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Nothing beats the feeling of getting a phone notification during a bad work day and it turns out to be a message from the LOYL. If you’re a lady who wants to profess love, inspire or invite that man over for genital slamming, we’ve got you covered with a list of unique messages for your boyfriend that’ll get him thanking God for the day your paths crossed.
“Love me jeje, love me tender. You’re my sugar, my honey, my tender lover.”
Thanks to Tems, this line from Seyi Sodimu’s 1999 record has made a comeback to the dating scene. Use it for your man, it works wonders.
“My heart goes out to jigi jigi bam bam.”
Send this to a millennial or gen X lover, and watch him melt like a cheap deliverance candle.
“I slept knowing I’ll see you in my dreams, but I woke realising you’re not just a dream to me but my perfect reality.”
The only way to say good morning to your talking stage who’s showing heavy signs that he’s your last bus stop.
“I know you’re at work right now, but I just wanted to say how much I love you.“
Let that man know you appreciate all he’s doing. This message will also push him to go harder.
“My baby. The one who makes Nigerian air breathable. Your softness is why I don’t even consider the hardship in the country…”
No better way to let that man know Nigeria has nothing on your love for him.
“You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever known, and I can’t believe I’m the one who got you.”
When you want him to know just how much you appreciate doing life with him.
“Your middle name should be Google because you’re always right, and you have everything I’ve been searching for in a man.”
Send this to a man, and you’ll scatter his medulla oblongata.
“I love you more than roasted corn. And I really love corn.”
That man knows he has to act right if you’re placing him above good ol’ roasted corn.
“You’re the one I want o / Before my liver start to fail.”
In case you want to profess your love to him with the help of Afrobeats.
“I love you.”
Coming from you to your man, he’ll have butterflies fluttering in his tummy.
“Missing you. Big head.“
A simple way to let him know he needs to bring his ass to wherever you are.
“Me without you is like a phone without internet connection. Come back soon.”
Another way of telling that man to jump on the next danfo and come to you.
“May Nigeria never happen to you.”
It’s up there in some of the most important prayers for anyone living in Nigeria. That man will know you rate him AF.
“You didn’t come this far to give up now. You’ll get through this.“
For when your man needs a little cheering up from life’s shege.
“Hey baby, I’m sorry you’re feeling down today. Don’t forget I’m here for you. Sending you all my love and support.”
A simple way to help him get through a rough patch.
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“Check your account, baby. I sent something small.”
The Nigerian economy is showing everyone shege right now, so you better believe that man can use a lil support here and there, even if you’ll get it back in ten folds.
“I know you can’t stand me right now, but how do you look so good even when you’re angry?”
For when you’ve pissed him TF up and want to stylishly apologise.
“Hey Zaddy”
It’s a short message but heavy with meaning. That man will know you want to be babied in a way that’ll make your toes curl.
“Hey baby, wanna come home and lick my plate?”
It’s unhinged, but it’ll crack him up and send him running to you in no time.
“I burn for you”
This Bridgerton line is still hot as hell in almighty 2024. Let that man know how far you’re willing to go for him and his phallus.
As a student, you’ll go through many challenging university phases, but nothing comes close to the final-year project phase. Your assigned project supervisor can make or mar it for you. If they’re kind, patient and understanding, you might have a good run. But how do you navigate it if they’re the devil’s advocate?
We asked five university graduates who went through varying degrees of shege how they survived their wicked supervisors, and you might learn a lesson or two from their experiences.
Tayo*
I requested a new supervisor because I’d heard the lecturer I was assigned only graded people Bs and Cs. I don’t know how, but he found out and decided to make the entire process hell for me. I called my mum so many times, and she’d tell me not to mind his ways, that I should keep smiling, offer to help him run petty errands around the office and always pray before I meet him. It wasn’t easy at first because I was never one to cozy up to lecturers, but it started to work.
He’d single out my work during group meetings and criticise it, but I never raised a brow. If we crossed paths in the department, I offered to carry his bags or whatever extra load he had. One time, he was like, “Some of you are nice to me. Just know it won’t change anything.” I knew he was referring to me.
When the grades came in, I got a B. I’m not proud that I had to cower and act the fool. But with the way Nigerian universities are set up, it’s you against them and your chances of winning are pretty slim. I have a friend whose files were hidden during final year clearance because he spoke up against a lecturer. If acting a fool is what it takes to achieve your goal, I think you should just do it. It’s your life on the line.
Bimbo*
My project supervisor didn’t like me. The hate was weird because she lectured me in my first year and was the only lecturer who didn’t make 100 level overwhelming. She broke down complex concepts to the simplest. But during our first supervisor meeting in my final year, she looked at me and said, “You? Okay now.” Those words unsettled me so much, I asked fellow supervisees if I did something, and they said they weren’t aware.
Soon, I found out that it was my dressing. I was on her list of “Jezebels” who dress seductively in school. I wasn’t ready to change my style because of her, but I avoided armless tops whenever we had meetings. She was always so passive aggressive and would snub me. One day, I had to show myself out of her office after she didn’t acknowledge my presence.
I showed my chapters to friends, scholars in our department and other lecturers before it got to her. She never had to make major changes, and I think this pissed her off too. But I didn’t let her anger rub off on me. I stayed super courteous when needed, and in the end, I was awarded an A.
If you’re working with a difficult person, do everything in your power to make sure they have close to nothing to complain about and always be courteous. It works.
Derin*
My supervisor took us a few core courses from 100 to 400 level. He started paying me more attention around 200 level, but I tried to zone him out entirely. He added pressure in 400 level, first semester, and I thought I had things under control. In my head, I’d managed him since 200 level, and I only had one semester left — I was so wrong. I’m not sure if I ended up as his supervisee coincidentally or he singled me out. Whatever the case, I knew I was in trouble and my project wasn’t going to be graded based on my effort or academic performance even though I was among the top four and very well above average.
My first shege was when he asked me to repeat my field trip because the specimen I brought had been altered. Mind you, we go on these trips to source for specimens in an assigned location, and it usually takes five to seven days to get around the whole thing. I had to start all over. To get him off my case, I started buying things for him. I never went to his office empty handed. I’d run errands for his wife who had just given birth and even go to his house to drop these things. Sometimes, I stayed back to help his wife with house chores hoping she’d put in a good word with her husband and he’d be moved to pity me.
When my result came out, this man gave me “B” with just one more mark to get an “A”, and I knew it was fucking intentional, but what could I have done? He’d have even given me “C” but he knew it would’ve been questionable based on my previous academic performance. It rained “A”s for my classmates, people who sourced for previous projects and just edited. But for me who did the actual work and “extra-curricular activities”… I’m just glad I graduated in time.
Just strive to have a perfect project work. If the supervisor tries to mark you down, you can request for a review of the work from the school management.
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David*
My supervisor will make you write a proposal 15 times before he tells you to write chapter one. I wrote so many proposals. You’ll print and bring it; oga will say you didn’t add “towards” somewhere, and you didn’t use Times New Roman and 13 font size. You’ll have to correct that error and reprint the entire thing. I spent money and saw shege. We were five under him, and he was that way to all of us.
Eventually, I found out that people had started going to his house, and I followed suit. The ladies cooked, and as the only guy in the group, I washed his car. This happened every weekend. His wife either worked in another state or they were divorced, I’m not sure. But washing his car made us friends. I washed my way into my destiny.
I scored an A, and he even had it published for me in a journal. I know I deserved the A, it was a good project, and the icing on the cake was graduating with first class honours. See, if lecturer says rewrite or reprint, do am. Just do what they ask of you and don’t behave as if you know everything. You know nothing.
Ahmed*
I didn’t like my supervisor, so in a way, the dislike was mutual. But I knew trouble was ahead when I started getting unsolicited advice from some of her supervisees that I should be nice, never argue with her and always greet. I tried it the first few weeks. I tried to meet all her passive aggression with kindness and indifference. I even offered to help pick a file or move something from point A to B in her office after she’d yell or snubbed my greeting.
But after she kept rejecting my chapter one, I knew I couldn’t deal. I went to our level adviser and HOD to ask for a replacement, and they tried to persuade me to stay with her. I told my dad, who’s a lecturer in another uni, and he came to my school the following week. The woman tried to act all nice when she realised my dad was an old colleague, but I stood my ground. Eventually, I got a better supervisor.
I don’t think it’s useful to listen to people who say you should just keep quiet. If I did, I probably wouldn’t have been as invested in my project as I was. Report to your HOD, level adviser, your parents, if any lecturer wants to make your life hell. The school management will do something one way or another. Yes, they’ll want to show more support for the lecturer, but if they see you’re not backing down and you’re an academically sound student, they’ll do the right thing. If you can’t fight for your rights in the university, how will you survive in the real world?
“Blame” is a strong word, but it best describes how I sometimes feel about my parents.
They’re the kind of people you’d call “new money”. Growing up, I heard several stories about how my dad would trek to school with the one pair of shoes he wore everywhere; school, church and when he had to follow his dad to the farm to harvest yams. My mum had a similar upbringing; she grew up in Lagos in those “face me I slap you” houses.
Education and sheer grit changed my father’s story and brought him the money and connections he didn’t have growing up. For him, that meant his children never had to struggle like he did. Coupled with the fact that his first child — me — came after almost six years of waiting, and the second child came after I turned 9, his “my children will never suffer” resolve quickly turned into spoiling.
I don’t remember ever wanting something and being told “no”. One time in primary school, a classmate refused to let me try on his new watch, so I complained to my mum at home and she made our house help go to the market to buy the same watch for me that evening.
I failed my mathematics exam once in JSS 3, but it never got to my results sheet because the teacher called my parents and told them about it. My score was too close to a D, and the teacher knew my parents wouldn’t like it. I don’t know what they discussed, but they gave me new exam sheets with another that contained the answers to rewrite it in my dad’s room. All I had to do was copy the answers in my handwriting. I got an A.
I’m not saying my parents didn’t teach me any values. They taught me to be kind and respectful, but I never really “struggled” or had to think about how to solve challenges. I just always knew mummy or daddy would handle it.
The first time I might’ve handled “adult” problems was in 2013. I was in my second year at a popular federal university. My parents only wanted me to attend that university because of the alumni network.
But one lecturer came to the class and started saying “A is for God, and B is for me”, so my parents decided it was best to transfer to a private university. Why did I need to stress over a lecturer who was famous for failing students?
It’s the same quest for an easier life that made me fake an illness to abandon NYSC camp in 2018 and has made it almost impossible for me to stay at one job for more than six months. I once walked out of a graduate internship because third mainland bridge traffic was stressing my life, and I wasn’t about the “waking up at 5 a.m.” life.
That’s when I manage to get jobs. Since 2019, I’ve had three jobs. It’s 2024, and I’ve been unemployed for seven months. There’s just something unappealing about convincing potential employers to “choose” you that makes the job search stressful for me.
I’m not idle, though. I try tech content creation sometimes as a hobby, but it takes a level of consistency that’s difficult to keep up with.
I’m a 28-year-old man, and I see the strides my mates are making, but I don’t feel the push to do more. I feel like I’m not living up to my potential. Specifically, I don’t know what path to take; I feel stuck. My best friend says I have classic “failure to launch” symptoms.
My parents don’t seem bothered, probably because they’ve already mapped out my future; my dad has real estate investments that will go to me after I get married. But I don’t even know if I’m interested in real estate or learning what it takes to manage it. I love my parents and enjoy a close relationship with my family. They support my lifestyle, and I’m grateful for that.
However, I think my struggle with a lack of ambition and feeling stuck is connected to how they raised me. What’s there to look forward to when I already have all I need?
I’d like to raise my future kids better. But I’m not even sure how to make sure they’re better adjusted, and that scares me more than I like to admit.
Are you trying to stir up tension between you and your significant other? Do you want him to put you in seven different positions at the whisper of his name? Regardless of your answer, you’re in luck because we made a list of ridiculously flirty nicknames to call your boyfriend from today henceforth — emphasis on “ridiculous”.
Image by Freepik
Olowo ori mi, ale nobody
If you call a Yoruba man this, you’ll get the keys to his heart.
Sweety pie
Before you roll your eyes, is he a pie or not?
G-spot hitter
This should be the flirty nickname for your boyfriend if he knows how to eat your work diligently.
Joystick
If you always think about his phallus before him.
Adaripon mi
To be used for a bald Yoruba man while gently stroking his head.
Uso’m
If you want that Igbo man to know he’s your “sweetness”.
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Freaky Freaky
This is for a man who knows how to get your freaky on.
My ovaries
If your insides jiggle outta excitement anytime you see him.
Dickson
If his “gbola” is your favourite thing in the relationship.
Partner-in-crime
Because you know what you both get up to at night and in private places.
Rainmaker
For a man who knows how to turn your showers of blessings on.
Jannatin Duniya
For that Hausa man who takes you to paradise.
Dodo Mayana
If you’re dating an Egbon Adugbo who goes hard on the “G” in genital slamming.
Sweet scum
He’s scum, but he’s YOUR scum and that makes him the sweetest thing after honey.
Lover boy
If he’s head over heels in love.
My big bear
If you always feel all cute and cuddly in his big embrace.
Naughty boy
If he’s a spoilt person.
Bad boy
This is for a man who knows how to press all your right buttons, especially the most important one.
Dopamine supplier
Use this flirty nickname for your boyfriend if he gets you high on love.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Kola: We met during a church outreach in Kaduna in 1987. She served there when I was transferred to Kaduna town with other church members for missionary work. She met some church representatives who went to preach to corpers while she was in camp, so when she got out, she started attending our local fellowship with her friends.
The first day I saw her, we got along very well, and I invited her and her friends over to the missionary lodge for lunch. We ended up having a mini bible study and talking about life. At first, I liked one of her friends and thought about courting her, but by the end of the day, I preferred Wunmi. I liked her gentle temperament.
Wunmi: I first saw him when he preached about God’s love during one fellowship. He was so passionate about his message that he made me want to experience that kind of love more.
After he invited us to the lodge and we talked, I had a feeling we’d get married. Back then, the process of dating was a lot simpler. You find someone you gel with, and if they gel with you too, it’s smooth sailing from there to marriage except there are complications like tribalism, religion or genotype. We already knew we were well-matched in the first two, and by the next meeting, we’d confirmed we were both AA.
So did you immediately decide on marriage?
Kola: No. We courted first.
I introduced her to my mentor in Kaduna then and also telephoned my spiritual father back in Oyo about her. All that happened in the first month. She didn’t tell any of her folks about me because we decided she’d have to finish NYSC first before we moved things forward. But I wanted to set things right spiritually.
Wunmi: I was also watching him to be sure he was kind and I liked spending time with him. He helped me get a room at the lodge, so I spent the service year working for the government, helping out at the fellowship and spending time with him and other church leaders. I never had to worry about food or transportation. It was such a peaceful, lovely time.
Then he got called back to his home church in Ibadan about two months before my passing out. But he promised to come to Lagos and marry me once I was back there. We exchanged contact addresses, and he left. I cried for days because I missed his constant presence. That’s how I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
I’m guessing he came to Lagos as promised?
Wunmi: He did.
First, he called the house some weeks after I’d settled in. This was in May 1988. My older brother picked up the phone and called me to answer it. I was so happy to hear his voice after so long. He came to see my father sometime in June, and something funny happened. My father didn’t like him.
Kola: We never got along until the day he died.
Wunmi: He told me, “This man is sickly. Is this really who you want to marry?”
Kola has always been lanky. In fact, that was one of the things that attracted me to him when we were in Kaduna, his tall, lean frame. My dad asked me to find out what was wrong with him because he was sure something was wrong. I felt bad because it’s not like he looked sick, he was just lanky.
I went ahead and asked him. He told me nothing was wrong. My father later gave his consent for us to marry after some long investigations from both families.
What kind of investigations?
Kola: My family sent some trusted people to find out about her family and hometown. It was very common in our time for people to go to your village and get to the root of your upbringing and family line even before the normal family introduction.
Her family did the same until both sides were satisfied.
Wunmi: My father even sent our firstborn to his workplace in UTC Foods to make sure he really worked there. We passed all the tests, and our families finally met in Lagos. The traditional and wedding proper happened in my hometown in Sagamu in April 1989.
Everything happened smoothly, and we moved to Ibadan together.
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How was it like being newlyweds?
Wunmi: It was scary and I was homesick. I’d never lived in Ibadan before then. I was also a bit of a Mama’s girl. Even though I schooled in Ife, I used to go home for every single holiday. In fact, my NYSC year was the only time I’d lived away from home for a stretch.
But the real stress all started when we were ready to consummate the marriage some weeks after the wedding and he couldn’t make it work.
Kola: I thought it was just anxiety. When this persisted for about a month, we went to the clinic and discovered I had high blood sugar. They had to refer me to University College Hospital. It took several tests before they diagnosed me with Type 2 diabetes.
Wunmi: It had been left untreated in his system for too long. The first thing that came to my mind was that my father was right. Should I have listened to him and not married Kola? We were crushed, but the doctor assured us that all would be well after a few months of proper treatment.
Was he right?
Wunmi: He became potent after a while, but I still couldn’t conceive. We tried for years and nothing; his sperm count was too low. We took it to God in prayer and told our spiritual leaders. It made the first several years of our marriage quite sad.
Kola: As if getting the diagnosis reminded my body that something was wrong, I started getting weak all the time. The medications managed the weakness and sugar deficiency but made me feel horrible. Managing my health with work and the constant stress about making a family was a great trial for us.
Wunmi: I got a job at a school two years into marriage, and it helped distract me a bit. But all we did was try everything we could afford to try to help me conceive.
I’m not sure there was anything like IVF then. Surrogacy could only happen if I wanted another man’s sperm inserted into my womb. Somehow, the thought of that only made our situation feel worse.
How did this affect your daily relationship with each other?
Kola: At first, we stayed positive. But by the third year, around the time when she got her job, we started to fight a lot. We were constantly arguing, and I could tell I was making her miserable.
Wunmi: I think I was just hurt and confused.
Kola: Things mellowed by the fourth year. Maybe she resigned herself to the situation, but she became more willing to be happy in the marriage. We could have normal conversations again, and I noticed she never brought up having a baby, so I followed suit.
Wunmi: After our fifth year of marriage, in ‘94, my mum visited. She’d visited a couple of times before then, but this time, she came with a purpose. It was written all over her when she walked through our door. In private, she asked me what was going on that we hadn’t conceived.
She was the kind of sweet mother who would’ve never pressured me to give her grandchildren, but even she had reached her limit. I had to confide in her about Kola’s health condition.
What was her reaction?
Wunmi: She was so sad at first. But then she said, “It’s not the end of the world. We’ll just remain prayerful.” I burst into tears in her chest.
I’d never really thought about having children as this amazing thing I wanted at all costs, but it was something that one just expects to do with ease. I didn’t know how to get past not being able to be a mother. But after that, I resolved that I’d accept my fate.
Kola: She became more withdrawn after that particular visit from her mother. But I didn’t know why until we spoke about it years later. It affected our spiritual life too. The stress made us withdraw from active evangelism and missionary work.
Wunmi: There was a brief moment when I lost faith, not quite in God but in the religious activities and constant prayer. Between ‘93 and ‘95, I wasn’t prayerful at all. I was exhausted from playing Hannah earlier on in our marriage. I just wanted to attend normal Sunday service, take what I could from the sermon and go.
What about your sex life?
Kola: The last time we had sex regularly was most likely in ‘95 or ‘96.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
Were you ever able to get past this dark part of your marriage?
Kola: Our tenth year was the turning point for us, I think.
We moved to Lagos in 1999, away from the relatives and acquaintances who constantly badgered her about when we planned to start having children.
Wunmi: He got a new job in Lagos, and moving back to a state I knew well was surprisingly healing. We focused more on being good friends and partners and planning out the rest of our lives. That’s also when we first considered adopting. Although we didn’t take it seriously until well into 2001.
Kola: Some years before then, one of my cousins brought up plans for him and his wife to adopt, and my family had frowned on it seriously. My late father was very vocal in his disapproval. They made it impossible for the cousin to go through with it because of how often they brought it up and made it seem like he was evil for even considering it.
So I knew if we had to do it, no one could know the children were adopted.
How did you pull that off?
Kola: First, I had to also convince Wunmi to want to keep it secret. Then we had to go through Nigeria’s stringent adoption process for a newborn.
Wunmi: This also affected our relationship because I was uncomfortable with the dishonesty. I didn’t think it would work. It also meant I’d have to spend months with his sister in America to “give birth”.
But I decided to accept. I was just tired of the whole thing.
Tell me how it went
Kola: We started the adoption process in August 2001 and completed it in February 2003, so the newborn we’d initially selected had to be replaced with another baby. We never met the parents; we only saw photos.
Wunmi: This scared me because wouldn’t they want to meet the people who’d take over as parents to their baby? It made me wonder what kind of genetics our new baby would have. But then, I put myself in their shoes and realised maybe it’d be too painful for them to meet us and still hand their baby over.
I was also scared they’d grow up and want to know their biological parents.
Kola: Completing the adoption process meant that they got new birth certificates with our names on them as their parents, so I didn’t worry too much about it. But there was a long back and forth working with the officials, getting the social welfare officers to visit our home and submit positive recommendations to the court and so on. Halfway through, I just wanted to give up.
Wunmi: Meanwhile, I felt so ashamed lying to my mum, of all people, about everything. And when she passed away in 2002, I was inconsolable. I know I would’ve told her about it in the end. I never would’ve gone through with it without telling her.
I’m so sorry. What exactly did you do to successfully keep the whole plan a secret from family and friends?
Kola: We’d rather not discuss that here.
Wunmi: But it’s no longer a secret. Shortly after we adopted our second baby in 2006, we told everyone about it and how the first was also adopted. It was just time; we’d matured a lot, and it was less easy to go through with the elaborate charade a second time.
Kola: We were ostracised in many ways, but in the end, we were fine. At least, the children have grown up knowing the truth, so it doesn’t crush their identity in adulthood.
True. In what ways were you ostracised?
Kola: My father disowned me for about two years until I had to make a show of seeking out his forgiveness with several visits, tears and prostrations. My mother refused to come and help Wunmi out after we just brought home our second child.
Wunmi: She said something like, “You didn’t push her out, so you’re strong enough to handle taking care of her na.” We managed to get by without much family support.
Kola: Her father already didn’t like me, so he felt quite justified by everything that was happening.
Wunmi: Maybe because of this, our second baby drew us closer. She was a gentle and easygoing baby. We found it easy to work together to take care of her and the household during this period.
Did things get easier after this?
Wunmi: Yes. After the children came into our lives, it felt like we could finally settle and move forward. I started a catering business and became more active in church because I wanted to raise them to be godly.
Kola: She still worries about them asking about their real parents, but so far, that’s never happened.
What would you do if they asked?
Kola: We’ll point them in the right direction and leave the rest to God.
Wunmi: That might be easier said than done for me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your Love Life?
Wunmi: I’d rate it a 7 because it could’ve been a lot worse, but we’ve been able to approach our battles with kindness, gentleness and the grace of God.
Kola: She has said it all. 7.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
When people say Nigeria is always after her citizens’ lives, it may sound like an exaggeration, but from our findings today, it isn’t.
From poisoned arrows to random debits and falling trailer containers, these Nigerians talk about the times their country has tried, and thankfully, failed to unalive them.
