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President Tinubu recently signed a bill into law that now allows for a student loan in Nigeria, and this move has assured citizens he meant business when he promised to hit the ground running. However, think of the bill as the government’s way of possibly removing subsidies from education in the country.
This means that federal universities might beef up their tuition fees and the last thing you want to do is take a loan to study courses that aren’t relevant in the current digital age. We’ve checked, and these tech courses are available in a number of Nigerian universities.
Data Science and Analytics
Source: Analytics Insight
Skilled data scientists are in high demand across various industries in the world. By learning data science and analytics, you can acquire the skills to analyze complex data sets and gain valuable insights. With these skills, you can become a tech-bro or sis and paying repaying that student loan will be easy work.
Schools that offer data science and analytics-related courses:
Studying a course in digital marketing can set you up with the skills to help businesses and organizations reach their target audiences and promote products or services online. This field offers career options such as social media marketing, content creation, and search engine optimization. It’s a good course to invest in if you’re thinking of taking a student loan in Nigeria.
Schools that offer digital marketing-related courses:
Lagos Business School | Digital Marketing – Strategies for Winning in the Digital Age
Pan Atlantic University | B.Sc. Information Science and Media Studies (Digital Media) | Msc Media and Communication
If you’re taking a student loan in Nigeria, a course in software development should be on your radar if you want to get lucrative job opportunities after uni. By enrolling in a software development course, you’ll learn how to create mobile apps, websites, and software solutions. Maybe you’ll build the next Paystack, who knows?
Schools that offer software development/engineering-related courses:
Babcock University | BSc Computer Science (Information systems, technology)
In an age where companies are prone to cyber threats aka ‘working boys’, many are investing heavily in protecting their digital assets. By studying cybersecurity, you’ll learn how to help organisations safeguard their systems, detect and prevent cyberattacks. There’s a growing demand for cybersecurity professionals and this is a solid investment if you’re taking a student loan in Nigeria.
Artificial Intelligence (AI) and Machine Learning (ML):
Source: Maruti Techlabs
By gaining expertise in AI and machine learning, you’ll be a hot cake in the business world. With the ability to analyze complex data, develop algorithms, and build AI-driven applications, the harsh labour market has got nothing on you.
Schools that offer artificial intelligence and machine learning-related courses:
Babcock University | MSc Artificial Intelligence, MSc Data Analytics and Business Intelligence
With the rise of smartphones and mobile applications, the demand for skilled app developers has never been higher. By learning mobile app development, you’ll acquire the skills to build innovative and user-friendly applications. Think about some of your favourite apps: Twitter, TikTok, Instagram and Snapchat, talented minds created them and you can be one of them too.
Schools that offer mobile app development-related courses:
The field of robotics and automation is booming, and there’s even a fear that robots might flood the labour market and render many jobless. God, abeg. But what if you’re the one building the robots? By studying this course, you’ll learn how to design and develop robots, automate processes, and integrate technology into various industries.
Schools that offer software robotics and automation-related courses:
You’re the groom’s right hand man on his wedding day and everything that leads up to it. But do you know you fit the role only for these reasons?
To be the bodyguard
The groom knows that in the event of a disruption, you can throw hands. Before they get to him and stain him and his bride’s white, you’d be there to defend them.
Zikoko Meme
You’re the perfect hypeman
You’re not the MC, but your energy is unmatched. How will the wedding party be the talk of the town without you, the life of the party? The bride and groom can’t be too tired to turn up for their wedding day; your duty is to ginger them.
Zikoko Meme
Your managerial skills
Yes, there’s a wedding planner, but this is still a Nigerian wedding. While making sure the planner makes sure the DJ arrives early, you’re helping the groom vibe check the venue’s setup and ensuring all your friends are comfortably fed. Nobody will make sure of these things better than you.
Zikoko Meme
The groom needs a getaway driver
Like those Hollywood movies from the 1980s, your best friend and his bride will be in the backseat while you race them away from those who want to delay their wedding night.
Zikoko Meme
ATTENTION
Zikoko
You’re the responsible one
The groom is excited about his big day, but he can’t have too much to drink or act irresponsibly. So he knew he had to do the right thing and have you behind him every step of the way.
Zikoko Meme
Single pringle
They called on you to be the best man because everyone else is already married. Take it as practice for your own wedding.
Atunbi
You have the most experience
You’ve been the best man for five friends and more than three relatives. At this point, one would think you do it for a living. Your experience is well sought out for.
It’s been exactly 30 days since Hilda Baci turned off the gas after attempting to break the Guinness World Record (GWR) for the longest cooking marathon by an individual. On Thursday, May 11, 2023, the ambitious 27-year-old set out to break the record held by Chef Lata Tondon at 87 hours, 45 minutes and 00 seconds, to set her own for 96 hours. And on Monday, May 15, 2023, she completed 100 hours of continuous cooking.
Now, after weeks of waiting and pining, GWR officially awarded her the title, but there are a few takeaways from the announcement.
After reviewing all the footage, we're delighted to announce that Hilda Baci is the new record holder for the longest cooking marathon (individual) 💫
Watch the video to find out the official time we've awarded Hilda and read the full explanation below 👇 pic.twitter.com/bf352ndxWO
Hilda Baci’s initial plan was to shatter the record at 96 hours, but she took on an additional four hours, rounding it up to a total of 100 hours. However, because of some “miscalculations” in taking breaks, GWR said they’ll only accept 93 hours.
There must be at least two meals prepared at every given time
Many people assumed it was all to speed up the process, but according to GWR, it’s a must to have two items prepared concurrently. Safe to say Baci kept to this rule, but future applicants should take note.
Number, name and weight of each meal must be submitted
It’s not just a cooking jamboree. It’s important to take stock of the output from the cook-a-thon kitchen, and this includes the name, weight and number of meals. This should all be submitted along with video evidence.
Participants are only entitled to a five minutes break per hour
Hilda took extra minutes during her rest breaks, and this is against GWR’s rules. Participants must take their five minutes break at the end of every hour. This miscalculation reduced her time by seven hours.
Participants can take accumulated minutes of rest
According to GWR, the five minutes breaks can also be accumulated so that participants can get longer periods of rest.
Hilda Baci donated meals to charity
Although fans and supporters who stormed Amore Gardens during the cook-a-thon were treated to free meals, it didn’t stop there. The food Baci cooked was also donated to the Festus Fajemilo Foundation.
All items must be consumed
Baci might’ve donated to charity and invited supporters to enjoy her meal out of love, but it is also a strict rule for the GWR cooking marathon. Every meal prepared by the participant must be consumed.
Things took a surprising turn when President Bola Ahmed Tinubu signed the student loan bill into law. On the surface, it looks like a good initiative but defaulters will be at risk of serving jail time.
That sounds scary, but will it stop us from taking these loans? In fact, we might need loans for these too:
A quick trip to help you forget about Nigeria’s problems for a while won’t hurt anyone. Well, apart from your bank account, when you have to repay the loan.
Rent loans
Landlords are the only ones enjoying Nigeria. The only thing higher than the rent these guys charge is the blood pressure of someone about to check their exam result. The apartments aren’t exactly great either. Since we can’t arrest them, we’ll have to pay them somehow.
Car loans
The loan will probably not be enough to get you your dream car but half bread is better than okada. It’ll help us avoid Lagos conductors too. The car may look like a shadow of itself by the time you pay back but at least the good memories will last a lifetime.
To be honest, I’m not sure if the government will fund your plans to leave the country, but it’s worth a shot. Take the loan, leave Nigeria, and pay back from abroad.
Restaurants are really expensive these days. It might not be a great financial decision to take a loan to impress somebody but look at it as the government helping your relationship run smoothly.
As 90s kids, part of the excitement we had going to school was receiving party packs from birthday celebrants. Our excitement grew in leaps and bounds on the once-in-a-year occasions when we were the ones giving out party packs.
The trend carries on till today, but party packs have now become a status symbol of sorts, with some parents determined to outdo others. These young Nigerian mums shared their stories with Zikoko.
“The most I’ve spent on party packs is ₦150k” — Ayomipo*, 31, Entrepreneur, 1 kid
Party packs have become a thing of competition among parents. Some of these kids, especially toddlers, don’t even understand the idea behind party packs. The most expensive pack my son got came in a big box. There were lots of toys, a storybook, a water bottle, a plate and cutlery set and lots of sweets and chocolates. I’d never seen a party pack that big and filled to the brim.
My son is just two, and the most I’ve spent on party packs is ₦150k. He hasn’t gotten to the point where he understands that a party pack is small or bulky. In my opinion, a decent spend shouldn’t exceed ₦5k per kid. It also depends on how many kids you intend to give.
“We got a super expensive water bottle; I checked the price online” — Rebecca*, 33, Customer service team lead, 1 kid
I’m yet to spend on party packs as my son is just ten months old, but he attends crèche and comes home with party packs a lot. The most expensive pack he got had this beautiful water bottle that cost a lot. I know this because I checked it out online. The pack itself was a lunch bag with so many other items I can’t remember.
My child is still a baby and doesn’t even know what a party pack is for now. I’d always say people should buy what they can afford; things that kids actually need. I also think age is a huge determinant of how expensive the pack should be. If you spend say ₦5k per pack on a two-year-old’s birthday, by the time the child is five, you can’t spend the same ₦5k. The content of the pack would be different, and the price of most items would’ve changed.
“What we can afford is what we go for” — Morenike*, early 30s, Journalist, 2 kids
I’m married with two beautiful girls. The first is four, and the second will be three in a few months. The goal is to have five kids, but I’m reconsidering. And this economy, ehn? I haven’t given much thought to what we’ve spent on party packs, but with the last birthday, we spent about ₦200k.
I try to do something different each time, to make the children happy. I’m never one to move with the pack; I cannot be pressured. Whatever we can afford is what we go for, and my kids don’t feel a certain way about the bulkiness of a party pack.
“I spend almost a million naira at a time on party packs” — Temilade*, early 30s, Entrepreneur, 2 kids
My girls are six and four. I’ve spent almost a million naira each time I do party packs, and looking back, I’m side-eyeing myself. In my children’s school, party packs dey like competition. Every parent wants to be seen as the best or richest. My kids have received tablets alongside other gifts before. Not a toy tab. I mean, the ones that sell for almost ₦40k. I couldn’t believe it. I had to double-check the other child’s pack and saw the same thing.
It has now become a competition. And these children don’t mind. We parents are the ones causing wahala. We always want to create a lasting impression.
“I once spent N350k on party packs, and I don’t think it’ll happen again” —Fatima*, 29, Entrepreneur, 1 kid
I have just one kid, he’s six years old, and we’ve had our fair share of party packs. In fact, my son threw a tantrum on his fifth birthday. I’d shown him items to be included in his party packs, and he wanted us to include this spiderman toy he’d gotten when a classmate marked his birthday. I explained that everyone in the class already had the same toy, so there was no need to buy it again. The most I’ve spent on party packs is ₦350k for my son’s fifth birthday, and right now, I don’t think I’ll be spending that much again. These kids remember, but they also forget.
You must also learn to teach your kids contentment. Because Mummy X did this doesn’t mean I have to do that. If you don’t instil certain values in kids now that they’re small, you’re setting yourself up for headaches when they grow older.
Chicken Republic’s Refuel meal was a lifesaver and Nigerians won’t forget Domino’s Smallie offering anything soon. With less than ₦1k, you can comfortably walk into these fast food joints and have a meal on a budget.
Understandably, these budget-friendly offerings have had to double in price to meet the harsh economic realities of the moment. However, we’ve checked and ₦1k will still get you something nice in some fast-food chains.
Big wings meal | ₦650
Source: Instagram (@mrbiggsnigeria)
Might look too good to be true but we aren’t capping. With just ₦650, you can treat yourself to a meal of rice/spaghetti and a big chunk of chicken. You’ll also have change for water and keke fare.
Where to get it: Mr Biggs
Eggstar meal | ₦500
Source: Instagram (@chickenrepublic)
This offering caused drama online when it was introduced, but yes, something for the days when sapa strikes hard. With ₦500, you get a plate of white rice, stew and one hard-boiled egg.
