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  • This Nigerian Voter Wants Online Voting Just Like BBN

    This Nigerian Voter Wants Online Voting Just Like BBN

    The Nigerian Voter is a series that seeks to understand the motivations that drive the voting decisions of Nigerians — why they vote, how they choose their candidates, why some have never voted, and their wildest stories around elections.

    The subject of today’s The Nigerian Voter is Abubakar, a 28-year-old project manager and a member of the New Nigeria People’s Party (NNPP). He told us about his voting experiences and why he sees Kwankwaso as his favourite candidate.

    How many times you have voted? 

    I voted for Goodluck Jonathan of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in 2015, and Atiku Abubakar, also of the PDP, in 2019. 

    Why?

    I’ve never really liked the APC due to their corruption and bias. They’re a result of all the bad leaders Nigeria has produced over the years, and I’ll definitely not want to be part of that kind of political party.

    Where did you vote and what were your experiences like?

    Both times I’ve voted in Kaduna, it’s been nothing but hell. All sorts of corruption go on, from vote buying to actual physical harassment. In 2019, an APC agent tried to give me ₦‎20k to vote for Buhari but I didn’t accept it. I’m casting my vote in Lagos this time so I’m looking forward to a better experience.

    What’s your favourite thing about Nigeria’s electoral system?

    It’s the speed at which the results are processed these days. I’m not a man of patience or suspense, so I’m more for getting things done ‘sharp sharp’

    What’s your least favourite? 

    I dislike the manual processes we’re still using for elections in Nigeria. We should have evolved to even online voting by now. If fans can vote online for that reality TV show, Big Brother Naija, why can’t we do that in our own electoral system?

    If you had your way, what would you change about the system?

    I’d automate the entire process and make use of encrypted software. I’d also ensure credible and accountable Nigerians are put in charge of the ballot collation. These Nigerians will be educated and, most importantly, have an accurate moral compass.

    What would you say every voter should consider before choosing a candidate?

    Every voter should choose competence over cheap talk. If there’s one thing I know about politicians, it’s that they talk more than they do. I’d also choose track record because it speaks for itself. You don’t need to convince people all over the country to vote for you when they already know you, your achievements, and what you bring to the table.

    Who are you voting for?

    Rabiu Kwankwaso for president in 2023! I believe he has the integrity, will, and energy to take Nigeria further. APC and PDP have produced elected leaders in the past but we’re still complaining about the most basic things electricity, insurgency, education, etc. It’s absurd that in 2022, I don’t feel safe enough to use the road to travel to my hometown in Kaduna. 

    And your candidate can fix these things?

    I believe especially in Kwankwaso because of his track record in Kano State, with infrastructure, free feeding for primary school students, and the establishment of the Kano State University of Science and Technology. Also, his experience as a former Minister of Defence will help us with the terrorism issue. Remember, a track record always counts.

    What problems would you like Kwankwaso to solve as president? 

    I’d love for him to tackle terrorism and figure out the economy. Kaduna has suffered insurgency issues which have changed the lives of many people I used to know. We also need to reach a stage in our economy where Nigeria can stand on its own and not borrow every time. I want Nigeria to be a better and safer place for my future children, and I believe Kwankwaso can achieve these dreams.

    Are you mobilising people to vote? 

    During the PVC registration, I got seven of my friends to register for their PVC or apply for renewal. I had to change my voting location too, and I made sure to spread the word at my workplace as well as my mosque. This is the make-or-break election, and Nigerians must be prepared. 

  • Meffy Has Launched New Naira Banknotes and We Have Questions

    Meffy Has Launched New Naira Banknotes and We Have Questions

    Nearly a month after announcing the plan to give naira banknotes a makeover, President Muhammadu Buhari and the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) governor, Godwin “Meffy” Emefiele, gleamed with pride when they unveiled the new ₦‎200, ₦500, and ₦1,000 notes on November 23, 2022.


    Naturally, the redesigned notes were bound to stir reactions and Nigerians haven’t disappointed since the president launched them.

    We have some very important questions Meffy needs to answer.

    Who exactly redesigned these notes??

    The only thing the designer did was to change the colours of the old notes and we’re a little bit confused. We want to know who’s responsible.

    We just want to talk

    What’s the real occupation of the designer?

    We’ve seen these new notes and we can only assume it’s the tie-and-dye project of a secondary school student or a makeup artist experimenting with new colours.



    How much will this redesign cost taxpayers?

    Printing money is expensive and Nigeria spent about ₦281 billion on new notes between 2016 and 2022.

    We need to know how much the CBN spent on this Snapchat makeover and how much the designer collected without conscience.





    How much time did this even take?

    Now that we think about it, it’s not a surprise the CBN fast tracked the unveiling date of the notes. We can clearly see the designer spent 10 minutes to find the right filter and submitted to Meffy for approval.

    It’s the definition of soft work

    Is this intentional?

    Nigerians love to drip and display their wealth but these new notes are about to cramp our style. If Meffy’s plan to fight inflation is to release these ugly notes to stop Nigerians from having too much of it in circulation, then he’s an evil genius because it’s working.

  • What She Said: I Haven’t Stepped Out of My Front Door in 10 Months

    What She Said: I Haven’t Stepped Out of My Front Door in 10 Months

    Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here. 

    Photo by Lucas da Miranda

    This week’s #ZikokoWhatSheSaid subject is a 29-year-old Nigerian woman who lives with her parents but hasn’t left her house since February. She talks about discovering the reclusive lifestyle during COVID and connecting better with online friends than those around her.

    Have you always preferred solitude?

    Yes, I’ve been an introvert for as long as I can remember. Right now, I only have one real-life friend — my best friend from primary school. We’ve drifted apart, but she still visits once in a while. I think she thinks I’m depressed or something, because I don’t leave my house. She doesn’t know I’ve never been happier. I don’t really get along with people, so I don’t make friends.

    Why don’t you get along with people?

    I don’t get people, and they don’t get me. Everyone is too busy pretending. I used to go to parties, and after the first hour of pretending to enjoy the meaningless dancing, shouting, drinking and “vibing”, I’d just sit somewhere, wondering if I really had to do that again for another entire hour, or worse, till daybreak. 

    It felt like doing reps at the gym, and after you manage to power through ten burpees, the trainer says you have four more sets. Shoot me, please. I don’t enjoy talking or listening to people talk. Mention one thing about being outside or in other people’s spaces that’s truly enjoyable. I struggled for a long time to understand it. 

    RELATED: The Introvert Guide To Making Friends

    What do you think triggered that feeling?

    I’m not sure anything triggered it beyond me realising I don’t like doing this thing that seems natural to everyone else. It might seem like a disorder of some kind, but it’s not. It’s never affected my life in any meaningful way. I can go out and relate with people well. I just don’t enjoy it, so I’ve decided I don’t want to do it anymore, especially if it’s for no reason. Call it an extreme case of setting boundaries. 

    Do you know when you started feeling this way?

    In university, at least ten years ago. Everyone is so bullied into extreme socialness at that stage, it quickly made me realise I preferred to stay in my hostel room. More than that, I’d encourage my roommates to go out and “enjoy” themselves. I loved it when the room was quiet and empty. 

    I could breathe, talk to myself, hear my inner dialogue clearer, write and doodle. I loved academics, so I’d focus on my term papers and projects. But honestly, right from primary school, I liked to keep to myself. I don’t have the same interests as most people in my environment, so what’s the point?

    Tell me about your interests

    Nothing special. I love to read fiction and historical nonfiction, listen to music, watch movies and TV shows, and play video games. What makes it hard for people to relate is I love dark, sad, often twisted things. It’s like darkness and tragedy are the only concepts I can absorb as entertainment.

    Meanwhile, everyone’s pretentiously obsessed with light and cheer. When I explain what I like, a few people quickly respond with, “I like horror movies too”, but that’s not what I mean. Even horror gets cartoonish. I like realistic horror in the form of those “boring” drama films. 

    Now, I just enjoy my own company too much — being on my comfortable bed, in the dark, surrounded by things I actually love and enjoy, like my stuffed animals, gadgets and the internet.

    When was the last time you left your comfortable bed?

    I leave it all the time to go cook. Making my version of vegan and vegetarian recipes I see online is one of my favourite things to do. But if you’re asking when last I went outside, I’ve not stepped past my front door since my birthday in February [2022].

    Ehn?

    I get all the external experience I need from the internet. It’s easier to find people who like what you like when you have the whole world to choose from. I have close friends I’ve never met outside forums, who live in other countries, continents even. We bond over things like K-pop, Japanese fiction and Egyptian art; things I find fascinating that no Nigerian seems to have the mental range for.

    What about grocery shopping for all that cooking?

    Going to the market is something I’ve never done. Before my parents retired, my mum always had a maid she’d send. As an adult, I’d always get my groceries at a supermarket. Now, I just order for the house through a grocery delivery app the friend I mentioned earlier shared with me. They bring everything fresh.

    Do you live alone? 

    Nope. That would require finding a place, going for apartment visits and spending a large sum on a place that’ll probably be trash. I’ve heard horror stories about house-hunting in Lagos and rogue agents. No, thank you. I still live with my parents, who mostly leave me to my side of our four-bedroom flat. These days, my online friends know more about me than my family members.

    RELATED: Lockdown Diary: The Introvert Who Wants To Run Away From Home

    They don’t pressure you out of worry?

    Actually, my parents are the reason I left my house on my birthday. They forced me out for lunch at a restaurant close to the house. But I’m 29. There’s only so much they can do.

    When do you think you’ll go out again?

    Who knows? Not soon. I’ve always hated going out during the Christmas holidays — with the ridiculous traffic, transport fare hikes and sheer amount of people just crowding everywhere worth visiting. I don’t do well with crowds, so it’s not like I can attend one of those concerts they’re always hyping. Maybe my next birthday?

    And before this year’s birthday, when was the last time you went out?

    I honestly don’t remember. But since that COVID lockdown period, I only remember going out for the occasional doctor’s appointment and to the cinema to watch A Quiet Place II and Black Widow. The lockdown wasn’t just a blessing to help reduce the viral spread, it helped me discover a lifestyle that works. I feel so healthy just staying indoors and minding my business. I have online subscriptions for yoga and workouts to stay fit, and an enclosed backyard for all the sunlight and fresh air I need, in case you think I’m unhealthy.

    What about work?

    I work remotely for a Belgium-based company. It’s a full-time job as a technical content writer, so I earn in dollars, and I don’t have to go anywhere. I got the job all thanks to Zikoko, actually. I was inspired by one of your Naira Life stories in 2020. The person got a remote US job through LinkedIn, and I was battling a boss who wanted me to fully return to the office right after the government called off the lockdown in May. I optimised my LinkedIn profile, quit that job and got the current one in under three months.

    Imagine them wanting me to risk my life for ₦200k a month. In fact, while I worked in that big office, I remember constantly faking smiles, jokes and laughter just to seem normal. It used to kill me inside. I’d wait for someone to notice the fakeness and ask what was wrong. No one ever did. Instead, people talked about how happy and charismatic I was.  

    What about romantic relationships?

    You’re about to laugh because my boyfriend is in the UK, so it’s long distance.

    DFKM

    Not to sound preachy, but once you stubbornly make up your mind on a lifestyle, things fall into place for it. 

    We met on IG in 2018 — I create content for fun, so I’m super active online — and started going out almost immediately. This was when I went out a bit more than I do now. But then, he relocated for school last year. I’m joining him for my own master’s with the May 2023 intake, so actually, I’ll probably leave my house next when I need to attend visa interviews and all that.

    How do you feel about attending physical classes in the UK?

    I can go out if I have to. I don’t have a mental disorder or anything. I just prefer not to. I’m sure I’ll adjust well to going out a lot more for a purpose I enjoy. A creative writing MFA has always been a dream of mine, so I’m beyond excited, actually. Just look forward to all the dark fiction I’ll put out in the next few years.

    For more stories like this, check out our #WhatSheSaid and for more women like content, click here

    If you’d like to be my next subject on #WhatSheSaid, click here to tell me why

    NEXT: 8 Little Things That Fill Every Introvert’s Heart With Joy

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  • Why INEC May Disobey Court Order to Resume PVC Registration

    Why INEC May Disobey Court Order to Resume PVC Registration

    On November 22, 2022, the Abuja division of the Federal High Court ordered the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) to resume the Continuous Voter Registration (CVR) exercise. The ruling was based on a lawsuit filed by four Nigerians who accused the commission of depriving Nigerians the right to register to vote ahead of the 2023 general elections. 

    Here’s what you need to know about this latest drama. 

    This isn’t the first time INEC is getting sued

    The Socio-Economic Rights and Accountability Project (SERAP) also sued INEC in June for planning to end registrations on June 30, 2022. INEC extended the deadline to July 31 to accommodate the case until the court ruled in the commission’s favour on July 13.

    In the ruling, the court noted that INEC was at liberty to pick a deadline of its choice as long as it’s not in conflict with the law.

    But what does the law say??

    The 2022 Electoral Act stipulates, “The registration of voters, updating and revision of the Register of Voters under this section shall stop not later than 90 days before any election.”

    In its defence in the SERAP case, INEC said the registration ended in June because it needed time to update and revise the register of voters before the 90-day deadline set by the law. That’s why the judge in that case ruled that INEC can set its own deadline as it deems fit to accommodate all other processes involved in voter registration.

    Since the registration ended in July, the commission has cleaned up the register of voters and even posted it online for public review.

    But the July court ruling didn’t stop other Nigerians from suing INEC over the same issue of ending the registration early. The new November 22, 2022 ruling is a result of one of such lawsuits.

    What will INEC do?

    Now that INEC has been served with a fresh court order to resume PVC registration, Nigerians are expecting to see the commission’s reaction. If INEC obeys the order, there are only four days left for Nigerians to register before the 90-day deadline in the Electoral Act is activated.

    We’re monitoring the situation closely and will spill the tea as soon as it drops!

  • How to Actually Make Money on YouTube, According to Eric Okafor

    How to Actually Make Money on YouTube, According to Eric Okafor

    YouTube is a different world. What other channel allows you to study a full-on degree right there on the site and gives you mad laughs at the same time? 

    Funny accents aside, you can’t deny there’s mad money to be made on the social platform. In an economy which has its currency fighting for its life, more people are seeking ways to make money online, and YouTube is one such legitimate avenue. 

    We spoke to Eric Okafor, AKA Knewkeed, a YouTuber who specialises in tech reviews, and he shared pointers on how to get that YouTube money.

    First of all, have a niche

    Don’t just create a YouTube channel for the sake of it. People will watch your videos and come to your channel because you’re providing something specific, solving a problem and creating value. 

    Starting YouTube without a niche will force you to rely on your personality outside of YouTube. This might work if you have the right vibes or are already well-known because of your lifestyle. In this case, people come to you because you pass a vibe check. Of course, this won’t work for everybody. So, find something you’re super passionate about, and say what you have to say in your voice.

    Small note, though: Having a niche doesn’t mean you’d be the first to do something in that line. Others will have done it, but what’ll help you stand out is your unique way of delivering the content. Do you, boo.


    RELATED: In Just Two Years, This UI/UX Designer’s Income Has Gone From ₦120k to Over ₦3m


    Pay attention to the algorithm

    Many people assume YouTube is exclusive to big-shot production companies, or professional content creators who can afford excellent production or sound quality. It’s not.

    In fact, Youtube is moving rapidly to Shorts — short-form video content typically shot with mobile phones — and it’s all the rage now. 

    Understand your audience

    Yes, the algorithm favours YouTube Shorts more now, but for someone just starting out on YouTube, you’ll need to find out what your audience wants before churning out any type of content.

    For a particular niche, your audience may prefer long-form videos.

    Interestingly, long-form content is more likely to get you a hard-core audience who’ll actually get to know you.

    Get into the YouTube Partner Program

    To get monetised on YouTube, you need to hold consistency tight. 

    Hold it oo

    The YouTube Partner Program specifies that long-form content creators need to have at least 4,000 watch hours and 1,000 subscribers before they can get paid for their content.

    YouTube will monetise short-form content (AKA YouTube Shorts) around January or February 2023, and you’ll need about 10 million views in the last three months to qualify. It sounds like a lot, but a tip is to choose one of your video content that people like, then cut it into bite-sized content and share one at a time to keep people expectant.

    You can always check your analytics to keep track of how many watch hours you need to complete and the needed subscriber count to get there.

    Start getting paid

    Once you cross the requirement hurdle, you start getting paid for the ads run in your videos. PS: You’ll still get ads in your videos before you’re monetised. You just won’t get paid for them.

    You say what?

    Once monetised, the amount paid per ad differs based on the party pushing out the ad, whether your subscribers watch the ad to the end or click a link. 

    To receive your money, you’ll be required to fill out a form with your naira or dollar account details and fix a threshold for when you want your money to be sent to you. The least threshold is about $100, so you won’t get paid until your earnings accumulate into that amount. It’s quite straightforward.