Tomiwa, 28
I was heading out of Ojuelegba, and I can’t remember if it was the traffic light or someone controlling traffic, but we were asked to stop. When they finally let us move, the car in front of me sped off, but it took me a while to change my gear. I heard a skid and looked up to see that the container on the trailer in front of me had slid off the back, somehow passed my car and hit the car next to me. If I had moved three seconds earlier, I’d probably be dead by now.
Nnorom, 91
Before The Biafran War, my family and I used to live in Zaria. When Northerners started killing Igbo people, I sent my family back to the East but stayed to get more people out. While I was doing that, I got shot by a poisoned arrow. An Hausa man saw me, hid me and helped me treat my wounds before I found my way to the train and back to the East.
Favour, 19
I went to the market with my mum. It was supposed to be a quick run: We’d go into Jakande market, get what we wanted and come out. But it was the rainy season, and somehow, I ended up inside a gutter. They had to pull me out and take me to St Kizito Clinic because something had scratched me on my way down, and for the life of us, we didn’t know what it was.
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Mimi, 23
I was 15. My dad had moved to Port Harcourt for work, and my mum, sister and I decided to visit him. We were having a really nice time, then one day, my mum was driving us somewhere, and we got caught in traffic. While we were waiting for the cars in front of us to move, we started hearing gunshots. At first, it was a little funny to my sister and I, but then, everyone started crouching low and hiding in their car. My mother locked the doors, and she was full-on panicking — my mother never panics. We were in the car for like 15 minutes, and at some point, we saw policemen running away, which was really rude because if they were running, WTF were we supposed to do?
Ifeanyi, 28
It happened on my way back from church. Police officers stopped the keke I was in, told everyone to get down and sent the keke on his way. At first, we were all confused, but these police people always act insane, so we all just continued walking. It all happened quickly. One second, they were asking where I was coming from, and the next, they were threatening to “waste” me if I don’t clear out my bank account and give them all the money. I sent them ₦504,000.
Marvelous, 30
I think it was the year after COVID. I found this SME grant Nigeria was giving out to young entrepreneurs and was happy, so I applied. I got it. Last month, I got a message from the disbursement bank. I don’t know why I saw the message and thought they were giving me another grant, but I really did think it was a credit alert. I went to the bank to get the money, only for these people to tell me the grant I had gotten in 2021 was actually a loan, and they had just received orders to take the money out of our accounts three years later. I almost ran mad. What if I didn’t have the money?
Blossom, 23
When has Nigeria not tried to kill me? Every day, I wake up, and it’s one thing after the other. If it’s not electricity, it’s the internet. If it’s not the internet, it’s your bank acting crazy. I’m actually surprised I’ve survived this long in this country.
I’m not sure where the university motto stands in the grand scheme of academia, but as a student, I know I’ll want it to inspire the shit out of me to chase that first class bag.
We took a look at what the wordsmiths in Nigerian public universities got up to, and let’s just say, it’s time for a revamp.
UNIBEN: Knowledge for service
Something about this motto sounds transactional. It’s giving “Come and learn to be a servant of capitalism”.
UNICAL: Knowledge for service
Serious question. Who is copying who between UNICAL and UNIBEN?
LASU: For truth and service
Service won injure Nigerian students. God, abeg.
EKSU: Knowledge, honour, service
Could it be that the heavy servitude gospel is why Nigerian lecturers move like small gods?
DELSU: Knowledge, character and service
Might break down if I see another motto that speaks to servitude.
LAUTECH: Excellence, integrity and service
Okay, can we ignore the call to servitude and appreciate their excellence and integrity agenda?
UNILORIN: Learning and character
I feel very uninspired reading this. Doesn’t spark joy at all.
University of Nigeria: To restore the dignity of man
LMAO. Why does this straight up look like it belongs in our national anthem?
UNIABUJA: For unity and scholarship
Something about the scholarship in this motto makes me think the students are in academic opportunity heaven.
UNIOSUN: Living spring of knowledge and culture
Oduduwa will be pleased, I guess.
UNILAG: In deed and in truth
This one low-key gives blood covenant vibes. But I like it.
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Kwara State University: …the Green University for community development and entrepreneurship
The green university? What does that even mean? Anyway, yes to minting entrepreneurs.
FUTA: Technology for self-reliance
This actually bangs considering the school has a mandate to mint tech bros and sis.
OAU: For learning and culture
A part of my brain is screaming “Do it for the culture”. Is this how OAU students feel too?
UI: Recte sapere fons
Why does this sound like something from Harry Potter? Anyway, it means, “To think straight is the fount of knowledge”.
OOU: Excellentia humana et patriae opus
We have another Harry Potter-esque entry all the way from Ogun state, Nigeria. It means, “Flowering of human abilities and service to the fatherland”.
UNIJOS: Discipline and dedication
I’m reading this and can’t stop thinking about D-Square. As in, P-Square. It slaps, right?
Davido recently faced backlash for launching a meme coin that plummeted just a day after its release. The crypto venture marks one of the singer’s many attempts to try his hands at something besides music. He’s not the only Nigerian music star exploring side hustles to varying levels of success.
From real estate to nightlife, here are eight top music stars and their side hustles:
Banky W
Banky successfully transitioned into Nollywood, starring in box office hits like The Wedding Party, UpNorth and Sugar Rush. And in 2018, the Yes or No singer went into politics, vying for a seat to represent the Eti-Osa Federal Constituency in Nigeria’s House of Representatives. He went again in 2023 and was unsuccessful on both occasions. He also co-founded Sooyah Bistro, a quick-service restaurant with branches across Lagos, in 2018.
Don Jazzy
When the music executive isn’t minting new talents, managing Mavin Headquarters as founder and CEO, he focuses on Jazzy’s Burger, a restaurant he launched in 2022 after he turned 40. Specialising in burgers, the restaurant has occasionally stirred controversy with its ₦10k starting price. Don Jazzy also ventured into skincare in 2023, launching his line of body soap, Drip Beauty.
Sheyman
The singer has taken a break from music completely. In 2021, he launched his exotic strip club, Secret Palace, in Lagos, attracting heavyweights like Burna Boy, Dbanj and Yhemo Lee. The Paper hitmaker also owns Folixx, a restaurant-style lounge operating on Lagos island.
Peter Okoye (P-Square)
When he’s not making music or performing his hits, the singer manages his lottery company, ZoomLifestyle, which he launched in 2019. In March 2024, he announced the launch of his logistics company, WYN, operating in Calabar, Uyo and Abuja.
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Mr Eazi
Before he got into music, the Leg Over hitmaker had a flair for business. In 2014, he pitched a tech platform he co-founded, Obiwezy, at the 440 Accelerator. In 2018, Mr Eazi established EmPawa Africa, a talent incubation enterprise, followed by Zagadat Capital in 2021, an investment firm focused on tech startups.
MC Galaxy
Popular for his hit, Sekem, MC is now more active in the culinary realm. In 2021, he launched Sekem Kitchen, an indigenous eatery in Lekki, frequented by celebrity patrons like Davido and Uti Nwachukwu. In 2024, he expanded his venture with a branch in Abuja.
Zlatan Ibile
When he’s not releasing street bangers or managing Zanku Records, the street-hop artist focuses on fashion. In May 2024, he unveiled his clothing line, Zanku To The Word (ZTTW), showcasing streetwear items like jerseys, tees and beanies.
Patoranking
Away from the studio and stage, Patoranking has a side gig as a social entrepreneur. In 2023, he launched The Patoranking Foundation to advance Africa through education and entrepreneurship, providing scholarships and business grants in Ghana, Nigeria, Kenya and Zimbabwe.
Whether you’re a new fan of Bridgerton who just binged all three seasons, or an old fan who is anxiously waiting for the second part of the third season to drop, we know some Nollywood romantic movies that might be the perfect placeholder.
“Big Love”
He might not be the Duke of Hastings, but our resident Nollywood bad boy, Timini Egbuson, has all the allure to keep you glued to your screens. He stars alongside Bimbo Ademoye in this Biodun Stephen-directed romcom.
Adil (Timini) falls in love with Adina (Bimbo), an independent woman struggling to make ends meet at a graduate training camp, but a secret threatens to ruin their love. Shaffy Bello, Jaiye Kuti and Seyi Awolowo star in this film too.
“Namaste Wahala”
You know how the fashion in “Bridgerton” is so fire? This might be the closest Nollywood movie to that because it combines the richness of Indian and Nigerian cultures.
Released in 2020, Namaste Wahala follows the budding romance between a Nigerian woman and an Indian man, leading to a charming and heartwarming tale of love, family and acceptance. It’s a delightful romantic comedy that celebrates love across cultural boundaries. Ini Dima-Okojie plays the lead with support from Richard Mofe-Damijo, Joke Silva, Osas Ighodaro, among others.
“Hey You”
Bridgerton had its fair share of slightly “rated 18” scenes, and if there’s one Nollywood movie that can reprise these steamy scenes, it has to be Hey You. This movie recruits Nollywood’s Timini Egbuson to play Abel, a 32-year-old software designer who is shy about meeting women. Abel will rather hide behind keypads as a fan-only user, watching red-room models and jerking off to their kinkiness. On the other side is Bianca, a caregiver at an orphanage who doubles as an adult model on the 18+ site, to which Abel is a subscriber. A friendship soon starts between the two, and things get hotter when Abel discover Bianca’s double life. Efe Irele and Stan Nze also star in this movie.
It’s available to stream on Prime Video.
“The Royal Hibiscus Hotel”
If you’re a fan of the picturesque settings in Bridgerton, you’ll love The Royal Hibiscus Hotel as it’s one of those Nollywood romantic movies with a stunning location.
Released in 2017, the Ebonylife production tells a charming love story as Ope, a talented London chef, navigates the challenges of reviving her parents’ struggling hotel. She soon encounters a guest who turns out to be her prince charming. Zainab Balogun, Kenneth Okolie, Jide Kososo, among others, feature in this film.
It’s available to stream on Netflix.
“Isoken”
If you can relate to the way Bridgerton puts pressure on characters to find the perfect partner and get married, you’ll understand why Isoken deserves a spot on this list.
This 2017 movie follows the life of a woman who is under pressure to get married. When she meets Oshina, a handsome investment banker, she starts to question her ideas about love and marriage. It has all the tropes about self-discovery, family and finding love in unexpected places, just like Bridgerton. Isoken stars Dakore Egbuson and Joseph Benjamin, among others. It’s available to stream on Netflix.
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“A Sunday Affair”
It’s one of the Nollywood romantic movies that had lovers hooked during the Valentine’s Day period of 2023. Starring two of Nollywood’s most iconic actresses, Nse Ikpe-Etim and Dakore Akande, as best friends, the two fall in love with the same man, and it’s a downward spiral from there that makes for gripping TV. You’ll get the kick from this movie just like that Bridgerton season where the Sharma sisters fall for the Viscount Bridgerton. It’s available to stream on Netflix.
“The Wedding Party”
You can’t possibly talk about Nollywood romantic classics and miss out on Ebonylife’s The Wedding Party. If you’re desperately hoping some of the Bridgerton couples take their romantic relationship offscreen to the modern day, this is one movie that’ll tickle your fancy.
Released in 2016, the romantic comedy which stars Adesua Etomi and Banky W unfolds against the backdrop of a lavish Nigerian wedding. Their love is threatened by cultural clashes that stem from the coming together of their different families. It also stars Sola Sobowale, Ali Baba, Ireti Doyle, among others. It’s available to stream on Netflix.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Dumebi: Let me go first. I met Oyin during her convocation ceremony in June 2022. She was my brother’s set mate, but they didn’t know each other at the time. I’m not sure how she caught my eye, but she was taking pictures with her friends. I watched her do this for a while until she walked in my direction. I had to walk up to her and say hi.
Oyin: I didn’t know he’d been watching me. I just went to get something from my dad’s car that was parked a bit far away when he approached me and said, “Congratulations.” He introduced himself and asked for my name. That’s how he followed me to the car, we got there and just started talking. Then he asked for my number.
My dad was so angry wondering what took me so long just to check if they left a cooler in the booth. They didn’t.
Peju: I met Dumebi some months after that at a work thing. The company he worked for was helping my client with some PR projects, and we got to liaise a lot. We started meeting up outside our offices to get stuff done around February 2023 and that’s when we really started to get attracted to each other.
Dumebi: Yeah. We’d meet at restaurants and cafes to check stuff out on her laptop and align on how we wanted to make the project run faster without our bosses being on our necks. It really simplified the work.
I’m sure. Starting with Dumebi and Oyin, did you decide you liked each other from day one?
Oyin: Yes, I thought he was cute, and I’d never been approached so directly, so he definitely left a good impression. I didn’t think he’d call me, but then, he did the next day and told me he liked me on that first call. We didn’t talk relationship until maybe a week later.
Dumebi: I liked her, that’s why I walked up to her. But of course, we didn’t know each other yet, so I wasn’t in a hurry to define whatever feelings I had at the start. During our phone conversations, we got along well. She spoke in a way that made me know she was smart and interesting.
I also liked that she wasn’t sheltered because I get so frustrated with sheltered girls.
How so?
Dumebi: No offence to anyone like that, but they can be socially awkward and find it hard to speak their mind. I don’t want to have to school someone I want to share my life with on how to communicate. But that’s just me.
I liked that Oyin was brought up with a bit of freedom. I could sense this when she talked about her hobbies and activities. I knew I wanted a relationship from that first week.
Oyin: I get that because one of the things I liked about him early on was how well he knew himself and what he wanted. He was always so decisive and sure of himself.
For our first date, he knew where he wanted to take me and when. There was no awkward back-and-forth about where I liked going or do I feel like going out or when do you think you’ll be free? I was surprised by how good that made me feel.
How did this first date go?
Dumebi: Because I knew she was a creative person who loved art, I took her to the Nike Art Gallery, and we just walked around and talked. We got an art piece that cost around 60k. We both pitched in but now it lives in her house where I can only go and visit it.
Oyin: It’s this lovely painting. We treat it like our shared pet.
After the gallery, we went to a random restaurant to eat and talk more. We stayed there so late, I think the staff were getting passive-aggressive for us to leave. We kissed for the first time that evening in the car, and I liked it very much. That’s how the relationship started.
And where did Peju come in?
Dumebi: We knew we liked each other, but somewhere along the line, we realised we weren’t aligned sexually.
First, she wanted to wait. When she was finally ready, she didn’t enjoy it despite all my efforts. It was a bit stressful for me because I’m a fairly sexually active person, but like I said, I really liked her.
Oyin: So I suggested that we open the relationship.
I didn’t want us to break up because I liked him way more than I’d ever liked anyone, and for the first time, I was with someone who liked me the same amount and I could tell. He wasn’t afraid to show it. I’d dated two guys before him, and it was either I liked them too much or they liked me a lot more than I did.
Did you talk about how you’d open the relationship?
Oyin: Yes, we discussed it at my place one Sunday evening in October 2022. We’d only been together three months, so I was a little scared I was just ruining things further.
Dumebi: I thought she was crazy, that it was just her way of breaking up with me because I’d never considered an open relationship before.
We talked about sleeping with other people as long as we always let each other know and we also stayed safe. That’s how I got to find out she was bisexual. She explained that she liked guys emotionally but only enjoyed sex with girls. I think I died for a second.
Oyin: It was something I actually realised when we had sex. I thought with how much I liked him, liked kissing him, I’d actually enjoy it. But not so much.
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So the conversation went smoothly?
Dumebi: In a way, yes. But I went through a lot of emotions in my head. Shock, fear, jealousy, anger, everything. The most important thing for us to establish was whether we trusted each other or was it too early in our relationship to know?
Oyin: I don’t think he took my suggestion seriously until we spoke about it some more times. We’d still make out and he was as warm and intimate as ever. That made me feel good. Our daily activities had intertwined a lot by that time, and that didn’t change. We still talked and chatted several times during the day and made plans for meals and outings together.
But I really wanted us to be sexually satisfied as well. I realised I had to actively talk him through finding casual partners, as controversial as that sounds.
Did you already have casual partners at this point, Oyin?
Oyin: Oh no. Sex is much more important to him than to me. I don’t mean gender-wise. Just him as a person. I wanted to make him happy, and I’m glad that I did because now we have Peju in our lives.
Dumebi: I tried with one other person before her. This girl I met in church was always talking about only wanting to sleep with me. But that didn’t work out because I wasn’t attracted to her.
When I met Peju, and she insisted she only wanted something casual, I thought it was perfect because I was definitely attracted.
How did that go?
Dumebi: I told Oyin about her, and she screamed that I wasn’t supposed to tell her Peju’s name. She started laughing at me then found her pictures online. It was a bit jarring to have that conversation.
Oyin: I thought she was hot and was happy for him.
Peju: The first night we had sex, he told me he had a girlfriend and she thought I was hot. I was like, “Children of nowadays don craze.” I think it made the sex hotter, I don’t know.
You were fine with him having a girlfriend?
Peju: It helped that he said he’d told her about me. But whether I completely believed him at the time, I’m not sure. I wanted something casual, and I didn’t think it would last more than once or twice. Maybe if he’d said he had a wife, I’d have acted differently though.
Dumebi: But it ended up happening more than once or twice. As of July 2023, we were meeting up once a week. I could feel the relationship turning, and I didn’t even want to have any other casual partner.
Oyin: Our own relationship didn’t change at all. We still talked and hung out as often as before. He was also much happier, so I started wanting to meet Peju, but I was scared that I was about to complicate things.
How did you get to meet her?
Oyin: It all happened in a very interesting way.
Dumebi: I wanted them to meet too, even though we never even talked about it. I just asked Peju one night if she wanted to meet my girlfriend. She was like, “Are you alright?”
Peju: I said no immediately. What part of “casual” didn’t he understand? Also, was he trying to get me acid-burnt?
Dumebi: Anyway, our companies collaborated on another client, and she had to be in my office at least once a week. One of those days, Oyin came to eat lunch with me at our cafeteria.
I didn’t tell either of them because maybe I lowkey like drama.
No way. In your office?
Dumebi: It was awkward AF.
Peju: I had to go down with him for lunch because his boss invited me since I was delayed in their office for almost four hours. I was so angry when he introduced us, but then, this babe just came to hug me and kiss my cheek. I was confused.
Oyin: Yeah, the meal was awkwardly silent after. I wish I could tell her how chill I was about everything, but Mr Dumebi had to make us meet in his office building.
Peju: After I left his office, I just started laughing to myself. I texted Dumebi to send me Oyin’s number. He didn’t send it until the next day, saying that he trusts me not to harass her. That’s how I called her and asked if she was okay. As in, “Are you mad?” but in a respectful way. We ended up talking and laughing. It was the strangest thing, but I got good vibes in general.
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What was the next move for the relationship(s)?
Oyin: Nothing much happened for some months. We all just became friends. We were hanging out in each other’s houses a lot, but they weren’t having half as much sex anymore. I could sense that their dynamic was shifting, so I asked him about it.
Dumebi: I wanted to give her enough space to process the whole thing. We actually didn’t sleep together again for another month. It was all a little confusing for me, so I avoided thinking too much about it.
Peju: I was raised monogamous. Meeting and being friends with his girlfriend made me feel like I was doing something wrong by being with him. It’s harder to want sex with that mindset.
One day, Oyin and I were together in her house, and she asked if I was finally ready for a committed relationship instead of casual hookups. Long story short, she wanted me in their relationship. My first question was, had she ever been in a non-monogamous relationship before? She seemed so comfortable with it.
Oyin: I’d never been, but I’d always been open to it. And at that point, I really liked both Dumebi and Peju.
So you became a throuple?
Oyin: Peju said she’d think about it, and I told Dumebi about it as well. That weekend, we met up at a restaurant and talked it out. Peju just kept laughing.
Peju: I was actually nervous.
Dumebi: I think we all were, but we were all also down.
Peju: Of course, we weren’t ready for how complicated it is to be polyamorous in Nigeria. Everyone just thinks I’m Oyin’s best friend, and people constantly warn her not to let me get too close to “her man”.
How do you navigate stuff like that?
Peju: Well, I’m not ready to tell the world I’m in a relationship with two other people, so it’s quite complicated. We just try not to overthink it.
Oyin: The last couple of months, we’ve taken turns going out on dates. Sometimes, it’s me and him; other times, me and her; other times, they go out without me. That gives us some freedom because it’s not like we’re celebrities with a large group of people looking closely into our relationship.
And when people warn me about her getting too close to him in ignorance, I just say, “I don’t mind.”
Dumebi: We keep joking that I’ll just marry Oyin and then Peju a year apart and call it polygamy. But I also don’t find that funny. I hate how patriarchal that makes me sound.
Does anyone else know?
Dumebi: Our closest friends know. So between us, we have up to ten friends who know and are completely chill about it.
Oyin: None of our family knows, though. Not even siblings. I personally don’t have close enough siblings, but we all decided we won’t tell for now.
Peju: Actually, guys, my sister knows. Sorry.
Scrim. Are there relationship things you do, all three of you?
Peju: Besides sex?
You have threesomes?
Oyin: Yes, all the time now.
Dumebi: We also still go on dates, all three of us. We’re heading towards moving in together before the end of the year.
Any downsides so far? Besides the scrutiny from acquaintances
Oyin: Jealousy here and there. But nothing really.
What I like most is that there’s more money to go around.
Dumebi: Drawing the line is another thing.
I’ve pretty much closed shop when it comes to doing the open relationship thing, but Oyin still gets casual once in a while. There’s someone we might get committed to, and while I like him, I’ve also gotten very comfortable with our throuple. I’m not sure I want more.
Peju: It’s something we’ve been discussing, whether we want to put a number peg on our relationship. He’ll ruin our future talks about polygamy, but we all agree that this new guy is hot.
Oyin: We’ve all met him, so he knows he won’t be getting into a relationship with just me. But we’ll see how it goes.
What was your first major fight about as a couple and throuple?
Oyin: Where do we start?
Dumebi and I fought over me moving things around his house the first month we got together. But I now respect his boundaries better because of that episode. It actually wasn’t a huge fight.
Dumebi: I spoke harshly to her and she spoke harshly back, and there was this brief shouting match.
Oyin: He later came to apologise but repeated that he doesn’t like people touching his things.
Peju: Not sure I’ve fought with either of them, but as a throuple, we fight almost all the time. Well, more like we play fight. It’s never too serious. Mostly over food.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Dumebi: 10.
Peju: 9. I’m still battling my inner monogamy.
Oyin: 20.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
So you just finished watching the Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti movie and are now curious about Nigerian historical figures? We curated a list of Nigerian biopics you should jump on next.
“Badamasi: Portrait of A General”
If Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti gave you a lesson in history, you might want to put a spin on this 2021 biopic about the former Nigerian Head of State, General Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida.
The movie follows his life, how he rose through the ranks in the Nigerian Army despite his humble beginnings. It gives a glimpse into his time as a head of state, featuring the annulment of the June 1993 presidential elections. Enyinna Nwigwe played the titular character, with support from Julius Agwu, Charles Inojie, Okey Bakassi, among others. You can stream it on Prime Video.
“The Herbert Macaulay Affair”
Directed by Imoh Umoren, this 2019 period film set in the 1920s follows the life of renowned Nigerian nationalist, Herbert Macaulay. Like with the Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti movie, you’ll learn about the political activist who played a vital role in the fight for Nigeria’s independence from British colonial rule. William Benson plays the lead role of Macaulay, with Saidi Balogun and Kelechi Udegbe playing supporting roles.
“Amina”
Just like the Funmilayo Ransome-Kuti movie which is about a female historical figure, this 2021 period drama portrays the events that led to the warrior queen Amina of Zazzau (modern day Zaria)’s ascension to the throne of her father’s empire. Lucy Ameh played the titular character. The movie also stars Ali Nuhu, Clarion Chukwura, Usman Tijani, among others. It’s available to stream on Netflix.
