their night was, ask these questions instead:

    What bank do you use?

    Of course, this needs to be followed by a request for their account number. Trust us, a credit alert in the morning will add colour to the rest of anyone’s day.

    What’s your favourite luxury designer brand?

    Bonus points if you’re trying to win their heart; a gift from their favourite designer will do all the talking.

    Have you gotten your PVC?

    Have you heard the price of oil in the market? Let’s help each other, biko. Nigeria needs saving.

    Do you like semo?

    We don’t need to tell you that if they answer “yes,” they’re cancelled. 

    Are you active on Twitter NG?

    Nigerian Twitter is the ghetto and we’ve heard that the people there are not always alright. Stay woke, bestie.

    Does meatpie and water qualify as food on a date?

    You better ask them before you go on a date with them and get dragged for ordering something else.

    Do you have japa plans?

    So you can beg them to show you the way before you wake up one day to see they’ve posted “welcome to a new dispensation”.

    How is the light in your area?

    Secure your next charging spot because you’ll never know when Nepa decides to start moving mad.  

    NEXT READ: Try These Instead of Sleeping

  • 8 Millennials Share the Reason Why They Stayed at a Job They Hated

    8 Millennials Share the Reason Why They Stayed at a Job They Hated

    If you’ve ever worked in a toxic environment or done a job you absolutely hated, you might have toyed with the idea of resigning, or even gone through with it.

    Recently, there’ve been multiple stories by Nigerians who decided to pull the plug on jobs and opportunities that weren’t worth it. But what about those who don’t have the luxury of choice?

    We spoke to a few Nigerian Millennials about it, and here’s what they had to say:

    “I needed to pay for school”

    • Yemi*, 28

    I was doing a bachelor’s program at the National Open University. I had a diploma from a polytechnic in the South-West and I used this certificate to get a teller job at one small microfinance bank. My salary was basically paying for the bachelor’s program, so when my boss would scream and rain insults at the slightest thing, I had to ignore it. I was later sacked after another tantrum, but if it were up to me, I wouldn’t have left — I had no other option.

    “I was hoping for a federal job”

    • Gloria*, 31

    I reside close to a popular federal government agency and I know a lot of their staff. Everyone wants a government job because of the security and freedom to explore side hustles. So, I volunteered to work with one of the directors in this agency, hoping that he’d give me a slot when recruitment opens. It was a frustrating period — my days were filled with typing olden-day-style letters and baseless errands, it seemed like no one was thinking progressively; they just looked forward to receiving salaries. I stayed for three years before I got a job elsewhere.

    CHECK OUT: These Nigerian Graduates’ First Job Hunting Experience

    “I have a family”

    • Joseph*, 36

    I worked as the business development manager of an international education agency and my boss had too many issues. If he wasn’t warning me not to bother thinking about stealing his clients, he was berating me for not meeting impossible targets. I’m a married man with two kids and I definitely can’t decide to fold my hands and watch my family starve because of one man’s tantrums. I stayed for about two years till I secured another job.

    “I couldn’t afford a career gap”

    • Ronke*, 27

    I joined this company, and within three months, I already knew I needed to leave. The boss had this thing where it was like she really liked the staff whose job I took when said person resigned and it resulted in a struggle to live up to the ex-staff’s standards. There was nothing I did that this woman approved of. I had to stay because I didn’t have any other job lined up and I didn’t want to have a gap on my CV.

    “My aunty got me the job”

    • Lisa*, 29

    I was at a desperate point in my job hunting and my aunty connected me with a company. The salary was quite small but I was grateful for the experience. Two weeks into the job, I discovered that the company policies didn’t leave room for growth and often rotated staff between departments without adequate orientation. It wasn’t ideal and it led to frequent panic attacks but I didn’t want to disappoint my aunty by resigning.

    “One word — Money”

    • Ehis*, 35

    I worked in the customer service department of a telecoms company. I hated having to deal with entitled and downright rude customers but my salary was paying my bills so I just sat my ass down.

    “I needed to leave the house”

    • Oge*, 27

    I’m an unmarried 27-year-old still living with my parents. It was either managing my toxic workplace where office politics was rife or sitting at home at the mercy of my mother’s constant marriage-nagging. Keeping the job was the lesser of two evils.

    “I don’t like poverty”

    • Ade*, 33

    I’ve worked with my fair share of horrible bosses but I try not to let them get to me. To a large extent, you only have as much power over my state of mind as I allow you to. So when I work with micro-managing, tantrum-throwing people, I just think about my salary and leave them to their games.

    *All names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: Five Nigerians Share Their Experience with Fake Job Interviews

  • This Quiz Knows if You Secretly Love Spanking

    This Quiz Knows if You Secretly Love Spanking

    Have you considered including erotic spanking on your to-dos with your partner or you want to try it but have been held back by your Nigerian mother’s home training? 

    Take this quiz and we’ll tell you where you belong.

  • QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Tell You What to Step Down From

    QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Tell You What to Step Down From

    Since our leaders have decided that stepping down is the next fun thing to do, we’ve decided you need to be part of that action too.

  • 6 Struggles Every Content Creator in Nigeria Can Relate To

    6 Struggles Every Content Creator in Nigeria Can Relate To

    Content creators know that it isn’t exactly the easiest job in the world. But being a content creator in Nigeria is another kettle of fish.

    Here are 6 struggles every Nigerian content creator can relate to:

    NEPA will frustrate you

    Do we even need to explain this? At this point, we all know that NEPA only exists to disgrace you because why is it when you’re in the middle of recording your TikTok for the seventh time that NEPA decides they want to do their job and bring light. Now you have to record an eighth time because your neighbour’s siren entered the last video.

    Working from home is the absolute ghetto

    If it’s not your mum sending you on countless errands, it’s your neighbours thinking you’re jobless because you stay home all day. See finish pro max.

    Creative blocks are very real

    Your head will not always be full of banging ideas and you might feel even more pressure when you see other creators rolling out fire ideas on a steady. Come on brain, think of things!

    People keep asking for urgent 2k

    It’s like these people in your DM don’t understand that you’re also open to collecting urgent 2k. Don’t let my ring light and clean English fool you, dears. Me too I’m in need of help.

    Creator tools are not cheap

    This should even be the first point because no one told you being a content creator in Nigeria would be this expensive! Web hosting, scheduling apps, payment gateways, design tools etc. To make matters worse, pricing is mostly in dollars and the naira is always playing with your feelings. 

    Monetising can be tricky

    Creating content is one thing, figuring out a way to make money from it is another. It’s almost like, if product influencing isn’t your calling, you might as well pack your ring light to your village.

    Fidia fixes a couple of these struggles.

    Fidia is an all-in-one creator monetisation platform that focuses on helping creators like you showcase their creative work, grow their audience, and monetise their creativity. Fidia has created a suite of tools intended to help creators at various levels to become better creatives while also making that schmoney!

    Stop giving yourself a headache wondering how to earn money while still sharing amazing value and sign up on Fidia now.

  • 9 Unmissable Signs That Your Nigerian Boss Is Clueless

    9 Unmissable Signs That Your Nigerian Boss Is Clueless

    Rumour has it that Nigerian bosses are a special breed. When they’re not stressing your life expecting you to join team TikTok videos, they’re actually expecting you to work. Imagine a whole bad bitch/hard guy like you having to work for another person to make a living. Ew. 