    There’s tax on it, though, if you have people watching from the United States. You’ll fill out something called a W-8 tax form, and they typically take out 38-40% of your monetised US playback.

    Other ways to get your YouTube bag

    Super Likes and Super Thanks

    YouTube is doing this new thing where viewers can show they really enjoy your content by giving a Super Like or Super Thanks. They do this by buying a fun animation to make their comments stand out on the creator’s page, and YouTube gives the creator a revenue percentage (around 70%). 

    Brand sponsorships

    Once you’ve cracked viewer engagement and show up every day, brands will notice you, and this is a major revenue stream. Brands that advertise on YouTube most likely have a lot of money to spend, so secure that bag.

    Membership

    You can also get your subscribers to become paid members in return for exclusive access to premium content. Of course, you’ll need to have a fully engaged audience for this to work.

    Don’t forget merch

    Multiple websites allow creators to design and sell merch, giving these creators a cut of the generated revenue. Now, though, people just create their own websites to maximise profit.

    Learn, learn and learn some more

    At the end of the day, almost every content creator is self-taught. You have to be deliberate about learning. Make YouTube your number-one resource for learning how to make your channel work. If you’d rather pay to be a pro at your craft, it’s much better to seek out those who’ve made a name for themselves on the very platform — in this case, YouTube — you want to succeed in. 

    You may get offers from Multi-Channel Networks (MCN) to help you grow your channel — and get a revenue share — but I haven’t found them to be very useful. Some other creators have said the same thing. So, if MCN comes, make sure to read between the lines and enter with your eyes wide open.


    NEXT READ: 5 Nigerian Women Talk About Making Money Online

  • The 10 Times It’s Okay to Cry at Work 

    The 10 Times It’s Okay to Cry at Work 

    People cry at work all the time, majorly because of work stress. But here are 10 other times it’s perfectly okay to shed premium tears in the office. 

    When you forget your lunch at home

    Do you know how painful it is to pack your lunch for work the night before only to forget it at home in the morning? Now, it’s lunchtime, and you don’t have food to eat. Just sit in one corner and cry.  

    When a colleague decides to sit with you during lunch

    You just want to eat in peace without forming a fake conversation. The only 30 minutes you get to yourself during the entire work day, someone wants to use it to discuss how work is stressing them. God, abeg.

    When your boss gives you work five minutes to closing time

    It’s 5:55 p.m., and you’ve packed your bag, ready to go, but your boss decides they want to take away the shred of joy you have left. They suddenly have one big task for you to do that they couldn’t give you during the day. 

    When your team member goes on leave

    Now, all the work is on your head. You’re doing their work plus yours — which is already stressful enough — for the next two weeks. And, of course, your boss won’t hear that you’re just one person with one head and two arms. They expect the same turnaround time as if two people are doing the work.

    When half of the team japa

    Half of the team has left the company for greener pastures in other countries. Meanwhile, you’re still here, not because you believe in Nigeria, but because you don’t have money to leave. To make it worse, your company isn’t planning to replace them anytime soon.

    When your free ride isn’t going to work 

    You took Uber to work because the colleague you usually carpooled with fell sick. Now, ₦4,000 (your entire monthly transport budget) has left your account. In this economy? 

    When your Wi-Fi messes up 

    You’re about to get into an important meeting with a client, and your Wi-Fi says, “Not today, dear”. Everyone will now think you’re late. 

    When your boss comes to the office 

    Your boss coming to the office means more work and no peace of mind. Every five minutes, you’re being called for one thing or the other. The worst part is you can’t leave the office early. 

    When you send an email with typos 

    You’ve read this email ten times, edited it with various grammar apps and seen no errors. But after you send it to a client, copying your boss, you see, “Kind regrds”, “Plose and attached” and” Per my last emil”. It’s over for you.

    When you lie to your boss, and they find out 

    You tell your boss you’ve done the work they gave you two weeks ago. Meanwhile, you haven’t even opened the document. Now, they’ve asked for the work, and you don’t have it. To make it worse, you have to request access from him to open the document.

    ALSO READ: First Day at Work — Zikoko Employee Edition

  • What Peter Obi’s Plans for Nigeria Could Mean For You

    What Peter Obi’s Plans for Nigeria Could Mean For You

    Peter Gregory Obi has gone from a dismissed, little-known candidate to a household name in the race for Nigeria’s 2023 presidential election. Since May 2022 when the Labour Party (LP) candidate made the controversial switch from the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), there have been rallies, lawsuits, allegations, and even a passionate and unified ‘Obidient’ force fuelling his campaign to become Nigeria’s next president.

    [Source: BusinessDay]

    On Day 4 of “The Candidates” presidential town hall series hosted by Daria Media in partnership with Zikoko Citizen, Obi appeared alongside his running mate, Dr Yusuf Baba Datti-Ahmed, to discuss their plans for Nigeria with the host, Kadaria Ahmed.


    We highlighted some of Obi’s plans and what it means for Nigerians if he becomes president:

    “Economy is the base of our problems”

    For Peter Obi, the answer to almost all of Nigeria’s problems is transitioning from consumption to production. 

    The candidate said, “The economy is at the base of all our problems. Yes, we have security problems, but one can link it directly to the economy. When over 130 million people don’t know where their next meal will come from, one is bound to have a crisis.

    “One needs to first and foremost look at food production, and how you can feed the country. The greatest physical asset in the country is the uncultivated land in the North.”

    All of this sounds nice, but it takes close to two years for uncultivated land to be made suitable for farming. What exactly would Obi do before then? These were questions Kadaria asked but no specific answers were given.

    “My government will be a government of national unity”

    According to Obi “It’s my commitment to ensure the security of lives and property of Nigerians and ensure there’s a united Nigeria, through equity, justice and doing things following the rule of the law.”

    To drive home his point about championing unity, he sneaked in a diss directed at the presidential candidate of the All Progressives’ Congress (APC), Bola Tinubu, who recently vowed to “send Peter Obi back home” from Lagos to his native Anambra State.



    “If you check our utterances, we’ve never said things like “let’s send Peter Obi back to where he’s coming from.” I’ve lived everywhere and I’ve maintained that no one should vote for me because I come from the southeast, or vote for me because it’s my turn, but go for our track record.”

    Part of Obi’s unification plan includes “aggressively” pulling people out of poverty in the North. Despite not getting a concrete roadmap for how this would be done, it’s a welcome change to see a candidate in the town hall series highlight the poverty in the North. A United Nations (UN) report states that 70% of residents in the North-West live below the poverty line.

    “Subsidy must go”

    If Obi becomes president, fuel subsidy is going to be a thing of the past, as he doesn’t understand why a large chunk of Nigeria’s ₦‎6 trillion deficit goes into subsidy. He also believes subsidy is “organised crime” and should no longer be a part of Nigeria’s economy. 

    But what does it mean for Nigerians? For one, the cost of fuel and commodities in the market will rise since citizens would bear the full cost of fuel production. However, Obi plans to make sure refineries are up and running as soon as possible, so as to cushion the effects of pricing.

    How well can this work? Only time can tell.

    The solution to IPOB’s agitation is dialogue”

    Military intervention isn’t top of Obi’s list in tackling the separatist agitation of the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB). Instead, he’s more interested in sitting with them for a dialogue.

    According to Obi, “Everywhere in the country is full of agitation, which is a result of leadership failure over the years. There is nothing wrong with agitation. We’ll dialogue and discuss with everybody. The reason why IPOB is agitating is because of injustice.”

    Well, we can only wonder how far dialogue would help here as IPOB members have already established the fact they don’t even want an Igbo president. What if IPOB doesn’t listen?

    “I will declare a war on power”

    Nigerians may have the chance to experience uninterrupted power supply, as Obi believes Nigeria has the capacity to transmit 12,000MW of electricity. He promised to fix the problem of transmission infrastructure to make this a reality.

    The candidate also promised justice for middle and low-income earners for tariffs, as he plans to charge those who can afford and subsidise for those who can’t. At least, the days of seeing things like this are over:

    https://twitter.com/Iamchrisrockss/status/1593153826814840832?s=20&t=iyCXuXYBtG2LQdfCxKmiMw

    Obi also promised that any of the privatised companies that could generate 100MW of power without licensing would be supported.

    “I will pull people out of poverty”

    For Peter Obi, the days of Nigerians struggling in the trenches are over, especially for owners of small businesses. How will he do this?

    The candidate said, “People know that MSMEs are the foundation of every economy, even in the West. Big countries like China and Indonesia know this.”

    When pressed for specifics, Obi promised to create fiscal and monetary policies with government grants through the Bank of Industry (BOI). But how useful will this be for new startups? The BOI only caters to startups with three years of acceptable track performance; not to mention the strict conditions beneficiaries have to pass.

    If Peter Obi is going to address MSMEs, it should be looked at with a more critical point of view, and also with the consideration of “baby businesses”.

    ALSO READ: Here’s What Rabiu Kwankwaso Wants To Do As Nigeria’s Next President

  • Who Are the PDP G5 Blocking Atiku’s Presidential Ambition?

    Who Are the PDP G5 Blocking Atiku’s Presidential Ambition?

    Since Atiku Abubakar won the presidential ticket of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) in May 2022, he’s known no peace from people within his own party. A group of PDP governors known as the G5 has been pressing his neck frustrating his sixth attempt to become Nigeria’s president.

    The G5 recently visited party chieftain, Bode George, in Lagos State in a bid to resolve the conflict within the party just three months to the 2023 presidential election. Here are the key takeaways from the meeting:

    • The G5 members had a “naming ceremony” and decided to call themselves the “Integrity Group”.
    • They’re now open to “reconciliation talks” to resolve all conflicts in the party.

    But, who exactly are these G5 members?

    [Source: Vanguard]

    Nyesom Wike — Rivers State

    [Source: Vanguard]

    If we’re talking about PDP OGs, Wike is definitely one of them, which is why it’s not a surprise he’s the G5’s ringleader.

    He began his political career as the executive chairman of Obio Akpor Local Government Area in Rivers in 1999. In 2007, he was appointed the chief of staff to the governor of Rivers State, Rotimi Amaechi. 

    In July 2011, President Goodluck Jonathan appointed him as the Minister of State for Education and promoted him to Minister of Education in September 2013. He then stepped down as a minister to contest and win the 2015 governorship election in Rivers State.

    With his second term as governor ending in 2023, he contested for the PDP’s presidential ticket but lost to Atiku. After his loss, Wike has been on a rampage and has done everything in his power to fight the man who denied him the ultimate prize

    Wike has also been pushing for the resignation of Iyiorcha Ayu, as he believes the party’s national chairman shouldn’t be from the same region as the presidential candidate. He’s also made numerous allegations against the chairman to force his resignation. It’s been an endless battle, and we can only wonder if these reconciliation talks will be for good this time.

    Seyi Makinde  —  Oyo State 

    [Source: Punch]

    Popular opinion on Twitter says that Seyi Makinde is the “best governor in Nigeria” but what makes him tick? Makinde, unlike Wike, hasn’t always been a member of the PDP. He first contested in a senatorial election as a candidate of the All Nigeria Peoples Party (ANPP) in 2007 but lost. He joined the PDP in 2010 to contest the Oyo South senatorial district a second time and lost again.

    But if there’s one thing we know for sure, it’s that Makinde never says never. He lost the PDP’s Oyo governorship ticket in 2014, and moved to the Social Democratic Party (SDP) to contest the 2015 governorship election, which he lost before he returned to the PDP to win the 2019 governorship election.

    Since then, there have been notable achievements in his career as governor, from renovating 299 primary healthcare centers to regular pension payments for civil service workers in Oyo State.

    With the 2023 elections, however, Makinde seems to be switching to the other side of the fence again, as he’s been seen to be supporting the All Progressives Congress (APC) candidate, Bola Tinubu. Even Peter Obi, the Labour Party (LP) candidate, has met Makinde for consultations, which raises many questions.



    Samuel Ortom — Benue State

    [Source: Vanguard]


    Interestingly, Ortom won his first term as Benue State governor in 2015 as a member of the APC. However, he switched camps to the PDP in 2018 due to an “internal crisis” and won re-election in 2019. Ortom’s reign hasn’t had so much of a smooth run, and has been tainted by communal crises that have claimed thousands of lives. 


    He’s one of the G5’s loudest voices against Atiku and recently clashed with the candidate over his stance on the Fulani herdsmen blamed for attacks in Benue. He also believes a southerner should be president, which is possibly why he went all the way to Labour Party to give his support to Obi instead.


    Okezie Ikpeazu — Abia State

    [Source: Vanguard]

    Ikpeazu isn’t an alien to controversy as he was accused of submitting false information to the PDP during the 2015 elections and was sacked as governor. However, he appealed the court ruling and won, and he was even successful in running for a second term.

    Since then, he has been accused of siphoning government funds to his own personal companies and has been flagged by the Nigeria Labour Congress (NLC) as the state with the highest number of unpaid salaries.


    Ifeanyi Ugwuanyi — Enugu State

    [Source: Premium Times]

    If the G5 was a secondary school classroom, Ugwuanyi would be the quiet boy sitting in front.

    Once a member of the House of Representatives in 2003, he’s serving his second term as the governor of Enugu State since his first victory in 2015. He’s known for the rehabilitation of key roads in Enugu, including internal roads in Nsukka and Achi.

  • Here’s What Sowore Wants to Do as Nigeria’s President

    Here’s What Sowore Wants to Do as Nigeria’s President

    For the next few days, Zikoko Citizen has partnered with Daria Media to bring exclusive coverage of “The Candidates”, a series of presidential town halls where each candidate gets to speak to the electorate on their plans for Nigeria. 

    November 18, 2022, was day two of ‘The Candidates’ and the turn of the African Action Congress presidential candidate (AAC), Omoyele Sowore who showed up to answer some questions, alongside his running mate, Haruna Magashi.

    Here are some quick facts you need to know:

    • Sowore founded Sahara Reporters in 2011. The media organization focuses on “evidence reporting  on the corruption of politicians.”
    • He is the presidential candidate of his own party, the AAC. The party was founded in 2018.
    • He ran for the presidency in 2019 but lost.
    • Activism and revolution have been a thing for him since his university days. He was also part of the June 12 1993 protests of MKO Abiola that resulted in his exile to the United States. 
    • He also started the #RevolutionNow protests for which he was arrested in 2021.
    • His running mate, Magashi, is a lawyer and businessman.

    Now you know about Sowore and his running mate. Here are some of the promises the activist made for Nigeria:

    There will be no “violent revolutions”.

    With Sowore’s history with protests, it’s no wonder that the host, Kadaria Ahmed, first asked him about the possibility of more protests erupting across the country if elected. 

    He responded by saying that his message from 2019, which includes the improvement of national security, promotion of sustainable growth, and self-sufficiency in key areas of the economy hasn’t changed. For him, this is the “revolution Nigeria needs” but it doesn’t need to be violent.

    Electricity will be used to improve Nigeria’s GDP.

    One point Sowore hammered on a lot during the conversation was the need to increase the nation’s power supply to 700,000MW. 

    According to him, “if there’s enough electricity being supplied in Nigeria, this will increase production in Nigeria, which should therefore increase investor interest and ultimately the country’s GDP”.

    If this happens, we believe that it could be a great tool for economic growth. Nigeria only transmits 3500MW out of 5000 MW to consumers across the country. 

    Even 5000 MW seems to fall short, as 1000MW is the international standard for a population of one million people. Now with Nigeria’s 200 million people, do the math on how much power there needs to be produced. 

    The rich will not profit from fuel subsidy. 

    Sowore schooled the audience a bit on fuel subsidy. He said that the word “subsidy” has been demonized and that the subsidy is actually for the benefit of Nigerians. 

    According to him, some “oligarchs” or rich individuals in society are adding their profit to the subsidy. This defeats the purpose and makes fuel products expensive. 

    He added that his solution will be to rebuild refineries. He said that, “building refineries would cut off all importation of our fuel from foreign companies.”

    Now, while this may have some solid benefits, there may be a negative impact on Nigeria’s daily N2K. 

    Let’s give some context. 

    In Nigeria, fuel subsidy is what the Federal Government pays to balance what is being paid by the consumer and the cost of supply for this fuel. This helps you not to feel the burden of the high production costs of fuel. 

    However, the government has been spending quite a lot on maintaining this fuel subsidy, as N18.39 billion was spent in 2022. Imagine if that money was being used to pay off part of our N42.84 trillion debt. debt Nigeria incurred. There would be some hope of the country getting out of debt. 

    Women will not be treated as ‘signage’.

    When asked what he thinks about the low rate of women’s participation in politics, Sowore was insistent that women are always being used as ‘signage’ in every political gathering to be discarded later on. 