“Ayinla”
If you grew up in a Yoruba home or have grandparents who love music, you’ll have heard a song or two from the Apala musician, Ayinla Omowura. In case you don’t know, there’s a movie biopic about the late musician made by legendary filmmaker, Tunde Kelani.
Released in 2021, Ayinla follows the life of the famed Apala musician until his untimely death at the hands of his manager. Lateef Adedimeji plays the titular character with support from Ade Laoye, Kunle Afolayan and Mr Macaroni. It’s available to stream on Netflix.
“Efunsetan Aniwura”
Ever heard stories of the second Iyalode of Ibadan who was also one of the wealthiest women in the Oyo Empire of the 18th century? That woman is Efunsetan Aniwura, and this movie is about her exploits and struggles. Efunsetan became a menace after she lost her husband and only child. She forbade her slaves from getting pregnant or having children, and beheaded those who did.
Directed by Funmi Holder, the 2020 Yoruba biopic stars Iyabo Ogunsola, Kareem Adepoju, Deji Aderemi, among others. It’s available to stream on YouTube.
“93 Days”
Before the COVID pandemic in 2020, there was the Ebola epidemic outbreak of 2014 that resulted in the loss of several lives. All of that was reenacted in the Nollywood movie, 93 Days, which sheds light on the sacrifices made by several health workers to contain the virus after the first Nigerian patient, Patrick Sawyer, was diagnosed.
Directed by Steve Gukas, 93 Days (2016) focuses on the heroic acts of Dr Ameyo Adadevoh, a female physician who played a key role in curbing the spread of the disease. It stars Keppy Ekpeyong, Bimbo Akintola, Danny Glover, among others. It’s available to stream on Prime Video.
“Invasion 1897”
Released in 2014, this Lancelot Imasuen-directed period piece gives a glimpse into the February 1897 invasion of the Benin Kingdom by British forces under the command of Sir Harry Rawson. The movie also follows the story of Oba Ovonramwen Nogbaisi, the 35th Oba of the ancient empire, and his dethronement. Invasion 1897 portrays how the famous Benin bronze statues were shipped off to European museums.
Mike Omoregbee played the lead role as Ovonramwen, with support from Segun Arinze, Justus Esiri and Paul Obazele. You can stream it on YouTube.
From student loans to cybersecurity taxation, we take a stroll down memory lane to highlight how events have unfolded in the past year under the Tinubu-led administration.
May 2023
At his inaugural speech, President Tinubu’s first official decision was to remove the fuel subsidy, stating that Nigeria needed to redirect the subsidy funds to nation building. This led to a sharp increase in petrol prices from ₦195 to around ₦660 per litre, and a resultant increase in inflation in the months that followed.
As the war for access to fuel raged on, the President added a twist with foreign exchange. The CBN announced that the exchange rate will be unified, merging all forex market segments into a single window determined by market forces. The Central Bank Governor, Godwin Emefiele, was also suspended. This came following his decision to redesign the naira notes which influenced the disastrous cash scarcity of January 2023.
In the same month, President Tinubu introduced the student loan bill and signed the Nigeria Data Protection Bill 2023 into law to establish a legal framework for safeguarding personal information.
President Tinubu shifted his focus on infrastructure development to create jobs, and address housing and road deficits.
As the newly appointed chairman of the ECOWAS, he was also a core part of the decisions regarding the Niger Junta, which changed Niger’s political climate. Tinubu received backlash for his initial suggestion of a military response. Subsequently, the ECOWAS resorted to placing bans on the Niger Republic.
Let’s not forget that he promised us palliatives in this month too. We’re still waiting for our credit alerts.
President Tinubu announced a rollout of Compressed Natural Gas (CNG)-powered buses to cushion the impact of high transportation costs after the fuel subsidy removal. The President also released his ministerial nomination list which saw some reshuffling and an increase in youth leaders. They were inaugurated on August 21, 2023.
These were the twin months of drama and vindication for the President who had been facing court challenges over his victory as Peter Obi and Atiku Abubakar accused him of electoral manipulation. The tribunal started in September but somehow dragged into November.
In October, allegations of drug trafficking and money laundering against him were also declared null and unfounded.
In what seemed like a hope sparker, the president declared a cash transfer program for the poor and an N-Power program for unemployed graduates. Both of which, much like the palliatives of July, are now non-functional.
On October 1, 2023, President Tinubu released a statement awarding ₦35,000 provisional wage for all treasury-paid federal government workers for six months. He also announced that it will commence payment of ₦75,000 to ₦15 million households at ₦25,000 per month, for a three-month period from October-December 2023 among other financial schemes.
Nigerians dragged their president over alleged national budget padding and a plan to buy a presidential yacht. The president denied this and claimed that the demand was made by the Nigerian Navy.
The NLC, TUC and other associations went on strike in response to a physical assault on their leader, Comrade Joe Ajaero. The Federal Housing Authority also embarked on a demolition spree in the Festac area of Lagos state.
The President announced the commencement of a feeding programme for primary school pupils. The program has been in a hiccup state from the start.
January 2024
The Vice President, His Excellency, Kashim Shettima, commissioned a 37-man committee to review the 2019 Minimum Wage. Prior to this, On October 1, 2023, the president had awarded a ₦30,000 relief fund to treasury-paid workers. This marked the beginning of a thread of tension-laced discussions with no end in sight.
The NLC went on a two-day strike because of the minimum wage and general economic difficulties. In a bid to solve this, the 37-man minimum wage committee finally convened for the first time in March.
March 2024
Under the leadership of President Tinubu, the ECOWAS lifted the sanctions placed on Niger Republic, while minimum wage discussions continued as the NLC proposed ₦615,000. There was also a massive blackout in parts of the federation as the national grid fell, and underwater submarine cables were compromised leading to a four-day internet downtime. The Federal Government announced the commencement of a 700 km Lagos-Calabar coastal highway construction through the minister of works, David Umahi.
Tinubu’s whereabouts were unknown for over a week after returning from a trip to Saudi Arabia in April 2024. The vice president was also out of the country at the time, causing a stir.
Fuel scarcity made a comeback, with prices going as high as ₦1000 per litre at fuelling stations. NNPCL dispelled rumours of trying to increase fuel prices and stated that the hike was as a result of logistics issues. However, VOA stated that the scarcity was a result of debts. The ministry of power implemented theElectricity Tariff Hike, another policy that saw mixed reactions from Nigerians.
The Office of the National Security Advisor (ONSA) entered the limelight for a Cybersecurity levy CBN imposed on electronic transactions. This sparked outrage on social media until it was eventually suspended. Landmark Beach and other businesses on the Lekki coastline were demolished for an interstate highway project under the direction of the minister of works, David Umahi for a coastal highway project but the demolished sites were eventually mapped out of the plan in a bid to avoid damaging submarine network cables.
The President also set out to commission road and infrastructure projects such as the remodelled third mainland bridge, apapa bridge and national library among others, to mark his first year in office.
The NLC gave the minimum wage committee a May 31 deadline to reach an agreement and implement a new minimum wage.
With the many trials and tribulations Nigerians have faced in the past year, one can only imagine how the next three years of President Tinubu’s administration will go.
People can dispute it all they want, but there’s no denying that the dynamics of a relationship changes when one party becomes famous. Whether it’s for good or worse is a different pot of soup.
In this story, Fred* (34) talks about how one of his oldest friends joined the crop of post-COVID lockdown creator stars of 2021. He can sense them drifting apart, but his fear of getting labelled as “entitled” has hindered him from having an honest conversation about it.
I met my friend in 2010, shortly after I graduated from secondary school. My mum gifted me a Nokia phone for graduation, and 2go was the in-thing then. When I first joined, I mostly had random conversations with users I assumed were also trying to figure out the app.
One day, I came across the rooms feature — forums with different topics. There was one for movies, politics, football and so on. I was preparing to study mass communication in uni, so it made sense that the only rooms that appealed to me were the ones tilted to the media. The rooms were almost as confusing as the 2go app itself. After you enter a room, there’s a barrage of messages from different accounts.
It took a while to get around it, but when I did, I started dropping commentary in the music and movie rooms. Soon, I noticed an account that always engaged with my contributions. Whenever I talked about a new movie or song, he backed me, and I started to do the same for his comments. He had the Mona Lisa painting as his display picture, which held me back from sending a friend request at first.
However, after a couple of exchanges in the forums, I could tell he was a cool person and I wanted to get to know him better, so I sent a friend request and he accepted almost immediately. It was easy to converse since we had similar interests, but I was curious to know more about him beyond what his profile bio said.
I learnt he was fresh out of secondary school, about to write JAMB and had plans to study Mass Communication too. He also resided in Lagos, and was just two buses away from my house.
Over the next couple of months, our shared interests and aspirations helped us form a bond, and we moved from the realm of 2go buddies to actual friends. We would constantly talk about our dreams to become OAPs and move around with actors, actresses and singers or even become superstars ourselves.
He had a thing for music and was always attending auditions, and I was always there to cheer him up when he didn’t get picked. I’d make jokes about how he had a better chance at blowing up since he could sing, and we’d laugh about it, ending the conversation with how I’d probably be his manager or someone of importance on his team.
Fast forward to 2012, we gained admission into different universities. It felt like we were a step closer to our dreams as media guys without either of us feeling left behind. Meanwhile, we’d still not met in person. We had super strict parents who didn’t entertain visitors or allow us to go visiting. But this didn’t stop our friendship from blossoming. We texted and took advantage of the MTN Midnight call package.
But with uni came a lot more freedom.
Our schools were in different parts of Osun state. We talked about visiting each other’s schools on weekends and breaks, but 100 level was hectic for both of us. We were two Lagosians trying to settle in a new environment whilst facing the harsh reality that was university life. Even when we planned to travel back home together, our schedules never seemed to work out.
Let’s just say we didn’t see each other until 200 level when he visited me in school for a week.
Even though it was the first time we saw each other in person, it didn’t feel like that. I was more than happy to introduce him to my new friends. But more importantly, I really wanted to show him how I was fairing on our shared dream of being media superstars. So, I made sure he attended classes with me. I showed him around our studio and was excited to talk about assignments, projects and all that. He also shared some of his experiences with me, how he’d gotten a slot to present for the school radio.
It felt good, we were both on course.
I never made the trip to his school even though he visited me a couple more times. But, I did visit him at home in Lagos. His dad took a liking to me after our first meeting, and he didn’t have a problem with me visiting, especially since he’d occasionally walked in on us passionately talking about our future in the media.
We graduated from university in 2016. I went to NYSC before he did, but it didn’t matter because we still had our passing out service at the same time.
After NYSC, I was retained as a writer at my PPA while he got a gig as a presenter at an online radio station in Ogun state. We didn’t get jobs with Beat FM, Cool FM, Silverbird or Channels like we both dreamt, but in a way, it still felt like we were on course.
Except, a little part of me felt left behind. Something about my first job being a writing role didn’t fully align with our joint dream. He was a radio presenter, and it didn’t matter that it was an online station because he still got to interview celebrities. It was the first time he was a step ahead. But I didn’t let the thoughts linger, especially because we were actively applying for jobs in bigger media orgs. It felt reassuring that we were still on the hustle for the same thing.
In 2019, I got a better opportunity as a journalist with one of the big digital media orgs. My friend had returned to Lagos because the online radio thing in Ogun wasn’t working, and to be frank Lagos was the real eye candy. All the while, our friendship remained intact, and he was always so happy to read my stories. On my part, I wasn’t entirely happy because it felt like I was a step ahead and he was behind because he didn’t have a job. The goal had always been to move as a unit.
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Then, COVID happened in 2020, and he went into the lockdown jobless. I knew it wasn’t the prettiest period for him. I remember how he once broke down in tears during a phone call, and I didn’t quite know what to say. We’d had some vulnerable moments, but that was a lot to handle. I just stayed on the end of the call, and offered the overused “It is well”.
Now, you know how they say when life throws you lemons, you should lemonade? This was exactly what my friend did. Few months into lockdown, he started filming skits. He’d send them to me before posting and ask for my opinion. In all our years of friendship, I’d never really seen him as a comic, so I didn’t find the videos funny — at least, not CrazeClown or Taaoma funny. But it didn’t stop me from encouraging him and showing support by reposting, resharing and commenting.
Soon, what started as a lockdown hobby picked up significantly. His follower count went through the roof on social media. While I didn’t find him entirely funny, people online did. They were in his comments, they were reposting his videos on Twitter and Instastory. My friend was everywhere, and I couldn’t have been happier. He was no longer a step behind, we were on course to achieving our dreams as media boys.
By 2021, he’d fully taken his place among the new crop of lockdown creators. He’d gotten interviews with print and digital news outlets, and some appearances on TV. And the icing on a cake was when he landed an OAP job at one of the big media houses in Lagos. At this point, it became clear that he was on the fast lane to becoming a celebrity. Through all of these exciting changes, our communication remained pretty much the same. We’d chat on WhatsApp and Instagram, throw in occasional calls and even visit each other.
By late 2022, my friend became a full blown celebrity in his own right. He’d started hanging out with popular skitmakers. Celebrities were in his comment section laughing their asses off his videos, and he even interviewed some of them on his daytime job as an OAP.
At first, I refused to entertain thoughts that his new status would affect the dynamic of our relationship. I was constantly showing support in his DMs, and working to keep all our channels of communication alive. Instagram DMs, Whatsapp and Twitter DMs — all places were filled with chat histories that went back years. I’d sometimes quote old messages and we’d briefly reminisce about those times.
But soon, we started to have less and less things to talk about. Our conversation reduced to messages I’d send congratulating him about a new milestone or responses to his WhatsApp status. We both try to put up a front and act like we’re still the same buddies who had dreams of carving out a space for ourselves in the media, but the friendship isn’t what it used to be.
I’ve thought about talking to him on so many occasions. But you know how it is when people become famous. They sometimes put up a guard to protect themselves from people who feel entitled to being a part of their lives.
I’m scared of getting branded as an entitled friend. I mean, shouldn’t it be enough that I’m still on his close friends list on Instagram? That I can call him right now and he’d pick up the phone? That I can lay claim to being this celebrity’s gee and he’d co-sign. That I can show up at his place and he’ll let me spend the night? These privileges should be enough.
We still exchange messages across social media apps, but deep down, I know the friendship is hanging by a thread. At least, on my end. I fear that if I stop putting in the effort, the friendship is headed to its death. And he might not even notice because there’s so much exciting stuff happening in his life right now.
It wasn’t up to a year ago when Cyril Osim Ndifon, a professor of law at UNICAL was called out for sexually assaulting and being a general terror to his female students for years.
This revelation and a 2023 of back-to-back sexual harassment exposures led us to put together a timeline that went back to the early 2000s with more than 20 high-profile cases, mostly students as victims of their lecturers’ inappropriate advances and often ending in silence.
Another sex-for-grades situation
On May 26, 2024, X user CHIKAMMA (@AlexVivyNnabue) called out her former UNIBEN philosophy lecturer, Dr Tony Asekhuno, accusing him of rape. Her tweet opened the floodgates of accusations from the lecturer’s other alleged victims.
According to their tweets, he’d fail his victims if they refused to date, get intimate with him or follow him to the “staff club”. And sometimes, he’d rape them.
He was called out five years ago
But CHIKAMMA’s call-out started years ago when she posted a thread of screenshots in 2019. The screenshots appear to be WhatsApp messages sent from a male friend who was forced to drop out. The same lecturer insisted on sex for grades, hinting that his harassment wasn’t limited to his female students.
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The long thread also details his inclination to spike students’ drinks. And apparently, the UNIBEN management was aware of his bad behaviour but did nothing.
Many more accusations
In the last three days, multiple X users have shared their experiences of varying levels of abuse from the lecturer. The public has called for further investigation by the relevant law enforcement and justice for the victims.
We have contacted the original accuser, CHIKAMMA, for more details to increase the chances of legal action. This is a developing story.
We’ve established that bridesmaiding is an expensive venture for Nigerian ladies, as they shell out as high as ₦800k to be a part of the intending bride’s bridal train. But what does it look like for their counterparts, the groomsmen?
Considering that men don’t have to spend extra money on glamming up their faces or sewing expensive owambe styles, one might assume that their expenses should be significantly lesser and budget friendly. But to confirm, we asked six groomsmen about the costs of being a groomsman and their stories are proof that “weddings” are expensive for everyone involved.
Taiwo, 30
Highest spend: ₦280k
The most recent wedding I was a groomsman at was in April. A friend of over 10 years was getting married. He was also my groomsman when I got married, it was only right that I returned the goodwill. The wedding was outside Lagos, so we had to sort out accommodation. We got a shared apartment for ₦150k per night, and it was shared among five occupants. I paid ₦60k for me and my wife. Apart from my outfit material , my wife also had to wear the theme cloth of the day, so that was about ₦90k on materials and another ₦50k on tailoring. Another ₦50k went into getting new shoes for me and my wife, and I contributed ₦30k for the couple’s gift.
For me, I always ask myself some questions before I commit to the financial burden of being a groomsman.
“How close are we? Can the person do the same for me?” Once I have my answers, I make a decision. I’ve politely turned down several requests in the past.
Deji*, 30
Highest spend: ₦1.25 million.
I spent this much because I wasn’t just part of the groomsmen, I was the best man. The groom had come through for me in so many ways too —he’s my guy, but also like a mentor and older brother.
The wedding was in Benin, so I spent ₦80k on flights — this was in 2022. We wore two traditional outfits and one suit, and I paid ₦125k for all three. ₦40k went into accommodation, and another ₦150k for spraying the couple at the party. As groomsmen, we also had to chip in ₦250k for gifts for the couple. The bulk of my spend — ₦600k — was a personal cash gift to the couple.
To be honest, my finances took a hit, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way;he’d have done the same or more for me.. Right now, a friend’s impact on my life and my current earning power will determine how far I’m willing to go for them.
Feranmi*, 31
Highest spend: ₦125k
As a groomsman, I had to pay ₦50k each for suits. The groomsmen were also required to wear white agbada for the traditional ceremony. I didn’t have one, so ₦22k went into that. The wedding was in Ibadan, and I had to make a trip down from Lagos. Thankfully train tickets were quite cheap at the time,so I only spent about ₦4k on transportation.
When I got to Ibadan, I realised that the groom didn’t make plans for accommodation so ₦30k went into paying for a -2day hotel stay.
As a groomsman, you also want to spray the groom on the dance floor. I think I withdrew about ₦20k for that. The whole expense came down to over ₦125k which was a huge sum to me in 2022. I literally spent a third of my house rent on groomsman duties. But the groom was my guy guy, so I didn’t bat an eye going all out like that.
Although my finances have significantly picked up these days, you have to be a very close friend before I agree to be one of your groomsmen. Otherwise, I’ll just send in a cash gift of ₦15-₦20k, which is a fraction of whatever I’d have spent as a groomsman.
Hammed*, 25
Highest spend: ₦200k
The wedding was outside of Lagos and I travelled by road to Osun. I spent about ₦200k on sewing the different clothes to be worn. This was a significant amount for me at the time as I had barely started working and didn’t have a huge savings.
When I got to Osun, I barely had money left to spend on anything. Thankfully, I didn’t have to worry about accommodation. We all slept in a large hotel room, courtesy of the groom.
I wouldn’t say the costs had a huge effect on my finances as I was able to make any money spent back, . However, I didn’t envisage that I’d have to be part of so many activities before and during the ceremony. I anticipated a fun experience, but it was hard work all through. I don’t regret it. And while I can’t even confirm the groom would do the same for me, I’m sure he is a valuable friend in several other ways.
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Ayo, 30
Highest spend: ₦230k
I was a groomsman and best man for the wedding. The groom and myself are good friends. I escorted him to buy his ring, and even planned his engagement, so at that point it was settled I was going to be the best man. The whole time I wasn’t thinking about the financial implication of things. I just wanted to make sure my friend had the best day he could.
Majority of the expense went into our clothes. I spent ₦70k on a three-piece tux, and another ₦30k went into a new pair of shoes. We also had to wear white for the traditional ceremony, but thankfully I had one and didn’t have to incur extra cost. The wedding was in Akure, so travel expenses by road came to about ₦30k. There was also ₦100k that went into spraying money.
I still approach groomsmen requests with graciousness. I look at the relationship I have with the groom;I don’t take it for granted that someone finds me worthy to play a special role in their day. If it’s beyond my budget, I politely decline and offer a modest cash gift to support the groom.
Jaiye*, 28
Highest spend: ₦180k
A friend got married last year and he needed me to be a part of his “agbada men”. I’m not sure if agbada men and groomsmen are the same thing, but we didn’t have to pay for suits. It was just one outfit for the wedding and that seemed fair enough. The material was ₦50k and it came with a custom-made beaded velvet cap for ₦15k. I spent another ₦15k on sewing and ₦20k on shoes. The agbada men also planned a surprise bachelor’s eve for the groom so we had to contribute ₦30k each to make that happen.
The wedding was in Badagry, so I made plans with a neighbour who offers private cab services. ₦50k went into the transport expense because the man had to wait to take me back. The whole expense came to around ₦180k and I wasn’t proud of my financial decision because the guy wasn’t even a close friend like that.
Now, once I get an inkling that your groomsmen ask is nearing a ₦50k budget, I politely decline and send a monetary gift. Maybe ₦10-20k.
It’s May 27, and while the kids get to take the day off as a public holiday, capitalism denies adults — who are actual children of their parents — this satisfaction. But who says you can’t steal some of your employer’s time to binge-watch a cartoon or two that’ll help you make crass jokes about your adulthood struggles?
We curated a list of seven grown-up animations to get you started.
Don’t be fooled by the weird-looking hormone monster, Big Mouth focuses on puberty and the awkward experiences of teenagers. It goes heavy on topics like hormones, sexuality and body changes in an unhinged way. If you struggled with sexual awkwardness as a teen, you’ll relate heavily to this animation. Plus, it’s funny as hell.
“Bojark Horseman”
Think about all the existential crises you’ve experienced as a Nigerian adult, and you’ll find yourself jotting things down when you watch this animation. Bojark Horseman follows the life of a washed-up Hollywood horse dealing with depression, addiction and self-destructive behaviour. It’s a dark comedy with mature themes and many relatable moments that’ll have you muttering “God, abeg.”
“Family Guy”
One thing about this show? You’ll catch yourself asking the question, “How the hell did they allow this to air on TV?” repeatedly. Family Guy is unhinged in all the ways you can think of, and it’s worse because it references real-life events, relying heavily on slapstick humour and offensive jokes.
“Rick and Morty”
This show follows the story of a mad scientist grandpa who takes his teenage grandson on crazy adventures across dimensions. It has the right mix of violence and profanity that makes for good adult humour.
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“South Park”
One fun fact about this show? It’s been serving crass humour since 1997. South Park is notorious for social and political satire often delivered in a vulgar way. It uses profanity and violence and tackles mature themes in a way that resonates with grown-up minds.
“American Dad“
Like Family Guy, this show uses offensive humour to drive its plot and often revolves around dysfunctional family situations. Characters like Steve and Roger deliver the show’s adult jokes with no restraint. If you binge an entire season, you might catch an episode bashing capitalism for making you work on a Children’s Day holiday.
“The Simpsons“
The show follows the Simpsons, an American middle-class family living in the fictional town of Springfield. It also uses adult humour to poke fun at American culture, TV, politics and everyday human experiences. The Simpsons is famous for referencing pop culture and historical events.