    Sometimes though, your Nigerian boss is completely clueless and that’s just a different headache. If your boss does at least three things in this list, they’re obviously just winging it. Call them out today. 

    They’re never wrong

    Pure water will go back to ₦5 before your boss agrees to take the blame for their obvious mistakes.

    They have an accent

    Do we really need to tell you that they’re just using fine English to cover up for the fact that they don’t know anything?

    They take credit for your work

    They know you’re the reason the CEO is clapping for your team but will they talk? You guessed it —No!

    You start to do their work

    When your boss starts asking you to teach them how to save a file as a PDF, just know they’re absolutely clueless. 

    They use a MacBook

    See, the only reason your boss uses a MacBook is so that they can look serious. If you look at their laptop screen, it’s Netflix they’re watching 100% of the time. Don’t believe us? Next time you see your MacBook-using boss, run up to them and snatch their laptop before they can switch tabs. You’ll be shocked by what you see. 

    Their head do usually touch

    They’re the overall best in setting rules that do more harm than good and will eventually blame you when things go wrong.

    Your office has a relaxation lounge

    Relaxation lounge? Sorry, did you come here to play? Only someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing will create a place for work and then add a place for playing. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy, but is your name Jack?

    They know everything (and nothing)

    You might as well try talking to your fan. It’s more likely to listen than your boss.

    They actually ask for your opinion

    You mean to tell me your boss listens to you and asks for your opinion? Clueless!

    Honourable mention – You call them by their name

    A whole boss? Asking you to call them by their first name? Please, please, let’s be serious. Someone who has worked hard to get to where they are is asking you to call them by their name and you think that’s normal? Never. If you’re not calling your boss “Oga sir/madam”, “My leader” “My sponsor” or “My daily bread provider”, then that boss obviously doesn’t know what they’re doing. 

    Our advice for you? Drop them like hot potato!

    Well unless they’re paying you in dollars, in which case, link us up.

    ALSO READ: What’s the pettiest thing your boss has done to you?

  • Will Nigerian Students Ever Be Free of ASUU Strike?

    Will Nigerian Students Ever Be Free of ASUU Strike?

    ASUU has gone on strike so many times, we’ve actually lost count. The thing that seems different about this instance, though, is that everyone has seemingly resigned to their fate.

    From terrible electricity supply to alarming nationwide insecurity, and the blatant disregard for the educational sector, the Nigerian government has shown us that they don’t give a shit about citizens they’re supposed to serve.

    Another way to know that they’ve run out of (pretend) fucks to give is that elections are around the corner and they’re not even trying to make amends for their bad leadership. 

    At first, jokes flew left and right when ASUU first announced the strike. Some students even felt relieved. Because, let’s face it, being a student is hard.

    RELATED: Seven Ways Nollywood Lied To Gen-Z Nigerians About University Life

    But with every extra week at home, our peace of mind took a hit, which is pretty common if you live in a Nigerian home, and returning to school was your only escape.

    RELATED: Nine Times It Sucked To Be The Child In A Nigerian Home

    So when the Minister of Education paid ₦100M for the presidential form two months later, we all thought that money had arrived. And he was now ready to clear the debts so students who have spent seven years in school for their five year courses, could now graduate, right?

    ASUU announced that the warning strike had been called off, and students around the country began rejoicing because who wouldn’t want to dump house chores and reactivate bad bitch mode?

    RELATED: Sixteen Signs You’re Not The Bad Bitch You Think You Are

    Only for the second paragraph to read that they were ending the three month long strike so they could start an indefinite one!

    Let’s do the math.

    If Warning strike = three months, Indefinite strike= ?

    At this point, we’re scouring the internet for the address of the nearest ASUU board member, so we can show up at his door like this.

    But yet again, we woke up to another update on Friday, May 20th 2022.

    The government had gone ahead to commence payment of ₦34billion minimum wage arrears owed, but ASUU claims that was just one of their demands and therefore, would be continuing the strike.

    The question on everyone’s mind now is, 

    What next?

    Yes, we want them to call off the strike now, but that is clearly a short-term fix because they’ll most likely go on another strike in less than nine months. Why? Because the government only ever pays enough for them to suspend the strike, not end it.

    But we don’t care. Calling it off temporarily would at least buy some people enough time to graduate.

    With all this happening, if you still believe bogus theory that says, “2.1 in a Federal University is equal to 1st class at a private one”, I recommend running an MBA in Unilag. Come back in four years when you’re done to talk about your experience. 

    In the meantime, we’ve gone to get our PVC. Because someone has to pay for this strike, and those people are sure as hell not getting our vote this election.

  • Are You Even Nigerian if You Don’t Enjoy Any of These Very Nigerian Things

    Are You Even Nigerian if You Don’t Enjoy Any of These Very Nigerian Things

    Nigeria is hard enough to live in. That’s why we can’t imagine how much harder it can be for you if you say you don’t enjoy any of these things.

    Garri

    You don’t like garri? Pearl of the trenches? The rescuer of the sapa-stricken? Best in cereal? So you’ll never know the beauty of trying garri with cold water? Fish? Groundnut? Coke?

    Man expressing shock
    Na wa.

    RELATED: 5 Garri Combinations That’ll Give You a Stomach Orgasm

    Pepper

    We can never get used to people that don’t like pepper, because why don’t you like good things? And how do you plan to show people pepper when you don’t have it?

    Woman sighing because how could someone not enjoy any of these.

    RELATED: QUIZ: How Wicked Are You?

    Cold water

    After being under the scorching sun, starting two fights with crazy Lagosians, and surviving a day without killing your coworkers, how do you cool down? If you’re not taking cold water, I have to assume you have anger issues because your body is always hot. 

    man in shock that people don't enjoy these things

    Sugar

    I know people will raise an argument that there are other alternatives to sugar.

    SMH.

    Sun

    I feel sorry for everyone that doesn’t like basking in the sun because you can’t escape it. Sorry dear.

    Rice

    How? Just How? How can you dislike rice? How can you dislike such a bad bitch? Our national reward food for good behaviour: eaten at birthdays, weddings, burials, etc? How are you even coping with Nigeria when you don’t like the one thing that gives it joy?

    RELATED: 5 Types of Rice Nigerians Need to Respect More

    Tight spaces 

    Being claustrophobic anywhere sucks but in Nigeria it’s even worse because when you’re not getting squeezed in danfos like sardine, you’re struggling with crowds at the bank.

    Noise

    Nigerians are infamous for noisemaking, from owambe parties to bus stops, to even social media. Omo, we can only imagine what you’re going through if you haven’t adjusted to noise yet. 

    READ ALSO: 6 Proven Ways to Find Love as a Couch Potato

  • QUIZ: Forget About Japaing if You Do Less Than 14/20 of These Things

    QUIZ: Forget About Japaing if You Do Less Than 14/20 of These Things

    We all want to leave the country, but Japa is not for everyone. Take this quiz to find out if you’re ready to leave Nigeria.

    Pick which of these apply to you:

  • Are Nigerians Hoping to Manifest a Better Life and Country?

    Are Nigerians Hoping to Manifest a Better Life and Country?

    Thanks to the increasing conversation around wellness and self-care, the reawakening of charismatic Christianity and books like “Think and Grow Rich”, “The Secret”, “The Law of Attraction” and “The Power of Positive Thinking”, the idea of “manifesting your dream future” is gaining waves around the world, especially post-COVID-19 lockdown. A practice that’s vaguely Christian at times, pagan other times, what is “manifestation”, does it work and is it the Nigerian secret to success or the bane of our existence?