    He also stated that women “make up 51 percent of the population”. Thus, there’s no reason why women couldn’t elect their fellow women as president or senator or any other political position in his regime. He brought up the 35 per cent affirmative action bill, adding that the percentage was too “small and insignificant” when they make up 51 percent of the population. 

    Although the actual percentage of women in Nigeria is 50 percent, not 51 percent, we definitely agree that there should be a rethink of the policies that affect women participation in politics.

    Nigeria’s debt will be cleared by chasing its debtors.

    What’s the answer to removing Nigeria’s debt? For Sowore, it’s to press the necks of Nigeria’s debtors. 

    He mentioned that a ‘transition team is already in place pending when he is elected. This transition team already has a list of Nigeria’s debtors, the biggest of them all being oil companies. 

    He claimed that these oil companies owed up to N8 trillion in debt previously to the Federal Government. Currently, N2.1 trillion has been paid. 

    He promised that when he is president, he will make sure these oil companies will have no choice but to pay up the full debt.

    Stay glued to our pages on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok for more exclusive coverage of “The Candidates”. You can also follow @TheDariaMedia on Twitter and Facebook and @dariamediang on Instagram.

    We will be back again with Day Three of ‘The Candidates’, scheduled for November 19, 2022.

  • See Five of Our Favourite Disses From Day One of ‘The Candidates’

    See Five of Our Favourite Disses From Day One of ‘The Candidates’

    This week, we announced our partnership with Daria Media for a series of presidential town halls called “The Candidates”, and promised exclusive gist on every one of the candidates. 

    And now, we are here to give you all the tea.



    [Source: FreePik]

    The series started on November 17, 2022, with Prince Adewole Adebayo and his running mate, Alhaji Yusuf Buhari, of the Social Democratic Party (SDP) as the first people on the hot seat.




    It started off slow and mellow, but as the questions got hotter, shots were getting thrown across the room from Adebayo to past presidents, the CBN governor, and even the show’s host, Kadaria herself.



    Here’s a list of the top five disses from the presidential candidate. 

    The FG diss

    When the host, Kadaria Ahmed, asked about Adebayo’s thoughts on secession, he first started off by bluntly stating that secession is a “no” in his book. 

    However, he ended with a clapback, saying that he has even more respect for controversial  Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB) leader, Nnamdi Kanu, than the Federal Government.


    We can only imagine how Buhari would feel if he heard that.

    [Source: Nairaloaded]

    The Peter Obi Diss

    Adebayo made bold claims about Obi investing state money in “family business”. He also doesn’t believe that a “Southern president is needed to solve southern problems.”

    The Jonathan Diss

    Ex-presidents were not left out of Adebayo’s shooting range, as our guy made another bold claim (again) that Bayelsa people were “praying for him to become president”, during his recent visit, since “the Bayelsa man [Goodluck Jonathan] who became president never solved Bayelsa’s problems.”

    But this statement was made for a man who visited flood-ridden areas in Bayelsa and sympathized with its victims in October 2022, which is more than what we can say for our current president.

    The right of self-determination diss

    When Kadaria grilled Adebayo on his thoughts on the right of self-determination and on those who feel marginalized and wanted to leave, Adebayo sincerely couldn’t care less about marginalized feelings as he said:

    “I don’t see why anyone would want to walk away from Nigeria, as we have efficient resources. But you can walk away if you like. That’s why we issue passports”.




    According to Article 1 of the UN Charter of 1945, the right to self-determination is an international law allowing “the right of a people to determine their own destiny.”

    In other words, people can choose their own political status and determine their own form of economic, social, and cultural development.

    His thoughts on skilled jobs?

    Adebayo even tackled our dear host Kadaria with her comments about job creation. Here’s how the conversation went:

    Kadaria: “So with the creation of 200 jobs, you’re talking about non-skilled jobs and all of that?”

    Adebayo: “I don’t know what you call “non-skilled jobs”. A person who makes chairs is skilled enough. It’s because of the arrogance of the elite that one would say being a journalist is a skilled job.”

    But she handled the comment like the pro that she is.


    And that’s all for now folks. Stay glued to our pages on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok for more exclusive coverage of “The Candidates”. You can also follow @TheDariaMedia on Twitter and Facebook and @dariamediang on Instagram.

    We will be back again with Day Two of ‘The Candidates’, scheduled for November 18, 2022.


    ALSO READ: What We Learned from Day One of ‘The Candidates’

  • England’s Slow Healthcare System Almost Led Me to Suicide – Abroad Life

    England’s Slow Healthcare System Almost Led Me to Suicide – Abroad Life

    The Nigerian experience is physical, emotional, and sometimes international. No one knows it better than our features on #TheAbroadLife, a series where we detail and explore Nigerian experiences while living abroad.


    This week’s subject on Abroad Life was applying to universities on a whim, during her NYSC, when one suddenly offered her a scholarship. She shares the quirks of living in England, including the bitter cold of winter, overt classism and the slow healthcare system.

    When did you decide to move abroad?

    I never decided; I would say it happened on a whim. During my NYSC in 2021, I decided to apply to a couple of universities for a Chevening scholarship because someone said I could write. And I got admission, with a partly-funded scholarship worth 50 per cent of the tuition, to study cyberpsychology at Nottingham Trent. 

    What did you study before this?

    I got into the University of Lagos to study law in 2011, but I switched to psychology in 2014 after I was diagnosed with a mental illness. Fast forward to 2019, I graduated and deferred my NYSC service year until 2021 due to health reasons. Then I worked in an advertising agency until I got laid off in March 2021. I was out of a job until May when I started working with a fintech startup. NYSC posted me to Abuja, where I started working at a psychiatric center.

    Then you got the scholarship admission?

    Yes, didn’t finish my NYSC. I also applied for a visa. It wasn’t exactly planned because I left in a bit of a rush, but it wasn’t difficult. An agent did everything for me for almost nothing.

    Really?

    Yup. There are agents who help you process your application, visa, and everything else for free. They get paid by the school when you pay your fees. The only things I had to spend money on were printing, photocopying and the visa application fee. 

    When did you arrive in England?

    In October 2021 at around 5 p.m. I must say, there were a lot of checks at Heathrow, but once you get past them, you’re good to go.

    Did you experience any culture shocks?

    Oh my God, a lot. Especially because of my health. My first winter here was hell. Do you know how they say the seventh circle of hell is freezing cold? That’s how it was for me. It was lonely, but adjusting to the cold was one thing. In Nigeria, you don’t need to do so many registrations to access basic services, but that’s not the case here. You have to register your address with a general practitioner (GP) to get access to healthcare. You need to get a phone number to work legally. Also, it’s an English-speaking country, but I don’t understand what the hell they’re saying half of the time.

    Wait, what?

    It’s like they’re talking through their noses half the time. I’m sure most people thought I was illiterate my first few months here because I was trying to understand even the tiniest of sentences. The education system is also very different from Nigeria’s which is more knowledge-based. In England, it’s more analysis-based and focuses on critical thinking. 

    How’s school going?

    I’m currently extending my studies without a scholarship. I couldn’t complete the coursework in the first year because of my health. I’m currently working and using my living expenses to pay the fees. 

    What about friends? Have you made any?

    I only have like one or two friends. None of them are purely British. I tend to make friends with Chinese people because I can relate more to their culture and worldview. They understand things like background, respect, etc., more than Caucasians. I’ve not had any run-ins with disrespectful white people, but that’s the general vibe they give off.

    Tell me about how health affected your studies

    I became suicidal in January [2022].

    OMG. What happened?

    So, in England, you have to register with a GP. You can’t just walk into the hospital and get attended to. Appointments have to be made months in advance. I started my GP registration in October 2021. However, my first appointment to see a psychiatrist was in February 2022. The medication I brought from Nigeria finished in November 2021. By January, I had to go into the emergency room because I was suicidal. I had a couple of friends in healthcare in Nigeria, and luckily, two of them are psychiatrists. When they saw the warning signs of depression, and a constant desire to be alone, they advised me to go to the emergency room.

    So sorry you had to go through that. Has the healthcare system improved since then?

    Nope. It’s still just the worst. When you pay for a visa, you pay something called the Immigration Health Surcharge (IHS) that covers hospital visits, GP registrations, tests, and whatnot. Things like dental and optical services are not covered, but I don’t really need them. The one thing I know I have had to deal with that’s NOT covered is medication. I’ve had to pay for it out of my pocket per prescription.

    So here’s how payment per prescription works. If I’m prescribed three different meds, and each of them goes for £20, £30 and £40 respectively, no matter how many pills are in the bottle, I’d still pay that amount. I could be made to pay 40 for one bottle of 10 pills, for instance, which is a ridiculous amount of money. In Nigeria, the price of drugs is dependent on how many tablets you buy.

    The healthcare system here is just really slow, inefficient, and they don’t really care. The hospital staff sees taking care of you as just “doing the job”. It’s not about improving your life. In a way, I understand because the NHS is overworked and underfunded. But the healthcare service is definitely my least favorite thing about England.

    What else don’t you like?

    Hmm. The classism. I once had a shift at a race course in Cheltenham, and you could easily differentiate who was poor from who was middle class or posh without even talking to them. When the “posh” people do talk to you, they do it with a subtle air of arrogance.

    Do you have any favorite things about England?

    Definitely the standard of living; it’s much higher than that of Nigeria. Also, it’s an easy country to live in once you’ve adjusted to the system, in terms of access to basic amenities and whatnot.

    Would you ever return to Nigeria?

    England is cold and boring compared to Lagos life, so I know I’ll come back at some point. However, I don’t think I’d like to give up the standard of living here. In my fintech job, they paid me ₦150k a month. But I can get so much more than that in the same role here in England. Nigeria will always be home, but it needs to be fixed with structure before I can go back.

  • What We Learned from Day One of ‘The Candidates’

    What We Learned from Day One of ‘The Candidates’

    Quick Facts

    • For day one, The Candidates hosted Prince Adewole Adebayo of the Social Democratic Party (SDP), along with his running mate, Yusuf Buhari.
    • The SDP is one of the oldest political parties taking part in the 2023 elections. It was formed in 1989 by former military leader, Ibrahim Babangida. It was part of a project meant to usher Nigeria into a democratic era.

    As promised, Daria Media in partnership with Citizen is bringing to you exclusive coverage of The Candidates. On November 17, 2022, we played host to Prince Adewole Adebayo of the Social Democratic Party (SDP), along with his running mate, Yusuf Buhari.

    What key areas did they focus on?

    Adebayo in conversation with the host, Kadaria Ahmed, led the discussion by explaining to Nigerians the reason we should vote for him ahead of the 17 other candidates. He believes that of all of them, he is the one with the best understanding of the issues. 

    He highlighted five issues he would tackle on getting to office. Poverty, insecurity, infrastructural deficit, lack of investment in agriculture and health and devolution of powers (restructuring). He promised 50-50 gender inclusion in his government and an end to university strikes.

    What interesting things did he say?

    Adebayo wrote off 14 of the candidates saying that only four or five had any real plans for the country. He made a claim that the SDP was the first party to burst the myth that Nigeria is broke. Adebayo insisted that it isn’t, adding that 80 per cent of Nigeria’s oil is being stolen.

    Adebayo made an even bolder claim of providing 30 million jobs within 18 months in office. When Kadaria pressed him that this was highly unrealistic, he doubled down on it. He said that he would get those jobs from five sectors of the economy. These include agriculture and agro-allied industries, ICT, (the social sector which includes healthcare, job creation via road infrastructure), and new technology which centres on cryptocurrency.

    Any controversy?

    Adebayo spoke on the issue of self-determination. He said no to secession. Adebayo claimed that he had been to all 774 local governments in Nigeria. No one in the South-East wanted to break away from Nigeria, including the Indigenous People of Biafra, (IPOB). His words, “I have more respect for Nnamdi Kanu than the people in government”.

    Nnamdi Kanu [Image source: Punch]

    Kadaria pressed him further and asked what he would do about those who are adamant about being marginalised and want to leave. “You can walk away”, he said. “That’s why we issue passports”.

    Any shots?

    Of course. He took aim at Peter Obi of the Labour Party (LP), making references to how he invested state money in “family business”. Adebayo also took shots at bad boy Buhari who he accused of irregularities in governance. He went as far as calling out former president, Goodluck Jonathan.

    What were reactions like?

    One member of the audience, Mike, felt that Adebayo did not present practical solutions. He said nothing was raised about the creative industry. He noted that filmmaking is a potential area for job creation.

    Similarly, one of the pundits, a podcaster, Ireti Bakare-Yusuf , laughed at Adebayo’s plans concerning crypto as a moneymaker for the economy. She noted that the crypto space has been bleeding a lot in recent times and isn’t viable for job creation.

    Overall, it was a thrilling affair and we look forward to day two of The Candidates scheduled for November 18, 2022.

    If you’d like to learn more about The Candidates, Citizen will be providing exclusive coverage for the duration of the town halls. 

    Follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Tiktok for more information. You can also follow @TheDariaMedia on Twitter and Facebook and @dariamediang on Instagram.

    ALSO READ: Citizen Partners with Daria Media to Present ‘The Candidates’

  • 14 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Your Best Friend 

    14 Signs Your Partner Isn’t Your Best Friend 

    Every time I hear wedding vows, the line, “I can’t believe I’m marrying my best friend”, is always somewhere in there. I find it hard to believe everybody’s best friends with their partner. I’m not sure you people know what being BFFs with your significant other means. So I’ve decided to show you it’s most likely not true. 

    You don’t gist with each other

    Gisting is different from talking. Gisting involves banter, gossip and a lot of laughing. If your partner never has hot gist for you, or they’re not the first person you run to when something interesting happens, then they’re not your best friend. It’s even worse when you’re giving them gist, and they’re not giving the proper reaction. Instead, they’re quiet or just saying “mmmh”, or “really?”

    You don’t have inside jokes 

    You and your partner should be able to look at each other, know you’re both thinking the same thing and laugh like two idiots. If you’re best friends, you’d have codes people don’t understand and jokes only two of you can relate to. In fact, if, to some extent, you both don’t have the same sense of humour, that’s a sign you’re not BFFs. 

    You don’t have fun together 

    Both of you don’t play like children high on sugar or watch funny shit together and laugh for hours. You don’t play games or do fun activities like painting each other’s faces and going out like that.  

    They don’t send you memes

    Or funny TikToks, tweets and Instagram reels. Whenever I see a foolish thing on my TL, the first person I send it to is my best friend because we’d both make a year’s worth of jokes about it. If you send your partner things, and they give you one bland reaction, forget it. 

    ALSO READ: What Makes Your Partner More Important Than Your Best Friend?

    You guys don’t like the same things 

    They don’t have to like your favourite artist. You don’t have to support the same sports team, but best friends have at least a few things they like doing or talking about together. I have a friend who watches Yoruba movies with his girlfriend; that’s true best friendship right there. 

    They don’t know how to cuddle without fornicating

    Any minor touching turns into sex. I like sexual attraction, but I believe it should be possible to be in the same room as your partner, and you’ll both do other things besides entering each other’s bodies. Play board games or something, for God’s sake. Not everytime sex. 

    They don’t allow you to steal their clothes in peace 

    You steal their clothes, and they get seriously upset. Is that one friendship? It’s not even a romantic relationship sef. It’s just wickedness. 

    They don’t drag you

    Best friends drag each other like small gen every five minutes. They’re not worried the other person will get upset because they know the limit. If you can’t tell your partner that with the kind of big head they have, they still don’t have sense, then you’re definitely not best friends. 

    ALSO READ: Is It Love If You Don’t Talk to Your Partner Every Day?

    You keep things away from each other 

    Best friends tell each other everything. EVERYTHING. 

    You’re not comfortable around each other 

    If you’re worried about eating indomie from the pot while naked because of what your partner would think, then they’re not your best friend. Being best friends means they can show you their hairy butts and soup-stained shirts. It means they can say and do things without the fear of embarrassment. Answer this question: have you farted in front of your partner yet?

    They don’t support you 

    I’m not just talking career support here. I mean supporting you when other people drag you or when you’re saying nonsense (only if it’s jokes sha). Best friends take each other’s side and have each other’s backs. 

    They don’t gas you up

    As your best friend, they’re supposed to be in the comment section anywhere your picture is posted, gassing you up in all ways and manners. They’ll leave at least five comments under the picture. 

    You don’t spend that much time together

    You’re not doing long distance, yet you guys only see each other once in two weeks; that’s not best friendship. They should always want to spend time with you because you both have a great time together. This includes phone calls and texting too. As your BFF, they’d want to talk to you any chance they get. 

    You don’t know what they like 

    If they don’t know you like Double Chickwizz, or that your comfort show is Papa Ajasco, they’re definitely not your best friend. Best friends know everything about each other.