With amusement park entry fees going as high as ₦10-25k per head, cinema tickets hovering at around ₦5k and food inflation driving eateries to shoot up their prices to ₦3-5k per meal on average, there’s no doubt parents now have to do a lot more planning and calculation to spoil their kids in present-day Nigeria.
Ahead of Children’s Day 2024, I asked these Nigerian parents about their budget-friendly plans to celebrate, and they had tips for days.
Taiwo*
I have a one-year-old daughter, and my low-budget idea of celebrating the day with her would be to make her favourite meal — plantain, eggs and zobo. I could also take her for an ice cream date later in the day. I don’t think I have to break the bank for these.
Bimbo*
Take them for painting, pottery, nature sightseeing or even to a park. These are budget-friendly activities that won’t leave a big hole in your pocket. Lufasi Nature Park is almost free. But if going out is too expensive this year, I’ll consider at-home activities. I’ll bake with my daughter and cut the dough into shapes. I could also buy fruits and have her join me in the juicing process. Children like these activities a lot.
Gbemi*
Since my eight and six year old kids discovered the magic of ordering and having pizza delivered to the house, it’s been one of their favourite things to do. I don’t need to do too much if there’s a celebration. I just ask if they want pizza and you should see the way they jump and scream in excitement. So for Children’s Day, I’ll order pizza and ice cream, and I’m sure they’ll love that more than any school excursion or fast food visit. ₦10k should do the job.
Dolapo*
I didn’t put a lot of thought into planning anything because my church has taken that stress away from me. They’ve got a host of activities planned out for kids, and we just have to pay. The plan is to drop my kids off in the morning and be back for them by evening. If you’re a parent that doesn’t have something planned, you shouldn’t sleep on school or church, they always have something planned for the kids that won’t cost too much. This year, we’re only paying ₦2k per kid.
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Halimah*
My kids have asked me to take them to their grandparents. They’ll spend the weekend there, and I’ll go back for them on Monday evening. My parents always dote on them and spoil them silly with everything they want, especially my mum. You’ll think they never had kids. But I can’t complain because it takes the pressure of planning an outing or spending money away from me. Have you seen the prices of amusement parks these days? It’s not funny.
Funmi*
If your kids are within the age bracket of one to five, you don’t need to do too much. There are many things you can do around the house to keep them happy and occupied. In my case, I make sure there’s light and they have access to their favourite cartoons all day. I also bring out toys or storybooks that have been out of reach because of school. Before you know it, the day is over, and they’re back to school the next day.
Florence*
I’m in a women’s group, and we plan to take our kids out on Children’s Day. Most likely to a place that are affordable and fun. So far, we’ve considered a children’s pool, the cinema, kids karaoke or a public playground. But we’ve all agreed that going to a place that’s affordable is the goal. Fuel is not cheap these days, so it’s cost-effective to partner with other parents. And when we get a lot of kids visiting a place, it’s easier to negotiate with the management beforehand on discounts.
Apart from Christmas and New Year’s, one holiday that excited me as a child was Children’s Day. Listen, it was a thing at home and in school. My mum made it a point to take us out, there was always a special activity or two in school, and a party for kids in our estate.
As an adult, it’s safe to say all that excitement has gone with the wind. Children’s Day is four days away, and I really couldn’t give a rat’s ass about it. It doesn’t help that it falls on capitalism’s favourite day of the week, Monday. But I recently caught a friend’s WhatsApp status and she seemed pretty giddy about it, and for a moment, I envied her. I missed that little boy who used to love this holiday and all other childish things.
Curiosity made me slide into her DM and find six other Nigerians to share how they keep their inner child alive.
Demola*, 31
I indulge on those things that seemed elusive as a child because of money. Like buying ₦20k suya that I can’t finish, buying stupid gadgets I never use, withdrawing money just to stare at it, binge-watching anime and cartoons and anonymously commenting things that’ll sound stupid to any adult online.
Nofisat*, 28
I’m the only child of my parents, so I’ll always be the baby of the house. When adulthood comes with all its wahala, I just pack my bag and go back home to spend time with my parents. There’s a way they dote on me that makes me feel childlike. I can’t explain it, and I also don’t know if it’s the “only child” factor. My room has stayed the same for as long as I remember. So it still gives me that nostalgia of my little self getting prepped to go to school in the morning.
Aishat*, 29
I try to keep doing the things I enjoy even if there’s no one to tag along. I attend a lot of events that are themed around adults having fun like children, like fun fairs. I also surround myself with people who enjoy the same things, and it helps me stay in touch with my inner child.
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Bolanle*, 40
Toys were my thing as a child. Think of all the superhero figures, barbie sets, Legos, stuffed teddies, I had them all. On every birthday, I was always so excited about the new toys I’d add to my collection. At some point, I started saving up to buy the toys. As an adult, this love for toys has translated into a love for gadgets. Kitchen, home, office, bathroom and accessories, I’m always curious about all these things, so I end up buying them. It always makes me feel like I just got a new toy.
Dotun*, 37
I spend an obscene amount of time watching cartoons, and I’m a complete irritant while at it. You’ll see me laughing loudly and even pausing to mimic some of the characters. I remember an ex-girlfriend said, “I’m too old to be acting a fool for cartoons.” We had a fight afterwards. Life is hard enough and these cartoons help me forget I’m a man with bills to pay and other adulthood troubles to deal with.
Kenny*, 30
I eat a lot of junk food. This was a big part of my childhood. It was a thing with my mum because she used to get us biscuits, sweets and all sorts whenever we were shopping for school resumption. She didn’t just buy what she thought we would like, she took us along and we got to pick the stuff we liked. As an adult, that’s something that makes me feel like a child all over again, whether it’s when I’m eating or shopping for junk. I always have a special budget for it when I shop for groceries. Some of the traders assume I’m shopping for kids. I don’t even bother to tell them that I’m the big baby that needs spoiling.
James*, 25
I like playing a lot. I’m the uncle kids love to have around because they know I’ll roll in the dirt with them if they want me to. I’m the uncle who’ll sit down to play with their toys, play hide and seek and watch cartoons with them. I remember attending this house party with some new friends and when they asked for game suggestions I mentioned “boju boju”. Everybody had this “Guy, really?” expression on their face. If only they knew I was dead serious.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Shola: We met on Twitter in March 2023. She posted about food and how she wanted to cook for her future husband. Me being a foodie, I commented under the tweet. She was really expressive after that and kept replying to my tweets, so I slid into her DM. She almost curved me but eventually gave me her number.
Damilola: The first time we spoke over the phone, we ended up talking all night. And that’s not my normal behaviour.
Is that how you realised you liked each other?
Shola: She recommended a Pastor Adeboye movie for me to watch that night. I’m usually so busy, so I don’t get to watch TV a lot. But the next day, I made sure I watched it so I could tell her I did and this is exactly what happened in it.
At that point, I knew I liked her and wanted her close, closer than a friend.
Damilola: Yeah, we bonded over Mount Zion movies and had a long “getting to know each other” period.
But how I really knew I liked him was when we were done talking over the phone one night, and I said, “Bye”. His response was, “Don’t ever tell me bye, only goodnight.” We paused for several seconds, and I remember smiling and thinking, “This guy is so sweet.”
When did you guys finally meet?
Damilola: Our first meeting was our first date in 2023. We attended a Beautiful Nubia concert. I’m a huge fan of their music, so you can imagine how much I was looking forward to the date. He suggested it and bought tickets because I’d mentioned how much I liked them.
How did it go?
Shola: We met at a restaurant to talk before the show started at 5 p.m. We’d been communicating for about a month before the date, and the vibe matched when we met, which was great.
Damilola: After eating, we laughed and talked so much that we lost track of time and booked a ride to take us to the venue at the very last minute.
In the car, we took pictures together and the conversation was flowing effortlessly when I felt a sharp pain in my stomach. He asked if I wanted to go home. I said no. We were almost at the event, and I didn’t want to ruin things.
Don’t tell me things got ruined anyway
Damilola: We got to the venue early at almost 5:30 p.m. Beautiful Nubia’s band was playing with barely 50 people present, so we got spots in the front row. Shortly after we sat down, I felt a sharper pain in my stomach and we had to step out of the venue. I began to feel dizzy and realised I couldn’t walk properly. The pain became so intense that my legs were shaking.
Shola: At this point, I was scared.
Damilola: I sat on a concrete slab already crying silently when I felt the urge to use the restroom. We were surrounded by parked cars and barricades, and I couldn’t stand up without messing up my clothes.
An agbero approached us to ask what was happening. Shola explained the situation, and I begged them to let me relieve myself right there. I couldn’t take it. I was reacting to the food we’d just eaten. I barely eat out because my stomach reacts to the most random things.
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So you had to poop in public on your first date?
Damilola: Not exactly. Shola said he wouldn’t let that happen.
Shola: Another man came to ask what’s up and offered to let her use the restroom in his house, a five-minute walk away.
Damilola: As we walked to the man’s house, I felt something leave my body and collapsed on the floor.
Ahhh. I’m so sorry
Damilola: Shola was almost in tears, and I felt really bad for him. I was so embarrassed.
He carried me on his back as we rushed to the man’s house. I used his toilet the first time but didn’t feel better. While we were booking a ride to go to the nearest pharmacy, I felt the stomach pain again. I was so scared it would drop right there that I begged Shola to let me use the drainage in front of the man’s house. I was that desperate.
Shola: Thankfully, the man let her use his toilet again instead.
How did you guys get through such a first date?
Damilola: I was weak and tired, but we went to a pharmacy and then returned to the event.
He asked me a billion times if I was sure we should go back. When we got there and the place was already full, he immediately grabbed two plastic chairs stacked at the back and cleaned them for us. I felt bad for traumatising him, but he was super caring throughout. And we had an amazing time.
Shola: I realised that God just wanted to test how much I’d love her, how ready we were to be together. Because right after that, we both knew this was it. We’re getting married to each other.
Damilola: There’s been no doubt since that day that the relationship would work. And thank God, so far we’ve not been wrong.
What happened after this date?
Damilola: I told my sister and friends what happened, and they didn’t believe me. When the Twitter thread I posted about it went viral, I’d send the funny comments to him, and we’d all laugh.
We continued talking, and he’s remained caring throughout. One time when I was sick, I told him I hadn’t eaten. He came all the way to my house when I was still staying at Magboro, brought me amala and some fruits. I remember eating the apple and telling him it tasted somehow.
Shola: We kept going out together and getting deeper into each other’s lives. I met her roommate, Aduke, that same week, and we started meeting all our friends shortly after. Before I knew it, they were all calling me “Shollylupitini”, her nickname for me.
When did things become official?
Damilola: Three days after the date, I invited him to my house and it just happened in the middle of a conversation. He stopped and looked at me. I asked why he was staring, and he said, ”Will you be my girlfriend with marriage in view?” I was shocked and said yes immediately.
My flatmate, Aduke, had made fried rice and turkey for his visit, so we just sat and ate, and they bonded over the fact that they both graduated from OAU.
Shola: That night, she gave some of her friends my number, and they called to congratulate me.
Damilola: Three months after the date, he asked to come see my parents. I was like, “What for?” It felt too serious to me at the time, but I told my dad and we invited him over. He came with some of his friends, and we all had a meal with my parents at home.
After that meeting, my dad was so happy. He kept saying, “I like that boy. He’s so cool and calm.” The next thing, he was asking me to come meet his mum in Berger.
Ouuu
Damilola: I was like, “Why?” I was so scared.
Shola: I just wanted everyone who was important to me to know her. I was so excited about her, and I still am. My mum knew about her and was eager to meet her too.
Damilola: We went to see her together, and she cooked for us. I remember thinking the food was so delicious. It was semo and efo-riro. I even asked if I could have more to take home, and she willingly packed me a big bowl. She was so nice to me.
Before Shola even proposed, I’d call every so often to check up on her. I could just show up at her house, and she’d be so happy to see me.
Speaking of the proposal, how did that go?
Shola: Like I said, from that first date, I knew she was the one. Every time we remember what happened, we’re able to laugh and make jokes about it. We promised we’d tell our kids the funny story of how we met.
As the months passed, my feelings for her didn’t fade at all. I just had to decide at some point that I wanted to take a bold step.
Damilola: I actually saw the ring weeks before the proposal; he doesn’t know this. I knew he’d propose, but I just didn’t know when.
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How did you find the ring, Damilola?
Damilola: I was at his place one day. This was towards the end of September 2023. I entered his room, and he just said, “Don’t go near that bag.” I was like, “Ehn? What could be in there?” So once he left the room, I went straight to the bag and saw the ring. I even tried it on and took a picture. But I later deleted it.
Shola: Wow. Wow. Wow.
Damilola: The day he finally proposed, on October 7th, he got my most stubborn friend, Bimpe, to bully me to get my nails and hair done and dress up to go eat at a restaurant with her. At first, I was like, “Don’t disturb me jo.” I was at a low point in my life, so I was ready to just throw on a random dress and some slippers. But she can be very assertive.
Shola: That’s why I got her to do it.
Damilola: I did my best and got there. I was even texting to check in on him because he had an important meeting. She kept moving me in different angles to take pictures at the restaurant and ordered food even though I said I wasn’t hungry.
That’s how the food came and the waiter opened it and I saw a chocolate writing that said, “Will you marry me?” I just froze. I turned around and saw him on both knees. Omo, tears straight. He read out a poem he wrote and brought out the ring.
Shola: Do you know what she said to me? “Ko si bi tama tiesi” (I don’t have anywhere else to push you to). We had our civil wedding last week; our main wedding is in June.
That sounds beautiful. Was there ever a time you felt unsure about the relationship, though?
Damilola: I had a dark moment last August when my job was affecting me psychologically and I was determined to resign. No one understood. My dad called to beg me not to leave. Shola kept reminding me that there were no jobs out there.
Shola: I didn’t want her to have to struggle with unemployment. But I wasn’t really listening to how she felt.
Damilola: I listened to them for about two months then I quit without telling anyone. It was after I submitted my letter that I called to tell him I’d done it.
Shola: I felt bad that she kept it from me, but I supported her decision.
What happened after?
Shola: She was so irritable during that period. It was obvious that any mention of a job or money annoyed her so I avoided that. But I saw how hard she worked to make some money off her writing side gigs and also apply for better jobs.
Two months later, she had a new job that was a lot better than the last in terms of everything.
Damilola: When I got the new one, everyone started saying, “Thank God you didn’t stay back at that other place.” Funny enough, Shola proposed just a week before they called me to start this new job.
Neat. Have you guys ever had a major fight?
Shola: Before we started dating, she really proved hard to get as women do. But I stayed persistent, calling and checking up on her, expressing my intentions. That caused friction at many points.
I won’t say we’ve ever had a major one. Even in arguments, we made a promise to always settle on the same day. Even if one person is asleep, we wake them up to settle any issues.
Damilola: Before we met at the concert, there was a night I complained to him about my former workplace. I told him about an incident with a patient, and he said, “Customers are always right.” I got so angry. I was like, “I don’t think I like you. I’ll never like you when you say stuff like this.”
That’s actually what led to that story I mentioned earlier when I said, “Bye” and he called me back to say, “Don’t ever tell me bye.” That was a memorable argument that ended pretty well. We never go to bed upset with each other, so I can’t even remember a particular situation that I’d call a minor or major fight between us.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your Love Life?
Damilola: 10 over 10 minus nothing. We’re best friends, and I love the way he carries my matter on his head.
Shola: I won’t say 10. I’ll say 8 because it’ll only get better. But now, it’s 8, which is still an A.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
Like everything in Nigeria, getting admission into any top-rated university is long, stressful and highly competitive — from the long queues during JAMB registrations to the hurdles of WAEC and post-UTME examinations.
It can also be difficult to determine what to pursue as a career in the first place. We checked and these are the best courses to study for a successful career in 2024:
Computer Science
Some of the richest young people in Nigeria today tech bros. To join the gang, you should probably start with a degree in Computer science. The possibilities are endless — you could become a games developer, cybersecurity expert, cloud computing engineer, software engineer, or UI/UX designer. The minimum amount for each role ranges between ₦200,000 to ₦1.5M per job.
Fashion Design
Once upon a time, fashion design was something for middle to lower-class Nigerians. Now, with designers like Mai Atafo, Atelier, Veekee James, and Yinka Ash making millions per dress and changing that narrative, we can look at fashion design as a goldmine.. Bachelor of Fashion or Creative Design does have a nice ring to it, and it wouldn’t hurt to charge $500 (₦750,000) per dress for starters.
Management
Every team or organisation needs a manager. The managers start from entry level roles and work up the ladder. They often work as Human resource managers, Project managers, and General managers among other things. The salary here often increases per certification and role but can start from a minimum of ₦200,000. The salary increase is often tied to the success of the projects or businesses.
Accounting
Accountants are highly sought-after professionals in every sector of the economy. Studying accounting makes you qualified for financial analyst, auditor, bank manager and credit officer roles. Payscale stipulates that the average salary of accountants in entry-level roles is about ₦200,000 to ₦450,000 monthly.
Marketing
Marketing has become an indispensable need with entrepreneurs and start-ups taking over the business world. Marketing graduates can fill corporate roles in sales, business development, digital marketing, retail management and management. The average monthly salary is ₦200,000 for these roles.
Medicine and Surgery
Nigerian parents will be happy to see this on the list. Facts don’t lie and one is that doctors are some of the most sought-after specialists across the globe. According to Glassdoor, the average Nigerian doctor earns about ₦283,000 monthly. Graduates can work as surgeons, residents, general medicine registrars and more.
Law and legal studies
Legal practitioners are some of the most esteemed and sophisticated professionals in the country. Every sector of the economy has a role waiting for lawyers and law graduates. Glassdoor speculates the average law graduates earn between ₦180,000 to ₦200,000 per month at entry level. Some available job roles include compliance officers, human resources managers, corporate lawyers, criminal defence lawyers and mediation officers.
Pharmacy
Pharmacy is focused on the production and prescription of drugs to treat patients. Pharmacy graduates can work as pharmacy managers, pharmacists, researchers, and factory managers. Entry role salary starts from ₦150,000 for pharmacists.
Civil engineering
From designing buildings to constructing roads, civil engineers are the cream of the crop when it comes to engineering courses in Nigeria. Civil engineering contracts are one of the highest-paying in the country with a minimum of ₦400,000 per project.
Theatre arts
Theatre arts is an exceptional course with many opportunities waiting for its graduates. The entertainment industry is always on the lookout for the next talent in dance and acting, with professionals in this course being the first in line for such projects and opportunities.
Other jobs like actors, set managers, producers, filmmakers and costume designers all give Theatre arts graduates a variety of career options to choose from. They charge from ₦400,000 to ₦700,000 per movie, depending on the scale of these projects.
Architecture
If you have a passion for bringing imagination to reality and can work independently as well as with teams, this is the course for you. Payscale research shows that the average architect can make about ₦1.5 million per project for entry-level roles like project architect, site architect, senior data architect and site operations manager.
Mass communication
In love with the media? Mass communication allows you to work around it. Mass communication is versatile in practice and offers opportunities in roles like public relations officer, journalist, editor, radio host and content writer. Payscale research shows the average salary of Mass Communication majors in Nigeria is ₦300,000.
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Electrical engineering
Electrical engineers are also amongst the top-rated professionals in the engineering field in Nigeria. Their technical abilities are essential to the development of many equipment, devices and systems, making them invaluable to the production sector in Nigeria. Jobs like assistant engineer, technician, instructor and manager are available to professionals in this course. Payscale research shows the average salary for an electrical engineer is about ₦1.2 million per project.
Estate and property management
Estate management is a highly lucrative industry in Nigeria with professionals earning a fairly high income thanks to the number of property projects in development. Available roles are property manager, property agent and site supervisor. Payscale also shows the average salary expectation can go as high as ₦600,000 per property.
Nursing
They might not be the first courses to pop into your mind when you think of the health sector, but nurses enjoy a comfortable work-life balance. Nurses might not make as much as their stethoscope-wearing counterparts, but they are in even higher demand. According to Payscale, the average salary of a registered nurse is between ₦100,000 to ₦250,000 monthly depending on experience in the role.
Business administration
Business administration is a high-income field of professionals with a variety of applications across the labour market. Senior administrative roles often provide a steady income for graduates in this field. The salary is estimated to range from ₦200,000 to ₦450,000 monthly.
Biochemistry
Like MLS, biochemistry offers a variety of career options in the health sciences. The variety is even higher here as professionals play an integral part in other important industries like food and pharmacy.
Jobs like lab assistant, research scientist, forensic scientist and clinical biochemist are all available to professionals in this course. Salary Explorer indicates the average monthly salary of professionals in this course is about ₦200,000 to ₦300,000 a month.
Agricultural science
Your father might have a heart attack if you put this on your JAMB form, but agricultural science is one of the most technical fields of study in the university. With many branches and innovations around it, agriculture helps you make a living and still have time for other businesses.
Jobs like farm manager, biotechnologist, extension service provider, geneticist, pathologist, food scientist and surveyor all pay competitive incomes to graduates of the course. The average salary for agriculturists is around ₦150,000 to ₦250,000
Economics
Graduates who study this course can take their pick of jobs like financial analyst, business operations manager, economist or lecturer. Glassdoor puts the average income of professionals between ₦130,000 to ₦230,000 monthly.
Medical lab science
Medical lab science or MLS is the go-to course for fans of the health sciences who don’t want to spend 7 years studying medicine. Professionals here have access to an array of jobs like lab assistant, lab manager or medical officer. Payscale research indicates the average monthly salary is ₦100,000
English and literary arts
This is one of the most sophisticated art courses to study in Nigeria. As language and communication experts, graduates of this course are highly sought after for roles like journalist, editor, content marketer, and administrative executive.
According to GlassDoor, the average salary for graduates of this course ranges between ₦80,000 and ₦200,000 monthly for entry-level roles with an abundance of jobs available in multiple industries.
Language and communication studies
Like most language courses, this provides art students the flexibility to work in media, communications and management teams across industries.
Available roles include public relations officer, content marketer, copywriter and editor. The average salary for these professionals according to Glassdoor is around ₦70,000 to ₦150,000 monthly.
There’s always the option of switching to entrepreneurship if these courses and figures don’t work out for you and you change your mind.
Five months into 2024, Nollywood has said painful goodbyes to beloved stars who have played their parts in delighting movie and TV audiences for years. In March, not one but two comic actors passed away, sending a shock wave across the industry. We take a look at the Nollywood actors who have passed away in 2024.
Jimi Solanke
Nollywood actor and dramatist, Jimi Solanke, died on February 5, 2024, aged 81. The actor was reportedly in and out of the hospital since December 2023 over an undisclosed illness. Solanke was a revered actor popular for the children’s show, Tales by Moonlight, on NTA during the late 90s. His other works include Family Scene, The Village Headmaster and Shadow Parties.
John Okafor
Legendary comic actor, John Okafor, died on March 2, 2024, after a two-year-long battle with diabetes. Popularly called Mr Ibu by fans, the actor lost one of his legs to amputation in November 2023.
Mr Ibu was renowned for his comedic roles in Nollywood and his jovial personality in real life. His notable works include Mr Ibu, Police Recruit, Mr Ibu Goes to School and Nicodemus.
Amaechi Muonagor
The veteran actor died on March 24, 2024, aged 61, three weeks after the demise of colleague, Mr Ibu. Muonagor was in and out of the hospital over his battle with kidney disease.