    What does it mean to manifest?

    No, it’s not to show signs of demon possession. The basic definition of “manifestation” is using your thoughts, feelings and/or beliefs to bring something to physical reality; the “conscious creation” of circumstances that lead to a fulfilling life. You may think it’s a variation of more common religious practices like praying or meditating. And you would be correct; manifestation goes hand in hand with spirituality after all. However, while it is based on science and inspires most religious beliefs, many approaches have turned manifestation into a pseudoscience.

    There are several approaches to manifesting. People use affirmations, chants, prayers, special “angel” numbers, scripts, lightwork or they just daydream for hours. Special objects, associated with ethnic cultures, like crystals, cowries, relics, sigils, rosary, etc. also feature in many manifestation routines, as well as psychedelics. But what was once a way to raise our vibrations and connect to the universe has become a means of escaping work and responsibility.

    RELATED: 8 Ways To Manifest Wealth

    It seems all the average citizen can do these days is hope for a better future than their present. So of course, many have turned to “manifesting” as a way to accomplish something they have no control over when they’re powerless to make any real change. All you need are your dreams and a strong creative mind to imagine how nice it would be if, no, when, they come true. Perhaps it is better than the previous generation’s penchant to “settle” and be content.

    Great, right? So what’s the downside?

    Well, even Christianity says “faith without works is dead”. Manifestation compels you to stay positive and the universe to align with your positivity. But the last, important element most forget is “doing”.  When you believe you can get your dream job, for example, instead of worrying about it, or focusing on the many reasons you can’t get it, you work hard to get into a good school, get all the scholarships you need to do that and get an excellent grade to be qualified for the particular job. Then you gain even more positivity to aspire to higher levels. “Where your focus goes, energy flows”, or so Tony Robbins famously said.

    RELATED: The Zikoko Guide To Manifesting A Good Monday

    When you believe your country will be great again, you work hard to get all the qualifications and exposure you need to navigate politics, engage in community service at the grassroots level, maybe research the demographic so you can make the moves that matter, build a viable political party or get into an existing one, and work your way up. Nigerians, however, do not truly believe Nigeria will be great again, not in their generation anyway. One might say that’s why our prayers and manifestation haven’t worked so far. The Nigerian dream is to successfully leave Nigeria for good.

    Final words on manifestation

    Some manifestation guides suggest that believing in something creates it. Many religious leaders encourage us to “pray without ceasing” and believe. Not much is said for action. On the other hand, the science-based approach says that if we truly believe we can achieve something, we are willing to put in the work to achieve it. Manifestation takes work. To manifest the dream life, we need to believe we can have it, feel strongly enough to be persistent, and ultimately, do the things and behave in the way that will bring the outcomes we desire.

    READ ALSO: 9 Affirmations Every Nigerian Should Chant Before Leaving Home Every Day

  • QUIZ: Make a Playlist and We’ll Tell You How to Spend Your Weekend

    QUIZ: Make a Playlist and We’ll Tell You How to Spend Your Weekend

    Weekends should be fun but also provide you with time to rest and recover from the stress of the week, so choosing how to spend your weekend is very important.

    Pick at least 5 songs to make a playlist, and we’ll give you the perfect activity for your weekend.

    Choose the songs for your playlist:

  • QUIZ: Which Nollywood Actor Are You?

    QUIZ: Which Nollywood Actor Are You?

    Have you ever wondered what Nollywood Actor truly reflects your personality? Then take this quiz to find out if you give out a Genevieve, Jim Iyke or Tony Umez vibe.

  • QUIZ: Can You Guess Who These AMVCA Celebrities Are From Their Pixelated Pictures

    QUIZ: Can You Guess Who These AMVCA Celebrities Are From Their Pixelated Pictures

    There was no theme for this year’s AMVCA, but the outfits definitely left an impression. Take this quiz to match the right outfit to it’s owner.

    It gets even more interesting as it goes.

  • Why Watching Anime With Nigerians Is Always Hilarious

    Why Watching Anime With Nigerians Is Always Hilarious

    Nigerians are the most expressive people in the world; don’t ask us how we know, but if you’ve never watched anime with a group of Nigerians, you’re missing out on a good time. 

    Here are seven reasons ‌why watching anime with Nigerians is hilarious.

    Every genre becomes comedy

    The anime character will slice someone’s head, and one silly person will be like, “See as dem slice my guy head like goat.” it makes no sense, but everyone will burst into laughter. If you’ve been putting off watching a particular anime because it’s too scary, just invite a bunch of Nigerians to watch with you and be ready to laugh through the horror. 

    RELATED: 10 Best Feel-good Anime for Beginners

    Every character looks like someone they know

    If a character has a big head, someone will suddenly remember to mention that it looks like their secondary school principal. Another person will tap the closest person to them and say, “No be your mama, be that?” Nigerians are rude. 

    The commentary is comedy gold

    Nigerians can’t watch something and keep their thoughts and opinions to themselves, and anime will always give you a lot to talk about. If the hero is losing a fight, they’ll start encouraging them as if the hero can hear them. If the character is about to make stupid decisions, the insults they will receive will make you laugh till you fall sick.

    Nigerians are always hyped up               

    Be ready to forget what happened in some episodes, because if the hero wins a big fight, people will start shouting or singing. The best thing you can do is to pause that anime and enjoy that hilarious moment where your friends are super-hyped for no reason. You don’t want to have to keep rewinding.

    They are overdramatic as hell 

    If a side character dies, everyone will become solemn because one yeye person will now start saying shit like, “And he probably had a wife and kids at home oh! Chai, his family will be looking for him,” meanwhile, the character could be a 14-year-old orphan. Next thing you know, they’ll start trading their most painful anime character deaths because Nigerians love a good Sufferhead Olympics. 

    The moment they show a food scene, it’s over 

    Nigerians are competitive, especially when they shouldn’t be. The main character will be eating fancy-looking ramen with his friends, and someone will just be like, “Omo, I can make this thing na. Is it not noodles and egg with vegetables?” Then they’ll start talking about all the ways they make their noodles. Next thing you know, someone is cooking it to prove a point.  

    They can vex ehn

    One minute you’ve paused your anime to talk about the mad fight scene you guys just watched, and the next moment somebody is insulting your dad because you called a character weak, it’s all jokes, though, and while it can be annoying at that moment, when you think back at the memory you’d surely laugh

    ALSO READ: Annoying Conversations That Happen in Every Nigerian Anime Group Chat

    Zikoko is launching a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing.

  • QUIZ: When Last Did You Sleep Well?

    QUIZ: When Last Did You Sleep Well?

    Some of us haven’t had a good night rest since Primary 2. Take this quiz and we’ll tell you if you sleep all 8hours, less or not at all.

  • These Meals Just Taste Better as Leftovers

    These Meals Just Taste Better as Leftovers

    Sometimes you’re not in the mood to cook. And you’re also not in the mood to spend money on food, because you don’t have money in the first place.  What’s left is for you to open your fridge and check what you can re-heat. To make it easier for you, we’ve listed seven foods that taste just as good when eaten as leftovers. 

    Jollof Rice 

    Of course, this is number one on the list. Jollof rice will always bang no matter how many days it’s been kept in the fridge. In fact, the longer it stays, the better it tastes. That’s why it’s a bad bitch.