    ALSO READ: 9 Things You Should Never Share With Your Partner, No Matter What

    Maybe your real best friend is at Z! Fest

  • Another ASUU Strike May Happen Soon. Here’s Why

    Another ASUU Strike May Happen Soon. Here’s Why

    Nigerian students across the country have received a fresh wave of disappointment from their lecturers, as the Federal Government (FG)  bluntly refused to pay the Academic Staff Union of Universities (ASUU) their full salaries.



    Why is FG holding lecturers’ salaries?

    Even though the government may be making a diss move towards ASUU, their actions are legally right.

    According to the Trade Act Union, Vol.15 CAP T8 Laws of the Federation of Nigeria, 2004, federal workers that go on industrial action (or strike) do not deserve to be paid for the months they were away from work.

    While the Federal Government may claim that its decision in paying the workers half of their salaries is legally right, it totally defeats the purpose of ASUU striking for eight months, which was to collect their wages in full.

    How’s ASUU taking this? 

    After ASUU lecturers checked their phones and saw that their ‘credit alerts’ weren’t complete, they decided not to relent, as they began a new wave of protests.

    The University of Lagos (UNILAG) chapter of the ASUU kicked off with a peaceful protest on November 15, urging the government and stakeholders to reverse the payments before another crisis erupts in the nation’s universities. 

    The Bayero University in Kano, while not protesting, has decided to postpone exams previously slated from November 17 for an indefinite period.

    But since Ngige is not willing to hear word, we may have to brace ourselves for another nationwide strike from ASUU.

    How are students taking the news?

    The reactions from Nigerian students across social media have gathered some mixed reactions, as some students are tired of the constant ASUU-FG back and forth, while others are hoping the strike occurs due to their lack of preparation for exams.


    Some have also decided to fight the good fight with their lecturers. Some UNILAG students also decided to join the protests.

    Right now, the biggest question for Nigerians is, will ASUU still go on strike? Well, let’s wait and see.

  • Court Stops Nigeria Air. Here’s Everything You Need to Know

    Court Stops Nigeria Air. Here’s Everything You Need to Know

    On 15 November 2022, a war began between eight local domestic airlines and stakeholders of a brand new airline, Nigeria Air. 

    The war came in the form of a court order from the domestic airlines which demanded that Nigeria Air stakeholders halt their launch and withdraw its Air Transport License. 

    The stakeholders in question are big players including the nation’s Minister of Aviation, Hadi Sirika, Ethiopian Airlines, Nigeria Air, and the Attorney-General of Nigeria, Abubakar Malami.

    However, it seemed to get some of these guys pissed, as the Minister of Aviation openly ‘raised shoulder’ to say that “no law in Nigeria could stop the launch of the national carrier.” 

    There is a lot to be unveiled about the court case, but let’s first start from the basics. What is Nigeria Air? 

    What you need to know about Nigeria Air

    The “national carrier” has been a subject of conversation since July 2018, when it was first announced at the Farnborough Air Show in England. Barely two months after the announcement, the project was suspended because the details surrounding the project were “suspicious”.

    But according to some presidential sources, the airline was secretly planning to get “investment partners” to finance the airline’s operations.



    And they appeared to be right. Fast forward to September 2022. A foreign airline, Ethiopian Airlines, emerged as the ‘preferred bidder’ for Nigeria Air, with 49 percent ownership of the company while two local investors (MRS, SAHCO) were left to own 46 percent.

    How did Nigerians take the news?

    Of course, you can already expect the reaction. Most Nigerians did not understand why a foreign company would have so much autonomy over a Nigerian airline. Others said that already existing domestic airlines like Arik and Dano would have served as national carriers instead of creating a new one.

    Not to talk of the fact that Nigeria once had its own airline, which crashed and burned because of corruption and mismanagement. 

    Now, why the court order?

    After some local airlines discovered that they were blatantly left out of the bidding process, they proceeded to find a law that will enable them to take Nigeria Air to court. 

    They eventually found this with the Companies and Allied Matters Act. This forbids foreign companies from investing in national companies. 

    The airlines in question are AON, Azman Air Services Limited, Air Peace Limited, Max Air Limited, United Nigeria Airline Company Limited, and Topbrass Aviation Limited

    But, were they really justified in doing this?

    The answer to this is a bit tricky. Sirika claimed that he asked airlines to participate in the project, but they turned down the invite. These included three of the eight airlines – Air Peace, Azman Air, and Max Air.

    According to Sirika, “I have been very transparent in the processes put in place to deliver the national carrier. We have worked with all stakeholders to deliver the national carrier. We have been very participatory and inclusive.

    “Stakeholders claiming they were not carried along are being unfair. Nobody should claim they were not carried along. Nobody asked for any document on the national carrier that was not obliged.”

    How will the launch of this national airline affect Nigerians?

    Here are some of the ways this new airline may affect Nigerians:

    • International Recognition: Nigeria would finally join the bandwagon of countries that have their own national carriers.
    • Level Playing Field: It will certainly create more domestic competition for Nigerian-based airlines and foreign ones.
    • Lack of local autonomy: Ethiopian Airlines hold all the cards in terms of ownership. This means a large amount of authority in managerial decisions. The effects of this could spell doom for Nigeria’s nascent airline.
  • Tinubu’s Speech and Everything You Missed from His Jos Campaign

    Tinubu’s Speech and Everything You Missed from His Jos Campaign

    Can there ever be a dull moment with Bola Ahmed Tinubu? It seems very unlikely, as the All Progressives Congress (APC) presidential candidate always seems to break the internet with political gaffes, proof of life jpegs, and even his absence from political events.

    The latest news on Tinubu is the APC presidential campaign in Plateau, Jos. Tinubu seemed to bring the Lagos party vibe to Jos, as the big guns of the APC made an appearance. 

    Those present included  President Muhammadu Buhari, Senate President Ahmed Lawan, Speaker of the House of Representatives, Femi Gbajabiamila, National Chairman of the All Progressives Congress (APC), and Senator Abdullahi Adamu, amongst others.

    A lot of things happened, but let’s start with the funny moments.


    “God bless PD..APC!”

    During Tinubu’s “prayer sessions” for Nigeria and his political party, Tinubu made yet another political gaffe, as he almost shouted “God bless PDP” before catching himself and mentioning APC.


    Social media has been going wild over the statement, as many are wondering if the talks about his struggles with dementia are valid, thus making him unfit to lead. But it could also be that Tinubu is dropping teasers for his ‘newly formed’ party, PDAPC. 

    Who knows?

    The Tinubu-Buhari brotherhood 

    Nigerian president, Mohammadu Buhari, and Tinubu seem to have a very good synergy, as the president appeared to have some extra time on his hands to reiterate his promise to back up his buddy as well as handover the party flag to Tinubu.

    People however are wondering how this free time wasn’t available to visit flood victims.



    To show gratitude to his oga, Tinubu decided to give him a “Portable-like’ shout-out. Buhari’s face clearly showed that he wasn’t impressed.

    https://twitter.com/HilaryChristo15/status/1592588493167161344?s=20&t=ioe5UceZzYKIhRW6hjlmdg

    Simon Solomon Lalong

    His political party wasn’t the only thing that slipped Tinubu’s mind, as the presidential candidate mistakenly called Plateau State governor and Director-General (DG) of his campaign Solomon instead of Simon Lalong.

    The Obi diss

    In the midst of his forgetfulness, he didn’t forget to diss his political rival in the Labour Party, Peter Obi. Tinubu promised to “return Obi to Anambra” as the former Anambra state governor to Tinubu “doesn’t know road”.

    Tinubu also seems to be having a problem, as former Lagos state governor, with Obi’s residential address. He claimed that Obi lives in Lagos, not Anambra. Pele oh, landlord.

    The Tinubu campaign wasn’t all fun and games though, as some tragic events happened as well:

    A Lawmaker died  

    A lawmaker, Hon. Abdul-Sobur Olayiwola Olawale slumped during the rally and died moments later. Before his death, he represented Mushin II constituency at the Lagos State House of Assembly.




    Tinubu got stoned out of Jos

    It seems as though the heavy security measures by Tinubu were not efficient enough, as it appears the campaign ended with the crowd throwing stones at Tinubu. We don’t know yet why this happened, but it could be that they were fulfilling Tinubu’s dare to “stone him if he fails after two years” in 2016.

    https://twitter.com/ChudeMedia/status/1592575868127150080?s=20&t=fS7IwTJFNyVqTIiqKLFMgg
  • Peter Obi and The Use of Underage Children in Politics

    Peter Obi and The Use of Underage Children in Politics

    If there was anything we learned on Monday, it is that nobody is above political breakfast. The Labour Party (LP) presidential candidate, Peter Obi got his in the form of a ₦50 million lawsuit from an activist, Wale Ojo-Lanre, on the use of a toddler, Chioma as a “poster child” in his political rally in Lagos.

    According to Lanre, he decided to be a voice for the voiceless and fight for the rights of this toddler as a “concerned Nigerian and a friend of litigation.” 


    However, Obi doesn’t have to bear the cross alone, as his comrades were also mentioned in the suit. They include the mother (Queen), the Labour Party, the Federal Government, and the Attorney-General of the Federation.

    But that’s not all, folks. Not only does Lanre want N50 million from Obi’s pockets, but he also decided to make some other demands:

    • Peter Obi and the Labour Party should delete their tweets and several other posts on their social media accounts about the underage girl-child.
    • The Federal Government and Attorney-General are to separate the mother and daughter and the girl should be placed in welfare custody.

    But was Peter Obi wrong in the eyes of the law?

    Here’s what the law says. 





    Sections 29 and 33 of the Child Rights Act of Lagos State, states that anyone who exploits a child in any form or way not already mentioned in this Part of this Act which is prejudicial to the welfare of the child commits an offense.

    The punishment is either a fine of N500,000 or imprisonment of up to five years. Even though the amount charged may sound like a hefty sum, count Obi out if you think he’s going to choose imprisonment when he wants to be president.



    The use of underage children in politics

    Sadly, this is not the first time underage kids will be used in the course of political ambitions. It is quite common during election season.


    In 2018, Umar Ganduje, a Kano State governor was accused of using schoolboys in Kano. This was in response to a viral video of him receiving a $5 million bribe. The boys were seen campaigning for Ganduje and asking viewers to vote for him. But INEC later checked it out and decided that the video was from Kenya and not Nigeria.

    In 2012, a video went viral in Sokoto showing dozens of kids and teens voting with fake voter cards. 

    Recently in November 2022, underage kids were spotted as registered voters in INEC’s online voter registration. This is a crime under the 2023 Electoral Act of Nigeria.

    Keep in mind that according to INEC, the ideal age for voters is from 18 years and above.

    Why are underage children used in elections?

    Some electoral officials claim that sometimes the children are used because their parents insist they are up to 18. 

    They also claim that they allow children to vote because any attempt to stop them could lead to violence in these usually “volatile” parts. But what violence is an underage child capable of? 

    What can INEC do?

    If an underage child is used illegally for a rally, or in the polls, it is the duty of INEC to specifically investigate such rallies and polling units and take necessary action.

    INEC, we are waiting for you to do your job.

  • Underage Voters and Other Highlights in INEC’s Voter Register

    Underage Voters and Other Highlights in INEC’s Voter Register

    Nearly four months after the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) ended its last batch of voter registrations, it has released the official register of confirmed voters. 

    I have taken a closer look at the register so you don’t have to. To help you, here are some of the major highlights, with context.  

    An explanation of Nigeria’s voter count (2019-till date)

    During the last election year (2019), Nigeria had 84 million voters.  The 2023 INEC voter register shows that the voter count has increased by 9,518,188, bringing the new count to  93.5 million

    It was also announced in October 2022 that 12.29 million voters had successfully completed their registration while 2.78 million voters were removed as ineligible voters. 

    Now that you know the basics, let’s look at what stood out for us in the register:

    Delisted southern voters

    When we looked at the register, the math was not ‘mathing’ for the South-South and South-East regions.

    In the South-South

    Bayelsa, a state with a small population of about 2.5 million people, had the highest number of deregistered voters in the country with 307,513 out of 444,652 new voters.

    That means 69.2 percent of the people in Bayelsa committed some “registration crimes” as stated by INEC. But this is a huge number for any state with such a small population. How true could this be?

    Rivers 

    With the population of Rivers State at 9.5million, almost half of the state was recorded as new voters with 3.5 million voters as of October 2022. But when INEC decided to clean up its data, 33 percent of that voter population was cut. 

    In the South-East

    Abia state has a population of 3.7 million people. According to INEC’s voters’ register, 72, 657 registrations were invalid out of 196,683 total registrations. 

    If there was a second position prize for deregistered voters in Nigeria, it would go to Ebonyi with 240,063 invalid registrations. Only  161,447 voters made the cut.

    In Enugu, 61,261 out of 243,656 were deregistered.

    Northern voters were hardly deregistered

    The North seems to have it great, as they have the lowest percentage of invalid voters

    In Zamfara, only 11.2 percent of voters were invalid out of 238,649 new voters. Overall, the total number of new voters in the north was 12.2 million, with 9.5 million valid voters and 2.7 invalid voters. 

    There were some errors with Northern voter registrations

    States like Jigawa had some clearly underage voters in the register with fake dates of birth, like this Hajara that was born in 1996 for example.

    There was also double counting with some of the voters, as some appeared on the list 3 times.

    What are people and INEC saying about this?

    On the streets, it seems like INEC and the people have two conflicting ideologies. 

    Public opinion isn’t having this, as they believe that there are conspiracies. Some don’t trust INEC to conduct a free and fair election.

    https://twitter.com/lumi_dee7/status/1591928511656300544?s=46&t=x8bJItLYYaOzfY5Vv_zLZA

    INEC has stood its ground, noting that the registration process was thorough as removals were due to double/multiple, underaged and fake registrations that failed to meet the rules of the last Continuous Voters Registration (CVR) exercise. 

    INEC chairman, Mahmood Yakubu, said: “At the end of the exercise, 12,298,944 Nigerians successfully completed the registration as new voters. All along, we have repeatedly assured Nigerians that our process of cleaning up the register is robust.”

    But would you see this after a “robust” voter registration exercise?

    The commissioner for information and voter education of INEC, Festus Okoye, backed up his buddy Yakubu to emphasize that the point of releasing the register online. This was for citizens to make their “claims and objections.” 

    How can the errors impact the 2023 elections?

    Errors such as double-counting give the voter the opportunity to vote twice for a candidate, which is considered electoral fraud under the 2022 Electoral Act

    Underage voting is also a crime, as it could lead to one region having more representation for a candidate than others. The law states that a person must be 18 and above before he/she is considered eligible for voting. Section 117 of the 2022 Electoral Act also gives a punishment of 12 months imprisonment or a minimum of N1 million for unqualified citizens who apply for registrations.

    What to do if you spot errors in the register

    When the name of a registered voter has been omitted or needs corrections, pick up the complaint forms at registration areas and Local Government Area (LGA)

    Wards

    To know your preferred LGA according to location, click the link here

  • This 26-Year-Old Voter Believes Tinubu Will Redefine Politics in Nigeria

    This 26-Year-Old Voter Believes Tinubu Will Redefine Politics in Nigeria

    The Nigerian Voter is a series that seeks to understand the motivations that drive the voting decisions of Nigerians — why they vote, how they pick their candidates, why some have never voted, and their wildest stories around elections.

    The subject of today’s The Nigerian Voter is Abayomi, a 26-year-old TV presenter in Lagos, Nigeria. He tells us about his reasons for voting for Buhari in both 2015 and 2019, his thoughts on youth participation in politics, and his desire to see Tinubu as president of Nigeria in 2023.

    When was the last time you voted, and who did you vote for? 

    I voted in 2015, and also in 2019. Both times, I voted for Buhari.

    Why did you vote for him twice?

    In 2015, I voted for Buhari because at that point, things were actually going bad in Nigeria with Boko Haram and it looked like Jonathan had basically lost the wheels, like he wasn’t in control.

    In 2019, I voted for Buhari again because he was obviously going to win. Atiku was the only other opponent from the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), but he was running for president and failing so many times that I didn’t see the point.

    But other candidates were present beside Atiku. Why Buhari still?

    I pride myself as a realist. Even if there are sentiments or optimism, I pride myself as one who is a realist and I knew the elections were between APC and PDP. A lot of things were going on at the time and it looked like things were falling to pieces, but at that point, it was a Buhari over an Atiku for me. 

    The main reason why is that Atiku looks too desperate. He jumps from one party to another. He doesn’t have an ideology to serve. He doesn’t have anything to campaign on.

    Do you feel the same way about Atiku now in 2022?

    It’s the same for me now. 

    And out of the three candidates, Atiku is the least prepared.

    Why do you say is Atiku not prepared?