The actor succumbed to death a few days after he solicited financial assistance from Nigerians to facilitate a medical trip abroad. He was one of the leading men in the English-speaking faction of Nollywood around the late 90s and mid 2000s. His works include My Village People, Aki na Ukwa and Igodo.
Adejumoke Aderounmu
Nollywood actress, Adejumoke Aderounmu, passed away on April 6, 2024, aged 40. She became popular for her breakthrough role as “Esther” in Funke Akindele’s comedy series, Jenifa’s Diaries. Before her demise, the actress battled an undisclosed sickness which caused her to take a break from the industry.
Aderounmu started her professional acting career in Tunde Kelani’s Arugba and was featured in movies like Dazzling Mirage, La Femme Anjola and Gone.
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Pope Odonwodo
Popularly known as Junior Pope, Nollywood actor, Pope Odonwondo died on April 10, days after the death of colleague, Adejumoke Aderounmu. The actor died after drowning in a tragic boat accident while filming in Asaba, Delta state.
Until his demise, he was a force to reckon with in the Eastern faction of Nollywood, popularly called the “Asaba film industry”. Junior Pope got his breakthrough in Nollywood after featuring in Tchidi Chikere’s film, Secret Adventures (2007). Some other notable works include Honey Money, Wrong Initiation and No Way Through.
Tolani Quadri Oyebamiji
The comic actor, famously known as Sisi Quadri, passed away on March 1, 2024, aged 44. Sisi Quadri was one of the leading comic actors in the Yoruba movie industry, loved for his witty and sharp-mouthed characters. Before the actor’s demise, he had crossed into skitmaking, collaborating with content creators like Isbae U, Bimbo Ademoye, Mr Macaroni and many more. His notable works include Anikulapo: The Rise of The Spectre, Seranko Seniyan and Eran Iya Osogbo.
Deji Aderemi
Popularly known as Baba Olofa Ina, veteran Nollywood actor Deji Aderemi died on January 4, 2024, aged 73. He was famous for acting as a traditional chief and Ifa priest in several Yoruba movies. His most recent work was Kunle Afolayan’s Netflix series: Anikulapo Rise of The Spectre. His other notable films include Kabiyesi Olodumare, Ija Omode and Ewe Orun.
If you’ve been on X (FKA Twitter) in the last 48 hours, you’d have seen a range of responses to a user’s question “What’s your first reality check after getting married?”
I was looking to speak with married people to share their experiences when I found Gbemisola*(30). She talks about her struggle with conflict resolution and how being married now forces her to confront issues head on.
As Told to Adeyinka
I’ve been married for two years now, and it’s been a personal learning curve. The things you have to stomach for the sake of love? God, abeg.
I met my husband in university in 2015. We were in the same department but different years, so we saw ourselves a lot in school. But being around each other didn’t stop at that.
After we became official, I started spending more time at his hostel — I enjoyed his company and I didn’t even like my hostel. I had nosy roommates and privacy was completely out the window. The few times he visited, I had to talk my roommates into giving us some privacy, and I didn’t like that.
Because of my roommates’ situation, it made more sense to spend time at his place. I eventually moved to his hostel completely and only went to my hostel when I needed a change of clothes.
It was sweet in the early stages. We both did most of the cooking, watched movies together, read together and went to school together on days when we had similar schedules. Then, about six months into the relationship, the fights started to happen, showing me a version of myself I wasn’t aware of.
It’s hard to remember the details now, but our first fight was over something so insignificant. We’d gotten into an argument over school work, and I didn’t like the way he went about proving my argument was wrong. I felt like he wanted a “gotcha” moment at my expense. I kept to myself for the rest of the evening, even though he kept bothering me. The first thing I did the following morning was to pack some of my clothes and return to my hostel. While I was away, he kept asking why I left because of a little argument. But I stayed in my hostel for two weeks.
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As our relationship went by,”running away” became my approach to conflict resolution. If we had any fight, I was out of his space that day or the next, and I made it a point not to return until weeks had passed. He hated this so much. He was always like “You can’t just up and leave because we have issues. Is this how you’ll do when we get married?” And my response to him was always “Well, we aren’t married, are we?”
I remember a similar incident that happened while I was serving in Lagos. At the time, I switched between his place and my sister’s. One day, we had a fight, and in my usual pattern, I kept to myself. By the next morning I picked out clothes from the wardrobe and prepared to head over to my sister’s. He noticed me packing my stuff and he just said “If you’re leaving because of our fight, I won’t stop you. But just know that if you walk out of that door, you’re walking out of my life and I won’t stop you.”
It was the first time he reacted that way, so a part of me shuddered at the thought of “walking out of his life”. Obviously, the stubborn girl that I am, I didn’t concede. Instead, I lied and told him I only wanted to drop off some clothes at my sisters and I’ll be back at night.
I don’t know why but that experience — his words particularly — stayed in my head for a long time and haunted me whenever I wrestled with the urge to leave his place after a fight.
Now, what did I do?
I started spacing the time I left. Instead of leaving the next day after a fight, I’d tell him I’m heading home in a couple of days. We both knew why my visit home was happening at that particular time, but we never talked about it.
Fast forward to 2022, we tied the knot and officially became husband and wife. People have all sorts of worries going into marriage — Who handles the bills, who cooks, who should take care of the chores, etc. But for someone like me, whose coping mechanism during conflict was taking off, my only fear was the realisation that I couldn’t just take off as I wanted anymore.
It didn’t help that my parents, relatives, and other older folks made it a point to drum it into my ears. “You can’t run away from your husband’s house o. If you have issues, stay there with him until you resolve it”.
We barely had issues in the first year of our marriage. Everything worked perfectly, and there were hardly any major fights. Yes, we had minor arguments, but nothing serious enough to warrant my desire to flee.
Then we had our first big fight in the second year. It was money related. After we got married, we decided to save together without necessarily opening a joint account, and we agreed to save a minimum of ₦50k monthly. It could be more, but never less.
By the second year, we had saved quite a sum and I wanted some gadgets for the kitchen. My husband felt we should wait until we hit our savings goals, but I told him the items were on sale and it made sense to take the deal. He remained adamant, but I went ahead to make the purchase anyway. He was furious on the day the items were delivered and we had a little shouting match.
I was livid that night and wanted so badly to be away from him. I think I considered going to an overnight cinema just to be out of the house, but I couldn’t find any. We ignored each other for the rest of the day, and I cried myself to sleep that night. To be honest, it wasn’t the fight that made me cry. I mean, it wasn’t the first time we fought. It was the realisation that I couldn’t up and leave like I did when we were dating.
I suspected he also knew I couldn’t just leave if I wanted, and it slowed his eagerness to apologise. Back when we were dating, I’d have gotten calls and texts from him after I moved out, but in this case, he took his time before apologising.
To be honest, it’s a trope we’re both navigating and it hasn’t been an easy one.
Now, we are both intentional about finding ways to solve our issues as quickly as possible without the silent treatment or one person feeling like a prisoner in their home. The truth is, I love my husband, and I miss him terribly every second I’m away from him during a fight or an argument. I know he feels the same way.
The Nigerian entertainment industry had its share of highs and lows in 2023, with the demise of some of its brightest stars forming the bulk of the latter. Although these singers and movie stars, producers and art directors, amongst others are gone, they left lasting impressions that’ll keep their memories alive. We specifically take a look at some of the Nollywood actors who died in 2023.
Murphy Afolabi
Murphy Afolabi died on May 14, 2023, a few days after celebrating his 49th birthday. The actor was a force in the Yoruba sub-group of Nollywood, featuring in in over 100 movie productions. Some of his notable works include Olokiki Oru, Wasila Coded Reloaded and One Blood.
Iyabo Oko
Popularly known as Iyabo Oko, Nollywood actress Sidikat Odunkanwi died on June 28, 2023, aged 61. Oko was popular in Yoruba movies where she mostly took on comedic roles of a sharp-mouthed mother, aunt or wife.
Before her demise, the actress battled an undisclosed sickness, which caused her to take a long break from the industry. Some of her notable works include Aromimawe, Idunnu Okan and Mayowa.
Femi Ogunrombi
The actor briefly played the titular character of Papa Ajasco in Wale Adenuga’s comedy series. Ogunrombi passed away on January 14, 2023. Before his demise, he was the director of studies at Pencil Film and Television centre in Lagos.
Cynthia Okereke
The 63-year-old Nollywood actress passed away on July 11, 2023. According to the chairman of the Actors Guild of Nigeria (Delta State Chapter), Emma Onyemeziem, she died after a brief illness. Okereke was known for hercomic roles in movies alongside colleagues like Nkem Owoh. Some of her notable works include King Jaja of Opobo, Lion Finger and Second Chance.
Adedigba Mukaila
The Nollywood thespian known by his stage name Alafin Oro passedon May 13, 2023. He was popular in the Yoruba faction of Nollywood, entertaining the audience with his roles as a traditionalist. Some of his notable works include Aye Kooto, Sura Jamba and Aipejola.
Saint Obi
Before his demise, the veteran film star, who rocked the late 90s and early 2000s, took a break from acting, with fans pining to have him on their screens again. Unfortunately, Saint Obi bade the world goodbye on May 7, 2023, after battling an undisclosed illness. Over the course of his career, he starred in over 60 Nollywood movies and produced his first movie, Take Me to Maama, in 2001. Some of his notable works include State of Emergency, Final Whistle and Sakobi the Snake Girl.
Dejumo Lewis
The veteran Nollywood actor passed away on December 23 at 80. Lewis was one of the leading figures in the movie industry who ruled the airwaves in the 1960s, and managed to crossover into modern day cinema. He was famous for his role as Kabiyesi in The Village Headmaster, Nigeria’s longest-running television soap opera (1968-1988) which aired on NTA. Some of his other works include Agogo Eewo, Otelemuye and A Place in The Stars.
Peace Anyam Osigwe
Peace Anyam Osigwe died at St Nicholas Hospital (Lagos) on January 9, 2023, following a heart attack. Although not a movie star, she was a leading woman in Nigerian cinema who was known for her stellar work with the prestigious Africa Movie Academy Award (AMAA). Osigwe was a filmmaker commonly referred to as the “queen of Nollywood films” because of how passionate she was about spreading the gospel of Nollywood.
Pat Nebo
The ace Nigerian production designer and art director died on 14 September 2023.
Nebo was not an actor, but he was an important figure behind the scenes, bringing some of the industry’s most iconic productions to life through his work as an art director and production designer. He was the production designer on October 1, Being Mrs Elliot and Okafor’s Law. He was also credited as the art director for The Figurine, Phone Swap, and Half of a Yellow Sun.
Usman Baba Pategi
The retired soldier and veteran actor passed away on November 12, 2023, aged 84. Baba Pategi was one of the pioneers of the Kannywood movie industry, playing the lead role in Samanja a comedy series that aired on NTA Kaduna and Radio Kaduna in 1973.
Some of his other works include Malam Jatau na Albarkawa, Ka Bani Ka Baka, and Kafi Kwanan Azure.
Fadeyi Oloro
Popularly known by his fans and supporters as Fadeyi Oloro, the Nollywood actor died on March 7, 2023, aged 66. His daughter, Fasunwon Oluwafunke, broke the news of the actor’s death following a protracted battle with a terminal disease. He was loved by many for his iconic roles in Yoruba moviesas a traditional warlord or herbalist. Some of his notable works include Inubibi, Anike Olufa and Akoni Mefa.
Around 8 pm, on May 18, 2024, a trailer crashed into at least three buses and groups of students heading home from late exams at Imo State University junction, Owerri. The accident was reportedly caused by a brake failure, and the driver of the truck is missing and allegedly on the run.
The trailer allegedly belongs to the Dangote Group.
Is this the first time we’re seeing something like this?
No. In January 2021, a dangote truck loaded with cements claimed about 18 victims on its path when it crashed into shops and properties in the Akungba-Akoko area of Ondo state. Eight of the victims were students of Adekunle Ajasin University at Akungba-Akoko.
The resultant tension from students led to a temporal shutdown of the university. The company paid ₦500,000 to each family that was affected by the incident.
What is the public response to the accident at IMSU?
Social media is abuzz with condolences and agitations regarding the absence of laws that guide trailer activities and drivers’ accountability on the road.
Others have said that the junction is notorious for accidents and the government should build a flyover bridge to prevent a repeat in the future.
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Meanwhile, the Governor of Imo State, Hope Uzodinma, released a press statement sharing his condolences and stating that investigations were underway, and the Ministry of Health would actively help in providing medical services.
What’s it like navigating a marriage in which you have to endure disapproval from your spouse’s family — especially in a family-centred society like ours? That’s been Ese’s* reality for the last ten years.
She talks about enduring hate from her in-laws, believing her previous miscarriages are linked to spiritual attacks and how she navigates her situation.
There’s a saying popular among Nigerians: “You don’t marry the man, you marry his family”. It means that family approval, specifically from the in-laws, is necessary for a marriage to work.
I didn’t have the approval of my husband, Yinka’s family when we got married in 2014, but I didn’t think it would be a big deal. After all, Yinka* loved me and insisted we didn’t need his family to be happy together.
Funny enough, I’d known Yinka’s family long before we got married. My mum and Yinka’s mum were friends. My mum sold women’s shoes and Yinka’s mum was her good customer. As a teacher, she was always buying shoes.
I used to help my mum at her shop whenever I was home from school, and it sometimes meant following her to drop shoes at her customers’ houses. That was how I first met Yinka. I was 12 years old, he was 14, and he was my first crush. I remember drawing his name on my hand with a biro and scrubbing it off immediately after so my dad wouldn’t catch me.
But Yinka and I didn’t become friends until four years later when I resumed at the same university he attended. My mum had told his mum about my uni admission and both mums decided he should help me secure off-campus accommodation since he knew the area better.
I still liked him, and it looked like he liked me too. We hung out regularly. By my third year in school, we officially started dating. He graduated some months after we started our relationship, and it was at his graduation party that his mum figured out we were dating.
His mum had brought coolers of party rice — normal for university graduation ceremonies — and I was running up and down helping to share the rice and take pictures. She knew me, of course. But she realised my running up and down was more than friendship. She called Yinka that night to ask if we were dating, and he said yes. Her response was, “Omo Igbo? Why?” I’m not even Igbo, but I guess it means we’re all the same to her.
Yinka thought she was joking and laughed it off. She also didn’t pursue the issue. I guess she thought it was just a fling. But she realised he was serious when he took me to visit her “officially” a year later in 2011. That’s when the problem started.
The thing is, Yinka is the last born of five children. Plus, he’s the only boy and his dad died when he was a baby. His mum had it tough raising them, and for some reason, she thought his marrying from another tribe — specifically Igbo — meant she wouldn’t “eat the fruits of her labours”. According to her, Igbo women only know how to eat their husband’s money, lack respect and also won’t let the man’s family come close.
Of course, I didn’t know these were her reasons then. I know now because I’ve heard it repeated to me several times.
She had a bold frown on her face all through that first visit. This was the same person who used to dash me money as a teenager. After Yinka and I left, she called him on the phone and told him to end the relationship. He told me about it, and I innocently thought I just needed to show her how hardworking I was.
I decided I’d start visiting her every weekend to help her out with chores. The second time I visited, she asked me if I didn’t have anything to do for my mother at my own house. No one had to tell me to stop going.
His sisters also snubbed all my attempts to be close to them. I’d call, send birthday text messages and even visit to help out during major events, but it was obvious they didn’t like me. Even then, I didn’t think the disapproval was serious. My parents liked Yinka and our mums still talked.
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In 2013, Yinka proposed.
The night of the proposal, his mum called mine and told her there was no way the marriage would happen. It turned into a shouting match, and my mum called me that same night to return the ring. That night was so dramatic. How many women have you heard say they cried all through on the day of their proposal?
Yinka had to take the issue to his mum’s pastor. The man spoke to her and told us to go ahead with the wedding planning. Yinka’s mum respected her pastor and kept quiet. My parents were another matter. They didn’t understand why I wanted to die there when the man’s family didn’t want me.
In the end, the wedding happened because I got pregnant. Me, my mum and husband, kept it from my dad because he would’ve never allowed the wedding to happen.
My husband’s immediate family didn’t attend the traditional wedding in my village. It was his uncle and some people from church who attended. On the white wedding day, my mother-in-law brought her own live band and divided the reception hall into two. Our DJ was playing music on one side, and her live band was playing on the other side. The DJ had to just take the cue and stop the music. Yinka’s sisters and mum also refused to dance with us when it was time for the husband’s family to dance with the couple. Instead, they went to dance in front of the live band as their friends sprayed them with money.
Yinka just kept telling me to “calm down. They’ve done their worst.”
I should thank my in-laws for drawing me closer to God because these people started attacking me two days after the wedding. I had a dream where one of Yinka’s sisters hit me with a cane. I woke up with a stomach ache and had a miscarriage three days later.
I thought it was a coincidence, but I had three more miscarriages over the next three years, and they always happened after a dream where I’d see someone in Yinka’s family. When I noticed the pattern after the third miscarriage, I told my mum and we started visiting pastors and attending prayers. I prayed o. Almost every weekend, I was at one church or the other for a vigil or deliverance session.
I have two children now, and both times, I fasted almost all through the first three months of pregnancy. I also didn’t tell Yinka until the third month because I didn’t want him to tell his family. He didn’t even know the spiritual battle I was facing. I only told him about the first dream. His response was, “Are you saying my sister is a witch?” So, I just focused on winning the battle in prayers.
I still see his family members in my dreams sometimes, but I always give it to them hot hot. I don’t joke with my prayers.
We moved to a different state in 2019 and now only see them during family occasions where they give me weird looks and taunting words. Me, I just mind myself.
I also don’t report them to my husband because what use is it if he starts fighting with his family? Won’t that prove their reason for hating me in the first place?
I wonder about the reason for all the attacks and hate. It’s not like Yinka is one millionaire. He’s just a civil servant, and I contribute equally to the home’s expenses. Sometimes, I even convince him to send them money so it wouldn’t be like I’m the only one “eating his money”. But I guess you can do no good in the eyes of people who are already determined to hate you.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
On Friday, May 10, 2024, the Niger State Speaker of the House of Assembly announced that he planned to “assist” young victims of banditry attacks in his constituency by marrying them off.
What is the genesis of this issue?
The Speaker of the Niger State House of Assembly, Abdulmalik Sarkindaji, said that he only came up with these plans because he had been approached by religious leaders in Mariga LGA regarding how the orphans were helpless after the banditry attacks that took their parents.
Sarkindaji stated he would pay the dowries for the bridegrooms during a mass wedding ceremony scheduled for May 24. He described the initiative as an empowerment project to alleviate the suffering of the orphans.
Although local religious leaders supported this idea, it didn’t sit well with the Minister of Women Affairs and members of the public who took to social media to air their grievances.
What did the Minister of Women Affairs do about this?
The Minister of Women Affairs, Uju Kennedy-Ohanenye, expressed reservations about the legality of the wedding, questioning whether the girls had reached the age of consent and marriage as defined by Nigerian laws, including the Child Rights Act. Subsequently, Kennedy-Ohanenye filed a complaint to the police and sought a court order to halt the plan for further investigations on the girls’ consent, ages, and marriage arrangements.
She said, “I have filed for an injunction to prevent him from doing whatever he intends to do on May 24th, until a thorough investigation is conducted on those girls, to determine whether they gave their consent, their ages, and who is marrying them”.
What was the speaker’s reaction?
On Wednesday, May 15 2024, Honourable Sarkindaji announced his withdrawal from the planned mass wedding of orphans after the intervention of the Minister of Women Affairs.
However, Sarkindaji later defended the initiative, insisting that the minister had misunderstood it. He said his intention was humanitarian and the planned marriages would not violate the Child Rights Act, contrary to the minister’s concerns.
Sarkindaji emphasized that the girls, despite “being ripe for marriage”, don’t have the means to wed because they are orphans or from impoverished families. He urged the minister to visit his constituency to better understand the situation of the girls and see how she could assist them directly.
The Speaker also stated that the preparations he made for the wedding, including paying bride prices on behalf of the grooms, remained in place, but the decision on whether to proceed with the wedding or not would be taken by traditional and religious leaders in the area.
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How is the public reacting to this event?
The public’s reactions were divided, with support rising from the Imams and residents within Niger state. In contrast, members of the public in other areas of the country continue to raise concerns about the mass marriage.
A petition circulating online has garnered thousands of signatures, with citizens expressing shock and dismay over what they perceive as a misuse of public funds, a violation of the rights and dignity of vulnerable children.
The Niger Imams council, represented by Umar Abudullahi states that the girls were not being forced into marriages.
The council maintained that the Minister had overstepped her bounds and would have the whole Imams in the country to battle with, if the weddings do not hold as planned.
They also asked that the Minister of Women Affairs tender an apology for her actions and words which have misrepresented their intentions and to retract her petition otherwise a lawsuit would ensue. The council also petitioned that her appointment be retracted and declared her unfit for the position of Minister.
“The planned weddings have the blessing of all the religious and traditional leaders from the area. The sponsor of the wedding consulted widely before accepting to take the responsibility and we are strongly behind him.
“The girls are not underage and they are not being forced into marriage as the minister has made the public believe. This is what the minister failed to investigate,” the council added.
Before this, the Take It Back Movement called on the Speaker to rescind his decision to marry off the 100 female orphans.
What happens next?
It’s unclear if the girls will be married off or not. The Imams council awaits a response from President Tinubu.
Time flies. The 90s kids that grew up watching Wale Adenuga Production’s Super Story are now someone’s parents, married, tight in a seat with capitalism or all three.
Super Story was more than family drama and moral lessons; it was a cultural staple that kept Nigerian households up and glued to the TV from 8 p.m. to 9 p.m. on Thursday nights.
Remembering this popular TV series makes nostalgia hit like a tidal wave. But thanks to YouTube, the legend of Super Story lives on, and we can still watch them again without NEPA’s interference. If you’re looking for something to binge-watch today, here’s a list of seven evergreen episodes from Super Story in no particular order.
Oh, Father! Oh Daughter!
In the first season of Super Story, an unemployed Suara convinces his wife, Abike, to sleep with the wealthy businessman to secure a job Sobowale). Suara got the job abe began cheating on his wife with a happening babe who eventually shows Suara the spiciest shege of his life.
One Bad Apple
This one is a story of good and evil focusing on Corporal Francis, a corrupt police officer who wields his powers to terrorise the people of Gbede town. From extortion and bribery to justice alteration, no one is free from Francis and his sergeants, who have no idea that a secret police officer has been planted to rattle their criminal den.
The series features veteran actors like Kehinde Bankole and Wale Adebayo, popularly known as Sango.
Too Blind to See
Too Blind to See is a fascinating tale of betrayal and revenge. A wealthy lady called Genevieve falls into the hands of gold-diggers disguised as a friend (Tina) and a lover (Francis) attracted to her billion-naira inheritance. Unyielding to caution and advice, the smitten Genevieve takes a long while to realise that her man and friend are using her. If you’re also a fan of Kelechi Udegbe, you can’t miss his performance here.
The Grasscutter
This story is a profound social commentary on sex-for-marks. A married university lecturer pesters his female students for sex and fails them if they refuse. But he soon runs into his waterloo after having his way with a particular student who claims that she’s been cursed and any man who sleeps with her automatically shares in it. Has he bitten more than he can chew? Will the curse be lifted? Will the shameless lecturer die and make his innocent, pregnant wife a widow? You’re in an exciting throwback treat.