    Banga Soup 

    Banga soup bangs —pun intended — when you have to re-heat it. This is because by the second day, all the juices in the soup have settled and everything has mixed well. Because let’s be honest, Banga soup was never created to be eaten on the first day.

    Ofada Stew

    Keeping ofada stewand re-heating it days after makes the pepper settle well and come out stronger which then makes the rice —or whatever you’re eating it with— taste better. And this is why it’s a top tier leftover food, especially if you’re a fan of spicy food. 

    RELATED: QUIZ: What Celebratory Food Are You?

    Spaghetti 

    Stir-fry spaghetti that is re-fried in a pan tastes amazing. It tastes just as if you just made it. If it’s plain spaghetti you have leftover, simply mix it with any stew you have while heating and you have yourself some Jollof spaghetti.   

    Eba 

    Wait, before you cancel me, hear me out. You can eat eba the next day and it’ll still slap just as if you just made it. There are two ways this can work: re-heat the eba in a microwave, or make sure your soup is really hot and eat it with the cold eba. You’ll thank me for this. 

    Yam

    The only thing about eating yam as a leftover is that it should be eaten the next day. If not, the yam becomes too hard to eat. There’s no need to waste that extra yam that you couldn’t eat. Eat it with eggs or stew the next day. 

    RELATED: We Ranked These Yam Dishes From Worst To Best

    Fried plantain

    This only works if you’re warming the plantain in a microwave and eating it with any type of rice afterwards. That’s when it hits. 

    Ogbono 

    Ogbono tastes the same no matter how long it’s been left over for. And that means you can always count on it whenever you’re thinking of what to warm and eat. 

    Suya

    In fact, I’ll argue that leftover suya tastes better than suya you buy and eat on the same day. There’s just something different about the way the meat tastes after it’s been kept in the fridge. It’s hard to explain. It then tastes so much better when you add it to noodles. 

    Beans

    Porridge beans is another meal that can be eaten as a leftover no matter how long it has stayed in the fridge. That’s why that a lot of Nigerian households use large pots to cook beans so that if there’s nothing else to eat, there’ll always be beans. And it would still bang. Just eat it with plantain or agege bread. 

    ALSO READ: Eat These Delicious Foods And You Won’t Gain Weight. We Promise

  • Experiencing Korean Food in Lagos as a K-Drama Fan

    Experiencing Korean Food in Lagos as a K-Drama Fan

    I complain a lot about going to the same restaurants and eating the same meals (side-eyeing you, pasta) over and over again. But I never do anything about it because I’m not a big fan of drastic change. 

    But recently, I started thinking about the different Asian restaurants in Lagos that I’d like to visit —  Chinese, Japanese, and Thai restaurants. I’d finished writing my list when I remembered that I hadn’t added any Korean restaurants. But I didn’t exactly know any. This made me wonder about the Nigerian K-pop community, how many people in Lagos have visited Korean restaurants and what their experiences were like. I only knew one person, and I decided to reach out to her.

    Chidinma Igbokweuche, a writer, producer, director by day and a tech sis at night, is a lover of almost everything Korean. She’s so in love that she’s learning the language and learning about the country from Nigeria, and she’s hoping to go to film school there someday. But for now, she shares how she’s doing her best to experience Korea in Nigeria. One of those experiences was Korean food tourism in Lagos.

    As told to Dammy Eneli

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

    I always say that I’m a Korean who got born in Nigeria by mistake. I’ve loved K-dramas since 2009 and in 2018, I fell in love with  BTS. I’ve seen several kinds of Korean food in their movies and series, and I’ve always wanted to try them.  So, in 2020, when I randomly found a restaurant named Huahan in Ikeja, while Googling, I figured I might as well go and try the food of my real country. 

    I was ready to go there as soon as possible, despite the fact that I live in Victoria Island and the restaurant is far from my house. On one of the days when I felt I deserved good things, I called my fellow K-drama-obsessed group of friends and we all went to have a taste of the cuisine.

    Getting there and falling in love with the ambience 

    I haven’t been to Korea yet, but from the many movies and series I’ve watched, I know that one of the most common trees in Korea is the cherry blossom.  And while the cherry blossom at Huahan is artificial, it does enough to evoke that classic Korean ambience. There are many (many) other artificial plants on the ceilings, walls, and tables popping with bright and muted colours complementing one another. Korean restaurants and stores in Korea are very colourful; they always have many unique pastel colours all over the space and Huahan has exactly that. It’s as close to Korea as possible in Lagos.

    The Food that made me feel like I was in a K-drama

    In  K-drama restaurant scenes, there’s this thing restaurant guests do where they grill meat themselves — an experience I was looking forward to. One of the things I ordered was the meat platter, which I grilled myself. The table my friends and I sat on came with a grill installed in the middle of it (this is how every table at every Korean restaurant is). The waiter brought the raw meat, and I began to grill it. The meat was thinly cut so it didn’t take much time to grill. I used the cooking tongs to move the meat around the grill till it was done. After, I made a lettuce wrap. Lettuce wraps are like tiny meat tacos; they’re made by adding a slice of the grilled beef to a small wrap of lettuce, alongside some garlic, onions and Kimchi. After adding everything, I wrapped up and dug in.   

    Korean food korean restaurant

    For drinks, I ordered Soju, which is a Korean alcoholic spirit, and it was quite strong. It’s like the Korean version of the Nigerian kai-kai.

    RELATED: Every K-Drama Fan Wants to Try These 7 Dishes

    The one thing that surprised me was the VAT (Value Added Tax). It was ridiculously high. The VAT was 22% of our total bill, and it dramatically increased our bill. While we were eating our food,  we were also thinking about how high your bill was because of the tax.

    But of course, I still go there as often as I can because I’m obsessed and I’ll always take any chance to eat Korean food. After all, better food, na money kill am. I went there for my birthday in 2021 and I also went there last month. This is a place that takes me as close to Korea as much as possible, so until I finally go to my true country, they can collect all my money.

    ALSO READ:10 Best Korean Series You Must Watch

  • Annoying Conversations That Happen in Every Nigerian Anime Group Chat

    Annoying Conversations That Happen in Every Nigerian Anime Group Chat

    As an anime fan, if you choose not to join any group chat full of Nigerian anime fans, I understand. Those people can frustrate your life with the most foolish conversations and ruin your day with the silliest takes. Here are picks of the nine most annoying types of conversations that go on in every Nigerian anime group chat. 

    1. “Who is stronger than who?”

    You don’t know hell until you’ve witnessed people having this conversation every day. And the answer to this yeye question is none. No one is stronger than the other, hell sometimes they aren’t even from the same universe, so these comparisons make no sense. 

    RELATED: 10 of the Best Anime Opening Theme Songs Ever

    2. “Naruto is the best anime”

    We get it. You’ve spent half your life watching Naruto and now it’s all you can talk about.  But here’s the truth: there’re lots of anime series that are better than Naruto. Try dey open your mind sometimes.  

    3. “Sakura is useless” 

    Are you even in an anime group chat full of Nigerian men if they don’t bring up this conversation every day? Never mind that she proved over and over that she was just as good as her overpowered teammates. Even if the earth were to be split into two, you’d still find someone typing this in the group chat. 