    He is not prepared in the sense that PDP is falling to pieces. Over the years, Rivers state has produced one of the highest number of votes for PDP every election year, and now he doesn’t have Rivers. And it’s not only Rivers but also, the chief five governors. The issue has been going on for months now and he is not saying anything about it. He’s running a campaign on the theme  “unifier” but his party is currently the most disorganized, and most unprepared.  

    Regardless of how rich he is, or how much money he has, he cannot win the election on money alone. He had the opportunity to be the governor of Adamawa State in 1999, but he opted to be the vice president of Olusegun Obasanjo. It was a two-term tenure that was ridden with open issues between him and the president all through. I don’t think that kind of person is ready to be the president of Nigeria. I don’t think he has anything to offer Nigeria.

    Where did you vote in 2015 and 2019, and what were your experiences? 

    I voted in Bariga in both 2015 and 2019. During those two years, I can say that the voting experience was quite easy. The process especially was very very peaceful here in Bariga.

    Who would you vote for in 2023, and why?

    Asiwaju Bola Ahmed Tinubu of the All Progressive Congress (APC) has my vote, come 2023. I have been a staunch supporter of him as far back as I can remember. I am a student of politics, even as far back as when I was in school, and I can say that Tinubu is the only politician in Nigeria who understands politics.

    What makes you say so?

    Even if a “Jesus Christ” comes down to Nigeria today and says he wants to govern Nigeria, he would first need to belong to a political party, win the ticket, and then play politics before he can become the president of Nigeria. 

    With Tinubu, he has been doing the things everyone else said they’ll do for only God knows how long. Since he entered the political space in Nigeria, he has redefined politics. If you look at his politics objectively, he has built people, structures, made reforms, and built policies. 

    He has a political model that works, whether we like it or not. Yes, Lagos State is far from where it needs to be as a state with the kind of income it generates. It should be competing with the likes of Dubai and other top cities in the world.

    He also has a political ideology that works. They talk of Ambode, Fashola, and Sanwo-Olu, but these are the guys that went on to become governors of Lagos State. They were all previous members of his cabinet in 1999. Fashola was the Attorney-General of the Federation, Sanwo-Olu was a Commissioner, and Ambode was an accountant. 

    He understands that power in governance is a continuum. In the US midterm elections, there were 80-year-olds winning these elections. We don’t make a fuss if this happens in the US, but we make a fuss if a 70-year-old man is running. Why? There are people that have been in the US House of Representatives for their 6th and 7th terms because they understand that governance is a continuum. If a new person should come in, before he figures out a way to adjust the system, his first term has gone.

    So from what you’re saying, you don’t believe in youth participation in politics?

    Before the Not Too Young to Run bill was introduced, we had some young people in politics. Dimeji Bankole was the youngest speaker in Nigeria’s House of Representatives, and that was at the age of 36, 37. Fashola, Ambode, and Tinubu, were commissioners under Tinubu’s government in their early forties.

    Yes, youth make up the largest percentage of the population in Nigeria. So they deserve a voice. They deserve to be heard. They deserve to run, and they have been running. There is a popular Fuji musician, Taye Currency, whose son is in his early thirties and is a member of the House of Representatives. This narrative people push of the youth not participating is false. Ibrahim Obanikoro representing Eti Osa 3 LGA under the APC is in his early thirties. He is also in the National House of Assembly. So young people have been running.

    But if a young person deserves the position, do you think there is any need for a continuum?

    In politics, before you can term yourself to be deserving, you must have worked for it. If you believe you deserve it, you work for it. You have to be a part of the process, you have to join parties, and you have to campaign. There are people running for State House of Representative, but if you look at the streets, they’ve not done anything. You do not know them. They only come out when it’s politics. These are people that even when they run for councilors of their various zones, they cannot win.

    On the other hand, someone that is older, can’t speak good English, and is not as smart as you are would be elected over you, simply because he understands that he needs to be able to provide the needs of the electorate.

    What do you think of the controversies that have been surrounding Tinubu as of late?

    People have been saying that Tinubu does not attend debates or important functions. If I were Tinubu, I too would not go for those functions, because they seem to be biased and with a hidden agenda as well. They want to try to humiliate and dehumanize Tinubu publicly. If I sense such, I will not attend as well. A lot of things have been put on social media and that’s why some candidates might win on social media and in real life, they would be a distant third. Social media is a lie and it is really deceptive. I rather not play to what social media guys want and win than please them online and lose elections.

    Regarding the controversies surrounding his certificate and drug trafficking, all of these things have been in the open since 1999. As a matter of fact, people have sued him since his tenure as governor ended in 2007. If he was still in office, I can understand because he’d still have immunity as governor. But he hasn’t been in governance for the past 15 years now.

    There are people in charge of these narratives on social media and they take charge of social media. So leave the social media space for them.

    Do you also think that Tinubu is too sick to rule?

    When Buhari was first inaugurated in 2015, there were talks that he may not be able to last a single term because of his frequent medical travels abroad. But he has done eight years now. . All through the primaries when Tinubu’s hand was shaking as he held the flag, I found it funny that people were surprised because the man is 70 years old. 

    He would feel some sort of fatigue if he had to do that for hours. But guess who has been able to visit all arms of APC in the span of three years? Tinubu. Guess who has been moving across the country since he got back from London? Tinubu. If he can keep moving about this way and people say he is too ill to run, then I don’t know what ill health is.

    What are the changes you wish to see from Tinubu if elected as president?

    First, if Tinubu is elected as president, I want him to cut down on the cost of governance. It’s a major challenge. Our economy is drastically bad yet the cost of governance hasn’t been reduced. He needs to cut down on the cost of governance.
    Secondly, the fact that we are a producer of oil that imports oil kills me every time. It makes no sense that we have about four refineries and none is working. We’ve even incurred debts on an annual basis on maintaining refineries that are not functional. If he can privatise all refineries and ensure that they begin to work, it will make sense. Once we can start refining our oil and manufacturing natural gas, our economy will be better.

    We also need to have more professionals in their respective positions. He has shown that he isn’t one to play party politics over competence.

    On the issue of security, of the three candidates in Nigeria, he is the only one without a known bias toward any of the insurgencies in Nigeria – be it ISWAP, IPOB, Boko Haram, etc. Nobody has a direct solution for insecurity in Nigeria but I expect him to bring local and international experts to see how they can bring a total end to the insecurity crisis we have in Nigeria.

    If elected, how do you think Tinubu’s presidency will impact you?

    It will definitely make a positive impact. If he improves the economy, my cost of living will reduce drastically. If there are no insecurity issues in Nigeria, I’d be able to travel by road. If the refineries are fixed, the price of fuel will reduce. These are some of the things that will impact me in a Tinubu presidency.

  • Just Imagine: You’re in a Family Meeting Because You Were Caught Smoking Weed 

    Just Imagine: You’re in a Family Meeting Because You Were Caught Smoking Weed 

    You had the audacity to smoke weed in the house in which your Nigerian parents live, thinking you won’t be caught. Oh, what a fool. You don’t even know the Jamaican loud you’re smoking is smelling all over the entire house. Before you’re halfway done, your mother barges into your room. 

    Mother: “Chukwudi! What am I smelling? What is this you’re doing?” 

    She pounces on you and the half blunt you’re holding and gives you several slaps all over your body. She runs out to call your father while you try to get up from the floor. Your own don finish today. 

    After tears from your mother and shouts from your father, you’re now in the living room, where your parents have called a family meeting on top your head. In this meeting, you have: 

    -A distant uncle who likes to collect money from your father

    -An aunty who only comes over for food

    -Your father’s brother who aired you after you sent him your CV 

    -Your mother’s amebo friend who has no business being there

    Your siblings are also peeking from a corner. 

    Your parents are looking at you like this: 

    You’re seated in the middle, which you hate so much because all eyes are on you, making it hard to hide that you’re high as fuck. Your father starts pacing back and forth…

    Father: I can’t believe you, Chukwudi. You’re smoking marijuana? In my house, for that matter. How can you bring such shame to this family like this? Who taught you?

    Mother *with tears in her eyes*: Where did we go wrong, ehn, Chukwudi? What did we do to deserve this? 

    You have the urge to list everywhere they went wrong as parents. The weed is trying to push you to talk, but you hold yourself back. You won’t let the devil win.

    Father: After everything we’ve done for you, you want to throw your life away. You’re giving yourself to drugs. What else are you taking? Cocaine? Heroin? Codeine? Answer me, my friend! 

    You: Daddy, I’m not taking any other thing *You mumble*.

    Foodie aunty: You might as well take cocaine now. What’s the difference? I’m so disappointed in you, Chukwudi.

    You’re getting irritated. Who does this one think she is to be disappointed? The urge to talk is getting stronger. 

    Foodie aunty: You should know better than this, Chukwudi. I—

    Before you can stop yourself…

    You: Did you know better when you put laxatives in your husband’s food to make him shit for three days. All because you didn’t want him to hang out with his friends. Please, dear. 

    Everybody’s mouth is open in shock. Foodie aunty is wondering where you got this information from. Your father’s brother is holding himself from bursting out in laughter. 

    Mother: Chukwudi! 

    Foodie aunty: How can you say such a thing? Who told you this rubbish? 

    You: Aunty Dorcas, abeg I—

    Father: Come on will you shut up your dirty mouth there! Idiot!

    You: Daddy, don’t insult me, please. 

    Father: Or what will happen?

    You: I’ll tell mummy about how your Oha soup allergy is a lie. You just don’t like her own because she doesn’t cook it well. And that you go to Mama Apunanwu’s eatery every Wednesday and Friday to eat it.

     

    Mother: Ehn?!

    You: Mummy, whenever he tells you he’s working late, he’s at her restaurant, eating Oha soup and pounded yam with plenty of goat meat. 

    Father’s brother: Chukwudi, that’s enough! We’re here to discuss how you’ve decided to throw your life away by doing drugs. You have a good job and a family that loves you. Why are you doing this? It’s those friends you have, abi? 

    Mother’s amebo friend: It can’t be all his friends. My daughter is his friend, and I don’t know why he isn’t choosing to follow in her footsteps. Instead, he’s following the bad ones.  

    You: Are you talking about the daughter who’s my weed supplier? The one who puts weed in all sorts of foods? LMAO. What do you think her food business is all about? Why do you think it’s called “HIGHly Delicious”? She’s using food to get people high, let me just tell you.  

    Mother’s amebo friend: You’re a liar! 

    You: Okay now. Stay there. 

    Father: Chukwudi, you’re becoming a nuisance. What’s wrong with you this boy?

    You: Why is everyone making it seem like I’m the only “bad” one here? *points at the uncle he hasn’t seen in a long time* Uncle Mike’s child does yahoo and isn’t even successful at it. Uncle Mike is aware and even tries to help him scam people. 

    *PointS to mother’s amebo friend* Aunty and her husband used their children’s school fees to go to Dubai and form fake life with their friends. That’s why Chimezie has yet to enter uni; not because he’s waiting for his Canadian student visa like they’re telling everybody. 

    *Points to mother* Mummy was fired from her job three months ago because she used her oga’s toilet and clogged it with her poo. Every morning, she goes to Aunty Lola’s house to hide, then comes back when everybody has gone out. She leaves the house again at 6 p.m. and returns at 8, pretending she’s coming back from work tired. 

    Mother:

    Everyone looks stunned. 

    You: Everybody has the one they’re doing, but it’s me you want to attack. Biko, leave me alone. 

    *Stands up and walks out of the family meeting*

    ALSO READ: Just Imagine: Visiting a Nigerian Haunted House for Halloween

  • Why Nigerian Youths Should Ask Politicians Questions

    Why Nigerian Youths Should Ask Politicians Questions

    “The new Nigeria is one in which citizens can criticize and hold leaders accountable.” If the statement made by Peter Obi suggests anything, it’s that the “current Nigeria” shows a high lack of accountability of political figures. 

    In other words, as we prepare for another election year, we should ask politicians more questions directly.

    With the current state of Nigeria — high insecurity rate, increasing rate of inflation, destruction of lives and properties by floods, corruption, and so on — it is only fair that we not only start asking our politicians questions but engage with them in quality conversation.   

    If you need more motivation to do this, here’s some: 

    Youths are excluded from political conversations that affect their lives

    For a country that has the bulk of its population as youths, they seem to be grossly excluded from political conversations. Despite the emergence of the “Not Too Young to Run” bill passed into law in 2018, 17 out of 44 of Nigeria’s current ministers are within the age range of 60 to 69. And our “youth minister” is 59 years old. 

    There’s hardly any evidence of our leaders working, and we need to ask WHY

    Being classified as the “Giant of Africa” is no longer the “flex” it once used to be. This is because our statistics in key areas of the economy depict anything BUT gigantic stature. Nigeria’s inflation rate is currently at double digits at 21.32 percent. It is currently ranked the third worst country in the world in terms of insecurity. 

    And until recently, the naira crashed to an all-time low of N1,005 to a pound with the country facing an unemployment rate of 33 percent.

    Recall that many of the issues happening were against the promises our current president made in his 2015 manifesto.

    Where can you ask these questions? 

    We have partnered with Daria Media on its upcoming programme ‘The Candidates’, a series of town halls. It will be hosted by renowned journalist, Kadaria Ahmed. 

    This year, the town halls will feature six presidential candidates and their running mates. This will include Bola Tinubu, Rabiu Kwankwaso, and Peter Obi. 

    This is not your regular town hall where you only get details after it has happened. You can be a full part of this process from beginning to end. The best part is — you can ask questions and get answers from leading presidential candidates. 

    Start by clicking this link and filling out the form. It’ll take just two minutes.

  • The Ingredients Behind Youth Exclusion In Nigerian Politics

    The Ingredients Behind Youth Exclusion In Nigerian Politics

    The United State’s midterm election is presently a global hot topic and for some Nigerians, there is a more personal reason why it matters. In case you missed it, eight Nigerian Americans have won legislative seats in the US midterm election. 

    The fun fact is that five of them are under 40.

    Who are they?

    The five Nigerian youths are:

    • Solomon Adesanya (37) – Georgia State Representative
    • Phil Olaleye (37) – Georgia State Representative
    • Carol Kazeem (30) – Pennsylvania State Representative
    • Oye Owolewa (33) – Washington DC Representative
    • Esther Agbaje (37) – Minnesota State Representative

    As we celebrate these Nigerian youths for their extraordinary feat, we find ourselves asking a serious question on behalf of other Nigerian youths back home — do we stand the same chances on home soil? 

    Re: The “Not Too Young To Run” bill

    In May 2018, President Buhari signed the “Not Too Young to Run” bill into law  — a law which gave every Nigerian youth who had political dreams, the chance to achieve them without being gunned down as “too young” for the position.

    So think of the benefits of the law this way.  A 30-year-old can now decide to run for presidency, governorship, or senate. And a 25-year-old could become your next House of Assembly or House of Representatives member. Besides, there’s no better person to make laws that will benefit  53.7 percent of Nigeria’s population than the youth.



    But five years later, can we say that the bill has been effective for the Nigerian youth? Or was it just for aesthetics’ sake?

    What progress has been made? 

    Five years later, there is evidence the bill for youth is clearly not playing out in our favour. The average age of  Nigeria’s current 44 ministers is 61 years old. Our current Minister of Youth, Sunday Dare, is 59 years old. Overall, 17 of the nation’s ministers are within the age bracket of 60 to 69, an age group that represents about three percent of Nigerians.  

    Meanwhile, the youth, which forms the largest percentage of Nigeria’s population are barely represented, as the youngest minister in Nigeria, Sadiya Farouq, is 46 years old.

    For context, the benchmark for youths in the Nigerian National Youth Policy is from ages 18-39. According to the African Charter, the youth benchmark is 15-35.

    So for a 46-year-old to be our youngest minister yet, it just shows that we have a long way to go regarding youth representation in Nigeria.



    Why youths should care about politics

    There are a lot of reasons why Nigerian youth should care about politics. But let’s look at a few:

    • There would be provisions for better laws that benefit the younger folks. 
    • There are chances for a better economy and infrastructural development.
    • The creatives in  Nigeria stand a chance to be better represented.
  • Did You Miss the Fight Between These Nigerian Politicians?

    Did You Miss the Fight Between These Nigerian Politicians?

    In the land of Nigerian politics, especially during election campaign season, there is never a dull moment, as you can always expect to see political gaffes, diss tracks, and an endless flow of gbas gbos.

    Therefore, we’ve decided to jog your memory of some legendary disagreements and grudges that have occurred in the Nigerian government. Here’s a list of some of them, from spanking new to decade-old feuds:

    Ortom Vs Atiku

    [Image Source: The Nation]

    The most recent on the list is the Ortom-Atiku feud. Due to Atiku’s support of the violent actions of the Myetti-Allah in Benue State, Ortom was so pissed that he said he would rather “choose death” than support Atiku. (For context, both Ortom and  Atiku are members of the same party, but Atiku is a presidential candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP).) 