No Pain, No Gain
A lady named Bose gets pregnant after a sexual abuse incident and is pushed to the streets by her employers. Her daughterIreti, didn’t have a smooth life either until she got married to a doctor. Ireti, too, gives birth to a daughter, Ronke, who falls in love with an unsuspecting gold-digger who’s after her family business. Zack Orji, Jide Kosoko, Rachael Oniga and Claron Chukwuma are cast members of No Pain, No Gain.
The Secret
This season of Super Story is a love and crime story that follows the married life of Segun and Efe. The wife, Efe, tries her hardest to make a faithful husband and better man out of her partner. Will Efe’s efforts be in vain or not? I recommend The Secret to people in relationships.
Nnenna
A man called Mr Wiliki kills a young Nnenna in a hit-and-run. Little does he know the revenge from beyond is inescapable. The determined ghost of Nnenna and her troubled friend Akin roam the streets of Lagos to avenge her death. No sinner goes unpunished.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Ben: We met at work in 2012. I immediately liked her the first time I saw her at the office reception, but when I asked her out, she insisted she didn’t date colleagues. As soon as she left the job the next year, I called her and asked her out again.
She said no straight up.
Debby: I wasn’t dating at the time. I was 23. I kept to myself a lot, focusing on my work and career.
I’d also recently found out I was HIV positive, so I didn’t know how to go about having that conversation with potential boyfriends. I just kept off.
Wow. How did you convince her to give you a chance, Ben?
Ben: I just kept calling her over some months, and we became friends.
Debby: We talked about old office gist until that faded when most of the people I knew had left. Then he’d call to check on me once in a while.
Ben: She refused to let me in, so I tried to date other people. I was with another girl for about four months. It didn’t work out. Sometime after that break-up, I saw a video she posted with her friends on Facebook. They were at a birthday party. I swear I watched the short video of her laughing and dancing like 30 times. I don’t even know what I was looking for.
Love?
Ben: Funny.
Finally, I called her the next day. I planned out exactly how I’d get her to meet me. At this point, I’d noticed she only wanted to talk about work-related things, so I invited her to a career development fair a popular company was hosting at the Federal Palace Hotel.
Debby: I actually told him I wasn’t going but changed my mind last minute. I was just bored on the day of the event.
Ben: We bonded well, so I thought I’d made progress in my quest to date her. But once we went our separate ways that day, she stopped taking my calls.
Why, Debby?
Debby: I knew he liked me and just wasn’t ready for that.
Ben: I sent her a lot of text messages until I realised I was beginning to look like a creep, so I gave her space for about two months.
One random day, she texted, “Hi”. I remember smiling so wide when I saw the message pop up on my phone. I expected myself to roll my eyes or hiss. She left me on “read” for two months. But there I was.
Debby: I was lonely. Even though I didn’t reply to all those messages, I’d scroll through them on random days, reading them at a go. Sometimes, I’d cry a little because of how sweet his messages were.
Aww. Do you mind sharing your HIV story?
Debby: When I was younger, I always imagined I’d tell anyone who had to know that I contracted it through an infected needle or negligent hospital. But the few people I’ve told, I’ve told them the truth.
It was through unprotected sex with a neighbour while I was in uni in 2010. I thought all I needed was Postinor after and I’d be fine. We did it a couple of times before I even found out.
Ben: After weeks of talking and texting, she told me about it. I was just weak and in denial for a while. She told me she was HIV positive and my response was, “Are you sure?” She tried to explain that she’d gotten the diagnosis and had been on medications for over four years, and I was still like, “But did you get a second opinion? Did you do multiple tests in different hospitals?” I feel so ashamed now.
Did these responses rub you the wrong way, Debby?
Debby: They were annoying, but I was also happy his caring voice didn’t change or go cold, or that he didn’t just make an excuse to end the call. Which is what I expected to happen.
Ben: I won’t lie. I slowed down on trying to date her after that. I started thinking and overthinking. How can someone so beautiful and smart get HIV? Then I’d feel guilty for thinking stuff like that. Mehn, I was a mess for a while.
Debby: I fully expected him not to call me ever again. So when he didn’t call for some days, I was sad but fine.
Then one day, he started texting me “Good morning angel” every morning. He didn’t do more than that for several weeks, but that small thing always made me feel seen.
How did things move to the next level?
Ben: I was confused for a while until I moved on with someone else. We dated for like 11 months.
Debby: I met other people too, but I never even felt comfortable enough to tell them what’s up. Most of them weren’t patient once I wasn’t eager to come hang out with them and all.
In the meantime, I tried to stay healthy, and my doctor also counselled me that I didn’t have to be single for life because of it. He’d give me these pamphlets to read, at least four every time I visited. I always read them out of curiosity but never really felt I’d apply them.
Ben: After this relationship didn’t work out, I started thinking about her more. While I was dating, I kept up our texts and occasional calls. I always wanted to make sure she was alright, constantly worried that something bad would happen and I’d be the last to hear about it because I wasn’t really in her life. I hadn’t even met any of her friends talk less of family at this point.
One day, I googled “Is it safe to date someone with HIV?” Even as I typed the words in, I felt ashamed. I could imagine her watching me do it and getting offended. I closed the page almost immediately. I called her up some days later and asked if she’d like to meet up for drinks. This was in 2015.
Did you meet up for drinks?
Ben: We did. For the first few hours, we ate and drank and gisted. I told her I’d broken up with my girlfriend. After that, I scaredly told her I still wanted to date her. It’d been so long since we talked about dating.
Debby: I told him he was crazy. Had he spoken with anyone? No one would let him date me.
Ben: I hadn’t told a soul that she has the virus. Till today, none of my family or friends know. Only her parents know, actually. I’m glad we did it that way to avoid unnecessary drama.
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Has keeping this a secret from them been hard?
Ben: Surprisingly, no.
My parents told me the day before my wedding that what goes on in my marriage shouldn’t be shared with outsiders anyhow, not even them. I’m taking their advice.
Debby: It’s such a private information. I’m glad it was his idea to keep it from them so I wouldn’t have had to make such a deep request. This really deepened our bond actually.
It’s also not something that ever comes up, like, “What’s your HIV status?” Once we made the decision not to tell anyone who didn’t already know, e.g., my parents, we just forgot about it.
Ben: Maybe it helps that I’ve never been that close to my parents and siblings. We’re not a close-knit family, and I know they wouldn’t be understanding.
Right. So how did that dating conversation end?
Debby: I didn’t think he understood what he was talking about, so I rudely called a cab and started leaving.
Ben: Before she left, I told her all she had to do was educate me on the risks. I needed to know the risks so I could decide if I could take them. That’s how later that week, she sent a dispatch to me with a whole bunch of pamphlets.
Debby: I sent them to discourage him, so he could stop raising my hopes. But I spoke with my mum about it, and she said it was the best I could’ve done. My mum was my rock during the period right after my diagnosis. She judged and shamed me at first. But I don’t know what happened, after some days, she switched and became more understanding.
Ben: I read the papers and understood that it was 100% possible to have a relationship without me getting the virus or her passing it on to our kids. That’s all I needed to know. I was still scared about dating her, but I had a little hope that it could be something beautiful.
It wasn’t something I jumped into. I thought about it for days and days, but I didn’t tell anybody. I knew if I did, I’d wake up from my romantic dreams.
When did you finally know you had to dive in?
Ben: March 23, 2016. It was a Wednesday. I was at work, and I saw someone who looked just like her walk past the building. I immediately took out my phone and called her. She wasn’t the one, but she was in such a good mood when she picked up. That’s how we ended up speaking for more than 30 minutes while I was on duty.
Debby: We spoke about me being on leave and just lying in bed listening to music. I had a trip the next day because a close cousin of mine was getting married. We talked about travelling by road, the latest update on the expressways, everything and nothing really.
Ben: It was during this call I knew I loved her. I wanted to disappear and appear with her in her room on her bed.
That night, I called her again and said I wanted to be her boyfriend and future husband. I wanted to take care of her forever. Just listening to her gentle voice talking for hours made me weak. I was far gone.
How did she take your proclamation of love?
Debby: I cried and cried and that’s how the call ended. The next day, he was at my house seeing me and my family off.
Ben: When she was gone, we spoke over the phone throughout. I tried to get her to talk to me about what life’s like for her, the medication she takes and all that.
Debby: One thing I loved was that he never once asked me how I contracted it. That made me feel safe and unjudged.
When I returned home, we started attending some of my counselling and treatment sessions together.
Ben: You’d be incredibly surprised by the number of Nigerians who have this virus. It’s way more common than you think. God help those who are still having unprotected sex in this day and age.
Debby: I noticed we weren’t as free with simple things like hugging and kissing as we probably would’ve been if I didn’t have HIV — mostly my fault. I didn’t want to endanger him in any way, even though I knew hugging wouldn’t hurt. I guess I was still healing from my last intimate relationship causing the problem in the first place.
Ben: Our first year together was all about talking and spending quality time with each other. Dates, remembering each other on special days and lots of gifting. It took that long for us to trust each other enough to kiss. But it honestly didn’t feel like it.
What are some precautions you’ve had to take to stay safe?
Ben: First and foremost, condoms are a must. I also got on PrEP sometime in 2018. That’s pretty much it. She takes her own daily drugs, so we’re good. The only thing is these drugs aren’t cheap AT ALL, especially with the crazy inflation, but God is helping us.
Debby: We have to plan the costs as we’re taking money aside for rent. That’s how we manage it.
Anyway, it was a long journey to unlearning all the fears in our heads. I wasn’t willing to try anything too out of the box when it came to sex because my greatest fear was always that I’d infect him. I wanted to avoid that at all costs. That affected our sex life, especially after we got married.
Ben: She’s undetectable now, so we’re very relaxed these days. Oral sex is on the table. But we’ve decided to stick to condoms.
What was the journey to getting married like?
Ben: Remember that I’d already technically proposed when I asked her to be my girlfriend? So even though she tried to joke about it that time, we always had conversations with our eventual marriage as the bottom line.
Debby: It happened so naturally. It really did feel like our dating period was just our pre-wedding period. I think we were just trying to be settled on how the virus would affect our lives together and how well we could afford, financially, to be married.
So it was three years of getting comfortable with each other, understanding my condition and working hard at our jobs.
Ben: October 2019, I bought a ring and proposed. We had our wedding right before the pandemic, in January 2020.
Were there new struggles that came with marriage?
Debby: It was tough wanting to make out all the time during the lockdown while staying safe. That was stressful but in a funny and cute way.
Ben: The lockdown actually helped us ease up at first. Then we let the fear get into our heads again soon after. In this stage of our marriage, we made up for our loss of intimacy with a lot of conversation and constant cuddling. For a long time, we’d just skip foreplay and go right to sex.
Debby: After we had our baby in 2022, our sex life got much better.
In what ways?
Debby: For one thing, I was much hornier, which came as a shock to both of us.
Ben: Yeah. And something about increasing our family made us feel more connected, I think.
Debby: I get what you mean. Like emotionally. Also, we’ve spent so much time together just taking care of Baby G that we feel like such a team. I’m not sure how that translates into a deeper connection in bed, but it so does.
Maybe fellow new parents would understand.
What was conceiving like with compulsory condoms, though?
When we realised we wanted to start making a family but we’d not talked much about how that would happen, we went to my doctor, and he guided us through insemination during my ovulations. We started doing it ourselves at home after the first two months — you just ejaculate into a big needle-less syringe then inject it into the vagina.
It took a couple of tries before I conceived, but it was an exciting time.
Ben: Now, because she has an undetectable viral load, we might not need to do that anymore. We’re still talking about it sha.
Neat. What was your first major fight about?
Debby: Hmm. That was during our eternal talking period.
I think he said I was just being stubborn. It was over the phone. I was so upset he tried to make me sound frivolous because I didn’t want to give him a chance for no reason. Meanwhile, I was dying in silence trying to deal with this new, permanent, negative development in my life. I screamed at him, cut the call and ignored him for about a week. I don’t think you could block people at that time.
Ben: That reaction makes so much sense now. I didn’t know she was going through things. I was young.
After she screamed and cut the call, I was like, “This girl is so rude and spoilt.” I feel so ashamed now. I was so sure I wouldn’t talk to her again. But some days later, I was still thinking about her. I was curious why she was so angry because of one offhand statement. She didn’t seem like someone who’d have a temper.
Debby: He started texting me after like two days, and I was like, “Can’t this one just give up?” He was so stressful, honestly.
But I realise now that he’s just an earnest person who knows what he wants and goes after it. He’s like that with everything in his life, and he’s taught me to be like that too.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Ben: 10. I’m glad I took a chance with us even though it seemed so impossible at the time.
Debby: 10. I’m glad I opened my heart to you. It’s been so many ups and downs, but you’ve been such a good partner in crime. Thank you so much.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
Some of the laws on this list have never ever been enacted, either because Nigerians don’t know them or because they just sound like page fillers in the Criminal Code Act of the Nigerian Constitution.
By the end of this piece, all you’ll wonder is “Who even thought of these laws?”
Witchcraft and juju
According to Section 210 of the Criminal Code Act of the 1990 Nigerian Constitution, if the accused confesses to being a witch or is confirmed to own or to have used charms on someone else, they get jail time. We all know village people are real, so if you have proof of their existence in your life, you can actually have them imprisoned. But if your accusation turns out false, you might be the one to spend ten years in jail.
One of the rare witchcraft cases to make it to court happened in Bauchi state in 2011. The case was settled amicably between the two witches, and it’s unclear if they served the two-year jail term.
Promising and failing to marry
In the case of Egbe v. Adefarasin (1987) NWLR (Pt. 133) 594, the Nigerian Supreme Court held that breach of promise to marry is actionable. The court insists there must be proof of this promise, like letters, a ring or pictures. In the absence of this, witnesses can testify.
One Ms Mabamije received ₦20 million in 2016, among other things, because her fiance broke his promise to marry her. The law applies to both men and women, so if your longtime partner misbehaves or has broken their promise to marry you, you know what to do.
Motivating or challenging others to fight
According to Section 84 of the Criminal Code Act in Nigeria, anyone who challenges another to fight a duel, or attempts to provoke another to fight a duel, is guilty of a felony and could be imprisoned for three years. The next time someone challenges you to throw hands, get them arrested immediately.
Aiding or committing suicide
Section 327 of the Criminal Code Act in Nigeria states that any person who attempts to kill himself is guilty of a misdemeanour and is liable to one year imprisonment. Anyone who aids suicide gets life imprisonment.
But this law has been under review since October 2023, because it’s baffling that the government really thought one year of imprisonment was the best way to help suicidal people who actually need therapy and counselling.
Using fake gold or silver coins
The consequence of dealing in fake gold or silver coins is two years in prison according to Section 148-151 of the Criminal Code. Imagine what the lawmakers of the ’90s must’ve been through for something like this to make the Criminal Code.
If like Peter in the bible, you don’t have silver or gold, you’re safe for now.
Disrupting religious service
We have questions here. Does it count if the disruption is from the offering queue, or because members are busy staring at a fine Christian brother or sister? It probably does.
This also means if Muslims have to use the main roads for Jumaat prayers, it is illegal to disrupt them because you want to drive to your destination. Find this in Section 206 of the Criminal Code.
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Insulting religions
Considering how much this happens on social media, we have mixed feelings about this one.
Section 204 of the Criminal Code says the punishment is two years in prison. However, Sharia law considers it blasphemy, which has been used to justify the killing of people alleged to be blasphemers.
Selling bad meat
If Mr Shola who sells meat at Iba is reading this, your days are numbered, sir.
The next time you get bad meat, no need to shalaye or return it. Take it to the police station. You and the meat seller will discuss this in court. Outside food safety laws, Sections 243 & 244 of the Criminal Code specifically state a two-year sentence for people who sell diseased meat.
Street begging
Lagos state banned street begging in 2023 and said defaulters would spend two to three months in jail if caught. A few people have faced the music in court for this, but many still roam the street in ignorance.
Cheating in business
Section 421 of the Criminal Code spells out two years in prison for a trader who sells overpriced or stolen products to customers.
If this law were implemented, many Instagram vendors would be behind bars for their overpriced products, but that’s an article for another day.
On Saturday, May 11, 2024, Zikoko, in partnership with OneBank by Sterling, brought Lagos to life with an electrifying festival of music, games and camaraderie at Muri Okunola Park. Strings Attached was a celebration of oneness, friendship and love, uniting people from all walks of life under one vibrant canopy of joy.
From the moment the gates opened at 4 p.m., the air was charged with excitement despite the heavy downpour earlier in the day. Friends, families and lovers streamed in, eager to experience the magic of Strings Attached. And magic it was indeed.
Live performances from our music faves
The heart of Strings Attached beat with the rhythm of Lagos culture, pulsating through the performances of some of our most talented artists. As night fell, Johnny Drille, Fave, Qing Madi, Dwin the Stoic, Aramide, and more, graced the stage, serenading the crowd with soulful melodies and infectious beats. Each performance was a testament to the richness and diversity of Nigerian music, captivating the audience and inspiring moments of shared joy and connection.
— Zikoko is at #StringsAttached 🫶🏽🎶 (@Zikoko_Mag) May 11, 2024
Fun, fashion and prizes
But Strings Attached wasn’t just about the music; it was about forging new connections and strengthening existing ones. The festival buzzed with activities designed to spark friendships and deepen bonds. Speed dating sessions provided an opportunity for singles to mingle, while games and pretty photo booths at the “love garden” brought all the cool kids in the coolest fits together making fun content and spreading camaraderie. Whether they came with their squad or flew solo, Strings Attached ensured there was something for everyone.
Let’s not forget the thrilling competitions that kept the adrenaline pumping and the laughter flowing. From interactive challenges to spin-the-wheel giveaways, lucky winners walked away with awesome prizes, adding an extra layer of excitement.
The refreshments and their vendors
No festival is complete without delicious food and refreshing drinks, and Strings Attached delivered on all fronts. Local vendors like Ansabari Food, King Glab Cuisine, Sawari Cocktails, Coco Berry Treats, Kingla, Uso Ndu and more served up mouthwatering meals that ranged from traditional Nigerian delicacies like jollof, nkwobi, palm wine, small chops to international treats like waffles, barbeque, stirfry and fries. With drinks flowing freely, the party never stopped.
Our partners did giveaway…
They made it a top priority to treat festivalgoers to fun activities and freebies and made sure they had the best time possible.
OneBank by Sterling played a pivotal role in bringing Strings Attached to life. As the event’s primary partner, OneBank’s commitment to community-building and empowerment shone through every aspect of the festival. From offering free tickets to all attendees to hosting engaging activities at the One Experience Centre and giving out free iced zobo, OneBank created an immersive experience that went beyond banking. Their presence added depth to the festival’s message of oneness, showcasing how tangible and intangible links can foster strong communities.
Indomie, a beloved household name in Nigeria, brought a taste of nostalgia and comfort to Strings Attached with their delicious noodles. As one of the event’s partners, Indomie treated attendees to fun activities and free noodle meals. Their presence not only satisfied appetites but also evoked fond memories and brought people together over a shared love for good food and good times.
Flying Fish infused Strings Attached with a refreshing burst of flavour, enhancing the festival’s vibrant atmosphere with free cups of beer. As a partner of the event, Flying Fish ensured that attendees stayed cool and hydrated throughout the day, offering a welcome respite from the Lagos heat. From zesty lemon to tropical fruit flavours, their selection of drinks catered to every taste. With Flying Fish by their side, festival-goers danced, laughed and celebrated with enthusiasm, savouring every sip and embracing the spirit of joy and spontaneity that defines the Flying Fish brand.
CafeOne brought a touch of sophistication and elegance to Strings Attached, elevating the festival experience with their premium coffee and gourmet treats. As a partner of the event, CafeOne offered attendees a chance to indulge in a moment of luxury amidst the festivities, providing a cosy oasis where they could relax and recharge. From expertly crafted espressos to decadent pastries, Strings Attached became not just a community festival, but a multi-sensory celebration of life’s simple pleasures.
What festivalgoers are saying
“Organise this type of event more often”
“I’m mostly not a social person and was sceptical of how much I would enjoy the event if I attended but I’m really happy I did, it was so much fun and I’m grateful I got to enjoy all that for free thanks to ZIKOKO and Onebank.”
“I don’t know if this is the first edition, but it did not feel like it. The event was really good and well organised! I had a great time. From the organisation to the artiste line-up; I would give it a solid 9/10. That DJ was fire!!!!!! She’s who she thinks she is.”
“Best outdoor/ park party I have ever attended. Onebank team did a great job.”
In a world where division and discord often dominate the headlines, Strings Attached served as a powerful reminder of the importance of unity and togetherness in multiple ways. As the sun set on Muri Okunola Park and the final notes of music faded into the night led by N.A.T.E’s final hyping, the spirit of Strings Attached lingered on. Memories were made, connections were forged and hearts were lifted.
As the arm of government that handles the prosecution and interpretation of all laws in the country, there are several tiers of the Nigerian Judiciary System the average citizen may not be familiar with. There are two categories of courts recognised in the Nigerian Constitution: federal and state courts. The National Judicial Council recommends justices or judges for the courts, the President appoints the Chief Justice for the federal courts, and the state governor does the same at state courts.
Three courts exist under the federal: the Supreme Court, the Court of Appeal and the Federal High Courts. Under the state courts, there is the High Court of the State, the Customary Court of Appeal and the Sharia Court of Appeal. Northern Muslim states usually have Sharia Courts rather than Customary Courts.
The hierarchy of courts in Nigeria refers to how they are organised by level, jurisdiction and region with the federal courts wielding more authority.
Tier 1 Courts: The Supreme Court
The Supreme Court is the highest and most powerful court in the land and all decisions here are final. The apex court is provided for under section 230 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (as amended). It comprises of Chief Justices and other justices who must not exceed 21. They are appointed by the president and must be qualified practitioners with at least 15 years of service. The Supreme Courts have the jurisdiction to reassess the decisions of the Court of Appeal. They also have the jurisdiction to determine State vs. State and Federal vs. State cases.
Tier 2: The Court of Appeal
The second highest court in Nigeria is the Court of Appeal. It is located in Abuja alongside 20 other locations to make it more accessible to the masses. The Federal Court of Appeal is provided for under Section 249 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (Amended).
The president of the Court of Appeal is the head of the 49 justices that operate the Federal courts. The Court of Appeal hears and judges cases from other courts in the hierarchy. It has the jurisdiction to determine all election-related cases of the executive branch of government. The Court of Appeal is the centre of all legal systems in the country and is constitutionally required for three justices well knowledgeable in the customary and Islamic personal law to be included.
Tier 3 courts
The Tier 3 Courts are the Federal High Court, the High Court of a State/FCT, the Customary Court of Appeal of a State/FCT and the Sharia Court of Appeal of a State/FCT. All judgments reached at any of these courts can be appealed to the Tier 2 courts (Federal Court of Appeal).
The Federal High Court
The Federal High Court is based in Abuja but has other branches across the 36 states of the Country. The court is provided for under Section 249 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (Amended). It has jurisdiction over civil matters and other cases as set out under Section 251 of the 1999 constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (Amended). The court also has appellate jurisdiction to determine cases from tribunals.
The High Court of a State/FCT
The highest English legal court in a state, the court is provided for under Section 255 of the 1999 constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (Amended) and has a large jurisdiction under the Constitution in Civil and Criminal Matters. The court is presided over by a chief judge and other judges and has appellate jurisdiction on cases from the Customary and Magistrate Courts. It shares a lot of powers with the Federal High Court.