Where to get it: Chicken Republic
Refuel meal | ₦1k
Source: Instagram (@chickenrepublic)
The price has gone up from what we used to know, but it’s a relief that the famous refuel meal still holds it down at ₦1k. You get a plate of fried or jollof rice and one piece of soulfully spiced chicken.
Where to get it: Chicken Republic
Bunma Meal | ₦650
Source: TFC
Egg is really that guy because look at him coming through for everyone. With ₦650 you get a plate of fried rice or jollof or spag, and one sauced egg.
Where to get it: Tastee Fried Chicken
Money saver meal | ₦900
Source: Instagram (@tantalizersng)
Again, ₦1k comes through for the boys and girlies and it doesn’t matter if you’re on the mainland or the island. This fast food offering comes with a plate of jollof or fried rice at just ₦900.
Where to get it: Tantalizers
Combo meal moi-moi | ₦950
Source: Instagram (@mamacassngr)
Forget what they say about the bricklayer’s meal, this combo will come through for you on days when you want to stay filled up. With ₦950, you get one moi-moi, a loaf of bread and a bottle of Coca-Cola.
Where to get it: MamaCass
Domino’s Jollof | ₦900
Source: Eat.Drink.Lagos
₦1k might no longer get you Domino’s Smallie pizza but you can at least have some jollof rice to quench your hunger.
From the dates to the lines, sex, ups and downs and everything in between, the 40+ Anonymous monthly series covers the dating life of our 40+ anonymous writer.
My bum is the type you see first before you see the owner. What’s unique about it is that it’s accompanied by wide hips and a considerably smaller waist. “Unique?!” I hear you, my reader, laughing. At least it was ten years ago before Dr. 90210 opened up shops on every street corner — original follow come.
“Follow come” is Nigerian Pidgin English for accessories that come with a brand-new product. But when used to describe body parts in the 21st century, it means “God-given”, as opposed to surgically enhanced.
Back to my ten-year-old story, and a beach party I attended with my then-boyfriend. It was there that I realised that not all bums are created equal. I met a lady whose bum and hip-to-waist ratio made me look like a prepubescent boy. She was quite popular on the blogs for fighting and drama. As a regular 9-5er, I was fascinated and somewhat horrified by her. She came with her own boyfriend, who was extremely quiet. I remember thinking this woman would eat him for breakfast and went back to minding my business.
Fast forward a year, after I had chopped breakfast of the heartbreak variety, I decided to take the heartbreak hot body route as opposed to crying into mounds of amala every night. I ran five miles every morning and another five miles every night. It was during one of those nightly runs that I ran into (let’s call her “Lady B”) Lady B’s boyfriend.
“I know you,” he said, cocking his head to the side like he was trying to remember where from. I never forget a face. “Or a bum,” my mind silently interjected. However, I remained silent as I watched him try to place me and keep up with my pace as I continued jogging.
“The beach!” he exclaimed. I nodded.
“You were there with your girlfriend,” I replied.
“She’s no longer in the picture,” he said.
“Does she know that?” I said, half-laughing but dead serious.
“She’s moved on as well,” he responded, side-stepping my jab about his fierce girlfriend.
“What about that young boy you were always following? Has that one scattered too?” he asked.
“That one has scattered as well,” I replied.
We both laughed.
And that’s how we went from two strangers to friends who jogged together every night. I later found out this man detested jogging. He’d go to an intense boot camp early in the evening then come back and still jog with me, just to spend time together.
But this story isn’t about our love, although that, too, eventually scattered. It’s about “follow come”.
As I got to know this guy, I marveled at how great a catch he seemed to be: smart, intelligent, patient, successful (C-Suite at a multinational) and laid back. I couldn’t reconcile him with the woman he dated before me — a girl who fought in clubs and ended up on gossip blogs.
I’d often ask, “What did you guys have in common?”
He’d shrug his shoulders and change the subject.
But it bothered me because there was one obvious similarity between Lady B and me: a big bum and small waist. But can someone be so fixated on a physical trait that they disregard everything else?
I couldn’t let this thought go because I was afraid of what it said about the depth of our relationship. Was he looking for love or just a nice body? Now, don’t get me wrong, you can have love and a nice body, but the latter shouldn’t be the priority.
Our relationship progressed, and one year in, he invited me over to meet his mum. The usual anxiety kicked in — would she like me, what should I bring, and so on. The day came, and we went to meet his mother.
When I arrived, his mum — who was 80 years old at the time — was in the kitchen cooking up a storm. The kitchen had a hole in the wall connecting it to the living room. She waved me away when I asked if she needed help and engaged in conversation as she moved about the kitchen.
A petite woman, no taller than 5’3″, I could just about see her head through the opening in the wall. She laughed, joked and teased us as well as the maid who was helping her. I couldn’t help but think, “No wonder this man is so great; his Mama is amazing.”
About 30 minutes later, Mama emerged from the kitchen and announced that she would freshen up and give us some privacy. As she turned away, there was no mistaking it — the original “follow come” bum and small waist.
Kids these days only know Skittles and Maltesers but if you’re a 90s kid or older, you’ll know that we had better OGs.
These local candies were cheaper, easily accessible and definitely a treat for the taste buds.
Source: Instagram (@bera_foods)
Baba Dudu (Black toffee)
Source: ErinFood
Might not have been considered cool to bring it out during your lunch breaks, but Baba Dudu was that guy. What other candy could you afford with N5? It’s made from coconut milk and cream. These days, the quality has significantly reduced even though it’s still cheap as fuck.
Sisi Pelebe (Groundut candy)
Source: Ounje Aladun
As a 90s kid, this is one candy you’ll be familiar with if you had uncles and aunties that made trips to Coutonu. Unlike Baba Dudu, it’s flat and is a brighter shade of brown. Sisi pele is made from groundnut, sugar and salt.
Ridi (Sesame seed candy)
Source: Northpad Kitchen
This candy is the star kid in the north and only found its way to other regions on rare occasions. It’s basically sesame seeds coated in sugar syrup.
Ekana Gowon (Gowon’s finger)
Source: Dobby’s signature
Another personal favourite, Ekana Gowon is probably the cheapest local candy on this list. I remember buying it for as low as two sticks for N5. It’s made from sugar, lime and water. The unique cone shape sets it apart from the other local candies.
Alewa
Source: Nairaland
Alewa was the queen that brought the boys to the yard. It was the quickest way to get your playmates’ the attention and have them begging for some. It’s made from water, sugar and food colouring. It also had a reputation for changing the colour of the tongue—a real charmer for kids.
Coconut candy
Source: Kitchen Butterly
This candy deserves some real respect because it’s the only one fully thriving to this day. You’ll even find it at owambes, either as a souvenir or dessert option. It’s made from coconut, sugar and water.
Catch the crazy dating stories of our 40+ anonymous writer, once a month from Sunday, June 11, 2023.
Davido and the 30BG are eating good after the afrobeats star scattered the internet with his “old cat, new cat” comment in a Brut interview.
Now, music fans and critics are riled up; everyone is making a strong case for their favourites. Amid the chaos, our own question is, where are these “cats” who once had our attention with their music?
Ayo Jay
Source: Instagram (@iamayojay)
Wasn’t he going to be our next Justin Bieber? He crawled so that Fireboy, Omah Lay and the new “cats” could walk. But, the last we heard of Ayo Jay was a freestyle to Burna Boy’s Last Last last September.
W4
Source: Instagram (@w4shaaa)
You just had to be there in the 2000s when W4’s Kontrol had everyone in a chokehold. The music aside, his eccentric style made us think we’d finally gotten our 21st-century Fela Kuti. Sadly, it was all too short-lived. W4 fizzled out of the scene just as quickly as he grabbed our attention. He’s had multiple releases post-Kontrol, but none quite lived up to it.
Mo’Cheddah
Source: Instagram (@mocheddah)
She should be up there doing queen-level shit with Tiwa Savage, but these wishes, quite sadly, are not horses. Mo’Cheddah’s 2010 debut album, Franchise Celebrity, is a cocktail of bangers that’ll still beat any good music lover into shape on the dance floor in 2023. These days, she’s still in our faces but her interests have shifted to lifestyle content. We love it for her sha.
Maye Hunta
Source: Instagram (@mayehunta)
The year was 2009. Ladies clutching their pearls and men shamelessly attempting falsetto runs — this was the hold Maye Hunta’s Ekaette had on Nigerian music lovers. Finally, we’d gotten our own Usher— or so we thought. 14 years later, Hunta still makes music, but does anyone care?
Di’Ja
Source: Instagram (@aphrodija)
The Gen-Zs will probably roll their eyes to the heavens if an Awww, Looku Looku or Take Kiss plays at the club today — and we won’t judge them. Di’Ja was poised to take over as Mavin’s first lady after Tiwa but Mama Jamjam clearly left big shoes to fill. And Di’Ja is hardly part of the music conversation these days…
D’Prince
Source: Instagram (@dprincemavin)
This cat might be missing on the front-end of things, but we’re glad D’Prince blessed us with the goodness that’s Rema and Ruger.
Kayswitch
Source: Instagram (@therealkayswitch)
Hard to tell if he’s still in the business of music, but we can’t deny that Kayswitch had a good run with the good ol’ Mo’Hits crew; Booty Call andPere are classic hits. He promised his fans new music last November, but there’s a lot of work to be done if he wants to keep up with the current industry.
The mainland gets a lot of heat, but there’s no denying that we have some sweet spots, and even better, these restaurants in Ikeja won’t damage your pocket.
Whether you’re looking to dine solo, or with your friends or family, you’ll comfortably walk into these spots like the true boss that you are.
The Grid
Source: TheGridLagos
You don’t have to brave the traffic of trying to get to the Island. If you’re looking for a fun-filled experience on a slim budget, The Grid has got you covered. The chefs at the upscale restaurant use traditional African recipes to create a familiar experience for visitors.
Source: Instagram (@thegridlagos)
Address: 6, Thomas Ajufo street Lagos NG, off Opebi link bridge, 100001, Ikeja.
Menu: Chicken suya, calamari strips, gizdodo, Ojuelegba tacos, apple tart, coconut creamy flakes, fried rice, jollof rice, etc.
Average spend: ₦10k per head
Perks: Karaoke night, group friendly, walk-ins.
Average customer rating: 4 stars
Yellow Chilli
Source: Ofadaa
On the mainland and looking for the Yellow Chilli experience? You don’t have to go all the way to the Island. The Ikeja branch offers the same experience.
Source: Instagram (@yellowchilling)
Address: 35, Joel Ogunnaike St, Ikeja GRA 101233, Ikeja, Lagos.
If you love Chinese food, then this is one of the restaurants in Ikeja that should be getting your money. From the interior that takes you on a literal journey to China to the traditional Chinese recipes, you’ll leave the spot a satisfied foodie.
Source: ZenGarden
Address: G.R.A, No. 60 Isaac John St, Ikeja GRA 101233, Ikeja, Lagos.
Menu: Shredded chicken in peanut sauce, barbecued pork, smoked fish, special seafood fried noodles, crispy duck, fried prawn with chilli.
Average spend: ₦15k per head
Perks: Dine-in, take-out, free wifi.
Average customer rating: 3.5 stars
Ocean Basket
Source: BellaNaija
Imagine a restaurant that’s 100% dedicated to teasing your taste buds with a variety of seafood options. That’s exactly what Ocean Basket is. You know the extra catch? They have two branches in Ikeja!
Source: OceanBasket
Address: 9, Obafemi Awolowo Way Shop U06 1st floor, Ikeja City Mall, Ikeja Nigeria.
58c Isaac John St, Ikeja GRA 101233, Lagos
Menu: Fish and chips, prawn and mussel combo, crunchy fish bites, calamari, firecracker squid, village salad, seared salmon salad, creamy seafood soup.
Average spend: ₦10k per head
Perks: Dine-in, take-out, delivery.
Average customer rating: 4 stars
Jevinik Place
Source: InfoAboutCompanies
It would be criminal if we didn’t have an elevated fine-buka experience on the mainland, but thankfully, Jevinik does a good job of representing. Think of your everyday Nigerian staple, and you’re in good hands with this mainland restaurant. They also have huge portions that will leave you bursting.