    RELATED: Don’t Watch These 6 Anime Series With Your Nigerian Parents

    4. “Beat my wallpaper”

    No one wants to wake up to see 100+ wallpapers on their phone, but if you are on an anime group chat, you’ll eventually have to get used to this nonsense. Sha save the ones you like. 

    5. “Best fight scenes” 

    These conversations would be fun if they actually brought up good fight scenes that don’t involve Naruto. Can’t take you seriously if everything you love about anime comes from Naruto. 

    6. Comparing Marvel or DC characters to anime characters 

    Again, how? In what universe or multiverse will they ever get to exist at the same time? Why must you pitch two bad bitches against each other? Hell, they don’t even speak the same language. And no, Superman will not beat up one punch man. 

    7. “Best anime villain”

    The only reason this ‌conversation is annoying is that people will talk about villains like Madara and someone will come and say Frieza. That’s enough reason to swear for someone until you remember that it doesn’t even matter because the 14-year-old protagonist is going to defeat the villain anyway. 

    TAKE THIS QUIZ: QUIZ: Can You Guess The Anime From The Pixelated Image Of The Main Character?

  • QUIZ: Take This Quiz to Find Out if You’re Fit to Be Nigeria’s Next President

    QUIZ: Take This Quiz to Find Out if You’re Fit to Be Nigeria’s Next President

    Are you cut out to be the next president of Nigeria? Take this quiz to find out.

  • “Nigerians Like to Do Anyhow” — A Week in the Life of a Wedding Planner

    “Nigerians Like to Do Anyhow” — A Week in the Life of a Wedding Planner

    A Week in the Life is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week


    The subject of today’s “A Week in the Life” studied animal science in university but now plans weddings for a living in South East Nigeria. She explores the challenges of dealing with Nigerians who love to party and why she loves her job so much.

    A week in the life of wedding planner feature image design

    MONDAY

    The first thing on my mind when I wake up at 8 a.m. today is that I’ve been doing this wedding planning thing for two years.

    It feels like two lifetimes ago when I stumbled upon this line of work by chance — I studied animal science at the University of Maiduguri, so what’s my business with weddings? 

    My faith led me to event planning. I was in a Christian group back in school, where I organised and planned its events on campus. After youth service, I met a woman in Abuja who was an events decorator and started to help her out. After some time, I grew to love the business, so she took me on as an intern. My experience with planning events in uni made me confident that I’d be good at it professionally, so I also enrolled in an events agency for a training programme and got certified. 

    When I completed my training, I didn’t get any clients. People didn’t want to take a chance with an unknown, fresh-faced lady. But one day, a relative asked me to plan their big wedding — for free. The thing with family is that they always want to use people for free. I needed to get my brand out there, so I took the job. 

    In that first gig, I ran into problems. The decorator I hired was supposed to be at the venue on Thursday, but he didn’t show up until Saturday at 3 a.m. He stopped picking up my calls. I couldn’t sleep. The decorator was meant to set up a cabana for the groom and bride, amongst other elaborate things as it was a big-budget wedding — and cabanas take so much time to make. I still don’t know how I managed to pull through, but the wedding turned out successful. Since then, I’ve built my business with sheer determination. If you’re faint-hearted, you can’t succeed in this business. Nigerians like to do anyhow. 

    And as I wake up today, I’m thanking God. I take some minutes to mentally prepare for my day which will involve a lot of calls with vendors and soon-to-be-wedded couples, then I rise from bed and freshen up.

    TUESDAY

    The thing that stresses me the most about planning weddings is the unpredictability of it all. I got five proposed weddings in the first quarter of 2022 and only completed three. 

    People cancel weddings all the time for several reasons. Someone could’ve cheated or is hiding a child somewhere. There was this client who reached out to me and we started planning. Everything was going smoothly, but suddenly, there was a problem with the families. Someone didn’t pay the full settlement of the bride price. They called off the wedding.

    Anything can happen at any time, so I’m always prepared. Though I hate when this happens because I don’t receive my full pay if a wedding is called off. I also have to make refunds. And the biggest disappointment of all: since I can only book an event for one wedding at a time, I’ve lost out on other clients.

    But when a wedding goes according to plan, it’s beautiful.

    WEDNESDAY

    I have a wedding billed for this Saturday. Thankfully, this client booked me about five months back [in late 2021]. I love clients like this because they give me enough time to get the best possible venues and vendors. This couple knows what they want and it’s an absolute joy to communicate with her.

    I met this client at an event I planned we got talking. She was a guest and loved the decor and the orderliness of the show. She later reached out on Instagram and said she trusted I’d do a great job for her wedding. She’d been dreaming of her wedding forever. She had a mood board and a clear idea of how she wanted the ceremony to be. So I knew I’d enjoy working with her, and we’d become good friends.

    I’ve covered all the bases ahead of Saturday. I’ve hired the best decorators and the ambience we’re working on will blow everyone’s mind. All I need to do until Saturday is make calls, send reminders and make sure all bookings and logistics are sorted out. Photographers are one of the most important aspects of weddings. The pictures are going to like last a lifetime. So if you don’t have good photographs, you might end up regretting your big day. But my photographers are tested and trusted, so we’re good to go.

    We’ll have a bachelorette party and pre-wedding games the night before the wedding day. We’ll also do a dress rehearsal of sorts. It’s all going to be stressful, but I know I’ll have a lot of fun while at it.

    THURSDAY

    I’ve been burnt a few times by people. Now, I don’t even let people try rubbish with me. Every time I communicate with a client on phone, I record it on my notes app and send a copy to the client on Whatsapp. I also never let clients arrange logistics [feeding, accommodation] for me. I prefer to do it myself. 

    There was this client that frustrated me in 2020 ending. I live in Imo State but regularly plan weddings outside the state. This lady’s wedding was going to be in Aba, and she booked hotel accommodation for me.  When I arrived at the hotel, it was bad. I called her and she told me that she booked ₦10k rooms for me. But when I went down to the reception and asked for their price list, I found out that my room was the cheapest room at the hotel at ₦5k. I was so mad.

    Then, she refused to pay me the full price. I’d charged her ₦250k, but she paid ₦80k upfront and said she’d complete it just before the wedding. The day before the wedding, I asked her about it, and she claimed she was only owing me ₦40k because she’d booked my hotel accommodation. I was furious. Was it ₦120k that would make me travel all the way to Aba to stay in a rubbish room and plan an event that was already stressing me out?

    When she saw that being aggressive wasn’t working, she started begging me to quietly accept it so her husband wouldn’t hear. When I noticed that she didn’t want me to involve her husband, I pounced. Me? I was ready to cause wahala o. I even refused to attend the reception ceremony unless she completed my money. I had receipts to show that this woman was trying to defraud me. 

    The groom later decided to pay me in full. I laugh when I remember the bride shooting me daggers with her eyes. And nowadays, I make sure all my clients sign contracts before we even start working together. Then I ask for ​​70% upfront and collect the remaining 30% two weeks before the event.

    FRIDAY

    I used to live in Abuja, then I moved to Port Harcourt after I got married. When I got pregnant with my first child, I and my husband moved to Owerri in late 2019 — just before the COVID-19 pandemic and lockdown. That lockdown made me pause my business for months. I say I’ve done event planning for two years, but that’s because I don’t count 2020. I didn’t do much during the pandemic. So when the country opened up again, I was the happiest person in the world. 

    I’m grateful for a supportive husband. My job is chaotic, and he calms me. His mum is a caterer so he understands the business. He’s the one who got me my first, second and third paying clients, and I love how he carries my matter on his head.