The Customary Court of Appeal of a State
This is the highest customary law court in a state. The courts are established under Section 280 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (Amended). The President of the State/FCT Customary Appeal Court is the head of the court, assisted by other judges to review decisions of Customary Courts in the state.
The Sharia Court of Appeal for a State/FCT
This is the highest Sharia court in the States. It is established under section 277 of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (Amended). The head is called the Grand Khadi, assisted by other Kadis to review decisions of Sharia courts in the state.
Tier 4 Courts: The State Courts
State courts are the lowest courts in the hierarchy of courts in the judiciary. They include Magistrate Courts that handle all English legal cases, Customary Courts that handle all customary legal cases and Sharia courts that handle Islamic cases enacted in northern states. The courts are established under state law and are the only courts not established under the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (Amended). All judgments under these courts can only be reviewed by their Tier 3 counterparts.
Tier 5 courts (others)
Election Tribunals
There are two types of Election Tribunals: The National Assembly Election Tribunals which handle petitions on disputed results of Senate and House of Representative elections; and the Governorship and Legislative Electoral Tribunals which handle disputed gubernatorial and state legislative electoral decisions. The Tribunals are set up by the President of the Federal Court of Appeal under the advisement of other chief judges and presidents of courts of appeals.
The Code of Conduct Tribunal
This is established by the Chapter C1 Code of Conduct Bureau and Tribunal Act, No. 1 of 1989 Laws of the Federation of Nigeria. The Tribunal hears the petitions of citizens on corrupt public servants for breaches made under its provisions. The president of the country selects the chairman of the tribunal under the advice of the National Judicial Council. The judgment of the Tribunal can be reviewed by the tier 2 courts (Federal Courts of Appeal).
National Industrial Court (NIC)
This court is provided for under Section 254A of the 1999 Constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. It has exclusive jurisdiction over all industrial disputes including Workers’ Compensation Law, Trade Union and Labour Laws as well as Factory Law.
While power needs to exist in sections like this, they all follow the same manual, so justice gets served equally.
On Sunday, May 12, 2024, the streets of social media were enraged, and this time, rightly so. A man in the Auchi area of Edo state named Musa Suleman was called out and reported for taking and posting inappropriate photos of his four-year-old daughter.
What happened?
Sometime last in the first week of May 2024, ahead of his daughter’s fourth birthday, Musa Suleman posted her topless and in a g-string, posing with strong adult drinks in the background. This post quickly went viral across Instagram and X. It was soon discovered that he has actively posted similar images and videos of his three-year-old — half-naked, in provocative postures or dance moves while he eggs her on — on accounts he created in her name.
In a post he uploaded on December 30, 2023, his daughter poses provocatively with two yet-to-be-identified grown men. The viral visuals generated concern from Nigerians, who raised alarm, mass reported his accounts and contacted the necessary law enforcement for Suleman’s arrest for child abuse, pornography and exploitation.
On May 12, 2024, Musa Suleman took to his daughter’s Instagram account to plead with Nigerians to stop pulling the account down as that was his only means of income. He also stated that a Malaysian influencer and adult movie actress, Siew Pui Yi, known as Ms Puiyi, was his daughter’s mentor — as he specified in every post on her page.
Public reaction
Before his arrest, members of the public had continually reported his daughter’s Instagram till it got banned. Many people have joined in lashing Mr Suleman on his page, requesting that Instagram take it down.
Following his arrest, the public has expressed gratitude to the Police over the swift arrest of Musa Suleman but continue to urge for the other unidentified individuals associated with this case be found and arrested as well.
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Response from the police
The Nigerian Police released a press statement following Musa’s arrest on May 12, 2024:
“The Nigeria Police Force acknowledges the public outcry in response to disturbing images and videos involving a 4-year-old child with the Instagram handle @officialsarah_ig, circulating on social media. The content portrays the young child in inappropriate poses, akin to adult content. The Force expresses profound shock and grave concern over the apparent exploitation of this vulnerable child and unequivocally condemns such actions in the strongest terms possible.
Prima facie investigations indicate the involvement of the child’s father, who has been apprehended by the Police at the Auchi Divisional Police Headquarters, Edo State Police Command. Every necessary measure is being implemented to ensure that justice is swiftly served. As the investigation unfolds, it is imperative to establish proactive measures to guide and counsel parents, preventing the proliferation of such anomalies in our society.
In light of the above, the Force emphasizes the importance of implementing support systems for parents and guardians to protect the safety and well-being of their children. It is crucial for caregivers to also prioritize the security of minors and seek assistance or guidance when required. The Nigeria Police Force remains steadfast in its commitment to safeguarding children and upholding the law.”
What happens to Sarah now?
The Ministry of Health has taken custody of Sarah. Her Mother who remains unidentified, is also alleged to be in Abuja and to not be her primary caregiver. As investigations continue, we hope more comes to light regarding this case.
It’s that time for the 2024 AMVCAs. That special time of year when Nigerian celebrities (led by every past and present BBNaija cast member for some reason) storm the halls of Eko Hotel in the most outlandish Tiannah Styling creations to celebrate the best of Nollywood movies.
To quote Aretha Franklin, there were great and beautiful gowns this year. There were also many terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad gowns. Let’s talk about all of them.
Looks like an Igbo Batman villain.
I love that Elozonam clearly went into the studio to photograph his outfit but got so lost in the magic of greenscreen that the photoshoot ended with him inadvertently joining the Greek god Pantheon.
You know when you leave potatoes in a warm space for a while and you come back to find them growing terrifying roots because the room’s temperature has tricked them into thinking it’s spring (i.e. time to sprout)? That’s what this dress reminds me of.
I don’t agree with the sleeves of this dress. You can tell the designer thought the initial look was too simple and decided to spice things up by adding so many flowers that whoever wears it automatically becomes the May Queen of a violent cult in rural Sweden.
This suit is serving Mafia but make it Igbo. I feel like he’s about to whip out a shotgun from that enormous jacket and shoot me in the face for not refilling his snuff-box on time. I respect it.
Many exotic birds and pairs of jeans died to make this look, and that doesn’t sit right with me. Also, I love that the concept of product placement has evolved to the point where brands demand that people become walking advertisements.
Obsessed with the fact that Toke looked at this dress and said, “You know what this really needs to pop? A hat for my left boob.”You better werk, bitch.
Tacha took Toke’s concept a step further and gave her right boob its own corset. There’s a member of the Hunger Games costume design team wishing they came up with this first. Can you imagine Effie stepping out in this insane number to conduct the District 12 reaping?
I’m gagged because this is the best I’ve ever seen Lekan look. I’m also gagged because this makes him look like the end result of a forbidden but steamy sexual relationship between the Monopoly Man and the Pringles mascot.
Many people think this outfit is giving Poison Ivy (and I kinda see how). However, somewhere in the execution stage, it quickly and unexpectedly started giving Grinch Couture and the designer just went with it because they were out of time.
Phantom of the Opera.
I have nothing to say about this dress. I’m just here to point out that she always stands like Wonder Woman on red carpets, and I think it’s funny as hell. Maybe it’s the corsets. Maybe it’s the one-sided rivalry.
I don’t know if it’s the makeup or the way the photo is edited but she looks like a Wallace and Gromit character. Mama, the makeup is giving claymation. It’s making her look like a high-quality muppet. I’m so scared.
Biblically Accurate AMVCA Guest.
I’ve always maintained that Dr Rommulus looks like a mischievous cartoon snake. Something about the way he looks makes my mind disagree with his existence. My mind also disagrees that that’s his actual shoe size. He looks like if a clown stepped into the Matrix.
Someone said this look is a commentary on the current price of a bag of rice. I’m holding onto this explanation as the truth because I’ll start spiralling over what’s going on here if I don’t.
Romoke* (32) has been her home’s primary breadwinner since she got married in 2018. At first, she didn’t think much of it, but over the years, she’s come to realise this dynamic isn’t normal.
She shares why she can’t leave and how she’s made it a priority to advise other women not to tow the same path.
Love can push you to do foolish things. Now, when I get the opportunity to talk to single ladies about relationships, I tell them to shine their eyes. Love won’t feed you; is there money? But the truth is, I didn’t take to advice either.
Let me tell you my story so you know what I mean. My mum was the sole breadwinner when I was growing up. My dad was what you’d call a sperm donor with audacity. He was a mechanic who hardly dropped money at home, but he’d come home at night to demand two pieces of meat in his food. My mum paid rent, school fees and bought clothes for all her four children with the money she made as a fabric trader.
My family’s dynamic didn’t seem strange to me. I never saw or heard my mum complain about providing for almost everything, including my dad’s demands. I grew up in a neighbourhood where most of the mothers had their shops and different hustles to take care of their children. This meant that I didn’t have anything else to compare my mum’s situation to. It was my normal.
As a child, whenever I went to my mum to ask for money to buy something, she’d say, “When you start making money, you’ll know that they don’t just spend money anyhow”. It always confused me. I want to buy sweets, and you’re saying I’m spending money anyhow. It made me start dreaming of making my own money, so I wouldn’t have to answer to anyone.
Of course, I became entrepreneurial early. I’d take my elder sister’s pictures to my secondary school to show my seniors and charge them ₦30 for our home’s landline so they could speak with her. My sister and I used to share the money equally.
There’s almost nothing I’ve not tried to make a business out of — selling recharge cards, writing notes for classmates in uni, braiding hair for my friends in the hostel and during NYSC camp and even selling baby clothes at a nearby primary health centre.
It was during one of my many hustles that I met Dare*, the man who eventually became my husband. It was 2016, and I was selling male clothes and watches on Facebook and WhatsApp, in addition to my 9-5 as an admin officer.
He was a friend on Facebook, but we never interacted before he slid into my DM to ask about a wristwatch I’d posted earlier that day. He wanted to buy it for someone but wanted it delivered to him first. That’s how we discovered that we lived in the same neighbourhood. We got talking and started dating after we met up at his church.
There were warning signs.
Dare didn’t have a job. He spent all his time at church where he served — still does — as the choirmaster. He also went to sing at other churches, and they’d pay him an honorarium. He didn’t tell me how much, but I guessed it was enough to survive on. He also lived with his parents.
We didn’t really talk about money. I didn’t care that he’d ask to borrow ₦10k on random occasions or that we hardly went out on dates. I didn’t depend on guys’ money in my previous relationships, so it wasn’t a big deal.
When I asked Dare about the job thing, he said he was applying but hoping to get something that wouldn’t affect his gospel ministry. Just before we started making wedding plans in 2017, he got a job as a supermarket supervisor. He didn’t tell me his salary, and I didn’t ask. I didn’t think it was my place.
After our parents agreed on a wedding date, we went to visit his pastor to inform him. The man called me aside and asked if I was sure I knew what I was doing. He said, “Dare doesn’t have a proper job. Why not wait a bit?”
I defended my husband-to-be. Sure, I wanted him to get better than the supervisor job, but I was also selling clothes and making good money — at least ₦25k weekly. Together, we could pull resources and build a home. But Dare and I hadn’t actually clarified how money would work in our home. I was too in love to care. In my mind, we’d get married and live happily ever after.
A few weeks after we got married in 2018, Dare quit his supervisor job. They’d refused to permit him to leave work for a week so he could travel to another state for a gospel ministration. So, he chose to leave.
The same scenario played out a couple more times over the first two years of marriage. He’d get a job and then leave after a few months because he was either tired or felt like it interfered with his passion. Did I mention I paid the rent for the house we lived in? In fact, I paid for everything we needed daily. But I still thought I was being a virtuous wife and didn’t harass him to stick to a job.
In 2020, Dare said he wanted to start a business selling musical instruments. He knew I had almost ₦1m in savings and convinced me to give him because we could make double that. So, I gave him. He never started that business.
We also had our first child around the time I gave him all my savings. I was so broke I couldn’t even buy clothes for my baby. After about six months, I began to ask him about the business. I mean, he’d taken all that money and wasn’t even telling me anything. That caused our biggest fight to date. It was like, how dare I have the audacity to question him? His parents came to settle the matter and I had to apologise to him.
I think it was then my eyes started to “clear”. Dare stopped trying to get jobs entirely and would just sit at home watching TV when he wasn’t singing at one church or the other.
I reported him to his pastor several times, and he’d call Dare — without telling him I’d talked — and ask him for updates about his job. Dare just gave excuses and the pastor would in turn tell me to be patient with him and pray. I’m sure the man was thinking, “Shebi I told you?”
We had our second child in 2022, the year I finally admitted to myself that there was nothing normal about our marriage. I listen to sermons and see other couples in our church. The women aren’t the breadwinners. Dare has no intention of earning anything to provide for his family. He has never bought clothes for me and our children. I don’t know if he still gets honorariums from ministering at churches, but I don’t get anything. I still feed him.
I’ve complained about him not dropping money several times, but it always turns into a huge fight, and I end up apologising. Church leaders can do nothing except advise me to be submissive. My pastor’s wife secretly advised me to save money in an account without my husband’s knowledge.
But how much can I save from a clothes business when I still handle all the bills? I can’t let my children starve, right? I’m honestly tired. I now avoid most of my friends at church because how many times will I say I can’t afford aso-ebi or monthly contributions that the married women in church do? Am I even married, in the real sense of the word?
I feel like everyone in church knows our situation — the choirmaster who does nothing but sings while his wife feeds him — but none of them can call him out because they want to keep up the appearances of a godly home. But what kind of home is this?
I didn’t know better when I was younger, but I do now. Even the Bible says the man should provide. I’m a woman, I shouldn’t be the breadwinner. But I can’t leave my marriage — that’s a sin. I can only pray that God will touch Dare’s heart and give him a job that allows him to take his place as the head of the house.
Until then, the most I can do is advise young single ladies. Love won’t feed you.
Sometimes, friendships get messy and “Had I known” becomes an earworm. I reached out to a couple of people about their bad friendship experiences. From being thrown out without a heads-up to offering assistance and getting blocked, these six Nigerians had some wild stories to tell.
Jumai, 25
When I worked on the Island, a friend I’d known since university would pick me up for work in the morning, especially when the staff bus got too full or I missed it. One day, we were in his car driving to work, and he was speeding like a deranged person behind the wheels. I reacted with a soft punch and told him to slow down. That led to an argument, and he slapped me. I told him I wanted to get down. I got down, and he had the nerve to ask me if I was angry. I blocked him everywhere after that silly incident.
Two months later, he called me to congratulate me on my new job and ask if what happened was why I ghosted him. I felt weird because I didn’t communicate how I wanted to. I wanted him to know I ghosted because he’s an abusive person. So, I called him the following day, and his first words were: “Why did you call me back? I thought you were moving like a mad person yesterday.” He was screaming on the phone and said he didn’t even mean to call me the previous day. I dropped my phone in embarrassment. Now, I’m more cautious with my relationships.
Israel, 27
In early 2021, the world was still in disarray from the COVID-19 lockdown. Things had changed financially. I was a student and had to survive on the little I got from home. I had a couple of friends who had it rough, too. We were desperate to get money because of the rise of the “Benefit Boys”. That wasn’t like us at all. We looked stupid, but we went ahead. After two months, I opted out. I made zero naira and wasted my money on data, fuel to power the generator and “updates” that didn’t click.
I decided to go full throttle into selling adire round necks, hoodies and so on. I told my friends my plan, but they shot it down preferring the promise of riches through yahoo. So, I went and did my thing solo. I learnt from business owners and mentors who attended seminars and business development programmes. Six months in, I began to make money. My friends noticed and asked me to put them on. I agreed and taught them a few things.
In 2022, one of these friends asked that I give him the supplier’s contact information. I was the middleman in the supply chain, so it didn’t make sense for me. But he disturbed me a lot and became pathetic about it, so I gave him the contacts. Then I made a deal with my supplier that his arrangements with my friend wouldn’t disturb my business. After this friend got the supplier’s contacts, he blocked me on all social media platforms and the supplier broke our agreement. He stopped paying me as the middleman and cut me out. I won’t lie; it still hurts AF.
Chinaza, 25
A friend started a business, and I carried it on my head. I advertised the business and pitched it to potential customers until I finally got someone to purchase a product from my friend. When the ordered product got to the customer, it wasn’t what she wanted, and a back-and-forth ensued. I got caught in the situation while trying to calm them down and sort the issue. My friend blamed me for bringing a problematic buyer to her. I was dumbfounded because I only wanted to support her business. I quickly accepted that I was probably too nice and washed my hands off her business. We still talk, but I’m not carrying anything on my head again.
Jason, 31
Let me mention that I’m big on malice. I can go on for months or years, if necessary. However, I made a conscious effort to fix this as I grew older.
In the spirit of peace, I penned a lengthy message to my friend after about six months of not speaking. I wanted us to move past our issues and repair our relationship. This brother read the message and AIRED me. Still, I sent a check-up message two days later, and he still aired me. After about a week, I realised he wouldn’t respond, and I was mad for playing myself.
Pipeloluwa, 19
Around 11:30 p.m. on April 26, 2024, a friend and former hostel mate called me and asked for monetary help (₦8,000). She was travelling from Abuja to resume school in Ilorin, and the commercial bus she boarded broke down. Another bus asked for a higher total price, and she didn’t have a choice as she was stranded. I sent all I had as a 200-level student.
I called her the following day to check in. She said she arrived safely and promised to return my money. It’s been over a week since she resumed school and no word from her. Her WhatsApp status shows she’s active online, but she airs my messages whenever I text her. When I call, she doesn’t pick up, and her line has been busy since this week started. I’m pained because she’s my senior, both in age and academics, and she’s supposed to be better.
Esther, 28
There was a time in uni when I was stranded and didn’t have a place to live. My church president told me to come and stay in church until I got back on my feet. Instead, I carried my coconut head and approached a friend. I told her I wanted to stay with her for two months and she didn’t complain.
After a month, she must’ve complained to her other friends. I returned from the lecture to meet my things on the balcony where her friends left them. They said “my friend” doesn’t want me living with her anymore and she doesn’t know how to tell me. I called her, but she refused to pick up. It was getting dark outside, so I eventually took my things to church. Whenever I think about it, I shake my head and realise that the situation was my fault.
Law enforcement agencies in Nigeria are all established to enforce the law without bias, but each agency has a different focus.
From the famous EFCC to the lesser-known NIA, we’ll break down each law enforcement agency in Nigeria to help you identify them, their history and job descriptions.
The Nigerian Police Force (NPF)
The Nigerian Police Force is the largest organisation on this list and principal law enforcement agency in Nigeria. It was established in 1930 and is currently headed by Inspector General Kayode Egbetokun.
The NPF is saddled with the responsibility of maintaining law and order and executing the activities of all other law enforcement agencies in the country. They operate under their functions in Section 214 of the 1999 constitution of the Federal Republic of Nigeria (as amended) Nigeria Police Act 2020.
National Drug Law Enforcement Agency (NDLEA)
The NDLEA is the country’s foremost agency in its fight against illicit drugs and intoxicants. It performs covert and major operations tackling the cultivation, trafficking and distribution of illegal and dangerous drugs in the country.
The NDLEA was established in 1989 by decree number 48 of 1989 Act of Parliament. The current chairman of the NDLEA is Brig. Gen. Mohammed Buba Marwa (Rtd).
Economic and Financial Crimes Commission (EFCC)
The EFCC is the financial safeguard of the country. They focus on financial crimes such as money laundering, fraud, embezzlement and other financial corruption-related cases.
Their mandate is to combat these crimes and recover stolen funds from guilty defendants. The commission was established in 2003 under the EFCC Establishment Act 2004. The current chairman of the EFCC is Olanipekun Olukoyede.
Nigerian Immigration Service (NIS)
The NIS handles border security and the integrity of the country. They are in charge of issuing visas, passports and any other document required to make legal entry into the country.
The NIS was established on August 1, 1963, by the Act of Parliament, CAP 171, Laws of the Federation Nigeria. It is currently headed by Comptroller General Kemi Nanna Nandap.
Nigerian Customs Service (NCS)
The NCS is another agency that ensures the security and integrity of Nigerian borders. Their focus is primarily on imported goods. They ensure the veracity of such goods, issuing documentation and clearance for all imports into the country.
They’re also tasked with rooting out smugglers and traffickers who circumvent legitimate means of importation to bring in illicit goods like drugs, stolen merchandise, cars, etc. The NCS was established in 1891 and operates under the Customs and Excise Management Act. It is currently headed by Comptroller General Bashir Adewale Adeniyi.
National Intelligence Agency (NIA)
The NIA is the country’s foremost intelligence agency. They operate in secret, focused on finding and distributing intelligence to other agencies.
They gather intelligence on sensitive issues such as terrorism, kidnapping, child and drug trafficking, cybercrime and gun trafficking. It was established on June 5th, 1986, under the National Security Agencies Act of 1986 (Decree 19). The NIA is currently headed by Director General Ahmed Rufai Abubakar.
Department of State Services (DSS)
This agency was formed on June 5th, 1986, under the National Security Agencies Act of 1986 (Decree 19). The agency is currently headed by Director General Yusuf Magaji Bichi. Like its sister agency, the NIA, it is tasked with providing intelligence to the government and other agencies.
The DSS is focused on counter-terrorism and investigating national security threats; they also handle the security of core officials of the government.
Nigeria Security and Civil Defence Corps
The NSCDC is a paramilitary institution that handles everything from providing security to public infrastructure to protecting the country’s pipelines from vandalism.
They’re in charge of registering and regulating private security enterprises in the country. It was founded on June 28th, 2003, under the 2003 NSCDC Act. The current head is the Commandant General, Dr. Ahmed Abubakar Audi.
Federal Road Safety Corps (FRSC)
The FRSC is the principal road administration agency and traffic law enforcement agency in the country.
They were established in 1988, under the Federal Road Safety Commission Act and are responsible for all road administration matters such as issuance of driver’s licenses and roadworthiness documents, traffic management and regulation, and ensuring the safety of all vehicle users on the highways.
The Independent Corrupt Practices Commission (ICPC)
Established on September 29, 2000, the ICPC is responsible for investigating reports of corruption-related cases of any public body or system.
They receive, investigate and prosecute cases of corruption as dictated by their constitutional mandate under the Corrupt Practices and Other Related Offences Act of 2000. The current chairman of the agency is Prof. Bolaji Owasanoye.
From traffic law enforcement to drug control, corrupt financial practices and maintenance of law and order, every agency on this list is committed to enforcing the law and promoting order.
To learn more about other national agencies in Nigeria, click here.
In the most recent episode of “Renewed Shege”, Nigerians have woken up to yet another thing to worry about. This time, it’s a new cybersecurity levy that’ll have citizens paying 0.5% on every electronic money transfer as “cybersecurity tax”. Meaning, you’ll need to pay ₦50 to send ₦10,000, separate from the normal stamp duty and other bank charges.
That’s a whole lot, so we had to figure out ways to avoid this billing.
Babalawo spiritual transfers
That’s a terrible name, but hear me out. If babalawos can make money appear out of thin air during money rituals, what’s stopping them from taking it a step further by helping a client “spiritually transfer” money to someone else?
Bring back bus transfers
Are you even a Nigerian student if your parents didn’t send money to you through an interstate driver? Of course, they hid the money inside garri so it wouldn’t grow wings. If you deep it, you’re killing two birds with one stone. Sending an item to someone and transferring money free of charge.
And bank deposits
According to CBN, the levy doesn’t apply to transfers done over the counter at physical banks. We shouldn’t need to make bank deposits in 2024, but it is what is.