This is one of the restaurants in Ikeja that you should go to if you’re looking to eat good and have a nightclub experience while at it. Also, dress hip because you might run into your favourite celeb at either of their Ikeja braches.
Source: Instagram (@rhapsody’s_nigeria)
Address: 176/194 Obafemi Awolowo Way Ikeja City Mall.
Might not be the best choice for relationship people, but it’s great for large family gatherings. The food is good and there are many fun activities for kids.
Source: Instagram (@officialspurnigeria)
Address: 53 Isacc John St. Ikeja GRA, Lagos 100271 Nigeria
Menu: Chicken strip, calamari salad, buffalo wings, chicken and French fries, peppamelt burger, chicken and mayo pizza, seafood platter.
Average spend: ₦10k per head
Perks: Family friends, kiddies play area, free wife, take-out.
Women go through a lot in this life. When we’re not being subbed for being unable to decide what to eat, we’re getting called out for simply “borrowing” the clothes of our partners and friends. Why this?
See, people need to understand that the best thing that could happen to you is for a woman to claim ownership of your clothes. I’ll explain.
It’s the greatest compliment
A woman actually put clothes you bought on her body? She definitely thinks you’re stylish and have great taste. What greater compliment could there be?
She’s being considerate of your pocket
She knows inflation isn’t smiling, so she’s saving you from buying her clothes as gifts. She’s recycling and doing her part in saving the earth. Get you a considerate queen.
And preventing wastage
Tell the truth, is it all the clothes in your wardrobe you wear at once? There are shirts you probably haven’t worn in three months. Why should they waste away when your babe can put them to good use? Again, get you a considerate queen.
You’ll always be on her mind
Anytime she wears your clothes, she’ll remember you. Do you know what it means for a woman to have you on her mind? Same brain space she’s using to store birthdays, fights from 1997 and period dates? Better appreciate it.
She trusts your judgement
Any woman that wears your clothes trusts you. I mean, you could’ve easily stolen the cloth from a person’s grave or from a vengeful ex who has vowed to disgrace you anywhere they see you wearing it.
It’s her way of showcasing you to the world
Think of it as her way of telling people who she’s with without showing your face, AKA soft launching. It’s possible people have seen you in that outfit, so when your babe wears it, they can tell that both the outfit and the person wearing it are all yours.
At least you know it’s in good hands
Because no one will show more care for a piece of clothing than a woman. Honestly, all your clothes are better off with her.
Exams are annoying. Why can’t we just say we understand, and the school believes us? Except they’re not confident in their teaching, why do they need to test our knowledge?
It is this lack of logic on the part of schools that led us to almost never read ahead of exams. Let’s take a trip down memory lane.
When it’s time to attempt the objective questions
The perfect chance to use the ancient art that’s been passed down from generation to generation — mini mini mani mo.
When you see the exact topics you skipped in the theory section
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
How did you meet?
Nonye: During NYSC in 2021. We served at the same PPA in Kogi State and happened to both be coming from Enugu.
Jojo: We were teachers in the same secondary school. I taught maths, science and business studies; she taught English and CRS. And our rooms were beside each other at the corpers lodge. But eventually, we talked our roommates into switching so we could stay together.
The first day we met, she was reporting to the school two weeks late because she’d asked the state coordinator for permission to go back to Enugu after returning from the orientation camp. I later found out she’d lost her mother just before NYSC started.
Nonye: Yes. But I tried to suppress the grief for a while.
We didn’t get to meet in camp, but she was the only corper who didn’t have a class when I reported to the school. She offered to help me carry my things to the lodge, which wasn’t close by, especially since we had to go on foot. We didn’t say a word to each other the entire way — the sun was too hot for that — but as soon as we got into my room, Jojo started asking me a thousand questions about myself.
Jojo: I’m like that. I love to get to know people.
We became friends from that first day because she was so nice and open, answering all my questions and asking back too. We related to each other’s stories because we lived in the same Enugu town. By the time I left her to settle in while I went to teach my next class for that day, I felt good knowing I had someone I could hang out with.
NYSC was such a beautiful time because we did everything together. We even split bills and expenses. We were like sisters separated at birth.
Did you start liking each other during NYSC?
Jojo: As friends, yes. We had a strong connection, but we weren’t thinking in a romantic direction at that time. I didn’t even know I was gay then.
Nonye: Nothing happened romantically until after she came out to me on New Year’s Day in 2022. When she told me she was gay, I said, “I know.” I feel like I knew she was gay before she did. Don’t ask me how. I just know when she told me, I wasn’t surprised at all. I was happy for her for finally finding herself.
Jojo: When I came to terms with my sexuality, she was the first person on my mind I wanted to date, but I was too scared of ruining our friendship. We were back in Enugu but still as close as ever. We’re both working a 9 to 5, but we help each other with our side gigs too. I’m a freelance photographer, and she runs a thrift and crochet store online.
Before I could find the nerve to ask her to date me, I got with a girl I met on Twitter who also lived in Enugu, and we dated for some months. Nonye was super supportive, so they became friends too.
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When did friendship turn to love?
Jojo: My dad passed away in March 2022, and the grief was much. So we bonded over her understanding of what it feels like to lose a parent. She was there for me throughout the preparation, burial and mourning period. My girlfriend couldn’t be there because I hadn’t come out to my family.
I kept to myself a lot during those three or so months it took me to recover from the loss, but Nonye was always there for me, sleeping over, sharing what helped her heal when her mother died. I liked her then more than ever. When my ex broke things up with me in June 2022, because I wasn’t showing enough commitment to her, I started thinking about asking Nonye to be my girlfriend once again.
Nonye: I still loved Jojo as a friend but didn’t think beyond that until the day she shakily asked me out when we’d gone to the cinema to watch Thor: Love and Thunder. I told her I wasn’t gay, and she said she knew.
Later that night, I couldn’t stop thinking about her asking me out. We spoke the next morning, and she didn’t bring it up again. I was upset about that, but I also didn’t bring it up until some days later when I said I really liked her too. I didn’t know what I was doing or what to expect, so I was scared about what I said. But I knew it was true.
She had this wide, bright, beautiful smile on her face when I looked at her again. I know it sounds cheesy, but I’d never seen her smile like that before. I’d always loved Jojo, but that’s when I realised I really liked her too. Without needing to ask each other again, we just started dating from then on.
One of the things that’s happened in the last several months is that we spend and plan our money as a unit, even our side gigs have unified.
What was your first major fight about?
Nonye: We have this on-and-off argument — not necessarily fight — because I always insist I’m not gay when it comes up in private. But it’s true. I’m not. She’s the only girl I’ve ever been attracted to. Generally, I still find boys attractive. If god forbid, we break up, I’d most likely be with a guy.
Jojo: It feels like it should make me happy, but it makes me sad, and I don’t know why. I know I have no reason to think this because she’s the most devoted and loyal partner to me, but I keep getting this uncertainty that I’m just a phase to her.
Nonye: You’re not. I want us to last forever, but if we don’t, it won’t be because I see you as a phase. You know that’s not true.
Jojo: I do. But I still think if you’re dating your gender, you’re gay sha.
Catch the crazy dating stories of our 40+ anonymous writer, once a month from Sunday, June 11, 2023
Actually, she could be. How has this relationship been different from past ones?
Jojo: It’s my first truly mature relationship. Before Nonye, I’d had mostly unserious relationships (school flings) with guys.
My first girlfriend was great, but being with Nonye now, I realise we were quite childish. Our five-and-a-half-month relationship consisted of going out to get shawarma together every weekend, making out and arguing over the most basic things. It was like we were doing it for fun; nothing more.
With Nonye, we still do shawarma and make out, but we also talk a lot about important things like work, spending, personal development and even our relationships with other people. We advise each other a lot and look out for each other.
Nonye: I’ve only dated two people in this life. One was in high school and another in university — we broke up sometime during NYSC. But Jojo is the only one who’s met almost everyone in my family. Although, it’s only my immediate elder sister who knows we’re intimate. That has changed the stakes a lot.
This relationship is pretty mature; we take the commitment seriously.
What’s the most unconventional thing about your relationship?
Jojo: I don’t want to say us being gay so as not to alert the LGBT police, but I don’t know any other gay couples, so I think it still counts. I think it’s also unconventional to be a gay person dating a straight person.
Nonye: That shows just how strong our love is.
Jojo: Right.
How has the relationship changed you?
Jojo: Dating Nonye has helped me let my guard down. I feel like I can trust her completely with my heart and things like life decisions. She’s a truly wise, intuitive person, so that has rubbed off on me a bit. These days, I find myself thinking the way she thinks, which is by checking if the vibe is right before jumping into things.
This can be as little as if I should go somewhere, talk to someone or not, eat at this restaurant or another. And the vibe check has never failed me. My relationship with my mother has also improved greatly since. She’s taught me to appreciate what I have before I lose it.
Nonye: I’d actually say the same about my relationship with my dad, although it’s just occurring to me.
Besides that, I’ve become a lot more enterprising since we got together, since we became friends actually. I don’t see how our businesses would grow the way they do without your sense. I’m more attuned to making profit now. Soft life loading.
Oh also, this is the first relationship in which I’m so comfortable with being open and vulnerable. We’re always oversharing with each other.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Nonye: 8. We’re still fresh. Our first anniversary is next month, and I’m so excited, but it still feels like we’re in the honeymoon stage.
Jojo: 8. I guess what she’s saying is we should revisit this rating after we celebrate a year.
Check back every Thursday by 9 AM for new Love Life stories here. The stories will also be a part of the Ships newsletter, so sign up here.
After the heat of the ENDSARS protest, Nigerians woke up on June 5, 2021, to the worrying news that the government officially banned Twitter. This was the country’s first real encounter with an internet clampdown since the controversial bill seeking to regulate social media. The ban was lifted on January 13, 2022, after six months, and Twitter operates freely in Nigeria today.
But a similar event is currently happening in another African country.
What’s this internet ban in Senegal about?
There’s been a temporary suspension of internet services in Senegal since June 1 due to recent civil unrest and protests in the country.
The internet ban was part of the government’s effort to maintain stability and security following the unrest that broke out after the sentencing of leading opposition figure, Ousmane Sonko. Sonko was handed a two-year sentence for “corrupting the youth” after getting acquitted on charges of the rape of a masseuse. His supporters, however, protested the sentence while suggesting it was a ploy to prevent him from contesting in the presidential elections scheduled for February 2024.
At the moment, citizens have restricted access to social media platforms like Facebook, WhatsApp, Twitter and Instagram.
How does this affect the people of Senegal?
As of 2023, Senegal is home to an estimated 14.7 million internet users, representing an 80% penetration. Imagine waking up one day, and suddenly, can’t access your favourite social media platforms, websites, or even communicate easily. Lives and businesses have been affected by the internet ban. The internet ban costs the country over $300k every 60 minutes.
Are citizens completely shut out?
At the moment, some citizens have managed to stay connected by using paid and free Virtual Private Networks (VPN) services.
Is an internet ban legal?
In some cases, the governments may enforce such restrictions temporarily. For instance, during Nigeria’s Twitter ban, information minister Lai Mohammed in a statement accused the platform of promoting “activities that are capable of undermining Nigeria’s corporate existence.” In such a case, it’s the government’s prerogative to take actions deemed appropriate to maintain stability and avoid chaos in the country. However, it’s essential to balance these actions with the rights to free speech, access to information, and digital freedom.
What can we do to support those affected by the internet ban in Senegal?
At this moment, it’s important to show solidarity with the people of Senegal by staying informed and spreading awareness about the situation. Senegalese citizens in the diaspora and citizens of other African countries can be involved by amplifying the situation on social media and drawing the attention of the global community. #FreeSenegal is a trending hashtag.
Has the internet ban been lifted in Senegal?
At the time of reporting, the internet ban is still in effect. Zikoko reached out to Camir, a 31-year-old Senegalese resident of the Kuer Massar area and he had this to say.
“Everything is calm at the moment, but the internet hasn’t been fully restored. We still need VPN to access social media, including WhatsApp.”