    I’m also grateful for the woman I first interned with when I was starting out. That woman showed me I stood a chance. When I started branching out on my own, she gave me as much support as I needed. She always believed the sky is wide for everyone and never saw me as a competitor. She used to say that my clients are not her clients even though we played in the same market.

    As I head to tomorrow’s wedding venue to make final checks, I’m daydreaming of the future. Business is growing steadily; I currently have two coordinators and one intern, and I want to expand. I want to diversify my event coverage bandwidth and go into the events industry at full blast. So help me God.


    Check back for new A Week in the Life stories every first Tuesday of the month at 9 a.m. If you’d like to be featured on the series, or you know anyone interesting who fits the profile, fill out this form.

  • Nigerians, Here’s What Your Favourite Street Food Says About You

    Nigerians, Here’s What Your Favourite Street Food Says About You

    As a Nigerian, your favourite street food says a lot about you. Every recruiter should ask for your favourite street food in their hiring process because someone that likes kuli-kuli will be difficult to work with, for example. Why would you like to suffer on purpose? 

    1. Suya

    If Suya is your favourite street food, you’re a generous person because that’s the only reason ‌why you’ll like something that no one lets you enjoy in peace. Everyone always wants a bite. 

    2. Kuli-Kuli

    You’re a strong head. Also, wicked. How can you just casually like chewing something as hard as human bone, with a straight face? Your future ambition as a child was to become a civil servant — the kind that makes you wait at the reception for the whole day, only to tell you to come back in a week. 

    RELATED: 7 Ways To Know a Wicked Nigerian Civil Servant

    3. Akara 

    There’s no reason why beans should be fried, but if it’s your cup of tea, I guess. Unlike the Suya lovers, they share out of the kindness of their hearts and not because they’re forced to. Akara lovers are kind people that aren’t kind to themselves and that’s okay. 

    4. Bole and groundnut 

    The only way to eat plantain is soft. Bole is never really soft. Let’s also talk about how people who like it either have a choking kink or are one impulsive thought away from hanging onto the back of a danfo for fun. Please, try to choose life‌. 

     5. Boiled corn and pear

    If you like boiled corn and pear, your tastebuds sabi. Corn was not created to be burnt. People who boil corn have a heightened palate. They also like avocados and think they’re better than everyone. They’re not wrong. 

    RELATED: What Avocado Eaters Think They Are vs What They Are

    6. Puff-Puff

    You get easily peer pressured. I get it, puff-puff is tasty and as a Nigerian, life can be pretty tough. It’s easy to choose the sweetest option, but at what cost? Half bottle of oil in your mouth with each bite? Come on. 

    7. Abacha

    There’s something very scary about a person who risks their life eating a meal that may harm them if not cooked properly. People that like Abacha live life dangerously and I have to stan.

    8. Ewa agoyin

    Not the one you buy in a restaurant for ₦10k; the one those Togolese women hawk in small iron pots for ₦50 per scoop. If you like ewa agoyin, you’re definitely a minister of enjoyment and your life’s motto is “here for a good time”. Please, show us the way. 

    READ ALSO: Interview With Raw Beans, Baked Beans, & Ewa Agoyin

  • Why the Federal Government Needs to Give Us More Public Holidays

    Why the Federal Government Needs to Give Us More Public Holidays

    When you’re a Nigerian who lives in Nigeria, you know the importance of having a few days off. Some people argue that Nigerians get too many public holidays but we’re calling bullshit. Nigerians don’t have enough time to do things that are going to make us better citizens and we need more public holidays to free up space for us to be the best citizens. 

    1. The government is kuku not working, so why should the people?

    A travel blogger doubles as our president but wants us to work all through the year. O wrong nau. Our president doesn’t work when he’s not travelling so why should we work? Let all of us be like him and take time to rest.

    2. It gives us ample time to process our relocation plans

    If the government gave us more public holidays, we’d have enough time to process our relocation plans. That way, we’d leave only a few people for the government to govern. Because maybe it’s the population that’s overwhelming our government.

    3. Our president has already called Nigerian youths lazy and we want to prove him right 

    Bubu already called us lazy and still wants us to work almost every day of the year. Ahn ahn; you too see! He needs to give us more days off to prove him right.

    RELATED: 7 Reasons Why Nigeria Is the Best Country in the World

    4. We too want to become travel bloggers like our president and his staff

    He seems to be having a good time with that job and we want to experience that joy too. 

    5. Children’s Day needs to be a national holiday for everyone 

    In case the government is confused about what days to give us, they can give us children’s day, we’re someone’s child too. We didn’t come to this world by ourselves and need a day to rest. 

    RELATED: 7 Things We Miss About Children’s Day

    6. If Nigerians are well-rested, we won’t be constituting a nuisance everywhere

    Nigerians have a bad reputation of constituting a nuisance wherever we go and it’s not our fault. We’re restless because our government doesn’t give us enough time to rest. More public holidays may help solve this problem.

    7. More public holidays means more time for farm work

    Agriculture is a big deal in Nigeria and we the people want to be able to provide our quota to the growth of the agricultural sector. If we get ten public holidays a month, Nigeria will become a world leader in agriculture. 

    8. We need time off to start our akara startup

    We’ve been told that selling akara is the easiest way to become a billionaire in Nigeria and we all want to be rich. More public holidays will give us enough time to start working on our akara startup and become millionaires. Sounds good for us and the Nigerian economy. 

    ALSO READ: 10 Places to Make Over ₦30k Per Day From Selling Akara

  • What Exactly Do Nigerian Men Want Women to Do During Sex?

    What Exactly Do Nigerian Men Want Women to Do During Sex?

    I often hear and see complaints from Nigerian men about how Nigerian women aren’t doing enough during sex or even making effort. So I asked eight Nigerian men what exactly it is that they want women to do during sex, and this is what they had to say. 

    *Tife, 24 

    I want women to care and communicate. Many times, we men are the ones asking, “Are you okay?” “Do you like this?” I also want women to also care enough to ask these questions. Ask if I’m okay, if I’m enjoying whatever it is you’re doing. Ask how you can make me cum. Also, everybody is trying to orgasm, so fight for your own. Don’t just stay there and not say anything. If you’re not enjoying the sex, say so.

    *Chidubem, 25

    I want women to communicate. Do you want to be kissed? Let me know. You want to be fingered and choked? Speak up. This isn’t working? Say it. Sex is always better when you open your mouth. Be proactive and take initiative, but don’t do too much. I’m still in charge, unless stated otherwise by either party.

    RELATED: Nigerian Men Talk About the Non-Sexual Things That Turn Them On

    *Ahmed, 26

    For me, I want women to put in more effort. Sex involves both parties thoroughly being pleased, but sometimes, it feels like women believe they are the only ones to be pleased during sex. That mindset needs to change. Also, when giving head, don’t forget to suck the balls too. It’s important to pay attention to all the details. 

    *Andrew, 41

    I would like women to do things during sex because they enjoy doing them, not because they think they have to do these things. I promise you, every man knows the difference between a woman that enjoys giving head and a woman that is doing it simply because she thinks you’ll like it.

    *Emeka, 25

    I believe a lot of men will stand solidly behind me when I say I need women to please ride dick for more than 30 seconds. Did Nigerian women come together and agree that thirty seconds was the standard time limit for riding dick? Is there a way we can extend it? Asides that, men also really like foreplay. We don’t always just want to go straight into penetration. And please don’t be afraid to be generous with the saliva when giving head — the sloppier the head, the better. 