Send the money as data
So they can sell it to get cash. And just like that, you’ve opened a business for them too. We rise by lifting others.
Or as fuel
Fuel scarcity happens every market day in Nigeria, so they can even make a profit. How will it get to them, you ask? We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
POS agents
At this point, there’s no difference between doing it yourself and paying someone else to do it — you’ll pay extra for both. At least, with POS agents, there are fewer cases of your bank app disgracing you.
Stop transferring money altogether
Where did you even see the money you want to give out? It only means you have enough to spare and the federal government is right to tax you more.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your first memory of each other?
Nan: At a campus event back in the University of Ibadan in 1986.
I was in my final year studying economics. It was a public lecture, and she was leaving early when we crossed paths outside the hall. I said hello to her just as I did to some other students, but something about her made me want to ask her name. It was such a fleeting encounter.
Ruth: I told him my name, and he smiled so wide; his late mum’s name was Ruth. It was an interesting coincidence. We parted ways, and he promised to come look for me in my dorm.
I soon forgot about him, and the semester passed without us seeing each other again.
How did you reconnect?
Ruth: Another coincidence.
When I returned to school, my new roommate happened to be his sister. I guess it was meant to be. I followed her to visit this brother of hers about a week after we resumed, and there he was.
Nan: She didn’t even recognise me at first. I saw her at my door and called her name. That’s when she remembered and smiled. I apologised for not looking for her as I’d promised. The visit suddenly became between me and her instead of me and my sister.
We talked and talked, and after that, I started going to their hall for weekly visits.
I imagine that at this point you already knew you liked each other
Nan: Yes. There was something about how confidently she spoke. She reminded me of my mother, besides them sharing names. My late mother was a very formidable woman in her time.
Ruth: I liked that he gave me so much attention. He was also calm and smart. Back then, he ran a small poultry business that was earning him cool cash, so I felt confident to get into a relationship with him. He seemed responsible.
What was the relationship like as undergrads back then?
Ruth: Not much different from nowadays.
We went out on dates, attended many parties together, and when we got back from school, he’d call on me at home. But we didn’t stay in the same city, so he did that only once in a while. I was always excited to see him.
Nan: We were always together once lecture hours ended. We didn’t have the luxury of calling or texting. Once we weren’t together, we wouldn’t hear from each other till the next time, so I was always looking to meet up with her again.
I was graduating at the end of that session, so as that time came, we got a lot more serious about the end goal of our relationship.
Ruth: It’s so long ago, but I remember that we were so in love. You couldn’t tell us anything about heartbreak or how we were still in the honeymoon stage and all that. You would’ve started avoiding me if we were friends then. All I talked about was him. My friends were supportive, though. They all loved him.
Did his graduation change any of that?
Ruth: In some ways, yes. Although this wouldn’t have been my response at the time.
Nan: After the ceremony, I decided I wanted us to get married immediately, so I planned to come with my kinsmen to visit her father as soon as I got home. Not up to a month later, we arrived at her father’s duplex then in Zaria.
We got married some five months later, and she left school so we could start housekeeping right away.
Why did you decide to leave school, Ruth?
Ruth: I was in love and ready to start the family. I thought I didn’t need a degree. I don’t know why. So many women were getting married and returning to complete their degrees. But everyone was supportive of it. We already planned that I’d open a store, and I did.
We were very comfortable for a while, and I didn’t regret that decision. I got a couple of computer certifications later on.
Nan: I wanted her to be able to stay home and enjoy birthing and nurturing our family without the pressures of work. I was also comfortable enough then to make that decision because of my business, help from both our parents, and I also entered civil service some months into our marriage.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
What was marriage like after an almost whirlwind romance?
Nan: Things went smoothly for years.
Ruth: We continued spending all our time together whenever we could. When he was at work, I managed our small grocery store which we merged with the sales side of his poultry business. When he was home, he came to the store and we talked and made plans then went home together.
We had our first two children in ‘88 and ‘89.
Nan: Parenthood was a wake-up call for us. I think once the children became one and two years old, we realised that life isn’t beans. Money started finishing anyhow. There was always something basic to buy.
Ruth: Emotions started running high out of stress to make money and have time for all the children’s needs. He had to find supplementary sources of income which meant travelling a lot at some point. I suddenly felt left on my own to take care of two young children. They didn’t have to tell me twice to adopt family planning.
How did you navigate this stage after just two years of marriage?
Ruth: With a lot of tears, but also love. It didn’t feel too unbearable because we still cared deeply for each other and the life we were trying to build. Luckily, I had my mum come to help for several months. And money was coming in, so it wasn’t too bad.
Nan: There was so much pressure on me as the breadwinner. I wanted to be more present to support her at home, but I knew where my responsibilities lay. The only thing we got wrong was not communicating more to make sure our connection was still there.
Again, I envy this generation where we can just pick up our phones to call when we’re out of sight for too long.
Ruth: I felt he was using the fact that he needed to go out to make money to stay away from home as much as possible. He could go weeks on a business trip, and I’d just be left wondering what exactly he was doing. But he’d always wire money to us every week.
Did things ever get better?
Ruth: Yes, after about two years, things settled.
He’d been able to establish a cocoa distribution business, so in 1992, we relocated to Ikom, Cross River, fully. I had our lastborn in 1993, and things were good. I had to close my shop for us to relocate, and he lost his poultry somewhere along the way.
Nan: But I’d also gotten high up in civil service, so things were great.
Ruth: We had peace for up to ten years until 2001 when everything crashed.
What happened?
Nan: My cocoa business went bad. I lost a large consignment after a bad deal and had to use most of my revenue to pay off loans. It was a very tough time for us. The kids were in secondary school and fees weren’t cheap even then. Luckily, our house was rented for us by the federal government.
Ruth: We lived in a nice house and estate but ate hand to mouth for months.
Nan: We had to go back to the drawing board, so I came up with the plan to use a large chunk of our savings to go into oil and gas. We had to buy two tankers, employ drivers and pay for parking at a trailer park daily.
Ruth: I actually advised against it because I felt he didn’t know enough about the industry to get into it.
Oh no
Nan: I consulted with someone who was running the business successfully, and we thought we had all the right information to hit the ground running. But it was one issue after the other: policies changed every other month, there was always some official or officer to bribe, and you never knew what your drivers were doing with your tankers once they crossed the expressway.
Ruth: Long story short, we lost the two tankers and ended up in a long court case over illegal interstate distribution over something one of the drivers did behind his back. All our money and investment was gone in less than a year. We’ve still not sighted those tankers till today.
It was a brutal stage in our life. Not only was it jarring to lose so much money in only a couple of years, but our standard of living changed greatly. We only had one source of income: his civil service job.
Nan: It took us years to cover our debts and get reasonable savings.
How did this affect your relationship?
Ruth: We were two angry adults for a long time. Although, we weren’t necessarily angry with each other. There was a lot of quiet in the house for years, and more tears.
Nan: I blamed myself for how things turned out for our family, so I kept to myself mostly. I cut off most of our friends and focused on going to work and coming back. Ruth was always at church so the divide just widened.
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Have you had a major fight in your years together?
Nan: Oh countless times. We fought during those early years when I used to travel a lot. We fought when I asked that we move our lives to Ikom.
Ruth: I didn’t know anyone there and had never even been to Cross River before. Besides, it was never part of the plan when we first got married. I refused to pack, but he had to bring our families into it, and I had to consider that we needed to move to where he could make more money.
Nan: We fought after the fuel business went under. I realised I should’ve been more transparent with her about the running of the business. I should’ve listened to her input. It was a tough time indeed.
How did you recover from it?
Ruth: We’ve simply coasted through since then. Nan focused on work rather than business. I’ve done some buying and selling over the years, mostly fabric and clothes. But mostly, I ran the home until he retired and the children moved out one by one.
Nan: Now, we survive on returns from investments I made over the last decade. Properties, dividend-paying stocks and our children’s goodwill, haha.
Ruth: We also bought land right after his retirement in 2022, and started building small small. We’ll move into the BQ later this year.
What’s kept us sane is always sharing our plans with each other just to soundboard if nothing else. We’ve also not gone into many high-risk investments, but I think we’ve tried.
Nan: Yes, we took a lot of risk in our time and made the most of it.
What do you think has kept you together for so long considering the ups and downs?
Nan: We decided in 1987 to do this life together. If one can’t keep that most special vow, why should anyone trust us with anything else? It’s been a decision every step of the way, that we’re a team and we have no choice but to carry each other along.
Ruth: What you just said, I think that’s it. We’ve learnt to consciously carry each other long no matter what. Whether it’s a win or lose, we regard it as ours, never his or mine. Especially after what happened in 2001, it tore us apart but also drew us close. A lot of the decisions he made then, he made alone. We’ve learnt to be more accountable to each other since.
Nan: Maybe it’s also our upbringing. We were taught that it was till death do us part.
Ruth: Just because that initial passion and romance fade doesn’t mean everything else that’s great about marriage — companionship, duty, faith — means nothing.
Nan: But if it wasn’t ingrained in us by society to value these things, maybe we’d have divorced by now. There were certainly many opportunities for us to do so.
So on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your Love Life?
Nan: 10. It’s not perfect, but it’s ours, and we’ll value it like it’s gold.
Ruth: So well said. I’ll say 10 too.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
It’s the day after the first Monday in May 2024, and while I stayed up all night — 1 to 4 a.m., to be precise — celebrity-watching the iconic red green carpet of “The Garden of Time”, I thought, as many people have before me, “Why don’t I reimagine a Nigerian Met Gala of my own?”
With major help from AI, here’s what all 36 Nigerian states would wear to this gala if they somehow came to life.
Abia
Inspired by the Arochukwu Long Juju, the outfit would feature regal elements and intricate patterns, incorporating colours that reflect spiritual traditions and history.
Adamawa
Known for its rich cultural heritage and diverse communities, the outfit would embrace the traditional clothing of the Fulani, incorporating flowing robes and cowrie shells.
Akwa Ibom
This outfit would be a nod to the rich textile tradition of the state, focusing on raffia and vibrant woven patterns reminiscent of local crafts.
Anambra
Drawing inspiration from the Igbo Ukwu archaeological site, this ensemble would include metalwork and designs that echo ancient artefacts and the Igbo cultural legacy.
Bauchi
Highlighting the Yankari Game Reserve, the outfit would feature animal motifs and earthy tones, incorporating feathers and beaded details to represent wildlife.
Bayelsa
This outfit would represent the state’s coastal region with a touch of oceanic meets blooming flower themes.
Benue
Known for its Tiv culture, the ensemble would use the traditional black and white striped “A’nger” cloth, creatively designed into a dramatic red-carpet gown.
Borno
This outfit would reflect the Kanuri heritage, with intricate embroidery and bold colours, referencing the traditional attire of the region.
Cross River
Inspired by the Efik culture and Calabar Carnival, this outfit would be colourful, vibrant and celebratory, with feathers, beads and elaborate headpieces.
Delta
This outfit would combine elements of the Urhobo and Itsekiri cultures, using traditional fabrics and incorporating symbols of the oil industry, a nod to the state’s economy.
Ebonyi
The outfit would draw on the agricultural heritage of the state, featuring natural fibres and earthy tones, with a focus on texture and layering.
Edo
Inspired by the rich history of the Benin Kingdom, this ensemble would incorporate bronze work, coral beads and regal silhouettes that pay homage to the Oba’s court.
Ekiti
Known for its hilly terrain, this outfit would have a layered and flowing design, with patterns that resemble the landscape and traditional Yoruba fabrics.
Enugu
The outfit would reflect the Atilogwu dance with bright rainbow tones and a red velvet silhouette, complemented by shimmering details that symbolise the state’s transformation.
Gombe
Inspired by the Ashaka cement industry and the savannah landscape, this outfit would feature rugged textures and industrial elements, with pops of green to represent the Gombe forest.
Imo
This outfit would draw on the cultural elements of the Igbo people, featuring classic Igbo fabrics and patterns, with a modern twist on traditional silhouettes.
Jigawa
With its roots in agriculture, this outfit would use natural fibres and patterns inspired by farming, with earthy colours and rustic elements.
Kaduna
Known for its multiculturalism, the outfit would bring together Hausa, Gwari and other influences, with a focus on vibrant colours, embroidery and layered fabrics.
Kano
As one of Nigeria’s historic centres of commerce, this outfit would combine traditional Hausa designs with gold and silver elements, symbolising the wealth and heritage of Kano.
Katsina
This outfit would draw from the Emirate traditions, with richly embroidered textiles and dramatic silhouettes that reflect the regal history of the state.
Kebbi
The outfit would feature patterns inspired by the Argungu Fishing Festival, incorporating fish motifs and aquatic colours, with a flowing design to reflect the movement of water.
Kogi
Known for its confluence of rivers, this outfit would be inspired by water themes, with blues and greens, and intricate flowing patterns to represent the river junctions.
Kwara
This outfit would reflect the state’s rich history of textile production, focusing on Aso Oke fabrics and intricate embroidery, with a mix of traditional and modern elements.
Lagos
As Nigeria’s commercial hub, the outfit would embrace contemporary fashion trends, with a cosmopolitan feel, mixing urban style with traditional Yoruba motifs.
Nasarawa
This outfit would reflect the state’s solid mineral resources, featuring metallic fabrics and industrial elements, with a structured design to symbolise the state’s wealth.
Niger
Inspired by Afro-nomadic culture, the outfit would feature white feathers and brown tones and a focus on African-Islamic style.
Ogun
Known for its agricultural products, especially cocoa and rubber, the outfit would use rich, earthy colours and textures, with elements that represent the state’s industries.
Ondo
This outfit would be inspired by the Yoruba culture and traditional festivals, incorporating rich fabrics, beadwork and dramatic headpieces that reflect the state’s heritage.
Osun
The outfit would be inspired by the famous Osun-Osogbo Festival, with flowing fabrics and natural colours, emphasising harmony with nature and spiritual connections.
Oyo
Known for the historic Oyo Empire, this outfit would embrace regal designs and traditional Yoruba patterns, with a touch of modernity to bring the ancient and contemporary together.
Plateau
Inspired by the state’s scenic landscape and rocky formations, this outfit would have a rugged aesthetic, using earthy tones and textured fabrics to reflect the plateau’s terrain.
Rivers
A flowing gown representing the serene waters of the Niger Delta, adorned with motifs inspired by the rich cultural heritage of the region’s indigenous tribes such as the Ijaw and Ogoni people.
Sokoto
A regal outfit inspired by the Sokoto Caliphate, with traditional Hausa embroidery, flowing fabrics, and turbans.
Taraba
An ensemble drawing from patterns and designs that reflect the diverse traditional influences of the city.
Yobe
An outfit inspired by the Nguru dunes, with earthy tones and patterns that reflect the desert landscape and traditional attire.
Zamfara
A garment inspired by the traditional weaving crafts, with intricate patterns and a colour scheme that represents the craftsmanship of the region.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
What’s your earliest memory of money?
I hawked okpa from morning till noon. When I got home, the money in my money bag was ₦100. All the okpa I sold that day should’ve been like ₦500. Maale — my mother — beat me that day, ehn. I was around 9 years old at that time. I already had small sense. I don’t know how I miscalculated the money.
Why did you hawk okpa, though?
Na hustle o. My father died when I was four years old and maale was the only one providing for me and my younger brother.
On that day, my school sent me home because I owed school fees, and I went to maale’s okpa stand to cry and complain. I don’t even know why I was crying. I didn’t like school like that. Maybe I had plans with my friends that day.
Maale vexed and packed okpa on a tray and put it on my head. She said I should also go and see what it’s like to make money. I sold everything at a nearby motor park, but those wicked people cheated me. After that, maale didn’t allow me to sell her okpa again.
I still helped with her other hustles, though. She also washed clothes for people and cooked sometimes. So, after school, I’d help her fetch water, rinse clothes and even go to the market.
What other things did you do to make money?
In JSS 3, I started pounding fufu with some other guys at a restaurant every morning before school. This was 2014. I’d start work around 7 a.m. and then rush off to school. Highest, one hour and I was done with the fufu. The restaurant owner used to pay me ₦200 every day I worked.
When I first started, I used to pound the fufu with my uniform so I could just rush to school. But I tried to talk to a girl I liked in school one day and she started squeezing her nose like I was smelling. I went to the back of the class and smelled my armpit. Omo, I was smelling like one-week-old fufu. Nobody taught me before I started wearing a singlet to pound the fufu before changing into my uniform.
Haha. What were you spending the money you made on?
Mostly school. Maale stopped giving me transport and food money because I was working, so I was providing for myself. I also bought food and clothes for my brother sometimes. Other times, maale would ask me to drop money for us to eat at night. The money was just going like that.
When I entered SS 1, I started helping the restaurant owner to transport drinks from their supplier twice a week. She had a big wheelbarrow I used to move the drinks, and she paid me ₦1k per week. That one only lasted for two months before I got into an accident and broke her drinks.
What happened?
The wheelbarrow and the load in it were too big for me; I was 14 years old. One aboki used to help the restaurant owner push the wheelbarrow, but they fought and he left. When I heard she was looking for someone else, I made mouth that I could do it.
But I lost control of the wheelbarrow while trying to avoid water on the road. Wahala. I didn’t even go back to the restaurant because she’d have asked me to pay. I think she later settled with maale.
What did you do next?
I started hanging around with the area boys at the motor park. I’d befriended one during my days at the restaurant and he sometimes dashed me ₦500. He used to help the transport buses load passengers, and I thought he was a big boy. Only big boys can be dashing people money like that.
I’d go to the park during the weekends and help to load passengers, too. You know all those boys who stand some distance from the bus to ask people walking around with bags where they’re going? That’s what I was doing. I was mostly helping my friend, so he used to share his money with me. Sometimes, I’d make like ₦2k daily.
When I finished secondary school in 2017, I started going to the park every day. Maale didn’t like it. She said I was becoming rough like the other boys. But if I didn’t act rough, the other boys would drag my passengers.
How much were you making this time?
Between ₦4k – ₦5k daily, depending on how hard I hustled for passengers. There were many boys in the park, so the drivers just dropped money after their bus filled up, and we’d all share it.
But that job no easy o. You have to stand for hours and shout up and down. You also have to fight a lot with everybody: The drivers when they don’t want to pay after loading, the other boys who try to drag your passengers, and even the passengers sef.
One time, one lady slapped me because I tried to drag her bag to the bus I was loading. It’s not her fault sha. Na condition make crayfish bend.
How long did you work at the park?
I worked there till 2019. By then, I was already thinking if that was what I wanted to use my life to do. My brother was already in the polytechnic. My head doesn’t carry book like that, so I didn’t want to go to school. But I couldn’t be loading passengers forever.
Thankfully, I knew a mechanic who trained people, so I went to him and he said I should bring ₦80k to learn for a year. He told me this in 2018, so I started saving money for it. By 2019, I had the money but it got stolen in the same week I wanted to pay the mechanic.
Damn. How did that happen?
It was my fault. I saved the money in a kolo, but I didn’t hide the kolo at home because I didn’t want maale to know I had money, so she wouldn’t ask me to borrow her. I hid the kolo in my friend’s room because I usually slept there sometimes. He must’ve found it because the kolo disappeared.
He denied it, but there was no one else who could’ve taken it. I couldn’t fight him because he moved with cultists and I didn’t want wahala.
Sorry about that. What did you do next?
I just stopped going to the park. My mind was out of there because I thought I’d soon learn mechanic work.
After staying home for two months, maale suggested I should learn a trade under someone instead. At least that way, I wouldn’t have to pay money to learn, and my oga would settle me after I finished learning.
So, in 2020, I moved to Lagos to serve my oga who sells imported furniture. Maale had discussed it with him, I think he’s a relative of one of her friends. I’ve been learning the trade since then.
What’s the arrangement like?
We arranged that I’d serve him as an apprentice for seven years and then he’d settle me with ₦5m and a shop, so I can start my own business.
It’s not in every case that your oga tells you how much he’ll settle you with, though. Some just settle you based on how you work. But I think that happens to people who become apprentices as small boys. I was already 19 years old, so I wasn’t a small boy.
I’ve done almost four years out of the seven. But honestly, I don’t know if I want to stay till the end.
Why not?
I’m not sure my oga will keep to our agreement. In the time I’ve been here, he’s settled only one person after the apprentice reported to his family in the village. The guy had served for almost 13 years, and my oga didn’t show any sign of releasing him. He eventually settled him with ₦3m. When he rents a shop, how much will remain?
I currently serve with four other apprentices, and two of them have been here longer than the initially agreed period. According to them, oga is blaming the economy as the reason why he hasn’t settled them.
It’s not just the economy; the man is stingy on his own. He doesn’t pay any of us a salary. Yes, that’s normal in this system, but he barely feeds us, too. We’re only sure of breakfast because we live in his house. The apprentices get home late at night because we have to close the warehouse, and by then, every other person has eaten dinner. Sometimes you see food, sometimes you don’t see anything.
But how do you survive without a salary?
The other apprentices and I usually “pad” the price of items in the shop to make a profit. For example, my oga can say we should sell a centre table for ₦500k, and we add ₦20k to it and share the gain among ourselves. Sometimes I can make ₦50k/month, depending on how well the market moves.
Oga doesn’t really care how much you sell the furniture as long as his money is complete. We don’t do that when he’s in the warehouse sha. But he’s been around a lot lately, and I’ve not really been making money. Now I struggle to get ₦20k in a month.
Do you know why your oga is around more now?
Market has been really bad since Tinubu became president, especially with how the dollar has been going up and down. Before, my oga regularly travelled to China and Turkey for goods, but in 2023, he only travelled twice. People don’t have money to buy imported furniture again. I think my oga even wants to branch into local furniture.
Another reason why I want to leave is I don’t even think I’m learning anything. My oga keeps details of how he imports the goods to himself. I somehow understand him sha. I heard that one of his former apprentices stole some of his China contacts and customers and went on to start his own business. But how come I’ve been here for four years and I only know how to check for high-quality pieces and price them?
Do you have any plans for if you eventually leave?
I’ll probably drive keke for some years to gather money. I know many keke drivers and some of them make up to ₦30k a day. When I’m ready, I can contact any of them to link me up with someone who wants to give out their keke on hire purchase. That’s when someone buys a keke and gives it to a driver to use. Then the driver pays the keke owner every week till they pay the full price (and interest) for the keke.
After I’ve saved enough money, I can think of starting a business — maybe a tyre business or electronics. I hear there’s money there. I just need something that’ll give me money. My brother doesn’t have a stable job even though he has graduated since. I usually send money home to him and maale, but it doesn’t even reach anywhere. I need to make money so maale will rest small.
How do you break down your expenses in a typical month?
I try to save at least ₦5k monthly in case they call me for emergency at home. I have a bank account now, sha. I can’t save in kolo again. Right now, my savings is around ₦70k.
What’s a recent emergency need you had to settle?
One part of the roof of our house in the village collapsed around April. The roof wasn’t too okay before, but it finally scattered after one small rain. I had to send ₦50k home so they could patch it small.
How would you describe your relationship with money?
Ah. That one is still far. I need to make the money before we start to know each other. But with the plans I have, I feel like I’ll touch money soon.
I’m also trying not to compare myself to other young people who are making it. I’m in a hurry to make money, but I’m also trying not to rush too much before I’m tempted to do foolish things.
What’s something you wish you could be better at financially?
Taking risks. One of my friends recently bet ₦1k on a betting platform and won like ₦100k. I’m too afraid of losing my money to try that type of thing.
How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1 – 10?
2. My journey is still far but I thank God for life.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