Instead of fighting villains physically, my man will fight them spiritually. The end justifies the means abi?
Mosquito
You know those annoying buzzing sounds that mosquitoes make? Now imagine a superhero with that kind of power. I honestly feel like it’s game over for criminals. Just as you’re about to rob a bank, the sound of incoherent classical music fused with amapiano blasting in your ears will force you to consider a life without crime.
Navigating life as a woman in the world today is interesting. From Nigeria to Timbuktu, it’ll amaze you how similar all our experiences are. Every Wednesday, women the world over will share their experiences on everything from sex to politics right here.
Where are you getting all this money to invest in books, please?
I started small, in 2010, when I was in secondary school. Thrift books here; cheap romance novels there. Now, I add “buy a book or two” to my monthly budget. I usually spend about ₦10 – 20k, depending on other expenses for that month.
But when I was younger, I used to steal library books. My secondary school library suffered in particular. I stole Shakespeare’s complete works and Hamlet from there, among other titles. They still have the blue library stamp on their title pages to remind me God is watching. I’m sorry.
Ah. But how did your love for books start?
I can’t tell. I’ve always loved books. My mum invested in beautiful books like Pocahontas and those Ladybird fairy tale books when I was just learning to read. She’d read me to sleep every other night.
I also spent my entire childhood reading every Enid Blyton book ever. I loved her special book series the most: Famous Five, Secret Seven, Naughtiest Girl, and my favourite, Malory Towers. Those stories made me love fiction and world-building so much that I spent a long time daydreaming about people and stories I’d made up, especially on long car rides.
The Literary Scholar Starter Pack Photo credit: Etsy and IndiaMart
Tell me you’re a writer now
Nope. At least, not professionally.
When I told my parents I wanted to write for a living, they made me study law. I did and hated it at first, but as I became more mature, I thought about it. What would I have studied instead? Mass communications, journalism? English and literature didn’t seem practical for finding work in Nigeria. And it’s not like Nigerian schools offer creative writing as a course. It’s still new in western countries.
Getting to know mass comm students in my level, I wasn’t excited by what they were doing. So I didn’t think I would’ve preferred to study that. Now that I’ve graduated, I wish I’d considered a course like theatre arts. But I never thought about it in school.
Why theatre arts?
It’s the only course (in Nigerian schools) I’m aware of that deals with fiction. It focuses on acting it out, but somewhere in the coursework, there’s writing too. It would’ve been easier to get into Nollywood as a screenwriter, or any other industry-related job, with a theatre arts degree. At least, based on my inexperienced calculations.
Now, I know you don’t need a specific degree to be a writer or part of the creative industry. But it would’ve been great to study something I’m passionate about.
Got it. You said you don’t write professionally. Do you write for yourself?
Yes. I have so many unfinished manuscripts. My dream is that I’ll finally finish my current manuscript, get it published in the US or UK and blow so I can finally quit my day job. From then, I’ll write more and more stories because I have so many in my head.
What stories do you have in your head?
What I’m working on right now is a complex murder mystery, set in Unilag, that’ll be short and sweet. My research shows it’s easier to get publishers to buy into a standard-length story for your debut novel. That’s about 80k words.
But once that’s out of the way — and hopefully, successful — I’ll hit them with a book series that’ll cover Nigeria’s speculative past, imagining that colonisation never happened. I don’t want to give too much away. It’s a bit Game of Thrones-ish but also very original, I promise. I’ve also written an outline for a sci-fi story set in a race-less, state-less, pre-Tower of Babel world. I won’t lie, it’s such an intimidating storyline I don’t know if I have the range to write.
I’m in awe of these ideas, TBH. Now curious about your day job
I work in a marketing role for a popular music streaming platform. They pay moderately well, but the work is uninspiring, and the hours are crazy. However, I’m grateful for it.
My first job was as an associate in a law firm that was as toxic as you can imagine. Everyone thought I was crazy to leave because it was a good place for “upwardly mobile” lawyers. But after a year, I couldn’t accept that my boss would scream at me at the slightest provocation, make me feel like I could never do anything right and I was undeserving of a salary.
She’d even say I should be paying her instead, for having to spoon feed me. A part of me believed her, even though I also knew I was doing my very best. The emotional struggle was a lot, and I could never find the inspiration to daydream or write.
I’m glad you stepped back from that. Do you remember when you bought your first book?
Yes. Sometime in 2010, when I was in SS 1. I was so proud of myself.
By then, I’d graduated from Enid Blyton books to Harlequin romance, which I got into when I found one coverless book at my family friend’s house when I was in JSS 2. Now, I know why the cover was torn off; those covers were racy.
I read at least 20 Harlequin books before my best friend introduced me to more solid romance books by Nora Roberts and Catherine Coulter, and I’d borrow them from her. I can’t remember how she had so many. She had an elder sister who’d just started uni so maybe it was through her.
Anyway, guess what the first book I bought in SS 1 was? The Duke and I by Julia Quinn.
Sounds familiar
The book inspired the entire Bridgerton series. I remember when everyone was talking about the new show Netflix was doing, the name and plotlines sounded so familiar. When I put two and two together, I went to my carton of old books to dig out my copy. Lo and behold, rats had eaten several pages. My copy now starts at page 165 and ends at 256.
Hot tears
I saved up for a whole week to buy that book when I found out a supermarket on my street had decided to stock romance novels. They never did after that. I bought at least half of them, about five books, over the course of the year.
Romance novels formed my worldview when I was growing up. I loved everything about the stories: the loves at first sight, “I can’t survive if you’re not with me” trope, annoying conflicts that somehow led to happily ever afters. I loved the historical, contemporary, fantasy, all the sub-genres. I especially loved it when the author created a series that told the children, grandchildren and other family members’ love stories.
I’m still a hopeless romantic, which is probably why I’ve never had a boyfriend. I’m waiting for “hearts and flowers”, millionaires with grand gestures, passion and devotion. LOL.
You speak in the past tense. Do you not love romance novels anymore?
I still do, but I’ve outgrown novels that are strictly romance. I now appreciate books that are deeper and more realistic. It helps when they have a romantic subplot sha.
Over time, I went from romance novels to YA fiction like the Twilight Saga and Divergent Series in SS 3. I read them all. I couldn’t stand John Grisham’s books, but I absolutely loved Dan Brown and Mario Puzo because of how skilled they are at weaving intrigues that keep you reading.
But in uni, I got into literary fiction — Chimamanda, Kazuo Ishiguro, Donna Tartt, Hanya Yanagihara — and that’s when the obsession really started.
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How?
These books took me into the world of real fiction. I saw how writers could weave magic out of words. Apart from the plot, these writers write commentary about the human condition so well, it makes you think deeply about different experiences.
Reading books became less about escaping reality and more about educating myself about human psychology. It’s fascinating. In uni, I mostly read e-books I got for free, but around my final year, I started thinking about owning copies of these books I considered masterpieces.
How many books do you have now?
324. And counting.
Wow. How?
First, I got the popular books by the authors I mentioned above. Then I thought of having a collection. I wanted copies of all the book series I loved, so I found this vendor on IG that sold good quality thrift books.
I ordered the Fifty Shades books just before I started law school in 2017, and the joy of having them in my hands was so pure I wanted to recreate it. I got the Twilight books next.
During NYSC orientation camp in 2018, I got four of Dan Brown’s books — The Da Vinci Code, Angels and Demons, Inferno and The Lost Symbol — from mammy market. My mum already had Digital Fortress, so I obtained that for my growing library. Now, I’m looking to get Origin and the boring Deception Point to complete the collection.
Crazy. But I still don’t see how you have over 300 books
Well, notice how I want to get Dan Brown’s Deception Point even though I think it’s boring. I’m obsessed with the idea of buying every single book published by the authors I love. I currently have all of Chimamanda’s books, but I only like Half of a Yellow Sun and Purple Hibiscus. Yet when I saw the cute ankara book set she released for Nigeria in 2019, I simply couldn’t look away. And everything went for ₦10k. Can you imagine?
Photo source: Roving Heights
No. Sounds like a great bargain
Another example: even though I’ve only read The Godfather and The Last Don, I’ve been slowly collecting all Mario Puzo’s books. And I got the A Song of Ice and Fire book set when I got into Game of Thrones during COVID.
Because my collection has to be perfect, I want to add the classics. I started with Chinua Achebe’s trilogy, which cost me serious money when I first started working in 2019. Then the book behind my favourite movie of all time, Gone With The Wind. Next, I got the book the heroine in Fifty Shades Trilogy references a lot: Tess of the D’urbervilles by Thomas Hardy. I remember when my thrift books plug stocked a copy. I almost fainted.
Roving Heights also stocks beautiful vintage classics. From them, I got Anna Karenina as a 2022 Christmas present to myself because I loved the 2012 movie adaptation a lot. This reminds me, some years ago, a friend gifted me an old but well-kept copy of Pride and Prejudice, so now, I want the remaining Austens.
Collecting these books and seeing them together on my bedroom shelf makes me happy like nothing else does.
What’s your current favourite book?
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara. But it’s not for the faint of heart. I highly do not recommend. This book will take you to hell and never bring you back, but I loved the ride the way one loves getting tattoos after the first one, despite the pain. Since then, of course, I’ve bought her next book, To Paradise, and her previous book, The People in the Trees. But guess what.
What?
I hardly read these hard copies.
What? Why?
I almost always read them online before I even decide to buy a physical copy, and when I want to reread, I just go back to these sites — or e-books, if I’m able to download them. I also never lend anyone my books. It’s important to me that they stay immaculate on the shelf.
Besides Chimamanda and Chinua, you haven’t mentioned any Nigerian books. Do you read African fiction?
I do. But it was something I got into during the COVID era. I now have copies of almost all the newer writers. To be honest, even though I have the Chinua trilogy, I’ve never read them. I hope to, someday soon, though, if my day job will let me.
I’m doing more collecting these days, but the last time I sat through a book from beginning to end, it was actually an African fiction book — Dele Weds Destiny by Tomi Obaro, in January 2023. It took me weeks to read because I never have more than an hour or two straight to read in a week.
I can relate, TBH. What do your parents and friends think of all the collecting?
If they think something of it, they haven’t let me know. No one’s ever commented about my collection so far. My parents have always known I’m a booklover, so I guess they’ve grown to expect it. I don’t let my younger siblings near my books because they used to destroy or misplace my books in the past, and I still haven’t forgiven them for that.
Only those closest to me get to enter my room. And the few friends that get to see my collection don’t think it’s crazy, thank God.
Do you think you’ll ever regret spending so much money on books?
Except by an act of God — like rain falls and somehow enters my room to drench everything or fire burns it all down or rats or moths attack my pages — I don’t see how I’d regret it. Wow, I feel like I’ve given the universe some ideas.
Sorry
Anyway, waking up to see spines of book titles and authors’ names makes me so happy. If I don’t buy books, I’d use all my money for food and transport. That’s all I can afford anyway. I also make sure to save, but books are an investment in my present happiness.
I hope that when I publish my books one day, someone somewhere will invest as heavily into copies and look upon them with awe.
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Our working theory is that Yoruba men get inspiration for their sweet-talking abilities from their daddies’ social circles.
These men have the most-hilarious nicknames for their friends, and the monikers add a certain spice to the bromance. Your Yoruba daddy definitely has a friend or two that goes by these names.
Ojii (pronounced or-ji)
This is the comedian of the group. He knows how to crack everyone up and is always the life of the party.
Isalu
Is your daddy even Yoruba enough if he doesn’t have an Isalu in his friend group? Isalu is the custodian of history in the circle.
The law
He needs no introduction. He’s the one friend that shows up late to every function because he’s too busy settling court cases. He’s also always available to give free legal counsel.
Oloye
This is the one friend that has a connection to the royal family but isn’t quite certain of his ascension to the throne. He wears his beads and bracelets to every function.
Doki
Usually the family doctor, Doki knows the medical history of everyone. He also gets special treatment at family functions because he’s often watching his weight or what he consumes.