    RELATED: 7 Nigerian Men Share How Sex Was Different Than They Imagined

    *Dapo, 25

    One major thing I want women to do more often is throw it back during doggy. I don’t think they understand how much of a turn-on it is. 90% of the time during doggy, it’s men thrusting and women bending down and just staying there. It hits different when women match the energy and throw it back.

    *Tony,  26

    I want women to initiate things during sex. It’s two of us having sex, but most times it feels like it’s just the man doing and initiating everything. I want women to take control too. Tell me what to do, tell me the position we should switch to. Choke me, climb on me, etc. Be creative during the sex and suggest things we could do to make the sex more interesting. Suggest other surfaces and places aside from the bed where we can have sex. I just want women to make it feel like it’s two people having sex.

    *Funto,  26

    I need women to understand that they’re not the only ones that need to get turned on. I need to get turned on too. A lot of foreplay tends to revolve around the woman getting wet, and then, when she’s wet, the sex begins. Me, I want to enjoy foreplay too. When we’re kissing, touch me. Don’t just give me head, tease me into it. Try sucking my finger, suck my toes, try 69, and if you’re into it, eat my ass. It’s not just about you, it’s about me too.

    ALSO READ: 7 Nigerian Men Confess Their Biggest Big Dick Struggles

  • If A Nigerian Woman Shares Any of These Things With You, She’s in Love with You

    If A Nigerian Woman Shares Any of These Things With You, She’s in Love with You

    Nigerian women hold certain things dear to their hearts. If by some chance they share any of these things with you, it means they love you dearly. Don’t fuck up. 

    Food

    Nobody should be surprised that this is number one because we all know that Nigerian women don’t play when it comes to food. You can’t even say you want to take a bite out of their food without them throwing hands. People that will eat their food and eat your own join? If a Nigerian woman now shares her food with you, it means she loves you so much she can even take a bullet for you. 

    Skincare products 

    Do you know how expensive skincare products are — Especially in this Buhari economy? If a Nigerian woman shares her skincare products with you, hold on to her tightly because it’s very hard to find that kind of love anywhere.  

    Clothes 

    Asides the fact that they also cost a lot of money, Nigerian women are very attached to their clothes — whether they’re wearing them or not. If they share any of clothes with you, whether to wear and give back or to keep, know that she cares about you. 

    RELATED: Why Women Need to Stop Stealing Their Men’s Clothes

    Their Address

    It takes a lot for a Nigerian woman to invite you to her house. A Nigerian woman’s home is her safe haven and doesn’t let just anybody have access to it. So if you get invited to her house, just know you’re on a different level of special. That doesn’t mean that you show up to her house anytime and anyhow sha. 

    Friends 

    Nigerian women don’t like to share their friends. They believe they’re the only ones who should be friends with their friends (I don’t even understand how that is possible, but okay). So if they let you get to know their friends beyond “hello/hi”, count yourself as important. 

    RELATED: 8 Types of Female Friends That Always Ask for Advice

    Netflix Password 

    And any subscription service that allows multiple accounts. One of the ways to know if a Nigerian woman really likes you is if she adds you to her Netflix account. The moment you mess up, she changes her password and removes you instantly. 

    Money

    A Nigerian woman give you money??? If it’s not jazz you used to make her do that, then she definitely loves you. Don’t let her go. 

    ALSO READ: Dear Men, Here’s How to Start Billing Nigerian Women

  • Don’t Be Deceived, Men Like Doing These Things as Much as Women

    Don’t Be Deceived, Men Like Doing These Things as Much as Women

    Nigerian men have been slandering women for far too long, pretending not to enjoy things like romantic comedies or using skincare products. Well I’m here to expose them.  Men actually like: 

    Being the small spoon

    Men are such big babies. They’ll be doing “I’m the alpha male” on social media, meanwhile behind closed doors they’re coming to wrap themselves inside your body to cuddle. Their favourite position is being the little spoon. They love it so much, they almost want to cry when you leave them for two seconds.

     

    Using skincare products 

    See ehn, men love using skincare products, but they hate buying them. That’s why they’re always very excited to sleep over at women’s houses. It’s their one chance to try out all the face masks, cleansers, toners, etc. Once they go back home, they’re back to using Irish Spring. 

    RELATED: Nigerian Men Lie, but Only for These 7 Reasons

    Watching soap-operas

    I’m sure men will deny this one with their full chests but trust me, Nigerian men like soap operas. They’ll do hard guy hard guy at first, but when they watch one episode in a waiting room or with their significant others, they’ll be hooked. Next thing they’re asking questions and wondering why Rosalina doesn’t want to give Fernandez a chance. 

    TikTok

    Nigerian men are always hopping on all kinds of different Tik Tok challenges, especially the ones that involve either acting, dancing or dressing up as women to make jokes.  But it’s women that are obsessed with Tik Tok, shior! 

    Using Snapchat filters

    You think women use snapchat filters??? I challenge you to go through a man’s Snapchat memories today. They might not necessarily use flower filters or dog faces. But you see those ones that make your skin clear and make your skin glow? That’s where you’ll find these niggas.

    Food 

    Nigerian men are constantly talking about how women are obsessed with food and how all they know, live and breathe, is food. But have you seen Nigerian men talk about food on Twitter before? They’re the ones always wanting fresh pots of soup every day and wondering who should cook when one person comes back from work late. Abeg Abeg. 

    RELATED: Interview With Food: “Are Nigerian Men Possessed By the Spirit of Hunger?”

    Carrying handbags

    Oh sorry, apparently they’re called satchels. Please dear, who do you think you’re deceiving? If you like call it a satchelman purse or murse. Handbag na handbag. I think men have realized that pockets just aren’t enough, and I totally understand. 

    Being spanked on the ass

    You’ll walk by and spank a man’s ass and he’ll pretend to be upset, meanwhile, he’s smiling on the inside. It’s okay, we know you love it. Weyrey dey disguise.

    ALSO READ: 5 Nigerian Men Tell Us What They Would Like to Change About Being A Man

  • The 10 Horniest Emojis Nigerians Use in Texting

    The 10 Horniest Emojis Nigerians Use in Texting

    You thought Nigerians didn’t use horny emojis? Well you thought wrong. Here are 10 of the horniest emojis Nigerians use in texting:

    1) Eggplant emoji 🍆

    A penis shaped like an eggplant will probably traumatise anyone for life, but that hasn’t stopped it from being the go-to penis emoji. For this reason, we  declare it the horniest emoji. There’s nothing hornier than a penis. 

    2) Water splash 💦

    According to Zikoko’s Bureau of Imaginary Statistics, the percentage of Nigerian sexters rose from 11% in November 2018 to 47% by February 2020 due to the global pandemic. 

    As a result of this rise of people searching for sexual fulfilment through texting, the water splash emoji has been used to represent squirting. We sha blame pornography for causing people to think that squirting is the peak of sexual satisfaction. 

    RELATED: 7 Nigerian Women Share Their First Time Squirting Experience

    3) Dark moon face🌚

    This moon emoji is usually accompanied by the question, “So tell me something about you nobody knows🌚?” or, “How freaky are you 🌚?” But you can’t blame the moon. It looks sus.