    To further show his displeasure, Ortom decided to pull a diss move and went all the way to the Labour Party to support Peter Obi.

    But it seems as though the fuel of anger could not be sustained for long, as the governor made a U-turn and decided to apologize to Atiku about his ‘misyarns’. 

    According to Ortom: “I want to say that the statement people are holding on was not what I meant when I was captured saying that. But all the same, I know that it would amount to logical fallacy. I want to say to those who are so offended by my remarks, I am very sorry. I didn’t mean that.” 

    Atiku hasn’t yet spoken on whether he’ll gracefully receive Ortom’s olive wreath or not.

    Obasanjo vs Atiku

    [Image Source: PUNCH]

    Accounts vary as to what started the grudge between the ex-president and his former vice. Things got so bad that Obasanjo said outright that he would not endorse Atiku for the presidency in 2006.

    The feud remained a thing until 2018. Obasanjo saw the light somehow and decided to forgive Atiku because he believed Atiku had “discovered and repositioned himself”. 

    But the reconciliation came during a time when both Atiku and President Muhammadu Buhari was running for a second tenure. Therefore, it seemed like getting Buhari out of the way was bigger than any old disagreement.

    [Image Source: Guardian]

    Tinubu vs Fashola

    [Image Source: Igbere TV]

    With the two former governors of Lagos State, things have not always been so rosy for them. Worthy of note is 2018. Tinubu didn’t invite his predecessor to key events like his 10th Colloquium (an event in which Fashola was meant to have testified to Tinubu’s good works in the state).

    There were no comments as to why it happened on the Tinubu front, but sources from the Fashola camp said it was a disagreement from Fashola. The disagreement was on outsourcing tax collection to a private company called Alpha Beta (a company that is allegedly owned by Tinubu), instead of collecting it directly.

    Anyway, the two seemed to move on from the quarrel as they were seen looking all friendly at a public function in 2018.

    [Image Source: Daily Post]

    Oshiomhole vs Ize-Iyamu

    [Image Source: Vanguard]

    The two former Edo State governors got tangled up in a clash of words. This was during the 2015 Edo State governorship elections.

    Oshiomhole accused Ize-Iyamu of embezzling Edo state funds and being the source of its underdevelopment. He demanded that Ize-Iyamu should “vomit the N1.2 billion he shared with Dan Orbih which is money meant for defence that he collected from a bank. After that, he will go to jail.”

    Ize-Iyamu also countered back. He said that Oshiomhole should officially probe his activities during the eight years he spent as governor.

    However, in 2020, the two men seemed to come to an understanding. Oshiomohole described Ize-Iyamu as “a man of God” while Ize-Iyamu said that he needed to be “abused”. This was because he raised his protege (present Edo State governor, Obaseki) to be a bad product. Lmao.

    Know more feuds that we didn’t mention? Drop a comment below and show us the light!

  • What Kind Of Help Are Nigerian Flood Victims Getting?

    What Kind Of Help Are Nigerian Flood Victims Getting?

    We know a lot of things are happening right now but let’s not forget that millions of Nigerians are still suffering the effects of flooding. Although coverage of the issue has reduced, it’s important that we keep in mind that a large part of over 30 Nigerian states are under water. 

    This is not just a case of rains spoiling your plans in October and November because over 612 people have died and millions have lost their homes, means of livelihood and members of their families. 

    The crisis is far from over.    

    [Image Source: Daily Post Nigeria]

    Apart from the direct impact on people, the Nigerian economy has been hit too by the floods, with rice farmlands in Nigeria’s food-basket states being affected, leading to the loss of $20 million. 

    It also affected Nigeria’s daily earnings in global markets, as the Nigeria Liquefied and Natural Gas company (NLNG) called a ‘force Majeure on October 17, 2022, which halted profits that could have come from gas exports.

    Have people gotten help? 

    Although responses were slow in the beginning, some help has started getting to the victims. 

    Here are some of the heavy donors so far: 

    The United States

    The United States provided $ 1 million to flood victims through the US Agency for International Development (USAID). The funds were provided to help local partners and agencies with emergency shelters, relief commodities, and hygiene kits to promote safe and healthy practices, especially with the cholera outbreak that has been widespread across Internally Displaced Persons (IDP) camps. 

    The Red Cross

    The International Federation of the Red Cross/Red Crescent issued a Floods Emergency Appeal of $13 million. This was to provide clean water, emergency shelter, and cash assistance to half a million people in several states. The beneficiaries included severely affected states such as Adamawa, Anambra, Bayelsa, Kebbi, Kaduna, Yobe, and Zamfara. 

    Jordan

    The King of Jordan, Abdullah II bin Al-Hussein Al Hashimi donated useful relief items. These included food packages, clothing, blankets, and sanitary items for flood victims.

    Meghan Markle and Prince Harry 

    The royal couple donated funds for the flood victims in order to provide relief materials. The amount was unspecified. The donation was made to both UNICEF and Save the Children in Nigeria.

    Switzerland

    In response to an emergency appeal by the International Federation of Red Cross and Red Crescent Societies, IFRC, Switzerland donated $756,000. This was to aid the IFRC and Nigerian Red Cross to provide relief support for victims.

    The Knights of St. John

    A Nigerian Catholic group, the Knights of St John International, donated a sum of N8 million to various Catholic dioceses. These were located in Idah, Markurdi, Lokoja, Auchi, Bomadi, and Warri, as well as the archdioceses in Onitsha, and Owerri. 

    The donation is also expected to support the repair of the Catholic Bishops Conference of Nigeria (CBCN) institutions affected by floods.

    Donations from political candidates 

    The All Progressives Congress (APC) presidential candidate, Bola Ahmed Tinubu donated a sum of N100 million to Kano flood victims. This happened during a party held in his honour in October 2022. 50 million naira was also donated to Bayelsa State flood victims by the presidential candidate of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), Atiku Abubakar. 

    Lastly, Labour Party (LP) presidential candidate, Peter Obi, gave the sum of N5 million to flood victims in Benue. He also gave relief materials which included bread and noodles to Anambra state flood victims.

  • Who Are the Forces Against Women’s Involvement in Politics?

    Who Are the Forces Against Women’s Involvement in Politics?

    It is 2022 and Nigerian women are still struggling to get a stable place in politics. And no, politicians (mostly male) using female traders and rural women to advance their careers is not the same as women having a real say in the matter. 

    There have been conferences, jabs, talks, and more talks thrown in the way of Nigerian women calling on them to rub shoulders with the men in the political space. But everyone seems to forget that it takes more than talking and that real work has to be done. 

    On November 9, 2022, The deputy chief whip of the House of Representatives (aka Honourable Member of the Feminist Battalion), Nkeiruka Onyejeocha, reminded us about the rejected affirmative action bill. 

    The bill simply asked that the Nigerian government makes it compulsory for 35 percent of women to be involved in all governance processes. Easy stuff but it got thrown away. 

    It is a breath of fresh air that people like Onyejeocha, who said that women’s participation should always be a priority, are in government. However, this was not enough to save the bill.

    Let’s look at what the bill means for Nigerian women. 

    How does the bill help Nigerian women? 

    The bill, which was championed by Onyejeocha, was meant to increase women’s participation in politics and general government processes, offering them higher chances of getting into government.

    Women should care about the implementation of affirmative action for two simple reasons:

    The political numbers for women are sad to look at

    Out of all the candidates campaigning in the 2023 elections, only 8.36 percent of them are women. After the 2019 legislative elections, it was also observed that only 8 women out of 109 members were elected to the House of Senate, and 13 women out of 360 members made it to the House of Representatives.  

    In the two houses, fall way below the global 26.1 percent cut-off mark for global recognition of women in parliament. These numbers don’t lie. 

    NASS has a history of rejecting bills for women

    The 35 percent affirmative action bill isn’t the only one that has been rejected.

    When senator, Biodun Olujimi, presented the Gender and Equal Opportunities bill in December 2021,  male lawmakers began to pick holes in the bill. It was eventually stepped down.

    That was the third time Ms. Olujimi brought the bill to the Senate for consideration.

    She first introduced the bill in March 2016. The bill clearly sought to give women the following:

    • Equal opportunities in employment.
    • Equal rights to inheritance for both genders.
    • Equal rights for women in marriage and divorce
    • Equal access to education, property/land ownership, and inheritance.

    The bill was rejected by male lawmakers. They argued that the Nigerian Constitution was clear on the rights of citizens, including women.  Olujimi reworked the bill and represented it to the Senate. This time, it scaled second reading and was referred to the Senate committee on Judiciary, Human Rights and Legal Matters. However, no public hearing was held.

    In November 2019, the bill was reintroduced and during the second reading last December, two senators – Aliyu Wamakko and Yusuf Yusuf – argued that the word “equality” was against the socio-cultural practice of Islam.

    Women around the world are killing it politically

    Kenya and Rwanda are good examples of African countries where gender equality is practiced, especially in politics and governance.

    In Kenya, the number of women in parliament sums up to 21.8 percent. Seven female governors were also sworn into power in August 2022.

    Rwanda Chamber of Deputies became the first elected national parliament where women were the majority in 2008. The percentage of women in parliament stood at 61.25% in 2021. This is way above the current global average of 26.4%. 

    Rwanda has been at the top of the International Organization of Parliaments (IPU)’s monthly ranking of

    women in the national parliament for years.

    Dear Nigeria, remove shame and beat Rwanda. If there was ever a time to care about female participation in politics, there is no better time than now. 

  • Electoral Violence Is On the Rise and We Need To Pay Attention

    Electoral Violence Is On the Rise and We Need To Pay Attention

    The presidential candidate for the People’s Democratic Party (PDP), Atiku Abubakar, was attacked on November 9, 2022, while on his way to a campaign engagement in Maiduguri, Borno State. Reports say the attack was carried out by some supporters of the All Progressives Congress (APC) who were identified by the party emblems they were carrying.  

    The candidate’s supporters have been attacked before. On October 17, thugs reportedly invaded its rally in Kaduna and beat people up. In the recent Borno attack, 70 people were reportedly injured in the Borno attack, with dozens of vehicles vandalized. 

    It is unclear if Atiku was harmed, but he would probably think twice before setting foot in Borno State again. 

    Also recall that in October 2022, open threats were made by a member of the House of Assembly, Mohammed Gajiram, declaring the need for APC to win all their elections if it means “people being killed and buried in holes.”

    In response to the death threats, a PDP representative in Borno state, Alhaji Zanna Gaddama, has openly appealed to both the Director-General of the Department of State Services (DSS), the National Security Adviser (NSA) and the Inspector General of Police (IG) for help. 

    What does Nigerian law say about death threats?

    In Section 323 of our nation’s Criminal Code Act, there is only a punishment for the threat to kill if the threat is written. As it states, “Any person who, knowing the contents thereof, directly or indirectly causes any person to receive any writing threatening to kill any person is guilty of a felony and is liable to imprisonment for seven years.” 

    However, Gajiram did break Subsection 2 of Section 92 of the Electoral Act of 2022 which states that “abusive, intemperate, slanderous or base language or insinuations or innuendoes designed or likely to provoke violent reaction or emotions shall not be employed or used in political campaigns.”

    Who else has been attacked this election season? 

    Even with the signing of a peace accord by all the presidential candidates, there have been signs of bad faith. This ranges from violence, intolerance, and hate speech.

    Peter Obi

    The Labour Party candidate has received his own share of violence. In September,  gunmen threatened Peter Obi’s supporters in Enugu, while they were holding a meeting in the Awga community. 

    Four unknown gunmen suddenly showed up, shot in the air, and disrupted the meeting.  A day earlier, some members of the party were also attacked in Nenwe of the same state. 

    About a week later, Obi’s supporters were again attacked in Ebonyi state. This time, some members of the Nigeria Police were identified as assailants. In a statement, the Labour Party’s National Publicity Secretary accused APC of using the police to promote violence.

    In October, Obi’s supporters, known as “flag boys” were brutalized in Lagos. The flag boys were accused of carrying Peter Obi’s flags around Oshodi in Lagos. They got beaten by thugs and attempts were made to burn them alive. 

    Senator Ifeanyi Ubah

    In September, Ubah, was ambushed and attacked at Enugwu-Ukwu in Njikoka LGA of Anambra State. Five people were killed during this attack, including some police officers and the senator’s aides. 

    Why should you care about electoral violence?

    As a citizen, electoral violence goes against your right to vote for any candidate of your choice, as stated in the INEC’s Voter Education section. 

    You should also be allowed to attend any rally for any candidate without the fear of being harassed. Start by holding your preferred candidate accountable to the peace accord all parties signed.









  • The EFCC Chairman Is in Prison. Here’s Why.

    The EFCC Chairman Is in Prison. Here’s Why.

    The Chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Abdulrasheed Bawa, has been sentenced to serve time in the most ‘secure’ prison in Nigeria, Kuje Correctional Prison.

    One can only wonder how Bawa is going to survive, as the prison could contain some very angry fraudsters he has arrested.

    Bawa is going to serve time until he returns N40 million and a Range Rover to Air Vice Marshal (AVM) Rufus Adeniyi Ojuawo. Keep in mind that these items have not been returned to Ojuawo since the court demanded him to in 2018.

    What happened with Ojuawo and Bawa?

    To help you understand this, let’s break down the case into three main points:

    • The Crime: Ojuawo was accused of taking N40 million and a Range Rover. The items are valued at N29.25 million from Hima Aboubakar of Societe D’Equipment Internationalaux Nigeria Limited in 2016.
    • The Court Case: Ojuawo was arraigned in 2016 on a two-count charge for both items in a Federal Capital Territory (FCT) high court. The case was filed by the EFCC.
    • The Verdict: The judge rejected the EFCC case in 2018 and acquitted Ojuawo on the grounds that the commission was unable to show that he accepted the gifts. The EFCC was ordered to return the seized property, which Mr. Bawa clearly didn’t follow up on, hence his sentencing

    However, he is not ready to claim the sentence peacefully, as he informed journalists at a press conference that he had appealed the case and would allow “the law” to take its natural course. His ‘buddies’ at the EFCC have backed him up too, as they officially confirmed that the organization would appeal in the chairman’s case. Talk about a friend in need.

    It may be kind of shocking and sad to hear this news as the EFCC under Bawa’s tenure has recorded significant achievements so far. These range from the recovery of N6 trillion from fraudsters and 978 convictions in August 2021 to arresting 87 forex dealers in November 2022.  

    But how righteous is Bawa?

    Surprisingly, the EFCC chair has not always lived under a cloak of righteousness. He was involved in an alleged  ‘cashing out’ from over 244 oil tankers from between N20-N30 million. This happened while he was head of the zonal EFCC office at Port Harcourt in 2019. 

    EFCC officials have also claimed that his actions deprived Nigeria of receiving at least N4.88 billion in loot recovery. That is money that could pay off some of Nigeria’s debts. To put the cherry on the cake, Bawa was called in to lead the Lagos Zonal Office a year later. This was despite his investigation being far from over. 

    He then became the National Chairman in February 2021.

    Why should you care about Bawa or the EFCC?

    For starters, the actions of these two have serious impacts on your ‘soft life’ and your daily N2K.

    A report by PricewaterhouseCoopers (PWC) was written on the impact of corruption on the Nigerian economy. It states that corruption from the government level can lead to a lack of funds. This could lead to poor infrastructure of hospitals, schools, roads, etc. 

    It can also affect your business, as public funds that are meant to be used as capital for your business are now being used for jaiye jaiye by people who are meant to stop corruption. 

    How can you fight corruption?

    You don’t need to be powerless as a citizen in the fight against corruption. Here are some things you can do:

    • Report issues of corruption to the necessary authorities. You can start with your local police. 
    • Post it on social media. Your phone is not only for Instagram photos and Snapchat.
    • Don’t partake in corruption yourself. How can you fight corruption if you’re also corrupt?
  • Everyone Needs to Experience a #HotelSmirnoff NKA Party. Here’s Why

    Everyone Needs to Experience a #HotelSmirnoff NKA Party. Here’s Why

    If you aren’t living under a non-internet-enabled rock, you’ve heard of Smirnoff’s NoKnownAddress Party. 

    In 2021, Smirnoff flagged off Detty December with the Smirnoff NoKnownAddress party, and it was such goals. They’re going again this year with Hotel Smirnoff. Here’s why we think everyone should experience #HotelSmirnoff at least once in their lives.

    Mad themes

    Any excuse to dress up and have fun is a fantastic one. Themed parties allow you forget the ever-rising price of bread, take on a new character and party with one goal in mind — to turn up. 2021’s party was jail-themed, and I’m living for the mugshots.

    Fire music

    If there’s one thing Smirnoff knows how to do, it’s getting performers and DJs to churn out fire music that’ll have you whining and scattering legwork like nobody’s business.

    Crazy vibes

    Did you think they were joking when they said the party is strictly for the infamous? In essence, keep your home training at home. You won’t need it.