Wadee (pronounced way-de)
He’s the street-smart guy in the group. He often makes comments like “This your child is not sharp”, but no one takes offence because he always comes through when there’s trouble.
Alagba
He’s the Christian spiritual father of the group. Only makes appearances at important functions like weddings, naming ceremonies and round-figure birthdays.
Yalufa
He’s the Muslim spiritual father of the group. He shows up at every function but never takes a drop of alcohol.
Alhaji
Alhaji is a businessman who doubles as a polygamist. He’s often the butt of jokes like “Ah, Alhaji, is that a bottle of stout I see in your front?” The other guys tease him because he’s been on Holy Pilgrimage but doesn’t adhere to the Islamic laws of avoiding alcohol.
Colonel
He’s the retired military official that doesn’t take nonsense; not from his friends, definitely not from their children.
With an illustrious football career spanning 24 years, 41-year-old Zlatan Ibrahimovic has announced that he’ll retire after completing this season with AC Milan.
He is talented on the pitch, but it’s his unapologetic arrogance confidence that’s made him a media magnet.
Join us as we reminisce with a compilation of his most memorable quotes.
“One thing is for sure, a World Cup without me is nothing to watch”
– When his country, Sweden, was knocked out of the play-offs for the 2014 WorldCup.
“What do you mean, present? She got Zlatan.”
– When asked what he’d get his girlfriend for her engagement gift.
And there was this famous exchange with a reporter ahead of the 2014 World Cup qualifying playoffs:
Zlatan: “Only God knows who will go through.”
Reporter: “It’s hard to ask him.”
Zlatan: “You’re talking to him.”
“We’re looking for an apartment. If we don’t find anything, then I’ll probably just buy a hotel.”
– When he moved to Paris, where finding a new home was difficult.
Arsene Wenger asked me to have a trial with Arsenal when I was 17. I turned him down. Zlatan doesn’t do auditions.”
– Zlatan said this in an interview when quizzed about interests from big clubs during the early years of his career.
“Lions. They don’t compare themselves with humans.”
– When asked if he thought the other strikers in the league were better than him.
“It’s true I don’t know that much about Ligue 1, but Ligue 1 knows who I am.”
– On his move to PSG in 2012.
“I haven’t met her yet. But when I do, I’ll date her.”
– His response when asked to name the world’s most beautiful woman.
“I won’t be the King of Manchester. I will be the God of Manchester.”
– His response to Eric Cantona’s comments that he would be the “prince of Manchester”.
“I can’t help but laugh at how perfect I am.”
– Zlatan bragging about his ability upon joining Manchester United in 2016.
“I think I’m like wine. The older I get, the better I get.”
– Zlatan referencing his age when asked about his good start to the season after joining Manchester United in 2016. He was 34 at the time.
“I didn’t injure you on purpose, and you know that. If you accuse me again, I’ll break both your legs, and that time it will be on purpose.”
– He didn’t appreciate Rafael van der Vaart’s accusation that he purposely injured him during a match between Sweden (Zlatan’s team) and Netherlands (Rafael’s team) in 2004.
Tim Cook and his company have done it again and set the internet on fire with their latest offering: Apple Vision Pro.
If you’re a Nigerian looking to do some major damage to your bank account, we’re here to help you justify your reason for splurging.
What’s the Apple Vision Pro?
Source: Apple
Apple describes their latest piece of technology as a “spatial computer that seamlessly blends digital content with the physical world.” In essence, you get to interact with digital content—just like you see in movies— and you issue commands with your eyes, hands and voice.
The device itself is a headset that comes with strap-on gear, and a large sun-shade-like screen. Here are some things to note before buying one:
The price
If you’re Nigerian looking to cop one, you need to stack your coins. The Apple Vision Pro goes on sale in 2024 and its starting price is $3,499. That’s approximately ₦2.6 million and you might be incurring extra charges for shipping.
Great for glasses wearers
Apple has a reputation for building features around the everyday lifestyle of users. This was part of their thinking for the Vision Pro. Users with visual impairments will have the option to attach special optical inserts to the vision pro’s lenses. There’s the possibility that the optical inserts will come at an extra charge.
Can be controlled with eyes, hands and voice
Source: Apple
Probably its coolest feature, the Vision Pro allows for an interactive control that lets you use your hands, eyes and voice to issue commands. You don’t have to worry about a controller as you can tap your hands to get it started or bring apps to life just by looking at them.
Plug it in or use a separate battery pack
Source: Apple
Battery life is a major concern when it comes to Apple products but Apple addressed this on the Vision Pro. It comes with a small mobile battery pack that gives you a two-hour use time at full charge. You have the option to plug in when you’re home or have access to electricity.
Huge monitor for your Mac
Source: Apple
Our Nigerian tech bros will definitely love this feature. With the Vision Pro headset, you can access a large virtual monitor while working on projects on your Macbook. To make it even better, you only need to look at your laptop for a 4K screen to hover above.
Allows for cinematic viewing
Source: Apple
If you’re a solo movie lover, this is a feature that should get your groove on. The new Apple AR headset allows you an option of a 100-foot display which can hover right in front of you in your living room or wherever. It also comes with spatial audio for that complete cinematic experience. The downside to this is that you can’t have watch buddies.
Where and how to buy the Apple Vision Pro?
The announcement made everyone giddy, but the Apple Vision Pro headset is slated for release in early 2024. As with other Apple products, it will be available for purchase on the Apple website. It’ll be available in other countries late 2024.
When it comes to birthdays, the fancy and loud way isn’t the Nigerian man’s way.
If a Nigerian man isn’t avoiding attention on his birthday or completely quiet about it, he’s spending doing any one of these things:
Making a subtle post
The only clue you’ll get is a simple “+1” or “another trip around the sun” or “happy birthday to me” without pictures. Sometimes, he just changes his profile pic on WhatsApp to “1+” and move on.
Talking to friends
Early in the morning, his friends’ calls and messages congratulate him on his new age while hailing him and asking what the birthday 411 is.
Reluctantly posting and sending pics
Someone might ask, “guy, you no even post one picture. Send, make I post you now,” before he’d send a 3-year old photo. Don’t you just love Naija men?
Being moody
It’s almost like birthdays are success review days for some men. He stays brooding about how he’s not getting any younger, and when he’ll make like 30 billion. A new age is important, but being a big boy is importanter.
Trying to spark joy
The realization of “it’s hard everywhere and there’s only one life to live” hits him and he finds something better to do; he eats his favourite meal or plays video games to spark joy.
He then calls up friends to link up at a cool spot in the evening. No dress code or anything special. They just drink, gist, banter and laugh. Everyone’s happy.
Having alone time
Some like to keep themselves. No disturbances or jumping up and down. He just sits or sleeps. Outside chops too much money anyways.
Forgetting and having a regular day
Some Nigerian men don’t even remember it’s their birthday. He’ll put an excuse on his work or other responsibilities. Thankfully, his loved ones are there to remind him.
The Nigerian film industry has come a long way. But while it’s easy to get lost in the bubble of mainstream Nollywood, the indigenous sub-industries — Kannywood, Callywood and Yoruba-language cinema — have grown in leaps and bound.
We’re spotlighting Kannywood and some of its rare jewels; these ones will eat their roles and leave no crumbs.
Rahama Sadau
Source: Instagram (@rahamasadau)
With a number of big-budget productions to her name, Sadau easily holds her own as a Nollywood favourite from the north. She started off in Kannywood in 2013, before crossing into mainstream Nollywood with Ebonylife’s Sons of the Caliphate in 2016, and cementing her place as a star performer. Catch Sadau’s delivery in movies like UpNorth, Chief Daddy 1 & 2, Tatu,among others.
Abubakar Bashir Maishida
Source: Instagram (@realabmaishadda)
Often dubbed the King of Kannywood box office, Maishida is one deserving of accolades when it comes to the business of moviemaking up north. An actor and producer, he has two AMVCA nods to his credit — Best Indigenous Language, Hausa (Movie/TV series) in 2015 and 2023. Some of his notable works include Aisha, Binkice and Hauwa Kulu.
Hafsat Ahmad Idris
Source: Instagram (@official_hafsaidris20)
A Kano-state indigene born and raised in Shagamu, Ogun, Hafsat is your definition of flaming hot talent that strikes whenever she’s served. The 36-year-old Kannywood star has climbed her way up the ladder since her first appearance in Barauniya (2015). Now, she commands her own production company, Ramlat Investment, and you’ll catch her in movies like Mata Da Miji, Kawaye and Dr Surayya.
Ali Nuhu
Source: Instagram (@realalinuhu)
No doubt one of Nigeria’s most enterprising actors, Ali Nuhu’s seamless camaraderie with Nollywood and Kannywood has positioned him as a leading man in both industries. He’s shattered glass ceilings and proved that he’s not one to be placed in a box. Experience Nuhu’s magic in productions like Hakkunde, Al Majiri and Last Flight to Abuja.
Yakub Mohammed
Source: Instagram (@yakubmohammed)
If Banky W and Ikechukwu’s seamless transition from music to movies held you spellbound, then grab a seat because Mohammed did it too. The Bauchi-born singer became an onscreen fav following his appearance in Ebonylife’s hit-series, Sons of the Caliphate. Mohammad still holds things down music-wise, but if you want to see him in action, you should watch Amina, 4th Republic and Maimuna.
Jamila Umar Nagudu
Source: Instagram (@realjamilaumar)
Jamila Nagudu is a rolling ball of flaming hot talent; the raw, undiluted delivery you’ll get from household names like Mercy Johnson and Funke Akindele. You should watch Nagudu:Barauniya, Jummala and Idon Birni. If nothing else, an endorsement from telecoms powerhouse, Globalcom, should tell you this Kannywood queen is the real deal.
Sani Danja
Source: Instagram (@realsanidanja)
A singer, dancer, actor and producer, Sani Danja is a jack of all trades and one of the leading men in Kannywood. Like colleagues, Nuhu and Sadau, he’s managed to make his mark as an all-round performer in Kannywood and Nollywood. Since his debut appearance in the 2012 film, Daughter of the River, it’s been an upward spiral, and we love it for him. You’ll find him in movies like Kawaye, Coming From Insanity and Amina.
Maryam Booth
Source: Instagram (@officialmaryambooth)
Think of the Edochie and Adebayo families of Nollywood, and you’ll get a clear picture of the Booth family’s standing in Kannywood. Maryam is the daughter of late veteran actress, Zainab Booth, and she effortlessly carries on the grace her mother held on screen. She made her debut in Ali Nuhu’s movie, Dijangala, and has gone on to feature in several other productions. In her latest, The Two Aishas, her character goes against colleague, Rahama Sadau’s.
Nigerians are not smiling at the moment, and it’s for good reason. Fuel scarcity, sudden subsidy removal, exchange rate palava and inflated foodstuff prices — we’re going through a lot.
But again, things aren’t that bad. You can still go to the foodstuff market with ₦1k. We can’t promise you’ll get the things you need, but you surely won’t return home empty-handed.
Locust beans
Source: FarmhouzNG
Did you know this is a great alternative to seasoning powder? Ask your granny. She’ll share the secret.
Limestone
Source: Afrilege
Don’t you need to soften your ewedu leaves? It’s cheap, and remember the point is to not go home empty-handed.
Kpomo
Source: 9jafoodie
Forget turkey and beef, word on the street is kpomo is king. Your pot of soup might smell funky, but it’ll be loaded with “proteinous” pieces.
Salt
Source: allrecipes
Salt is life, so it makes perfect sense that it’s cheap.
Potato
Source: Mile12mart
Sweet potato is ridiculously cheap.
Curry and thyme
Source: Jumia Nigeria
Bring the neighbours to the yard with your cooking. The food might be bleh, but the aroma will do what you need it to do.
Vegetable
Source: Guardian
Ewedu, ugwu, waterleaf. Maybe this is the motivation you need to start your home garden.
Garri
Source: HTC Plus
Garri stays the most loyal grain in Nigeria — a paint bucket is still about ₦1k. We should give this king his flowers.
Spatula (AKA omorogun)
Source: Mychopchop
At this point, ₦1k is showing off because how dare you afford a kitchen utensil.