    4) Shy monkey 🙈

    One would think an animal emoji will not make it to this list, but if a plant can make it, so can an animal. People who use the monkey to say things like, “I want to touch your boobs 🙈”. Weirdos. 

    If you’re wondering what the emoji will look like in person, here you go:

    5) Tongue 👅

    Not only does this not look like any tongue we’ve ever seen, but whoever made the emoji must have been ridiculously horny. It can turn any statement sexual, even if you’re talking about food. “Omo, this thing wey I chop ehn 👅” 

    6) Hot and spicy emoji 🥵

    You’d think that a country that’s fighting a battle with the sun will use this emoji for the right purpose, but no. They’ll be saying, “You’re so hot 🥵” but they’re not saying it’s because the sun wants to roast your head. This is why the heat will never stop. You’ve angered the sun with your sinful behaviour

    RELATED: Trying to Stay Sane in This Heat? Here’s What to Do

    7) Mourning emoji 😩

    We don’t even need to explain this emoji. Looks like someone that’s getting proper backshots. It’s not their fault. If you remove the “ur” and replace it with an “a”, mourn looks like a moan. 

    8) Kneeling emoji 🧎🏾‍♀️

    If you don’t know how horny this emoji is, then you’re not seeing it. The idea of submission in itself is horny, so an emoji with someone kneeling is screaming horny. Why else would you kneel down if not to s— okay,

    9) Tasty emoji 😋

    The official emoji of the 30+ Nigerian men. This emoji is only considered horny because 30+ Nigerian men are a horny bunch. 

    RELATED: 7 Emojis That Only 30+ Nigerian Men Use

    10) Beggi Beggi emoji 🥺

    One can argue that this one’s for the Gen-Z’s, but it’s actually for Nigerian women after they’ve finished drinking red wine

    [newsletter]

  • If You Commit These 8 Food-Related Atrocities, You’re Childish

    If You Commit These 8 Food-Related Atrocities, You’re Childish

    There are certain things that you — a grown adult —shouldn’t be doing with food at your big age.  If you do any of the things I’ve listed below, back to kindergarten. 

    Eating only two slices of bread

    Only children will eat two slices of bread and say they’re full. As a grown-ass adult, how can you say two slices of bread is enough for you? If you’re eating less than seven slices, I can’t take you seriously, please. 

    Dipping your bread in tea

    This isn’t even a thing that children should be doing, but we’ll allow them because they don’t know better. But if you do this at your big age, you deserve to be flogged as many strokes euqal to the number of your age.

    RELATED:  13 Eating Habits of A Nigerian Sociopath

    Eating only two packs of noodles 

    Two? Just two standard packs??? Even my little sister eats more than two packs and she’s fourteen. Please grow up. 

    Mixing all your rice and stew  

    Not only are you childish if you do this, but you’re also a cultist. I don’t understand how you’ll mix all your rice and stew together at once and think it’s okay. What satisfaction does this give you please? 

    ALSO READ: If You Don’t Like Any of These 10 Foods, You’re Bad Vibes

    Oats slander

    If you slander oats, you’re most definitely childish because what do you have against food that is healthy for you and still tastes great? Only children talk bad about healthy food.

    Putting your cereal before your milk

    The only way to eat cereal it to put the powdered milk first, before cereal — unless you’re using liquid milk (in which case, you’re rich and we should be eating you). 

    Saving your meat for last

    When we were young, we always ate our protein at the end of our meals because we were “saving the best for last.” You should have realised by now that this is a scam. Our parents really tried to use meat to teach us delayed gratification. SMH. 

    Eat chicken and chips

    But how will you eat chicken and chips when you’re not at a children’s party? Imagine it: you dress up nice, drive off to a fancy restaurant to meet up with your friends or your partner. The waiter comes up to you to take order, and what you ask for is chicken and chips?

    Also Read: These Nigerian Foods Are the Reasons Why You’re Not Moving Forward in Life 

  • Pros and Cons of Being in a Monogamous Relationship

    Pros and Cons of Being in a Monogamous Relationship

    Everyone talks about monogamous relationships as if they’re the best type of relationships. But are they, really? Let’s look at the pros and cons.

    Pro: Intimacy 

    You’ll have a deep personal connection with just one person, and all your time and attention will go to them. All the love and sweet romance will be shared between you two and you two alone.

    Con: Potential frustration 

    The same way the romance will be between two of you is the same way the fights will be between you. At least in a non-monogamous relationship, if one partner annoys you, you’ll just go and cuddle with another partner to feel better. 

    Pro:  You don’t have to worry about your partner getting jealous about your other partner

    If you’re in a non-monogamous relationship, there’s a chance you may get jealous about someone else your partner is dating. Or you may have a partner who’ll get jealous of someone you’re dating. You’ll tell your partner that you’re having dinner with Tunde the tech bro and and your KPMG boyfriend will now start squeezing face. 

    Con: Boredom

    One person for the rest of your life??? Omo, you’ll get so used to them. In a non-monogamous relationship, you can have different experiences with multiple partners and experience different types of personalities, both those that are normal and those that are mad. You’ll never be bored. 

    Pro: You’ll only have to share your food with one person

    You’ll only have to share your chickwizz with one person. If this isn’t a major pro, I don’t know what is. Can you imagine having to share the food you’re already managing with multiple partners?

    Con: Your food may still finish

    Just because you’ll be sharing food with one person doesn’t mean that your food won’t finish o. Also, in a monogamous relationship, you’ll miss the chance of having multiple people cook for you or buy you food.

    RELATED: The Pros and Cons of Being in The Streets 

    Pro: You’ll save money

    Everybody knows that relationships cost money. But at least, in a monogamous relationship, you’ll only be spending money on one partner. Although we need to also mention that that one partner can finish all your money sha, so it’s dicey. 

    Con: You’ll only be receiving gifts from one person

    Just as you’ll be spending money on only one person, you’ll also receive gifts from only one person. You’ll miss the chance of receiving a PS5 as a gift from one partner and new pair of shoes from your second partner. Can’t eat your cake and have it, my dear.

    Pro: Maximum of one heartbreak at a time

    In a monogamous relationship, only one person will serve you breakfast. You’ll cry and eventually move on. But imagine if all the people you’re dating break up with you around the same time. Where do you want to start from??

    Con: Deeper Heart break

    If your sole partner serves you breakfast, you go feel am, and you’ll be single and alone again. If it were in a non-monogamous relationship and one partner broke up with you, you might have another partner to console you. 

     RELATED: These Nigerian Heartbreak Stories Will Make You Rethink Your Relationship

    Pro: Only one person will stress you

    Only one person will call you in the middle of the night to rant about how a co-worker annoyed them. Only one person will stress you out with mood swings or will get upset over missed calls or late text replies. 

    Con: Sexual enjoyment may be limited

    You may end up dating someone who you truly love but the person may not be able to match up to your libido or may not be willing to explore your sexual kinks. What do you then do? In non-monogamous relationships you have the opportunity to try out different sexual things with different partners.

    ALSO READ: 6 Nigerians Talk About Their Experience With Open Relationships 

  • QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Tell You A Tattoo to Get

    QUIZ: Take This Quiz and We’ll Tell You A Tattoo to Get

    If you’re trying to decide on your next tattoo or you’re trying to get a tattoo for the first time and aren’t sure what exactly you want, take this quiz let us tell you what tattoo to get to specifically give your parents a heart attack.