    Amazing drinks

    It’s a Smirnoff party. Get ready to drown in delicious cocktails and flavoured vodka. The bouncers would need to carry me out when the party’s over because I’ll be more than happy to sleep there.

    Partners in bad behaviour

    Imagine partying with people with the same level of craze as you. Sounds like a Smirnoff NoKnownAddress party.

    Tons of activities

    …for when you want to take a break from the electrifying performances and dancing. We heard that last year, there was a trial room for secret Smirnoff City recipes, an onsite tattoo shop, plus a merchandise store.

    No known address

    In case you didn’t notice from the name, the location is completely secret and will only be revealed to the baddies who reserve a seat. No gate-crashing here.

    Did I mention unlimited fun?

    With the good vibes and limitless energy of a Smirnoff party, you just might beg them to have one every month.

    Hotel Smirnoff is happening on November 18, 2022, and you mustn’t miss out on an unforgettable night of infamy, mad fun and limitless energy.

    Make your party reservation now. No payment needed.

  • Why Ortom Would “Rather Die” Than Be Under Atiku

    Why Ortom Would “Rather Die” Than Be Under Atiku

    On November 6, 2022, Benue State Governor, Samuel Ortom, saw his dinner party as a great opportunity to send Atiku Abubakar ‘to hell’. It came as no surprise when Ortom withdrew his support for the presidential candidate of the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP) over his allegiance with the Miyetti Allah, a Fulani cattle-rearing group in the North. 

    Ortom said: “To hell with Atiku and anyone supporting him. They should go and tell him. You want me to be a slave for a Fulani. It’s better I die. Anybody supporting Atiku is an enemy of Benue.”

    Some people have called Ortom out, saying that his outburst of rage was the ‘most embarrassing speech one has heard from a governor’ and ‘a hate speech. 

    In case you were wondering, this is actually hate speech, a commonplace during elections. 

    The Cambridge Dictionary defines hate speech as “public speech that expresses hate or encourages violence towards a person or group based on something such as race, religion, sex, or sexual orientation.” 

    Ortom’s hate speech echoed years of tribal sentiments fuelled by several events you might’ve missed. A single thread can be drawn from the age-long crisis between the Fulani people and the Tiv of Benue State. 

    Let’s catch you up. 

    The Fulani-Tiv Crisis 

    To understand the Tiv (Benue) – Fulani crisis, we need to go back to the basics. Here are a few things you need to know:

    The Tiv and Fulani were once friends during the 19th century, while the Tiv were migrating from the Central African Republic to Cameroon. But, the Tiv decided that they were not ‘feeling the friendship’ anymore due to the Fulani’s “domineering” attitude, and they parted ways.

    There are conflicting stories about how the two groups began to attack and counterattack each other. However, in the 1950s, the Tiv joined the Middle Belt Congress founded by J.S Tarka, simply because they felt the Northern People’s Congress (headed by the Hausas and Fulanis) was “cruel and wanted power all to themselves.”

    Let’s fast forward to 2022 where there is increased violence in Benue State, most of which has been attributed to herdsmen (some of Fulani origin). 

    Just this month, 18 persons were killed, including children, and the state has thousands of Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) seeking help to feed, clothe and house themselves. 

    There have also been tussles between the state and the Miyetti Allah over anti-grazing laws.  People in the state are mostly farmers and cattle grazing has left their crops destroyed countless times, further impoverishing them.  Attempts to reach compromises on both ends have failed and even led to more violence. 

    Tensions heightened in January 2022 when Ortom insisted that the Federal Government should consider Miyetti Allah Kautal Hore, Miyetti Allah Cattle Breeders Association of Nigeria (MACBAN), and Fulani Nationality Movement (FUNAM) terrorist organizations.

    [Image Source: Peoples Gazette]

    Atiku-Ortom wahala 

    Now that you know more about the Fulani-Tiv crisis, let’s go back to the fight between Atiku and Ortom. 

    It was on October 15, 2022 that the fight really started when Atiku told the Arewa Committee during his presidential campaign that he was angry with Ortom for “profiling Fulani as bandits and terrorists because I am a Fulani.” 

    This was after the Benue Youth Forum (BYF), had awarded him the highest chieftaincy title in Benue, the ‘Zege Mule U’. After his speech, calls were made that the title should be reviewed

    Now that Ortom has consigned Atiku to hell, what is the next gbas gbos that will happen next? We’ll be here to update you. 

  • This Muslim Voter Doesn’t Believe Religion Should Be an Electoral Criteria

    This Muslim Voter Doesn’t Believe Religion Should Be an Electoral Criteria

    The Nigerian Voter is a series that seeks to understand the motivations that drive the voting decisions of Nigerians — why they vote, how they pick their candidates, why some have never voted, and their wildest stories around elections.

    The subject of today’s The Nigerian Voter is Safiya, a Muslim lady from Kaduna State in her twenties. She moved to Lagos in 2018 in search of greener pastures. She told us about her past experience voting in the North, and her views on religion and tribalism when it comes to the voting process. 

    What made you come from Kaduna to Lagos?

    I moved here in 2018. The economy is very poor there in Kaduna and farmers are not making ends meet. Here in Lagos, I am making more money than my secondary school teacher and I can employ him, even with my mama put business.

    So that being said, I came to Lagos to get what I want, which is a better life for myself. Kaduna was just too poor and it is not safe with Boko Haram attacks here and there. Most people living in the North are just branching out to different parts of the country. 

    Have you ever voted before?

    Yes, I have. 

    In 2019, I went to Niger State to vote (since that was where I registered), but it was a terrible experience because the INEC chairmen there did not allow one to vote. 

    It’s only the people that settled them with money (bribes) that they allowed to vote. If you don’t settle them well, the vote will not count.

    Have you ever faced any form of harassment during voting?

    Yes oh, very well. 

    I can remember an INEC guy slapping me across the face because I was arguing with someone that jumped the queue. Unknown to me, the person had already bribed this guy with N20,000, which back then, was a lot of money in the North. 

    Even a pregnant woman nearly lost her baby in my presence because she was pushed down with violent force. It was a really tough time.

    Who did you vote for then and why?

    That time, I voted for Buhari, because I was scared that nobody else would win if I voted for them. I know that with these elections, if someone is running for office a second time, it’s that person that will win. 

    So since 2019 was for Buhari’s second tenure, I just voted for him anyway.

    Do you regret voting for Buhari now?

    Ah, well, sometimes I wish I had the courage to vote for someone else. 

    Atiku may not be the best person for Nigeria, but he is better than this Buhari. Anyways, I’m just hoping that 2023 will be different with the right person, insha’allah.

    Who would you vote for in 2023 and why?

    Peter Obi, because we need an educated person that can develop the country financially. People know that supporting businesses will reduce the financial pressure on them as a government, instead of simply encouraging the usual employment by people. 

    Peter Obi has these ideas. And you know Igbos, they’re quite skilled with this business thing. So I know he would create financial freedom for businesses. We would also have our own Nigerian-made stuff instead of importing. I don’t trust men like Tinubu to deliver, and Atiku should go and rest. The man has been running for president ever since I was in primary school. 

    Igbo men are always very successful in business, so I know that if I vote for Obi, he will create ways for businesses to grow. Maybe I can get a restaurant instead of this mama put.

    But would you say religion should be a big part of your criteria for a candidate?

    Look ehn, Nigeria is the way that it is now because we are all voting based on tribe or religion. In 2015, my people voted for Buhari because he is from the North, but look at how that turned out. If I was ever told that my own Northern Muslim brethren could treat us this way, making us become refugees in other parts of the country, I would never have believed it. 

    Election is not about religion or tribalism. We need to vote for the right person. It is religion and tribalism that made us vote for Buhari the first time, and look at where that turned out. I can’t vote for Tinubu because he extorts people, and he doesn’t care. 

    Look at this flooding crisis for instance that happened in Kogi State. Did Tinubu ever go to visit any of those victims? How many days passed before Atiku visited? It was only Obi that had enough sense to go to those places and sympathize with them, and help them. Why would I not vote for that kind of leader? 

    Tinubu said emi l’okan and they’re playing with the presidential seat as some sort of royal seat that is turn by turn. Is it a royal family thing, that you’re saying emi l’okan? Rubbish. This time, we need to all vote and our vote has to count!

    Who are the people you know voting for? 

    It’s still Peter Obi oh, even in the North. 

    I can’t say I know a single person that wants to vote for Atiku or Tinubu. It’s because my own people are all into a business and they’ve seen that Peter Obi is their man. They will go to the polls en-masse in 2023 and cast their vote!

  • Things Meffy Should Include in The CBN Naira Makeover

    Things Meffy Should Include in The CBN Naira Makeover

    Ever since the Central Bank Governor (CBN) Godwin “Meffy” Emefiele decided to dress up and redesign the N200, N500, and N1,000 banknotes, things have been looking scary for the naira, with its continuous fall and intense dollar scarcity.

    Despite the Finance minister having zero ideas on the matter, Meffy isn’t turning back on his plans to release the new naira designs on December 15, 2022. Here are three  things we at Citizen would love to see (or not see) with the new naira notes:

    A picture of the #EndSARS victims

    Remembering the victims of #EndSARS and the Lekki Toll Gate massacre by symbolically placing them on the nation’s currency will serve as a true mark of honor to our fallen heroes.

    But wait, our government doesn’t acknowledge anyone was killed at the toll gate, so that may be a lost cause. Fingers crossed anyway.

    Some more Nigerian heroines

    We are tired of seeing great Nigerian women relegated to the back of the naira notes. 

    What happened to women like Funmilayo Ransom-Kuti, Queen Amina, Margaret Ekpo, and the rest of them? They too, need to stand out boldly at the front of the naira notes like the men.

    More pop culture icons

    Have you ever reasoned that the lack of Nigerian pop culture icons may be what is making our naira fall? 

    Maybe if we are always seeing Burna Boy and Asake on our naira notes every day, we may decide to thrash dollar notes in the bin and appreciate our currency more.

    Have any more ideas on what you wish to see on the Naira? Let us know.

  • The Devil Works Hard but Social Media Regulation Works Harder

    The Devil Works Hard but Social Media Regulation Works Harder

    This is Zikoko Citizen’s Game of Votes weekly dispatch that helps you dig into all the good, bad, and extremely bizarre stuff happening in Nigeria and why they’re important to you.

    Subscribe now to get the newsletter in your email inbox at 8 am every Friday instead of three days later. Don’t be LASTMA.

    The Devil Works Hard but Social Media Regulation Works Harder

    I have a riddle for you: If a tree falls in the middle of the forest but there’s no one to tweet about it, did it really happen? If your answer was yes, then you don’t spend nearly enough time on social media — in which case, get a life, okay? If your answer was no, then social media means a lot to you and you probably want to sit down for this next part.

    On September 26, 2022, two very important people signed a document called the “Code Of Practice For Interactive Computer Service Platforms/Internet Intermediaries”. The document’s title is deliberately boring and isn’t more appropriately named “Social Media Regulation Stuff” because that would get your attention and rightfully alarm you.

    The Devil Works Hard but Social Media Regulation Works Harder

    [Zikoko Memes]

    One of the two people who signed the code was the Minister of Communications and Digital Economy, Isa Pantami. You may remember him as the high-ranking government official who kept his job even when everyone found out he openly supported terrorists when he was a naive 34-year-old boy.

    The other signee was Kashifu Inuwa Abdullahi, the director general of the National Information Technology Development Agency (NITDA). There’s no evidence yet that he’s a terrorist sympathiser.

    NITDA first floated a draft of the code back in June. And when everyone raised eyebrows about some of the shady stuff sprinkled all over it, the government said, “Hey, it’s just a draft, okay? We can dialogue and iron things out before it becomes law. Purr?” Well, the code is now law but little changed from what was initially drafted. So, what happened?

    The Devil Works Hard but Social Media Regulation Works Harder

    [Zikoko Memes]

    It’s impossible to pick apart everything in the NITDA code, but the most worrying part is the burden it places on social media platforms to regulate content that “compromises the security or undermines the unity, or sovereignty of Nigeria or promotes the act of terrorism”. It also affects content that “instigates public disorder or interferes with an ongoing investigation”.

    While both these things sound like decent propositions on paper, Nigerian legislation is where all good intentions go to die. The potential for the misapplication of these clauses is worrying especially since #EndSARS showed us how easy it is for the Nigerian government to brand anything as terrorism. 

    Can it be considered an incitement of public disorder if you call the president a fool or Lai Mohammed a liar? Does investigative journalism interfere with an ongoing investigation and run foul of this code? It’s a window too dangerous to just leave open.

    The Devil Works Hard but Social Media Regulation Works Harder

    [Zikoko Memes]

    The code isn’t all evil and establishes laws that protect the interests of Nigerians in an increasingly volatile online jungle. But it also helps the Nigerian government sneak social media regulation through the backdoor after failing to get it through the National Assembly. It smells.

    What else happened this week?

    Election campaign funds don’t fall from heaven

    [EFCC]

    One of the most closely-guarded secrets in Nigeria — other than Buhari’s skincare routine — is how Nigerian politicians actually fund their election campaigns. This week, we found out one of the ways to run it is through 419. Allegedly.

    On October 30, 2022, the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC) arrested one Ismaila Yusuf Atumeyi with ₦326 million and $140,500 cash in Abuja. His name may not ring a bell now, but he could become a household name if he wins a seat in the Kogi State House of Assembly in 2023 as a candidate of the New Nigeria People’s Party (NNPP).

    The EFCC is accusing Atumeyi’s suspected cyber fraud ring of hacking a commercial bank and carrying out a ₦1.4 billion heist that would make Lawrence Anini jealous. The ring laundered the loot through bureau de change (BDC) operators and bought some high-end cars. What’s to stop Atumeyi from using the proceeds to buy overpriced nomination forms for political office or run his campaign?

    This guy is too camera-shy for a Nigerian politician [EFCC]

    Transparency in Nigeria’s election campaign financing is quite rubbish and even the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) is tired of trying to enforce campaign finance laws. Without presuming his guilt, cases like Atumeyi’s reinforce why we should take transparency in campaign financing more seriously and clean up the system.

    Should we start suspecting politicians who don’t beg the public for campaign funds? Because there’s sapa outside so where’s everyone seeing money to run campaigns running into billions of naira?

    Have you seen this video?

    Question of the week

    If Meffy put you in charge of redesigning the naira banknotes to launch in December, what would you change?

    Click here to tweet your answer to @ZikokoCitizen on Twitter.

    Ehen, one more thing…

    Buhari once again flew to London this week to play ludo with his doctors and free himself from the shackles of pretending to be a president for two weeks.

    He won in life, but 200 million Nigerians are paying for it.

  • Why Tinubu’s Attendance Sheet Is All Red

    Why Tinubu’s Attendance Sheet Is All Red

    If you are ever sad and need something to cheer you up, watching what Bola Ahmed Tinubu, All Progressives Congress’ (APC) presidential candidate, does (or in this case, doesn’t do) will do the trick.

    Since Tinubu started running the presidential race for the APC in January 2022,  social media streets haven’t remained the same. From political gaffes to fitness jpegs, and even sleeping during critical events, Tinubu has done it all.

    In addition to his long list of sins, we find that Tinubu has made it a habit to be absent from crucial events, the most recent example being the Arise Presidential Town Hall Meeting / Debate on November 6, 2022. 

    In this meeting, the candidates were meant to give voters some oral insight into what they would achieve should they become president. Yes, Atiku Abubakar of the Peoples’ Democratic Party (PDP) did not attend but his running mate Ifeanyi Okowa went in his stead. 

    BAT did not send anybody, not even his usual errand boy representative, Kashim Shettima, and was too busy turning up at Col. Sani Bello’s 80th birthday owambe

    [Image Source: @TinubuMediaS on Twitter]

    As the social media pressure got werser over his absence, Tinubu’s campaign team felt that it was only fair to apologize to the public for his absence. But even that apology, well….

    What does the apology mean?

    To summarize the long grammar, here is what he basically said:

    • We couldn’t care less about any debates. Wetin concern us?
    • The reason why we can’t care for any debate is because we are too busy to think about the debate. If you want to know our plans, read the manifesto.
    • We are bosses that cherry-pick who we want to speak to, and when we want to speak to them. Selah.

    What does Tinubu’s attendance sheet look like?

    As I mentioned earlier, this isn’t the only time Tinubu didn’t feel like showing up. Let’s give some other examples:

    The 2022 NBA conference

    While his colleagues Peter Obi of the Labour Party (LP) presidential candidate, Atiku Abubakar of the PDP, Dumebi Kachikwu of the African Democratic Congress (ADC) candidate, and Adewole Adebayo of the Social Democratic Party (SDP) were present, Tinubu was absent from the conference and only represented by Shettima. 