Polybag
Source: Nairaland
Because how else will you carry your groceries home?
New restaurant spots spring up on the island almost every ten market days and finding the best restaurants in VI can become a chore because you’re spoilt for choices.
However, if you’re on a budget and looking to justify your spending, this list has some restaurants that deserve to get your coins.
You’ll get your money’s worth, we promise.
Nok By Alara
Source: Nok by Alara
If you fancy an experience at a contemporary high-end African restaurant in VI with a bougie-edge to it, this is your spot. Bonus point: They also have a boutique store where you can shop high-end fashion and interior decor pieces.
Source: Instagram (@NokbyAlara)
Address: 12A Akin Olugbade St, Victoria Island 106104, Lagos
Menu: Abula, suya crusted steak, ewa aganyin, plantain pancakes with braised oxtail, snail bruschetta, fried rice, etc
This is your spot if you’re looking for good food and Instagram-worthy pictures. You’ll also get a fine dining experience that won’t destroy your pocket.
Source: Instagram (@oceans5byriviera)
Menu: Savory steak with creamy mashed potatoes, sushi spread, peri peri chicken skewers, grilled shrimp tacos.
Address: 20 Elsie Femi Pearse St, Victoria Island
Average spend: ₦10k – ₦15k per head
Perks: Family friendly, Sunday buffet, walk-ins, parking.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars
Bungalow restaurant
Source: Navi
If you’re looking to take your taste buds on an exciting journey, Bungalow’s the right spot. It’s one of those restaurants in VI that you’ll love if you like sushi and love to try new things. They also offer Mexican and American cuisines.
Source: Instagram (@bungalowrestaurant)
Address: Plot 1296 Akin Adesola Street Victoria Island, Lagos 74278 Nigeria
Menu: Grilled salmon with Nigerian fried rice, Buffalo Tortilla chips, Mexican salad, Spaghetti Bolognese, rice and chicken curry, steak and chips.
Average spend: ₦10k- ₦15k
Perks: Live music show, takeout, group and family-friendly.
Average customer rating: 4 stars
Z Kitchen
Source: ZKitchen
Z Kitchen easily ranks among the best restaurants in VI and a trial will convince and not confuse you, or what’s that thing they say?
Source: Instagram (@zkitchen)
Address: Branch: 19 Saka Tinubu St, Victoria Island 106104, Lagos.
Perks: Dine-in, takeout, group friendly, smoking patio, bar.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars
Hans and Rene
Got a sweet tooth and FanYogo isn’t quite hitting the spot? You can indulge all your ice-cream/gelato cravings at this spot and will. You should make a stop, especially if you have little ones.
Source: Instagram (@hansandrene)
Address: 1a Ozumba Mbadiwe Ave, Victoria Island, Radisson Blue Hotel premises, Lagos.
Menu: Peanut butter jelly gelato, black forest gelato, pistachio macarons, sticky toffee pudding, cake slices, etc.
Average spend: ₦5k – ₦15k
Perks: Take-out, family-friendly, delivery.
Average customer rating: 4.5 stars
Yellow Chilli
Source: Nightlife NG
You want to have an amplified version of your everyday Nigerian staple? Yellow Chilli should be on your radar. No, we mean it.
Source: Instagram (@yellowchilling)
Address: 27, Oju-olobun close, off Bishop Oluwole Street, Victoria Island, Lagos.
Nestled at the top floor of Mega Plaza, Craft Lagos is an open-space restaurant run by couple: Tarek and Lou Baker. It’s one of the treasures of the island; their carrot juice is to die for.
Source: Instagram (@craftlagos)
Address: 14 Idowu Martins St, Victoria Island 106104, Lagos
Menu: Goat cheese salad, roasted salmon with herbs, steak, chicken avocado sandwich, chicken pesto pasta, cold-pressed juice etc
Forget whatever you experienced at the hands of your unfortunate ex; Nigerian recruiters are the OGs of ghosting. You’d think you wowed them at all five stages of the interview, only to wait for an employment letter that never comes.
It do usually pain
But there are ways to know when a recruiter is about to leave you on read, and that’s what I’m about to teach you.
The job requires more than three interview stages
Don’t think the fact that they’re calling you back for one million assessments makes you special. Any recruiter who does this is looking for a perfect candidate, and everyone knows that’s impossible. If you doubt me, just make one tiny mistake at stage seven and see if they’ll call you back.
The recruiter wears a suit
They’re too serious. If you make the mistake of showing up without a tie or laughing too much during the interview, it’s all over for you.
They don’t wear a suit
Nine times out of ten, recruiters like this work in organisations that take “work culture” seriously. So, odds are they’ll comb through your social media before even calling you. If they find something off, ghosting straight.
There are more than three interviewers
Even if almost everyone on the panel likes you, one person can decide to be the instrument of your village people.
The recruiter compliments your fashion sense
They think you have money and know that the ₦80k they plan to offer you can’t even pay for your Uber.
I just remembered one interview I went for while I was still job hunting 😭 HR kept looking at my wig, finally asked me the price and I told her.
Oya time to negotiate salary now, I tell her what I want and she burst laugh
With inflation biting hard at Nigerians, more citizens are saying painful goodbyes to some household expenses. Even with gainful employment and thriving businesses, the daily needs of these subjects are outgrowing their income bands at an alarming rate.
Johnson* | 33 | Digital Strategist | Lagos
Salary: ₦300k
I calculate every kobo before spending these days. I focus on my needs, and I’ll say foodstuff takes the hit.
I can only afford half of what I used to stock in the house in 2022. I can’t remember the last time I bought clothes. I’m constantly checking my account balance to see if it will last till the next payday. Not a good way to live at all.
Janet* | 39 | Academician | Ado-Ekiti
Salary: ₦180K
I’m not doing badly with my finances at the moment, but I really wish it was better. Living in Ado-Ekiti has been really helpful. It has curbed my frequency at clubs and parties and my impulse buying rate, unlike when I was in Lagos.
In 2021, I owned a car, could comfortably go on vacations and even jump on domestic flights . I sold my car in 2022 in high hopes of relocating overseas. But I’m using part of that money to further my studies in Nigeria. And I can’t even think of getting a new car because things are so expensive. I have to pause one need for the other every time. It’s so sad!
Kareem*| 51 | Businessman | Osogbo
Income range: ₦15m – ₦20m per annum
Things have been challenging. I’m sure my kids know something is wrong even though they don’t talk. My last born is still seeking admission to a government school. It was hard to tell her she won’t be attending a private university like her elder siblings. In fact, I couldn’t break the news to her. It was my wife that told her, and surprisingly, she took the news well. I hope she doesn’t hate me if strikes delay her. It was a painful but necessary decision. Business has slowed, and it will be a financial trap if I insist on putting her in a private university.
Efosa* | 31 | Businessman | Location: Lagos
Income range : ₦20 – ₦30m per annum
My income and lifestyle have been consistent, so I can’t complain. I can afford everything I want — well, except for property in Banana Island. The whole fuel scarcity situation won’t have a lot of bearing on my finances. I’ll likely commute less to conserve fuel. Besides that, everything else will be okay. I’m quite prudent with my spending, so no significant or unmanageable financial exposures for me. I’m also considering getting a bicycle for short runs, like to the nearby supermarket.
Davina* | Age: 32 | Project Manager | Lagos
Salary: ₦350k
Between 2021 and 2022, I could comfortably blow ₦100k in a month and not feel it. But if I try it now, I’ll call a Town Hall meeting; EFCC should even arrest me.
For the better part of the last two years, I ate out almost every day. But now, I’ve had to cut down on eating out. My daily spend used to be ₦8k per day and ₦5k for the weekend. I’ve reduced it to ₦30k per week. I’m struggling to maintain the hard limit sha. Getting paid in dollars is the goal. I sometimes pity low-income earners because there’s no way they won’t be neck-deep in loan debts to survive in this economy.
Korede* | Age: 32 | Businesswoman | Abuja
Income range: ₦1.7m per annum
It hasn’t been easy this year. In fact, I’m always scared of going out because of the expenses involved.
I find myself drawing a detailed budget for everything. Before, I’d go to the market once a week, but I’ve had to change that to once a month. The prices for food items have drastically changed, and I can’t afford to spend as much as I used to on food. It’s also affecting my business. I used to import nothing less than 50kg of goods before, but now, I can hardly do 20 kg due to the increase in dollar rate. I pray it gets better because there are places I’d love to go but can’t because of this crazy hike in fuel prices.
Kunmi* | 28 | Journalist | Lagos
Salary: ₦180k
I don’t go out as much as I’d like to anymore. The fear of taxi fares is the beginning of wisdom. I also used to buy and spend a lot more on food than I currently do. In 2021/2022, I was spending an average of ₦30k – ₦35k ordering food in a month. That has significantly reduced to about ₦15k monthly in 2023. I just stick to whatever is available at home. I’m anxious about how things might still change for the worst.
I’m considering learning how to ride a bicycle or scooter. I also know for sure that outings to the island will be less frequent. It’ll make more sense to go out with a group so we can split the fare. In short, just stay at home.
Barbers are superheroes, but with great power comes great responsibility. In a few minutes, they can completely change your look. What happens when someone with such power messes up?
Wetin be this. Wetin be this. You cast your mind back to those long looks he was giving at the salon. You realize now that he wasn’t admiring the work he’d done on your hair. He was trying to cover it up with powder so you don’t notice the crime until you get home.
It looks like your forehead has gained a few inches
You begin to experiment with unusual hairstyles — from combing over the disaster zone to applying gel — all to protect your hair’s reputation. Your friends suggest you just go to the barber to help you correct it. That’s never happening. Affliction shall not rise a second time.
Eventually, you realise that a terrible hairline will only last a few weeks tops. It doesn’t define you. You embrace the imperfection and move on like nothing ever happened.
It cannot be a coincidence that Jagaban assumed office as our president around the same time corn is in season. We know how much President Tinubu loves corn, so as good citizens, it’s only right that we indulge our leader’s cravings.
You don’t have to love roasted or boiled corn; learn these new recipes and you might bag a gig as Aso Rock’s head chef.
Stir fry corn
Source: Jone & Jules
Fried rice and pasta were found dead in a ditch. This is also significantly pocket friendly.
Baby corn pepper soup
Source: Vaya
If you can’t afford to buy turkey right now, we have the perfect alternative: baby corn. All you have to do is close your eyes and imagine that you’re eating turkey.
Corn salad
Source: Delight
Have you seen the price of cabbage and salad cream lately? Exactly. You won’t need to spend that much while making corn salad.
Corn juice
Source: Shanghai Daily
Haters will call it ogi or kunu but don’t mind them. Just make sure you serve it chilled and with lots of sugar.
Candied corn
Source: The Food Network
You can either go for sweet or savoury. This can replace small chops at your next owambe.
Barbecued baby corn
Source: Food Network
A serving of grilled turkey/chicken wings is about N1700 at the moment. If you can afford it in this economy, we’re adding you to our eat the rich list. You’ll be saving a whopping N1200 if you opt for grilled baby corn. Haters will call it roasted corn.
Creamed corn
Source: Bellyfull
We don’t know what this tastes like but surely a better option than roasted agbado. Just make sure you add chilli oil.
This is the best way to blend in with the crowd. They won’t notice you’re not spraying if you’ve already spent money on their ₦50k lace.
Pretend to be the official photographer
Carry a camera around and take on the role of the official wedding photographer. People will assume you’re too busy capturing moments to participate in the spraying ritual.
Claim that you’ve gone cashless for the day and proudly show off your empty wallet. Insist that you’re fully committed to the digital payment evolution and cannot participate in the spraying tradition.
If you can’t blend in with the “haves” in your aso-ebi, find a cozy spot near a wall, somewhere secluded, or even under the tablecloth. Once the spraying starts, fade into the background and become one with the furniture.
Find big gym bros to shield you from any attempts to make you spray. It might cost you, but whatever the cost, we’re sure it’ll be lower than senselessly spraying mint cash all day.
Fuel scarcity and exchange rate aside, City Boy is the rave of the moment and everybody wants to be him.