    However, it seems as though Shettima had some dress code prepping on ‘fashion drips’ from BAT, as he came looking like a ‘cool kid’ wearing sneakers on a suit.

    [Image Source: Vanguard Newspapers]

    If you are waiting for an explanation of Tinubu’s absence, don’t hold your breath. He didn’t give any.

    The ICAN conference

    It’s interesting to note that Tinubu, who has repeatedly claimed to have an accounting background with big firms like Deloitte and Mobil, blatantly decided not to come to the Institute of Chartered Accountants of Nigeria’s conference in Abuja in October 2022.

    That could have been a very good time for Tinubu to showcase his economic plans for the country, as the conference was centered on sustainability for national prosperity.

    Even Yele Sowore, presidential candidate for the African Action Congress (AAC), took a swipe at him, as he wondered why a whole “Chicago University Accounting Guru” decided not to show up for an ICAN event. Well, we are wondering too.

    The LCCI conference 

    Yet again, Tinubu was too shy to share in detail his economic plans for the country, as he postponed his address for the Lagos State Chamber of Commerce and Industry (LCCI) on October 28, 2022.

    Instead, he set up a ‘business summit’ with the moneybags of the private industry to share those plans with them instead. Why was this done? Did he feel he would have more control over an audience that wouldn’t give him tough questions? We may never know.


    How do citizens feel?

    If there is one word that sums up the public opinion of Tinubu’s absence, it’s pissed. Here’s what some Nigerians had to say about this:

    https://twitter.com/MrOdanz/status/1589396951824355328?s=20&t=9JgnP3IB_FLmogyh0UPnbA

  • How the Greed of Three Nigerian Governors Will Affect You

    How the Greed of Three Nigerian Governors Will Affect You

    Ever since the Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN) announced the redesign of the naira banknotes, the financial economy of Nigeria has been going haywire. The naira continues to tumble, the scarcity of dollars is making waves and even the Minister of Finance has washed her hands from the mess

    To add to all the commotion, some governors are trying to play smart and use civil servants to launder the money. We’re not making up stories and this is coming directly from the chairman of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC), Abdulrasheed Bawa.

    What we know about this plot is that instead of paying into their workers’ bank accounts, as usual, the governors plan to pay them cash so it would be easier to dispose of stashed old notes. The gang of Money Heist would be so proud.

    Who are the governors?

    So far, Bawa is only giving us half gist and has refused to mention the names of these governors. But he mentioned that two of them are from the northern region and the third is from the southern region. Considering the fact EFCC can’t prosecute serving governors, we’ll probably never hear the names from him. But we know whose collar to hold whenever they announce they want to pay workers in cash.

    But how do the actions of these governors affect citizens? 

    The exchange rate will get werser

    With the rapid and uncontrolled influx of money by these unknown governors, consumption rates are increasing. But the unstable demand will negatively affect bank rates. So if you see ₦‎1000 to a dollar as the exchange rate before 2022 is over, you know who to blame.

    Nigeria will start losing its daily ₦‎2k from foreign investors

    The price instability caused by black money in the financial system will affect the economy’s credibility in the global community. Rational entrepreneurs will find it inconvenient to invest in the country because they’ll also consider the country’s risk before investing. 

    And if Nigeria isn’t making money, it’s very unlikely that you’d make money as well. You may as well fix your appointment for a salsa date with sapa.

    https://twitter.com/Astronaut_ijebu/status/1480423096934973443?s=20&t=ZYtutc8TNs72sdvq2Jk_3w

    Mechanics may never become ballers

    With the high rate of inflation, there’ll certainly be a divide between the rich and poor. It’d be harder for those making money in naira to purchase goods as prices would steadily increase while those earning in dollars will keep getting richer. No hope for mechanics.

    In the end, what these three governors and others like them should know is that EFCC is watching, and so are Nigerians.

  • Excuses to Give When You Want to End a Phone Call

    Excuses to Give When You Want to End a Phone Call

    Do you know how frustrating it can be when you’re trying to get off the phone but the other person can’t seem to get the hint? We know how annoying it can be, so we’ve come up with excuses you can use.

    When you need to get off the phone. Tell them any of the following: 

    You want to drink water 

    Finding a cup, pouring the water and drinking it can take a long time. You’d rather not waste the person’s time and data by doing all that while on the phone. When you’re done, you’ll call them back. 

    You need to close the fridge

    You just remembered that you forgot to close the fridge and now electricity is wasting. Tell them you need to quickly get off the phone and attend to it. 

    NEPA has brought light 

    You’re not sure how long electricity will last before they take the light, so you want to quickly charge your phone before NEPA decides to be unfortunate. If they live in Nigeria, they’ll understand and end the call. 

    ALSO READ: 16 Times NEPA Has Absolutely Horrified Every Nigerian

    You need to go down the stairs 

    Going down the stairs requires your full attention so you don’t fall and break your neck. The person on the phone will have to understand that for your own safety, you have to end the call to focus on the stairs. 

    You’re going to gist with your gateman 

    Bonding with your staff is very important for you. You have a particular time when you sit and gist with your gateman, and the call is cutting into that time. 

    You’re about to give birth 

    You’ve been in labour since the call started, and now you’re about to start pushing the baby out. You won’t have the energy to talk and push the baby out at the same time. 

    ALSO READ: All The Reasons We Hate Returning Phone Calls

    There’s an emergency in your compound

    Your neighbour’s pot of soup was stolen, and you need to go and help them catch the thief. 

    You want to go and count the grains of rice you have

    You need to make sure you have enough rice at home for the week. The only way to be sure is by counting each grain carefully. 

    Mercury is wearing red brocade 

    Mercury is back again, and she’s wearing a red brocade this time. You can’t be on the phone for too long if not, you’ll miss her. Knowing Mercury, she may not be back for a while. 

    Your bus conductor is asking for change

    The bus conductor needs their change, and you’ve been struggling to look for it with one hand. You need to drop your phone and use both hands to search properly. 

    You need to take a Zikoko quiz 

    I said what I said. Try it and see. 

    QUIZ: What Romance Trope Best Fits Your Love Life?

  • We Rated Ben Ayade’s Weirdass Budget Names

    We Rated Ben Ayade’s Weirdass Budget Names

    Nigerian politicians are one of two things: comic book villains who do nothing for their people or natural-born comedians who are bad at politics but have rich entertainment value. It’s rare to be both, but Governor Ben Ayade of Cross River State is one of those special characters.

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    He’s either five minutes away from crying or breaking into a dance

    Since he became governor in 2015, Ayade’s most defining legacy is turning budget presentations into spectacles because of how ridiculously he names them every year. Following the recent presentation of his last budget as governor, it’s only fitting to rate how we feel about all eight of the names he gave his budgets.

    Budget of Deep Vision — 4/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    Ayade presented his first budget in 2016 and you could tell he wasn’t yet sure whether to show everyone his weird ways. So, he played it safe and ended up with a name even an amateur motivational speaker would give some colour.

    Budget of Infinite Transposition — 6/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    By 2017, Ayade had developed the confidence to be more experimental. So he transposed into an infinite lovable circus clown who gave the budgets more aesthetics than substance. Things only got weirder from then on.

    Budget of Kinetic Crystallisation — 8/10

    Before he fell for the temptation of politics, Ayade was already a professor of science, and this 2018 budget name feels like he forgot for a minute he’s no longer inside the lecture theatre. The people of Cross River asked for a budget to make their lives better and he gave them a science buzzword.

    Budget of Qabalistic Densification — 9/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    This 2019 budget sounds like the theme for a party of ritualists on a full moon night when Mercury is in Obalende. It’s also not a coincidence this was the year COVID rose from the pits of hell and started showing the world shege. Governor Ayade, what did you do!

    Budget of Olimpotic Meristemasis — 11/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    It’s difficult to explain but this 2020 budget name is Ayade’s magnum opus in the same way the Mona Lisa is the toast of the art world. There’s something about the melody of “Olimpotic Meristemasis” that oozes the eliteness of pounded yam mixed with the audacity of egusi soup. 

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    Ayade’s rent was due when he made this poetic beauty and this is why he’ll be remembered as one of the greatest to walk the hall of Nigerian politics. Sike.

    ALSO READ: Just Imagine if Your Favorite Nigerian Politicians Were Musicians

    Budget of Blush and Bliss — 6/10

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    If you ever wanted to create a make-up brand and are struggling with a business name, Ayade helped out with this 2021 budget name. But it’s a lame follow-up to “Olimpotic Meristemasis”. It sounds like something he heard teenagers say during a school visit to the Government House. The only saving grace here is the alliteration, else this would have been a 4/10. We expect better, Mr Governor.

    Budget of Conjugated Agglutination — 9/10

    There’s something deliberately wicked about this budget name that it feels like a Harry Potter spell. “Conjugated agglutination” sounds like a curse you scream at the driver who cut you off in traffic, your internet service provider, or your boss who set up a one-hour meeting for what could have been an email.

    Budget of Quantum Infinitum — 7/10

    Let’s just say we expected more from Ayade’s final budget. “Quantum Infinitum” sounds like something a cartoon character would scream right before they fart, because the writers have no respect for the little children watching. 

    Ayade could have raided Patrick Obahiagbon’s word bank and given us tastier names like, “Budget of Veritable Bugaboo,” “Budget of Ossifying Proclivities,” “Budget of Veritable Verification of the Verity,” “Budget of Metagrabolised Melancholia,” “Budget of Modus Vivendi,” or “Budget of Hierophantic Candour”. 

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    Hopefully, the next Cross River State governor is taking notes?

    No one really knows Ayade’s motivation for these budget names, but they were provocative and entertaining and offered hope in a gloomy world. Thank you for your service, Sir Ayade.

    We Rated Ben Ayade's Ridiculous Budget Names

    ALSO READ: MKO Abiola’s 1993 Campaign Video Is Still Valid in 2022

  • What Else Can Wike Do With 100,000 Special Assistants?

    What Else Can Wike Do With 100,000 Special Assistants?

    If Nigerian politicians were content creators, Rivers State governor, Nyesom Wike, would be one of the most-watched creators on the social media streets. Every new week is a new opportunity for content for Wike, from using a live band to diss Atiku Abubakar, to bullying the PDP national chairman, or showing he’s a baller by dashing ₦300 million to a handful of Lagos widows

    The latest episode of the Wike Show is the appointment of the first batch of 100,000 special assistants on “Political Unit Affairs” in Rivers. According to Wike, their job description is to “work among their people and hear their views of his administration.” In other words, they should do amebo on what the Rivers streets are saying about Wike’s government. Of course, we can only guess the colour of wahala that’ll emerge if those comments are negative.

    Some critics also think he’ll use these special assistants for vote buying, especially against whoever Wike doesn’t like. 

    But, is the only use of these 100,000 minions special assistants opinion monitoring? Because we have some creative ideas for how Wike can use them if he’s interested.

    Backup singers for his live band

    Wike could make these 100,000 special assistants the latest addition to his live band for diss tracks. The band has already made phenomenal hit songs, from “As e dey sweet us, e dey pain dem” to “Wike na bigi man.” They have great potential to top Asake and co on the music charts.

    New hires for his research team

    With the way Wike dishes out interesting scandals on the PDP chairman on a steady basis, we believe there must be a secret research team giving him all the dirt. If the team is ever in need of fresh hands, these new guys can definitely help.

    Content strategists for his battle against Atiku

    Since Atiku named the governor of Delta State, Ifeanyi Okowa, as his vice-presidential candidate, Wike has been a wrecking ball to all of his campaign efforts. From calling him out as a “fake founding father” and even calling his supporters “attack dogs,” Wike has targeted Atiku like a hunter would target his prey. 

    But it’s only human to run out of steam, even if you’re Wike. That’s why the governor needs these special assistants to back him up with fantastic Atiku comebacks every week. Two heads are better than one, so imagine what 100,001 heads can do.

  • What Is Wrong With the Lagos State Fire Service?

    What Is Wrong With the Lagos State Fire Service?

    On October 23, 2022, Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu bragged on Twitter about the delivery of 62 brand-new fire trucks and support vehicles for the Lagos State Fire Department. The vehicles paraded the streets of Lagos like happy children would display their Christmas clothes to their friends and haters. 

    But when a fire started burning a building under construction in the heart of Victoria Island in Lagos one week later, those trucks didn’t arrive fast enough to stop it. 30 minutes after the fire started, an eyewitness reported there were no firefighters on the scene to help. 

    If you were on Adeola Odeku Street between the hours of 10 am and 12 pm on November 1, 2022, a happy new month greeting would’ve been the last thing on your mind. The fire claimed the life of one man and injured nine other people. 

    Not to mention that in the official public report of the incident, the Lagos State Fire Service conveniently didn’t state the time the fire service arrived at the scene. 

    The incident sparked conversations about the operations of the fire service in the state and what rules guide them. How do the firefighters compare to operations of other countries and how can citizens help?

    What’s missing from Nigeria’s fire service laws?

    Rather than finding evidence of regulations, we found a whole lot of laws that the Lagos State Fire Service conveniently left out of the books. Here are a few of them:

    The absence of proper safety equipment

    Nowhere in the Lagos State Fire Service Law does it state that firefighters should wear the proper safety gear at all times. There’s not even a penalty, so even if a firefighter feels like wearing agbada and heels to quench fires, they’re more than free.

    The absence of ETA reports

    In the same document, there are no laws compelling firefighters to submit an estimated time of arrival report. So, if Lagos firefighters decide to use African time to show up to emergencies, no one is really checking them because they’re probably not documenting it. 

    What are the fire laws for other countries?

     It shouldn’t come as a surprise to find out the United Kingdom and the United States of America have more efficient response times and rules on safety gear than Nigeria. 

    In America, not wearing your safety gear on duty attracts some serious fines. A town in Maine was fined $22,000 just because their firefighters lacked equipment and were poorly trained. In the UK, failure to follow fire safety regulations like protective wear could result in unlimited fines.

    Also, response times to fire incidents in the US and UK have never been more than 7 minutes and 5 minutes respectively. We don’t even know that Nigeria has a response time target for firefighters.

    What can you do when there’s a fire outbreak?

    Putting out an out-of-control fire is a collaborative process and isn’t a job for firefighters alone. There are many ways for citizens to help in their own ways:

    • Know your building’s evacuation plan: Most buildings usually have a fire exit sign. Don’t just pass it by, memorise and use that exit when there’s a fire. 
    • For buildings without precautions, always know all the available exits and use your two legs when there’s trouble.
    • Always try to know the location of fire extinguishers or buy one. E get why.
    • It’s important to call emergency numbers as quickly as possible because firefighters won’t know there’s a fire unless someone calls them. You can call 08033235891 for the Lagos State Fire Service or 112 for the Federal Fire Service.
  • Why Lagos Government Is Serving Breakfast to Healthcare Centres

    Why Lagos Government Is Serving Breakfast to Healthcare Centres

    2022 hasn’t been a great year for healthcare centres in Lagos State. The state government served many of them breakfast with 157 closure notices and 42 permanent shutdowns.

    The Health Facilities Monitoring and Accreditation Agency (HEFAMAA) shut down the centers because they didn’t follow the standards. Some other centers were closed for being unregistered, lacking qualified medical personnel, or conducting the illegal training of assistant nurses. 

    What’s going on with healthcare in Lagos?

    Healthcare centers in Lagos have a history of bad maintenance and non-compliance with standards. In April 2022, the government shut down Medville Global Health Centre over the controversial death of a 28-year-old pregnant woman. The hospital had no blood bank and no ambulance for emergencies. In March 2022, the Lagos State University Teaching Hospital (LASUTH) suffered a water scarcity crisis that forced patients to use sachet water. 

    The government also shut down Vedic Lifecare Hospital in November 2021 for hiring unlicensed foreigners as doctors. And in July 2019, a toddler died in Ikorodu General Hospital because there were no doctors on duty. The list of terrible practices goes on and on and it’s sad to realize how much Nigerian hospitals don’t rate us.



    Why’s primary healthcare so poor in Nigeria?

    According to a survey by the Nigeria Health Watch and NOI Polls, there’s currently a shortage of doctors in Nigeria. It’s not a secret most of them are running off to first-world countries like the United States, the United Kingdom, and Canada. But even the ones staying have to deal with challenges bigger than their power, especially with equipment and their own welfare.

    In May 2022, a former medical officer at Federal Medical Centre Kebbi, Chukwuka Okereke, also lamented the uneven distribution of the standard of care in Nigeria. In Lagos, most healthcare centres either don’t have enough personnel or equipment. 

    As citizens, it’s important to be vigilant about the healthcare centres where we seek medical care. Don’t go to a hospital unless you are sure it’s accredited by HEFAMAA. You can check out their website here

    And for healthcare operators running inadequate centres, breakfast is coming for you.

    ALSO READ: Nigeria’s Doctor Shortage Crisis Is Worse Than You Think