We know it’s impossible to match the work rate of the interior designers in Aso Rock, but what’s that thing they say about trial and error? Exactly, let’s go.
Broom
Forget the national portrait. Hang this on the wall in your living room and everyone will know where you belong.
Corn
Tis’ the era of the corn, the only potpourri that should be in your house is one of corn seeds. You can add essential oils for that extra scent.
Buy a pair of Jigi Bola
We won’t tell you where to put this. Just make sure you have it somewhere in your house because how else will you see shege in 3D?
Paint everywhere blue
Blue seems to be your new president’s favourite colour. Paint your entire house blue, it might get sad from time to time, but you’ll be fine. Don’t ask how I know.
Portrait of the first lady
We know Bobo Chicago probably has it in his Aso Rock room. This portrait will reignite your love if you’re married and inspire you to find the LOYL if you’re single.
Portrait of the Iyaloja aka first daughter
You need her brand of audacity to survive the current administration. Hang this at the entrance of your home.
Cutlass and hoe
Source: InfoGuide
Farming is going to make a major comeback in this administration. Use it to represent and motivate your people at home.
Following newly inaugurated President Bola Tinubu’s (in)famous “subsidy is gone” declaration on May 29, 2023, Nigerians have been thrown into yet another cycle of fuel scarcity. But this time, it’s come with an almost doubled cost of fuel.
As expected, this has resulted in an increase in the cost of transportation and unusually empty roads, as many transport operators are either on the hunt for fuel, or simply parked their vehicles at home due to an inability to afford the new prices.
We talked to seven young Nigerians in different Nigerian cities, and they shared how the subsidy removal has affected their transportation budgets and overall quality of life.
“My transport spend will go from ₦5k/month to about ₦22k/month”— Mercy, 29. Kaduna
I use buses andkeke napeps a lot because those are the easiest forms of transportation in Kaduna. I work five days a week, and I move around during the weekend too. I don’t have a car, so you’ll most likely see me in a keke.
Before the new fuel prices came into effect, my daily commute to work was ₦500: my house to the bus stop was ₦50, and then I’d take another keke and bike to get to my office, which cost ₦100 each—making ₦250 in the morning, and same amount when returning home.
Now, the keke from my house to the bus stop costs ₦100, and the other two stops now cost ₦200 and ₦150 respectively. I now spend ₦900 in transportation costs on a good day. It sometimes gets higher.
Apart from the increase, it’s now difficult for people to get buses. It’s easier for me because I live close to the junction, and I only have to be at work by 10 or 11 a.m. Kaduna is a typically busy city, but now the cars on the road are scanty, and people who have to be at work by 8 a.m. have a really difficult time.
This whole thing has changed my plans. I typically spend ₦5k on transport in a month, but now, this number will go up to roughly ₦20k-₦22k in a month. What will I now be eating? I need a raise or I’m die.
“I paid ₦1k for a fare that usually costs ₦300”— Ebube, 26. Lagos (Public transport user)
I often use public transport because I have to report physically to the office. My regular route is Iyana Oworo to Ikoyi, which is approximately a 45-minute journey on a good Lagos traffic day. On bad days, the sky is the limit.
It typically costs me ₦300 to go in the morning and ₦400 to return home, making ₦700 in total. It may even be ₦800 at times. However, since Monday, the price has been all over the place. On Tuesday, I spent ₦400 in the morning; on Wednesday, it was ₦1k and on Thursday, it was ₦500. Luckily for me, my colleague — whose fuel God has to keep replenishing —has been dropping me at home in the evenings.
The price increase isn’t even the only thing; it’s now a struggle to get one of the few buses available. I just want to be a soft girl, but imagine me, a whole lawyer trekking under Lagos sun and behaving like a conductor. My productivity is hanging by a thread because I’m less motivated to work. Also, I’m a lot more irritable these days, and I hate how it’s turning me into a nag. I just hope my colleagues understand.
“I had to pay ₦13k for a ride that should’ve cost ₦7k” — Busayo, 28. Lagos (Private ride-hailing app user)
I don’t have a car, and I don’t use public transport, so I pretty much go everywhere with an Uber or Bolt.
I do hospital trips from Ipaja to Lekki at least twice a month. Before the price hike, it typically costs ₦7k for this distance. If I was going to Surulere, it’d cost around ₦4k.
On Thursday, I did ₦13k to Lekki, and that was the best price. It wasn’t difficult to get a ride, but the first driver the app matched me with was trying to charge more. Uber suggested ₦8,800, but the driver and I did a 20-minute negotiation chat where he insisted he couldn’t go at that price and asked to be paid double whatever the price came to at my destination. That would’ve been around ₦18k or more. I eventually found a Bolt driver who didn’t haggle and drove me at the price Bolt suggested.
The inconvenience is just the additional cost for now, but I suspect there’ll be a real problem when my generator runs out of fuel.
“I’ve spent half my usual weekly transportation budget in two days”— Nnenna, 26. Abuja
I stay at Kubwa and work at Maitama — a 30-40 minute cab ride — which costs about ₦400 in the morning, and ₦600 in the evening, totalling ₦1k. Now, I spend ₦700 in the morning and between ₦950-₦1k when I’m returning home. That’s about ₦1,700 in one day. It’s crazy. My transport budget was ₦10k weekly — including the occasional cost of food at work —but I’ve already spent ₦5k in two days.
Even with the increased cost, getting cabs in the morning is difficult. Most drivers have parked their cars at home, and the road is so free in the mornings now, though the usual evening traffic is still the same. The few drivers available are aggressive. At least, it’s just transport costs affected at the moment. I use a solar panel at home, so I don’t have to worry about fuel to power a generator. It’s saved me a lot.
“Short distances are now almost double the price”— Queeneth, 25. Port Harcourt
I use public transport when I have errands to run, and ride-hailing apps like Bolt when I go out to chill or visit someone. Since subsidy removal, I’ve used public transport a few times, and Bolt once.
After the first fuel price increase earlier this year, kekes went from ₦50 to ₦100 for short distances. Now, it’s been increased to ₦150-₦200. A two-minute ride from one junction to the next is still ₦150 or ₦200, and it’s the same price if you drop at the last bus stop. It’s the same with buses and local taxis. They’ve all added around ₦100 or ₦200 to the base fare.
The Bolt I took on Tuesday also charged ₦1,300 for a 7-minute ride that cost ₦700 before subsidy removal. It seems that’s the new base price because I just checked the app for another close-by location, and the fare was also ₦1,300.
The only way this situation has helped is that there’s barely any traffic on the road. My junction is typically filled with vehicles, but now there’s no one there. However, it also means you have to wait for about eight minutes before you find a vehicle, and most are already filled up. Some drivers have also stopped working, or are in queues somewhere looking for fuel. Even fuel stations don’t want to sell fuel. Thankfully, NEPA is pretty stable here, so I don’t buy fuel.
“Okada fares have increased by 100%”— Dare, 22. Ado-Ekiti
Everyone who doesn’t have a car in Ado has to use okadas. There are no two ways about it. The small buses are usually for long distances and don’t enter the streets. I go out every day for work, and since the Monday announcement, it’s been tough.
Before, I could easily find okadas when I walked to my junction, but now I have to wait a while or even trek. The few ones available charge 100% more, and it’s honestly not their fault. Fuel is now ₦500 per litre here. The fuel station queues are so long that you’ll see people lining up five minutes before you even get to the fuel station.
I only turn on my generator once a day now, and only when absolutely necessary, because even if I can afford the new price, it’ll probably take me hours to even buy it.
It’s just a matter of time before food prices will follow suit. I’m tired and frustrated. It’s always one thing in this country. Just a few weeks ago, it was cash scarcity, now this. I’m fed up, and I know I didn’t vote for this.
“I now rely on okada”— Tayo, 25, Ibadan
I work remotely, and only leave home when I have an outing. When I do go out, I use Uber. But since subsidy removal, I now rely on okadas. Two days ago, I tried to order an Uber. The app said ₦1,500, but the driver said he wouldn’t go unless I paid him ₦3k. I just gently cancelled it and went to look for okada. Even the okadas have increased by around ₦100 or ₦20, depending on the distance.
The major downside for me is fueling my generator because I’ll always need it to work. On Tuesday, I purchased 16 litres of fuel for ₦16k, and my chest is still paining me.
Cartoons never get old, do they? Many of them are all-timers and we can never get enough of them. Before we get into it, I must say that this is my list. This is not a democracy. It’s Yoyin’s world and you’re just living in it.
1. Ben 10
With iconic aliens and a catchy theme song, Ben 10 captivated a whole generation of fans. From school bags to pencils, erasers, math sets, and watches, we all wanted branded items with Ben 10 aliens.
2. Justice League
Marvel has been making better movies than their DC counterparts but Justice League is one of the best cartoons DC ever created. Despite being child-friendly, the show sometimes took dark and strange turns. It blended child-friendly themes with mysterious storytelling, leaving us craving more after each episode.
3. Samurai Jack
This show’s villain was everything. No character in cartoon history was as evil as Aku. The writers infused humour and the strength of determination into the plot of Samurai Jack’s constant battle with evil.
4. Courage the Cowardly Dog
This was the introduction to the horror genre for many kids. A dog that lives with an elderly couple in the middle of nowhere had exactly the right ingredients to create something magical. Each episode brought a new supernatural being and we couldn’t get enough. It was weird, wild, and wonderfully captivating.
5. The Powerpuff Girls
This show was sugar, spice, and everything nice. I know a couple of toddlers saving the city doesn’t sound realistic, but who cares? It’s entertaining.
6. Teen Titans
This team of teenage superheroes fought evil with style. Robin was the leader and was in the spotlight but his teammates Starfire an alien, Cyborg, a half human/half robot with top tier tech knowledge and super strength, Beast Boy who had animal shapeshifting abilities, and Raven, who uses dark energy completely stole our hearts.
7. Dexters Laboratory
Boy Genius, Dexter was always developing the most ridiculous inventions in his secret lab, from creating an aging serum for himself or an experiment that almost wiped out the earth’s population. His free-spirited sister, Dee Dee also made it her mission to disrupt his work, resulting in the most hilarious problems.
8. Ed, Edd n Eddy
It’s not every day you find three friends with variants of the same name. Ed, Edd and Eddy went on silly and outrageous misadventures. Their friendship and funny escapades kept us hooked.
9. Codename Kids Next Door
I couldn’t leave out our favourite kid spies. They took an oath to protect children and battle adulthood, and boy, did they kill it. Their main base of operation was a high-tech tree house which was somehow much bigger on the inside. This show had a generation of Nigerian kids dreaming of secret missions.
10. Megas XLR
Rounding off my list is the show about two guys, a lady, and a giant robot. This show was ahead of it’s time. Battling space robots with a gamepad is as crazy as it sounds.
Sapa is that annoying visitor who invades our lives uninvited — and when shit goes down, we’re often conflicted on how to ask for money politely.
Being needy comes with an uncomfortable level of vulnerability, but with these tips and tricks, you’ll maintain your idan status whether you’re asking for a giveaway or chasing your debtors.
How to politely ask for your money back when you’re the loaner
It goes without saying when lending money to friends, family or associates, that it’s important to part with what you’re comfortable with losing. In case things go south, the cash shouldn’t be consequential to your personal needs and projects. But you still need to try to get your money back regardless, and that’s where we come in.
Send reminders
Don’t wait until the agreed-upon date before asking for your money. Send a subtle reminder a week or some days before to rule out the chances of the person forgetting.
Don’t be confrontational
There’s a popular Yoruba saying: “Owo lo ba oju ore je” meaning “Money ruins relationships”. Unless the person is being difficult, maintain a casual and friendly tone when requesting for your money.
Involve a trusted third party
Let’s be real. Friends can get comfortable and not see the need to take your request for a refund seriously. Just make sure the trusted party is someone you’re both comfortable with. A word or two from this person can speed up the refund process.
Drop hints about your financial situation
You can’t be taken seriously if you’re oozing rich vibes while requesting your money. This is really the time to put on the best sapa version of yourself. The debtor will pity you.
Insist on face-to-face interaction
Asking for your money face-to-face is more effective. Texts can be easily ignored.
How to politely ask for a loan
Life is unpredictable. The baller of yesterday can be in need of urgent ₦2k tomorrow, and it’s perfectly okay. It’s important, however, to learn how to ask for money in a polite manner. You aren’t entitled to people’s money, so rejection shouldn’t enlist you into Bitterleaf FC.
Be honest
Don’t exaggerate your need. Remember, that person could also be settling a financial commitment with what they loan you. There’s no need to tell lies to get them to do your bidding.
Be specific
“Anything wey you fit afford my boss” is not an amount. Always put a figure to what you need, to avoid wasting everyone’s time.
Communicate your repayment plan
This shows how committed you are to returning what you’ve lent, which encourages the loaner to open their purse faster. This is also the point where you come clean about paying in installments.
Don’t be desperate
“₦10k for ₦15k”. The juicy interest might spur your lender into opening their purse, but your desperation has earned you an extra ₦5k debt. Don’t do this.
Asking for money politely when you need donations
You may be tasked to organise an event that requires public financial input. But people won’t always be as committed to the project as you’re, so you might want to keep these tips in mind on how to ask for money politely when you need donations.
Spell out the occasion
A wedding party, a graduation, a charity outreach? People need to know why you’re asking them to part with their money. Your communication should be clear from the onset.
Don’t put a figure to it
Remember, whatever the event, it may not be as important to them as it is to you. So, you can’t make demands about what they should donate. However, if your messaging about the occasion is clear, this can encourage donors to part with significant sums.
Make it easy to donate
This is often overlooked because it sounds easy. But, please, your donors shouldn’t have to chase you for bank account info, links to websites or GoFundMe accounts.
Conceal donors’ identity
Announcing donors and donated amounts may be a smart trick to create FOMO and get more people involved. But please, do this with caution. Unless they ask to be identified, assure your donors of their anonymity.
Keep your reminders subtle
Since it’s a donation, a lot of persuasion goes into getting people to part with their money. However, ceaseless reminders can get irritating real quick.
After salaries and a desire to NOT live under the bridge, work besties are the major reason many of us remain slaves to capitalism. There’s something about finding someone to gossip about your boss with that makes it all worth it.
But even work bestie-ships sink, so here’s how to know yours is about to hit the rocks.
They stop sending you gist
This is the biggest warning signal. Gist can’t finish at the office, so the only reason they’re not talking about it with you, or locking eyes when someone at the office does something dumb, is because they no longer value being your work bestie, or worse, they think you’ll snitch.
They start calling in sick without telling you
Taking a sick day — AKA leaving you to suffer through work all by yourself — without warning you? That bestie-ship is shaking.
Or they go on leave
How dare they take a break from capitalism when you’re still slaving away? What happened to going on leave together? It only means one thing: They don’t rate you anymore.
They suddenly know what they want to eat
Everyone knows work bestie-ships are like relationships. You both have to weigh the pros and cons of buying Iya Basira’s rice for lunch, even though you both know you’ll end up buying ewa agoyin in the end. Once they start making lunch decisions easily, just know there’s someone else.
They actually start working
If your work bestie starts letting a little thing like a performance review get in the way of hanging out with you at work, sorry to say, but you’re losing your friend to capitalism.
They start getting close to another coworker
That’s the betrayal of the highest order if you ask me. They’re rolling with basic bitches now?
You learn about their resignation when everyone else does
At this stage, you should already know to call them ex-work bestie because a real work bestie knows to send the resignation letter to you for edits even before sending it to HR.
Or they become your boss
Yeah, just forget it. Your friendship is over. How do you gossip about your boss when the person you’re sharing amebo notes with is the said boss? Also, how did they work out a promotion without your knowledge? Just look for another work bestie. Y’all have had a good run.
Rice is the most versatile meal in this world (argue with your laptop). From fried to coconut, white, ofada, banga, seafood, special, tuwo shinkafa, and of course, the GOAT, jollof rice. It’s the GOAT of meals.
You like pain? Then nothing screams it more than Yoruba stew. You see someone who eats shaki with their eyes wide open? Yea I’m willing to bet good money that masochism is their sexual fantasy.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Onose: Arguing online.
One of my Facebook friends had posted about supporting a certain presidential candidate — I won’t mention names — sometime in 2015. Misan commented in support under the post, and I just went at him, criticising him for supporting such a person.
I didn’t know him at the time. He was just a mutual through the person who originally posted.
Misan: I was upset that someone who didn’t know me could have such strong opinions of me because of who I chose to support, so we had a long back and forth in the comments for the whole day.
My friend who made the original post had to enter my inbox to tell me to stop cluttering his notifications with my “wife”. I found his statement funny, so I asked if he knew Onose personally, saying, “Why is her blood so hot?” He said they were old friends from his former workplace, but he only had good things to say about her: she was a hard worker; smart and efficient.
I admired that so I slid into her inbox to say hi to my opp.
Onose: I wasn’t very active on Facebook, even though I spent a whole day fighting with him on the platform. So I didn’t see his message for another week. He sent something like “Hi. Sorry for making you so angry over our leaders. My apologies, ma.” When I realised it was the guy I’d given a large piece of my mind, I laughed and replied with “Apology NOT accepted.”
But like that, we continued chatting on and off for the next two to three years.
Wawu. When did you realise you liked each other?
Onose: We got so close as chat friends over time that we started involving each other in mundane things happening in our lives.
But things got more serious when we followed each other on Instagram in 2017. I used to sing, so anytime I participated in a challenge or contest that required voting, even giveaways, I’d tag him to vote for me. He always voted and would even get his guys to vote too.
He was always there with encouraging words when I was going through rough patches or feeling discouraged. Of course, I had other friends in real life who were just as supportive, but there was something particularly caring about his approach. Interestingly, we’d never met in person at that point.
Misan: My company had posted me to Kano in 2013, so I was there for much of those three years while she was in Lagos. When I finally moved to Ibadan at the beginning of 2018, I really wanted to see her. I took a chance and asked if she wanted to meet sometime. She was hesitant, so it took another month or two before we met up at a lounge on the island.
I remember my bus ride down from Ibadan, I was thinking, “What the hell am I doing? And why do I feel so nervous doing it?”
God, abeg
Onose: He was cute in his pictures, but I kept thinking, “What if he’s catfishing sha?” So before I even agreed to meet, I reached out to our old mutual friend. I asked him about Misan: if he’s how he looks in his photos, stuff like that. Nothing he said gave me cause for alarm, and Misan had been a good well-behaved online friend so far. But for some reason, I had my guard up.
I was pleasantly surprised when we met. He was even better looking than his pictures, and our conversations were smooth. We even revisited stuff we’d already discussed over the years, just to talk about it in person.
Did you bring back the Facebook fight too?
Onose: That was already way behind us. He teases me about it now that we’re married, but it never came up while we were dating.
Later that night, we went out and hung out with my friends at the club. By the time I returned home, I knew I liked him a lot.
Misan: I returned to Ibadan the next day. On the bus ride back, I decided I’d ask her to be my girlfriend and see what she’d say. I don’t even know why. I just knew I really like everything about her; from the way she talked to the way she walked.
That didn’t happen for another two weeks though. I was scared. For one, she’d spoken out against long-distance relationships more than once. But I finally asked her over a phone call one evening, and she surprised me by saying yes.
Onose: I liked him and didn’t mind giving us a chance.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
When did you know you’d fallen in love?
Misan: I can’t really pin it down. We got used to each other more and more over time. Before we knew it, our relationship had lasted longer than my previous relationships.
During the heat of COVID in 2020, I lost my job and moved to Lagos to freelance as a real estate agent for a while. I made considerably less money for about seven months, especially when I took out the perks my old company offered besides my salary, which meant I had even more expenses.
The way she came through for me, paying for some of my bills and randomly sending me small ₦10k here and there blew my mind. We’d been dating for two years by then, but it took a special kind of kindness for her to be that giving. I actually expected her to break up with me, or slowly ghost me being a newly broke man and all. But she did the opposite.
I already loved her, but that experience made me appreciate her more.
Onose: For me, it was our first anniversary in 2019. He came in from Ibadan for us to have a weekend getaway at Radisson. I remember just looking at him the next morning after we checked in, and thinking, “I love this guy. I really love this guy.” My mind was like “It’s over for you with this guy.” Do you get?
Can’t relate. And as a hater, I want to know what your first major fight was about
Onose: We actually fought some weeks after we first started dating. It was a phone fight.
Misan: Oh. Not that day.
Onose: That morning, I was checking in on him as usual, asking what his plans were for the day. He told me he’d leave the office to run some errands around his guy’s wedding happening that weekend. He was going to be the best man. When he described the logistics of his errands, it didn’t make sense to me to go through so much stress for someone else’s wedding, especially since it’d heavily affect his work for the day.
Misan: I wanted to. Me and the guy go way back.
Onose: I discouraged him, reminding him that he’d probably be too tired to do much work that day. His company at the time was very target-based.
He told me he’d heard, but the way he said it, I knew he’d still go ahead, so I called him multiple times during the day to remind him not to do too much.
Why now?
Misan: She’s even putting it nicely. She kept calling, vehemently telling me not to go to so and so place, if I really plan on taking a danfo or making sure I hadn’t left before meeting my morning targets. It was my first time experiencing her controlling side — the side that’d make her passionately argue with a stranger online for hours.
At one point, I temporarily blocked her because I was tired. I had to talk to her firmly about it that evening. She had good intentions, but I told her to just let me make my own decisions in the end.
It’s still a work in progress, but she’s a lot more tolerant now.
Onose: Thank you. But why did you block me?
Misan: Omo, my team lead was beginning to give me side eye because of all the calls.
OMG. But how has this relationship been different from past ones?
Misan: I’d never dated anyone I met online before her.
Onose: I’d never been in a long-distance relationship before Misan because I’d heard too many bad stories. I’d dated someone I met online, although we met in person through my cousin a long time before that sha.
2018 to 2023 seems like a long time. Why did it take you guys that long to marry?
Misan: The long distance was a huge factor. We lived in different cities, but we could visit each other often because Lagos isn’t that far from Ibadan. So there was no urgency to make a concrete plan to be closer. That in turn slowed our relationship down.
Onose: We were too comfortable.
COVID and his moving to Lagos changed the stakes a lot, and in some ways, our relationship really kicked off from then, even though we already loved each other. Does that make sense?
I think so. So how did a proposal happen?
Misan: I asked her to marry me as soon as I got a job in November 2020.
It was a really good job with triple my previous pay. And I wouldn’t have gotten it without her. She pushed me to take all sorts of professional courses, not only to increase my employment opportunities but also to defend the widening gap in my CV.
I wouldn’t have gotten the job and my current career trajectory without those courses. She’s a true gem. I knew I needed her in my life for the long haul, but I also needed to be in a good place with a stable job to take that step.
Onose: He literally proposed the evening of his first day. It shocked me when he casually came to my house and presented the ring. I wasn’t expecting it at all.
Before you ask, the engagement lasted two years because my mother passed away about six months later. I went into depression; I was in grief for almost a year. I couldn’t imagine having a wedding without my mother. We’d dreamt of my wedding day for too long, and I beat myself up for taking my sweet time with it.
I couldn’t even think of a wedding till almost a year after, in 2022. And Misan was patient through all that. I’m so grateful I didn’t have to go through that alone.
I’m so so sorry.
What’s the best thing about being married?
Misan: The promise of a lifetime together. Our relationship feels more solid. Also, finally moving in together after so long.
Onose: Having someone to assist me in everything. We get to be there for each other for real, like literally alwaysbe there for each other. It can be overwhelming sometimes, but I love it.
Five months in, and I’ve learnt to be less controlling. Misan has helped me see I can’t control everything; people want to be able to think for themselves despite your advice and how much you think you know.
Misan: And she’s taught me to be less laidback about my life. I know how far I’ve come career-wise and in my personal projects thanks to her OCD.
How would you rate your Love Life on a scale of 1 to 10?
Onose: 8.
Misan: 12 (I take her remaining 2 and add to my 10). I couldn’t have asked for a better, more supportive significant other.
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